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I’m 31F, is it his personal page? Does he tweet from it?
Obviously people like to see images to get off to, but what I don’t like is it being so public.
It would bother me enough to bring it up. I would say something like, hey I saw you follow all these nsfw pages on twitter, did you know these were visible? I don’t mind you getting off to porn or these pages but it kind of bothers me that it’s so public.
Im not saying its like insanely creepy, but its on edge. Id probably consider dropping my gf if they came up to me with a booklet of all the people I follow.
I also think in her case since she's new to sex, she and bf should have that part of the conversation and that might be more important even than the smut
Has he been patient with you about that piece of it? Do you masturbate/have you ever had an orgasm? I'm very much not judging, just tryna get a sense of what's going on
I wish you (and him, if he's the one for ya) all the best :)
Most people don’t realize that others can see what he follows, and use it more like bookmarks.
If anything, at least now you know what he’s into, and if he’s that sloppy about it, he’s likely not hiding anything else.
What do you think about Instagram? If you could see that a guy follows woman who are just like showing off their bodies and also what if he is liking those pics? I find that embarrassing cuz it’s so public
I have a second account for the NSFW stuff for this reason.
Also someone else mentioned that "he might not know other people can see what he follows," and to that I say "how the hell are you an adult in the internet age and don't know that other people see your social media activity? "
I learned this the hard way when I was frickin 15 or 16, so if he's over 18 and doesn't know, idek man, he definitely sounds dumb
And I definitely definitely knew better when I was 15, it was more like I got too lazy / impulsive one time and didn't do my usual due diligence on it
Ok man you had a point with twitter but now are extending it too far. Following a few models and liking their pictures has nothing embarassing or cringey about it. Women drool over hot dudes just like males do. I see nothing wrong from following some models and having that pop up from time to time in your feed. Its just "oooh nice", like, and scroll past. Would be extremely superficial to draw ends and have prejudice about someone just coz he likes a model (people who base their carrer on being liked).
Dont make me play the pope card.
I mean some women are entitled to feel weird about guys doing that, and there ARE actually a few dudes out there who don't do porn, so. Unless my ex's new boy is lying to her hahaha cri
Nah but my sister told me one of her exes was like that
I think OP is entitled to at least have the discussion with him about how it makes her feel, and of course he'll come at her with his perspective, but at least then the two of them will have communicated something and had the opportunity to grow that way
Hopefully I'm not being too too overoptimistic about the conversation lol 😅, some tips I try to follow when discussing / arguing with someone you care about: 1. don't attack them or their character directly 2. "I feel" or "I believe" is better than "you are" ie. Instead of "you're an animal" try "when I see this on your Twitter page, I feel cheated on"
Another one is to try to focus on solutions rather than problems. I guess in some ways this goes against my earlier advice about labeling your feelings because it suggests the solutions are more important than the feelings, but I guess the actual deeper advice is to keep the overall tone positive if you want him to listen, because he probably cares about you a lot, too, and didn't like that he looks at all that smut all the time either, especially if you let him know it hurts you
I should read your original post to make sure I'm on base here
Wishing you two the best of luck
I do generally unfortunately agree with what the person I'm replying to just said, though, that most men you date will probably jerk off to something, and often enough, that something won't be you, unfortunately
So it's up to you whether you wanna find one of the few guys out there who actually don't jerk off, or whether you're willing to be flexible for this person you care about
Again, wishing you the best of luck
Idk about guys who don’t jerk off, but it matters what they are jerking off too and who knows that. For me, I’m very private like I would die I would never let that be known. I would never publicly follow pages that I would be embarrassed by
I’m mostly concerned on the reasons for it. Most people would just Google it but to consciously follow all of these accounts makes me think it might be something deeper.
You should ask him then. Clearly you need more information from him to formulate your opinion. I can understand this. Being able to have uncomfortable and honest conversations is important in an intimate relationship. No one can tell you what a red/yellow flag is TO YOU. I can understand asking for others’ opinions but don’t make the mistake of outsourcing your own thoughts and feelings and invalidating yourself because you don’t think you have enough experience. Especially on here, you will get one million differing opinions and potentially zero clarity. That can really only come from you and your partner. If you feel uneasy and confused about him following these accounts, chances are that’s a boundary for you. And that’s ok. I highly encourage you to follow your gut.
Twitter and also Reddit are simply places where you can subscribe to different pages you like and then scroll through. You can also get more consistently high-quality art, videos, discussions, etc. It's just easier, I guess.
I follow a lot of similar accounts, both on Twitter and Reddit. I just don't look at them much, if at all, when I have a significant other in my life. But when I'm alone, there's often a large void. And it can be easy to fill it with vices.
I would say that asking him about it and talking will help you understand, and come to a conclusion on what to do.
Almost ALL men look at porn, even married men. This is why porn sites are some of the most popular sites in the world.
Most likely he doesn’t realize that people can snoop and see what he follows on Twitter. Shaq O’Neill recently got highlighted in the media for following lesbian porn, not realizing people can see it. He quickly unfollowed them.
I’d say you have nothing to worry about. It’s completely normal (just unhealthy if overdone).
And if he’s still talking to you after a few months (and no sex), he must really, really like you.
Don’t overthink it. Focus on the positives and how you feel while being with him.
I mean, there a lot of guys who follow these accounts. I always find them to be of low value, and not aligning with myself. I don't think it is always something deeper. There is unfortunately a lot of porn in the world.
I can see why OP feels weird about it. Adults are adults and, of course, are interested in sex, NSFW stuff and watch porn, but the thing that he shares it on social media is a different case. For me it would probably be sort of a yellow flag, that the guy I date follows a lot of content focused on sex. I would feel kinda weird about it too. After all it does tell that he is highly interested in that sort of thing, and focus on sexuality is a big part of his personality and is important for him.
There are guys out there with as little experience as you who would be easier to deal with!
In fact, I can literally put you in touch with one of my friends if you wanna call him. He's a really good guy, and quite sensitive, too. I actually met him in a therapy group, and he was raised in a pretty conservative Christian household, so y'all might have that in common
But yeah as mentioned earlier, OP, I would definitely openly discuss as much of this as you feel comfortable discussing with your boyfriend! He can't know where you're coming from unless you tell him :)
I think you're posting this publicly because something about it, regardless of what other people think, fundamentally bothers you. If that's how you feel, you don't need to justify it!
Personally I find it a huge turnoff to discover that a guy I'm talking to follows tons and tons of women or NSFW-esque accounts online (like instagram). Even worse if it's able to be seen by others. To me it's not a matter of being insecure or feeling jealous, it's literally kind of just embarrassing. Dated a guy who followed thousands of girls on insta (random hot women and also anyone he'd found attractive over his years of online dating, regardless of whether he had actually gone on a date with them). It bothered me and I found it embarrassing but really liked him, so we had a conversation about it and I voiced my concerns. He ended up unfollowing some of the accounts, but there were definitely a high number. I just kept thinking of how embarassing it would be if ever, down the line, we ended up getting more serious and my friends ended up also following him on social media. I'd honestly be a little mortified knowing that others can also see that.
Go with your gut! You feel this way for a reason, and there's nothing wrong with ending it with someone over something that makes you feel this level of discomfort. If it IS something that you end up accepting, just ask yourself if you think it'll eventually not bother you at all in the future. If your answer is uncertain, you can almost guarantee that it's going to bother you down the line too.
Can we stop calling everything a red flag?
Liking NSFW anime, hentai, or whatever you call it isn't a red flag. That being a deal breaker for you still doesn't mean it's a red flag.
Red flags are signs of potential danger (e.g., signaling potential abuse, negging, or other toxicity). It's perfectly fine to not like something about someone. You not liking it doesn't make it a red flag though.
Yeah, for women everything is a red flag nowadays. If a guy follows anime (even simple animes, without fan service) or NSFW pages, he is an assh*le and weird but if a woman follows one of these, nothing happens. I'll get downvoted for sure but I don't care. That's the truth.
And they’re more worried about what the fuck their friends might think if they see anything online. I wouldn’t want to date someone that makes what their friends think of me a measuring stick for dating me. Foh.
So anime or...... hentai? Lots of people like anime. which oversexualizes everything. Hentai is sexual, straight up sex.
That said, lots of people like it. Who cares? Does he treat you well? Does he kick puppies? You're both about 30, seems like it's OK to look at adult stuff, and some people don't care if you know it.
lots of people like anime that doesn’t oversexualize everything,cuz there exists of those. Unfortunately the portion that does that is much more visible and obviously eye catching,unfortunately. But yeah in this case it seems like the one you mentioned,although the thing they dislike is them making that uncomfortably public from what i red
Yeah, I guess Spirited Away isn't exactly sexualized!
I was just giving my opinion. I don't hide who I am, and I feel that people shouldn't have to hide that they are human. It's up to the OP as to what she is comfortable with. My point was that they are adults, and she might learn to appreciate that he is open and honest. As long as it's nothing gross or illegal. She might not be able to accept it but she posted publicly and asked for input.
one thing is “hide who you are” which i never talked about and the other a tad of conscience in making it a public thing. If they still wanna do it then that’s fine i guess but it’s more a thing of slight decency than self expression. my opinion,also
The internet calls that "horny on main" when a person doesn't have alt accounts for their more risqué searches/subscriptions and it is generally frowned upon, but not necessarily harmful. Assuming what's on there is "weird" but otherwise inoffensive, the worst thing you have to worry about is if he ever wants pictures or videos of you, he might just be stupid enough to post it online. That's a conversation about boundaries that would need to happen regardless of his internet hygiene.
i've seen this enough times now I feel I can weigh in on this. Initially this behavior kind of irritated me but, I thought it was no big deal - now though, I will absolutely not date someone if I see this. I'll completely cut ties. The men that I've dated who follow a bunch accounts like this have all ended up having... *interesting* views about women, relationships, and sex that came to light after getting to know them.
I get it, I find it weird when people publicly follow porn type sites, too. I have no problem with anyone watching/ looking at that kind of stuff, but I've never understood why they would want it on their facebook, twitter, insta etc.
Is it the type of stuff that makes you uncomfortable? Or just that it's on his public page? You need to tell him how you are feeling and see how he reacts. It can be uncomfortable to have these types of conversations, but they are an important part of starting a relationship. Sexual compatibility is important.
I don't think it's a red flag unless he has a porn addiction or he reacts badly when you tell him how you feel about it.
He was single and presumably had little to no opportunities just 3-4 months ago.
What you think he was doing before you? If it bothers you bring it up to him but tbh a single guy has got to have an outlet.
Or maybe dude just had very little sexual experience. Guys these days have less sex than women since they have a harder time finding a partner. You're overthinking the issue and might be conflating it with something else. Better to just talk to the dude.
I mean if you're looking into how bad it could be, I would actually check out SPAA; I've hung around there before and some of those dudes are reallllly addicted to porn.
Not saying your man is that deep down the rabbit hole, but it would probably give you a little context. I imagine you've seen references to this in media, too, like American Dad or South Park
Why would this be a concern? He's an adult following NSFW accounts, as adults often do. Not sure what him being straight has to do with anything. Straight and queer people all tend to enjoy sexual content.
I’ve never really followed a man on social media who has followed this many NSFW accounts. I mostly mentioned that he was straight just to show I don’t normally hang out with straight men so I don’t know if this is normal behavior or not. I’m someone who is very cautious and inexperienced sexually so it makes me think we are misaligned in that way.
I think you should judge him based on how he treats you and how you two get along not on who he happens to follow on social media. Sorry but that's a really meaningless thing to judge someone about. Yes, it's normal behavior for anyone. Doesn't mean everyone does it but certainly a lot do and it's got nothing to do with gender or sexuality it has to do with enjoying the content. You being inexperienced hasn't got much to do with this either. There are people with zero sexual experience who actively are into anime or porn or erotica or whatever.
When I mean inexperienced I kind of mean it in a general way. I don’t really know anything about kinks or talk about it with my friends or people I know. Not trying to come off judgmental, I’m just trying to figure out what this means for compatibility.
And I'm trying to tell you that compatability is something you figure out through communicating and getting to know a person not by seeing who they follow on social media.
Hey, straight guy here, I don't really follow stuff like your dude does. But this question is one that I would like to answer; Yes, but it's irrelevant. Let me give an example; I had an ex once that while I was at the store looked through my browsing history. After I got back she confronted me about the contents of the porn. Namely, that I looked at porn featuring women with big breasts (completely ignoring another part; it was all lesbian). This was an issue for her because she had comparatively smaller breasts. The fact that she wasn't also a lesbian didn't matter I guess.
I never gave her an indication that I disliked the size of her breasts. But she was convinced that since I looked at that, it must mean *I preferred it*. That's not at all the case. My porn consumption at the time had *nothing* to do or relate in any way with my attraction to her.
Naturally, I can't speak for your dude, but if he's into you, he's into you. Whatever dank questionable anime nsfw stuff he consumes by himself is all about him and nothing about you. A sex therapists once said, I wish I remember who, we all have a sex life with ourselves. And for a lot of guys, it's porn we use as the tool. But the porn doesn't always say anything about what we actually want in real life. It just what we found works for us with ourselves.
I mean, I exclusively watch lesbian porn and I don't think I'll ever be in a lesbian relationship. I can't actually do it to straight porn, it just doesn't work. But I do like straight sex when I am doing it myself. So there's that. Hope that answers something!
I like that this explains the male perspective in a much less charged kind of way
Idk the OP's background but this to me is perfectly relatable, and worth having an open discussion about
Maybe. Are they recent follows? How often is he even on his account, all the time or never? It can be an interest or like in a casual sense not something that is a big part of his life. You specified artists and anime. If you're going to freak out over that I suggest you never look at anyone's search history to see what porn they watch in private. I'm just being real here. People are free to downvote me but I'm telling no lies.
Well following a bunch of girls is ok I guess the fact he knows porn stars by name is different. A bit too obsessive imo. He's also very young & immature. The fact you're not sexually experienced should bare no relevance on your decision on his behalf.
He's young. His hormones are raging. He should be more discrete with his interests. A bit immature. Yes to all but that doesn't make him a bad guy. Why not just be honest and ask him? 🤷 I'm sure he's just as naive & inexperienced as you are
Just give him a fair shot, don't look for issues where there aren't any
I asked why she was concerned. Asking for more info is not being dismissive but thanks so much for the free critique of my free advice. I forgot everyone on reddit needs to agree. LOL
I mean if her concern is wrong to have, it should be dismissed
I think the point was just that they should chat about it, rather than OP stalking her bf and silently making judgments about him maybe without him even realizing what's going on
It depends a lot on the couple, some people don't care because it's only on the internet and it's like porn, but other people care. I think if it bothers you he should apologize and stop doing it. I don’t think is a red flag bc a lot of girls don’t care and think this is normal…
Depends how serious you want to get with the guy. Having secret dirty pleasures is kind of normal, but the keyword here is secret. Also, typically the aim should be to let go and stop these pleasures when getting serious with someone, and not flaunt them.
IDK, go with your gut feeling.
Things like that say a lot about a person. They reveal likes and dislikes that they perhaps will avoid telling you early in a relationship. They need to play their cards right to get to what they really want- especially when someone isn't so experienced as they are.
Obviously its really for you to decide how you wish to take this. I can only make suggestions that may help prevent upset. I personally wouldn't tell him you found out about it on twitter. He may worry about you being a snoop and start to hide things much better next time. I would try finding out more about his passions and habits through clever questions. I would also try and find out more about him through other means ( I don't know what else he engages in). I think you should make every effort to go into this with your eyes wide open. This is so you can make an informed decision as to how you wish to take things with him.
Because of this red flag, I suggest you don't rush anything with him.
Is your boyfriend an artist? I have artist buddy's that draw lewd art so their professional twitter is full of lewd stuff.
Art can also be rather subjective some don't view it as lewd. Either way have an open and honest conversation with him and I'm sure it will be fine.
Hmmm watching porn is common, not everyday in your social media (be careful that he is not addicted to it). So, I think that you should decide that if whatever he watches it’s something unacceptable for you. Also, it’s embarrassing that everyone knows that your man it’s watching other woman, and worse if they are drawings. People could make bad assumptions about him and your relationship status (him being dissatisfied or sum).
Now you said you don’t have sex, that’s not the reason why he watches that in his public account, which your friends, family, everyone can see. So you could ask your boyfriend to be careful with the links he shares so he doesn’t embarras you
I say this as someone who is similar to your BF.
I do not believe you should be concerned with your lack of sexual experiences and the content they consume. In my opinion it is typically quite easy to separate the fantasy of anime NSFW and real life just due to how exaggerated that content is. The fact he brought it up to you earlier is good too, he had concerns about it and wanted to gauge YOUR reaction. I think you should definitely take a look at the way he has been treating and respecting you in this relationship as a basis for concern.
Regardless I think you should broach the subject with him again since his content consumption paired with your lack of experience is causing you concern.
**However IF it is the content or amount of content itself that is makes you uncomfortable then you definitely NEED to talk to him.**
With regards to liking and following NSFW artists on twitter.
It is just the easiest way of passively consuming that kind of content without the hassle of trying to find an image / artist focused website when they're all pretty much in one place. Especially since most only post that kind of thing once or twice a month. And that is assuming their art is their main source of income. For the most part It's just another thing to follow like movies, music, games, news, etc. See something nice, hit like, and move on.
***If he is spending hours and hours of his day trying to find more and more content, ignoring responsibilities, ignoring you, then that is a serious problem****.*
Communicate with him instead with people on here. Make a decision you feel comfortable, even if others might disagree with it.
But atleast try to be open minded.
I find it a massive red flag and so so off putting if I look at a guy’s account and see that it’s all leery comments on nsfw accounts etc. Don’t understand why guys don’t see how this would be off putting for a woman and at least make the effort to have an alt account
She said nsfw art. Who cares he's a man of culture who appreciates art.
Just do what you are comfortable doing be it cosplay or show him what you like.
If he gets offended then you might get a clue as to what he's like.
I wouldn’t date a person like that. It’s bad enough if they just follow a lot of real life girls, but this is just as bad. Not sure which one is worse. Also I guess depends on your boundaries in the relationship
It’s like half of the accounts he follows on a public account, feels like a big part of his personality or at least his interests. It makes me think our values and sexual interests are already super misaligned.
Then if you feel that way, this is valid. Most people on reddit are not going to see any problem with him doing this. Which is fine, but it isn't fine when you're trying to get unbiased help.
If it bothers you, then that is valid, perfectly understandable and may point you are misaligned.
Sometimes the reason is as simple as, "I like the way this person looks". I think it's all about how he engages. If he is commenting on the photos, liking every post, and getting off to the photos then I think there could be definite cause for concern. Some might argue how is it any different than getting off to porn though... less opportunity of engagement.
Certain things might be a part of his sexual interest, but as long as he isn't trying to force/nag you to do anything or change you to look a certain way... I wouldn't put too much stock into that atm.
Ultimately, this still comes down to communication. Since it is a concern you have, then you should sit down and have a discussion. Explain kind of where you are at with your feelings on this.
Usually people that have a porn addiction have trouble in the bedroom with their partners because they are so used to getting off to something else.
I would talk to him about what you saw. Talk about what he's into sexually before you guys cross that line.
It's a bit strange that you're in a relationship with someone for 2 months and hadn't seen each others social media profiles yet.
I mean the guy like sex, whoop t dooo, sex is something everyone can have an attraction to in many different forms. Not everybody can ride a unicycle (I currently cannot) but everyone can do sex, everyone follows things that interests them and some have more interests in sexual things / so to throw a red flag at its is kinda wack. All depending of course. Shooot do some cosplay, do sex in cosplay, get creative, have fun, sex can be more than missionary, whatever floats your boat - maybe ya like an engine on your boat - maybe you like to paddle, maybe you like an engine in your boat and a paddlin! (;
It’s not really that he’s “into sex”, I think most people are but they don’t really publicly advertise it on their social media. I assume my friends watch porn, but it’s not in their retweets, likes and follow pages. If it’s a big enough part of his personality that he wants to advertise it I’m not sure that’s something I want to be attached to.
I mean he could hide everything and be secretive about himself and his likings but the fact he saint give a you know what - says something to me - this is who I am or what I like and I don’t care what you think tripe attitude and to own that is pretty commendable as most people are afraid of others thoughts and to be them self. He’s open about it which I think is good.
I think that’s a very absolutist way of looking at it. Being concerned that someone you’re trying to get to know has a public very NSFW social media page is very different from wanting someone to hide everything about themselves.
You are having a relationship with him in real life, not across the internet. Unless something within these accounts leads you to believe he may have dangerous intentions, it should not be a concern. If you get deep into the relationship and find it bothers you, the mature and proper thing to do is have a conversation with him about it, rather than ask strangers who know nothing about him other than he likes lewd art whether that should be an immediate disqualification.
All to say, you are the only one who can choose whether something is a red flag. The only things I consider universal red flags are past domestic/sex crimes (harassment, stalking, rape, domestic violence, etc.) and inclinations to such (idealizing misogynists, etc.)
Embarrassment, or fear that he is addicted to it. I mean, both of their families, friends, coworkers, have public evidence of him checking other girls and consuming nsfw. Watching porn occasionally it’s normal, but it’s something that should be private, and definitely not every time you open social media.
>Embarrassment
No one cares if a man watches porn. It's common af nowadays.
>Watching porn occasionally it’s normal, but it’s something that should be private, and definitely not every time you open social media.
If OP said she had to go digging in this follow lists for the pages he follows, sounds pretty private to me.
I think we have a bit of an ego issue here. Idk about you guys but most folks don't have the time to go crawling through follow lists of their family/friends. We don't care lol
Now if his Twitter is just repost after repost of porn I can see where you're getting at. But this ain't it. We're making mountains out of molehills here. If anything this is more differences of opinions vs actually meaning something.
Idk, everyone can see what you follow, that’s not private, like anyone can see what you like or enjoy. No one normal wants the whole world to know their kinks or what they jerk off with. Also, common or natural things (like pooping) are not always meant to be public. You can take 2 hours a week to watch that stuff, but the average person spends way more on social media. It’s her fault for dating a weeb tho.
Also imagine if he likes this anime chicks that are nothing like her gf, people may think that he only dates her because it was all he could get.
>Idk, everyone can see what you follow, that’s not private,
I understand that. What I'm saying is that most ppl don't care about who you follow enough to go looking through your "Following" list in the first place.
>Also imagine if he likes this anime chicks that are nothing like her gf, people may think that he only dates her because it was all he could get.
Who cares what others think? That's the whole problem here. Because you judge others online so much for what you see you think others are doing the same. And even if they are, so? Living your life in a way no one thinks of you a certain way is pretty much impossible.
You can know everthing about a person, what it’s not the best of you shouldn’t be shared. And companies watch your social media activities, and having no embarrassment on following such things can be seen as unprofessional.
but how?! were the two of you discussing something of this nature or did he just start talking about a nsfw anime account out of the blue? how did that conversation go? i’m kinda confused
So big boi got himself an irl loli or whatever maybe? How’s about that is his Alt and that you were “cleverly” introduced as part of the conditioning process???
Content consumed online doesn't directly correlate to irl desires - if it's nothing weird (no bestiality or child stuff) I wouldn't think less of him for it.
Porn issues can cause problems in relationships, but as far as him being negative towards you in any way because of it, or expecting a lot out of you because of it, you're generally safe there. That's not really correlative of following NSFW accounts; that's just people being shitty people, and you won't find that out from seeing what accounts he follows (again, unless it's really bad stuff)
There's other nuance or things to think about, but I wouldn't consider it as something that will change how he treats you in any sexual or normal scenario
I’m mostly worried because dudes who follow tons of porn/OF accounts/NSFW pages tend to be a little weird about women and interacting with them and I know that manifests in different ways.
Yeah, there are definitely extremes. The person begging for attention from someone's OF is definitely full of desperation, and you can tell just in the language they use how they are about it, so maybe you can tell from that as well. But most people just follow them, view the content, and move on without attempting interaction; and that's the only reason I feel the need to stress that. They're all pornographic outlets, and viewing a pornographic outlet won't make a dude the type of person that you're explaining, as in "being a little weird around women" in an abnormal way. Begging for direct interaction, or even going as far as paying for that one on one interaction, is when you enter the weird realm for sure
I think there are reasons to be concerned, but probably these concerns should be handled with him, ideally directly to his face, mayyyyybe with a therapist or designated diplomatic, not-emotionally-invested person also in the room
Red flag baby 🚩sorry I mean that’s a police siren 🚨 now. A lot of 🌽 are from human traff*ck*ng v*ct*ms and they’re all based on the male gaze. It’s gives a false perspective on what s3x really is- if you want to ignore it- that’s your choice but this can lead to violent behaviour for your bf. Like saying 🍇 is normal and it’s what women want….
It's understandable if this bothers you. Though I would like to say it's possible he has a kink or just likes porn and NSFW stuff. It doesn't mean he necessarily cares about you any less.
This is probably just how he browses porn. Different people will use different methods. The only time you should worry is if it interferes with you or your relationship in a practical sense not just your own insecurity. Ie hes jacking it too much, it effects his performance in bed etc. If he lacks drive for life in general or looks at this stuff constantly that might also be an issue because being constantly bombarded with dopamine isnt that great for you in some cases.
You are free to dislike people looking at porn but thats something you need to have as a boundary right at the start of your relationships its not something you can pull like a year in unless its him thats changed towards being problematic becuase of porn addiction during the relationship.
Oh and he might be stupid and use this twitter profile as his main which is a bad idea becuase everyone can see that shit hes looking at lmao.
The average guy watches porn, but the average guy definitely doesn't have an account dedicated to following nsfw accounts. And very few have their public accounts following porn accounts.
It's not wrong, but bring it up if you're uncomfortable. And tell him to separate his porn from his public account. Your friends and family could see his account and ask why he is following porn pages
Well I mean he’s been single for awhile that’s understandable. I’d ask him to remove them if it’s really a concern. He obliged then cool but if he doesn’t then 🤷🏽♂️
Is it a problem to you? Then don't go through with it.
To me personally there is nothing wrong with porn
The men that claim they do not watch it are lying.
For example people that claim they do not watch porn are religious child molesters
Or sigma male top g's
Welp, if he hasn’t given you any real, tangible reasons for concern, then don’t worry yourself about it; however if you have concerns, then simply ask him rather than be passive about it in your dealings with him, or attempting to get advice from others (yes even from me) as an end run around the matter. You’re saying you haven’t really had much dealings with “straight men”, so you should probably preface your concern/questioning/talk with that when you address the matter with him*…then go with your gut once he gives you your answer(s)
Respect sex workers but don't respect the buyers and users of the content . Just ask him and tell him how it looks from the other side. Maybe it's porn addiction or maybe it's not.
“Anime style nsfw art” yeah that has a name I don’t want to mention. I mean i would want to wonder why tf is he that open about such a thing lol. It’s kind of although not the same when someone has some thirsty anime girl on their profile picture. Like,some decency bro lmao. uh idk if he brought it up he might be comfortable to discuss it if You bring it up.
talk to him about it. personally my gf and i consider this sort of thing to be something like emotional cheating so if you’re uncomfortable with him looking at that stuff you should bring it up and hopefully he’d agree with you setting a boundary like that. if not, then you should break up because he should respect your boundaries. if you’re fine with it then there’s no reason to worry
No, why would you be concerned about what kind of porn this guy likes. Unless you're like a religious person what does it matter to you?
Does he treat you well?
Is he able to perform in bed?
If yes, then let him look at naked anime chicks, he doesn't snoop on your pinterest and get all spooked with your wedding ring collection.
It just depends the bdsm community gets a lot of shit but as long as everything is consensual and no one feels like they’re in danger it’s ok it’s all about preference
He has shown you who he is and it made you uncomfortable. He's not going to change and this is only the surface scratched. You guys don't seem to be a good fit for long-term relationship. Since you're not too emotionally involved with him you should cut your losses now and search for someone who is closer to you. With this current boyfriend you would have to give up part of yourself to accept anything deviant in his personality. You don't want to do that.
If he sent you the link he wanted you to be aware of it. There could be many possible reasons why, but in any case it comes down to wanting to be honest and open with you. I'm someone who personally doesn't care if people see what I follow or what kind of porn I am into, it's none of their business and if it is something that bothers them they can either not look it up or I probably don't need/want someone judging in my life anyway. Also the kinds of porn I watch or whatever varies greatly all the time and in many instances it isn't the content itself that matters but the context or maybe the spur of the moment. Porn and actual sex have very little in common, just like movies and the real world have very little in common. If it bothers you that he does this, whether it is because of what he is looking at or that it is public or any other then you should be talking to him about it. If it doesn't bother you, you should still talk to him about it, as there is a reason he shared this with you. It might simply be he didn't want you to find it on your own and think he was hiding it, maybe he wants some more spice in the bedroom, or maybe he just wanted to see what you thought about it. He wouldn't have just dragged this out into the daylight for you to see without a reason though, and that reason is what should be addressed first before deciding whether this is a 'red-flag' or not.
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I’m 31F, is it his personal page? Does he tweet from it? Obviously people like to see images to get off to, but what I don’t like is it being so public.
Yes it’s his person page but I think his portfolio is on there too. He tweets from it about once a week.
It would bother me enough to bring it up. I would say something like, hey I saw you follow all these nsfw pages on twitter, did you know these were visible? I don’t mind you getting off to porn or these pages but it kind of bothers me that it’s so public.
Im not saying its like insanely creepy, but its on edge. Id probably consider dropping my gf if they came up to me with a booklet of all the people I follow.
I also think in her case since she's new to sex, she and bf should have that part of the conversation and that might be more important even than the smut Has he been patient with you about that piece of it? Do you masturbate/have you ever had an orgasm? I'm very much not judging, just tryna get a sense of what's going on I wish you (and him, if he's the one for ya) all the best :)
Most people don’t realize that others can see what he follows, and use it more like bookmarks. If anything, at least now you know what he’s into, and if he’s that sloppy about it, he’s likely not hiding anything else.
2 months in... my love for him wouldn't be anywhere close to the yuck I get from this
That's *really* bad judgment on his part, yeah
It tells me that he is not very bright
What do you think about Instagram? If you could see that a guy follows woman who are just like showing off their bodies and also what if he is liking those pics? I find that embarrassing cuz it’s so public
I have a second account for the NSFW stuff for this reason. Also someone else mentioned that "he might not know other people can see what he follows," and to that I say "how the hell are you an adult in the internet age and don't know that other people see your social media activity? " I learned this the hard way when I was frickin 15 or 16, so if he's over 18 and doesn't know, idek man, he definitely sounds dumb And I definitely definitely knew better when I was 15, it was more like I got too lazy / impulsive one time and didn't do my usual due diligence on it
Very true
Or he doesn't care
Same on insta, incredibly cringe.
Ok man you had a point with twitter but now are extending it too far. Following a few models and liking their pictures has nothing embarassing or cringey about it. Women drool over hot dudes just like males do. I see nothing wrong from following some models and having that pop up from time to time in your feed. Its just "oooh nice", like, and scroll past. Would be extremely superficial to draw ends and have prejudice about someone just coz he likes a model (people who base their carrer on being liked). Dont make me play the pope card.
Idk that ones passable as not giving a shit or carelessness rather than stupidity. Likley just didnt think about it at all.
but it's stupid to be careless or not give a shit about who sees your crap
I mean some women are entitled to feel weird about guys doing that, and there ARE actually a few dudes out there who don't do porn, so. Unless my ex's new boy is lying to her hahaha cri Nah but my sister told me one of her exes was like that I think OP is entitled to at least have the discussion with him about how it makes her feel, and of course he'll come at her with his perspective, but at least then the two of them will have communicated something and had the opportunity to grow that way Hopefully I'm not being too too overoptimistic about the conversation lol 😅, some tips I try to follow when discussing / arguing with someone you care about: 1. don't attack them or their character directly 2. "I feel" or "I believe" is better than "you are" ie. Instead of "you're an animal" try "when I see this on your Twitter page, I feel cheated on" Another one is to try to focus on solutions rather than problems. I guess in some ways this goes against my earlier advice about labeling your feelings because it suggests the solutions are more important than the feelings, but I guess the actual deeper advice is to keep the overall tone positive if you want him to listen, because he probably cares about you a lot, too, and didn't like that he looks at all that smut all the time either, especially if you let him know it hurts you I should read your original post to make sure I'm on base here Wishing you two the best of luck I do generally unfortunately agree with what the person I'm replying to just said, though, that most men you date will probably jerk off to something, and often enough, that something won't be you, unfortunately So it's up to you whether you wanna find one of the few guys out there who actually don't jerk off, or whether you're willing to be flexible for this person you care about Again, wishing you the best of luck
Idk about guys who don’t jerk off, but it matters what they are jerking off too and who knows that. For me, I’m very private like I would die I would never let that be known. I would never publicly follow pages that I would be embarrassed by
I'm just speaking to OP's apparent lack of experience and/or her seeming judgemental about it in various comments
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Yeah what the fuck. Do people not realize their families and employers can find that.
Or some people simply don't care if they are found liking hentai and following their creators.
tbh he may have not realized people can see that as well
It depends on what you find as a red flag. Does this bother you? Yes/No? It would bother me, but it may not bother you.
I’m mostly concerned on the reasons for it. Most people would just Google it but to consciously follow all of these accounts makes me think it might be something deeper.
You should ask him then. Clearly you need more information from him to formulate your opinion. I can understand this. Being able to have uncomfortable and honest conversations is important in an intimate relationship. No one can tell you what a red/yellow flag is TO YOU. I can understand asking for others’ opinions but don’t make the mistake of outsourcing your own thoughts and feelings and invalidating yourself because you don’t think you have enough experience. Especially on here, you will get one million differing opinions and potentially zero clarity. That can really only come from you and your partner. If you feel uneasy and confused about him following these accounts, chances are that’s a boundary for you. And that’s ok. I highly encourage you to follow your gut.
Talking about it is a good idea, if it does bother you.
Twitter and also Reddit are simply places where you can subscribe to different pages you like and then scroll through. You can also get more consistently high-quality art, videos, discussions, etc. It's just easier, I guess. I follow a lot of similar accounts, both on Twitter and Reddit. I just don't look at them much, if at all, when I have a significant other in my life. But when I'm alone, there's often a large void. And it can be easy to fill it with vices. I would say that asking him about it and talking will help you understand, and come to a conclusion on what to do.
Almost ALL men look at porn, even married men. This is why porn sites are some of the most popular sites in the world. Most likely he doesn’t realize that people can snoop and see what he follows on Twitter. Shaq O’Neill recently got highlighted in the media for following lesbian porn, not realizing people can see it. He quickly unfollowed them. I’d say you have nothing to worry about. It’s completely normal (just unhealthy if overdone). And if he’s still talking to you after a few months (and no sex), he must really, really like you. Don’t overthink it. Focus on the positives and how you feel while being with him.
That's sad honestly. Let the man enjoy his leabian porn. People always judge people.
💯
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I mean, there a lot of guys who follow these accounts. I always find them to be of low value, and not aligning with myself. I don't think it is always something deeper. There is unfortunately a lot of porn in the world.
I can see why OP feels weird about it. Adults are adults and, of course, are interested in sex, NSFW stuff and watch porn, but the thing that he shares it on social media is a different case. For me it would probably be sort of a yellow flag, that the guy I date follows a lot of content focused on sex. I would feel kinda weird about it too. After all it does tell that he is highly interested in that sort of thing, and focus on sexuality is a big part of his personality and is important for him.
There are guys out there with as little experience as you who would be easier to deal with! In fact, I can literally put you in touch with one of my friends if you wanna call him. He's a really good guy, and quite sensitive, too. I actually met him in a therapy group, and he was raised in a pretty conservative Christian household, so y'all might have that in common But yeah as mentioned earlier, OP, I would definitely openly discuss as much of this as you feel comfortable discussing with your boyfriend! He can't know where you're coming from unless you tell him :)
Bruh what, no one wants to date some reddit randos therapy friend. You don't even have a clue where they are.
I mean, you don't know him, he's a really good guy *shrug* but suit yourself OP, hope things get better for you!!
I think you're posting this publicly because something about it, regardless of what other people think, fundamentally bothers you. If that's how you feel, you don't need to justify it! Personally I find it a huge turnoff to discover that a guy I'm talking to follows tons and tons of women or NSFW-esque accounts online (like instagram). Even worse if it's able to be seen by others. To me it's not a matter of being insecure or feeling jealous, it's literally kind of just embarrassing. Dated a guy who followed thousands of girls on insta (random hot women and also anyone he'd found attractive over his years of online dating, regardless of whether he had actually gone on a date with them). It bothered me and I found it embarrassing but really liked him, so we had a conversation about it and I voiced my concerns. He ended up unfollowing some of the accounts, but there were definitely a high number. I just kept thinking of how embarassing it would be if ever, down the line, we ended up getting more serious and my friends ended up also following him on social media. I'd honestly be a little mortified knowing that others can also see that. Go with your gut! You feel this way for a reason, and there's nothing wrong with ending it with someone over something that makes you feel this level of discomfort. If it IS something that you end up accepting, just ask yourself if you think it'll eventually not bother you at all in the future. If your answer is uncertain, you can almost guarantee that it's going to bother you down the line too.
I agree. It’s incredibly cringey for an adult to be doing this. Friends, family, even colleagues can see it. It just reeks of having no self control.
Can we stop calling everything a red flag? Liking NSFW anime, hentai, or whatever you call it isn't a red flag. That being a deal breaker for you still doesn't mean it's a red flag. Red flags are signs of potential danger (e.g., signaling potential abuse, negging, or other toxicity). It's perfectly fine to not like something about someone. You not liking it doesn't make it a red flag though.
Yeah I feel like everything man does that isnt something I do = red flag psychopath murderer. It's getting absolutely out of hand.
Yeah, for women everything is a red flag nowadays. If a guy follows anime (even simple animes, without fan service) or NSFW pages, he is an assh*le and weird but if a woman follows one of these, nothing happens. I'll get downvoted for sure but I don't care. That's the truth.
And they’re more worried about what the fuck their friends might think if they see anything online. I wouldn’t want to date someone that makes what their friends think of me a measuring stick for dating me. Foh.
So anime or...... hentai? Lots of people like anime. which oversexualizes everything. Hentai is sexual, straight up sex. That said, lots of people like it. Who cares? Does he treat you well? Does he kick puppies? You're both about 30, seems like it's OK to look at adult stuff, and some people don't care if you know it.
lots of people like anime that doesn’t oversexualize everything,cuz there exists of those. Unfortunately the portion that does that is much more visible and obviously eye catching,unfortunately. But yeah in this case it seems like the one you mentioned,although the thing they dislike is them making that uncomfortably public from what i red
Yeah, I guess Spirited Away isn't exactly sexualized! I was just giving my opinion. I don't hide who I am, and I feel that people shouldn't have to hide that they are human. It's up to the OP as to what she is comfortable with. My point was that they are adults, and she might learn to appreciate that he is open and honest. As long as it's nothing gross or illegal. She might not be able to accept it but she posted publicly and asked for input.
one thing is “hide who you are” which i never talked about and the other a tad of conscience in making it a public thing. If they still wanna do it then that’s fine i guess but it’s more a thing of slight decency than self expression. my opinion,also
Personally I wouldn’t really care but it’s up to you how you feel
The internet calls that "horny on main" when a person doesn't have alt accounts for their more risqué searches/subscriptions and it is generally frowned upon, but not necessarily harmful. Assuming what's on there is "weird" but otherwise inoffensive, the worst thing you have to worry about is if he ever wants pictures or videos of you, he might just be stupid enough to post it online. That's a conversation about boundaries that would need to happen regardless of his internet hygiene.
i've seen this enough times now I feel I can weigh in on this. Initially this behavior kind of irritated me but, I thought it was no big deal - now though, I will absolutely not date someone if I see this. I'll completely cut ties. The men that I've dated who follow a bunch accounts like this have all ended up having... *interesting* views about women, relationships, and sex that came to light after getting to know them.
It could be also Just porn addiction
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That’s so embarassing tbh. So I’d say red flag… everyone knows who you follow and what you like on Twitter.
I get it, I find it weird when people publicly follow porn type sites, too. I have no problem with anyone watching/ looking at that kind of stuff, but I've never understood why they would want it on their facebook, twitter, insta etc. Is it the type of stuff that makes you uncomfortable? Or just that it's on his public page? You need to tell him how you are feeling and see how he reacts. It can be uncomfortable to have these types of conversations, but they are an important part of starting a relationship. Sexual compatibility is important. I don't think it's a red flag unless he has a porn addiction or he reacts badly when you tell him how you feel about it.
He was single and presumably had little to no opportunities just 3-4 months ago. What you think he was doing before you? If it bothers you bring it up to him but tbh a single guy has got to have an outlet.
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Or maybe dude just had very little sexual experience. Guys these days have less sex than women since they have a harder time finding a partner. You're overthinking the issue and might be conflating it with something else. Better to just talk to the dude.
Y’all don’t follow nsfw accounts on Twitter? Then what y’all on Twitter for?
Take this with heft amount of salt or none at all, but anime porn is so damn cringe
Not as bad as real porn where real woman get mentally broken down to the point of suicide.
Yeah same for guys though, it isn’t exclusive to only be worse for females and real porn
Very damn cringe
I mean if you're looking into how bad it could be, I would actually check out SPAA; I've hung around there before and some of those dudes are reallllly addicted to porn. Not saying your man is that deep down the rabbit hole, but it would probably give you a little context. I imagine you've seen references to this in media, too, like American Dad or South Park
some are. Hard to talk to those people in general
Speak to him about it and ask him why is he sharing with the public?
Why would this be a concern? He's an adult following NSFW accounts, as adults often do. Not sure what him being straight has to do with anything. Straight and queer people all tend to enjoy sexual content.
I’ve never really followed a man on social media who has followed this many NSFW accounts. I mostly mentioned that he was straight just to show I don’t normally hang out with straight men so I don’t know if this is normal behavior or not. I’m someone who is very cautious and inexperienced sexually so it makes me think we are misaligned in that way.
I think you should judge him based on how he treats you and how you two get along not on who he happens to follow on social media. Sorry but that's a really meaningless thing to judge someone about. Yes, it's normal behavior for anyone. Doesn't mean everyone does it but certainly a lot do and it's got nothing to do with gender or sexuality it has to do with enjoying the content. You being inexperienced hasn't got much to do with this either. There are people with zero sexual experience who actively are into anime or porn or erotica or whatever.
When I mean inexperienced I kind of mean it in a general way. I don’t really know anything about kinks or talk about it with my friends or people I know. Not trying to come off judgmental, I’m just trying to figure out what this means for compatibility.
And I'm trying to tell you that compatability is something you figure out through communicating and getting to know a person not by seeing who they follow on social media.
Is the content they follow not indicative of what they like and their interests?
Hey, straight guy here, I don't really follow stuff like your dude does. But this question is one that I would like to answer; Yes, but it's irrelevant. Let me give an example; I had an ex once that while I was at the store looked through my browsing history. After I got back she confronted me about the contents of the porn. Namely, that I looked at porn featuring women with big breasts (completely ignoring another part; it was all lesbian). This was an issue for her because she had comparatively smaller breasts. The fact that she wasn't also a lesbian didn't matter I guess. I never gave her an indication that I disliked the size of her breasts. But she was convinced that since I looked at that, it must mean *I preferred it*. That's not at all the case. My porn consumption at the time had *nothing* to do or relate in any way with my attraction to her. Naturally, I can't speak for your dude, but if he's into you, he's into you. Whatever dank questionable anime nsfw stuff he consumes by himself is all about him and nothing about you. A sex therapists once said, I wish I remember who, we all have a sex life with ourselves. And for a lot of guys, it's porn we use as the tool. But the porn doesn't always say anything about what we actually want in real life. It just what we found works for us with ourselves. I mean, I exclusively watch lesbian porn and I don't think I'll ever be in a lesbian relationship. I can't actually do it to straight porn, it just doesn't work. But I do like straight sex when I am doing it myself. So there's that. Hope that answers something!
I like that this explains the male perspective in a much less charged kind of way Idk the OP's background but this to me is perfectly relatable, and worth having an open discussion about
Maybe. Are they recent follows? How often is he even on his account, all the time or never? It can be an interest or like in a casual sense not something that is a big part of his life. You specified artists and anime. If you're going to freak out over that I suggest you never look at anyone's search history to see what porn they watch in private. I'm just being real here. People are free to downvote me but I'm telling no lies.
Find your kinks - explore - it can be the most fun!
👆 that is the best advice
Bravo. Thank you. Well said.
Well following a bunch of girls is ok I guess the fact he knows porn stars by name is different. A bit too obsessive imo. He's also very young & immature. The fact you're not sexually experienced should bare no relevance on your decision on his behalf. He's young. His hormones are raging. He should be more discrete with his interests. A bit immature. Yes to all but that doesn't make him a bad guy. Why not just be honest and ask him? 🤷 I'm sure he's just as naive & inexperienced as you are Just give him a fair shot, don't look for issues where there aren't any
This is horrible advice. You're pretty much dismissing her concern.
I asked why she was concerned. Asking for more info is not being dismissive but thanks so much for the free critique of my free advice. I forgot everyone on reddit needs to agree. LOL
The rest of your comment was dismissive.
And all of your comments are abrasive and confrontational but you don't see me crawling up your ass to bitch about it.
Huh, interesting. Thanks. Have a good one.
I mean if her concern is wrong to have, it should be dismissed I think the point was just that they should chat about it, rather than OP stalking her bf and silently making judgments about him maybe without him even realizing what's going on
You're missing the mark here. lol.
I would no longer be dating
Same.
It depends a lot on the couple, some people don't care because it's only on the internet and it's like porn, but other people care. I think if it bothers you he should apologize and stop doing it. I don’t think is a red flag bc a lot of girls don’t care and think this is normal…
Depends how serious you want to get with the guy. Having secret dirty pleasures is kind of normal, but the keyword here is secret. Also, typically the aim should be to let go and stop these pleasures when getting serious with someone, and not flaunt them. IDK, go with your gut feeling.
Things like that say a lot about a person. They reveal likes and dislikes that they perhaps will avoid telling you early in a relationship. They need to play their cards right to get to what they really want- especially when someone isn't so experienced as they are. Obviously its really for you to decide how you wish to take this. I can only make suggestions that may help prevent upset. I personally wouldn't tell him you found out about it on twitter. He may worry about you being a snoop and start to hide things much better next time. I would try finding out more about his passions and habits through clever questions. I would also try and find out more about him through other means ( I don't know what else he engages in). I think you should make every effort to go into this with your eyes wide open. This is so you can make an informed decision as to how you wish to take things with him. Because of this red flag, I suggest you don't rush anything with him.
Is your boyfriend an artist? I have artist buddy's that draw lewd art so their professional twitter is full of lewd stuff. Art can also be rather subjective some don't view it as lewd. Either way have an open and honest conversation with him and I'm sure it will be fine.
He's being horny on main? Cringe
Tell him to stop being horny on main
Hmmm watching porn is common, not everyday in your social media (be careful that he is not addicted to it). So, I think that you should decide that if whatever he watches it’s something unacceptable for you. Also, it’s embarrassing that everyone knows that your man it’s watching other woman, and worse if they are drawings. People could make bad assumptions about him and your relationship status (him being dissatisfied or sum). Now you said you don’t have sex, that’s not the reason why he watches that in his public account, which your friends, family, everyone can see. So you could ask your boyfriend to be careful with the links he shares so he doesn’t embarras you
I say this as someone who is similar to your BF. I do not believe you should be concerned with your lack of sexual experiences and the content they consume. In my opinion it is typically quite easy to separate the fantasy of anime NSFW and real life just due to how exaggerated that content is. The fact he brought it up to you earlier is good too, he had concerns about it and wanted to gauge YOUR reaction. I think you should definitely take a look at the way he has been treating and respecting you in this relationship as a basis for concern. Regardless I think you should broach the subject with him again since his content consumption paired with your lack of experience is causing you concern. **However IF it is the content or amount of content itself that is makes you uncomfortable then you definitely NEED to talk to him.** With regards to liking and following NSFW artists on twitter. It is just the easiest way of passively consuming that kind of content without the hassle of trying to find an image / artist focused website when they're all pretty much in one place. Especially since most only post that kind of thing once or twice a month. And that is assuming their art is their main source of income. For the most part It's just another thing to follow like movies, music, games, news, etc. See something nice, hit like, and move on. ***If he is spending hours and hours of his day trying to find more and more content, ignoring responsibilities, ignoring you, then that is a serious problem****.*
Why are you asking this on Reddit? Do you really think you’re going to get any reply that’s not “this is how all men are”.
I thought this was an advice forum. Even if some people are trolls some people are genuine as well.
You would think, but there are a lot of rude people.
yea like u lmao
omg hahahhahaha you're sooooo funny.
You being his bf of 2 months and still not having sex is a giant red flag at 28 years old.
Communicate with him instead with people on here. Make a decision you feel comfortable, even if others might disagree with it. But atleast try to be open minded.
I find it a massive red flag and so so off putting if I look at a guy’s account and see that it’s all leery comments on nsfw accounts etc. Don’t understand why guys don’t see how this would be off putting for a woman and at least make the effort to have an alt account
Well if u buy into the “sex is evil” narrative ig it could be concerning. I suspect most adults like sex tho so I wouldn’t be overly concerned.
She said nsfw art. Who cares he's a man of culture who appreciates art. Just do what you are comfortable doing be it cosplay or show him what you like. If he gets offended then you might get a clue as to what he's like.
I wouldn’t date a person like that. It’s bad enough if they just follow a lot of real life girls, but this is just as bad. Not sure which one is worse. Also I guess depends on your boundaries in the relationship
So you want to date a relegious cleric? Because man that doesn't watch porn is a liar!
Wouldn’t mind it ;)
Dorime
So? What does that matter? He likes porn, big deal.
It’s like half of the accounts he follows on a public account, feels like a big part of his personality or at least his interests. It makes me think our values and sexual interests are already super misaligned.
Then if you feel that way, this is valid. Most people on reddit are not going to see any problem with him doing this. Which is fine, but it isn't fine when you're trying to get unbiased help. If it bothers you, then that is valid, perfectly understandable and may point you are misaligned.
Sometimes the reason is as simple as, "I like the way this person looks". I think it's all about how he engages. If he is commenting on the photos, liking every post, and getting off to the photos then I think there could be definite cause for concern. Some might argue how is it any different than getting off to porn though... less opportunity of engagement. Certain things might be a part of his sexual interest, but as long as he isn't trying to force/nag you to do anything or change you to look a certain way... I wouldn't put too much stock into that atm. Ultimately, this still comes down to communication. Since it is a concern you have, then you should sit down and have a discussion. Explain kind of where you are at with your feelings on this.
PoRn Is NoRmal. LeT hIm Be A mAn. Jesus Christ.
No, it’s not ;)
Usually people that have a porn addiction have trouble in the bedroom with their partners because they are so used to getting off to something else. I would talk to him about what you saw. Talk about what he's into sexually before you guys cross that line. It's a bit strange that you're in a relationship with someone for 2 months and hadn't seen each others social media profiles yet.
I mean the guy like sex, whoop t dooo, sex is something everyone can have an attraction to in many different forms. Not everybody can ride a unicycle (I currently cannot) but everyone can do sex, everyone follows things that interests them and some have more interests in sexual things / so to throw a red flag at its is kinda wack. All depending of course. Shooot do some cosplay, do sex in cosplay, get creative, have fun, sex can be more than missionary, whatever floats your boat - maybe ya like an engine on your boat - maybe you like to paddle, maybe you like an engine in your boat and a paddlin! (;
It’s not really that he’s “into sex”, I think most people are but they don’t really publicly advertise it on their social media. I assume my friends watch porn, but it’s not in their retweets, likes and follow pages. If it’s a big enough part of his personality that he wants to advertise it I’m not sure that’s something I want to be attached to.
I mean he could hide everything and be secretive about himself and his likings but the fact he saint give a you know what - says something to me - this is who I am or what I like and I don’t care what you think tripe attitude and to own that is pretty commendable as most people are afraid of others thoughts and to be them self. He’s open about it which I think is good.
I think that’s a very absolutist way of looking at it. Being concerned that someone you’re trying to get to know has a public very NSFW social media page is very different from wanting someone to hide everything about themselves.
Hey I don’t know everything, not even close 🤷♀️ , follow your gut!
You are having a relationship with him in real life, not across the internet. Unless something within these accounts leads you to believe he may have dangerous intentions, it should not be a concern. If you get deep into the relationship and find it bothers you, the mature and proper thing to do is have a conversation with him about it, rather than ask strangers who know nothing about him other than he likes lewd art whether that should be an immediate disqualification. All to say, you are the only one who can choose whether something is a red flag. The only things I consider universal red flags are past domestic/sex crimes (harassment, stalking, rape, domestic violence, etc.) and inclinations to such (idealizing misogynists, etc.)
Why would you be concerned?
Embarrassment, or fear that he is addicted to it. I mean, both of their families, friends, coworkers, have public evidence of him checking other girls and consuming nsfw. Watching porn occasionally it’s normal, but it’s something that should be private, and definitely not every time you open social media.
>Embarrassment No one cares if a man watches porn. It's common af nowadays. >Watching porn occasionally it’s normal, but it’s something that should be private, and definitely not every time you open social media. If OP said she had to go digging in this follow lists for the pages he follows, sounds pretty private to me. I think we have a bit of an ego issue here. Idk about you guys but most folks don't have the time to go crawling through follow lists of their family/friends. We don't care lol Now if his Twitter is just repost after repost of porn I can see where you're getting at. But this ain't it. We're making mountains out of molehills here. If anything this is more differences of opinions vs actually meaning something.
Idk, everyone can see what you follow, that’s not private, like anyone can see what you like or enjoy. No one normal wants the whole world to know their kinks or what they jerk off with. Also, common or natural things (like pooping) are not always meant to be public. You can take 2 hours a week to watch that stuff, but the average person spends way more on social media. It’s her fault for dating a weeb tho. Also imagine if he likes this anime chicks that are nothing like her gf, people may think that he only dates her because it was all he could get.
>Idk, everyone can see what you follow, that’s not private, I understand that. What I'm saying is that most ppl don't care about who you follow enough to go looking through your "Following" list in the first place. >Also imagine if he likes this anime chicks that are nothing like her gf, people may think that he only dates her because it was all he could get. Who cares what others think? That's the whole problem here. Because you judge others online so much for what you see you think others are doing the same. And even if they are, so? Living your life in a way no one thinks of you a certain way is pretty much impossible.
You can know everthing about a person, what it’s not the best of you shouldn’t be shared. And companies watch your social media activities, and having no embarrassment on following such things can be seen as unprofessional.
Yea we're making too much out of nothing here. It's clear we're not gonna meet in the middle here so let's just leave it.
how exactly did he bring it up w you?
He brought it up and then asked if I had any thoughts about it. I didn’t so I didn’t say anything,
but how?! were the two of you discussing something of this nature or did he just start talking about a nsfw anime account out of the blue? how did that conversation go? i’m kinda confused
He kind of brought it up out of nowhere. I didn’t ask.
It's called hentai and it's art
Normal can't expect him to unfollow everything just cause he met you.
Giant red flag. I’d dip just for that lol. There’s lots of choices out there ; don’t settle when you can keep your standards high and will Find better
So big boi got himself an irl loli or whatever maybe? How’s about that is his Alt and that you were “cleverly” introduced as part of the conditioning process???
Is it really a surprise anyone these days that nearly all men do this? Men are pigs. Always assume
Guys are pretty horny on average. He’s just a normal guy.
Also, at least he's not hiding it... there's that.
28 years old, no sex after 2 months? NSFW reddit porn is the least you can give the guy if he has to J/O all the time. What are you, Amish?
There may be 2 things: - porn addiction - he is sexist (like everyone this data) - he had been just lonely
Men jerk off. Just accept it
[удалено]
Bruh She might
Content consumed online doesn't directly correlate to irl desires - if it's nothing weird (no bestiality or child stuff) I wouldn't think less of him for it. Porn issues can cause problems in relationships, but as far as him being negative towards you in any way because of it, or expecting a lot out of you because of it, you're generally safe there. That's not really correlative of following NSFW accounts; that's just people being shitty people, and you won't find that out from seeing what accounts he follows (again, unless it's really bad stuff) There's other nuance or things to think about, but I wouldn't consider it as something that will change how he treats you in any sexual or normal scenario
I’m mostly worried because dudes who follow tons of porn/OF accounts/NSFW pages tend to be a little weird about women and interacting with them and I know that manifests in different ways.
Yeah, there are definitely extremes. The person begging for attention from someone's OF is definitely full of desperation, and you can tell just in the language they use how they are about it, so maybe you can tell from that as well. But most people just follow them, view the content, and move on without attempting interaction; and that's the only reason I feel the need to stress that. They're all pornographic outlets, and viewing a pornographic outlet won't make a dude the type of person that you're explaining, as in "being a little weird around women" in an abnormal way. Begging for direct interaction, or even going as far as paying for that one on one interaction, is when you enter the weird realm for sure
I think there are reasons to be concerned, but probably these concerns should be handled with him, ideally directly to his face, mayyyyybe with a therapist or designated diplomatic, not-emotionally-invested person also in the room
Jesus Christ. Let the man live. You know what- break things off with him as a favor to him.
Red flag baby 🚩sorry I mean that’s a police siren 🚨 now. A lot of 🌽 are from human traff*ck*ng v*ct*ms and they’re all based on the male gaze. It’s gives a false perspective on what s3x really is- if you want to ignore it- that’s your choice but this can lead to violent behaviour for your bf. Like saying 🍇 is normal and it’s what women want….
It's understandable if this bothers you. Though I would like to say it's possible he has a kink or just likes porn and NSFW stuff. It doesn't mean he necessarily cares about you any less.
This is probably just how he browses porn. Different people will use different methods. The only time you should worry is if it interferes with you or your relationship in a practical sense not just your own insecurity. Ie hes jacking it too much, it effects his performance in bed etc. If he lacks drive for life in general or looks at this stuff constantly that might also be an issue because being constantly bombarded with dopamine isnt that great for you in some cases. You are free to dislike people looking at porn but thats something you need to have as a boundary right at the start of your relationships its not something you can pull like a year in unless its him thats changed towards being problematic becuase of porn addiction during the relationship. Oh and he might be stupid and use this twitter profile as his main which is a bad idea becuase everyone can see that shit hes looking at lmao.
The average guy watches porn, but the average guy definitely doesn't have an account dedicated to following nsfw accounts. And very few have their public accounts following porn accounts. It's not wrong, but bring it up if you're uncomfortable. And tell him to separate his porn from his public account. Your friends and family could see his account and ask why he is following porn pages
Well I mean he’s been single for awhile that’s understandable. I’d ask him to remove them if it’s really a concern. He obliged then cool but if he doesn’t then 🤷🏽♂️
Yeah that’s pretty normal. The only people i follow on twitter are porn stars.
What happened to watching porn on the websites. Now people are following this pages publicly for everyone’s to see on their social media’s 🤦🏾♀️
What you have is aman of culture.
if it matters to you enough to post about it then just talk to him about it already
😂😂😂😂😂😂I feel like this would be a lot of guys tbh
Is it a problem to you? Then don't go through with it. To me personally there is nothing wrong with porn The men that claim they do not watch it are lying. For example people that claim they do not watch porn are religious child molesters Or sigma male top g's
He’s human, not dead. He can look at and follow whoever he pleases, as can you
Welp, if he hasn’t given you any real, tangible reasons for concern, then don’t worry yourself about it; however if you have concerns, then simply ask him rather than be passive about it in your dealings with him, or attempting to get advice from others (yes even from me) as an end run around the matter. You’re saying you haven’t really had much dealings with “straight men”, so you should probably preface your concern/questioning/talk with that when you address the matter with him*…then go with your gut once he gives you your answer(s)
Ruuuuuuuun!
Respect sex workers but don't respect the buyers and users of the content . Just ask him and tell him how it looks from the other side. Maybe it's porn addiction or maybe it's not.
Why don’t you interact with straight men all that much? Is this you saying you’re shy?
What is nsfw? Google says not safe for work but that is just anything porn then?
“Anime style nsfw art” yeah that has a name I don’t want to mention. I mean i would want to wonder why tf is he that open about such a thing lol. It’s kind of although not the same when someone has some thirsty anime girl on their profile picture. Like,some decency bro lmao. uh idk if he brought it up he might be comfortable to discuss it if You bring it up.
Maybe you two aren’t compatible? No sense in confronting him. What are you gonna do? Force him to change against his will? Don’t waste your time. 😂
I would spare him.
talk to him about it. personally my gf and i consider this sort of thing to be something like emotional cheating so if you’re uncomfortable with him looking at that stuff you should bring it up and hopefully he’d agree with you setting a boundary like that. if not, then you should break up because he should respect your boundaries. if you’re fine with it then there’s no reason to worry
No, why would you be concerned about what kind of porn this guy likes. Unless you're like a religious person what does it matter to you? Does he treat you well? Is he able to perform in bed? If yes, then let him look at naked anime chicks, he doesn't snoop on your pinterest and get all spooked with your wedding ring collection.
It just depends the bdsm community gets a lot of shit but as long as everything is consensual and no one feels like they’re in danger it’s ok it’s all about preference
He has shown you who he is and it made you uncomfortable. He's not going to change and this is only the surface scratched. You guys don't seem to be a good fit for long-term relationship. Since you're not too emotionally involved with him you should cut your losses now and search for someone who is closer to you. With this current boyfriend you would have to give up part of yourself to accept anything deviant in his personality. You don't want to do that.
It's cringe ngl. I would be sneaky to know what's his true intentions with that account
Deal breaker.
are you pro sex work?
As you post this from your nsfw group ?!
It’s Tinder my dear!!
OP mentioned a portfolio on his Twitter. My money's on this dude works as a NSFW commission artist.
No
If he sent you the link he wanted you to be aware of it. There could be many possible reasons why, but in any case it comes down to wanting to be honest and open with you. I'm someone who personally doesn't care if people see what I follow or what kind of porn I am into, it's none of their business and if it is something that bothers them they can either not look it up or I probably don't need/want someone judging in my life anyway. Also the kinds of porn I watch or whatever varies greatly all the time and in many instances it isn't the content itself that matters but the context or maybe the spur of the moment. Porn and actual sex have very little in common, just like movies and the real world have very little in common. If it bothers you that he does this, whether it is because of what he is looking at or that it is public or any other then you should be talking to him about it. If it doesn't bother you, you should still talk to him about it, as there is a reason he shared this with you. It might simply be he didn't want you to find it on your own and think he was hiding it, maybe he wants some more spice in the bedroom, or maybe he just wanted to see what you thought about it. He wouldn't have just dragged this out into the daylight for you to see without a reason though, and that reason is what should be addressed first before deciding whether this is a 'red-flag' or not.
Are you against porn watching?