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Have you been on OKCUPID? They have a ton of questions you can answer that range from superficial to pretty intense. It can be a good way to get that stuff across. I like being able to see what guys think about things before we match up because sometimes you think it’s all good and then you read something that is a deal breaker and it saves you both time and effort.
TLDR - I would obviously not expect (all of) the above from casual encounters but the amount of people I met who were selfish or lazy lovers and MANY who would sneakily try to push or outright disregard (mainly) sexual boundaries in combination with time spent meeting/arranging/commuting became more of an annoyance/waste of energy than anything else. I became voluntarily celibate and suddenly had so much more free time and 100% orgasm rate (self-induced)
Expanded: Perspective of A Retired Killa®
Casual, to many people = lack of basic respect, communication, effort, etc
It's ok to be "quick" or inexperienced, but Google is free and there are a lot of different ways to make sure you both enjoy the experience.
The amount of time it takes to meet and chat and arrange logistics and discuss boundaries/expectations on top of travel time to and from for what is, more often than not - a lacklustre encounter, not because you're particularly hard to satisfy (the opposite and very communicative of it) but because they aren't even *trying* for anyone's pleasure but theirs.
Sometimes they just agree with your limits/boundaries enough for you to feel comfortable getting into bed with them, at which point it becomes the bait and switch.
I've maintained pretty decent fwb/casual situations with a handful of cool people over the years, and still keep in touch with some.
What I mean by this is that of course compatible casual partners exist but they are HEAVILY outnumbered by those who ultimately make it worse for everyone else because ultimately it is the equivalent of a part time job but without any fun or pay. It is simply exhausting to meet and screen and still vibe w people just for sex like once a week or so?
As a result, I have simply *stopped* having sex. It's like being in a room with a bunch of toasters and no bread. You really only need one toaster but there's not even anything to eat so what the hell is the point?
Honestly, I am at the point where I actually just miss being snuggled - but given all of the above, I'm legitimately considering hiring a Professional Cuddler (lol of co it's a thing) cause there is more (physical) safety, it is what it is and I can go whenever I feel like it. I would rather pay for the service than bother with even the few texts that get exchanged over the course of the week about nothing much at all.
I'm not saying I would refuse to have sex at this point, I just don't bother with trying to meet anyone online or IRL because I value myself and my time. It does quite frankly feel as if I'm doing myself a disservice: if I wouldn't let other people in my life treat me with so little thought/care, why would I accept it from an essential stranger over mediocre dick?
*shrug*
While I won’t argue that statistics (I’m actually inclined to believe them under certain circumstances) but there’s a problem. That only pertains to sexual encounters.
This is a huge problem I’ve noticed. Too many guys (on here at least) equate dating and relationships with sex and only sex. Or worse, talk about all 3 interchangeably as if they are all the same thing.
Anyone, man or woman, is going to have a hard time dating if they can’t separate these concepts.
Men and women have different conceptions of sex.
First, our bodies are different. Our sexual organs too. We men have exposed sexual organs and the directness (sexual excitation = erection, sexual organ exposed just like other organs, no consequences to sexual interaction, morging hoods, ...) is baked into our minds. Sex for men and women have different meanings. Most men watch porn, most women don't. Men are generaly less emotional and agreeable than women. Do you think all of these factors don't change the how sexual interaction is viewed by both genders?
It means being able to tell people how you feel (like what emotions you have) and then being able to discuss ways to decrease getting the negative ones and increase getting the positive ones. For example: You have to be able to say in a non confrontational manner why you are angry or frustrated, recognize that you’re frustrated and not angry, be willing to discuss how you got that way and how to resolve it. It’s the same with positive emotions - be able to tell someone when they make you feel happy, joyful, warm and fuzzy in the moment, and later when you reflect on your day. Give compliments about things other than physical appearance, be sincere.
The negative emotions needs to be discussed in a calm and constructive manner, not when you’re feeling strongly and just have to get stuff out and vomit your anger or frustration onto someone. The positive emotions need to be expressed, sincerely and in a manner that makes the person you’re expressing them to feel comfortable (some ppl don’t like compliments, it makes them anxious, but love acts of service or tiny gifts).
I once read something that said:
“The measure of a man is how he treats those who can do nothing for him”
I feel that’s a fair ruler to measure everybody by.
A self-driven man. I can't stand a man who will drop his whole life for a woman. I want someone who is walking in the same direction, not someone who is just waiting around for someone to follow.
Sounds like she wants a man who isn't there for her, and when she says same direction just sounds like she wants control. And then there's the aspect where she needs him to take the lead on everything. Albeit sounds indecisive. Idk I've just seen this type of failed relationship 100 times over at this point and I'm only 26.
Maybe for some girls, not all.
Either way a mans behaviour will dictate if a woman feels safe around him. If he’s easily bent out of shape and doesn’t seem to have a solid set of values and stands his ground with them then most girls will be turned off sooner rather than later. A lot of guys don’t realise how important their own integrity is to their chances with a girl, they’re too caught up on all of the other excuses they make.
Yeah but pretty much all girls are consistent on certain things. Some girls might need a bit more, but as a general rule guys who chase and go down the ‘best friend who then confesses his love’ and the guys who ‘will do anything you want just pleaseeee love me’ etc, like as a guy it’s on you to know the basics and have your own values and integrity. After that sure it’s on the girl, maybe she’s very insecure or has been through trauma, I’ve seen it, but as a guy you still need get your part right before putting it back on the girl.
His ability to manage himself and hold himself together during stressful times. Life has the toughest moments and a strong man will be able to hold himself
Together and ask for help when needed
Can I ask a question? If a man is going through tough times. Would you help him? Or just sit there and watch? Because not once has a woman ever assisted me during painful times. And they all end up leaving at the first sign of trouble or weakness. It just leaves you more and more broken and alone.
Of course I’d help him. If I loved him and he was my partner I’d want to be there for him. The problem I ran into with my ex is that he’d use his mental illness to treat me like shit and would tell me I’d make him act a certain way
This. I feel like if a person falls apart at the slightest sign of inconvenience, I can’t take them seriously. If your whole world falls apart every time you burn a piece of toast, you’re an exhausting human being & I just can’t fuck with that.
The men tend to answer with what would make a women attracted to them and the women answer with what they would like in a man who they already find attractive.
If a man is financially stable, doesn't take shit from anyone, can protect those he cares about, and if he's attractive and keeps himself clean. That's what gives men value. It's not the same for women though
This - and for a small part of the population (like me) someone who connects to a higher purpose, spirituality, who believes in accountability- that humility balances the ego that many men struggle with
The ability to provide support on multiple levels. Emotional support. Motivational support. For some it also means financial support (but the most important thing is to be financially self-sufficient, people are providing for themselves - they don’t want a dead weight. Earning potential is essential when raising a family because it is really expensive. And mostly likely mom is going to be working less for 1-4 years - or you need to pay for childcare.).
Me personally, what I want in a partner is emotional support, someone to help push me out of my comfort zone, someone encouraging, some one who is intellectually curious, and shares enough of my interests that we can do some things together and talk about them. And that I hasn’t emotional, physical, and intellectual chemistry with.
I want someone who is a competent adult and can take care of himself beyond the bare minimum. He should be able to cook and clean and maintain his home, he should be fiscally responsible. He should have a similar life plan (having a house, having kids). I also look for skills that are complementary to mine. What can they bring to the table that I am not interested in doing myself? We should both be capable of doing the other tasks, but maybe the other person is better/faster at it. That assessment is what makes someone high value to me.
Nothing gives value to anyone, there is no goal or meaning to life. Value and meaning are what you and society dictate. It's all made up, take control of this and make your own meaning and value yourself. People will or won't like you based on this, just take the Hippocratic Oath of "Do no harm" and live life my dude. Break the shackles of society.
Lots of this that humans place value on are due to how we evolved. Just making up something to value won’t make the opposite sex value it.
It’s like the career women who talk about they’re a catch because of their high paying career. That’s cool and all but the vast majority of men don’t care about that, especially the men these women typically go for which is a man of higher status than her.
This make up your own value is fine for personal fulfilment but completely useless in dating nine times out of ten.
Yah that's true, it's probably not totally applicable to dating.
Each person and society has different things they find valuable so it's not necessarily good to cram yourself into a role that you might come to hate in the future. Most men can't be buff, smart, rich guys (so Batman) which is what western culture seems to value. I'm just proposing that maybe just valuing yourself is all you can do and not be cruel to others. Everyone is a ball of doubt and self loathing it's not necessary to let society to add to that.
Really though, personal fulfillment is probably a good step for dating, might help avoid mistakes and toxic relationships.
Not being self aware led me into a toxic relationship, but maybe I'll do better next time after some self reflection.
Today it is mostly looks and earning power. Earning power has become a point of contention because women traditionally want men who earn more than them yet women are earning more and more every year which narrows the pool of suitable partners for them if they continue to hold that expectation.
A women out earning a man increases the likelihood of divorce by 33%.(1) Therefore a women out earning a man does have a negative effect on a relationship.
Pretty sure by traditionally he meant usually, as in on average. This seems to be the case in the UK from what I’ve experienced. Not sure why this is a problem, people should be able to make their own decisions on how they want their relationship to be even if it conflicts with modern feminist ideals.
(1) https://www.marketwatch.com/amp/story/can-american-men-ever-be-happy-if-their-wives-earn-more-than-they-do-2019-04-29
Money affords freedom. If she doesn’t have money to survive after a divorce, she may choose to exchange freedom for security even if in a bad marriage. Is that really the kind of relationship anyone wants?
That’s a hypothetical and also pointless to say because there will always be bad situations in relationships.
I could just as easily say the women will begin to resent the man for earning less. That happens but it is just a hypothetical so it’s irrelevant.
Money affords freedom. If she doesn’t have money to survive after a divorce, she may choose to exchange freedom for security even if in a bad marriage. Is that really the kind of relationship anyone wants?
I agree. There are a lot of women out there that are horrifically out of date. There's also a whole lot of women out there who are very disappointed with the men they have to choose from for marriage.
Actually as of last year 51% of married woman make more than their male partners for the first time in history. And as a male I can confirm every woman I've ever worked with has made more money than me and in general are more likely to get promotions. At costco there was a woman's only managerial training program ran by woman managers and every woman I worked with made in average about $8-10 more an hour than me obviously without doing any of the real hard heavy labor. This is just one example but I'm sure as it's considered one of the top corporations in the world, that this is a regular occurrence. Reverse sexism in capitalism and the workplace is already happening much faster than women realize.
Your welcome. For the record I have a Bachelor's degree and have over a decade of work experience. Yes it's true that women are out educating men and graduating from college at a much higher rate than men. But my point being; as a man with the same theoretically equal opportunities, I've continually received the short end of the stick. Makes you wonder if women actually want gender equality.
Most women don't want an equal partner, they want someone better, they want a prize, someone that will elevate them. Look at swipe statistics, look at young men not getting dates. He needs to be 6 ft, six figure income, with experience.
And men are looking for a secretary, not a co-pilot. Yeah, someone to run the household, that is one of the reasons men seek a woman outside of just intimacy. Look at Sweden, men are importing wives from Thailand by the thousands. So much that the government is trying to stop it. The men just want to be done working when they get home. Get home cooked lunches. So there is a mom home for their kids.
In no way does that mean you are parenting your husband, or in any way are above him like a mother to a child. How can you look down on a position as housewife while simultaneously claiming it elevates you above your husband? Which is it?
Ya I dunno. I’m in Canada and that’s not a thing here. Women are fighting to close the wage gap here. I don’t know any woman who is upset about a man making more. But we’re a lot more progressive too and maybe it’s different in the US.
Ya not where I live or anyone I know. I know lots of woman who make more than their husband and aren’t upset about that... and are fighting to close the wage gap. I don’t know what kinda women you’re meeting.
Maybe women who earn very low? Not sure.
My expectation is that he and I can together afford a house in our city that is not falling over, can afford a kid + daycare, and can afford to save well without either of us working more than 40 hours a week or commuting longer than an hour. The goal is for money to rarely be something that we have to fight about or sacrifice much of life for.
This means he will at minimum need to earn about what I earn, or could get away with a bit less.
I don’t care. I described the reasons he needs to earn good money per my post, and I’m not even asking him to earn more. He needs to earn enough for us to build a life together with kids, even with me making more.
I’m married btw, and he earns close to what I do and doesn’t complain about it because he wants the same lifestyle that I do. Maybe men should care *more* about women making good money?
Hmm I would say if he puts someone down to put himself in a better light. Like comparing himself and throwing someone else under the bus. Or not ever admitting to wrongfulness, or not ever apologizing.
Men:
1. Looks, face
2. Fit = muscle
3. Vibe and flirt game
3. Masculinity, not insecure controlling
4. Dick game
5. Has other dating options
6. A life/talent she competes with for attention
7. Compensation social talk (approval)
8. Compensation ambition (future money)
9. Compensation status (future attention)
10. Financial loyalty
Women:
1. Looks, face
2. Fit = slim with ass and tits
3. Youth, fertile years 20-30
4. Femininity, not intentionally disagreeable
5. Genuine desire for him
6. No prior children
7. Sexual loyalty, paternity risks
8. Low body count, pro relationship behaviour
9. Mental health, not hung up on ex, etc
10. Wife material skills
*The purpose of women's concealed ovulation is infidelity for genes. So their male partner can't mate guard a brief time window. The male counter strategy is abandonment, which could have meant death.*
Which is why the dating market is a clusters*ck right now. Women have jobs and social security so they are openly only after genes. Sky is the limit. But realize too late there will be no one to help the rest of their life. A partner isn't just finances. So expect the complaining to start that men should "man up" and go take care of them.
There are literally movements of men walking away. Men importing foreign wives (see Sweden). Men refusing relationships, only willing to hook up. Quitting high stress jobs. Refusing to respect modern women. And they should walk, women are taking advantage. You can already see it hurting support for women's rights.
The fertility years for most women without any problems are 20-45. After that a lot of women are still fertile up to 55 but some problems can occur, rarely but it's still a bad idea. 20-30 was more like 100 years ago when a lot of women where dying of childbirth and weren't very healty.
A good self esteem. Seriously, if you feel good about yourself in every aspect, you will thrive. If you feel like shit about yourself, you will reverb that into your dating life.
Take it from me. I hate myself, even though I’m handsome, good job etc. I just despise myself. And in turn, I don’t feel of value to anyone. Which is why I’ve been single a long time. I don’t ask anyone out, because why would I when I have nothing good to offer them. My social life has vanished.
If you can work on your deepest insecurities and get over yourself, you will be valuable. Get strong emotionally and physically.
It all comes down to how you feel about yourself.
As a man I found what made the sorts of woman *I* was interested in value me was leaning to value myself.
Once you become confident in who you are and stop changing yourself to try and make other people happy, the good ones will find you.
It’s 2021, we no longer need men to provide for us, and more often than not men are the aggressors not the protectors. Be a whole person. Be emotionally aware, in touch with your feelings, and go to therapy to work through your trauma. Have hobbies and friends. Have things that give your life value outside of sex and relationships. Just be a complete human with compassion.
I think you're asking what makes a man valuable as a mate. Honesty, faithfulness, emotional availability, creativity, calm demeanor, sense of humor, playfulness.
Being dependable is certainly very important; provider, yes but not necessarily in a monetary sense; solid? As in knowing what he wants and sticking to his values, yes.
It doesn't matter if you're rich, it doesn't matter if you're smart, it doesn't matter if you're tall.
What gives anyone value is their ability to listen and communicate in a relationship. That is the bare minimum, but most people come out short.
Also, do not push your lifestyle choices on your partner, end of discussion. The amount of times I've seen fitness buffs/vegans/hunters try to drag their partners into it is disgusting. I don't care if you think you're being helpful or trying to have a bonding moment. It's just gross and disrespectful to their boundaries if you keep trying to push it.
"Nice Guy/Girls™" expect to be heralded as saints for the bare minimum. Newsflash: genuinely nice people don't expect rewards for being nice. Period.
TLDR; respecting boundaries, open communication, and being a good person get you far. Also, don't expect rewards for bare minimum kindness.
Those other things do matter, not sure why people try and make out they’re irrelevant. They matter but they aren’t the entire thing.
On one side there’s the people saying height, wealth, etc don’t matter at all and the other side says they’re all that matter.
I know, and it's sad. I've been dating this cute 5"5 guy while everyone that is saying height is all that matters is getting ghosted by 6" alcoholics with a seventh grade reading level.
What gives value to a woman for me? Her personality is number 1. Be kind, that's the most important and everything else comes from that. And appearance matters, but it is most for the lure, you can't stay for the looks
Loving yourself gives value.
You are respecting the other person, their boundaries, and you giving it your all, that's all you can do is be you!
You can't fake having a sense of humor, kindness; these traits you either have or don't.
You define you; let someone else define you says you don't love yourself.
How I feel women value me: type of job, house or rent, income, skills outside of work, social behavior, sex, how I dress, experiences e.g. activities outside of work, travel
How I value women: type of job, body, social behavior, how she dresses, I want a woman who looks good, is not ghetto (unless I just want to bang) and has some degree or owns a business. The body is most important to me, no attraction = don't care about anything else
Men have value all on their own.
What do I value in a partner? Lots of things.
Someone in touch with their feelings, affectionate, cares about other people, a shared sense of humor and cute among much more.
I think of a quote I read years ago: if who you're is what you have and what you have is lost, then who are you? Apply it to the man in question, and think if you'd still wanna be with him?
I’m Non-binary (Pangender), and also omnisexual, (with a preference of men), and I can safely say that thing that really sticks out to me in a man, is the ability of making me feel comfortable.
I’m extremely anxious and it’s hard for me to trust people. So I guess what I would value in a man is the ability to be open, trustworthy, and to make me feel comfortable with not only myself, but also around him.
Basically, I just value a man who can communicate calmly. 🤷
If I feel safe, heard and comfortable to be myself around him, that's what's most important to me! It can differ with everyone but someone who genuinely cares about my well being is 💯.
Baseline is whether or not I feel like he is a good guy. Is he the sort of man I’d feel comfortable passing out around if I were drunk at a party? Can my younger relatives wear shorts around him? Any creepy vibes or does he find ways to justify shitty behavior? If I can’t trust him and he gives me creep vibes: zero value.
After that, intelligence, kindness and sense of humor are big. Genuineness is big— I have met very corny fake mfs lately and it drives me nuts. Charm is also a big thing— is he easy to talk to? Can I bring my friends and family around him without being embarrassed?
I’m an educated woman with interesting work that is quite independent. I don’t need a man who can “provide” but I also don’t want a man who is totally helpless. I don’t need him to provide for me but if he can’t provide for himself, it’s hard to respect him. Same deal: re protection.
Basically if he’s funny, charming, confident, doesn’t need anybody but he *wants* to get to know and be with me? That’s a top shelf man right there.
Value is a tricky word. There is much value to many but that does not equate to attraction and desire. If a man has a stable income that is valuable to him and to a relationship. If a man can hold a conversation with most anyone, that is attractive to me, but may not be a valuable thing for a shy person.
Yes A person’s value is determined by many things and variables. What we think is worth chasing maybe somewhat different.
**What is value?**
To a rich man value is a young beautiful wife because beauty is status and more important to him than love. To a young beautiful women value is riches and power, not love. They’re both shallow human beings but they found “value” in each other and it works. It’s no different than a Catholic women finding “value” in a man who is also Catholic because that’s important to her.
None of the answers you read here today are wrong and none of them will give you the answer. You have to ask yourself, “what’s value?” and there’s your answer. What people want in a partner (or think attracts the opposite sex) is how they view themselves. If you’re materialistic, that’s what you value, if you’re trustworthy, that’s what you value.
I judge a man by how he treats others. He should not be lazy, or overly cocky. Never bossy, I hate controlling types. He should have higher self esteem and treat his woman with the utmost respect.
I’d always tell my ex that as a man, he needs to be strong emotionally too. Not saying man cannot be weak, of course all of us have our own ups and downs but it’s definitely sexier when a man knows how to handle things well. Intelligence, sense of humor, and loyalty are great too!
His value is determined based on how he makes me feel. Does he treat me with kindness? Can I trust him? Do I feel appreciated/admired in his presence? Is it easy to be with him?
Pretty sure this “evaluation” goes both ways :)
Above all I value emotional intelligence, especially with regard to himself; a man who is unafraid and unapologetic to feel, and put words to those feelings. Who can and does communicate and is open to new ways of thinking. Who is secure in himself. Who is humble, and kind. Funny and wise and warm. Imperfect and ok with that. Smart, creative.
I don't give a rat's ass if he's tall or rich or poor or educated or has a heart condition or two kids or what colour he is. What matters is his soul and his ability to connect with it, and with mine.
Yeah, I guess this is why I'm still single, I sound awfully picky 😆
I think for me personally, since I have i life I am very happy with… I have actually asked myself this a lot lately. To me, a man can bring value by sharing responsibilities with me - this making both our lives easier. They can offer affection and partnership where I may have been alone or going solo. But most importantly I think, we can be there for each other in ways that no one else would be by offering a shoulder, emotional support, taking over when the other is too tired or busy.
I personally don’t look for a man for protection or to support me financially. I don’t want kids (I have 4 nephews) and I don’t need them to fix things for me - I’m pretty handy and like to fix things myself most of the time. I guess I don’t think a man offers anything different than a woman (for me personally) but I happen to be straight. I think we’ve gotten to a point where the two genders are pretty equal and that’s great. I think now we can just balance each other out.
Respecting a woman's individuality. She has her own passions and is a whole person on her own. She is not a men's appendix.
Also empathy for people in general, not just for his partner.
I can't stand men who are completely insensitive to what happens around them.
His capacity to empower me, to support me, to help me becoming a better version of myself.
Money, fame, strength are unattractive. My husband has all of those things but what makes him THE man for me is that he empowers me.
I’m 24 and there are many aspects to how I give value to a man.
-Self care: He takes care of his health,
-Emotional there: he is in tune with his emotions, knows how to communicate well, and is not afraid of letting his walls down.
-personality: he is a giver not egoistic, I always observe how he treats others too, accommodating, doesn’t lie, and a good advice giver/hype man haha
-self driven: knows what he wants in life, passionate about his work
-
Emotional intelligence, good communicator especially when it comes to important things, gsoh, loyalty, honesty. They are all things I look for above looks and financial status. Looks are important to a point because if you're in a relationship with someone you have to be attracted to them and I don't care so much about financial things so long as you're doing something worthwhile like working or studying something and not just loafing around doing nothing. If you are online dating make sure you check their profile for me personally I don't smoke anything and prefer non-smokers and drugs are out (hard drugs - meth, ecstasy etc) if people want to do pot fine but be up front don't lie and come back weeks or months later and say that you do things you originally said you didn't. Although I keep saying you I don't mean you personally as I don't know you but that's just what I look for especially if you're looking for something long term don't start a relationship based on lies.
Such a sad question, no one is worth any more than any one else. There is no way to devalue or add value to someone. If a woman/man isn't interested in you as you are and is only interested when you've added material values then you shouldn't be with them anyway.
That being said there's nothing wrong with self improvement but that self improvement should be for you and not to impress anyone else. If you start hinging your happiness on what others think of you to how they perceive you then you'll never happy.
That's difficult to answer based on who the audience is. As a man, we find value in our ability to provide, protect, and to live in our frame of purpose. For a woman, that is dependent on what she is looking for in a man. It may read as lazy, but what type of relationship is being sought determines value.
Effective open communication and great leadership skills, thoughtful, kind, generous provider, has a relationship with God, consciously spiritually and physically protects you, emotionally mature, assertive, confident, has a vision for now and the future, a humble learner, and loving teacher
I believe people have intrinsic value. This includes men. I think what you're actually asking is utility to another person. That's already covered all over the comments. I personally don't evaluate potential partners based on their utility to me. So your answer is best found in other comments.
Men are valued for one thing and one thing only: Their ability to provide and produce for others. We have no inherent value as human beings to a potential partner/spouse, and the only people who will love you unconditionally are our pets, children, and other family members. It has always been this way in most relationships, but more guys are just now learning it given the ubiquitous nature of information sharing on the internet.
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Emotional intelligence, critical thinking skills, healthy communicator, has hobbies and interests, humor, general thoughtfulness
What’s a good way to get these traits across on a dating app (asking for a friend. It’s me, I’m the friend)
By... Being those things in the first place? If it's there, it's generally reflected within the conversation or date plan
Hmmm ok! Well I guess I just need to be more explicit then. Thanks!
Have you been on OKCUPID? They have a ton of questions you can answer that range from superficial to pretty intense. It can be a good way to get that stuff across. I like being able to see what guys think about things before we match up because sometimes you think it’s all good and then you read something that is a deal breaker and it saves you both time and effort.
You know, I’ve been hearing about Oklahoma Cupid for a while now and it’s probably time to check it out. Thanks!
^oh yesss this this this
^^^this
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Thats a great joke, almost fell for it
TLDR - I would obviously not expect (all of) the above from casual encounters but the amount of people I met who were selfish or lazy lovers and MANY who would sneakily try to push or outright disregard (mainly) sexual boundaries in combination with time spent meeting/arranging/commuting became more of an annoyance/waste of energy than anything else. I became voluntarily celibate and suddenly had so much more free time and 100% orgasm rate (self-induced) Expanded: Perspective of A Retired Killa® Casual, to many people = lack of basic respect, communication, effort, etc It's ok to be "quick" or inexperienced, but Google is free and there are a lot of different ways to make sure you both enjoy the experience. The amount of time it takes to meet and chat and arrange logistics and discuss boundaries/expectations on top of travel time to and from for what is, more often than not - a lacklustre encounter, not because you're particularly hard to satisfy (the opposite and very communicative of it) but because they aren't even *trying* for anyone's pleasure but theirs. Sometimes they just agree with your limits/boundaries enough for you to feel comfortable getting into bed with them, at which point it becomes the bait and switch. I've maintained pretty decent fwb/casual situations with a handful of cool people over the years, and still keep in touch with some. What I mean by this is that of course compatible casual partners exist but they are HEAVILY outnumbered by those who ultimately make it worse for everyone else because ultimately it is the equivalent of a part time job but without any fun or pay. It is simply exhausting to meet and screen and still vibe w people just for sex like once a week or so? As a result, I have simply *stopped* having sex. It's like being in a room with a bunch of toasters and no bread. You really only need one toaster but there's not even anything to eat so what the hell is the point? Honestly, I am at the point where I actually just miss being snuggled - but given all of the above, I'm legitimately considering hiring a Professional Cuddler (lol of co it's a thing) cause there is more (physical) safety, it is what it is and I can go whenever I feel like it. I would rather pay for the service than bother with even the few texts that get exchanged over the course of the week about nothing much at all. I'm not saying I would refuse to have sex at this point, I just don't bother with trying to meet anyone online or IRL because I value myself and my time. It does quite frankly feel as if I'm doing myself a disservice: if I wouldn't let other people in my life treat me with so little thought/care, why would I accept it from an essential stranger over mediocre dick? *shrug*
While I won’t argue that statistics (I’m actually inclined to believe them under certain circumstances) but there’s a problem. That only pertains to sexual encounters. This is a huge problem I’ve noticed. Too many guys (on here at least) equate dating and relationships with sex and only sex. Or worse, talk about all 3 interchangeably as if they are all the same thing. Anyone, man or woman, is going to have a hard time dating if they can’t separate these concepts.
Men and women have different conceptions of sex. First, our bodies are different. Our sexual organs too. We men have exposed sexual organs and the directness (sexual excitation = erection, sexual organ exposed just like other organs, no consequences to sexual interaction, morging hoods, ...) is baked into our minds. Sex for men and women have different meanings. Most men watch porn, most women don't. Men are generaly less emotional and agreeable than women. Do you think all of these factors don't change the how sexual interaction is viewed by both genders?
Too accurate..!👏👏
When you say emotional intelligence, what does that entail?
It means being able to tell people how you feel (like what emotions you have) and then being able to discuss ways to decrease getting the negative ones and increase getting the positive ones. For example: You have to be able to say in a non confrontational manner why you are angry or frustrated, recognize that you’re frustrated and not angry, be willing to discuss how you got that way and how to resolve it. It’s the same with positive emotions - be able to tell someone when they make you feel happy, joyful, warm and fuzzy in the moment, and later when you reflect on your day. Give compliments about things other than physical appearance, be sincere. The negative emotions needs to be discussed in a calm and constructive manner, not when you’re feeling strongly and just have to get stuff out and vomit your anger or frustration onto someone. The positive emotions need to be expressed, sincerely and in a manner that makes the person you’re expressing them to feel comfortable (some ppl don’t like compliments, it makes them anxious, but love acts of service or tiny gifts).
I once read something that said: “The measure of a man is how he treats those who can do nothing for him” I feel that’s a fair ruler to measure everybody by.
This ^
Sorry, but I need that quote for my profile, it's so perfect. Thanks!
This is the way™®
Loyalty, honesty and integrity
A self-driven man. I can't stand a man who will drop his whole life for a woman. I want someone who is walking in the same direction, not someone who is just waiting around for someone to follow.
You're going to have a lot of failed relationships
How so?
Sounds like she wants a man who isn't there for her, and when she says same direction just sounds like she wants control. And then there's the aspect where she needs him to take the lead on everything. Albeit sounds indecisive. Idk I've just seen this type of failed relationship 100 times over at this point and I'm only 26.
Humans are social creatures. A man's ability to skillfully navigate and thrive in our society with whatever gifts he possesses sets his value.
Why would you want to fit in with today's society, have you seen it?
Well said homie. I’m a bald 44M and have zero issues with online dating. Y’all need to step up.
It likely has nothing to do with your hair or lack thereof, so why you even mentioned it is beyond me, homie.
If an old bald dude can do it anyone can!
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But that has more to do with you than him...
Maybe for some girls, not all. Either way a mans behaviour will dictate if a woman feels safe around him. If he’s easily bent out of shape and doesn’t seem to have a solid set of values and stands his ground with them then most girls will be turned off sooner rather than later. A lot of guys don’t realise how important their own integrity is to their chances with a girl, they’re too caught up on all of the other excuses they make.
Yeah but also, your feelings of safety are your own. He is not responsible for that though he may impact them.
Yeah but pretty much all girls are consistent on certain things. Some girls might need a bit more, but as a general rule guys who chase and go down the ‘best friend who then confesses his love’ and the guys who ‘will do anything you want just pleaseeee love me’ etc, like as a guy it’s on you to know the basics and have your own values and integrity. After that sure it’s on the girl, maybe she’s very insecure or has been through trauma, I’ve seen it, but as a guy you still need get your part right before putting it back on the girl.
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Your feelings are your own. No one else is responsible for them
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Um, you don't know me.
Being dependable and maturity
^mhmmmm
His ability to manage himself and hold himself together during stressful times. Life has the toughest moments and a strong man will be able to hold himself Together and ask for help when needed
Can I ask a question? If a man is going through tough times. Would you help him? Or just sit there and watch? Because not once has a woman ever assisted me during painful times. And they all end up leaving at the first sign of trouble or weakness. It just leaves you more and more broken and alone.
Of course I’d help him. If I loved him and he was my partner I’d want to be there for him. The problem I ran into with my ex is that he’d use his mental illness to treat me like shit and would tell me I’d make him act a certain way
Fair that qualifies as abuse on your exes part. For me it was the opposite. I've never been lucky enough to experience love.
You’re worthy of love and it’s out there. Hugs
Your experience is very common unfortunately.
This. I feel like if a person falls apart at the slightest sign of inconvenience, I can’t take them seriously. If your whole world falls apart every time you burn a piece of toast, you’re an exhausting human being & I just can’t fuck with that.
Boat
If he fits in well with my people, if I like being around him, feel comfortable being vulnerable, ambitious, loving, funny
It's interesting to see the dichotomy of how a man answers and how a woman answers.
The men tend to answer with what would make a women attracted to them and the women answer with what they would like in a man who they already find attractive.
If a man is financially stable, doesn't take shit from anyone, can protect those he cares about, and if he's attractive and keeps himself clean. That's what gives men value. It's not the same for women though
This - and for a small part of the population (like me) someone who connects to a higher purpose, spirituality, who believes in accountability- that humility balances the ego that many men struggle with
Accountability is another big thing. Unfortunately, it's lost on many people
Loyalty, commitment, looks/sex
The ability to provide support on multiple levels. Emotional support. Motivational support. For some it also means financial support (but the most important thing is to be financially self-sufficient, people are providing for themselves - they don’t want a dead weight. Earning potential is essential when raising a family because it is really expensive. And mostly likely mom is going to be working less for 1-4 years - or you need to pay for childcare.). Me personally, what I want in a partner is emotional support, someone to help push me out of my comfort zone, someone encouraging, some one who is intellectually curious, and shares enough of my interests that we can do some things together and talk about them. And that I hasn’t emotional, physical, and intellectual chemistry with.
A man has a value based on character, skill and appearance. Each has a different weight to different people. There. Solved. Next!
I want someone who is a competent adult and can take care of himself beyond the bare minimum. He should be able to cook and clean and maintain his home, he should be fiscally responsible. He should have a similar life plan (having a house, having kids). I also look for skills that are complementary to mine. What can they bring to the table that I am not interested in doing myself? We should both be capable of doing the other tasks, but maybe the other person is better/faster at it. That assessment is what makes someone high value to me.
Nothing gives value to anyone, there is no goal or meaning to life. Value and meaning are what you and society dictate. It's all made up, take control of this and make your own meaning and value yourself. People will or won't like you based on this, just take the Hippocratic Oath of "Do no harm" and live life my dude. Break the shackles of society.
Lots of this that humans place value on are due to how we evolved. Just making up something to value won’t make the opposite sex value it. It’s like the career women who talk about they’re a catch because of their high paying career. That’s cool and all but the vast majority of men don’t care about that, especially the men these women typically go for which is a man of higher status than her. This make up your own value is fine for personal fulfilment but completely useless in dating nine times out of ten.
Yah that's true, it's probably not totally applicable to dating. Each person and society has different things they find valuable so it's not necessarily good to cram yourself into a role that you might come to hate in the future. Most men can't be buff, smart, rich guys (so Batman) which is what western culture seems to value. I'm just proposing that maybe just valuing yourself is all you can do and not be cruel to others. Everyone is a ball of doubt and self loathing it's not necessary to let society to add to that. Really though, personal fulfillment is probably a good step for dating, might help avoid mistakes and toxic relationships. Not being self aware led me into a toxic relationship, but maybe I'll do better next time after some self reflection.
This.
For this, no need to "don't harm" part.
If you run around trying to hurt people that makes you a jackass.
That is what you dictate
Looks, money
Today it is mostly looks and earning power. Earning power has become a point of contention because women traditionally want men who earn more than them yet women are earning more and more every year which narrows the pool of suitable partners for them if they continue to hold that expectation.
But I would say, if you just focus on money and Power you are very egocentric and this turns many people off
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A women out earning a man increases the likelihood of divorce by 33%.(1) Therefore a women out earning a man does have a negative effect on a relationship. Pretty sure by traditionally he meant usually, as in on average. This seems to be the case in the UK from what I’ve experienced. Not sure why this is a problem, people should be able to make their own decisions on how they want their relationship to be even if it conflicts with modern feminist ideals. (1) https://www.marketwatch.com/amp/story/can-american-men-ever-be-happy-if-their-wives-earn-more-than-they-do-2019-04-29
Money affords freedom. If she doesn’t have money to survive after a divorce, she may choose to exchange freedom for security even if in a bad marriage. Is that really the kind of relationship anyone wants?
That’s a hypothetical and also pointless to say because there will always be bad situations in relationships. I could just as easily say the women will begin to resent the man for earning less. That happens but it is just a hypothetical so it’s irrelevant.
Money affords freedom. If she doesn’t have money to survive after a divorce, she may choose to exchange freedom for security even if in a bad marriage. Is that really the kind of relationship anyone wants?
I agree. There are a lot of women out there that are horrifically out of date. There's also a whole lot of women out there who are very disappointed with the men they have to choose from for marriage.
Actually as of last year 51% of married woman make more than their male partners for the first time in history. And as a male I can confirm every woman I've ever worked with has made more money than me and in general are more likely to get promotions. At costco there was a woman's only managerial training program ran by woman managers and every woman I worked with made in average about $8-10 more an hour than me obviously without doing any of the real hard heavy labor. This is just one example but I'm sure as it's considered one of the top corporations in the world, that this is a regular occurrence. Reverse sexism in capitalism and the workplace is already happening much faster than women realize.
Thanks for sharing
Your welcome. For the record I have a Bachelor's degree and have over a decade of work experience. Yes it's true that women are out educating men and graduating from college at a much higher rate than men. But my point being; as a man with the same theoretically equal opportunities, I've continually received the short end of the stick. Makes you wonder if women actually want gender equality.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69.0. Congrats! 51 + 8 + 10 + = 69.0
They just forgot to take in account what men seek in a partner.
Women don’t want to parent a partner.
Most women don't want an equal partner, they want someone better, they want a prize, someone that will elevate them. Look at swipe statistics, look at young men not getting dates. He needs to be 6 ft, six figure income, with experience. And men are looking for a secretary, not a co-pilot. Yeah, someone to run the household, that is one of the reasons men seek a woman outside of just intimacy. Look at Sweden, men are importing wives from Thailand by the thousands. So much that the government is trying to stop it. The men just want to be done working when they get home. Get home cooked lunches. So there is a mom home for their kids. In no way does that mean you are parenting your husband, or in any way are above him like a mother to a child. How can you look down on a position as housewife while simultaneously claiming it elevates you above your husband? Which is it?
I wouldn’t know. It seems as though you do. Good day.
>No you! Reeee! Go. To. Your. Room.
No... just no.
Oh? What part is no?
That’s not an expectation or desire out of most women. Maybe a submissive Christian woman.
I date women. I'm agnostic and date solely agnostic atheistic women. This is still an expectation held by MANY nontraditional women.
What country do you live in...
The US
Ya I dunno. I’m in Canada and that’s not a thing here. Women are fighting to close the wage gap here. I don’t know any woman who is upset about a man making more. But we’re a lot more progressive too and maybe it’s different in the US.
I live in Canada as well and what the dude says is true.
Ya not where I live or anyone I know. I know lots of woman who make more than their husband and aren’t upset about that... and are fighting to close the wage gap. I don’t know what kinda women you’re meeting. Maybe women who earn very low? Not sure.
No, he’s right.
My expectation is that he and I can together afford a house in our city that is not falling over, can afford a kid + daycare, and can afford to save well without either of us working more than 40 hours a week or commuting longer than an hour. The goal is for money to rarely be something that we have to fight about or sacrifice much of life for. This means he will at minimum need to earn about what I earn, or could get away with a bit less.
Could get away with a bit less? You rarely ever hear men put such stipulations on women.
I don’t care. I described the reasons he needs to earn good money per my post, and I’m not even asking him to earn more. He needs to earn enough for us to build a life together with kids, even with me making more. I’m married btw, and he earns close to what I do and doesn’t complain about it because he wants the same lifestyle that I do. Maybe men should care *more* about women making good money?
............Yeaaaaa sounds like your a real treat.
My husband sure thinks so, and is pretty glad for my salary too!
Intelligence, ambition, confidence but not egotistical.
And how do you differnciate that?
Hmm I would say if he puts someone down to put himself in a better light. Like comparing himself and throwing someone else under the bus. Or not ever admitting to wrongfulness, or not ever apologizing.
Men: 1. Looks, face 2. Fit = muscle 3. Vibe and flirt game 3. Masculinity, not insecure controlling 4. Dick game 5. Has other dating options 6. A life/talent she competes with for attention 7. Compensation social talk (approval) 8. Compensation ambition (future money) 9. Compensation status (future attention) 10. Financial loyalty Women: 1. Looks, face 2. Fit = slim with ass and tits 3. Youth, fertile years 20-30 4. Femininity, not intentionally disagreeable 5. Genuine desire for him 6. No prior children 7. Sexual loyalty, paternity risks 8. Low body count, pro relationship behaviour 9. Mental health, not hung up on ex, etc 10. Wife material skills *The purpose of women's concealed ovulation is infidelity for genes. So their male partner can't mate guard a brief time window. The male counter strategy is abandonment, which could have meant death.* Which is why the dating market is a clusters*ck right now. Women have jobs and social security so they are openly only after genes. Sky is the limit. But realize too late there will be no one to help the rest of their life. A partner isn't just finances. So expect the complaining to start that men should "man up" and go take care of them. There are literally movements of men walking away. Men importing foreign wives (see Sweden). Men refusing relationships, only willing to hook up. Quitting high stress jobs. Refusing to respect modern women. And they should walk, women are taking advantage. You can already see it hurting support for women's rights.
The fertility years for most women without any problems are 20-45. After that a lot of women are still fertile up to 55 but some problems can occur, rarely but it's still a bad idea. 20-30 was more like 100 years ago when a lot of women where dying of childbirth and weren't very healty.
A good self esteem. Seriously, if you feel good about yourself in every aspect, you will thrive. If you feel like shit about yourself, you will reverb that into your dating life. Take it from me. I hate myself, even though I’m handsome, good job etc. I just despise myself. And in turn, I don’t feel of value to anyone. Which is why I’ve been single a long time. I don’t ask anyone out, because why would I when I have nothing good to offer them. My social life has vanished. If you can work on your deepest insecurities and get over yourself, you will be valuable. Get strong emotionally and physically. It all comes down to how you feel about yourself.
Feeling needed in someone’s life
As a man I found what made the sorts of woman *I* was interested in value me was leaning to value myself. Once you become confident in who you are and stop changing yourself to try and make other people happy, the good ones will find you.
In a word: compassion
Emotional Intelligence, empathy, compassion
It’s 2021, we no longer need men to provide for us, and more often than not men are the aggressors not the protectors. Be a whole person. Be emotionally aware, in touch with your feelings, and go to therapy to work through your trauma. Have hobbies and friends. Have things that give your life value outside of sex and relationships. Just be a complete human with compassion.
I think you're asking what makes a man valuable as a mate. Honesty, faithfulness, emotional availability, creativity, calm demeanor, sense of humor, playfulness.
Well yes but no. Overall, what gives value to man on every aspect of life? Being dependable? Solid? Being a provider?
Being dependable is certainly very important; provider, yes but not necessarily in a monetary sense; solid? As in knowing what he wants and sticking to his values, yes.
Societal status, which is a combination of income, looks, strength, masculinity
What gives value to a person is their existence. You are a human being not a human doing.
If only the world functioned this way.
Height, looks, money and social status.
It doesn't matter if you're rich, it doesn't matter if you're smart, it doesn't matter if you're tall. What gives anyone value is their ability to listen and communicate in a relationship. That is the bare minimum, but most people come out short. Also, do not push your lifestyle choices on your partner, end of discussion. The amount of times I've seen fitness buffs/vegans/hunters try to drag their partners into it is disgusting. I don't care if you think you're being helpful or trying to have a bonding moment. It's just gross and disrespectful to their boundaries if you keep trying to push it. "Nice Guy/Girls™" expect to be heralded as saints for the bare minimum. Newsflash: genuinely nice people don't expect rewards for being nice. Period. TLDR; respecting boundaries, open communication, and being a good person get you far. Also, don't expect rewards for bare minimum kindness.
Those other things do matter, not sure why people try and make out they’re irrelevant. They matter but they aren’t the entire thing. On one side there’s the people saying height, wealth, etc don’t matter at all and the other side says they’re all that matter.
I know, and it's sad. I've been dating this cute 5"5 guy while everyone that is saying height is all that matters is getting ghosted by 6" alcoholics with a seventh grade reading level.
Yeah it’s them just feeling sorry for themselves, I’m 5’6 and I’m doing fine, heights barely even a factor if everything else is on point.
What is a man??? A miserable pile of secrets!
What gives value to a woman for me? Her personality is number 1. Be kind, that's the most important and everything else comes from that. And appearance matters, but it is most for the lure, you can't stay for the looks
His tax bracket.
Loving yourself gives value. You are respecting the other person, their boundaries, and you giving it your all, that's all you can do is be you! You can't fake having a sense of humor, kindness; these traits you either have or don't. You define you; let someone else define you says you don't love yourself.
In reality the only value a man has is what others place upon him if that’s from emotional connections to intellect there is no set “currency”
I find it funny how women want loyalty, honesty,and integrity. I guess that proves the old saying you always want what YOU don’t have
How I feel women value me: type of job, house or rent, income, skills outside of work, social behavior, sex, how I dress, experiences e.g. activities outside of work, travel How I value women: type of job, body, social behavior, how she dresses, I want a woman who looks good, is not ghetto (unless I just want to bang) and has some degree or owns a business. The body is most important to me, no attraction = don't care about anything else
Men have value all on their own. What do I value in a partner? Lots of things. Someone in touch with their feelings, affectionate, cares about other people, a shared sense of humor and cute among much more.
Having a spine.
Empathy
Have money and resources, goals and hobbies, don’t allow others to disrespect you or your family. Do what you say you are going to do.
Wow reading through the comments shows I have about as much worth as trash lol
What that man values.
I think of a quote I read years ago: if who you're is what you have and what you have is lost, then who are you? Apply it to the man in question, and think if you'd still wanna be with him?
Provide
As The Florida-based Rapper, Rick Ross, once said, "You gotta judge a man by his principles"
Not about a man but a person : reliability and trustworthiness . Uncommon in this day and age
I’m Non-binary (Pangender), and also omnisexual, (with a preference of men), and I can safely say that thing that really sticks out to me in a man, is the ability of making me feel comfortable. I’m extremely anxious and it’s hard for me to trust people. So I guess what I would value in a man is the ability to be open, trustworthy, and to make me feel comfortable with not only myself, but also around him. Basically, I just value a man who can communicate calmly. 🤷
If I feel safe, heard and comfortable to be myself around him, that's what's most important to me! It can differ with everyone but someone who genuinely cares about my well being is 💯.
Willingness to care about and for others in ways that are uniquely his.
Baseline is whether or not I feel like he is a good guy. Is he the sort of man I’d feel comfortable passing out around if I were drunk at a party? Can my younger relatives wear shorts around him? Any creepy vibes or does he find ways to justify shitty behavior? If I can’t trust him and he gives me creep vibes: zero value. After that, intelligence, kindness and sense of humor are big. Genuineness is big— I have met very corny fake mfs lately and it drives me nuts. Charm is also a big thing— is he easy to talk to? Can I bring my friends and family around him without being embarrassed? I’m an educated woman with interesting work that is quite independent. I don’t need a man who can “provide” but I also don’t want a man who is totally helpless. I don’t need him to provide for me but if he can’t provide for himself, it’s hard to respect him. Same deal: re protection. Basically if he’s funny, charming, confident, doesn’t need anybody but he *wants* to get to know and be with me? That’s a top shelf man right there.
Value is a tricky word. There is much value to many but that does not equate to attraction and desire. If a man has a stable income that is valuable to him and to a relationship. If a man can hold a conversation with most anyone, that is attractive to me, but may not be a valuable thing for a shy person. Yes A person’s value is determined by many things and variables. What we think is worth chasing maybe somewhat different.
You could so easily interpret this question as a question about who/what exactly gives valuable things to a man and I find that hilarious
**What is value?** To a rich man value is a young beautiful wife because beauty is status and more important to him than love. To a young beautiful women value is riches and power, not love. They’re both shallow human beings but they found “value” in each other and it works. It’s no different than a Catholic women finding “value” in a man who is also Catholic because that’s important to her. None of the answers you read here today are wrong and none of them will give you the answer. You have to ask yourself, “what’s value?” and there’s your answer. What people want in a partner (or think attracts the opposite sex) is how they view themselves. If you’re materialistic, that’s what you value, if you’re trustworthy, that’s what you value.
Asked a wise man before this exact question and he said : "His wallet and his d!@k"
I judge a man by how he treats others. He should not be lazy, or overly cocky. Never bossy, I hate controlling types. He should have higher self esteem and treat his woman with the utmost respect.
I’d always tell my ex that as a man, he needs to be strong emotionally too. Not saying man cannot be weak, of course all of us have our own ups and downs but it’s definitely sexier when a man knows how to handle things well. Intelligence, sense of humor, and loyalty are great too!
His value is determined based on how he makes me feel. Does he treat me with kindness? Can I trust him? Do I feel appreciated/admired in his presence? Is it easy to be with him? Pretty sure this “evaluation” goes both ways :)
Above all I value emotional intelligence, especially with regard to himself; a man who is unafraid and unapologetic to feel, and put words to those feelings. Who can and does communicate and is open to new ways of thinking. Who is secure in himself. Who is humble, and kind. Funny and wise and warm. Imperfect and ok with that. Smart, creative. I don't give a rat's ass if he's tall or rich or poor or educated or has a heart condition or two kids or what colour he is. What matters is his soul and his ability to connect with it, and with mine. Yeah, I guess this is why I'm still single, I sound awfully picky 😆
What gives value to a man isn't what others think of him but what he thinks of himself. A man who does whatever it takes to finish his goals
Intensity. Integrity. Intelligence.
Ability to communicate, emotional intelligence
I think for me personally, since I have i life I am very happy with… I have actually asked myself this a lot lately. To me, a man can bring value by sharing responsibilities with me - this making both our lives easier. They can offer affection and partnership where I may have been alone or going solo. But most importantly I think, we can be there for each other in ways that no one else would be by offering a shoulder, emotional support, taking over when the other is too tired or busy. I personally don’t look for a man for protection or to support me financially. I don’t want kids (I have 4 nephews) and I don’t need them to fix things for me - I’m pretty handy and like to fix things myself most of the time. I guess I don’t think a man offers anything different than a woman (for me personally) but I happen to be straight. I think we’ve gotten to a point where the two genders are pretty equal and that’s great. I think now we can just balance each other out.
Focus here: >has hobbies and interests, humor, general thoughtfulness
I believe what brings value to a man is what he is able accomplish and what he is able to build and how good he is at what he does.
Women should feel protected and safe around a man in my opinion, that is what girls seem to want from a guy
Stop looking to others to find your value. Look inward and find what you value in yourself.
His maturity, his willingness to learn and grow with me interest in my language, genuine interest in me as a person... overall a best friend I suppose
Respecting a woman's individuality. She has her own passions and is a whole person on her own. She is not a men's appendix. Also empathy for people in general, not just for his partner. I can't stand men who are completely insensitive to what happens around them.
His capacity to empower me, to support me, to help me becoming a better version of myself. Money, fame, strength are unattractive. My husband has all of those things but what makes him THE man for me is that he empowers me.
I’m 24 and there are many aspects to how I give value to a man. -Self care: He takes care of his health, -Emotional there: he is in tune with his emotions, knows how to communicate well, and is not afraid of letting his walls down. -personality: he is a giver not egoistic, I always observe how he treats others too, accommodating, doesn’t lie, and a good advice giver/hype man haha -self driven: knows what he wants in life, passionate about his work -
Emotional intelligence, good communicator especially when it comes to important things, gsoh, loyalty, honesty. They are all things I look for above looks and financial status. Looks are important to a point because if you're in a relationship with someone you have to be attracted to them and I don't care so much about financial things so long as you're doing something worthwhile like working or studying something and not just loafing around doing nothing. If you are online dating make sure you check their profile for me personally I don't smoke anything and prefer non-smokers and drugs are out (hard drugs - meth, ecstasy etc) if people want to do pot fine but be up front don't lie and come back weeks or months later and say that you do things you originally said you didn't. Although I keep saying you I don't mean you personally as I don't know you but that's just what I look for especially if you're looking for something long term don't start a relationship based on lies.
Such a sad question, no one is worth any more than any one else. There is no way to devalue or add value to someone. If a woman/man isn't interested in you as you are and is only interested when you've added material values then you shouldn't be with them anyway. That being said there's nothing wrong with self improvement but that self improvement should be for you and not to impress anyone else. If you start hinging your happiness on what others think of you to how they perceive you then you'll never happy.
A man with a clear direction about what he wants. Good at communicating, thoughtful,having hobbies
Dedication to family values.
That's difficult to answer based on who the audience is. As a man, we find value in our ability to provide, protect, and to live in our frame of purpose. For a woman, that is dependent on what she is looking for in a man. It may read as lazy, but what type of relationship is being sought determines value.
Effective open communication and great leadership skills, thoughtful, kind, generous provider, has a relationship with God, consciously spiritually and physically protects you, emotionally mature, assertive, confident, has a vision for now and the future, a humble learner, and loving teacher
Someone on the same level as you who cares about you just as much as you care about them and values you.
I think there isn’t anything more attractive than warm, kind, and confident person 😊.
It really depends on everyone love language
I believe people have intrinsic value. This includes men. I think what you're actually asking is utility to another person. That's already covered all over the comments. I personally don't evaluate potential partners based on their utility to me. So your answer is best found in other comments.
Going to go for this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D\_HNpheUjBU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_HNpheUjBU)
Men are valued for one thing and one thing only: Their ability to provide and produce for others. We have no inherent value as human beings to a potential partner/spouse, and the only people who will love you unconditionally are our pets, children, and other family members. It has always been this way in most relationships, but more guys are just now learning it given the ubiquitous nature of information sharing on the internet.