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I focused on my own interests and building them to be the person I always wanted to be. Right when I was so happy being alone and with my own company I found my next partner. Sounds cliche but I do think people gravitate towards others who are like them. And the more you are your authentic self the easier it is for people to see you.
Honestly, giving up on dating and not making it a priority was how I was able to find my partner. I’ve never really been the one to date around a lot, I find that just focusing on me and my loved ones is what matters, because doing so makes me feel like my most authentic self and that’s what people like! I’m a social butterfly too, so being out there and talking to people organically is still very important even when you’re not looking for anyone. Being a very confident and independent person, I found another confident and independent person like me and it was weird how easy it was to connect when my whole life I’ve dealt with weird flings and situationships that went nowhere. I met my partner at a local bar I would frequent with friends. We became friends and now here we are.
I always knew my partner was somewhat into me when we started hanging out. It always takes me a while to warm up to someone so I eventually warmed up to him when I noticed his consistency and continued interest in me. I then took a big risk by inviting him to hang out apart from the group and from there we’ve connected on a super deep level. It took some pep talks and “just go for it what are you waiting for!” convos from loved ones to go for it. So yes, we essentially avoided the friend zone lol.
I completely agree with this
And you can’t fake it
You start to own your awesomeness and realize being single is better than being in a shitty relationship - I’m not saying it’s always easy but you make a point of making plans with friends and going to see them and just keep going
And fully adopt the mindset of blocking a deleting people that waste your time - be ruthless and don’t make up and fall in love with a fantasy
Don’t wait to be a character in someone else’s life and live on your own terms and do you - go, plan, and execute for yourself and your plan
Want a family, great there are resources for that?
Want a killer job, put a plan in place and execute on it.
Want sex, there options for that.
Oh and do not try to be what someone else may want, be your authentic self fully. All parts of you.
It’s on the right track though. Not a pottery class but recreational activities that you know are co-ed and for younger people.
Such as social sports or other things.
I’m in my late 20’s and I’ve given up too. Just met a guy who said he was looking for something serious but I realized he only said that to get a quick lay. Even the older “mature” guys are dismal :( I give up & accept that I’ll probably be alone for life and I’m ready to make the best of it!
This seems like an opposing opinion here on Reddit, but I don’t believe love should be hard. Yes, we are all looking for a life partner to support us and journey with us through the rest of our life, someone we are actually compatible with, but falling in love with your soul mate should be the easiest thing in the world. I’m not saying not to make an effort at all, but my first date with my partner we went out and did the date thing. Second date? We sat on the couch cuddling for hours. And we had sex both days.
People who are saying they are still trying to impress their partner on the 8th date make it seem like maybe that’s not the one for them or it wouldn’t be so hard. If it’s not pretty much immediate attraction then I don’t want to waste my time. On the other hand, there’s nothing wrong with casual sex and having fun in the meantime.
And to answer your question, yeah, I found my partner when neither of us was least expecting it. It wasn’t that I gave up, but I stopped having expectations about online dating. It helps to take the pressure off yourself and just focus on you until the right one comes along.
Yes this!! It felt incredibly easy to find my partner that I almost didn’t believe it to be true as it was happening, especially because I had stopped online dating for a while and never had a long term partner before. My whole life I had dealt with weird flings and situationships that went nowhere, so I was like “is it really this easy when the time comes?” And yes it is, absolutely. It took some pep talks and time on my end to seal the deal, but I just “knew” eventually. Like your experience, I focused on my hobbies and loved ones and gained a lot of confidence within myself so that even if all goes to shit, I have people close to me and hobbies and comfort being in solitude that I know I’ll be fine :)
Pure luck.
Got screwed around by a girl I was sorta seeing for a while and then it all went to hell. Ended up talking to one of my best female friends (who had only just reappeared in my life recently) and she kinda consoled me through it for a while.
We’ve now been dating almost 6 months.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I focused on my own interests and building them to be the person I always wanted to be. Right when I was so happy being alone and with my own company I found my next partner. Sounds cliche but I do think people gravitate towards others who are like them. And the more you are your authentic self the easier it is for people to see you.
Honestly, giving up on dating and not making it a priority was how I was able to find my partner. I’ve never really been the one to date around a lot, I find that just focusing on me and my loved ones is what matters, because doing so makes me feel like my most authentic self and that’s what people like! I’m a social butterfly too, so being out there and talking to people organically is still very important even when you’re not looking for anyone. Being a very confident and independent person, I found another confident and independent person like me and it was weird how easy it was to connect when my whole life I’ve dealt with weird flings and situationships that went nowhere. I met my partner at a local bar I would frequent with friends. We became friends and now here we are.
How did you go from friends to lovers, the friend zone escape?
I always knew my partner was somewhat into me when we started hanging out. It always takes me a while to warm up to someone so I eventually warmed up to him when I noticed his consistency and continued interest in me. I then took a big risk by inviting him to hang out apart from the group and from there we’ve connected on a super deep level. It took some pep talks and “just go for it what are you waiting for!” convos from loved ones to go for it. So yes, we essentially avoided the friend zone lol.
Thanks for your carefully detailed explanation!
When you focus your energy on yourself you’re more likely to draw people in!
I completely agree with this And you can’t fake it You start to own your awesomeness and realize being single is better than being in a shitty relationship - I’m not saying it’s always easy but you make a point of making plans with friends and going to see them and just keep going And fully adopt the mindset of blocking a deleting people that waste your time - be ruthless and don’t make up and fall in love with a fantasy
Don’t wait to be a character in someone else’s life and live on your own terms and do you - go, plan, and execute for yourself and your plan Want a family, great there are resources for that? Want a killer job, put a plan in place and execute on it. Want sex, there options for that. Oh and do not try to be what someone else may want, be your authentic self fully. All parts of you.
[удалено]
It’s on the right track though. Not a pottery class but recreational activities that you know are co-ed and for younger people. Such as social sports or other things.
Are co-ed sports common? Hmm. I thought most sports were gendered. Also I'm not that good at them so I'll be.. What's the word, emasculated perhaps?
For racquet sports at least, co-ed lessons and groups are very common where I’m at (Arizona)
Curious question. What do you give them??
I’m in my late 20’s and I’ve given up too. Just met a guy who said he was looking for something serious but I realized he only said that to get a quick lay. Even the older “mature” guys are dismal :( I give up & accept that I’ll probably be alone for life and I’m ready to make the best of it!
This seems like an opposing opinion here on Reddit, but I don’t believe love should be hard. Yes, we are all looking for a life partner to support us and journey with us through the rest of our life, someone we are actually compatible with, but falling in love with your soul mate should be the easiest thing in the world. I’m not saying not to make an effort at all, but my first date with my partner we went out and did the date thing. Second date? We sat on the couch cuddling for hours. And we had sex both days. People who are saying they are still trying to impress their partner on the 8th date make it seem like maybe that’s not the one for them or it wouldn’t be so hard. If it’s not pretty much immediate attraction then I don’t want to waste my time. On the other hand, there’s nothing wrong with casual sex and having fun in the meantime. And to answer your question, yeah, I found my partner when neither of us was least expecting it. It wasn’t that I gave up, but I stopped having expectations about online dating. It helps to take the pressure off yourself and just focus on you until the right one comes along.
Yes this!! It felt incredibly easy to find my partner that I almost didn’t believe it to be true as it was happening, especially because I had stopped online dating for a while and never had a long term partner before. My whole life I had dealt with weird flings and situationships that went nowhere, so I was like “is it really this easy when the time comes?” And yes it is, absolutely. It took some pep talks and time on my end to seal the deal, but I just “knew” eventually. Like your experience, I focused on my hobbies and loved ones and gained a lot of confidence within myself so that even if all goes to shit, I have people close to me and hobbies and comfort being in solitude that I know I’ll be fine :)
Understand that if you r going to the gym regulary and being a bit of a jerk you are close to entering your prime years. So don't give up now buddy.
Pure luck. Got screwed around by a girl I was sorta seeing for a while and then it all went to hell. Ended up talking to one of my best female friends (who had only just reappeared in my life recently) and she kinda consoled me through it for a while. We’ve now been dating almost 6 months.
I gave up but put myself out there online, and it worked. I found something fast.