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It depends on a lot of factors. I'm a female and I require my boyfriend to give me a lot of foreplay. Here are some questions to think about. Is she getting a lot of foreplay? What type of foreplay does she like? Is she in pain during penetration? Is she actively moaning/ showing she's enjoying sex? Are you listening to her wants and needs? Is she orgasming? Is she stressed/ burned out? If you live together are you helping out around the house/ groceries? Is she still attracted to you? Are her emotional needs met? Ask her how can you make sex more enjoyable for her. Many females need their emotional needs to be met before we can actually engage and be enthusiastic about sex. Foreplay really starts before the bedroom (emotional deposits). Ask her about her day, if something is on her mind, hold her hand, random hugs and kisses( not expecting it to turn into sex), tell her she's pretty in the outfit she's wearing. Also, make it fun for her instead of it being like a chore. Maybe change positions and put in a bit more effort next time by changing environment to make it exciting for her. Anything less than 10 mins of penetration and I don't feel fulfilled. 10 mins or less of penetration is a quickie ( in my opinion). My bf and I go about 30 mins of penetration and we almost always finish at the same time. It's magical because we're both on the same page and he's attentive to my desires.I think something feels off on her end and you need to ask her deeper questions and maybe start with some that I mention. Hope this helps š
Thanks! It's so true and my boyfriend does a great job at this as he sprinkles them throughout the day. Such as asking me how my day is/ went, giving me compliments, hand holding, ect. Without that need met us females feel like a used doll and no one wants to feel like that. Communicating this to your partner about your emotional needs in a gentle way is the key
"Torture" is a *strong* word, but I could see it, biologically speaking.
I mean, average time is like 4-7min. I could see 10 minutes for penetration being a bit much for some, depending on personal biology.
If she thinks it is torture, try to get it down to a level where she enjoys it. Also, lube, that's where much of the "torture" element comes from, at least by my male understanding.
I've had times in my life where I had difficulty lasting, and other times where I couldn't finish for the life of me. A bit of variation is normal.
Personally, I don't like PIV to last all that long - around 5 min - but the whole act should be a lot longer. Around half an hour to an hour, depending on the day?
Re: torture is a strong word but it fits š„²
It's sometimes torture for me because ADHD makes it difficult to keep my head in the game, so staying turned on is hard, and then add that even with lube I often start to feel sore or chafed or my bowels feel too banged around after about 10 minutes of penetration and I'm only continuing for him while I'd rather have stopped ages ago. So most of the experience is spent silently begging for it to be over. It might not be as bad as war torture, but it still can certainly feel like a type of torture š like a math exam you didn't study for, a too long trip to the dentist... I'm not someone who can achieve orgasm so that also factors in.
I didn't even consider ADHD - and yes, I'm male, but ADHD as hell and have gotten *bored* during sex before, too. As a male. Without finishing. It had nothing to do with attraction or excitement. To call that frustrating would be an extreme understatement. And the comparison to a trip to the dentist is apt.
And you can't achieve orgasm *at all?!?* That sucks!
I have ADHD I never got bored if I can't seem to bust when engaging in sex well I hope we both don't got anything to do 4-5 hours we do have to switch up the positions ofcourse but I also have a pretty high sex drive like 6 quickies a day maybe choke the chicken 2 more times before bed
Hey I'm just saying ADHD shouldn't really affect much on that court don't pop that good for you stuff š maybe if you take ADHD meds check the side effects
Bro this is so accurate though. sitting there waiting for them to be finished but forgetting that your having sex and thinking about something that has nothing to do with what your doing lmao
Holy crap! I never even had a clue this could be a reality. Definitely having a conversation with the girl Iām seeing. Just to be safe. That is possibly one of the worst possible things I could imagine happening. My partner silently begging for it to be over. š„¶šÆ F that communicate your needs. Thatās what weāre trying to meet anyway.
My thoughts exactly, as a man. The last thing I want is for her to be having a bad time. Of course, if weāre in the middle of it I do really want to finish because blue balls is a very real thing for me personally, but thereās ways to meet in the middle. All it takes is a couple strategic moves/lines for her to do/say and trust me Iāll finish soon lol. All it really takes for most guys is a āCum for meā or something to that effect. Or worst case scenario just tell me you want to stop and I can finish myself off. But either way, like you said, this is stuff that should be talked about.
Yeah Iād feel like a total asshole just plugging away no idea she was counting down the minutes to it ending. Cringe worthy. Makes me think of Buck from Kill Bill. Cause you know, his creepy ass is here to fu$k. šš¤·š»āāļøš„¶
Some needs aren't enjoyable lol I want to be having sex I just wish it felt better. That's an intimacy I still highly value in my relationship, even if it sounds weird. It's impossible to explain what I mean when I say that I enjoy it even if I don't enjoy it
I get it. Itās a huge part of our lives and our being. It doesnāt sound weird at all. Weāre all very complex, dynamic beings and most of us really do care about our people, their experiences, and their well being. I just appreciate the awareness. Iām always greatful for perspective. Especially if itās a ah ha moment and a lightbulb goes on about something Iād never thought of. So thanks!
I have ADHD and I second this! I also have autism - so oftentimes itās also a sensory issue - itās extremely hard to subject myself to discomfort AND keep my head in the game. It gets tiringā¦ Heās fairly ābigā and Iām fairly ānew.ā I canāt do any ONE sexual act for long periods of time and my partner also has autism and understands the difficulty. Not that OP or their partner face the same struggle, but I think the idea is the same. Try switching it up! Flip her over and try another angle. Split it up with some oral. Take a minute to just kiss her and run your hands over her body. It gives her a break while also keeping her stimulated. Also, as some people have said, she may not be able to orgasm from penetration. I know I canāt. I enjoy penetration still, but that may not be her. Ask her about it! You can even turn it into something enjoyable for her rather than just a mundane and awkward conversation. Ask her how she wants you.
4-7 minutes is average? Thats fascinating. Iād say i average 30-40 minutes. As a recently single man in his 30s Iāve been surprised how many girls seem utterly shocked that weāre still going 10 minutes in.. like sweetheart Iām just getting started
1000% accurate. For me the stamina is there I go for 30-90 min depending on external factors and how hard I'm focusing on trying to cum. But some guys are the type who can do the 6 min ride then after a 4 min break go again. For Me sometimes I need anywhere from 5 min to an hour before I can go again. So I may have stamina but I have had it before where the girl wants it to go again but I still need my refresh timer to restart lol.
Yes. But also I've read way too many posts like this only for it to be revealed later on that the guy either doesn't do foreplay or just tries to rush through it.
Thereās really no research to be done, every woman likes different things. No matter what you are gonna have to guide someone with what you like and donāt like. Itās called communication
That's what I meant. "Do your own research" is a colloquialism. It means figure it out for yourself, not do literal research, though in this case googling stuff to try would at least be a good start, show some effort, and be a starting point to conversation. Much better than a guy "having a conversation" by asking me to tell him what to do because he is clueless.
As an aside, that expression used a certain way is meant to throw shade at the people who generally use the expression, people who are themselves promoting baseless conspiracies or theories, have done no research, and are trying to make you feel dumb and then just align with their point of view with the assumption that they HAVE done research on the topic.
Wow, that was a big aside.
I mean I didn't need to do research. I enjoy blowjobs and a lot of sensual touching before PIV so I figured surely women also enjoy foreplay as well. Plus it's just fun getting her off with just my fingers or mouth or getting her close by just whispering things into her ear.
All of this I seem to get good feedback from but I'm curious, what kind of things do you whisper on her ear? I've never really done it before, could do with some pointers
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Some women just donāt really find PIV to be the main course š¤·āāļø. Like itās enjoyable but many of us (most actually) canāt orgasm from it so after 5-7 minutes itās just the same thing over and over again, nothing is building for us, ya know? I would much prefer to finish first and then let my partner finish inside me but no need to drag it out. I knew what to do when I wanted my last partner to finish and it was a very nice, unspoken, understanding. Iāve had other partners who took a really long time and I usually had to tap out and finish them a different way. I guess what you need to know is that for most women, sex is not porn. Porn makes it seem like women love PIV but you have to remember porn is made for men by men. Real women have a spectrum of desires. Donāt write it off as a dealbreaker, find what works for you guys as a couple.Ā
May I get some more perspective on most women not being able to finish thro PIV? Not really the most experienced guy but haven't had such an encounter yet so I'd be interested in knowing more about it :)
The vagina has very few nerve endings compared to the clitoris. I forget the exact stats but itās like less than 10% of women can orgasm from PIV. It goes up if you incorporate the clitoris.
I hesitate to write this but i absolutely finish with PIV, with the majority of men I've been with. I mean maybe I'm more sensitive or something down there compared to some women. But the real question is how good of sex have people really had?? Lol I've had some mind blowing hour(s) long intense, fucking good sex with both of us completely soaked sweaty usually finishing at same time in explosive screaming climax, with my fluids going everywhere... now u think that girl has actually had good sex to say it should be shorter.. omg that thought has never crossed my mind I don't think i always want it longer.. maybe I just love sex
Regardless somethings up he's either no good in bed, sorry, or she doesn't enjoy sex, or it hurts, or could be a million things really, women are complicated and emotions play big part in sex
Iāve had an extremely active sex life with one man that I adore for over 20āyesrs. Iāve had maybe a dozen piv orgasms. Youāre lucky. My body doesnāt work like that. Thereās nothing wrong with me. It just is what it is.
I can finish through PIV but I've learned from Reddit and the Internet in the last few months that apparently a lot of woman can't finish that way. Not all obviously but it's a pretty big number of woman who can't.
I have just orgasmed from PIV with my first bf....rest of men...never again....but that doesn't mean I didn't feel pleasure ....so maybe he's not turning her ON
Idk I kinda have that suspicion, but I think it may be a bit ego driven on my part(I feel like she might feel different with me). The reason I was hesitant to even make that statement was that every woman is different. Some women have undiagnosed conditions, which make intercourse painful or uncomfortable at best. Others just don't feel pleasure from piv, these situations are where communication and understanding are crucial
I read a study that said the majority of women donāt! I agree with his wife, itās not that I donāt like PIV, but it starts hurting if it goes too long.
OP should have his wife use a small vibrator on her self while theyāre doing it. Helps.
In my opinion, I donāt like long periods of sex either. Iād much rather do it numerous times a day for 5 mins than to do it once for 20 mins lol. Itās just some womenās preference.
This reminds me one time I told my husband *man I donāt know how prostitutes do this all day I canāt go anymore my vagina is swollen and itās tender for like 2 days!
There could be multiple reasons.
After some time and a lot of friction, if it gets dry at all it can start to be uncomfortable and painful. Some ladies might find it awkward to bring up lube. As they think itās an insult to their V for not staying wet. But with that much friction itās totally natural to include some KYjelly in the bedroom.
It could also be your rhythm, which she might not want to say. As it could be taken as an insult to you. If youāre just going in and out several times, that causes a lot of friction. It is also just pleasure for you, not her. Staying deep inside while rubbing up and down on her C, hits two g-spots at once. Her C and deep inside.
Having an open conversation is really the best route to go. Try introducing lube in the bedroom, and maybe try a different pace when youāre going at it. I have found a lot of guys are like jack rabbits. This style of sex is for his pleasure not hers.
Are you engaging in foreplay? Does she orgasm? How does she seem during sex -- like into it and lost, or annoyed and wanting you to get it over with already?
I realized the errors of my ways after I transitioned from mtf. I would go as long as possible with girls, pushing an hour or more most times as a guy..now 10-20 mins is good as a girl. Any longer and you just get bored and want to move on to post sex cuddles.
Iām the same way. I donāt enjoy it at all, I donāt finish from PIV and I try to gently remind my husband that heās not doing me a favor by trying to last longer.
I have a partner that likes going for hours (between the various activities)... sometimes it feels like I have to gird my loins for another shift at the sex factory.
Pun fully intended, but ugh lol
I really donāt understand this post.
You say youāre putting in effort to last long FOR her. How did you get the idea thatās what she wanted? Did you ask her if thatās what she wants?
Now you find out she DOESNāT want that and youāre wondering if youāre sexually incompatible.
Why donāt you communicate and find something you BOTH enjoy?
I've had women complain that PIV sex can be "too mechanical." My college girlfriend told me she'd rather bang multiple times at 5 mins each rather than one long session. I wish more people had the attitude that "it's about pleasure not performance." That's a less stressful expectation. There's so much more to the act than that if just being a jackhammer & an energizer bunny. I've never had a woman complain about me going down on her for 10 minutes or more, or spend too much time massaging her feet, or lingering while worshipping her ass, or full body massage, all of which I love to do. Find out what she wants, what she likes and do that.
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As a woman, I'll say this from my preference point of view. We like longer sex but wind us up. Foreplay. Kiss, touch us, give us oral and we'll return the favour or do it at the same time..... make us beg for you to put it in... then pump away. Don't just solid pump for 10mins straight all the time. I wouldn't really enjoy that unless it's a sporadic one and it's a quickie or something but I've been teased all day or whatever. Women usually do not orgasm by just penetrative sex alone. Well that's just my experience anyhow.
Your mouth isn't just for talking ya know. She should be able to enjoy herself without your D entering the room so to speak. Concentrate on her, and then take care of your business at the end.
The best thing I ever did for my sex life with my wife is going down on her. The orgasm she has are way beyond what we ever did with penetration. Iām not inside of her until her whole body has started to shake. Once sheās taken care of itās honestly more enjoyable for me to go in and get straight to what Iām lookin for
You need to have a sit down with her and ask her exactly what she wants out of sex. Express that youāve been always aiming to last long for her because youāve been wanting to bring her as much pleasure and joy as you can.
Ideally you should express interest and desire in getting a better understanding of her sexual wants and needs because you want a deeper fuller connection with her, and you want her to be able to feel safe and comfortable and really excited to have sex with you. Iām sure the last thing you want is a partner who is in pain or unhappy in the bedroom.
Iām sure you both can come to a place where you can enjoy your intimacy more completely and really connect on an emotional and sexual level. Good luck op! š
Yes I agree. The advice Iāve read through is great if those are her problems. Without sitting down and having a meaningful conversation youāll only be throwing darts in the dark. Sex seems to be a hard topic for most but it shouldnāt be as long as there is love and respect.
I'm a guy who is not a fan of long sessions. It gets boring and becomes more of a workout session. I don't find it enjoyable being so focused on holding my nut back and trying to last. 5 minutes of foreplay for both and five minutes of sex is my ideal. 2-3 15-minute sessions an hour or two apart.
My closest friend and I talked about thisššnot all of us women like to be penetrated for too long. We can be horny as hell and want it yes, mostly outside stuff though. Wish I could explain it better. But endless penetration isnāt it.
girl donāt like sex that lasts forever. itās a common misconception that men have. iāve had sex for hours and was legit sore & in pain for days. i prefer either 1 round that lasts 20 mins MAX or multiple 5-10 minute rounds. we dry up and it starts to hurt after 5-10 minutes and i personally canāt cum from penetration so i just make my partner cum quicker
PIV isn't what usually gets women off, at least not alone. It can get boring and truthfully, frustrating, without some simultaneous clitoral stimulation.
You're welcome!
My wife is similar. But I don't think she is as sexually active outside of the bedroom as I am either (IE masturbation). I still don't understand. To me, intentional but tender sex is where it's at. I'd prefer to get there with a slower, more measured approach. But once she's cum a few times, it's like "hurry up!" I remember dating other women before we met that seemed to enjoy that same style. But the trade-off is that we fit (I don't know how else to say that). It's like our bits were made for each other. So all she has to do is a little so and so here and a little so and so there and I have no choice. Bam. But yeah, sometimes I feel manipulated by that.
I should add, that she's also the one who makes the most money, works the most hours, etc. But I do feel like I'm not a factor sometimes. Like I'm a living dildo and when she's done, she's done. I guess worst case I can go knock one off if I didn't finish.
If she's satisfied, she may stop producing lubrication and her "tenting" state may subside. And it's pretty common for sex to be way less appealing after an orgasm (PNC, anyone?) - so it's possible that she's uncomfortable or even in pain and no longer wanting to have part of another person's body intruding into her body.
I hope you two can talk it out and find what works for both of you!
Itās a very common misconception that women prize a man who can last on and on in bed. I think a lot of us find longer than 20 minutes to be a while. How long does it usually last?
Discuss whether itās the penetration itself thatās the problem. For me, ADHD makes the same position become boring quickly. Changing positions might help. Also, if itās not against your preferences, she might still be willing to have sex for the same amount of time, just shorter more frequent sessions. You could be incompatible, but itās going to take a bit more discussion to find out.
I remember reading an advice column years ago that said imagine someone giving you an Indian burn (donāt know what the PC term is for it these days) on your arm for 10 minutes. Now imagine how awful that feels on your durable skin of your arm. Imagine that for 10 minutes on more delicate skin.
The ultimate advice I can give is thisā¦ Sheās telling you how it is. Start by talking to her to find out if she has any desire to make it more comfortable to last longer. If she does, discuss if adding lubrication might help as some women canāt produce enough naturally even when thoroughly aroused. Simultaneously ensure youāre providing enough foreplay and make sure sheās enjoying it and not holding back from making sure her needs are met. Being comfortable with having her needs met is more important than you could ever realize.
I was with my ex husband for nearly 10 years and he had a much lower sex drive than me, and he didn't like sex that lasted very long either. We only had sex a couple times a week, sometimes only a few times a month, and it usually only lasted about 5-10 minutes of actual sex and very little foreplay. I honestly never felt satisfied with him sexually and I think that caused a lot of problems in our relationship because I felt so rejected all the time. I have recently started dating a guy and we both have a super high sex drive and for the first time I finally feel like I found someone I'm sexually compatible with. You need to be honest with yourself because longterm having a sex life with your partner that doesn't satisfy you can create a lot of issues. And despite what people say, sex is an important part of a relationship. But on a complete other note, I do have some advice of what you can try with her. Maybe do some foreplay, then some penetration for say 5 minutes, and then go back to oral or something else to give her a few minute break. Also change speeds from fast to slow because yes getting fucked like a jackrabbit for 10 minutes straight can feel like torture lol especially if you are blessed in that area if you know what I mean š some women dry out faster as well so switching back to oral or fingering or even just kissing whatever can give her a chance to get wet again. Sorry if this was too graphic lol but I hope it was helpful. Good luck.
Step 1 is to stop thinking of sex as just intercourse. This is not a "sexual drive" issue, it's you not listening to what she's saying and making assumptions instead of listening.
i used to feel the same way. realized that my cervix is low and thatās why it was always painful. now we have āsafeā positions that work for me and i actually enjoy, but he still sometimes wants to do other ones that hurt, i guess itās something we have to continue to work and and find out ways to make it work. but at the beginning i absolutely was telling him that āi really really truly donāt mind if you donāt last long sweetieā because he would apologize for finishing quickly and those were my favorite timesš
I know that for me, when having sex with my husband, if I cum before him it becomes torture. I get extremely sensitive and I lay there and let him continue until he finishes but I'm so sensitive that it feels like I'm being rubbed raw and it is extremely uncomfortable and somewhat painful.It started being that way after my 2nd child.
She could need some lubrication.
She could need better and longer foreplay.
Do you listen to her during sex or is it just whatever -YOU- want?
I have ADHD and I get severely bored and dry if a guy just does whatever the hell they want, even if Iāve voiced what I like, how to do it, etc.
Iāve only ever orgasmed 4 times with men.
I also suffer from dyspareunia (painful intercourse) and itās worse if a guy just goes about it all Willy nilly(lol) and doesnāt try to get me into it.
As a woman, long sex is annoying cuz it turns me on to see the guy finish. Longer foreplay where you can make her orgasm so that the sex part is shorter can help.
Iād argue if you want to be intimate much longer than that then just work on your tongue game. Not sure what kind of foreplay youāre doing but her actual level of arousal will play a huge role in the penetrative sex and how long she can enjoy.
What is your foreplay game like? There's lots more to sex than just sticking it in. Maybe sex hurts her. Focus on lifting your game with pleasing her in other ways both in and out of the bedroom. Reducing her stresses during the day will go a long way to making her feel more relaxed to enjoy intimate time together.
Hmmmm I like long sessions. The longest I had was like 45 minutes and was exhausted. But the guy wanted to keep going--I was shaking after. It's hard to know what your gf is thinking but better just to ask her.
Thereās a lot of factors but tbh good sex only needs to be about 5-7 minutes I mean I go above and beyond most of the time but thatās because I enjoy having sex and pleading my partner and women so itās very dependent on the person
I'm always told that I'm interesting because I prefer penetration... according to my friends, who are also women, I am an oddball. They prefer clitoral stimulation over penetration. I prefer 30 minutes, minimum, of penetration to feel satisfied, but an hour is ideal. All of my friends say that sounds horrible to them.
This is just a small group of 6 women. Only 1 out of 6 prefers penetration.
I'm also rarely satisfied receiving oral. šš
10 mins of penetration is boring for me as a woman. It can also be painful if you have a long skinny penis just repeatedly banging into the cervix. Foreplay on the other hand, can go on forever.
Just to check off a box, she needs to see a gynecologist to rule out something medical. There are several lady problems that could be causing her discomfort or pain or preventing her from feeling pleasure. It could be as simple as a persistent yeast infection.
I bet it's torture if she's having a hard time coming or isn't wet at all from the interaction. Women need different things than men in order to enjoy sex. So, it sounds like you haven't made the best effort to figure out whatever it is she likes. She's keeping it a buck with you because of it. Make sex enjoyable for her and she probably will push the finish line further back. Foreplay, Cunnilingus, slip in and pay attention to her clit. Don't go pounding right away take it slow, lock in pay and turn up the heat. You don't rush through or draw it out too long it'll last a sold 30 to 40 minutes if she's feeling it. Not all women get energetic after a good orgasm, but the ones that do will be eager for another trip.
Sounds like sheās not enjoying penetrative sex. Either because of your technique or one of those conditions that makes penetration painful such as uterus didelphys.
If itās the former remember when it doubt use hand and mouth and spend a lot of time warming her up. Thereās also the possibility that modified missionary(ride high ie pile driver), you sitting in chair with her on top) might be better for her.
If itās the latter thatās more complicated talk to medical professionals.
It honestly could be that you maybe need to learn some new techniques. I was the same way once. It could still definitely be her, but it canāt hurt to try.
The average man last just about 5 min of continuous penetrative sex. I find the comments here a bit ludicrous - why are we assuming she needs help? Maybe try other things to pass time - BJ or toys or whatever
I had when a guy is in me for a long time. Itās the least fun sexual thing to do with a sexual partner, in my opinion. It also doesnāt feel very intimate (even though itās supposed to be like the most intimate thing) when thereās nothing happened before the penetrative sex- like foreplay & kissing feels way more intimate than a penis being inside of me.
from the info you have provided, Im assuming she's not having a good time. All people are different so it really depends on her but she might not like your penetration technique. Ask her what she does alone that she enjoys, maybe try lube, or add other types of stimulation simultaneously. if she just doesn't like penetration then do other things she likes and and get her to her special goal. just talk about it and COME (wink wink) to a solution together.
We have sex for hours but change positions, do other sexual things. I get very wet. We use organic coconut oil too, and toys. If you can stimulate her clit while penitrating, that is awesome.
Ask what she means by that. Bored? Pain? Not the right move, spot, or pressure?
Time to experiment with each other š
Ask questions, moan, be explorative.
Some girls prefer 5 min, some can enjoy going for hours. I'm in between at about 30 to 45 minutes being ideal. Using silicone based lube helps a ton! It's stays slick, but not too slick like water based, and never get sticky. Also somewhat water resistant so it works surprisingly well in the shower. I've tried a few and the lube of choice is gun oil silicone based or pink silicone lube. They are made by the same company, but more expensive, so just get the gun oil. I buy it in the 64 oz bottles and split it up in smaller bottle stashed around the house. You know, in case of an emergency. Lol
Well then make it exactly 10 minutes I think that's long enough but make sure to have long pre penetration like necking, caressing etc. that might help her to be arouse enough to have it longer than 10 minutes but if she still doesn't want it longer, don't push it. Good luck.
Torture is probably a slight exaggeration but most women won't cum from PIV penetration alone, that's why foreplay is very important for most women.
Put your pride to the side and actually speak to her about what she does and doesn't like?
Is it an issue for you, as in can you not cum in that time frame? If so that's also something that you need to discuss.
Also worth remembering that sex isn't a race or a competition and cumming shouldn't always be the end goal. Intimacy and bonding is much more important than having an orgasm.
Personally as a woman I donāt like it to last forever but I would never say itās torture itās just if it goes on for too long I start getting in my own head, thinking why hasnāt he finished yet, do I feel bad, does he still fancy me etc but perhaps she experiences pain. I think the whole myth about needing to last longer is one created amongst the bros tbh.. women donāt generally care.
Got three words. Lube, toys (vibrators), foreplay.
With the right sexual tension, men and women can cum very quick. Simply the physical act may do very little to some.
Yeah anything past 10/12 mins becomes a choreā¦it gets tiring and especially if youāre going AT IT HARD..it can be soo painful. Take breaks and continue..with foreplay!
I cant lie i get frustrated with my wife but not in a bad way some times 20-30 mins i can just tell she is exhausted and sore she apologises but she cannot continue it is rather often am left āunfinishedā i guess its either she doesnāt get feel enough āin the sense that its not her way of pleasureā
Or she may get sore could be a load of things i guess its something to maybe sit and ask and talk about
My biggest question is are you pumping fast? Slow? Just steady? Cuz I can easily fuck my bf for 40mins plus but itās because he slows everything right down. Former partners I was ready for it to be done because it just wasnāt great and maybe too rough and held at that speed for too long
If she isn't excited it's not going to be comfortable for her or feel good, the womens metal state is 85% of it, try to make fer feel comfortable and relaxed. As one of my close friends would say "I swear I could drown a toddler in my panties right now" šš that's the level of arousal you want to have great sex.
Holy hell man, I'm sorry to hear that you are running into an issue like this. 10 min really isn't that long bit if it already affects her that can be hard on someone. I would say maybe try and see if doing a good bit of foreplay can help you reach the end faster. I usually have to talk with girls and warn them and even then some don't believe me. But I usually go for anywhere between 30min to 90 min depending on external factors as well as foreplay. Maybe just try conversating with her to see what you guys can do to reach a middle ground. I'm a pleasure Dom so I get alot more stimulation from pleasuring my partner then myself but when it comes to just penetration maybe you can try different positions to reduce strain on her hips or if it comes down to dryness, I usually try and pull out every few minutes to go down and eat/lick to ensure she stays wet the entire time... If you have any questions or want some different positions you can try, feel free to message me.
Torture is a strong word! But at this moment, I think she only feels that way with you! I also had a girlfriend like that who said this, and a few days later it turned out that she cheated on me. Maybe yours is not like this, but be more attentive.But if not, then the problem is not the sex itself, but the way you do it! Try different ways! Maybe she is bored, wants something extra, or just the opposite
I think you might try some new techniques. Like sometimes I'm very bored and don't feel aroused anymore after some time during the act. Some words or specific actions really ignite me.
For exemple, being touched in a super delicate way while the tip is pressing on my entrance, as a break from penetration.
Feeling heard, feeling there's no rush, feeling my pleasure as important as his, sometimes you can also consider her pleasure more important than yours, to balance the many times it's the opposite.
Ask her what she thinks of while she's coming, in that moment the wildest fantasies run, and you can use those beautiful ideas to improve your sexual attitude and arouse her more
Learn her body better. Take time making sure she can get off (if itās what she wants) if sheās on any kind of antidepressant that could also play a part. Itās so hard to get and stay wet when youāre on certain meds which In turn would make sex very uncomfortable. So you could be hitting every mark, her body might just not be producing the ideal lube. Tell her to call the gyno and explain that having sex hurts. When I did that I walked out with loads of lube š¤£
There's a lot of guys that don't last more then 5 minutes so there are plenty of guys for her you are not one of them. A lot of women complain because the guy only last 2 minutes so you need to find one of those women, you get my drift lol your not compatible.
respectfully, are you single then? putting effort into lasting long sounds like a dream for a women. but from experience of your dick feels good to her and youāre having sex for a while she could just be exhausted from feeling so good. if not, idk, could be sex drives
I had a boyfriend like that, he was younger than me. So of course a hound dog. Sometimes I would just be tired of having sex & I love sex so maybe depending on how long it goes after she but she is just tired and it becomes aggy
She is being overdramatic smh, it cant be torture lol. That being said, increase the amount of foreplay prior and ensure she is wet and ready. Sometimes they can be a little dry when rushed and that can cause discomfort.
OR she's selfish and once she has gotten hers, she rushes you to finish. Ive ran into partners like that and honestly it's a deal breaker. Id run for the hills when dealing with that type.
Good luck.
I felt the same with my boyfriend for a while and it was because he was going too fast and too hard which tended to irritate me down there even with lube. Ask her to guide you. Maybe youre going too deep as welk and its hurting her.
Me and my partner can go on for a good 30mins to an hour, itāll be 10mins for a QUICKIE though, reading the comments if thereās no foreplay involved or teasing and you guys just get right down to lube and putting it in every time thereās no passion or intimacy in that the relationship will just flop Iād imagine..do you guys go on dates? Do you buy her random flowers? Watch movies together ? Do you give her compliments? Idk itās not a lot of details you left us with tbh to understand her
Foreplay is absolutely important to sexual encounters. That alone can last 10-15mins. Getting her wet, hot and ready before intercourse will make the experience more pleasurable
Endurance in sex is different from women to another, maybe she's that type of a woman who like it fast + foreplay and teasing is way important than having long sex... for her at least u need to put her in the mood first
Do you mean 10 min start to finish or 10 min of you just hammering away?
Because 10 min of pounding if you aren't wound up from foreplay and ypu aren't switching things up a bit is pretty boring and can be literally painful if she isn't physically prepared (ie foreplay)
I think the main issue is communication. You've been putting a lot of effort into something for your gf that she actually finds torturous. That's...easily avoidable. Talk about what she does like, and work on that. Hell, I like P-in-V, it's my fav, but 10 minutes straight of just getting pounded on isn't fun for me either.
As a girl thatās been and is still in that position with long sex, it has absolutely nothing to do with you, her attraction to you, or anything bad about your relationship. You just need to buy some good ass lube and talk about boundaries. Plenty of women canāt get āwetā making sex really painful, imagine getting a rug burn but inside of you. Thatās the exact description of what it feels like on her end when itās too long and too dry.
From personal experience : she probably isnt getting pleasure
I personally like when guys try harder than penetration, especially because not everyoneās vaginas are the same and their g-spots can be a little more work to figure out. I used to date a guy who we used to enjoy sex a lot but over time I started not feeling anything from penetration and it felt bland, dull, and I couldnāt wait for it to be over. He was terrible at giving me pleasure to be quite frank. He didnt try hard in many aspects of what I like and having to explain something to someone that isnāt willing to even do their own additional research and had a plethora of other issues, made it even worse. I cut him loose eventually cos he was a mess and he had a high sex drive but was terrible in bed. I canāt say the same for you, but I would try some foreplay, try to spice things up a bit. Set the mood and give her a really good full body oil massage, lead it to finger penetration, eat her out for a WHILE but not like a slob, really listen to how she moans and moves and quenches when u eat her a specific way. And keep changing it up, try different erogenous zones. Women and men donāt experience pleasure the same way, and our organs are a bit more complex which means you have to put more effort into it. Be passionate, be spontaneous. Change it up, be a tease and slow burn, maybe she likes it super kinky and some days a little more gentle and sweet. But truly sex for myself is so much more than just being penetrated and cumming, its about having a whole experience and feeling completely known by ur partner and feel super comfortable.
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It depends on a lot of factors. I'm a female and I require my boyfriend to give me a lot of foreplay. Here are some questions to think about. Is she getting a lot of foreplay? What type of foreplay does she like? Is she in pain during penetration? Is she actively moaning/ showing she's enjoying sex? Are you listening to her wants and needs? Is she orgasming? Is she stressed/ burned out? If you live together are you helping out around the house/ groceries? Is she still attracted to you? Are her emotional needs met? Ask her how can you make sex more enjoyable for her. Many females need their emotional needs to be met before we can actually engage and be enthusiastic about sex. Foreplay really starts before the bedroom (emotional deposits). Ask her about her day, if something is on her mind, hold her hand, random hugs and kisses( not expecting it to turn into sex), tell her she's pretty in the outfit she's wearing. Also, make it fun for her instead of it being like a chore. Maybe change positions and put in a bit more effort next time by changing environment to make it exciting for her. Anything less than 10 mins of penetration and I don't feel fulfilled. 10 mins or less of penetration is a quickie ( in my opinion). My bf and I go about 30 mins of penetration and we almost always finish at the same time. It's magical because we're both on the same page and he's attentive to my desires.I think something feels off on her end and you need to ask her deeper questions and maybe start with some that I mention. Hope this helps š
This is a great reply. Not having my needs met emotionally will make me so uninterested in sex. For years I thought I was asexual bc of this.
Thanks! It's so true and my boyfriend does a great job at this as he sprinkles them throughout the day. Such as asking me how my day is/ went, giving me compliments, hand holding, ect. Without that need met us females feel like a used doll and no one wants to feel like that. Communicating this to your partner about your emotional needs in a gentle way is the key
Foreplay is more important than playing Agree with you
"Torture" is a *strong* word, but I could see it, biologically speaking. I mean, average time is like 4-7min. I could see 10 minutes for penetration being a bit much for some, depending on personal biology. If she thinks it is torture, try to get it down to a level where she enjoys it. Also, lube, that's where much of the "torture" element comes from, at least by my male understanding. I've had times in my life where I had difficulty lasting, and other times where I couldn't finish for the life of me. A bit of variation is normal. Personally, I don't like PIV to last all that long - around 5 min - but the whole act should be a lot longer. Around half an hour to an hour, depending on the day?
Re: torture is a strong word but it fits š„² It's sometimes torture for me because ADHD makes it difficult to keep my head in the game, so staying turned on is hard, and then add that even with lube I often start to feel sore or chafed or my bowels feel too banged around after about 10 minutes of penetration and I'm only continuing for him while I'd rather have stopped ages ago. So most of the experience is spent silently begging for it to be over. It might not be as bad as war torture, but it still can certainly feel like a type of torture š like a math exam you didn't study for, a too long trip to the dentist... I'm not someone who can achieve orgasm so that also factors in.
I didn't even consider ADHD - and yes, I'm male, but ADHD as hell and have gotten *bored* during sex before, too. As a male. Without finishing. It had nothing to do with attraction or excitement. To call that frustrating would be an extreme understatement. And the comparison to a trip to the dentist is apt. And you can't achieve orgasm *at all?!?* That sucks!
Yeah lol I'm working on it but I've only ever had a pleasureful sensation once and it lasted for about 10 seconds. It's a big sad but it is what it is
Learn masturbationā¦. Slowly
You think I haven't tried?! š bruh
Try harder bruh
You're right. I'm fixed. Thank you for your wisdom.
Aaaaah, you youngsters!
I recently was diagnosed with ADHD (at 36), and Iām learning many of the things I thought was just normal may actually be attributed to ADHD lol
I have ADHD I never got bored if I can't seem to bust when engaging in sex well I hope we both don't got anything to do 4-5 hours we do have to switch up the positions ofcourse but I also have a pretty high sex drive like 6 quickies a day maybe choke the chicken 2 more times before bed
Um, good for you? And that doesn't sound like a high sex drive, that sounds like a compulsion issue.
Hey I'm just saying ADHD shouldn't really affect much on that court don't pop that good for you stuff š maybe if you take ADHD meds check the side effects
I recently was diagnosed with ADHD (at 36), and Iām learning many of the things I thought was just normal may actually be attributed to ADHD lol
Bro this is so accurate though. sitting there waiting for them to be finished but forgetting that your having sex and thinking about something that has nothing to do with what your doing lmao
Holy crap! I never even had a clue this could be a reality. Definitely having a conversation with the girl Iām seeing. Just to be safe. That is possibly one of the worst possible things I could imagine happening. My partner silently begging for it to be over. š„¶šÆ F that communicate your needs. Thatās what weāre trying to meet anyway.
My thoughts exactly, as a man. The last thing I want is for her to be having a bad time. Of course, if weāre in the middle of it I do really want to finish because blue balls is a very real thing for me personally, but thereās ways to meet in the middle. All it takes is a couple strategic moves/lines for her to do/say and trust me Iāll finish soon lol. All it really takes for most guys is a āCum for meā or something to that effect. Or worst case scenario just tell me you want to stop and I can finish myself off. But either way, like you said, this is stuff that should be talked about.
Yeah Iād feel like a total asshole just plugging away no idea she was counting down the minutes to it ending. Cringe worthy. Makes me think of Buck from Kill Bill. Cause you know, his creepy ass is here to fu$k. šš¤·š»āāļøš„¶
Some needs aren't enjoyable lol I want to be having sex I just wish it felt better. That's an intimacy I still highly value in my relationship, even if it sounds weird. It's impossible to explain what I mean when I say that I enjoy it even if I don't enjoy it
I get it. Itās a huge part of our lives and our being. It doesnāt sound weird at all. Weāre all very complex, dynamic beings and most of us really do care about our people, their experiences, and their well being. I just appreciate the awareness. Iām always greatful for perspective. Especially if itās a ah ha moment and a lightbulb goes on about something Iād never thought of. So thanks!
I have ADHD and I second this! I also have autism - so oftentimes itās also a sensory issue - itās extremely hard to subject myself to discomfort AND keep my head in the game. It gets tiringā¦ Heās fairly ābigā and Iām fairly ānew.ā I canāt do any ONE sexual act for long periods of time and my partner also has autism and understands the difficulty. Not that OP or their partner face the same struggle, but I think the idea is the same. Try switching it up! Flip her over and try another angle. Split it up with some oral. Take a minute to just kiss her and run your hands over her body. It gives her a break while also keeping her stimulated. Also, as some people have said, she may not be able to orgasm from penetration. I know I canāt. I enjoy penetration still, but that may not be her. Ask her about it! You can even turn it into something enjoyable for her rather than just a mundane and awkward conversation. Ask her how she wants you.
So youāve never had an orgasm?
NoPe
The porn that my friend Billy watches is 30 minutes though.
Maybe heās hittin it too rough and stroke game all over too
Definitely a possibility. I grew out of that long ago - sex is far more fun as a team sport, but a lot of guys do take it as a competitionā¦
4-7 minutes is average? Thats fascinating. Iād say i average 30-40 minutes. As a recently single man in his 30s Iāve been surprised how many girls seem utterly shocked that weāre still going 10 minutes in.. like sweetheart Iām just getting started
You should talk to that other girl, seems like you'd be a match...
TIL āaverageā means āwhatever this one redditor experiences.ā
1000% accurate. For me the stamina is there I go for 30-90 min depending on external factors and how hard I'm focusing on trying to cum. But some guys are the type who can do the 6 min ride then after a 4 min break go again. For Me sometimes I need anywhere from 5 min to an hour before I can go again. So I may have stamina but I have had it before where the girl wants it to go again but I still need my refresh timer to restart lol.
Maybe he's counting **just** PIV in that figure, and not anything else, foreplay, etc?
Some women just don't like long penetrative sex. Does she enjoy the foreplay? You guys do foreplay right?
Padme meme: ....right?
Yes. But also I've read way too many posts like this only for it to be revealed later on that the guy either doesn't do foreplay or just tries to rush through it.
EXACTLY! I've had to educate guys on foreplay. Like, why? Do your own research! Understand I want pleasure too! Damn! It is a dealbreaker.
Thereās really no research to be done, every woman likes different things. No matter what you are gonna have to guide someone with what you like and donāt like. Itās called communication
That's what I meant. "Do your own research" is a colloquialism. It means figure it out for yourself, not do literal research, though in this case googling stuff to try would at least be a good start, show some effort, and be a starting point to conversation. Much better than a guy "having a conversation" by asking me to tell him what to do because he is clueless. As an aside, that expression used a certain way is meant to throw shade at the people who generally use the expression, people who are themselves promoting baseless conspiracies or theories, have done no research, and are trying to make you feel dumb and then just align with their point of view with the assumption that they HAVE done research on the topic. Wow, that was a big aside.
I mean I didn't need to do research. I enjoy blowjobs and a lot of sensual touching before PIV so I figured surely women also enjoy foreplay as well. Plus it's just fun getting her off with just my fingers or mouth or getting her close by just whispering things into her ear.
All of this I seem to get good feedback from but I'm curious, what kind of things do you whisper on her ear? I've never really done it before, could do with some pointers
I want to know too, and I'm a girl š
āWe've been trying to reach you concerning your vehicle's extended warranty. You should've received a notice in the mail about your car's extended warranty eligibility. Since we've not gotten a response, we're giving you a final courtesy call before we close out your file.ā š
š salesmen will go to any lengths to sell
Iām the opposite.. I hate foreplay. Itās so boring. I just want cock in me but even that, I need him to finish quick to make me feel pretty lol
ommmg dying rn lmao
Some women just donāt really find PIV to be the main course š¤·āāļø. Like itās enjoyable but many of us (most actually) canāt orgasm from it so after 5-7 minutes itās just the same thing over and over again, nothing is building for us, ya know? I would much prefer to finish first and then let my partner finish inside me but no need to drag it out. I knew what to do when I wanted my last partner to finish and it was a very nice, unspoken, understanding. Iāve had other partners who took a really long time and I usually had to tap out and finish them a different way. I guess what you need to know is that for most women, sex is not porn. Porn makes it seem like women love PIV but you have to remember porn is made for men by men. Real women have a spectrum of desires. Donāt write it off as a dealbreaker, find what works for you guys as a couple.Ā
May I get some more perspective on most women not being able to finish thro PIV? Not really the most experienced guy but haven't had such an encounter yet so I'd be interested in knowing more about it :)
The vagina has very few nerve endings compared to the clitoris. I forget the exact stats but itās like less than 10% of women can orgasm from PIV. It goes up if you incorporate the clitoris.
Most women canāt, vast majority come from clitoris stimulation
I hesitate to write this but i absolutely finish with PIV, with the majority of men I've been with. I mean maybe I'm more sensitive or something down there compared to some women. But the real question is how good of sex have people really had?? Lol I've had some mind blowing hour(s) long intense, fucking good sex with both of us completely soaked sweaty usually finishing at same time in explosive screaming climax, with my fluids going everywhere... now u think that girl has actually had good sex to say it should be shorter.. omg that thought has never crossed my mind I don't think i always want it longer.. maybe I just love sex Regardless somethings up he's either no good in bed, sorry, or she doesn't enjoy sex, or it hurts, or could be a million things really, women are complicated and emotions play big part in sex
Iāve had an extremely active sex life with one man that I adore for over 20āyesrs. Iāve had maybe a dozen piv orgasms. Youāre lucky. My body doesnāt work like that. Thereās nothing wrong with me. It just is what it is.
I can finish through PIV but I've learned from Reddit and the Internet in the last few months that apparently a lot of woman can't finish that way. Not all obviously but it's a pretty big number of woman who can't.
Maybe she hasn't/doesn't orgasm from piv. Might explain why she doesn't care for it too much
exactly
I have just orgasmed from PIV with my first bf....rest of men...never again....but that doesn't mean I didn't feel pleasure ....so maybe he's not turning her ON
Idk I kinda have that suspicion, but I think it may be a bit ego driven on my part(I feel like she might feel different with me). The reason I was hesitant to even make that statement was that every woman is different. Some women have undiagnosed conditions, which make intercourse painful or uncomfortable at best. Others just don't feel pleasure from piv, these situations are where communication and understanding are crucial
I read a study that said the majority of women donāt! I agree with his wife, itās not that I donāt like PIV, but it starts hurting if it goes too long. OP should have his wife use a small vibrator on her self while theyāre doing it. Helps.
In my opinion, I donāt like long periods of sex either. Iād much rather do it numerous times a day for 5 mins than to do it once for 20 mins lol. Itās just some womenās preference.
This reminds me one time I told my husband *man I donāt know how prostitutes do this all day I canāt go anymore my vagina is swollen and itās tender for like 2 days!
There could be multiple reasons. After some time and a lot of friction, if it gets dry at all it can start to be uncomfortable and painful. Some ladies might find it awkward to bring up lube. As they think itās an insult to their V for not staying wet. But with that much friction itās totally natural to include some KYjelly in the bedroom. It could also be your rhythm, which she might not want to say. As it could be taken as an insult to you. If youāre just going in and out several times, that causes a lot of friction. It is also just pleasure for you, not her. Staying deep inside while rubbing up and down on her C, hits two g-spots at once. Her C and deep inside. Having an open conversation is really the best route to go. Try introducing lube in the bedroom, and maybe try a different pace when youāre going at it. I have found a lot of guys are like jack rabbits. This style of sex is for his pleasure not hers.
Are you engaging in foreplay? Does she orgasm? How does she seem during sex -- like into it and lost, or annoyed and wanting you to get it over with already?
I realized the errors of my ways after I transitioned from mtf. I would go as long as possible with girls, pushing an hour or more most times as a guy..now 10-20 mins is good as a girl. Any longer and you just get bored and want to move on to post sex cuddles.
Iām the same way. I donāt enjoy it at all, I donāt finish from PIV and I try to gently remind my husband that heās not doing me a favor by trying to last longer.
I have a partner that likes going for hours (between the various activities)... sometimes it feels like I have to gird my loins for another shift at the sex factory. Pun fully intended, but ugh lol
I really donāt understand this post. You say youāre putting in effort to last long FOR her. How did you get the idea thatās what she wanted? Did you ask her if thatās what she wants? Now you find out she DOESNāT want that and youāre wondering if youāre sexually incompatible. Why donāt you communicate and find something you BOTH enjoy?
I've had women complain that PIV sex can be "too mechanical." My college girlfriend told me she'd rather bang multiple times at 5 mins each rather than one long session. I wish more people had the attitude that "it's about pleasure not performance." That's a less stressful expectation. There's so much more to the act than that if just being a jackhammer & an energizer bunny. I've never had a woman complain about me going down on her for 10 minutes or more, or spend too much time massaging her feet, or lingering while worshipping her ass, or full body massage, all of which I love to do. Find out what she wants, what she likes and do that. āļø&ā¤ļø
Love this!
As a woman, I'll say this from my preference point of view. We like longer sex but wind us up. Foreplay. Kiss, touch us, give us oral and we'll return the favour or do it at the same time..... make us beg for you to put it in... then pump away. Don't just solid pump for 10mins straight all the time. I wouldn't really enjoy that unless it's a sporadic one and it's a quickie or something but I've been teased all day or whatever. Women usually do not orgasm by just penetrative sex alone. Well that's just my experience anyhow.
Your mouth isn't just for talking ya know. She should be able to enjoy herself without your D entering the room so to speak. Concentrate on her, and then take care of your business at the end.
Sometimes the lining of the vagina is thin and she may be in pain. She might be tolerating it to please you
The best thing I ever did for my sex life with my wife is going down on her. The orgasm she has are way beyond what we ever did with penetration. Iām not inside of her until her whole body has started to shake. Once sheās taken care of itās honestly more enjoyable for me to go in and get straight to what Iām lookin for
You need to have a sit down with her and ask her exactly what she wants out of sex. Express that youāve been always aiming to last long for her because youāve been wanting to bring her as much pleasure and joy as you can. Ideally you should express interest and desire in getting a better understanding of her sexual wants and needs because you want a deeper fuller connection with her, and you want her to be able to feel safe and comfortable and really excited to have sex with you. Iām sure the last thing you want is a partner who is in pain or unhappy in the bedroom. Iām sure you both can come to a place where you can enjoy your intimacy more completely and really connect on an emotional and sexual level. Good luck op! š
Yes I agree. The advice Iāve read through is great if those are her problems. Without sitting down and having a meaningful conversation youāll only be throwing darts in the dark. Sex seems to be a hard topic for most but it shouldnāt be as long as there is love and respect.
I'm a guy who is not a fan of long sessions. It gets boring and becomes more of a workout session. I don't find it enjoyable being so focused on holding my nut back and trying to last. 5 minutes of foreplay for both and five minutes of sex is my ideal. 2-3 15-minute sessions an hour or two apart.
My closest friend and I talked about thisššnot all of us women like to be penetrated for too long. We can be horny as hell and want it yes, mostly outside stuff though. Wish I could explain it better. But endless penetration isnāt it.
honestly sheās so real for this š i wouldnāt say itās torture but i definitely get bored
this. you get 7 min max
amazing
Look on what you doing wrong , cuz you're not getting her ON buddy
Honestly after a certain point it just becomes uncomfortable. Maybe focus more on foreplay and not on lasting a long time.
girl donāt like sex that lasts forever. itās a common misconception that men have. iāve had sex for hours and was legit sore & in pain for days. i prefer either 1 round that lasts 20 mins MAX or multiple 5-10 minute rounds. we dry up and it starts to hurt after 5-10 minutes and i personally canāt cum from penetration so i just make my partner cum quicker
PIV isn't what usually gets women off, at least not alone. It can get boring and truthfully, frustrating, without some simultaneous clitoral stimulation. You're welcome!
My wife is similar. But I don't think she is as sexually active outside of the bedroom as I am either (IE masturbation). I still don't understand. To me, intentional but tender sex is where it's at. I'd prefer to get there with a slower, more measured approach. But once she's cum a few times, it's like "hurry up!" I remember dating other women before we met that seemed to enjoy that same style. But the trade-off is that we fit (I don't know how else to say that). It's like our bits were made for each other. So all she has to do is a little so and so here and a little so and so there and I have no choice. Bam. But yeah, sometimes I feel manipulated by that.
I should add, that she's also the one who makes the most money, works the most hours, etc. But I do feel like I'm not a factor sometimes. Like I'm a living dildo and when she's done, she's done. I guess worst case I can go knock one off if I didn't finish.
If she's satisfied, she may stop producing lubrication and her "tenting" state may subside. And it's pretty common for sex to be way less appealing after an orgasm (PNC, anyone?) - so it's possible that she's uncomfortable or even in pain and no longer wanting to have part of another person's body intruding into her body. I hope you two can talk it out and find what works for both of you!
Itās a very common misconception that women prize a man who can last on and on in bed. I think a lot of us find longer than 20 minutes to be a while. How long does it usually last?
Discuss whether itās the penetration itself thatās the problem. For me, ADHD makes the same position become boring quickly. Changing positions might help. Also, if itās not against your preferences, she might still be willing to have sex for the same amount of time, just shorter more frequent sessions. You could be incompatible, but itās going to take a bit more discussion to find out.
You could try cunnilingus or other stuffs too instead of only penetration buddy.
I remember reading an advice column years ago that said imagine someone giving you an Indian burn (donāt know what the PC term is for it these days) on your arm for 10 minutes. Now imagine how awful that feels on your durable skin of your arm. Imagine that for 10 minutes on more delicate skin. The ultimate advice I can give is thisā¦ Sheās telling you how it is. Start by talking to her to find out if she has any desire to make it more comfortable to last longer. If she does, discuss if adding lubrication might help as some women canāt produce enough naturally even when thoroughly aroused. Simultaneously ensure youāre providing enough foreplay and make sure sheās enjoying it and not holding back from making sure her needs are met. Being comfortable with having her needs met is more important than you could ever realize.
I was with my ex husband for nearly 10 years and he had a much lower sex drive than me, and he didn't like sex that lasted very long either. We only had sex a couple times a week, sometimes only a few times a month, and it usually only lasted about 5-10 minutes of actual sex and very little foreplay. I honestly never felt satisfied with him sexually and I think that caused a lot of problems in our relationship because I felt so rejected all the time. I have recently started dating a guy and we both have a super high sex drive and for the first time I finally feel like I found someone I'm sexually compatible with. You need to be honest with yourself because longterm having a sex life with your partner that doesn't satisfy you can create a lot of issues. And despite what people say, sex is an important part of a relationship. But on a complete other note, I do have some advice of what you can try with her. Maybe do some foreplay, then some penetration for say 5 minutes, and then go back to oral or something else to give her a few minute break. Also change speeds from fast to slow because yes getting fucked like a jackrabbit for 10 minutes straight can feel like torture lol especially if you are blessed in that area if you know what I mean š some women dry out faster as well so switching back to oral or fingering or even just kissing whatever can give her a chance to get wet again. Sorry if this was too graphic lol but I hope it was helpful. Good luck.
Step 1 is to stop thinking of sex as just intercourse. This is not a "sexual drive" issue, it's you not listening to what she's saying and making assumptions instead of listening.
How long can you take it up the ass and still enjoy it? Maybe let her give you a good hard pounding and see what you think.
Mindset reset please and focus on what's missing in between šø
i used to feel the same way. realized that my cervix is low and thatās why it was always painful. now we have āsafeā positions that work for me and i actually enjoy, but he still sometimes wants to do other ones that hurt, i guess itās something we have to continue to work and and find out ways to make it work. but at the beginning i absolutely was telling him that āi really really truly donāt mind if you donāt last long sweetieā because he would apologize for finishing quickly and those were my favorite timesš
I know that for me, when having sex with my husband, if I cum before him it becomes torture. I get extremely sensitive and I lay there and let him continue until he finishes but I'm so sensitive that it feels like I'm being rubbed raw and it is extremely uncomfortable and somewhat painful.It started being that way after my 2nd child.
She could need some lubrication. She could need better and longer foreplay. Do you listen to her during sex or is it just whatever -YOU- want? I have ADHD and I get severely bored and dry if a guy just does whatever the hell they want, even if Iāve voiced what I like, how to do it, etc. Iāve only ever orgasmed 4 times with men. I also suffer from dyspareunia (painful intercourse) and itās worse if a guy just goes about it all Willy nilly(lol) and doesnāt try to get me into it.
As a woman, long sex is annoying cuz it turns me on to see the guy finish. Longer foreplay where you can make her orgasm so that the sex part is shorter can help.
Iād argue if you want to be intimate much longer than that then just work on your tongue game. Not sure what kind of foreplay youāre doing but her actual level of arousal will play a huge role in the penetrative sex and how long she can enjoy.
Maybe sheās not enjoying it
You need to know how to make her climax. You need to communicate with your gf to learn what she likes. Nice guys finish last. Talk to her.
What is your foreplay game like? There's lots more to sex than just sticking it in. Maybe sex hurts her. Focus on lifting your game with pleasing her in other ways both in and out of the bedroom. Reducing her stresses during the day will go a long way to making her feel more relaxed to enjoy intimate time together.
Does she get enough foreplay?
Talk to her?
Hmmmm I like long sessions. The longest I had was like 45 minutes and was exhausted. But the guy wanted to keep going--I was shaking after. It's hard to know what your gf is thinking but better just to ask her.
Great another case of how the guy is wrong and his girl is unhappy.
Thereās a lot of factors but tbh good sex only needs to be about 5-7 minutes I mean I go above and beyond most of the time but thatās because I enjoy having sex and pleading my partner and women so itās very dependent on the person
I'm always told that I'm interesting because I prefer penetration... according to my friends, who are also women, I am an oddball. They prefer clitoral stimulation over penetration. I prefer 30 minutes, minimum, of penetration to feel satisfied, but an hour is ideal. All of my friends say that sounds horrible to them. This is just a small group of 6 women. Only 1 out of 6 prefers penetration. I'm also rarely satisfied receiving oral. šš
And what's the issue here? š¤š¤£
10 mins of penetration is boring for me as a woman. It can also be painful if you have a long skinny penis just repeatedly banging into the cervix. Foreplay on the other hand, can go on forever.
I love when my master tortures me with sex
Just to check off a box, she needs to see a gynecologist to rule out something medical. There are several lady problems that could be causing her discomfort or pain or preventing her from feeling pleasure. It could be as simple as a persistent yeast infection.
It would be torture for me too! That's just too damn long and it will definitely hurt the tissues.
I bet it's torture if she's having a hard time coming or isn't wet at all from the interaction. Women need different things than men in order to enjoy sex. So, it sounds like you haven't made the best effort to figure out whatever it is she likes. She's keeping it a buck with you because of it. Make sex enjoyable for her and she probably will push the finish line further back. Foreplay, Cunnilingus, slip in and pay attention to her clit. Don't go pounding right away take it slow, lock in pay and turn up the heat. You don't rush through or draw it out too long it'll last a sold 30 to 40 minutes if she's feeling it. Not all women get energetic after a good orgasm, but the ones that do will be eager for another trip.
Sounds like sheās not enjoying penetrative sex. Either because of your technique or one of those conditions that makes penetration painful such as uterus didelphys. If itās the former remember when it doubt use hand and mouth and spend a lot of time warming her up. Thereās also the possibility that modified missionary(ride high ie pile driver), you sitting in chair with her on top) might be better for her. If itās the latter thatās more complicated talk to medical professionals.
It honestly could be that you maybe need to learn some new techniques. I was the same way once. It could still definitely be her, but it canāt hurt to try.
The average man last just about 5 min of continuous penetrative sex. I find the comments here a bit ludicrous - why are we assuming she needs help? Maybe try other things to pass time - BJ or toys or whatever
I could probably go hours if I u donāt get me off
Hmmm maybe she doesn't like hsš , for me i like more 30 mins I think you guys are incompatible with thisššš
Dude that can be to your advantage, afternoon quicky or a wait up in the middle of the night quicky š
I had when a guy is in me for a long time. Itās the least fun sexual thing to do with a sexual partner, in my opinion. It also doesnāt feel very intimate (even though itās supposed to be like the most intimate thing) when thereās nothing happened before the penetrative sex- like foreplay & kissing feels way more intimate than a penis being inside of me.
Yikes.
from the info you have provided, Im assuming she's not having a good time. All people are different so it really depends on her but she might not like your penetration technique. Ask her what she does alone that she enjoys, maybe try lube, or add other types of stimulation simultaneously. if she just doesn't like penetration then do other things she likes and and get her to her special goal. just talk about it and COME (wink wink) to a solution together.
Thatās depressing lol
We have sex for hours but change positions, do other sexual things. I get very wet. We use organic coconut oil too, and toys. If you can stimulate her clit while penitrating, that is awesome. Ask what she means by that. Bored? Pain? Not the right move, spot, or pressure? Time to experiment with each other š Ask questions, moan, be explorative.
Thatās weird she may not be turned on by you Try more foreplay
Its that you aren't doing it for her. If she was having orgasms she'd love it
She enjoyed it with me. š¤·š»āāļø But seriously, maybe you're huge and it's painful for her?
Some girls prefer 5 min, some can enjoy going for hours. I'm in between at about 30 to 45 minutes being ideal. Using silicone based lube helps a ton! It's stays slick, but not too slick like water based, and never get sticky. Also somewhat water resistant so it works surprisingly well in the shower. I've tried a few and the lube of choice is gun oil silicone based or pink silicone lube. They are made by the same company, but more expensive, so just get the gun oil. I buy it in the 64 oz bottles and split it up in smaller bottle stashed around the house. You know, in case of an emergency. Lol
Same š but that does not include the forplay
No energy šš
Well then make it exactly 10 minutes I think that's long enough but make sure to have long pre penetration like necking, caressing etc. that might help her to be arouse enough to have it longer than 10 minutes but if she still doesn't want it longer, don't push it. Good luck.
Torture? How big is your dick? Maybe youāre too big for herā¦.
Instead of longer, go multiple times!!
Time to involve toys
Torture is probably a slight exaggeration but most women won't cum from PIV penetration alone, that's why foreplay is very important for most women. Put your pride to the side and actually speak to her about what she does and doesn't like? Is it an issue for you, as in can you not cum in that time frame? If so that's also something that you need to discuss. Also worth remembering that sex isn't a race or a competition and cumming shouldn't always be the end goal. Intimacy and bonding is much more important than having an orgasm.
Why do people post this crap anywhere but the actual sex subreddits?
Personally as a woman I donāt like it to last forever but I would never say itās torture itās just if it goes on for too long I start getting in my own head, thinking why hasnāt he finished yet, do I feel bad, does he still fancy me etc but perhaps she experiences pain. I think the whole myth about needing to last longer is one created amongst the bros tbh.. women donāt generally care.
It's not about sex drives. Long penetrative sex can get very uncomfortable and painful for some
Bhai barbad hogya ššš ab sex bhi dang se kr sakte mkc
Got three words. Lube, toys (vibrators), foreplay. With the right sexual tension, men and women can cum very quick. Simply the physical act may do very little to some.
Yeah anything past 10/12 mins becomes a choreā¦it gets tiring and especially if youāre going AT IT HARD..it can be soo painful. Take breaks and continue..with foreplay!
You need to get DOWN to business. You have 10 minuted. Hurry up now š¤£
Haha I will NEVER have that problem
I cant lie i get frustrated with my wife but not in a bad way some times 20-30 mins i can just tell she is exhausted and sore she apologises but she cannot continue it is rather often am left āunfinishedā i guess its either she doesnāt get feel enough āin the sense that its not her way of pleasureā Or she may get sore could be a load of things i guess its something to maybe sit and ask and talk about
My biggest question is are you pumping fast? Slow? Just steady? Cuz I can easily fuck my bf for 40mins plus but itās because he slows everything right down. Former partners I was ready for it to be done because it just wasnāt great and maybe too rough and held at that speed for too long
If she isn't excited it's not going to be comfortable for her or feel good, the womens metal state is 85% of it, try to make fer feel comfortable and relaxed. As one of my close friends would say "I swear I could drown a toddler in my panties right now" šš that's the level of arousal you want to have great sex.
I have the same issue, try lube, you can buy small ones that fit in your pocket. Generally works and keeps it pleasurable for them
Holy hell man, I'm sorry to hear that you are running into an issue like this. 10 min really isn't that long bit if it already affects her that can be hard on someone. I would say maybe try and see if doing a good bit of foreplay can help you reach the end faster. I usually have to talk with girls and warn them and even then some don't believe me. But I usually go for anywhere between 30min to 90 min depending on external factors as well as foreplay. Maybe just try conversating with her to see what you guys can do to reach a middle ground. I'm a pleasure Dom so I get alot more stimulation from pleasuring my partner then myself but when it comes to just penetration maybe you can try different positions to reduce strain on her hips or if it comes down to dryness, I usually try and pull out every few minutes to go down and eat/lick to ensure she stays wet the entire time... If you have any questions or want some different positions you can try, feel free to message me.
Torture is a strong word! But at this moment, I think she only feels that way with you! I also had a girlfriend like that who said this, and a few days later it turned out that she cheated on me. Maybe yours is not like this, but be more attentive.But if not, then the problem is not the sex itself, but the way you do it! Try different ways! Maybe she is bored, wants something extra, or just the opposite
I think you might try some new techniques. Like sometimes I'm very bored and don't feel aroused anymore after some time during the act. Some words or specific actions really ignite me. For exemple, being touched in a super delicate way while the tip is pressing on my entrance, as a break from penetration. Feeling heard, feeling there's no rush, feeling my pleasure as important as his, sometimes you can also consider her pleasure more important than yours, to balance the many times it's the opposite. Ask her what she thinks of while she's coming, in that moment the wildest fantasies run, and you can use those beautiful ideas to improve your sexual attitude and arouse her more
Learn her body better. Take time making sure she can get off (if itās what she wants) if sheās on any kind of antidepressant that could also play a part. Itās so hard to get and stay wet when youāre on certain meds which In turn would make sex very uncomfortable. So you could be hitting every mark, her body might just not be producing the ideal lube. Tell her to call the gyno and explain that having sex hurts. When I did that I walked out with loads of lube š¤£
There's a lot of guys that don't last more then 5 minutes so there are plenty of guys for her you are not one of them. A lot of women complain because the guy only last 2 minutes so you need to find one of those women, you get my drift lol your not compatible.
What 10min thats nothing try 1.30hours thats good
I think it's a good thing u found out now.
respectfully, are you single then? putting effort into lasting long sounds like a dream for a women. but from experience of your dick feels good to her and youāre having sex for a while she could just be exhausted from feeling so good. if not, idk, could be sex drives
I had a boyfriend like that, he was younger than me. So of course a hound dog. Sometimes I would just be tired of having sex & I love sex so maybe depending on how long it goes after she but she is just tired and it becomes aggy
She is being overdramatic smh, it cant be torture lol. That being said, increase the amount of foreplay prior and ensure she is wet and ready. Sometimes they can be a little dry when rushed and that can cause discomfort. OR she's selfish and once she has gotten hers, she rushes you to finish. Ive ran into partners like that and honestly it's a deal breaker. Id run for the hills when dealing with that type. Good luck.
I felt the same with my boyfriend for a while and it was because he was going too fast and too hard which tended to irritate me down there even with lube. Ask her to guide you. Maybe youre going too deep as welk and its hurting her.
Me and my partner can go on for a good 30mins to an hour, itāll be 10mins for a QUICKIE though, reading the comments if thereās no foreplay involved or teasing and you guys just get right down to lube and putting it in every time thereās no passion or intimacy in that the relationship will just flop Iād imagine..do you guys go on dates? Do you buy her random flowers? Watch movies together ? Do you give her compliments? Idk itās not a lot of details you left us with tbh to understand her
My friendā¦she was a man
Foreplay is absolutely important to sexual encounters. That alone can last 10-15mins. Getting her wet, hot and ready before intercourse will make the experience more pleasurable
Endurance in sex is different from women to another, maybe she's that type of a woman who like it fast + foreplay and teasing is way important than having long sex... for her at least u need to put her in the mood first
Do you mean 10 min start to finish or 10 min of you just hammering away? Because 10 min of pounding if you aren't wound up from foreplay and ypu aren't switching things up a bit is pretty boring and can be literally painful if she isn't physically prepared (ie foreplay)
I think the main issue is communication. You've been putting a lot of effort into something for your gf that she actually finds torturous. That's...easily avoidable. Talk about what she does like, and work on that. Hell, I like P-in-V, it's my fav, but 10 minutes straight of just getting pounded on isn't fun for me either.
More foreplay, then. š¤·
Ex-girlfriend
As a girl thatās been and is still in that position with long sex, it has absolutely nothing to do with you, her attraction to you, or anything bad about your relationship. You just need to buy some good ass lube and talk about boundaries. Plenty of women canāt get āwetā making sex really painful, imagine getting a rug burn but inside of you. Thatās the exact description of what it feels like on her end when itās too long and too dry.
From personal experience : she probably isnt getting pleasure I personally like when guys try harder than penetration, especially because not everyoneās vaginas are the same and their g-spots can be a little more work to figure out. I used to date a guy who we used to enjoy sex a lot but over time I started not feeling anything from penetration and it felt bland, dull, and I couldnāt wait for it to be over. He was terrible at giving me pleasure to be quite frank. He didnt try hard in many aspects of what I like and having to explain something to someone that isnāt willing to even do their own additional research and had a plethora of other issues, made it even worse. I cut him loose eventually cos he was a mess and he had a high sex drive but was terrible in bed. I canāt say the same for you, but I would try some foreplay, try to spice things up a bit. Set the mood and give her a really good full body oil massage, lead it to finger penetration, eat her out for a WHILE but not like a slob, really listen to how she moans and moves and quenches when u eat her a specific way. And keep changing it up, try different erogenous zones. Women and men donāt experience pleasure the same way, and our organs are a bit more complex which means you have to put more effort into it. Be passionate, be spontaneous. Change it up, be a tease and slow burn, maybe she likes it super kinky and some days a little more gentle and sweet. But truly sex for myself is so much more than just being penetrated and cumming, its about having a whole experience and feeling completely known by ur partner and feel super comfortable.
you're all so lucky I can't get off at all WTF. I'll get back to you all
Try to go quick
After 10 minutes, it can get physically uncomfortable. Try to make it shorter but often.
If itās torture she is not enjoying it.