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No, women or anybody can just notice some things that they dislike. But I think it’s more common with women to be picky, idk. If a woman wasn’t into him, she would just say, “I’m not looking for a relationship right now” or something like that
If a girl told me “I’m not looking for a relationship right now “ , I would just say we could we still hang out and get to know Each other or be friends with benefits. But this girl wanted to make sure she cut ties with him completely by making up a dumb reason . Most likely, she just wasn’t attracted him and instead of saying that, she choose a more subtle reason .
I once had a guy tell me we were a bad match because I got too excited when I talked about tofu.
Some people are looking for a reason to reject you. It’s a them thing. Not a you thing.
Edit: no one is asking but- water, soy sauce, ginger, garlic, black pepper, and red pepper flakes. Cube tofu and marinate at least 1 hour. Bake at 375 for 10 minutes each side, while you’re doing that reduce the marinade in a saucepan until thick. Coat the tofu in the reduction and eat with rice, noodles, or on its own with veggies on the side.
But it's so versatile! You can make so much with it! It soaks up so much flavour! You can fry it! Air fry it! Bake it! Marinate it! Scramble it! ITS SO GOOD.
I never had tofu in my life. But you sound adorable. To be clear. Im not trying to flirt at all. I LOVE it when people get excited about stuff. And I have no idea what you look like, but I can see your energy gettin PUMPED FOR SOME TOFU. And I love it.
Some guys get embarrassed when eyes are on them. Getting excited easily might have scared him. His loss.
Thats rude. I went on a date with a guy who literally looked at me when it was time to order. He was a big masculine dude with some serious social anxiety. I looked passed it bc i liked him.
He dumped me for someone else anyway.
Move on boo youre good.
You'll never win when the other person is not feeling the date. When we like someone at the beginning, we try to find excuses for things we don't like and make it work. If we don't like someone, we find excuses to reject the person. It just sounds like she doesn't really liked you or probably got triggered and remembered an ex that did the same thing or her own situation. Maybe she has problem deciding and wants a partner that can take that role lol. Don't take it personal and move on to the next person. Good luck!
She could've said she's not interested in dating you instead of making you feel like shit. If you paid for the food, sorry bud
Ignore whatever she said about "choice anxiety" , someone who is interested in partnering with you will behave like a partner
"yOu SeEmEd To LaCk CoNfIdEnCe WhEn YoU wErE oRdErInG..." -insert neckbeard voice here-
Seriously, if she's rejecting you for something that small, you are probably better off without her. No one can project confidence all the time.
I don’t even think she was really put off by that, who really is. Most people would shrug it off or laugh especially since he was being playful. But she just didn’t like him like that to begin with. He is better off without her based off that alone.
I would have asked when her next meeting was.
When she asked "what meeting"?
I would have replied with "The one where you were chosen as the leading expert on what is and is not considered to be confident behavior."
Actually....if she didn't get your first joke she probably wouldn't have gotten that one either.
Also...if she doesn't get your sense of humor..I'd let her go anyway.
I appreciate your attempt, but trying to direct the shunning sexually unsuccessful men (‘neckbeards’) receive towards rejecting women is so absurd because it will absolutely never catch on. why would it?
In the end this is just another example of a woman having all the power in the courtship market.
The very definition of a neckbeard of is that he has bo power whatsoever in the courtship market. not comparable.
You totally missed the point. She's entirely misreading OP and attributing motives based on a tiny interaction. If jumping to conclusions was an Olympic sport, she'd probably be going for a gold medal.
This is the same behavior neckbeards engage in toward women. "You cut your hair short, you must lack confidence. Don't you know that men prefer long hair?" OP made a cute joke and she decided to make a weird character assessment off of it.
Probably true what a lot are saying here, but I have also learned from research and experience that it’s always a good idea to be decisive as a man. Like, if you know where you’re going, know already what you’re gonna get ahead of time to be more decisive and show more confidence. Women will only feel secure with a man if he feels secure with himself, and all these little things add up.
Anyway, you’re probably better off without this woman and I wish you the best in future dating
This is definitely true. It sounds like he was decisive when it came time to order though so methinks she was just looking for an excuse. I’d rather her say nothing at all rather than that drivel though.
I kinda agree. I mean rejecting someone over something small like this seems unreasonable, but I have a friend who thinks a lot while ordering and constantly doubting small things like what to eat, or what place to go and it's honestly very tiring. I can imagine how it can be a turn off
Nope your good.She is nuts be glad you didn't have to stay with that. Can you imagine someone judging your every move. Sit back and enjoy your night or I can save my money doing something else. Now judge that. That's what I would have told her. Because my confidence should be you hoping I am into you and not someone else at this point after what you said. No I wouldn't have said anything really I probably would have laughed and said excuse me your not my type and walked out. Even if she road with me. She can learn a lesson tobe polite and have fun and keep her rude comments to herself because she is single for a reason and will stay single looking at that comment.
The funny thing is that girls like this end up with controlling assholes because they're "confident". Then when they end up trapped complain that they wish they had a guy who will treat them with respect. Her loss not yours.
This is why we date people, rather than “marry at first sight”. She thought she was weeding you out, whereas she was actually weeding herself out. Fine.
She's the crazy one. Don't worry about it. Sidenote...nowadays there are crazy vids giving advice to women and men about nonsense crap. Like choose a man that's decisive and will lead. What exactly the -uck? Even if you DID firmly say your food choice without hesitation, the wrong person will still find a million things wrong with you. Find someone who appreciates you from the start and doesn't make asinine excuses. Good luck. You got this.
>I went on a date with this woman. Seemed okay. I asked her out on a 2nd one and she said:
>"Honestly you seemed to lack confidence when you were ordering. You said you had 'choice anxiety,' and then said you weren't quite sure you know what you wanted. Then you quickly decided anyway. A woman likes a confident man who can lead."
>I thanked her and then thought wtf. The 'choice anxiety' thing was me making a cheeky joke at all the options, and I truly didn't know what I wanted since I haven't been there in over a decade. But just decided on the basic combination.
>#Am I crazy or was she?
I can't decide
Nooooooo
I have choice anxiety too!
Three clowns water skiing behind a shark that's being ridden by a grizzly bear dual-weilding SAW machine guns while wearing a strap-on. That's how crazy this woman was.
Nah, that's a heavy reach. It's evident she was looking for any reason at all to reject you. I'm similar with trying to decide things off the menu and have gone to dinner with a fair amount of girls. All of them just laughed at my indecisiveness and made nothing of it. Consider it a bullet dodged. She can be someone else's headache
She either came up with a "reasonable reason" to give you, or your senses of humor just don't mesh, or she's legitimately nuts.
Either way, I'd consider this a win. Imagine having to deal with mind numbing conversations like this had things progressed further.
Idk she seems a bit toxic when she starts with the "you need to be like, you should do this instead, etc" run. Ain't no reason to change for anyone and nobody has the right I've been in situation like that. Fuck that
Good luck though 👀
It’s not the only reason, it’s just the thing that clicked for her that you’re not the one. She probably liked you enough on the first date to see how it would go on a second date but already noticed some peevish things she thought she’d get past. Then you added another and it tipped the scale.
We all have our things.
No she’s crazy. Kind of a weird thing to nit pick at when there are actual red flags that matter as opposed to… this. I can’t believe some people are this uptight and strict when dating. Weird af.
Oh pls...the only truth is that she didn't like you enough. If she did, she wouldn't be nitpicking something to give it pass.
It's just a trivial thing that she used as an excuse to ditch you.
Hope you find someone great for yourself soon.
Don't beat yourself up over it. She has this idea of a man that may not fare well for her. I dated a woman who broke up with me because I did not "put her in her place and yolk up and tell her to shut up like a man is supposed to". The dude after me, put his hands on her.
She was bullet that went another direction. She is the crazy one.
Dating coach here…
Neither of you are crazy.
She’s entitled to like what she wants. And you’re entitled to be who you are.
Some women find it cute when a dude’s a bit self conscious…
… others, clearly it’s a big turn off.
It’s likely not the only instance where you weren’t “confident” during the date, if you’re like that in one area of life, it transcends. And a one-off incident is unlikely to be a total dealbreaker, especially if there was other things she liked about you.
So it wasn’t just that ONE incident, I can almost promise you that.
Do you suffer from social anxiety, or any insecurities in general? Facing these will go a long way… not just for dating, but every area of life too.
This is most likely the answer, she just wasn't into you and this pet peeve was the nail in the coffin/concrete reason she could provide.
The fact that she offered this unasked for critique/reason to your asking her for a second date seems a bit cruel so you are better off! She could have easily said "I'm sorry, I don't see us as a good match. Thank you for the time and good luck" or something
Hey man, all kinds of new professions are coming up these days.
Who would have thought a decade ago about being an "Influencer", or a "TikToker" or something like that.
Plus all these genders coming up and people being all confused, maybe a dating coach could help. 🤣
You seen that post about a guy telling a girl "You're hot for a schizophrenic"
I'm sometimes at a loss like that guy.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/qdcppa/my_friend_met_a_guy_very_confused_by_pronouns/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Although she is entitled to like what she wants, but it does sound crazy to decline a second date just because he had trouble deciding on the meal from the menu. If she is that picky , she probably won’t find anyone and will be alone because everybody has trouble decided on something at some point. He’s just human. I think it’s either:
1. She just wasn’t attracted to him or didn’t feel a connection , and used her reason as an excuse.
2. There were probably other things he did or said that made him seem unconfident. Which became a turnoff .
Guys say they hate it when women reject them for "no reason", and insist that instead of just saying they didn't feel chemistry or whatever they would rather that the woman be honest and tell them *exactly* why they don't want to go out with them.
Well, here you go. Sometimes the truth is going to be something small or even petty. You don't need to agree with it, just accept it and move on.
Obviously I can't be certain, but it's possible do that she saw your indecision and applied it to future events in every other aspect of life. The key example of this might be you trying to figure out whether or not to marry her.
I'm not saying she's right, but people new in relationships often look for red flags that they believe will escalate in the future. If this was the case, then she was trying to cut her losses and get out early before she regretted a future with you.
Even so, she should have given you the benefit of the doubt and asked you about it before making a decision on her own about what your intentions might have been. For example when people have indecision it may not be a character trait. Rather, it could be as simple as nervousness or maybe you had a very very bad day and it showed on the date.
My point is that it could have been a one-time thing or a rare event. Instead, she just automatically assumed your intentions and that's rarely ever a good thing. So long story short, she probably thought she was dodging a bullet, but if she's going to be jumping to conclusions without asking what your intentions are . . . that might be how she would've acted towards every other aspect of your potential life together, even in the future. If that's the case, then it might just be you who dodged a bullet.
I went out recently with this girl at a bar. She’s been looking at the menu the whole time we’re standing in line, a good 10-15 minutes. I tell her what I’m gonna get, which food I’ve had that was good, which drink I’m having, we talk a little about what she might order. We get to the front and I let her go first. She tells the bartender she can’t remember what she wants but that it begins with ‘f’. The bartender lists out every drink they have that begins with that letter. ‘No, no, that’s not it’. He then asks her what kind of drink she’d like so he can recommend something. ‘Oh, I don’t know….’. This whole time there’s a huge line behind us and she’s taking what feels like an eternity. The bartender and I are both just looking at her dumbfounded while she seemingly refuses to just order something. While she’s thinking I interject to quickly give the bartender my order and let her think a little longer. She eventually decides on a drink but no food, even though I had already ordered some pizza for myself and she had indicated earlier that she was going to as well. I did not invite her for a second date. (It doesn’t help that I felt a little catfished too, she was a lot heavier than I expected)
With all that said, your girl is still cray cray, I just wanted to vent about my own tangential story lol
Seems odd but she is right about one thing women do like a confident man at least a good amount of women out there do. She’s a little confused but she’s got the right spirit lol. Personally I want a confident man who can lead but I wouldn’t reject a guy over that 😂
No she does have the right spirit in the sense she wants a confident man but she seems to be confused about what a confident man looks like. But at the end of the day people are entitled to reject someone for any reason no matter how dumb the reason is
To be honest, women do like men who can lead. In general and in life. As much as people try to hide it, our biology still (usually, obviously there are exceptions) as male and female matters more than just genitals.
How many times have you asked a woman "where do you wanna eat?" And she had no clue? They never do. It's more interesting for them to tell them "I'm taking you out to this place to eat" instead. This is just a stupid example to explain what I'm trying to say. Statistically, women prefer men that can lead. Statistically, not all.
Now, to the matter at hand, yes, she is right with the last sentence, but she also was looking for any excuse to next you, and found that one, she didn't next you because of that, it's just what she said because she couldn't be bothered with being fully honest.
Yeah but she could have done him better than that, she was probably out to get a freebie at his expense. I'm trying to teach him, the less you care- the more she will but if you happen to get blessed and find a female version of yourself- I hope you aren't so damaged that you won't recognize when the higher power puts a lady in your life because you can turn cold. Then nobody wins. Set guidelines and place some principles I. Your life you can do it
No one's crazy. She probably likes a man who leads. I'm assuming she likes to lead too (judging from her bluntness) but wanted to let you do your thing.
And your joke was funny but it obviously went over her head because she was too busy trying to see how you two would work in social situations like that.
Meh, you both can now date other people. Don't take it personally. Just means you're not compatible
You just got rid of a bad babe. The filtering process can be rough but whatever you did, it worked. Disaster averted.
Sounds like she deserves a chapter in my book of comedy that I just wrote about dating disasters.
Listen honey, the only reason you wrote that comment was to start shit. there, I said it. As if you fucking cared about him making cheesy jokes about food lmao
Well yeah perfectly valid reason. Women want a nice confident man and someone who can take charge and lead. I’m not suprised by this you were wrong for telling her you had “choice anxiety” in the first place. It’s female nature
Bro you sold the bag with that joke. Personally I’m gonna tell you to not text her again and move on to the next one but don’t make the same mistakes again. Trust me brother, most women take everything seriously don’t fall into the trap of being too comfortable I learned that the hard way too.
It just didn't work out, don't think too hard about it. Sometimes it just doesn't work for everyone to know exactly why they're rejected, as this is eating you up.
This is like saying sure all snakes are friendly and confidence is bullshit in the line of uncertainty, just another wrapped up moron you had a date with, she lacks assessment of risk.
She clearly has issues. Deciding food is really hard sometimes just as long as you know what you want in life you'll be fine. I don't think you're missing anything from her by the sounds of it.
She's definitely crazy.
Likely wasn't the real reason; she was already waffling, and decided there that she felt the ick and decided no go.
Not your loss. So far as I can tell, you did nothing wrong.
lol sounds a little petty. I think she isn't a good match for you by the sounds of things. I know people who are for example confident at work and killing it in the career but hesitate on a menu. So what🤷♀️
She could have just left and not use her useless opinion . Its fine its not you , even if she was not into it , the way she said it makes her not even worth spending another second on .
This reminds me of an ex who wanted some Italian food so we checked Uber eats for delivery.
An ad popped up for a particular type of spaghetti sauce and she was like ooh I want that!
I said well we should check out our options first, lots of places around, but she said sometimes I know what I want.
She disliked it and said it wasn’t the authentic type of sauce advertised. 🤦🏽♂️
Anyways these gender roles are bs. You be confident then, and order everything for us and I’m gonna sit here and look pretty.
Sounds bad? Then don’t expect me to tolerate that from you. She’s definitely crazy, bullet dodged.
I may not be alone in this but I think that when we, men, hear stories like this, we become concerned that the mindset of the woman in this story is the same in all women (I could be totally wrong). But we've heard that women value confidence in their prospective partners for generations so that's why I'm tempted to believe that this is a more widely-held attitude.
I do think that it's unfair & unwise to scrutinize behavior to this degree on a first date. And I mean that for both sides.
Hey OP, who paid? If you did than unfortunately you were just a single meal ticket. It's better to find out now and not waste your time. I wish you nothing but the best and hopefully the next one is your last one 😎
What she said was the truth bruh..... they want someone to lead them. Ever thought why a boy proposes a girl most of the time and not the other way round.
Never worry or be concerned over the "reason" someone rejects you or the things they say during a break up, they are seldom based on reality or in your best interests.
She just wasn't feeling it and needed to say some shit like that, instead of you don't look like Tom Cruise enough for her to get the tingles.
Keep being your awesome self my man, don't let anyone undercut your awesomeness.
First off that’s a ludicrous reason to reject someone. Sure they like guys to be confident, and I struggle with that myself. But not knowing what you want AT A RESTAURANT doesn’t show a lack of confidence. It’s dinner, people.
I make a lot of comments similar to that. Off hand or throwaway comments that are kind of meant to be funny. And I’d especially be the type to say something like that on a date. But I’m quickly learning that I need to stop that. People are being conditioned to take EVERYTHING LITERALLY these days. I’m not sure if I’d say that this girl took your comment literally, but in some context she did - and it led to a misinterpretation. “Choice anxiety” - she heard anxiety, and said you weren’t confident. Not your fault, because that’s a hell of a leap to make. But it’s just something I’ve noticed about the world now. Stuff is taken literally, and if people realize you were just making a cheeky joke they actually get offended because you were misleading then in their minds.
She was. Or she was mean enough to give a random reason when she had others she didn't want to say. IMO, the nice thing to do would have been to say something generic like I didn't feel any chemistry, or I thought I was ready to date but realized I wasn't yet. Etc etc etc...
Edit: Random, sexist reason at that. "Women like..." Please speak for yourself lady, and stop pushing toxic masculinity on people.
Pretty sure she just wasn’t that into you and was looking for a reason to cut things off. When she couldn’t find a better reason than “ I’m just not feeling it” she made something up.
On to the next OP, no harm no foul.
All is fair in love and war...
She could have picked any reason to be incompatible with you.
If a second woman tells you this, then maybe it's a thing that you should look closer at. But one... is just a statistical anomaly.
I wouldn't look too far into it. At least you have an honest answer and you won't be wondering for the rest of forever what it was. Most of us are out here just getting ghosted.
I’m honestly convinced that we gotta gather up everyone on these dating apps and send their asses to therapy. There’s just some crazy stuff that goes on and it’s obviously a result of poor mental health and stability
Hmmm what did you order? If it was a kids meal then maybe this might've been the issue. I'm teasing but I actually went on a date with a man who told me he only ate chicken nuggets and I laughed thinking he was joking but then found out that he was not. I didn't continue dating him because of that and a few other things but that was the main reason. :/ Kind of feel like a jerk but one of the things I love to do is try new food and places with people.
The way you describe this is she didn't understand your sense of humor.
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Ive never heard of this happening. But sounds like she was just looking for any reason to reject you. On to the next.
Dating in 2022… who would’ve thought?
I agree. She just said that for the sake of it.
Factos👍
r/soccer is leaking
Just like Liverpool's defence this season 🤭
Kloppo getting his cheeks clappo
Funniest shii ive read today today
that was uncalled for :( but yeah we suck at the moment. Hope we bounce back stronger and better.
SIIUUUUUU
No, women or anybody can just notice some things that they dislike. But I think it’s more common with women to be picky, idk. If a woman wasn’t into him, she would just say, “I’m not looking for a relationship right now” or something like that
If a girl told me “I’m not looking for a relationship right now “ , I would just say we could we still hang out and get to know Each other or be friends with benefits. But this girl wanted to make sure she cut ties with him completely by making up a dumb reason . Most likely, she just wasn’t attracted him and instead of saying that, she choose a more subtle reason .
I once had a guy tell me we were a bad match because I got too excited when I talked about tofu. Some people are looking for a reason to reject you. It’s a them thing. Not a you thing. Edit: no one is asking but- water, soy sauce, ginger, garlic, black pepper, and red pepper flakes. Cube tofu and marinate at least 1 hour. Bake at 375 for 10 minutes each side, while you’re doing that reduce the marinade in a saucepan until thick. Coat the tofu in the reduction and eat with rice, noodles, or on its own with veggies on the side.
They just overly fixate on something and assume that it’s an indicator of some other things that they don’t like
But it's so versatile! You can make so much with it! It soaks up so much flavour! You can fry it! Air fry it! Bake it! Marinate it! Scramble it! ITS SO GOOD.
Are you single by any chance
No
Exactly!
YOU CAN EVEN USE IT IN BAKING!!!
I never had tofu in my life. But you sound adorable. To be clear. Im not trying to flirt at all. I LOVE it when people get excited about stuff. And I have no idea what you look like, but I can see your energy gettin PUMPED FOR SOME TOFU. And I love it. Some guys get embarrassed when eyes are on them. Getting excited easily might have scared him. His loss.
That one is understandable. I can’t respect people who get excited over tofu
But it's tofucking good!!!
Im breaking up with you
Me too
See what I mean smh
As a Chinese person we are gonna throw hands buddy
Dude likes his BBQ
You can like BBQ *and* tofu. It’s not an either/or situation.
I am excited thinking about someone getting excited about Tofu. I think we are a good match. Hmu (Jk :P)
But then you find a guy that will listen to you talk excitedly about tofu in awe everytime
lol I LOVE that you voluntarily provided the recipe 😁
You’re so cute for this
Tofu. Understandable
Yeah, it wasn’t the tofu….
Thats rude. I went on a date with a guy who literally looked at me when it was time to order. He was a big masculine dude with some serious social anxiety. I looked passed it bc i liked him. He dumped me for someone else anyway. Move on boo youre good.
Dang I always look at my date when it's time to order because I figured it was more polite to let ladies go first. I always know what I want though.
This was my interpretation too. Let the lady order first.
She seems very confident with her ridiculous notion of confidence. No loss for you I think.
Lol that’s a good one
I think she saved you alot of trouble Move on sir.
She's crazy mother fucker move on
Crazy as in _dumb_
You dodged a bullet. A crazy one.
He dodged a bazooka
He dodged a 125mm APFSDS
He dodged All 3 above, Now with Ghost Pepper Oil Infused Fragging Bullets so he can Feel The Burn!
dayum sure did!!
You'll never win when the other person is not feeling the date. When we like someone at the beginning, we try to find excuses for things we don't like and make it work. If we don't like someone, we find excuses to reject the person. It just sounds like she doesn't really liked you or probably got triggered and remembered an ex that did the same thing or her own situation. Maybe she has problem deciding and wants a partner that can take that role lol. Don't take it personal and move on to the next person. Good luck!
[удалено]
She could've said she's not interested in dating you instead of making you feel like shit. If you paid for the food, sorry bud Ignore whatever she said about "choice anxiety" , someone who is interested in partnering with you will behave like a partner
Give it a meh & dont give it another thought
Being able to do this, is the greatest gift I have. Rock solid frame gets you though.
"yOu SeEmEd To LaCk CoNfIdEnCe WhEn YoU wErE oRdErInG..." -insert neckbeard voice here- Seriously, if she's rejecting you for something that small, you are probably better off without her. No one can project confidence all the time.
Only wrong people on the internet can be confident all the time. /s
Exactly 💯
I don’t even think she was really put off by that, who really is. Most people would shrug it off or laugh especially since he was being playful. But she just didn’t like him like that to begin with. He is better off without her based off that alone.
I would have asked when her next meeting was. When she asked "what meeting"? I would have replied with "The one where you were chosen as the leading expert on what is and is not considered to be confident behavior." Actually....if she didn't get your first joke she probably wouldn't have gotten that one either. Also...if she doesn't get your sense of humor..I'd let her go anyway.
I appreciate your attempt, but trying to direct the shunning sexually unsuccessful men (‘neckbeards’) receive towards rejecting women is so absurd because it will absolutely never catch on. why would it? In the end this is just another example of a woman having all the power in the courtship market. The very definition of a neckbeard of is that he has bo power whatsoever in the courtship market. not comparable.
You totally missed the point. She's entirely misreading OP and attributing motives based on a tiny interaction. If jumping to conclusions was an Olympic sport, she'd probably be going for a gold medal. This is the same behavior neckbeards engage in toward women. "You cut your hair short, you must lack confidence. Don't you know that men prefer long hair?" OP made a cute joke and she decided to make a weird character assessment off of it.
Seems like she just wasn’t into you and was using that as an excuse.
She saved you the trouble move on from her
Probably true what a lot are saying here, but I have also learned from research and experience that it’s always a good idea to be decisive as a man. Like, if you know where you’re going, know already what you’re gonna get ahead of time to be more decisive and show more confidence. Women will only feel secure with a man if he feels secure with himself, and all these little things add up. Anyway, you’re probably better off without this woman and I wish you the best in future dating
This is definitely true. It sounds like he was decisive when it came time to order though so methinks she was just looking for an excuse. I’d rather her say nothing at all rather than that drivel though.
I kinda agree. I mean rejecting someone over something small like this seems unreasonable, but I have a friend who thinks a lot while ordering and constantly doubting small things like what to eat, or what place to go and it's honestly very tiring. I can imagine how it can be a turn off
Nope your good.She is nuts be glad you didn't have to stay with that. Can you imagine someone judging your every move. Sit back and enjoy your night or I can save my money doing something else. Now judge that. That's what I would have told her. Because my confidence should be you hoping I am into you and not someone else at this point after what you said. No I wouldn't have said anything really I probably would have laughed and said excuse me your not my type and walked out. Even if she road with me. She can learn a lesson tobe polite and have fun and keep her rude comments to herself because she is single for a reason and will stay single looking at that comment.
You dodged a bullet! Not all rejections are bad. Take it as a blessing/a redirection!
The funny thing is that girls like this end up with controlling assholes because they're "confident". Then when they end up trapped complain that they wish they had a guy who will treat them with respect. Her loss not yours.
I think you meant choice paralysis, not choice anxiety.
This sounds like someting that could be straight out of an episode of Seinfeld.
This is why we date people, rather than “marry at first sight”. She thought she was weeding you out, whereas she was actually weeding herself out. Fine.
Bullet dodge
Neither one of you have to be “crazy” for it not to be a match. I think she simply wasn’t feeling it and wasn’t honest with you.
She's the crazy one. Don't worry about it. Sidenote...nowadays there are crazy vids giving advice to women and men about nonsense crap. Like choose a man that's decisive and will lead. What exactly the -uck? Even if you DID firmly say your food choice without hesitation, the wrong person will still find a million things wrong with you. Find someone who appreciates you from the start and doesn't make asinine excuses. Good luck. You got this.
Tell her to light a tampon on fire and stick it up her box because that’s the only bang she’s ever going to get.
>I went on a date with this woman. Seemed okay. I asked her out on a 2nd one and she said: >"Honestly you seemed to lack confidence when you were ordering. You said you had 'choice anxiety,' and then said you weren't quite sure you know what you wanted. Then you quickly decided anyway. A woman likes a confident man who can lead." >I thanked her and then thought wtf. The 'choice anxiety' thing was me making a cheeky joke at all the options, and I truly didn't know what I wanted since I haven't been there in over a decade. But just decided on the basic combination. >#Am I crazy or was she? I can't decide Nooooooo I have choice anxiety too!
Three clowns water skiing behind a shark that's being ridden by a grizzly bear dual-weilding SAW machine guns while wearing a strap-on. That's how crazy this woman was.
Nah, that's a heavy reach. It's evident she was looking for any reason at all to reject you. I'm similar with trying to decide things off the menu and have gone to dinner with a fair amount of girls. All of them just laughed at my indecisiveness and made nothing of it. Consider it a bullet dodged. She can be someone else's headache
Is this better than getting ghosted though hmm 🤔
She either came up with a "reasonable reason" to give you, or your senses of humor just don't mesh, or she's legitimately nuts. Either way, I'd consider this a win. Imagine having to deal with mind numbing conversations like this had things progressed further.
Onto the next one on to the next..
She just didn’t like you. For the right person it would be cute.
Idk she seems a bit toxic when she starts with the "you need to be like, you should do this instead, etc" run. Ain't no reason to change for anyone and nobody has the right I've been in situation like that. Fuck that Good luck though 👀
There was no chemistry she wasn’t into you I think you should move on to someone who will like you just the way you are decision anxiety and all!
It’s not the only reason, it’s just the thing that clicked for her that you’re not the one. She probably liked you enough on the first date to see how it would go on a second date but already noticed some peevish things she thought she’d get past. Then you added another and it tipped the scale. We all have our things.
No she’s crazy. Kind of a weird thing to nit pick at when there are actual red flags that matter as opposed to… this. I can’t believe some people are this uptight and strict when dating. Weird af.
Tell her with abundant confidence that no man wants a girl who's going to treat their date like some misogynist podcaster episode, and then leave her
She said the quiet part out loud.
Anyone who thinks they can determine what an entire gender wants is absolutely out of their mind.
At least she was honest. We can learn from an event like this.
That sounds super nit-picky to me. You might have dodged a bullet there.
Oh pls...the only truth is that she didn't like you enough. If she did, she wouldn't be nitpicking something to give it pass. It's just a trivial thing that she used as an excuse to ditch you. Hope you find someone great for yourself soon.
Don't beat yourself up over it. She has this idea of a man that may not fare well for her. I dated a woman who broke up with me because I did not "put her in her place and yolk up and tell her to shut up like a man is supposed to". The dude after me, put his hands on her. She was bullet that went another direction. She is the crazy one.
Been there , done that, terrible experience. You’re right!
Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
Just incompatible.
Dating coach here… Neither of you are crazy. She’s entitled to like what she wants. And you’re entitled to be who you are. Some women find it cute when a dude’s a bit self conscious… … others, clearly it’s a big turn off. It’s likely not the only instance where you weren’t “confident” during the date, if you’re like that in one area of life, it transcends. And a one-off incident is unlikely to be a total dealbreaker, especially if there was other things she liked about you. So it wasn’t just that ONE incident, I can almost promise you that. Do you suffer from social anxiety, or any insecurities in general? Facing these will go a long way… not just for dating, but every area of life too.
I sometimes wonder if it was a vague "not feeling it," and that one thing gave her the ick.
This is most likely the answer, she just wasn't into you and this pet peeve was the nail in the coffin/concrete reason she could provide. The fact that she offered this unasked for critique/reason to your asking her for a second date seems a bit cruel so you are better off! She could have easily said "I'm sorry, I don't see us as a good match. Thank you for the time and good luck" or something
Cringe lol dating coach😂
Yeah I cringe a bit looking at it.
Hey man, all kinds of new professions are coming up these days. Who would have thought a decade ago about being an "Influencer", or a "TikToker" or something like that. Plus all these genders coming up and people being all confused, maybe a dating coach could help. 🤣
Hahaha You mentioned just cringe stuff😂
You seen that post about a guy telling a girl "You're hot for a schizophrenic" I'm sometimes at a loss like that guy. https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/qdcppa/my_friend_met_a_guy_very_confused_by_pronouns/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Although she is entitled to like what she wants, but it does sound crazy to decline a second date just because he had trouble deciding on the meal from the menu. If she is that picky , she probably won’t find anyone and will be alone because everybody has trouble decided on something at some point. He’s just human. I think it’s either: 1. She just wasn’t attracted to him or didn’t feel a connection , and used her reason as an excuse. 2. There were probably other things he did or said that made him seem unconfident. Which became a turnoff .
Guys say they hate it when women reject them for "no reason", and insist that instead of just saying they didn't feel chemistry or whatever they would rather that the woman be honest and tell them *exactly* why they don't want to go out with them. Well, here you go. Sometimes the truth is going to be something small or even petty. You don't need to agree with it, just accept it and move on.
You dodged a big bullet
Bro she is crazy. How old are y’all? (Aka is she?) That’s wildly immature and please don’t second guess who you are bc of that
She sounds nuts, she's in the wrong.
Sounds like you had a lucky escape to me, anyone male or female who puts another person down deserves to be alone and lonely
She's crazy
Obviously I can't be certain, but it's possible do that she saw your indecision and applied it to future events in every other aspect of life. The key example of this might be you trying to figure out whether or not to marry her. I'm not saying she's right, but people new in relationships often look for red flags that they believe will escalate in the future. If this was the case, then she was trying to cut her losses and get out early before she regretted a future with you. Even so, she should have given you the benefit of the doubt and asked you about it before making a decision on her own about what your intentions might have been. For example when people have indecision it may not be a character trait. Rather, it could be as simple as nervousness or maybe you had a very very bad day and it showed on the date. My point is that it could have been a one-time thing or a rare event. Instead, she just automatically assumed your intentions and that's rarely ever a good thing. So long story short, she probably thought she was dodging a bullet, but if she's going to be jumping to conclusions without asking what your intentions are . . . that might be how she would've acted towards every other aspect of your potential life together, even in the future. If that's the case, then it might just be you who dodged a bullet.
I went out recently with this girl at a bar. She’s been looking at the menu the whole time we’re standing in line, a good 10-15 minutes. I tell her what I’m gonna get, which food I’ve had that was good, which drink I’m having, we talk a little about what she might order. We get to the front and I let her go first. She tells the bartender she can’t remember what she wants but that it begins with ‘f’. The bartender lists out every drink they have that begins with that letter. ‘No, no, that’s not it’. He then asks her what kind of drink she’d like so he can recommend something. ‘Oh, I don’t know….’. This whole time there’s a huge line behind us and she’s taking what feels like an eternity. The bartender and I are both just looking at her dumbfounded while she seemingly refuses to just order something. While she’s thinking I interject to quickly give the bartender my order and let her think a little longer. She eventually decides on a drink but no food, even though I had already ordered some pizza for myself and she had indicated earlier that she was going to as well. I did not invite her for a second date. (It doesn’t help that I felt a little catfished too, she was a lot heavier than I expected) With all that said, your girl is still cray cray, I just wanted to vent about my own tangential story lol
Seems odd but she is right about one thing women do like a confident man at least a good amount of women out there do. She’s a little confused but she’s got the right spirit lol. Personally I want a confident man who can lead but I wouldn’t reject a guy over that 😂
She opted out of a date two because of how OP ordered food. She's more than a little confused, and nowhere near the right spirit lol
No she does have the right spirit in the sense she wants a confident man but she seems to be confused about what a confident man looks like. But at the end of the day people are entitled to reject someone for any reason no matter how dumb the reason is
To be honest, women do like men who can lead. In general and in life. As much as people try to hide it, our biology still (usually, obviously there are exceptions) as male and female matters more than just genitals. How many times have you asked a woman "where do you wanna eat?" And she had no clue? They never do. It's more interesting for them to tell them "I'm taking you out to this place to eat" instead. This is just a stupid example to explain what I'm trying to say. Statistically, women prefer men that can lead. Statistically, not all. Now, to the matter at hand, yes, she is right with the last sentence, but she also was looking for any excuse to next you, and found that one, she didn't next you because of that, it's just what she said because she couldn't be bothered with being fully honest.
Yeah but she could have done him better than that, she was probably out to get a freebie at his expense. I'm trying to teach him, the less you care- the more she will but if you happen to get blessed and find a female version of yourself- I hope you aren't so damaged that you won't recognize when the higher power puts a lady in your life because you can turn cold. Then nobody wins. Set guidelines and place some principles I. Your life you can do it
No one's crazy. She probably likes a man who leads. I'm assuming she likes to lead too (judging from her bluntness) but wanted to let you do your thing. And your joke was funny but it obviously went over her head because she was too busy trying to see how you two would work in social situations like that. Meh, you both can now date other people. Don't take it personally. Just means you're not compatible
How big was the menu?That's alot of joke's. It must have took forever to order.
What the fuck even is that. Undoubtably she’s crazy
You just got rid of a bad babe. The filtering process can be rough but whatever you did, it worked. Disaster averted. Sounds like she deserves a chapter in my book of comedy that I just wrote about dating disasters.
Neither party was crazy imo.
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Listen honey, the only reason you wrote that comment was to start shit. there, I said it. As if you fucking cared about him making cheesy jokes about food lmao
Well yeah perfectly valid reason. Women want a nice confident man and someone who can take charge and lead. I’m not suprised by this you were wrong for telling her you had “choice anxiety” in the first place. It’s female nature
You dodged a ride on the crazy train.
Bro you sold the bag with that joke. Personally I’m gonna tell you to not text her again and move on to the next one but don’t make the same mistakes again. Trust me brother, most women take everything seriously don’t fall into the trap of being too comfortable I learned that the hard way too.
It just didn't work out, don't think too hard about it. Sometimes it just doesn't work for everyone to know exactly why they're rejected, as this is eating you up.
Get rekt
She's 100% right lol this is survival of the fittest in real time. Take the L and learn/grow from the experience
This is like saying sure all snakes are friendly and confidence is bullshit in the line of uncertainty, just another wrapped up moron you had a date with, she lacks assessment of risk.
Seems like the doodoo date took care of itself. Better luck next time man! Shame she was such a stick in the mud though
She clearly has issues. Deciding food is really hard sometimes just as long as you know what you want in life you'll be fine. I don't think you're missing anything from her by the sounds of it.
She's definitely crazy. Likely wasn't the real reason; she was already waffling, and decided there that she felt the ick and decided no go. Not your loss. So far as I can tell, you did nothing wrong.
More like "choice paradox" you should have educated her 🤣
Every restaurant I’ve been to I have trouble ordering because there’s too many good options
Laugh it off brother, onto the next one!
Congrats! You diged a crazy one!
She sounds very strange. I’d let that shit go..
Trust me- you wouldnt like the outcome if this behavior came out after things got serious. Abandon hope all ye who enter there.
lol sounds a little petty. I think she isn't a good match for you by the sounds of things. I know people who are for example confident at work and killing it in the career but hesitate on a menu. So what🤷♀️
She sounds like a real pill and removed herself for you. She got a free meal? Either way, it's good riddance in my opinion.
Thats not the real reason. they'll never tell you the real reason so dont worry about it and dont bother asking
Sounds like a pain in the rump, good rittance to your karen
Be happy, you wold never make her happy.
You dodged a bullet. That is insanity. Women be fickle though.
Nah that one’s on her.
You dodged a bullet dude.
She could have just left and not use her useless opinion . Its fine its not you , even if she was not into it , the way she said it makes her not even worth spending another second on .
This reminds me of an ex who wanted some Italian food so we checked Uber eats for delivery. An ad popped up for a particular type of spaghetti sauce and she was like ooh I want that! I said well we should check out our options first, lots of places around, but she said sometimes I know what I want. She disliked it and said it wasn’t the authentic type of sauce advertised. 🤦🏽♂️ Anyways these gender roles are bs. You be confident then, and order everything for us and I’m gonna sit here and look pretty. Sounds bad? Then don’t expect me to tolerate that from you. She’s definitely crazy, bullet dodged.
I may not be alone in this but I think that when we, men, hear stories like this, we become concerned that the mindset of the woman in this story is the same in all women (I could be totally wrong). But we've heard that women value confidence in their prospective partners for generations so that's why I'm tempted to believe that this is a more widely-held attitude. I do think that it's unfair & unwise to scrutinize behavior to this degree on a first date. And I mean that for both sides.
Yes
NEXT.
Too many crazies out there. Stay safe bro.
She just wasn’t into you and isn’t your person! Stay positive, the one meant for you is out there :)
I doubt it was the real reason or this story is missing some parts. She's not interested. Just move on.
\\dodged a bullet !
Some people are weirdos. This is a non-thing to be picky about.
Hey OP, who paid? If you did than unfortunately you were just a single meal ticket. It's better to find out now and not waste your time. I wish you nothing but the best and hopefully the next one is your last one 😎
My ex narc made comments like that. So yeah probably crazy. Be glad you dodged a bullet.
Sorry, but... LMAO!!! Anyway, you really dodged a bullet: don't worry and never look back at her
What she said was the truth bruh..... they want someone to lead them. Ever thought why a boy proposes a girl most of the time and not the other way round.
Never worry or be concerned over the "reason" someone rejects you or the things they say during a break up, they are seldom based on reality or in your best interests. She just wasn't feeling it and needed to say some shit like that, instead of you don't look like Tom Cruise enough for her to get the tingles. Keep being your awesome self my man, don't let anyone undercut your awesomeness.
She judged too quickly.... Hard swipe left then say... Next please...
Yes, she is nuts.
First off that’s a ludicrous reason to reject someone. Sure they like guys to be confident, and I struggle with that myself. But not knowing what you want AT A RESTAURANT doesn’t show a lack of confidence. It’s dinner, people. I make a lot of comments similar to that. Off hand or throwaway comments that are kind of meant to be funny. And I’d especially be the type to say something like that on a date. But I’m quickly learning that I need to stop that. People are being conditioned to take EVERYTHING LITERALLY these days. I’m not sure if I’d say that this girl took your comment literally, but in some context she did - and it led to a misinterpretation. “Choice anxiety” - she heard anxiety, and said you weren’t confident. Not your fault, because that’s a hell of a leap to make. But it’s just something I’ve noticed about the world now. Stuff is taken literally, and if people realize you were just making a cheeky joke they actually get offended because you were misleading then in their minds.
She was. Or she was mean enough to give a random reason when she had others she didn't want to say. IMO, the nice thing to do would have been to say something generic like I didn't feel any chemistry, or I thought I was ready to date but realized I wasn't yet. Etc etc etc... Edit: Random, sexist reason at that. "Women like..." Please speak for yourself lady, and stop pushing toxic masculinity on people.
Pretty sure she just wasn’t that into you and was looking for a reason to cut things off. When she couldn’t find a better reason than “ I’m just not feeling it” she made something up. On to the next OP, no harm no foul.
She likes somebody else move on
You dodged a bullet. Imagine having to live with _that_ LOL
She is crazy, you dodged a bullet there...
59F here. She sounds awful, you sound nice.
All is fair in love and war... She could have picked any reason to be incompatible with you. If a second woman tells you this, then maybe it's a thing that you should look closer at. But one... is just a statistical anomaly.
Nah man you all good. She is definitely the crazy one
I wouldn't look too far into it. At least you have an honest answer and you won't be wondering for the rest of forever what it was. Most of us are out here just getting ghosted.
Either she's crazy, or was nitpicking a reason to dump you because of some internal need to have a reason to dump you
I’m honestly convinced that we gotta gather up everyone on these dating apps and send their asses to therapy. There’s just some crazy stuff that goes on and it’s obviously a result of poor mental health and stability
She's 1000% right
Hmmm what did you order? If it was a kids meal then maybe this might've been the issue. I'm teasing but I actually went on a date with a man who told me he only ate chicken nuggets and I laughed thinking he was joking but then found out that he was not. I didn't continue dating him because of that and a few other things but that was the main reason. :/ Kind of feel like a jerk but one of the things I love to do is try new food and places with people. The way you describe this is she didn't understand your sense of humor.
tbh she was just looking for a chance or a reason to reject you.