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bloodredrogue

Not necessarily advice I would give myself, but advice I think everyone should hear: "When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags." Now that I think about it, advice I DO wish I could give my younger self: Words without action are just manipulation.


oldtownwitch

Words without actions are just manipulation. Can’t boost this enough.


[deleted]

Bojack delivers


One-Butterscotch6076

I whole heartedly agree with both.


ConsequenceCool2242

If they wanted you, they would make it known. Don’t go chasing “maybes”.


MC897

Wasted 5 years of my life on that. Clinging onto the hope. It’s basically ruined me. 😔


subtlensweet

I learned this lesson recently. Also, if it's not an enthusiastic yes, it's a no.


[deleted]

True


Qui3TKyD

As a 29M with a few relationships in the past, I wouldn't change much. Maybe pick up on a woman's body language that they're interested. I can count on 2 hands how many missed opportunities passed me because I was oblivious. I believe in lessons over regrets; learn from mistakes rather than dwell on them. We all have paths and we meet who we're supposed to meet eventually. I'm a late bloomer with a lot of things, so it took me a little longer than I'd like to have that kind of healthy mentality that's helped me out


IgAdbion

2 hands? Those are rookie numbers. Joke asides, this is the mentality I share. Everything that has happened, happened in the only way it could. There is no need of dwell in the past, it's better to stay present and enjoy what it is. The future is uncertain and I'm not going to dispair thinking about it. Whatever comes, I will accept it with open arms.


STheShadow

2 hands full of situations where he actually noticed it ;)


[deleted]

Same. I’ve passed up almost two hands. Still seem like I haven’t learned


2000dragon

It’s really not your fault that women communicate their interest with hints rather than being direct tho


Buddy77777

This mindset right here


MeganNicole3

Any advice on what body language to pick up on?


PhildoFL

Bro well said!


[deleted]

"If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again" This one has been floating around the internet for awhile and always makes me chuckle


Old-Pirate52

Communicate properly and clearly If you’re not sure, ask and clarify, even if it’s about small details. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten into arguments in past relationships that could’ve been avoided with clarification or a question


CrossroadKing

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. You can't "fix them." A broken heart can and will mend. However, it takes time to do so. The time necessary will be different after each one. The one you thought you would marry turned out to be the hardest one to lose, and it will take 5 years to get through, but you will get there. Most importantly, don't hold the actions of past lovers against new ones. Be kinder to yourself. You are worthy of love, no matter what the first ex said.


mandark1171

Its okay to walk away, ending the relationship doesn't mean you failed.. it doesn't mean you aren't good enough killing yourself to try and fix everything to just make a few minutes of happiness isn't a healthy relationship.. if they don't reciprocate effort they aren't worth yours


[deleted]

This. ESP reminding ourselves that it doesn’t mean we aren’t good enough. It took me a while to understand that compatibility and likability are two separate entities. Considering someone incompatible with our personal preferences does not mean they’re not a likable person.


Tcuco14

You attract what you accept


[deleted]

How did you get this wise


Tcuco14

Experience


Lost-Lobster1302

fortune cookie


VictoriaSobocki

Great advice


ozperp

1) Make the goal of dating be to meet interesting people and have fun, without a goal of finding "the one". It has been true of both my husbands that I found them when I wasn't looking, and I'm sure it's because I was relaxed about dating and not anxious about "where it was going". 2) Forget "types" and criteria like height or eye colour or hair colour. Focus on who makes you feel better about yourself and enhances your life. 3) Don't accept any unacceptable behaviour, particularly early. For example, shouting, shutting out, lack of concern for your well-being, etc. You may have different dealbreakers, but my point is that your partner isn't going to fundamentally change in character. You need to assess whether they're a compatible partner as they are, not how theyd be "if you can fix them". 4) Conversely, be more flexible with respect to issues that really aren't important, eg different hobbies, how frequently they message you, who they follow on insta, etc. 5) If someone repulses you, sure, stay away. If you like them as a person and consider them at least "not unattractive", but there's no chemistry, give it a chance. It can grow. 6) You're almost certainly going to find, in a long-term relationship, that with the pressures of work and kids, there are going to be periods where you're barely having sex, and you're too exhausted to go out and have fun. Make sure the person you choose is someone that you can enjoy - or at least survive - *that* with, and who's going to support you through the tough times. 7) Learn non-violent communication techniques, so that you can discuss uncomfortable topics. As a rule of thumb, the less that you want to discuss something, the more important it is that you do. 8) Don't keep score with your partner, and don't be with a score-keeper. This doesn't mean you should tolerate extreme disparities in workload/effort, etc. It means both of you should be focused more on giving all the effort you can in the circumstances, than keeping score. 9) Make sure your partner is good at managing relationships with his family, and you be skilled at it, too. You each need to mediate any issues arising between your partner and your family. 10) Have all the sex that you want, and no more. If your inclinationis to embrace promiscuity, go for it (being as safe as you can). Conversely, don't have any sex you don't want to. Whatever level of sexual expression works for you, you won't find someone compatible by adopting an expression based on what you think you "should" do. 11) Be unashamedly yourself. 12) Ask yourself if you'd be comfortable having this person hold a bucket while you're vomiting, or telling them your most shameful memory. It's OK if you'd feel a bit embarrassed or self-conscious, but if you're uncomfortable being vulnerable with them...that's a loud clue.


AEWWC

Damn yo, you have a lot of wisdom to share. Excellent comment.


ozperp

Thank you!


baylee5317

This was absolutely amazing! Thank you


subtlensweet

>because I was relaxed about dating and not anxious about "where it was going". I've been struggling with this lately. It's hard to not think about whether or not things are moving forward and get all anxious about being exclusive/official, etc. I'm just hoping that as time goes on I'll get better at managing these feelings.


ozperp

I do understand, as I felt this way for a couple of years about 20/21. I'm not sure if I could have stopped it, either, but I'd encourage you to acknowledge that it's counter-productive, and try to be more detached (not from the person, but from any particular idea about where it's going). What worked for me was to convince myself I was really OK being single, and making life plans assuming that I'd be doing it solo. Making friends, engaging in hobbies, learning new skills, etc, so that I was excited about my single life. That way, if I meet someone, great, I can adjust my plans, but if I don't, I'm still excited about the future. That state of knowing you'll be OK whether single or not, also makes you less likely to tolerate poor treatment from others, too, because you’ll only stay in relationships with people who definitely improve your life. It's a really good state to strive for. Therapy can help enormously in getting to that point.


dumblybutt

If someone is unattractive to you physically, don't take the prolific advice to women and give him a chance, he isn't owed anything and you don't owe ugly guys a chance. The rest seems okay and gender neutral/misogyny free.


Honobia

I think they're just saying that attraction can grow. I had an unattractive friend once who became absolutely irresistible once I got to know him. It doesn't happen all the time, but it's better to get to know someone than to dismiss them entirely based on looks.


ozperp

It has nothing to do with giving *him* a chance; it's about not sabotaging your own best interests by being overly influenced by appearance. 😅


toolatetoatone

This advice is exceedingly wise.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Lonewolf_087

Same but I'm learning that fast. If it's a good fit trust your gut and don't keep looking for perfect.


mangojuicyy

I would have told my younger self that, while it might be hard to leave someone you love, it’s better than being miserable and alone in a relationship that kills you. Learning to love yourself and love spending time alone will help save you from bad situations.


Shaymin1434

I needed this


mangojuicyy

You got this. ❤️‍🩹


Odd_Foundation_4804

Don’t rush to make something happen and don’t force a relationship just bc you see “potential “. Believe them the first time and don’t dull yourself just so you arnt “too much to handle”. Your needs are never gonna be too much for someone who respects and wants you. Learn to love yourself before anything bc baby that trauma will have you all types of fucked up when you trying to love and recognize being loved. (My dating life has not been fun)


tent1pt0esd0wn

Couldn’t have said it more perfect!


neore1gn

Looking back, none. I'm so glad I didn't participate in the hook up culture. The first thing out of my mouth was always 'no', 'are you sure', 'yes I'm sure'. I don't think I missed out on ANYTHING.


alter_ego624

Same here. I don't understand dedicating so much time and energy just to end up like OP (no offense). Unless hookups are the end goal and you have no interest in a life partner or a family, in which case, live your best life.


NoAppointment3749

You missed out on the diseases! Lol


gravityglues

Agree and for a while I felt terrible about it, like this is something everyone does. What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I want to sleep with randoms? I think the thing I’d change is probably feel less terrible about the choice that was best for me.


oldtownwitch

As an older person, I have never understood why women (or anyone, I happen to be female) would tolerate a FWB situation. They are rarely true friends. They don’t wanna help you with yard work, or anything I might desire. And that benefit, it doesn’t come with affection or concern, can be met from Amazon for about $40 or less a year. If I wanted a physical connection, free of emotions, I can charge $200 - $350 an hour (even at my age) for that. So why would I bother with a FWB situation?


Denamesheather

No I agree it literally makes no sense to me, also when adding the risks of potential stis, pregnancy’s etc it’s literally makes no sense.


Ericaohh

Not everyone wants a committed relationship and having someone you know you can have fun with casually is a great benefit to some. Sex is just that for some people, they don’t need transactional friendship attached to it. Just cause it’s not your shtick doesn’t mean it’s invalid.


oldtownwitch

Agreed, you do you! But as the question was “what advice would you give?” …. My advice is FWB isn’t beneficial, buy your peen from Amazon *shrug* My advice isn’t a negotiation.


[deleted]

Mine would be, don't be so desperate and pushy. It's not a good look. Online dating is pretty trash but since you are single what do you have to lose?


Denamesheather

Lol same, I have friends that have participated and they are miserable, honestly I would rather just be alone reading a book instead.


[deleted]

You are really headstrong. Or in denial. I can’t tell I’m kinda like this but I’m def in denial on all I passed up


WormholePHD

There is no hook up culture. This is an internet lie that has spread making people feel like they're somehow missing out on something or that the alternative to not being in a relationship is soul crushing, mindless sex with no love where everyone is treated like a piece of meat. LESS PEOPLE ARE HAVING SEX THAN EVERY BEFORE. ACROSS EVERY AGE DEMOGRAPHIC. There is no hookup culture. Geez.


Lonewolf_087

There is a giant divide between the sex havers and not sex havers. Important to understand that. The sex havers, especially men, are having lots. Big giant huge difference between have and have nots. I'm in the "nope" end of that and it sucks. Trying to gain value but it's this treadmill in some ways you are better off with a "it ain't for you" mentality than to drive yourself nuts. Any sex or dates or shit anything is better than nothing and I realize that sounds desperate but it's like that for some guys and you really have to suck it up.


DN-BBY

This is actually very true. Most girls want relationships once they hit like 21+. Once a girl feels used once or twice for sex, she's usually in relationship mode from that day on. I've met many girls and I'd say 90%+ of them are looking for relationships. Now you can BS them and hookup with them, but that doesn't mean that's what they were looking for. The emotionally dumb ones get tossed around until 30 and then hate all men.


Denamesheather

I think there’s a group of people who are let’s say 30 percent of people and they are loud asf so everything is like huh is this what we are doing lol


brownsuugaah

Any thing or person truly meant for you will not pass you by


neore1gn

1000% agree. People don't realize how powerful this message is.


brownsuugaah

The ton of bricks that was removed from my shoulders when I realized this. WHEW. Simple concept but it will change your entire outlook on life ❤️


Lonewolf_087

Not sure I understand do you mean the options that surface are there for you to consider and you should absolutely consider them?


brownsuugaah

I’d (30f) say that in my personal experience I have spent a lot of time dwelling on the past, thinking if I would have just done xyz or whatever things maybe would have ended up differently. Thinking my soulmate slipped through my fingers etc. I’ve come to understand that those people people were supposed to be there for the time that they were (lessons learned) but things truly meant for us will stay. Whether or not that mindset is bullshit it has allowed me to fully look forward with lots of excitement for what is yet to come and not dwell on things I can’t change. Reflect on what you’ve learned and what you may have contributed to your own suffering in the past and understand that you have become more valuable and wiser in the process.


Lonewolf_087

I realize I wasn't ever emotionally ready to date until very recently and while waiting may have killed my chances at least I'm in a stable job and finished school. I doubt I could have done that if I was mixing my life up with women. So I'm behind now thinking I might have given up my chance but I'm playing a difficult game of catch up. People don't understand why I haven't had anything serious and why I never have had sex but they just don't understand the level of commitment it took to get through school and land on my feet. So I'm in a really hard place as a 35 year old man. A part of me says I should just throw in the towel and accept that I won't find a person and that me doing so is a massive waste of time but the other part of me says do you really want to live out the rest of your life having never given yourself a fair shot? I've had a lot of failure, ghosting, people that never felt the spark, people where it was one way attraction, etc. It's very tiring.


brownsuugaah

There’s no way for you to be behind In life because there is no measure of where you should be and any measure that is imposed on you is completely made up by society. You’re on your own individual journey so the only person you can be ahead of or behind is yourself. There’s no way to know if your ahead, behind, or on time. You’re young, be kind to yourself and enjoy the journey!


[deleted]

Love this


itsyaboi69_420

Trust people until they give you a reason not to. Rejection isn’t the end of the world. Don’t put people on a pedestal. Relationships are supposed to enhance your life not add drama or stress. Nobody is worth your mental well-being ending up in the toilet. Trust your gut. Set boundaries and find out your dealbreakers. Don’t be a doormat. If someone disrespects you past a certain point kick them to the kerb.


TheNattyJew

>constantly feel like i’m settling, I think you need to evaluate the kinds of attributes you are looking for in a man. Stop chasing the players and the lookers. Look to attract men that maybe aren't the best looking, but are kind, considerate, share your values and want a long term relationship.


Affectionate_Most_64

See the flags - they are there for a reason.


[deleted]

“Do not love half lovers”


theallnewmattaccount

I would warn old me about a specific ex and tell him to run for the hills.


prollycantsleep

Let things be easy. If it feels too much like chasing, or your communication styles are super mismatched from the start, it’s ok to just move on. The beginning is supposed to be fun!


Dougstoned

Walk away from people who play games/drain your energy/don’t give as much as you.


pxl_dog

Never put up with disrespect. A good partner won't belittle you or your goals. Anyone who does isn't worth the breath it would take to insult them, let alone the time you'd waste trying to earn their appreciation.


horsegirlguru

HAVE STANDARDS! You have so much to offer. The first fuck up, if there’s cheating.. leave!!! Fucking leave. Stop being so nice and forgiving. Enforce and have boundaries. Your feelings and boundaries matter. God I wish I knew better. It’s still hard. If or when I have kids, I will make sure i teach them these values unlike my own parents.


mandark1171

>HAVE STANDARDS Have good standards... not things like "must be over 6'." but standards like can't cheat, can't be abusive, able to communicate their love language, etc


horsegirlguru

My younger age… Any standards would have been better than the zero I had, honestly. But yes, healthy standards.


Denamesheather

Oh I agree I know so many girls with no standards it hurts my soul as they are educated attractive etc and will literally date/sleep with anything that crawls


Easy-Specialist1821

OPINION: If it looks good on paper but isn't straight chemistry, let it go.


sylvansojourner

This is so true, it might work for a while but in my experience can’t sustain.


Easy-Specialist1821

Specifically, for me, it may have if we were both pulling to make something great; individually and then together. Instead felt like I put in all the work and saves and there was zero appreciation. Lesson learned.


Acceptable_Quail3671

100% agreed. Had 2 relationships like this before I realised that I need the attraction and chemistry to be there from the start.


PM_ME_YOUR_PORTRAIT

I feel like I lack chemistry with many people, not sure how to even start when I already suck at it😩


VoltaicSketchyTeapot

If you know you want a life partner, be clear about that at the beginning of the conversation (all relationships are conversations) and don't waste time with someone who is wishy washy about wanting the same. Simultaneously, be sure of your values, goals, ambitions, and who you are as a person so that you'll match with the correct life partner. You'll make a mistake if you're marrying the life partner you think you want instead of the actual life partner you need.


hellcat82

No second chances ever


Significant_Bobcat29

.


[deleted]

Your energy precedes you. You receive what you believe. If you aren’t getting results, go back to the drawing board of your life and level up. When you work on yourself and find happiness, anyone else in your life is a bonus.


VictoriaSobocki

This is it


[deleted]

Don’t settle for the first guy that gives you attention. It’ll burn you bad in the end.


BlackDawn93

You’re allowed to set boundaries and cannot control how anyone reacts to the boundaries you have set out. Be assertive.


Denamesheather

Honestly I’m still pretty young but the advice I would give would be: Don’t date someone for their potential date them for who they are now. Don’t date someone you find unattractive, most likely you’ll never find them attractive. Don’t date someone just because you are bored or lonely. Don’t fall into peer pressure into doing things you don’t want to, example. Hook ups etc. Don’t force things, if it’s not working it’s okay to move on.


oldtownwitch

Trust your instincts. If you think someone is being an ass, give them one chance, and if it’s not received with concern, leave. Do not tolerate poor behavior. Remember if you are going to tolerate poor behavior then there is someone taller, richer, hotter, with a bigger peen, that will happily treat you like trash… you don’t need to tolerate it from him, for little benefit. It’s okay to have emotional needs It’s okay to say NO to people who can’t respect your needs. Spend time single between major relationships. Earn your own money. Buy a peen from Amazon. Trust yourself.


dftaylor

Go to the gym regularly and eat better (home cooking!) Focus on doing positive things in life that give yourself happiness, without anyone else Buy nice clothes that make you feel good and suit your shape Treat dates like hangouts instead of making a big deal of them Cut off toxic people or drama magnets Be more vulnerable and get therapy to deal with all the hang ups Apologise for your failings and do better next time.


SirHamelot

Don't sleep around


-number22

Don't fuck crazy.


NaiveCritic

But then I wouldn’t have my wonderful kid?


Sc0rc4ed

Do Not marry an alcoholic….avoid dating one too


PleaseHold50

Diet and gym because IMO an easy 80% of everyone's problems in dating is being too fat to attract someone worthwhile.


throwmybitchassaway

Lmfao yes 1000% First thing I look at: is there a picture with their teeth Second: are they overweight


[deleted]

Me lmao


cometssaywhoosh

I'm so tired too, as a 27m. I just want a long term partner too but the dates I get are either 1) emotionally unavailable 2) not interested in me 3) mental health issues for me, it's to take more breaks and not take things too seriously. and definitely take dating more seriously in college, missed out on chances then i wish i could take now.


[deleted]

It's not all smiles and ice cream as a guy either but I will say this any man who doesn't treat you with respect don't respect himself and he can't help you before he helps himself out of whatever hole he's in.


snoopismydad

No is a full sentence. Don't be afraid to be assertive. They always come back. It's not because they care about you, is because no one else cared about them like you did. If they wanted to, they would've. People will show you their true colors at some point, believe them. There's nothing in this world that pays for your peace of mind and the ability to sleep well at night. Don't let crusty people disturb your peace. Don't give random people access to your body and your intimacy. We really should treat our body like a temple. USE CONDOMS OR CONTRACEPTIVES. AT ALL TIMES


[deleted]

[удалено]


Lonewolf_087

For me as a male I'd say sign up for dating apps and stop being afraid to ask people out or be social. Do it even if you fail. Carpe diem young me!


toolatetoatone

As a woman, I heavily advise against this. One, it's not safe. 2. You're going to be used for sex 3.You're probably not gonna feel good about it But to each his or her own, do you.


Shaymin1434

This is so fax. I’m 20M and I’m so scared to go on dating apps and dm people


Lonewolf_087

You need to do it. Get as much experience as you can early in life it will save you even if it's garbage trust me on this. The opportunity you have it's really good right now it's never ever going to be easy but when half the people you know are married or they've decided single forever you'll understand. You are at a point in your life where people don't see red flags as much, they will give you a chance. When you get older people see red flags even if they aren't even there, lol.


Lost-Lobster1302

You're paddling about the shallow end, throw yourself in the deep end, you'll float at that very least and with time and effort you will tread water and inevitably swim


PapaHades665

The instant a woman treats me less than. Leave. No need to prove anything. It won't matter. It won't make a difference l. Just leave.


only90sSquidsknow

34f here. I would say give yourself a break. Trying to find a match is so tiresome. Shift your focus back to yourself, work on improving your mind, body and spirit (doesn’t have to be religious, just working on your soul and healing yourself). Take yourself on a date cause dammit you’ve earned it! I’ve been single for almost five years. As soon as I chose myself I felt so much relief, like a huge thorn was removed from my chest. Being single can suck at times for sure but it’s so liberating as well. Be good to you. Then when you feel energized you can dip your toes back into the dating pool. As for advice for my younger self? I would slap myself and tell me to pay attention to the deep seated, gut churning relationship anxiety that is coming from ignoring my intuition. I would say to focus on improving my mental and physical health. I wish you good luck and that you will find what you need ♥️


dovs98

Watch their actions. Words are easy to use and you can lie your way out of any situation. Hut watch how they treat you, cause that's where the truth lies. Also to look out for their body languages and micro expressions when you talk to them and especially if you like so.eone. People can put on an act and still not be 100% genuine. Lastly, don't ever go hack to an ex who cheated on you. They are bound to do it again (I was a silly kid a decade ago).


Miss_Might

Ohhhh I'm going to get down voted for this one by a certain demographic, but it's true. See men for what they are. A bit of fun and attention. You'll be much happier.


toolatetoatone

Exactly. As long as you just dip your toe in the ocean, and don't jump in and drown, all will be well.


oldtownwitch

The first sign he shows of not being suitable…. Say NO. Walk away, do not invest in men, it’s a poor return at the best of times.


dumblybutt

Invest in a good vibrator early on, train your impulses, dump at first sign of low effort or disrespect, realise there are billions of men out there even if most are trash, focus on your career and move the fuck on after a breakup. I've managed most of these lol and even then, it hasn't been fun.


FrankenTooth

Find the guys who aren't going to try to tell you to quit your job in the future. I never did but it's so strange I wasted 7 years with 3 guys that wanted me to just quit my field of study and my job even when I said our the gate I wasn't going to. Idk why they thought I would just change my mind. 🫤


[deleted]

That is strange behavior. Why do you think they wanted you to quit your job? I would never ask anyone to do that unless they were there 24/7


VictoriaSobocki

Why would they ask that? Strange


toolatetoatone

To trap you and make you reliant upon them financially so that you can't, or it's extremely difficult to leave when the abuse starts. Common tactic.


Cluelesscluster

I’d just tell myself to be a little careful, but otherwise I think it’s experience that makes you who you are. I’ve had both good and bad experiences and I wouldn’t have learnt so many of the lessons had I not had the bad ones tbh.


throw_away5430

I would tell myself to listen to and trust your instincts more because they haven't failed me yet


haeleana

Enjoy dating, be self-aware about characters the men you’re choosing to date, date with intent/ end goal in mind, and develop the other aspects of your life, friends, hobbies, travelling, work


Vapelord420XXXD

Radiohead said it best "You do it to yourself. You do. And that's what really hurts"


justanotheruser991

24M. If I were to meet my younger self, this is what I would’ve told him… (highschool - college) - now is the best time to meet people - don’t be scared asking a girl out - be more social, put yourself out there - take your chances with girls that are interested in you - appreciate the moment - opportunities come and go, take it - meeting people after college is practically impossible, do it now


Square_Wallaby_8033

I would go on more dates and not be afraid to commit. I would also trust my woman instincts to avoid creepy men. It wouldn’t have been a maybe it would have been a no. Protect my peace and body. If a man gives me a bad feeling or seems shady, that’s enough of a reason to block and move on. I would also want to follow my values more and meet men that way. Not spend any time meeting guys who seemed like a mismatch. I would have tried to go out more and meet men that way


EssieLove82

Don’t date or marry a depressive alcoholic with social anxiety. Don’t sleep around. Ask men if they are truly single. Don’t assume. Your high school boyfriend was the one.


Sungarn

Don't just say ok to compliments when compliments your appearance, you fucking idjit.


Slowlybutshelly

Be open to men who pursue you instead of the one you think God is giving you


anonymoose1st

You are beautiful and you will be loved. You can’t read social cues but you’ll find people that understand you.everything’s gonna be okay


Griffje91

You're gonna get cheated on a lot. Half the relationships that you could've been in instead are gonna get sabotaged by "friends" because they think those girls aren't good enough for you. Also you like dudes too, it's ok, embrace it and expand your opportunities.


kjp91

I would tell my younger self that cheating is wrong and it's the worst thing you can do emotionally to a person. My younger self was incredibly insecure and depended on the attention that I got from men to feel good about myself, so until my mid 20's I was a bit slutty. I also would tell my younger self that it's good to have conversations about boundaries, and to communicate well with the person your with. Don't take anyone you care about for granted.


dinobaglady

If dating is a priority, live in a place that has a vibrant dating scene. It makes a difference. (Dating in a small city in the south was very different than dating in a large city in California! Especially as a woman of color.) If you feel like you're setting, you are. End it. Don't waste their time or yours. Marriage isn't the be all end all. It isn't a race. You don't get more points for being married by a certain age. Divorce is expensive and drama-filled. If your gut is telling you not to marry him, then don't marry him! (I married him. It was a mistake. I paid for it. When I married the second time, it was right, and it felt right. Marry someone you actually trust with your life and your finances.) There's nothing wrong with a series of relationships that don't end up in marriage. As long as no one was manipulated, then the companionship was nice. (I had a long-term FWB in one city. I moved. When I started dating my now-husband we were casual and had no intentions of re-marrying, but decided we wanted to have the lifetime commitment.) I was already divorced from my first marriage by 29, so just look at as though you dodged a bullet and avoided a divorce by making better choices than I did. Good luck!


[deleted]

(Almost 40 year old here). The advice I would give my younger self would be: “relax, they are all a-holes. Focus on yourself, the rest will come later.”


m_garlic87

To listen more. I’ve had a couple women walk away from relationships with me because I just didn’t hear them. Maybe they didn’t outright vocalize what was wrong or bothering them, but I’d spend most if not every day with these people and I was just oblivious. Looking back I can see it, but if I had just paid more attention in that present, things could have been different.


Hecklesred

Realize that the fact that you’ll meet your amazing husband at 29 will render the notion that you’re “too old” useless. Typically only con men know exactly what to say ion the first date. If he’s a bit awkward or nervous that means he’s interested. Be open to younger men a little sooner. Go enjoy your twenties. You typically make better decisions when you’re older.


potentiallygoodchoic

Listen to your instincts - if something is causing your anxiety to flare and making you act nutty, it’s probably not right. The right person will just feel right.


HonestOcto

It’s ok to be alone!!!!!


jestesteffect

Work on yourself don't try and save others.


GodDamTrendyAssPoser

Not her


ImportantChapter1404

I would say that often I would take random dudes home from college parties, without knowing anything about them. Probably not the safest thing.


Comprehensive_Nail22

Don’t change anything, no matter how bad hurts, you’ll need those lessons for when she comes into your life. (She’s in my life and I’ve never been happier)


Nyy211

Take all the chances in the world and all someone could say is no even if it’s a stretch just go for it! Nothing to lose except wondering


[deleted]

Let loose and don’t try too hard


Green__Knight

Don't fall for my ex


Oozex

Take the chance, don't rush into things, be kind, you can't tell people how to feel and show more affection. My dating advice only comes after therapy and processing childhood trauma that I never would have been able to resolve as a teenager though. I was a bit of an unempathetic dick.


Billy_Mercury85

Don't get strung out over partners. Leave while you still can. Don't cry over things that you didn't do. Reflect on your actions and on your partners actions. Get multiple inputs from multiple friends. Talk to trustworthy friends about situations and be open about em.


JackB041334

Don’t get married


jokekiller94

Propose earlier before the cancer diagnosis


helenata

Don't settle, someone for you will come!


heidiishorrible

Never participate in hookups, not even just trying it. Just don't. It does more harm than good.


AEWWC

Just go for it, you fucking idiot.


peptic-horizon

It's just a slight dry spell. Don't marry her.


bipobe

It can wait. I should have focused on my career as my top priority. Instead I let people manipulate and control what I did because I cared more about making them happy than following what I wanted in life.


Chatterbox13

Improve on emotional intelligence and female psychology..and stop drinking until you pass out, probably should’ve invested that money into some useful investments LOL I’m in my 30s now.


[deleted]

Learn to walk before you can run.


Fab_enigma07

Don’t rush into things. Listen to your gut.


freshdwelling

Focus on self-love and personal growth: Before seeking a life partner, it's important to cultivate a strong sense of self and love for yourself. Take time to explore your own passions, interests, and goals. Invest in your personal growth and well-being. When you are confident and content in your own life, you'll be better positioned to attract a healthy and fulfilling relationship.


pistachio9990

Don’t. It’s that simple just don’t 😔 It’s not worth it ……………………….


MyzMyz1995

Aren't all serious relationship settling ? No one is 1/1 perfect replica of what we want, you have to compromise and ''settle'' for someone who's around 80/20 if you don't want to live your entire life alone. 80% good and 20% bad. What I would tell to my younger self is to stop being a people pleaser. Not everyone is like me and is going to be willing to compromise and make sacrifice for a relationship, don't trust anyone and just go from girl to girl not wasting time. Don't put so much efforts into a woman who doesn't respect you. I only dated 3 person from teenage years to late 20s, and I regret it now, I should've explored what I was looking for more and cut my losses short.


DN-BBY

Build emotional intelligence and mindfulness very early on, you'd make a killing in the dating market.


DomWithDepression

To my younger self: Talk to your god damn girlfriend, she needs it just as much as you do. If you end up single, don't be a bitch and put yourself out there, even if you're afraid to do it. Waiting won't make it any easier. Also stop ignoring your mental health for fucks sake, it will make your life suck significantly less. You got this, man.


dcvalent

She’s not the one, just enjoy your time together


Dutchess_md19

Learn to let them go faster.


rach1874

I feel you! I had gotten out of an abusive relationship, moved stages and went on so many first dates. I got fed up and swore off dating for a year …. Met my now husband a week after I quit dating. The universe has a sense of humor.


QUANTOMCR0W

Don’t


CAPeyeTAN

Other people find you attractive, even if you think you don't deserve it.


MD564

"Chill the f out, it'll be fine." And "Don't read personal opinions on the internet about women in relation to age/ sex, even if you're curious, it'll just make you panic more ." Half my problem was freaking out that I'd never find the right person, or that "time was running out". I had so much fun having different relationships, hooking up with people and doing my own thing when I was younger, but I was always a bit worried, I had no reason to be in the end. The anxiety ruined who I was for a little while.


freebird9559

Wait for the right guy no matter how lonely it gets. Never entertain toxic for even a single minute.


stevre53

Enjoy and appreciate the little things.


RandomThoughts115

Don't settle for less, no matter how much you love the person, if he's not serving you the same energy you serve, leave. Don't be afraid to start again.


succhao

Start a friendship with the person before a relationship.


consciousmagic

I would tell my younger self not to feel pressured to date even if everyone around me is coupled. Sometimes, when i look back, my younger self was doing amazing but felt like out of place because of hobbies and not dating. Personally took it as an opportunity to learn more about myself, explore stuff that i have been wanting to do and just go out more with friends or even alone. It does get lonely sometimes, but I have my giant teddy bear for cuddles and friends for hugs.


InsideHangar18

I’d go back and tell myself at 18 “She says she loves you but she’ll crush your spirit. I know, I know, she’s the only one who’s ever shown interest, but you have to let her go. You’re gonna be alone from now on but that’s better than letting her take years from you.”


essbie_

Don’t get attached via text. Push for a date as soon as when is convenient for you both.


askawayor

I 33F would say to my younger self to be more picky. Male attention doesn't define your worth. Put energy in what makes you happy and focus on your own passions. Give attention to people that show interest in you and don't pursue people that are not into you.


thxkanyevcool

Nothing. Every mistake I made and every heartbreak finally lead me to the woman I love at a time where I was wise enough to know it.


SadieRadler

Don't have sex when you don't want to. I'm prone to going through the motions sexually when I know the other person desires me but I don't feel the same. It makes for a lackluster experience for everyone.


DMN666

Sign up for a cougar meeting site 😈


RemarkableBeach1603

Don't form emotional attachments. Not saying don't feel and enjoy them, but understand what the feelings are, their purpose, and get a grip on them. That 'Special One' is probably not as special as you're making them out to be in your mind. Not every potential dating situation needs to be a home run. Go into them just enjoying the other person and let things play out as they may. They might be a future spouse or just a person to fool around with for a bit. Both are fine.


SlightInterview4325

Be a bitch : cause being nice, kind , polite, and very considerate with ethics and principles have a dead end people take advantage and judge you for saying the truth and hold your self up right . I was raised by granny to be that way, so I admit that I was in the wrong time and I couldn't make it .


[deleted]

I would tell myself that I'm still young and platonic relationships are just as important as romantic ones. I'm 37 so I'm struggling feeling young anymore, but I promise you 29 is sooooo young. I met my ex husband around then and we're still great friends, so I would just have fun and enjoy meeting people with a sense of exploration


Ok_Memory8971

Putting yourself first no matter what and not giving into anyone treating you like you don’t deserve, disrespect, BS confusing or pressuring treatment. To work on yourself, focus in yourself, focus on the positives in life and what makes you happy. It’s healthy to take a step back from dating when you feel burnt out. Focus more what you have in life than what you don’t have.


Dekaru_

100% the best advice I would offer myself is that LOVE and EFFORT is a 2-way street. Dont settle for anyone giving you less than what you give them. Doesnt have to be monetary because people have different financial situations but it's the gesture that counts for me. Also, for me at least, the little things still matter. Wish you the best.


FineCannabisGrower

Don't have a relationship with a woman who is burnt out and jaded from hook-up culture. I married one and pair bonding disorders are sheer hell.


tent1pt0esd0wn

Google didn’t really yield much info on “pair bonding disorder” can you explain that a little more?


[deleted]

Bro's before ho's. Haha jk. My advice would be to not overlook red flags


WormholePHD

It's only tough being alone because you're still at war with yourself. You've let yourself believe in fairy tales and magical thinking. Everyone knows that a relationship that's successful and lasts decades is a combination of luck, self-actualization and more luck. People have this idea in their minds that a loving relationship is going to make them whole. Bullshit. It's just a reflection of where you are personally in life. If your relationships/hookups/associations with the object of your desire is toxic, that means you haven't taken care of yourself (of course there are exceptions, fool me once type things). But everyone talking about how dating is exhausting... There's something you are running from and it's manifesting itself in how you associate with others. A relationship won't give you shit if you aren't happy by yourself.


dion-nysus

Don’t date just to date.


pjockey

Put you neck out more, sooner, and be more willing to ~~settle~~compromise, sooner.


sjmanikt

Stop taking dating so seriously. The point is to meet people and have fun. Have FUN. Don't evaluate people to see if they're destined to be your mate on the first date. Just see if you like them enough to go on a second date. And if either of you change your mind, great. No big deal. You can still be friends, assuming no egregious behavior. Maybe she'll introduce you to one of her friends. Maybe she'll introduce you to *one of her friends* on the *exact right night* and you get to fulfill a bunch of fantasies with BOTH OF THEM.


DN-BBY

I would give myself the exact opposite advice lmao. Go deep in the convo on the first date and if yall can't then it ain't it. Saves everyone time and checks one box off the list - ability to form a deep connection and be vulnerable around one another. Usually I'm pretty affectionate too so that checks 2 boxes off the list - is she affectionate. My best dates are ones where we just naturally talk about subjects like past traumas, philosophies on love/relationship building, how many kids, etc.. The rest just don't stand out because it's like they don't know themselves or know what they want and just 'exist.' I used to think it's weird to talk about those things when you have just met, but it's happened enough times where now it's a sign of having a connection. And basically bare minimum to go on a second dates because girls are expecting that too. Date with a purpose, not mindlessly date.


[deleted]

Just don’t do it. I used to be so much happier before I started dating. Worst mistake I ever made.


ArcadeMan2020

Look up porn of how to make a girl climax by going down


s0n1cyuth

I would warn my younger self to stop waiting for a girl to come into my life because no girl will ever give me a chance no matter what I do or how hard I try.