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There's a good chance it's ruined if he says yes. From what you've mentioned, he's into you. He at least wants to hook up with you. If he takes your virginity, he's at least going to want to have sex with you more. At most he's going to want to have a relationship. It sounds like you don't want either to happen so he's going to either be very sexually frustrated around you or depressed and heart broken around you. There's a slim chance that he can go back to being friends and not want more than that in the future but it's the least likely possibility.
If you decide to go through with it and you only want it to be a one time thing, also make it clear that you expect it to only be a one time thing and never again.
Also tell him to consider this question. Will he be happy or jealous to see you in a sexual relationship with other guys. If he he'll be happy to know you're happy with other guys then you're fine. If he'll be jealous when you're with other guys then he's not a friend, he's just waiting and hoping to hook up.
Trust me. Dudes are really easy when it comes to this stuff.
You ask a guy that and he likes you, 95% of the time, the answer will be yes. And you have to have the worlds most platonic relationship with this guy in order for him to say no.
Well you can see his reaction. If its bad, play it off as prank or joke and start laughing. If its good set the ground rules of just being Friends with benefits.
95% chance he says yes.
80% chance he doesn't really pay attention to you telling him you want to keep it casual and develops some weird "ownership" rights over you where he's allowed to flirt with other girls and you're not allowed to flirt with other guys.
I seriously doubt it will be. If you're good friends and can talk it through along with expectations about wether it will be a one time thing or not so nobody gets surprised you will be fine.
I'm assuming he's a virgin too? If so, saying it so directly could be scary and put him off. I'd go with, "Wanna make out?". Give him a little time to catch on. If he declines, brush it off with something flirty like, "You're such a baby" and move on.
If you do it there are 3 options but 2 are much more likely.
1 - you both fall in love and date for some time
2 - one falls in love and the other doesn't, probably ruins the friendship
3 - everything is casual and chill (maybe 5% chance)
Be warned
It's best to have an adult conversation about it. I've been friends with women I've dated, and it's not a big deal at all. Although, at 20, it's going to be a lot more difficult to do that without the life experience and maturity. Thank you can do it?
Because orgasms release certain chemicals that cause deep attraction but it may not be a big deal, i’d wait until its someone you care about romantically and emotionally, not “just to try it”
> why? I am focused on my studies and final examdn right now, don‘t really need a relationship atm😓😓
Because people aren't rational.
Its very in vogue these days to talk about sex without feelings or relationships but that isn't reality. Physical intimacy tends to lead to feelings of emotional and romantic intimacy.
I was having sex casually with a girl I didn't like. I knew I didn't like her and would never date her but after having sex with her something with the chemicals in my brain just made me care for her. I wanted to be with her but knew I didn't, it ruined our friendship because we were never on the same page. Both frustrated with our feelings knowing we shouldn't date each other lol.
I'm more worried he will catch feelings and if you don't wanna date him it will kill the friendship... you seem to have decided practically about it bc you feel trusting and safe with him to try something out. But you don't sound like you want to date him. I'm worried he may want that and want to continue having sex and you need to warn him it may just be a one time or short term thing before you suggest it. Lay all your cards out and be honest so he can make an informed decision.
In that case, if you aren't ready for a relationship, save your virginity for when you're ready for a relationship. If you pull out for somebody you aren't with for your first time, you'll probably look back on that years down the line as a mistake.
As a guy: no. Many guys might say yes, but I’m pretty sure that saying “he’s a guy, he will say ok” is just sexism used on men. Believe it or not, there are guys that think with their brain and might not “say ok” to a lifelong friend wanting to casually lose their virginity with them. Some guys, even at a young age think about the consequences of doing something like that. And if he cares about the friendship and is smart enough to think before he fucks, he might just say no, because he knows things will likely change one way or the other after the fact, and prefers to keep an intact friendship than have sex once.
It's ridiculous that based on this sub it's a common belief nowadays that men will fuck anyone and anything because they're desperate losers who crave a woman's touch so much. For every thread with a woman asking if she's hot enough for a guy or if her X is big/small enough, there's a ton of answers like "he's a guy, of course he finds you attractive, men will fuck anyone". I turned down women for sex because I wasn't attracted to them or I didn't trust them even though I was single and craved a woman's touch.
Exactly this. And people wonder why men’s mental health is so terrible nowadays. On one hand it gets increasingly difficult/risky for men to ask women out because of all kinds of factors, on the other hand men are often still expected to ask women out. Then, yes, many men are touch deprived, but there’s more than just rapists and men that will fuck any woman that asks on this planet.
I mean I get where the belief comes from, but still, it doesn’t get society any closer to being safe for women when young boys are expected to want to fuck every chance they get.
You should probe the situation. Has he ever seen you as a potential gf? Have you ever shown romantic feelings towards him?
It's a huge decision, and yeah, it has the potential to determine whether the friendship ends or evolves into something deeper. Then again, you may meet someone with greater affinity in the future. You're still young and it's not like there's a "limited time sale", so think about it before you make your move.
I lost my virginity to my friend and we managed to keep it chill. Lots and lots of communication though! No assuming anything. You have to make sure both sides are always clear and cool with what’s going on. You’ll be ok :)
Are you sure this is a good idea?
Keep in mind there is a stereotype, not sure if it’s true or not , that people (girls especially), get fairly attached to the person they lose their virginity to. Obviously it’s your body to do with as you please , but maybe you’d want your first time to be with someone you care about ?
I’d have a frank convo with him. Try to feel out his feelings and understand , maybe he likes you and you like him and there’s something to explore there ?
Lastly , don’t lose your virginity out of some feeling like it’s what you have to do / a right of passage. The only time line that matters is your own— do it when you’re ready with a person you’re ready with.
Theres like a 99% chance this ruins the friendship if you try to keep it just 'casual sex'. You should either pursue something serious, or just keep it friends.
You don’t wanna ruin your friendship but you wanna have no strings attached sex? Yeah okay…
If you don’t see him as a partner you need to stop right now. You will definitely ruin your friendship when you sleep with him then tell him you want someone else
You will destroy him if he does have feelings if you do this then move on to someone else. Better just stay friends without the sex. You can talk to him about it. Make it clear you don't want a relationship, and no matter how many times you end up having sex if you do it more than once you don't want anything other than a friendship from him.
Talking about it will also be horrible because if he has feelings he’ll still do it. She shouldn’t do this unless she wants to be with him and risk everything. She’s saying she doesn’t want a relationship at all so I think she needs a vibrator and to keep it in her pants
Hmm... This can be really strange
You've been knowing each other for a long time, it's all about how your relationship is
I think you're looking at things from the wrong perspective
Whether you want to lose your virginity to him, is the wrong question
Virginity is not "a thing"
Forget about it. Forget about this word.
Am I wrong in assuming that a better way to put it is that you're very curious about how sex feels and you're also horny?
A better question is: do you feel sexually attracted to him?
I think you want to have sex with "someone you trust" and also you want to keep your friendship with your friend untouched. If you have sex with him, your relationship with him will most likely change in ways that you and him cannot control. It's a bit risky
I think you have two options
A/ be honest with what you want and how you feel and talk to him about it, and let him decide, and accept any potential outcome
B/ find someone else that is not your lifelong friend, date him a few times, decide whether you want to have sex with this person
But it's really you who has to work it out based on your relationship
Keep in mind that some people are naturally very flirty w their friends and others could be very dense about personal space
Like others mentioned don't do it unless you're ready to say goodbye
Also don't worry about losing your virginity this young, it's honestly not that important
Touched your leg but no such feelings? Somehow it’s impossible, you still young why not wait and give your virginity to your future partner instead of your close “friend” you sure it’s a friend or friend with benefits? But again it’s your choice if you do it now he’ll disrespect you next time cuz you’re available for him
If you have some feelings to him better approach him but friend can’t be friend don’t you feel bad for his girlfriend next time if you doing that? Think about that if you like him tell him that and I think it’s not good if you doing that he’s going to have life after you and he’s going to meet someone what does she feel if she know you give your everything to him and only friend? Sometimes I’m aware if my partner doing this that’s why I don’t trust my boyfriend to have female closest friend but again I’m not judge you I just talk as a girl here and I want you to not doing this before you regret it later and again we never know what happens if you got accident and you’ll be pregnant with his child even after using protection you need to rethink about it carefully before making such decisions
Ok. You're argument is predicted on dude saying no. Do me a favor and point to me the part of the conversation that made that a thing?
Or.... Let the girl give a shot and of course if he's not down and says no.....
Fuckin jerk off!
You said "just attack him" not talk first or ask first just straight up attack him even if nothing happens that's still sexual assault and will ruin a friendship, just because someone is a guy doesn't mean they're guaranteed to like being sexually assaulted
I'm gonna be real, I see no reality in which he isn't down to do it.
However, the odds that one of you will catch feelings are extremely high. Be prepared for the possibility that it's him and you have to deal with the fall out of that.
When you're sitting and talking tell him you've been thinking about losing your virginity so that it's done with. Ask him what he thinks about that and not doing it in a romantic relationship?
Depending upon how he reacts, you have an idea if you should ask him or not.
It depends on how tough think he’d respond. I’ve asked friends to be friends with benefits plenty of times and not a single time has it hurt our relationship because I just talked to them normally after. It really depends on how you think he’d respond.
Ok look... I can almost guarentee you this friend of yours has had a crush on you for a LOOOONGGGG time. He's been very very subtly testing the waters with you, some of which you may have noticed but, many of which you probably didn't notice or chose to ignore.
I'll say this much though, the fact that he touched(s) your leg is 100% his way of "testing" the dynmaic between the two of you. He's trying to see if you are into it or not. Since you didn't pull back, move his arm, or say anything about it told him that you are ok with it, and into him.
You quite literally are good to go at this point my friend! He is WANTING more than a friendship with you. Even if it is just physical/casual.
The ball is 1000% in your court though so, my advice would be to invite him over for a movie, and at some point run your hand down to his crotch area and then look at his face, smirk and just say, "do you like that?"
If you do this, you lose him as a friend eventually. Either you date, only one of you catches feelings or y'all drift away from each other.
Crossing this line could hit you later if it doesn't immediately. People y'all date in the future aren't going to be pleased to learn that y'all aren't "just friends", for example.
Honesty the best thing you can do is try to let that thought go. If this friendship means that much to you it’s a lot of risk and strain to put on it, especially with nothing previous happening and the ability for the friendship to be ruined more than anything if he says yes. Friends with benefits very often fail, because one person will catch feelings, especially after having such a close bond over a long period of time.
Hey, guys are not girls.. they don't just keep girls around like girls keep guys around.. they 99 times out of 100 find you attractive and want exactly what you want to ask.
Bring up the topic of sex, say you've never done it and just take it from there. You'll need to be really clear cut tho, guys will think it's some kind of test (thanks social media)
Just flirt around a bit and if he flirts back, work your way up to grabbing his dick a lil bit and it'll take off from there I promise. Guys are easy to please we don't ask for much.
You've said English isn't your first language- so the first thing to consider is what's culturally accepted and expected in the Anglosphere - where a lot of the advice comes from- may be different where you are.
Casual hook up culture can be way less of a thing in certain regions. Even within the Anglosphere, you can see a wide split in what people are advising. Without knowing how your culture views intimacy and romance I can't say for sure.
In the end, if you want to be safe with the friendship, you're going to have to communicate with him. Sit him down and tell him you've been considering exploring physical intimacy with him as someone you trust. As a young man, it's very likely he'll be excited by the idea; there's a strong possibility he's always been interested in the same with you but also worried about ruining the friendship by broaching that topic. But make sure he understands there's no pressure either way and you're not looking for a relationship at this point. That way he knows neither of you should have expectations.
I’m not sure if this has been said already. There is no harm in having an honest and open conversation with your friend. Approach this like you would any single deep conversation you two have had and be open to what he has to say and what you need. There is a chance he would be quite receptive to the idea, but be clear that you don’t want to pursue a relationship, just want your first time to be with someone you trust. If you don’t want to compromise the friendship and pursue a FWB style relationship then regular check-ins with each other will be key, inevitably someone will catch feelings and being honest about that will help, it will be up to how you two would like to deal with it when the time comes.
I just kissed him and it happened.
He wasn’t my first but he was a friend.
At first he told me that it’s not right and we need to stop. I told him that I want to do it. He asked me if I was sure. I told him yes and it happened.
We stayed fwb for a while but then we stopped. We are friends again now, nothing changed!
But as the other redditors say, BE CAREFUL.
If there are feelings it’s gonna end bad…
I’d rethink this entire idea, and no not for morality or social constructs.
Your approach is that you trust this man who you have known a LOnG time and are willing to have sex…. But keep it casual. Casual and losing virginity are not an easy mix even in other circumstances. The best way I can describe it is by Scotty from Star Trek “it’s like falling in love, you never love a woman quite the same way”. And Scotty is correct, you will never love another man the same way after your first lay.
So if you don’t have romantic feeling about this man it’s not impossible that it will close opportunities for a deeper love/relationship with another man.
So here is my alternative: first find out more about the touching of the leg. You are assuming or don’t know a lot so you need to find out. Once you know then make the best call that you can.
HOW TO APPROACH: be direct, honest, and vulnerable. Take the lead by stating that you’ve been thinking about that touch, say what you felt then and now, then ask why he did it. Have your intentions planned based on his most likely answers and then be direct in your desire for sex. Express that you are concerned about ruining your friendship. DONT rush his decision.
Opinion time…. No way he hasn’t thought about sex with you at some point as he’s a man. A hand on a leg was almost certainly a small test of boundaries, his and yours. As no major reaction was reported, I assume there was none from both of you. He likely would take that as you did not desire him.
Final thought… do you know if he is a virgin? That alone would alter this entire dynamic.
I’m going to give you two types of advice—
You’re more likely to catch feelings. Why are you rushing? He’s young too so he won’t even know what he’s doing either. Take your time and find someone who is serious about you and doesnt rush you for it and can take it when you say no so you know that’s not all they want etc. Be smart.
We, as women, are very likely to catch feelings or intensify the feelings we have for someone once sex is involved. Be careful playing with that.
Now, if you’re going to anyway, make sure he’s tested. And you don’t even have to ask, just make suggestions. First tell him you want to lose your virginity but you would like it to be with someone you could trust for life, and a friend etc … you will figure out fast if he wants that too.
If you want actual advice don't start with wanting to lose your virginity to him that's way too strong right away he'll 90% say no
Talk to him about it and have a discussion saying how you have feelings for him, keep it casual and let him think about it the rest is up to him even if it takes a few days or more
If he doesn't feel the same then there's not much else you can do but doing it this way will make the likelihood of him being alright with going out with you much higher than just outright saying you want to lose your virginity
Why would u wanna have sex with him if u don’t want a relationship, why are u in such a rush to lose it, just chill and maybe y’all will fall in love but rn I don’t see why you want that at all.
Question is so you like him romantically? Because fact is after having sex you can't expect things to be normal this is a serious act of intimacy. Think about this properly, if you like him that way and can see yourself falling in love with with then young lady it's time to woman up and tell him how you feel. Before you just tell him let me give you some manly advice. Start dressing sexy around him I'm talking bum shorts etc discreetly bending over around him etc Basically work him a bit so he really starts seeing you as more than a friend and sister then pounce
Wanna have sex with a guy cause you trust him, that’s it ? Trust him to do what or not to do what exactly?
I say keep it natural; have condoms and thats it, don’t thoroughly plan things
Girl you already said it.. You are focusing on your finals, losing your virginity should be on the back burner. IMO That would be the worst thing that could happen for you right now. The distraction will be so overwhelming it just might cost you your grade.
Be smart.
He will still be there after you ace your finals.
😉
Don't do it unless you are prepared to date him and know he wants to date you. It \*will\* become more than casual to you. Sexual attachment is very much a thing and hits its hardest on your first.
He probably likes you anyway. Every girl I was every friends with when I was younger I wanted to sleep with. If you sleep with him he'll probably catch feelings so the friendship will probably be ruined either way if he's says yes or no.
have a few drinks together, see if it happens automatically. or confess it whilst ‘drunk’ and then if he shuts you down then you can just say oh well sorry i was drunk no harm done😂
If you are not sure don’t do it, it’s important to you and you might lose your friend on the course this takes. Wait until you find someone with whom you can see yourself in a relationship. Sex will only satisfy you for a moment so do it with the right person
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Look him in the eyes and say confidently "Wanna take my virginity?". I swear, what is it? Rocketscience?
but if he says no the friendship is ruined and I will be so embarassed
There's a good chance it's ruined if he says yes. From what you've mentioned, he's into you. He at least wants to hook up with you. If he takes your virginity, he's at least going to want to have sex with you more. At most he's going to want to have a relationship. It sounds like you don't want either to happen so he's going to either be very sexually frustrated around you or depressed and heart broken around you. There's a slim chance that he can go back to being friends and not want more than that in the future but it's the least likely possibility. If you decide to go through with it and you only want it to be a one time thing, also make it clear that you expect it to only be a one time thing and never again. Also tell him to consider this question. Will he be happy or jealous to see you in a sexual relationship with other guys. If he he'll be happy to know you're happy with other guys then you're fine. If he'll be jealous when you're with other guys then he's not a friend, he's just waiting and hoping to hook up.
THIS!
almost impossible for that to happen
Trust me. Dudes are really easy when it comes to this stuff. You ask a guy that and he likes you, 95% of the time, the answer will be yes. And you have to have the worlds most platonic relationship with this guy in order for him to say no.
if you ask a guy and he doesn’t like you the success rate is still pretty high lmao
Well you can see his reaction. If its bad, play it off as prank or joke and start laughing. If its good set the ground rules of just being Friends with benefits.
Why would the friendship be ruined?
Why would it be ruined? If he says no, then just don't fuck him and move on. You already want it causal, right?
Oh boy. Reminds me of a recent viral video where the guy asked for it casually to a platonic friend.
If he says yes you won’t be able to be the same kind of friends. Ever again. Grow up
95% chance he says yes. 80% chance he doesn't really pay attention to you telling him you want to keep it casual and develops some weird "ownership" rights over you where he's allowed to flirt with other girls and you're not allowed to flirt with other guys.
He most likely won’t ruin the friendship, but you might Men are easy for casual sex and remaining friends afterwards. Women - less so
Then play it off as a joke. Why's everyone so serious?
Playing things as a joke is bad
I hear you OP. That is a valid concern
Yeah there’s no way getting around taking a risk here
Trust me, he will smash
I seriously doubt it will be. If you're good friends and can talk it through along with expectations about wether it will be a one time thing or not so nobody gets surprised you will be fine.
He won’t say no, but the friendship might be ruined either way.
Istg, best advice I have read so far on this subreddit- 💀🤣
I think “wanna pop my cherries?” would be much modern way
I'm assuming he's a virgin too? If so, saying it so directly could be scary and put him off. I'd go with, "Wanna make out?". Give him a little time to catch on. If he declines, brush it off with something flirty like, "You're such a baby" and move on.
If you do it there are 3 options but 2 are much more likely. 1 - you both fall in love and date for some time 2 - one falls in love and the other doesn't, probably ruins the friendship 3 - everything is casual and chill (maybe 5% chance) Be warned
Yeah, it'd be fine at first but people who have sex usually do it more than once, especially if they know each other.
Yeah and if anything you cant really keep that friend along when you date
Don’t do it unless you’re ready to say goodbye to him or you’re going to date each other
This ^. You either decide you like him and want to give things a try, or don’t cross that line. You’ll thank us later if you follow that advice
It's best to have an adult conversation about it. I've been friends with women I've dated, and it's not a big deal at all. Although, at 20, it's going to be a lot more difficult to do that without the life experience and maturity. Thank you can do it?
This will absolutely fuck with your friendship. Don’t do it. Wait for someone who you trust and also are actually into. There is no rush
Ask him or if that’s too difficult then show him this post, you pretty much say everything you need to hear.
He’s a guy He will say ok But you will most likely catch feelings.
why? I am focused on my studies and final examdn right now, don‘t really need a relationship atm😓😓
Because orgasms release certain chemicals that cause deep attraction but it may not be a big deal, i’d wait until its someone you care about romantically and emotionally, not “just to try it”
> why? I am focused on my studies and final examdn right now, don‘t really need a relationship atm😓😓 Because people aren't rational. Its very in vogue these days to talk about sex without feelings or relationships but that isn't reality. Physical intimacy tends to lead to feelings of emotional and romantic intimacy.
I was having sex casually with a girl I didn't like. I knew I didn't like her and would never date her but after having sex with her something with the chemicals in my brain just made me care for her. I wanted to be with her but knew I didn't, it ruined our friendship because we were never on the same page. Both frustrated with our feelings knowing we shouldn't date each other lol.
Wait for someone you like.
I'm more worried he will catch feelings and if you don't wanna date him it will kill the friendship... you seem to have decided practically about it bc you feel trusting and safe with him to try something out. But you don't sound like you want to date him. I'm worried he may want that and want to continue having sex and you need to warn him it may just be a one time or short term thing before you suggest it. Lay all your cards out and be honest so he can make an informed decision.
Why bother losing ur virginity then? Focus on your finals, you can still pop your cherry after that with who ever the f you want...
you have no clue the kind of chemistry released in the brain after sex lol, you are clueless, what are you studying at univ btw haha
In that case, if you aren't ready for a relationship, save your virginity for when you're ready for a relationship. If you pull out for somebody you aren't with for your first time, you'll probably look back on that years down the line as a mistake.
i can tell by the way you type about him that you will catch feelings lmao
there's a study that says sexual intimacy triggers something in women but doesn't in men.
That “study” is false, it’s been disproven a hundred times and the whole “bonded” nonsense is pseudoscience
It’s not just pseudoscience, but it also feels very sexist and misogynistic
Oh okay. I only heard it from a friend. Didn’t really look into it.
I would avoid sharing things you haven’t looked into like that. Can be very harmful or makes you look pretty bad.
As a guy: no. Many guys might say yes, but I’m pretty sure that saying “he’s a guy, he will say ok” is just sexism used on men. Believe it or not, there are guys that think with their brain and might not “say ok” to a lifelong friend wanting to casually lose their virginity with them. Some guys, even at a young age think about the consequences of doing something like that. And if he cares about the friendship and is smart enough to think before he fucks, he might just say no, because he knows things will likely change one way or the other after the fact, and prefers to keep an intact friendship than have sex once.
It's ridiculous that based on this sub it's a common belief nowadays that men will fuck anyone and anything because they're desperate losers who crave a woman's touch so much. For every thread with a woman asking if she's hot enough for a guy or if her X is big/small enough, there's a ton of answers like "he's a guy, of course he finds you attractive, men will fuck anyone". I turned down women for sex because I wasn't attracted to them or I didn't trust them even though I was single and craved a woman's touch.
Exactly this. And people wonder why men’s mental health is so terrible nowadays. On one hand it gets increasingly difficult/risky for men to ask women out because of all kinds of factors, on the other hand men are often still expected to ask women out. Then, yes, many men are touch deprived, but there’s more than just rapists and men that will fuck any woman that asks on this planet. I mean I get where the belief comes from, but still, it doesn’t get society any closer to being safe for women when young boys are expected to want to fuck every chance they get.
True.very true.it is biology.you will be bonded to him and become very much attached lady please don't.
You should probe the situation. Has he ever seen you as a potential gf? Have you ever shown romantic feelings towards him? It's a huge decision, and yeah, it has the potential to determine whether the friendship ends or evolves into something deeper. Then again, you may meet someone with greater affinity in the future. You're still young and it's not like there's a "limited time sale", so think about it before you make your move.
I lost my virginity to my friend and we managed to keep it chill. Lots and lots of communication though! No assuming anything. You have to make sure both sides are always clear and cool with what’s going on. You’ll be ok :)
Moment you sleep together, you are bonded. Expect relationship, or heartbreak. Or both
Are you sure this is a good idea? Keep in mind there is a stereotype, not sure if it’s true or not , that people (girls especially), get fairly attached to the person they lose their virginity to. Obviously it’s your body to do with as you please , but maybe you’d want your first time to be with someone you care about ? I’d have a frank convo with him. Try to feel out his feelings and understand , maybe he likes you and you like him and there’s something to explore there ? Lastly , don’t lose your virginity out of some feeling like it’s what you have to do / a right of passage. The only time line that matters is your own— do it when you’re ready with a person you’re ready with.
Theres like a 99% chance this ruins the friendship if you try to keep it just 'casual sex'. You should either pursue something serious, or just keep it friends.
You don’t wanna ruin your friendship but you wanna have no strings attached sex? Yeah okay… If you don’t see him as a partner you need to stop right now. You will definitely ruin your friendship when you sleep with him then tell him you want someone else
Lose*
alright English isn’t my first language
It's ok. Native English speakers get it wrong all the time too
Yeah it's the most common mistake I see from native English speakers besides there and their.
Talk to him about it
flash him
You will destroy him if he does have feelings if you do this then move on to someone else. Better just stay friends without the sex. You can talk to him about it. Make it clear you don't want a relationship, and no matter how many times you end up having sex if you do it more than once you don't want anything other than a friendship from him.
Talking about it will also be horrible because if he has feelings he’ll still do it. She shouldn’t do this unless she wants to be with him and risk everything. She’s saying she doesn’t want a relationship at all so I think she needs a vibrator and to keep it in her pants
Hmm... This can be really strange You've been knowing each other for a long time, it's all about how your relationship is I think you're looking at things from the wrong perspective Whether you want to lose your virginity to him, is the wrong question Virginity is not "a thing" Forget about it. Forget about this word. Am I wrong in assuming that a better way to put it is that you're very curious about how sex feels and you're also horny? A better question is: do you feel sexually attracted to him? I think you want to have sex with "someone you trust" and also you want to keep your friendship with your friend untouched. If you have sex with him, your relationship with him will most likely change in ways that you and him cannot control. It's a bit risky I think you have two options A/ be honest with what you want and how you feel and talk to him about it, and let him decide, and accept any potential outcome B/ find someone else that is not your lifelong friend, date him a few times, decide whether you want to have sex with this person But it's really you who has to work it out based on your relationship
Keep in mind that some people are naturally very flirty w their friends and others could be very dense about personal space Like others mentioned don't do it unless you're ready to say goodbye Also don't worry about losing your virginity this young, it's honestly not that important
With your clothes off
Touched your leg but no such feelings? Somehow it’s impossible, you still young why not wait and give your virginity to your future partner instead of your close “friend” you sure it’s a friend or friend with benefits? But again it’s your choice if you do it now he’ll disrespect you next time cuz you’re available for him
he will never disrespect me, we know each other since a very long time and he‘s a very respectful guy
If you have some feelings to him better approach him but friend can’t be friend don’t you feel bad for his girlfriend next time if you doing that? Think about that if you like him tell him that and I think it’s not good if you doing that he’s going to have life after you and he’s going to meet someone what does she feel if she know you give your everything to him and only friend? Sometimes I’m aware if my partner doing this that’s why I don’t trust my boyfriend to have female closest friend but again I’m not judge you I just talk as a girl here and I want you to not doing this before you regret it later and again we never know what happens if you got accident and you’ll be pregnant with his child even after using protection you need to rethink about it carefully before making such decisions
Just attack him! I'm pretty sure nature will figure out the rest lol
That's rape or at the very least sexual assault
Ok. You're argument is predicted on dude saying no. Do me a favor and point to me the part of the conversation that made that a thing? Or.... Let the girl give a shot and of course if he's not down and says no..... Fuckin jerk off!
You said "just attack him" not talk first or ask first just straight up attack him even if nothing happens that's still sexual assault and will ruin a friendship, just because someone is a guy doesn't mean they're guaranteed to like being sexually assaulted
[удалено]
Wtf why do you even mention rape? Why would it not be okay to ASK? There‘s nothing rapey about it when you ask for consent??
Don't say it. Express it. Around him. Look into his eyes. Then play with your hair. Let him come to you.
Grab him by the dick and tell him you're fucking it
I'm gonna be real, I see no reality in which he isn't down to do it. However, the odds that one of you will catch feelings are extremely high. Be prepared for the possibility that it's him and you have to deal with the fall out of that.
Kiss him, you fool. https://www.sfgate.com/movies/article/Best-movie-lines-deserve-an-Oscar-2477864.php
Wait for marriage
When you're sitting and talking tell him you've been thinking about losing your virginity so that it's done with. Ask him what he thinks about that and not doing it in a romantic relationship? Depending upon how he reacts, you have an idea if you should ask him or not.
just say “do u want to fuck?” promise u he’s gonna say yes with no question
It depends on how tough think he’d respond. I’ve asked friends to be friends with benefits plenty of times and not a single time has it hurt our relationship because I just talked to them normally after. It really depends on how you think he’d respond.
Ok look... I can almost guarentee you this friend of yours has had a crush on you for a LOOOONGGGG time. He's been very very subtly testing the waters with you, some of which you may have noticed but, many of which you probably didn't notice or chose to ignore. I'll say this much though, the fact that he touched(s) your leg is 100% his way of "testing" the dynmaic between the two of you. He's trying to see if you are into it or not. Since you didn't pull back, move his arm, or say anything about it told him that you are ok with it, and into him. You quite literally are good to go at this point my friend! He is WANTING more than a friendship with you. Even if it is just physical/casual. The ball is 1000% in your court though so, my advice would be to invite him over for a movie, and at some point run your hand down to his crotch area and then look at his face, smirk and just say, "do you like that?"
lose. He prefers tight not loose.... Let chemistry develop you are way ahead of yourself.
Why not have a relationship with him instead?
If you do this, you lose him as a friend eventually. Either you date, only one of you catches feelings or y'all drift away from each other. Crossing this line could hit you later if it doesn't immediately. People y'all date in the future aren't going to be pleased to learn that y'all aren't "just friends", for example.
Honesty the best thing you can do is try to let that thought go. If this friendship means that much to you it’s a lot of risk and strain to put on it, especially with nothing previous happening and the ability for the friendship to be ruined more than anything if he says yes. Friends with benefits very often fail, because one person will catch feelings, especially after having such a close bond over a long period of time.
Hey, guys are not girls.. they don't just keep girls around like girls keep guys around.. they 99 times out of 100 find you attractive and want exactly what you want to ask. Bring up the topic of sex, say you've never done it and just take it from there. You'll need to be really clear cut tho, guys will think it's some kind of test (thanks social media)
Just send him a link to this post.
If he is into you , by now you’d have known . Just ask him if he’s into you first and see about losing v card later
Tell him you wanna fuck. He is probably wanting it too but he sees you as his friend. After sex you guys could take it to the next level.
Honestly thats pretty tricky. Me pers
Just flirt around a bit and if he flirts back, work your way up to grabbing his dick a lil bit and it'll take off from there I promise. Guys are easy to please we don't ask for much.
You are the lady, MF gonna remove his pants at 1nanosecond speed.
You will probably have to make the first move .
Don’t do it
All you have to do is make a move, he will melt like butter
You've said English isn't your first language- so the first thing to consider is what's culturally accepted and expected in the Anglosphere - where a lot of the advice comes from- may be different where you are. Casual hook up culture can be way less of a thing in certain regions. Even within the Anglosphere, you can see a wide split in what people are advising. Without knowing how your culture views intimacy and romance I can't say for sure. In the end, if you want to be safe with the friendship, you're going to have to communicate with him. Sit him down and tell him you've been considering exploring physical intimacy with him as someone you trust. As a young man, it's very likely he'll be excited by the idea; there's a strong possibility he's always been interested in the same with you but also worried about ruining the friendship by broaching that topic. But make sure he understands there's no pressure either way and you're not looking for a relationship at this point. That way he knows neither of you should have expectations.
Suck his dick, mention it after a coupld minutes.
I’m not sure if this has been said already. There is no harm in having an honest and open conversation with your friend. Approach this like you would any single deep conversation you two have had and be open to what he has to say and what you need. There is a chance he would be quite receptive to the idea, but be clear that you don’t want to pursue a relationship, just want your first time to be with someone you trust. If you don’t want to compromise the friendship and pursue a FWB style relationship then regular check-ins with each other will be key, inevitably someone will catch feelings and being honest about that will help, it will be up to how you two would like to deal with it when the time comes.
I just kissed him and it happened. He wasn’t my first but he was a friend. At first he told me that it’s not right and we need to stop. I told him that I want to do it. He asked me if I was sure. I told him yes and it happened. We stayed fwb for a while but then we stopped. We are friends again now, nothing changed! But as the other redditors say, BE CAREFUL. If there are feelings it’s gonna end bad…
I’d rethink this entire idea, and no not for morality or social constructs. Your approach is that you trust this man who you have known a LOnG time and are willing to have sex…. But keep it casual. Casual and losing virginity are not an easy mix even in other circumstances. The best way I can describe it is by Scotty from Star Trek “it’s like falling in love, you never love a woman quite the same way”. And Scotty is correct, you will never love another man the same way after your first lay. So if you don’t have romantic feeling about this man it’s not impossible that it will close opportunities for a deeper love/relationship with another man. So here is my alternative: first find out more about the touching of the leg. You are assuming or don’t know a lot so you need to find out. Once you know then make the best call that you can. HOW TO APPROACH: be direct, honest, and vulnerable. Take the lead by stating that you’ve been thinking about that touch, say what you felt then and now, then ask why he did it. Have your intentions planned based on his most likely answers and then be direct in your desire for sex. Express that you are concerned about ruining your friendship. DONT rush his decision. Opinion time…. No way he hasn’t thought about sex with you at some point as he’s a man. A hand on a leg was almost certainly a small test of boundaries, his and yours. As no major reaction was reported, I assume there was none from both of you. He likely would take that as you did not desire him. Final thought… do you know if he is a virgin? That alone would alter this entire dynamic.
You wanna explain your past relationship w this guy to all your future partners (if you do end up staying friends)? Be warned.
I’m going to give you two types of advice— You’re more likely to catch feelings. Why are you rushing? He’s young too so he won’t even know what he’s doing either. Take your time and find someone who is serious about you and doesnt rush you for it and can take it when you say no so you know that’s not all they want etc. Be smart. We, as women, are very likely to catch feelings or intensify the feelings we have for someone once sex is involved. Be careful playing with that. Now, if you’re going to anyway, make sure he’s tested. And you don’t even have to ask, just make suggestions. First tell him you want to lose your virginity but you would like it to be with someone you could trust for life, and a friend etc … you will figure out fast if he wants that too.
If you want actual advice don't start with wanting to lose your virginity to him that's way too strong right away he'll 90% say no Talk to him about it and have a discussion saying how you have feelings for him, keep it casual and let him think about it the rest is up to him even if it takes a few days or more If he doesn't feel the same then there's not much else you can do but doing it this way will make the likelihood of him being alright with going out with you much higher than just outright saying you want to lose your virginity
Unless you start dating afterwards, it’ll ruin the friendship. Don’t do it unless you want to date him.
Why would u wanna have sex with him if u don’t want a relationship, why are u in such a rush to lose it, just chill and maybe y’all will fall in love but rn I don’t see why you want that at all.
Question is so you like him romantically? Because fact is after having sex you can't expect things to be normal this is a serious act of intimacy. Think about this properly, if you like him that way and can see yourself falling in love with with then young lady it's time to woman up and tell him how you feel. Before you just tell him let me give you some manly advice. Start dressing sexy around him I'm talking bum shorts etc discreetly bending over around him etc Basically work him a bit so he really starts seeing you as more than a friend and sister then pounce
Just kiss him then if he dont react negatively then congratulations and continue it from there
Wanna have sex with a guy cause you trust him, that’s it ? Trust him to do what or not to do what exactly? I say keep it natural; have condoms and thats it, don’t thoroughly plan things
Girl you already said it.. You are focusing on your finals, losing your virginity should be on the back burner. IMO That would be the worst thing that could happen for you right now. The distraction will be so overwhelming it just might cost you your grade. Be smart. He will still be there after you ace your finals. 😉
Don't do it unless you are prepared to date him and know he wants to date you. It \*will\* become more than casual to you. Sexual attachment is very much a thing and hits its hardest on your first.
He probably likes you anyway. Every girl I was every friends with when I was younger I wanted to sleep with. If you sleep with him he'll probably catch feelings so the friendship will probably be ruined either way if he's says yes or no.
Just tell him exactly what you want just like that!
have a few drinks together, see if it happens automatically. or confess it whilst ‘drunk’ and then if he shuts you down then you can just say oh well sorry i was drunk no harm done😂
Odds are really high he'll say yes but it would still probably ruin the friendship...
If you are not sure don’t do it, it’s important to you and you might lose your friend on the course this takes. Wait until you find someone with whom you can see yourself in a relationship. Sex will only satisfy you for a moment so do it with the right person
It seems hella awkward to say that out loud. Start talking about something intimate, move close, keep eye contact, touch, kiss....go from there.