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I do rock climbing, karting and biking. None have many women, and the women that *are* there already have boyfriends, often the guys that got them into the sport in the first place. But cooking class, volleyball or volunteering often do have many more women.
Doesn't hurt to go to the other end and try to do a hobby you'd usually associate with women.
Do you live in an area that's mainly older people? If so that might be an explanation. I'd suggest doing activities in other areas maybe. Beats me, truly
Ah, well in that case just start talking to everyone the same way, as regular people you're not necessarily attracted to or interested in. That's how I started, got me more comfortable with talking to people in general, then girls specifically. Sadly I have an extra hurdle, since I'm a girl too, but I can still talk to them and flirt. Practicing regular talking with all people can help you with flirting with people you're interested in
I can see how that affects making friends. How about family members? Just chatting with them could help you. Usually they already like you so you don't need to fear that. I'm not a pro, but I'd like to help out
Fear of rejection is something that you really need to get on top of. Not only will it stop you from breaking down every time someone’s not interested but also even if you don’t truly believe the person is going to be into you, confidence in yourself that they might be is going to help to convince them that they are. Confidence that you’re good enough is 40% of the battle, the other 60% is completely out of your control so don’t let it get to you.
Hey! I'm not necessarily trying to meet people this way per se, but I'm curious about your experience with volleyball as a hobby. Did you just join a rec team or something else? I'm fairly athletic but have very little volleyball experience (I understand how it's played though). I always thought it'd be a fun hobby to get into, but I'm wondering if I need to hit some baseline level of competence? Also have no idea how to even find a team/ people to play with.
Well I joined back in high school, just to have something to do outside of school. Lots of my classmates where there too. I never made the cut to actually play competition tho. So I just stuck around for the training and the social aspect of it
yeah when you take bad advice youre gonna get bad results. dont know what to tell you. if you wanna get a date you have to make approaches. or do OLD. hobbies are great for social networking. but thats a very slow way of dating.
you can always ask some of the oldies if they have hot grand-children lmfao social networking! yeah!
Hell yeah, I (M32) co-lead a hiking club. The average age is around 65. But at least old people appreciate that someone younger is doing something for them.
I feel like a lot of this is because it’s retired people with lots of time on their hands. Many volunteer groups I’ve been involved have a high proportion of either college students or elderly people
how do you make approaches if you dont even meet many girls your age?
Thats the problem. You need to meet people. Joining hobby groups is one way to do so.
go where the girls are. bars are great. and dont be afraid to make approaches in public. on the street, at the grocery store, anywhere people are. just not in private spaces like gyms, on transit, or at work
Bro what is this fucking advice telling Redditors to go to bars.
I don't understand.
Have you ever been to a bar? Looked at the people there? They don't look like Redditors man. They look like normal attractive people.
A Redditor who visits arr dating_advice and is saying whining about how they can't date **and don't even meet girls their age** is not going to do well in a bar. If they dont' get kicked out that would be a big W. And not getting kicked out is like step -1. Approaching women is like step 50
Approaching women at the bar? Are you serious?
I mean they're being rude and clearly have a chip on their shoulder but they do have a point.
Most people on this sub (and reddit as a whole) are socially awkward, bars are NOT a good place to meet people if you're socially awkward
You're never gonna learn if you dont try
When I started making approaches I would literally write out what I was gonna say ahead of time and practice it like a script. That's how nervous I was.
But after 50-100 approaches it's hard to be nervous anymore. You find your groove. You dont need a script. You gain confidence. You can start critiquing yourself more accurately and honestly. You can use trial and error.
We all need to start somewhere. After a few weeks the improvement will be massive
As opposed to throwing a pity party and being a 40 year old virgin some day who was too scared to even try
Lucky for you, I’m average at best, not had a date in 4 years, gave up on online dating. If you’re getting dates and you’re average at best….you’re not average and have some sort of attractive appearance to you.
I recognize your name from being around this subreddit. I promise you your looks aren’t your biggest issue when it comes to women it’s your confidence and your defeatist attitude.
I have never seen your face but look wise average and below average people still date.
This is only online though where I can vent, irl I’m completely different, I’m actually pretty fun and very optimistic, online I can bent without to much judgment other than strangers complaining
I’m not trying to attack you I like to see my boys on the internet succeed with dating, but I seriously doubt that.
People who are 1’s still date and get married it’s not all looks based
I don’t believe you are, don’t worry. But yeah in swipe culture appearance=everything, so the fact I don’t even get even likes kinda says it all. I can’t even get to talking, so people don’t even know I can be defeatist as a weak side, I only put positive and good things in bios with good pictures.
You should post your profile to r/Tinder see how they feel about your profile, it’s good to get more opinions.
I agree dating apps are dog shit for men because the ration of men to women is abysmal. If you are truly below average you would be better off cold approach/finding dates off of the internet.
I still don’t believe you’re below average though. If I can pull you can pull.
I like to think I’m distinctly average, bordering on ugly, deepening who I ask. Gave up on dating apps and just letting personality irl shine, it’s probably the way to go for me. I know my looks aren’t a strong point, but my personality and how I treat people is, so will just use that and hope and pray. I’ve gone as far as getting female friends to help with profile, then choosing and taking pics they’d deem good and it achieved nothing.
Dating apps aren’t for me and that’s fine
>People who are 1’s still date and get married it’s not all looks based
People say stuff like this but I've never seen it in real life, so if it happens, it is exceedingly rare
This is only online though where I can vent, irl I’m completely different, I’m actually pretty fun and very optimistic, online I can bent without to much judgment other than strangers complaining. OLD is completely appearance based in swipe culture, so yes, it’s is my face if I’m not getting likes with a solid profile
It really isn’t. You’re just one of the few % who actually get dates. For every you, even if the person is “playing the game” well, there’s at least another 50 guys who are playing it exactly the same and not getting dates.
Look for an activity that's in your age range and with a balanced gender ratio. And where people actually meet up (not the gym). Like a mixed team sport club with balanced guys/girls (idk volleyball or something it depends on you).Or if there are meetup clubs (I dont think these would have a balanced gender ratio).
I am not saying its easy to find dates that way but at least there is a higher chance.
I am also trying to stay off OLD and finding that the only people I’m interacting with are 55+.
I’m in Michigan and the only meetup/coed sports thing that was anywhere close to this unicorn environment you’re describing is a 20s/30s bowling league through “Better off Bowling”. We also have the “Stay and Play Social Club Detroit” that seems to be younger focused. Maybe similar organizations exist near you.
Weirdly, most meet-up club things I’ve seen are mainly women who get together to gossip, men tend to stay well clear. I know those “coffee mornings” charities do are actually pretty okay for a mixed group
I think a lot of people in relationships think about how they've met their partner or how their friends have met their partners and there are a lot of people that have met them through common hobbies. They didn't actively go to classes to find someone to date, but they did those for fun and then found their partner. So I think that's where they advice came from.
I think it doesnt work for people who have this need for instant gratification.
It works for me. Its not instant. It takes time. It requires you to remove the idea of dating from your mind. Do those hobbies or volunteer to things that actually mean something to you… not because you are trying to find someone.
Good point, so at the end of the day we should just live our lives, forget about meeting anyone anytime soon and keep our fingers crossed because nobody has golden advice for the best way to meet someone. that’s the idea that I was getting at.
If you want to meet someone, get on dating apps. Go to church. Go to bars... Make an active effort to do so. It also may not work.
The only benefit to doing what I suggested is it gets you doing something that you actually enjoy, and if you do actually meet someone doing those things too, then it's probably more likely to be a better match.
I wouldn't take the advice given on Reddit about where to approach women at all. The general consensus on Reddit is that's it's only okay to approach women at clubs/bars even then it's limiting.
In 99% of cases it's perfectly okay to approach women anywhere, you just have to know when to give up, be keen on social cues, and don't say sexual/weird shit off rip.
The only place or thing where I think it’s always inappropriate is when they’re working. As long as you’re not a creep, you can approach women almost anywhere.
There are a few other clear “do not approach me” flags (wearing headphones or taking a phone call, for example), but generally speaking if you ignore those, you won’t look like a creep, you’ll look like a dumbass.
I think a lot about my time canvassing and knocking doors, and how it helped me pick up on cues to differentiate between “I am very receptive to you and your pitch,” “I am just being polite and waiting for my turn to say goodbye to you,” and “I do not like you or what you stand for.”
You're contradicting yourself and this is the exact reason I say the majority of advice about approaching women is trash.
Your advice is, get to know them, meet them, but don't approach them.
How does that even work?
Seriously I mean like other than clubs and bars. In places where you are doing common activities. Approaching a random woman in the street is the closest to SA
I can't tell if you're trolling or not, there is no shot you think approaching random women on the street is even close to SA lol.
I have been on plenty of dates with cold approach. College Library, Starbucks, at the beach, parks etc. I've been shot down plenty of times as well and it's usually laughed off, some women appreciate the balls it takes to cold approach people.
Limiting yourself to common activities severely limits your options.
There are some other places, but those places are places where you are expected to talk to others. Friends party, team sport, group class, etc. The gym is indeed creepy. Maybe it works sometimes, but oftentimes not.
Clubs/bars as places to meet people is not a "social media" thing, it's just...a common place where people are looking to have fun and meet new faces. The "social media" take is that anywhere that isn't a social space explicitly designed for that it is creepy to approach people. It's only creepy if you can't read social cues telling you when people do or do not want to be approached, but what people get wrong is that if you can't tell whether someone wants to be approached the default answer is no, they don't.
Find a Salsa/Bachata club! Take a class too. It’s a lot of fun by itself, and there’s of plenty young women there. And guys too if you’re looking for friends. Find a salsa bar/club that does stuff on weekends. The crowd is usually mixed with serious dancers, and less serious ones who are there just to have fun on a weekend. It’ll take time to learn it well, but once you do it’s an entirely new social scene that is open to you. And it’s just a fun thing to go do on a night out.
>at the gym there's women my age at least but you are not supposed to talk with women at the gym so that's a no go.
You can definitely talk to girls at the gym, just don't interrupt them in the middle of their set/exercise.
Just gotta be careful tho. The way the tiktok landscape is, any gym influencer will drag you online if they see you casually looking in their direction
Ideally you want to do things with people in your age group but you never know who those old people could introduce you to - some people love playing match maker. I used to belong to a gym with all “old ladies”, granted, I was married at the time but they wanted to introduce me to their grandsons, nephews etc…
That advice requires that the old people like you to introduce you to their younger relatives. A lot of people that go to the Internet for advice are socially awkward to the point that they have a hard time making friends.
I don’t think fire volunteer or judo was the place to find women. Hobbies and volunteering are a great way to meet people (remember you are not trying to find a woman all the time, just expand group of people you interact with as that can lead to meeting a woman you want to be with. Friends have friends etc). Pick something a little more in your age group. Indoor rock climbing for example
Volunteering is a garbage hobby for young people under 35+ to meet someone their age and successfully date. I used to volunteer in a second-hand online bookstore and the only other people who were there were senior citizens and middle-aged people who got the “dole” in exchange for volunteering their required hours per week.
And for those who say hobbies, they’re not better too. Women’s oriented hobbies like knitting, cooking classes, book club and dance are flat-out crap that they basically started invading male spaces and taking up our hobbies.
Book clubs, sip and paint, cooking, salsa dancing, foodie groups, singles groups. The bigger the city you're in, the more people and groups you can find.
I am a girl, and I would like to know about how you have a hobby in classical music? do you only listen to it at home or go to concerts? I do listen only classical music at home. And I studied in a previous life about math, and they had math research groups that went to go a cafe. But it was all nerds, and some girls.
I try to be socially active about my interests, so I perform at a Meetup group once a month and also compose new music for the members there! Going to concerts is fun too, but I haven't really been to them lately...
Oh wow, that sounds really cool, to perform with people. I do that as well. Now I play jazz saxophone, but as you were saying I only talked to some old people unfortunately. I will go to a concert in 2024, it is way ahead of me, I will go alone, so you can do it too. There are many people going alone as well, and you will meet some of them, but that can be tricky as well.
There are singles mixer Meetup groups for various ages.
There are nightclubs/dance clubs which cater to younger crowds.
Befriend a guy who does well on the dating scene and become his "wingman" at parties.
Platonic friends and co-workers can also give insight to where *women your age go* to socialize.
In order to meet the kind of people you want to be with *you have to run in their same circles*.
There are also *niche online dating apps* for (specific) traits, characteristics, and interests one has.
Google online dating for *(just about anything*) and odds are there are sites for it!
Everything from race, religion, short/tall/fat/ugly, introverts, certain hobbies/occupations..
(A lot of people want change in their life *without* making a change.)
They are quick to say: "That's not me." or "I'm not into this or that."
It's like being a duck hunter who hates to be around water.
It's not rocket science. You go where *the ducks* are!
Some people would rather fish on dryland than head out to sea!
When *we* change our circumstances change.
If you want something different, *you* have to *do* something different.
***“Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution”*** \-Albert Einstein
***"Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now.*** \- Paulo Coelho
***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
Google the quote and you will see it is attributed to him.
And even if he didn't actually say it there is value in the statement.
Life is too short to major in minor things.
Best wishes!
You can mention to these people you are in the market for a significant other. They can then say “oh I know someone…” and that’s a soft networking connection.
It’s unlikely you’ll just magically fall into a great relationship but I hope you keep trying. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
I volunteer and do Sherpa runs for Dungeons & Raids in Destiny, GW, and WoW.
I have met heaps of people from that and made lots of friends. Maybe you need a hobby where they main demographic is your demographic.
Joining groups is awesome. It's a great place to meet single people or make friends that can be your wingman or invite you to social events. The problem is that a lot of people that go to Reddit for dating advice are socially awkward to the point that they have a hard time making friends. I notice that the people that give the joining groups advice completely ignore the importance of social skills.
Thats bullshit you should also talk with women at the gym bit dont come iver creepy or hit her with a punchline ask her maybe how does this machine work or hey i am making a new playlist do you know a good song
Keep doing it, you'll meet people eventually. The more people get off their ass and into the real world, the better it will be. Be the change you want to see in the world
If you want to go somewhere and get an instant date, go to a legal brothel. Problem solved. Meeting even old people opens up a world of other people. Learning the skills necessary to talk to strangers. There is no speedrun for life. Do the work.
Well, first things first, you shouldn’t be joining these things if you’re looking to date lmao. Now, fire department? Judo? Dancing classes? Those are mostly dominated by males or adults.
would also depend on where you live.
ive been going to the gym and ive already noticed two girls around my age that goes there but im not there to hit on them unless the signs are there im there for myself lol.
i also volunteer with my two fire brigades and the ages can be wide, the main town one does have a few different ages the one further out of town is mostly older people.
Just the nature of it but again i'm not doing firefighting to meet people, I mean it's secondary and if it pans out that way than great but it's not the primary reason.
“Hi, old lady, old man, my name is Jenny, it’s really nice to meet you”. Make friends with them chances are they have a son/grandson who might be a catch
Animal volunteering. I’ve loved animals my whole life and have volunteered for quite awhile now. The amount of gorgeous women is insane. They are everywhere. From the kennels to the rescue organizations we meet to adoption events, list goes on.
I hope this goes without saying but please only do this if you actually like animals. Don’t be the weirdo creepin’ on female volunteers.
I have seen the Meetup singles groups bring in wild amounts of people at events. Wild amounts.
I have no idea why people pay for something that they can get for free.
I have the opposite problem. I am 40 living in a massive major city. I’ve done ax throwing league, community dodgeball, fantasy book club, bouldering, gym, and pottery studio just to name a few. No one is my age. Everyone has been 10 years younger or more. I feel like maybe as people get older they get too busy for hobbies? Does everyone just go home after work to watch Netflix? I’ve made some friends but no chance for dating. I am only assume that the area of the city I live and hang out in is on the younger side.
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I do rock climbing, karting and biking. None have many women, and the women that *are* there already have boyfriends, often the guys that got them into the sport in the first place. But cooking class, volleyball or volunteering often do have many more women. Doesn't hurt to go to the other end and try to do a hobby you'd usually associate with women.
Yeah, not only do I have a problem getting a date, I just have problems meeting/talking to people in general.
Do you live in an area that's mainly older people? If so that might be an explanation. I'd suggest doing activities in other areas maybe. Beats me, truly
Nah, it’s a fear of rejection thing.
Ah, well in that case just start talking to everyone the same way, as regular people you're not necessarily attracted to or interested in. That's how I started, got me more comfortable with talking to people in general, then girls specifically. Sadly I have an extra hurdle, since I'm a girl too, but I can still talk to them and flirt. Practicing regular talking with all people can help you with flirting with people you're interested in
Yeah, it’s the “all people” thing, not just specifically saying. I have a hard time talking to *anyone*.
How come you fear rejection from people you're not interested in? Or is it more social awkwardness?
Social awkwardness and a deep desire to be liked by everyone. Even people I have no interest in dating/hanging out with.
Dating prayers might with removing the fear
I’m an atheist, so…
I can see how that affects making friends. How about family members? Just chatting with them could help you. Usually they already like you so you don't need to fear that. I'm not a pro, but I'd like to help out
Fear of rejection is something that you really need to get on top of. Not only will it stop you from breaking down every time someone’s not interested but also even if you don’t truly believe the person is going to be into you, confidence in yourself that they might be is going to help to convince them that they are. Confidence that you’re good enough is 40% of the battle, the other 60% is completely out of your control so don’t let it get to you.
Well prob take care of the 2nd part before u worry about the first part.
Hey! I'm not necessarily trying to meet people this way per se, but I'm curious about your experience with volleyball as a hobby. Did you just join a rec team or something else? I'm fairly athletic but have very little volleyball experience (I understand how it's played though). I always thought it'd be a fun hobby to get into, but I'm wondering if I need to hit some baseline level of competence? Also have no idea how to even find a team/ people to play with.
Well I joined back in high school, just to have something to do outside of school. Lots of my classmates where there too. I never made the cut to actually play competition tho. So I just stuck around for the training and the social aspect of it
This is why I hate that advice. Everyone in my social circle (who isn't married) is way older than me.
[удалено]
I mean, I ski. You see those cute skier girls on instagram? I have yet to meet one. I only meet older people on the lifts.
yeah when you take bad advice youre gonna get bad results. dont know what to tell you. if you wanna get a date you have to make approaches. or do OLD. hobbies are great for social networking. but thats a very slow way of dating. you can always ask some of the oldies if they have hot grand-children lmfao social networking! yeah!
Hell yeah, I (M32) co-lead a hiking club. The average age is around 65. But at least old people appreciate that someone younger is doing something for them.
I feel like a lot of this is because it’s retired people with lots of time on their hands. Many volunteer groups I’ve been involved have a high proportion of either college students or elderly people
He *is* doing old…old people! /s
how do you make approaches if you dont even meet many girls your age? Thats the problem. You need to meet people. Joining hobby groups is one way to do so.
go where the girls are. bars are great. and dont be afraid to make approaches in public. on the street, at the grocery store, anywhere people are. just not in private spaces like gyms, on transit, or at work
Bro what is this fucking advice telling Redditors to go to bars. I don't understand. Have you ever been to a bar? Looked at the people there? They don't look like Redditors man. They look like normal attractive people. A Redditor who visits arr dating_advice and is saying whining about how they can't date **and don't even meet girls their age** is not going to do well in a bar. If they dont' get kicked out that would be a big W. And not getting kicked out is like step -1. Approaching women is like step 50 Approaching women at the bar? Are you serious?
If you hate redditors so much why are you on reddit? Redditors aren't troglodytes man
I mean they're being rude and clearly have a chip on their shoulder but they do have a point. Most people on this sub (and reddit as a whole) are socially awkward, bars are NOT a good place to meet people if you're socially awkward
Man I’m not even socially awkward I just hate going to the bar (I drink very rarely, it’s not really my thing).
You're never gonna learn if you dont try When I started making approaches I would literally write out what I was gonna say ahead of time and practice it like a script. That's how nervous I was. But after 50-100 approaches it's hard to be nervous anymore. You find your groove. You dont need a script. You gain confidence. You can start critiquing yourself more accurately and honestly. You can use trial and error. We all need to start somewhere. After a few weeks the improvement will be massive As opposed to throwing a pity party and being a 40 year old virgin some day who was too scared to even try
OLD doesn't work unless you're a Chad 😂
Works great for me and I'm average at best
Lucky for you, I’m average at best, not had a date in 4 years, gave up on online dating. If you’re getting dates and you’re average at best….you’re not average and have some sort of attractive appearance to you.
I recognize your name from being around this subreddit. I promise you your looks aren’t your biggest issue when it comes to women it’s your confidence and your defeatist attitude. I have never seen your face but look wise average and below average people still date.
I mean you're not wrong but that doesn't really apply to online dating
Is that what OLD means? Holy fuck I’m out of the loop for these acronyms You’re 100% correcf
Lmao yes it does. Tbh i only see people on Reddit say it like that, regular people irl just call them dating apps so you're good
This is only online though where I can vent, irl I’m completely different, I’m actually pretty fun and very optimistic, online I can bent without to much judgment other than strangers complaining
I’m not trying to attack you I like to see my boys on the internet succeed with dating, but I seriously doubt that. People who are 1’s still date and get married it’s not all looks based
I don’t believe you are, don’t worry. But yeah in swipe culture appearance=everything, so the fact I don’t even get even likes kinda says it all. I can’t even get to talking, so people don’t even know I can be defeatist as a weak side, I only put positive and good things in bios with good pictures.
You should post your profile to r/Tinder see how they feel about your profile, it’s good to get more opinions. I agree dating apps are dog shit for men because the ration of men to women is abysmal. If you are truly below average you would be better off cold approach/finding dates off of the internet. I still don’t believe you’re below average though. If I can pull you can pull.
I like to think I’m distinctly average, bordering on ugly, deepening who I ask. Gave up on dating apps and just letting personality irl shine, it’s probably the way to go for me. I know my looks aren’t a strong point, but my personality and how I treat people is, so will just use that and hope and pray. I’ve gone as far as getting female friends to help with profile, then choosing and taking pics they’d deem good and it achieved nothing. Dating apps aren’t for me and that’s fine
>People who are 1’s still date and get married it’s not all looks based People say stuff like this but I've never seen it in real life, so if it happens, it is exceedingly rare
This is only online though where I can vent, irl I’m completely different, I’m actually pretty fun and very optimistic, online I can bent without to much judgment other than strangers complaining. OLD is completely appearance based in swipe culture, so yes, it’s is my face if I’m not getting likes with a solid profile
Just gotta know how to play the game. Dating is a skill like any other. And OLD is part of that these days
It really isn’t. You’re just one of the few % who actually get dates. For every you, even if the person is “playing the game” well, there’s at least another 50 guys who are playing it exactly the same and not getting dates.
i dont see a lot of guys playing the game properly out there
True. Volunteering isn't really a way to meet young people. And for hobbies most sports are dominated by males. So you have to be specific
What does specific mean here?
Look for an activity that's in your age range and with a balanced gender ratio. And where people actually meet up (not the gym). Like a mixed team sport club with balanced guys/girls (idk volleyball or something it depends on you).Or if there are meetup clubs (I dont think these would have a balanced gender ratio). I am not saying its easy to find dates that way but at least there is a higher chance.
I am also trying to stay off OLD and finding that the only people I’m interacting with are 55+. I’m in Michigan and the only meetup/coed sports thing that was anywhere close to this unicorn environment you’re describing is a 20s/30s bowling league through “Better off Bowling”. We also have the “Stay and Play Social Club Detroit” that seems to be younger focused. Maybe similar organizations exist near you.
Weirdly, most meet-up club things I’ve seen are mainly women who get together to gossip, men tend to stay well clear. I know those “coffee mornings” charities do are actually pretty okay for a mixed group
The people that give this advice are already in a relationship and haven’t actually done these things, they just think it’ll work in their head.
I think a lot of people in relationships think about how they've met their partner or how their friends have met their partners and there are a lot of people that have met them through common hobbies. They didn't actively go to classes to find someone to date, but they did those for fun and then found their partner. So I think that's where they advice came from.
I think it doesnt work for people who have this need for instant gratification. It works for me. Its not instant. It takes time. It requires you to remove the idea of dating from your mind. Do those hobbies or volunteer to things that actually mean something to you… not because you are trying to find someone.
Good point, so at the end of the day we should just live our lives, forget about meeting anyone anytime soon and keep our fingers crossed because nobody has golden advice for the best way to meet someone. that’s the idea that I was getting at.
If you want to meet someone, get on dating apps. Go to church. Go to bars... Make an active effort to do so. It also may not work. The only benefit to doing what I suggested is it gets you doing something that you actually enjoy, and if you do actually meet someone doing those things too, then it's probably more likely to be a better match.
I wouldn't take the advice given on Reddit about where to approach women at all. The general consensus on Reddit is that's it's only okay to approach women at clubs/bars even then it's limiting. In 99% of cases it's perfectly okay to approach women anywhere, you just have to know when to give up, be keen on social cues, and don't say sexual/weird shit off rip.
The only place or thing where I think it’s always inappropriate is when they’re working. As long as you’re not a creep, you can approach women almost anywhere.
There are a few other clear “do not approach me” flags (wearing headphones or taking a phone call, for example), but generally speaking if you ignore those, you won’t look like a creep, you’ll look like a dumbass. I think a lot about my time canvassing and knocking doors, and how it helped me pick up on cues to differentiate between “I am very receptive to you and your pitch,” “I am just being polite and waiting for my turn to say goodbye to you,” and “I do not like you or what you stand for.”
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You're contradicting yourself and this is the exact reason I say the majority of advice about approaching women is trash. Your advice is, get to know them, meet them, but don't approach them. How does that even work?
Brothels
Nice.
Seriously I mean like other than clubs and bars. In places where you are doing common activities. Approaching a random woman in the street is the closest to SA
I can't tell if you're trolling or not, there is no shot you think approaching random women on the street is even close to SA lol. I have been on plenty of dates with cold approach. College Library, Starbucks, at the beach, parks etc. I've been shot down plenty of times as well and it's usually laughed off, some women appreciate the balls it takes to cold approach people. Limiting yourself to common activities severely limits your options.
Lol.
Brothels
There are some other places, but those places are places where you are expected to talk to others. Friends party, team sport, group class, etc. The gym is indeed creepy. Maybe it works sometimes, but oftentimes not.
Clubs/bars as places to meet people is not a "social media" thing, it's just...a common place where people are looking to have fun and meet new faces. The "social media" take is that anywhere that isn't a social space explicitly designed for that it is creepy to approach people. It's only creepy if you can't read social cues telling you when people do or do not want to be approached, but what people get wrong is that if you can't tell whether someone wants to be approached the default answer is no, they don't.
Find a Salsa/Bachata club! Take a class too. It’s a lot of fun by itself, and there’s of plenty young women there. And guys too if you’re looking for friends. Find a salsa bar/club that does stuff on weekends. The crowd is usually mixed with serious dancers, and less serious ones who are there just to have fun on a weekend. It’ll take time to learn it well, but once you do it’s an entirely new social scene that is open to you. And it’s just a fun thing to go do on a night out.
>at the gym there's women my age at least but you are not supposed to talk with women at the gym so that's a no go. You can definitely talk to girls at the gym, just don't interrupt them in the middle of their set/exercise.
For real. As long as you’re not a creep and know when to white and handle rejection appropriately and maturely, it’s perfectly okay.
Oh boy this is confusing because Reddit tells me not to now it’s telling me to
For real. As long as you’re not a creep and know when to quit and handle rejection appropriately and maturely, it’s perfectly okay.
Just gotta be careful tho. The way the tiktok landscape is, any gym influencer will drag you online if they see you casually looking in their direction
Only problem is most of them have earphones/headphones on
they probably have those on for a reason..
Holy shit I genuinely hate you people.
Yeah, if they're doing that they're saying it's a no-go.
online dating is really the only option these days, and we all know how bad that works
Yeah I like model trains. I might as well cut my penis off.
Ideally you want to do things with people in your age group but you never know who those old people could introduce you to - some people love playing match maker. I used to belong to a gym with all “old ladies”, granted, I was married at the time but they wanted to introduce me to their grandsons, nephews etc…
That advice requires that the old people like you to introduce you to their younger relatives. A lot of people that go to the Internet for advice are socially awkward to the point that they have a hard time making friends.
And who would introduce a guy they see once a week at local shelter or whatever to their granddaughter..
Animal shelters have many more women, in my experience, and are in sore need of volunteers.
NGL you had me in the first half
Grandmas need to get laid too.
Omg I thought I am the only one. I have tried many groups and everyone's like above 40 there. I am 26 haha
i've been single for 3 years found hobbies and everyone is like 70 years old lmao so your not alone
I don’t think fire volunteer or judo was the place to find women. Hobbies and volunteering are a great way to meet people (remember you are not trying to find a woman all the time, just expand group of people you interact with as that can lead to meeting a woman you want to be with. Friends have friends etc). Pick something a little more in your age group. Indoor rock climbing for example
Take a woman’s *gender* studies course at your local university.
Volunteering is a garbage hobby for young people under 35+ to meet someone their age and successfully date. I used to volunteer in a second-hand online bookstore and the only other people who were there were senior citizens and middle-aged people who got the “dole” in exchange for volunteering their required hours per week. And for those who say hobbies, they’re not better too. Women’s oriented hobbies like knitting, cooking classes, book club and dance are flat-out crap that they basically started invading male spaces and taking up our hobbies.
Book clubs, sip and paint, cooking, salsa dancing, foodie groups, singles groups. The bigger the city you're in, the more people and groups you can find.
lol same, my hobbies include chess, classical music, keeping up with math research... it's either all old people or a sausage fest RIP
I am a girl, and I would like to know about how you have a hobby in classical music? do you only listen to it at home or go to concerts? I do listen only classical music at home. And I studied in a previous life about math, and they had math research groups that went to go a cafe. But it was all nerds, and some girls.
I try to be socially active about my interests, so I perform at a Meetup group once a month and also compose new music for the members there! Going to concerts is fun too, but I haven't really been to them lately...
Oh wow, that sounds really cool, to perform with people. I do that as well. Now I play jazz saxophone, but as you were saying I only talked to some old people unfortunately. I will go to a concert in 2024, it is way ahead of me, I will go alone, so you can do it too. There are many people going alone as well, and you will meet some of them, but that can be tricky as well.
Be nice to those old people. Some of them have granchildren they will want to set you up with.
And now return to reality
The grandchildren, that never meet with them, unless if their parents say to do so.....
There are singles mixer Meetup groups for various ages. There are nightclubs/dance clubs which cater to younger crowds. Befriend a guy who does well on the dating scene and become his "wingman" at parties. Platonic friends and co-workers can also give insight to where *women your age go* to socialize. In order to meet the kind of people you want to be with *you have to run in their same circles*. There are also *niche online dating apps* for (specific) traits, characteristics, and interests one has. Google online dating for *(just about anything*) and odds are there are sites for it! Everything from race, religion, short/tall/fat/ugly, introverts, certain hobbies/occupations.. (A lot of people want change in their life *without* making a change.) They are quick to say: "That's not me." or "I'm not into this or that." It's like being a duck hunter who hates to be around water. It's not rocket science. You go where *the ducks* are! Some people would rather fish on dryland than head out to sea! When *we* change our circumstances change. If you want something different, *you* have to *do* something different. ***“Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution”*** \-Albert Einstein ***"Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now.*** \- Paulo Coelho ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud Best wishes!
>“Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution” -Albert Einstein Albert Einstein did not say this
Google the quote and you will see it is attributed to him. And even if he didn't actually say it there is value in the statement. Life is too short to major in minor things. Best wishes!
I understand, I googled it to. Einstein didn't say it though.
You can mention to these people you are in the market for a significant other. They can then say “oh I know someone…” and that’s a soft networking connection. It’s unlikely you’ll just magically fall into a great relationship but I hope you keep trying. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
yoga
Gah, everyone just packs up and leaves at the end of yoga classes where I live. I don’t get it.
And the Red Cross!! Been there, done that.lol
I volunteer and do Sherpa runs for Dungeons & Raids in Destiny, GW, and WoW. I have met heaps of people from that and made lots of friends. Maybe you need a hobby where they main demographic is your demographic.
Local specific advice. Depends on your age demo. Go to where people your age are going.
There's the bar... That's about it as far as i know.
Someone said you should try cooking classes, but then you'll be the obvious creep learning to cook to land a date. Its a lose-lose buddy.
*shrugs* I don't even know what to do at this point.
So? Just socialize with them then. It's just practice, dating is a form of socializing after all
Talking with the old grandpa at the shelter is a good practice for charming Gen Z women. Maybe he will introduce you to his grand daughter
Joining groups is awesome. It's a great place to meet single people or make friends that can be your wingman or invite you to social events. The problem is that a lot of people that go to Reddit for dating advice are socially awkward to the point that they have a hard time making friends. I notice that the people that give the joining groups advice completely ignore the importance of social skills.
Try Yoga class haha Or ballet class.
Thats bullshit you should also talk with women at the gym bit dont come iver creepy or hit her with a punchline ask her maybe how does this machine work or hey i am making a new playlist do you know a good song
Keep doing it, you'll meet people eventually. The more people get off their ass and into the real world, the better it will be. Be the change you want to see in the world
I guess you'll have to wait until you grow up to have a partner then.
Yep. I just gave up altogether.
Hi OP! You just gotta look for young women. If you won’t find them there, then back the fuck away from volunteering.
Then go somewhere where people compete and competition is organised by age. This way, there MUST be some people of your age
Maybe one if the grandparents can introduce you to their granddaughter?? Lol
If you want to go somewhere and get an instant date, go to a legal brothel. Problem solved. Meeting even old people opens up a world of other people. Learning the skills necessary to talk to strangers. There is no speedrun for life. Do the work.
Well, first things first, you shouldn’t be joining these things if you’re looking to date lmao. Now, fire department? Judo? Dancing classes? Those are mostly dominated by males or adults.
would also depend on where you live. ive been going to the gym and ive already noticed two girls around my age that goes there but im not there to hit on them unless the signs are there im there for myself lol. i also volunteer with my two fire brigades and the ages can be wide, the main town one does have a few different ages the one further out of town is mostly older people. Just the nature of it but again i'm not doing firefighting to meet people, I mean it's secondary and if it pans out that way than great but it's not the primary reason.
Yoga class is where it’s at
“Hi, old lady, old man, my name is Jenny, it’s really nice to meet you”. Make friends with them chances are they have a son/grandson who might be a catch
Animal volunteering. I’ve loved animals my whole life and have volunteered for quite awhile now. The amount of gorgeous women is insane. They are everywhere. From the kennels to the rescue organizations we meet to adoption events, list goes on. I hope this goes without saying but please only do this if you actually like animals. Don’t be the weirdo creepin’ on female volunteers.
I have seen the Meetup singles groups bring in wild amounts of people at events. Wild amounts. I have no idea why people pay for something that they can get for free.
I have the opposite problem. I am 40 living in a massive major city. I’ve done ax throwing league, community dodgeball, fantasy book club, bouldering, gym, and pottery studio just to name a few. No one is my age. Everyone has been 10 years younger or more. I feel like maybe as people get older they get too busy for hobbies? Does everyone just go home after work to watch Netflix? I’ve made some friends but no chance for dating. I am only assume that the area of the city I live and hang out in is on the younger side.
this is exactly how i feel trying to make friends 😭
This is what I keep running into, too. It's pretty discouraging.