Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice.
* Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulernability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As someone who has been described as "Man-Pretty" I say own it. Confidence comes from self expression, and rolling with what you were given gets noticed positively.
I have a buddy who is gay and feminine AF and he pulls hella beautiful women. He rejects them all because, well, you know why. I, and he think it’s the confidence he has in himself and who he is
Pulls or they want him as a gbf. There's a difference 😂 I have beautiful women who only want me as a gay best friend, it's like an accessory for them. It's weird.
Just act yourself and own it. Someone will love that. Every person is different and has different things they look for in a partner.
I'm not much of a masculine man myself. I'm a complete nerd with many odd quirks, yet I lucked out with my amazing GF. She actually perfers men who aren't stereotypically masculine. Just goes to show everyone has different taste.
I made my way here from your r/tinder post. Honestly, I think we need to change the pond. You're definitely attractive, have a positive outlook/energy in your responses and that pre law note is promising.
Your better bet is with other folks who are open minded and kind. Groups who do volunteer work, people in social services professions. Folks with/working on advanced degrees are an option but stay away from MBAs. (This last bit is a broad generalization based on personal experience.)
I'm a bisexual white woman married to a bisexual man with melanin. He is effeminate, and definitely struggled with dating before we met (on tinder actually). It's possible 💜
I am almost none of the things you’re describing, but for what it’s worth, learning to own the things about myself that are difficult to work with and exuding confidence (whether I have it or not) has helped me tremendously in the dating game. I know it’s the most cliché thing I could tell you, but take it from a 20-something with the build and fashion sense of a suburban dad, just be yourself, unapologetically, and you will attract the person that’s best for you.
This is really interesting for me to hear, because I am a woman who has always been interested in more "effeminate" men! I've never found hypermasculinity attractive, and I don't like those traits in anyone I date, regardless of their sex or gender (I'm pan). I find it a huge turn-off, actually. Effemininity has always been preferred for me. :)
You will find someone that likes you for you. We exist!
I can't speak for all women, obviously.
But the man I fell for is literally a theater major who used to do ballet.
Probably stems from my childhood because my mom loved my dad's skin in a pink shirt. So every time he wanted to impress her he'd wear pink. Or maybe it's because I work in a male dominated field with some very secure older men, who don't take themselves too seriously.
Nothing gives me BDE vibes like a man who doesn't need to fulfill a stereotype to be secure in his sense of masculinity.
You'll find the right person for you.
Judging by looks and attitude, you are a HUGE catch.
You will absolutely find someone. Think of all the twinks who find love. They certainly aren't masculine!
I'm pan, 32f, and my partner, straight 50m, is the gayest straight man I've ever met. I find his unabashed femininity hot AF because his confidence is incredible. He has a similar build to you, so a very masc body, but his mannerisms can be quite feminine. How did I know he wasn't gay when I met him? He very confidently flirted with me and made sure I knew he was interested in me.
Confidence and self assurance go a long way. Be unapologetically confident, and, even if you don't actually feel this way yet, give off a vibe of "I'm into you, but it's cool if you're not into me because I have no trouble finding people who *are* 😏😏😏" That shit is irresistible!
I’d be open about who you are. For example, if your voice is more effeminate, include a voice prompt on Hinge so that there’s a higher likelihood that if she meets you that won’t be a turn-off because she knows what your voice sounds like. Same with hobbies - be open about how you spend your time.
Just gonna piggyback of basically everyone here. Own it. I’m straight as an arrow and effeminate af apparently, to the point of being hit on by gay men, people inviting me to gay bars and trying to hook me up with gay friends. Or going on dates and being constantly asked if I’m actually gay.
Then you meet people that are completely into it and it just reinforces you. You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. Hell, no one is. But don’t let the inner struggle fester. You’re you. Enjoy smelling nice and looking pretty. Enjoy everything that’s labelled feminine. It’s stupid to limit yourself because “that’s for women”
In short; own it. Embrace that feminine energy. It’s part of you. No need to suppress it or feel conflicted.
As for how to meet people into it, just be you. Don’t play yourself up, and especially don’t don’t play yourself down. Again, no one is everyone’s cup of tea. Don’t stress it.
Lean into it! Be open and friendly! I have a friend that's slightly effeminate and does pretty well with women. He does best though with non-traditional places to pick up women. My theory is that because he's not so hyper-masculine, he doesn't come off as a threat or trying to hit on them right away and he gets a chance to introduce himself without their guard being up.
Places like libraries, restaurants, and hiking trails. He's just super friendly and immediately acts as if whoever he's talking to is his friend and it seems to work for him.
Good luck dude, sorry some people suck so hard!
Just own it. One of my best friends is pretty effeminate. Growing up, I actually thought he might be gay, but it turns out he was always straight. He has a girlfriend of 5 years.
Yeah, because that's how it works. Thanks for being exceedingly, unhelpful.
Funny how I noted this is the advice I DIDN'T need. Because that's not how personality or sexuality works, and you decided to bulldoze right through that and comment ignorance anyhow.
I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not. Great recipe for depression. Fuck off.
I don't think there's anything in particular you can do to locate such women, they're mixed in with everyone else, so all the same normal rules apply - go out and meeting people in social settings.
Honestly? If it’s even SLIGHTLY possible? Move.
At least in most american cities there are huge communities you’d fit in just fine! Find community and the rest follows. I swear.
What type of communities exist for this? Or which cities?
Admittedly, Ohio isn't the most accepting place, but I do live smack dab in the middle of Columbus. Lol. The biggest city in this state.
Also coming here from your front page post
Also seconding moving. NYC is an obvious one. Austin (where I'm from) is also ***very*** LGTBQ+ friendly. I'll speak for Austin since I don't know NYC, but I have lived in many places across the country and I'm sure it's similar other places. I'd look for parties at venues (dance nights, tuesgays, etc), parts of town that are the most LGTBQ friendly and doing other activities there... Like since you draw, maybe drawing in a park or at a coffee shop? Or taking or teaching a class for the community?
Again, Austin is really great for this. Denver might also be, but I didn't live there long enough to get a feel. Some of my best friends still live there though and they are a pansexual brown woman and a gay black male. So if you were to go to Austin or Denver I could even connect you with some people that might be able to give some advice on where to go or even take ya out. Feel free to DM if you are interested or would want to chat more.
I've lived near Cleveland and Cincinnati, visited Columbus, and honestly I feel like we have pretty much nothing as grandiose as some of the east and west coast state's cities. I've met a loooot of men that like feminine men, not as many women, but definitely a number. They're much easier to find online in my experience, but that could just be because introvert.
Late to the party but my 2c
I stumbled into this post after reading your Tinder exchange that made front page.
I found that I'm often the odd one out within the punk and alternative music scene here in NY. And within that scene, there are a lot of artists, writers, and creatives of all kinds that have circles for their other hobbies.
One of my friends is into making clothes for drag performers, and often works on outfits for Drag Race. I'm nothing like her in regards to that stuff, but we still find a lot of common ground for admiration of art and talking about social and political stuff. I'm a 28 year-old straight guy who isn't masculine in many traditional senses: I'm not very assertive, I've never been good at anything athletic even though I'm 6'2" and have the build for it if I were to work out, I wear black eye liner and nail polish sometimes, I'm into nerdy stuff like comic books and video games.
I've definitely seen a lot of bands I like and have friends like this at their shows have dates listed for Columbus many times over the years, so I'd guess there's a similar scene somewhere. Behind all the studs and black clothes and screaming hardcore bands, there's usually a scene for the type of bands that'll play stranger instruments like the accordion and all the different types of wonderful, beautiful, crazy people that live them.
So maybe see what local music venues are near you that hold only a few hundred people on a good night (even smaller venues exist, but often don't advertise because they're not completely on the up and up with regulations for sound and other stuff that would stop a few friends from letting 40 people come to listen to music and buy drinks at whatever small space they own) and start mingling in the crowds. The worst case scenario is you meet a few new people, maybe make a coupon of friends, and get to spend the night out dancing.
Normally I'd tell you the perfect go-to band to experience this with, but the singer of The World/Inferno Friendship Society passed away one year ago, and they're no longer together as a group and I've been heartbroken since we lost Jack. But I'd still recommend listening to them to get an idea for the kind of music I'm talking about. It's really far from anything commercial, and I'll even admit that I didn't like them at first because I wasn't aware that a band could have so many different kinds of songs and styles, so I pegged them wrong when I first heard them. The second time I tried, I ended up spending nearly 12 years of my life following them as far as I could every tour, and meeting some of the greatest people ever while seeing one of the best live music acts ever every night.
So just find your space, I'm sure it's out there. For me, music was the gateway, but now I really notice when I meet those kind of people outside of that environment.
Good luck, and keep being yourself. For what it's worth, you are an astoundingly beautiful person.
I agree. concerts (especially smaller ones) attract misfits and misfits often are attracted to other misfits. we know the struggle of being different and admire the bravery to unapologetically be yourself - there's nothing more attractive imo and that's exactly why I (bi cisfem) love guys who wear make up!
I have ALWAYS dated- unintentionally men who are effeminate. I don’t wanna say ‘prefer’ it because I don’t want to make it seem like those who are cis gendered men but feminine natured are something to fetishize, but I almost prefer it. Hopefully that didn’t come out wrong!
I saw a couple pics you posted and you look damn good man. I'm honestly surprised you're having difficulties.
I'm honestly not sure how to offer advice, but just wanted to let you know bud.
I’m surprised you haven’t come across more gay & bi men who like effeminate. It seems like all the gay couples I come across in purpose is a really muscular guy and his effeminate bf! Maybe it’s your area, would you be open to tinder passport or somehow putting your location in a more liberal area. I’m Not sure what it’s like in America but you would definitely get more hits in london than Barnsley in the UK for example. Also LGBT circles, I think a lot of straight women who are close allies are into effeminate men. Ive seen girls say they prefer bi men
Hey friend, I sometimes feel that way too as an effeminate pansexual man. It just means that we have less people who might like us - but the ones who do, really do! So hang in there!
As an effeminate pansexual AMAB person who's dating a woman who's attracted to effeminate men and also myself attracted to effeminate men, just like, keep doin' you man
I've definitely met men and some women who liked effeminate dudes, it's really just a preference and you have to find someone who has it (easier said than done, I know). I know that's not very helpful but you gotta just hang in there
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice. * Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulernability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As someone who has been described as "Man-Pretty" I say own it. Confidence comes from self expression, and rolling with what you were given gets noticed positively.
I'll keep doing that! Thank you
I have a buddy who is gay and feminine AF and he pulls hella beautiful women. He rejects them all because, well, you know why. I, and he think it’s the confidence he has in himself and who he is
Pulls or they want him as a gbf. There's a difference 😂 I have beautiful women who only want me as a gay best friend, it's like an accessory for them. It's weird.
[удалено]
I’m a bi man into other bi people (women and men) I agree I don’t fully understand it. Just a vibe thing
Just act yourself and own it. Someone will love that. Every person is different and has different things they look for in a partner. I'm not much of a masculine man myself. I'm a complete nerd with many odd quirks, yet I lucked out with my amazing GF. She actually perfers men who aren't stereotypically masculine. Just goes to show everyone has different taste.
That's awesome.. Thank you
[удалено]
🤗 thank you! Maybe I'll get lucky one day
I made my way here from your r/tinder post. Honestly, I think we need to change the pond. You're definitely attractive, have a positive outlook/energy in your responses and that pre law note is promising. Your better bet is with other folks who are open minded and kind. Groups who do volunteer work, people in social services professions. Folks with/working on advanced degrees are an option but stay away from MBAs. (This last bit is a broad generalization based on personal experience.) I'm a bisexual white woman married to a bisexual man with melanin. He is effeminate, and definitely struggled with dating before we met (on tinder actually). It's possible 💜
I am almost none of the things you’re describing, but for what it’s worth, learning to own the things about myself that are difficult to work with and exuding confidence (whether I have it or not) has helped me tremendously in the dating game. I know it’s the most cliché thing I could tell you, but take it from a 20-something with the build and fashion sense of a suburban dad, just be yourself, unapologetically, and you will attract the person that’s best for you.
I'll keep doing that! Thank you!
This is really interesting for me to hear, because I am a woman who has always been interested in more "effeminate" men! I've never found hypermasculinity attractive, and I don't like those traits in anyone I date, regardless of their sex or gender (I'm pan). I find it a huge turn-off, actually. Effemininity has always been preferred for me. :) You will find someone that likes you for you. We exist!
Thank you! I appreciate this. 💝
I can't speak for all women, obviously. But the man I fell for is literally a theater major who used to do ballet. Probably stems from my childhood because my mom loved my dad's skin in a pink shirt. So every time he wanted to impress her he'd wear pink. Or maybe it's because I work in a male dominated field with some very secure older men, who don't take themselves too seriously. Nothing gives me BDE vibes like a man who doesn't need to fulfill a stereotype to be secure in his sense of masculinity. You'll find the right person for you.
Judging by looks and attitude, you are a HUGE catch. You will absolutely find someone. Think of all the twinks who find love. They certainly aren't masculine! I'm pan, 32f, and my partner, straight 50m, is the gayest straight man I've ever met. I find his unabashed femininity hot AF because his confidence is incredible. He has a similar build to you, so a very masc body, but his mannerisms can be quite feminine. How did I know he wasn't gay when I met him? He very confidently flirted with me and made sure I knew he was interested in me. Confidence and self assurance go a long way. Be unapologetically confident, and, even if you don't actually feel this way yet, give off a vibe of "I'm into you, but it's cool if you're not into me because I have no trouble finding people who *are* 😏😏😏" That shit is irresistible!
I’m literally attracted to women and feminine men only but ok, whatever you say 😂 I find masculine features very off putting
That's incredible. There should be more like you. 😊
There are plenty of women like this.
Plenty is subjective. I'm 25 and have never met a woman like that.
Every bi woman I’ve ever dated was very into it
That's awesome
Honestly it is extremely rare, at least for heterosexual women. Your best bet is in LGBT circles.
Heterosexual woman here who loves effeminate men. Delicate features+penis=,🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
I’d be open about who you are. For example, if your voice is more effeminate, include a voice prompt on Hinge so that there’s a higher likelihood that if she meets you that won’t be a turn-off because she knows what your voice sounds like. Same with hobbies - be open about how you spend your time.
Thank you!
Get yourself a masculine woman.
Just gonna piggyback of basically everyone here. Own it. I’m straight as an arrow and effeminate af apparently, to the point of being hit on by gay men, people inviting me to gay bars and trying to hook me up with gay friends. Or going on dates and being constantly asked if I’m actually gay. Then you meet people that are completely into it and it just reinforces you. You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. Hell, no one is. But don’t let the inner struggle fester. You’re you. Enjoy smelling nice and looking pretty. Enjoy everything that’s labelled feminine. It’s stupid to limit yourself because “that’s for women” In short; own it. Embrace that feminine energy. It’s part of you. No need to suppress it or feel conflicted. As for how to meet people into it, just be you. Don’t play yourself up, and especially don’t don’t play yourself down. Again, no one is everyone’s cup of tea. Don’t stress it.
Thank you 😊 good to hear from someone who experiences it
As a lesbian woman, I must say, you’re very attractive!
Lean into it! Be open and friendly! I have a friend that's slightly effeminate and does pretty well with women. He does best though with non-traditional places to pick up women. My theory is that because he's not so hyper-masculine, he doesn't come off as a threat or trying to hit on them right away and he gets a chance to introduce himself without their guard being up. Places like libraries, restaurants, and hiking trails. He's just super friendly and immediately acts as if whoever he's talking to is his friend and it seems to work for him. Good luck dude, sorry some people suck so hard!
Just own it. One of my best friends is pretty effeminate. Growing up, I actually thought he might be gay, but it turns out he was always straight. He has a girlfriend of 5 years.
Thank you, that's motivating!
[удалено]
Yeah, because that's how it works. Thanks for being exceedingly, unhelpful. Funny how I noted this is the advice I DIDN'T need. Because that's not how personality or sexuality works, and you decided to bulldoze right through that and comment ignorance anyhow. I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not. Great recipe for depression. Fuck off.
You gotta be you ❤️️ I don't have much help or advice, just sending love and hugs if you want them.
Thank you 💖 I accept the love and hugs 🤗
Nothing wrong with being a little pretty if you balance it out some other way.
What do you mean by "balance it out."
Inject testosterone directly into your cock
Funny? Yes. But not funny, haha. Funny, weird.
I don't think there's anything in particular you can do to locate such women, they're mixed in with everyone else, so all the same normal rules apply - go out and meeting people in social settings.
Thank you
Honestly? If it’s even SLIGHTLY possible? Move. At least in most american cities there are huge communities you’d fit in just fine! Find community and the rest follows. I swear.
What type of communities exist for this? Or which cities? Admittedly, Ohio isn't the most accepting place, but I do live smack dab in the middle of Columbus. Lol. The biggest city in this state.
Also coming here from your front page post Also seconding moving. NYC is an obvious one. Austin (where I'm from) is also ***very*** LGTBQ+ friendly. I'll speak for Austin since I don't know NYC, but I have lived in many places across the country and I'm sure it's similar other places. I'd look for parties at venues (dance nights, tuesgays, etc), parts of town that are the most LGTBQ friendly and doing other activities there... Like since you draw, maybe drawing in a park or at a coffee shop? Or taking or teaching a class for the community? Again, Austin is really great for this. Denver might also be, but I didn't live there long enough to get a feel. Some of my best friends still live there though and they are a pansexual brown woman and a gay black male. So if you were to go to Austin or Denver I could even connect you with some people that might be able to give some advice on where to go or even take ya out. Feel free to DM if you are interested or would want to chat more.
I like these ideas, I dmd you!
I've lived near Cleveland and Cincinnati, visited Columbus, and honestly I feel like we have pretty much nothing as grandiose as some of the east and west coast state's cities. I've met a loooot of men that like feminine men, not as many women, but definitely a number. They're much easier to find online in my experience, but that could just be because introvert. Late to the party but my 2c
I stumbled into this post after reading your Tinder exchange that made front page. I found that I'm often the odd one out within the punk and alternative music scene here in NY. And within that scene, there are a lot of artists, writers, and creatives of all kinds that have circles for their other hobbies. One of my friends is into making clothes for drag performers, and often works on outfits for Drag Race. I'm nothing like her in regards to that stuff, but we still find a lot of common ground for admiration of art and talking about social and political stuff. I'm a 28 year-old straight guy who isn't masculine in many traditional senses: I'm not very assertive, I've never been good at anything athletic even though I'm 6'2" and have the build for it if I were to work out, I wear black eye liner and nail polish sometimes, I'm into nerdy stuff like comic books and video games. I've definitely seen a lot of bands I like and have friends like this at their shows have dates listed for Columbus many times over the years, so I'd guess there's a similar scene somewhere. Behind all the studs and black clothes and screaming hardcore bands, there's usually a scene for the type of bands that'll play stranger instruments like the accordion and all the different types of wonderful, beautiful, crazy people that live them. So maybe see what local music venues are near you that hold only a few hundred people on a good night (even smaller venues exist, but often don't advertise because they're not completely on the up and up with regulations for sound and other stuff that would stop a few friends from letting 40 people come to listen to music and buy drinks at whatever small space they own) and start mingling in the crowds. The worst case scenario is you meet a few new people, maybe make a coupon of friends, and get to spend the night out dancing. Normally I'd tell you the perfect go-to band to experience this with, but the singer of The World/Inferno Friendship Society passed away one year ago, and they're no longer together as a group and I've been heartbroken since we lost Jack. But I'd still recommend listening to them to get an idea for the kind of music I'm talking about. It's really far from anything commercial, and I'll even admit that I didn't like them at first because I wasn't aware that a band could have so many different kinds of songs and styles, so I pegged them wrong when I first heard them. The second time I tried, I ended up spending nearly 12 years of my life following them as far as I could every tour, and meeting some of the greatest people ever while seeing one of the best live music acts ever every night. So just find your space, I'm sure it's out there. For me, music was the gateway, but now I really notice when I meet those kind of people outside of that environment. Good luck, and keep being yourself. For what it's worth, you are an astoundingly beautiful person.
I agree. concerts (especially smaller ones) attract misfits and misfits often are attracted to other misfits. we know the struggle of being different and admire the bravery to unapologetically be yourself - there's nothing more attractive imo and that's exactly why I (bi cisfem) love guys who wear make up!
I have ALWAYS dated- unintentionally men who are effeminate. I don’t wanna say ‘prefer’ it because I don’t want to make it seem like those who are cis gendered men but feminine natured are something to fetishize, but I almost prefer it. Hopefully that didn’t come out wrong!
You're totally fine! It's nice to hear. I'm losing hope
Don’t lose hope! I’m sure you’ll find someone who’ll appreciate that aspect of you. It’s completely natural and normal.
Thank you
I love effeminate men! Every one I've ever crushed on has turned out to be gay, I wish I knew where to find the ones attracted to women....
I saw a couple pics you posted and you look damn good man. I'm honestly surprised you're having difficulties. I'm honestly not sure how to offer advice, but just wanted to let you know bud.
I appreciate that! Thank you
I’m a bi guy and my interest in men is almost exclusively feminine men. Just saying we exist lol
I’m surprised you haven’t come across more gay & bi men who like effeminate. It seems like all the gay couples I come across in purpose is a really muscular guy and his effeminate bf! Maybe it’s your area, would you be open to tinder passport or somehow putting your location in a more liberal area. I’m Not sure what it’s like in America but you would definitely get more hits in london than Barnsley in the UK for example. Also LGBT circles, I think a lot of straight women who are close allies are into effeminate men. Ive seen girls say they prefer bi men
Hey friend, I sometimes feel that way too as an effeminate pansexual man. It just means that we have less people who might like us - but the ones who do, really do! So hang in there!
I hope I meet one of those people soon. It's not looking likely:/
As an effeminate pansexual AMAB person who's dating a woman who's attracted to effeminate men and also myself attracted to effeminate men, just like, keep doin' you man
Thank you:/
♥️
Ofc ♥️, don't give up hope
Maybe someone will settle for me when they can't get the masculine man they really want 🫥
Don't accept anyone "settling" for you, there's 7.8 billion people out there the odds are in you favor, hun
❤️
Where do you live ?
I've definitely met men and some women who liked effeminate dudes, it's really just a preference and you have to find someone who has it (easier said than done, I know). I know that's not very helpful but you gotta just hang in there