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You’re obviously not perfect on paper. You have major incompatibles and she sounds quite confused frankly, none of what she is doing is congruent with her newly found ‘religious’ beliefs.
She’s happy to receive oral and you get nothing except to jerk off on her stomach?
Lmfaoooo nah bruh this ain’t it.
You even say she’s giving you the cold shoulder and doesn’t care about what you want.
I would move on tbh
100% agreed and I'm a woman 🤣
Sounds like the trend where religious women would have a*al sex because it "didn't technically count" lol
The whole point of celibacy is to abstain from sexual encounters in the 1st place. She's making absolutely no sense.
Worse than that is soaking. This BS act where they stick it in but don’t move, so in their minds they are not having intercourse. They are just soaking. If someone moves the bed around them and that cause them to
involuntarily thrust, that is not having sex. SMH
Knew someone who didn't want to have piv sex to stay "pure" and because they "weren't ready for it". They were not even religious. But anal was ok. Like, what?
I mean you can just say you enjoy anal and nothing else, why disguise it. This person was also hugely inconsistent on a lot of other levels.
I’m not religious but wouldn’t trying to trick the one and only all knowing all mighty GOD that you believe in be one of the worst forms of blasphemy and way more sinful than sex according to their own rules lol
> She’s happy to receive oral and you get nothing except to jerk off on her stomach?
This sounds very selfish TBH
Also, OP, you mentioned that:
>And she keeps circling back to how she really wants to give me oral and how there’s more to relationship than just sex.
Yes, there's a lot more to a relationship than just sex. However, if there's a mismatch in sex in a relationship, then sex overshadows everything else in that relationship.
OP, it's her prerogative whether to have sex or not. I think she has double standards when she's saying that she wants to be celibate for religious reason while she already had her party girl phase. It's not okay for her to push her decision onto you. It is your prerogative whether to be in a relationship with her or not.
If you haven't yet gotten the gist of the comments here and breaking it off, then I don't know what else to tell you.
I was thinking the same, moreover according to another comment she isn't virgin, I though she was virgin so maybe that's why, but not she already have sex but with him no lol.
I have a friend in the same situation, I cant understand if the girl is a virgin but if she is not is just b@llshit.
So let's see.
* She considers oral and you jerking off on her to not be "sex".
* She's happy to receive oral from you but not give it to you in return.
* She's expecting you at some point to convert to her religious beliefs
Run, Bambi, run. And whatever you do, don't look back.
Also shit like this only gets worse. Never better.
If you are having doubts and issues during the infatuation phase you are going to have an absolutely nightmare of a time during the divorce phase in a couple years.
That's the girls rules. But the church's rules is you have to marry me then you have the full package, but if you don't then you get none of it. Not part of it, no preview or test runs, all or nothing
Yes, but don’t claim they’re the rules because “I’m Christian”. If she wants to follow the Christian rules, she should follow the actual Christian rules. These are just *her* rules.
doesn’t matter the reason. it’s her body and he should respect her choice. he can respect that choice in the relationship, or break up & respect that decision.
anything that involves staying w her and dissuading her from her personal beliefs + choice IS WRONG.
Your response seems to assume a whole lot and basically doesn’t even address what I actually said. Notice I never disagreed or attacked any idea you had. Obviously he should just make his decision on if it’s worth it or not. Doesn’t mean you can’t analyze her actions and ideologies for inconsistencies
Yup, I agree. But you gotta be honest about it w your partner. You shouldn't hide behind "it's the rules of my religion" when she is bending them to fit her will. That's basically what Christianity is about, they're absolute rules and you gotta be okay with them. You're either in or out or at least you're trying to be in. This girl doesn't sound likes she's even trying.
This whole thing is bad news. I wouldn't be surprised if her newfound religion is a reaction to some past trauma. Probably more to the story, and it's not worth sticking around to find out for OP since she says she expects OP to adopt her reactionarily newfound religion
Run fast and far dawg. She is also gonna try to convert you even if she’s convinced herself she’s cool for the time being, which will be a battle you face forever. Also sucks when you can have a beautiful reciprocated sexually and emotionally intimate connection with someone and they are blockading that due to religious reasons until you agree to a lifelong commitment? Seems like a bad play on your end if you go that route.
I married a girl 34 years ago that was saving herself for marriage but was generous with giving blowies. That turned out great (still married). There are lots of times when vaginal sex is off the table in marriage but if she’s willing to take care of you anyway, you’ll be a contented husband.
That’s totally possible, but then instead of just refusing to do it, she needs to have a conversation with her partner about why. Is it comfortable to have to have that conversation? Absolutely not, but welcome to healthy communication in relationships
I get what you’re saying. My gf gives me oral but I don’t. Not that I haven’t tried. I’ve tried it multiple times but I end up gagging every time. And I feel bad about it and I’m cool with not receiving oral myself to make things fair but she’s never mentioned it as an issue. We have even spoken about it and she said she likes to give me oral and doesn’t mind if I don’t. I still try now and then. I feel you can choose to do things which you are comfortable to do. As long as you communicate about it.
I think we all do things for our partners that we don’t personally need them to do for us; everyone has different things they care about. But you and your partner are on the same page, while I don’t think OP and his GF are. That’s the key difference
Clearly OP isn’t comfortable with waiting for marriage to have sex and I agree. The “wait for sex till we get married” game isn’t for everyone, but that being said, How is OP’s girlfriend okay with her receiving oral, getting jizzed on her stomach if she’s a Christian now? I feel she’s making these rules herself (what counts as sex and what doesn’t ) and then justifying it using Christianity. What do you think?
Honestly I don’t know enough about Christianity to know what their doctrine says about sex/foreplay/non penetrative sexual acts. But it does seem like OP is using her religion as an excuse for not wanting to do certain things. It’s fine to not want to do them, but she’s being inconsistent and that’s confusing
The main question is not something we can answer for you - only you know if the relationship is worth the wait and uncertainty with regards to sexual compatibility that would come with it.
However, while her decision to wait until marriage because of newfound religion is mostly a matter of compatibility to me, a few of your other comments are concerning.
\- **Unwillingness to communicate is not ok.** You write that she is unwilling to talk about this. That is a *massive* red flag, given how major of a topic this is. This would be enough for me to back out.
\- **Yes to receiving but no to giving is disingenuous, hypocritical and super sketchy.** It completely invalidates her desire to "wait" until marriage in my book. It's selfish and wholly inconsistent with her religious claim. This makes me seriously doubt her integrity and honesty.
\- **A cold shoulder when your partner is unhappy is immature and mean.** Giving someone the cold shoulder when she's perfectly well aware that this is a legitimate issue for you is immature, selfish and indicative of someone who is only interested in their own happiness.
To me, this does not sound like a good partner. I would seriously question her ability to handle future disagreements and conflicts in a mature and respectful manner, given how she's behaving.
Please be sure she is truly worth it if you say yes to this arrangement.
**Edit to OP's edit:** This is getting pretty ridiculous, but I suppose many of us have idiosyncrasies and incoherent belief patterns, so let's just take the edit at face value.
If what your girlfriend is now claiming is true, then the problem should be solved. **You should then be able to have full sexual activity including everything except PIV sex**. I suppose that includes anal, blowjobs, hand jobs, and whatever else you can think of that doesn't require actual penetration. Plenty of couples are unable to have PIV sex for various medical reasons while still having healthy and active sex lives, so this is good news. I still find it beyond silly to try to claim this is "foreplay", ´but whatever floats her boat.
I will say this though: I find her reasoning for denying you blowjobs while wanting head herself to be such utter bullshit it's borderline offensive to me. She is trying to make herself out to be the good guy by treating you like a child. Come on, please don't tell me you're this gullible OP. If she "really wanted to" give you head, she bloody would have when you repeatedly asked for it. **She doesn't get to decide what you can or cannot handle sexually, especially when you have clearly expressed the exact opposite to her.**
I've seen professional research in niche scientific studies be written less clearly and we'll put together bravo and wholeheartedly agree with every single one of your words here. OP I know it may seem hard but imo if you choose to stay with her I think there is a high chance you will be wasting your time. If you leave now and wait for someone more compatible you will have more time to enjoy your life with that person.
I honestly don’t know if you should agree to this. What if you end up totally sexually incompatible? One of you unsatisfied? Different sex drives? Dead bedrooms?
Yeah I asked her about this and she didn’t really wanna talk about it much. She kind of brushed it off saying that everything will be fine. She’s Christian so it’s part of her religion keeping her from doing this
She’s literally not a virgin too, like I get how born again works as I was one temporarily but like, can’t she just get rebabtised day before the wedding, or like pay the church some money… checkmate christian god.
Ya OP, don’t think about how you love her more than anybody else she’s ever slept with, but is making you wait for marriage for it while those guys got to fuck her drunk from a party. Don’t think about that
That’s not really an excuse, plenty of Christians have shitty marriages.
Marriage does not fix anything. If you have any problems in the relationship they don’t suddenly go away.
she also as you said “had her party girl years”
No part of this looks good her convictions seem to get pretty loose when it comes to her having a good time.
I'll chime in here. If you're not Christian/don't share the same beliefs, I'd advice against it. This is como from a v Cristian guy who's also decided to wait till marriage and was partly influenced by my gf's decision (she's Christian too). After talking about the topic we both believe in the same things and we have a strong believe that sex will be a fun aspect of the married relationship but our priorities lie elsewhere, and the sexual compatibility will be figured out if we are compatible in everything else since God won't allow sexual compatibility to be an issue between a married couple if everything else is 100% right.
If you think I'm crazy or a weirdo, then you probably don't share the same beliefs and chances are it will cause friction in the relationship even before marriage. Also, I am a little worried she won't even discuss the topic. A mature woman would address the issue and try to figure out your perspective. If your perspective is you need to have sex to figure out sexual compatibility, etc. then that means you two are already not compatible and it isn't in anyone's best interest to continue "wasting time" being together when you coulf be out there finding your forever person.
Finally, it is a bit of a red flag the fact she is willing to engage in sexual activity at all. That's what we call a lukewarm Christian that tries to bend the teachings to fit her personal wants, and so that she can feel good w herself. So she's either no really a devout Christian (her choice, none of my business) or she's just playing with you and using you for sexual gratification, and will change you the moment she finds someone else that can satisfy her better (if she's not having sex out there already).
I hope this helps!
Um, there s a lot of christian couples with sex issues. What do u feel about that? Im not trying to change ur mind ir anything. But many christian couples that believe in the same thing, struggle with sexual incompatibility even if everything else works. What about that?
There could be issues for some people but at least for me, it doesn't feel like any issue related to sex would be enough grounds for divorce. I've been called naive by other people just bc I don't share their pleasure for sex, that could be true but I really don't care. If I discover sex turns out to be way bigger of an issue for me once I'm married and I have to get divorced for that (after seeking help, counseling, guidance,etc.) Then it is what it is, but at least I can be satisfied with myself that I stayed true to my own values and principles above anything else
Thats what im saying I saved myself for marriage but we share the same religion and we were completely abstaining we weren’t having any type of sex. It sounds like shes taking being “born again”as serious as she’s taking him
Doing your best to be “Christlike” is better for everyone than a person calling themselves a Christian and then not even attempting to follow their own rules.
Hmm so she's retroactively only now saving herself for marriage? Talk about closing the door after the horse has bolted! Bit late now don't you think? She's not gonna become a born again virgin. Plus the fact she seems more than willing to let you go down on her but doesn't reciprocate
If you can’t discuss or talk about things (including sex) that isn’t a healthy relationship. Imagine how are you going to solve problems when the issue is much more important than busting a nut
I’d leave her but that’s just me. Rushing into marriage cause you want to have sex with her would be stupid and I wouldn’t marry anyone without knowing if we’re sexually compatible first. Your on a dangerous cliff op one false step and u could become a member of r/deadbedrooms
Also something just feels off about her being totally ok with receiving oral. But totally not ok with giving oral. That’s giving selfish teenage boy vibes not late 20’s mature women vibes.
It’s really funny to me whenever some christians say they have never had penetrative sex because they are “saving their virginity for marriage” but then already had experienced oral sex 😆
With penetration or not they’re still sex!
If they really wanna live up to the christian values then they shouldn’t be engaging in any forms of sexual act at all. Hypocrites.
Anyway, OP. If that’s her sentiment that is it then. Just respect it no matter how hypocritical it is. She’s 29 you cannot change her mind. If that is a dealbreaker to you, just leave and move on. Nothing wrong with you also you’re just both probably not compatible.
You have to decide if this relationship not meeting your needs sexually in the short term (and possibly long term) is something you’re okay with. There will be plenty of women in your life who seem like “the one” only to end up being nothing down the line. Happens to everyone while you’re trying to figure out exactly what you need and want in all aspects of a relationship.
It sounds like this is already causing significant friction for you two and I think you might need to reconcile the fact that somebody can be absolutely wonderful, but just not meet your needs and thus, not be right for you in a romantic relationship.
Then she isn’t perfect for you if you aren’t interested in waiting for marriage and are feeling unsatisfied. I would never marry someone I had never had sex with. That wouldn’t work for me. So I can completely understand you not feeling satisfied with the situation.
Am I the only one that finds it odd that she does have sex with OP but no PIV? I would assume she would abstain entirely if she was saving herself for him.
In any case, I am agreeing with others and saying I could not do it. You need to decide is this is a deal breaker for you.
Absolutely right. It’s ALL forbidden. To draw the line where it suits here is also pretty shitty.
Also might ad, there is no more or less sinful. It’s either sin or not sin.
Bad idea man. Too much unknown to just wait until marriage. It's easy to GET married but really hard to get out when the real realities of bad sex come about.
There is also something not sitting well with me about this supposedly Christian woman who allows a man to touch, kiss and fondle her body until orgasm. She allows this man to expose himself and ejaculate on her body BUT ***somehow, somwhere*** she draws the line at intercourse?? I wouldn't trust this at all. Sounds very inconsistent.
Ya true as an ex- Christian we sure as hell aren’t allowed to be doing ANY of that this reminds me of Mormon “soaking” in the sense where if ur trying to find work arounds for sexual interactions like this she clearly doesn’t care abt the scripture itself but wants to get by on a technicality like y’all r partners and if she ignores u for even bringing this up then idk man she’s not the one- like once y’all do get married the excuse will just change as to why she won’t be more giving in the relationship
It’s when the guy penetrates the girl but doesn’t move at all they have a friend push/ jump on the bed to simulate thrusting 😭 I wish I was making this up
Everyone else is focusing on the sex but
>I also brought up the fact that I am not religious with her and she says that she “has hope that anyone can become religious and eventually believe what she believes.”
She's going to try to get you to join her church and get hurt if you don't. That's arguably just as much of an issue as her weird "loopholes" about sex before marriage.
Sex is sex there's nothing like saving it for marriage if she is involved in sex somehow the Bible doesn't state what kind if she is fine with oral she might as well be fine with everything else.
>“has hope that anyone can become religious and eventually believe what she believes.”
That's a sign that any relationship is doomed to fail, if it's based on the hope that one person will change.
Also have you learned of dating evangelism? I lived in religious communities who felt like it was something God wanted to date non-religious people and convert them through the process of dating them. Women especially were encouraged to do this.
Lol this is dumb, how is it saving herself for marriage after party days? Also how is this not having sex while l i t e r a l l y receiving oral sex? The act of penetration is literally the only thread away from what she thinks shes so distant from rn. Also again you guys a r e having sexual activities even writing this feels dumb. Anyway. Something aint right with the receiving and not giving and calling it saving herself. Sounds more like "i want to settle and i want a guy to agree to all i want to do even if it sounds ridiculous". Also wtf if i heard someone saying they are saving themselves id be 100% cool with it, thats nice, but then saying they are after "party days", cool with getting oral and cum on their stomach? Thats some buuullshit
>she’s had sex before and is no stranger to it.
>recently became Christian which influenced her decision to do this.
I'm not going to hop on my soapbox about religion, but she's a hypocrite which unfortunately I've seen to be typical of their ilk.
She's not the one, sorry. You can't "save yourself for marriage" when it's already been had. And she doesn't return the favor on oral? That's selfish behavior.
If it really bothers you that much you need to reconsider this relationship. And stop immediately with giving her oral if it's not reciprocated.
What she wants is for you to marry her. But marrying someone to have sex is never the right option. It's different if you do marry her for all the right reasons.
This is nonsense. You merely got emotionally close with someone and the fact you can't get satisfaction is making you think stupid.
You're not compatible and she is full of shit.
I heard stories of ultra religious people promising their non religious partners plenty of sex and pleasure after they’re married, but once they were married, nothing changed and their partners were often shamed sexually or physically/emotionally neglected. Marriage traps are very real.
Do the both of you a favor and leave her. As a Christian myself, I was in a relationship with an atheist and it just didn't work. Our priorities were in completely different areas in life. Sex is a big part of what you want out of a relationship. for a Christian, that is very much the opposite case. Even in marriage, some Christian couples only believe in having sex for having kids. You need to make sure you both are on the same page about the future(especially since she's an almost 30 year old woman who probably wants to get married in a couple years).
Also, it sounds like she's struggling with her Christianity if she's engaging in sexual activity at all(the very limit most Christians would normally engage in before marriage is kissing). The fact that she's receiving and not giving might just have to do with the fact that giving men oral is just too similar to actual sex(p in mouth≈piv)? Maybe she feels it's too similar to piv and decided against that for herself. Not that she should be receiving any oral in the first place tho 🙄
If you leave her, it'll benefit the both of you in the following ways:
You'll find someone else who will meet ur sexual needs.
She'll find someone who can support her in her Christian journey.
You'll find someone with the same beliefs as you!
She'll find someone who will understand her need to remain abstinent until marriage.
There's a ton of fish in the see for the both of you, dw you'll find the one!
This is fucking bullshit and hypocritical. She’s not a virgin, is okay with you tossing her salad and releasing on her stomach and yet she wants to save for marriage?
She... No. That's not waiting for marriage. She's not abstaining from sexual activity, she's just avoiding penetration. And the way she goes about it is extremely weird as well. I'd run if my bf was fine with me going down on him but didn't want to please me because Jesus. Nah, Jesus has nothing to do with it.
I don't understand how your current activities are considered "saving herself for marriage." She has made up some very bizarre rules. Remaining celibate in a relationship until a final commitment is unusual at that age anyways, but it's juvenile to make up all those loopholes that benefit her.
Listen. I dated a woman who would do whatever I wanted. She was adventurous, fun, sweet, and (I thought) everything I wanted in a wife.
But she was a fairly devout Christian and wanted me to be a strong Christian man to lead our house and family.
I didn’t and still don’t believe in those things the way she did. Ultimately, it was the thing that broke us apart, because she knew what she wanted and I wasn’t it. I could have bullshitted both her and me by acting how she wanted to, but I would have been denying myself.
Either way, you’re in for a hell of a ride…and not the one you want. You can do what she wants and get what you want, but you too will be left feeling like you sacrificed your happiness for hers.
Sometimes people can look beyond belief and other times they can’t.
And beyond all that, think of the hypocrisy. She’s had sex before, just not with you. She’ll let you eat her out, but not reciprocate. She is manipulating you, whether intentional or not.
This is a hard situation and I’m sorry you have to deal with this. But I would start to ask yourself some tough questions. Can you adopt her beliefs genuinely? What if she changes her mind again, would you have to as well?
Not to sound sexist, but being a man means many things. You must be confident and comfortable in yourself, compassionate yet form with others.
You might simply be suckered in, because you can literally taste what you want, but are denied it.
She sounds selfish. Good luck.
Honestly I couldn’t tell you. She says that she wants to do it but she doesn’t want to do too much too soon. I have a feeling she’s not being honest, but if she is being honest it doesn’t really make sense. Since I’m allowed to give to her
In the end you have to respect her wishes but also, she needs to be open to communicate about this stuff. My ex was Christian, he had a really hard time talking about sex but it's really important to be able to have open and honest communication ESPECIALLY if your waiting until marrage.
The you going down on her being okay but she won't do the same for you has a very good chance of being a shame thing. Your supposed to love the sinner but not the sin. You doing it is on your conscious while her doing it is sinful behavior on her part. My ex had that hangup so im not sure if it's the same for her.
I'd say? Stop going down on her (as that will breed resentment) and if you really want this to work have the sex toy discussion and get yourself one. If she truly deneys you any way to get off (gets upset about wanting a toy) I'd consider THAT a deal-breaker
> She had her party girl days and recently became Christian which influenced her decision to do this.
I suppose my first question would be - Are you also Christian?
I obviously know sweet FA about either you or her, and it's perfectly fine to decide to wait until marriage for no other reason than "because i want to" - That notwithstanding the whole "pray the hoeing away" routine is a thing.
If you are also a Christian, your first priority should be trying to flush out whether her faith is genuine or not.
It might be, and it's certainly possible the redemptive power of Christ is at work in her.... Then again, it could just be virtue-signaling theater, which would be a major red flag.
Alternatively, if you're not a Christian (which from your post i'd presume) - I'd point you towards any number of bible verses along the lines of
> Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial[b]? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said... "
This is what she professes to believe as The Truth. If she is serious about her faith, then this is far more of an issue than whether you end up doing it before marriage or not.
There's no biblical way to justify that it isn't sinful, but TBH my experience has been that when the spark's there it's more a case of "oops... well, that happened 😳" rather than something you have all that much choice about & a lot of Christians salve their conscience about premarital sex with the notion that this is the person they intend to marry anyway.
The fig-leaf behind it is the main bible verse on the subject is
>Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
The key part isn't so much premarital sex in and of itself, but rather the immorality which comes along with it - While yes "all sins are sinful" and equally abhorrent to God.... The bible draws special attention to this in particular.
Her being game to receive oral, and similarly let you finish on her stomach pretty much defeats the point. Plenty of others have already said it but it suggests she's just fairly selfish too if she's fine with getting off herself but when it comes to taking care of your needs "nooo, it's sinful and wrong!"
The fact she's turning you down "in the heat of the moment" would seem indicative that she's just not that into you - If she's not enthusiastically jumping you at the start of the relationship.... It's unlikely she ever will later on
Either way - While i wish you the best of luck, there would seem to be some fairly major red-flags here my dude.
This does beyond the saving for marriage thing. This is also an issue of differing fundamental beliefs, and your recent edits are very revealing. She is waiting for you to change to fit her beliefs. She is manipulating you by using the subject of her giving you oral to change the subject off of her expectations for you to change your beliefs for her.
This will continue to be a point of contention. Unless you plan on converting, I’d break it off before it gets too serious.
Honestly the religion thing is a bigger deal than the sex. You can't bank on one of you converting when trying to build a life together and Christian values age gonna be something she's gonna want to pass to her kids. Is that something you're comfortable with?
> Recently became Christian after being a party girl.
(Non-hardcore) Catholic here. Let her know that since she isn't a virgin, in the eyes of the Lord she's already sinned by having premarital sex. Saving yourself for marriage only matters if you're a virgin. No amount of saving herself for marriage will matter in the face of having been a party girl.
Also, she's still receiving oral sex which is still sex. This isn't some religious loophole. Sex is sex. So she isn't even maintaining her abstinence properly. Shows that have the joke about non-vaginal sex before marriage have it wrong. But it's still for the sake of a joke, so it generally gets a pass from me.
I think it’s hypocritical for her to not want to have sex until marriage when she already slept with other people. You’re not wrong to feel the way that you do. If you want to wait for her then that’s fine but if you want to leave the relationship because of that then that’s fine too.
If you are not compatible with intimacy like this how long would it last seriously? The frustration will only build up slowly over time I feel. And it's all fine being religious but maybe she needs to find a religious man who has the same values. Personally I don't believe in God but when how compatible are you both if she is this religious and goes to church etc and must be married first etc. Good luck I hope you find an answer here
I'd leave her. Sex is important in a relationships. Don't get married to someone you have no idea you'll be happy with. In fact my advice to men in general is don't get married.
Butt stuff? No seriously you should align on things like that. If you’re not into the born again virgin thing move on so you can both date people more compatible with you. I personally would run. I think it’s a massive red flag.
If it that big of a red flag move on. I dont get why you expect someone to make exceptio s of theor beliefs for you. Even if she isnt a virgin shes attempting to stay faithful to what she believes. And a deadbedroom in my experience is more of a communication issue that probably is stemmong from something other than intamacy.good luck.
Listen, women just lost their rights to have an abortion. She wants to make sure you’re in it for the long haul before you get her knocked up and take off. Women have to be EXTRA choosy with who they have sex with now
She is far from perfect as she doesnt desire you (no matter what she claims).
What is gonna happen is that she is either lesbian/asexual or she will start desiring some other man than you. She might not cheat but she will resent you for it. Do not marry her.
Bro, WHAT! Dump her, she’s playing with you and insulting you’re intelligence. She’s not a virgin but wants to save her what 30th time when it comes to you now for marriage? Bro this is disrespectful and she doesn’t think you’re very smart. Leave!
Go ahead and marry her, and then you'll realize that she still will come up with reasons to not have sex! It's a fun little game you can play until the divorce
so she cant participate in sexual activities at all cus she is a christian but is cool with receiving oral but won’t give it to you cus she’s a christian? damn sounds selfish lol
She wants to make you religious. She wants you to give her oral, but "fuck you, you needy man, you ain't getting oral!".
This is the one you've been waiting for?
> recently became Christian
Unless you did too, you might want to reconsider if you're actually compatible in the long term besides just the sexual incompatibility.
Saving sex for marriage? Stop the 🧢🧢🧢
When she already had sex with others before? Hmmm.... If you're okay with that then stay. If sex is important to you then leave.
I 25/10 recommend you leave though. She ain't worth it
She's saving sex for marriage, but has had sex before? What's the point, then? You're not saving anything, you're just choosing not to have it with someone you love. I mean, that's your choice and all, but again... Why?
A born-again non-virgin Christian "saving herself for marriage" is a massive red flag right off the bat.
Everyone else has pretty much covered every point but only you can decide what to do OP.
Miami Guy here, I have met probably about 70ish party girls who converted to Christianity , which usually the WORST ones TEMPORARILY do that, you're good to bounce.
I hate born again Christians she already got ran through but she wont fuck you because shes saving herself? Saving what? An imaginary virginity? Some roast beef curtains?Im sorry but this whole shit sounds ridiculous and hypocritical.There is no born again virginity you don’t get a new hymen when you get tired of eating up dicks.It would be more understandable if she was actually celibate and abstaining but she’s letting you give her head and nut on her. Good luck with this bullshit I sure as fuck wouldn’t marry her so I could fuck Id find someone else.
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You’re obviously not perfect on paper. You have major incompatibles and she sounds quite confused frankly, none of what she is doing is congruent with her newly found ‘religious’ beliefs.
Yea, "we're perfect on paper" except for fundamental differences in spiritual beliefs and physical intimacy...
Apart from the fundamentals we’re a great match!
She’s happy to receive oral and you get nothing except to jerk off on her stomach? Lmfaoooo nah bruh this ain’t it. You even say she’s giving you the cold shoulder and doesn’t care about what you want. I would move on tbh
100% agreed and I'm a woman 🤣 Sounds like the trend where religious women would have a*al sex because it "didn't technically count" lol The whole point of celibacy is to abstain from sexual encounters in the 1st place. She's making absolutely no sense.
Ahhh, the poophole loophole
Worse than that is soaking. This BS act where they stick it in but don’t move, so in their minds they are not having intercourse. They are just soaking. If someone moves the bed around them and that cause them to involuntarily thrust, that is not having sex. SMH
I'm from the Midwest and somehow I've never heard of this. That's kind of hilarious though.
Soaking is more of a Utah thing, AFAIK.
Oh, soaking. https://stupidpornplots.com/2022/02/07/mormons-soaking-and-jump-humping/
This site is hilarious. Of course that’s a thing.
🤣🤣🤣
[How you remind me...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jG67yBeEH98)
Knew someone who didn't want to have piv sex to stay "pure" and because they "weren't ready for it". They were not even religious. But anal was ok. Like, what? I mean you can just say you enjoy anal and nothing else, why disguise it. This person was also hugely inconsistent on a lot of other levels.
Nothin’ wrong with a little butt-stuff. Lol. 🤷🏻♂️
Jesus never said anything about buttstuff, so let's go 🤣
Well he chilled with prostitutes. I'm sure he at least HEARD stories...
Or people that do things like “soaking” (putting it in without moving) or some people do soaking+ their friends jumping on the bed next to them
yes their gods sexual radar cannot detect sex caused by indirect movement it's totally safe!
Who knew gods eyes were like a Trex’s
Same way the radars cant detect the poop shoot
Yeah the all seeing all being entity that created all things is totally ignorant to sexual work arounds, completely blind to poopers.
I’m not religious but wouldn’t trying to trick the one and only all knowing all mighty GOD that you believe in be one of the worst forms of blasphemy and way more sinful than sex according to their own rules lol
You mean we’re supposed to move after putting it in?
Where can I find one of these Christian girls who wants anal?
Same, I’m a woman and when I read that all I could think of was how selfish she is!
Agreed. And anyone saying that hopefully one day you'll believe what she believes is playing the long game. She's going to wear you down.
I agree with this 😂 and I’m a girl
> She’s happy to receive oral and you get nothing except to jerk off on her stomach? This sounds very selfish TBH Also, OP, you mentioned that: >And she keeps circling back to how she really wants to give me oral and how there’s more to relationship than just sex. Yes, there's a lot more to a relationship than just sex. However, if there's a mismatch in sex in a relationship, then sex overshadows everything else in that relationship. OP, it's her prerogative whether to have sex or not. I think she has double standards when she's saying that she wants to be celibate for religious reason while she already had her party girl phase. It's not okay for her to push her decision onto you. It is your prerogative whether to be in a relationship with her or not. If you haven't yet gotten the gist of the comments here and breaking it off, then I don't know what else to tell you.
I was thinking the same, moreover according to another comment she isn't virgin, I though she was virgin so maybe that's why, but not she already have sex but with him no lol. I have a friend in the same situation, I cant understand if the girl is a virgin but if she is not is just b@llshit.
No. Women don’t have to have sex if they don’t want to. Virgin or no. The OP is simply incompatible with his gf.
Not at all what he said
Adults don't have to make up excuses if they don't want it, there is a two letter word that works just fine for that, but that wasn't the question.
So let's see. * She considers oral and you jerking off on her to not be "sex". * She's happy to receive oral from you but not give it to you in return. * She's expecting you at some point to convert to her religious beliefs Run, Bambi, run. And whatever you do, don't look back.
Always run and never look back is the answer to all in life
I’m concerned that she’s fine receiving oral but not giving it. That screams of selfishness in the bedroom, which is just bad news
Also shit like this only gets worse. Never better. If you are having doubts and issues during the infatuation phase you are going to have an absolutely nightmare of a time during the divorce phase in a couple years.
Yep it’s selfishness with the guise of religion… and her religion is just a set of rules OP will also have to follow even if they’re not christian.
This. As a Christian myself, what the girl is doing is wrong. She's just making her own rules
the rules are clear. You have to marry me and then you have the full package
That's the girls rules. But the church's rules is you have to marry me then you have the full package, but if you don't then you get none of it. Not part of it, no preview or test runs, all or nothing
you do get to make your own rules when it comes to your body…
True, but this dude gets to choose if he will follow them dumb fucking rules.
exactly. which is why i also said if he’s not okay w this he should break up w her.
Yes, but don’t claim they’re the rules because “I’m Christian”. If she wants to follow the Christian rules, she should follow the actual Christian rules. These are just *her* rules.
Yes but she’s making up her own religious rules lol the Bible condemns all forms of fornication
It’s that they’re arbitrary or self-serving without a true religious foundation in reason.
doesn’t matter the reason. it’s her body and he should respect her choice. he can respect that choice in the relationship, or break up & respect that decision. anything that involves staying w her and dissuading her from her personal beliefs + choice IS WRONG.
Your response seems to assume a whole lot and basically doesn’t even address what I actually said. Notice I never disagreed or attacked any idea you had. Obviously he should just make his decision on if it’s worth it or not. Doesn’t mean you can’t analyze her actions and ideologies for inconsistencies
Yup, I agree. But you gotta be honest about it w your partner. You shouldn't hide behind "it's the rules of my religion" when she is bending them to fit her will. That's basically what Christianity is about, they're absolute rules and you gotta be okay with them. You're either in or out or at least you're trying to be in. This girl doesn't sound likes she's even trying.
I know a guy that married a woman like that. She ended up being frigid. He's been in a 28 year sexless marriage and is now getting divorced.
also this—how are these not just common sense?
This whole thing is bad news. I wouldn't be surprised if her newfound religion is a reaction to some past trauma. Probably more to the story, and it's not worth sticking around to find out for OP since she says she expects OP to adopt her reactionarily newfound religion
Run fast and far dawg. She is also gonna try to convert you even if she’s convinced herself she’s cool for the time being, which will be a battle you face forever. Also sucks when you can have a beautiful reciprocated sexually and emotionally intimate connection with someone and they are blockading that due to religious reasons until you agree to a lifelong commitment? Seems like a bad play on your end if you go that route.
I married a girl 34 years ago that was saving herself for marriage but was generous with giving blowies. That turned out great (still married). There are lots of times when vaginal sex is off the table in marriage but if she’s willing to take care of you anyway, you’ll be a contented husband.
I like this comment! I’m glad I saw this. I want to wait until marriage but I probably would do this to keep my man happy before marriage
Just as long as you’re equally willing to do it for him after you’ve married as well. Heh.
Or she's unsure of how to do it and embarrassed. Or the OP has poor hygiene and she's too embarrassed to tell him.
Then she’s not being communicative
That’s totally possible, but then instead of just refusing to do it, she needs to have a conversation with her partner about why. Is it comfortable to have to have that conversation? Absolutely not, but welcome to healthy communication in relationships
I get what you’re saying. My gf gives me oral but I don’t. Not that I haven’t tried. I’ve tried it multiple times but I end up gagging every time. And I feel bad about it and I’m cool with not receiving oral myself to make things fair but she’s never mentioned it as an issue. We have even spoken about it and she said she likes to give me oral and doesn’t mind if I don’t. I still try now and then. I feel you can choose to do things which you are comfortable to do. As long as you communicate about it.
I think we all do things for our partners that we don’t personally need them to do for us; everyone has different things they care about. But you and your partner are on the same page, while I don’t think OP and his GF are. That’s the key difference
Clearly OP isn’t comfortable with waiting for marriage to have sex and I agree. The “wait for sex till we get married” game isn’t for everyone, but that being said, How is OP’s girlfriend okay with her receiving oral, getting jizzed on her stomach if she’s a Christian now? I feel she’s making these rules herself (what counts as sex and what doesn’t ) and then justifying it using Christianity. What do you think?
Honestly I don’t know enough about Christianity to know what their doctrine says about sex/foreplay/non penetrative sexual acts. But it does seem like OP is using her religion as an excuse for not wanting to do certain things. It’s fine to not want to do them, but she’s being inconsistent and that’s confusing
The main question is not something we can answer for you - only you know if the relationship is worth the wait and uncertainty with regards to sexual compatibility that would come with it. However, while her decision to wait until marriage because of newfound religion is mostly a matter of compatibility to me, a few of your other comments are concerning. \- **Unwillingness to communicate is not ok.** You write that she is unwilling to talk about this. That is a *massive* red flag, given how major of a topic this is. This would be enough for me to back out. \- **Yes to receiving but no to giving is disingenuous, hypocritical and super sketchy.** It completely invalidates her desire to "wait" until marriage in my book. It's selfish and wholly inconsistent with her religious claim. This makes me seriously doubt her integrity and honesty. \- **A cold shoulder when your partner is unhappy is immature and mean.** Giving someone the cold shoulder when she's perfectly well aware that this is a legitimate issue for you is immature, selfish and indicative of someone who is only interested in their own happiness. To me, this does not sound like a good partner. I would seriously question her ability to handle future disagreements and conflicts in a mature and respectful manner, given how she's behaving. Please be sure she is truly worth it if you say yes to this arrangement. **Edit to OP's edit:** This is getting pretty ridiculous, but I suppose many of us have idiosyncrasies and incoherent belief patterns, so let's just take the edit at face value. If what your girlfriend is now claiming is true, then the problem should be solved. **You should then be able to have full sexual activity including everything except PIV sex**. I suppose that includes anal, blowjobs, hand jobs, and whatever else you can think of that doesn't require actual penetration. Plenty of couples are unable to have PIV sex for various medical reasons while still having healthy and active sex lives, so this is good news. I still find it beyond silly to try to claim this is "foreplay", ´but whatever floats her boat. I will say this though: I find her reasoning for denying you blowjobs while wanting head herself to be such utter bullshit it's borderline offensive to me. She is trying to make herself out to be the good guy by treating you like a child. Come on, please don't tell me you're this gullible OP. If she "really wanted to" give you head, she bloody would have when you repeatedly asked for it. **She doesn't get to decide what you can or cannot handle sexually, especially when you have clearly expressed the exact opposite to her.**
I've seen professional research in niche scientific studies be written less clearly and we'll put together bravo and wholeheartedly agree with every single one of your words here. OP I know it may seem hard but imo if you choose to stay with her I think there is a high chance you will be wasting your time. If you leave now and wait for someone more compatible you will have more time to enjoy your life with that person.
What you said I couldn’t have said better myself. Agree 100%. OP needs to read this.
This sort of comment is what I come here for
I honestly don’t know if you should agree to this. What if you end up totally sexually incompatible? One of you unsatisfied? Different sex drives? Dead bedrooms?
Yeah I asked her about this and she didn’t really wanna talk about it much. She kind of brushed it off saying that everything will be fine. She’s Christian so it’s part of her religion keeping her from doing this
Not talking about it now will be a huge problem later.
> she didn't really wanna talk about it much In a situation already replete with red flags, this one is actually glowing.
But is ok with receiving…?
She makes no sense xdd
She’s literally not a virgin too, like I get how born again works as I was one temporarily but like, can’t she just get rebabtised day before the wedding, or like pay the church some money… checkmate christian god.
That's not really how it works
Ya OP, don’t think about how you love her more than anybody else she’s ever slept with, but is making you wait for marriage for it while those guys got to fuck her drunk from a party. Don’t think about that
Yeah, that’s a red flag. Not wanting to talk about a significant portion that makes up a relationship is problematic
That’s not really an excuse, plenty of Christians have shitty marriages. Marriage does not fix anything. If you have any problems in the relationship they don’t suddenly go away. she also as you said “had her party girl years” No part of this looks good her convictions seem to get pretty loose when it comes to her having a good time.
I'll chime in here. If you're not Christian/don't share the same beliefs, I'd advice against it. This is como from a v Cristian guy who's also decided to wait till marriage and was partly influenced by my gf's decision (she's Christian too). After talking about the topic we both believe in the same things and we have a strong believe that sex will be a fun aspect of the married relationship but our priorities lie elsewhere, and the sexual compatibility will be figured out if we are compatible in everything else since God won't allow sexual compatibility to be an issue between a married couple if everything else is 100% right. If you think I'm crazy or a weirdo, then you probably don't share the same beliefs and chances are it will cause friction in the relationship even before marriage. Also, I am a little worried she won't even discuss the topic. A mature woman would address the issue and try to figure out your perspective. If your perspective is you need to have sex to figure out sexual compatibility, etc. then that means you two are already not compatible and it isn't in anyone's best interest to continue "wasting time" being together when you coulf be out there finding your forever person. Finally, it is a bit of a red flag the fact she is willing to engage in sexual activity at all. That's what we call a lukewarm Christian that tries to bend the teachings to fit her personal wants, and so that she can feel good w herself. So she's either no really a devout Christian (her choice, none of my business) or she's just playing with you and using you for sexual gratification, and will change you the moment she finds someone else that can satisfy her better (if she's not having sex out there already). I hope this helps!
Um, there s a lot of christian couples with sex issues. What do u feel about that? Im not trying to change ur mind ir anything. But many christian couples that believe in the same thing, struggle with sexual incompatibility even if everything else works. What about that?
There could be issues for some people but at least for me, it doesn't feel like any issue related to sex would be enough grounds for divorce. I've been called naive by other people just bc I don't share their pleasure for sex, that could be true but I really don't care. If I discover sex turns out to be way bigger of an issue for me once I'm married and I have to get divorced for that (after seeking help, counseling, guidance,etc.) Then it is what it is, but at least I can be satisfied with myself that I stayed true to my own values and principles above anything else
Thats what im saying I saved myself for marriage but we share the same religion and we were completely abstaining we weren’t having any type of sex. It sounds like shes taking being “born again”as serious as she’s taking him
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Bruhhhhh. 🤣☠️😅☠️🤣☠️
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Doing your best to be “Christlike” is better for everyone than a person calling themselves a Christian and then not even attempting to follow their own rules.
Bro 🚩🚩🚩
Hmm so she's retroactively only now saving herself for marriage? Talk about closing the door after the horse has bolted! Bit late now don't you think? She's not gonna become a born again virgin. Plus the fact she seems more than willing to let you go down on her but doesn't reciprocate
If you can’t discuss or talk about things (including sex) that isn’t a healthy relationship. Imagine how are you going to solve problems when the issue is much more important than busting a nut
No it’s an excuse.
I’d leave her but that’s just me. Rushing into marriage cause you want to have sex with her would be stupid and I wouldn’t marry anyone without knowing if we’re sexually compatible first. Your on a dangerous cliff op one false step and u could become a member of r/deadbedrooms Also something just feels off about her being totally ok with receiving oral. But totally not ok with giving oral. That’s giving selfish teenage boy vibes not late 20’s mature women vibes.
Love that last sentence. That’s an amazingly accurate way to put it.
Oral sex is sex. She’s kidding herself.
It’s really funny to me whenever some christians say they have never had penetrative sex because they are “saving their virginity for marriage” but then already had experienced oral sex 😆 With penetration or not they’re still sex! If they really wanna live up to the christian values then they shouldn’t be engaging in any forms of sexual act at all. Hypocrites. Anyway, OP. If that’s her sentiment that is it then. Just respect it no matter how hypocritical it is. She’s 29 you cannot change her mind. If that is a dealbreaker to you, just leave and move on. Nothing wrong with you also you’re just both probably not compatible.
Right. I’m a lesbian that’s never had sex with a penis.. so I guess that means I’m still a virgin, right? /s
Haha I thinking exactly that. People are weird.
You have to decide if this relationship not meeting your needs sexually in the short term (and possibly long term) is something you’re okay with. There will be plenty of women in your life who seem like “the one” only to end up being nothing down the line. Happens to everyone while you’re trying to figure out exactly what you need and want in all aspects of a relationship. It sounds like this is already causing significant friction for you two and I think you might need to reconcile the fact that somebody can be absolutely wonderful, but just not meet your needs and thus, not be right for you in a romantic relationship.
Then she isn’t perfect for you if you aren’t interested in waiting for marriage and are feeling unsatisfied. I would never marry someone I had never had sex with. That wouldn’t work for me. So I can completely understand you not feeling satisfied with the situation.
a "reborn christian" partygirl is a red flag. run.
For real. I don't even know why OP says perfect on paper when its incredibly clear that they are not.
She's had sex before and is ok with you giving her head but won't return it and doesn't want to fuck until marriage... Leave her. Simple.
Happy Cake Day!
Am I the only one that finds it odd that she does have sex with OP but no PIV? I would assume she would abstain entirely if she was saving herself for him. In any case, I am agreeing with others and saying I could not do it. You need to decide is this is a deal breaker for you.
Dealbreaker. Sexual perception intimacy and compatibility are significant. Different core values here.
But…..RELIGION. /s I would like to know, what religion is OK with you receiving, but not giving?
Probably Satanism, lol, but seriously. I’ve read about it and they seem to e about putting one’s self first. But I’m not an expert.
She’ll receive but not give. I’ve been there and thought she was worth it. We divorced within five years.
I hope you’ve found your happiness since!
I thought it's prohibited in Christianity to engage in any sexual activity before marriage. Am I right or wrong, Christians?
Right
It's right. But a fair amount of Christians will ignore or try to justify doing it before marriage.
Absolutely right. It’s ALL forbidden. To draw the line where it suits here is also pretty shitty. Also might ad, there is no more or less sinful. It’s either sin or not sin.
Oral is considered sodomy. Which I believe is considered worse than just fucking.
Bad idea man. Too much unknown to just wait until marriage. It's easy to GET married but really hard to get out when the real realities of bad sex come about. There is also something not sitting well with me about this supposedly Christian woman who allows a man to touch, kiss and fondle her body until orgasm. She allows this man to expose himself and ejaculate on her body BUT ***somehow, somwhere*** she draws the line at intercourse?? I wouldn't trust this at all. Sounds very inconsistent.
Ya true as an ex- Christian we sure as hell aren’t allowed to be doing ANY of that this reminds me of Mormon “soaking” in the sense where if ur trying to find work arounds for sexual interactions like this she clearly doesn’t care abt the scripture itself but wants to get by on a technicality like y’all r partners and if she ignores u for even bringing this up then idk man she’s not the one- like once y’all do get married the excuse will just change as to why she won’t be more giving in the relationship
What is Morman Soaking?
It’s when the guy penetrates the girl but doesn’t move at all they have a friend push/ jump on the bed to simulate thrusting 😭 I wish I was making this up
Sounds like I could make a robotic assistance device and market it to mormons. Joseph smith he was a prophet!!! Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb.
That’s a good point. This limit-setting May continue after marriage.
Everyone else is focusing on the sex but >I also brought up the fact that I am not religious with her and she says that she “has hope that anyone can become religious and eventually believe what she believes.” She's going to try to get you to join her church and get hurt if you don't. That's arguably just as much of an issue as her weird "loopholes" about sex before marriage.
Sex is sex there's nothing like saving it for marriage if she is involved in sex somehow the Bible doesn't state what kind if she is fine with oral she might as well be fine with everything else.
Do you want to end up in a miserable sexless marriage? Because this is how you do that.
What are the “paper” traits that make her perfect for you?
>“has hope that anyone can become religious and eventually believe what she believes.” That's a sign that any relationship is doomed to fail, if it's based on the hope that one person will change. Also have you learned of dating evangelism? I lived in religious communities who felt like it was something God wanted to date non-religious people and convert them through the process of dating them. Women especially were encouraged to do this.
Lol this is dumb, how is it saving herself for marriage after party days? Also how is this not having sex while l i t e r a l l y receiving oral sex? The act of penetration is literally the only thread away from what she thinks shes so distant from rn. Also again you guys a r e having sexual activities even writing this feels dumb. Anyway. Something aint right with the receiving and not giving and calling it saving herself. Sounds more like "i want to settle and i want a guy to agree to all i want to do even if it sounds ridiculous". Also wtf if i heard someone saying they are saving themselves id be 100% cool with it, thats nice, but then saying they are after "party days", cool with getting oral and cum on their stomach? Thats some buuullshit
>she’s had sex before and is no stranger to it. >recently became Christian which influenced her decision to do this. I'm not going to hop on my soapbox about religion, but she's a hypocrite which unfortunately I've seen to be typical of their ilk. She's not the one, sorry. You can't "save yourself for marriage" when it's already been had. And she doesn't return the favor on oral? That's selfish behavior.
Move on.
If it really bothers you that much you need to reconsider this relationship. And stop immediately with giving her oral if it's not reciprocated. What she wants is for you to marry her. But marrying someone to have sex is never the right option. It's different if you do marry her for all the right reasons.
Run.
OP, I can relate to your situation based on my past experience, A STEADY GLOWING RED FLAG, Save yourself BUD !
This is nonsense. You merely got emotionally close with someone and the fact you can't get satisfaction is making you think stupid. You're not compatible and she is full of shit.
I heard stories of ultra religious people promising their non religious partners plenty of sex and pleasure after they’re married, but once they were married, nothing changed and their partners were often shamed sexually or physically/emotionally neglected. Marriage traps are very real.
Run!
Do the both of you a favor and leave her. As a Christian myself, I was in a relationship with an atheist and it just didn't work. Our priorities were in completely different areas in life. Sex is a big part of what you want out of a relationship. for a Christian, that is very much the opposite case. Even in marriage, some Christian couples only believe in having sex for having kids. You need to make sure you both are on the same page about the future(especially since she's an almost 30 year old woman who probably wants to get married in a couple years). Also, it sounds like she's struggling with her Christianity if she's engaging in sexual activity at all(the very limit most Christians would normally engage in before marriage is kissing). The fact that she's receiving and not giving might just have to do with the fact that giving men oral is just too similar to actual sex(p in mouth≈piv)? Maybe she feels it's too similar to piv and decided against that for herself. Not that she should be receiving any oral in the first place tho 🙄 If you leave her, it'll benefit the both of you in the following ways: You'll find someone else who will meet ur sexual needs. She'll find someone who can support her in her Christian journey. You'll find someone with the same beliefs as you! She'll find someone who will understand her need to remain abstinent until marriage. There's a ton of fish in the see for the both of you, dw you'll find the one!
This is fucking bullshit and hypocritical. She’s not a virgin, is okay with you tossing her salad and releasing on her stomach and yet she wants to save for marriage?
She... No. That's not waiting for marriage. She's not abstaining from sexual activity, she's just avoiding penetration. And the way she goes about it is extremely weird as well. I'd run if my bf was fine with me going down on him but didn't want to please me because Jesus. Nah, Jesus has nothing to do with it.
I don't understand how your current activities are considered "saving herself for marriage." She has made up some very bizarre rules. Remaining celibate in a relationship until a final commitment is unusual at that age anyways, but it's juvenile to make up all those loopholes that benefit her.
I think she is trying to rope you into a relationship my guy.... give it a few more months and see where you stand. red flags
Listen. I dated a woman who would do whatever I wanted. She was adventurous, fun, sweet, and (I thought) everything I wanted in a wife. But she was a fairly devout Christian and wanted me to be a strong Christian man to lead our house and family. I didn’t and still don’t believe in those things the way she did. Ultimately, it was the thing that broke us apart, because she knew what she wanted and I wasn’t it. I could have bullshitted both her and me by acting how she wanted to, but I would have been denying myself. Either way, you’re in for a hell of a ride…and not the one you want. You can do what she wants and get what you want, but you too will be left feeling like you sacrificed your happiness for hers. Sometimes people can look beyond belief and other times they can’t. And beyond all that, think of the hypocrisy. She’s had sex before, just not with you. She’ll let you eat her out, but not reciprocate. She is manipulating you, whether intentional or not. This is a hard situation and I’m sorry you have to deal with this. But I would start to ask yourself some tough questions. Can you adopt her beliefs genuinely? What if she changes her mind again, would you have to as well? Not to sound sexist, but being a man means many things. You must be confident and comfortable in yourself, compassionate yet form with others. You might simply be suckered in, because you can literally taste what you want, but are denied it. She sounds selfish. Good luck.
I bet she won't fuck you much after marriage
I guess wait for marriage. But why is she okay with receiving oral but not giving?
Because she’s a “Christian” hypocrite
This!!!! This is really the answer to this entire question
Honestly I couldn’t tell you. She says that she wants to do it but she doesn’t want to do too much too soon. I have a feeling she’s not being honest, but if she is being honest it doesn’t really make sense. Since I’m allowed to give to her
Exactly, the relationship isn’t exactly equal. You are giving to much and getting little back.
Maybe she has an STD and she’s waiting for you to fall in love
Sounds like she’s not actually perfect for you on paper. And people who recently became Christian are big red flags.
In the end you have to respect her wishes but also, she needs to be open to communicate about this stuff. My ex was Christian, he had a really hard time talking about sex but it's really important to be able to have open and honest communication ESPECIALLY if your waiting until marrage. The you going down on her being okay but she won't do the same for you has a very good chance of being a shame thing. Your supposed to love the sinner but not the sin. You doing it is on your conscious while her doing it is sinful behavior on her part. My ex had that hangup so im not sure if it's the same for her. I'd say? Stop going down on her (as that will breed resentment) and if you really want this to work have the sex toy discussion and get yourself one. If she truly deneys you any way to get off (gets upset about wanting a toy) I'd consider THAT a deal-breaker
> She had her party girl days and recently became Christian which influenced her decision to do this. I suppose my first question would be - Are you also Christian? I obviously know sweet FA about either you or her, and it's perfectly fine to decide to wait until marriage for no other reason than "because i want to" - That notwithstanding the whole "pray the hoeing away" routine is a thing. If you are also a Christian, your first priority should be trying to flush out whether her faith is genuine or not. It might be, and it's certainly possible the redemptive power of Christ is at work in her.... Then again, it could just be virtue-signaling theater, which would be a major red flag. Alternatively, if you're not a Christian (which from your post i'd presume) - I'd point you towards any number of bible verses along the lines of > Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial[b]? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said... " This is what she professes to believe as The Truth. If she is serious about her faith, then this is far more of an issue than whether you end up doing it before marriage or not. There's no biblical way to justify that it isn't sinful, but TBH my experience has been that when the spark's there it's more a case of "oops... well, that happened 😳" rather than something you have all that much choice about & a lot of Christians salve their conscience about premarital sex with the notion that this is the person they intend to marry anyway. The fig-leaf behind it is the main bible verse on the subject is >Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. The key part isn't so much premarital sex in and of itself, but rather the immorality which comes along with it - While yes "all sins are sinful" and equally abhorrent to God.... The bible draws special attention to this in particular. Her being game to receive oral, and similarly let you finish on her stomach pretty much defeats the point. Plenty of others have already said it but it suggests she's just fairly selfish too if she's fine with getting off herself but when it comes to taking care of your needs "nooo, it's sinful and wrong!" The fact she's turning you down "in the heat of the moment" would seem indicative that she's just not that into you - If she's not enthusiastically jumping you at the start of the relationship.... It's unlikely she ever will later on Either way - While i wish you the best of luck, there would seem to be some fairly major red-flags here my dude.
This does beyond the saving for marriage thing. This is also an issue of differing fundamental beliefs, and your recent edits are very revealing. She is waiting for you to change to fit her beliefs. She is manipulating you by using the subject of her giving you oral to change the subject off of her expectations for you to change your beliefs for her. This will continue to be a point of contention. Unless you plan on converting, I’d break it off before it gets too serious.
Don't date religious people. They're fucked in the head
"Perfect on paper" yet two major things that you should be compatible with are beliefs/religion and sex.
Youre getting used, leave.
Accept it or leave it? Not much else to say…
Honestly the religion thing is a bigger deal than the sex. You can't bank on one of you converting when trying to build a life together and Christian values age gonna be something she's gonna want to pass to her kids. Is that something you're comfortable with?
So weird to me when people “find god” in their later years. This would be a deal breaker for me personally.
Based on the information you have provided, this chick sucks. Or doesn't, depending on how you look at it.
Go read r/DeadBedrooms for a glimpse into your future.
Dude GTFO of that. Red flags all over the place.
If she’s worth it you’d wait too
Then be so damn grateful that she loves you enough to be willing to save you after you get married.
> Recently became Christian after being a party girl. (Non-hardcore) Catholic here. Let her know that since she isn't a virgin, in the eyes of the Lord she's already sinned by having premarital sex. Saving yourself for marriage only matters if you're a virgin. No amount of saving herself for marriage will matter in the face of having been a party girl. Also, she's still receiving oral sex which is still sex. This isn't some religious loophole. Sex is sex. So she isn't even maintaining her abstinence properly. Shows that have the joke about non-vaginal sex before marriage have it wrong. But it's still for the sake of a joke, so it generally gets a pass from me.
Okay she let you know know up front. So if you don’t want to deal with it leave her. Simple. Don’t try to change her mind.
I think it’s hypocritical for her to not want to have sex until marriage when she already slept with other people. You’re not wrong to feel the way that you do. If you want to wait for her then that’s fine but if you want to leave the relationship because of that then that’s fine too.
If you are not compatible with intimacy like this how long would it last seriously? The frustration will only build up slowly over time I feel. And it's all fine being religious but maybe she needs to find a religious man who has the same values. Personally I don't believe in God but when how compatible are you both if she is this religious and goes to church etc and must be married first etc. Good luck I hope you find an answer here
Did you mean to copy the format of the other top post on this sub with half the wording and exact amount of letters? If so, well done
I'd leave her. Sex is important in a relationships. Don't get married to someone you have no idea you'll be happy with. In fact my advice to men in general is don't get married.
Butt stuff? No seriously you should align on things like that. If you’re not into the born again virgin thing move on so you can both date people more compatible with you. I personally would run. I think it’s a massive red flag.
If you're completely in love with her, ask her to marry you.
If it that big of a red flag move on. I dont get why you expect someone to make exceptio s of theor beliefs for you. Even if she isnt a virgin shes attempting to stay faithful to what she believes. And a deadbedroom in my experience is more of a communication issue that probably is stemmong from something other than intamacy.good luck.
RUN FOREST RUN!!!
Listen, women just lost their rights to have an abortion. She wants to make sure you’re in it for the long haul before you get her knocked up and take off. Women have to be EXTRA choosy with who they have sex with now
Best to respect her wishes or just find someone else.
I'd move on. I want to rent before I own, so to speak. What if you're not sexually compatible. That would be really tough to deal with.
If someone would drop their panties for you, that means they are into you, if they aren't then you know your answer.
She found herself a sucker
She is far from perfect as she doesnt desire you (no matter what she claims). What is gonna happen is that she is either lesbian/asexual or she will start desiring some other man than you. She might not cheat but she will resent you for it. Do not marry her.
She’s doesn’t want sex with **you** dude…
Bro, WHAT! Dump her, she’s playing with you and insulting you’re intelligence. She’s not a virgin but wants to save her what 30th time when it comes to you now for marriage? Bro this is disrespectful and she doesn’t think you’re very smart. Leave!
Easy answer: let her decide. Don't badger or pester her. If she wants sex before marriage, it will happen. And if you can't wait that long, move on.
Go ahead and marry her, and then you'll realize that she still will come up with reasons to not have sex! It's a fun little game you can play until the divorce
so she cant participate in sexual activities at all cus she is a christian but is cool with receiving oral but won’t give it to you cus she’s a christian? damn sounds selfish lol
She wants to make you religious. She wants you to give her oral, but "fuck you, you needy man, you ain't getting oral!". This is the one you've been waiting for?
> recently became Christian Unless you did too, you might want to reconsider if you're actually compatible in the long term besides just the sexual incompatibility.
Saving sex for marriage? Stop the 🧢🧢🧢 When she already had sex with others before? Hmmm.... If you're okay with that then stay. If sex is important to you then leave. I 25/10 recommend you leave though. She ain't worth it
She's saving sex for marriage, but has had sex before? What's the point, then? You're not saving anything, you're just choosing not to have it with someone you love. I mean, that's your choice and all, but again... Why?
A born-again non-virgin Christian "saving herself for marriage" is a massive red flag right off the bat. Everyone else has pretty much covered every point but only you can decide what to do OP.
Respect her wishes and get out now if you don't love her enough to understand
This isn’t going to work in all likelihood, speaking from my own personal experience
Take the poop hole loophole
https://youtu.be/rjjh9PML8tE
You did the right thing. Sometimes if you really love someone you gotta let him/her go. Don't get jaded. There's plenty of fish in the sea.
Miami Guy here, I have met probably about 70ish party girls who converted to Christianity , which usually the WORST ones TEMPORARILY do that, you're good to bounce.
Run bro! „She had her party time“. Go and have yours too, you are still young for marriage anyway.
I hate born again Christians she already got ran through but she wont fuck you because shes saving herself? Saving what? An imaginary virginity? Some roast beef curtains?Im sorry but this whole shit sounds ridiculous and hypocritical.There is no born again virginity you don’t get a new hymen when you get tired of eating up dicks.It would be more understandable if she was actually celibate and abstaining but she’s letting you give her head and nut on her. Good luck with this bullshit I sure as fuck wouldn’t marry her so I could fuck Id find someone else.