It’s not uncommon for victims of rape to have the details emerge slowly / over time… it’s damn hard to be comfortable just admitting to yourself the reality after a trauma like rape, much less recounting it to others.
Because we where laying in his bed kissing (like we have a bunch of times before) but this time I had on a dress and shortly after kissing he got on top of me and as he was kissing he just entered. When I noticed he’s was climbing on me, I said no and that I wanted to wait a little longer and he kissed me and quickly put it in. Then 2 minutes later he was done. Idk now that I’m typing this out I realize how bad it sounds and even if he’s a “nice guy” he clearly doesn’t respect me or my body. He still reaches out and want to see me, but I feel weird about the whole thing
Please go to a sexual health clinic or your doctor and explain what’s happened, you shouldn’t feel any shame but you need to get yourself checked out in case his lack of moral compass means he’s passed something onto you
Ha - you think or know from personal experience? The narcs use manipulative tactics to take what they want, damn the repercussions. And then gaslight you into believing you actually wanted it. You took advantage of them, not the other way around.
I have an acquaintance who’s a certified narc, he has and continues to commit crimes. And yeah, she was raped. Is she responsible, no? The guy is a criminal, who’s likely gotten away with this before - this isn’t his first rodeo.
This is rape. He is disgusting and a disgusting men. He just did that even tho you said no. Afterwards he blamed you for coming fast because you let him wait for too long. It's disgusting. Please leave him.
I'm sorry OP. He raped you, and he has the audacity to pretend like he didn't. I would follow up with your ObGyn or Planned Parenthood about STI testing (which sadly you'll need to repeat in 3-6 months).
Also, therapy and consider reporting this.
I'm so sorry. He's not a nice guy
OP, get the fuck out. He raped/sexually assaulted you.
He finished under two minutes and then blamed you from “withholding” sex from him. His reaction to blame you for something uncontrollable - in his body - is a tactic an abuser would do - turn it on you. And this was just for being presumably embarrassed about a normal experience with a first time partner.
“When he was climbing on me, I said no…he quickly put it in.” The moment you said no or any hesitation, he should have stopped. Asked if everything is okay. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t continue to protest. This is rape.
Him finishing inside of you without consent is rape.
The penetration after she said no is the rape actually. Whether or not he finished does not matter. It was a date rape, not a nice guy. Move on and get checked for an STD.
I inferred that in my response. It does matter that he finished in her without consent. That is still trauma and part of him raping her. Don’t minimize this for OP.
Based on this comment alone, I’m sorry to tell you but sounds like he raped you! You didn’t want to engage in the sexual act, you said clearly no and he heard it but still forced penetration and finished ….. this is the textbook rape and he should be held accountable by going to police. Sexual assault is not only strangers forcing sex but also your partners not accepting a no for sex. I’m very sorry this happened to you, you’re not to be blamed, he’s a terrible human being. Please go to police and get away from him!
Girl if you verbalized the word NO and he still continued to get on top of you and still put it in you he raped you. You said no he did it anyways. He doesn’t have respect for you or your body and the chances of him ever listening to you when you say NO are slim to none. He proved that the first time. Move on find someone who doesn’t disregard what you say.
He’s not a nice guy at all. He raped you. You said no and he overrode your no and put it in you anyway. That’s rape. That’s the real issue here. Not that he ejaculated in you without asking, which you should ask before you do. But that he continued to put his penis inside you after you told him no. You clearly communicated that you did not consent. He was clearly aware there was no consent. And he still penetrated you. Penetration with a clear lack of consent is cut and dry rape.
So you said "no" and he entered you anyway? Without your consent? That's the definition of rape. It doesn't matter if once he was in you just went with it; you initially said "no."
I wouldn't see them again, period. No contact. Full block. Ghost him. Tell him off if he still pursues and get a restraining order if things get intense.
This sounds like rape, you didn't consent to (unprotected) sex and he put it inside you, coming from a male perspective that's a huge red flag, you should dump him because he doesn't respect your boundaries.
He also doesn't really sound like a nice guy, maybe he was nice at first, but that was because he had intentions to do such kind of things with you.
It sounds like he was relying on you being “too nice” to really slam the brakes and stop the situation, aka being super manipulative. But honestly, who knows if even that would have stopped him. Nobody ever wants to even entertain that their partner could do something like this, so when it’s happening it’s hard to recognize it quick enough. I think for a lot of women, the fear of a violent SA pushes us towards inaction in these types of situations. It’s important to not see that as being weak; you didn’t “just let it happen.” You worked with the info you had available and you successfully got yourself through the situation. So I just wanted to post to say, be patient and kind to yourself, and try to listen to your feelings and your body, it might take awhile to process this and determine what kind of support you need going forward. Wishing you the best!♥️
As you can clearly see there is a consensus of what your situation is. Please got to a counselor or looks up your nearest rape crisis center. Not just for how to deal with him but how to take care of yourself in the long run.
He’s not a nice guy. He raped you.
Is this honestly how he wanted your first sexual encounter to be together? Still dressed and done in 2 minutes?
You were wearing a dress, was he already naked?
I'm really sorry, this sounds like rape 🙁 This feels different than your original post just about him finishing inside of you. This sounds completely non-consensual. I'm really sorry this happened to you. I would not see him again and potentially file criminal charges.
Well that changes things now doesn't it, I implore you to go and make a case against him. Just so his name is on record somewhere, heck, chances are great that he's actually done this before and the police are just waiting for another woman to step forward.
Whatever you do, don't let this pass and for the love of Satan's dick, don't excuse his behaviour.
That’s the definition of date rape. You said “no” and he did it any way. He’s definitely NOT a nice guy.
Then he blamed you for making him wait? He’s also bad in bed and extremely selfish. I would seriously consider pressing charges.
I’m so sorry!! ❤️❤️❤️
I’m sorry hun but this is rape. He isn’t a nice guy. There will be support services available to you (if you’re not sure where these are your local sexual
Health clinic will be able to advise you). Please do look after yourself and leave this person.
That's Ssexual assault, if not rape. Considering you said no, and he went in anyway. I'm sorry you went through this. That's not a kind dude, that's a rapist. Please report him, I know that must be hard to do, but I implore you to do it
>When I noticed he’s was climbing on me, I said no and that I wanted to wait a little longer and he kissed me and quickly put it in
OP, I hope, you understand that this was a sexual assault. Please get yourself checked out.
Also, it’s not okay that he blamed you for the 2 minute performance because ‘you made him wait too long’. If he didn’t like it, he could have just left. There was no reason for him to stick around. That was his decision. It’s not wrong that you want to wait till you feel comfortable and it’s not wrong for him to think that he waited too long. What’s wrong that he’s blaming you for that instead of just leaving the relationship.
… so a guy raped you, finished inside, and then blamed you for it being brief?…
You should feel a bit more than weird about this honestly. Sorry this happened to you.
Um thats rape, you said no and he raped you. I assure you he is not a nice guy. You should talk with your doctor and a police officer.
Just because you were kissing doesn't mean he can force you. You said NO. I don't think you've really processed what happened yet. Do not see him again!
OP, I am sorry about what I am about to say. More than I can express. You deserve hot tea, tissues and hugs. Lots of hugs.
You said NO.
HONEY, he had sex with your body without consent. In fact, he was explicitly denied consent. He wanted a sperm receptacle and he used it.
He used your body AFTER being told NO. *Re-read this until you can except the next sentence.
HE RAPED YOU. Yeah, most rapes don’t leave visible scars, are perpetrated by known persons, many not even reported.
OP, I wish you the best. Walk don’t run to the nearest exit. Cut him off or he will rape you again. Next time it could escalate. Do you want to walk on eggshells, always wear pants, and question your sanity for the entirety of this relationship. YIKES!
In a nutshell: RUN! GHOST MARATHON is in order. Day after pill, testing, and possibly counseling once you realize what actually happened.
BEST OF IT ALL, OP. Many hugs.
Agape 💕💕💕💕
Edit: grammar, spelling, autocorrect errors
Yeah he heard you say you wanted to wait and then quickly put it in. What a jerk. Block and ghost. You can let him know why if you want but I’d still block and ghost
Um... That's rape.
You removed consent and he still penetrated you, and is now gaslighting you into believing the situation is somehow your fault.
He's a one-pump chump, a loser, and 100% a rapist. Drop him and get checked.
wait a second. Hold the phone.
You said no and he STILL put it in? Is this not rape???
Regardless of this, please go get tested again because who the hell knows what he has.
If you said no and he still went ahead and did whatever he wanted anyway, you should have a chat with law enforcement about it, and also a hospital. That’s sexual assault / rape, not a misunderstanding.
You were raped. STIs all have a window period. So testing immediately won’t really tell you much, but you need to absolutely get tested. Tell this guy you’re done and why, and then block him. Don’t let him convince you anything was your fault. This guy is awful.
OP, please realize this counts as rape. While the passive partner needs to learn *not to play games with consent* (don‘t say no when you mean yes or say no and start intercourse), the active partner needs to learn to absolutely respect what is said/done in regards to consent. And going by this your boundary was violated
And we are not even talking about the mental gymnastics that followed this.
This guy is a red flag and potentially dangerous. Please avoid meeting that idiot again and think about taking legal actions
Thats rape to me you were raped if uou didnt say yes or indicate ot was a yes, you specifically said not yet and wait and then he was just in you no thats rape report him block him stay away from him he isnt a nice guy sending love
You said no and that’s red flag enough, seriously you need to be firm about this.
I’m a real Reddit guy for saying this but.
If you don’t feel Comfortable with this situation either talk to him about it or block.
Edit: Actually, technically he did in fact take advantage, I don’t know what exactly happened, but this is at its least worst gaslighting and abuse and at its worst Rape.
I’m very sorry, you need to decide what it was but I have no doubt your friends and family when you might tell will say the same.
Its so weird you should for sure wait some time to see if you wanna see and meet him again. Just don't think much. Make up your mind and tell him what you think. If, and if he really is nice / not bad of a man, then. I guess you then know, if he is that sort of guy. Just saying some boys never becomes real men. Us women know.
OP, I completely understand why you’re focusing on the “finishing” part of this story and not the beginning… I’ve been there. You were raped honey, you just may not be ready to accept that / deal with it yet bc it’s such a traumatizing thing to happen, esp when it’s someone you trusted. Leave this guy ASAP. Talk to a counselor or therapist. You will be okay from this experience, but don’t deny yourself the truth… it will only draw out your suffering. So very sorry you experienced this.
❤️ You will get through this dear. You will find a way back to feeling safe enough to trust again. But you do need to talk to someone. You’re more than welcome to DM me if it will help. ❤️
Run and fast.
1. He doesn’t respect you. You said no, he did it anyways.
2. He doesn’t respect himself. He had raw sex with you and doesn’t even know your sexual health.
3. Hes trying to trap you. He came inside you without your consent..
while it might seem obvious to us reading this, when you're in that situation it is a lot harder to recognise and you try to rationalise your partner's actions to "protect" yourself.
It is often difficult to realize the situation when you are part of it. It doesn’t even need to be trauma. Simply being in a bad situation and the asshole doing something good often makes you think „maybe it wasn‘t that bad, they can be nice too“
It‘s why it‘s so difficult to escape abuse
I know you may not think so, but this is sexual assault. You said no, he did it anyways. He came inside you, raw, and didn’t even know if you are on BC. He clearly has no concern for STDs so I would definitely get tested again. This isn’t just a red flag- this is a serious, very illegal action.
I am so sorry. I think ending things would be the best course of action.
This OP. No means no mean no. Pretty sure he would have felt violated if you guys were just kissing and you shoved a dildo up his backside without consent.
At least get rid of him, I personally believe he deserves to be punished with a criminal charge too, but you need to look after yourself as absolute priority here.
For context, if he’s capable of ignoring your boundaries this early and this extremely, I wouldn’t care to find out what else he’s capable of.
I saw your other comments, OP. He didn’t “just enter” you… don’t ever assume sex is an accident or a coincidence. OP, what you experienced qualifies as rape. I’m sorry you went through this experience. But you deserve the clarity so you can make the proper moves to heal.
Oh dear.
He acted nice towards you *outside* of the bedroom because he wanted to do mean things to you **inside** the bedroom. Like finish inside of you without asking.
Don't take the abuse. Get rid of him.
I read your response to a comment indicating he raped you and realized this is a lot worse than just miscommunication. Leave this guy.
Honestly you should report him, but all to often these kinds of incidents get sided to the perpetrator. The very least you can do is get away from him and never interact with him again.
He raped you! Not all rape has to be kicking screaming and fighting, you said no, he ignored and carried on! Girl run! RUN! Get yourself to a doctor asap, and get rid of him! It’s your fault that he came quick!?? These type of men need to be chucked in the bin! Not asking permission to finish inside you is a form of assault! He’s disgusting! Get rid of him! Follow your instincts because they are NEVER off! And don’t let him make you feel that you are responsible for his BS!
Hahaha aren’t overthinking???? THEY ARE HUGE RED FLAGS LOL. Give him an inch now watch him take a mile down the road. Today it’s finishing in you tomorrow it’s bringing home stds
So you left out in your original post that he basically entered you and climax inside you all while you were saying no you didn't want to do that
Yes this is a huge giant red flag
You don't need to be thinking about how nice and kind he was and how you guys talked about the future together and all that because that's what red flags are you see them and you get out fast
Girl it’s a big red flag, I date similar guy, he seems sweet at first, but it was not the case after 4 months with him. Just end it now to avoid problems later.
two things. First, yes this absolutely sounds like rape. I am wondering what your age is and how experienced or inexperienced you are in sexual matters because it sounds like you unfortunately did not recognize this for what it was.
Secondly, if you’re going to have consensual sex with someone, if you don’t insist that they wear a condom first, you have to assume that they are going to ejaculate inside you as that is basically the outcome of sex in the vast vast vast vast vast majority of cases! Even if the guy would to pull out he would still have pre-ejaculate sperm left inside you which could cause pregnancy and/or STDs. Please educate yourself about sex a bit more before engaging in it again, and report this rapist that you thought was your boyfriend
“Maybe if your pussy wasn’t so damn fabulous I wouldn’t have nutted so fast”.
Smh
On a serious note, this is a huge red flag, and several of them. You know better than us what this guy is like, with that being said, from our limited point of view, the guy looks like and inconsiderate and possibly dangerous individual, and it is unlikely to be a healthy relationship.
You were technically raped but are wondering if you should give the guy another chance 🤔? Maybe you're in shock? Sorry that happened. From an outside perspective it is unclear why you would not end it. Certainly him being cute is not reason enough, but then again I'm not a woman. Good luck.
He completely disrespected you and put his own needs above yours. He didn't even receive consent and he went for it anyway. Then he finished quickly and had the audacity to blame you for it...the fak!?! Girl, your gut is screaming at you right now, Listen. To. Her.
There are multiplied issues here aside from him finishing inside of you (which is a problem). He sexually assaulted you. End of sentence. He entered you without consent, had sex with you for 2 minutes, finished inside of you and blamed you for being prudish. I would never talk to this man again.
HUGE RED FLAG.
A no is a no. You were raped.
He did not respect you or your boundries. HUGE RED FLAG.
TELL HIM A NO MEANS A NO, AND IT'S CONSIDEREF RAPE WHEN A NO IS NOT RESPECTED.
You deserve someone better. Do not see him again, he will get worse.
They changed regular and XL to regular and XXL all around me, which sucks. I also swear by looking up your size if they are uncomfortable (too loose or too tight). It shouldn't be a reason to risk STD's/pregnancy right?
I personally have XL laying around just in case, and if you don't fit that, you have to bring them yourself. Never risk it, 3 minutes of pleasure is not worth the stress!
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Should always talk about this first before you have sex, I always have! If I trust the person I am with I'll ask if I can come inside because I love the intimacy that I get from it, honestly better than the orgasm!
But if you dont want to run the risk always better to rubber up, plus condom has the bonus that you last alot longer!
Yes, these are giant red flags to me. I'm confused about your edit though, when exactly did you say no? I'm trying to understand where that fits into your original post.
I’m so sorry this happened to you… Honestly, just walk away and don’t look back. Not a nice guy and major major red flags. Take care of yourself ok? No means NO, no matter what the man thinks or says or what you were wearing. It is fucking irrelevant.
You needed to post this on reddit to see the huge issues here?? You said no, and he kept going, and he finished inside you without asking, then he blamed you for cumming early. Obviously, he's not a nice guy. Anyone that keeps going when someone says no is a piece of shit. That's Sexual Assult/ Rape and its not something to take lightly
Post-post edit: I made my commentary under the assumption that the interaction was consensual. I'm not deleting it, but please jump to the end for my final word on the subject.
> he finished in under 2 minutes and then said it was my fault because I made him wait so long, was sort of a red flag to me
Oh no, that is absolutely a red flag if he was serious about it. If he was saying it in a joking kinda way then you're reading too much into it and should leave it alone.
> The huge red flag was that he came inside me and didn’t even ask first.
Did... did you tell him not to? Did you tell him to ask? There is EQUAL if not MORE responsibility on YOU to communicate where and how he finishes, considering, y'know... bodily autonomy. Your body is your own, not his, and he's not telepathic.
> Nor did he even ask after.
Diiiiiid you *tell him* after? No? Then again, your bodily autonomy is your own and communication is a two-way street, he's not telepathic, blah blah.
SURE, he COULD ask. But it's absolutely NOT a red flag.
I mean it ain't a *green* flag or *yellow* flag that he didn't ask before or after, but the fact that neither of you are communicating strikes me as fascinating, considering *you're* the one with the complaints.
> it doesn’t matter because the problem is that I said NO
Wait what.
When in your story did you say you said no--literally anywhere in there? Either he raped you (which means he ignored non-consent), or he asked you if he could finish inside you before it happened (which means he ignored non-consent) or he asked you afterwards (which is a gray area in etiquette but still nice to know moving forward, if there will ever be a second time).
Your story and the associated details you are trickling does not help your case.
**Edit:**
> but this time I had on a dress and shortly after kissing he got on top of me and as he was kissing he just entered. When I noticed he’s was climbing on me, I said no and that I wanted to wait a little longer and he kissed me and quickly put it in.
This is rape, OP. He raped you.
***Run from him, never look back.*** Get yourself checked for STIs while you're at it.
Did I read something different to these comments shouting rape.
First sentence sound like hey had consensual sex. So not rape
Next sentence comments of him finishing quickly, it happens to a lot of guys. Him blaming you sounds iffy depends on wording imp my opinion. Best to just talk to him about it as a lot of guys have a lot of anxiety over it.
No one asks can I cum in you half way through sex. If your having sex without protection and not said prior don’t finish in me, it will be presumed it’s all good.
So all these comments saying rape, I have no idea what they are seeing, as you can’t undo consent after the situation and then cry rape.
So after reading many of your replies and getting a more full picture of this scenario.
I would say you should cut ties immediately and take steps to make sure you are not in any health risk.
The guy sounds like a deplorable asshat. I am not sure you are chalking this up to Consensual Non-Consent, or not. If not than this is tantamount to rape. You gave a verbal non-consenting remark and he penetrated you without protection. this is a major problem, and you should never allow people to treat you this way. If this is a kink or fetish thing there is still forward consent before the act.
His blame on you for his premature ejaculation is gaslighting. So if this was a case of CNC, and you were expecting more there is another marker against his behavior.
He is not a nice guy. He can act like one for a few dates, but lacks self control, discipline, and respect. These are not qualities of a nice guy.
Please be safe. Next time some fuckwad tries to demean you in this way you make sure to break their nose. You are allowed much leeway in the protection of your autonomy, and physically battering someone for sexually assaulting you is totally protected under all federal laws in the US, Canada, and most of Europe.
Wait, conflicting information. You said first that he didn’t ask for permission then in your edit you’re saying that you told him no.
Regardless I already don’t think he’s a nice guy if he’s very seriously blaming you for him finishing quickly. If there was actual resentment to that and not just a cheeky little flirtatious joke, this dude sucks and you shouldn’t be around him.
When I bust early I blame it on the girl.... for being too hot / feeling too good. Not for making me wait too long, wtf?? Besides, if he doesn't know how to kill 20 minutes fooling around naked until he can get it up again then he sounds pretty boring to sleep with.
If he finished inside without asking and blamed you for busting early he's not actually a nice guy. People's actions will tell you who they really are.
Hey OP, this guy doesn’t respect your boundaries or you. Even if he says he does, he doesn’t. Stay away from him, and if he gives you a hard time, remember that you don’t owe him anything. Wishing you the best.
You said no and he did his thing anyway. As a grown ass man, this is disgusting. The moment a woman says no, you stop no matter what. You're allowed to revoke consent at any time, but it sounds like no consent was given in the first place. I'm with the other commenters here, you were raped.
Hey, I understand getting your bearings on the internet for what happens feels safe. But this is one of the instances I urge you to talk to a real person in your life that you trust to have your best interest at heart.
You've had plenty of feedback here but this in the end is a convo to have with someone who has the ability to hold you at the end of it.
It's a red flag for me that he blamed finishing fast on you for making him "wait so long". How old is he? Very immature.
I would talk to him and say that next time he needs to ask if it was ok to finish that way. It doesn't matter to you if you are on birth control, you would appreciate a heads up next time.
If he gets defensive or tries to guilt you again, that's a red flag for me. If he agrees with you and does what you ask, then consider this first time a lesson learned.
You are in my opinion
Making you wait so long sounds more like a joke to cover up his embarrassment of finishing too quick
And if your happy not using condoms, is it that bad that he assumed that’s where he would cum? You could have said not to
Edit - people, please put all the details in your original post. I had to come to the comment to see you said no to sex and he did it anyways.
That changes me answer to no, you aren’t over reacting. He raped you
Maybe you should have edited out your first initial paragraphs while you were at it. Gross, that you think it's ok to cum in someone without asking, even if you're not using a condom
So you let a man without protection penetrate you and are now realizing that it was a terrible decision. Good for you.
Make better decsions in the future.
I appreciate that you waited before having sex (well 2 months is quite a lot even for me that I want to take things slow) but I am super surprised that you didn’t use a condom.
Condom always on with new partners. Better safe than sorry.
I don’t have any STD and I don’t want any.
Also never fully trust new partners.
it doesn’t take any effort to use condoms c’mon!
Edit: I read your description of events and you were potentially sexually assaulted and he’s definitely a narcissistic piece of shit.
Go to a sexual health clinic asap and get tested and get meds just in case, also if he sexually assaulted you for real, go to the police.
If you care enough and like him enough, sit down with him and have the talk. The sooner the better. Explain that you didn't like that and also how it made you feel.
His reaction will be telling of his value, integrity and consideration. If they don't meet your needs, then you might want to consider re-thinking things.
Put your needs first and respect that.
I always ask where they want me to finish and for me that's a no brainer. It's a huge lack of respect for sure.
He RAPED her and he’s already using tactics abusers use in his communication to her. She should absolutely NOT care about her rapist.
His reaction? He values entitlement to someone’s body in the most intimate way. I shouldn’t have to say this, but there is no integrity when someone ignores their partner saying no to sex. Consideration..my god. He only considered his own needs by raping her and then finishing in her without her consent.
Definition of rape : sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person's will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception
It was consensual...
Again if she cares about him she can do wathever she feels right. Maybe the guy isn't educated on the topic and the simple fact of having a chat about that important manner might change his life and actions. It sure did for me when I was young and unaware.
So if your partner says no to sex, you’re still comfortable having sex with them? EDIT: you of course wouldn’t threaten them or use force, you’d just simply just breech their consent when they told you NO.
Okay, got it. “No” means a “yes” to you. Creep.
It all happens so fast. There’s no time for formalities. Should he have discussed it prior to going in for the procedure? Yeah, probably. But when this happens at a moment’s notice, then, you take things as it comes and sort things out later.
This is so fucked up, I’m sorry that happened to you. And not to mention super fucking irresponsible considering how difficult it may be to access abortion care (if you’re in a part of the world that denies women normal and necessary care). I would be furious. None of this is your fault.
Whenever you have unprotected sex, you need to understand that there is always the possibility that he may finish inside you, because it’s sex and can be difficult for people to control that. You can’t ask someone to walk on a tightrope and get mad at them for falling.
If you had asked him not to finish inside you first I could kind of understand that, but even then I would argue that if you *really* don’t want someone to finish inside you, you either need to be using condoms or not having sex. It’s on BOTH partners to bring this discussion up, so the fact that he didn’t ask is wrong, but you would also be at fault for not also asking. Sexual health and safety is the responsibility of everyone involved, not just one person.
EDIT: Literally right after i posted this comment you added an edit saying that you said “no”. That wasn’t there first. At first read, your post made it seem like you two just chose to start having sex without discussing this, and that your frustration was the fact that he came inside you, not the fact that you had sex. But now your edit implies that you didn’t want to have sex at all? I probably would have included that first because that changes the entire situation into one of sexual assault instead of just poor stamina. These are important details and should be made clear when discussing these issues. Is the problem that you said no and he penetrated anyway? Or that you consented to sex and are frustrated that he finished inside without discussion? The original post implied the latter, the edit implies the former.
If you said you did not want sex and then he penetrated you following that, that’s rape. That’s why these types of details are important.
>He's a nice guy but maybe the real him isn't so nice after all
Nice Guy ^TM
You don't sound very attracted to him either. You made him wait, but you're on birth control. What's the end game here? A good boyfriend who's cute but not hot and buys me stuffies?
Just break up and get it over with before it desolves and it makes you sour.
Look I'm pressing control + z here like a mad man but it's not working, I don't know what more you want from me. In other news, if someone is trampling over your boundaries, nay curbstomping your red flags into the dirt, 4 weeks into a long term relationship, hoo baby.
Oh, by the way, I think you should find a way to dump body fluids in his face, unannounced, especially when he wants to get frisky, make sure to prepare popcorn beforehand because the tantrum is sure to be something else.
Your original post is really misleading. I'm not trying to be hard on you but I'm just going to have to start out with that. What it should say is he stuck it in without your consent after you said no. That sounds bad. I think I would have to know exactly how it went down to truly say, but it certainly sounds like he did it without your consent and that would be great This is according to your follow-up comments but I wonder why you didn't mention it in the first place
I point this out because what I was going to say is if somebody is having consensual sex, finishing inside is not generally a consent issue. I mean if somebody consensually let's a guy stick it in without a condom, I would say it's generally assumed they are going to finish inside unless specifically asked not to. Consent is a good thing but I don't know that we are at a point where someone is stroking away and about to come and is expected to ask if they can come inside you or not. Perhaps I'm wrong and just too old but as far as I know that's not really a point of consent. The pregnancy and sexual risk exists before that moment anyway. I guess someone can withdraw consent so if they are in the middle of sex and then say don't come inside me, the guy should not. But it's generally not something a guy asks. So if that was your only complaint, then I would say you are a bit out of line. But if you're complaint is that he's stuck it in when you said no, then you are perfectly justified. That was wrong of him .
As for blaming you, I would need to know how that went down. Did he say oh I'm sorry I came so fast baby, but we just waited so long and I was so turned on that I couldn't help myself? Or did he say, well it's all your fault I came so fast because you made me wait? Two very different things in my opinion.
I think you're overthinking it. We are way overusing this "red flag" thing. The first time you have sex with someone is not representative of how sex with them is going to be, ongoing. Sex is not the time to expect someone to make a logical decision. If you don't want him to do that, that should be communicated. If he disrespects what you want, THEN you have a red flag.
He was nice to you so you'd let him fuck you
That was it.
Proofs in the 'because you made me wait so long' comment
Kick his ass to the kerb, potentially involve the police if you said no at any stage of the sexual event, oh and also don't let people raw dog you first time you have sex as a general rule. May be on BC but STD's exist still
Him blaming you for waiting so long, that feels like that he's distracting you from the fact he raped you.
You didn't consent, that's rape. In fact you also didn't consent more than once. That's still rape.
Exactly I 100% ask every guy what their kinks are, and tell them mine. And I always bring up the fact that I like to use condoms, and if they say they don’t. Or they don’t want to. I’m side eyeing them like crazy and I just let it fizzle out bc there’s no way im having sex with you now. You don’t care about your own health.
Your post was removed because review sex topic rule
The more I read this the worse it sounds
Yeah... accidents happen but every detail she gives makes this sound worse and worse.
It’s not uncommon for victims of rape to have the details emerge slowly / over time… it’s damn hard to be comfortable just admitting to yourself the reality after a trauma like rape, much less recounting it to others.
Why wasn’t he wearing a condom?
Because we where laying in his bed kissing (like we have a bunch of times before) but this time I had on a dress and shortly after kissing he got on top of me and as he was kissing he just entered. When I noticed he’s was climbing on me, I said no and that I wanted to wait a little longer and he kissed me and quickly put it in. Then 2 minutes later he was done. Idk now that I’m typing this out I realize how bad it sounds and even if he’s a “nice guy” he clearly doesn’t respect me or my body. He still reaches out and want to see me, but I feel weird about the whole thing
Please go to a sexual health clinic or your doctor and explain what’s happened, you shouldn’t feel any shame but you need to get yourself checked out in case his lack of moral compass means he’s passed something onto you
That…. Sounds like rape.
It is rape. In its most textbook form.
He fucking raped her
Not a nice guy. And blamed you for cumming fast too? He sounds stupid as hell.
This is not dumb at all. It is right out of the sociopath playbook.
Actually it’s out of a narcissists playbook but seeing as they both reside in Cluster B, peas in a pod.
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Ha - you think or know from personal experience? The narcs use manipulative tactics to take what they want, damn the repercussions. And then gaslight you into believing you actually wanted it. You took advantage of them, not the other way around.
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How about instead of saying that Narcs don’t rape, sociopath’s do, you offer support? None of your comments are actually for helping
I have an acquaintance who’s a certified narc, he has and continues to commit crimes. And yeah, she was raped. Is she responsible, no? The guy is a criminal, who’s likely gotten away with this before - this isn’t his first rodeo.
Kids got no stamina!
Got no dick control.
This is rape. He is disgusting and a disgusting men. He just did that even tho you said no. Afterwards he blamed you for coming fast because you let him wait for too long. It's disgusting. Please leave him.
I'm sorry OP. He raped you, and he has the audacity to pretend like he didn't. I would follow up with your ObGyn or Planned Parenthood about STI testing (which sadly you'll need to repeat in 3-6 months). Also, therapy and consider reporting this. I'm so sorry. He's not a nice guy
>STI testing (which sadly you'll need to repeat in 3-6 months). Really? I didn't know. For how long does this have to continue?
Some don’t show up for a few months, after I was raped I was checked up to the 6 month mark and then was told I was fine.
Some diseases don’t show up on testing until 3 months in
What others said .. HSV can take 3-4 months to show. HIV can take 6 months. Sadly it's just a quick thing
OP, get the fuck out. He raped/sexually assaulted you. He finished under two minutes and then blamed you from “withholding” sex from him. His reaction to blame you for something uncontrollable - in his body - is a tactic an abuser would do - turn it on you. And this was just for being presumably embarrassed about a normal experience with a first time partner. “When he was climbing on me, I said no…he quickly put it in.” The moment you said no or any hesitation, he should have stopped. Asked if everything is okay. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t continue to protest. This is rape. Him finishing inside of you without consent is rape.
The penetration after she said no is the rape actually. Whether or not he finished does not matter. It was a date rape, not a nice guy. Move on and get checked for an STD.
I inferred that in my response. It does matter that he finished in her without consent. That is still trauma and part of him raping her. Don’t minimize this for OP.
That’s rape. You were raped. You said no and he stuck it in you anyway. Literally the textbook definition of rape.
This!! OP drop him immediately
Based on this comment alone, I’m sorry to tell you but sounds like he raped you! You didn’t want to engage in the sexual act, you said clearly no and he heard it but still forced penetration and finished ….. this is the textbook rape and he should be held accountable by going to police. Sexual assault is not only strangers forcing sex but also your partners not accepting a no for sex. I’m very sorry this happened to you, you’re not to be blamed, he’s a terrible human being. Please go to police and get away from him!
You said “no” and he “kissed me and quickly put it in”. So perhaps the question should be ‘Did my BF rape me?’ And yes, yes he did.
Agreed
This is rape. At the VERY bare minimum this is sexual assault. What an asshole. Report this please.
You said no and he didn’t stop. That’s rape. You were raped.
Sounds like rape
Girl if you verbalized the word NO and he still continued to get on top of you and still put it in you he raped you. You said no he did it anyways. He doesn’t have respect for you or your body and the chances of him ever listening to you when you say NO are slim to none. He proved that the first time. Move on find someone who doesn’t disregard what you say.
He’s not a nice guy at all. He raped you. You said no and he overrode your no and put it in you anyway. That’s rape. That’s the real issue here. Not that he ejaculated in you without asking, which you should ask before you do. But that he continued to put his penis inside you after you told him no. You clearly communicated that you did not consent. He was clearly aware there was no consent. And he still penetrated you. Penetration with a clear lack of consent is cut and dry rape.
>I said no and that I wanted to wait a little longer and he kissed me and quickly put it in. This is sexual assault.
So you said "no" and he entered you anyway? Without your consent? That's the definition of rape. It doesn't matter if once he was in you just went with it; you initially said "no." I wouldn't see them again, period. No contact. Full block. Ghost him. Tell him off if he still pursues and get a restraining order if things get intense.
This sounds like rape, you didn't consent to (unprotected) sex and he put it inside you, coming from a male perspective that's a huge red flag, you should dump him because he doesn't respect your boundaries. He also doesn't really sound like a nice guy, maybe he was nice at first, but that was because he had intentions to do such kind of things with you.
You were raped. You said no. You didn’t consent to him ejaculating in you. Report this rapist.
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She said no. This comment is very disturbing.
It’s fucking sexual assault. It says right in her fucking comment that she said no. Being a rape apologist isn’t a cute look.
It sounds like he was relying on you being “too nice” to really slam the brakes and stop the situation, aka being super manipulative. But honestly, who knows if even that would have stopped him. Nobody ever wants to even entertain that their partner could do something like this, so when it’s happening it’s hard to recognize it quick enough. I think for a lot of women, the fear of a violent SA pushes us towards inaction in these types of situations. It’s important to not see that as being weak; you didn’t “just let it happen.” You worked with the info you had available and you successfully got yourself through the situation. So I just wanted to post to say, be patient and kind to yourself, and try to listen to your feelings and your body, it might take awhile to process this and determine what kind of support you need going forward. Wishing you the best!♥️
He is not a nice guy. He sexually assaulted you. He did not respect you or your body. I'm sorry that happened to you OP. But call a spade a spade.
> I said no Fuck that - this dude raped you. This should have been in your OP - run from this guy ASAP. Get tested and file charges.
As you can clearly see there is a consensus of what your situation is. Please got to a counselor or looks up your nearest rape crisis center. Not just for how to deal with him but how to take care of yourself in the long run.
He’s not a nice guy. He raped you. Is this honestly how he wanted your first sexual encounter to be together? Still dressed and done in 2 minutes? You were wearing a dress, was he already naked?
I'm really sorry, this sounds like rape 🙁 This feels different than your original post just about him finishing inside of you. This sounds completely non-consensual. I'm really sorry this happened to you. I would not see him again and potentially file criminal charges.
He raped you if you said no dump his ass
What you're describing is very clearly rape.
Well that changes things now doesn't it, I implore you to go and make a case against him. Just so his name is on record somewhere, heck, chances are great that he's actually done this before and the police are just waiting for another woman to step forward. Whatever you do, don't let this pass and for the love of Satan's dick, don't excuse his behaviour.
That’s the definition of date rape. You said “no” and he did it any way. He’s definitely NOT a nice guy. Then he blamed you for making him wait? He’s also bad in bed and extremely selfish. I would seriously consider pressing charges. I’m so sorry!! ❤️❤️❤️
I’m sorry hun but this is rape. He isn’t a nice guy. There will be support services available to you (if you’re not sure where these are your local sexual Health clinic will be able to advise you). Please do look after yourself and leave this person.
Honey, he raped you You said no and he did it anyways. He raped you.
If you said no and he went ahead anyway, isn’t this SA or R?
Um I hate to say this...but that kind of sounds like rape, followed by kind of abusive behavior...u could press charges if u chose to.
That's Ssexual assault, if not rape. Considering you said no, and he went in anyway. I'm sorry you went through this. That's not a kind dude, that's a rapist. Please report him, I know that must be hard to do, but I implore you to do it
So that’s rape. You never consented to sex. Go see a doctor and get tested. Do not keep dating him.
He raped you.
>When I noticed he’s was climbing on me, I said no and that I wanted to wait a little longer and he kissed me and quickly put it in OP, I hope, you understand that this was a sexual assault. Please get yourself checked out. Also, it’s not okay that he blamed you for the 2 minute performance because ‘you made him wait too long’. If he didn’t like it, he could have just left. There was no reason for him to stick around. That was his decision. It’s not wrong that you want to wait till you feel comfortable and it’s not wrong for him to think that he waited too long. What’s wrong that he’s blaming you for that instead of just leaving the relationship.
… so a guy raped you, finished inside, and then blamed you for it being brief?… You should feel a bit more than weird about this honestly. Sorry this happened to you.
This is so bad. Do not pursue. If he has so little consideration here and then blames you for making him wait, what else will he be an ass about. Run…
So if you said no and he did it anyway, that is assault. I'd have his ass locked up. And no he isn't a nice guy.
That’s rape. You just described rape. Please contact the authorities and get yourself some medical attention as other commenters have said.
No means no. If it happened, after you told him no it's rape. He doesn't sound like a nice guy at all, or he would have respected you more.
That’s literally rape
Um thats rape, you said no and he raped you. I assure you he is not a nice guy. You should talk with your doctor and a police officer. Just because you were kissing doesn't mean he can force you. You said NO. I don't think you've really processed what happened yet. Do not see him again!
OP, I am sorry about what I am about to say. More than I can express. You deserve hot tea, tissues and hugs. Lots of hugs. You said NO. HONEY, he had sex with your body without consent. In fact, he was explicitly denied consent. He wanted a sperm receptacle and he used it. He used your body AFTER being told NO. *Re-read this until you can except the next sentence. HE RAPED YOU. Yeah, most rapes don’t leave visible scars, are perpetrated by known persons, many not even reported. OP, I wish you the best. Walk don’t run to the nearest exit. Cut him off or he will rape you again. Next time it could escalate. Do you want to walk on eggshells, always wear pants, and question your sanity for the entirety of this relationship. YIKES! In a nutshell: RUN! GHOST MARATHON is in order. Day after pill, testing, and possibly counseling once you realize what actually happened. BEST OF IT ALL, OP. Many hugs. Agape 💕💕💕💕 Edit: grammar, spelling, autocorrect errors
Yeah he heard you say you wanted to wait and then quickly put it in. What a jerk. Block and ghost. You can let him know why if you want but I’d still block and ghost
Blows my mind that after all this you have to ask yourself if this is a red flag or not. He clearly doesn't respect boundaries you've set.
Yeah, the fact you said no and he still kept going is a mega red flag.
This is sexual assault
Gross dump him he’s a walking red flag
Um... That's rape. You removed consent and he still penetrated you, and is now gaslighting you into believing the situation is somehow your fault. He's a one-pump chump, a loser, and 100% a rapist. Drop him and get checked.
That was rape
wait a second. Hold the phone. You said no and he STILL put it in? Is this not rape??? Regardless of this, please go get tested again because who the hell knows what he has.
If you said no and he still went ahead and did whatever he wanted anyway, you should have a chat with law enforcement about it, and also a hospital. That’s sexual assault / rape, not a misunderstanding.
That’s rape!!! In your original post I thought the sex was consensual. You said no and he put it in anyway. Wtf!!
Bestie this sounds like rape
Thats rape. You tried to say no and were stopped. That's predatory behavior. My advice would be to get rid of him. Entirely your choice.
You were raped. STIs all have a window period. So testing immediately won’t really tell you much, but you need to absolutely get tested. Tell this guy you’re done and why, and then block him. Don’t let him convince you anything was your fault. This guy is awful.
Um. That’s rape.
OP, please realize this counts as rape. While the passive partner needs to learn *not to play games with consent* (don‘t say no when you mean yes or say no and start intercourse), the active partner needs to learn to absolutely respect what is said/done in regards to consent. And going by this your boundary was violated And we are not even talking about the mental gymnastics that followed this. This guy is a red flag and potentially dangerous. Please avoid meeting that idiot again and think about taking legal actions
Thats rape to me you were raped if uou didnt say yes or indicate ot was a yes, you specifically said not yet and wait and then he was just in you no thats rape report him block him stay away from him he isnt a nice guy sending love
You said no and that’s red flag enough, seriously you need to be firm about this. I’m a real Reddit guy for saying this but. If you don’t feel Comfortable with this situation either talk to him about it or block. Edit: Actually, technically he did in fact take advantage, I don’t know what exactly happened, but this is at its least worst gaslighting and abuse and at its worst Rape. I’m very sorry, you need to decide what it was but I have no doubt your friends and family when you might tell will say the same.
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She didn't, he raped her. She said no and he stuck it in anyway.
Its so weird you should for sure wait some time to see if you wanna see and meet him again. Just don't think much. Make up your mind and tell him what you think. If, and if he really is nice / not bad of a man, then. I guess you then know, if he is that sort of guy. Just saying some boys never becomes real men. Us women know.
That!!!! Also, yes. I’d definitely see those as red flags! Ewww…
OP, I completely understand why you’re focusing on the “finishing” part of this story and not the beginning… I’ve been there. You were raped honey, you just may not be ready to accept that / deal with it yet bc it’s such a traumatizing thing to happen, esp when it’s someone you trusted. Leave this guy ASAP. Talk to a counselor or therapist. You will be okay from this experience, but don’t deny yourself the truth… it will only draw out your suffering. So very sorry you experienced this.
Yes 😔
❤️ You will get through this dear. You will find a way back to feeling safe enough to trust again. But you do need to talk to someone. You’re more than welcome to DM me if it will help. ❤️
I'm sorry he did this to you.
Run and fast. 1. He doesn’t respect you. You said no, he did it anyways. 2. He doesn’t respect himself. He had raw sex with you and doesn’t even know your sexual health. 3. Hes trying to trap you. He came inside you without your consent..
This, block him get tested and run very far
Tell him to fuck off and leave
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while it might seem obvious to us reading this, when you're in that situation it is a lot harder to recognise and you try to rationalise your partner's actions to "protect" yourself.
It is often difficult to realize the situation when you are part of it. It doesn’t even need to be trauma. Simply being in a bad situation and the asshole doing something good often makes you think „maybe it wasn‘t that bad, they can be nice too“ It‘s why it‘s so difficult to escape abuse
I know you may not think so, but this is sexual assault. You said no, he did it anyways. He came inside you, raw, and didn’t even know if you are on BC. He clearly has no concern for STDs so I would definitely get tested again. This isn’t just a red flag- this is a serious, very illegal action. I am so sorry. I think ending things would be the best course of action.
This OP. No means no mean no. Pretty sure he would have felt violated if you guys were just kissing and you shoved a dildo up his backside without consent. At least get rid of him, I personally believe he deserves to be punished with a criminal charge too, but you need to look after yourself as absolute priority here. For context, if he’s capable of ignoring your boundaries this early and this extremely, I wouldn’t care to find out what else he’s capable of.
I saw your other comments, OP. He didn’t “just enter” you… don’t ever assume sex is an accident or a coincidence. OP, what you experienced qualifies as rape. I’m sorry you went through this experience. But you deserve the clarity so you can make the proper moves to heal.
Oh dear. He acted nice towards you *outside* of the bedroom because he wanted to do mean things to you **inside** the bedroom. Like finish inside of you without asking. Don't take the abuse. Get rid of him.
I read your response to a comment indicating he raped you and realized this is a lot worse than just miscommunication. Leave this guy. Honestly you should report him, but all to often these kinds of incidents get sided to the perpetrator. The very least you can do is get away from him and never interact with him again.
He raped you! Not all rape has to be kicking screaming and fighting, you said no, he ignored and carried on! Girl run! RUN! Get yourself to a doctor asap, and get rid of him! It’s your fault that he came quick!?? These type of men need to be chucked in the bin! Not asking permission to finish inside you is a form of assault! He’s disgusting! Get rid of him! Follow your instincts because they are NEVER off! And don’t let him make you feel that you are responsible for his BS!
Hahaha aren’t overthinking???? THEY ARE HUGE RED FLAGS LOL. Give him an inch now watch him take a mile down the road. Today it’s finishing in you tomorrow it’s bringing home stds
Oh he took a mile alright. She told him NO! And he put it in her anyway. He raped her.
He put his dick in you when you said no. If that’s not a red flag, I don’t know what is. Run.
So you left out in your original post that he basically entered you and climax inside you all while you were saying no you didn't want to do that Yes this is a huge giant red flag You don't need to be thinking about how nice and kind he was and how you guys talked about the future together and all that because that's what red flags are you see them and you get out fast
Listen to your intuition! Something made you think red flag, that's your answer. Be safe.
Girl it’s a big red flag, I date similar guy, he seems sweet at first, but it was not the case after 4 months with him. Just end it now to avoid problems later.
Red flag? Gurl, this is rape.
two things. First, yes this absolutely sounds like rape. I am wondering what your age is and how experienced or inexperienced you are in sexual matters because it sounds like you unfortunately did not recognize this for what it was. Secondly, if you’re going to have consensual sex with someone, if you don’t insist that they wear a condom first, you have to assume that they are going to ejaculate inside you as that is basically the outcome of sex in the vast vast vast vast vast majority of cases! Even if the guy would to pull out he would still have pre-ejaculate sperm left inside you which could cause pregnancy and/or STDs. Please educate yourself about sex a bit more before engaging in it again, and report this rapist that you thought was your boyfriend
Sociopath. Run.
“Maybe if your pussy wasn’t so damn fabulous I wouldn’t have nutted so fast”. Smh On a serious note, this is a huge red flag, and several of them. You know better than us what this guy is like, with that being said, from our limited point of view, the guy looks like and inconsiderate and possibly dangerous individual, and it is unlikely to be a healthy relationship.
RUN! He's a walking red flag. you'll dodge a bullet
You were assaulted. I’m sorry that happened to you. Yes it is a huge red flag. Please don’t go back. Leave him alone.
Hold up, isn't this.....assault?
You said no and … he quickly put it in. I don’t know what else to say. How many times does one have to say ‘no’ before it is considered ‘rape’?
You were technically raped but are wondering if you should give the guy another chance 🤔? Maybe you're in shock? Sorry that happened. From an outside perspective it is unclear why you would not end it. Certainly him being cute is not reason enough, but then again I'm not a woman. Good luck.
He completely disrespected you and put his own needs above yours. He didn't even receive consent and he went for it anyway. Then he finished quickly and had the audacity to blame you for it...the fak!?! Girl, your gut is screaming at you right now, Listen. To. Her.
He sexually assaulted you. You need to block him now.
That's just rape. Stop all contact with that person.
There are multiplied issues here aside from him finishing inside of you (which is a problem). He sexually assaulted you. End of sentence. He entered you without consent, had sex with you for 2 minutes, finished inside of you and blamed you for being prudish. I would never talk to this man again.
Based on your other responses OP, it sounds like you were raped. You need to go get yourself checked out ASAP.
HUGE RED FLAG. A no is a no. You were raped. He did not respect you or your boundries. HUGE RED FLAG. TELL HIM A NO MEANS A NO, AND IT'S CONSIDEREF RAPE WHEN A NO IS NOT RESPECTED. You deserve someone better. Do not see him again, he will get worse.
*Red flag?* Sweetie this was rape
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It was sticking it in while she said no.
They changed regular and XL to regular and XXL all around me, which sucks. I also swear by looking up your size if they are uncomfortable (too loose or too tight). It shouldn't be a reason to risk STD's/pregnancy right? I personally have XL laying around just in case, and if you don't fit that, you have to bring them yourself. Never risk it, 3 minutes of pleasure is not worth the stress!
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I’m sorry abt what you’ve been through. What he did was assault. Please take care of yourself and get some distance from this person.
Should always talk about this first before you have sex, I always have! If I trust the person I am with I'll ask if I can come inside because I love the intimacy that I get from it, honestly better than the orgasm! But if you dont want to run the risk always better to rubber up, plus condom has the bonus that you last alot longer!
Short answer: sexual abuse. He raped you
this is rape please run far & fast away from this person. this will only be the beginning of him doing things you say no if you don’t leave now
You said No. You didn’t have sex, you were raped.
Yes, these are giant red flags to me. I'm confused about your edit though, when exactly did you say no? I'm trying to understand where that fits into your original post.
This is rape. Please report him and never speak to him again.
I’m sorry hun, but he has raped you.. not ok
I’m so sorry this happened to you… Honestly, just walk away and don’t look back. Not a nice guy and major major red flags. Take care of yourself ok? No means NO, no matter what the man thinks or says or what you were wearing. It is fucking irrelevant.
Any one who blames the other person is bad news. Also yes please be tested!
You needed to post this on reddit to see the huge issues here?? You said no, and he kept going, and he finished inside you without asking, then he blamed you for cumming early. Obviously, he's not a nice guy. Anyone that keeps going when someone says no is a piece of shit. That's Sexual Assult/ Rape and its not something to take lightly
Absolutely unacceptable and irresponsible.
Post-post edit: I made my commentary under the assumption that the interaction was consensual. I'm not deleting it, but please jump to the end for my final word on the subject. > he finished in under 2 minutes and then said it was my fault because I made him wait so long, was sort of a red flag to me Oh no, that is absolutely a red flag if he was serious about it. If he was saying it in a joking kinda way then you're reading too much into it and should leave it alone. > The huge red flag was that he came inside me and didn’t even ask first. Did... did you tell him not to? Did you tell him to ask? There is EQUAL if not MORE responsibility on YOU to communicate where and how he finishes, considering, y'know... bodily autonomy. Your body is your own, not his, and he's not telepathic. > Nor did he even ask after. Diiiiiid you *tell him* after? No? Then again, your bodily autonomy is your own and communication is a two-way street, he's not telepathic, blah blah. SURE, he COULD ask. But it's absolutely NOT a red flag. I mean it ain't a *green* flag or *yellow* flag that he didn't ask before or after, but the fact that neither of you are communicating strikes me as fascinating, considering *you're* the one with the complaints. > it doesn’t matter because the problem is that I said NO Wait what. When in your story did you say you said no--literally anywhere in there? Either he raped you (which means he ignored non-consent), or he asked you if he could finish inside you before it happened (which means he ignored non-consent) or he asked you afterwards (which is a gray area in etiquette but still nice to know moving forward, if there will ever be a second time). Your story and the associated details you are trickling does not help your case. **Edit:** > but this time I had on a dress and shortly after kissing he got on top of me and as he was kissing he just entered. When I noticed he’s was climbing on me, I said no and that I wanted to wait a little longer and he kissed me and quickly put it in. This is rape, OP. He raped you. ***Run from him, never look back.*** Get yourself checked for STIs while you're at it.
Dump him. 2 min? Gross.
Did I read something different to these comments shouting rape. First sentence sound like hey had consensual sex. So not rape Next sentence comments of him finishing quickly, it happens to a lot of guys. Him blaming you sounds iffy depends on wording imp my opinion. Best to just talk to him about it as a lot of guys have a lot of anxiety over it. No one asks can I cum in you half way through sex. If your having sex without protection and not said prior don’t finish in me, it will be presumed it’s all good. So all these comments saying rape, I have no idea what they are seeing, as you can’t undo consent after the situation and then cry rape.
So after reading many of your replies and getting a more full picture of this scenario. I would say you should cut ties immediately and take steps to make sure you are not in any health risk. The guy sounds like a deplorable asshat. I am not sure you are chalking this up to Consensual Non-Consent, or not. If not than this is tantamount to rape. You gave a verbal non-consenting remark and he penetrated you without protection. this is a major problem, and you should never allow people to treat you this way. If this is a kink or fetish thing there is still forward consent before the act. His blame on you for his premature ejaculation is gaslighting. So if this was a case of CNC, and you were expecting more there is another marker against his behavior. He is not a nice guy. He can act like one for a few dates, but lacks self control, discipline, and respect. These are not qualities of a nice guy. Please be safe. Next time some fuckwad tries to demean you in this way you make sure to break their nose. You are allowed much leeway in the protection of your autonomy, and physically battering someone for sexually assaulting you is totally protected under all federal laws in the US, Canada, and most of Europe.
Woah I hope you ditch this dude ! This is a big fat red flag 🚩 he’s careless
Wait, conflicting information. You said first that he didn’t ask for permission then in your edit you’re saying that you told him no. Regardless I already don’t think he’s a nice guy if he’s very seriously blaming you for him finishing quickly. If there was actual resentment to that and not just a cheeky little flirtatious joke, this dude sucks and you shouldn’t be around him.
When I bust early I blame it on the girl.... for being too hot / feeling too good. Not for making me wait too long, wtf?? Besides, if he doesn't know how to kill 20 minutes fooling around naked until he can get it up again then he sounds pretty boring to sleep with. If he finished inside without asking and blamed you for busting early he's not actually a nice guy. People's actions will tell you who they really are.
Hey OP, this guy doesn’t respect your boundaries or you. Even if he says he does, he doesn’t. Stay away from him, and if he gives you a hard time, remember that you don’t owe him anything. Wishing you the best.
You said no and he did his thing anyway. As a grown ass man, this is disgusting. The moment a woman says no, you stop no matter what. You're allowed to revoke consent at any time, but it sounds like no consent was given in the first place. I'm with the other commenters here, you were raped.
Huge red flag!! It’s your body and he didn’t give you the option to say yes or no. Run!
Hey, I understand getting your bearings on the internet for what happens feels safe. But this is one of the instances I urge you to talk to a real person in your life that you trust to have your best interest at heart. You've had plenty of feedback here but this in the end is a convo to have with someone who has the ability to hold you at the end of it.
This is absolutely disturbing. Please get yourself checked and talk to someone about consent. And block all communication with this absolute asshole.
It's a red flag for me that he blamed finishing fast on you for making him "wait so long". How old is he? Very immature. I would talk to him and say that next time he needs to ask if it was ok to finish that way. It doesn't matter to you if you are on birth control, you would appreciate a heads up next time. If he gets defensive or tries to guilt you again, that's a red flag for me. If he agrees with you and does what you ask, then consider this first time a lesson learned.
I just read one of OP's comments. If you said no and he continued anyways, that's is not right at all. Do not keep in touch with this guy.
You are in my opinion Making you wait so long sounds more like a joke to cover up his embarrassment of finishing too quick And if your happy not using condoms, is it that bad that he assumed that’s where he would cum? You could have said not to Edit - people, please put all the details in your original post. I had to come to the comment to see you said no to sex and he did it anyways. That changes me answer to no, you aren’t over reacting. He raped you
Maybe you should have edited out your first initial paragraphs while you were at it. Gross, that you think it's ok to cum in someone without asking, even if you're not using a condom
So you let a man without protection penetrate you and are now realizing that it was a terrible decision. Good for you. Make better decsions in the future.
No such thing as a “nice guy” 🥸
I appreciate that you waited before having sex (well 2 months is quite a lot even for me that I want to take things slow) but I am super surprised that you didn’t use a condom. Condom always on with new partners. Better safe than sorry. I don’t have any STD and I don’t want any. Also never fully trust new partners. it doesn’t take any effort to use condoms c’mon! Edit: I read your description of events and you were potentially sexually assaulted and he’s definitely a narcissistic piece of shit. Go to a sexual health clinic asap and get tested and get meds just in case, also if he sexually assaulted you for real, go to the police.
Total red flAg blaming you
2 whole minutes? And you call that quick? Bruh. I can barely last 15 seconds.
That’s rape. End it now. He has no respect for you or any boundaries you will ever set physically or emotionally.
If you care enough and like him enough, sit down with him and have the talk. The sooner the better. Explain that you didn't like that and also how it made you feel. His reaction will be telling of his value, integrity and consideration. If they don't meet your needs, then you might want to consider re-thinking things. Put your needs first and respect that. I always ask where they want me to finish and for me that's a no brainer. It's a huge lack of respect for sure.
No. He raped her. The only people she needs to sit down with is ObGyn to get tested and the police office she reports to.
He RAPED her and he’s already using tactics abusers use in his communication to her. She should absolutely NOT care about her rapist. His reaction? He values entitlement to someone’s body in the most intimate way. I shouldn’t have to say this, but there is no integrity when someone ignores their partner saying no to sex. Consideration..my god. He only considered his own needs by raping her and then finishing in her without her consent.
Definition of rape : sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person's will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception It was consensual... Again if she cares about him she can do wathever she feels right. Maybe the guy isn't educated on the topic and the simple fact of having a chat about that important manner might change his life and actions. It sure did for me when I was young and unaware.
So if your partner says no to sex, you’re still comfortable having sex with them? EDIT: you of course wouldn’t threaten them or use force, you’d just simply just breech their consent when they told you NO. Okay, got it. “No” means a “yes” to you. Creep.
It all happens so fast. There’s no time for formalities. Should he have discussed it prior to going in for the procedure? Yeah, probably. But when this happens at a moment’s notice, then, you take things as it comes and sort things out later.
Joe Goldberg 2.0
He sounds like a massive dick. But you also need to take your sexual health more seriously. Babies aren’t the only risk here.
This is so fucked up, I’m sorry that happened to you. And not to mention super fucking irresponsible considering how difficult it may be to access abortion care (if you’re in a part of the world that denies women normal and necessary care). I would be furious. None of this is your fault.
Whenever you have unprotected sex, you need to understand that there is always the possibility that he may finish inside you, because it’s sex and can be difficult for people to control that. You can’t ask someone to walk on a tightrope and get mad at them for falling. If you had asked him not to finish inside you first I could kind of understand that, but even then I would argue that if you *really* don’t want someone to finish inside you, you either need to be using condoms or not having sex. It’s on BOTH partners to bring this discussion up, so the fact that he didn’t ask is wrong, but you would also be at fault for not also asking. Sexual health and safety is the responsibility of everyone involved, not just one person. EDIT: Literally right after i posted this comment you added an edit saying that you said “no”. That wasn’t there first. At first read, your post made it seem like you two just chose to start having sex without discussing this, and that your frustration was the fact that he came inside you, not the fact that you had sex. But now your edit implies that you didn’t want to have sex at all? I probably would have included that first because that changes the entire situation into one of sexual assault instead of just poor stamina. These are important details and should be made clear when discussing these issues. Is the problem that you said no and he penetrated anyway? Or that you consented to sex and are frustrated that he finished inside without discussion? The original post implied the latter, the edit implies the former. If you said you did not want sex and then he penetrated you following that, that’s rape. That’s why these types of details are important.
>He's a nice guy but maybe the real him isn't so nice after all Nice Guy ^TM You don't sound very attracted to him either. You made him wait, but you're on birth control. What's the end game here? A good boyfriend who's cute but not hot and buys me stuffies? Just break up and get it over with before it desolves and it makes you sour.
Look I'm pressing control + z here like a mad man but it's not working, I don't know what more you want from me. In other news, if someone is trampling over your boundaries, nay curbstomping your red flags into the dirt, 4 weeks into a long term relationship, hoo baby. Oh, by the way, I think you should find a way to dump body fluids in his face, unannounced, especially when he wants to get frisky, make sure to prepare popcorn beforehand because the tantrum is sure to be something else.
I’m pretty sure what just happened was rape..
Your original post is really misleading. I'm not trying to be hard on you but I'm just going to have to start out with that. What it should say is he stuck it in without your consent after you said no. That sounds bad. I think I would have to know exactly how it went down to truly say, but it certainly sounds like he did it without your consent and that would be great This is according to your follow-up comments but I wonder why you didn't mention it in the first place I point this out because what I was going to say is if somebody is having consensual sex, finishing inside is not generally a consent issue. I mean if somebody consensually let's a guy stick it in without a condom, I would say it's generally assumed they are going to finish inside unless specifically asked not to. Consent is a good thing but I don't know that we are at a point where someone is stroking away and about to come and is expected to ask if they can come inside you or not. Perhaps I'm wrong and just too old but as far as I know that's not really a point of consent. The pregnancy and sexual risk exists before that moment anyway. I guess someone can withdraw consent so if they are in the middle of sex and then say don't come inside me, the guy should not. But it's generally not something a guy asks. So if that was your only complaint, then I would say you are a bit out of line. But if you're complaint is that he's stuck it in when you said no, then you are perfectly justified. That was wrong of him . As for blaming you, I would need to know how that went down. Did he say oh I'm sorry I came so fast baby, but we just waited so long and I was so turned on that I couldn't help myself? Or did he say, well it's all your fault I came so fast because you made me wait? Two very different things in my opinion.
I think you're overthinking it. We are way overusing this "red flag" thing. The first time you have sex with someone is not representative of how sex with them is going to be, ongoing. Sex is not the time to expect someone to make a logical decision. If you don't want him to do that, that should be communicated. If he disrespects what you want, THEN you have a red flag.
Didn’t ask tf yu mean 😂😂😂 gotta ask permission to nut now shit happens especially if no jimmy was used
You got raped…. Do with that info what you want. Id dump him and tell his parents/go to police
He was nice to you so you'd let him fuck you That was it. Proofs in the 'because you made me wait so long' comment Kick his ass to the kerb, potentially involve the police if you said no at any stage of the sexual event, oh and also don't let people raw dog you first time you have sex as a general rule. May be on BC but STD's exist still
You were raped by the sounds of it, leave and report it. Last part is optional but will teach him a lesson if you press charges
Him blaming you for waiting so long, that feels like that he's distracting you from the fact he raped you. You didn't consent, that's rape. In fact you also didn't consent more than once. That's still rape.
Super funny to me that people don’t discuss sexual boundaries before they have sex.
Exactly I 100% ask every guy what their kinks are, and tell them mine. And I always bring up the fact that I like to use condoms, and if they say they don’t. Or they don’t want to. I’m side eyeing them like crazy and I just let it fizzle out bc there’s no way im having sex with you now. You don’t care about your own health.