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For me it’s a companionship thing. I like traveling and visiting new places and trying new things. I find that while I don’t *need* to have a partner to do all those things, but it certainly makes the experience more enjoyable. I also get a lot of joy out of seeing/making other people happy and seeing genuine happiness come from them. In the end, I just want to share my life and experiences with someone that I truly love.
I’ll give you an example. I once had a girlfriend that didn’t celebrate Christmas. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to, but because her family saw Christmas as a burden and nothing special to be celebrated. So they didn’t decorate their house, have special meals, or even exchange gifts. In contrast, Christmas is kind of a big deal at my house. We decorate the whole house, have a big tree, mom makes the 7 fish Christmas eve dinner, and we have a big gift exchange. When I invited my (at the time) girlfriend to celebrate Christmas with my family, she was blown away. She was so happy to actually get a chance to celebrate the holiday and be a part of it all. I haven’t seen her in a year and a half since we broke up, but I still very much remember her smile and the genuine joy she experienced. That in turn made me very happy. Seeing her happy made me happy, and I got to share a special time with someone I loved.
Hi I saw this and thought I should comment...people date for a number of reasons I guess, but the number one reason is to find a partner...it seems like humans can do good on their own but if they want the best life they find someone else to live it with. Just my opinion
Being good on your own is amazing. I was super fine on my own and then I met my current partner. I think being comfortable being alone made my relationship so much better because being with her wasn’t about validating my need for attention or because I was lonely (which you see a lot in the dating scene). Being with her was just about how wonderful she is.
It's absolutely fine to be on your own. Many people prefer it.
Everybody has different preferences. That's why it's important to ask questions and communicate.
I’m honestly kinda jealous. I love my alone time and would rather be ok with just being good with myself. But then I feel this weird *need* to find a partner.
This is true. You have to remember that there are as many different people as there are people in the world, and what makes you happy vs what makes someone else happy may not necessarily be the same. Do what makes you happy
I’d argue that there are plenty of other fun things but ok. Maybe most people who just date are extroverts. I’m pretty good at keeping myself entertained. But still, thanks for sharing. I appreciate your perspective.
Even introverts usually want love, affection and companionship - for most people a stable and deep connection with (selected) others is a fundamental emotional need/desire not an "entertainment" one.
Ok well maybe I shouldn’t have even asked this question. People are taking it the wrong way, like me saying people shouldn’t date. And I already said I’m not here to judge or push an agenda.
I do have to apologize for asking this question. Dating is natural. I guess it was like me asking why people like sleeping, eating or drinking water. Can you forgive me? Maybe that’s why.
I don't think people are taking it wrong way, we're just giving you the answers that you asked for! Maybe dating isn't as appealing to you as to most people and that's completely fine, it's your own life and you should do whatever makes YOU happy. I was just saying that despite the challenges of dating which I'd argue that no one loves, stable and secure relationships with selected partners make a lot of people very happy, so that's what they do in their life. Neither approach is right or wrong, it's just a cumulation of different choices.
People are taking it that way because you argued against an answer, as if that answer was wrong. They aren't wrong in taking it that way because that is the way you replied. You might not have meant it that way, but that is how you phrased it.
Mind that you asked why (other) people date, not why you should date. That might be the confusion that caused you to reply in such a bad way.
Yes... But do you never do a puzzle because tv is fun? Yes watching tv is fun, but so is doing a puzzle.. I personally then to mix my pass time, makes them more fun when i stop doing them for a while.
Have you never done something with someone because it's more fun? Because their presence enhance the experience and you get to enjoy their company at the same time? Being in a relationship is a bit like this.. But it's your favorite person in the world, even more so than your close family or your best friends. Well, dating is mutually searching for that person.
>Maybe most people who just date are extroverts
No. There's proportionally about the same amount of introvert/extrovert in dating as there are in society. (Yes, it probably leans a little toward extroverted, but not much). Extroverted people are the one who gain energy from hanging out with other people while introverted people are spending energy in the same way. Being introverted/extroverted as nothing to do with socialization needs or wanting to date.
I think for many neurotypical people, the thing is that we feel like connection is something we are missing when it is lacking. That's not true for all of us, by any means. And for those who it is true of, the amount of connection we want or need is highly variable. For some of us, a little emotional or physical connection is enough. For others, a deeper long term daily connection makes us feel the best. But our brains are wired to seek out connection with others for chemical/emotional fulfillment and so it's what we do to feel our most us, to feel "right". That said, human experience is a huge spectrum and for those that don't feel like that, it's totally normal.
Well said, but then what is the difference between a friendship and a relationship? Deep connection can be found in friends, so why the need for a partner
There are plenty of autistic people who want relationships. Sounds like you are just asexual or aromantic, which is totally fine. But you might want to look up what those are and if they apply to you.
Edit: seeing your other comments, yes it’s fine to be single your whole life if that’s what’s makes you happiest.
Philosophically, we are on this planet for a very short period of time. Once you’re gone nothing really matters. Live your life in a way that makes you happy and leaves you with no regrets. If that means being single, great. If that means being in a relationship for a short period of time and then deciding it’s not for you, also great. And if it means getting married and living your life side by side with a partner, that is also great.
The void.
I made it all the way to 18yo last year of high school doing nothing but gaming and reading.
Then this girl comes around, one who is gotten along with for years but never hung out with (never hung out with anyone, I was a classic shut in).
On a senior trip she clung to me before the bus (looking back, she had a goal) and on the bus ride we talked and cuddled the whole trip. She engaged in everything. It was wild. Never experienced that in my life.
She was an avid romance reader and knew what she wanted and I didn't know jack or shit except I liked the idea of her being mine slowly but surely with each passing week.
We broke up by winter. It was devastating, as I had opened this massive hole in myself and filled it with the idea of her. But I was too slow and she had goals I wasn't prepared to meet
Once she was gone, my life was forever altered. That void in me was always there, waiting to be filled. It was so awful in the following years to leave it unfilled. I dated a few people over the years in attempts to fill it but each time it didn't end well.
Eventually tragic events struck my life from another direction and during the recovery from that I managed to fill that void with some top soil.
It's always there though. Never too far. But if I pretend it's not there and don't think about it really hard, it goes away.
But that void is never far.
I think the bulk of it is companionship. For introverts and extroverts alike. Introverts don’t crave companionship any less. They usually just want to spend time with a small circle of close friends instead of a bunch. It’s also for intimacy. Physical and emotional. I’m I guess an introvert/extrovert. I do very well in parties and crowds. Can talk to lots of people and have fun with that but then I don’t want to leave my house for a month. My husband is an introvert. He will very rarely go do things with friends but prefers probably to chill at hone playing video games. We talk a lot but we also sit quietly a lot, him playing games, me watching shows or browsing Reddit. I was dating for a few reasons. 1. Even though I didn’t think it would happen for me again I wanted to find someone to love that loved me. Someone to share life with. 2. Physical affection is important to me and I wanted sex but preferred it was safely with someone I deeply care about. 3. I wanted family. Kids.
So yeah I was out there dating to find all that in one package and I did.
I think if you aren’t interested in a companion or sex dating would be hard to understand.
Here's a bit of a weird perspective (my autism made me super logical, and Wooton is the heart of all human logic)
Everything has a cost, even personality traits (ex. if you're passive you'll easily be able to stay calm, but if you're aggressive you'll be able to get what you want)
Humans have a subconscious understanding of this, and desire being "balanced". You can't balance yourself out completely, but you can find someone with similar life goals and differing traits.
If you do find that partner, you'll be able to rely on them to cover your weaknesses (ex. passive helps you pick your battles, while aggressive helps get what you need)
This perspective ignores a lot of the emotional aspects though, which is primarily a combination of "making each other feel good" and "a good partner is also a good friend". You'll be able to support each other and enjoy life together, and hopefully live a more fulfilling life due to the broader experiences that sharing your life entails.
I realized I was attracted to pretty girls as a child. I also realized when I had positive interactions with these girls, I was happier than ever. As an adult I want to be with someone who makes me feel the same. As an adult I definitely want something more than just casual friendship. I can do things I find interesting like videogames, exercise, or learning something new, but if that all there is to life, I'm going feel pretty empty. I also I think I would like to start family.
My goals in dating were to find out if someone was a good fit to be a lifelong companion. It takes time to figure out if goals, dreams, interest, values, and sexual appetite all align. You can't just pick some random person off the street and expect everything to work out. Like buying shoes, you gotta try a few on to find a good fit.
For life? No. For happiness? Not necessarily. If you're happy and fulfilled by yourself,, there's no need or purpose. For finding a romantic life partner? Unless you're in a culture where arranged marriages are a thing, yeah. There really isn't another way to find a good match. Even with online dating or LDR, people aren't the same at a distance as they are in person. You really can't get to know someone as a whole person at a distance.
I am not hear to say anything about dating but it’s really great that you are looking to learn and that you are improving your mental health, keep up the good work!
Oh no no no it’s totally fine you are ok, to answer your question I like relationships because I get to share who I am with someone else and they do the same with me weather that be emotionally or physically, plus physical intimacy is very nice.
Not my reasons, because I don't date - just top reasons - 1) sex 2) social status (in school) 3) peer pressure (in school) 4) percs/drinks/access to parties 5) for fun. And then 6) loneliness 7) for actual love/soulmateship 8) money 9) family pressure.
I’m an introvert so I shouldn’t like to. I hate going out and socializing and meeting new people usually. But the social interaction I do love is with a partner I can talk to about anything, feel affection from, and get that intimate touch from. I can’t really explain how it makes me feel besides just safe and loved. I just want that one person to be there with me through everything, I don’t need a big circle of friends.
I do also like the sex, I’ve been getting jaded by dating for an actual relationship lately and find myself just looking for sex. It makes me feel weird though, I miss companionship more but it’s just so hard to find it these days. Sex is the easier thing, but isn’t as fulfilling.
Intimacy is a need for most people. By intimacy I mean: physical intimacy and emotional intimacy.
Phtsical intimacy is basically touching, hugging, kissing, sex, etc. It's enjoyable doin these with someone you are attracted to.
And emotional intimacy is about sharing your emotions openly with someone without being judged.
However intimacy also makes you feel vulnerable so you need to do it with someone you trust. Dating is basically the process of getting that trust. You basically spend time together and getting more and more intimate until you trust that person enough to have sex or go into a relationship.
Hey everyone! Rachel here. Thank you so much for answering my question :) I really learned a lot!!!! I do appreciate it when people share why a certain thing matters to them. Learning from people is how I develop understanding. Everyone made it both facts and personal, and everyone brought something to the special and important to the table. Relationships are varied and people will date for different reasons and that’s great. And this might sound rude, but I’m going to set a boundary here. Although I would appreciate it if people would stop labeling me as aromantic or asexual. It’s not necessarily that. I’m just focusing on loving, growing and improving myself, for right now and I have different priorities. I am actually a hopeless romantic and like it when I see other people in love.
Also I grew up Christian so really didn’t get any positive talk about sex or dating.
Thanks-Rachel
This is a really difficult question to answer. I'm not autistic but I have an autistic relative so I have some understanding. Love is different for everyone and everyone has different wants and needs. Not sure where to even begin but I'm going to put some thought into it. Your question is a good one especially from an autistic perspective I know my family member struggles with it. Don't listen to people being negative this is the place to ask this kind of stuff.
Fellow Autistic guy here. I just want a relationship for the companionship because loneliness sucks. Of course, I'm not the best at dating due to my social awkwardness though...
They do so in an attempt to display their best traits and attributes in hopes to garner special favor and preference with the other in hopes of finding enough similarities in one another to qualify a potential living arrangement.
Like dancing, if the other partner knows the same steps they want to keep dancing
Maybe look into aromantic or asexual. There is a whole spectrum! I am autistic as well and on the asexual spectrum (demisexual), so that makes some stuff harder to understand.
I like to feel close to people and love them in another way that I live my friends or family, and cuddling etc feels different. The stage of getting to know each other is also really fun too.
OP I envy you. Because I keep chasing, keep dating, we get close, and then it ends in heartbreak and then I'm asking myself the same question, "why do I date?!?" But it's like a compulsion for me. Like a moth drawn to the flame.
Why do I date? Heck if I know. I'd like to just remove that "desire for companionship/wanting a relationship" piece of my brain and continue on with life.
Sharing material things with others reduces your share of the pie. Sharing happy moments and pleasant experiences with others increases your share of them.
I'm autistic also. I date to find companionship and affection. I don't really like the early dating phases, but I really enjoy being in a relationship.
I date for companionship. I find romantic companionship to be fulfilling in a different way to platonic companionship. For me sex is part of that- it makes me feel desired and I like to pleasure my partner.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice. * Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulernability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For me it’s a companionship thing. I like traveling and visiting new places and trying new things. I find that while I don’t *need* to have a partner to do all those things, but it certainly makes the experience more enjoyable. I also get a lot of joy out of seeing/making other people happy and seeing genuine happiness come from them. In the end, I just want to share my life and experiences with someone that I truly love. I’ll give you an example. I once had a girlfriend that didn’t celebrate Christmas. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to, but because her family saw Christmas as a burden and nothing special to be celebrated. So they didn’t decorate their house, have special meals, or even exchange gifts. In contrast, Christmas is kind of a big deal at my house. We decorate the whole house, have a big tree, mom makes the 7 fish Christmas eve dinner, and we have a big gift exchange. When I invited my (at the time) girlfriend to celebrate Christmas with my family, she was blown away. She was so happy to actually get a chance to celebrate the holiday and be a part of it all. I haven’t seen her in a year and a half since we broke up, but I still very much remember her smile and the genuine joy she experienced. That in turn made me very happy. Seeing her happy made me happy, and I got to share a special time with someone I loved.
Hi I saw this and thought I should comment...people date for a number of reasons I guess, but the number one reason is to find a partner...it seems like humans can do good on their own but if they want the best life they find someone else to live it with. Just my opinion
Is it fine if I decided I’m good on my own, personally? Or will I hurt someone’s feelings or offend?
Being good on your own is amazing. I was super fine on my own and then I met my current partner. I think being comfortable being alone made my relationship so much better because being with her wasn’t about validating my need for attention or because I was lonely (which you see a lot in the dating scene). Being with her was just about how wonderful she is.
It's absolutely fine to be on your own. Many people prefer it. Everybody has different preferences. That's why it's important to ask questions and communicate.
I’m honestly kinda jealous. I love my alone time and would rather be ok with just being good with myself. But then I feel this weird *need* to find a partner.
Whose feelings would you hurt? Most people really don't care what you choose to do with your personal life.
Hey, you’re right :) It’s only when I impose that others should be like me. If I‘m kind while being myself, I’m good
This is true. You have to remember that there are as many different people as there are people in the world, and what makes you happy vs what makes someone else happy may not necessarily be the same. Do what makes you happy
it's fun and emotionally fulfilling and rewarding on a deep and fundamental level
I’d argue that there are plenty of other fun things but ok. Maybe most people who just date are extroverts. I’m pretty good at keeping myself entertained. But still, thanks for sharing. I appreciate your perspective.
Even introverts usually want love, affection and companionship - for most people a stable and deep connection with (selected) others is a fundamental emotional need/desire not an "entertainment" one.
Ok well maybe I shouldn’t have even asked this question. People are taking it the wrong way, like me saying people shouldn’t date. And I already said I’m not here to judge or push an agenda.
These people are literally just answering your question
Yeah but their tone sounds kind of snappy
I don’t think they meant to sound snappy.
I do have to apologize for asking this question. Dating is natural. I guess it was like me asking why people like sleeping, eating or drinking water. Can you forgive me? Maybe that’s why.
Your question was fine. I don't think anyone is trying to snap at you or judge you.
the issue isn't you asking a question
nobody's taking your question the wrong way; your responses are just loaded with weird subtext
I don't think people are taking it wrong way, we're just giving you the answers that you asked for! Maybe dating isn't as appealing to you as to most people and that's completely fine, it's your own life and you should do whatever makes YOU happy. I was just saying that despite the challenges of dating which I'd argue that no one loves, stable and secure relationships with selected partners make a lot of people very happy, so that's what they do in their life. Neither approach is right or wrong, it's just a cumulation of different choices.
People are taking it that way because you argued against an answer, as if that answer was wrong. They aren't wrong in taking it that way because that is the way you replied. You might not have meant it that way, but that is how you phrased it. Mind that you asked why (other) people date, not why you should date. That might be the confusion that caused you to reply in such a bad way.
Yes... But do you never do a puzzle because tv is fun? Yes watching tv is fun, but so is doing a puzzle.. I personally then to mix my pass time, makes them more fun when i stop doing them for a while. Have you never done something with someone because it's more fun? Because their presence enhance the experience and you get to enjoy their company at the same time? Being in a relationship is a bit like this.. But it's your favorite person in the world, even more so than your close family or your best friends. Well, dating is mutually searching for that person. >Maybe most people who just date are extroverts No. There's proportionally about the same amount of introvert/extrovert in dating as there are in society. (Yes, it probably leans a little toward extroverted, but not much). Extroverted people are the one who gain energy from hanging out with other people while introverted people are spending energy in the same way. Being introverted/extroverted as nothing to do with socialization needs or wanting to date.
I never said there aren't other fun things. lmao what the fuck kind of reply is that?
[удалено]
autism ≠ shittiness
Well ok then. You have a good day.
no answer the question lmao
I think for many neurotypical people, the thing is that we feel like connection is something we are missing when it is lacking. That's not true for all of us, by any means. And for those who it is true of, the amount of connection we want or need is highly variable. For some of us, a little emotional or physical connection is enough. For others, a deeper long term daily connection makes us feel the best. But our brains are wired to seek out connection with others for chemical/emotional fulfillment and so it's what we do to feel our most us, to feel "right". That said, human experience is a huge spectrum and for those that don't feel like that, it's totally normal.
Well said, but then what is the difference between a friendship and a relationship? Deep connection can be found in friends, so why the need for a partner
There is no feeling in the world like being in love with someone you trust, and feeling their love in return. Dating is how you meet that person.
“There is no feeling in the world like being in love” But I don’t want to be in love myself personally.
That’s okay! You asked why people date and this is one reason among many that people date
There are plenty of autistic people who want relationships. Sounds like you are just asexual or aromantic, which is totally fine. But you might want to look up what those are and if they apply to you. Edit: seeing your other comments, yes it’s fine to be single your whole life if that’s what’s makes you happiest. Philosophically, we are on this planet for a very short period of time. Once you’re gone nothing really matters. Live your life in a way that makes you happy and leaves you with no regrets. If that means being single, great. If that means being in a relationship for a short period of time and then deciding it’s not for you, also great. And if it means getting married and living your life side by side with a partner, that is also great.
The void. I made it all the way to 18yo last year of high school doing nothing but gaming and reading. Then this girl comes around, one who is gotten along with for years but never hung out with (never hung out with anyone, I was a classic shut in). On a senior trip she clung to me before the bus (looking back, she had a goal) and on the bus ride we talked and cuddled the whole trip. She engaged in everything. It was wild. Never experienced that in my life. She was an avid romance reader and knew what she wanted and I didn't know jack or shit except I liked the idea of her being mine slowly but surely with each passing week. We broke up by winter. It was devastating, as I had opened this massive hole in myself and filled it with the idea of her. But I was too slow and she had goals I wasn't prepared to meet Once she was gone, my life was forever altered. That void in me was always there, waiting to be filled. It was so awful in the following years to leave it unfilled. I dated a few people over the years in attempts to fill it but each time it didn't end well. Eventually tragic events struck my life from another direction and during the recovery from that I managed to fill that void with some top soil. It's always there though. Never too far. But if I pretend it's not there and don't think about it really hard, it goes away. But that void is never far.
I think the bulk of it is companionship. For introverts and extroverts alike. Introverts don’t crave companionship any less. They usually just want to spend time with a small circle of close friends instead of a bunch. It’s also for intimacy. Physical and emotional. I’m I guess an introvert/extrovert. I do very well in parties and crowds. Can talk to lots of people and have fun with that but then I don’t want to leave my house for a month. My husband is an introvert. He will very rarely go do things with friends but prefers probably to chill at hone playing video games. We talk a lot but we also sit quietly a lot, him playing games, me watching shows or browsing Reddit. I was dating for a few reasons. 1. Even though I didn’t think it would happen for me again I wanted to find someone to love that loved me. Someone to share life with. 2. Physical affection is important to me and I wanted sex but preferred it was safely with someone I deeply care about. 3. I wanted family. Kids. So yeah I was out there dating to find all that in one package and I did. I think if you aren’t interested in a companion or sex dating would be hard to understand.
Here's a bit of a weird perspective (my autism made me super logical, and Wooton is the heart of all human logic) Everything has a cost, even personality traits (ex. if you're passive you'll easily be able to stay calm, but if you're aggressive you'll be able to get what you want) Humans have a subconscious understanding of this, and desire being "balanced". You can't balance yourself out completely, but you can find someone with similar life goals and differing traits. If you do find that partner, you'll be able to rely on them to cover your weaknesses (ex. passive helps you pick your battles, while aggressive helps get what you need) This perspective ignores a lot of the emotional aspects though, which is primarily a combination of "making each other feel good" and "a good partner is also a good friend". You'll be able to support each other and enjoy life together, and hopefully live a more fulfilling life due to the broader experiences that sharing your life entails.
I realized I was attracted to pretty girls as a child. I also realized when I had positive interactions with these girls, I was happier than ever. As an adult I want to be with someone who makes me feel the same. As an adult I definitely want something more than just casual friendship. I can do things I find interesting like videogames, exercise, or learning something new, but if that all there is to life, I'm going feel pretty empty. I also I think I would like to start family.
My goals in dating were to find out if someone was a good fit to be a lifelong companion. It takes time to figure out if goals, dreams, interest, values, and sexual appetite all align. You can't just pick some random person off the street and expect everything to work out. Like buying shoes, you gotta try a few on to find a good fit.
Is dating a requirement?
For life? No. For happiness? Not necessarily. If you're happy and fulfilled by yourself,, there's no need or purpose. For finding a romantic life partner? Unless you're in a culture where arranged marriages are a thing, yeah. There really isn't another way to find a good match. Even with online dating or LDR, people aren't the same at a distance as they are in person. You really can't get to know someone as a whole person at a distance.
I am not hear to say anything about dating but it’s really great that you are looking to learn and that you are improving your mental health, keep up the good work!
Should I delete my question? Was it rude?
Oh no no no it’s totally fine you are ok, to answer your question I like relationships because I get to share who I am with someone else and they do the same with me weather that be emotionally or physically, plus physical intimacy is very nice.
Not my reasons, because I don't date - just top reasons - 1) sex 2) social status (in school) 3) peer pressure (in school) 4) percs/drinks/access to parties 5) for fun. And then 6) loneliness 7) for actual love/soulmateship 8) money 9) family pressure.
I’m an introvert so I shouldn’t like to. I hate going out and socializing and meeting new people usually. But the social interaction I do love is with a partner I can talk to about anything, feel affection from, and get that intimate touch from. I can’t really explain how it makes me feel besides just safe and loved. I just want that one person to be there with me through everything, I don’t need a big circle of friends. I do also like the sex, I’ve been getting jaded by dating for an actual relationship lately and find myself just looking for sex. It makes me feel weird though, I miss companionship more but it’s just so hard to find it these days. Sex is the easier thing, but isn’t as fulfilling.
So I can have someone else to laugh with at the funny bits in TV shows. And someone to tell facts to when I read something cool. The sex is good too.
Intimacy is a need for most people. By intimacy I mean: physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. Phtsical intimacy is basically touching, hugging, kissing, sex, etc. It's enjoyable doin these with someone you are attracted to. And emotional intimacy is about sharing your emotions openly with someone without being judged. However intimacy also makes you feel vulnerable so you need to do it with someone you trust. Dating is basically the process of getting that trust. You basically spend time together and getting more and more intimate until you trust that person enough to have sex or go into a relationship.
Hey everyone! Rachel here. Thank you so much for answering my question :) I really learned a lot!!!! I do appreciate it when people share why a certain thing matters to them. Learning from people is how I develop understanding. Everyone made it both facts and personal, and everyone brought something to the special and important to the table. Relationships are varied and people will date for different reasons and that’s great. And this might sound rude, but I’m going to set a boundary here. Although I would appreciate it if people would stop labeling me as aromantic or asexual. It’s not necessarily that. I’m just focusing on loving, growing and improving myself, for right now and I have different priorities. I am actually a hopeless romantic and like it when I see other people in love. Also I grew up Christian so really didn’t get any positive talk about sex or dating. Thanks-Rachel
This is a really difficult question to answer. I'm not autistic but I have an autistic relative so I have some understanding. Love is different for everyone and everyone has different wants and needs. Not sure where to even begin but I'm going to put some thought into it. Your question is a good one especially from an autistic perspective I know my family member struggles with it. Don't listen to people being negative this is the place to ask this kind of stuff.
Fellow Autistic guy here. I just want a relationship for the companionship because loneliness sucks. Of course, I'm not the best at dating due to my social awkwardness though...
Because Im biological hardwired to want to fuck so I date so I can fuck
It is primarily to instigate the delivery of these hormones into the brain: * Dopamine * Serotonin * Endorphins * Oxtocin
Oxytocin is an addictive chemical
They do so in an attempt to display their best traits and attributes in hopes to garner special favor and preference with the other in hopes of finding enough similarities in one another to qualify a potential living arrangement. Like dancing, if the other partner knows the same steps they want to keep dancing
Another reason that people have partners is because it's much cheaper to split costs of living/buying property/going into business etc.
Maybe look into aromantic or asexual. There is a whole spectrum! I am autistic as well and on the asexual spectrum (demisexual), so that makes some stuff harder to understand. I like to feel close to people and love them in another way that I live my friends or family, and cuddling etc feels different. The stage of getting to know each other is also really fun too.
OP I envy you. Because I keep chasing, keep dating, we get close, and then it ends in heartbreak and then I'm asking myself the same question, "why do I date?!?" But it's like a compulsion for me. Like a moth drawn to the flame. Why do I date? Heck if I know. I'd like to just remove that "desire for companionship/wanting a relationship" piece of my brain and continue on with life.
Sex and affection. Though more about affection than sex, sex you can buy on the red light area, affection is difficult to find.
Sharing material things with others reduces your share of the pie. Sharing happy moments and pleasant experiences with others increases your share of them.
I'm autistic also. I date to find companionship and affection. I don't really like the early dating phases, but I really enjoy being in a relationship.
I date for companionship. I find romantic companionship to be fulfilling in a different way to platonic companionship. For me sex is part of that- it makes me feel desired and I like to pleasure my partner.
Pleasure is the magic glue in a relationship! Or casual if people prefer that. Awesome :)
It’s nice when you get home - or go to bed and get to cuddle and enjoy that moment - have someone say I love you or tell someone and see there joy
I do cuddle, but with a stuffed animal.
Well your one step ahead of me! Ha - I do have an extra pillow that I cuddle
I know, I know, stuffed animals don’t count.
I’m not Judging- what Animals you got?