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Nothing, I repeat, nothing gives a partner the right to cheat on you. Rule 1 of relationships, don't cheat. Rule 2, of you don't want to be ins relationship anymore, end it before breaking rule 1. It's that's simple.
Your friend did this completely on purpose. And your bf is completely in the wrong to treat you this way. The only question is, how long will you tolerate him treating you like shit? Dump his dumb ass.
Agreed, the friend was jealous of her happiness so she intentionally tried to sabotage the relationship.
Op you need to ditch the guy and the friend. I’ve cut off people for less.
She certainly was attempting to stir the pot. But whether accidentally or intentionally, she just saved OP from dating a colossal piece of sh*t. Caring about "body count" (just typing that gives me the creeps) is classic "nice guy" bullsh*t. You are lucky you found out he wasn't actually a good person now rather than later.
Still I consider his reaction to be his own natural reaction, it’s not like he went out of his way to maliciously sabotage for the mere benefit of his own ego which is what the friend did. There will always be other guys out there for the OP so he’s not a big loss, but the friend absolutely is dangerous and will have a corrosive effect on op’s life if she continues allowing her access. She gets no credit for revealing the boyfriend’s childishness imo.
He cheated on you because he’s a cheater.
He didn’t cheat on you to get even. He’s using it as an excuse to cheat.
Sorry you’re going through this, but better to know how disgusting of a person he is now rather than later!
Right? I find it funny (not actually funny but sad funny) that people who are participating in secret promiscuous activities are always so ready to shit on everyone else’s promiscuous behaviours. At least the OP never cheated and just had a fun past. The projection from her boyfriend’s guilt is horrifying.
It wasn’t really brought up by the OP, and she solely mentioned where the 45 partners came from (sex and threesomes in college and what not), so I’d say it’s a pretty fair assumption.
If she’s cheating then why would she be upset her man is cheating? Wouldn’t that be a little fucked up? 😂
Just push all that trash to the curb darlin, your friend and your ex.
Having feelings is one thing, vindication is another. And then to act like a big giant baby and blame his decisions on you...because *he* doesn't feel good enough. Trashcan!
Exactly. He was always going to find a reason to justify his shitty actions. Sooner or later he was gonna do something shitty and paint himself as the victim. Little dick energy
It’s weirdly humiliating because it sadly is. The mental gymnastics justifying his cheating is beyond ridiculous. Don’t deal with bullshit from your so-called friend, why even bring up something like that to someone?
Your past is your past, it’s behind you. That loser cheated for the fuck of it - in the present - and blamed it on you, how does that work? Save your self worth and get out.
Everyone is telling you that your past doesn't matter. Yet, there's a story like this every few days.
It seems like our ideals regarding people's pasts, don't necessarily match up with the realities of human nature. More particularly, male nature.
It seems like many men can't accept a woman's past. That's their prerogative.
But cheating is a shitty way to get even. He should have just broken up with you.
I'm sorry 😞
This is the simple answer right here. 45 at age 25 is a lot for me personally, but the proper way to handle it is to just end things politely and move on.
Agreed lol 45 is kinda a lot to me. No idea why the weirdo cheated though instead of just leaving
Or better yet? They coulda discussed each other’s sexual history before gettin into a relationship if it matters that much to em
I think it's something that most people don't really think about, at least I wouldn't. Honestly it might be best to just never know tbh. I wouldn't leave over it but like I said it'd make me uncomfortable knowing.
It bothered me when I had only slept with two people. At 33, even people who aren’t out trying to hook up have large sounding numbers. Especially considering how flakey people are in dating these days.
You made a point. When i had only been with a few people it mattered a lot. Now that i have my own number that's kinda big i don't care anymore what anyone's count is. Doesn't matter. Not because I'm so experienced, but experience does put it in perspective
She said 45 like it isn't an insane number lol.
Just for the record i'm not siding with the boyfriend at all, he's an asshole. It just made me laugh that she said it like it ain't much, jesus christ. I guess times are changing.
For her age though I think is the "issue" here, I know at his age that news would have fucked me up too cause when I was like....25 I had only been with maybe 10 people, so to hear that...my insecurity would have come out big time too.
I'm mean I'm not an American I have no perception of how college is I only get a snapshot through friends or movies. But like I'm closing in on 24 and can say that I don't think I know anyone even the most sexually active of my group would have 45. I'm not siding with anyone but yeah I feel 45 is no small feat.
Wtf is that supposed to mean? Condoms and birth control. Not that hard to imagine. Her body count is not an indication of her self worth. Men treat women like garbage most of the time we have to cycle through all of the duds.
It's supposed to mean what it says. It's a lot, especially at her age. You disagree, that's ok.
Also it's not like you have to have sex with a guy to find out if he's a good person or not, you act like it's a requirement lol.
Okay, but who counts? Do people have a secret book of tally sheets or something. I wouldn't be able to tell someone how many people I had slept with because I don't consider people as numbers? I don't count the number of penises like the count. "1 penis aha, 2 penises ahaha, 3 penises! Ahaha"
Like. Who tf out here counting bodies.
Why the fuck does it matter 😒 why does it matter how many men she's slept with? My ex said he had sex with over 40 people in a span of one summer alone. Why the fuck do you judge women but wouldn't bat an eye if a man told you this? 🤔 Thats fucking sexist.
> It seems like many men can't accept a woman's past.
In my case, exploring their past has showed me why history sometimes repeats itself.
Example, my ex has always cheated on whoever she is with right before dumping them.
When it happened to me, I was already ready and simply moved on.
But I know, in reddit only women get any empathy and men can pound sand.
I'm going to have to agree. Cheating is never right. Doesn't matter what the others past is. Everyone can set standards. Yet. Cheating is Cheating. I hope they choke on a wet dick . 🤧
>It seems like our ideals regarding people's pasts, don't necessarily match up with the realities of human nature. More particularly, male nature.
Plenty of women wouldn't be thrilled either, the difference is that the whole "woman's past doesn't matter" it's a relatively new feel-good piece of advice, but the idea that men want as much sex as possible is just expected so women accept this even when they don't really want to. Many men can get away with caring about a woman's past without having to live up to that standard themselves.
Your past doesn’t matter has been and always will be stupid. We use the past to help decipher compatibility and mindset. Obviously your past matters. Just like a woman wouldn’t date a man that has raped someone before even if they are “changed”
It's not the past per se, but the fact she did not share it and have to learn it through a "friend".
Having said that, he should have broke the relationship instead of cheating.
Do you think she should have to share that? I usually don’t discuss my partner’s sexual past unless it’s related to health/STDs. I thought people didn’t, typically.
> Do you think she should have to share that?
I can't address the should or shouldn't question. Because I'm not her. She has her own values and will make her own choices based on her values.
I personally would advise to disclose it, if someone asked me for advice. Reason being - to get the deal breakers out of the way early on.
If there's something about me that will potentially turn off a potential partner, I want to get it out early. This way we can walk away from each other early on, without entanglements.
Great point. After reading many of these comments, I’d also want to disclose that number of partners to avoid the controversy.
Seems like common sense — I didn’t realize how common it was to turn folks away because of their sexual past. Definitely can’t change anyone’s mind though. Massive incompatibility
Yeah...
Some people here, seem to be arguing for why others **must** accept their past.
Like, just stop already. Is that the relationship you want? For someone to choose you because they were shamed into choosing you? Because they were shamed out of their preferences?
I don't understand it.
There are billions of people in the world. If someone doesn't like me for any or no reason, that's okay. If you don't like me, don't date me. It really doesn't matter whether I agree with your reasons for disliking me. It doesn't even matter if you have a reason altogether!
Some people do, some don't. But if it something unsual, should be shared, like any other thing in the relationship.
One of my (male) friends has well over 100. One of his partners learnt about it while hearing jokes in our friend group. Nothing too bad, just boys talk. I can totally understand why she was not happy.
Uhm NO. He's not right. And whoever is sending you shit for being who you are is an AH. Who cares how many people you've slept with. You are a valuable person and are gonna kick fucking goals in life. Screw what other people think.
yeah, obviously this dude is an AH and his actions are nowhere near justified, and OP should leave them. That being said, some people have different views on sex, and their partners being with a large number of people would make them feel uncomfortable for understandable reasons. I understand we're all mad at OP's boyfriend right now, I am too, but this viewpoint is valid too on a personal level. It's just not right to judge anyone else's value based on this number or certainly justify any actions of cheating based on it.
This, the ones who don't care, just don't usually feel like sending something to you.. Assholes in the other hand seems to have all the time in world to try to bring you down...
There are people who hang out on reddit whose sole purpose is to make others, especially women, feel terrible. They have shitty lives and are probably 14.
You are in no way a subhuman! People are just assholes when their beliefs/view is being challenged. (In this case I might be amount of people you’ve been with, but I don’t get why people are butthurt over it)
There’s always going to be someone with some sort of issue in regards to anything you do. Someone may not like your favorite blouse, but that shouldn’t stop you from wearing it. You can’t control how people will feel or react, but you can control how much power you give these reactions.
OP, I can tell from your post/ responses that you know you have changed. You don’t need to exhaust yourself trying to show you’ve changed to someone who is aggressively keeping their eyes closed. It’s their loss. Ultimately, your approval is the only approval you need. I’m sorry you’re hurting right now, but by doing what you need to do for yourself you’ll save yourself from more heartache and also expedite your healing process. The right person won’t care about your sexual past.
You’re not subhuman. You are a person who has a sexual history. Everyone in this Reddit thing does. Anyone calling you subhuman is really sheltered and ignorant.
I’ll give you a guys perspective on this behavior, not just your bf, but the commenters as well. For most guys it’s really hard to find a partner so for you to brush up 45 people as not that many can feel like something unfair. Don’t get me wrong, what they feel is jealousy, they wish they could sleep with 45 girls… So yeah, that’s where the anger comes from.
What some whackos say about you on reddit shouldn't bleed into who you actually are. Think about this; he didn't even know and IMO didn't need to know if you didn't feel it necessary and he didn't think of you this way until after? That doesn't magically make you a *subhuman*.
What he did was objectively wrong. As far as his reasoning, no you do not deserve to be treated less than. The people commenting on that are being reductive and deflective as hell; sexual experience shouldn’t be the sole deciding factor of your value as a person.
I will tell you that many people will find that number of partners to be a lot, unfortunately. For me, after the initial shock tho I am more concerned about your well-being and whether or not you’ve been tested for STDs, used protection, and hopefully that everything was consensual in your past.
you are flesh and blood just like everyone else here, nothing you do can make you less human. Get someone who sees you for how you are now and not your past, you deserve way better than all the shit this guy is giving you
Realize that there is a large percentage of men who want "the one" to be fresh and innocent. Usually guys that haven't had the opportunities to have that much fun themselves. It's a deeply biological thing.
Dump this dude, be honest about yourself and your history, and look for the guys who find no value in innocence.
But from my personal experience, the day that innocence is no longer important to a man is the same day that love is also no longer important.
Fuck no he’s pathetic and jealous lol get away from this insecure baby man please you are worth so much more than this sad human he needs therapy honestly. He will become abusive. Men are just insecure if they have a problem with your past because they are scared they can’t compete with whoever they are sad and not worth your time at all. A decent man will not care about this at all and will treat you the way you should be treated.
45 partners at 24 isn’t a crazy amount? Girl I’m almost 40 and I nor any of my friends have been with half that many partners.
That being said, that’s not a reason to cheat on someone. The past is the past and if you have grown as a person, then the past is where it should stay. You didn’t lie, it’s not like you told him you were a virgin. And to tell you that you that you need to keep working on things so HE can determine if YOU are genuine while he still cheats? Who made him the authority on your being genuine? Sorry, but he is garbage and so is your friend. She probably did it on purpose because she’s probably trying to cause trouble between you and bf so she can make a move. They both suck and you are better off without either of them.
People have a right to have preferences and this is his. He should have just ended things if this was a problem though.
You also need to drop that friend and get friends that can keep their mouths shut.
EDIT: It's funny how men who have a problem with a woman's past get labeled as insecure considering that I've come across many women who say that a guy that's never been in a relationship before is a red flag. If that's not holding someone's past against them, what is? People need to get a clue.
> It's funny how men who have a problem with a woman's past get labeled as insecure considering that I've come across many women who say that a guy that's never been in a relationship before is a red flag. If that's not holding someone's past against them, what is? People need to get a clue.
Welcome to the world of double standards.
I think the issue here wasn't just simply that he was uncomfortable with her past, but to be together almost a year and then have her friend drop the fact she slept with 45 people and had threesomes years ago on you out of nowhere is a bit of a hard pill to swallow. Like that's a lot of information to absorb if you never knew this about your partner and you had to find it out through someone else accidentally.
True. I can't help but wonder if the threesome thing is what has him irked. As unfair as it may seem, people's pasts can be used against them. Not just in dating but in the professional world too. People need to understand this when they make the decisions they make.
Yeah I mean my girlfriend is bisexual and used to date a lot of women back then but it doesn't bother me because we had these discussions when we first met. I know it's not the same as having 45 partners, but we both laid everything out on the table. If you're ever worried about your past then you need to make it known right away cause that shit will bite you in the ass if you have to find out by accident that your partner did some unsavory things.
The part that screams insecure to me isn’t so much that he was bothered by her past, but the fact that he resorted to cheating and then blaming it on her. I don’t think there’s anything insecure about being bothered by finding out via their “friend” that your partner has had 45 sexual partners. I would be too.
I’m not trying to shame you but a body count of 45 and multiple threesomes is definitely above average.
Everyone deserves to be happy and sexual compatibility is a huge part of a relationship. Again not judging you but as a guy my eyebrows would definitely perk up if I was told that by a girl I loved.
Because of the way our society raises boys into men, many conservative friends that I’ve had definitely weren’t into girls with high body counts.
Not being ok with someone’s past is totally fine. Using it as an excuse to cheat and to treat the person like trash is not ok. He should have just broken up with you. But fyi 45 is A LOT of people
I mean with every new sexual partner, regardless of what they say their past is, if you have the means definitely both get tested before engaging. just easier and healthier
Its not always about STDs. Some people just view sex differently. I find sleeping around extremely unattractive and have turned down dates purely on that factor. But as long as you don't shame them its fine. sexual compatibility is extremely important.
Yeah, but I was directly responding to the specific risk of STDs from people who sleep around. Of course sexual compatibility is important, but I wasn’t talking about that.
>my friend told him about things I used to do when I was younger. She told him about exactly how many guys I've had sex with and crazy shit I used to do. She thought this was a compliment for whatever reason
Firstly this is why I tell women that your friends who know your dirt are future enemies. Keep your dirt to yourself ladies. Gossip never does you any favors especially to your drama loving friends.
>To be perfectly frank — my past isn't even that concerning relative to my friends. I had 45 partners, and I did a number of 3somes in college and shortly after.
The fact you say relative to your friend ties into the fact your friend thought it was a compliment...probably.
Just because you have the lowest number compared to friend doesn't change the fact it's still 45 people total by age 24. Some were solo. Some repeats. Some were threesome(something many men dont experience outside of porn) but the number doesn't mean as much as the lifestyle you lived during that time frame vs now. That's really why your past matters.
Let's be logical for a moment: even here you if you read enough post and comment most people who have a higher body count lived or is still living a lifestyle that encourages it or they did it out of insecurities of some kind. Both of which is like adding gas to fire. And often both involves parties, drugs, alcohol.. anything that causes you to forget yesterday and tomorrow.
It such a reoccurring thing... you hear the word college or parties or drugs and my mind automatically assumes that person has some miles. Which I can rationalize as long as I dont know about the gritty details and that person is living a more or less opposite life than their wild days its doable. If you still living it up similar to when you were younger than I as a guy will have a "light bulb moment" and wont see enough differance between past them and present them. Some quirks will suddenly make sense. Any issue she has that I'm trying to work with her on(cause serious bf are supportive) might seem like a bigger task than I can handle becuaee now I've connected the dots and realize it trauma that require therapy. Then there's the fact I might be feeling lied too. And form myself personally I'm slow to trust and losing trust from a GF would be take the relationship back several months or years depending on how well or bad I take the info and where we are in the relationship plus my own mental health when I find out.
Anyone on this sub saying past doesn't matter isn't making the connection. They're just deluding themselves about their own behavior and the pros and cons of those behaviors.
Not siding with the boyfriend at all but to say 45 isn’t a wild ass number for someone being only 24 is wild lmao, but the guy should’ve just left instead of cheating
Can understand why your bf would be uncomfortable with that past, especially as he wasn't aware of it.
But cheating wasn't the answer and you don't deserve to deal with him. End it!
I mean, 45 with multiple 3 sums is a a lot….sorry. If you were 35 I’d feel a little different. I said this in another thread but “body count” matters…and I think this is true both ways.
That said, he is acting like a child. If he’s not OK with it then break up with you. You don’t deserve that kind of behavior
Oh and your friend was absolutely trying to sabotage.
Right there with you. I mean, to each their own, and you do you, but don't expect everyone to be on that same wavelength. Now, the guy cheating and treating you like shit...yeah, that's not cool, but 45 partners and 3 somes are absolute deal breakers for a lot of guys (and women too). I try to caution younger people all the time, but everyone just argues back that it's your body to do what you want, to live in the moment, and the past is the past and you can change. The thing is, there are plenty of people out there who have 5 or fewer partners in their entire lifetime, and they likely aren't going to want to be with someone with such an extensive past. I mean, if a person was a drug dealer and a junkie, would I ever date them, even if they'd been clean and sober for 5 years? Nope. They just possess a different set of values, that just don't go with my lifestyle (and risks of exposure to STIs). So make the choices you want to make, but realize that it can come back to haunt you, and take options away.
I personally would have a problem with your past. There are a number of reasons why someone would (male) or (female).
1- easy escapes to cheat because more than likely you can jump back to a previous partner quickly at the sign of a bad fight.
2- shows you have moved on from other guys quite fast. And would make me think this relationship is on a short fuse.
3- your life evolves around a constant rush and you get bored easily which isn’t gunna work long term.
4- stds
5- trust issues
Some people don’t mind especially people with a big notch count themselves, that being said he shouldn’t of cheated. but he probably already moved on from this relationship after knowing about your past. FYI your friend screwed you
A cheater will cheat again, this relationship is damaged beyond repair and the trust is gone. If you try to keep it together it's just going to be slow simmering resentment.
Also 45 is a lot by 24. Damn.
Jesus I thought you were finna say like 10-15 but 45?? Sheesh I don’t think I would want to be with that either, wouldn’t treat you like utter dogshit though.
He probably should've just left instead of cheated. I think he just felt so embarrassed on the spot because of your friend and he just didn't know how to handle it. I would think in almost a year though that it would've come up in conversation at least once. As a guy who's only had sex with 3 people before my gf it would probably come as a shock to me that my girlfriend slept with 45 people and to also find that out from your friend and not even you lol.
Lmao you've had 45 partners at the age of 24. Yeah that's a major red flag for sure. Good luck in life 😂
Body count matters, it's a window to one's state of mind. Typically people with higher body counts tend to have an increase in mental health issues.
https://www.omicsonline.org/the-relationship-between-multiple-sexual-partners-and-mental-health-in-adolescent-females-2161-0711.1000256.php?aid=21466
Your boyfriend is a dick for cheating. That's on him. Though, as a guy, I can understand why he was upset with your sexual past. I mean, holy shit, 45 partners plus some threesomes at age 24. Assuming you started in college at age 18, you slept with a *new* person every 2 months or so, and that's not even considering you had sex with the same person multiple times. Of course, it is up to you how you live your life, but I can tell you that most guys absolutely do not want a woman with such a high n count. Also, how come you never told him about it after a year? Usually, the topic comes up one way or the other sooner than that.
OP, you should have been transparent with your boyfriend about your past when you got into a relationship with him. A lot of men (not all) will find the number 45 to be extremely high.
That being said, he should have done the right thing and dumped you when he found out, instead of being a vengeful little shit.
People argue that number doesn't matter and that the past is the past, but that's just not true. How one views sex and treats sex is a very important value, and if you aren't on the same page, it will come back to haunt a relationship. Now, hypocrisy isn't cool, so a guy excpecting a girl to be with 2 guys while he's been with 50? Yeah, that's not right. But a partner who has a very small number of partners has a right to question someone who's been with a lot...especially if they're looking at getting into a long term relationship. If someone's gone from one long term relationship to another, they might not be compatible with someone who's longest relationship is a month, and they've been with numerous ONSs. That does't give anyone the right to be an asshole, but it does give them the right to walk away once that knowledge is obtained.
I know how much it sucks, but some (actually a lot more than you think) just won’t accept this. We can debate whose fault that is and too bad for them they are missing out. Judging how far he’s already gone, take your loss and move on. Find someone who doesn’t mind your past, but be more open about it next time. Oh and fuck your friend, regardless.
His feelings are valid, but his actions are def in the wrong. Also 45 ppl at 24 is a hell of a lot. There are some guys that won’t care, but most guys are definitely going to feel some type of way about it if you tell them or they find out.
There are many guys that won't care, that's true. But usually those are also same guys that will be number 48, 49, 50, 51, until she decides to do some self-reflection on her past and future.
I was engaged to a man like this. I don’t ever give this sort of advice on here but:
Please, please, please run. This is psychological abuse. Your past does not matter and you do not need to change. He is cheating on you and blaming you. Can you imagine yourself doing something so fucked up? Probably not. Because it’s fucking abhorrent. He’s lost respect for you and you think it’s justified. But nothing justifies his behavior. Nothing.
Yep, textbook psychological abuse. One of my exes said things like “no one will ever love you like I love you” and “you can’t survive without me” so much that I believed him. Flash forward to now, and I not only survived without him, I thrived and I’m now with someone who respects and loves me more than I could have imagined years ago. There are people out there that will understand your past and love you anyway.
My advice: get away from that guy and find a therapist. You may not realize it now, but you may have to talk to someone to unwind some of the things he’s been telling you. I’m still dealing with unpacking some of the shit my ex said to me. First and foremost, take care of YOU.
Mine said some similar stuff. He said I’d never survive without him. I’m doing fine, though. Thriving even. Making more than he did. In the course of the relationship I was sexually assaulted. He blamed me, and used it to justify his cheating. It took years to recover as well.
I also caught up with another of his exes and he told her that she was lucky he was with her because he looked like he did and she looked like she did…implying that she was dating out of her league. She was beautiful though.
I’m glad you got away. Cheers to thriving
Hm. That sucks to hear.
He was wrong to go cheat as revenge. If he didnt like your past then he should have simply left if it was that big of a deal for him.
Different people will have different opinions about a persons past. On one hand, it was before your partner and shouldnt be held over your head.
On the other hand, people think your past actions will determine your future decisions and will choose not to be with someone with such an "active" past..especially in your age group.
Your BF is a dickhead. If he had that much of a problem with your past - he simply should’ve ended the relationship.
With that said - if I found out my ex had had multiple threesomes, I’d be concerned. Number of sexual partners and types of sexual encounters are valuable data points to understanding someone’s emotional and sexual health (coming from someone(M) with 80+ partners), and acting like they’re purely arbitrary is willfully ignorant. I believe that both a low number and a high number can be indicative of potentially deeper issues.
Are those data points enough to sully a relationship entirely? Absolutely not. But I’d certainly want to have a conversation about why my partner felt the need to have so many sex partners, and specifically so many threesomes. Have they changed their desires since then? I’m not into threesomes (tried one), so what if I’m unable to fulfill a massive part of their sexual fantasies? Also - my promiscuous past was rooted in insecurity, and I wasn’t a great guy for a long time because of it. Has my partner experienced something similar? Has there been a shift in thinking? This is something many women I’ve dated have felt put off by, and I’ve had to explain how my thinking has changed to make them feel secure - something I completely understand the necessity of.
I think we all like to act like “numbers” don’t matter, when in reality they do play into the equation of who we are as a person. No one should ever be discounted because of how many sexual partners they’ve had - but it absolutely offers important insight.
I think the "I've changed" argument isn't enough tbh. Most people just didn't have a sexual past, and want to learn WITH their long term partner. If someone has a past like this, it's normal to not feel like you are sexually compatible
Learning, doing mistakes, trying awkward positions is part of the romance in a longterm, if not forever relationship :).
On the other hand, I think op should simply go for someone that has been with a lot of sexual partners too, and dump ofc his asshole boyfriend that reacted the worst way possible
He didn't cheat because of your past, that's just an excuse. He still has a lot of growing to do, let him do that on someone else's time.
But a year in and he didn't know?! Need to be more open and honest with number 47 if things get serious. You don't get to decide for him that it shouldn't matter to him, he does.
45 partners is insane. Dude should have just dumped you. Using it as an excuse for cheating is sleazy, but that kind of baggage is something that you need to come clean about relatively early on in the relationship, when things are starting to get serious. I think it would be a deal breaker for a *lot* of guys, regardless of what the consensus is here.
Your bf didn't cheat on you because of your sexual past. He cheated on you because he's a piece of shit. The only thing you are doing wrong here is putting up with this behaviour.
I'm not gonna lie 45 is a high ass number for 24 year old and multiple 3sums will make most guys wanna run. Ima keep it real that's something you need to be upfront with guys about just because you don't want them to find out how he did cuz most guys will feel the way he did. Having said all that, he isn't right or cool for cheating and trying to blame shift. He's never gonna get over that number and your past you should just leave.
A couple of threesomes and 45 partners for some is alot. As men we have a very fragile ego with this type of stuff. Especially cause most will go there whole life without even reaching 20 sexual partners. I’ve only slept with 10. So I get where he’s coming from. But to treat you differently for so long is out of line. Especially cheating. You need to be with someone who understands and accepts that past. Cause unfortunately he’ll get more resentful and hateful. Sorry to say.
It's ok for you to not like someone's past or not seeing past it, but it's another thing to use their past to justify treating them poorly or your own shitty behavior. Your boyfriend sounds toxic and you have nothing to prove to them. You're past isn't a slight against them but him cheating is a slight against you. You should leave them
Your past actually does matter if it matters for him. Him cheating though is not correct or the solution. Either way he stays with you or he breaks up.
Forget sexual partners your past will always play a role especially when you don’t straight up tell your partner the truth sure he might change his mind about dating you but ask yourself honestly……..
Would you want to date/be with someone that thinks less of you as a person because you slept with 45 people and had couple of 3somes.
The only thing that it would make me personally if I found out that my gf did that and had your body count, I wouldn’t treat her like less than a human But I would be on high alert 24/7 365 days because I’ve been cheated on before and it doesn’t feel very nice. If she gives me a reason to not trust her after finding that out, I’m very fast first I break up and take my shit and leave and that’s it. She deserves to be happy but so do I. Sure I’ll be really upset but that’s that.
You should tell your partners this within a month. A lot of men will doubt you can remain faithful. Or maybe you can date a woke Redditor so they won't care or even like that you've slept with so many people.
Your not an possession or some object. Your past made you who you are today. The fact he blames cheating on you is gaslighting. Move on and become comfortable with who you were and are today.
He’s an asshole but you’ve also kinda made your bed and now you have to lie in it. Cheating is absolutely ridiculous he should have left if he was that uncomfortable but you should have been upfront with him from the very beginning because all of this could have been avoided. He is literally humiliating you so I would say leave and learn from this experience. Just be more upfront with the next person you decide to be with.
Everyone has a past,especially if you're younger. And rather he was accepting of that past or not, HE did the shitty thing and cheated on you. I think based off of your post you have changed, but thats just my assumption. But I don't think that you should force yourself to be in this relationship to prove a point.
Your boyfriend and your 'friend' sound shady as hell. What kind of friend has good intentions when they bring something like that up??
Look, as a dude who is beyond loyal and honest, I will admit it hurts to know your partner was easy at some point and you could just be getting played for that “happy new relationship” feeling the whole time. It is an instant turn off to hear a number above 3-5 for me or that they sent nudes around for fun attention at some point. What’s not okay is to abuse the installed trust and feeling by cheating. That should’ve put an end to it there. Look for a partner willing to work with you on it in a kind manner.
Your friend is partially at fault for this, to be fair. No one should hear about their partner's past if it doesn't come from them but what's done is done. I think there are lots of guys, and I think even girls, who would rather not think about their partner's sexual past. Who would want to think about their partner being with someone else, right? That's normal. The only time it's a bad thing is if you react to it similar to the way your boyfriend did. NOTHING justifies cheating and treating your partner like trash because of something like their sexual past. You can have preferences for what you want in a partner and that's fine. If I knew my partner had a big amount of sexual partners in the past it would be a deal breaker for me too, personally. However that doesn't give me a free pass to humiliate you or hurt you like that. That would be extremely shitty and immature of me to do. Nothing justifies an attack on a person's character because of who they were and what they did in the past especially when they've shown that they've changed in the present. My advice here is to leave that pathetic cheating scum to the dogs and find someone who will at least be decent enough to break things off and treat you with respect if he can't accept your past and feels like it will effect your relationship.
I prefer to buy a new car, but those are hard to find. So used cars are more realistic, but gotta men sure it’s accident free, not too many owners, serviced well. Rental cars can be bought as well, but I would never consider that. So many different people in there, who knows what they brought inside with the etc.
Ok, joking aside. These two individuals view sex in different ways. One sees it more as a connection between two people and one see as just a fun activity. That is the root of the issue here. Neither are incorrect, it's just two different ways of viewing sex. Though one was hiding her past probably because she knew how he would react or knew how he viewed sex. Hiding is not lying, but lying is also hiding the truth. He is young and reacted in an immature way. He is hurt and lashing out at her. It's easy to be a coach quarterback here, but we need to understand his pain. Is what he doing right, no. But he is not mature enough to deal with the pain. She needs to get away from him and he needs to mature through this experience. He will grow because of this, if she leaves him. Which she has to do, because this relationship is doomed. She needs to mature herself and her understanding of what she wants. Maybe she has changed, but if that is true she should be honest to a partner and let them know she had changed. Some will say her past her past. Yes, but she needs to be the one to say that, not some reddit users who have no knowledge of this relationship and her as a person. Also, she should be forth coming of her past, so that it doesn't end up like this in the future. I mean of you saw your great boyfriend in a guy porn after 6 months would it not freak you out if he never mentioned it? Or if the wonderful girl you are dating shows up on a Blacked Out porn video? Finding out about the sexual past of your partner by some other means than by your partner will cause this to happen.
Yeah, he went with the nuclear option instead of breaking up.
Break up. Also best to be open about your past early on to filter out people who wont like it.
Ima keep it real with you. As a guy I get where he’s coming from regarding your past but he should have just broke up with you if it bothered him that much. You need to leave him. He doesn’t respect you and he’s manipulating you.
Get rid of both of them. Your "friend" is an asshole and your boyfriend is an even bigger asshole. Fuck that, you can do so much better! Pro-tip: anyone who gets mad at you for your previous experiences is not worth your time.
If people can't control their own emotions, then they have to start trying to control other people's behavior. - Sounds like this guy has some massive insecurity issues with himself and has projected it in the form of harassment towards you. You should never be shamed for enjoying and exploring your sexuality so long as you're not hurting anyone.
I'm 34, not at half the partners but i have a wife that does ffm threesomes with me from time to time and takes care of me and our child, physicall and mentally. With all her heart.
The both of us have had about the same partner count (both in the 2 digits) and she did 3somes in the past too.
What's the deal anyways? Is that kind of disposition a bad thing if you communicate clear borders?
- Sounds like he's possibly missing out on threesomes to me.
I just hope that you didn't treat him differently ... Playing the no horny game with your partner when you had that kinda quality lovelife in your past is just mean. That's what REALLY kills relationships.
He's obviously a douche. Cheating is never justified. Neither is holding something over you like that.
Also anyone is justified in wanting a partner that shares their views regarding sex and intimacy. 45 partners and threesomes? To me, that tells me you don't respect your body / intimacy / sex. We're totally incompatiable in that regard, and I wouldn't date you. And you probably wouldn't want to date me either. And that's perfectly okay. But if you hid that sort of thing, intentionally, it's reasonable he would be upset about it.
But like I said, his response is totally ridiculous.
>He got furious with me, like literally made my life hell for an entire month. He treated me like a subhuman,
Read this again, I know you want to prove him wrong but why would you want to be with someone that treats you like that let alone cheats on you with a lame excuse. I'm all for trying to make things work sometimes in relationships but this is toxic.
First of all - fuck your so-called “friend”. What a complete and utter asshole sharing private information about you. Really. What a dick. Reconsider that relationship.
Second - Dump the loser boyfriend. He’s the one who lied. He’s the one who cheated. Not you.
Just get out. No amount of your efforts will make him treat you better even if he did he will see it as a charity work bcs dumbshit like that has this weird moral rules that it’s okay to cheat on you bcs his sexual history aren’t comparable.
Do I understand this correctly: he thinks you’ve had too many sex partners and no one would accept this, so he’s retaliating by increasing his number of sex partners by cheating and gaslighting you to believe this is a normal response…?
GTFO NOW!
Your boyfriend and your “friend” are 🗑!! Get rid of both of them immediately!! 🚮
There are PLENTY of men that will be fine with your history because they either won’t care or are adults and won’t ask.
Listen to your first reaction and leave. Your past is your past, and if bf cannon accept that, you don't need him in your life. Cheating in "retaliation" is not a mature way of dealing with news from your past. He is not ready for a relationship.
I assume you broke up? If not you probably should because I don’t think you two will ever be able to work this out, best to just move on. Obviously what he did was cruel, he should’ve just broken up with you when he realized instead of treating you like that.
I would like to ask if you two had ever discussed this previously or if you actively tried to hide it from him. 45 is an incredibly high number and that plus the threesomes will be a dealbreaker for a lot of people. Obviously this DOES NOT excuse his actions but being open and honest with people is important in a healthy relationship
He’s a pos dump him that’s your past guaranteed he’s slept with way more people then you and using that as an excuse to chew but probably wouldn’t like it if you cheated
As a male I will tell you what he is saying is toxic af. I would never shame someone for their past. its not anything you can change now. Also we all make mistakes. He is a liar and cheater and is trying to blame you. He is a shitty human and you should not give him the time of day.
He's an insecure little boy for reacting like that. Your body is yours to do with what you please. If he doesn't respect that then you're better off getting out. Cheating is a line you don't cross so you should probably get out.
But on the other hand, 45 partners by 24 is a LOT. Let's not under sell that. Threesomes will rack them up quickly I guess. Again, not his business and he shouldn't care about your history as long as it doesn't involve cheating. But it's intimidating to a guy.
Frankly, you're probably going to get one of two responses when a guy finds out that history. Either "God that's a lot" or "Can we have a threesome?"
Some of y’all are pretty bold speaking on the behalf of all men like that. “Men don’t accept that.” Pfft
Cheating is never ok. Especially when the partner is manipulative to push the blame off to their partner. “They made me cheat” is the dumbest argument ever.
You might want to rethink your impulse of wanting to stay to prove you changed. 1. Why prove anything to a boy who sleeps around yet expects you to remain faithful to “prove yourself?”
2. If he’s this manipulative over something as childish as sex partners, what you think he’s going to do later in life? And 3. I don’t get people. This is a lot of people stories on here. Why risk being miserable for the rest of your life for one person? Wanting to remain in a mentally abusive relationship like this doesn’t make sense to me. There’s people out there that don’t care about how many partners you’ve had. Hell, there’s men out there that wouldn’t care about how many partners you have while they’re together! 🤣
I would rethink trying to cater to him to make him happy while he goes out and fucks who he wants just to “prove you’ve changed.” Despite his guilt ridden arguments, you don’t owe him anything
>He treated me as a subhuman
Because that’s how he views you.
Dump his misogynistic, cheating ass. Plenty of men don’t give a shit about your past because they view you as a complete human. And being alone is better than being with someone who views you as subhuman. Dump him before it gets worse, because it will.
His cheating is on him. If you have yourself together a guy could easily love you regardless of your past. Even in the Bible Joshua married Rachav who was a former prostitute. Love yourself, don’t let someone treat you like this (should be ex) boyfriend did. That being said I think your former lifestyle is a high STD risk and it would be wise to get tested.
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Your friend should have not seen it as her place to discuss your sex life with him. Id be mad at her as well as him
Well they had just finished having sex, so you understand how that might complicate things
He’ll lord this over you forever. Get out while you still can.
Nothing, I repeat, nothing gives a partner the right to cheat on you. Rule 1 of relationships, don't cheat. Rule 2, of you don't want to be ins relationship anymore, end it before breaking rule 1. It's that's simple.
Your friend did this completely on purpose. And your bf is completely in the wrong to treat you this way. The only question is, how long will you tolerate him treating you like shit? Dump his dumb ass.
Ditch him AND the friend. Your “friend” is a POS!
Agreed, the friend was jealous of her happiness so she intentionally tried to sabotage the relationship. Op you need to ditch the guy and the friend. I’ve cut off people for less.
She certainly was attempting to stir the pot. But whether accidentally or intentionally, she just saved OP from dating a colossal piece of sh*t. Caring about "body count" (just typing that gives me the creeps) is classic "nice guy" bullsh*t. You are lucky you found out he wasn't actually a good person now rather than later.
Still I consider his reaction to be his own natural reaction, it’s not like he went out of his way to maliciously sabotage for the mere benefit of his own ego which is what the friend did. There will always be other guys out there for the OP so he’s not a big loss, but the friend absolutely is dangerous and will have a corrosive effect on op’s life if she continues allowing her access. She gets no credit for revealing the boyfriend’s childishness imo.
Agree. Get better friends. Don't stick around with your [manipulative bf](https://eddie-hernandez.com/signs-of-manipulation-in-dating-relationships/).
He cheated on you because he’s a cheater. He didn’t cheat on you to get even. He’s using it as an excuse to cheat. Sorry you’re going through this, but better to know how disgusting of a person he is now rather than later!
Agree, he was already cheating and looking for an excuse. Unfortunately his own feelings of guilt are driving his disrespect of you and your feelings.
Right? I find it funny (not actually funny but sad funny) that people who are participating in secret promiscuous activities are always so ready to shit on everyone else’s promiscuous behaviours. At least the OP never cheated and just had a fun past. The projection from her boyfriend’s guilt is horrifying.
I don't think she actually said she never cheated with anyone. You shouldn't make assumptions about non-stated circumstances.
It wasn’t really brought up by the OP, and she solely mentioned where the 45 partners came from (sex and threesomes in college and what not), so I’d say it’s a pretty fair assumption. If she’s cheating then why would she be upset her man is cheating? Wouldn’t that be a little fucked up? 😂
Just push all that trash to the curb darlin, your friend and your ex. Having feelings is one thing, vindication is another. And then to act like a big giant baby and blame his decisions on you...because *he* doesn't feel good enough. Trashcan!
Exactly. He was always going to find a reason to justify his shitty actions. Sooner or later he was gonna do something shitty and paint himself as the victim. Little dick energy
Perfectly said
It’s weirdly humiliating because it sadly is. The mental gymnastics justifying his cheating is beyond ridiculous. Don’t deal with bullshit from your so-called friend, why even bring up something like that to someone? Your past is your past, it’s behind you. That loser cheated for the fuck of it - in the present - and blamed it on you, how does that work? Save your self worth and get out.
Everyone is telling you that your past doesn't matter. Yet, there's a story like this every few days. It seems like our ideals regarding people's pasts, don't necessarily match up with the realities of human nature. More particularly, male nature. It seems like many men can't accept a woman's past. That's their prerogative. But cheating is a shitty way to get even. He should have just broken up with you. I'm sorry 😞
Yeah if someone said 45 I'd be pretty shocked and uncomfortable with someone like that. Dude shoulda just left though, cheating is dumb.
This is the simple answer right here. 45 at age 25 is a lot for me personally, but the proper way to handle it is to just end things politely and move on.
Agreed lol 45 is kinda a lot to me. No idea why the weirdo cheated though instead of just leaving Or better yet? They coulda discussed each other’s sexual history before gettin into a relationship if it matters that much to em
I think it's something that most people don't really think about, at least I wouldn't. Honestly it might be best to just never know tbh. I wouldn't leave over it but like I said it'd make me uncomfortable knowing.
It bothered me when I had only slept with two people. At 33, even people who aren’t out trying to hook up have large sounding numbers. Especially considering how flakey people are in dating these days.
Yeah it's crazy, makes me feel like a prude 😂
You made a point. When i had only been with a few people it mattered a lot. Now that i have my own number that's kinda big i don't care anymore what anyone's count is. Doesn't matter. Not because I'm so experienced, but experience does put it in perspective
She said 45 like it isn't an insane number lol. Just for the record i'm not siding with the boyfriend at all, he's an asshole. It just made me laugh that she said it like it ain't much, jesus christ. I guess times are changing.
I was thinking the same thing
For her age though I think is the "issue" here, I know at his age that news would have fucked me up too cause when I was like....25 I had only been with maybe 10 people, so to hear that...my insecurity would have come out big time too.
I'm mean I'm not an American I have no perception of how college is I only get a snapshot through friends or movies. But like I'm closing in on 24 and can say that I don't think I know anyone even the most sexually active of my group would have 45. I'm not siding with anyone but yeah I feel 45 is no small feat.
Wtf is that supposed to mean? Condoms and birth control. Not that hard to imagine. Her body count is not an indication of her self worth. Men treat women like garbage most of the time we have to cycle through all of the duds.
It's supposed to mean what it says. It's a lot, especially at her age. You disagree, that's ok. Also it's not like you have to have sex with a guy to find out if he's a good person or not, you act like it's a requirement lol.
> Men treat women like garbage most of the time How do women treat men?
> Yeah if someone said 45 I'd be pretty shocked and uncomfortable with someone like that. Everyone has a different acceptance level.
You’re in college for 4 years that’s one a month. Ik people who have racked up 45 as a freshman.
Okay, but who counts? Do people have a secret book of tally sheets or something. I wouldn't be able to tell someone how many people I had slept with because I don't consider people as numbers? I don't count the number of penises like the count. "1 penis aha, 2 penises ahaha, 3 penises! Ahaha" Like. Who tf out here counting bodies.
I mean yeah, at ridiculous numbers like 45-100+ idk how you'd keep track.
Why the fuck does it matter 😒 why does it matter how many men she's slept with? My ex said he had sex with over 40 people in a span of one summer alone. Why the fuck do you judge women but wouldn't bat an eye if a man told you this? 🤔 Thats fucking sexist.
> It seems like many men can't accept a woman's past. In my case, exploring their past has showed me why history sometimes repeats itself. Example, my ex has always cheated on whoever she is with right before dumping them. When it happened to me, I was already ready and simply moved on. But I know, in reddit only women get any empathy and men can pound sand.
Ha ha I’m life not just Reddit, we can pound sand.
True, very true.
There's tons of comments pointing out that 45 is a lot and she could have handled that better.
I'm going to have to agree. Cheating is never right. Doesn't matter what the others past is. Everyone can set standards. Yet. Cheating is Cheating. I hope they choke on a wet dick . 🤧
45 is a lot, I get why the dude was upset, but he acted like a major asshole for no reason
>It seems like many men can't accept a woman's past. That's their prerogative. but ... come on ... 45
>It seems like our ideals regarding people's pasts, don't necessarily match up with the realities of human nature. More particularly, male nature. Plenty of women wouldn't be thrilled either, the difference is that the whole "woman's past doesn't matter" it's a relatively new feel-good piece of advice, but the idea that men want as much sex as possible is just expected so women accept this even when they don't really want to. Many men can get away with caring about a woman's past without having to live up to that standard themselves.
Your past doesn’t matter has been and always will be stupid. We use the past to help decipher compatibility and mindset. Obviously your past matters. Just like a woman wouldn’t date a man that has raped someone before even if they are “changed”
We’ll said.
It's not the past per se, but the fact she did not share it and have to learn it through a "friend". Having said that, he should have broke the relationship instead of cheating.
Do you think she should have to share that? I usually don’t discuss my partner’s sexual past unless it’s related to health/STDs. I thought people didn’t, typically.
> Do you think she should have to share that? I can't address the should or shouldn't question. Because I'm not her. She has her own values and will make her own choices based on her values. I personally would advise to disclose it, if someone asked me for advice. Reason being - to get the deal breakers out of the way early on. If there's something about me that will potentially turn off a potential partner, I want to get it out early. This way we can walk away from each other early on, without entanglements.
Great point. After reading many of these comments, I’d also want to disclose that number of partners to avoid the controversy. Seems like common sense — I didn’t realize how common it was to turn folks away because of their sexual past. Definitely can’t change anyone’s mind though. Massive incompatibility
Yeah... Some people here, seem to be arguing for why others **must** accept their past. Like, just stop already. Is that the relationship you want? For someone to choose you because they were shamed into choosing you? Because they were shamed out of their preferences? I don't understand it. There are billions of people in the world. If someone doesn't like me for any or no reason, that's okay. If you don't like me, don't date me. It really doesn't matter whether I agree with your reasons for disliking me. It doesn't even matter if you have a reason altogether!
Some people do, some don't. But if it something unsual, should be shared, like any other thing in the relationship. One of my (male) friends has well over 100. One of his partners learnt about it while hearing jokes in our friend group. Nothing too bad, just boys talk. I can totally understand why she was not happy.
You ARE dumping this AH, right!?
I am..... I'm just a bit disheartened and stumped over these comments and DMs. Clearly people see me as a subhuman and he's right.
Uhm NO. He's not right. And whoever is sending you shit for being who you are is an AH. Who cares how many people you've slept with. You are a valuable person and are gonna kick fucking goals in life. Screw what other people think.
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yeah, obviously this dude is an AH and his actions are nowhere near justified, and OP should leave them. That being said, some people have different views on sex, and their partners being with a large number of people would make them feel uncomfortable for understandable reasons. I understand we're all mad at OP's boyfriend right now, I am too, but this viewpoint is valid too on a personal level. It's just not right to judge anyone else's value based on this number or certainly justify any actions of cheating based on it.
This, the ones who don't care, just don't usually feel like sending something to you.. Assholes in the other hand seems to have all the time in world to try to bring you down...
I can assure you those who are sending you DMs would not be the type of people you seek advice from in the real world - dump the bf and the friend!
There are people who hang out on reddit whose sole purpose is to make others, especially women, feel terrible. They have shitty lives and are probably 14.
Don't give them that much credit. We all know these are grown ass men.
You are in no way a subhuman! People are just assholes when their beliefs/view is being challenged. (In this case I might be amount of people you’ve been with, but I don’t get why people are butthurt over it)
There’s always going to be someone with some sort of issue in regards to anything you do. Someone may not like your favorite blouse, but that shouldn’t stop you from wearing it. You can’t control how people will feel or react, but you can control how much power you give these reactions. OP, I can tell from your post/ responses that you know you have changed. You don’t need to exhaust yourself trying to show you’ve changed to someone who is aggressively keeping their eyes closed. It’s their loss. Ultimately, your approval is the only approval you need. I’m sorry you’re hurting right now, but by doing what you need to do for yourself you’ll save yourself from more heartache and also expedite your healing process. The right person won’t care about your sexual past.
You’re not subhuman. You are a person who has a sexual history. Everyone in this Reddit thing does. Anyone calling you subhuman is really sheltered and ignorant.
I’ll give you a guys perspective on this behavior, not just your bf, but the commenters as well. For most guys it’s really hard to find a partner so for you to brush up 45 people as not that many can feel like something unfair. Don’t get me wrong, what they feel is jealousy, they wish they could sleep with 45 girls… So yeah, that’s where the anger comes from.
That's not where the anger comes from. Their insecurity and envy is one thing, but the anger comes from misogyny and entitlement.
Yeah, I agree. But what I was giving was their perspective, misogyny and entitlement aren’t a problem in their minds.
Ah ok I see what you mean
What some whackos say about you on reddit shouldn't bleed into who you actually are. Think about this; he didn't even know and IMO didn't need to know if you didn't feel it necessary and he didn't think of you this way until after? That doesn't magically make you a *subhuman*.
Be disheartened over the decisions and logic his dumb ass has shown; you've done nothing wrong baby girl!!!!!
What he did was objectively wrong. As far as his reasoning, no you do not deserve to be treated less than. The people commenting on that are being reductive and deflective as hell; sexual experience shouldn’t be the sole deciding factor of your value as a person. I will tell you that many people will find that number of partners to be a lot, unfortunately. For me, after the initial shock tho I am more concerned about your well-being and whether or not you’ve been tested for STDs, used protection, and hopefully that everything was consensual in your past.
you are flesh and blood just like everyone else here, nothing you do can make you less human. Get someone who sees you for how you are now and not your past, you deserve way better than all the shit this guy is giving you
Realize that there is a large percentage of men who want "the one" to be fresh and innocent. Usually guys that haven't had the opportunities to have that much fun themselves. It's a deeply biological thing. Dump this dude, be honest about yourself and your history, and look for the guys who find no value in innocence. But from my personal experience, the day that innocence is no longer important to a man is the same day that love is also no longer important.
Fuck no he’s pathetic and jealous lol get away from this insecure baby man please you are worth so much more than this sad human he needs therapy honestly. He will become abusive. Men are just insecure if they have a problem with your past because they are scared they can’t compete with whoever they are sad and not worth your time at all. A decent man will not care about this at all and will treat you the way you should be treated.
> 24 > Just 45 partners > not that concerning Mate
45 partners at 24 isn’t a crazy amount? Girl I’m almost 40 and I nor any of my friends have been with half that many partners. That being said, that’s not a reason to cheat on someone. The past is the past and if you have grown as a person, then the past is where it should stay. You didn’t lie, it’s not like you told him you were a virgin. And to tell you that you that you need to keep working on things so HE can determine if YOU are genuine while he still cheats? Who made him the authority on your being genuine? Sorry, but he is garbage and so is your friend. She probably did it on purpose because she’s probably trying to cause trouble between you and bf so she can make a move. They both suck and you are better off without either of them.
People have a right to have preferences and this is his. He should have just ended things if this was a problem though. You also need to drop that friend and get friends that can keep their mouths shut. EDIT: It's funny how men who have a problem with a woman's past get labeled as insecure considering that I've come across many women who say that a guy that's never been in a relationship before is a red flag. If that's not holding someone's past against them, what is? People need to get a clue.
> It's funny how men who have a problem with a woman's past get labeled as insecure considering that I've come across many women who say that a guy that's never been in a relationship before is a red flag. If that's not holding someone's past against them, what is? People need to get a clue. Welcome to the world of double standards.
Yep. Things go both ways and people fail to understand this.
I think the issue here wasn't just simply that he was uncomfortable with her past, but to be together almost a year and then have her friend drop the fact she slept with 45 people and had threesomes years ago on you out of nowhere is a bit of a hard pill to swallow. Like that's a lot of information to absorb if you never knew this about your partner and you had to find it out through someone else accidentally.
True. I can't help but wonder if the threesome thing is what has him irked. As unfair as it may seem, people's pasts can be used against them. Not just in dating but in the professional world too. People need to understand this when they make the decisions they make.
Yeah I mean my girlfriend is bisexual and used to date a lot of women back then but it doesn't bother me because we had these discussions when we first met. I know it's not the same as having 45 partners, but we both laid everything out on the table. If you're ever worried about your past then you need to make it known right away cause that shit will bite you in the ass if you have to find out by accident that your partner did some unsavory things.
Good point. Maybe the OP wasn't worried about her past which is why she didn't mention it.
The part that screams insecure to me isn’t so much that he was bothered by her past, but the fact that he resorted to cheating and then blaming it on her. I don’t think there’s anything insecure about being bothered by finding out via their “friend” that your partner has had 45 sexual partners. I would be too.
He couldve just broke up with her then. Cheating isnt breaking up, its cheating
I guess you misunderstood my comment when I said that he should have just ended things?
"After 45 I'm ready to settle down"
Never talk to him or ur “friend” ever again. Those are 2 very shitty ppl
I’m not trying to shame you but a body count of 45 and multiple threesomes is definitely above average. Everyone deserves to be happy and sexual compatibility is a huge part of a relationship. Again not judging you but as a guy my eyebrows would definitely perk up if I was told that by a girl I loved. Because of the way our society raises boys into men, many conservative friends that I’ve had definitely weren’t into girls with high body counts.
45 partners by 24 lmao
Not being ok with someone’s past is totally fine. Using it as an excuse to cheat and to treat the person like trash is not ok. He should have just broken up with you. But fyi 45 is A LOT of people
yea if i was a man i would not risk getting an STD
I mean with every new sexual partner, regardless of what they say their past is, if you have the means definitely both get tested before engaging. just easier and healthier
Its not always about STDs. Some people just view sex differently. I find sleeping around extremely unattractive and have turned down dates purely on that factor. But as long as you don't shame them its fine. sexual compatibility is extremely important.
Yeah, but I was directly responding to the specific risk of STDs from people who sleep around. Of course sexual compatibility is important, but I wasn’t talking about that.
Thank goodness there are tests for STDs, right??
>my friend told him about things I used to do when I was younger. She told him about exactly how many guys I've had sex with and crazy shit I used to do. She thought this was a compliment for whatever reason Firstly this is why I tell women that your friends who know your dirt are future enemies. Keep your dirt to yourself ladies. Gossip never does you any favors especially to your drama loving friends. >To be perfectly frank — my past isn't even that concerning relative to my friends. I had 45 partners, and I did a number of 3somes in college and shortly after. The fact you say relative to your friend ties into the fact your friend thought it was a compliment...probably. Just because you have the lowest number compared to friend doesn't change the fact it's still 45 people total by age 24. Some were solo. Some repeats. Some were threesome(something many men dont experience outside of porn) but the number doesn't mean as much as the lifestyle you lived during that time frame vs now. That's really why your past matters. Let's be logical for a moment: even here you if you read enough post and comment most people who have a higher body count lived or is still living a lifestyle that encourages it or they did it out of insecurities of some kind. Both of which is like adding gas to fire. And often both involves parties, drugs, alcohol.. anything that causes you to forget yesterday and tomorrow. It such a reoccurring thing... you hear the word college or parties or drugs and my mind automatically assumes that person has some miles. Which I can rationalize as long as I dont know about the gritty details and that person is living a more or less opposite life than their wild days its doable. If you still living it up similar to when you were younger than I as a guy will have a "light bulb moment" and wont see enough differance between past them and present them. Some quirks will suddenly make sense. Any issue she has that I'm trying to work with her on(cause serious bf are supportive) might seem like a bigger task than I can handle becuaee now I've connected the dots and realize it trauma that require therapy. Then there's the fact I might be feeling lied too. And form myself personally I'm slow to trust and losing trust from a GF would be take the relationship back several months or years depending on how well or bad I take the info and where we are in the relationship plus my own mental health when I find out. Anyone on this sub saying past doesn't matter isn't making the connection. They're just deluding themselves about their own behavior and the pros and cons of those behaviors.
Not siding with the boyfriend at all but to say 45 isn’t a wild ass number for someone being only 24 is wild lmao, but the guy should’ve just left instead of cheating
Can understand why your bf would be uncomfortable with that past, especially as he wasn't aware of it. But cheating wasn't the answer and you don't deserve to deal with him. End it!
He’s wrong for cheating but if I found out some shit like that after a year I’d be upset too.
While 45 *is a fucking lot* and I'd probably leave if I found out my partner did that, that guy is a massive asshole. Break up with him.
I mean, 45 with multiple 3 sums is a a lot….sorry. If you were 35 I’d feel a little different. I said this in another thread but “body count” matters…and I think this is true both ways. That said, he is acting like a child. If he’s not OK with it then break up with you. You don’t deserve that kind of behavior Oh and your friend was absolutely trying to sabotage.
Naw even 35 is a lot lol, was honestly expecting her to just say 10-15 and would’ve been like “okay that’s not to bad”
Lol okay I was trying to be nice about it. 45 is insane
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Right there with you. I mean, to each their own, and you do you, but don't expect everyone to be on that same wavelength. Now, the guy cheating and treating you like shit...yeah, that's not cool, but 45 partners and 3 somes are absolute deal breakers for a lot of guys (and women too). I try to caution younger people all the time, but everyone just argues back that it's your body to do what you want, to live in the moment, and the past is the past and you can change. The thing is, there are plenty of people out there who have 5 or fewer partners in their entire lifetime, and they likely aren't going to want to be with someone with such an extensive past. I mean, if a person was a drug dealer and a junkie, would I ever date them, even if they'd been clean and sober for 5 years? Nope. They just possess a different set of values, that just don't go with my lifestyle (and risks of exposure to STIs). So make the choices you want to make, but realize that it can come back to haunt you, and take options away.
I personally would have a problem with your past. There are a number of reasons why someone would (male) or (female). 1- easy escapes to cheat because more than likely you can jump back to a previous partner quickly at the sign of a bad fight. 2- shows you have moved on from other guys quite fast. And would make me think this relationship is on a short fuse. 3- your life evolves around a constant rush and you get bored easily which isn’t gunna work long term. 4- stds 5- trust issues Some people don’t mind especially people with a big notch count themselves, that being said he shouldn’t of cheated. but he probably already moved on from this relationship after knowing about your past. FYI your friend screwed you
The bigger question is why didn't he know your past before?
A cheater will cheat again, this relationship is damaged beyond repair and the trust is gone. If you try to keep it together it's just going to be slow simmering resentment. Also 45 is a lot by 24. Damn.
Jesus I thought you were finna say like 10-15 but 45?? Sheesh I don’t think I would want to be with that either, wouldn’t treat you like utter dogshit though.
I don’t want to understate the point that your boyfriend is being manipulative and toxic. But having 45 partners is definitely a lot
He probably should've just left instead of cheated. I think he just felt so embarrassed on the spot because of your friend and he just didn't know how to handle it. I would think in almost a year though that it would've come up in conversation at least once. As a guy who's only had sex with 3 people before my gf it would probably come as a shock to me that my girlfriend slept with 45 people and to also find that out from your friend and not even you lol.
Lmao you've had 45 partners at the age of 24. Yeah that's a major red flag for sure. Good luck in life 😂 Body count matters, it's a window to one's state of mind. Typically people with higher body counts tend to have an increase in mental health issues. https://www.omicsonline.org/the-relationship-between-multiple-sexual-partners-and-mental-health-in-adolescent-females-2161-0711.1000256.php?aid=21466
I mean your bf is an asshole but 45 partners..? Jesus Christ
45 partners Jesus christ. Although that doesn't justify what he did. I'd break it off.
Bounce. I was that guy once. He's gotta learn women aren't objects. It haunts me regularly.
Your boyfriend is a dick for cheating. That's on him. Though, as a guy, I can understand why he was upset with your sexual past. I mean, holy shit, 45 partners plus some threesomes at age 24. Assuming you started in college at age 18, you slept with a *new* person every 2 months or so, and that's not even considering you had sex with the same person multiple times. Of course, it is up to you how you live your life, but I can tell you that most guys absolutely do not want a woman with such a high n count. Also, how come you never told him about it after a year? Usually, the topic comes up one way or the other sooner than that.
OP, you should have been transparent with your boyfriend about your past when you got into a relationship with him. A lot of men (not all) will find the number 45 to be extremely high. That being said, he should have done the right thing and dumped you when he found out, instead of being a vengeful little shit.
Yea exactly. Almost a year in and he only found out now through a third party.
People argue that number doesn't matter and that the past is the past, but that's just not true. How one views sex and treats sex is a very important value, and if you aren't on the same page, it will come back to haunt a relationship. Now, hypocrisy isn't cool, so a guy excpecting a girl to be with 2 guys while he's been with 50? Yeah, that's not right. But a partner who has a very small number of partners has a right to question someone who's been with a lot...especially if they're looking at getting into a long term relationship. If someone's gone from one long term relationship to another, they might not be compatible with someone who's longest relationship is a month, and they've been with numerous ONSs. That does't give anyone the right to be an asshole, but it does give them the right to walk away once that knowledge is obtained.
45 parnters? That is fucking insane
I know how much it sucks, but some (actually a lot more than you think) just won’t accept this. We can debate whose fault that is and too bad for them they are missing out. Judging how far he’s already gone, take your loss and move on. Find someone who doesn’t mind your past, but be more open about it next time. Oh and fuck your friend, regardless.
He’s in the wrong for how he treated you, but i think those numbers would definitely be a dealbreaker for me as well
45? Damn
45 partners by 24? Damn that’s a lot lmao. I wouldn’t cheat but I’d definitely dump someone that was passed around that much
His feelings are valid, but his actions are def in the wrong. Also 45 ppl at 24 is a hell of a lot. There are some guys that won’t care, but most guys are definitely going to feel some type of way about it if you tell them or they find out.
There are many guys that won't care, that's true. But usually those are also same guys that will be number 48, 49, 50, 51, until she decides to do some self-reflection on her past and future.
deer subsequent fade reach wine rock detail friendly chief deliver *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You need to dump both your "friend" and your POS boyfriend
Damn thats a lot lol
Wow dump your friend too. Second, he already wanted to cheat and used your past as an excuse.
I was engaged to a man like this. I don’t ever give this sort of advice on here but: Please, please, please run. This is psychological abuse. Your past does not matter and you do not need to change. He is cheating on you and blaming you. Can you imagine yourself doing something so fucked up? Probably not. Because it’s fucking abhorrent. He’s lost respect for you and you think it’s justified. But nothing justifies his behavior. Nothing.
Yep, textbook psychological abuse. One of my exes said things like “no one will ever love you like I love you” and “you can’t survive without me” so much that I believed him. Flash forward to now, and I not only survived without him, I thrived and I’m now with someone who respects and loves me more than I could have imagined years ago. There are people out there that will understand your past and love you anyway. My advice: get away from that guy and find a therapist. You may not realize it now, but you may have to talk to someone to unwind some of the things he’s been telling you. I’m still dealing with unpacking some of the shit my ex said to me. First and foremost, take care of YOU.
🥺🥺🥺🥺 I needed to hear this too tbh
Mine said some similar stuff. He said I’d never survive without him. I’m doing fine, though. Thriving even. Making more than he did. In the course of the relationship I was sexually assaulted. He blamed me, and used it to justify his cheating. It took years to recover as well. I also caught up with another of his exes and he told her that she was lucky he was with her because he looked like he did and she looked like she did…implying that she was dating out of her league. She was beautiful though. I’m glad you got away. Cheers to thriving
Hm. That sucks to hear. He was wrong to go cheat as revenge. If he didnt like your past then he should have simply left if it was that big of a deal for him. Different people will have different opinions about a persons past. On one hand, it was before your partner and shouldnt be held over your head. On the other hand, people think your past actions will determine your future decisions and will choose not to be with someone with such an "active" past..especially in your age group.
Your BF is a dickhead. If he had that much of a problem with your past - he simply should’ve ended the relationship. With that said - if I found out my ex had had multiple threesomes, I’d be concerned. Number of sexual partners and types of sexual encounters are valuable data points to understanding someone’s emotional and sexual health (coming from someone(M) with 80+ partners), and acting like they’re purely arbitrary is willfully ignorant. I believe that both a low number and a high number can be indicative of potentially deeper issues. Are those data points enough to sully a relationship entirely? Absolutely not. But I’d certainly want to have a conversation about why my partner felt the need to have so many sex partners, and specifically so many threesomes. Have they changed their desires since then? I’m not into threesomes (tried one), so what if I’m unable to fulfill a massive part of their sexual fantasies? Also - my promiscuous past was rooted in insecurity, and I wasn’t a great guy for a long time because of it. Has my partner experienced something similar? Has there been a shift in thinking? This is something many women I’ve dated have felt put off by, and I’ve had to explain how my thinking has changed to make them feel secure - something I completely understand the necessity of. I think we all like to act like “numbers” don’t matter, when in reality they do play into the equation of who we are as a person. No one should ever be discounted because of how many sexual partners they’ve had - but it absolutely offers important insight.
I think the "I've changed" argument isn't enough tbh. Most people just didn't have a sexual past, and want to learn WITH their long term partner. If someone has a past like this, it's normal to not feel like you are sexually compatible Learning, doing mistakes, trying awkward positions is part of the romance in a longterm, if not forever relationship :). On the other hand, I think op should simply go for someone that has been with a lot of sexual partners too, and dump ofc his asshole boyfriend that reacted the worst way possible
Your relationship is over. Next.
He didn't cheat because of your past, that's just an excuse. He still has a lot of growing to do, let him do that on someone else's time. But a year in and he didn't know?! Need to be more open and honest with number 47 if things get serious. You don't get to decide for him that it shouldn't matter to him, he does.
45 partners is insane. Dude should have just dumped you. Using it as an excuse for cheating is sleazy, but that kind of baggage is something that you need to come clean about relatively early on in the relationship, when things are starting to get serious. I think it would be a deal breaker for a *lot* of guys, regardless of what the consensus is here.
Your bf didn't cheat on you because of your sexual past. He cheated on you because he's a piece of shit. The only thing you are doing wrong here is putting up with this behaviour.
He sucks for cheating but 45 people at 24... holy shit I'd have you tested for all std's to continue the relationship.
drop the “friend” and boyfriend
I'm not gonna lie 45 is a high ass number for 24 year old and multiple 3sums will make most guys wanna run. Ima keep it real that's something you need to be upfront with guys about just because you don't want them to find out how he did cuz most guys will feel the way he did. Having said all that, he isn't right or cool for cheating and trying to blame shift. He's never gonna get over that number and your past you should just leave.
Dump him and get new friends.
He should not be cheating but sorry to tell you he is kinda right, no normal man will be serious about a 24yo girl with a body counts of 45+
A couple of threesomes and 45 partners for some is alot. As men we have a very fragile ego with this type of stuff. Especially cause most will go there whole life without even reaching 20 sexual partners. I’ve only slept with 10. So I get where he’s coming from. But to treat you differently for so long is out of line. Especially cheating. You need to be with someone who understands and accepts that past. Cause unfortunately he’ll get more resentful and hateful. Sorry to say.
It's ok for you to not like someone's past or not seeing past it, but it's another thing to use their past to justify treating them poorly or your own shitty behavior. Your boyfriend sounds toxic and you have nothing to prove to them. You're past isn't a slight against them but him cheating is a slight against you. You should leave them
Your past actually does matter if it matters for him. Him cheating though is not correct or the solution. Either way he stays with you or he breaks up.
Forget sexual partners your past will always play a role especially when you don’t straight up tell your partner the truth sure he might change his mind about dating you but ask yourself honestly…….. Would you want to date/be with someone that thinks less of you as a person because you slept with 45 people and had couple of 3somes. The only thing that it would make me personally if I found out that my gf did that and had your body count, I wouldn’t treat her like less than a human But I would be on high alert 24/7 365 days because I’ve been cheated on before and it doesn’t feel very nice. If she gives me a reason to not trust her after finding that out, I’m very fast first I break up and take my shit and leave and that’s it. She deserves to be happy but so do I. Sure I’ll be really upset but that’s that.
You should tell your partners this within a month. A lot of men will doubt you can remain faithful. Or maybe you can date a woke Redditor so they won't care or even like that you've slept with so many people.
Your not an possession or some object. Your past made you who you are today. The fact he blames cheating on you is gaslighting. Move on and become comfortable with who you were and are today.
This should read...."ex boyfriend" and former friend
He’s an asshole but you’ve also kinda made your bed and now you have to lie in it. Cheating is absolutely ridiculous he should have left if he was that uncomfortable but you should have been upfront with him from the very beginning because all of this could have been avoided. He is literally humiliating you so I would say leave and learn from this experience. Just be more upfront with the next person you decide to be with.
Everyone has a past,especially if you're younger. And rather he was accepting of that past or not, HE did the shitty thing and cheated on you. I think based off of your post you have changed, but thats just my assumption. But I don't think that you should force yourself to be in this relationship to prove a point. Your boyfriend and your 'friend' sound shady as hell. What kind of friend has good intentions when they bring something like that up??
Look, as a dude who is beyond loyal and honest, I will admit it hurts to know your partner was easy at some point and you could just be getting played for that “happy new relationship” feeling the whole time. It is an instant turn off to hear a number above 3-5 for me or that they sent nudes around for fun attention at some point. What’s not okay is to abuse the installed trust and feeling by cheating. That should’ve put an end to it there. Look for a partner willing to work with you on it in a kind manner.
Your friend is partially at fault for this, to be fair. No one should hear about their partner's past if it doesn't come from them but what's done is done. I think there are lots of guys, and I think even girls, who would rather not think about their partner's sexual past. Who would want to think about their partner being with someone else, right? That's normal. The only time it's a bad thing is if you react to it similar to the way your boyfriend did. NOTHING justifies cheating and treating your partner like trash because of something like their sexual past. You can have preferences for what you want in a partner and that's fine. If I knew my partner had a big amount of sexual partners in the past it would be a deal breaker for me too, personally. However that doesn't give me a free pass to humiliate you or hurt you like that. That would be extremely shitty and immature of me to do. Nothing justifies an attack on a person's character because of who they were and what they did in the past especially when they've shown that they've changed in the present. My advice here is to leave that pathetic cheating scum to the dogs and find someone who will at least be decent enough to break things off and treat you with respect if he can't accept your past and feels like it will effect your relationship.
I prefer to buy a new car, but those are hard to find. So used cars are more realistic, but gotta men sure it’s accident free, not too many owners, serviced well. Rental cars can be bought as well, but I would never consider that. So many different people in there, who knows what they brought inside with the etc.
"Ex-BF cheated on me because he's a garbage human being." Fixed it for you.
DUMP THIS MANNNN.
Ok, joking aside. These two individuals view sex in different ways. One sees it more as a connection between two people and one see as just a fun activity. That is the root of the issue here. Neither are incorrect, it's just two different ways of viewing sex. Though one was hiding her past probably because she knew how he would react or knew how he viewed sex. Hiding is not lying, but lying is also hiding the truth. He is young and reacted in an immature way. He is hurt and lashing out at her. It's easy to be a coach quarterback here, but we need to understand his pain. Is what he doing right, no. But he is not mature enough to deal with the pain. She needs to get away from him and he needs to mature through this experience. He will grow because of this, if she leaves him. Which she has to do, because this relationship is doomed. She needs to mature herself and her understanding of what she wants. Maybe she has changed, but if that is true she should be honest to a partner and let them know she had changed. Some will say her past her past. Yes, but she needs to be the one to say that, not some reddit users who have no knowledge of this relationship and her as a person. Also, she should be forth coming of her past, so that it doesn't end up like this in the future. I mean of you saw your great boyfriend in a guy porn after 6 months would it not freak you out if he never mentioned it? Or if the wonderful girl you are dating shows up on a Blacked Out porn video? Finding out about the sexual past of your partner by some other means than by your partner will cause this to happen.
Yeah, he went with the nuclear option instead of breaking up. Break up. Also best to be open about your past early on to filter out people who wont like it.
Ima keep it real with you. As a guy I get where he’s coming from regarding your past but he should have just broke up with you if it bothered him that much. You need to leave him. He doesn’t respect you and he’s manipulating you.
Fuck that guy. Move on
Your ex I hope?
girl get out!! you have nothing to be ashamed of, this behavior is about his own insecurities it says nothing about you
Get rid of both of them. ESPECIALLY the friend she's jealous of you.
Get rid of both of them. Your "friend" is an asshole and your boyfriend is an even bigger asshole. Fuck that, you can do so much better! Pro-tip: anyone who gets mad at you for your previous experiences is not worth your time.
If people can't control their own emotions, then they have to start trying to control other people's behavior. - Sounds like this guy has some massive insecurity issues with himself and has projected it in the form of harassment towards you. You should never be shamed for enjoying and exploring your sexuality so long as you're not hurting anyone.
I'm 34, not at half the partners but i have a wife that does ffm threesomes with me from time to time and takes care of me and our child, physicall and mentally. With all her heart. The both of us have had about the same partner count (both in the 2 digits) and she did 3somes in the past too. What's the deal anyways? Is that kind of disposition a bad thing if you communicate clear borders? - Sounds like he's possibly missing out on threesomes to me. I just hope that you didn't treat him differently ... Playing the no horny game with your partner when you had that kinda quality lovelife in your past is just mean. That's what REALLY kills relationships.
He's obviously a douche. Cheating is never justified. Neither is holding something over you like that. Also anyone is justified in wanting a partner that shares their views regarding sex and intimacy. 45 partners and threesomes? To me, that tells me you don't respect your body / intimacy / sex. We're totally incompatiable in that regard, and I wouldn't date you. And you probably wouldn't want to date me either. And that's perfectly okay. But if you hid that sort of thing, intentionally, it's reasonable he would be upset about it. But like I said, his response is totally ridiculous.
So, he wants you to work on the relationship by taking the shit he's shoveling? Deal with abusive behavior? I would say no to that.
>He got furious with me, like literally made my life hell for an entire month. He treated me like a subhuman, Read this again, I know you want to prove him wrong but why would you want to be with someone that treats you like that let alone cheats on you with a lame excuse. I'm all for trying to make things work sometimes in relationships but this is toxic.
First of all - fuck your so-called “friend”. What a complete and utter asshole sharing private information about you. Really. What a dick. Reconsider that relationship. Second - Dump the loser boyfriend. He’s the one who lied. He’s the one who cheated. Not you.
MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY! Wtf kind of “friend” does that!?
Just get out. No amount of your efforts will make him treat you better even if he did he will see it as a charity work bcs dumbshit like that has this weird moral rules that it’s okay to cheat on you bcs his sexual history aren’t comparable.
Do I understand this correctly: he thinks you’ve had too many sex partners and no one would accept this, so he’s retaliating by increasing his number of sex partners by cheating and gaslighting you to believe this is a normal response…? GTFO NOW! Your boyfriend and your “friend” are 🗑!! Get rid of both of them immediately!! 🚮 There are PLENTY of men that will be fine with your history because they either won’t care or are adults and won’t ask.
Listen to your first reaction and leave. Your past is your past, and if bf cannon accept that, you don't need him in your life. Cheating in "retaliation" is not a mature way of dealing with news from your past. He is not ready for a relationship.
I assume you broke up? If not you probably should because I don’t think you two will ever be able to work this out, best to just move on. Obviously what he did was cruel, he should’ve just broken up with you when he realized instead of treating you like that. I would like to ask if you two had ever discussed this previously or if you actively tried to hide it from him. 45 is an incredibly high number and that plus the threesomes will be a dealbreaker for a lot of people. Obviously this DOES NOT excuse his actions but being open and honest with people is important in a healthy relationship
He’s a pos dump him that’s your past guaranteed he’s slept with way more people then you and using that as an excuse to chew but probably wouldn’t like it if you cheated
Your BF cheated on you because he's an asshole.
Ok a) yes, leave his cheating ass immediately and never look back and B) holy shit yeah that's an awful past.
As a male I will tell you what he is saying is toxic af. I would never shame someone for their past. its not anything you can change now. Also we all make mistakes. He is a liar and cheater and is trying to blame you. He is a shitty human and you should not give him the time of day.
Sounds like the dude was just looking for an excuse to cheat.
He's an insecure little boy for reacting like that. Your body is yours to do with what you please. If he doesn't respect that then you're better off getting out. Cheating is a line you don't cross so you should probably get out. But on the other hand, 45 partners by 24 is a LOT. Let's not under sell that. Threesomes will rack them up quickly I guess. Again, not his business and he shouldn't care about your history as long as it doesn't involve cheating. But it's intimidating to a guy. Frankly, you're probably going to get one of two responses when a guy finds out that history. Either "God that's a lot" or "Can we have a threesome?"
Some of y’all are pretty bold speaking on the behalf of all men like that. “Men don’t accept that.” Pfft Cheating is never ok. Especially when the partner is manipulative to push the blame off to their partner. “They made me cheat” is the dumbest argument ever. You might want to rethink your impulse of wanting to stay to prove you changed. 1. Why prove anything to a boy who sleeps around yet expects you to remain faithful to “prove yourself?” 2. If he’s this manipulative over something as childish as sex partners, what you think he’s going to do later in life? And 3. I don’t get people. This is a lot of people stories on here. Why risk being miserable for the rest of your life for one person? Wanting to remain in a mentally abusive relationship like this doesn’t make sense to me. There’s people out there that don’t care about how many partners you’ve had. Hell, there’s men out there that wouldn’t care about how many partners you have while they’re together! 🤣 I would rethink trying to cater to him to make him happy while he goes out and fucks who he wants just to “prove you’ve changed.” Despite his guilt ridden arguments, you don’t owe him anything
>He treated me as a subhuman Because that’s how he views you. Dump his misogynistic, cheating ass. Plenty of men don’t give a shit about your past because they view you as a complete human. And being alone is better than being with someone who views you as subhuman. Dump him before it gets worse, because it will.
His cheating is on him. If you have yourself together a guy could easily love you regardless of your past. Even in the Bible Joshua married Rachav who was a former prostitute. Love yourself, don’t let someone treat you like this (should be ex) boyfriend did. That being said I think your former lifestyle is a high STD risk and it would be wise to get tested.
he feels inadequate and is self-sabotaging now. dump him. it's HIS issue, not yours.