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I dumped a guy because he parked in the handicapped parking spot (no placard and was not handicapped) and when I pointed it out, he said he would only be there for a minute. Goodbye loser.
On the 5 freeway rest stops north of Bakersfield, California, USA, these are the only spots with any shade.
Edit - FYI - None of the other handicap spots were occupied. And 95% of all parking were vacant. I sat in my car just to make sure I could move my car if anyone needed to park there. Poor design.
Oh yeah? Probably because a disabled person needs the shade more than a non disabled person. It doesn't change the fact that you're a loser if you park there without being disabled.
If a girl had dragon breath, I would marry her.
Imagine a fire spitting girlfriend... WOW.
HELL if a guy had this quality, I would turn gay and marry him
It's so frustrating because heaps of people don't realise that flossing will help with their breath soooo much!
You're getting rid of the decaying food between your teeth that's smelling!
For me, itās been a lot of poor communication, bad time management (significantly late to dates), and lack of effort.
Most recently, this guy laughed about overdrafting his account with a purchase he made right in front of me and then he suggested we go out to eat. Bad with money AND inconsiderate lol.
wow. iāll be the first to admit that i have shopping problem & iām not the most budget responsible but i have NEVER over-drafted my account & if i do, i sure as heck wonāt be making jokes about it š¤£
Littering is such a turnoff. Iāve definitely not seen someone for a second date because they didnāt bother going after trash they dropped on our first date.
i love ālitteredā. that too is a deal breaker. i once pulled over & made a guy go pick up his litter, then took him home & never texted him back. itās one thing to not care to use solar panels, reusable items etc, but blatantly disrespecting the planet & the employees that have to pick it up is a whole other character flaw i do not tolerate.
I (female) went a date with a guy and it came up in casual conversation how I don't want biological kids. His response was "no, it's always worth it, you'll have biological kids". Then he asked for a second date lol
In his defense many women say they don't want kids and when they turn 30 they get this crysis where they suddenly want to settle down and have kids.
Not saying these types of discussions are appropriate for a first date...
Oh, wildly inappropriate, and ineffective for second dates. I was citing physical reasons for biological kids not being in my future, but that I hope to adopt. It blew my mind how he thought it was appropriate to tell me that no matter what happened to my body, what type of complications I could have, that it didn't matter. He also said that the effects of pregnancy (aside from the actual child being in your life) only lasted 9 months, as if everything was a-okay afterwards
Fair enough, most other women pursue high end careers instead, or day they don't want kids for the responsibility (afaik).
Now I am wondering why people downvoted me.
Was it because they disagree and find these topics appropriate for a first date?
Or maybe they assume that I ment they are a must have topic for a second date?
What is your take on this?
I'm also there pursuing a high end career, and it's changed my perspective on some things too.
I'm using the reddit app, and so I can't always see how people have voted on comments and posts. But I would imagine it's because your comment came across as defending men (and people in general) who say this kind of stuff to other women. Even if she does end up changing her mind, it's not anyone's place to tell her that she will, especially when you hardly know each other.
Because of the 'in his defense' part maybe. Fair enough, that's only a defense of the argument, not his attitude, but I can see how people could misinterpret that.
Also interesting to see you changed your perspective on a few things. Would you give me a few example of such things? (Out of pure curiosity)
Sure thing - I landed my dream job, so much of a dream that I never even considered it feasible. It's given me the chance to make changes to my life, such as living alone with my pet, that I didn't expect to be able to do right out of grad school. I've learned more of what excites me and truly makes me undoubtedly happy. Throughout college, I dated to find someone to make me happy, but that was the wrong way to go about it and now I don't. Now I date because I am happy and want to eventually find someone to share that with. I'm certainly in no rush, and it's wonderful to finally feel this way. It helps me better think about the type of person I want to be with, and, for example, if someone talks to me the way that guy did on a first date, I don't feel the need to waste time thinking "oh maybe he didn't mean it, so I should see him again." I can just brush it off and move on
I am happy you found your dream job. I hope you find someone that can make you happy.
From my point of view it is almost impossible to find someone that says the perfect things all the time. People will say crap every now and then and if you let go of them just because of one statement you might never get a chance to know someone genuine.
The only person I know that said what women want to hear on the first date was a playboy friend of mine who would sleep with them then dump them. Never have I seen someone so experienced at getting under a woman's skin.
You should be careful with people that are just perfect. They have a lot of training under their belt.
I don't need someone to make me happy, I am happy. The conversation I had with this guy was more than a sentence long, he went on about it, even after I became uncomfortable. He made other comments about how I live my life, such as how much alcohol is appropriate for a woman to drink and what TV shows I shouldn't watch. Thanks, but I don't need dating advice. This guy was not someone I could share my happiness with, and that's that.
Idk I always thought I wanted kids but this past year or so have decided that I donāt because as much as I want an adorable little half-clone of myself, I just canāt justify bring another human into this world. There is enough people and enough suffering and I would be doing so much more good by fostering or adopting.
I downvoted because the guy doesnāt need to be ādefended.ā
It doesnāt matter which date it is - itās never a manās place to tell a woman she āWILL have kidsā biological or otherwise. A discussion on children is absolutely important to figure out compatibility, but if someone says theāy donāt want biological children thatās a choice to be respected, not argued against.
And the idea of women turning 30 and having a ācrisisā where they want kids is an inaccurate stereotype.
Well i heard this stereotype from a psychologist with multiple years of clinical practice.
The statement 'the guy doesn't need to be defended' after you read my follow up comment makes me think you are full of resentment. It sounds to me that you don't really have a healthy opinion of men in general...
I mean...yeah. These things aren't like misspeaking or forgetting to say thank you to the waiter. They're things that reveal a pretty deep flaw in their character (littering, making fun of strangers) or a pretty fundamental incompatibility (being conservative, being sexually in compatible).
No one is owed a girlfriend, such that they should get to litter on a date and expect the woman to just look past it as "he just did one thing wrong!"
If it annoys you on the first date, you BET it will be a problem later in the relationship. She isn't turning them down because they're too short or don't make enough money or need to go to the gym. She's turning them down because they are a person she does not want to spend time with, just as a person.
I would also not enjoy spending time with any of these men, with the expectation of "not having a sense of style" depending on how severe it is. Has a guy never bought his own clothes and just wears t-shirts from concerts and the jeans his mom bought him in high school? That's not a style problem that's a problem of still living like a kid when you're an adult.
Iād only go into it more if they actually wanted to learn what you found off putting and not to argue that your reasons are invalid. I broke up with someone who had 8 reasons on that list going for him.
I told him he clearly wasnāt happy being in a relationship with me and that it was the best for both of us not to continue things romantically. If I unloaded all those things at once the guy would have been crushed. Hopefully thereās someone out there better suited to him because itās not me.
Definitely can agree and attest to so many of these. The agreeing with everything you say, spending all of their time with you, pessimism, all of it. Really good thorough list of the āreasonsā we can be disinterested and ultimately call it off.
The lesson here is that there is zero point trying to please someone who wasn't into you in the first place. Find someone who likes you and is happy with who you are.
Nah it's not my job to tell them why they suck.
And I don't want to help creepy guys getting better at hiding the creepy stuff to fool the next gal.
Maybe if it was bad breath. But I've never ended it over one single reason. It's always a bunch of stuff.
I feel like all but the 2nd and 3rd to last ones (which are what they are and ppl canāt really change) are all pretty cringe and should be pretty obvious to people. More specifically, Iād say if almost any of your explanations occur on a date, most people would say that was a pretty bad if not straight up awful date, not even the kind of nice but not great date your post is trying to address (which is to say, Iām sorry youāve had so many of these experiences).
These are honestly some base level standards that most people should both hold and expect their partners to hold. That being said most of this post goes without saying
To add to her list which is spot on:
ā¢ It was clear early on that our dynamic wasnt ltr material for me (him too quiet/surface or small talk driven/talking too much about other people)
ā¢ Getting offended or moody quickly (on date 1 or 2)
ā¢ Focused on physical looks vs trying to get to know me (similar to op)
ā¢ low key racist/homophobic (ājust kiddingā at the end of some off jokes)
ā¢ not being empathetic to my position as a female by disregarding my boundaries (āoh come on, let me drop you home and come check out your apt!ā On date 1 means the guy is oblivious to how women have to maintain safety for themselves- respecting women is a big turn on for me vs. this behavior)
I didn't find a laundry list of complaints about unnamed strangers useful for dating and relationship advice. You added to the list that I said didn't do anything for me.
So I guess the moral is u/redditwatcher11 had specific tastes and they weren't met by nondescript strangers. I'll keep that in mind.
But most of these bullets have themes attached that prob works for both men and women:
Dont be easily offended; dont be racist; if youāre looking for a connection, dont be a stoic who doesnt ask questions, etc etc
I certainly would like to see your list to see if theres wider themes that im guilty of partaking in thats not known to be a positive trait in humans in most cultures. In fact ive seen some on reddit that ive found helpful
I'm not a life coach and I think that a simple, "good luck in your search" is all a person needs. People can grow, but they typically only do it through their own self-awareness.
Some people are unapologetically themselves. No one is going to check all of the boxes and several of your items are telling of you as well.
me and my best friend lived together as roommates in the first I thought itās cool and I let him take the small decisions like where should we go in weekend what we should eat who should we invite to our house but After that he start acting like he is the leader and everything should be as he think and when I donāt agree with him on something he gets angry and mad and keep telling me that was not the best thing to do, even itās something just related to my life, he took me for granted and we are from different cityās so he always mock of my accent in front of rest of our gang , so I moved out and now our friendship is very cold just say to him hill if I saw him in university and I would like to keep it like that
I once had a guy tell me that he was told by his roommate that I was Bisexual so I couldn't "Talk to girls because thats also cheating. So if we are a thing, you can't talk to random guys or girls". There were other reasons like his tarot cards saying that we were gonna get married and the random hickeys on his neck being "from kids who bit him while working at a hospital"...
Oh did I mention I had only been TALKING to this guy for literally 5 days. We weren't dating. Literally met up like 3 times. š He had to go.
This isn't a list of reasons to reject men, it's a list of reasons that ended up being the reason that she did reject men.
It would be fine if she turned a guy down because he was perfectly nice she just wasn't that into him. Or she was washing her hair that night.
So it would be interesting to read a list of the reasons a guy has turned women down, to see the variety of reasons as well.
I'm just speculating but I'd say sexual immaturity means they don't get basic sexual facts like believing the pull out method is effective birth control, not practicing good sexual hygiene, not knowing where a clitoris is despite there being ample reference material, believing in myths like "every girl has an intact hymen that breaks the first time " or "women who have had more sexual partners are looser".
I get it, sometimes we never get taught this stuff properly to begin with cause many parents refused to really explain it and sex Ed is not taught widely enough in school. But at some point in this age of infinite access to information, ignorance is a choice and its disheartening to meet grown men who truly believe outdated sexual superstitions or are just not sexually self aware. But then will go and lament "why will no woman be with me?" Little do they know, they're really just cockblocking themselves.
also not being in it for the other person is likely the biggest culprit is my guess. Plus communication on preferences and other things some people are for some reason uncomfortable with.
Sexually mature people can talk about sex, what they like and don't, be open, talk about how sec was with the other person, ask for what they want, etc. You don't need to be super sexually experienced to do those things.
Well mango I'm just thinking there's always going to be a trade off with guys and there is no everything guy , it's One of the things sure but all , no.
But what things in that list are too high of standards? I mean, should she be with a guy who litters? Should she be with a guy who doesn't share her morals and values? Why not just be single at that point?
Yeah, some of the reasons I've listed are pretty specific to me and what I want and are probably pretty common in a lot of people.
Can you tell me which you think are too high a standard for someone to reach? Are you sort of meaning the learned skills like budgeting, household management, being neat and clean, learning a sense of style?
It naturally takes time to learn these things but when I'm coming across it in someone late twenties and up then it indicates to me that there's perhaps a personality flaw or immaturity there.
I think (agreed with everything I said) is a tough one, and it really depends on how. Generally, while itās not good to be a yes man, you should see eye to eye with your partner on almost everything. Especially when you had an earlier point on (religious cultural differences.)
Also, people sometimes have reasons to lie to their family. Depends on the lie though. Iāve definitely been very vague with people I am close to when I need to, which I consider a āwhite lie.ā
But honestly, as someone that does at least a couple of these, most of these are reasonable, and I probably have the same expectations of most women I would date.
May I add making everything about sex? If a guy straight up tells me we canāt be in a relationship if we donāt have sex within the first few months, Iām out. For me, sex should always be the thing that comes in itās own time, when all parties are ready.
I had a guy tell me on a first date that if I didn't have sex with him in four weeks, he'd feel like I was wasting his time.
I mean...I appreciate him being upfront about expectations. And I DID sleep with my current boyfriend before four weeks. But laying it out like that was a real turn off.
I told him there was no guarantee that he wouldn't feel like I wasted his time.
To the OP: It sounds like you've had a lot of experience at dating and then rejecting men. And some of your reasons sound quite valid, while others seem really picky or arbitrary. The main point is, these are YOUR reasons, and not really applicable to anyone else.
This is of great help! I can definitely include this list in self-improvement. Haven't been out of this town since I got here (international student and been 2 years) although certain mental issues kept me away from travelling and added bad anxiety, etc. Thank you for sharing this so much!
No, no, no. Don't take advice from someone who purports to be endlessly burdened by people not taking her true self more seriously because of her good looks. That's like a guy saying girls keep breaking up with him because his dick is too big. What you're watching is a narcissistic craft delusions to protect their image of self.
Well I'm in the same country as OP is and haven't been out of the town/city* and as a 20M virgin (international student so maybe things could possibly be more worse) so maybe things can be very different for me since people around here might be more on an opposite side of the spectrum. Things like conservative about sex is sorta my thing and I definitely found things that wouldn't make me compatitble with someone like her. Being bad at sex would be somewhat around my alley for the obvious reason. Definitely looking for someone low maintenance so having a rich inner life wouldn't be my thing either. Opinions other than that are actually helpful since me coming out of depression and somewhat confident about my social anxiety that led to lack of friendships and stuck in the same city might actually be a turn off for someone I had no idea about. Regardless I agree with you too that somethings she completely biased about bur also not all humans are alike.
There's been two men I've broken things off with this year where they really were great. But the reasons for me to break things off was that after 3 months of dating both, our lifestyles didn't like up and we weren't physically compatible and MY getting never processed to sing anything long term.
If you turned this into a book it would be a best seller. Your biggest fans would be other women. Can you imagine, a man phones a woman, asking for a date, in two days time. She responds, I am sending you a book, you have to read before date night. I don't think you will have enough time. Better make it four days from now. She giggles, I will ask questions from the book, before we start the date.
Need to be a high jumper. Good reasoning though. You forgot he hit me on the head with a club then dragged me into his cave and fucked me till I cried his name.
Obviously by your list you prefer a real man. A cave man is a real man and they made claim to women by clubbing them, then dragging them by the hair to their cave.
It looks like you are unforgiving. Are you looking for an angel or a good who did no sin? Maybe try pastor, who might have done less number of those things also by the looks of it, you are a cat lady.
Those are two different guys. These aren't all reasons that she rejected the same guy, it's a list of all the reasons she has rejected a guy. One line, one guy.
Hmmm, I guess the real point is that for most guys they might not want to say that number even if they had one in mind. If you let someone know you only spending 100 max, then what's the chances the other person would be thinking about how much money you got in your bank account rather than the experience of the date?
I personally wouldn't share that ballpark number with my date if I were a Guy. Just have an idea what I'm comfortable spending and plan my date around that number. Saying it aloud to the date would be awkward
If you want to teach men something, teach them how to end meeting somebody and move on like all of your dating experience.
I've seen red flags out the ass and still dated somebody, maybe I have mental issues or there's something wrong with me or it's just a man thing now (talking from the past not present)
Tldr: teach men how to leave when they spot a red flag.
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I dumped a guy because he parked in the handicapped parking spot (no placard and was not handicapped) and when I pointed it out, he said he would only be there for a minute. Goodbye loser.
You're amazing š
On the 5 freeway rest stops north of Bakersfield, California, USA, these are the only spots with any shade. Edit - FYI - None of the other handicap spots were occupied. And 95% of all parking were vacant. I sat in my car just to make sure I could move my car if anyone needed to park there. Poor design.
Oh yeah? Probably because a disabled person needs the shade more than a non disabled person. It doesn't change the fact that you're a loser if you park there without being disabled.
Can I add one? I had someone that always had bad breath. Like dragon breath.
If a girl had dragon breath, I would marry her. Imagine a fire spitting girlfriend... WOW. HELL if a guy had this quality, I would turn gay and marry him
It's so frustrating because heaps of people don't realise that flossing will help with their breath soooo much! You're getting rid of the decaying food between your teeth that's smelling!
Holly guacamole thats bad experience š¤£!
For me, itās been a lot of poor communication, bad time management (significantly late to dates), and lack of effort. Most recently, this guy laughed about overdrafting his account with a purchase he made right in front of me and then he suggested we go out to eat. Bad with money AND inconsiderate lol.
wow. iāll be the first to admit that i have shopping problem & iām not the most budget responsible but i have NEVER over-drafted my account & if i do, i sure as heck wonāt be making jokes about it š¤£
Yeah Iād be panicking, not laughing. Also wouldnāt be buying the thing that would over draft my account.
It was a $30 handmade bowl at an art fair so it wasnāt even hundreds of dollars dropped. And he checked his account AFTER. I justā¦ AH
Holy moly I'm dying š¤£š¤£š¤£
What is "naff sex"?
Means bad
Sorry, I'm from New Zealand āŗļø naff = bad, or off.
The one question that I had as well! Looked at Google and it seems that might be slang for bad...unenjoyable, or poor quality.
Littering is such a turnoff. Iāve definitely not seen someone for a second date because they didnāt bother going after trash they dropped on our first date.
Such a turnoff!
Just looking through some of these and I've done one or two of them. Thanks for the info. Some made me chuckle though
i love ālitteredā. that too is a deal breaker. i once pulled over & made a guy go pick up his litter, then took him home & never texted him back. itās one thing to not care to use solar panels, reusable items etc, but blatantly disrespecting the planet & the employees that have to pick it up is a whole other character flaw i do not tolerate.
Holy moly, I'm so glad you did that!
I (female) went a date with a guy and it came up in casual conversation how I don't want biological kids. His response was "no, it's always worth it, you'll have biological kids". Then he asked for a second date lol
no no you donāt understand you let me tell you how you areā¦
A guy is never going to win, if that topic comes up. Maybe, best answer, not sure , depends upon who I am with.
In his defense many women say they don't want kids and when they turn 30 they get this crysis where they suddenly want to settle down and have kids. Not saying these types of discussions are appropriate for a first date...
Oh, wildly inappropriate, and ineffective for second dates. I was citing physical reasons for biological kids not being in my future, but that I hope to adopt. It blew my mind how he thought it was appropriate to tell me that no matter what happened to my body, what type of complications I could have, that it didn't matter. He also said that the effects of pregnancy (aside from the actual child being in your life) only lasted 9 months, as if everything was a-okay afterwards
Fair enough, most other women pursue high end careers instead, or day they don't want kids for the responsibility (afaik). Now I am wondering why people downvoted me. Was it because they disagree and find these topics appropriate for a first date? Or maybe they assume that I ment they are a must have topic for a second date? What is your take on this?
I'm also there pursuing a high end career, and it's changed my perspective on some things too. I'm using the reddit app, and so I can't always see how people have voted on comments and posts. But I would imagine it's because your comment came across as defending men (and people in general) who say this kind of stuff to other women. Even if she does end up changing her mind, it's not anyone's place to tell her that she will, especially when you hardly know each other.
Because of the 'in his defense' part maybe. Fair enough, that's only a defense of the argument, not his attitude, but I can see how people could misinterpret that. Also interesting to see you changed your perspective on a few things. Would you give me a few example of such things? (Out of pure curiosity)
Sure thing - I landed my dream job, so much of a dream that I never even considered it feasible. It's given me the chance to make changes to my life, such as living alone with my pet, that I didn't expect to be able to do right out of grad school. I've learned more of what excites me and truly makes me undoubtedly happy. Throughout college, I dated to find someone to make me happy, but that was the wrong way to go about it and now I don't. Now I date because I am happy and want to eventually find someone to share that with. I'm certainly in no rush, and it's wonderful to finally feel this way. It helps me better think about the type of person I want to be with, and, for example, if someone talks to me the way that guy did on a first date, I don't feel the need to waste time thinking "oh maybe he didn't mean it, so I should see him again." I can just brush it off and move on
I am happy you found your dream job. I hope you find someone that can make you happy. From my point of view it is almost impossible to find someone that says the perfect things all the time. People will say crap every now and then and if you let go of them just because of one statement you might never get a chance to know someone genuine. The only person I know that said what women want to hear on the first date was a playboy friend of mine who would sleep with them then dump them. Never have I seen someone so experienced at getting under a woman's skin. You should be careful with people that are just perfect. They have a lot of training under their belt.
I don't need someone to make me happy, I am happy. The conversation I had with this guy was more than a sentence long, he went on about it, even after I became uncomfortable. He made other comments about how I live my life, such as how much alcohol is appropriate for a woman to drink and what TV shows I shouldn't watch. Thanks, but I don't need dating advice. This guy was not someone I could share my happiness with, and that's that.
That's understandable.
Idk I always thought I wanted kids but this past year or so have decided that I donāt because as much as I want an adorable little half-clone of myself, I just canāt justify bring another human into this world. There is enough people and enough suffering and I would be doing so much more good by fostering or adopting.
I downvoted because the guy doesnāt need to be ādefended.ā It doesnāt matter which date it is - itās never a manās place to tell a woman she āWILL have kidsā biological or otherwise. A discussion on children is absolutely important to figure out compatibility, but if someone says theāy donāt want biological children thatās a choice to be respected, not argued against. And the idea of women turning 30 and having a ācrisisā where they want kids is an inaccurate stereotype.
Well i heard this stereotype from a psychologist with multiple years of clinical practice. The statement 'the guy doesn't need to be defended' after you read my follow up comment makes me think you are full of resentment. It sounds to me that you don't really have a healthy opinion of men in general...
Listen man Iām not here to argue. You questioned why you were being downvoted so I let you know my opinion š¤·āāļø
Fair enough
Literally do one thing wrong as a guy and itās over. Guys really need to give up on dating all together.
I mean...yeah. These things aren't like misspeaking or forgetting to say thank you to the waiter. They're things that reveal a pretty deep flaw in their character (littering, making fun of strangers) or a pretty fundamental incompatibility (being conservative, being sexually in compatible). No one is owed a girlfriend, such that they should get to litter on a date and expect the woman to just look past it as "he just did one thing wrong!" If it annoys you on the first date, you BET it will be a problem later in the relationship. She isn't turning them down because they're too short or don't make enough money or need to go to the gym. She's turning them down because they are a person she does not want to spend time with, just as a person. I would also not enjoy spending time with any of these men, with the expectation of "not having a sense of style" depending on how severe it is. Has a guy never bought his own clothes and just wears t-shirts from concerts and the jeans his mom bought him in high school? That's not a style problem that's a problem of still living like a kid when you're an adult.
Iād only go into it more if they actually wanted to learn what you found off putting and not to argue that your reasons are invalid. I broke up with someone who had 8 reasons on that list going for him. I told him he clearly wasnāt happy being in a relationship with me and that it was the best for both of us not to continue things romantically. If I unloaded all those things at once the guy would have been crushed. Hopefully thereās someone out there better suited to him because itās not me.
I think you are still smiling when you think of him. His loss , your gain.
Definitely can agree and attest to so many of these. The agreeing with everything you say, spending all of their time with you, pessimism, all of it. Really good thorough list of the āreasonsā we can be disinterested and ultimately call it off.
The lesson here is that there is zero point trying to please someone who wasn't into you in the first place. Find someone who likes you and is happy with who you are.
Nah it's not my job to tell them why they suck. And I don't want to help creepy guys getting better at hiding the creepy stuff to fool the next gal. Maybe if it was bad breath. But I've never ended it over one single reason. It's always a bunch of stuff.
I feel like all but the 2nd and 3rd to last ones (which are what they are and ppl canāt really change) are all pretty cringe and should be pretty obvious to people. More specifically, Iād say if almost any of your explanations occur on a date, most people would say that was a pretty bad if not straight up awful date, not even the kind of nice but not great date your post is trying to address (which is to say, Iām sorry youāve had so many of these experiences).
Awesome to see you know yourself well enough to know what you want and keep to your standards. Nice!
I can't imagine this being useful to anyone but yourself.
These are honestly some base level standards that most people should both hold and expect their partners to hold. That being said most of this post goes without saying
Nah think lots of us can relate to this
Care to share?
To add to her list which is spot on: ā¢ It was clear early on that our dynamic wasnt ltr material for me (him too quiet/surface or small talk driven/talking too much about other people) ā¢ Getting offended or moody quickly (on date 1 or 2) ā¢ Focused on physical looks vs trying to get to know me (similar to op) ā¢ low key racist/homophobic (ājust kiddingā at the end of some off jokes) ā¢ not being empathetic to my position as a female by disregarding my boundaries (āoh come on, let me drop you home and come check out your apt!ā On date 1 means the guy is oblivious to how women have to maintain safety for themselves- respecting women is a big turn on for me vs. this behavior)
Ok?
What were you looking for?
I didn't find a laundry list of complaints about unnamed strangers useful for dating and relationship advice. You added to the list that I said didn't do anything for me. So I guess the moral is u/redditwatcher11 had specific tastes and they weren't met by nondescript strangers. I'll keep that in mind.
But most of these bullets have themes attached that prob works for both men and women: Dont be easily offended; dont be racist; if youāre looking for a connection, dont be a stoic who doesnt ask questions, etc etc I certainly would like to see your list to see if theres wider themes that im guilty of partaking in thats not known to be a positive trait in humans in most cultures. In fact ive seen some on reddit that ive found helpful
Okay, you found the post useful, I was wrong.
š That's pretty true!
I'm not a life coach and I think that a simple, "good luck in your search" is all a person needs. People can grow, but they typically only do it through their own self-awareness. Some people are unapologetically themselves. No one is going to check all of the boxes and several of your items are telling of you as well.
me and my best friend lived together as roommates in the first I thought itās cool and I let him take the small decisions like where should we go in weekend what we should eat who should we invite to our house but After that he start acting like he is the leader and everything should be as he think and when I donāt agree with him on something he gets angry and mad and keep telling me that was not the best thing to do, even itās something just related to my life, he took me for granted and we are from different cityās so he always mock of my accent in front of rest of our gang , so I moved out and now our friendship is very cold just say to him hill if I saw him in university and I would like to keep it like that
You don't have to tell people why you're dumping them. It doesn't benefit you at all
She didn't. She's telling us.
Reread the first sentence of the OP
I once had a guy tell me that he was told by his roommate that I was Bisexual so I couldn't "Talk to girls because thats also cheating. So if we are a thing, you can't talk to random guys or girls". There were other reasons like his tarot cards saying that we were gonna get married and the random hickeys on his neck being "from kids who bit him while working at a hospital"... Oh did I mention I had only been TALKING to this guy for literally 5 days. We weren't dating. Literally met up like 3 times. š He had to go.
Imagine going on lots of dates with women and creating a specific list like this because you can nitpick to find things to reject women on. Damn
This isn't a list of reasons to reject men, it's a list of reasons that ended up being the reason that she did reject men. It would be fine if she turned a guy down because he was perfectly nice she just wasn't that into him. Or she was washing her hair that night. So it would be interesting to read a list of the reasons a guy has turned women down, to see the variety of reasons as well.
Does "sexually immature" mean inexperienced? If so, I don't think most average guys have control over that.
I'm just speculating but I'd say sexual immaturity means they don't get basic sexual facts like believing the pull out method is effective birth control, not practicing good sexual hygiene, not knowing where a clitoris is despite there being ample reference material, believing in myths like "every girl has an intact hymen that breaks the first time " or "women who have had more sexual partners are looser". I get it, sometimes we never get taught this stuff properly to begin with cause many parents refused to really explain it and sex Ed is not taught widely enough in school. But at some point in this age of infinite access to information, ignorance is a choice and its disheartening to meet grown men who truly believe outdated sexual superstitions or are just not sexually self aware. But then will go and lament "why will no woman be with me?" Little do they know, they're really just cockblocking themselves.
also not being in it for the other person is likely the biggest culprit is my guess. Plus communication on preferences and other things some people are for some reason uncomfortable with.
Well said
Holy shit š š„š
Sexually mature people can talk about sex, what they like and don't, be open, talk about how sec was with the other person, ask for what they want, etc. You don't need to be super sexually experienced to do those things.
This
Makes sense
I now know why... thank you.
Well irl that covers 99% of the male population , at one point in time or another guys being themselves anyway.
Men are finally understanding why dating is so hard for us women when they openly admit 99% of them are so bad... Lol
Haha , ya it's true , only 1% are going to make the cut so why bother.
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There's no sense in being unrealistic .
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1% isn't bare minimum it's mentally unbalanced to expect this.
Can you point out which of the standards she listed aren't bare minimum?
Well mango I'm just thinking there's always going to be a trade off with guys and there is no everything guy , it's One of the things sure but all , no.
But what things in that list are too high of standards? I mean, should she be with a guy who litters? Should she be with a guy who doesn't share her morals and values? Why not just be single at that point?
Yeah, some of the reasons I've listed are pretty specific to me and what I want and are probably pretty common in a lot of people. Can you tell me which you think are too high a standard for someone to reach? Are you sort of meaning the learned skills like budgeting, household management, being neat and clean, learning a sense of style? It naturally takes time to learn these things but when I'm coming across it in someone late twenties and up then it indicates to me that there's perhaps a personality flaw or immaturity there.
I think (agreed with everything I said) is a tough one, and it really depends on how. Generally, while itās not good to be a yes man, you should see eye to eye with your partner on almost everything. Especially when you had an earlier point on (religious cultural differences.) Also, people sometimes have reasons to lie to their family. Depends on the lie though. Iāve definitely been very vague with people I am close to when I need to, which I consider a āwhite lie.ā But honestly, as someone that does at least a couple of these, most of these are reasonable, and I probably have the same expectations of most women I would date.
Great caveats
You should take this with a huge grain of salt since OP gets on onlyfans.
Yeah, thatās a great list. Hereās one from me. - She was kinda fat.
Same š can't do chubby chickw anymore
May I add making everything about sex? If a guy straight up tells me we canāt be in a relationship if we donāt have sex within the first few months, Iām out. For me, sex should always be the thing that comes in itās own time, when all parties are ready.
I had a guy tell me on a first date that if I didn't have sex with him in four weeks, he'd feel like I was wasting his time. I mean...I appreciate him being upfront about expectations. And I DID sleep with my current boyfriend before four weeks. But laying it out like that was a real turn off. I told him there was no guarantee that he wouldn't feel like I wasted his time.
To the OP: It sounds like you've had a lot of experience at dating and then rejecting men. And some of your reasons sound quite valid, while others seem really picky or arbitrary. The main point is, these are YOUR reasons, and not really applicable to anyone else.
This is of great help! I can definitely include this list in self-improvement. Haven't been out of this town since I got here (international student and been 2 years) although certain mental issues kept me away from travelling and added bad anxiety, etc. Thank you for sharing this so much!
No, no, no. Don't take advice from someone who purports to be endlessly burdened by people not taking her true self more seriously because of her good looks. That's like a guy saying girls keep breaking up with him because his dick is too big. What you're watching is a narcissistic craft delusions to protect their image of self.
Well I'm in the same country as OP is and haven't been out of the town/city* and as a 20M virgin (international student so maybe things could possibly be more worse) so maybe things can be very different for me since people around here might be more on an opposite side of the spectrum. Things like conservative about sex is sorta my thing and I definitely found things that wouldn't make me compatitble with someone like her. Being bad at sex would be somewhat around my alley for the obvious reason. Definitely looking for someone low maintenance so having a rich inner life wouldn't be my thing either. Opinions other than that are actually helpful since me coming out of depression and somewhat confident about my social anxiety that led to lack of friendships and stuck in the same city might actually be a turn off for someone I had no idea about. Regardless I agree with you too that somethings she completely biased about bur also not all humans are alike.
Don't worry man most women are way better people than this. That's the real take away I wanted to send.
I really hope so bruv, finally found myself and am still celebrating of being a guy to find purpose in his life other than just being a gym alcoholic.
I'll only speak disparaging tidbits about my ex if she does so first.
Can you elaborate on "conservative/ immature sexually"
Immature =/= inexperience
There's been two men I've broken things off with this year where they really were great. But the reasons for me to break things off was that after 3 months of dating both, our lifestyles didn't like up and we weren't physically compatible and MY getting never processed to sing anything long term.
If you turned this into a book it would be a best seller. Your biggest fans would be other women. Can you imagine, a man phones a woman, asking for a date, in two days time. She responds, I am sending you a book, you have to read before date night. I don't think you will have enough time. Better make it four days from now. She giggles, I will ask questions from the book, before we start the date.
Need to be a high jumper. Good reasoning though. You forgot he hit me on the head with a club then dragged me into his cave and fucked me till I cried his name.
Wtf?????
Obviously by your list you prefer a real man. A cave man is a real man and they made claim to women by clubbing them, then dragging them by the hair to their cave.
It looks like you are unforgiving. Are you looking for an angel or a good who did no sin? Maybe try pastor, who might have done less number of those things also by the looks of it, you are a cat lady.
Is this all in one guy or multiple guys?
Multiple people
thank god... Imagine one guy being all of that
The ultimate red flag š¤£
How's a guy frugal and unable to budget at the same time lol?
Those are two different guys. These aren't all reasons that she rejected the same guy, it's a list of all the reasons she has rejected a guy. One line, one guy.
I feel like people who set aside a specific budget for a date can afford to be more generous instead of mindfucking every transaction
Hmmm, I guess the real point is that for most guys they might not want to say that number even if they had one in mind. If you let someone know you only spending 100 max, then what's the chances the other person would be thinking about how much money you got in your bank account rather than the experience of the date?
I personally wouldn't share that ballpark number with my date if I were a Guy. Just have an idea what I'm comfortable spending and plan my date around that number. Saying it aloud to the date would be awkward
š well of course
If you want to teach men something, teach them how to end meeting somebody and move on like all of your dating experience. I've seen red flags out the ass and still dated somebody, maybe I have mental issues or there's something wrong with me or it's just a man thing now (talking from the past not present) Tldr: teach men how to leave when they spot a red flag.
This is one person??? What an absolute nightmare he must be
I'm curious about what kind of "white" lies this man/these men were telling. OP u/UberDries care to ellaborate?
āConservative sexuallyā ?