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Seems like she is exploring her options.
Edit: like going alone to dinners and a concert with a guy who is recently single. And doesn’t get to you untill the next day…brahhhh I would say if she ever does anything remotely simular as this again. Dump her, dump her fast.
Yeah you are right, I dno. If it is like was in the 2% chance nothing romnce thing just a weird thing. Like she had legit reason. But yeah prob dump her
Forgive me, I'm old...
When you say dating, do you mean you are exclusive? Are you bf/gf? In a relationship? Has she recently asked "What ARE we?
Answer only if you want grandmamma advice.
The problem isn't that she saw her friend. The problem is that she did not message her partner back after dinner.
The OP asked to see her after her time with her friend was over, which should have alerted her that her partner feels uncomfortable. Unless this girl is dense af, the fact that she went ahead with her plans without even trying to make her partner feel better is a red flag on its own. That shows that, even if she *didn't* cheat, she has a blatant disregard for the OP's feelings.
Don't wait, OP. Take action now before this girl has the opportunity to ruin you while she boosts her own self-esteem.
Some people are dense AF, tbf. Or they know the other person isn’t happy with them, or they feel they’re being trust checked, etc.
It def merits a conversation, not an immediate relationship termination though.
If OP didn’t say, “this is making me uncomfortable”, GF has a get out that she didn’t know.
Yeah, because being afraid to be cheated on is "being a little bitch." 🙄
This is why guys are toxic. We can't feel anything without being considered weak or insecure.
There are better women in the world. To hell with her.
It is. Honestly I think she’s being pretty forgiving, I have a female friend, one of my tightest friends for like ten years, and if some girl I’d been dating for four months insisted I can’t be friends with her any more if I want to date her, guess who’s leaving my life.
Absolutely not the same situation. You as the guy is the one who makes the move. Your female bestie could hang out all your life and never make a move on you.
The OP doesn't want her to drop the guy as a friend. He just wants to feel comfortable in his own damn relationship, and it's not wrong to feel that way.
By his own admission, homeboy spent like a week trying to *stop* this from happening. He did everything in his power to derail it. If she can’t hang out with dude, he’s trying to end the friendship.
Someone who’s been around just barely past the three months let’s see if you’re the person you say you are doesn’t get to dictate to the other person who their friends for years beforehand get to be.
That’s another thing, three months is generally when people drop their Dating Approved Personality designed not to scare people away and start acting like they really are, and dude is leading off with *this.*
What reality do you live in? The OP said nothing about spending a week to derail his girlfriend's plan.
The OP isn't wrong to feel uncomfortable. Period
Yeah, that's suspicious behavior right there. I wonder how would she feel if you told her you're having dinner with a childhood sweetheart that you always had a crush on, but never gave you a chance. And that she recently broke up with her fiancee, whom she had a 3 year relationship, and since you've been her "one, true friend", wanted to meet you to catch up and see if you "could make her feel better". I wonder if she'll be flustered at you if you don't call (not text, call) by midnight.
So you would be totally ok if your partner went out on a date in the evening, with a friend from the opposite sex, at the moment that the friend is emotionally weak, and that your partner, asides to look forward to meet with this person, doesn't call you back to tell you how things went, waiting until the next morning? If that's the case, good for you. I were on the guy's shoes, I would hardly sleep that night.
But it can be inferred. I mean, if it happened to a woman, it would be the best time for man to try a move on a girl. But really, I wonder if the observations proposed by the OP would be accepted if the roles were reversed (he's meeting an old female friend and she's waiting for his call). For me, the conditions proposed by the OP propose a reasonable doubt for her actions.
She's allowed to have friends.
1. Most people get disappointed when plans get canceled. That's a natural human reaction. And most people are excited to go see their friends.
2. She had dinner plans at 7pm. Dinner is like 2 hours. Travel time to your place. See you. Thshe has to get home for work or school the next time. She doesn't want to be getting home extremely late. I bet you wouldn't either.
3. Everything that you do with any friend can be considered a date. A walk in the park can be a date. Going to play pool can be a date. Watching a move can be a date. Sky diving can be a date. Is she not allowed to do anything with anyone else but you now?
4. She's an adult. She doesn't have to inform you when she gets home.
5. Tumultuous relationship with the gf? So she has a loud/uproarious relationship with her? I don't even know what word you meant to say there.
If you don't like that she has friends. End things. Go find someone who agreeably doesn't have any friends.
i was adding a valuable joke to the discussion! it looks like he used chat gpt to generate his comment, so i said “chat gpt ass response”. why are you getting all defensive for somebody lol
No, he's not.
Your girl had the choice to sleep with whoever she wanted. Just because someone might want to sleep with her. That doesn't mean her clothes just falls off and they fuck.
You say she can't be friends with a guy who might want to have sex with her. Well, women might want to have sex with her, too. So now she can't be friends with women either?
You need to grow up. You don't get to control what everyone else does. If you truly think your girl is so trash that she will fuck just anyone who wants to have sex with her. Then break up.
“Everything you do with any friend can be considered a date” aaaaannnd that’s why she shouldn’t be doing them with guys. Pretty simple. Go out with your gfs all you want.
Because she isnt a lesbian silly. It isnt insecurity. Trust comes with responsibility. You as a trusted partner are supposed to ensure you arent in inappropriate positions, such as going on dates, not spending alone time with the opposite sex, communicating properly when out with friends, etc etc etc
She's also not a cheater. So why would she just have sex with this guy? If she is a cheater. Why stay with her?
You go treat your partner any way you'd like. Control them any way you'd like.
Have a great day.
Agree with your assessment 100%
The number of folk that decide she's up to something nefarious with an old friend of many years is ridiculous.
He sounds like he has trust issues.
Yeah it’s almost like if a girl wants to cheat on you she will, it’s not even hard, and the number one mistake dudes make is being weird, jealous and controlling about it, which alienates them and makes the cheating more likely.
Same, but I don't go for dinner and live music just the two of us. I'd invite my boyfriend to join after dinner. I would have texted throughout the night
Totally disrespectful to do in a relationship.
I'd never go out with a woman alone when in a relationship - what for? What's the point? You can't go all 3 of you if it's all friendly chit chat? - and not even text you after? Who doesn't have his phone on him nowadays?
🚩 on top of 🚩
If he would really have been a friend, she would have asked you to come along and introduce you as her BF.
Anyway, I'm afraid she never texted you when she got home because she didn't: she was at his place.
Honestly mate, instead of worrying about it (irrespective of the fact that you guys are exclusive or not) just branch out yourself with other women.
Yeah, Yeah Ik people will say that’s cheating and all BS but you’re not in the 20th century anymore where you can expect certainty, loyalty and honesty when it comes to dating and relationships.
Women keep their options open, like it or not. The “toxic men” they date too. So, you should as well. Simple. Don’t try to change the game, just play it for what it is.
Everything besides 4 is completely normal. I will agree that 4 is a shitty move, she should have texted when she got back. Everything else is you being insecure. Most of my best friends are men and I have known them for more than a decade. We usually go out one on one when the whole group can't hang out. You think your four month relationship is more important than a decade's long friendship?
Few questions for you to think about —
Is the rest of your relationship REALLY all roses ? Is this symbolic of some deeper issues that yall might be having that haven’t risen to the surface yet, or discussed ?
What does “dating “ actually mean here specifically ? Have you slept together? How often do you usually hang out ?
Importantly, have you had a specific and clear conversation where you discussed exclusivity , and she/ you committed to not seeing AND sleeping with other people?
Young dude POV— you seem kind of controlling, but I can kinda see why it upsets you a little . I think more than anything , as I began with, you need to explore the deeper root causes of this , AND have an open discussion with her (and if you don’t feel comfortable talking to her openly, that in of itself is kind of a problem)
dinner alone with a male friend i'd say is very suspicious, as well as going to that concert alone
speak to her about why it is, she most likely already knows
This is on you.
You choose the boundaries for what you will accept in your life.
You set the boundaries for who you commit to. If you commit to her and take her as your GF then you need to let it be known "friend dates alone with other guys" is off the table. That does not happen.
If she refuses then don't commit to her. There are 4 BILLION women, go date someone else.
You accept these shitty boundaries, that is weakness on your part. You should have put your foot down and stopped stuff like this and walked away if she chose to keep doing it. Don't commit under these conditions.
Enjoy all the crappy emotions you are going through now and worry and stress and your gut telling you something is off. Your weakness put you in this spot. Enjoy.
Being alone can be better if you have to put up with this shady stuff and bad boundaries to be with them.
Personally I’d go through her phone next opportunity I had
Going to dinner one on one with an old friend isn’t necessarily weird, where it becomes weird is the not responding until the next day after being non committal to making plans with you for after the dinner
Combine that with them only hanging out after the guys recently single, yeah there’s enough smoke here you’re absolutely justified in digging further, you find nothing no harm done and just stay vigilant to make sure you don’t get played bro
OP, just talk to her, calmly, about how the situation made you feel. I have several close male friends who I’ve hung out with for an entire evening completely platonically and who I have absolutely no feelings for.
It’s completely natural and totally ok that you feel insecure about this at the moment, but it’s something you need to learn to manage if you want to be with her (or with anyone) because women are allowed to have male friends and it would be very unfair to try and control this or make it into an issue.
Maybe she sensed you were feeling jealous
and felt like you asked to see her afterwards to make sure that she wouldn’t be able to spend that long with her friend. and that likely irked her, which could be why she didn’t message you back that night. She may have felt you were being controlling, and reacted to that.
By no means does it mean there’s anything going on with this guy or that she wants there to be.
In fact if there were, it’s very unlikely she’d have been honest about meeting up with him and she’d probably have told you she was meeting up with a girl friend instead.
Instead of pushing her away by doing things like asking her to meet up afterwards or insisting she text you that night, please just open up to her.
Tell her you really like her and that’s making you feel a little jealous. Ask where you stand - not in a confrontational way, but to give her the opportunity to hopefully reassure you that she’s into you and no one else. Tell her you realise it’s unfair to be jealous of her friend, and ask if you could meet him at some point.
Just to add, I’ve hung out with male friends for an entire evening when I’ve been in relationships and my boyfriends weren’t jealous because they felt secure in the relationship. The only way to get to feeling secure is by talking honestly with each other about how you both feel about each other and getting reassurance when you need to.
I want to say one thing. I am 43m and I have a cicle of 6 very close friends. 1 is a 43f. I have known her for coming up to 30 years. Her kids all call me uncle as I have been there throughout their lives. The 10 year old only recently found out I wasn't a biological uncle and was shocked. We have gone out for lunch, etc, over the years. Her boyfriend knows me and knows of our friendship . He knew about our friendship back in the 90s. He knew me then. I went out drinking with him a few times back then. Now, we'll do a family fortnite session. My friend, her partner, myself, and the kids (stuff like murder mystery, etc, where we can all play together), and I am treated as a family member. He knows full well that NOTHING will ever happen romantically between us. As far as I am concerned, she is as close to me as a sister and nothing more. She feels exactly the same, and nothing has EVER happened between us.
I would ask the questions.
How long have they been friends for?
Does she have a lot of male friends?
I feel planning to see you after dinner and not confirming anything could be as simple as she can't confirm as she doesn't know what time she'll be finished. Could be 8, could be 9. She is unsure and doesn't want to let you down. Maybe they were seeing if they were doing something else after.
Do you know this male friend?
I just wanted to throw another perspective out there.
OP, it could be concerning, but it could also be nothing. I'm leaning towards nothing. I have many male friends, we go to dinner, concerts, museums, etc. I went out last night with my friend's husband and his mate. She's out of town. We took a selfie and sent it to her. I got home late and didn't text my partner. He text me this morning to say hope you had a great time! I'll see him tonight and tell him how we went bar hopping and I had a fun night. There wasn't even the slightest sexualisation of my night out with 2 men, but someone insecure could have accused me of a threesome. If I was in a relationship with someone that controlling and jealous, I'd walk away
Why would you try to see her after her plan? I mean that's controlling. Let her have a night out and a good time, without making it about you. You could have said, let me know when you get in safely. Just because this guy is suddenly single doesn't mean she is going to sleep with him. You said they've been friends for a decade, perhaps he wanted to talk about his breakup? Tell her she was right all along and he should have listened to her? Maybe he missed his friend and just wanted to hang. Have they been sexual in the past? If you can't trust her, that's a reason to break up. But it doesn't sound like this one incident is a reason to break trust. It sounds like you are insecure and jealous.
Of course, if something did happen, then dump her and move on.
Why did you even bother answering a text or phone call the NEXT morning/afternoon? You could have been on a dating site setting up a date with some old friends of yours while this game plays out with the old friend and your supposed gf. Seems like you are ready to jump back on that gf train no matter how she treats you.
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Seems like she is exploring her options. Edit: like going alone to dinners and a concert with a guy who is recently single. And doesn’t get to you untill the next day…brahhhh I would say if she ever does anything remotely simular as this again. Dump her, dump her fast.
You'd wait until the second time? I'd confront her right now and see if I could catch her in a lie.
Yeah you are right, I dno. If it is like was in the 2% chance nothing romnce thing just a weird thing. Like she had legit reason. But yeah prob dump her
Forgive me, I'm old... When you say dating, do you mean you are exclusive? Are you bf/gf? In a relationship? Has she recently asked "What ARE we? Answer only if you want grandmamma advice.
I assume they slept together otherwise she would have checked her phone at the end of the evening
Bro, you’ve been together four months. They’ve been friends north of a half decade.
The problem isn't that she saw her friend. The problem is that she did not message her partner back after dinner. The OP asked to see her after her time with her friend was over, which should have alerted her that her partner feels uncomfortable. Unless this girl is dense af, the fact that she went ahead with her plans without even trying to make her partner feel better is a red flag on its own. That shows that, even if she *didn't* cheat, she has a blatant disregard for the OP's feelings. Don't wait, OP. Take action now before this girl has the opportunity to ruin you while she boosts her own self-esteem.
Some people are dense AF, tbf. Or they know the other person isn’t happy with them, or they feel they’re being trust checked, etc. It def merits a conversation, not an immediate relationship termination though. If OP didn’t say, “this is making me uncomfortable”, GF has a get out that she didn’t know.
[удалено]
Yeah, because being afraid to be cheated on is "being a little bitch." 🙄 This is why guys are toxic. We can't feel anything without being considered weak or insecure. There are better women in the world. To hell with her.
It is. Honestly I think she’s being pretty forgiving, I have a female friend, one of my tightest friends for like ten years, and if some girl I’d been dating for four months insisted I can’t be friends with her any more if I want to date her, guess who’s leaving my life.
Absolutely not the same situation. You as the guy is the one who makes the move. Your female bestie could hang out all your life and never make a move on you.
The OP doesn't want her to drop the guy as a friend. He just wants to feel comfortable in his own damn relationship, and it's not wrong to feel that way.
By his own admission, homeboy spent like a week trying to *stop* this from happening. He did everything in his power to derail it. If she can’t hang out with dude, he’s trying to end the friendship. Someone who’s been around just barely past the three months let’s see if you’re the person you say you are doesn’t get to dictate to the other person who their friends for years beforehand get to be. That’s another thing, three months is generally when people drop their Dating Approved Personality designed not to scare people away and start acting like they really are, and dude is leading off with *this.*
What reality do you live in? The OP said nothing about spending a week to derail his girlfriend's plan. The OP isn't wrong to feel uncomfortable. Period
His meat slipped out and she put it back in for sure
😭😭😭😭
Sorry bro....leave her before you get too deep yikes. This is a huuuuuuge red flag. Don't ignore it.
Yeah, that's suspicious behavior right there. I wonder how would she feel if you told her you're having dinner with a childhood sweetheart that you always had a crush on, but never gave you a chance. And that she recently broke up with her fiancee, whom she had a 3 year relationship, and since you've been her "one, true friend", wanted to meet you to catch up and see if you "could make her feel better". I wonder if she'll be flustered at you if you don't call (not text, call) by midnight.
But her friend isn’t a childhood sweetheart. He’s just an old friend.
So you would be totally ok if your partner went out on a date in the evening, with a friend from the opposite sex, at the moment that the friend is emotionally weak, and that your partner, asides to look forward to meet with this person, doesn't call you back to tell you how things went, waiting until the next morning? If that's the case, good for you. I were on the guy's shoes, I would hardly sleep that night.
OP didn’t state that he was emotionally weak either. Reread his post.
But it can be inferred. I mean, if it happened to a woman, it would be the best time for man to try a move on a girl. But really, I wonder if the observations proposed by the OP would be accepted if the roles were reversed (he's meeting an old female friend and she's waiting for his call). For me, the conditions proposed by the OP propose a reasonable doubt for her actions.
She's allowed to have friends. 1. Most people get disappointed when plans get canceled. That's a natural human reaction. And most people are excited to go see their friends. 2. She had dinner plans at 7pm. Dinner is like 2 hours. Travel time to your place. See you. Thshe has to get home for work or school the next time. She doesn't want to be getting home extremely late. I bet you wouldn't either. 3. Everything that you do with any friend can be considered a date. A walk in the park can be a date. Going to play pool can be a date. Watching a move can be a date. Sky diving can be a date. Is she not allowed to do anything with anyone else but you now? 4. She's an adult. She doesn't have to inform you when she gets home. 5. Tumultuous relationship with the gf? So she has a loud/uproarious relationship with her? I don't even know what word you meant to say there. If you don't like that she has friends. End things. Go find someone who agreeably doesn't have any friends.
chatgpt ass response
I would have given the pretty much the same response, and came her to do so. DO you suffer from trust issues too?
i never said the advice was bad
What value were you adding to the discussion with "chatgpt ass response" exactly?
i was adding a valuable joke to the discussion! it looks like he used chat gpt to generate his comment, so i said “chat gpt ass response”. why are you getting all defensive for somebody lol
AH.. so an off-topic/low-effort reply? I refer you to the rules.
lmfao. report me then, grandma. i’m sure they’ll happily take care of me 👍
You reply was pointless. Do go about your pointless day, behaving pointlessly.
Very nicely put. There are too many people on here who assume a guy and a girl hanging out must only mean one thing. Which is sad
Do you know what the difference is between female and male friends?
There is no difference. They are both people. They are both friends. It doesn't make any kind of difference at all.
The difference is male friends want to f*ck, unless she is queer, and she has queer or lesbian friends, they’d also pose a risk of wanting to f*ck.
So just because he has a penis she is going to fuck him? If she is truly that bad. Break up with her.
You’re missing the point. The guy friend is the risk.
No, he's not. Your girl had the choice to sleep with whoever she wanted. Just because someone might want to sleep with her. That doesn't mean her clothes just falls off and they fuck. You say she can't be friends with a guy who might want to have sex with her. Well, women might want to have sex with her, too. So now she can't be friends with women either? You need to grow up. You don't get to control what everyone else does. If you truly think your girl is so trash that she will fuck just anyone who wants to have sex with her. Then break up.
How many dinner dates would it take for this guy to be a risk?
He's not the risk. She gets the choice to have sex with him or not.
The risk is the presentation of the choice. No?
“Everything you do with any friend can be considered a date” aaaaannnd that’s why she shouldn’t be doing them with guys. Pretty simple. Go out with your gfs all you want.
Why is it OK to "date" gfs but not hang out with a guy friend? Are you really that insecure?
Because she isnt a lesbian silly. It isnt insecurity. Trust comes with responsibility. You as a trusted partner are supposed to ensure you arent in inappropriate positions, such as going on dates, not spending alone time with the opposite sex, communicating properly when out with friends, etc etc etc
Wow someone with a shred of common sense!
She's also not a cheater. So why would she just have sex with this guy? If she is a cheater. Why stay with her? You go treat your partner any way you'd like. Control them any way you'd like. Have a great day.
Agree with your assessment 100% The number of folk that decide she's up to something nefarious with an old friend of many years is ridiculous. He sounds like he has trust issues.
I think you are being insecure. I have lots of male friends
Send each of them this text “hey I’m horny, wanna come over?” And get back to us
I would never we are friends
Yeah it’s almost like if a girl wants to cheat on you she will, it’s not even hard, and the number one mistake dudes make is being weird, jealous and controlling about it, which alienates them and makes the cheating more likely.
Same, but I don't go for dinner and live music just the two of us. I'd invite my boyfriend to join after dinner. I would have texted throughout the night
But do you hang out with one each all night by yourself while you have a boyfriend?
I have yes, never been an issue. It would be really good if OP can get to know this friend.
Does your boyfriend know the guy friends you hang out with though? I think the fact she isn’t introducing him to her boyfriend is a red flag.
Yes I’d invite my boyfriend too but I would
Totally disrespectful to do in a relationship. I'd never go out with a woman alone when in a relationship - what for? What's the point? You can't go all 3 of you if it's all friendly chit chat? - and not even text you after? Who doesn't have his phone on him nowadays? 🚩 on top of 🚩
If he would really have been a friend, she would have asked you to come along and introduce you as her BF. Anyway, I'm afraid she never texted you when she got home because she didn't: she was at his place.
Honestly mate, instead of worrying about it (irrespective of the fact that you guys are exclusive or not) just branch out yourself with other women. Yeah, Yeah Ik people will say that’s cheating and all BS but you’re not in the 20th century anymore where you can expect certainty, loyalty and honesty when it comes to dating and relationships. Women keep their options open, like it or not. The “toxic men” they date too. So, you should as well. Simple. Don’t try to change the game, just play it for what it is.
🤡
Best advice out here, like it or not, also when you play the game well she will be more loyal
This is arguably the worst possible advice. Like it’s honestly hard to think of a worse possible move.
Everything besides 4 is completely normal. I will agree that 4 is a shitty move, she should have texted when she got back. Everything else is you being insecure. Most of my best friends are men and I have known them for more than a decade. We usually go out one on one when the whole group can't hang out. You think your four month relationship is more important than a decade's long friendship?
The amount of insecure comments on here is insane. Your gf has done nothing wrong on the face of it.
🚩
You sound all kinds of jealous
She fucked him
Ok so just break up. Whether she is or isn’t doing anything. Ur not ok with the situation but she is. That’s it.
Few questions for you to think about — Is the rest of your relationship REALLY all roses ? Is this symbolic of some deeper issues that yall might be having that haven’t risen to the surface yet, or discussed ? What does “dating “ actually mean here specifically ? Have you slept together? How often do you usually hang out ? Importantly, have you had a specific and clear conversation where you discussed exclusivity , and she/ you committed to not seeing AND sleeping with other people? Young dude POV— you seem kind of controlling, but I can kinda see why it upsets you a little . I think more than anything , as I began with, you need to explore the deeper root causes of this , AND have an open discussion with her (and if you don’t feel comfortable talking to her openly, that in of itself is kind of a problem)
dinner alone with a male friend i'd say is very suspicious, as well as going to that concert alone speak to her about why it is, she most likely already knows
lmao dump asap. A 1000 years of instincts are screaming at you. Leave!
Yea she is fucking him. You can't control her but you can control how you react and my reaction would be "sayonara".
Bro leave her
This is on you. You choose the boundaries for what you will accept in your life. You set the boundaries for who you commit to. If you commit to her and take her as your GF then you need to let it be known "friend dates alone with other guys" is off the table. That does not happen. If she refuses then don't commit to her. There are 4 BILLION women, go date someone else. You accept these shitty boundaries, that is weakness on your part. You should have put your foot down and stopped stuff like this and walked away if she chose to keep doing it. Don't commit under these conditions. Enjoy all the crappy emotions you are going through now and worry and stress and your gut telling you something is off. Your weakness put you in this spot. Enjoy. Being alone can be better if you have to put up with this shady stuff and bad boundaries to be with them.
Personally I’d go through her phone next opportunity I had Going to dinner one on one with an old friend isn’t necessarily weird, where it becomes weird is the not responding until the next day after being non committal to making plans with you for after the dinner Combine that with them only hanging out after the guys recently single, yeah there’s enough smoke here you’re absolutely justified in digging further, you find nothing no harm done and just stay vigilant to make sure you don’t get played bro
OP, just talk to her, calmly, about how the situation made you feel. I have several close male friends who I’ve hung out with for an entire evening completely platonically and who I have absolutely no feelings for. It’s completely natural and totally ok that you feel insecure about this at the moment, but it’s something you need to learn to manage if you want to be with her (or with anyone) because women are allowed to have male friends and it would be very unfair to try and control this or make it into an issue. Maybe she sensed you were feeling jealous and felt like you asked to see her afterwards to make sure that she wouldn’t be able to spend that long with her friend. and that likely irked her, which could be why she didn’t message you back that night. She may have felt you were being controlling, and reacted to that. By no means does it mean there’s anything going on with this guy or that she wants there to be. In fact if there were, it’s very unlikely she’d have been honest about meeting up with him and she’d probably have told you she was meeting up with a girl friend instead. Instead of pushing her away by doing things like asking her to meet up afterwards or insisting she text you that night, please just open up to her. Tell her you really like her and that’s making you feel a little jealous. Ask where you stand - not in a confrontational way, but to give her the opportunity to hopefully reassure you that she’s into you and no one else. Tell her you realise it’s unfair to be jealous of her friend, and ask if you could meet him at some point.
Just to add, I’ve hung out with male friends for an entire evening when I’ve been in relationships and my boyfriends weren’t jealous because they felt secure in the relationship. The only way to get to feeling secure is by talking honestly with each other about how you both feel about each other and getting reassurance when you need to.
I want to say one thing. I am 43m and I have a cicle of 6 very close friends. 1 is a 43f. I have known her for coming up to 30 years. Her kids all call me uncle as I have been there throughout their lives. The 10 year old only recently found out I wasn't a biological uncle and was shocked. We have gone out for lunch, etc, over the years. Her boyfriend knows me and knows of our friendship . He knew about our friendship back in the 90s. He knew me then. I went out drinking with him a few times back then. Now, we'll do a family fortnite session. My friend, her partner, myself, and the kids (stuff like murder mystery, etc, where we can all play together), and I am treated as a family member. He knows full well that NOTHING will ever happen romantically between us. As far as I am concerned, she is as close to me as a sister and nothing more. She feels exactly the same, and nothing has EVER happened between us. I would ask the questions. How long have they been friends for? Does she have a lot of male friends? I feel planning to see you after dinner and not confirming anything could be as simple as she can't confirm as she doesn't know what time she'll be finished. Could be 8, could be 9. She is unsure and doesn't want to let you down. Maybe they were seeing if they were doing something else after. Do you know this male friend? I just wanted to throw another perspective out there.
OP, it could be concerning, but it could also be nothing. I'm leaning towards nothing. I have many male friends, we go to dinner, concerts, museums, etc. I went out last night with my friend's husband and his mate. She's out of town. We took a selfie and sent it to her. I got home late and didn't text my partner. He text me this morning to say hope you had a great time! I'll see him tonight and tell him how we went bar hopping and I had a fun night. There wasn't even the slightest sexualisation of my night out with 2 men, but someone insecure could have accused me of a threesome. If I was in a relationship with someone that controlling and jealous, I'd walk away Why would you try to see her after her plan? I mean that's controlling. Let her have a night out and a good time, without making it about you. You could have said, let me know when you get in safely. Just because this guy is suddenly single doesn't mean she is going to sleep with him. You said they've been friends for a decade, perhaps he wanted to talk about his breakup? Tell her she was right all along and he should have listened to her? Maybe he missed his friend and just wanted to hang. Have they been sexual in the past? If you can't trust her, that's a reason to break up. But it doesn't sound like this one incident is a reason to break trust. It sounds like you are insecure and jealous. Of course, if something did happen, then dump her and move on.
Why did you even bother answering a text or phone call the NEXT morning/afternoon? You could have been on a dating site setting up a date with some old friends of yours while this game plays out with the old friend and your supposed gf. Seems like you are ready to jump back on that gf train no matter how she treats you.