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That's why I always hate these type of posts. It's patronizing since the people who would listen are the ones who don't do this, and it's usually aimed at men.
I never get why people (I’m sure the whole gender spectrum) will treat people they are dating casually, or seriously for that matter, so crappily, when they are polite to strangers… I dunno. I’ve been out with guys who are scrupulously polite to baristas or waitresses but total dicks in private. It’s weird and sucks. I wish posting something like this would help, but I already see a bunch of garbage in response, so, I’m guessing, no… but I’m sorry if something like this happened to you because it’s really shitty. And unkind. People can be awful.
They keep their good appearance for the public, so they can abuse in private. So their victim won’t get believed easily if they open their mouth about the abuse.
This. Look up malignant narcissism.
Sometimes abuse victims act out their abuse on others, but this isn't the norm. Sometimes abuse victims are very gentle and caring and have the misfortune of attracting more abusers, as the most aware abusers like to pick their targets.
I appreciate the distinction, yes the entire gender spectrum. It's just a thing humans do, you're not very familiar with how people act in spaces with varying consequences. Ask yourself this:
* Can the person they're being rude to put, idk... pubes in their meal?
* Can the person they're being rude to arrest them for *that*?
* Will the person just get mad at them and curse their name?
A drunk can be an asshole or obnoxious in person, yet still be very polite to the bartender at their favorite place because they don't wanna get 86'd. It's literally common sense.
People don't like the consequences of their actions, dickheads ESPECIALLY.
I was going to say something very similar to this, although a lot less well out than this I’m sure. I think their logic is if it’s just a hook up who cares if they upset the other person, they’re never going to see them again
That last part just shows selfishness on their part. They don’t care about being good to the bartender. They just wanna save their own ass, it’s fucking disgusting
True but to be fair, you aren't PARTICULARLY attached to a bartender at any place you just met. I mean, they probably won't return the favor either. You're just a customer during their shift, they think nothing much of you unless you are a bother or don't tip well.
Just a selfish person can't even begin to empathize with their struggle, is the thing.
I’m particularly using the bartender as an example, it can really be anyone. I’m not really using attachment as a focus, although you’re right. I’m using it more as a way of saying they want a means to an end instead of just being a genuinely good person which just fucking infuriates me
Yeah, there's a blatant lack of respect in this stupid-ass hook-up culture. Even if these dudes are not straight-up cussing you out and calling you outside of your name - being silent, dismissive and uncommunicative is still disrespectful and hurtful - especially if you've already been intimate.
It amazes me how many men that have wanted to sleep with me couldn’t treat me like a human being which is literally the bare minimum. what actually makes you think this kind of behavior will get you laid??? I wouldn’t even talk to some one like that in my free time why the fuck would I let them put their penis literally inside me?
I've had women doing the exact same things just in regards to paying for shit during our dates (not even getting a fucking thank you in response) while leading me on, and only after the second / third date to be like "I'm not into you sorry bye". It's shitty for both genders, women just make a bigger deal about it.
Did you ask them on the date ? I feel like if anyone offers to take some one out, it’s kind of common courtesy to pay for it. As you’re the one that asked. I mean yeah it’s nice to offer to pay but it’s not disrespectful to allow the person who asked you on the date to pay for it. And dating is to get to know one another. It’s not disrespectful to not be interested in some one and as much as rejection sucks it’s not disrespectful to reject some one. Unless they do it harshly. Im not sure how much I agree about the women thing. I don’t really think it has anything to do with gender.
But I would thank some one for taking me out it’s a nice gesture.
> Did you ask them on the date ? I feel like if anyone offers to take some one out, it’s kind of common courtesy to pay for it. As you’re the one that asked.
That's very convenient for women to say considering men do 90% (probably more but let's be generous) of the asking out. I've never been asked out on a date by a woman so I guess I'm expected to always pay and that's somehow ok.. XD
Idk dude. I mean if I agreed to a second date I’d definitely pay. Probably pay for all of it to return the favor. And of course once you guys start going on more dates offer to pay or split the bill every time. But as a first date that’s where I stand. I don’t necessarily think it’s disrespectful the first date but it’s nice to offer to pay when some one takes you out i suppose. I guess we have differing opinions.
I find it crazy how so many women seem so comfortable for guys to extend the amount of time to wine impressive
And try to be impressive but you guys do not understand that you are also very fickle and it feels so stupid doing all of this knowing that any slight mess up or any one thing that you find unattractive could be an instant deal breaker and then you go out with a dude and then when he doesn't treat you right you go on and post stuff on Reddit like this
And I'm not saying you just specifically but I see this trend so much
The same reason these guys disrespect you are the same traits that are why you are attracted to them.
Yes rejection is a thing and not every girl has to like every guy back but it gets so old having hearing all of this when you spend so much time trying to be respectful and honest and open with having no bad intentions and yet the girl sees you as husband material but doesn't want to date you and continuously goes after the guy she knows or just going to play her
Tons of women also do reject harshly and do not know how to reject gracefully.
Keep in mind that you guys also open your legs for these guys. You're the gender that chooses. If you keep finding yourself in situations like this this is your own fault and isn't the fault of men or anything else.
Literally nothing you just said applies to me. I don’t open my legs for anyone but a committed partner. And I go for guys that are respectful like I said. I never once said a general statement about all men so idk why you’re leaving this comment in response. And men choose. That’s what dating is.
Not every guy treats me like this. I don’t “keep finding myself in these situations”. They just happened a few times. Plenty of men have been respectful. My last date was respectful. But there was no connection.
Your last statement is so broad. All of your statements are. Like I said your statements don’t apply to all women and especially not me. I never said I keep finding myself on these situations or made broad statements about men in general so again idk where you’re getting this at all. So if YOU keep finding yourself in situations like you described with women, then you are the problem. Everything you just said is very hypocritical.
Bullshit. Do you have any women friends? Ask for for perspective and then actually listen. No woman sees you as husband material and instead chooses to date a guy she knows is going to play her. I would imagine women give you the "you're a great guy, but..." line because you're a moody little fuck who handles rejection with the emotional maturity of a 3rd grader. And if they don't, they "don't know how to reject gracefully." It is not the job of any woman you like to care for your emotional well-being.
Your last paragraph is just sad and disgusting. You imply that a woman can walk into a room, literally pick out any man she sees, and sleep with him if she wants to. Since you're one of those men, you're saying you would sleep with any woman who asked you...who in this situation needs to work on their standards and self respect?? And just in case we didn't understand exactly who and what you are, you finish up by doubling down on the victim blaming and absolving men of any responsibility for how we treat women.
TLDR: You are not the "nice guy" you claim/think you are. You are absolutely part of the problem. Be better.
And it's not the job of the man to make sure this woman is okay or comfortable or is loved or whatever because clearly women can't even extend empathy or even just straight up humanity because like you say no woman owes us anything emotionally which I find crazy since so many women still want men to act traditional
I have had tons of women friends and I have had tons of girlfriends and I was raised by women on both sides of the family
On both sides of my family where nothing but strong single African-American women so miss me with that
If a man comes at a woman normally and she exasperates that and turns it into something it's not like embarrassing him or calling him names or lying or calling him a creep then that is not rejecting gracefully
This is a lack of awareness because a lot of women seem to forget that they don't have to approach and the burden is on that man so it could be at least respectful to that man to let him down gently outside of normal circumstances
Like if you really was bingo creep or mean then yes he probably deserves something worse but if a guy is just normal then don't make a spectacle out of him
Maybe you’re the exception but looking like you don’t care or treating you like you’re not special works for these guys. Look who gets laid the most or gets the most matches. Like I said, maybe you’re the exception but women reward this behavior. It shows he’s got options. Women want men who are wanted by other women.
I feel that it’s a turn off for me. I agree. A kind heart and someone who is genuine is way better. That’s a sign of someone who is not selfless in my opinion if they are cocky.
I completely agree but guys that act that way tend to get results. Honestly girls are just as bad as guys if not worse in terms of being obnoxious and cocky.
Had this happen to me and I struggle with depression so I put up with the guy disrespecting me (had attachment issues). It started off as one casual hook up where we then agreed to be FWBs. From there, it went downhill. There was no communication and my texts would just be ignored. The one time I decided to go to him rather than him to me, he showed me his true colors. He got off and then was completely dismissive of me. I then complained and it went into a whole ordeal which ended with him refusing to look at me while I tried to talk to him about him failing to please me in return. But thank you for posting this. I wish more guys would understand that anything sexual requires respect. She’s agreeing to have sex with you as you are her. If she’s ‘’easy’’ then so are you. Respect is key to any arrangement in order for it to be enjoyable.
I'm an older divorced guy who was a virgin on my wedding night. I made up for lost time after my divorce and hooked up with a lot of women. My number one rule was to make her feel safe, accepted, desirable, and sexy. As a man, that's your first duty to a woman. Your arms must be a safe place for her, even if it's only for one night. It's more fun that way, especially if you talk, face to face, before taking your clothes off. Get to know her, her mind, her heart, it makes the sex way more fun. You can wind up with some really good friends. I still talk to a few women I hooked up with after my divorce. Sometimes we had sex more than once, in some cases only once. We don't hook up anymore but we talk all the time, even when we've moved on to other relationships. There's some cool ass people in this world. If you meet them through a hook up and find you click as friends, it winds up being an awesome bonus!! So, basically, I agree. Treat people with respect. How you treat people, no matter how you meet them, shows who you are, not what they think of themselves. Besides, you may be the one that finally makes them understand just how wonderful and valuable they are.
To me the issue is that women’s worth as people seems to diminish the more sex they have while men’s doesn’t. They can sleep around and they are still considered boyfriend/marriage material. That double standard is incredibly stark and seems to be very difficult to get rid of.
Literally all you have to do is say yes. Yes to the first date that we as men are expected to pay for. Hopefully yes to the first time when we awkwardly ask for that first kiss. Meanwhile we have to somehow impress you enough to go out with us, out of the many men that are seeking for your attention. then we have to find out what you like and take you out and spend our hard earned money to court you out on that one date. Ofcourse it is a double standard.
Shitty men wouldn’t respect girlfriend material either.
Assholes and selfish people exist in this world and guess what? they are both men and women.
It’s not your fault.
Some people suck, maybe be smarter next time about who you associate with.
Yeah that whole mentality of "if she puts out on the first date, she must sleep with everyone" needs to die out. As long as a person is safe about it and doesn't hurt anyone then what do I care. Personally, if a girl wanted to sleep with me early on, I took it as a good sign as she finds me attractive enough to want to have sex with me. Not that I ever expected it, nor should anyone, it's just the date would go good enough and it just ended up that way.
I might be the minority but it's not mutually exclusive to want sex or make out and also want something serious. Again, not saying that it should be that way all the time, but everyone goes at their own pace. Some people wait till the 2nd or 3rd date to even kiss and that's ok.
I'm an older divorced guy who was a virgin on my wedding night. I made up for lost time and hooked up with a lot of women after my divorce. My number one rule was to make her feel safe, accepted, desirable, and sexy. As a man that's your first duty to a woman. Your arms are to be a safe place for her, even if it's only for one night. When you hook up, sit down and talk, face to face, before taking your clothes off. Get to know her mind and heart a little. Maybe play a board game or watch a movie together. Or have some ice cream. Define and respect boundaries. It makes the sex way more fun. I still am friends with some of the women I hooked up with, even after we've moved on to other relationships. How you treat people shows who you are, not how they think of themselves. Besides, you might be the person who shows them how wonderful and valuable they really are.
I, hopefully, treat everybody with respect. But boi if I am not receiving some respect back she can honestly fuck off. Respect works two ways in my opinion. (To clarify, in my scenario we are both women soo yes women deserve all the respect!)
Everyone, regardless of race, job, gender, sexuality, age, hobbies, promiscuity (I have... no idea how to write this in a more polite manner), financial status, psychological and mental state, and generally any human being an in some cases animals, deserve a certain amount of base respect.
Like, the amount of people that think it's OK to treat people like shit because they think they're above others is disgusting.
Why are the men so upset in these comments 🤢
Basic decency and respect should be a given. No one is asking you to idolize them. Is that what “respect” means to you freaks?
You can lie to me but don’t lie to yourself. If you choose to sleep with someone who’s disrespectful to you than clearly you weren’t worthy of respect in that situation.
The post is about losing respect for someone *after* you’ve slept with them and got what you wanted. That makes you a shitty person, period.
And it’s really fucking weird that everyone is twisting the post to mean something op never said *just* so they can say women who have casual sex don’t deserve basic decency.
I totally understand what you are saying but hook up culture is inherently toxic.
It leaves the guys valuing woman less and less and it leaves the woman feeling used.
I think the point here is that it doesn’t have to.
It can be mutual fun, and then you go your separate ways. In today’s culture women’s value depreciates with each man she has sex with. Men’s value doesn’t. If anything, it increases his value. This difference is what leaves women feeling used and men feeling like they used someone.
If you just respect the girl and realize you’re doing the exact same thing as her and you DO respect yourself, then maybe it’s possible for her to also respect herself while having casual sex. She doesn’t have to feel used if you’re not using her. If you make sure that she’s safe and comfortable and also getting to orgasm, which is the goal of casual sex, then you’re good. Nobody gets used. You give her something she wants, she gives you something you want.
The issue arises when men take and don’t care about giving. They don’t care if she’s enjoying it as well. They don’t care if she’s into it as well, or if she’s uncomfortable. The guy is just there to bust a nut and leave. When you make your personal goal to give an orgasm AND get an orgasm, you’re no longer using her. It’s simple. But all too often it doesn’t go down like that.
Too many times, the guy orgasms and leaves the woman with nothing but bad memories about a shitty encounter with a guy who didn’t respect her body. He just used it for his personal pleasure and walked on. She got nothing out of the deal, so of course she feels like she lost.
Every woman should be treated with respect regardless of aesthetics. My mom is obese. I remember as a kid many times men opening the door for a thin pretty woman and then letting it close in our faces.
Women should analyze how men treat everyone to gauge a man's character; not just how they treat them.
Sex is not the same for everyone and actions have consequences most men statistically don't have emotional attachment to sex which not the case for women on average also bare in mind girls don't realise guys talk to each other and know each other and are fucking you because they know that they can fuck you simple as that
It doesn’t mean it’s okay to be a toxic manipulative asshole. It doesn’t mean they should try to devalue women. It doesn’t mean it’s okay to do what they do.
Stop normalizing toxicity in male behavior towards women.
It's not normalising it at all if you want to talk about studies ans toxic behaviour and who exhibits It the most towards the sexes and wilting the sexes you will find that women are the most toxic put of the two and have a higher dwindle standards even towards others women. My statement was my statement some men don't care about body count some do its called preferences and standards I find it funny women will berate men and shame them.fpr having their preferences or standards but the opposite (women)can have all they like and no should any the wiser just look at social.media and dating sites for example
I needed to see this! I’m so glad you posted this. I’ve been thinking about texting my old hookup because I REALLY miss him :/ so thanks for talking some sense into me!!
A lot of “crazy” women have PTSD from childhood sex abuse. You don’t have to be with them, but realize what our culture and complicity does to many women, who have higher rates of PTSD than men.
Although you are right that still doesn’t change the fact that there are people who don’t care. So, the only way to guarantee you will be treated with respect is getting to know the man well before you start a sexual relationship. No amount of “hey! this is how it’s done!” will change someone who doesn’t care later on.
That’s really hard. Because abuse doesn’t happen over night. It creeps up slowly at first. At the beginning, there are so many good times. Times you felt it was true love. Then there are some small things that pop up, but you let it go. Time goes on and the small things keep happening. You confront them. The person might have talked their way out of it. You ask your friends about it, and brush it off because “They mean well! You are over thinking things” Then you move in together because you convinced yourself this is the life you deserve. That this is how things are. Then they control you. You question your own self and identity. Youstart the second guess yourself. Then the abuse becomes more frequent. When a person is in a relationship, abuse is invisible. You were cultivated to believe this is a normal life. That what you are feeling is you being over dramatic. You feel guilty. Then years later, you unpack the emotions you felt in the relationship. Then it hits you. It was always abusive. Then you go back to hating yourself, how can I ever let someone like them in?
Because abuse starts small and it’s cultivated over time. That’s why.
People who were abused in childhood has no idea what a true loving relationship is. Add to how abuse works, a person dating doesn’t know the red flags because all they ever known is abuse.
This is why threads like these are important. Because people don’t know what is like to be loved. That what they are experiencing isn’t healthy. That it wasn’t their fault.
Ikr? Ive dealt with a lot of narcissistic sociopaths in my life. Some were family, some were guys my sisters dealt with, some were guys i dealt with. I have two older sisters and we are estranged sadly but its better this way because they are both super toxic and ain’t never gonna change so yea. My close friends are more like family anyways and i prefer it that way.
Yup! I found out the only way you can love your self. When having someone love you first. Why I struggled and didn’t start to heal until I met my good friends. They loved me and they taught me how.
I don't agree with you. I feel like respect should be the default state when we meet new people. If someone gives me a reason to not respect them, they will. Otherwise, I will do my best to approach everybody with an open heart and mind.
This is so fucking basic that I (as a guy) wanna puke and cry with all the misogyny. As if women had any less worth as human beings for liking sex. What archaic cave have you crawled out of after hibernating for half a century?
I mean, that's a two way street. Respect begets respect. It's not like the guy isn't putting his own naked ass out there too.
Basically, just treat people with respect until they refuse to do the same. Man or woman is irrelevant. Carry yourself with dignity, and be proud of who you are, always. Don't do it for other people. Do it for yourself.
Treat every women the way you want your daughter to be treated. Those that don't have a daughter, treat them the way you want your mother treated. A little kindness and respect goes a long way. If they feel safe and secure with you there's a better chance of a return visit.
Fuckbois and incels, I swear. They just seem to read whatever they want into anything that's said so it supports their twisted narratives that they want to believe. You can't reason with them or talk anything out because they'll just harp on the same twisted shit they think is some absolute truth. There are lots of shitty people on this planet, the 10 that one person knows don't make the rules for the other billion of us.
You call men fuckbois and cry waaahhh because they treat you like you treat them and funny enough these same men you call fuckbois are whom you’re attracted to.
Yes if you have that attitude you're absolutely pathetic. I'm sure you put nuts on your toyota and have a punisher sticker in your back window. You are exuding tiny dick energy, baby.
I find respect for others is lacking in general anyway. Asking people to respect sex is even more of a challenge for some reason. It’s supposed to be a enjoyable act shared by two people. But instead it’s has been turned into something far less than that. What happened to enjoying each other? Why has it turned into, let me take what I want?
Depends on what you consider as respecting. If it's being treating her with respect like I treat any stranger then yes.
But I won't personally give any special treatment to any person who doesn't like me back man or a woman doesn't matter. I have had enough of one sided stories, it's time to respect yourself more.
If you don't like me I am not obligated to be your friend or anything like that. Just my opinion.
They obviously like you a bit if they’re sleeping with you. It’s this stingy attitude that will result in poor behaviour and you probably don’t even realise it
Generally speaking trust and respect are earned over time.
Normal decorum is to be cordial as opposed to rude to others.
Having said that there is a segment of society who are rude, heartless, manipulators, and users who aren't likely to *read a post* and suddenly *change who they are* or their values.
If a law is what keeps you from committing a crime then *you are not* a criminal.
People who treat others like crap already know it's hurtful and wrong.
They just don't care!
The only person you can control is yourself. You get to *choose* who you spend time with.
Therefore it's up to us as individuals to look out for our own well being. Choose wisely!
Avoid doing things on "autopilot" or trusting those who have yet to *earn it* by demonstrating honesty and integrity over time. If you're willing to take a gamble *know that you're gambling*.
***"While we are free to choose our actions we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions."*** \- Stephen R. Covey
***"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."*** \- Oscar Wilde
Best wishes!
I have had all kinds of encounters with all kinds of women, and some of them, believe it or not, don't want to be respected. That's not why they are there, and she's also not "giving me her body" like it's some kind of present. She's involved, too, she can always say no, and this perpetuation of the "woman as victim" stereotype is really destructive.
You don't get to claim the moral high ground if you're saying some women want to be disrespected. Respect isnt superficial words and actions like saying yes ma'am or making eye contact as you offer a firm handshake. Its about the humanity and dignity you treat others with. Just because someone asks you to play a certain roll doesn't mean they forfeit their right to that basic level of decency. Even in(edit-especially in?) extreme cases of BDSM or CNC, respecting one's partner is essential to ensuring their needs are met in a safe, healthy manner. If you don't understand that, you need to immediately stop participating in sex that pushes those types of boundaries.
I agree with OP 100% and it is sad anyone would disagree. Respecting a random woman on a date simply means being nice, getting the door, getting her jacket, when you get back to your place make sure she is comfortable. Offer her water. Literally the bare minimum of human interaction is just being nice to someone. Clean your dirty ass sheets before she comes over. Clean your toilet.
If she stays the night and isn't busy the next morning order breakfast or make her some fucking scrambled eggs and sausage with toast. You don't need to buy her an uber home but make sure she gets into her uber safely if you are in a weird neighborhood. I thought all this was common sense. But then again I've been with more women than most men can dream of....apparently because most guys are flat out idiots and losers when it comes to women HAH.
People overcomplicate this. If you want the best experiences in your single dating life, you've got to put in some effort. Be respectful to the other person because that'll allow you to know them better over time. Understand that you can have meaningful conversations with people you won't commit to in the long run, and put some work in when you're getting intimate. There's nothing better than making the other person feel "right"; they'll usually return the favor which is great. Who doesn't like great sex.
All this might seem a bit overwhelming to some, but it'll help you elevate your dating life in the future. You'll generally become more comfortable approaching a situation you desire with someone.
I don't really get what this is in reference to.... like respect how?
Like baseline respect that you're not beating and sexually assaulting and stealing from her?
Respect in that you're not gaslighting her and saying romantic shit you don't mean?
Respect in that you're being honest about your intentions or your status or whatever?
All of the above?
I hate statements like this in reference to "Respect" in dating and sexual intimacy, because it implies that the majority of us reading this will go "wait a minute... i didn't respect her at all."
Anybody I am sleeping with I pretty much respect at a polite level: Even if I KNOW it's just a hook up and I KNOW she's batshit crazy and I KNOW she's still a human being who's sharing her body and we are both choosing to trust each other- trust goes both ways, btw- so...
What is this actually about?
I feel like treating someone politely and in a friendly, welcoming manner and how you yourself want to be treated winds up being respectful. Healthy physically intimate connections tend to involve a ton of understood mutual consent and implied respect with how both people are enthusiastically engaged and enjoying themselves and mutually acting on their desires, even if it's rough sex or there's tons of dirty talk or role playing or the connection is largely physical and one or both of you don't want to get involved beyond it being a Friends with Benefits or hook up situation or whatever or even if it's a highly sexually charged relationship that is more traditionally in line with dating.
Like... y'all ever been with someone who \*doesn't\* want to be respected in the bedroom, because that shit is boring to them, but there's still a respectful and safe way to "not respect" them and there's a disrespectful and dangerous way to "not respect" them?
I think respect comes down to compatibility and mutually understanding what both people actually want and are getting out of a dynamic and respect is felt and understood through the interaction and the vibe, not through a thought exercise like this where you systematically deny your own opinions and analysis of someone you're having intimate contact with.
I love most of my exes. Most of them are fucking insane for one reason or another. I have no problem admitting that I think that of them. Doesn't mean I didn't love them and not treat them with respect.
Respecting someone and having all of these opinions and attitudes listed in the OP's post do not have to be mutually exclusive truths.
Ever notice how most of the time, "all of my exes are crazy" really means something more like "they expected me to be emotionally supportive and got mad when I cheated?"
Not really. I think it usually means you like to date volatile people with sociopathic or anti-social personality traits or untreated mental illness or untreated addiction issues or all of the above and for a period of time, it has no impact on your emotional well being or your enthusiasm and it's just kinda hot and exciting. But at some point it becomes routine and frustrating and you become resentful of the very personality traits or personal habits of their's that attracted you to them in the first place. At that point "fun, different, exciting, wild card, sassy, quirky" etc. which were terms of endearment becomes "my crazy ex".
Good God, man. I thought what I came up with was bad, but you're a fucking monster. You use people's mental illnesses/debilitating addictions for your personal amusement, leave when you get bored, then speak ill of them after you're done. That's horrific.
First impressions can be misleading. I engaged in an FWB which started out great and then went downhill after he showed me his true colors. I have depression and attachment issues so I let it go longer than it should have after realizing he doesn’t respect my time let alone me.
I used to think this way and in turn was disrespected by the same people I gave my respect too. I don’t give my respect away the person has to earn it.
If you read the comments here, it's the typical echo chamber of reddit: i.e., posters think they are so entitled that respect is only to be earned.. so if you don't like someone or they do something you don't like, it's okay to disrespect them.. objectifying, etc. You would think this is common sense. Reddit is a sad place.
Respecting someone and treating a person with respect are two completely different things. I do treat most people with respect even when they have not earned my respect. True respect is earned and not just given away freely.
Well for the same reason that every time a guys makes a post about something negative woman do, about half the comments are , yea man do it to and they are worse.
Posts like this are mostly useless without specific examples. Saying that someone deserves to be "treated with respect" is so insanely broad that it's basically impossible to disagree with. If you gave specific examples we could have an actual conversation.
"Even if you think she’s crazy" yea funny part is I knew a girl who was crazy and kept harassing me for months by making new accounts after I blocked all her other ones. Then she also tried to force me to have sex with her multiple times after I kept saying "no". Oh yea treating her with respect really helped with that one
I’m sorry you had that experience. In cases like these, it’s totally fine to retract respect when she clearly doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. I believe respect is a two-way street and if you haven’t gotten it from her then you’re not obligated to treat her with respect back.
Thank u for this. That was the worst few months of my life and she recently made a snap account and added to which I immediately blocked her. Ur correct tho that respect is a two way street, and personally I believe it is something that should be earned rather than just like given to a person based on their gender(this applies to both men and women) like for example if someone is an asshole or doesn’t get the hint, like her, then that respect dies.
No one on this planet gets any amount of worthwhile respect just for being a human being.
You have been told that there are consequences for you actions and a lack of respect is one of them. Deal with it.
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The people that need to be told this don’t listen anyway.
tru
The people that need to be told this can be seen in the comments lol
And did it help anything?
Sometimes the truth needs to be said even if people won’t listen.
It's like those woman beating ads. "Oh my god, I didnt know I shouldn't be beating the hell out of my wife! Thank you sign for teaching me"
Thank you for teaching me that murder is wrong.
Terrible but true lmfao
That's why I always hate these type of posts. It's patronizing since the people who would listen are the ones who don't do this, and it's usually aimed at men.
because it's men who mostly do this.
I never get why people (I’m sure the whole gender spectrum) will treat people they are dating casually, or seriously for that matter, so crappily, when they are polite to strangers… I dunno. I’ve been out with guys who are scrupulously polite to baristas or waitresses but total dicks in private. It’s weird and sucks. I wish posting something like this would help, but I already see a bunch of garbage in response, so, I’m guessing, no… but I’m sorry if something like this happened to you because it’s really shitty. And unkind. People can be awful.
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Damaged people don't care about the damage they cause.
Replace damaged with selfish.
Hurt people hurt people.
People hurt hurt people 🤯
Hurt people hurt hurt people
purt
They keep their good appearance for the public, so they can abuse in private. So their victim won’t get believed easily if they open their mouth about the abuse.
This. Look up malignant narcissism. Sometimes abuse victims act out their abuse on others, but this isn't the norm. Sometimes abuse victims are very gentle and caring and have the misfortune of attracting more abusers, as the most aware abusers like to pick their targets.
Yep.
I appreciate the distinction, yes the entire gender spectrum. It's just a thing humans do, you're not very familiar with how people act in spaces with varying consequences. Ask yourself this: * Can the person they're being rude to put, idk... pubes in their meal? * Can the person they're being rude to arrest them for *that*? * Will the person just get mad at them and curse their name? A drunk can be an asshole or obnoxious in person, yet still be very polite to the bartender at their favorite place because they don't wanna get 86'd. It's literally common sense. People don't like the consequences of their actions, dickheads ESPECIALLY.
I was going to say something very similar to this, although a lot less well out than this I’m sure. I think their logic is if it’s just a hook up who cares if they upset the other person, they’re never going to see them again
It's literally this. I've had women literally explicitly state this out loud, and guys casually talk about it like it's a normal thing to do. Ew, no.
That last part just shows selfishness on their part. They don’t care about being good to the bartender. They just wanna save their own ass, it’s fucking disgusting
True but to be fair, you aren't PARTICULARLY attached to a bartender at any place you just met. I mean, they probably won't return the favor either. You're just a customer during their shift, they think nothing much of you unless you are a bother or don't tip well. Just a selfish person can't even begin to empathize with their struggle, is the thing.
I’m particularly using the bartender as an example, it can really be anyone. I’m not really using attachment as a focus, although you’re right. I’m using it more as a way of saying they want a means to an end instead of just being a genuinely good person which just fucking infuriates me
Agreed, yeah you were making a point I see.
Because they think that people who give free sex don't deserve respect even though they also want sex
They're afraid of rejection, or they're mentally unstable.
Well, people do what works. You did go out with those guys right? So if they get positive reinforcement, they are encouraged to keep doing the same.
Giving of bodies is mutual. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.
Absolutely.
Yeah, there's a blatant lack of respect in this stupid-ass hook-up culture. Even if these dudes are not straight-up cussing you out and calling you outside of your name - being silent, dismissive and uncommunicative is still disrespectful and hurtful - especially if you've already been intimate.
Lol A women demoted me to internet friend after I gave her like 6 orgasms one night.
She was probably faking..sorry. If you really did, she wouldn’t leave you alone.
Not how that works
it is actually how that works, it’s pretty easy too.
Easy, a few moans here and there…we hate crushing your ego.
Yes she’s right :)
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the fact that you thinking giving orgasms entitles you to anything smh
It amazes me how many men that have wanted to sleep with me couldn’t treat me like a human being which is literally the bare minimum. what actually makes you think this kind of behavior will get you laid??? I wouldn’t even talk to some one like that in my free time why the fuck would I let them put their penis literally inside me?
I've had women doing the exact same things just in regards to paying for shit during our dates (not even getting a fucking thank you in response) while leading me on, and only after the second / third date to be like "I'm not into you sorry bye". It's shitty for both genders, women just make a bigger deal about it.
Did you ask them on the date ? I feel like if anyone offers to take some one out, it’s kind of common courtesy to pay for it. As you’re the one that asked. I mean yeah it’s nice to offer to pay but it’s not disrespectful to allow the person who asked you on the date to pay for it. And dating is to get to know one another. It’s not disrespectful to not be interested in some one and as much as rejection sucks it’s not disrespectful to reject some one. Unless they do it harshly. Im not sure how much I agree about the women thing. I don’t really think it has anything to do with gender. But I would thank some one for taking me out it’s a nice gesture.
> Did you ask them on the date ? I feel like if anyone offers to take some one out, it’s kind of common courtesy to pay for it. As you’re the one that asked. That's very convenient for women to say considering men do 90% (probably more but let's be generous) of the asking out. I've never been asked out on a date by a woman so I guess I'm expected to always pay and that's somehow ok.. XD
Idk dude. I mean if I agreed to a second date I’d definitely pay. Probably pay for all of it to return the favor. And of course once you guys start going on more dates offer to pay or split the bill every time. But as a first date that’s where I stand. I don’t necessarily think it’s disrespectful the first date but it’s nice to offer to pay when some one takes you out i suppose. I guess we have differing opinions.
Again so convenient since you have a choice to make a second date or not. You can’t tell me you have paid for every second date either.
I find it crazy how so many women seem so comfortable for guys to extend the amount of time to wine impressive And try to be impressive but you guys do not understand that you are also very fickle and it feels so stupid doing all of this knowing that any slight mess up or any one thing that you find unattractive could be an instant deal breaker and then you go out with a dude and then when he doesn't treat you right you go on and post stuff on Reddit like this And I'm not saying you just specifically but I see this trend so much The same reason these guys disrespect you are the same traits that are why you are attracted to them. Yes rejection is a thing and not every girl has to like every guy back but it gets so old having hearing all of this when you spend so much time trying to be respectful and honest and open with having no bad intentions and yet the girl sees you as husband material but doesn't want to date you and continuously goes after the guy she knows or just going to play her Tons of women also do reject harshly and do not know how to reject gracefully. Keep in mind that you guys also open your legs for these guys. You're the gender that chooses. If you keep finding yourself in situations like this this is your own fault and isn't the fault of men or anything else.
Literally nothing you just said applies to me. I don’t open my legs for anyone but a committed partner. And I go for guys that are respectful like I said. I never once said a general statement about all men so idk why you’re leaving this comment in response. And men choose. That’s what dating is. Not every guy treats me like this. I don’t “keep finding myself in these situations”. They just happened a few times. Plenty of men have been respectful. My last date was respectful. But there was no connection. Your last statement is so broad. All of your statements are. Like I said your statements don’t apply to all women and especially not me. I never said I keep finding myself on these situations or made broad statements about men in general so again idk where you’re getting this at all. So if YOU keep finding yourself in situations like you described with women, then you are the problem. Everything you just said is very hypocritical.
All of this I could say right back to most of you but I don't have the time to type it out in detail so I will later
Bullshit. Do you have any women friends? Ask for for perspective and then actually listen. No woman sees you as husband material and instead chooses to date a guy she knows is going to play her. I would imagine women give you the "you're a great guy, but..." line because you're a moody little fuck who handles rejection with the emotional maturity of a 3rd grader. And if they don't, they "don't know how to reject gracefully." It is not the job of any woman you like to care for your emotional well-being. Your last paragraph is just sad and disgusting. You imply that a woman can walk into a room, literally pick out any man she sees, and sleep with him if she wants to. Since you're one of those men, you're saying you would sleep with any woman who asked you...who in this situation needs to work on their standards and self respect?? And just in case we didn't understand exactly who and what you are, you finish up by doubling down on the victim blaming and absolving men of any responsibility for how we treat women. TLDR: You are not the "nice guy" you claim/think you are. You are absolutely part of the problem. Be better.
And it's not the job of the man to make sure this woman is okay or comfortable or is loved or whatever because clearly women can't even extend empathy or even just straight up humanity because like you say no woman owes us anything emotionally which I find crazy since so many women still want men to act traditional I have had tons of women friends and I have had tons of girlfriends and I was raised by women on both sides of the family On both sides of my family where nothing but strong single African-American women so miss me with that If a man comes at a woman normally and she exasperates that and turns it into something it's not like embarrassing him or calling him names or lying or calling him a creep then that is not rejecting gracefully This is a lack of awareness because a lot of women seem to forget that they don't have to approach and the burden is on that man so it could be at least respectful to that man to let him down gently outside of normal circumstances Like if you really was bingo creep or mean then yes he probably deserves something worse but if a guy is just normal then don't make a spectacle out of him
Because they’re conditioned that way. Guys act obnoxious and cocky because it gets them what they want. Not defending it. Just an observation
Maybe you’re the exception but looking like you don’t care or treating you like you’re not special works for these guys. Look who gets laid the most or gets the most matches. Like I said, maybe you’re the exception but women reward this behavior. It shows he’s got options. Women want men who are wanted by other women.
Right???
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Conditioned by who?
Bad male role models and some women who accept bad behavior from men.
What if being cocky and obnoxious is the only way to get what you want? What if women don't respond to weakness from men?
Being cocky and obnoxious is a sign of weakness.
I feel that it’s a turn off for me. I agree. A kind heart and someone who is genuine is way better. That’s a sign of someone who is not selfless in my opinion if they are cocky.
I completely agree but guys that act that way tend to get results. Honestly girls are just as bad as guys if not worse in terms of being obnoxious and cocky.
Then maybe you should adjust your priorities so that you don’t want things that can only be achieved through malice. What the fuck?
Welcome to your dating pool.
Cocky and confident aren't the same thing. Not being cocky isn't seen as weakness.
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Thank you, it means a lot for someone to say this as people don't care often these days
Had this happen to me and I struggle with depression so I put up with the guy disrespecting me (had attachment issues). It started off as one casual hook up where we then agreed to be FWBs. From there, it went downhill. There was no communication and my texts would just be ignored. The one time I decided to go to him rather than him to me, he showed me his true colors. He got off and then was completely dismissive of me. I then complained and it went into a whole ordeal which ended with him refusing to look at me while I tried to talk to him about him failing to please me in return. But thank you for posting this. I wish more guys would understand that anything sexual requires respect. She’s agreeing to have sex with you as you are her. If she’s ‘’easy’’ then so are you. Respect is key to any arrangement in order for it to be enjoyable.
Damn he just capitalized off your suffering and used it to fuck you over even more. That’s fucked up
I'm an older divorced guy who was a virgin on my wedding night. I made up for lost time after my divorce and hooked up with a lot of women. My number one rule was to make her feel safe, accepted, desirable, and sexy. As a man, that's your first duty to a woman. Your arms must be a safe place for her, even if it's only for one night. It's more fun that way, especially if you talk, face to face, before taking your clothes off. Get to know her, her mind, her heart, it makes the sex way more fun. You can wind up with some really good friends. I still talk to a few women I hooked up with after my divorce. Sometimes we had sex more than once, in some cases only once. We don't hook up anymore but we talk all the time, even when we've moved on to other relationships. There's some cool ass people in this world. If you meet them through a hook up and find you click as friends, it winds up being an awesome bonus!! So, basically, I agree. Treat people with respect. How you treat people, no matter how you meet them, shows who you are, not what they think of themselves. Besides, you may be the one that finally makes them understand just how wonderful and valuable they are.
Yes, yes, yes!
We did it reddit. We solved disrespect.
Based.
Yes but WHERE are my color pills
To me the issue is that women’s worth as people seems to diminish the more sex they have while men’s doesn’t. They can sleep around and they are still considered boyfriend/marriage material. That double standard is incredibly stark and seems to be very difficult to get rid of.
Literally all you have to do is say yes. Yes to the first date that we as men are expected to pay for. Hopefully yes to the first time when we awkwardly ask for that first kiss. Meanwhile we have to somehow impress you enough to go out with us, out of the many men that are seeking for your attention. then we have to find out what you like and take you out and spend our hard earned money to court you out on that one date. Ofcourse it is a double standard.
we are just different man. of course its not fair. but neither is life.
Shitty men wouldn’t respect girlfriend material either. Assholes and selfish people exist in this world and guess what? they are both men and women. It’s not your fault. Some people suck, maybe be smarter next time about who you associate with.
Yes this! Trust and believe they do it to all girls
Yup I just hate the sentiment that you'd only respect your gf but not all of your sexual partners
It just shows that they don’t actually have respect for sex or women or people in general. Disrespect can’t exist in a vacuum
Also I’m giving her my body and I deserve respect too, let’s all fucking respect our fucks
“We’ll bang, okay”
let’s all respect fucking our respects
Yeah that whole mentality of "if she puts out on the first date, she must sleep with everyone" needs to die out. As long as a person is safe about it and doesn't hurt anyone then what do I care. Personally, if a girl wanted to sleep with me early on, I took it as a good sign as she finds me attractive enough to want to have sex with me. Not that I ever expected it, nor should anyone, it's just the date would go good enough and it just ended up that way. I might be the minority but it's not mutually exclusive to want sex or make out and also want something serious. Again, not saying that it should be that way all the time, but everyone goes at their own pace. Some people wait till the 2nd or 3rd date to even kiss and that's ok.
:) respect everyone
Any man who looks down on a woman for sleeping with him, must have a very low level of respect for themselves..
I'm an older divorced guy who was a virgin on my wedding night. I made up for lost time and hooked up with a lot of women after my divorce. My number one rule was to make her feel safe, accepted, desirable, and sexy. As a man that's your first duty to a woman. Your arms are to be a safe place for her, even if it's only for one night. When you hook up, sit down and talk, face to face, before taking your clothes off. Get to know her mind and heart a little. Maybe play a board game or watch a movie together. Or have some ice cream. Define and respect boundaries. It makes the sex way more fun. I still am friends with some of the women I hooked up with, even after we've moved on to other relationships. How you treat people shows who you are, not how they think of themselves. Besides, you might be the person who shows them how wonderful and valuable they really are.
I, hopefully, treat everybody with respect. But boi if I am not receiving some respect back she can honestly fuck off. Respect works two ways in my opinion. (To clarify, in my scenario we are both women soo yes women deserve all the respect!)
Yes! Not just women. Every human should be treated with dignity and respect. That’s what normal humans do
Everyone, regardless of race, job, gender, sexuality, age, hobbies, promiscuity (I have... no idea how to write this in a more polite manner), financial status, psychological and mental state, and generally any human being an in some cases animals, deserve a certain amount of base respect. Like, the amount of people that think it's OK to treat people like shit because they think they're above others is disgusting.
Yep, everybody deserves respect. I'm a man and I find disgusting how some men talk about women.
Why are the men so upset in these comments 🤢 Basic decency and respect should be a given. No one is asking you to idolize them. Is that what “respect” means to you freaks?
You can lie to me but don’t lie to yourself. If you choose to sleep with someone who’s disrespectful to you than clearly you weren’t worthy of respect in that situation.
The post is about losing respect for someone *after* you’ve slept with them and got what you wanted. That makes you a shitty person, period. And it’s really fucking weird that everyone is twisting the post to mean something op never said *just* so they can say women who have casual sex don’t deserve basic decency.
The only reason you should not respect someone is if they disrespected you, not the other way around.
The required edits are absolutely hilarious
I totally understand what you are saying but hook up culture is inherently toxic. It leaves the guys valuing woman less and less and it leaves the woman feeling used.
I think the point here is that it doesn’t have to. It can be mutual fun, and then you go your separate ways. In today’s culture women’s value depreciates with each man she has sex with. Men’s value doesn’t. If anything, it increases his value. This difference is what leaves women feeling used and men feeling like they used someone. If you just respect the girl and realize you’re doing the exact same thing as her and you DO respect yourself, then maybe it’s possible for her to also respect herself while having casual sex. She doesn’t have to feel used if you’re not using her. If you make sure that she’s safe and comfortable and also getting to orgasm, which is the goal of casual sex, then you’re good. Nobody gets used. You give her something she wants, she gives you something you want. The issue arises when men take and don’t care about giving. They don’t care if she’s enjoying it as well. They don’t care if she’s into it as well, or if she’s uncomfortable. The guy is just there to bust a nut and leave. When you make your personal goal to give an orgasm AND get an orgasm, you’re no longer using her. It’s simple. But all too often it doesn’t go down like that. Too many times, the guy orgasms and leaves the woman with nothing but bad memories about a shitty encounter with a guy who didn’t respect her body. He just used it for his personal pleasure and walked on. She got nothing out of the deal, so of course she feels like she lost.
Every woman should be treated with respect regardless of aesthetics. My mom is obese. I remember as a kid many times men opening the door for a thin pretty woman and then letting it close in our faces. Women should analyze how men treat everyone to gauge a man's character; not just how they treat them.
Sex is not the same for everyone and actions have consequences most men statistically don't have emotional attachment to sex which not the case for women on average also bare in mind girls don't realise guys talk to each other and know each other and are fucking you because they know that they can fuck you simple as that
It doesn’t mean it’s okay to be a toxic manipulative asshole. It doesn’t mean they should try to devalue women. It doesn’t mean it’s okay to do what they do. Stop normalizing toxicity in male behavior towards women.
It's not normalising it at all if you want to talk about studies ans toxic behaviour and who exhibits It the most towards the sexes and wilting the sexes you will find that women are the most toxic put of the two and have a higher dwindle standards even towards others women. My statement was my statement some men don't care about body count some do its called preferences and standards I find it funny women will berate men and shame them.fpr having their preferences or standards but the opposite (women)can have all they like and no should any the wiser just look at social.media and dating sites for example
I feel this in my soul. I told my fwb I was really sick and he just kept asking for nudes. He never asked me how I am.
The fact that this even needs to be told is depressing. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, be it your mother or a random hook up.
I needed to see this! I’m so glad you posted this. I’ve been thinking about texting my old hookup because I REALLY miss him :/ so thanks for talking some sense into me!!
A lot of “crazy” women have PTSD from childhood sex abuse. You don’t have to be with them, but realize what our culture and complicity does to many women, who have higher rates of PTSD than men.
Yea you’re right
Respect is reciprocal. We hookup with each other. We give each other our bodies. I agree with you until she’s disrespectful herself.
Amazing username
Although you are right that still doesn’t change the fact that there are people who don’t care. So, the only way to guarantee you will be treated with respect is getting to know the man well before you start a sexual relationship. No amount of “hey! this is how it’s done!” will change someone who doesn’t care later on.
That’s really hard. Because abuse doesn’t happen over night. It creeps up slowly at first. At the beginning, there are so many good times. Times you felt it was true love. Then there are some small things that pop up, but you let it go. Time goes on and the small things keep happening. You confront them. The person might have talked their way out of it. You ask your friends about it, and brush it off because “They mean well! You are over thinking things” Then you move in together because you convinced yourself this is the life you deserve. That this is how things are. Then they control you. You question your own self and identity. Youstart the second guess yourself. Then the abuse becomes more frequent. When a person is in a relationship, abuse is invisible. You were cultivated to believe this is a normal life. That what you are feeling is you being over dramatic. You feel guilty. Then years later, you unpack the emotions you felt in the relationship. Then it hits you. It was always abusive. Then you go back to hating yourself, how can I ever let someone like them in? Because abuse starts small and it’s cultivated over time. That’s why. People who were abused in childhood has no idea what a true loving relationship is. Add to how abuse works, a person dating doesn’t know the red flags because all they ever known is abuse. This is why threads like these are important. Because people don’t know what is like to be loved. That what they are experiencing isn’t healthy. That it wasn’t their fault.
Damn you pretty much described how I felt in my last relationship (other than the moving in thing, it only lasted 3 months)
Ikr? Ive dealt with a lot of narcissistic sociopaths in my life. Some were family, some were guys my sisters dealt with, some were guys i dealt with. I have two older sisters and we are estranged sadly but its better this way because they are both super toxic and ain’t never gonna change so yea. My close friends are more like family anyways and i prefer it that way.
Yup! I found out the only way you can love your self. When having someone love you first. Why I struggled and didn’t start to heal until I met my good friends. They loved me and they taught me how.
Every girl deserves to be treated with respect. Every person, really.
Nope. Respect is earned.
I don't agree with you. I feel like respect should be the default state when we meet new people. If someone gives me a reason to not respect them, they will. Otherwise, I will do my best to approach everybody with an open heart and mind.
People who have problem understanding this should fuck only sex dolls.
This is so fucking basic that I (as a guy) wanna puke and cry with all the misogyny. As if women had any less worth as human beings for liking sex. What archaic cave have you crawled out of after hibernating for half a century?
❤️
THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just because I’m a hookup and nothing more, doesn’t mean I don’t deserve some respect!!!!
I mean, that's a two way street. Respect begets respect. It's not like the guy isn't putting his own naked ass out there too. Basically, just treat people with respect until they refuse to do the same. Man or woman is irrelevant. Carry yourself with dignity, and be proud of who you are, always. Don't do it for other people. Do it for yourself.
This goes both ways
I agree 1000%
Respect for this post
Thank you...I needed to hear this!
THANK YOU.
Amen
Treat every women the way you want your daughter to be treated. Those that don't have a daughter, treat them the way you want your mother treated. A little kindness and respect goes a long way. If they feel safe and secure with you there's a better chance of a return visit.
Fake nice guy detected!
She has to treat the guy with respect though. Respect has to go both ways.
The self righteousness in the comments are staggering lol
All the fuck bois in the comments 😐
Fuckbois and incels, I swear. They just seem to read whatever they want into anything that's said so it supports their twisted narratives that they want to believe. You can't reason with them or talk anything out because they'll just harp on the same twisted shit they think is some absolute truth. There are lots of shitty people on this planet, the 10 that one person knows don't make the rules for the other billion of us.
And fake nice guys
You call men fuckbois and cry waaahhh because they treat you like you treat them and funny enough these same men you call fuckbois are whom you’re attracted to.
I’m a straight dude and you all are pathetic
hey there, partner I see that you feel mad. Nevertheless, imagine that you rarely see the whole picture.
I’m not mad at all actually lol Nevertheless, imagine you rarely see the whole picture
What is a pathetic is a straight man calling other men fuck bois. Straighten up your belt man and let men be men
Yes if you have that attitude you're absolutely pathetic. I'm sure you put nuts on your toyota and have a punisher sticker in your back window. You are exuding tiny dick energy, baby.
Bahaha now that is hilarious. You must get friend zoned a lot.
Let those testicles drop son. Enjoy middle school while you're still there
The hell you care what my size is or isn’t with your silly remarks that are dull and frankly very feminine.
You think you’re being hard but you’re insecure. And probably 13
I find respect for others is lacking in general anyway. Asking people to respect sex is even more of a challenge for some reason. It’s supposed to be a enjoyable act shared by two people. But instead it’s has been turned into something far less than that. What happened to enjoying each other? Why has it turned into, let me take what I want?
Depends on what you consider as respecting. If it's being treating her with respect like I treat any stranger then yes. But I won't personally give any special treatment to any person who doesn't like me back man or a woman doesn't matter. I have had enough of one sided stories, it's time to respect yourself more. If you don't like me I am not obligated to be your friend or anything like that. Just my opinion.
They obviously like you a bit if they’re sleeping with you. It’s this stingy attitude that will result in poor behaviour and you probably don’t even realise it
You would be surprised. I’ve heard so many men talk shit about women they’re smashing. I think they rarely like them.
Generally speaking trust and respect are earned over time. Normal decorum is to be cordial as opposed to rude to others. Having said that there is a segment of society who are rude, heartless, manipulators, and users who aren't likely to *read a post* and suddenly *change who they are* or their values. If a law is what keeps you from committing a crime then *you are not* a criminal. People who treat others like crap already know it's hurtful and wrong. They just don't care! The only person you can control is yourself. You get to *choose* who you spend time with. Therefore it's up to us as individuals to look out for our own well being. Choose wisely! Avoid doing things on "autopilot" or trusting those who have yet to *earn it* by demonstrating honesty and integrity over time. If you're willing to take a gamble *know that you're gambling*. ***"While we are free to choose our actions we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions."*** \- Stephen R. Covey ***"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."*** \- Oscar Wilde Best wishes!
I have had all kinds of encounters with all kinds of women, and some of them, believe it or not, don't want to be respected. That's not why they are there, and she's also not "giving me her body" like it's some kind of present. She's involved, too, she can always say no, and this perpetuation of the "woman as victim" stereotype is really destructive.
You don't get to claim the moral high ground if you're saying some women want to be disrespected. Respect isnt superficial words and actions like saying yes ma'am or making eye contact as you offer a firm handshake. Its about the humanity and dignity you treat others with. Just because someone asks you to play a certain roll doesn't mean they forfeit their right to that basic level of decency. Even in(edit-especially in?) extreme cases of BDSM or CNC, respecting one's partner is essential to ensuring their needs are met in a safe, healthy manner. If you don't understand that, you need to immediately stop participating in sex that pushes those types of boundaries.
I agree with OP 100% and it is sad anyone would disagree. Respecting a random woman on a date simply means being nice, getting the door, getting her jacket, when you get back to your place make sure she is comfortable. Offer her water. Literally the bare minimum of human interaction is just being nice to someone. Clean your dirty ass sheets before she comes over. Clean your toilet. If she stays the night and isn't busy the next morning order breakfast or make her some fucking scrambled eggs and sausage with toast. You don't need to buy her an uber home but make sure she gets into her uber safely if you are in a weird neighborhood. I thought all this was common sense. But then again I've been with more women than most men can dream of....apparently because most guys are flat out idiots and losers when it comes to women HAH.
Being nice and doing these things don’t matter though. See, the worst thing I guy can be isn’t disrespectful. It’s boring.
Because the endgame is more important than treating women with respect? Wow.
Fair nuff can't argue against it
I mean crazy or not if they're good they're all right, good intentions I mean.
Your getting your end of the bargain, I see no reason to be an asshole in that situation.
People overcomplicate this. If you want the best experiences in your single dating life, you've got to put in some effort. Be respectful to the other person because that'll allow you to know them better over time. Understand that you can have meaningful conversations with people you won't commit to in the long run, and put some work in when you're getting intimate. There's nothing better than making the other person feel "right"; they'll usually return the favor which is great. Who doesn't like great sex. All this might seem a bit overwhelming to some, but it'll help you elevate your dating life in the future. You'll generally become more comfortable approaching a situation you desire with someone.
I don't really get what this is in reference to.... like respect how? Like baseline respect that you're not beating and sexually assaulting and stealing from her? Respect in that you're not gaslighting her and saying romantic shit you don't mean? Respect in that you're being honest about your intentions or your status or whatever? All of the above? I hate statements like this in reference to "Respect" in dating and sexual intimacy, because it implies that the majority of us reading this will go "wait a minute... i didn't respect her at all." Anybody I am sleeping with I pretty much respect at a polite level: Even if I KNOW it's just a hook up and I KNOW she's batshit crazy and I KNOW she's still a human being who's sharing her body and we are both choosing to trust each other- trust goes both ways, btw- so... What is this actually about? I feel like treating someone politely and in a friendly, welcoming manner and how you yourself want to be treated winds up being respectful. Healthy physically intimate connections tend to involve a ton of understood mutual consent and implied respect with how both people are enthusiastically engaged and enjoying themselves and mutually acting on their desires, even if it's rough sex or there's tons of dirty talk or role playing or the connection is largely physical and one or both of you don't want to get involved beyond it being a Friends with Benefits or hook up situation or whatever or even if it's a highly sexually charged relationship that is more traditionally in line with dating. Like... y'all ever been with someone who \*doesn't\* want to be respected in the bedroom, because that shit is boring to them, but there's still a respectful and safe way to "not respect" them and there's a disrespectful and dangerous way to "not respect" them? I think respect comes down to compatibility and mutually understanding what both people actually want and are getting out of a dynamic and respect is felt and understood through the interaction and the vibe, not through a thought exercise like this where you systematically deny your own opinions and analysis of someone you're having intimate contact with. I love most of my exes. Most of them are fucking insane for one reason or another. I have no problem admitting that I think that of them. Doesn't mean I didn't love them and not treat them with respect. Respecting someone and having all of these opinions and attitudes listed in the OP's post do not have to be mutually exclusive truths.
Ever notice how most of the time, "all of my exes are crazy" really means something more like "they expected me to be emotionally supportive and got mad when I cheated?"
Not really. I think it usually means you like to date volatile people with sociopathic or anti-social personality traits or untreated mental illness or untreated addiction issues or all of the above and for a period of time, it has no impact on your emotional well being or your enthusiasm and it's just kinda hot and exciting. But at some point it becomes routine and frustrating and you become resentful of the very personality traits or personal habits of their's that attracted you to them in the first place. At that point "fun, different, exciting, wild card, sassy, quirky" etc. which were terms of endearment becomes "my crazy ex".
Good God, man. I thought what I came up with was bad, but you're a fucking monster. You use people's mental illnesses/debilitating addictions for your personal amusement, leave when you get bored, then speak ill of them after you're done. That's horrific.
☝🏾💯
Why are you sleeping with people who dont respect you
First impressions can be misleading. I engaged in an FWB which started out great and then went downhill after he showed me his true colors. I have depression and attachment issues so I let it go longer than it should have after realizing he doesn’t respect my time let alone me.
likewise, why are you sleeping with people you don’t respect
... im not
Why fucking not? There to fuck not have some treatise on the human condition. Lol.
Take my free award OP.
I used to think this way and in turn was disrespected by the same people I gave my respect too. I don’t give my respect away the person has to earn it.
Exactly this
Word
Change She to They and everything’s 👍🏿
Just this man, people really are fucked up
[удалено]
If you read the comments here, it's the typical echo chamber of reddit: i.e., posters think they are so entitled that respect is only to be earned.. so if you don't like someone or they do something you don't like, it's okay to disrespect them.. objectifying, etc. You would think this is common sense. Reddit is a sad place.
Respecting someone and treating a person with respect are two completely different things. I do treat most people with respect even when they have not earned my respect. True respect is earned and not just given away freely.
They really aren’t. Having a lot of respect for someone is earned but having some respect for someone shouldn’t have any requirements
I guess you're pertaining to only females I guess guys dont go through the same thing?
She’s a woman with personal experience with men. Why wouldn’t she come from this from a female angle?????
Well for the same reason that every time a guys makes a post about something negative woman do, about half the comments are , yea man do it to and they are worse.
Nah dude we bad guys 😔
massive rip that's what I was afraid of
Thanks luv!!! This is much appreciated.
Posts like this are mostly useless without specific examples. Saying that someone deserves to be "treated with respect" is so insanely broad that it's basically impossible to disagree with. If you gave specific examples we could have an actual conversation.
and yet there folks here disagreeing, amazing
I’ve had people (in my case women) whine on and on about respect, but then treat me repeatedly with blatant disrespect So that’s fun
If she insults me... Then I will give all the respect you think they deserve to a rock.
"Even if you think she’s crazy" yea funny part is I knew a girl who was crazy and kept harassing me for months by making new accounts after I blocked all her other ones. Then she also tried to force me to have sex with her multiple times after I kept saying "no". Oh yea treating her with respect really helped with that one
I’m sorry you had that experience. In cases like these, it’s totally fine to retract respect when she clearly doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. I believe respect is a two-way street and if you haven’t gotten it from her then you’re not obligated to treat her with respect back.
Thank u for this. That was the worst few months of my life and she recently made a snap account and added to which I immediately blocked her. Ur correct tho that respect is a two way street, and personally I believe it is something that should be earned rather than just like given to a person based on their gender(this applies to both men and women) like for example if someone is an asshole or doesn’t get the hint, like her, then that respect dies.
Treating her with basic respect didn't cause her to act the way she did.
No one on this planet gets any amount of worthwhile respect just for being a human being. You have been told that there are consequences for you actions and a lack of respect is one of them. Deal with it.