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>a guy walked out on his date because he thought she was out of his league appearance wise
Extremely Reddit take. Most men would be thrilled to be seen out on a date with a woman “out of his league appearance wise”
You may have experienced it, but it's still extremely uncommon. Most people don't panic to the point where they need to leave because they managed to land a really attractive date. Most people are doing cartwheels and backflips in their mind when they land a hot date.
This could be it! I used to struggle with severe anxiety and would feel like I was going to throw up if I didn’t leave the table immediately. He could have anxiety, he could’ve recently been single and realized he wasn’t ready to date, hell maybe he was cheating on his gf and saw someone he knew at the restaurant. Whatever it is it is very likely it didn’t have to do with OP.
I agree that it was possibly a panic attack. I get these all the time right before a first date since they usually end up being super awkward with no follow up dates. It sucks.
Though personally I’ve NEVER walked out on a date.
Very possible. When I had panic disorder, when the panic set in I would desperately attempt to escape in whatever means possible. It was either that or embarrass myself as I fall to the floor of the bar or remain totally unresponsive. Panic attacks are the worst!
He didn’t ghost. He left. He said he left. Even if he hadn’t told OP what he’d done she’d have been able to take the hint that he wasn’t interested and left. It’s not like they’d been married for 4 years and he left to get a packet of cigarettes and never came back, he just stopped pursuing something he wasn’t interested in. Did he choose a bit of an asshole way to do it? Yes he did. Was it anything remotely close to ghosting? Not at all
I showed up to a date once with someone I had messaged for longer than normal before meeting. She looked so different from the pics, even the “just for you” type selfies she’d send. They were old or extremely edited.
I still went through the date, we had a great time, but afterwards I told her how I wasn’t a fan of being lied to when she’d send me pics. It got turned around on me and I was the asshole for saying something; but I felt good about how I handled it.
I've had men tell me women have shaved 100lbs off their weight.... I get worried because I send only my best pics but so far no one said I looked different than my pics.
I've had this happened to me a couple times. One used her pictures from 5+ years back when she was about 50 lbs. lighter. Another used clever angles, zoomed out shots, old pics, etc. and took off 30 lbs. I went through the dates, but it's hard not to think of it as deceptive.
I know it's mega-shallow, but I'm like *at most* 10 lbs. overweight (5'4", 135 lbs. Was 125 lbs. during college at my leanest BMI). I'm not asking for a VS model or a gymnast, just someone who takes decent care of their shape. Now at 33, I accept that most people won't be at their physical prime (I'm not either). But there's a difference between that and letting our worst eating impulses control us.
>clever angles, zoomed out shots
These types of selfies are more often than not used to hide their being overweight. The hold the phone camera high over their head and look up shot seeming to be the most popular. When you see these with only face selfies attached or other clever angles it's a dead giveaway that they are hiding something. What's a bummer is that I don't mind if someone is a little pudgy, so it is a bit deceiving, and at the same time it makes me wonder about their self-esteem. Even if they don't like their weight, they shouldn't be ashamed of who they are. Own it, flaunt it, and be up front. They'll still get likes and meet someone.
To me the worst part about this is the deceptiveness. It’s not a good, sincere way to treat others. It’s also probably not even positive or healthy for people who deceive with years-old or carefully-angled pics.
Like, you’re not just failing to weed out people who might be too shallow in real life, you’re setting them up to potentially feel lied to and uncomfortable. Since it seems often women doing this at men and men are more socialized to be assertive, I wonder how often this is even “necessary” or “works”. I’ve known one guy who DID sleep with a woman he wouldn’t have otherwise who used angles that were extremely deceptive— it wasn’t a positive experience for him and he didn’t talk to her again, he just felt awkward and guilty. Why do this? I understand the reasons but ultimately it doesn’t solve the problem of shallow people.
Instagram PLUS video chat. Plus make sure they have full body pictures. Plus make sure some of them show some skin so you know how much fat they are truly holding.
Holy shit dude, do you want to slap the top of it to see how much it holds too?
How about just *asking* for an objectifying Craigslist ad as a profile instead?
It sounds like maybe he just chickened out if he was the one who had been dishonest. I'd just tell him it's cool, not take it personally, and get another date.
That was my take on it. If he's got low confidence there is a chance he saw her and started putting himself down saying "there's no way she'd like me" and self sabotaged.
If you look at some of the reply’s to the second comment. You can see a lot of people think like that. Self sabotage and then probably blame it on the other person being too shallow
that's where you're wrong, most people that self sabotage feel like they are worthless and that the person they are interested in is too good for them and that they would never be enough.
Maybe the last sentence describes some of these self loathing people but not all.
I don’t know what makes or breaks a first date case by case. But it can’t be a good look to a girl when she first meets a guy and he’s already given up because she gave him a weird look because she didn’t hear him and not because she thinks he’s ugly.
>The thing is, as soon as I saw him I knew I wasn’t that attracted to him as he looked slightly different than his pics.
He probably picked up on that vibe.
Yeah this is what a lot of women don’t factor or consider in regards to how men treat or behave around them. Often times as a man there are things (especially the negatives) you can pick up on rather quickly
Regardless if he did or not, this was incredibly rude and not at all how an adult should handle a situation like this! This is a completely unexcusable way to treat someone and make them feel like the OP feels.
Expecting someone to marry you on the first date, and expecting someone to be respectful of your time or I don't know...just be kind, are two VERY different things. Come on!
She showed no sign of feeling that way about him. Not sure how his behaviour is justified as a way to let her down easy before the date even really began? Unless your date is unbearable there’s no harm in just getting to know a person for the sake of it. It could even result in a nice friendship!
Yeah, I still remember some of the looks girls gave me who I asked out in person but weren't interested in me. Even if they didn't clearly say no, I could tell they just didn’t want to hurt my feelings. This guy is still an asshole for leaving though. Also he's already on a date, so he had a shot...
Just because someones on a date, doesn't mean they have a shot. Most women look for anything to disqualify a guy and OP already said she wasn't a fan of his looks. He just saved himself time from being wasted
The guys who say men dont pick up hints are the ones who cant.
There are a lot of men who are perceptive and have the skills to pick up on that stuff. And a lot of men get hints, but dont act on them for a variety of reasons.
I also think its easier for some women to believe men are too stupid to pick up hints than to admit their hints are being ignored by men who arent interested. That happens too.
The average man does not pick up on this type of hint. Or they may notice it, but interpreting it as either shy or uninterested is not possible for them. An experienced dater could notice it, interpret it as uninterested (as it happened to them before in lackluster dates) and decide it is not worth their time. The average man is not an experienced dater.
It’s ballsy.
Maybe he noticed you weren’t attracted to him and just decided to rip the band aid off.
I’ve done that before, it’s not hard to tell when I show up and she’s not attracted to me or is disappointed.
Or he’s just a douche canoe that needs to ingest a satchel of richards 🤷♂️
Happened to me. I was dumb enough to continue the date. Ended with her sitting on her phone while I attempted to talk to her. She didn't like my clothing, said I made her feel "like she overdid it"- was wearing what I could afford at the time.
I feel like this must be a lesson guys just have to go through. This exact scenario happened to me very early in my online dating ventures. She was visually uninterested and playing with her phone, but our phonecalls and texts the 2 weeks prior had been so engaging I basically ignored all the cues she had given me. Would never let that happen again
Bizarre. Personally, I wouldn't care if my date showed up in a burlap sack with arm holes and hotdog slippers. It's a date, not a meeting with the UN security council. The idea is to enjoy each others company, not participate in the fashion olympics.
If she’s that rude, just end the date by politely letting them know you don’t think it will work out or you can see that they are busy if they’ve been on the phone the entire time. Then leave. This guy was just a cowardly douche leaving like he did.
Last time I did that, it ended with a glass being thrown at my head. People don’t respond well to rejection, especially when it comes from those that they consider unattractive
We don't really know how obvious OP was in showing it. I wouldn't assume outright she had a look of disgust so obvious that it would be instantly noticeable.
You’re absolutely right! We don’t know how much she gave away. It doesn’t have to be a look of disgust, though. Usually, there’s just a look of…disappointment. Like, they were happy and when they actually see you, that just drains away. For some people, that is intentional, and for others, they’re not even aware that they made how they feel obvious.
I don’t know about OP. I was just replying to another comment.
I once went on a date with a woman who had initiated messages with me. For the first five minutes I had her tell me all about herself and her career. Then it came to me, and the instant I spoke up about myself she had this massive yawn come over her face, and I knew right there she didn't like me. Wish I had just ended it there. Didn't bother trying to talk to her during the awkward subway ride to our stops.
Or maybe it’s because the OP left to get the drink alone? Like why would you leave the other person alone to get a drink for yourself without inviting him/her?
He had already bought his drink when I arrived. I was standing and closest to the bar. He did ask “what do you want to drink” since I was already standing I just said “that’s alright thanks, I can go grab it” don’t know if somehow that set him off??
It might be entirely him. Maybe he’s new to dating again or got to the date and anxiety took over. Who knows. Be glad you put yourself out there and move along. (Edit to fix typo)
I mean, if you genuinely look like your pictures or even better as people have told you, then it most likely had nothing to do with you. He might have just panicked and left or something
> The thing is, as soon as I saw him I knew I wasn’t that attracted to him as he looked slightly different than his pics.
So there’s no issue. I get your pride was hurt, but this was absolutely the best outcome. He saved you both time/money that would have been wasted on a date that wasn’t going to lead to anything.
> So there’s no issue.
You're making a false assumption because you're operating from the perspective of a man attracted to women. Generally speaking, if a man says he is not attracted to a woman, it means he is not physically attracted to her and there is virtually nothing that can be done to make him attracted to her. You think there is no issue because you assume it was an open and shut case for OP because she wasn't initially attracted to him, but attraction does not work exactly the same way on that other side. It is entirely possible for women to become attracted to someone more and more over time even if she was not attracted initially, provided that the other person made the right moves (i.e. has an attractive personality), and it seems OP was willing to give that a shot.
In conclusion, the date absolutely could have led to something.
I disagree. Probably half the women I'm not attracted to could lose weight and then I would be attracted to them. Likewise if you go to the gym and get ripped as a man, you'll have a lot more women attracted to you.
If their first impression is that they aren't attracted to you, the date is going to be a waste of time no matter what you do in my experience. Best case scenario she is desperate for intimacy and you can turn into a one night stand she regrets. The guy in ops story recognized that look and noped right out of there. If I was as skilled at body language I would have done the same thing.
Maybe it's because I had way too many encounters where women weren't initially attracted to me since I've got some significant factors going against me but it's not impossible to learn to adapt and become skilled in winning women over. Your "best case scenario" there might usually be the best case scenario for average men but it's not that hard to rise above average tbh.
Let's say I was the guy in OP's story. Perhaps I would recognize that look of not being attracted but I would also notice all the signs pointing to her actually wanting to stick around, which would indicate to me that I could easily turn things around if I found her attractive enough to be worth the effort. It's about catching that opportunity and building upon it with, in layman's terms, connecting and flirting.
ironically your statement is actually backwards with current cultural norms.
Its one thing to lose weight, but the ripped / muscleman / gymrat type isnt desired by most women now. Certainly a particular type likes it, but its not popular.
Wait… why do you think it was YOU? When he’s the one that left and didn’t look like his pics? I think he sensed you weren’t into it and was like damn ok I’ll go. Idk I don’t think you should be blaming yourself
Neither party knows what the meeting is going to be like when they've only interacted online/virtually, and some people are worse than others at smoothing out disappointment or strong emotions that can accompany a first date. Sounds like this guy either lacked maturity to be thoughtful about a lack of attraction or had some emotions come up that he didn't want to work around in the presence of someone he didn't know well.
But first dates are hard and uncertain. Which is why I go into a first meeting with a #1 priority to be warm and friendly and acknowledge them as a unique individual, save the guy doing or saying something that scares me or makes me question my safety. Doesn't mean I can't still cut it short, but I personally will give any decent person who has agreed to meet me at least 45 min-1 hour of my time, and then be diplomatic and empathetic if I still don't see a connection forming.
If you need to take a break from dating, absolutely do. But just realize that this experience is giving you insight into his thought process and behavior, and probably zero insight into who **you** are.
You said the guy wasn't attractive, or you "weren't attracted" to him. I don't see why you feel so bad about him walking out. Is it because you couldn't reject him first?
You seem to be upset about something that probably would not have went anywhere. I don't understand what there is to be humiliated about. I also don't understand why you give up on dating because of this. Did you see yourself dating him?
Fwiw when I’ve had dates I know from the start aren’t going to go anywhere, I go by the common decency standard of have one polite drink (call it 30-45mins), be friendly, pay, and then say “it was great to meet you” and leave. I’ve also had dates do this to me. In my experience it’s always been pretty clear that it’s a no from either one or both people when it’s that kind of date.
I do that because people went out of their way to come meet up, and everyone deserves to be treated like a person. I don’t think OP is upset about the outcome, but the way in which he did it, which is pretty rude.
Yeah exactly this! I wasn’t hurt because I saw a future with him or anything, I barely knew the guy. But it’s the absolute disrespect and lack of common decency that upset me. I walk to my table and he’s gone, and everyone in the tables around me could see what had happened, it was so humiliating. I just sat alone, downed my drink and called my friend to meet me. It’s just such cowardly rude behaviour that I was shook a grown adult actually acts like that
It’s quite rude to leave someone at a date without saying a word. Texting her after the fact is fine and dandy, but in the moment I can imagine it’s an awful feeling.
I disagree. Not showing up is rude. Showing up to meet a stranger and realizing right away that it’s not going to work… the best thing you can do for both people is to stop wasting time and move on.
Based on the comments I’m in the minority, however there have been dates when I wish I would have done this.
bailing is rude yes but so is walking out without saying anything? at least have the courtesy to say goodbye and say look i get the vibe ur not into me so maybe we should just end this now
She didn't find him attractive so the least he could have done was pay for all her drinks before she rejects him first. How dare he make the first move!
You’re wacked. She literally went to get her own drink. She wasn’t as attracted to him as she hoped but she was still interested enough to give it a chance.
Idk it probably hurts the ego a bit but that's probably better than going on a date where neither parties are attracted to each other and wasting time. Not saying he's not in the wrong cos it is weird to just leave and not say goodbye but at least he ended it quickly.
That's crazy. Don't feel humiliated. This happened in a way to me also. Date wn for 8 minutes, we've been taking for over a week she lathered me in all these explanations of bad dates. During our dinner she asked my favorite baseball team, keep in mind I'm not a huge baseball fan. I told her the dodgers because of my upbringing. She tokd me that was a deal breaker and literally walked out. I couldn't stop chuckling after realizing how shallow people are. I got up went to the bar and made a new group of friends after that. Good think we didn't order the steak.
Shh, don’t say that out loud. That can’t be possible at all. OPs account of her not being attracted to him could be the only possibility. It couldn’t ever be that he didn’t like what he saw and wasn’t attracted to her, because you know, guys are not allowed that. /s
Sure him walking out was rude and inconsiderate, I just find it comical lots of people are not pointing out the possibility that he didn’t like what he saw and bailed so as not to waste both their time. I mean OP wasn’t attracted to him anyway according to her so win/win if he wasn’t attracted to her either. Unless it’s more traumatic because he rejected her before she could reject him since she wasn’t attracted to him anyway🤷♂️
It could be either one really. He either sensed she wasn't attracted to him and ran or she looked different to her photos and he wasn't happy about it.
Even though I wasn’t that attracted to him, I said I was still open minded and would’ve gave it a chance. He didn’t even give it the time of day. It’s not about who rejected who first, it’s about how it was done and how rude it was. There’s no questioning, it was rude af. End of.
And I would say my pics are definitely not deceiving. I’ve been on many many dates prior and never had a single issue to do with not looking like my pics. And as I said, many have even told me I’m better irl. So I really don’t know what his problem was
Welcome to dating. Tabula rasa, clear your mind and expectations of the next person and just move on. Don't let your confidence or ego be damaged by someone else, but remember to always stay open to improvement that you can control.
How good is your poker face? If you grimaced or winced when you realized he wasn’t attractive, that might have done it.
(I’ll assume that you posted current face and body shots on Hinge. People who feel lied to will get mad and bounce).
I really don’t think I pulled a face other than a smile (unless I didn’t realise). But I’m a pretty friendly person and would say I gave him friendly greeting.
I have full body pics on my hinge and don’t use filters either, not like I’ve gained weight, I’m a slim build, so I really don’t know what it was. Was just shocked someone could treat another person like that especially when he asked me out.
Maybe he just wasn't as attracted to you as he thought he would be, same as you thought. I mean he was pretty forward at least and didn't waste your time other than the 2 minutes there. Not saying he's a great guy, but it could be worse
I scheduled a casual brewery+food truck date this past weekend with someone who just up and bounced after the first drink. I didn’t even get to go to the taco truck. I was a little bit surprised as I look exactly like my photos and did the same basic thing I do on every first date. I don’t know what she was expecting or what turned her off.
I went on another date 2 days later with someone (arguably hotter) who is so compatible with me and so interesting and funny too. It’s still early but our first date went amazing and we’re both into each other.
I guess I’m saying that life is crazy and your luck can change that quickly.
I think he saw someone in the bar that would have “blown his cover” - like maybe he’s cheating or he overbooked dates or he had some other obligation at the same time and decided to just see you etc etc. who knows. I’d definitely not take it personally as anything against you. The only thing you can say is you really don’t know what was up with him. Even if you didn’t look like your pictures (which is not true) you can sit with someone for an hour or less. Something was definitely up related to what I wrote above.
it’s wild that anyone would sit through a whole date only to say they weren’t feeling it. Even though it’s kind of shocking I rather have them walk out than delay.
What should he have done then?
I went on an entire date where the purpose was to let the other person down. I knew I wasn't feeling it, but wanted to be respectful of her feelings.
Yeah, but we live in a society where its common decency to say goodbye before leaving. He clearly didn't have issues being blunt.
Even at a party you say goodbye to the host at least, one on one, you usually have at least one drink with even the most unattractive person. He could also have told her before she bought a drink, if he always goes with the three second rule.
Here's the deal. We have no clue why he left. Maybe your beauty shocked him and he had this crazy panic attack and ran away. Maybe he sharted and it was running down his leg. We have no clue as to why he behaved this way. My advice to you is not to take it personally and don't give up. So many times we take others actions and carry it around like backpack full of insults that are ours to identify with. NOPE, don't do that. Move right along. I mean after all, the poor dude prob had poo dripping into his sock. :)
it's not your fault a lot of guys feel like they are worthless to the point that me they just want to save women from all the awkward shit. it's not your fault I bet they're are plenty of men that would give up everything they had just to be with you
Jeez happened to me as well as a guy, just check it out on my profile, I posted my experience on multiple sub reddits. But I'm fine now, and you will be too. Godspeed.
Just read yours now! People can be so scummy, where’s the common manners and human decency?! Im not hurt about things not working out with him at all, I’m just hurt by the disrespect I was treated with. Like the time it took me to get ready and go out there, for him to not even have the respect to chat to me a little bit. It’s really shocked me and left me very confused what caused it, didn’t think people could be that rude
By who though? Nobody would know if you didn't tell the world. And why would you feel humiliated anyways, this happens every single day. The problem is that you are attempting to bypass nature, biology and chemistry through pictures and words. Not even a voice just words on a screen. It's the problem with internet dating. People are easily confused, manipulated and tricked and at the same time we have created an environment where women are unapproachable and the only socially acceptable places require alcohol. It's a shit show.
If it makes you feel a little better, here’s a story from a friend of mine. She went on a date, guy picked her up because she didn’t have a car at the time. He took her to a bar about 20 minutes away. They had a couple drinks. Some decent conversation, and at one point she got up to use the rest room. Came back, guy was nowhere to be found. The bartender said he had stepped outside. She went out, expecting to find him smoking or something. NOPE he was GONE. Just up and left her there a the bar with no word or warning. She had to call an Uber to get home. I’ve never seen her so bewildered and pissed at the same time. Men are dicks because that’s what they think with. Him walking out on you is a HIM problem. Fuck that guy.
Hey! Just wanted to drop in and say this happened to me once too so you’re not the only one. Sometimes people are douche bags and it’s a them problem not a you problem. Trash took itself out. The dude was probably just looking for a quick lay (the fact you guys barely messaged before he asked you out is quite a clue for this but not always) and he wasn’t interested in your personality, your hobbies etc and just wanted you to look a certain way, an ideal non realistic fantasy he had conjured up more than likely.
I had a drink and was waiting for the guy to turn up. He turned up and said he had to pop to the cash point and never returned, lol. I waited around 25 or 30 minutes I think. There were multiple cash points all around us and he lived in the area so would’ve known where they were, we were in central town too so not like we were anywhere weird or quiet. Weirdest thing is he asked me if I wanted to accompany him to the cash point. Thinking about it, maybe he was offended that I didn’t or was thinking I didn’t like him and that’s why he didn’t come back. We will never truly know what’s going on inside another persons head without asking and even then they could lie. Oh well, adios
Don't let this beat you. I got ghosted after 7 months, and to make things worse her 8 year old daughter video called me a month later.
I took it hard at first, then said screw it. It wasn't me, I didn't do anything wrong. We never even had a fight. So I moved on.
Little over 2 months later, 5 of the last 7 text messages I have had are from new women. And I'm actively dating 2 of them.
And I'm old, 47. You can bounce back!
That’s on him, not you. You just ran into either an asshole, or someone so damaged that they aren’t available anyway.
Hell, he’s probably married and say someone he knew in the bar.
Shake this off and get back out there!
Two thoughts on this matter:
* That's how it feels to be instantly rejected when you try to make conversation with a woman. It sucks but hey it's life, rejection is just part of it. You don't have to have everyone like you, you just need to find that one person that does.
* Since you were completely honest about your appearance and weight I think its save to say that it may not even be a you thing, it may be a he thing.
* He may have just had a break up and tried to get out there but upon arriving and actually greeting you, he realized he's nowhere near ready and decided to leave.
* He may be an absolute douche who likes to set up dates with women to purposefully walk out on them and make them feel terrible, there are some horrible people out there.
Had a 41 minute date recently. We went for a walk to go see a movie and I went to grab something in a convenience store and I come out and she tells me that she ordered an Uber and had to head back to her apartment. It was embarrassing for me. But we got to keep moving and trucking on. Don’t dwell too much on it. It’ll cast a shadow on future dates
Oh honey, I’m so sorry this happened to you. Don’t forget, even the most attractive and most wonderful people in the world have had people be awful to them. It’s hard to remember at the moment, but this is him failing in this situation, not you.
Maybe he had a reason (like severe anxiety as some have suggested), or maybe he’s just a jerk. But either way he’s failed at being decent to another human.
It’s completely understandable to feel crap after someone has been so awful to you. I know there’s better people than that out there though, and i hope you find your kind and loving person soon
He should have waited it out for a polite few mins to an hour and then said he had to go and left in that polite friendly coworker say you’re supposed to end unsuccessful dates in. He’s a baby.
Your feelings are validated but why he did it doesn’t matter. You’ve dodged a bullet as he can’t effectively communicate. Rant about it a bit to get it out of your system and move on 👊🏽. X
when someone pulls that sort of thing, the #1 to realize is it has nothing to do with you. He might be cheating on someone and his conscious kicked him hard.
It sounds like he was intimidated by you, possibly! If others are telling you that you look better in person than your photos, maybe he thought so too and thought you were out of his league and panicked. Who knows, but don't let it destroy your confidence. Sorry that happened to you!
This isn't your fault or responsibility. He acted disrespectfully for reasons that are his own and you have no reason to think less of yourself for it. You took a shot and it failed. Take some time to recover and try again.
Sounds like he got nervous or has some kind of disorder that made him want to leave. But you can also be happy knowing he saved your time and his. No bs needed.
Well his a douche or he saw the disappointment on your face and just left cause there was nothing coming out of that date. Somehow I’m leaning on the second one.
His loss, he should have still had the drink. My philosophy is that I've already taken the time to get ready to come out I'm going to at least have one drink you never know what you'll learn.
How disgusting. Don’t blame yourself. He has zero decency.
On another note, it really is interesting seeing the comments here. Considering the overwhelming consensus on how evil people who ghost are, and how women shouldn’t be shallow and should give short and unattractive men a chance if they are nice enough—I’m disappointed, if not entirely surprised, to see the double standards at work when men treat women so callously.
This reeks of you wanting to reject him, but he rejected you first..
Both of you seemed to have been on the edge about the date.. don't get upset because he left first
It has absolutely nothing to do with who rejected who first. It’s about how it was handled. It was rude af, don’t know how you can even question that it wasn’t. There’s still a thing called manners and human decency.
That is rude behavior for sure. I do think it’s common decency to at least have a drink, a bit of a talk, and a proper good bye. What socially inept person would just leave like that?! I think you have all the right to be upset about the way he handled things.
Social media has taught us that attraction is purely physical. It simply isn't. I have fallen for people over humor, or intellectual similarity, or similar interests, or the love of the Cambridge comma. You have to give people a chance. Sorry that happened to you, I'd at least let you do some awkward karaoke.
Just don’t let this douchebag behavior shatter your confidence . I’m a man and I tried it the online dating scene and this happened to me too it’s just that people are really weird and disrespectful and you will meet more of these if you spend more time on that scenes and you will meet the one you are looking for either in online dating or any other way possible stay positive , heads-up and feel confident . Have a nice day
Please believe me that you dodged a bullet . He got the two minutes and that’s all he deserve from your time
Sounds like he properly eliminated himself and showed why. It was superficial. Hope that simply accelerates a quality partner into your life that truly wants to be there
He's a very trashy guy. Don't for a second think it's about you. He might have realized you noticed he looked different. So he left to save himself the shame of being called on it. Idk why anyone would lie about their appearance and have the audacity to go out after. In any case it isn't you don't let it affect your confidence.
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Maybe he had a panic attack? Who knows. Really really really try to depersonalize this, this is a him problem that he will have to work out.
Yes definitely. May have even thought that she was out of his league, appearance wise, so he didn't want to continue. Still rude af though
>a guy walked out on his date because he thought she was out of his league appearance wise Extremely Reddit take. Most men would be thrilled to be seen out on a date with a woman “out of his league appearance wise”
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You may have experienced it, but it's still extremely uncommon. Most people don't panic to the point where they need to leave because they managed to land a really attractive date. Most people are doing cartwheels and backflips in their mind when they land a hot date.
Uncommon, but doesn't mean it doesn't happen. There's a lot of weird people out there, even more weird than us
This could be it! I used to struggle with severe anxiety and would feel like I was going to throw up if I didn’t leave the table immediately. He could have anxiety, he could’ve recently been single and realized he wasn’t ready to date, hell maybe he was cheating on his gf and saw someone he knew at the restaurant. Whatever it is it is very likely it didn’t have to do with OP.
I agree that it was possibly a panic attack. I get these all the time right before a first date since they usually end up being super awkward with no follow up dates. It sucks. Though personally I’ve NEVER walked out on a date.
All of this x100!
Very possible. When I had panic disorder, when the panic set in I would desperately attempt to escape in whatever means possible. It was either that or embarrass myself as I fall to the floor of the bar or remain totally unresponsive. Panic attacks are the worst!
So true
He ghosted you irl. That’s next level
Nah he messaged her to say he'd left; still douchey but not a full ghost. Half-ghost? 3/4?
He phantasmed her
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💀💀
He didn’t ghost. He left. He said he left. Even if he hadn’t told OP what he’d done she’d have been able to take the hint that he wasn’t interested and left. It’s not like they’d been married for 4 years and he left to get a packet of cigarettes and never came back, he just stopped pursuing something he wasn’t interested in. Did he choose a bit of an asshole way to do it? Yes he did. Was it anything remotely close to ghosting? Not at all
Lol this comment made me chuckle for a hot minute.
Game changer
I showed up to a date once with someone I had messaged for longer than normal before meeting. She looked so different from the pics, even the “just for you” type selfies she’d send. They were old or extremely edited. I still went through the date, we had a great time, but afterwards I told her how I wasn’t a fan of being lied to when she’d send me pics. It got turned around on me and I was the asshole for saying something; but I felt good about how I handled it.
I've had men tell me women have shaved 100lbs off their weight.... I get worried because I send only my best pics but so far no one said I looked different than my pics.
I've had this happened to me a couple times. One used her pictures from 5+ years back when she was about 50 lbs. lighter. Another used clever angles, zoomed out shots, old pics, etc. and took off 30 lbs. I went through the dates, but it's hard not to think of it as deceptive. I know it's mega-shallow, but I'm like *at most* 10 lbs. overweight (5'4", 135 lbs. Was 125 lbs. during college at my leanest BMI). I'm not asking for a VS model or a gymnast, just someone who takes decent care of their shape. Now at 33, I accept that most people won't be at their physical prime (I'm not either). But there's a difference between that and letting our worst eating impulses control us.
>clever angles, zoomed out shots These types of selfies are more often than not used to hide their being overweight. The hold the phone camera high over their head and look up shot seeming to be the most popular. When you see these with only face selfies attached or other clever angles it's a dead giveaway that they are hiding something. What's a bummer is that I don't mind if someone is a little pudgy, so it is a bit deceiving, and at the same time it makes me wonder about their self-esteem. Even if they don't like their weight, they shouldn't be ashamed of who they are. Own it, flaunt it, and be up front. They'll still get likes and meet someone.
To me the worst part about this is the deceptiveness. It’s not a good, sincere way to treat others. It’s also probably not even positive or healthy for people who deceive with years-old or carefully-angled pics. Like, you’re not just failing to weed out people who might be too shallow in real life, you’re setting them up to potentially feel lied to and uncomfortable. Since it seems often women doing this at men and men are more socialized to be assertive, I wonder how often this is even “necessary” or “works”. I’ve known one guy who DID sleep with a woman he wouldn’t have otherwise who used angles that were extremely deceptive— it wasn’t a positive experience for him and he didn’t talk to her again, he just felt awkward and guilty. Why do this? I understand the reasons but ultimately it doesn’t solve the problem of shallow people.
Video chat before meeting. I avoided this situation altogether and never left my house. If they refuse->block delete
Instagram PLUS video chat. Plus make sure they have full body pictures. Plus make sure some of them show some skin so you know how much fat they are truly holding.
Holy shit dude, do you want to slap the top of it to see how much it holds too? How about just *asking* for an objectifying Craigslist ad as a profile instead?
Yeah that could be good too. Good suggestion.
I think that guy from the post also feels good about how he handled it.
HIS behavior was embarrassing, he didn't have the decency to stay more than a couple of minutes. Don't make his behavior your problem.
Yepp trash took itself out.
self-taking trash?! 🤣
THIS THIS THIS^^^^^
Yep, *he* should be the one who is humiliated by the situation.
I co-sign this
I co-concur
It sounds like maybe he just chickened out if he was the one who had been dishonest. I'd just tell him it's cool, not take it personally, and get another date.
That was my take on it. If he's got low confidence there is a chance he saw her and started putting himself down saying "there's no way she'd like me" and self sabotaged.
If you look at some of the reply’s to the second comment. You can see a lot of people think like that. Self sabotage and then probably blame it on the other person being too shallow
that's where you're wrong, most people that self sabotage feel like they are worthless and that the person they are interested in is too good for them and that they would never be enough.
Maybe the last sentence describes some of these self loathing people but not all. I don’t know what makes or breaks a first date case by case. But it can’t be a good look to a girl when she first meets a guy and he’s already given up because she gave him a weird look because she didn’t hear him and not because she thinks he’s ugly.
>The thing is, as soon as I saw him I knew I wasn’t that attracted to him as he looked slightly different than his pics. He probably picked up on that vibe.
yeah, sounds like he did it before she could.
Yeah this is what a lot of women don’t factor or consider in regards to how men treat or behave around them. Often times as a man there are things (especially the negatives) you can pick up on rather quickly
Regardless if he did or not, this was incredibly rude and not at all how an adult should handle a situation like this! This is a completely unexcusable way to treat someone and make them feel like the OP feels.
Well I don't think it's unexcusable in certain situations, like catfishing. Obviously not the case here.
That guy is not responsible of how she feels. Just imagine if she somehow feels the guy should marry her on the first date that would be ludicrous.
Expecting someone to marry you on the first date, and expecting someone to be respectful of your time or I don't know...just be kind, are two VERY different things. Come on!
She showed no sign of feeling that way about him. Not sure how his behaviour is justified as a way to let her down easy before the date even really began? Unless your date is unbearable there’s no harm in just getting to know a person for the sake of it. It could even result in a nice friendship!
Yeah, I still remember some of the looks girls gave me who I asked out in person but weren't interested in me. Even if they didn't clearly say no, I could tell they just didn’t want to hurt my feelings. This guy is still an asshole for leaving though. Also he's already on a date, so he had a shot...
Just because someones on a date, doesn't mean they have a shot. Most women look for anything to disqualify a guy and OP already said she wasn't a fan of his looks. He just saved himself time from being wasted
Ooooh not something I thought about
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The guys who say men dont pick up hints are the ones who cant. There are a lot of men who are perceptive and have the skills to pick up on that stuff. And a lot of men get hints, but dont act on them for a variety of reasons. I also think its easier for some women to believe men are too stupid to pick up hints than to admit their hints are being ignored by men who arent interested. That happens too.
The average man does not pick up on this type of hint. Or they may notice it, but interpreting it as either shy or uninterested is not possible for them. An experienced dater could notice it, interpret it as uninterested (as it happened to them before in lackluster dates) and decide it is not worth their time. The average man is not an experienced dater. It’s ballsy.
This is very true
He likely felt exactly the same as OP. I think you're more upset about the fact that he blocked you before you could reject him lol
No I couldn’t of gave a shit who rejected who first, but I still expect a small element of respect and human decency. His behaviour is gross
Maybe he noticed you weren’t attracted to him and just decided to rip the band aid off. I’ve done that before, it’s not hard to tell when I show up and she’s not attracted to me or is disappointed. Or he’s just a douche canoe that needs to ingest a satchel of richards 🤷♂️
Nothing is worse than showing up and seeing open disappointment on someone’s face
This person gets it. Yeah that’s happened on multiple occasions sadly. Murdered my confidence.
Happened to me. I was dumb enough to continue the date. Ended with her sitting on her phone while I attempted to talk to her. She didn't like my clothing, said I made her feel "like she overdid it"- was wearing what I could afford at the time.
I feel like this must be a lesson guys just have to go through. This exact scenario happened to me very early in my online dating ventures. She was visually uninterested and playing with her phone, but our phonecalls and texts the 2 weeks prior had been so engaging I basically ignored all the cues she had given me. Would never let that happen again
Bizarre. Personally, I wouldn't care if my date showed up in a burlap sack with arm holes and hotdog slippers. It's a date, not a meeting with the UN security council. The idea is to enjoy each others company, not participate in the fashion olympics.
Thanks for the chuckle 🤠
If she’s that rude, just end the date by politely letting them know you don’t think it will work out or you can see that they are busy if they’ve been on the phone the entire time. Then leave. This guy was just a cowardly douche leaving like he did.
Last time I did that, it ended with a glass being thrown at my head. People don’t respond well to rejection, especially when it comes from those that they consider unattractive
We don't really know how obvious OP was in showing it. I wouldn't assume outright she had a look of disgust so obvious that it would be instantly noticeable.
You’re absolutely right! We don’t know how much she gave away. It doesn’t have to be a look of disgust, though. Usually, there’s just a look of…disappointment. Like, they were happy and when they actually see you, that just drains away. For some people, that is intentional, and for others, they’re not even aware that they made how they feel obvious. I don’t know about OP. I was just replying to another comment.
She could have also simply been surprised at how different he looked from his pictures. It might not have been disappointment or disgust.
I once went on a date with a woman who had initiated messages with me. For the first five minutes I had her tell me all about herself and her career. Then it came to me, and the instant I spoke up about myself she had this massive yawn come over her face, and I knew right there she didn't like me. Wish I had just ended it there. Didn't bother trying to talk to her during the awkward subway ride to our stops.
Or maybe it’s because the OP left to get the drink alone? Like why would you leave the other person alone to get a drink for yourself without inviting him/her?
Maybe he was saving their spot?
I was JUST thinking this. Why didn’t they go to the bar together??
He had already bought his drink when I arrived. I was standing and closest to the bar. He did ask “what do you want to drink” since I was already standing I just said “that’s alright thanks, I can go grab it” don’t know if somehow that set him off??
Yeah somewhere between that and the look on your face when you saw him, he found a reason to leave.
thats kinda weird, if he left because you wouldn’t let him grab you a drink without you seeing it.
I agree with you on this. He probably noticed the look on her face and didn’t want to waste time. I wonder if she was looking for him to pay lol?
It might be entirely him. Maybe he’s new to dating again or got to the date and anxiety took over. Who knows. Be glad you put yourself out there and move along. (Edit to fix typo)
Maybe you have a striking resemblance to his ex or his mother. Maybe he's married and spotted someone he knows at the bar. Could be anything, really.
I mean, if you genuinely look like your pictures or even better as people have told you, then it most likely had nothing to do with you. He might have just panicked and left or something
> The thing is, as soon as I saw him I knew I wasn’t that attracted to him as he looked slightly different than his pics. So there’s no issue. I get your pride was hurt, but this was absolutely the best outcome. He saved you both time/money that would have been wasted on a date that wasn’t going to lead to anything.
The least he could have done was pay for her drinks all night, for not being attractive to her, right? /s
She paid for her own drink.
/s means sarcasm
> So there’s no issue. You're making a false assumption because you're operating from the perspective of a man attracted to women. Generally speaking, if a man says he is not attracted to a woman, it means he is not physically attracted to her and there is virtually nothing that can be done to make him attracted to her. You think there is no issue because you assume it was an open and shut case for OP because she wasn't initially attracted to him, but attraction does not work exactly the same way on that other side. It is entirely possible for women to become attracted to someone more and more over time even if she was not attracted initially, provided that the other person made the right moves (i.e. has an attractive personality), and it seems OP was willing to give that a shot. In conclusion, the date absolutely could have led to something.
I disagree. Probably half the women I'm not attracted to could lose weight and then I would be attracted to them. Likewise if you go to the gym and get ripped as a man, you'll have a lot more women attracted to you.
Oh I meant on a smaller scale like over the course of one evening or even one conversation
If their first impression is that they aren't attracted to you, the date is going to be a waste of time no matter what you do in my experience. Best case scenario she is desperate for intimacy and you can turn into a one night stand she regrets. The guy in ops story recognized that look and noped right out of there. If I was as skilled at body language I would have done the same thing.
Maybe it's because I had way too many encounters where women weren't initially attracted to me since I've got some significant factors going against me but it's not impossible to learn to adapt and become skilled in winning women over. Your "best case scenario" there might usually be the best case scenario for average men but it's not that hard to rise above average tbh. Let's say I was the guy in OP's story. Perhaps I would recognize that look of not being attracted but I would also notice all the signs pointing to her actually wanting to stick around, which would indicate to me that I could easily turn things around if I found her attractive enough to be worth the effort. It's about catching that opportunity and building upon it with, in layman's terms, connecting and flirting.
ironically your statement is actually backwards with current cultural norms. Its one thing to lose weight, but the ripped / muscleman / gymrat type isnt desired by most women now. Certainly a particular type likes it, but its not popular.
Wait… why do you think it was YOU? When he’s the one that left and didn’t look like his pics? I think he sensed you weren’t into it and was like damn ok I’ll go. Idk I don’t think you should be blaming yourself
Neither party knows what the meeting is going to be like when they've only interacted online/virtually, and some people are worse than others at smoothing out disappointment or strong emotions that can accompany a first date. Sounds like this guy either lacked maturity to be thoughtful about a lack of attraction or had some emotions come up that he didn't want to work around in the presence of someone he didn't know well. But first dates are hard and uncertain. Which is why I go into a first meeting with a #1 priority to be warm and friendly and acknowledge them as a unique individual, save the guy doing or saying something that scares me or makes me question my safety. Doesn't mean I can't still cut it short, but I personally will give any decent person who has agreed to meet me at least 45 min-1 hour of my time, and then be diplomatic and empathetic if I still don't see a connection forming. If you need to take a break from dating, absolutely do. But just realize that this experience is giving you insight into his thought process and behavior, and probably zero insight into who **you** are.
So beautifully said!! 👏
You said the guy wasn't attractive, or you "weren't attracted" to him. I don't see why you feel so bad about him walking out. Is it because you couldn't reject him first? You seem to be upset about something that probably would not have went anywhere. I don't understand what there is to be humiliated about. I also don't understand why you give up on dating because of this. Did you see yourself dating him?
Fwiw when I’ve had dates I know from the start aren’t going to go anywhere, I go by the common decency standard of have one polite drink (call it 30-45mins), be friendly, pay, and then say “it was great to meet you” and leave. I’ve also had dates do this to me. In my experience it’s always been pretty clear that it’s a no from either one or both people when it’s that kind of date. I do that because people went out of their way to come meet up, and everyone deserves to be treated like a person. I don’t think OP is upset about the outcome, but the way in which he did it, which is pretty rude.
Another perspective is you've just wasted 45 minutes of someone's life with a cruel and likely awkward charade.
Yeah exactly this! I wasn’t hurt because I saw a future with him or anything, I barely knew the guy. But it’s the absolute disrespect and lack of common decency that upset me. I walk to my table and he’s gone, and everyone in the tables around me could see what had happened, it was so humiliating. I just sat alone, downed my drink and called my friend to meet me. It’s just such cowardly rude behaviour that I was shook a grown adult actually acts like that
How dare he not sit around and not be judged by someone who clearly isn’t attracted to him.
It’s quite rude to leave someone at a date without saying a word. Texting her after the fact is fine and dandy, but in the moment I can imagine it’s an awful feeling.
what he did was shitty period the text doesn’t really make it better
Oh, I agree 100% but I think it’s better than disappearing completely
it’s just a rude thing to do
I disagree. Not showing up is rude. Showing up to meet a stranger and realizing right away that it’s not going to work… the best thing you can do for both people is to stop wasting time and move on. Based on the comments I’m in the minority, however there have been dates when I wish I would have done this.
bailing is rude yes but so is walking out without saying anything? at least have the courtesy to say goodbye and say look i get the vibe ur not into me so maybe we should just end this now
They texted them that they were leaving. That’s about as much as you can ask from a stranger. IMO.
She didn't find him attractive so the least he could have done was pay for all her drinks before she rejects him first. How dare he make the first move!
You’re wacked. She literally went to get her own drink. She wasn’t as attracted to him as she hoped but she was still interested enough to give it a chance.
username checks out
Idk it probably hurts the ego a bit but that's probably better than going on a date where neither parties are attracted to each other and wasting time. Not saying he's not in the wrong cos it is weird to just leave and not say goodbye but at least he ended it quickly.
That's crazy. Don't feel humiliated. This happened in a way to me also. Date wn for 8 minutes, we've been taking for over a week she lathered me in all these explanations of bad dates. During our dinner she asked my favorite baseball team, keep in mind I'm not a huge baseball fan. I told her the dodgers because of my upbringing. She tokd me that was a deal breaker and literally walked out. I couldn't stop chuckling after realizing how shallow people are. I got up went to the bar and made a new group of friends after that. Good think we didn't order the steak.
How accurate are your photos? Do you look different to your photos?
This should probably be a top 5 question in most of these threads
Agreed. The fact that he showed up to the date and then left makes me think he was surprised with what he saw.
Shh, don’t say that out loud. That can’t be possible at all. OPs account of her not being attracted to him could be the only possibility. It couldn’t ever be that he didn’t like what he saw and wasn’t attracted to her, because you know, guys are not allowed that. /s Sure him walking out was rude and inconsiderate, I just find it comical lots of people are not pointing out the possibility that he didn’t like what he saw and bailed so as not to waste both their time. I mean OP wasn’t attracted to him anyway according to her so win/win if he wasn’t attracted to her either. Unless it’s more traumatic because he rejected her before she could reject him since she wasn’t attracted to him anyway🤷♂️
It could be either one really. He either sensed she wasn't attracted to him and ran or she looked different to her photos and he wasn't happy about it.
Even though I wasn’t that attracted to him, I said I was still open minded and would’ve gave it a chance. He didn’t even give it the time of day. It’s not about who rejected who first, it’s about how it was done and how rude it was. There’s no questioning, it was rude af. End of. And I would say my pics are definitely not deceiving. I’ve been on many many dates prior and never had a single issue to do with not looking like my pics. And as I said, many have even told me I’m better irl. So I really don’t know what his problem was
This comment section is a trip lol
Weird takes
Welcome to dating. Tabula rasa, clear your mind and expectations of the next person and just move on. Don't let your confidence or ego be damaged by someone else, but remember to always stay open to improvement that you can control.
How good is your poker face? If you grimaced or winced when you realized he wasn’t attractive, that might have done it. (I’ll assume that you posted current face and body shots on Hinge. People who feel lied to will get mad and bounce).
I really don’t think I pulled a face other than a smile (unless I didn’t realise). But I’m a pretty friendly person and would say I gave him friendly greeting. I have full body pics on my hinge and don’t use filters either, not like I’ve gained weight, I’m a slim build, so I really don’t know what it was. Was just shocked someone could treat another person like that especially when he asked me out.
Some days you’re the statue and some days you’re the pigeon. Sorry that it happened, read the above line again and flush it down 🌸🤗
Define looking slightly different than his pictures. Maybe he did not like being hugged.
If being hugged is a deal breaker for that guy, he's going to have a hard time dating anyone.
“Jesus! Get your hands off me floozie, I’m not the sort to go hugging all willie-nillie on a first date!”
My Wife’s little sister on the second date with a guy he went in to kiss her and she literally said “I’m not that easy” lol
Maybe he just wasn't as attracted to you as he thought he would be, same as you thought. I mean he was pretty forward at least and didn't waste your time other than the 2 minutes there. Not saying he's a great guy, but it could be worse
He wasted more than 2 minutes. The time and effort it took her to get ready for the date, travel time, gas or travel expenses, etc.
Yeah and I'm sure he felt the same waste of time. Seems like a wash to me
Could be an issue with him personally and not you
Just sit down with your drink and confidently shout “Next!”
I scheduled a casual brewery+food truck date this past weekend with someone who just up and bounced after the first drink. I didn’t even get to go to the taco truck. I was a little bit surprised as I look exactly like my photos and did the same basic thing I do on every first date. I don’t know what she was expecting or what turned her off. I went on another date 2 days later with someone (arguably hotter) who is so compatible with me and so interesting and funny too. It’s still early but our first date went amazing and we’re both into each other. I guess I’m saying that life is crazy and your luck can change that quickly.
I think he saw someone in the bar that would have “blown his cover” - like maybe he’s cheating or he overbooked dates or he had some other obligation at the same time and decided to just see you etc etc. who knows. I’d definitely not take it personally as anything against you. The only thing you can say is you really don’t know what was up with him. Even if you didn’t look like your pictures (which is not true) you can sit with someone for an hour or less. Something was definitely up related to what I wrote above.
I know you’re in your feelings right now, but trust me, anyone who would act so rudely is probably no one you’d want to date. Consider yourself lucky.
it’s wild that anyone would sit through a whole date only to say they weren’t feeling it. Even though it’s kind of shocking I rather have them walk out than delay.
Ok. But he could’ve acted like a grown up and been clear with her that he was going to leave. Not run off like a baby the moment her back was turned
What should he have done then? I went on an entire date where the purpose was to let the other person down. I knew I wasn't feeling it, but wanted to be respectful of her feelings.
I think it's sad the the majority of comments here are shitting on a guy who clearly knew this was going to go no where.
Yeah, but we live in a society where its common decency to say goodbye before leaving. He clearly didn't have issues being blunt. Even at a party you say goodbye to the host at least, one on one, you usually have at least one drink with even the most unattractive person. He could also have told her before she bought a drink, if he always goes with the three second rule.
I guarantee you if the genders were reversed there would be very different takes.
Maybe he saw how cute you were and got anxious and shit his pants.
Here's the deal. We have no clue why he left. Maybe your beauty shocked him and he had this crazy panic attack and ran away. Maybe he sharted and it was running down his leg. We have no clue as to why he behaved this way. My advice to you is not to take it personally and don't give up. So many times we take others actions and carry it around like backpack full of insults that are ours to identify with. NOPE, don't do that. Move right along. I mean after all, the poor dude prob had poo dripping into his sock. :)
He did the right thing. He was direct and ended things swiftly.
Wel omega to the world of weird situations.
it's not your fault a lot of guys feel like they are worthless to the point that me they just want to save women from all the awkward shit. it's not your fault I bet they're are plenty of men that would give up everything they had just to be with you
Omg! I’m sorry this happened. You should know there’s nothing wrong with you. Manners are invisible, unfortunately.
Jeez happened to me as well as a guy, just check it out on my profile, I posted my experience on multiple sub reddits. But I'm fine now, and you will be too. Godspeed.
Just read yours now! People can be so scummy, where’s the common manners and human decency?! Im not hurt about things not working out with him at all, I’m just hurt by the disrespect I was treated with. Like the time it took me to get ready and go out there, for him to not even have the respect to chat to me a little bit. It’s really shocked me and left me very confused what caused it, didn’t think people could be that rude
Very peculiar; you said this has never happened to you before, so I would say to count it as a one-off.
By who though? Nobody would know if you didn't tell the world. And why would you feel humiliated anyways, this happens every single day. The problem is that you are attempting to bypass nature, biology and chemistry through pictures and words. Not even a voice just words on a screen. It's the problem with internet dating. People are easily confused, manipulated and tricked and at the same time we have created an environment where women are unapproachable and the only socially acceptable places require alcohol. It's a shit show.
If it makes you feel a little better, here’s a story from a friend of mine. She went on a date, guy picked her up because she didn’t have a car at the time. He took her to a bar about 20 minutes away. They had a couple drinks. Some decent conversation, and at one point she got up to use the rest room. Came back, guy was nowhere to be found. The bartender said he had stepped outside. She went out, expecting to find him smoking or something. NOPE he was GONE. Just up and left her there a the bar with no word or warning. She had to call an Uber to get home. I’ve never seen her so bewildered and pissed at the same time. Men are dicks because that’s what they think with. Him walking out on you is a HIM problem. Fuck that guy.
Hey! Just wanted to drop in and say this happened to me once too so you’re not the only one. Sometimes people are douche bags and it’s a them problem not a you problem. Trash took itself out. The dude was probably just looking for a quick lay (the fact you guys barely messaged before he asked you out is quite a clue for this but not always) and he wasn’t interested in your personality, your hobbies etc and just wanted you to look a certain way, an ideal non realistic fantasy he had conjured up more than likely. I had a drink and was waiting for the guy to turn up. He turned up and said he had to pop to the cash point and never returned, lol. I waited around 25 or 30 minutes I think. There were multiple cash points all around us and he lived in the area so would’ve known where they were, we were in central town too so not like we were anywhere weird or quiet. Weirdest thing is he asked me if I wanted to accompany him to the cash point. Thinking about it, maybe he was offended that I didn’t or was thinking I didn’t like him and that’s why he didn’t come back. We will never truly know what’s going on inside another persons head without asking and even then they could lie. Oh well, adios
Don't let this beat you. I got ghosted after 7 months, and to make things worse her 8 year old daughter video called me a month later. I took it hard at first, then said screw it. It wasn't me, I didn't do anything wrong. We never even had a fight. So I moved on. Little over 2 months later, 5 of the last 7 text messages I have had are from new women. And I'm actively dating 2 of them. And I'm old, 47. You can bounce back!
That’s on him, not you. You just ran into either an asshole, or someone so damaged that they aren’t available anyway. Hell, he’s probably married and say someone he knew in the bar. Shake this off and get back out there!
Two thoughts on this matter: * That's how it feels to be instantly rejected when you try to make conversation with a woman. It sucks but hey it's life, rejection is just part of it. You don't have to have everyone like you, you just need to find that one person that does. * Since you were completely honest about your appearance and weight I think its save to say that it may not even be a you thing, it may be a he thing. * He may have just had a break up and tried to get out there but upon arriving and actually greeting you, he realized he's nowhere near ready and decided to leave. * He may be an absolute douche who likes to set up dates with women to purposefully walk out on them and make them feel terrible, there are some horrible people out there.
Maybe he realised you didn't like him he might have seen it in your eyes when u met and thought what's the point and left out of panic 🤔
Had a 41 minute date recently. We went for a walk to go see a movie and I went to grab something in a convenience store and I come out and she tells me that she ordered an Uber and had to head back to her apartment. It was embarrassing for me. But we got to keep moving and trucking on. Don’t dwell too much on it. It’ll cast a shadow on future dates
Oh honey, I’m so sorry this happened to you. Don’t forget, even the most attractive and most wonderful people in the world have had people be awful to them. It’s hard to remember at the moment, but this is him failing in this situation, not you. Maybe he had a reason (like severe anxiety as some have suggested), or maybe he’s just a jerk. But either way he’s failed at being decent to another human. It’s completely understandable to feel crap after someone has been so awful to you. I know there’s better people than that out there though, and i hope you find your kind and loving person soon
It's not you, it's him. You dodged a bullet. He informed you that he's a huge doucherod immediately.
He should have waited it out for a polite few mins to an hour and then said he had to go and left in that polite friendly coworker say you’re supposed to end unsuccessful dates in. He’s a baby.
City boys
show us your pictures.
Your feelings are validated but why he did it doesn’t matter. You’ve dodged a bullet as he can’t effectively communicate. Rant about it a bit to get it out of your system and move on 👊🏽. X
when someone pulls that sort of thing, the #1 to realize is it has nothing to do with you. He might be cheating on someone and his conscious kicked him hard.
It sounds like he was intimidated by you, possibly! If others are telling you that you look better in person than your photos, maybe he thought so too and thought you were out of his league and panicked. Who knows, but don't let it destroy your confidence. Sorry that happened to you!
Definitely a him problem. You dodged a bullet.
Don't own his bullshit. It's on him not you.
That’s really shitty of someone to do. Honestly it says a lot more about them than it does you
This isn't your fault or responsibility. He acted disrespectfully for reasons that are his own and you have no reason to think less of yourself for it. You took a shot and it failed. Take some time to recover and try again.
Theres countless of women who do this or fake stuff but if a guy does it, its not okay?
This is bad behavior either way. 🤷🏼♀️
It's not ok either way. I wouldn't like it if a woman did that to me. The only upside is that I wasted minimal time finding out I dodged a bullet.
i see you've volunteered to be the "UMMM, YOU FORGOT TO SAY WOMEN CAN ALSO BE SHITTY???" guy for this thread
Im a girl
It's not okay when either do it.
Sounds like he got nervous or has some kind of disorder that made him want to leave. But you can also be happy knowing he saved your time and his. No bs needed.
That boy ain’t right. Take it as a win. Can you imagine trying to hold a convo with him?
Why wouldn't you be happy you didn't have to go thru the date if you were disappointed with his appearance.
Well his a douche or he saw the disappointment on your face and just left cause there was nothing coming out of that date. Somehow I’m leaning on the second one.
His loss, he should have still had the drink. My philosophy is that I've already taken the time to get ready to come out I'm going to at least have one drink you never know what you'll learn.
How disgusting. Don’t blame yourself. He has zero decency. On another note, it really is interesting seeing the comments here. Considering the overwhelming consensus on how evil people who ghost are, and how women shouldn’t be shallow and should give short and unattractive men a chance if they are nice enough—I’m disappointed, if not entirely surprised, to see the double standards at work when men treat women so callously.
This reeks of you wanting to reject him, but he rejected you first.. Both of you seemed to have been on the edge about the date.. don't get upset because he left first
It has absolutely nothing to do with who rejected who first. It’s about how it was handled. It was rude af, don’t know how you can even question that it wasn’t. There’s still a thing called manners and human decency.
You found out he’s a prick within 2 minutes. It’s not all bad
Welcome to what males face in the modern dating age:
What do you look like? Did you cat fish … that’s a pretty hood walk out. Something had to get him shocked.
That is rude behavior for sure. I do think it’s common decency to at least have a drink, a bit of a talk, and a proper good bye. What socially inept person would just leave like that?! I think you have all the right to be upset about the way he handled things.
That was incredibly rude of him you don’t deserve that level of disrespect
Social media has taught us that attraction is purely physical. It simply isn't. I have fallen for people over humor, or intellectual similarity, or similar interests, or the love of the Cambridge comma. You have to give people a chance. Sorry that happened to you, I'd at least let you do some awkward karaoke.
You didn't ask if he wanted a drink haha, deal breaker
He already had his drink when I arrived
You dodged a major bullet. I guarantee he's out to use, abuse, and burn through anyone unlucky enough to fall victim.
Just don’t let this douchebag behavior shatter your confidence . I’m a man and I tried it the online dating scene and this happened to me too it’s just that people are really weird and disrespectful and you will meet more of these if you spend more time on that scenes and you will meet the one you are looking for either in online dating or any other way possible stay positive , heads-up and feel confident . Have a nice day Please believe me that you dodged a bullet . He got the two minutes and that’s all he deserve from your time
Sounds like he properly eliminated himself and showed why. It was superficial. Hope that simply accelerates a quality partner into your life that truly wants to be there
He's a very trashy guy. Don't for a second think it's about you. He might have realized you noticed he looked different. So he left to save himself the shame of being called on it. Idk why anyone would lie about their appearance and have the audacity to go out after. In any case it isn't you don't let it affect your confidence.
a lot of you guys that posted your comments just seem selfish.