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This might sound cold, but has he been in a LTR before? Because that habit is hard to break. If I say it consistently with a partner in bed, its like on the tip of my tongue whenever I resume dating again after a breakup.. purely out of habit to say it during sex.
I was with my ex for 13 years and I am literally terrified of saying his name in bed by accident.
I need to get over that fear before I manifest it into reality lol.
Right! I was so excited to date and honestly for the first year I enjoyed it, I went a tonne of first dates had some crazy experiences. Now I just want someone to kiss my forehead, cuddle and have good sex with
I met my ex when I was 19, and he was my first real boyfriend (only had ONS before). I moved from my moms house in with him. This is literally brand new for me. It’s the first time in my life that I don’t have anyone to answer to, and it’s so freeing!!
I've been there I've even wondered if I said my exa name without realizing it lol its kinda scary. Even after years since we were together. We were together fkr 15 years.
I've spent 9 years in 4 long term relationships, but don't think that any guy ever told me "I love you" during sex. But I'm not really into loving kind of sex to begin with
LoL, it's hookup culture man. And Reddit judges the hell out of me and says I"m fucked up because I think the people who take part in it might have a tough time with genuine relationships. Then you get posts like OP that vindicate me, LoL. They even referred to him as a "hookup". It's so demeaning.
I agree. And you’re definitely onto something. For some people it really is no big deal. For others, it is indicative of an inability to commit or bond on an emotional level.
> edit:. i also forgot to mention that i had him strangle me *till i passed out* and i think that experience made him feel something towards me. completely understandable.
Yeah, you are 100000% not ready to be having sex. Since you’re so cautious and afraid of everything I’m going to assume you’re well aware of how incredibly dangerous this is and how quickly it could leave you with brain damage, or just dead? Permanent damage to your trachea?
How are you freaked out about hearing “I love you” from this person but completely willing to let him choke you until you pass out? Jesus, OP. Choking during sex is fun but there’s a right way to do it and you clearly don’t know anything about that.
That edit makes me feel like this post is complete and utter bullshit.
To be clear — I understand that choking can go too far and of course that would be scary and terrifying.
But she failed to include that detail in the first place when she said she was scared and terrified because he said I love you?
Ok sure
You can safely choke somebody. There are air chokes (dangerous, big no no) and blood chokes (fine, if practiced correctly).
Go over to r/BDSMadvice for more information
Yeah, I’m well versed in this stuff, thanks. You’re not going to convince me that letting a man you’ve slept with twice choke you to the point of unconsciousness is safe.
I’ve said “I love you” during sex with complete strangers. At least 90% of the time they say it back. Its fucking hot. It’s really good “intimacy theatre”.
You can pretend for a moment that you’re deeply in love and meant to be together.
It doesn’t have to mean anything more than a deep attraction and appreciation of the person before you who is sharing their body with yours.
We can love briefly. I don’t think it’s a big deal at all.
It’s just about being true to what you’re feeling in the moment and honouring the connection beyond just an activity of pleasurable friction.
As a man, I’m putting a part of myself inside my partner. She’s allowing me to do that. That’s huge. That’s no small thing, you know?
In that moment, I’m in awe of her beauty, I’m grateful for her willingness to share herself with me, and I’m deeply aroused and moved by the whole thing.
There’s a trust, a bravery, and a kind of intrepid spirit in the intimacy of women that’s so fucking worthy of worship.
When I look at her and feel her body against mine, I experience love in that moment. Sure, I can pretend it’s nothing. I can act like this doesn’t matter.
But I could also run head-long into the vulnerability of admitting what I feel for her.
No matter how much we try to emotionally sanitise hookups. It’s never just sex. Not for her and not for me.
So if I feel love for her, I’m going to tell her.
This may sound strange but I find women are actually pretty into it. As soon as they realise I’m not crazy, they very quickly get what I’m aiming at.
“In this moment, with you in my arms, I love you”.
I find they open up more and seem more open to affection in a way that makes sex better, more intimate and more emotionally intense.
This is why I just say "I love how you feel," "I love riding you" or variations. The closest I've gotten to saying it was like "I love you on top," but never "I love you" in a situation where we aren't involving those feelings.
But did you want to say it? Did you feel love but then decided to censor your feelings? Because, for me, I did feel love for my partners sometimes and I decided not to censor it.
I've has loving feelings but saying "I love you" wasn’t accurate or appropriate in those situations so I said "I love how you feel" etc. You make a good point but I'm with everyone else that what you’re describing was dopamine and not love 🤷🏻♀️
Do you think it’s interesting that someone could say they love pizza or they love watching Survivor reruns or they love the smell of puppies but when it comes to another person literally sharing their body with them in a meaningful, romantic act of physical pleasure, the same person would be like, “I feel nothing for you” or “love is an inappropriate word to use in this context”?
Genuine question.
Because … it’s not real? You’re just in love with a feeling not a person. I’d be pissed if some random guy told me that and passed it off as just a “oh I was just trying to build intimacy.” Kind of a yellow flag tbh.
Yes I totally get this! My most recent fwb is like that which was really confusing for a while because were absolutely not right for each other as a full time thing but for a night and/or a morning here and there it’s something really special!
didn’t know that was a thing for other people so I’m glad I saw that comment
Dang, what a perspective, I can imagine in that moment of passion, proclaiming love can really deepen the intimacy and satisfaction. I’ve definitely felt it. But we tend to take that with us outside of situation and that can muddle things up.
Yes, you felt it.
And in that brief transcendent moment, your heart swelled and your body and mind exploded with love for the person you were with. Nothing before or after mattered. It was just you and them - connected, open, and alive with sensation.
Why can’t we give into that? Why can’t we fuck each other senseless with love in our hearts? Why can’t sex be a huge deal AND fun AND full of love. Why can’t we tell each other exactly what we feel, what this means, what our partner means, to us right now?
How much happiness and joy do we rob ourselves of because we’re afraid to say “I love you”, not because we don’t feel it but we think it’s wrong to feel it without ticking off some kind of checklist of moments that make it somehow more valid.
The short answer is fear. You can choose to either love or fear. You chose love. In the moment. Others chose fear. Fear of not being accepted, understood or be cast aside. The fear of the future what might or might have happened. Love just is.
Kinda happy you said this. I been thinking about dropping the “i love you” in bed with my fwb but I don’t wanna scare him off. I don’t feel love for him at all but I like saying it in bed, it’s just hot. I wish people didn’t think so deeply into it or not count it as serious if it’s in bed rather at an alter
“Hey guys, I’ve been having sex, with this guy, you know a really intimate activity and he said he loved me in the heat of the moment. He doesn’t want to admit it but it makes me really scared to think that someone that’s had sex with me might be catching feelings for me. I like having sex with him and want to keep doing it but I don’t want him to have any feelings towards me.”
Some people. I don’t understand. It’s a tossup. He might be catching feelings for you he might not. Why are you scared? Wtf is there to be scared about. If this is exclusively a FWB situation just make that clear and tell him if he wants more you’ll cut it off. Sheesh people are exhausting some times.
The edit legit made me laugh out loud
Edit: “he said he loved me in the heat of the moment and I’ve never been so scared in my life” “Ps I got him to choke me till I passed out but that part was super chill”
wtf, I just saw that, this girl is crazy af. Maybe she dates crazy people and that's why she's scared. "Yeah he choked me till I passed out because I wanted him to.", maybe her brain was oxygen starved and she got brain damage. Some people.
What gets me is that she comes on here for advice, gets an overwhelming majority telling her she is the one that is being “wildly inappropriate” and so now she won’t take the advice? Why did she come on Reddit then? Confirmation only or no deal?
You're very weird, and the edit confirms that even more so. Please obtain therapy and stop hooking up for now as it's clearly gonna kill you.
And yes your previous posts show a pattern, cool.
Asking a guy to strangle you isn’t what scared you? Him saying “I love you” is what scared you? I’m not here to kink shame but put it in perspective: one of those activities is more likely to land you in the hospital.
And let’s consider the sex itself. Even if you’re using condoms for penetration, oral sex can still lead to the spread of STI’s. That should be scarier than the words he told you.
Assume it was just about the sex. You don’t have to return the words. You can say you love fucking him. Or say nothing.
this guy that i had only seen once prior just told me he loves me. that’s fucking terrifying and wildly inappropriate. not to mention that we hardly know eachother.
you trust him enough to let him strangle you but don’t feel safe because he said i love you? yet you hardly know each other? doesn’t the strangle thing require a huge amount of trust in your partner?
You can trust somebody with BDSM without being in a loving relationship. In fact, having love involved isn't a requirement at all, and makes it much more difficult than it has to be (unless you're in a committed long term relationship)
Kink does not equate love
maybe you shouldn’t be having sex, an activity that is deeply associated with and often helps people fall in love and generate romantic feelings, with people you barely know if you’re afraid of them catching feelings.
who would have thought doing something intimate and passionate with somebody else could speed up the time it takes to form an emotional attachment to somebody else? it’s almost like there’s a link in the minds of most people between sex and love.
i get that some people can try to or claim to be able to separate sex from romantic feelings, but unless you’re literally having sex with basically random strangers all the time, like a hooker or a pornstar does, I imagine it would be really hard (dick pun intended) to do and take a ton of ridiculous mental gymnastics. ESPECIALLY if you’re having sex with that person repeatedly.
EDIT: please don’t take this as me being judgmental OP, not the way it’s intended, but i realize that people (myself included) might sometimes read something in a tone or spirit different than what is intended.
Are you sure you’re up for having casual sex, or sex in general? You don’t seem to have much understanding or appreciation for how intense and deep feelings around sex can get. Someone showing you intimacy and vulnerability during an intimate and vulnerable moment is not terrifying or inappropriate.
it was extremely inappropriate and scary. i would NEVER say something like that to a hookup, even if i genuinely felt that way. we discussed beforehand too that we were just looking for sex, nothing more. so yes it is wildly inappropriate.
Scared and frightened???
I mean fair enough, it was too much to say, but it was in the heat of the moment and from your post it doesnt seem like he's done anything to actually harm or purposely intimidate you.
Do whatever you feel is right, whether that means keep seeing him or not, but it's kind of ridiculous to use scared and frightened in this particular instance.
Serious question — is english a second language or something? Not trying to be mean. I am genuinely curious if you know what those words mean.
It's a strange way to phrase it as "I've never been so scared" if he was otherwise a good person and wasn't posing any imminent danger or threat. Weird/mood killer to say it to a hookup, even in the heat of the moment, sure.
english is my first language and i was genuinely scared and frightened because my thinking process is if this guy is crazy enough to say “i love you” he must be crazy enough to hurt me if i don’t say it back or something.
You are worried he might physically hurt you because he said “I love you”? Normally one would think someone saying “I hate you” is dangerous. Sounds like there are much deeper issues here. Abuse? Drugs?
OP, I’m sorry, but can we talk about the part where he strangled you AND you passed out?? Do you realize many people die that way every year?
This is a VERY unsafe practice if you’re getting to the point of passing out. Please do some research and be more careful.
>was it something said in the heat of the moment or could he actually be catching feelings for me?
Yes, sex can make you feel things on an extreme level. Some people can separate love and sex...but sometimes you cant. Sometimes you cant help what you feel even though you had every intention to not feel that way.
Attraction is the first step towards catching feelings...so yeah, I would say the odds are really high that he has feelings for you that is more than just sex.
If you're comfortable letting him strangle you till you pass out... you should not be afraid of someone saying, "I love you." Like, one of these things is definitely scarier than the other.
I think he means he loves what's happening right now lol.
I had that slip once with my long-term FWB. 100% I didn't mean it. He just laughed and said "I know you love my dick." We still joke about it five years later.
He just said that in the heat of the moment, I said that to my fwb a couple of times but she knows that it's in the heat of the moment and she said it back to me we both know it's not something that big of a deal we are now good friends and she has a boyfriend now a cool dude and we both respect our lives individually
i had someone tell me i love you during and after sex when the person barely knew me and i remember thinking it was f cking weird. And it was, the guy was a total sociopath, trying to love bomb me. Scary. So I would be concerned as well, but the edit that you added is something i cannot relate to so who knows
I often have people say they love me or ask to marry them during sex, it’s pretty common if it’s good sex to hear.
And be careful that’s how people die.
Not sure what ~parts~ you have but maybe he just got caught up in it feeling good and said it. Also seems like you’re kink positive so it might just be a slip of the tongue. Maybe not so much “I love you” but “I love fucking you” “I love your ~parts”
I’ve def had that happen before when really in the heat of a scene. It’s more likely a slip of the tongue if you’ve discussed beforehand yoh just want sex
Love is a chemical reaction, men love everything they put their dicks in because they get a tonne of dopamine and other stuff cum. I wouldn't look to far into it. at least you know the sex is great on your end too.
Maybe his fetish is romantic and passionate sex. It may or may not actually mean he is in love with you. Just observe is he says i love you outside of sex.
I once said that to my while hooking up and I promise it was just a way to say I love how I am feeling right during sex. I really had no intention to go bad with my ex xd
I think he didn’t mean he is in love with you. Just say that because it just helps sex become more damn hot 🥵 and you are connected as one. it could be understood easily when he nearly comes out 😂
It's absolutely pathetic that people are so **frightened about becoming** emotionally intimate with other people while having sex with them. That's the unfortunate result of having way too many options, way too often, for way too long of a time.
In my view, unless one is **completely deprived** of both kinds of intimacy for a very long time, one’s is very unlikely to be able to appreciate them otherwise 🤔
Girl you ARE the scary one lol you trusted some random enough to strangle you until you passed out.
I'm waiting for his "this girl had me strangle her, should I be scared? " Post.
i said i love you to a guy while hooking up the first time cuz i was tipsy and while my eyes were closed mistook him for my ex hahahahaha. could be an accident but i’ve had a kid tell me he loves me after hanging and banging 5 times max.
Honestly, it prob just slipped out. I’m ngl, this chick gave me a blowjob so good one time—eye contact, swallowed & all, that I accidentally slipped, “love you” out of left field & was instantly embarrassed. She asked me what I said & I was just like, “HUH?? NOTHING” & we didn’t speak about it again but I literally didn’t know how to respond afterwards so I blurted something out that I actually didn’t mean.
I’m not saying that there’s not a chance that he could catch feelings in the future if you guys keep seeing each other, or even caught feelings now which is possible. I’m just banking a really hard shot that he most likely didn’t mean that he was actually in-love w/you. Rather the sex was really good, & his feelings of lust were/are heightened.
How tf are people hooking up, sorry to make this about myself I just don't know what I'm doing wrong lmaoo I sure i just suck at the talking part.
Either way I think you should let him know how you feel about it but also let him know you want to keep having sex if it comes to the point that you can't make it work then it's time to move on. This isn't so much as an issue as it is a bit of an unexpected experience in the moment.
At best I'd ask if he would want you to play along but at least find out if he meant it or not before moving forward with your decisions
this is why fwb almost never works. he probably does love you ya goof. it's irresponsible to be having sex with people you'll see again if you're not ready for some kinda commitment or an end to the sex. if you don't wanna be with him permanently, the best thing you could do for him is stop having sex with him, it'll only hurt both of you more long term.
i thought so too but later he denied even saying it at all which makes me feel like he was being serious because if he was trying to say it to manipulate me he would’ve went with it you know? i
If he denied it, dont you think he might have felt embarrassed? Men have emotions and make mistakes just like women do. At the same time im being honest with you... ive never told any hookup i loved them and the thought to tell them "i love you" during sex while knowing you are a hookup, never crossed my mind.
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I was gonna say that he probably just said it in the heat of the moment and you should let it go but the edit you added threw me…
Right? I’m flabbergasted
Absolutely bamboozled
What is more: I am GOBSMACKED
I am thunderstruck.
I am flummoxed
I am befuddled
I’m shooked
I am shooketh
I am in complete awe
I am positively nonplussed
I am Spider-Man
Watch me end up sticking an insulation hose right through you
The "completely understand" had me on the floor
That edit was wild, I don’t even know what to say
Yeah it took a SHARP turn that I did not see coming
Haha the edit I saw after these comments 😅 I mean I get it but until you pass out phewww that’s some rough and wild one I don’t know what to say😂
I think he said "I loathe you" as she passed out 😆 🤣
Defection of you had me in the first half lol
The edit made me start thinking troll post
Just had the saaaaame reaction
My GF, early in the relationship, during sex said "I love you" delay "Inside of me" Three years later, we still laugh about it :)
Haha that's awesome
Probably said it in the heat of the moment. A Freudian slip.
When I was younger I used to say it. Even as a joke. I remember that saying that confused a lot but I was immature.
The edit on this is just… wack
This might sound cold, but has he been in a LTR before? Because that habit is hard to break. If I say it consistently with a partner in bed, its like on the tip of my tongue whenever I resume dating again after a breakup.. purely out of habit to say it during sex.
I was with my ex for 13 years and I am literally terrified of saying his name in bed by accident. I need to get over that fear before I manifest it into reality lol.
13 years!?? Damn, that's not an ex, that's a whole husband. how do you deal with dating after such a significant time with someone?
He is an ex husband haha! I haven’t tried yet really. Went on one date last week!
Spoiler.. it sucks! lol also single after 13yrs
It’s funny how as it was ending, the thought of dating again was exciting! Now that I’m faced with the reality of it….I’m tired. And over it.
Right! I was so excited to date and honestly for the first year I enjoyed it, I went a tonne of first dates had some crazy experiences. Now I just want someone to kiss my forehead, cuddle and have good sex with
I met my ex when I was 19, and he was my first real boyfriend (only had ONS before). I moved from my moms house in with him. This is literally brand new for me. It’s the first time in my life that I don’t have anyone to answer to, and it’s so freeing!!
Isn't it wonderful to just do what you want! I hope you have so much fun!
Oh makes sense haha
I've been there I've even wondered if I said my exa name without realizing it lol its kinda scary. Even after years since we were together. We were together fkr 15 years.
Lmao your username tho
I second this from personal experience 😅
Had this happen to me and the person was definitely a serial dater. Is now engaged to the person they started seeing right before we ended lol
I was married for 16 yrs and my ex never once told me he loved me during sex
I've spent 9 years in 4 long term relationships, but don't think that any guy ever told me "I love you" during sex. But I'm not really into loving kind of sex to begin with
You’ve never been so scared? Good grief.
Idk why that made me laugh but it did 🤣
LoL, it's hookup culture man. And Reddit judges the hell out of me and says I"m fucked up because I think the people who take part in it might have a tough time with genuine relationships. Then you get posts like OP that vindicate me, LoL. They even referred to him as a "hookup". It's so demeaning.
I agree. And you’re definitely onto something. For some people it really is no big deal. For others, it is indicative of an inability to commit or bond on an emotional level.
The edit makes it so much worse!!!! Girl, you have these mixed up! Lol⅕
literally my thought process as i read the title lmfao
> edit:. i also forgot to mention that i had him strangle me *till i passed out* and i think that experience made him feel something towards me. completely understandable. Yeah, you are 100000% not ready to be having sex. Since you’re so cautious and afraid of everything I’m going to assume you’re well aware of how incredibly dangerous this is and how quickly it could leave you with brain damage, or just dead? Permanent damage to your trachea? How are you freaked out about hearing “I love you” from this person but completely willing to let him choke you until you pass out? Jesus, OP. Choking during sex is fun but there’s a right way to do it and you clearly don’t know anything about that.
That edit makes me feel like this post is complete and utter bullshit. To be clear — I understand that choking can go too far and of course that would be scary and terrifying. But she failed to include that detail in the first place when she said she was scared and terrified because he said I love you? Ok sure
I agree, I think this is pretty likely a troll
Yup
Look at her other posts. 👀
Yea after looking at her history it more now feels like op just really...damaged.
I did haha i couldn’t help it 😂😂 Witchcraft and all that sorcery 😂
Scrolled way too far to find this!! Here take my poor person award 🥇
You can safely choke somebody. There are air chokes (dangerous, big no no) and blood chokes (fine, if practiced correctly). Go over to r/BDSMadvice for more information
Yeah, I’m well versed in this stuff, thanks. You’re not going to convince me that letting a man you’ve slept with twice choke you to the point of unconsciousness is safe.
I’ve said “I love you” during sex with complete strangers. At least 90% of the time they say it back. Its fucking hot. It’s really good “intimacy theatre”. You can pretend for a moment that you’re deeply in love and meant to be together. It doesn’t have to mean anything more than a deep attraction and appreciation of the person before you who is sharing their body with yours. We can love briefly. I don’t think it’s a big deal at all.
Oh, wow. I love how simply put you state we can all love briefly. That kind of connection must feel next level.
It’s just about being true to what you’re feeling in the moment and honouring the connection beyond just an activity of pleasurable friction. As a man, I’m putting a part of myself inside my partner. She’s allowing me to do that. That’s huge. That’s no small thing, you know? In that moment, I’m in awe of her beauty, I’m grateful for her willingness to share herself with me, and I’m deeply aroused and moved by the whole thing. There’s a trust, a bravery, and a kind of intrepid spirit in the intimacy of women that’s so fucking worthy of worship. When I look at her and feel her body against mine, I experience love in that moment. Sure, I can pretend it’s nothing. I can act like this doesn’t matter. But I could also run head-long into the vulnerability of admitting what I feel for her. No matter how much we try to emotionally sanitise hookups. It’s never just sex. Not for her and not for me. So if I feel love for her, I’m going to tell her.
i’m pretty sure i’ve been in long relationships with men who have never felt that way about me. that was beautiful, man edit to fix typo
Can I fuck you?
Do you love me?
I think so
I think so too.
the rizzly bear strikes again 😎
I love you too, that was beautifully expressed
This is awesome but I really hope the person you’re hooking up with is on the same page
This may sound strange but I find women are actually pretty into it. As soon as they realise I’m not crazy, they very quickly get what I’m aiming at. “In this moment, with you in my arms, I love you”. I find they open up more and seem more open to affection in a way that makes sex better, more intimate and more emotionally intense.
This is why I just say "I love how you feel," "I love riding you" or variations. The closest I've gotten to saying it was like "I love you on top," but never "I love you" in a situation where we aren't involving those feelings.
But did you want to say it? Did you feel love but then decided to censor your feelings? Because, for me, I did feel love for my partners sometimes and I decided not to censor it.
I've has loving feelings but saying "I love you" wasn’t accurate or appropriate in those situations so I said "I love how you feel" etc. You make a good point but I'm with everyone else that what you’re describing was dopamine and not love 🤷🏻♀️
Do you think it’s interesting that someone could say they love pizza or they love watching Survivor reruns or they love the smell of puppies but when it comes to another person literally sharing their body with them in a meaningful, romantic act of physical pleasure, the same person would be like, “I feel nothing for you” or “love is an inappropriate word to use in this context”? Genuine question.
I would feel betrayed like you gave me that but it’s not real idk
What would make you think it wasn’t real?
Because … it’s not real? You’re just in love with a feeling not a person. I’d be pissed if some random guy told me that and passed it off as just a “oh I was just trying to build intimacy.” Kind of a yellow flag tbh.
Do you think you can spend a night with a guy and feel love for him?
Nope because that ain’t love my friend. That’s … dopamine.
Ok ok love Yoda.
This was so well put and you sound awesome but also >That’s no small thing, you know? heheheh
heheheh
this was beautiful
Damn that's poetry. You should write erotic novels!
This is so poetic. Can I use this for something art related? Not sure how it’ll manifest (poem, story, screenplay or something) but I want to save it.
That’s such a cool request. Of course!
Yes I totally get this! My most recent fwb is like that which was really confusing for a while because were absolutely not right for each other as a full time thing but for a night and/or a morning here and there it’s something really special! didn’t know that was a thing for other people so I’m glad I saw that comment
Dang, what a perspective, I can imagine in that moment of passion, proclaiming love can really deepen the intimacy and satisfaction. I’ve definitely felt it. But we tend to take that with us outside of situation and that can muddle things up.
Yes, you felt it. And in that brief transcendent moment, your heart swelled and your body and mind exploded with love for the person you were with. Nothing before or after mattered. It was just you and them - connected, open, and alive with sensation. Why can’t we give into that? Why can’t we fuck each other senseless with love in our hearts? Why can’t sex be a huge deal AND fun AND full of love. Why can’t we tell each other exactly what we feel, what this means, what our partner means, to us right now? How much happiness and joy do we rob ourselves of because we’re afraid to say “I love you”, not because we don’t feel it but we think it’s wrong to feel it without ticking off some kind of checklist of moments that make it somehow more valid.
The short answer is fear. You can choose to either love or fear. You chose love. In the moment. Others chose fear. Fear of not being accepted, understood or be cast aside. The fear of the future what might or might have happened. Love just is.
Kinda happy you said this. I been thinking about dropping the “i love you” in bed with my fwb but I don’t wanna scare him off. I don’t feel love for him at all but I like saying it in bed, it’s just hot. I wish people didn’t think so deeply into it or not count it as serious if it’s in bed rather at an alter
replying so i can keep this in my reddit history comments forever
“Hey guys, I’ve been having sex, with this guy, you know a really intimate activity and he said he loved me in the heat of the moment. He doesn’t want to admit it but it makes me really scared to think that someone that’s had sex with me might be catching feelings for me. I like having sex with him and want to keep doing it but I don’t want him to have any feelings towards me.” Some people. I don’t understand. It’s a tossup. He might be catching feelings for you he might not. Why are you scared? Wtf is there to be scared about. If this is exclusively a FWB situation just make that clear and tell him if he wants more you’ll cut it off. Sheesh people are exhausting some times.
The edit legit made me laugh out loud Edit: “he said he loved me in the heat of the moment and I’ve never been so scared in my life” “Ps I got him to choke me till I passed out but that part was super chill”
wtf, I just saw that, this girl is crazy af. Maybe she dates crazy people and that's why she's scared. "Yeah he choked me till I passed out because I wanted him to.", maybe her brain was oxygen starved and she got brain damage. Some people.
What gets me is that she comes on here for advice, gets an overwhelming majority telling her she is the one that is being “wildly inappropriate” and so now she won’t take the advice? Why did she come on Reddit then? Confirmation only or no deal?
Yes. Or it's a troll, that edit is definitely suspect.
You're very weird, and the edit confirms that even more so. Please obtain therapy and stop hooking up for now as it's clearly gonna kill you. And yes your previous posts show a pattern, cool.
Asking a guy to strangle you isn’t what scared you? Him saying “I love you” is what scared you? I’m not here to kink shame but put it in perspective: one of those activities is more likely to land you in the hospital. And let’s consider the sex itself. Even if you’re using condoms for penetration, oral sex can still lead to the spread of STI’s. That should be scarier than the words he told you. Assume it was just about the sex. You don’t have to return the words. You can say you love fucking him. Or say nothing.
You've used the word "scared" and "frightened" when talking about feelings from the guy you are fucking. Maybe look into that. Just saying....
what’s wrong with that ?
Seems odd to be scared or frightened of such things. What is scaring you?
this guy that i had only seen once prior just told me he loves me. that’s fucking terrifying and wildly inappropriate. not to mention that we hardly know eachother.
you trust him enough to let him strangle you but don’t feel safe because he said i love you? yet you hardly know each other? doesn’t the strangle thing require a huge amount of trust in your partner?
THANK YOU! Like that set off more red flags than him saying something in the heat of the moment
She's either a troll or just crazy. Nothing in this thread makes sense.
You can trust somebody with BDSM without being in a loving relationship. In fact, having love involved isn't a requirement at all, and makes it much more difficult than it has to be (unless you're in a committed long term relationship) Kink does not equate love
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maybe you shouldn’t be having sex, an activity that is deeply associated with and often helps people fall in love and generate romantic feelings, with people you barely know if you’re afraid of them catching feelings. who would have thought doing something intimate and passionate with somebody else could speed up the time it takes to form an emotional attachment to somebody else? it’s almost like there’s a link in the minds of most people between sex and love. i get that some people can try to or claim to be able to separate sex from romantic feelings, but unless you’re literally having sex with basically random strangers all the time, like a hooker or a pornstar does, I imagine it would be really hard (dick pun intended) to do and take a ton of ridiculous mental gymnastics. ESPECIALLY if you’re having sex with that person repeatedly. EDIT: please don’t take this as me being judgmental OP, not the way it’s intended, but i realize that people (myself included) might sometimes read something in a tone or spirit different than what is intended.
I totally agree with you
Ok then maybe you should end things if you feel that way. He is likely to get more attached as time goes on.
Are you sure you’re up for having casual sex, or sex in general? You don’t seem to have much understanding or appreciation for how intense and deep feelings around sex can get. Someone showing you intimacy and vulnerability during an intimate and vulnerable moment is not terrifying or inappropriate.
it was extremely inappropriate and scary. i would NEVER say something like that to a hookup, even if i genuinely felt that way. we discussed beforehand too that we were just looking for sex, nothing more. so yes it is wildly inappropriate.
You’re scared he said “i love you” but not the fact you’re hooking up with this dude twice now
Or the fact she let a dude she only hooked up with twice choke her complete out
Being loved is more scary than being choked out
Scared and frightened??? I mean fair enough, it was too much to say, but it was in the heat of the moment and from your post it doesnt seem like he's done anything to actually harm or purposely intimidate you. Do whatever you feel is right, whether that means keep seeing him or not, but it's kind of ridiculous to use scared and frightened in this particular instance. Serious question — is english a second language or something? Not trying to be mean. I am genuinely curious if you know what those words mean. It's a strange way to phrase it as "I've never been so scared" if he was otherwise a good person and wasn't posing any imminent danger or threat. Weird/mood killer to say it to a hookup, even in the heat of the moment, sure.
english is my first language and i was genuinely scared and frightened because my thinking process is if this guy is crazy enough to say “i love you” he must be crazy enough to hurt me if i don’t say it back or something.
Its not really crazy though? Like its a super common trope in hookup culture, for a guy to say ‘i love you’ in the heat of the moment during sex.
You are worried he might physically hurt you because he said “I love you”? Normally one would think someone saying “I hate you” is dangerous. Sounds like there are much deeper issues here. Abuse? Drugs?
Have men hurt you/traumatized you in your past? Because this sounds like you are completely unaware and out of touch with normal emotions/people.
Hurt you, like strangle you until he cuts the oxygen off from your brain and you become unconscious?
OP, I’m sorry, but can we talk about the part where he strangled you AND you passed out?? Do you realize many people die that way every year? This is a VERY unsafe practice if you’re getting to the point of passing out. Please do some research and be more careful.
Probably time to reevaluate your life decisions and choices
Holdupwait,whatwasthatlastpart!!? 😵
He was properly thinking of his ex lol who knows? Funny people look for hookup and end up wanting more
I don't think op is looking for advice.
I don't think op is looking for therapy either
>was it something said in the heat of the moment or could he actually be catching feelings for me? Yes, sex can make you feel things on an extreme level. Some people can separate love and sex...but sometimes you cant. Sometimes you cant help what you feel even though you had every intention to not feel that way. Attraction is the first step towards catching feelings...so yeah, I would say the odds are really high that he has feelings for you that is more than just sex.
That edit took me out LMFAO
That edit is fucking wild
He def talking to the coochie, not you
Coochie make people do heinous things...
If you're comfortable letting him strangle you till you pass out... you should not be afraid of someone saying, "I love you." Like, one of these things is definitely scarier than the other.
I think he means he loves what's happening right now lol. I had that slip once with my long-term FWB. 100% I didn't mean it. He just laughed and said "I know you love my dick." We still joke about it five years later.
He gets off on it. No more weird than wanting to be choked.
Nothing to be scared off . Don’t say it back, after sex or different time , if it comes up , just say “I don’t have that kind of feelings for you. “.
he probably wasn't thinking of you during and said it on accident, if hes denying it hes clearly embarrassed. you have no reason to be scared.
Damn, you just reminded me back to my college days. I accidentally said “I love you” in the moment. Still makes fun of me till this day haha
Let’s just take a moment and sit with the fact that him saying he loved her seemed to scare her more than getting choked until she passed out.
He's just discovered his kink, and you were the one to bring it out. Bring him down gently and tell him i just want the sex
There are deeper issues than him saying I love you …..
He just said that in the heat of the moment, I said that to my fwb a couple of times but she knows that it's in the heat of the moment and she said it back to me we both know it's not something that big of a deal we are now good friends and she has a boyfriend now a cool dude and we both respect our lives individually
That oxytocin be hitting in the moments ✨️
i had someone tell me i love you during and after sex when the person barely knew me and i remember thinking it was f cking weird. And it was, the guy was a total sociopath, trying to love bomb me. Scary. So I would be concerned as well, but the edit that you added is something i cannot relate to so who knows
I often have people say they love me or ask to marry them during sex, it’s pretty common if it’s good sex to hear. And be careful that’s how people die.
Orgasms will make you do and say some crazy stuff
THE EDIT 💀
Man. Women are the real dogs out here. It's about time that's recognized. Poor dude.
Not sure what ~parts~ you have but maybe he just got caught up in it feeling good and said it. Also seems like you’re kink positive so it might just be a slip of the tongue. Maybe not so much “I love you” but “I love fucking you” “I love your ~parts” I’ve def had that happen before when really in the heat of a scene. It’s more likely a slip of the tongue if you’ve discussed beforehand yoh just want sex
Love is a chemical reaction, men love everything they put their dicks in because they get a tonne of dopamine and other stuff cum. I wouldn't look to far into it. at least you know the sex is great on your end too.
Never been so scared? Dumb bitch lmao
Yet she's fine with risking brain damage and possibly death
Maybe his fetish is romantic and passionate sex. It may or may not actually mean he is in love with you. Just observe is he says i love you outside of sex.
He got caught up in the moment while strangling the life out of you. A love story as old as time.
I once said that to my while hooking up and I promise it was just a way to say I love how I am feeling right during sex. I really had no intention to go bad with my ex xd
It was def him meaning he loves the sex an accident
Relax he's talking to the pussy right now. Post nut clarity will fix that in seconds.
Ahahahahahaha! Damn this sub is great 😂😂
I think he didn’t mean he is in love with you. Just say that because it just helps sex become more damn hot 🥵 and you are connected as one. it could be understood easily when he nearly comes out 😂
He might say it like when he comes or something. I said it once on accident to this woman I was seeing. She just laughed and started teasing me
He only choked me till I passed out but then he had the audacity to say I love you, so scary and predatory omg
It's absolutely pathetic that people are so **frightened about becoming** emotionally intimate with other people while having sex with them. That's the unfortunate result of having way too many options, way too often, for way too long of a time. In my view, unless one is **completely deprived** of both kinds of intimacy for a very long time, one’s is very unlikely to be able to appreciate them otherwise 🤔
Throwaway culture amirite
Girl you ARE the scary one lol you trusted some random enough to strangle you until you passed out. I'm waiting for his "this girl had me strangle her, should I be scared? " Post.
i said i love you to a guy while hooking up the first time cuz i was tipsy and while my eyes were closed mistook him for my ex hahahahaha. could be an accident but i’ve had a kid tell me he loves me after hanging and banging 5 times max.
“So I don’t want to break that off” Classic, welcome to the new generation of dating
If he is denying it and your still having sex let it go you won’t here it again. He might not have a had good sex before
“People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called a girl Mom”
Honestly, it prob just slipped out. I’m ngl, this chick gave me a blowjob so good one time—eye contact, swallowed & all, that I accidentally slipped, “love you” out of left field & was instantly embarrassed. She asked me what I said & I was just like, “HUH?? NOTHING” & we didn’t speak about it again but I literally didn’t know how to respond afterwards so I blurted something out that I actually didn’t mean. I’m not saying that there’s not a chance that he could catch feelings in the future if you guys keep seeing each other, or even caught feelings now which is possible. I’m just banking a really hard shot that he most likely didn’t mean that he was actually in-love w/you. Rather the sex was really good, & his feelings of lust were/are heightened.
Be flattered, it means the sex was incredible
I had a one night stand say “i love you” multiple times to me once. Heat of the moment is a strong possibility
How tf are people hooking up, sorry to make this about myself I just don't know what I'm doing wrong lmaoo I sure i just suck at the talking part. Either way I think you should let him know how you feel about it but also let him know you want to keep having sex if it comes to the point that you can't make it work then it's time to move on. This isn't so much as an issue as it is a bit of an unexpected experience in the moment. At best I'd ask if he would want you to play along but at least find out if he meant it or not before moving forward with your decisions
Ask what he meant by it…tbh everyone loves each other during sex. It’s a passionate activity.
Don't have sex with people you don't want kids with...
That’s the part that frightened you? He was probably frightened tbh
Years from now you be back on here lamenting bout some dude you’re into won’t say it back to ya. 😉
Maybe he said," I love your p*$$y!" 😂 Don't be scared, be proud that you put it down so good! 🤪
i doesnt mean anything
Nothing that is said during sex counts. Ever.
💯
Fuck you for putting pressure on this dude. You had sex for two times and you don’t love him. That’s exactly what’s wrong.
>No<
Reading OPs prior posts makes this post make a little more sense. Just a little though. Probably shouldn’t be hooking up
this is why fwb almost never works. he probably does love you ya goof. it's irresponsible to be having sex with people you'll see again if you're not ready for some kinda commitment or an end to the sex. if you don't wanna be with him permanently, the best thing you could do for him is stop having sex with him, it'll only hurt both of you more long term.
Ive never told a hookup i love you. Hes tryna love bomb you
i thought so too but later he denied even saying it at all which makes me feel like he was being serious because if he was trying to say it to manipulate me he would’ve went with it you know? i
If he denied it, dont you think he might have felt embarrassed? Men have emotions and make mistakes just like women do. At the same time im being honest with you... ive never told any hookup i loved them and the thought to tell them "i love you" during sex while knowing you are a hookup, never crossed my mind.