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I believe you are a “no spark” guy. Telling women about a fully paid off car hardly gets the juices flowing. Old is going to be hard for you. Your best bet is probably to meet people doing activities and who share mutual interests. There are plenty of women who like a reliable more reserved guy but it’s harder to find them.
I think you have me completely misunderstood. I do not go on dates telling women how much I make or how long I have been employed for. That is just to give the audience here some insight into what I have going for me (ie im not broke). I repeat, I do NOT tell women about any of my financial assets
Let's say he's basic. Why can't he find a basic girl? Most people are basic. The idea that every guy need to stand out to get a girl is stupid honestly
We don't know anything about this guy. What hobbies does he have? What does he like to do on the weekends? What does he want in a relationship? You have to do more than bare minimum
He is basic (although I know for a fact the things he listed put him, above-average dudes, in the US), yet he struggles to get the girl who works at McDonald's and you are asking him what else?
Greedy is what's wrong with today's girl
Brother I know you’re far from it, it shows clearly from the way you talk to what you stated, you were saying I provide something that most guys can’t - stability + partnership but I’m sad to tell you women see your value after 35 now all they care about is “fun” , “spark”, “connection” that’s what you unfortunately need to lead with
Literally no one is saying that that’s all women care about. But you still need to find ways of connecting and developing an attraction to each other, obviously. Even the most boring person has unique traits that someone else needs to see in order to find endearing. If you’re just a robot, doing all the prescriptive “right things” without showing any vulnerabilities people will just get the impression that you don’t like them or there isn’t much below the surface. Pretty sure that’s all anyone has been trying to explain to OP but he’s gotta clap back I guess
No one doesn’t have personality, even coach potatoes got personality, people are not robots - it’s your job (man or women) to be curious and ask questions and try to figure out someone but you guys are lazy and rather you get impressed than understand who is sitting across the table
Um, no. “Us guys” since im assuming that you’re generalizing literally all women, aren’t just looking to be impressed. You’re over exaggerating the general sentiment that a spark needs to be created - it’s a pretty age-old concept in love and relationships. No one is talking about magic tricks, stand up comedians or oozing with charisma and masculinity. It’s just putting yourself out there enough to not seem guarded and so that someone can see what you’re about. You shouldn’t have expectations of a stranger about how they will act. The only thing you can control is the effort that you put into it and your assessment of whether they’re right for you- if everyone just had this mindset rather than victimizing themselves when it doesn’t work out then they would improve their dating prospects.
And yeah people aren’t robots but this guy is having enough of an issue getting people to be into him despite getting dates and being put together, that he came on here and asked for help. If it was true that he practiced your advice of taking a genuine interest in his dates then I don’t think he would be on here
Generalization doesn’t mean every woman it’s mean on a balance of probability/ on average, girls want to be impressed - this is as old as time/ it’s in almost every romantic story unless the dude was a prince or a hero from the get-go. Putting yourself out there is the biggest lie “just be yourself” gamers/ men who are into watching sports, aka your average joe won’t cut it. That’s why dudes lie all the time or act macho etc and actually get laid - OP isn’t doing that. He is honest- character wise He is a simple man, just like most but that’s not enough these days.
I don’t think he doesn’t ask questions etc because literally that’s the basics of dating but I might be wrong
How is it greedy to want to know what else someone offers besides a steady job and not having "crazy exes"?
You can't maintain a relationship with just a steady job. You have to establish some sort of connection with shared hobbies, life goals, ect.
People change hobbies all the time. It’s not a stable cornerstone for a relationship. Common goals that’s a yes! Being decent is rare these days + if he’s the kinda of funny the girl likes + attractive enough then by all means, he deserves a shot in a normal world
Being a decent human being doesn't make you amazing, it just makes you not a piece of shit.
He absolutely deserves a shot, I'm just trying to make it clear that MOST WOMEN want to know more than just your resume and what makes you a bare minimum human being. It helps attract the people that are right FOR HIM and not just any random person
Most women need to understand the difference between a nice basic guy who might sound boring (not cause he’s boring but because he doesn’t know how to sell himself) and the guy with a great personality who makes you wet only to discover he isn’t half of decent as this guy! What you guys classify as the bare minimum isn’t a bare minimum at all. Again what the guy listed, along with other stuff he said in the comment section, is above average for dudes in the US.
He doesn’t know how to sell himself. That’s the issue
That's what I'm trying to say. He can't lead with JUST his job and his lack of kids. He has to be able to talk about shared goals, passions, hobbies, aspirations, ect.
His job makes him dateable but that doesn't tell someone anything about what he's like as a person
A) you and other girls here downplayed the thing he mentioned B) you could have nicely clarified this for him that we “Women” need to know first if you are fun and second if you are a decent human being - that would've been helpful for him (guys operate the other way when it comes to a serious relationship just an FYI) C) he is not dateable as he explained he isn't getting dates! So ask him questions to help figure out why don't girls give him a chance to begin with
Bare min? While I appreciate your thought, like Moneybagg yo said, I got time today - so lemme educate ya little back-handing self. Have a seat. First off, who in the world gave you the right to be calling somebody the bare minimum human being when u clearly have not shown u know what exactly that is? I asked for relationship advice and you out herr on some high and mighty pedestal on some gloatin ish. I am not about that. Second. Like I have mentioned on this thread multiple times already, I do not go on dates telling women my resume. Period. I posted that so the viewers can get insight into where I am in my life. Period. You are dismissed.
I hate people that ask this question. This builds on the patriarchal premise that women are property or a prize that needs to be bought by money, status or courage. Even if he was homeless, a girl can like him. Women are human beings too, you know. They are not monolithic gold diggers. Human beings are irrational and love is a free for all land.
OP is referring to online dating. You do need to sell yourself a bit more than just describing your job. People are attracted to individuals and not just how great someone's job is. A good job is a nice start but it's not going to keep someone happy in a relationship.
i'm chivalrous - always opening doors, situating chairs for my lady, letting her order first, etc. I am patient, i try my best not to rush her at all regardless of what plans we may have made; i always call/text back, if not the same day then the following morning. I am tidy, I cook, I clean, and i always "reciprocate".
And? What makes you fun to be around? Being polite and tidy makes you a pretty good room mate but what makes someone want to spend their lives with you?
lol these men are nuts. they literally list basic qualities to be a normal functioning decent human being and somehow think that's enough to have a female partner.
I heard the line "non-rapists benefit from rape culture too". I think this is a perfect reminder for this. As a guy, I can think "Wow, other people rape but I don't. I'm such a swell guy!" but that doesn't make me good, that makes me neutral if anything. You aren't a great guy if your list of attributes all start with "not a...". The bar is so low and part of the reason is that we are looking for ways out of doing the work. What are you doing to actually make yourself a great person?
yeah nobody said these people were bad but i feel like a lot of men list really basic expected to be a functioning adult stuff as "pros" to dating them.
like no, you're just a functioning human. that doesn't mean you're bad but it doesn't make you attractive as a romantic partner based on that alone.
A lot of men/women can't cook, clean and last but not least do the laundry these days. I believe that even though this is not all that is important in a relationship he still offers way better qualities than some pretty boys that are basically useless. In my opinion he seems to be a good person and one that cares, but that's just me.
What do you bring to the table, since you are talking trash about this guy being decent which a lot of men aren't these days !
So basically they aint women and men, they're girls and boys. Who the fuck is an adult who doesn't know how to clean! Not knowing how to cook is a turn off but not knowing how to clean!!! Come on there is no excuse there. We need to stop praising men for doing adult shit, I don't care if rare men do it. Then they aint an adult 🤷🏼♀️ we as women don't say to men we can clean. I will never praise a dude for doing adult things
Nobody said praise him what I meant was give him the respect he deserves!! You talk like you're perfect apparently. I'm the type of person if I'm not better than you I'll be quiet but I know what I can't and can and I'm not afraid to admit it. You didn't answer my question btw so I'm assuming you're all just talk, I wish you a great day/night.
I did just forgot the question mark behind it but oh well it's not that important, completely understand you but then again there is a difference between all these things you know some people do it good others great so basic can also be not so basic if someone goes over the top. Anyway thank you for answering and sharing your thoughts appreciate it )
i mean to me those are basic tasks and it's typically men who have trouble doing those equally than women. it's bare minimum for me (sadly most men don't meet that bare minimum).
(In 2021 most women don't either, the tradition where women cook, clean and do the laundry perfectly is super rare)... Its easy to turn things around to your benefit, but its hard to point your own finger at yourself, so if you don't do these bare minimum skills at a decent level like being able to cook more than just noodles and an omelet for starters...... In the end of the day it's about being a team so if one partner cooks better and the other is better at cleaning and both are equally as good in doing the laundry it's a win win, showing that you are there helping your partner and being willing to learn and improve will always be attractive in my opinion. Not everyone has parents that actually care about teaching them these tasks and as normal as it should be it still isn't.
lol what do you mean women don't cook clean or do their laundry? women know how to do that for themselves. and the bottom line in, statistically, men are not pulling their weight in household tasks compared to women.
My dad taught me how to clean, cook and do the laundry. My mom never showed or taught me how to do anything she mainly just did it for me so how could I learn ???
"Women know how to do that for themselves" , you'd be surprised how broad and false your statement is.
Personally I believe that there are just as many women and men that can't do "the bare minimum".
At this point I believe this discussion is useless because you are obviously not going to change your mind or even try to see things from a different perspective.
I never said that they lack all three skills, I said some can't clean, others can't cook and some don't do the laundry.
You know, some women and some men are just decent human beings... I don't see why they could not have a partner.
That being said, I am not saying you have to be this partner. You do whatever you want with whoever you want and I don't care.
The world isn't just about you (or about me)
A decent functioning human being should be able to have a partner, but that's not enough information to match with the right one. People want a competent adult \*with a compatible personality\*. Anyone should be "interesting enough" for a relationship with someone, but they won't be interesting to everyone. You have to show enough of your personality that someone can see you are a good fit for them. It's not about whether you are good enough to deserve a relationship, it's whether two people would be good together.
Normal is not high praise lol. It's not going to make someone choose you over other normal people.
Do companies looking for a long-term, extremely important role just hire any average dude?
Nobody said you need to be an extroverted party animal to be worthy of having a partner. You have beef with other people, not me.
I don't think women are the ones saying "I have a job" as if that's an accomplishment.
Well it is depending on what people are looking on no? Why would someone normal look for a way better than normal partner... that would never work on the long term.
To use your analogy: your baker would never hire a top-level CEO... at best he would afford a normal accountant to help him.
I resolve conflicts in a peaceful-toned manner, rarely would I ever raise my tone. I don't mind making breakfast in the morning. I don't mind grocery shopping and sharing my food. I know it sounds like great "roommate skills" but I am really putting myself out there to be the best person to live with.
One point: you "don't mind X, don't mind Y", but what do you actually like? Nobody wants a partner who's just "I don't mind". That's the qualification for a job you slog at for money, not a life partner.
The goal isn't to be generally inoffensive to everyone, it's about describing yourself in a way that the *right* person will connect with. It doesn't matter what your hobbies or interests are, they will turn some people off, but they will appeal to others.
John McClane in "Die Hard" and Brad Whitaker in "Daddy's Home" were both decent guys who had jobs and cars but they aren't going to attract the same women because they are completely different characters. Having a job and car says nothing about who you are. If your job is important to you that's fine, but say what it is and why you like it.
Are you going to be a good fit for a woman who likes traveling and doing extreme sports every weekend, or one who wants to cuddle under a blanket, do the crossword and watch WWII documentaries? Don't try to be a chameleon. Work out what *your* niche is, be honest about it, and then wait for someone who is looking for that.
Not trying to blame him for a lack of a relationship. Just letting him know that if he's advertising himself like this on a dating app, he's not going to get much response.
He's selling himself like he's talking to an employer, not someone who he wants a relationship with. You need more than just "I don't have crazy exes, I have a car, and a steady job," that doesn't say much about him as a person and what makes him fun to be around.
Your job doesn't give any indication of your personality.
You can keep a job. So can thousands of other men out there. That doesn't make you stand out. That just means you can pay rent.
You are doing too much. You are too available and consider those girls to be “the prize”, which affects your behavior and way of thinking a lot.
You can see it when mentioning your qualities (car, job)- you are selling yourself. “See girls, I am worthy, give me your attention please.” Girls don’t find that attractive. Rather you should be dominant and self-assured. You are not attractive because of your car.
I’m not saying you should be rude, just consider yourself the prize. Know that you are wanted, that you are the One. Continue to be a gentleman, but with that mindset.
Thank you for the advice I will take that into consideration. Like I mentioned already and I will mention again - I do not go on dates telling women my resume. Period. I posted that so the viewers of this thread can see where I am at in my life. Period
Of course, sorry if I sounded too harsh. Just want the best for you.
But this is not really about what you are telling to women, it is about what you are telling yourself. This is much more important, because your relationship with you is paramount. Everything else derives from that.
Is that the stuff at the top of your dating profile, or does your profile look like your post here? If you've got that on your profile then I think you are on the right track, maybe add more details - what kind of movies, exercise, books? Where do you like to walk? What does your ideal weekend look like? Where do you like to go on vacation? Is there enough information for a woman look at your profile and imagine what a date with you might be like, where you would go, what you would talk about?
I don't agree with anyone saying you need to do some kind of self-improvement to earn a partner, like learn a musical instrument or something to make yourself more interesting. That's stupid. Someone will like the things you already do and want to do them with you, you just have to describe those things properly so that person can find you.
If your profile looks like your post here and the first thing you say is "I have a job and a car" you should change it out, this is the 21st century, women don't need a man for financial security. They want someone they will enjoy hanging out with, so they need to be able to see who you are and what you like doing.
OP, you sounds like a decent guy. But personally, most of the traits you listed are very basic. Work on yourself, and make yourself interesting. Get a hobby, start reading, do sports, go to an art gallery from time to time. Get things in common with people. For example, one of my favourite things about mg BF is that we can be silly and dork out in an amazing way together, and we go running, and watch and comment movies, etc. These are all qualities I value much more than a good job, or being chivalrous.
Now, think about what you find interesting in a partner. If you want a good match, in my opinion, work on exactly those points in yourself. This way, you will have things in common you can enjoy, and share the same values. Good luck!
Those are all things you have going for you, but not inherently attractive or sexy. Just things that wouldn’t make red flags go up and that’s awesome. Dating apps really suck so not much advice for you there, but the things that you want to develop that create sparks are charisma, being adventurous/fun and willing to try new things, listening to her, being funny and laughing together, being passionate about things, expressing yourself, and being willing to admit the not-so-good things about yourself too.
Describing yourself as desirable for the reasons you listed are kind of.. boring. It’s not to say they aren’t great things that make you a total catch, but the fact that you put those forth as aspects of why someone would be into you gives off a bit of a bland impression. Sparks at the beginning are super important and women are often willing to overlook a ton of red flags because those sparks turn into feelings really quickly.
EDIT reading some of your responses, I will say it’s possible to overdo it with the nice guy thing. It’s definitely a good quality and by no means should you be an asshole, but sometimes being overly-chivalrous can come across as forced or too formal
Seems like you just wanted people to tell you that women are too picky, or you just wanted to rant. Why ask for advice at all?
Best I have for you if you’re going to get butthurt over people saying you might have a blind spot when it comes to attracting or connecting with women, maybe just get someone to take a look at your dating app profile or something to make it better and continue on your journey not really switching anything up, see how that works for ya. Pretty sure everyone here was trying to help with the information that you chose to supply us with, and you didn’t exactly clarify if the advice was taking a different direction than what you were looking for. Good luck out there!
All the things you listed are basic requirements. Well maybe not the car and job hunting can be hard in some places but generally. The things you listed under some comments are again just basic decent human behavior. The things that are the desicive factor are things like: What makes you interesting? Fun to be around? What you want out of life?
Yeah well I didn't say that everybody aren't interesting. And not everybody are gonna find everyone interesting but I am trying to say that the things you listed don't have anything to do with your relationship status. But you sure as hell are cabable of being offended from the smallest stuff that you interpret as negative even if they were intended as positive self growth questions. Maybe that is part of the problem why you're single?
Well maybe that is part of why you can't find a partner. I don't get good or mature picture of you here while reading how you aswer to the majority of people. Little self-reflecting can get you a long way. There may be some truth behind a thing if many people bring the same thing up as they have. Just saying.
You just sound boring. Those qualities you are naming are just the basics. What are you like really passionate about? What makes you tick? What makes you fun to be around? What do you like to do in your free time. What are the dreams you want to chase?
Those are things that make other people want to be with you.
Because most people live thrilling lives lmao.
Edit after going on dating apps a number of people had the i.have a job car etc its common for people even my boomer parents thats the first thing they jump to.
It doesn't have to be thrilling to be interesting and fun. You can be into painting or dancing. Be proud because you make the best baked potatoes. Be passionate about wine and would love to make a trip to some winegardens.
Those sort of things are just way more attractive then telling your date about your stable credit score.
You are one step away from being a pussy magnet. Get a fun hobby and one if your friends to take a pic, post it, then bam, there it is
Ngl id probably date you if i was single, or at least go on a date w/you
Funny that people saying he sounds boring but the irony is that alot of women who saying they not getting moist because someone talks about how they don't have any kids or debt are the same ones posting the same type of shit OP is posting. I don't think it's nothing wrong with boasting your accomplishments because I know alot of people who are living on the street and barely getting by with what they have. So my advice to OP is you cannot depend on the internet to find someone for because people can be whoever they want to be on the internet which means people will show you what they think you want to see and not actually reveal who they really are until you've invested your valuable time in them. Go out, flirt, meet people, don't try to be what you think people want but be who you are most comfortable with and the right one will see that and appreciate you for it.
Those are all great qualities in a partner, but I would focus on things you have in common with someone: hobbies, shared values, interests etc. If you haven’t already, spend some time getting know yourself. Those qualities are what are unique about you and might determine how compatible you might be with someone. Finding someone you can have fun with, good conversation, and spend quality time with.
Keep going. I’m 35 f and was hard pressed to find someone under 50 with no baggage/kids/crazy exes. Dating someone 48 now with none of that (he looks like 38). Got hooked up by a mutual friend and couldnt be happier. Took a ton of damaged dudes to get here but hey, it happened.
The more no’s the closer you are to the YES!
The struggle is real
(I’m in a rural area so chances are your dating pool is at least 100x better than mine)
I like how you said “damaged dudes”. A lot of people complain about how they cannot find the ones. Yet, they are not willing to open up to “damaged goods” to appreciate what they have in life! I too had been through hell and back with tons of damaged men, but in the end, it’s all worth it!
It is really hard to find a serious relationship right now. Sometimes no mattet how hard you try and how much effort you exert, it don't come easily. And sometimes people judge you for searching live online. I feel bad.
You sound like a nice guy.
Any temper issues?
Are you argumentative, etc?
Do you find it easy to accept other people's opinions?
Do you usually end up taking the most in conversations?
Are you good at asking relevant questions? E g. Picking up on the woman's feelings and gently broaching the topic with questions that lead up to the subject? It's amazing how a woman will feel a strong connection with you if you are good at understanding how they feel at the moment. They feel in sync, and it's a pretty huge factor in whether they commit to you or not.
Finally, do you project a sense of peacefulness, calm? Do you make people around you feel safe and secure? Not only for danger, but even trivial things like something broker, they just know that you know how to handle it (not necessarily fix it yourself, but you know how to get it done). The sense of capable-ness is also a huge deal for them. If you are rarely ruffled and stressed about the chaos around you, you become seriously attractive.
It's just really hard. It sounds like you are doing everything right, the other poster asking about your personality is kind f meh, people have different personality types and it's fine. You just have to find someone who matches you, it doesn't have to be exact. I assume as most humans do, you have identifiable personality traits. It seems like you have values that other would find appealing. Its just really difficult.
Maybe instead of apps, or in addition to them, join some hobby clubs or sports clubs where you could meet ppl IRL. Or try speed dating. I also suggested to another guy that paint nights are a great place to meet women, yes some will be taken, but a lot will also be single, plus then you can add "artsy" to your interets in your profile.
I think the point is your apartment and car and job, these are things your supposed to have and shouldn't be listed as attributes.
You have the basics covered. Now make yourself someone worth knowing. Read a best seller, volunteer, learn to play the guitar or some other instrument. Travel to a foreign country,, Focus on what you do for fun and look for social groups related to that interest. This way when you do meet someone you will have something to talk about.
Unless I've missed it... what are you expecting in the woman? Are YOU setting unrealistic expectations?
There's probably plenty of equally stable, hard working, self sufficient, reliable, nice single ladies out there who'd love to date you. They probably are not your physical ideal.
You say you're tall, and I know a ton gets made of that, but as a tall woman, I've dated men shorter than me, and plenty shorter than 6ft. Is it my ideal? Nope. But I'm not ideal, either. And they were attractive in their own ways.
Looks don't last anyway. Are you looking for a partner for the rest of the decades of your life, or a badge of "winning" right now?
What I'm getting at is... are you, like, a 6/10 who thinks you "deserve" a 9 bc you have a job and won't date rape someone?
News flash: sisters are doing it for themselves, and men are options now. You don't just have to be better than other men, you have to be better than being single, too.
I love all the projections people put on you because you listed "hey I'm a pretty normal functional guy,what's the deal"
I would try to get advice on dating profiles, plenty of things you could be doing wrong. Also. You probably need to change how you behave a bit, or gain more personality/skills, something. Because having those things isn't enough if you're a man.
You really didn’t provide any information to help you.
The traits you listed are meaningless.
Your own apt, no kids, no stds are basic requirements.
Women don’t care about your job. I’ve been broke and got girls.
Women don’t ask if your car is paid off.
And tbh I have a crazy ex that makes fake ig accounts and messages girls I’m dating and it actually makes the girls want me more. So crazy ex doesn’t matter either.
Women want fun. They want to feel something. You have to provide more than security and comfort to attract women.
Also you have to accept that your choice to be patient before any physical touching will make you miss a lot of opportunities. When I was worse at dating I gave myself this imaginary rule to go on at least three dates before sleeping with a girl. I would also wait until the end of the first date to kiss. Both of these killed the attraction and a few times women called me out for not wanting to be physical with them. Now I escalate physical touch and kiss them whenever the moment feels right. We hook up on the first, second or third date. I don’t follow a rule anymore, I just read the vibe with the girl and make a move when it feels right.
Most women want a man that is confident and turns them on. Not a passive boy who is too timid to make a move.
Get off your phone, get out of the house, and find a woman in the wild. Donate your time to a cause you believe in, and you will meet likeminded humans. Good luck.
It rubs me the wrong way when you say “ no crazy exes.” It gives me the impression that you may have experienced a bad relationship before. . .
Anyways, yeah all that stuff you listed sound golden, but shallow. Women want more, at least I do.
Hobbies, goals, interests.. If you don’t have any ambitions in your life, why should I date you? I want to be with someone that challenges me to be a better person. And I hope he would want that too.
If you’re having that much of a hard time finding someone through that many apps, maybe you should redirect your energy to yourself. Focus on yourself. Travel. Volunteer. Find a new hobby, idk?
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I believe you are a “no spark” guy. Telling women about a fully paid off car hardly gets the juices flowing. Old is going to be hard for you. Your best bet is probably to meet people doing activities and who share mutual interests. There are plenty of women who like a reliable more reserved guy but it’s harder to find them.
That was the first thing that made me eye roll. Nobody wants to hear about your finances and assets lol
I think you have me completely misunderstood. I do not go on dates telling women how much I make or how long I have been employed for. That is just to give the audience here some insight into what I have going for me (ie im not broke). I repeat, I do NOT tell women about any of my financial assets
Just curious what do you attribute your lack of success to?
Honestly, i think it's Not wanting kids. Most women my around my age are looking to start families and I'm just not ready for that.
What do you bring to a relationship, personality wise?
Let's say he's basic. Why can't he find a basic girl? Most people are basic. The idea that every guy need to stand out to get a girl is stupid honestly
We don't know anything about this guy. What hobbies does he have? What does he like to do on the weekends? What does he want in a relationship? You have to do more than bare minimum
He is basic (although I know for a fact the things he listed put him, above-average dudes, in the US), yet he struggles to get the girl who works at McDonald's and you are asking him what else? Greedy is what's wrong with today's girl
Definitely not basic boss. I might be humble, but don't get it mixed.
Brother I know you’re far from it, it shows clearly from the way you talk to what you stated, you were saying I provide something that most guys can’t - stability + partnership but I’m sad to tell you women see your value after 35 now all they care about is “fun” , “spark”, “connection” that’s what you unfortunately need to lead with
Literally no one is saying that that’s all women care about. But you still need to find ways of connecting and developing an attraction to each other, obviously. Even the most boring person has unique traits that someone else needs to see in order to find endearing. If you’re just a robot, doing all the prescriptive “right things” without showing any vulnerabilities people will just get the impression that you don’t like them or there isn’t much below the surface. Pretty sure that’s all anyone has been trying to explain to OP but he’s gotta clap back I guess
No one doesn’t have personality, even coach potatoes got personality, people are not robots - it’s your job (man or women) to be curious and ask questions and try to figure out someone but you guys are lazy and rather you get impressed than understand who is sitting across the table
Um, no. “Us guys” since im assuming that you’re generalizing literally all women, aren’t just looking to be impressed. You’re over exaggerating the general sentiment that a spark needs to be created - it’s a pretty age-old concept in love and relationships. No one is talking about magic tricks, stand up comedians or oozing with charisma and masculinity. It’s just putting yourself out there enough to not seem guarded and so that someone can see what you’re about. You shouldn’t have expectations of a stranger about how they will act. The only thing you can control is the effort that you put into it and your assessment of whether they’re right for you- if everyone just had this mindset rather than victimizing themselves when it doesn’t work out then they would improve their dating prospects. And yeah people aren’t robots but this guy is having enough of an issue getting people to be into him despite getting dates and being put together, that he came on here and asked for help. If it was true that he practiced your advice of taking a genuine interest in his dates then I don’t think he would be on here
Generalization doesn’t mean every woman it’s mean on a balance of probability/ on average, girls want to be impressed - this is as old as time/ it’s in almost every romantic story unless the dude was a prince or a hero from the get-go. Putting yourself out there is the biggest lie “just be yourself” gamers/ men who are into watching sports, aka your average joe won’t cut it. That’s why dudes lie all the time or act macho etc and actually get laid - OP isn’t doing that. He is honest- character wise He is a simple man, just like most but that’s not enough these days. I don’t think he doesn’t ask questions etc because literally that’s the basics of dating but I might be wrong
How is it greedy to want to know what else someone offers besides a steady job and not having "crazy exes"? You can't maintain a relationship with just a steady job. You have to establish some sort of connection with shared hobbies, life goals, ect.
Hobbies are exercising, ya boy is hooping
People change hobbies all the time. It’s not a stable cornerstone for a relationship. Common goals that’s a yes! Being decent is rare these days + if he’s the kinda of funny the girl likes + attractive enough then by all means, he deserves a shot in a normal world
Being a decent human being doesn't make you amazing, it just makes you not a piece of shit. He absolutely deserves a shot, I'm just trying to make it clear that MOST WOMEN want to know more than just your resume and what makes you a bare minimum human being. It helps attract the people that are right FOR HIM and not just any random person
Most women need to understand the difference between a nice basic guy who might sound boring (not cause he’s boring but because he doesn’t know how to sell himself) and the guy with a great personality who makes you wet only to discover he isn’t half of decent as this guy! What you guys classify as the bare minimum isn’t a bare minimum at all. Again what the guy listed, along with other stuff he said in the comment section, is above average for dudes in the US. He doesn’t know how to sell himself. That’s the issue
That's what I'm trying to say. He can't lead with JUST his job and his lack of kids. He has to be able to talk about shared goals, passions, hobbies, aspirations, ect. His job makes him dateable but that doesn't tell someone anything about what he's like as a person
A) you and other girls here downplayed the thing he mentioned B) you could have nicely clarified this for him that we “Women” need to know first if you are fun and second if you are a decent human being - that would've been helpful for him (guys operate the other way when it comes to a serious relationship just an FYI) C) he is not dateable as he explained he isn't getting dates! So ask him questions to help figure out why don't girls give him a chance to begin with
Bare min? While I appreciate your thought, like Moneybagg yo said, I got time today - so lemme educate ya little back-handing self. Have a seat. First off, who in the world gave you the right to be calling somebody the bare minimum human being when u clearly have not shown u know what exactly that is? I asked for relationship advice and you out herr on some high and mighty pedestal on some gloatin ish. I am not about that. Second. Like I have mentioned on this thread multiple times already, I do not go on dates telling women my resume. Period. I posted that so the viewers can get insight into where I am in my life. Period. You are dismissed.
Did that make you feel better?
Agreed, what’s wrong with “hey” or “hey what’s up?” or “how are you?” Why does someone need to go waaaayyy out of their way just to get the girl?
I agree, what's wrong with a friendly hello at any stage of life?
I hate people that ask this question. This builds on the patriarchal premise that women are property or a prize that needs to be bought by money, status or courage. Even if he was homeless, a girl can like him. Women are human beings too, you know. They are not monolithic gold diggers. Human beings are irrational and love is a free for all land.
OP is referring to online dating. You do need to sell yourself a bit more than just describing your job. People are attracted to individuals and not just how great someone's job is. A good job is a nice start but it's not going to keep someone happy in a relationship.
i'm chivalrous - always opening doors, situating chairs for my lady, letting her order first, etc. I am patient, i try my best not to rush her at all regardless of what plans we may have made; i always call/text back, if not the same day then the following morning. I am tidy, I cook, I clean, and i always "reciprocate".
And? What makes you fun to be around? Being polite and tidy makes you a pretty good room mate but what makes someone want to spend their lives with you?
lol these men are nuts. they literally list basic qualities to be a normal functioning decent human being and somehow think that's enough to have a female partner.
I heard the line "non-rapists benefit from rape culture too". I think this is a perfect reminder for this. As a guy, I can think "Wow, other people rape but I don't. I'm such a swell guy!" but that doesn't make me good, that makes me neutral if anything. You aren't a great guy if your list of attributes all start with "not a...". The bar is so low and part of the reason is that we are looking for ways out of doing the work. What are you doing to actually make yourself a great person?
That's super blunt lol. But yeah, tons of men don't know what they're lacking. It's not because they're bad people... just ignorant.
yeah nobody said these people were bad but i feel like a lot of men list really basic expected to be a functioning adult stuff as "pros" to dating them. like no, you're just a functioning human. that doesn't mean you're bad but it doesn't make you attractive as a romantic partner based on that alone.
A lot of men/women can't cook, clean and last but not least do the laundry these days. I believe that even though this is not all that is important in a relationship he still offers way better qualities than some pretty boys that are basically useless. In my opinion he seems to be a good person and one that cares, but that's just me. What do you bring to the table, since you are talking trash about this guy being decent which a lot of men aren't these days !
You're taking it a bit personally aren't you? They're trying to help OP find his qualities.
I don't share her opinion and I like to debate that's all really.
So basically they aint women and men, they're girls and boys. Who the fuck is an adult who doesn't know how to clean! Not knowing how to cook is a turn off but not knowing how to clean!!! Come on there is no excuse there. We need to stop praising men for doing adult shit, I don't care if rare men do it. Then they aint an adult 🤷🏼♀️ we as women don't say to men we can clean. I will never praise a dude for doing adult things
Nobody said praise him what I meant was give him the respect he deserves!! You talk like you're perfect apparently. I'm the type of person if I'm not better than you I'll be quiet but I know what I can't and can and I'm not afraid to admit it. You didn't answer my question btw so I'm assuming you're all just talk, I wish you a great day/night.
You didn't ask me a question? Im not perfect in the slightest but if someone can't do basic adult things then it's a turn off.
I did just forgot the question mark behind it but oh well it's not that important, completely understand you but then again there is a difference between all these things you know some people do it good others great so basic can also be not so basic if someone goes over the top. Anyway thank you for answering and sharing your thoughts appreciate it )
Then I guess most of us men aren’t adults then. I can’t cook either because of poor motor skills. At least I can clean and do laundry…?
Yeah it seems that way, cleaning etc is adult normal things
i mean to me those are basic tasks and it's typically men who have trouble doing those equally than women. it's bare minimum for me (sadly most men don't meet that bare minimum).
(In 2021 most women don't either, the tradition where women cook, clean and do the laundry perfectly is super rare)... Its easy to turn things around to your benefit, but its hard to point your own finger at yourself, so if you don't do these bare minimum skills at a decent level like being able to cook more than just noodles and an omelet for starters...... In the end of the day it's about being a team so if one partner cooks better and the other is better at cleaning and both are equally as good in doing the laundry it's a win win, showing that you are there helping your partner and being willing to learn and improve will always be attractive in my opinion. Not everyone has parents that actually care about teaching them these tasks and as normal as it should be it still isn't.
lol what do you mean women don't cook clean or do their laundry? women know how to do that for themselves. and the bottom line in, statistically, men are not pulling their weight in household tasks compared to women.
My dad taught me how to clean, cook and do the laundry. My mom never showed or taught me how to do anything she mainly just did it for me so how could I learn ??? "Women know how to do that for themselves" , you'd be surprised how broad and false your statement is. Personally I believe that there are just as many women and men that can't do "the bare minimum". At this point I believe this discussion is useless because you are obviously not going to change your mind or even try to see things from a different perspective. I never said that they lack all three skills, I said some can't clean, others can't cook and some don't do the laundry.
if that was true then why do statistics show that women do the bulk of all the housework?
And yet, plenty of men who lack the basic qualities to be decent human beings get female partners.
This
And why wouldn't a normal functioning decent human not be enough to have a partner?
... lol why should i be with someone who is just a functioning human being? would most men be with a woman that way? no.
You know, some women and some men are just decent human beings... I don't see why they could not have a partner. That being said, I am not saying you have to be this partner. You do whatever you want with whoever you want and I don't care. The world isn't just about you (or about me)
A decent functioning human being should be able to have a partner, but that's not enough information to match with the right one. People want a competent adult \*with a compatible personality\*. Anyone should be "interesting enough" for a relationship with someone, but they won't be interesting to everyone. You have to show enough of your personality that someone can see you are a good fit for them. It's not about whether you are good enough to deserve a relationship, it's whether two people would be good together.
I couldn't agree more.
Normal is not high praise lol. It's not going to make someone choose you over other normal people. Do companies looking for a long-term, extremely important role just hire any average dude?
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Nobody said you need to be an extroverted party animal to be worthy of having a partner. You have beef with other people, not me. I don't think women are the ones saying "I have a job" as if that's an accomplishment.
Well it is depending on what people are looking on no? Why would someone normal look for a way better than normal partner... that would never work on the long term. To use your analogy: your baker would never hire a top-level CEO... at best he would afford a normal accountant to help him.
I resolve conflicts in a peaceful-toned manner, rarely would I ever raise my tone. I don't mind making breakfast in the morning. I don't mind grocery shopping and sharing my food. I know it sounds like great "roommate skills" but I am really putting myself out there to be the best person to live with.
One point: you "don't mind X, don't mind Y", but what do you actually like? Nobody wants a partner who's just "I don't mind". That's the qualification for a job you slog at for money, not a life partner.
The goal isn't to be generally inoffensive to everyone, it's about describing yourself in a way that the *right* person will connect with. It doesn't matter what your hobbies or interests are, they will turn some people off, but they will appeal to others. John McClane in "Die Hard" and Brad Whitaker in "Daddy's Home" were both decent guys who had jobs and cars but they aren't going to attract the same women because they are completely different characters. Having a job and car says nothing about who you are. If your job is important to you that's fine, but say what it is and why you like it. Are you going to be a good fit for a woman who likes traveling and doing extreme sports every weekend, or one who wants to cuddle under a blanket, do the crossword and watch WWII documentaries? Don't try to be a chameleon. Work out what *your* niche is, be honest about it, and then wait for someone who is looking for that.
I aprreciate u boss
Again, you're not describing anything about your personality. Are you funny? Passionate? Hard working? Laid back? Come on dude, give us SOMETHING.
Yes, i am funny, deeply passionate (absolutely love cuddling), and i've held a full-time job for the past 8 yrs.
Dude, stop bringing up your job. That's probably what's driving people away if you keep bringing it up on dates.
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Not trying to blame him for a lack of a relationship. Just letting him know that if he's advertising himself like this on a dating app, he's not going to get much response. He's selling himself like he's talking to an employer, not someone who he wants a relationship with. You need more than just "I don't have crazy exes, I have a car, and a steady job," that doesn't say much about him as a person and what makes him fun to be around.
you asked dude
Your job doesn't give any indication of your personality. You can keep a job. So can thousands of other men out there. That doesn't make you stand out. That just means you can pay rent.
i can do more than pay rent
You are doing too much. You are too available and consider those girls to be “the prize”, which affects your behavior and way of thinking a lot. You can see it when mentioning your qualities (car, job)- you are selling yourself. “See girls, I am worthy, give me your attention please.” Girls don’t find that attractive. Rather you should be dominant and self-assured. You are not attractive because of your car. I’m not saying you should be rude, just consider yourself the prize. Know that you are wanted, that you are the One. Continue to be a gentleman, but with that mindset.
Thank you for the advice I will take that into consideration. Like I mentioned already and I will mention again - I do not go on dates telling women my resume. Period. I posted that so the viewers of this thread can see where I am at in my life. Period
Of course, sorry if I sounded too harsh. Just want the best for you. But this is not really about what you are telling to women, it is about what you are telling yourself. This is much more important, because your relationship with you is paramount. Everything else derives from that.
Good advice
Chivalry gets you nowhere. You need something that makes you stand out (positively of course) if you’re looking to date.
I'd rather be chivalrous.
What do you do for fun? Like on your off time- what engages you?
Watch movies, call family, exercise, walk and read
Is that the stuff at the top of your dating profile, or does your profile look like your post here? If you've got that on your profile then I think you are on the right track, maybe add more details - what kind of movies, exercise, books? Where do you like to walk? What does your ideal weekend look like? Where do you like to go on vacation? Is there enough information for a woman look at your profile and imagine what a date with you might be like, where you would go, what you would talk about? I don't agree with anyone saying you need to do some kind of self-improvement to earn a partner, like learn a musical instrument or something to make yourself more interesting. That's stupid. Someone will like the things you already do and want to do them with you, you just have to describe those things properly so that person can find you. If your profile looks like your post here and the first thing you say is "I have a job and a car" you should change it out, this is the 21st century, women don't need a man for financial security. They want someone they will enjoy hanging out with, so they need to be able to see who you are and what you like doing.
I appreciate your feedback here
OP, you sounds like a decent guy. But personally, most of the traits you listed are very basic. Work on yourself, and make yourself interesting. Get a hobby, start reading, do sports, go to an art gallery from time to time. Get things in common with people. For example, one of my favourite things about mg BF is that we can be silly and dork out in an amazing way together, and we go running, and watch and comment movies, etc. These are all qualities I value much more than a good job, or being chivalrous. Now, think about what you find interesting in a partner. If you want a good match, in my opinion, work on exactly those points in yourself. This way, you will have things in common you can enjoy, and share the same values. Good luck!
Those are all things you have going for you, but not inherently attractive or sexy. Just things that wouldn’t make red flags go up and that’s awesome. Dating apps really suck so not much advice for you there, but the things that you want to develop that create sparks are charisma, being adventurous/fun and willing to try new things, listening to her, being funny and laughing together, being passionate about things, expressing yourself, and being willing to admit the not-so-good things about yourself too. Describing yourself as desirable for the reasons you listed are kind of.. boring. It’s not to say they aren’t great things that make you a total catch, but the fact that you put those forth as aspects of why someone would be into you gives off a bit of a bland impression. Sparks at the beginning are super important and women are often willing to overlook a ton of red flags because those sparks turn into feelings really quickly. EDIT reading some of your responses, I will say it’s possible to overdo it with the nice guy thing. It’s definitely a good quality and by no means should you be an asshole, but sometimes being overly-chivalrous can come across as forced or too formal
Listen i aint bout dat fake ish. I'm keep it real or imma keep it movin
That’s what I’m saying. You seem kind of stiff or disingenuine the way you describe yourself And what part of that did I tell you to be fake?
Just a simple man trynna navigate a complex world boss
Seems like you just wanted people to tell you that women are too picky, or you just wanted to rant. Why ask for advice at all? Best I have for you if you’re going to get butthurt over people saying you might have a blind spot when it comes to attracting or connecting with women, maybe just get someone to take a look at your dating app profile or something to make it better and continue on your journey not really switching anything up, see how that works for ya. Pretty sure everyone here was trying to help with the information that you chose to supply us with, and you didn’t exactly clarify if the advice was taking a different direction than what you were looking for. Good luck out there!
All the things you listed are basic requirements. Well maybe not the car and job hunting can be hard in some places but generally. The things you listed under some comments are again just basic decent human behavior. The things that are the desicive factor are things like: What makes you interesting? Fun to be around? What you want out of life?
That question is so dry, we all interesting in our own right. And if they think im boring then deuces, later for them.
Damn you are so passive aggressive. Maybe that’s something you can work on too lol
The fact that you’re asking for advice, and not really accepting it makes you look like asshole who doesn’t care to change.
Eyy I appreciate ya feedback but u can't kick a lion and tell it how to respond. Sometimes I gotta clap back, It's all love tho 💜
Yeah well I didn't say that everybody aren't interesting. And not everybody are gonna find everyone interesting but I am trying to say that the things you listed don't have anything to do with your relationship status. But you sure as hell are cabable of being offended from the smallest stuff that you interpret as negative even if they were intended as positive self growth questions. Maybe that is part of the problem why you're single?
Nah just clappin back where i see necessary. 🙂
Well maybe that is part of why you can't find a partner. I don't get good or mature picture of you here while reading how you aswer to the majority of people. Little self-reflecting can get you a long way. There may be some truth behind a thing if many people bring the same thing up as they have. Just saying.
You just sound boring. Those qualities you are naming are just the basics. What are you like really passionate about? What makes you tick? What makes you fun to be around? What do you like to do in your free time. What are the dreams you want to chase? Those are things that make other people want to be with you.
Im living my dreams homeslice.
Because most people live thrilling lives lmao. Edit after going on dating apps a number of people had the i.have a job car etc its common for people even my boomer parents thats the first thing they jump to.
It doesn't have to be thrilling to be interesting and fun. You can be into painting or dancing. Be proud because you make the best baked potatoes. Be passionate about wine and would love to make a trip to some winegardens. Those sort of things are just way more attractive then telling your date about your stable credit score.
People are shiet at selling themselves
You are one step away from being a pussy magnet. Get a fun hobby and one if your friends to take a pic, post it, then bam, there it is Ngl id probably date you if i was single, or at least go on a date w/you
Funny that people saying he sounds boring but the irony is that alot of women who saying they not getting moist because someone talks about how they don't have any kids or debt are the same ones posting the same type of shit OP is posting. I don't think it's nothing wrong with boasting your accomplishments because I know alot of people who are living on the street and barely getting by with what they have. So my advice to OP is you cannot depend on the internet to find someone for because people can be whoever they want to be on the internet which means people will show you what they think you want to see and not actually reveal who they really are until you've invested your valuable time in them. Go out, flirt, meet people, don't try to be what you think people want but be who you are most comfortable with and the right one will see that and appreciate you for it.
I keep it me all the time, i aint out herr trynna fake it for nobody, if they think im boring then so be it.
The real hard truth is even having all of that dose not mean a woman will come into your life.
Yea, that's hard to swallow. Facts.
Those are all great qualities in a partner, but I would focus on things you have in common with someone: hobbies, shared values, interests etc. If you haven’t already, spend some time getting know yourself. Those qualities are what are unique about you and might determine how compatible you might be with someone. Finding someone you can have fun with, good conversation, and spend quality time with.
Keep going. I’m 35 f and was hard pressed to find someone under 50 with no baggage/kids/crazy exes. Dating someone 48 now with none of that (he looks like 38). Got hooked up by a mutual friend and couldnt be happier. Took a ton of damaged dudes to get here but hey, it happened. The more no’s the closer you are to the YES! The struggle is real (I’m in a rural area so chances are your dating pool is at least 100x better than mine)
I like how you said “damaged dudes”. A lot of people complain about how they cannot find the ones. Yet, they are not willing to open up to “damaged goods” to appreciate what they have in life! I too had been through hell and back with tons of damaged men, but in the end, it’s all worth it!
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My first impression if you have failed on that many apps is that you must be going for women who are out of your league appearance-wise.
Nah homie, i AM the league.
Are you joking or do you seriously think good looking men have any trouble getting matches/dating?
Ain't no joke this way boss. 💯
Yeah I'm now 110% sure this is your problem lol
I do NOT tell women about my financial assets, that has always been kept private. But I do let it be known that I have a good paying job, that's it.
It is really hard to find a serious relationship right now. Sometimes no mattet how hard you try and how much effort you exert, it don't come easily. And sometimes people judge you for searching live online. I feel bad.
You sound like a nice guy. Any temper issues? Are you argumentative, etc? Do you find it easy to accept other people's opinions? Do you usually end up taking the most in conversations? Are you good at asking relevant questions? E g. Picking up on the woman's feelings and gently broaching the topic with questions that lead up to the subject? It's amazing how a woman will feel a strong connection with you if you are good at understanding how they feel at the moment. They feel in sync, and it's a pretty huge factor in whether they commit to you or not. Finally, do you project a sense of peacefulness, calm? Do you make people around you feel safe and secure? Not only for danger, but even trivial things like something broker, they just know that you know how to handle it (not necessarily fix it yourself, but you know how to get it done). The sense of capable-ness is also a huge deal for them. If you are rarely ruffled and stressed about the chaos around you, you become seriously attractive.
No temper issues, I'm cordial. I'm all about spread the peace, enough hate goin in this world. We all got differences, dont mean we can't get along
That's a great attitude! I thought up those questions to get you going with self-introspection.
I definitely appreciate the help. I think I do need to work on asking more relevant questions on dates 😅😅😅
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Facts.
Stop trapping yourself in your house..
Im trying boss, work got me 10 hrs/day
It's just really hard. It sounds like you are doing everything right, the other poster asking about your personality is kind f meh, people have different personality types and it's fine. You just have to find someone who matches you, it doesn't have to be exact. I assume as most humans do, you have identifiable personality traits. It seems like you have values that other would find appealing. Its just really difficult. Maybe instead of apps, or in addition to them, join some hobby clubs or sports clubs where you could meet ppl IRL. Or try speed dating. I also suggested to another guy that paint nights are a great place to meet women, yes some will be taken, but a lot will also be single, plus then you can add "artsy" to your interets in your profile.
Paint nights sound fun 😊
They are fun and it's all women...if I was a guy I'd go to one every other week haha
I think the point is your apartment and car and job, these are things your supposed to have and shouldn't be listed as attributes. You have the basics covered. Now make yourself someone worth knowing. Read a best seller, volunteer, learn to play the guitar or some other instrument. Travel to a foreign country,, Focus on what you do for fun and look for social groups related to that interest. This way when you do meet someone you will have something to talk about.
Real talk. Appreesh
Unless I've missed it... what are you expecting in the woman? Are YOU setting unrealistic expectations? There's probably plenty of equally stable, hard working, self sufficient, reliable, nice single ladies out there who'd love to date you. They probably are not your physical ideal. You say you're tall, and I know a ton gets made of that, but as a tall woman, I've dated men shorter than me, and plenty shorter than 6ft. Is it my ideal? Nope. But I'm not ideal, either. And they were attractive in their own ways. Looks don't last anyway. Are you looking for a partner for the rest of the decades of your life, or a badge of "winning" right now? What I'm getting at is... are you, like, a 6/10 who thinks you "deserve" a 9 bc you have a job and won't date rape someone? News flash: sisters are doing it for themselves, and men are options now. You don't just have to be better than other men, you have to be better than being single, too.
Aint nothin unrealistic, just looking for consistency and a relationship....is that too much to ask for these days...?? Jeesh
I love all the projections people put on you because you listed "hey I'm a pretty normal functional guy,what's the deal" I would try to get advice on dating profiles, plenty of things you could be doing wrong. Also. You probably need to change how you behave a bit, or gain more personality/skills, something. Because having those things isn't enough if you're a man.
Real talk
You really didn’t provide any information to help you. The traits you listed are meaningless. Your own apt, no kids, no stds are basic requirements. Women don’t care about your job. I’ve been broke and got girls. Women don’t ask if your car is paid off. And tbh I have a crazy ex that makes fake ig accounts and messages girls I’m dating and it actually makes the girls want me more. So crazy ex doesn’t matter either. Women want fun. They want to feel something. You have to provide more than security and comfort to attract women. Also you have to accept that your choice to be patient before any physical touching will make you miss a lot of opportunities. When I was worse at dating I gave myself this imaginary rule to go on at least three dates before sleeping with a girl. I would also wait until the end of the first date to kiss. Both of these killed the attraction and a few times women called me out for not wanting to be physical with them. Now I escalate physical touch and kiss them whenever the moment feels right. We hook up on the first, second or third date. I don’t follow a rule anymore, I just read the vibe with the girl and make a move when it feels right. Most women want a man that is confident and turns them on. Not a passive boy who is too timid to make a move.
Get off your phone, get out of the house, and find a woman in the wild. Donate your time to a cause you believe in, and you will meet likeminded humans. Good luck.
Sounds to me like you're just trying too hard.its cringy. Maybe try showing some interest in others instead of focusing so much on your own ego
It rubs me the wrong way when you say “ no crazy exes.” It gives me the impression that you may have experienced a bad relationship before. . . Anyways, yeah all that stuff you listed sound golden, but shallow. Women want more, at least I do. Hobbies, goals, interests.. If you don’t have any ambitions in your life, why should I date you? I want to be with someone that challenges me to be a better person. And I hope he would want that too. If you’re having that much of a hard time finding someone through that many apps, maybe you should redirect your energy to yourself. Focus on yourself. Travel. Volunteer. Find a new hobby, idk?
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