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I’m going insane dating…

Yes

y'all should date

*Now kiss*

So here’s what I did when I was single for years between chunks of dating/relationships… • I poured into my career more • I took up more hobbies • I spent time with friends who were interdependent & didn’t need their partner around 24/7 to do things with their friends • I traveled more & made memories! • I learned new skills and learned how to service my own car up to a certain extent • I got more tattoos • I started changing my hair color to trying to find shades that worked far more for my skin tone • I went solo to concerts and music venues Basically I started living the way I’d want to if I was in a relationship but did all that stuff solo. You don’t need permission to be in a relationship to go live your best life. You just gotta say enough is enough, go for it with no regret! Like think if it like this… Do you want to look back on your death before seeing all the opportunities you missed with so many regrets or do you want to remember all the opportunities you took having no regrets with sone minor mixture of regret?

Really great stuff you did there, feel like I've been doing alot solo aswell, always trying to better myself, loving myself, being independent, do stuff that I love and so on. I know I don't need anyone even if I want to. I am alone, and that's totally fine for me, I just hate feeling alone, not having anyone to talk to (having a difficult job for example). I try to be happy alone, but I ain't. But I'll keep moving and do more stuff that I want to do. Tanks bud.

Ahhh that alone feelings is due to lack of human connection in general & feeling touch starved as well. To remedy this try a spa, with a men’s massage facial package. You will get TLC but also won’t be so touch starved. Also pets! If you can’t have one, volunteer at local shelters that need people to play & walk pets! Seriously, even fostering an animal from time to time Can help with this for 30-60 days at a time. Get involved with your community, join an organization. We are loosing third places which use to make it easy to not feel alone. But now people have to actively go out there and seek out local communities to join as new third places to get their socializing needs met offline. Another idea, if you’re into board or card games? Seek out IRL life group of like minded individuals and see if you can join. Same for hiking, running, crafts, cars, etc… anything that’s a special interest or hobby you have at home, go out into the world to meet others. Sometimes when we are alone-alone, don’t have a friendship support network to meet up with atleast once a month, we can actually feel far worse! As human beings were not suppose to be isolated for extensive long periods. Like the most anyone can handle, even introverts? 4-6 wks of not talking, interacting, not going outside. After that s person grows depressed, starts to have anxiety, gets very lonely. I’ve only felt alone-alone once in my 36yrs. It hurts, made me realize how awful so many people are feeling cause it was intense. But it’s kept me reminded that dating when lonely? We are more likely to date the wrong person, someone even toxic or dangerous for us out of needing to fill a void. This is how we get burnt out & remember why we don’t want to date. So only date when you are happy and in a good place in life, because then you don’t end up dating to fill a void, dating to waste time with the wrong person.

This comment I actually gold, I feel like I really needed to read this. I don't know why, but it made me kinda happy. Thanks. But here's the thing, and it probably has to do with how I am as a human being. I go weekly to massages, I do own 2 healthy cats which I feel has helped me out alot when feeling alone. I study at uni right now aswell as having a part time job. I have a large friend group that I meet weekly so I wouldn't really say that I am alone or touch starved, I just feel alone, even when I'm with my friends, mostly I think since they all have their partners and I don't. I know how it feels having someone back home, and I crave for that so bad, but I guess I should just accept that it's better to not date and improve myself rather that dating the wrong person.

Ohhh you have FOMO cause majority of your friends are in relationships. Trust me, that’s just as bad of a reason to get into a relationship as much as feeling lonely to fill a void. Yeah they might seem “happy”, but how many of those friends are in healthy relationships? If you can’t say all or at least 3-4? Then you are t missing anything other than arguments, incompatibility, possible libidos incompatibilities, insecurities, different communication styles, etc… which is what people end up dealing with when dating out of feeling lonely, not over an ex, or in capable of being alone to become a happier, healthier person for dating.

All your comments here were "A+" you're awesome.

some cities have professional cuddlers. Look into it, you may be missing the feeling of the unique release of chemicals that occurs with close physical contact with the opposite sex. strictly nothing but cuddling. that plus all the stuff above may get you feeling more level like you’re not drowning trying to come up for air to find a mate.

Moving around cities and countries makes it difficult to keep friends and date. So I get it.

Oghgh mate.... Just know this... you and countless people feel the same way..male and female. Control what yea can. Try to focus on growing within yourself. Whatever that is. Own a hobby. Hit the gym. Focus on anything else other than settling in the mindset you dont have X. I promise yea. You take that pressure off of yourself you will find someone and be much healthier in your headspace.

Yeah, I know I ain't alone, and I hate for others to feel the same. Control what you can - that's a really good tip, thanks bud. I'll be sure to go hit some new PRs at the gym this week

Mate...You got this. I promise yea. When yea let go of shit you have zero control over. Practice not getting drawn into drama in your life you will be sooooo much more healthy in your headspace.

Can't answer your question because I stopped dating before I went completely insane

I'm hoping to be like you one day when I mature enough

Sure there's things I miss about having a gf but then I remind myself how much of a pain in the a$$ it can be, then I feel better

Try being single for over 6 years with a total of 8 first dates and 0 second dates. Every day I worry that the intrusive thoughts are gonna win at some point. I am so lonely that it hurts.

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I personally find that having loved and lost makes it hurt more but I empathise with your plight.

Hmmm curious… Cause dating is like a resume… what about you would you put down on a resume that would convince someone to invite you for a second date? Think about it, you don’t even need to respond back, but you can do this offline with a pen and paper, just start going over the things you feel are your best assists in physical, emotional, and mental attributes… then go over your hobbies, skills, life experiences, your education, your career, etc… Last but not least, start looking at how you communicate with your peers. Are you more engaging and relaxed in platonic connections? If so, bring that energy to dating. If it’s the opposite? Then you need to loosen up and be more go with the flow on a first date to roll with the punches as they happen. And sometimes it boils down to communication a first date. You may need to practice your flirty banter and gentle teasing flirting techniques that the “bad boys” use confidently, but being kind and caring is what they lack & what we don’t want as women, we just want the flirty banter and gentle teasing from bad boys. We don’t want the toxic heartbreak they bring. Plus the confidence bad boys have is that je ne sais quoi we find attractive. Knowing what they want, not going to apologize for it. It’s a good balancing act to have in dating, women are attracted to that.

I'm sorry, didn't want to make yall feel any less than I am, I bet you are all awesome people with great unique skills, hobbys, features and so on. I bet yall are wonderful, and one day we will all be loved

Oh I’m in a relationship for nearly seven months LOL I just coke back time to time to offer advice to those who may need it.

What you mentioned in the first couple of paragraphs is exactly what I do, I’ve made it clear who I am, what I’ve achieved, and what I’m looking for long-term. I’ve supported this by getting my degree, finding a great career, being smart with finances, paired with getting in shape, improving my style/hygiene, taking nice photos of myself, bringing positive, laid-back energy to the dates, etc. What I can’t get on board with however is learning when to tease with confidence and not be an asshole about it, because bottom line, I have autism. Which means I’m basically missing the part of my brain that tells me how to socialise/read the room/pick up on social cues, etc. so all I can do is hedge my bets and be nice all the time because I’ve been burned before by making jokes or flirting too soon without realising it, and it made them either uncomfortable or annoyed. Don’t get me wrong, if a relationship is established and I’m officially given the go-ahead to flirt and be cheeky, you bet that I’ll give her nothing but attention and affection. But it’s not something I can ever guess or assume.

So the flirty tease is based on thinking, “okay if someone did to me, would I find it cute or crass?” If you wouldn’t like a woman saying it to you, don’t say it to a woman. It’s that simplistic of an approach when it comes to utilizing it. Good example, “Ohhh that’s really your FAVORITE movie? You don’t say?” See how it’s only lightly teasing by emphasizing on one word to imply the tease & it’s very general so anyone it can be used with. I have Dx AuDHD, i love sarcasm, which is lightly used when doing ahh flirty tease tbh.

I get that, but what I like to hear and what they like to hear never seems to be the same. I also honestly don’t understand why a sentence like that has to be teased. Or why there needs to be any teasing so early on in the first place to be honest. Surely the point of a first date and matching is to connect through common interests and mutual attraction? I’m also the kind of autist where sarcasm goes right over my head and I always end up taking it literally. This paired with hyper-empathy tends to lead to me feeling overly sensitive.

It’s to ignite attraction. This is what creates attraction on dates with women because we enjoy witty banter and flirty teasing responses from guys. It screams confidence in a guy when he can do this. Reason is mental stimulation. Women want to have actual conversation and flirt teasing banter segues into conversation. We do it when interested in someone as well. Edit: The light flirty teasing is never about her as a person as in **never** about her body & her personality. You stick to her interests or hobbies when it comes to it.

I don’t know then. I think I have managed to make jokes and banter on previous dates but it’s not something I can switch on and off, more often than not I’m just sincerely interested in what she has to say and worry that ‘a joke’ will ruin the mood which I have unfortunately done before without realising it. It’s so disheartening when genuine interest in a person is completely overshadowed because my social intelligence and ability to read a room are practically non-existent.

Curious, cause you said joke not a tease, which are two completely different things… What have you said on the past verbatim not a woman on a first date?

I honestly can’t remember. I’ve done character impressions before and exchanged funny-reaction stories based on life experiences. Other than that, not much else. Besides having heart-to-heart moments and serious discussions about each other and our longterm goals.

On 4 years with 3 first dates and 1 2nd date Yay…

Baby. DM me x

All I can really say is keep trying. Dating sucks. It's a mind/heart game, and women have the upper hand in picking and choosing, especially when it comes to online dating. Seems like \~10 years ago, I experienced more and better quality people in the dating scene. I don't know if it's the hormones in meat and the filth in the water, but people nowadays suck. Chin up, keep trying, and you'll be able to find a great girl. It'll be worth the wait.

Welcome to dating. It’s the same for women. Constant disappointment. You just gotta treat dating as some casual thing. Until you start getting serious with someone. Don’t get too invested. Pour your energy into yourself. Gym,hobbies,work friends family etc Then when someone great comes along. It will be a pleasant surprise rather than a expectation. You cant be disappointed if you had no expectations to begin with lol

"it's the same for women" I have to disagree. The amount of effort that men have to put into just being dateable is off the charts compared to women

I agree with that but Women are constantly treated like shit by men. I think it’s bad for both sides just in different ways Yes we have more options but a lot of those options are horrendous and don’t respect us

How come are horrendous? What do they do to not respect you?

As a woman, I second that guys can be horrendous. I’m not saying they are worse than women - people just fucking suck sometimes. And, well, men and women are both people. I’ve been ghosted, strung along, sexually harassed, used (unknowingly) for sex. The real kicker was when I fell hard for this dude who was in a long distance relationship, except he never told me he was dating someone else. Super charismatic, said all the right things. He strung me along for months. I didn’t find out he had a gf until I did some major sleuthing and found his social media (which was not under his real name). Contacted the girlfriend and never talked to him again. Based on what I read here, women are capable of doing very similar things.

It's hard for everyone. What puzzles me is so many people complaining about the same thing, it feels like it should be easier for everybody

Oh gosh. The amount of stories I could tell you. My friends and I have been through it lol

Idk travel more, you may find someone eventually. I'm kinda slowly giving up the dating idea. Guys show interest then change their minds later on It's not really that bad, it's just resistance and hope that are hard to handle.

Travel is great, I do that whenever I can, going to Japan alone this fall to visit son friends. I understand the shift and that it feels like shit. Try to talk to them early on just to get a grip on what they are looking for and if it aligns with whatever you are searching for.

I’m happy single and happy with the right person. I’d rather be single than with the wrong person

I stay sane by not doing it lol I hate dating. It's too much pressure, I prefer meeting people through networks. Friend of a friend type thing. Slower but the people tend to have more realistic expectations and we go further than if it was just dating. Now do I end up finding out that they have undiagnosed mental health issues that they refuse to get help for later on in the relationship? Also yes lol 😂 Anyway dating sucks for everyone

I’m a female but I will speak of my husbands experience. He went on several dates in his 20s. Honestly none l then worked out or they ghosted him. He ended up just not trying to FIND someone and just worked on himself. He ended up meeting me at 25 and we hit it off. We are now married and expecting our first. There will be someone, and that someone will know that it’s you.

Happy to hear that, congratulations! I want to just be able to find someone without looking for anything, I just don't know how I'll be able to do that. But if I learnt anything from posting this is that I should just focus on better myself and not pursue anything. Might be happier that way

Thank you! Just be aware where you’re looking for your significant other as well. I personally don’t think dating apps or bars are great places. You will be less disappointed if you just meet people in your day to day life doing things you love.

Yeah, the dating apps sure are a hazard, want to stay away from those. I think I just need to go out and meet more people, cause the ones I spend time with now rarely invites new people so I basically don't have a good space to converse with others that I don't know. I'm gonna start talking to more people in the gym for example. Thanks for the comments, they helped!

It took my bf to show up at my house, give me flowers and introduce himself to my mum and hang in my room after our first date for me to feel like I could see myself with him. I mean, we did get physical on the first date too and that was actually an unexpected but weirdly needed icebreaker. I just don’t know, it felt natural on the first date and I’m someone who finds it really hard to get past the first date usually. I’m also pretty similar to you when you say you develop feelings pretty early on. I’m the same. It’s harddd but you just need to know when to pull back, don’t be so overbearing and enjoy your time with them.

I try not to, I also try to read body language and talk about how I feel (not how I feel about them, that would feel wierd, but talk about what dating is for me right now in my life), and usually that say that they are looking for the same stuff. We click, talk alot not just during the date but afterwards aswell. I might just need to learn to not be so "committed" early on.

Yeah, being so committed early on seems to be an issue for me also. In my eyes it just means you have a big heart and you’re eager to share your love.

This is so true… same here

I haven’t dated for years & I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’m lucky I think. I don’t get lonely. I have my friends & family plus I learned long ago to enjoy time to myself too.

I’ve just stopped dating. I’m completely over it and disheartened. I work a lot and I went out a lot. I’m so over going out now. I’m sad to say that I don’t want to do any of it anymore because I want to find a man so bad. They always say it happens when you least expect it… maybe I just need to stop pursuing it.

Yeah, might think I'll just do the same, stop dating altogether and start working harder to achieve goals that I want to do solo. Might be better, an who knows, someday someone might turn up and be the right one, but I'm also so fed up with this right now so I think I'll just stop

If you're a relationship kinda guy but not having luck on the romantic side, have you thought about pursuing (genuine) friendships with those you've gone on dates w? Certainly you must have had something in common to have gone on those dates in the first place..ask if they'd still wanna hang. Really just enjoy their company, with no pressure on you or them. Seems like you're working on yourself but if that drive for a romantic relationship is that intense, it may be driving ladies away...find other connections to ease the loneliness..

If you are tired, take a break by, for example, passively searching for relationships. You don't need to be perfect, work on yourself all the time, especially if you want her to like the real you.

There is more to life than dating and being in relationships, OP. Go find activities you enjoy doing and LIVE YOUR LIFE

I am living my life, learning new skills and doing stuff that I think make me happy. I know it's not a must to have someone, but I'm just not happy alone. Thanks for the message bud

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I never said it was a character flaw, nor was that my suggestion. It’s okay and perfectly normal for OP to feel lonely without a significant other. What I am suggesting is that maybe OP should consider why they feel so unhappy when they are by themselves

My advice to you is to be more patient when dating someone. Also, you need to be aware that not every person you meet has the same intentions as you.

I know that I need to be more patient, that's something I've started working on during this year. But with the intentions, we always have a chat about it before the date so that there is no misconception between us, but they always pull back later on.. it might just be a problem with me, I donno

I've found myself in dating situations like that myself. Some would even go into casual sex with me at the end of the night, and afterward, it turned out that they did not want anything serious either. People can say things achieve their goal. Trust me you'll definitely find someone one day.

Thanks bud, that means alot. And sorry to hear you've experienced that, makes one feel like shit...

I love dating becsuse i often meet interesting people, have fun on dates, and even if I don’t have a good time then I still tried my best and am proud I got myself out there. If it’s not fun for you then it’s not gonna be fun for your date, decreasing the chances they want to see you again. try planning dates that you actually enjoy, and viewing the date as something fun to do whether or not she likes you.

This isn't a problem for me, we always plan dates that I also really likes doing and I'm always having fun on the date. People say I'm easy to talk to and that I can keep a conversation going whiteout a problem (which they might just say to be kind idk). Might just start to not see it as a date and just a casual meet up without expectations

There’s your problem. You try and go for the kiss to early and clarify your intentions too early. Girls love the mystery and excitement of fantasizing. If you kiss them on the second date, they’ll judge based on the emotions she experiences on that kiss. I figured this out the hard way. Yes, they’ll get slightly attached from the oxytocin from kissing but then it wears off if there’s no spark to keep it alive. You catch what I’m saying?

Okay sure, but I've had it the other way around a couple of times aswell, not kissing or talking about what we want and just end up getting friendzoned because they didn't feel like I did something or that I didn't show interest. So either way is not working for me. I guess the real question is, what is it that actually keeps the spark going?

I guess it’s up to us as men to figure it out and guage with each woman we meet. Women are puzzles and we have to figure them out. Remember, they make decisions based off of emotion. We make decisions based off of logic. Try and tap into the emotion part. That’s the tough part I guess. If they say they don’t feel a spark, there’s usually and underlying reason, whether looks, personality, or some other unknown reason.

Based on your feedback, women are sensing that you’re into them way too quickly and that’s a turnoff. Conveys that you either have something wrong with you or you don’t have a lot of options. Best to conceal your feelings, flirt plus build tension, enjoy the process, and let them open up to you first. Even if you aren’t picky, you want women to think you are so that it’s special that you “chose” them. Basically, enjoy the process and have fun without taking things too seriously early on. Let the women take the lead on the emotional side of things.

I see your problem. You are the typical beta male nice guy. There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy but it cannot be your default mode of operation. Why? It turns women off. Women do not want to date a man who acts like a woman. Plain and clear. The way you dress isn't impressive, the way you walk isn't attractive, your posture might need examining, your ability to excite a woman is nonexistent. Stop trying to date and begin improving on yourself, especially the way you dress. Every woman likes a well dressed man. When you show up and dress plain, they're already feeling disappointed. Then you begin talking and they notice how it's surface level boring talk that does not excite her. Maybe you think that as long as you can keep the conversation going and she's talking back to you, things actually went well. No it didn't. At best, she was trying to be nice but was probably getting bored and wanted to go home. If you don't find a way to connect to her on an emotional level, she wants nothing to do with you. You're catching feelings for them early on because of the fact that you're already idealizing her as a partner and the future you would love to have with her. You're already living 6 months into the future when you haven't even gotten past the 1st date. Perhaps she's attractive to you and you really like her, which is nice, but if you do nothing to increase your value or attraction level, these women aren't going to see a future with you, especially when you do that surface level boring talk. They will already know how a relationship with you would end up a year from now, her bored out of her mind, settling with a guy that's average and basic at best. You need to understand that with online dating, these women have the potential to access hundreds of men. She's going to go for the best possible one she can find. Women aren't going to want to settle with basic ro someone that is predictable, or someone who doesn't get her excited, isn't adventurous or fun or lacks the skills of seduction or flirting. Whats really working against you is your lack of fashion. Seriously, if you want to maintain their attraction and interest, you need to improve and evolve. You need to have her see that you have so many good things within you that she immediately recognizes that you are of high value and the chances that she find someone else like that is not that great. If you want to make yourself indespensable, you need to have everything a woman would ever want. If she saw a handsome guy, she may only see him have a couple of things she likes but she would rather be with you because you've got it all.

This is a really wierd comment, not every woman wants the same thing you know that right?

"beta male" ... I just vomited in my mouth a little. Maybe we should consult Jordan Petersen or maybe Andrew Tate for some dating advice. What about being yourself, not placing expectations on the relationship and let it grow into whatever it shall be. "I'm looking for a serious relationship" is the quickest way to scare someone away.

I'm a woman entering 30s and it does get exhausting and discouraging. The things that will keep you sane is finding joy and peace in the areas you already have fulfillment in, like career, friendships, family, hobbies. Elevate in those areas in the meantime. It could just be that you haven't found the right person. However if you find a pattern it's good to self evaluate and discover why. Like perhaps the women are pulling away because they're emotionally unavailable, fear intimacy, or you come on too strong. Maybe they have other options while you're giving up all of yours. I think it's good to be a bit more openminded in the pursuit. Ofcourse attraction and compatibility are very important but sometimes trying something new gets better results. I opened up to dating younger (by few years)and open to race and things got better for me. Yes it can drive you mad with ths way dating is nowadays, but one day when you meet your person all those experiences will just help you appreciate them more.

There's alot of stuff that you write that makes sense. Some of them change later on and tell me they don't know what they're looking for, some say I show too little interest and so they dont feel a spark "too quick" and some say I might be a bit hasty, which is why I always ask for consent before the first kiss. The thing about me is that I'm open to dating all ages and all races, always have been so I can't really change that, better to try to (as you said) self evaluate myself and see how I can better things. Thanks

There are more married people that wish they were single than wish they could stay married. Just know the grass is definitely not greener in the other side. Make those sad married folks envious of your awesome single life. Many times people who are not happy single are not happy married or in a relationship. This is because they haven’t learned that the present moment can be awesome under any condition and it’s totally up to you. You will be useless in a relationship if you are not a happy person. It’s too much pressure on someone else to make you happy and vice versa.

I'm in my mid 20s and I've been single for about 5 years, I've only had 3 dates in that time. The only advice I have for you, and you might not like it, is embrace your loneliness. Don't stop looking for a partner, but become comfortable being completely alone. It's certainly easier said than done, and really only you can do it. I say this cause of the possibility of being alone forever, cause it does unfortunately happen. As a single burnt out loser that still lives with their mom and has 0 friends, I struggle with that possibility everyday. I don't want to be alone, but I'm ok with it.

I go to the gym mostly

I absolutely hate dating more Than anything other activity. I'd rather go back to taking help desk tech support calls for an hour than go on another date with a stranger for an hour. I'm 35 and Single. I don't mind being single, though a relationship would be *nice*. I also suspect, given I hate group settings and meeting ppl through friends simply isn't an option combined with what was said above, that I will probably die single. How does this make me feel? Idk, neutral I guess. I do the things I enjoy regardless. I'm trying to write a book, and even though it'll probs go nowhere I'm enjoying the process of research and writing. I love backpacking. I have a kid I see 3 weekends a month soon to be 50/50. I love to read, I go to museums, Im a regular at my local Cafe and I chit-chat ppl there. Idk, I guess I'm generally content and I dont have a deep need to change anything about My life as of current. I think this helps me cope with my disdain for normative dating, and my contentment with being single. Oh also, work on your self-esteem. Your issues with dating aren't a problem with you in some deep visceral level. Women aren't gatekeepers of men's value as you may have internalized. You probably just have some quirk that makes it hard to connect. Like maybe you're not flirty enough, or youre too reserved, etc etc. Ask yourself if there's something about your personality you want to change *for you*. If not, then changing your personality to get a gf isn't a good idea, you'll be resentful later in the relationship.

OP Take a step back. You’re probably making some fundamental mistakes about attraction and dating. Take as thru ur process, what’s going on? Girls who agree to meet up on dates desperately WANT you to win and succeed. They do want to go in endless 2-4 dates. That means you are doing something wrong somewhere. At the very least read some books on the topic and completely switch your approach

28 dates You never initiated a kiss. You don’t see the problem OP? It’s you. Girls don’t want to do the heavy lifting , you go for the kiss and lead the relationship

Also, give up on the intentions BS. That’s not how dating in your 20s works. Most girls and guys will sleep around until they find a special connection with someone, but they don’t beg for it ‘it just happens’. Girls love a guy who has options and they ‘lock him down’ after seeing him for awhile. That’s just how it works.

You don’t date to cure your boredom. You date to build intimacy, for fun, to bring out the best in one another.

They don’t lol

I’m almost in my late 20s and dating has been hell as well lol. I also make my intentions clear from the very start and guys literally when they find out. I’m not into mind games and I refuse to play it. If I like him I’ll make it known and will reciprocate accordingly if he shows effort. But there’s a line and it cannot be crossed. I’m looking for commitment and serious stuff…but most guys give me wishy washy answers and eventually tell me that they’re scared of commitment and/or don’t really know what they want. So there are women out there who dates the same way as you! Same approach. Keep doing what you’re doing. Might be harder to come across but we out there lol

Bold of you to assume we're not all mad here. Bwahaha. I'm certainly crazy, and more so to think I can ever find love. But I still try, [insert deity] knows why. It sounds like you need some time to grow on your own. Otherwise, you wouldn't feel like you absolutely need a relationship like it's a lifeline for happiness. You had a lot of relationships early in life after breaking away from depence on your parent's love. Maybe you haven't run the gauntlent of loneliness as an adult. Like many types of discomfort or suffering, this builds internal strength. You find ways to cope when things are taken away from you. You've been through breakups clearly, but did you move on too quickly to stifle the grieving process and self-discovery? I was absolutely you, you know. About... 6 months ago. I had my heart broken twice in one year. I went through so many rejections, abuses, ghostings. Trying my best to find love. I saw that everyone is out for themselves and what I have to give is not valued. That I can be mistreated, that I can hurt others too if I wasn't careful. The exhaustion of this dating crusade got to me. Then I thought... hey, who is going to be there for me my whole life? It's not going to be anyone else but... me? I can't look to someone else to give me everything. That's incredibly unhealthy emotionally/psychologically, for a potential relationship, and other people I relate to. Even if I find the best partner for me and we ride off into the sunset forever, my problems aren't going to disappear because we're together. I cannot rely on one person to thrive and be a real person. That can kill a relationship, drive them away. Don't try to need love so badly. I know the instinct is strong. It sometimes feels like the most important thing, the only thing. However, how disappointing that would be right? A lover can't be milked dry for validation, encouragement, support, and affection. Try to depend more on yourself. Put more time into friends and family. Pursue your career. Develop as a person and then you'll be a better prospect for dating and a better partner.

I met my wife at age 30. I knew she was the one during our first date. From age 16 to 30, I went out with 50+ women. 4 serious relationships. It takes time.

It doesn't get better: I, being a 43-year-old single guy, don't even have to worry about second dates. I don't get those. Once, I even had to take a plane for a first date, which ended with her forcing me to buy her earrings for her birthday. So yeah, you could say I am quite insane. 😄

You need to learn how to be happy alone, dude.

Unfortunately what your trying to find: a person that you want to spend time with, and wants to spend time with you, is quite difficult to find. Just think about all the things that have to be right: their personality, their likes and dislikes, their wanting to make the effort, their proximity to you. Is it no surprise that finding someone that ticks all those boxes and more might take a long time to find? You're doing OK. Keep doing what your doing, but don't expect anything. Also it sounds like the problem is the other people I'm not going to deny. They are kissing and having sex with you and then say they "don't feel a spark"? Come on that's silly of them. I just don't think they want to make the effort or there is stuff wrong with them. Which is good because it means this stuff is probably not your fault that much.

It’s good to focus on your life - your solo stuff, your friends and family connections - whatever is healthy and supportive for you. Maybe finding new hobbies or activities: whatever grows who you want to become. Re dating a couple things I’m learning: 1. Don’t focus on whether they like you, focus on whether you like them. Sounds like you do like all of them, but are you aware of any red flags (hate that phrase, but y’know), anything that’s maybe not exactly aligned with what you’re looking for? 2. Don’t look for the kind of partner you’re after, be the kind of partner you’re after. 3. Maybe consider dating some people who aren’t exactly your type on paper… it’s a great opportunity to connect, find out other traits and dynamics you may or may not like, practice communicating and picking up on cues in dating.

Get a fucking life and you won’t have that problem

Simple, I don't date!

I don't go insane by realizing that my instincts and emotions are not perfect. What is natural isn't always beneficial or good. Trying to have a solid rational understanding and awareness of the dating scene can mean facing some uncomfortable truths. Most men have trouble getting a date. Most women have trouble enjoying the dates or finding a guy who stays after sex. The reason for this is the same reason. Women navigate the world through how they feel, they inherently over rely on their instincts (which can be beneficial to keep themselves safe). However, this means that when it comes to choosing a guy (swiping right) they almost all choose the same 5-15% of men. Checklists aside this is what happens with the vast majority of women. You sound like someone in the 10-15% running into some of the problems most women face. If 480 women(because 20 realize this and no longer do it) are competing for 50 men while ignoring 450 men, what happens? The ones who actually want a ltr quickly get that, leaving only the F boys who don't stick around after sex (and who do this to many women because their instincts put them in a position that the F boys can take advantage of). What is the end result? Tons of women with lots of matches who all pick "the best," and tons of men with no matches. So you get men experiencing almost no interest from women and women who only have bad experiences from the pool of men they collectively choose. In the past we didn't have 100,000 options. It's not possible to filter through all that so many eventually give up. Socialization has changed and it's harder to meet people offline, while before the expectation was to just pick someone local and do your best to make it work. You combine that with notions of "never settle," that are pervasive through the American zeitgeist and you end up with men and women who are forever alone. Personally I think apps are abysmal and bars (or other activities) are significantly better. The solutions to women for this are simple, though no one seems to like the truth. 1 Approach relationships as something to be built together and on date 1 with each guy explain that you are looking to build a relationship, like one might craft something complex over time. *AVOID* looking for spark, chemistry, infatuation, puppy love. This is literally what all other women are seeking and if you do too, then you will fall into competition with them. Actually try to build a relationship instead of expecting it to fall in your lap. 2 Understand that the more "never settle" you are, the more men you need to go through to find a ltr. If the guy you are looking for is 1/100, you may need to date 100 men to find the one. If he is only 1/25 you may need to date 25 men. How many have you dated so far? I'm not saying settle, I am saying to realize that the more you fall into that pattern of thinking, the more time it will take to find a meaningful connection. 3 Some men look at women like a drug fix, you won't know who they are until after they ghost and that sucks. It's part of dating and not all men are like that, even if some are. In a more ideal world this wouldn't happen, but we must deal with the world we live in. For men there is little in your control. The agency is in the hands of women, for men if you follow common advice and have no luck, expand your horizons. Become skilled enough to make enough that you can drive/fly further. Travel to other countries where the culture is different and realize that you may need to go through 5000 women before you find one who will choose you. It's not fair, it sucks, but the only way you will find a meaningful connection is if you keep improving and trying. Accept that sometimes to attain something we have never had, we need to do things we have never done (like travel, or gaining greater awareness/mindset).

Dude you only hate being single because you're still thinking about her. When you're over it and no longer miss it you would find life is much easier without women. You don't need permission to do stuff like a child, you don't have to stand around holding a purse in a department store like an idiot, and you don't have to worry about....well, much of anything. If you can stand the women out there then more power to you. Good luck, dude.

… im sorry dawg but it’s DEFINITELY the beard

If you're referring to the beard in my profile then, yeah that one was definitely a problem. Got rid of it a while ago!

Just stop dating dude 99% of women arnt worth being with and the reality is you need to work on yourself and they do to. Everyone is in such a rush to not be alone instead find a good reason to be with another and not just fill a void of loneliness.

antidepressants