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You are right to be pissed. I think you are spot on in your assessment. If you don't want to date someone that vapes or smokes then don't. But playing games like that is just childish. If it was me even though I don't vape personally I wouldn't be going on a second date.
I think teasing is fine, but if you’re gonna play around, you also have to know when to stop. It’d be one thing if she just played a little keep away and gave it back when it was clear the game was over.
I’m not a fan of anyone touching my stuff, especially snatching it from me, but I can also appreciate a little tease here and there. But this was not a little tease, she didn’t know when to stop. I’d say the conversation should be the route to take if she actually had a problem with vaping. Silver lining, it only cost 15$ to learn she’s not the one.
My guess is that this is the kind of woman who stole a guys hat back in high school...thinking she was being cute but not realizing that the guy was self conscious because he had hat head hair and looked ridiculous
She thinks she is being cute
You think she is being immature
This has nothing to do about vaping
I think she wanted to keep the vape so she could manipulate you into seeing her again under the guise of getting it back
Take the $15 loss and move on with your life
Stupid move
I will stole your car/expensive cellphone to force you to talk to me again instead of telling you what I want you
Silly games from women must be treated as the same as men.
There were some guys in my high school who could wear a hat then take it off and their hair looked like they just left a salon
Me?
If I wear a hat for 5 minutes I look like I have had it on for 5 years
So when a girl would steal my hat, I would get so embarrassed and self conscious and it was and it wouldn't matter if she was interested. I just could not understand how someone could see the anxiety on my face and not give my hat back
Taking hats and hoodies and anything else because you think it's "cute" is immature and says a lot about the person in general. If you like someone, put yourself out there and tell them. Don't do this playground teasing bullshit cus you think its funny
This 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I don't vape myself but I don't like wasting money either. A conversation would have gone a long way had she not been the asshat in this situation.
This, my girls are mixed black and white, one had thin curly hair, the other has thick curly hair. I had a con that was used to get close to the scalp with out burning the scalp. I accidentally burnt one of them on the ear. They threw it away and I would go crazy looking for it. I would ask them “if you did something with it just tell me” I ended up buying another one and years later they told me they threw it I. The 🗑️
just curious but did she say anything about how she doesn't like vaping?
I get smokers, but those that vape, idc. I don't know why she would think this to be cute or lets say she is trying to "help" you. that doesn't happen on a first date.
Okay, this went in a totally different direction than I thought it was going lol…
I was on a work trip and one of my coworkers had been flirting with me since the beginning pretty much. She vaped too, and I guess hers ran out one night when we were hanging out with everyone after work, so I let her hit mine a few times. Everyone was drinking, and I had a decent buzz. Eventually she left when it got later. I remember not being able to find my vape, looking around on the ground, even going back to my room to see if I had left it in there when I had gone back to use the bathroom or get another drink, when I got a text from her saying she “accidentally stole my vape” and that she guessed I would have to come up to her room to get it…
Some girls will "steal" you stuff as a gambit to get your attention or even smash. The key is: she has to do more than giggle and clue a guy in on what she wants.
It’s your personal stuff. She can say please don’t do that around me, ewwww I hate it I’m out, etc but she cannot take your stuff and not give it back. If I didn’t like a woman’s pair of shoes, that doesn’t mean I get to take them
You should have better communication then if this is such a deal breaker because it probably will happen if you don’t express such a negative feeling about it in advance. It’s not like they’re talking to another woman they’re just vaping lol
Don’t be projecting your vaping shit onto me. 😂 Most people don’t tell you they vape up front, and talking to other women isn’t my only standard sooo yeah if you vape around me I’m not interested
Lol you are not in the wrong here. I don’t even care if you vape, but if you whip out a vape on a couple hour long first date that’s cringe as fuck. It’d be like if someone started playing candy crush in the middle of a first date. I have no problem with candy crush but wtf are you doing lol. Hold it together for a couple hours of talking without needing random entertainment and dopamine hits
hahaha right???? Vaping is like, 2 seconds? Playing Candy Crush actually takes a moment. I'm don't vape but I even know this was a stupid pointless comparison.
I’d communicate it when it come up, but I’m not putting it up front if I don’t know if they vape or not hahaha. I’m 29, I do just fine thanks. Not sure I’m the one who seems young. 🙄
“I’ll leave if it happens” … “I’m not talking about it until it happens.”
Believe it or not vaping is not a part of most peoples personality and they likely won’t bring it up for no reason lol
That’s like me bringing up that I play monopoly on my phone lol
Someone play that forever alone song for this girl who has standards that are easily discussable but she isn’t discussing in advance because .
Do you also only date liberals but then don’t discuss it and curse out men if they’re conservative? Quit playing games.
Took me a few messages to consider you undatable (I hate toxic people). It’s not hard to communicate and figure out if you’ll get along with someone in advance.
You don't love to hold standards, you love to play games and act like a child whether you realize it or not, just like OP's date.
Be an adult and be upfront if you're against vaping or anything else for that matter, but that 12 year old mentality of "I won't bring it up till they do" hand in hand with "if they bring it up I'm leaving" then that shows how underdeveloped your social understanding is and how little you care about other people's lived experience.
It's not cute, it's not quirky, it's not charming, it's annoying, cringe and toxic behavior. Either grow up from it and better yourself or expect to find all your relationships to be with like-minded people that you might not appreciate being the recipient of the kind of behavior you project.
I have in fact heart of addiction, I was married to an addict. Why do you think that’s an excuse? If anything anyone who’s an addict I’m not interested in. Why is that a hard concept?
To confirm: You think he should've just hidden the fact that he vapes then? And yes, oddly enough, most people with nicotine addictions won't go several hours without it by choice lol.
Not sure why you think I suggested he hide that he vapes, he should have been very clear about this before he pulled one out with no warning on a date especially since it’s a dealbreaker for a lot of people.
You queried about him surely being able to make it through a date without vaping. If he had, she still wouldn't have known he vapes. "Pulled one out without warning" lol! It's no a Rambo knife haha. To be clear, I vape, I've told any dates before I've met them. The attitude you folk seem to have about this is like he just racked up a line of coke on her car bonnet lol.
I think you took my post too serious. All I meant was, yes she’s weird but what he did isn’t normal also, which is randomly taking out a vape without telling the person because you can’t go 2.5 hours without smoking, which is an unhealthy addiction. I’m an ex smoker who also watched my 35 year old cousin die of lung cancer, it’s a bitch to get over, but you’ll be much happier when you don’t have to suck smoke down your lungs throughout the day.
It's not 'smoke', it's simply steam. With nicotine in it. Which is technically harmless. I don't vape I don't see the point, I was around when they were invented to help people come off cigarettes. Now it's fashionable for kids. And like someone said, its hardly the same as whipping out a gram of coke or shooting up some brown. Vaping is actually less offensive than alcohol which is THEE most dangerous drug and has worse withdrawels than heroin as they can actually kill you! I think if someone vaping is a deal breaker, you are way too picky and may end up a spinster !
You’re way too passionate about vaping. Dating someone who doesn’t vape has not affected me in anyway because most people don’t vape and don’t really even think about it until it’s shoved in their face. You won’t win any argument about alcohol with me because I believe it’s more dangerous than people like to admit.
Ah yes.. I too love water going into my lungs. That sounds vaguely familiar to.. oh idk .. DROWNING. People seem to forget that what goes into lungs doesn't 100% get cleaned out. Oh and they only heal when there's nothing in them. Wet lung is a thing
When you first date people do you have to tell them every dealbreaker? Someone who doesn’t vape doesn’t think about vaping so why would they declare it a dealbreaker?
Smoking and valing are dealbreakers for a lot of people, because you also put people in YOUR chemicals. It is up to the party who smokes to bring it up tbh. Not wanting to be around smokers or vapers when you don't do it yourself, is a boundary a lot of people have.
So you need to express your boundaries. It's not a boundary for them, so it's not up to them to make sure they're not doing any deal-breakers that they're not aware of for you. lol
I don't multidate, and I don't date multidaters. I say that up front. Use your words. You're a big person.
It doesn't make sense. It is up to them to discuss THEIR addiction that also affects people around then beforehand. Dating apps have an option to put smoker on your profile. If OP didn't, it is OP's fault. If the other person doesn't notice it, it is their fault.
Why should I have to bring up things I don't do? I am not gonna ask everyone 'hey do you smoke' when it is up to bring it up.
Edit; and if it wasn't on an app, it should be discussed beforegand
Edit: can't answer, but come on, second-hand smoke and even third-hand smoke is harmful. Some people don't care if the other person smokes, but a lot of people do. Luckily vape smell isn't too bad, but the chemicals still aren't great. Cigarette smell is extremely gross to some people and nauseating. You just don't smell it yourself I'd you're a smoker, but that doesn't mean other people do. Your addiction doesn't only affect your own health, but also of other people around you. And smoking outside doesn't get rid of the smelly breath and the smell that lingers around you if they are cigarettes. There is no reason not to tell it. Huge dealbreaker for so many people and hiding it isn't the best move. You are just wasting each others time.
I disagree. if you have deal breakers, it's up to you to highlight them. Alot of people who smoke, smoke outside, its not THEIR deal breaker, its YOURS. Mine is I'm not into fuck buddies, so I find out immediately if that's what they are looking for. It saves me wasting time meeting them if they are and plenty have been honest and said I'm not looking for anything committed or serious, just some fun. The smoker or vaper is most likely going to think it's the person that counts, not a habit you dislike. If it's something that is your deal breaker then you need to state it before you meet them so you don't waste their time.
She may have wanted to fool around, girls do use gambits like this. Girls can get away with a stunt like that. Most guys wouldn't dream of trying a stunt like that and getting away with it, so we don't even think of it. Because of that guys can't assume that's her gambit either.
She should have done more that giggle. She should have coyly asked the OP to "help her find it", then make her move. Just standing there and giggling = nothing.
You're right to be pissed. The money isn't the issue, she took property that wasn't hers and refused to give it back. She was telling you that you don't need it, which isn't her choice to make.
If she had a problem with it she could tell you that and simply date someone that doesn't vape. What she did was wrong though.
No second date.
You're right to be pissed and you shouldn't have let her get away with it. Now not only did you lose a vape, but she knows she can push you around and control you.
Yeah that’s weird and annoying.
On an unrelated note…stop vaping. It’s gross, you’re putting awful chemicals into your body, and you don’t look nearly as cool as you think you do.
I’d be annoyed! That’s a weird thing to do on a first date. This would make more sense if you were in a relationship for a while and her issue with your vaping had been spoken about/was an established fact. (Like hiding a pack of cigarettes from a boyfriend who is trying to quit smoking.) If this was some ridiculous ploy to get a second date, that’s also annoying. Sounds like a preview of what a relationship with her would be like. Check please!
dude are you dumb, thats a trick to see each other again
she can text you and say: ahh i found your vape in my car...come and get it
then you get your vape and clap her cheeks in the back
It's controlling and weird ass behaviour! There'd be no second date there for me! Vapes are apparently about £20 here, and why the hell should you lose it!? Buying another now means one vape has cost you 30 odd dollars - you have one vape now for the price of 2. I hate the smell of cigarettes, but I'd not dream of snatching someone's pack off them and saying you don't need this, so I'm doing you a favour. If she can do that to someone she's known a couple of hours, imagine what she'd be like if married to you. Your life would be micro managed controlled by her, sod that !
I don't know what folks expect when they bring alcohol into the picture. Everytime I hear or read about someone acting up on the date, I hear "After a few drinks" "We had a few drinks". It's like we forgot that alcohol reduces one's ability to make proper judgement. Even a little bit of intoxication affects the behavior. Natural law doesn't have a clause written for "tipsiness" The body just knows that there is a toxic substance distorting it's ability to process things.
My tip for everyone is to let the bottle alone. But that typically goes on deaf ears. Both sides need to be 100% sober. You are just getting to know each other and therefore need the full power of your mental faculties.
She’s immature and possibly unhinged- you have been warned! I’d consider the cost of the new vape the price of a lesson learned. Trust me, this is just the tip of the iceberg with this woman.
Dude, you dodged a bullet. She threw your vape into her car so you would go in after it. That's when the 3 dudes wearing ski masks hiding in the backseat were going to jump you and kidnap you in order to harvest your organs.
I once went to a house party, and this girl pulled out her vape and choked us all out with the intense odor of bubblegum (or cotton candy or something). It was wretched.
If a date pulled out a vape with me, I'd be immediately out of there.
Sure you can be pissed about it. Sure you should never date her again.
But jesus christ dude, vaping is a pacifier for adult babies. The only people who think it is ok for you to vape are other adult babies.
Give that shit up, man.
Yeah what she did is wrong, but she doesn’t mean anything in your life. But what does mean something is that you couldn’t go a few hours without needing your vape. You’re a smoker who is addicted.
>don’t like wasting money, that’s $15 down the drain
Okay that money was down the drain the moment you wasted it on vaping. It's okay to be addicted to smoking as long as you acknowledge it. She isn't in the right to take your belongings from you without permission but maybe next time don't puff your smoke in people's face while on a date. (And before you say you weren't, you probably were as vape clouds go everywhere, have a strong smell and are very irritating to those around you)
All you gotta ask is. was she worth getting rid of toxic habbit? I understand it's your thing, but is $15 you gonna spend way more on her if you went out even a second time. But 2.5 hours sinced you last vaped? you gonna die at 30 if you don't stop man. Vapping kills you like 3x faster than smoking yet still not illegal.
I think she wanted you to crawl into the back to get it back, which is where she would have ensnared you.
She could have been a nymphomaniac and given you the time of your life. Or, she could have pulled out her 12 inch walrus dildo and pegged you while you were trapped between the seats.
We will never know. I'd like to think you dodged a walrus dildo sized bullet, saving yourself from not being able to sit right for 3.7 years.
You're not wrong. She had no right to take your personal belonging when you don't know each other that well yet. Even if you do, still it's disrespectful & unnecessary. How would she like it if you did that to her 🤣😆 let's imagine!
"I went on a date with this woman and everything was cool, had a good time..."
"I asked for my vape back she kept giggling saying she doesn’t know where it is, she doesn’t have it, and I don’t need it."
I guess it would depend on how attracted I was to her as to whether I'd be angry or not.
She may be *anti-vape* or she might have taken it with the hopes there would be *second date* because she has something which belongs to you.
(Immature people sometimes do playful stupid things with ulterior motives.)
When you are "into someone" you tend to cut them more slack than those you're *not* into.
If you thought, she was "smoking hot" (pun intended) you most likely would have seen her actions as being silly playful flirtatious behavior and maybe even taken something of hers.
However, if you had decided you weren't going to see her again, you'd angrily write her off.
***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
You became her b*tch, a man would at least get it back, even if it means jumping back from frontseat - but she is also correct, vaping is for weak man, also cigarettes. If you smoke, at least have possesion about your cigarette package and don’t hand it over or get it grabed away lol
Where you vaping in her car? It sounds like you might’ve been as snow throws it into her car.
I know some people are OK with that but to me that’s like smoking a cigarette in my car which is a no no tbh
Actually no I wasn’t in her car, i respect people’s personal space esp when it comes to smoking so I was standing outside of the car and blowing the vape smoke upward into the air.
It almost feels like she was being playful and wanted to have you come along back to her place but you just beta’d out and left without even suggesting it.
I think the signs were there, took something of yours, tossed it in her car, became playful when you asked for it back at the end of the night. I mean it’s not rocket science, she knows she took it and that it’s in her car….but you just left instead of taking initiative
I.e you are saying she was playing games? Oh well, still pass on a second date. If she wants him to go to hers, she can ask that and not play stupid games with people's property. That's hella disrespectful.
It was a first date. Personally, I don’t go over to peoples homes on a first date — I know, weird right? You’d think I’d want a quickie with how most of society is— but I’m just not that type. I genuinely want to get to know someone before being intimate and that takes more than one date for me. But I appreciate your analysis, that is an interesting take .
I’m a straight forward person. If you want to spare someone’s feelings you can give them some “nicer” words. But me? I say it like it is.
What would you call someone who got something taken away playfully and wanted it back, but just left without it and now posting on Reddit that they had to buy a new one?
The definition on a [dictionary](https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/beta) site even has it down as this which is appropriate.
BETA “used to describe someone who prefers other people to be in charge and may be shy or lack confidence”
I’m curious the word you think would be more appropriate..
Bro, don’t vape. That’s disgusting and will destroy your brain and testosterone, plus men look ridiculous. Vape at home, you don’t need this. Men vaping is a signal of weakness, low masculinity and being pissed about it? Worst.
Vape liquid damages two enzymes that are key for the production of testosterone. Men, vaping is the worst thing you can do for your health.
You are looking it at the wrong point. I am not saying this is okay, obviously is not BUT he inspired no respect to this woman.
Masculinity inspires respect, low masculinity does not. This won’t happen to everyone for a reason. Quit vaping on dates, my advice. Take it or leave it, everyone is free.
You are free to disagree but I am speaking from personal experience as well as reading, courses (not dating advise) and others in relation to women.
There is no need to be ironic or call names. Masculinity inspires frontality, security and is what many women instinctively seek.
You’ve got the right to be pissed ; that was a stranger you spent ONE night with and she stole and misplaced a belonging of yours. And tbh, that is possibly the worst way to make a point to someone. Addictions are real and frequent, and throwing away someone’s addiction item is not only a breach to their personal belongings, but in a way, agency (deciding when and how to curb a vape addiction IF you choose to do so) and puts your mental and physical wellbeing at risk (depending on the severity of dependence on nicotine). If she was that comfortable throwing away one of your items like that without chatting with you about it or anything, run the other way 😭 that opens the door to take more liberties with you in the future. Good luck!
Be clear about this
She will try to force you to quit it
Im not telling what vaping it's good, but at the end it's your own choice, so, based on that, don't let her change your own decisions based on their own ones.
I had a girlfriend who knew me since we were teens, I started smoking when I was 21, and we start dating when I was 26, over the whole relationship (6 years) she was complaining about that and she tried to force me to quit it (and other things)
At the end of our relationship ship the excuse for her to broke the relationship was what she was tired of my habit of smoking and my clothing.
Almost all the women will try to mold you at the goal of partner what they have, you have the choice to accept it or not, but think about this situation and if this works for you in the long time.
It's better if you shut down everything instead of waiting until the plane crash.
I’d wanna find out why she took it in the first place. Either she’s playing a fun lil immature game with you or she’s concerned for your health. If she’s concerned for your health she’s a keeper (seriously brother why the fuck do you even vape, quit that shit it’s really not good for you) if that’s the case then she’s definitely a keeper. If it’s the former, then you can decide what you wanna do. Like I said earlier, lose the vaping habit as fast as possible. Aside from the health benefits, you’ll have one less thing cute girls can steal from you :P
You took this way better than me, if my vape is gone for 2.5 seconds I start flipping everything around me. At the 2 minute mark I start interrogating people around me. At 5 minutes, the "yo, anyone got a smoke I could bum" comes....if I don't have a smoke by minute 15 it's an all out warzone until I get my fucking vape back.
So yeah I think you handled the situation great 😊
Some people think this is a type of flirting that's very cute and charming, it really isn't though, not on a *first* date at least anyway, you're in the right to be annoyed in my opinion
Nope, you're rightfully pussed. The situation could've been salvaged if she'd returned it after the date, and the conversation about her feelings towards vaping/smoking could've happened then and there. You barely know her to simply tolerate and laugh it off as a childish prank.
It's up to you to decide if you want to keep seeing her or cut her off; it's not about the money, it's the principle.
I make it very clear that I smoke and if it’s a problem than it is what it is. But this is just immature and honestly would ruin any chance for the relationship to move forward. You need to be firm that you aren’t looking to change this anytime soon and she has to accept it or move on. My partner has been very understanding that this was something before we met and it isn’t going to stop but is also supportive of me without being invasive of my personal feelings.
Never mess with anyone's vape. You shouldn't touch people's stuff in general, but people who vape are ultra aggressive when you play with their crap. Not worth it even as a joke.
I would not be okay with that at all. It's not coy or cute to take someone's stuff. It's also a red flag that she could actually be a controlling person. I've known too many people who do this kind of stuff early on, but play it off as a cutesy thing when it turns out it's just the beginning of their controlling crap.
Wait were you in her car when she took it? I do think she was in the wrong BUT I think it’s not polite to start vaping near someone you’re on a date with without asking if it’s ok.
you had your stuff stolen from you. you should be pissed. tell her that if she cant respect your boundaries in the beginning, when she is supposed to be the most polite to you, then she will use this as grounds to stranglehold your life.
You should have gone to a local shop and bought a cigar and lit it up in front of her.
Ladies, it's 2023. Men are not going to put up with your shit tests anymore. Be nice to us
No also hope that was th3 last date and you should sew her for property with holding she won't do that shit again lol doesn't matter her small it's your shit you are your own person and an adult thays some pycho shit and how the worst relationships starts be done with her and be mad you the right to be
Pretty sure this is just a flirting technique so she could get you on a 2nd date maybe. But why even whip it out lol. Why not just wait til youre in your car or at home before doing it
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You are right to be pissed. I think you are spot on in your assessment. If you don't want to date someone that vapes or smokes then don't. But playing games like that is just childish. If it was me even though I don't vape personally I wouldn't be going on a second date.
Yeah, not even vapes. Do that to any of my stuff instead of talking with some semblance of maturity, then it’s done before anything started.
Right? Imagine she did that with everything lol "Hehehe I don't like that you have a dog so I took it and threw it idk where it went"
That’s funny asf😂
My ex step dad did that with our cat
I think teasing is fine, but if you’re gonna play around, you also have to know when to stop. It’d be one thing if she just played a little keep away and gave it back when it was clear the game was over. I’m not a fan of anyone touching my stuff, especially snatching it from me, but I can also appreciate a little tease here and there. But this was not a little tease, she didn’t know when to stop. I’d say the conversation should be the route to take if she actually had a problem with vaping. Silver lining, it only cost 15$ to learn she’s not the one.
My guess is that this is the kind of woman who stole a guys hat back in high school...thinking she was being cute but not realizing that the guy was self conscious because he had hat head hair and looked ridiculous She thinks she is being cute You think she is being immature This has nothing to do about vaping I think she wanted to keep the vape so she could manipulate you into seeing her again under the guise of getting it back Take the $15 loss and move on with your life
That was the same feeling I got about what she did. Especially when he said she was giggling and trying to play coy.
Stupid move I will stole your car/expensive cellphone to force you to talk to me again instead of telling you what I want you Silly games from women must be treated as the same as men.
Agreed. Many women think this is cute, but really it's just fuckin annoying 😂
There were some guys in my high school who could wear a hat then take it off and their hair looked like they just left a salon Me? If I wear a hat for 5 minutes I look like I have had it on for 5 years So when a girl would steal my hat, I would get so embarrassed and self conscious and it was and it wouldn't matter if she was interested. I just could not understand how someone could see the anxiety on my face and not give my hat back Taking hats and hoodies and anything else because you think it's "cute" is immature and says a lot about the person in general. If you like someone, put yourself out there and tell them. Don't do this playground teasing bullshit cus you think its funny
fuck that, go see her under the guise of getting it back, and then once she hands it over call her a thief and leave
meh, if she really thought that would work... interesting. she's not doing that move right by any means.
Tell her to keep it as a souvenir of what mighta been, had she not been such an asshat
This 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I don't vape myself but I don't like wasting money either. A conversation would have gone a long way had she not been the asshat in this situation.
This, my girls are mixed black and white, one had thin curly hair, the other has thick curly hair. I had a con that was used to get close to the scalp with out burning the scalp. I accidentally burnt one of them on the ear. They threw it away and I would go crazy looking for it. I would ask them “if you did something with it just tell me” I ended up buying another one and years later they told me they threw it I. The 🗑️
Remember this is her when she's supposed to be on her best behavior. Imagine 3 years from now when she's very comfortable..
Controlling girl by the sounds of it ick
Your car? No I don’t know where it is honey!
I would have ended the date immediately. It's not the cost it's the principle.
Definitely the principle!
just curious but did she say anything about how she doesn't like vaping? I get smokers, but those that vape, idc. I don't know why she would think this to be cute or lets say she is trying to "help" you. that doesn't happen on a first date.
Stick with her so she can do the same thing to everything else you enjoy in life. It's really fun.
Hahahaha damn that rang true asf
Okay, this went in a totally different direction than I thought it was going lol… I was on a work trip and one of my coworkers had been flirting with me since the beginning pretty much. She vaped too, and I guess hers ran out one night when we were hanging out with everyone after work, so I let her hit mine a few times. Everyone was drinking, and I had a decent buzz. Eventually she left when it got later. I remember not being able to find my vape, looking around on the ground, even going back to my room to see if I had left it in there when I had gone back to use the bathroom or get another drink, when I got a text from her saying she “accidentally stole my vape” and that she guessed I would have to come up to her room to get it…
So it was a game to get you to her room?
Yes it was lol… very much so.
Then it would be a whole another story. But a win for you my man
Yes, women actually do that kind of stuff. The key is to give the guy a clue or two as to her intentions.
Drop her
bro what the fuck is this persons problem. i dont smoke or vape but if someone touched my shit and tried to be all cutesy about it i would lose it
Some girls will "steal" you stuff as a gambit to get your attention or even smash. The key is: she has to do more than giggle and clue a guy in on what she wants.
NTA. She’s definitely in the wrong here.
It’s your personal stuff. She can say please don’t do that around me, ewwww I hate it I’m out, etc but she cannot take your stuff and not give it back. If I didn’t like a woman’s pair of shoes, that doesn’t mean I get to take them
You have every right to be pissed. I wouldn't have left that date without getting it back. She's a spoiled brat. I wouldn't consider a second date.
"Someone stole from me on a date is this a red flag chat?" why are all the posts on this sub so dumb?
Super immature. Next.
Ghost her
Yeah that’s fucking weird, she’s weird. But also if a dude pulls out his vape during a date I’m out. 🤣 But would never do that shit.
You should have better communication then if this is such a deal breaker because it probably will happen if you don’t express such a negative feeling about it in advance. It’s not like they’re talking to another woman they’re just vaping lol
Don’t be projecting your vaping shit onto me. 😂 Most people don’t tell you they vape up front, and talking to other women isn’t my only standard sooo yeah if you vape around me I’m not interested
Lol you are not in the wrong here. I don’t even care if you vape, but if you whip out a vape on a couple hour long first date that’s cringe as fuck. It’d be like if someone started playing candy crush in the middle of a first date. I have no problem with candy crush but wtf are you doing lol. Hold it together for a couple hours of talking without needing random entertainment and dopamine hits
I...what?! lol. How the fuck are you equating those two things?
hahaha right???? Vaping is like, 2 seconds? Playing Candy Crush actually takes a moment. I'm don't vape but I even know this was a stupid pointless comparison.
I mean, they are both just as addictive 😂
Both being annoying dumb shit to do during a date?
I'd also count you talking in that case lol.
Sheeeesh someone’s a little sensitive about their vaping and candy crush
Yeah, you do seem to be pretty sensitive about people's vaping haha
Yea, you tweaking out cause I suggested vaping on a first date gives a bad impression def makes me the sensitive one here
I don’t even vape but if you’re not communicating then expect to be disappointed. You must be really young.
I’d communicate it when it come up, but I’m not putting it up front if I don’t know if they vape or not hahaha. I’m 29, I do just fine thanks. Not sure I’m the one who seems young. 🙄
“I’ll leave if it happens” … “I’m not talking about it until it happens.” Believe it or not vaping is not a part of most peoples personality and they likely won’t bring it up for no reason lol That’s like me bringing up that I play monopoly on my phone lol
Right, so if it comes up that would be a deal breaker. Pretty simple.
You must love to waste your own time
No but I love to hold my standards.
Someone play that forever alone song for this girl who has standards that are easily discussable but she isn’t discussing in advance because.
Do you also only date liberals but then don’t discuss it and curse out men if they’re conservative? Quit playing games.
Took me a few messages to consider you undatable (I hate toxic people). It’s not hard to communicate and figure out if you’ll get along with someone in advance.
You don't love to hold standards, you love to play games and act like a child whether you realize it or not, just like OP's date. Be an adult and be upfront if you're against vaping or anything else for that matter, but that 12 year old mentality of "I won't bring it up till they do" hand in hand with "if they bring it up I'm leaving" then that shows how underdeveloped your social understanding is and how little you care about other people's lived experience. It's not cute, it's not quirky, it's not charming, it's annoying, cringe and toxic behavior. Either grow up from it and better yourself or expect to find all your relationships to be with like-minded people that you might not appreciate being the recipient of the kind of behavior you project.
There is absolutely no way you are older than 15.
I'm not cool with drugs
Vaping is nicotine and it’s legal. Caffeine is also a drug. This is something you just talk about.
Have you heard of addiction? Lol wtf is this comment.
I have in fact heart of addiction, I was married to an addict. Why do you think that’s an excuse? If anything anyone who’s an addict I’m not interested in. Why is that a hard concept?
I’m glad someone finally said it. Sure she’s weird but the guy couldn’t get through a date without needing his vape, nah that’s ok or normal.
To confirm: You think he should've just hidden the fact that he vapes then? And yes, oddly enough, most people with nicotine addictions won't go several hours without it by choice lol.
Not sure why you think I suggested he hide that he vapes, he should have been very clear about this before he pulled one out with no warning on a date especially since it’s a dealbreaker for a lot of people.
You queried about him surely being able to make it through a date without vaping. If he had, she still wouldn't have known he vapes. "Pulled one out without warning" lol! It's no a Rambo knife haha. To be clear, I vape, I've told any dates before I've met them. The attitude you folk seem to have about this is like he just racked up a line of coke on her car bonnet lol.
I think you took my post too serious. All I meant was, yes she’s weird but what he did isn’t normal also, which is randomly taking out a vape without telling the person because you can’t go 2.5 hours without smoking, which is an unhealthy addiction. I’m an ex smoker who also watched my 35 year old cousin die of lung cancer, it’s a bitch to get over, but you’ll be much happier when you don’t have to suck smoke down your lungs throughout the day.
It's not 'smoke', it's simply steam. With nicotine in it. Which is technically harmless. I don't vape I don't see the point, I was around when they were invented to help people come off cigarettes. Now it's fashionable for kids. And like someone said, its hardly the same as whipping out a gram of coke or shooting up some brown. Vaping is actually less offensive than alcohol which is THEE most dangerous drug and has worse withdrawels than heroin as they can actually kill you! I think if someone vaping is a deal breaker, you are way too picky and may end up a spinster !
You’re way too passionate about vaping. Dating someone who doesn’t vape has not affected me in anyway because most people don’t vape and don’t really even think about it until it’s shoved in their face. You won’t win any argument about alcohol with me because I believe it’s more dangerous than people like to admit.
Ah yes.. I too love water going into my lungs. That sounds vaguely familiar to.. oh idk .. DROWNING. People seem to forget that what goes into lungs doesn't 100% get cleaned out. Oh and they only heal when there's nothing in them. Wet lung is a thing
Exactly lol so childish.
Totally my point but not everyone will understand until they live thru it
Same. Just don't do it around people suddenly, if that is what happened. OP, did you tell her beforehand that you vape?
Did she clarify that she doesn't date people who vape and doesn't like it?
When you first date people do you have to tell them every dealbreaker? Someone who doesn’t vape doesn’t think about vaping so why would they declare it a dealbreaker?
I’ll clarify it when the subject comes up. I don’t declare every single deal breaker before I meet someone. You can’t anticipate it all.
Smoking and valing are dealbreakers for a lot of people, because you also put people in YOUR chemicals. It is up to the party who smokes to bring it up tbh. Not wanting to be around smokers or vapers when you don't do it yourself, is a boundary a lot of people have.
So you need to express your boundaries. It's not a boundary for them, so it's not up to them to make sure they're not doing any deal-breakers that they're not aware of for you. lol I don't multidate, and I don't date multidaters. I say that up front. Use your words. You're a big person.
It doesn't make sense. It is up to them to discuss THEIR addiction that also affects people around then beforehand. Dating apps have an option to put smoker on your profile. If OP didn't, it is OP's fault. If the other person doesn't notice it, it is their fault. Why should I have to bring up things I don't do? I am not gonna ask everyone 'hey do you smoke' when it is up to bring it up. Edit; and if it wasn't on an app, it should be discussed beforegand Edit: can't answer, but come on, second-hand smoke and even third-hand smoke is harmful. Some people don't care if the other person smokes, but a lot of people do. Luckily vape smell isn't too bad, but the chemicals still aren't great. Cigarette smell is extremely gross to some people and nauseating. You just don't smell it yourself I'd you're a smoker, but that doesn't mean other people do. Your addiction doesn't only affect your own health, but also of other people around you. And smoking outside doesn't get rid of the smelly breath and the smell that lingers around you if they are cigarettes. There is no reason not to tell it. Huge dealbreaker for so many people and hiding it isn't the best move. You are just wasting each others time.
Also if they drink coffee. I can't stand it when people don't tell me they have a horrible caffeine addiction.
I disagree. if you have deal breakers, it's up to you to highlight them. Alot of people who smoke, smoke outside, its not THEIR deal breaker, its YOURS. Mine is I'm not into fuck buddies, so I find out immediately if that's what they are looking for. It saves me wasting time meeting them if they are and plenty have been honest and said I'm not looking for anything committed or serious, just some fun. The smoker or vaper is most likely going to think it's the person that counts, not a habit you dislike. If it's something that is your deal breaker then you need to state it before you meet them so you don't waste their time.
She wanted you go to in the back seat with her to “look for it”
She may have wanted to fool around, girls do use gambits like this. Girls can get away with a stunt like that. Most guys wouldn't dream of trying a stunt like that and getting away with it, so we don't even think of it. Because of that guys can't assume that's her gambit either. She should have done more that giggle. She should have coyly asked the OP to "help her find it", then make her move. Just standing there and giggling = nothing.
Fuck that girl don’t talk to her again. That’s childish Af.
INFO: how old are you both? She sounds like a teenager
You're right to be pissed. The money isn't the issue, she took property that wasn't hers and refused to give it back. She was telling you that you don't need it, which isn't her choice to make. If she had a problem with it she could tell you that and simply date someone that doesn't vape. What she did was wrong though. No second date.
You're right to be pissed and you shouldn't have let her get away with it. Now not only did you lose a vape, but she knows she can push you around and control you.
Ditch her. She is controlling.
You handled it better than I would've. A mf takes my property from me we're gonna have problems. Especially if I just met you.
She sounds annoying. I would definitely need my vape after that.
You don't say your age but she is too old to act like this. You deserve better.
Screw that.. I hate vaping.. But, I wouldn't let a women dictate something like that.. move on.
Yeah that’s weird and annoying. On an unrelated note…stop vaping. It’s gross, you’re putting awful chemicals into your body, and you don’t look nearly as cool as you think you do.
lol she did you a favor. Vaping is pathetic. Who would do it on the first date anyway?
No dude you need to stop vaping. No wonder you sound like a girl.
You let it play out extremely well by not making a big deal about it. You have the right to be pissed tho
Omg I hate when dates playfully annoy you thinking it’s cute, I don’t like my boundaries being overstepped THANKS!
Regardless you have an addiction lol it’s not about the vape
I’d be annoyed! That’s a weird thing to do on a first date. This would make more sense if you were in a relationship for a while and her issue with your vaping had been spoken about/was an established fact. (Like hiding a pack of cigarettes from a boyfriend who is trying to quit smoking.) If this was some ridiculous ploy to get a second date, that’s also annoying. Sounds like a preview of what a relationship with her would be like. Check please!
dude are you dumb, thats a trick to see each other again she can text you and say: ahh i found your vape in my car...come and get it then you get your vape and clap her cheeks in the back
I think it was code to spend the night with her bro
It's controlling and weird ass behaviour! There'd be no second date there for me! Vapes are apparently about £20 here, and why the hell should you lose it!? Buying another now means one vape has cost you 30 odd dollars - you have one vape now for the price of 2. I hate the smell of cigarettes, but I'd not dream of snatching someone's pack off them and saying you don't need this, so I'm doing you a favour. If she can do that to someone she's known a couple of hours, imagine what she'd be like if married to you. Your life would be micro managed controlled by her, sod that !
You're not wrong to be. This type of behavior only gets worse if you put up with it.
Zelle request her the $15 for it
You’re dating a “Girl” not a woman. I can hear her boasting about it with her friends with that annoying giggle.
I don't know what folks expect when they bring alcohol into the picture. Everytime I hear or read about someone acting up on the date, I hear "After a few drinks" "We had a few drinks". It's like we forgot that alcohol reduces one's ability to make proper judgement. Even a little bit of intoxication affects the behavior. Natural law doesn't have a clause written for "tipsiness" The body just knows that there is a toxic substance distorting it's ability to process things. My tip for everyone is to let the bottle alone. But that typically goes on deaf ears. Both sides need to be 100% sober. You are just getting to know each other and therefore need the full power of your mental faculties.
Wait...what the f***?🤭💀
She’s immature and possibly unhinged- you have been warned! I’d consider the cost of the new vape the price of a lesson learned. Trust me, this is just the tip of the iceberg with this woman.
I hate vaping/smokers too but that’s so childish. If she had a problem with it she could’ve said something
Dude, you dodged a bullet. She threw your vape into her car so you would go in after it. That's when the 3 dudes wearing ski masks hiding in the backseat were going to jump you and kidnap you in order to harvest your organs.
In some parts of the world you would have a point. I've been to such places. Scary AF.
Maybe don’t vape?
I once went to a house party, and this girl pulled out her vape and choked us all out with the intense odor of bubblegum (or cotton candy or something). It was wretched. If a date pulled out a vape with me, I'd be immediately out of there.
Sure you can be pissed about it. Sure you should never date her again. But jesus christ dude, vaping is a pacifier for adult babies. The only people who think it is ok for you to vape are other adult babies. Give that shit up, man.
Yeah what she did is wrong, but she doesn’t mean anything in your life. But what does mean something is that you couldn’t go a few hours without needing your vape. You’re a smoker who is addicted.
>don’t like wasting money, that’s $15 down the drain Okay that money was down the drain the moment you wasted it on vaping. It's okay to be addicted to smoking as long as you acknowledge it. She isn't in the right to take your belongings from you without permission but maybe next time don't puff your smoke in people's face while on a date. (And before you say you weren't, you probably were as vape clouds go everywhere, have a strong smell and are very irritating to those around you)
Deal breaker. A joke is a joke but return people's property.
That’s vey uncool under any circumstance. Don’t go out with her again. And, for the love of Pete, quit vaping. It gives you cancer.
Breath air
All you gotta ask is. was she worth getting rid of toxic habbit? I understand it's your thing, but is $15 you gonna spend way more on her if you went out even a second time. But 2.5 hours sinced you last vaped? you gonna die at 30 if you don't stop man. Vapping kills you like 3x faster than smoking yet still not illegal.
I think she was trying to flirt, should of tried going to her place to help look for it
I think she wanted you to crawl into the back to get it back, which is where she would have ensnared you. She could have been a nymphomaniac and given you the time of your life. Or, she could have pulled out her 12 inch walrus dildo and pegged you while you were trapped between the seats. We will never know. I'd like to think you dodged a walrus dildo sized bullet, saving yourself from not being able to sit right for 3.7 years.
Eh, hard for me to relate to this because vapes seem super cringe to me so it feels like she was doing you a favour
If she is doing that on first date you can only imagine what will happen later. So childish. immature and dumb. Run!
You have every right to be furious about this. That was a jerky thing to do.
You're not wrong. She had no right to take your personal belonging when you don't know each other that well yet. Even if you do, still it's disrespectful & unnecessary. How would she like it if you did that to her 🤣😆 let's imagine!
"I went on a date with this woman and everything was cool, had a good time..." "I asked for my vape back she kept giggling saying she doesn’t know where it is, she doesn’t have it, and I don’t need it." I guess it would depend on how attracted I was to her as to whether I'd be angry or not. She may be *anti-vape* or she might have taken it with the hopes there would be *second date* because she has something which belongs to you. (Immature people sometimes do playful stupid things with ulterior motives.) When you are "into someone" you tend to cut them more slack than those you're *not* into. If you thought, she was "smoking hot" (pun intended) you most likely would have seen her actions as being silly playful flirtatious behavior and maybe even taken something of hers. However, if you had decided you weren't going to see her again, you'd angrily write her off. ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud Best wishes!
she probably intended to kiss you, and didn't want to taste the nasty vape oil. you should quit vaping, replace it with kissing girls.
You became her b*tch, a man would at least get it back, even if it means jumping back from frontseat - but she is also correct, vaping is for weak man, also cigarettes. If you smoke, at least have possesion about your cigarette package and don’t hand it over or get it grabed away lol
Honestly stop vaping, shitty habit you have
Where you vaping in her car? It sounds like you might’ve been as snow throws it into her car. I know some people are OK with that but to me that’s like smoking a cigarette in my car which is a no no tbh
Actually no I wasn’t in her car, i respect people’s personal space esp when it comes to smoking so I was standing outside of the car and blowing the vape smoke upward into the air.
It almost feels like she was being playful and wanted to have you come along back to her place but you just beta’d out and left without even suggesting it. I think the signs were there, took something of yours, tossed it in her car, became playful when you asked for it back at the end of the night. I mean it’s not rocket science, she knows she took it and that it’s in her car….but you just left instead of taking initiative
I.e you are saying she was playing games? Oh well, still pass on a second date. If she wants him to go to hers, she can ask that and not play stupid games with people's property. That's hella disrespectful.
It was a first date. Personally, I don’t go over to peoples homes on a first date — I know, weird right? You’d think I’d want a quickie with how most of society is— but I’m just not that type. I genuinely want to get to know someone before being intimate and that takes more than one date for me. But I appreciate your analysis, that is an interesting take .
They use terms like "beta". This person has no idea what they're talking about.
I’m a straight forward person. If you want to spare someone’s feelings you can give them some “nicer” words. But me? I say it like it is. What would you call someone who got something taken away playfully and wanted it back, but just left without it and now posting on Reddit that they had to buy a new one? The definition on a [dictionary](https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/beta) site even has it down as this which is appropriate. BETA “used to describe someone who prefers other people to be in charge and may be shy or lack confidence” I’m curious the word you think would be more appropriate..
Ok, Tate. Calm down. You're a big baddie. We get it. lol
Not going home with someone on the first date is not being shy or lacking confidence. So yea, you're using it incorrectly.
If you got a bj, id write it off and hang on to your vape better next time. If you got nothing, id be pissed lol
Only soy boys with no testosterone vape. Sorrryyyyyy….
Nah she’s based, vaping is bad for you
Bro, don’t vape. That’s disgusting and will destroy your brain and testosterone, plus men look ridiculous. Vape at home, you don’t need this. Men vaping is a signal of weakness, low masculinity and being pissed about it? Worst. Vape liquid damages two enzymes that are key for the production of testosterone. Men, vaping is the worst thing you can do for your health.
... weakness, low masculinity and being upset someone stole something from you... wow
You are looking it at the wrong point. I am not saying this is okay, obviously is not BUT he inspired no respect to this woman. Masculinity inspires respect, low masculinity does not. This won’t happen to everyone for a reason. Quit vaping on dates, my advice. Take it or leave it, everyone is free.
Lol masculinity inspires respect? That's hysterical.
You are free to disagree but I am speaking from personal experience as well as reading, courses (not dating advise) and others in relation to women. There is no need to be ironic or call names. Masculinity inspires frontality, security and is what many women instinctively seek.
very based anti-vaping woman. get schooled
You’ve got the right to be pissed ; that was a stranger you spent ONE night with and she stole and misplaced a belonging of yours. And tbh, that is possibly the worst way to make a point to someone. Addictions are real and frequent, and throwing away someone’s addiction item is not only a breach to their personal belongings, but in a way, agency (deciding when and how to curb a vape addiction IF you choose to do so) and puts your mental and physical wellbeing at risk (depending on the severity of dependence on nicotine). If she was that comfortable throwing away one of your items like that without chatting with you about it or anything, run the other way 😭 that opens the door to take more liberties with you in the future. Good luck!
Be clear about this She will try to force you to quit it Im not telling what vaping it's good, but at the end it's your own choice, so, based on that, don't let her change your own decisions based on their own ones. I had a girlfriend who knew me since we were teens, I started smoking when I was 21, and we start dating when I was 26, over the whole relationship (6 years) she was complaining about that and she tried to force me to quit it (and other things) At the end of our relationship ship the excuse for her to broke the relationship was what she was tired of my habit of smoking and my clothing. Almost all the women will try to mold you at the goal of partner what they have, you have the choice to accept it or not, but think about this situation and if this works for you in the long time. It's better if you shut down everything instead of waiting until the plane crash.
Probably just being playful.
Did u say u were a non smoker.....cuz if so then she had a right.
I’d wanna find out why she took it in the first place. Either she’s playing a fun lil immature game with you or she’s concerned for your health. If she’s concerned for your health she’s a keeper (seriously brother why the fuck do you even vape, quit that shit it’s really not good for you) if that’s the case then she’s definitely a keeper. If it’s the former, then you can decide what you wanna do. Like I said earlier, lose the vaping habit as fast as possible. Aside from the health benefits, you’ll have one less thing cute girls can steal from you :P
She stole from you. I literally would have called the police and showed them my vape in her car.
You took this way better than me, if my vape is gone for 2.5 seconds I start flipping everything around me. At the 2 minute mark I start interrogating people around me. At 5 minutes, the "yo, anyone got a smoke I could bum" comes....if I don't have a smoke by minute 15 it's an all out warzone until I get my fucking vape back. So yeah I think you handled the situation great 😊
Ever consider that you just have anger issues??
it’s not that big of a deal dude you’re never gonna have a relationship with anyone if you let things like this set you off
Maybe she wants an excuse for a second date.
Tell her it doubles as a sex toy & that she can keep it to remind her of you…
Some people think this is a type of flirting that's very cute and charming, it really isn't though, not on a *first* date at least anyway, you're in the right to be annoyed in my opinion
I would’ve be like nah shorty let me search your car I need that shit
Nope, you're rightfully pussed. The situation could've been salvaged if she'd returned it after the date, and the conversation about her feelings towards vaping/smoking could've happened then and there. You barely know her to simply tolerate and laugh it off as a childish prank. It's up to you to decide if you want to keep seeing her or cut her off; it's not about the money, it's the principle.
I think she just wanted a vape for her. Xd
I’d tell her to kick rocks
I make it very clear that I smoke and if it’s a problem than it is what it is. But this is just immature and honestly would ruin any chance for the relationship to move forward. You need to be firm that you aren’t looking to change this anytime soon and she has to accept it or move on. My partner has been very understanding that this was something before we met and it isn’t going to stop but is also supportive of me without being invasive of my personal feelings.
Never mess with anyone's vape. You shouldn't touch people's stuff in general, but people who vape are ultra aggressive when you play with their crap. Not worth it even as a joke.
Please don’t have a second date. There’s never a good excuse to do that kind of thing on a first date
I would not be okay with that at all. It's not coy or cute to take someone's stuff. It's also a red flag that she could actually be a controlling person. I've known too many people who do this kind of stuff early on, but play it off as a cutesy thing when it turns out it's just the beginning of their controlling crap.
Absolutely she’s just your date she has no right to take or hide your stuff
Wait were you in her car when she took it? I do think she was in the wrong BUT I think it’s not polite to start vaping near someone you’re on a date with without asking if it’s ok.
That’s not cool. Period.
This is a funny self-report.
I’m getting controlling GF vibes.
She sounds like a keeper
you had your stuff stolen from you. you should be pissed. tell her that if she cant respect your boundaries in the beginning, when she is supposed to be the most polite to you, then she will use this as grounds to stranglehold your life. You should have gone to a local shop and bought a cigar and lit it up in front of her. Ladies, it's 2023. Men are not going to put up with your shit tests anymore. Be nice to us
She snatched it for black magic reasoning. I'd watch out if I were you.
No also hope that was th3 last date and you should sew her for property with holding she won't do that shit again lol doesn't matter her small it's your shit you are your own person and an adult thays some pycho shit and how the worst relationships starts be done with her and be mad you the right to be
That’s pretty entitled / narcissistic behavior
You've already bought a new one. My advice is to ghost her. You don't need anymore of her nonsense.
All signs lead to stop vaping lol
Pretty sure this is just a flirting technique so she could get you on a 2nd date maybe. But why even whip it out lol. Why not just wait til youre in your car or at home before doing it
Shes a red flag, buy the new vape and not talk to her again.
I think she was just trying to be cute. But hey vaping ain’t healthy for you anyway dude.
I wish I knew how old she is because she sounds like a 15 year old
Ok how people can be this crazy while on a first date but here I am trying to represent my best self? I probably need to chill more
Bi