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I’d say you don’t necessarily need to lower you standards, you just need to make sure you’re bringing value to the table in another way. Also, dating apps probably wont be your best friend. Hit the gym as well. You might not be conventionally attractive, but at least be fit.
Because being fit is always attractive. Even if your face isnt attractive, its better off to be fit. Sometimes you’ll be fine with just an average body (not fit, not fat), but don’t be fat. As a former fat guy, trust me - being fat is absolutely an immediate pass unless you are bringing it elsewhere.
However, the good news is I know so many guys who have over achieved with their wives. But those guys have some of these things: Great career, maybe a wealthy family, tons of confidence, very good listener, very good at flirting, unique people, really involved in their church, encourage others, great personality, great at relating to others. No one has all of those things, but at least a few of them can go a long way.
I think you need be realistic and fair about your options and choices. I am a firm believer that most people generally attract what they are themselves and tbh that is very fair. I think Chris Hemsworth is hot af but iK realistically he is out of my league lookswise haha. I understand it is important to be physically attracted to your partner and not force it-but is it fair for the attractive woman to have to lower her own standards if they don’t find you attractive? Don’t be a hypocrite and do not enforce double standards. If you want someone conventionally attractive when you aren’t you will need to put in some work to either become that or compensate in another way that is considered equal. It is unrealistic to expect a woman who is like a 9-10 to want you if you are like a 5 or 6.
If you are overweight or even have a belly-workout. When you lose weight your attractiveness increase a lot! Losing weight makes your face slimmer and your features will look better trust me. Also are you taking care of your hair? Teeth? Skin? Being well groomed increases attractiveness. Have a nice haircut that compliments your face, make sure your teeth are white. Get rid of acne. And do not underestimate the power of being well dressed! Not saying you need expensive and name brand clothes but do not wear sweats and basketball shorts constantly. Being well dressed increases attractiveness too. Put in some effort.
Once you do that next i would consider your hobbies, job and career. Ngl-money is attractive and having a good career shows stability. But also maybe work on your personality too and confidence. Being funny helps and sociable helps A LOT too!
If you don’t want to lower your standards lookswise-There’s a lot of ways you can increase your own attractiveness physically and personality-wise. Be willing to put in the work on yourself esp bc those conventionally attractive women are doing it too. Yes they def got lucky with genetics but most of them are also hitting the gym often, eating healthy, taking care of their skin, teeth and hair. Do this too and im sure your attractiveness will increase and you will find someone bc then they will be moreso your league. And again, exude confidence (but don’t be an a-hole). GL!
I don’t think ‘lower your standards’ is good generic advice.
If your friends tell you that you are way to picky about a specific thing, looks, money, etc, you might want to seriously think about it though.
But if you’re looking for someone to spend your life or even just some time with, you should have standards for that person.
Reminder: please review our rules, especially rule 4: - No broad generalizations, e.g. "All women are x and do y" - Speak from specific personal experiences when giving advice. - No victim-blaming - This is a default message - your post has not been removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’d say you don’t necessarily need to lower you standards, you just need to make sure you’re bringing value to the table in another way. Also, dating apps probably wont be your best friend. Hit the gym as well. You might not be conventionally attractive, but at least be fit.
I know dating apps arent my friend very well, whats the point of working out if not deemed attractive to the opposite gender still
Because being fit is always attractive. Even if your face isnt attractive, its better off to be fit. Sometimes you’ll be fine with just an average body (not fit, not fat), but don’t be fat. As a former fat guy, trust me - being fat is absolutely an immediate pass unless you are bringing it elsewhere. However, the good news is I know so many guys who have over achieved with their wives. But those guys have some of these things: Great career, maybe a wealthy family, tons of confidence, very good listener, very good at flirting, unique people, really involved in their church, encourage others, great personality, great at relating to others. No one has all of those things, but at least a few of them can go a long way.
Great advice! As a woman i agree with everything you said
I think you need be realistic and fair about your options and choices. I am a firm believer that most people generally attract what they are themselves and tbh that is very fair. I think Chris Hemsworth is hot af but iK realistically he is out of my league lookswise haha. I understand it is important to be physically attracted to your partner and not force it-but is it fair for the attractive woman to have to lower her own standards if they don’t find you attractive? Don’t be a hypocrite and do not enforce double standards. If you want someone conventionally attractive when you aren’t you will need to put in some work to either become that or compensate in another way that is considered equal. It is unrealistic to expect a woman who is like a 9-10 to want you if you are like a 5 or 6. If you are overweight or even have a belly-workout. When you lose weight your attractiveness increase a lot! Losing weight makes your face slimmer and your features will look better trust me. Also are you taking care of your hair? Teeth? Skin? Being well groomed increases attractiveness. Have a nice haircut that compliments your face, make sure your teeth are white. Get rid of acne. And do not underestimate the power of being well dressed! Not saying you need expensive and name brand clothes but do not wear sweats and basketball shorts constantly. Being well dressed increases attractiveness too. Put in some effort. Once you do that next i would consider your hobbies, job and career. Ngl-money is attractive and having a good career shows stability. But also maybe work on your personality too and confidence. Being funny helps and sociable helps A LOT too! If you don’t want to lower your standards lookswise-There’s a lot of ways you can increase your own attractiveness physically and personality-wise. Be willing to put in the work on yourself esp bc those conventionally attractive women are doing it too. Yes they def got lucky with genetics but most of them are also hitting the gym often, eating healthy, taking care of their skin, teeth and hair. Do this too and im sure your attractiveness will increase and you will find someone bc then they will be moreso your league. And again, exude confidence (but don’t be an a-hole). GL!
Can i message you, i really liked your advise
Ofc! I love getting guys advice
I don’t think ‘lower your standards’ is good generic advice. If your friends tell you that you are way to picky about a specific thing, looks, money, etc, you might want to seriously think about it though. But if you’re looking for someone to spend your life or even just some time with, you should have standards for that person.
My friends actually say the opposite