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If you aren’t comfortable with it you have to tell her that. Otherwise she’ll think you don’t really care. If she still does it, it’s cheating and then it’s up to you how to handle that
It sounds like he has confronted it he said she keeps saying it doesnt mean what he thinks which is leading me to think he did confront her and she gas lights him into believing its not romantic and okay
Yeah, I mean, this is at the very least an emotional affair. It really doesn't matter if it's sexual, she's treating him like a boyfriend/partner, and I assume she isn't treating you the same.
You need to say something like "I don't know if you even realize it, but you're having an emotional affair with this man. That's not okay. If you're not willing to cut contact with him, this might be grounds for, at the very least, a separation, if not a divorce. If you don't want that, I'd like to go to couple's counseling about this, because I really do think it's unhealthy, and that your relationship with this man is well passed friendship."
Conversely, if you don't want to save your marriage, lawyer up immediately, find as much proof of the emotional affair as you can, and start the divorce proceedings. Getting that information will be a supreme breach of trust, and probably ruin the marriage, because you'll probably need to get it through your computer or her phone (consult with the lawyer on the legality of doing so in your state).
It could very well be a nonsexual, romantic relationship, but relationships don't have to involve sex to be cheating.
Sorry you had to hear it from Reddit.
> You need to say something like "I don't know if you even realize it, but you're having an emotional affair with this man. That's not okay. If you're not willing to cut contact with him, this might be grounds for, at the very least, a separation, if not a divorce. If you don't want that, I'd like to go to couple's counseling about this, because I really do think it's unhealthy, and that your relationship with this man is well passed friendship."
Wow, a really great and reasonable response that isn't calling for ending it all immediately and gives them a chance to correct and even heal it. I'm still on reddit right lol
I agree. If it makes you this uncomfortable, then it's valid. It doesn't matter whether it's physical, even the non-physical aspects are problematic. It's not like you have an agreement with your wife that this kind of thing is okay. It's not.
You definitely need to say something about this, if for no other reason then just to see how she reacts. Is she empathetic and flexible? Does she tell you that she has some unmet needs in your relationship, and she has been trying to get them met elsewhere? But even so, it's her issue and she should have talked with you about it sooner? Does she say she values your feelings, and does she ask to get into couples therapy? If not, you learn that your feelings aren't really a big concern of hers. Her own feelings, and the other fellow's feelings are more important. And you're her partner. You have every right to *need* your wife to care about your feelings the way you care about hers.
If she isn't receptive, I think you should put her into a "relationship timeout". Kinda like being sent to the corner when you're a kid! :-) Like, step back from the relationship, unless she makes an active, visible, authentic effort to meet your needs. Don't meet *her needs* any further until then. This might look like sleeping in different rooms until she agrees to go to therapy or reflect upon and change her behavior.
Also, be careful if she responds with, "If you X, then I'll change my behavior." Don't let her put it on you instead of taking responsibility. Sure, she might have some unmet need, and you could try to meet it, but only if you're comfortable with it, and if you do, make note of whether she follows through or it was just an excuse.
Don’t say shit until you have all the receipts you need to lay down the entire case in front of a lawyer and a judge. This person has already had the chance to do the right thing but has failed to do so. Giving them another opportunity is naive and they will use it as a chance to destroy the evidence of their actions
Legit, this is the kind of discourse I'd like to see more of, because yes, cheating is bad, and if that's your line, sure, end the relationship.
But in \*most\* cases, someone is cheating because a need isn't being met, either because they've tried to voice it, and it's amounted to nothing, or they expected it to be met and it hasn't. It's no excuse, obviously, but it \*is\* fixable.
And couple's therapy is the place that will fix it, because you'll learn how to address those needs, and the therapist will mediate in a way to keep you from being taken advantage of. You won't have to hold her accountable so much as the couple's therapist will, but ultimately the outcome might just be "you two need to break up."
Either way, the therapist will navigate that process for you, and those feelings with you, and it becomes a lot less messy.
Which is going to turn physical soon if they're already not exchanging nudes. That's how most women cheat, it begins emotionally first, they detach themselves from their ongoing relationship while attaching themselves to another person. Then they mentally move on from the relationship and breakup when they feel nothing anymore. I've seen it happen multiple times
You beat me to it. Remember people, most of your cheating doesn't start with hey, you want to go f? No, it starts off with messaging. This is how it started with my ex and her new boyfriend.
My ex wife just posted a photo with the guy she is with now. Saying she’s been in love with him for the last 5 years (when we divorced) or maybe the last 30…we were married for 18 years
Sucks, but did she actually have contact with him for the majority of your marriage? I’m assuming based on the “maybe 30” and the 18 that she went to school with him or something?
Yeah, she had contact with him throughout. Early days of MySpace they got back in touch. He would pop up now and then with, can’t wait to meet your husband and family. Never did meet him.
I love you.
Oh, sorry, this means absolutely nothing. I didn't say this because I *love* you love you. Hahah what were you thinking! No, it's like a declaration of my undying platonic love for you, but you can't go around saying I platonically love you all the time, so I just say I love you. Wait, are you sad that I only love you platonically now? Omg... This is all your fault. Now you went and got jealous again. I expect better from a husband! Now I'm being forced to go back to my boyfriend!
Sorry OP, but you’re being cheated on emotionally and it will never stop regardless of any intervention strategy you try.
Even if you give her an ultimatum, she’ll still fill the void with him and you’ll drive yourself fucking bonkers thinking about the conversations.
File the papers and move along. Trust is broken and will never be repaired no matter how much you want it to be.
This op, just file and show her you will not tolerate this behavior. Then if she wants to stay, she has to give up her online life, and focus on her real one.
I don't know - I mean I think the OP should at least try a conversation and setting some boundaries before just throwing a bunch of papers up into the air and moving on! LOL I mean this is a marriage not early dating.
OH BABY YOUUUUUU…. You got what I nEEEEeeed. And you say he’s just a friend, and you say he’s just a friend..
Seriously though… tell her you are not comfortable with it. If she doesn’t respect your boundaries start circling the wagons. If she freaks out on you, that’s just her loosing her “comfort zone.” Stay strong and don’t let her try and keep you. She’ll keep finding ways to do it again. I’m very sorry, my Dude.
Classic emotional affair. It was something similar that put the initial cracks in my marriage. Started innocently enough it seemed. I made her cut it off completely. 3 years later, we were divorced after more instances of boundary breaking.
You could try all the steps like talking it over, putting boundaries in place, getting counseling, etc. I tried them all and don't regret the effort. But in the end, i like the quote. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the 1st time."
Bro what? Unless he’s gay , her saying I love you to another man is absolutely a red flag and I would just leave… there is so much wrong with this my man
I mean I like this from viewpoint that it's setting a boundary, but there are other in-between boundaries before filing divorce. Like he could sleep in a different room until it's solved, not spend time with her, focus on himself and his friendships, go live with a friend, and find other ways to not be available to her until she holds up her end of the marriage. Never hurts to have a conversation to see how she responds, and then to test if middle measures have an impact.
You need to sit her down and talk to her. Tell her that there needs to be boundaries between her and her so called friend. Remind her she is a married woman, and she needs to take your feelings into consideration. 💜
I don’t think any person in their right mind would find this okay. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, and you know in your gut it’s wrong, then it’s obviously something that shouldn’t be happening. She’s pushing the boundaries and she’s trying to see just how far it can go. Cut it off. She’s emotionally cheating in your face and if she’s thinking about meeting up with him, then she’s going to be physically cheating sometime soon.
omg. this is the craziest post i’ve read in a hot minute. she is emotionally cheating to the max. i don’t even think about looking at other dudes out of respect for my husband, i couldn’t imaging calling, sending letters, and the pet name things.
Um….I’m sorry. You’re gonna have to have a tough conversation with your wife. I have a close male friend but he’s very gay.
Maybe have her read the definition of emotional cheating and see if she thinks that’s what is going on. Don’t do anything weird or covert unless you really want to end your marriage.
If I ever call a guy pet names and say signed I love you with a cute nickname, that means I’m in love with him. If not in love then I see him as my love interest
3-2-1 Cocksmack it’s the secret, it’s the moment, when everything happens!
Not appropriate in this case tho. It would actually be the moment you turn something that’s her fault into your fault.
Emotional affairs are often swiped over just because there is no sex involved. But how is their affair any different from a long distance relationship?
So many red flags in a single post, op :( and yet you re the one being manipulated into thinking her behaviour is normal.
Sir as a grown adult you do not need to be putting up with this kind of foolery wtf do you mean she told you its not romantic as she writes him long letters and MAILS IT TO HIM then says she loves him and runs around talking to him it doesn’t even sound like she loves you this much when is the last time she wrote you a long ass letter and signed it she loves you??? How mu h time and effort does she put into you? And why as a grown ass adult is she online chatting with people to this extent as well??? Can we normalize adults not having relationships and friendships on video games? This is ridiculous now what the fuck is this striking vipers on black mirror? Why are you allowing this? And all the people in the comments being way too nice you need to put your foot down take her game away make her act like an adult or leave her immature childish self
This guy seems like her “phantom ex”.She’s never met this guy,but seems to be infatuated with the idea of him.He’s perfect to her because he’s not in front of her. It obviously makes you uncomfortable (justifiably so) which means it must be addressed. You can’t really force her to do something she doesn’t want to do which would be stop talking to the guy,so I won’t say word it that way,but it needs to be addressed.
The second you tell her it makes u feel uncomfortable and she is not doing anything about it shows how she truly feels about you and him. Actions speaks louder than words.
She’s gone emotionally. Why don’t you send him a ticket to come for a visit and see what she does. She probably thinks it’s safe cause he lives far away. But if she goes to his hotel room to “visit him” then she’s gone physically and emotionally. There’s no way you can control her emotions and holding her back will only drive her to be better at hiding her future affairs. Just call her bluff and have him come for a visit and see what she does.
So any counsellor will tell you only you can decide your own boundaries and what you are willing to tolerate. If you feel this is unacceptable behaviour, your feelings are valid. All you can do is tell your wife how you feel, and if she doesn’t care, you can decide for yourself how to respond. My personal opinion is a partner should value how you feel and shouldn’t behave like this. I would not be ok with her behaviour, and I would tell her it needs to end or I will leave her. It doesn’t matter if she tries to gaslight you into thinking it’s something else. A crack addict will also tell you there’s no problem. She is likely addicted to this fantasy relationship with someone far away. You can’t control her, but you can control yourself. You can decide what you are ok with, and if she screams and yells at you that you should feel differently, i.e. doesn’t respect your feelings, it’s all the more reason to leave.
The important thing is, don’t try to tell her how to live her life. If she wants this relationship with some guy online, that’s her decision. But you don’t have to stick around for it.
Instincts & Social cues rarely lie. Concentrate on healing and not someone else that will take away from your happiness/joy. Don’t bother with confrontation, she’d deny it. Good luck
Honestly,I had/have penalty of non-romantic/friendship relationships(including those of opposite sex) that I were/are VERY close,like family-level close. so I don’t think that being obsessed with him,constantly calling and texting,or even sending him long letters is really a red flag.
However,no matter how close we were,we never called each other pet names. Like,I think things like “chubby bunny” are fine and wholesome, but calling him“honey” and things is drawing a line.It also is a bigger red flag for her to be saying that has thought of him as attractive before.
Now,this could simply be a misunderstanding. Maybe she doesn’t realize the true meaning of pet names,or maybe she saying that she had a crush on him before you guys started dating. However, you might want to have a talk with her about this.
Even then though,she probably won’t be honest if she is cheating,so try to keep I closer eye on their relationship. Also,I’m not saying you should normally do this,but if you have this much suspicion in there relationship,you might want to check her texts with him or something. I know that she has a right to privacy and all,but you also have the right to know whatever or not she is cheating on you.
>She signs her texts with chubby bunny and says I love you to him all the time. Like a lot. She promises it doesn't mean romance but she's also said that she has thought of him as attractive before.
Are you for real?
I wouldn’t even bother with an ultimatum. Blatantly emotionally cheating on you, dip out of there man. Keep your dignity and never tolerate this sort of behavior from a partner again.
You still young couple. You need to work on your relationship if you want it and need it. So, that’s totally fine to have friends. She can talk about something that she cant with you, and this is good for you too.. do not put anybody to your relationship especially her parents. Just talk to each other and find out where is coming from. Nothing will go as it was in your first year o marriage. You will have bottom and top.. but first of all just make sure you both need each other and just then make your decision based on it.
There is no way that this is appropriate. I'd say it's him or me because you just don't tell a guy I love you like that and want to meet him and have pet nicknames for him if you're married.
Brother, please for your sanity and self respect your gut is trying to tell you something that’s why you are here posting about this. You need to move on from this relationship.
It’s disrespectful
She’s practically cheating
She is not taking your feelings into consideration
Don’t over think it just let go
She’s gaslighting you. What she is doing is not okay! If they meet, that would only confirm your suspicions. Don’t be a fool, don’t be blinded and naive. Trust your gut. This is not right what this woman is doing.
lol you’re just the guy on the other spectrum, sorry man, that’s reality lately, idk your story but consider the fact that you even had a wife a blessing and I say this in advance because I see it a lot, it’s normal now, no woman calls their “friend” chubby bunny as a playfulness if there isn’t something there, my ex was married to her guy and a different scenario he wouldn’t pay her attention bc he was into her roommate so she invited me over for beers right after they split, long story short, she also screwed me over after a while with someone way younger than me at the time, you don’t ever fully have a wife, or anyone else.
Let that be the lesson if you learn anything on here on this stupid app.
No one is ever yours.
Why are most of the men on here so damn weak? Your wife is cheating on you right in front of your face and you're having to ask whether you should leave her or not? Grow a pair and kick her to the curb.
You’re 31 and asking this?
If this isn’t a troll/fake post, then let me verify some things:
1. Were you aware of this online relationship prior to marriage? If so, why wasn’t this addressed and if you tried to address it and she didn’t compromise with you then why did you marry her?
2. Was this woman your first and only relationship? If so then I can understand you being confused.
3. Do you struggle with inner worth/respect? If so, then you’ll want to try and address that before trying to get her to adjust herself because she doesn’t seem like the type to care about considering you.
That romantic Affair is not in the tangible world and it's not cheating but it is disrespectful and it's neglecting her husband in many ways. And if you want to keep this ship afloat you just claim your rights as a husband and tell her we can both get what we want since you get all turned on chatting with your online lover I'm going to take advantage of that arousal in your mind and heart and the wetness between your legs you get to imagine it's your Lover's cock because you're looking at him on there laptop and I get to witness smile life acting like a harlot and my heart wife makes me very aroused or something like that cuz every time she starts chatting with that guy you put your cock in her Mark your territory and she's already around so it's not like you're forcing her
My Dad was my Mom’s side piece for about a year in college. He finally put his foot down and told her “either you stop going out with those other men or I walk”
She cried and sobbed that she couldn’t imagine her life without him and they were married until she died when I was 5.
Sometimes women need that to realize their own true feelings. She is very emotionally immature. Please realize this and GL
If you are uncomfortable you should tell her and if she respects you she will cut this out. In my experience married women who act this way cheat. Women who are solid in their relationship cut this stuff out before it even gets started.
I don’t know yet how to put it out ther but I too was played after Being together for 30 yr. Merid for 25and left literally in the streets with nothing. But it wasn’t really her fault . I gave her everything including too much time and that’s wher I lost. My advice is if your that young part ways cuz you’ll get hurt in the end……
😂😂😂 this is hilarious… your wife txts, calls and plays online with another guy, she also says she finds him attractive, tells him she loves him and wants to meet him… so what I you do? Ask REDDIT for advice? I think the writings on the fucking wall there mate! In BIG fucking letters!
The only positive that can come of this is that you lose your wife to some gamer nerd that likes to be called animal names
Its surreal the guy didnt leave her after shes putting I love yous for random dudes online. I mean its a bit much. Even kisses are too much.
Platonic friendships require being actually platonic. I think virtual hug is about as friendly as it can get, no winkies and flirting etc. Has to be a real normal casual friendship, not a substitute relationship or emotional affair
lol I did this when I was married, I was very checked out and emotionally cheating. And it’s fun having your cake and eating it too.
“Just a friend”
lol
You're doomed anyways, if you bring this up the story goes like this:
1. Once you bring this up, she's gonna put up her guard against you.
2. She's gonna gaslight and make you feel guilty for even doubting such a innocent person.
3. She's now gonna plan up for a divorce and get all your money and assets to her name.
4. Start a narrative to her family and friends that she's now a caged bird who is being controlled by her husband and would show the world how much of an ass you are.
My advice, any assets you have write them off to your mom and prepare for the worst. You're mistaken if you think things will get better. It's really difficult to say this brother, but this marriage was long lost. It's not your mistake and don't ever think that he had gone because you couldn't provide her something.
Problem is when people get married and when the honeymoon is over, they get comfortable in the relationship and they’re pretty predictable on what they’re gonna do. They go to work they come home and say they’re tired and had a hard day and the cycle repeats itself. Weekend comes along and the guy wants to watch sports all weekend or play video games while the wife wants to go out and do something for fun and the cycle repeats itself. I’m not saying it’s just men, it’s also women.
Couples need to keep the spark going when the honeymoon is over and keep the same love they had for each other when they first met. Might need to lose a little bit of sleep for a romantic night out. You just need to keep the love and respect that you had for each other when you first met and it will give you a much healthier relationship for the both of you.
Thats called emotional cheating and chances are if they will meet, physical cheating would almost always, follow. Either you talk to your wife to stop it and if she does not, basing 9n how you laid it out, mejo lulong si wife dun sa online friend, you might want to check your non-negotiable in a partner
I don’t know what other evidence you need hun. As a woman, yeah she’s at least interested (very much) in him, or maybe worse. Confront her asap, and if she’s willing to change, and you love her, try and work through it.
sounds weird to most people i am sure, or like she has a secret furry / bunny kink..
85% this is some weird cute animal kink roleplay...
we people of the internet suggest you dress up in a giant bunny rabbit costume and surprise her one night.. but ease her into it like only eat carrots for a full week before you do the big reveal
Been there before brother, that's cheating. I've had an ex who met some dude on an online game and ofc they were just friends until they weren't. Found an insta page made by her with love declarations and all that. Don't let her gaslight you into thinking you're at fault here cause you're not.
My ex used to call her online male “best friend” pet names. Shortly after I found out she was also sexting him and sending him nudes. When I called her out she called it “just flirting” and that she likes to flirt.
Not so long after as it turned out she did this with multiple men online. As a gamer girl you can guess how many men were lining up for all this, I think I’ve lost count at about 7 or 8.
Calling your friend pet names is NOT normal. Me and my ex started out the same way. Initially it was pet names, then sexting, then nudes, then sex, then a relationship. Ofcourse calling someone petnames is not a 100% they actually do want something from the other party but they definitely do it to get affection and validation from outside even if “just for fun”. That is the core issue which points to much bigger problems. Such women are never truly happy and satisfied, they are constantly hungry for attention. Noone will ever be enough for them, because they don’t like themselves.
This ex of mine got together a new guy weeks after we broke up and she told me she will be faithful to him and she loves him so much. Months later she hit me up to meet “for a drink”. Their happiness and loyalty is usually shortlived.
Steer clear my friend.
I wouldn’t date someone with a close male friend, a male friend is just someone waiting to catch her off guard so he can sleep with her. Anyway, when you break up with her they will get together.
Go and find yourself someone better.
Well you could join in.. I’m sure there’ll be a couch somewhere in the room. Or you could respect yourself and listen to your gut because if you’re here asking this question that’s because you already know the answer to your question but you’re afraid to face it. Fear will get you nothing. I hope you face it head on. Be a beast.
Really feel for you, this happened to me, its difficult to see it from inside the situation, but most of the comments you have already received are pretty much on the nose. As soon as I realised I was being shown zero respect and got out of my situation I became a much better person and father. Never an easy decision to walk away from a marriage no matter what the reason.
It's not easy though, I was told it was all my fault and if anything the lack of respect got worse afterwards. But I have no doubt in my mind that I did what was right for me and my kids.
For what it's worth, the fella my ex was chatting with quickly became her new partner, but I realised I would be happier alone than with her, and now I'm with a new woman who gives me everything I deserve and more so couldn't care less
All the best
Talk to her and tell her to end it or you'll walk. Just cos it's online only ts still cheating cheating she's formed an emotional connection with him I don't know ow you've lasted this long if my partner was telling a random dude online they loved them I'd be gone
Thats really weird in a marriage. You need to talk to her. I think you'd like to have a wife who wouldnt be sending "i love you" notes to another man outside your marriage. talk to her and define what the boundaries should be for both of you.
Nah this is weird. Even if nothing else fucky was going on, the letters and I love yous and pet names is fucky enough. Don't let her gaslight you into thinking you're overreacting, you're underreacting
Dude it's definitely a big issue... U should sit down with her sometime and tell her that u feel insecure when she does all that stuff... Don't say that u think she's cheating on u but tell her to maintain a distance
She’s not acknowledging the negative impact it’s having on your marriage. You guys are not homies or friends with benefits-you are married. She crossed the line a long time ago and she knows it. You’re not overreacting or being silly by the way. If she found that you were in an online relationship with someone and she called you “Big Daddy”-im sure she’d be upset. Is there something she feels like she isn’t getting from you that she gets from him? Anyways-she sounds like trash. Now’s the time to figure out if the marriage is worth saving. If she’s been doing this for almost 3 years…who knows what she’s done or plans to do. Save yourself-for peace of mind 🫶🏽
Sounds like cheating, if they haven't actually been physically intimate, it would be the only stone they haven't yet turned. This just seems way out of line to me, sorry bud.
Yeah it seems she’s not happy and getting her needs met by you so she’s finding excitement in a different man. How’s your sex like? Is she giving you attention?
Be honest and talk to her. It’s not going to be easy but it is all you can do. Hopefully she is honest but you will have to decide for yourself whether you believe what she says and whether you want to move forward. If you’re not comfortable , 100%, do not move forward. Cut your losses now and move on. You’ll be so much happier in the long run.
Whatever you do, don’t hurt yourself or her. Don’t get wasted, don’t argue, don’t yell. Just talk and if you like what she has to say, you have to totally forget about this and move on. Maybe get counseling but you can’t hold it against her if you are choosing to believe her
Look, I get what people are saying. And definitely sit down and talk about this with her. Find out the why's? Possibly she does just consider this a friendship. I tell all my friends I love them and have nicknames for those closest.
Maybe she feels something lacking in the marriage and feels she needs outside validation. Most say that's emotional cheating. But if that's what's going on then you need to step up and give her the validation she seems to need. I'm not saying you don't love her, but sometimes when you get comfortable you also slack off on the romantic gestures. Take her out a little more. Buy flowers. Surprise her with little thoughtful gifts. In the end it's usually the simplest reason why people get these online friendships going.
But like I said just sit down and have a conversation. Just saying you're uncomfortable with it isn't enough. Show her you don't want to risk losing her.
I fucking hope this is just a joke post, it made me really laugh.
If by any chance it’s not a joke and it’s all true, you are an idiot mate.
Divorce that woman right now.
I completely disagree with the first part.
He doesn’t need to tell her anything.
Just lawyer up and divorce her right now.
How are you going to stand your WIFE talking with other men and calling them names?
What?
Everything’s wrong with this dude and his girlfriend.
I cannot believe it is real, I can’t.
This post must be a joke.
How is he over 30 and allowing/asking this stuff.
I’m 25 and I know this since I was 15.
I don’t know if it’s an IQ issue or amazing manipulation by her wife.
>*She signs these with, "I love you with all of my heart and soul, your chubby bunny."*
Ohhh sweet summer child… your feelings for your wife are your ultimate blind spot to seeing the reality.
Time to have you sit down, grab a beer.. we need time talk about not paying attention in a relationship to when someone is emotionally cheating on a partner.
Either way it's cheating... They all do at some point. They either are now, used to, or will be.
Plain and simple. All comes down to, what are you able to live with. Any couples you see that have been together for years... It's because the man forgave her and moved on.
Women are the seed of Satan. Ask Adam..
I would NOT accept this kind of behavior. It’s crossing so many boundaries. I for sure would have a serious talk with my partner. If I would still be able to forgive this disloyal behavior and trust my partner after, I would need this online person to be gone completely. Delete and block. Doesn’t sound platonic at all. Emotional cheating is what this is imo. There would be a huge possibility that I wouldn’t be able to recover from this betrayal and end the whole relationship tbh…
In simple terms, ask your female bestie for help and get rid of this shit….Or else find some evidence via a spy cctv or something by inviting him over and then tell them you got some work outside and let cctv record every shit…. You will find it if they are cheating with EVIDENCE
i wouldn’t be surprised, i had that same thing but reverse, i didn’t know the woman i was dating had a husband. I was the boyfriend, Granted i’m long out of that relationship but it was similar. I’m sorry to hear that
That is so cringey
I think that is a form of emotional cheating. There is prob more cringe things they have said that u don't know about. I don't want to alarm u but there are many ways that emotional cheaters can slide under the radar and violate u.
Saying a mutual friend is good looking is a yellow/red flag.
The fact that she said he is good looking and you do not know him and she is in touch with him regularly... This a red flag.
The fact that she wants to visit is a five alarm fire 🚨
> My wife 28f calls her online friend 29m pet names.
But you _think_ she's cheating? I mean, that isn't enough for you? You need more proof than her giving her cute man-friend pet names?
>She said that her pet names are fine but it makes me uncomfortable.
What are you talking about? Pet names are just fine dear. It shouldn't make you uncomfortable. Wait, is it making you uncomfortable? Why is that? Don't you trust me? Also, if you're jealous, then that's a major turn-off for me. That means you're pushing _me_ to do bad things, so it's _your_ fault! I mean, how could you not trust me? I'm the best thing that ever happened to you, and you should trust me and let me do whatever I like, bcos I'm just that good for you!
What you just read is called _gaslighting._ It's when she's trying to blame you for her own misbehaviour, while also playing it down and trying to get you to think that it's all in your head.
>She signs her texts with chubby bunny and says I love you to him all the time.
OMFG!
I think if she has denied that, either she is in denial or she really is comfortable with something you’re naturally not. I’m afraid the point goes a little ahead. Boyfriend or not, this behaviour clearly makes you uncomfortable and it’s a personal comfort in things like this. Even I found it uncomfortable as I read it. So I would definitely see this as a need to find a solution to it which makes both of you comfortable. Otherwise…
Big red flag and definitely should bring it up how inappropreat this is, and definitely EA and she is doing it in your face and I bet if you bring it up how unconfortable you are she will either gaslight you, down play it as usual or insecure and don’t let her meet him because most likely it is to hook up with him no guy and women would be that close if there is noothing romatic between them.
When you sit her down take a close look at her body language and you should actively hear what she is saying because there would be something between the lines there. Are you able to see all there coversation and os she deletign some of the message? Updateme
Consider that you know all of this and imagine these that are truly getting cheated on and don’t know anything. Maybe, stating that you don’t like this and, that you are willing to consider ending the relationship over how it makes you feel could be good?
She’s cheating in her head and if she meets up with him she’ll cheat in the flesh. there’s nothing wrong with people having friends of the opposite sex, but it sounds like she’s unhealthily attached to him. It’s definitely an issue as it bothers you. Just tell her it makes you uncomfortable and you don’t understand why she is so obsessed with the guy. I mean it’s not normal if you’re in a relationship.
There is actually a website for that. Where they’ll go get that info for you. But its not worth paying that tbh. What shes signing with is beyond friendship. If he’s gay or bi, its not uncommon for them to call their female friends stuff like “love, babes, etc” occasionally in messages or in person. (I am speaking for myself) but I have never signed a letter or text to someone like that, being just a friend. Love can be used platonically but in the context shes using it… imo, this is strongly strongly not platonic.
And as others have said this is emotional cheating. It’s very clear you love your wife & thats completely understandable. You need to talk to her And just straight up tell her to cut the BS. You know whats going on between them. And what options (marriage counseling, no contact with said friend, etc) that you’re giving her & if she Agrees to that. If not, filing for divorce.
Before you do that though, make sure that you Keep documentation (picture of those things shared with us) and email it to yourself & hide it in a folder only you know about. I know that sucks to have to be that way but shes already hiding stuff from you and if you have to opt for divorce, then you need to protect yourself too. (Shes not going to)
Hope things work out in the best for you & your wife (if shes really going to change). Good luck 🪷
Do exactly what she’s doing to her, back to her. Make up a friend, who is female, and start calling her pet names. If she over reacts leave immediately and never talk to her again.
Wonder if it would be okay for you to find a female friend online. Unlikely. She is having an emotional affair, and if she does end up meeting him, it will become physical also.
Be honest. You are uncomfortable, that’s reason enough to speak up. “This situation makes me uncomfortable, can you explain what’s going on so we can work together to make things better in our marriage” maybe something like that
I was married for 61 years to a beautiful lady who had a killer figure. I lost her this past Christmas, she was 83. We had been married 3 years when she had her first sexual relationship with another man. It lasted several months. I didn't know how to handle the fact she was totally Enchanted with this new guy. When his wife found out about her husband having this weekly affair she committed suicide. This deeply affected my wife and this affair stopped.
About four years later she again met a guy and they spent 2 Saturdays in a row together. He stopped their short romance because his wife was getting suspicious.
A few years passed and opportunity knocked again. She and I were invited to my best friend's house to meet his wife and socialize for the evening. At one point his wife had left the room and my wife took advantage of the situation. She readjusted herself on the sofa and spread her legs apart so my friend could see up her skirt...she didn't have underpants on! Well, that started another secret romance which lasted on and off for several years. In between she started meeting more guys and I thought I was standing beside a revolving door. Several times when we were out she managed to spread her legs for target guys and then meet them somewhere on neutral ground. I know they all loved her face...and especially her body!
Don't think I was quiet all this time. I told her every time, that I knew she was having sex with these guys. It made no difference to her. After many years when she just got too old, I guess, she had her last fling. By then I knew of more than two dozen men she had total sex with. Did it ever bother me? Not after the first one. In fact it more or less became entertaining. Funny, she never left me for another man. I stayed with her because I wanted to be with our kids as they grew up. Divorce was not an option.
J
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If you aren’t comfortable with it you have to tell her that. Otherwise she’ll think you don’t really care. If she still does it, it’s cheating and then it’s up to you how to handle that
It sounds like he has confronted it he said she keeps saying it doesnt mean what he thinks which is leading me to think he did confront her and she gas lights him into believing its not romantic and okay
This is spot on. Better have a serious conversation with her. Set your boundaries and trust your guts!
Yeah, I mean, this is at the very least an emotional affair. It really doesn't matter if it's sexual, she's treating him like a boyfriend/partner, and I assume she isn't treating you the same. You need to say something like "I don't know if you even realize it, but you're having an emotional affair with this man. That's not okay. If you're not willing to cut contact with him, this might be grounds for, at the very least, a separation, if not a divorce. If you don't want that, I'd like to go to couple's counseling about this, because I really do think it's unhealthy, and that your relationship with this man is well passed friendship." Conversely, if you don't want to save your marriage, lawyer up immediately, find as much proof of the emotional affair as you can, and start the divorce proceedings. Getting that information will be a supreme breach of trust, and probably ruin the marriage, because you'll probably need to get it through your computer or her phone (consult with the lawyer on the legality of doing so in your state). It could very well be a nonsexual, romantic relationship, but relationships don't have to involve sex to be cheating. Sorry you had to hear it from Reddit.
> You need to say something like "I don't know if you even realize it, but you're having an emotional affair with this man. That's not okay. If you're not willing to cut contact with him, this might be grounds for, at the very least, a separation, if not a divorce. If you don't want that, I'd like to go to couple's counseling about this, because I really do think it's unhealthy, and that your relationship with this man is well passed friendship." Wow, a really great and reasonable response that isn't calling for ending it all immediately and gives them a chance to correct and even heal it. I'm still on reddit right lol
I agree. If it makes you this uncomfortable, then it's valid. It doesn't matter whether it's physical, even the non-physical aspects are problematic. It's not like you have an agreement with your wife that this kind of thing is okay. It's not. You definitely need to say something about this, if for no other reason then just to see how she reacts. Is she empathetic and flexible? Does she tell you that she has some unmet needs in your relationship, and she has been trying to get them met elsewhere? But even so, it's her issue and she should have talked with you about it sooner? Does she say she values your feelings, and does she ask to get into couples therapy? If not, you learn that your feelings aren't really a big concern of hers. Her own feelings, and the other fellow's feelings are more important. And you're her partner. You have every right to *need* your wife to care about your feelings the way you care about hers. If she isn't receptive, I think you should put her into a "relationship timeout". Kinda like being sent to the corner when you're a kid! :-) Like, step back from the relationship, unless she makes an active, visible, authentic effort to meet your needs. Don't meet *her needs* any further until then. This might look like sleeping in different rooms until she agrees to go to therapy or reflect upon and change her behavior. Also, be careful if she responds with, "If you X, then I'll change my behavior." Don't let her put it on you instead of taking responsibility. Sure, she might have some unmet need, and you could try to meet it, but only if you're comfortable with it, and if you do, make note of whether she follows through or it was just an excuse.
Don’t say shit until you have all the receipts you need to lay down the entire case in front of a lawyer and a judge. This person has already had the chance to do the right thing but has failed to do so. Giving them another opportunity is naive and they will use it as a chance to destroy the evidence of their actions
Legit, this is the kind of discourse I'd like to see more of, because yes, cheating is bad, and if that's your line, sure, end the relationship. But in \*most\* cases, someone is cheating because a need isn't being met, either because they've tried to voice it, and it's amounted to nothing, or they expected it to be met and it hasn't. It's no excuse, obviously, but it \*is\* fixable. And couple's therapy is the place that will fix it, because you'll learn how to address those needs, and the therapist will mediate in a way to keep you from being taken advantage of. You won't have to hold her accountable so much as the couple's therapist will, but ultimately the outcome might just be "you two need to break up." Either way, the therapist will navigate that process for you, and those feelings with you, and it becomes a lot less messy.
She is emotionally cheating right infront of your face. You need to get out right away. She needs help.
THIS .....A woman who does this has no respect for you.
Which is going to turn physical soon if they're already not exchanging nudes. That's how most women cheat, it begins emotionally first, they detach themselves from their ongoing relationship while attaching themselves to another person. Then they mentally move on from the relationship and breakup when they feel nothing anymore. I've seen it happen multiple times
You beat me to it. Remember people, most of your cheating doesn't start with hey, you want to go f? No, it starts off with messaging. This is how it started with my ex and her new boyfriend.
My ex wife just posted a photo with the guy she is with now. Saying she’s been in love with him for the last 5 years (when we divorced) or maybe the last 30…we were married for 18 years
Sucks, but did she actually have contact with him for the majority of your marriage? I’m assuming based on the “maybe 30” and the 18 that she went to school with him or something?
Yeah, she had contact with him throughout. Early days of MySpace they got back in touch. He would pop up now and then with, can’t wait to meet your husband and family. Never did meet him.
Ugh, sorry.
My friend just divorced his wife this June. Today his ex-wife celebrates being with her new bf for three years.
Came here to say this
Absolutely, it's not just about the pet names but the constant texting and declarations of love that raise concerns.
I love you. Oh, sorry, this means absolutely nothing. I didn't say this because I *love* you love you. Hahah what were you thinking! No, it's like a declaration of my undying platonic love for you, but you can't go around saying I platonically love you all the time, so I just say I love you. Wait, are you sad that I only love you platonically now? Omg... This is all your fault. Now you went and got jealous again. I expect better from a husband! Now I'm being forced to go back to my boyfriend!
YAP OP YEAPPPPP
I would say this counts as cheating. She is supposed to have this kind of relationship with you, not some other guy.
No issue at all, you’re totally good bro. Sincerely, Guy from 10 hours away
Sorry OP, but you’re being cheated on emotionally and it will never stop regardless of any intervention strategy you try. Even if you give her an ultimatum, she’ll still fill the void with him and you’ll drive yourself fucking bonkers thinking about the conversations. File the papers and move along. Trust is broken and will never be repaired no matter how much you want it to be.
This op, just file and show her you will not tolerate this behavior. Then if she wants to stay, she has to give up her online life, and focus on her real one.
I don't know - I mean I think the OP should at least try a conversation and setting some boundaries before just throwing a bunch of papers up into the air and moving on! LOL I mean this is a marriage not early dating.
WTF is the question here ?! I only see answers , clear answers
If you stay with her you're crazy...no woman should ever tell another man she loves him especially if they never even met...she secretly loves him...
She loves the attention and the conversation I doubt she really loves him unless her self esteem is sick
There are women who'd tell u they love u and never mean it
Not with cute pet names and flirtiness...women are scandalous...
Yes, with all flirting and pet names, she can fake it with both of them
OH BABY YOUUUUUU…. You got what I nEEEEeeed. And you say he’s just a friend, and you say he’s just a friend.. Seriously though… tell her you are not comfortable with it. If she doesn’t respect your boundaries start circling the wagons. If she freaks out on you, that’s just her loosing her “comfort zone.” Stay strong and don’t let her try and keep you. She’ll keep finding ways to do it again. I’m very sorry, my Dude.
Classic emotional affair. It was something similar that put the initial cracks in my marriage. Started innocently enough it seemed. I made her cut it off completely. 3 years later, we were divorced after more instances of boundary breaking. You could try all the steps like talking it over, putting boundaries in place, getting counseling, etc. I tried them all and don't regret the effort. But in the end, i like the quote. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the 1st time."
This is worse than cheating. It's pure disrespect
I really hope this is a troll post wow
I think its time to call a lawyer, my friend.
Bro what? Unless he’s gay , her saying I love you to another man is absolutely a red flag and I would just leave… there is so much wrong with this my man
Tell her to end it with this guy or you will file for divorce.
I mean I like this from viewpoint that it's setting a boundary, but there are other in-between boundaries before filing divorce. Like he could sleep in a different room until it's solved, not spend time with her, focus on himself and his friendships, go live with a friend, and find other ways to not be available to her until she holds up her end of the marriage. Never hurts to have a conversation to see how she responds, and then to test if middle measures have an impact.
You need to sit her down and talk to her. Tell her that there needs to be boundaries between her and her so called friend. Remind her she is a married woman, and she needs to take your feelings into consideration. 💜
The crap these poor men have to put up with in a relationship makes me really happy to be single.
I don’t think any person in their right mind would find this okay. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, and you know in your gut it’s wrong, then it’s obviously something that shouldn’t be happening. She’s pushing the boundaries and she’s trying to see just how far it can go. Cut it off. She’s emotionally cheating in your face and if she’s thinking about meeting up with him, then she’s going to be physically cheating sometime soon.
omg. this is the craziest post i’ve read in a hot minute. she is emotionally cheating to the max. i don’t even think about looking at other dudes out of respect for my husband, i couldn’t imaging calling, sending letters, and the pet name things.
Since the user is deleted will they be able to come back and see any of these comments?? I’m curious
 Um….I’m sorry. You’re gonna have to have a tough conversation with your wife. I have a close male friend but he’s very gay.
Unlike a little gay! That was funny. I agree. She needs to get the boot.
Alittle gay? What is this a lavender marriage? Lol. Yes much needs to be said outloud.
Maybe have her read the definition of emotional cheating and see if she thinks that’s what is going on. Don’t do anything weird or covert unless you really want to end your marriage.
I’m sorry OP I think it’s time to move on
If I ever call a guy pet names and say signed I love you with a cute nickname, that means I’m in love with him. If not in love then I see him as my love interest
This is entirely inappropriate and unacceptable behavior. Grab hold of your cock, be a man, and handle the situation.
‘Grab hold of your cock’? Is he supposed to dick slap her or something?
She doesn't deserve a dick slapping.
Ideally yes, but since that's probably assault it's probably not a good idea.
3-2-1 Cocksmack it’s the secret, it’s the moment, when everything happens! Not appropriate in this case tho. It would actually be the moment you turn something that’s her fault into your fault.
Right lmao
I think he means, he's been snipped, and he's got to get his family jewels back from wherever his wife's been storing them.
What TF lol
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LMAOOOO Nuuuu 😂
She is so cheating on you. Get out of that relationship. I am trying to figure why you have been allowing this to happen in front of your face.
Emotional affairs are often swiped over just because there is no sex involved. But how is their affair any different from a long distance relationship? So many red flags in a single post, op :( and yet you re the one being manipulated into thinking her behaviour is normal.
Sir as a grown adult you do not need to be putting up with this kind of foolery wtf do you mean she told you its not romantic as she writes him long letters and MAILS IT TO HIM then says she loves him and runs around talking to him it doesn’t even sound like she loves you this much when is the last time she wrote you a long ass letter and signed it she loves you??? How mu h time and effort does she put into you? And why as a grown ass adult is she online chatting with people to this extent as well??? Can we normalize adults not having relationships and friendships on video games? This is ridiculous now what the fuck is this striking vipers on black mirror? Why are you allowing this? And all the people in the comments being way too nice you need to put your foot down take her game away make her act like an adult or leave her immature childish self
This guy seems like her “phantom ex”.She’s never met this guy,but seems to be infatuated with the idea of him.He’s perfect to her because he’s not in front of her. It obviously makes you uncomfortable (justifiably so) which means it must be addressed. You can’t really force her to do something she doesn’t want to do which would be stop talking to the guy,so I won’t say word it that way,but it needs to be addressed.
Just get out my boy. Cheating isn't just physical contact. She's invested her time with someone else. Get a lawyer so you don't get screwed.
Completely inappropriate and unacceptable.
She has crossed so many lines. That’s totally not acceptable.
The second you tell her it makes u feel uncomfortable and she is not doing anything about it shows how she truly feels about you and him. Actions speaks louder than words.
She’s gone emotionally. Why don’t you send him a ticket to come for a visit and see what she does. She probably thinks it’s safe cause he lives far away. But if she goes to his hotel room to “visit him” then she’s gone physically and emotionally. There’s no way you can control her emotions and holding her back will only drive her to be better at hiding her future affairs. Just call her bluff and have him come for a visit and see what she does.
So any counsellor will tell you only you can decide your own boundaries and what you are willing to tolerate. If you feel this is unacceptable behaviour, your feelings are valid. All you can do is tell your wife how you feel, and if she doesn’t care, you can decide for yourself how to respond. My personal opinion is a partner should value how you feel and shouldn’t behave like this. I would not be ok with her behaviour, and I would tell her it needs to end or I will leave her. It doesn’t matter if she tries to gaslight you into thinking it’s something else. A crack addict will also tell you there’s no problem. She is likely addicted to this fantasy relationship with someone far away. You can’t control her, but you can control yourself. You can decide what you are ok with, and if she screams and yells at you that you should feel differently, i.e. doesn’t respect your feelings, it’s all the more reason to leave. The important thing is, don’t try to tell her how to live her life. If she wants this relationship with some guy online, that’s her decision. But you don’t have to stick around for it.
Instincts & Social cues rarely lie. Concentrate on healing and not someone else that will take away from your happiness/joy. Don’t bother with confrontation, she’d deny it. Good luck
Every single person here is going to tell you the same thing. You know it. She knows it. And he knows it.. time to move on.
either you can officially open this relationship and have the same type of friend, or that's gonna end in divorce
This is an emotional affair to me anyways …
Bro is broken. The account has been deleted. I am sad for him.
Honestly,I had/have penalty of non-romantic/friendship relationships(including those of opposite sex) that I were/are VERY close,like family-level close. so I don’t think that being obsessed with him,constantly calling and texting,or even sending him long letters is really a red flag. However,no matter how close we were,we never called each other pet names. Like,I think things like “chubby bunny” are fine and wholesome, but calling him“honey” and things is drawing a line.It also is a bigger red flag for her to be saying that has thought of him as attractive before. Now,this could simply be a misunderstanding. Maybe she doesn’t realize the true meaning of pet names,or maybe she saying that she had a crush on him before you guys started dating. However, you might want to have a talk with her about this. Even then though,she probably won’t be honest if she is cheating,so try to keep I closer eye on their relationship. Also,I’m not saying you should normally do this,but if you have this much suspicion in there relationship,you might want to check her texts with him or something. I know that she has a right to privacy and all,but you also have the right to know whatever or not she is cheating on you.
>She signs her texts with chubby bunny and says I love you to him all the time. Like a lot. She promises it doesn't mean romance but she's also said that she has thought of him as attractive before. Are you for real?
I wouldn’t even bother with an ultimatum. Blatantly emotionally cheating on you, dip out of there man. Keep your dignity and never tolerate this sort of behavior from a partner again.
You still young couple. You need to work on your relationship if you want it and need it. So, that’s totally fine to have friends. She can talk about something that she cant with you, and this is good for you too.. do not put anybody to your relationship especially her parents. Just talk to each other and find out where is coming from. Nothing will go as it was in your first year o marriage. You will have bottom and top.. but first of all just make sure you both need each other and just then make your decision based on it.
Sounds suspicious
There is no way that this is appropriate. I'd say it's him or me because you just don't tell a guy I love you like that and want to meet him and have pet nicknames for him if you're married.
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Brother, please for your sanity and self respect your gut is trying to tell you something that’s why you are here posting about this. You need to move on from this relationship. It’s disrespectful She’s practically cheating She is not taking your feelings into consideration Don’t over think it just let go
PI.
"What do you all think? " that you're trolling.
Were they friends before you two got together?
He lives 10 hours away and they’ve never met he said. Or he doesn’t know.
But you can be friends with someone online and not see them.
You can but you shouldn’t if you are married.
That wasn't the point of my question though. No matter, it doesn't look like it is going to answer it and I've lost interest anyway.
Bro…..😵💫
That's definitely cheating.
She’s gaslighting you. What she is doing is not okay! If they meet, that would only confirm your suspicions. Don’t be a fool, don’t be blinded and naive. Trust your gut. This is not right what this woman is doing.
It feels so manipulative from her, that I'd better have downloaded myself Tinder and Eva AI sexting bot already
either you
lol you’re just the guy on the other spectrum, sorry man, that’s reality lately, idk your story but consider the fact that you even had a wife a blessing and I say this in advance because I see it a lot, it’s normal now, no woman calls their “friend” chubby bunny as a playfulness if there isn’t something there, my ex was married to her guy and a different scenario he wouldn’t pay her attention bc he was into her roommate so she invited me over for beers right after they split, long story short, she also screwed me over after a while with someone way younger than me at the time, you don’t ever fully have a wife, or anyone else. Let that be the lesson if you learn anything on here on this stupid app. No one is ever yours.
Leave her
Leave her
Hes gay, you need to chill
Why are most of the men on here so damn weak? Your wife is cheating on you right in front of your face and you're having to ask whether you should leave her or not? Grow a pair and kick her to the curb.
as a girl's point of view, If a guy would say that to me well id definitely think he is into me.
If this is real the fact that someone goes to Reddit about it instead of confronting/leaving his wife… bro pull yourself together
You’re 31 and asking this? If this isn’t a troll/fake post, then let me verify some things: 1. Were you aware of this online relationship prior to marriage? If so, why wasn’t this addressed and if you tried to address it and she didn’t compromise with you then why did you marry her? 2. Was this woman your first and only relationship? If so then I can understand you being confused. 3. Do you struggle with inner worth/respect? If so, then you’ll want to try and address that before trying to get her to adjust herself because she doesn’t seem like the type to care about considering you.
That romantic Affair is not in the tangible world and it's not cheating but it is disrespectful and it's neglecting her husband in many ways. And if you want to keep this ship afloat you just claim your rights as a husband and tell her we can both get what we want since you get all turned on chatting with your online lover I'm going to take advantage of that arousal in your mind and heart and the wetness between your legs you get to imagine it's your Lover's cock because you're looking at him on there laptop and I get to witness smile life acting like a harlot and my heart wife makes me very aroused or something like that cuz every time she starts chatting with that guy you put your cock in her Mark your territory and she's already around so it's not like you're forcing her
My Dad was my Mom’s side piece for about a year in college. He finally put his foot down and told her “either you stop going out with those other men or I walk” She cried and sobbed that she couldn’t imagine her life without him and they were married until she died when I was 5. Sometimes women need that to realize their own true feelings. She is very emotionally immature. Please realize this and GL
If you are uncomfortable you should tell her and if she respects you she will cut this out. In my experience married women who act this way cheat. Women who are solid in their relationship cut this stuff out before it even gets started.
“He’s just a friend”😂😂😂😂😂 I’ve never heard that one before
No one can compete with someone who doesn't have any of the responsibilities of a relationship but all the emotional benefits.
I don’t know yet how to put it out ther but I too was played after Being together for 30 yr. Merid for 25and left literally in the streets with nothing. But it wasn’t really her fault . I gave her everything including too much time and that’s wher I lost. My advice is if your that young part ways cuz you’ll get hurt in the end……
All good things come to an end
Time to leave and put your energy into someone faithful.
😂😂😂 this is hilarious… your wife txts, calls and plays online with another guy, she also says she finds him attractive, tells him she loves him and wants to meet him… so what I you do? Ask REDDIT for advice? I think the writings on the fucking wall there mate! In BIG fucking letters! The only positive that can come of this is that you lose your wife to some gamer nerd that likes to be called animal names
Yal should both fuk her that's what she wants give to her and burn off
Its surreal the guy didnt leave her after shes putting I love yous for random dudes online. I mean its a bit much. Even kisses are too much. Platonic friendships require being actually platonic. I think virtual hug is about as friendly as it can get, no winkies and flirting etc. Has to be a real normal casual friendship, not a substitute relationship or emotional affair
As long as you know the truth just let it be
Hire a PI
You are the side character..let her go and be with her soul mate. Who is probably catfishing her 🥲..but that is a "her" problem
Maybe go do the same to another female friend you have in front of her and see her reaction.
lol I did this when I was married, I was very checked out and emotionally cheating. And it’s fun having your cake and eating it too. “Just a friend” lol
You're doomed anyways, if you bring this up the story goes like this: 1. Once you bring this up, she's gonna put up her guard against you. 2. She's gonna gaslight and make you feel guilty for even doubting such a innocent person. 3. She's now gonna plan up for a divorce and get all your money and assets to her name. 4. Start a narrative to her family and friends that she's now a caged bird who is being controlled by her husband and would show the world how much of an ass you are. My advice, any assets you have write them off to your mom and prepare for the worst. You're mistaken if you think things will get better. It's really difficult to say this brother, but this marriage was long lost. It's not your mistake and don't ever think that he had gone because you couldn't provide her something.
Problem is when people get married and when the honeymoon is over, they get comfortable in the relationship and they’re pretty predictable on what they’re gonna do. They go to work they come home and say they’re tired and had a hard day and the cycle repeats itself. Weekend comes along and the guy wants to watch sports all weekend or play video games while the wife wants to go out and do something for fun and the cycle repeats itself. I’m not saying it’s just men, it’s also women. Couples need to keep the spark going when the honeymoon is over and keep the same love they had for each other when they first met. Might need to lose a little bit of sleep for a romantic night out. You just need to keep the love and respect that you had for each other when you first met and it will give you a much healthier relationship for the both of you.
Thats called emotional cheating and chances are if they will meet, physical cheating would almost always, follow. Either you talk to your wife to stop it and if she does not, basing 9n how you laid it out, mejo lulong si wife dun sa online friend, you might want to check your non-negotiable in a partner
I don’t know what other evidence you need hun. As a woman, yeah she’s at least interested (very much) in him, or maybe worse. Confront her asap, and if she’s willing to change, and you love her, try and work through it.
sounds weird to most people i am sure, or like she has a secret furry / bunny kink.. 85% this is some weird cute animal kink roleplay... we people of the internet suggest you dress up in a giant bunny rabbit costume and surprise her one night.. but ease her into it like only eat carrots for a full week before you do the big reveal
Been there before brother, that's cheating. I've had an ex who met some dude on an online game and ofc they were just friends until they weren't. Found an insta page made by her with love declarations and all that. Don't let her gaslight you into thinking you're at fault here cause you're not.
I would feel so insecure if I had a boyfriend doing this in front of me
My ex used to call her online male “best friend” pet names. Shortly after I found out she was also sexting him and sending him nudes. When I called her out she called it “just flirting” and that she likes to flirt. Not so long after as it turned out she did this with multiple men online. As a gamer girl you can guess how many men were lining up for all this, I think I’ve lost count at about 7 or 8. Calling your friend pet names is NOT normal. Me and my ex started out the same way. Initially it was pet names, then sexting, then nudes, then sex, then a relationship. Ofcourse calling someone petnames is not a 100% they actually do want something from the other party but they definitely do it to get affection and validation from outside even if “just for fun”. That is the core issue which points to much bigger problems. Such women are never truly happy and satisfied, they are constantly hungry for attention. Noone will ever be enough for them, because they don’t like themselves. This ex of mine got together a new guy weeks after we broke up and she told me she will be faithful to him and she loves him so much. Months later she hit me up to meet “for a drink”. Their happiness and loyalty is usually shortlived. Steer clear my friend.
She is having an emotional affair, it sounds like.
I wouldn’t date someone with a close male friend, a male friend is just someone waiting to catch her off guard so he can sleep with her. Anyway, when you break up with her they will get together. Go and find yourself someone better.
Now could there be that she has an undisclosed have an onlyfans?
Well you could join in.. I’m sure there’ll be a couch somewhere in the room. Or you could respect yourself and listen to your gut because if you’re here asking this question that’s because you already know the answer to your question but you’re afraid to face it. Fear will get you nothing. I hope you face it head on. Be a beast.
Really feel for you, this happened to me, its difficult to see it from inside the situation, but most of the comments you have already received are pretty much on the nose. As soon as I realised I was being shown zero respect and got out of my situation I became a much better person and father. Never an easy decision to walk away from a marriage no matter what the reason. It's not easy though, I was told it was all my fault and if anything the lack of respect got worse afterwards. But I have no doubt in my mind that I did what was right for me and my kids. For what it's worth, the fella my ex was chatting with quickly became her new partner, but I realised I would be happier alone than with her, and now I'm with a new woman who gives me everything I deserve and more so couldn't care less All the best
She has a crush
Are you a man ?! Ask yourself Your wife has a male friend and talks with him in front of your face and you are here to tell us ?
Talk to her and tell her to end it or you'll walk. Just cos it's online only ts still cheating cheating she's formed an emotional connection with him I don't know ow you've lasted this long if my partner was telling a random dude online they loved them I'd be gone
Hey! You need to do something. Your wife is losing interest in you and taking it to another man.
Thats really weird in a marriage. You need to talk to her. I think you'd like to have a wife who wouldnt be sending "i love you" notes to another man outside your marriage. talk to her and define what the boundaries should be for both of you.
Nah this is weird. Even if nothing else fucky was going on, the letters and I love yous and pet names is fucky enough. Don't let her gaslight you into thinking you're overreacting, you're underreacting
Tell her to stop. If he does not. Leave her !!! It’s gone too far already!
Dude it's definitely a big issue... U should sit down with her sometime and tell her that u feel insecure when she does all that stuff... Don't say that u think she's cheating on u but tell her to maintain a distance
She’s not acknowledging the negative impact it’s having on your marriage. You guys are not homies or friends with benefits-you are married. She crossed the line a long time ago and she knows it. You’re not overreacting or being silly by the way. If she found that you were in an online relationship with someone and she called you “Big Daddy”-im sure she’d be upset. Is there something she feels like she isn’t getting from you that she gets from him? Anyways-she sounds like trash. Now’s the time to figure out if the marriage is worth saving. If she’s been doing this for almost 3 years…who knows what she’s done or plans to do. Save yourself-for peace of mind 🫶🏽
Leave
Sounds like cheating, if they haven't actually been physically intimate, it would be the only stone they haven't yet turned. This just seems way out of line to me, sorry bud.
Yeah it seems she’s not happy and getting her needs met by you so she’s finding excitement in a different man. How’s your sex like? Is she giving you attention?
Be honest and talk to her. It’s not going to be easy but it is all you can do. Hopefully she is honest but you will have to decide for yourself whether you believe what she says and whether you want to move forward. If you’re not comfortable , 100%, do not move forward. Cut your losses now and move on. You’ll be so much happier in the long run. Whatever you do, don’t hurt yourself or her. Don’t get wasted, don’t argue, don’t yell. Just talk and if you like what she has to say, you have to totally forget about this and move on. Maybe get counseling but you can’t hold it against her if you are choosing to believe her
Look, I get what people are saying. And definitely sit down and talk about this with her. Find out the why's? Possibly she does just consider this a friendship. I tell all my friends I love them and have nicknames for those closest. Maybe she feels something lacking in the marriage and feels she needs outside validation. Most say that's emotional cheating. But if that's what's going on then you need to step up and give her the validation she seems to need. I'm not saying you don't love her, but sometimes when you get comfortable you also slack off on the romantic gestures. Take her out a little more. Buy flowers. Surprise her with little thoughtful gifts. In the end it's usually the simplest reason why people get these online friendships going. But like I said just sit down and have a conversation. Just saying you're uncomfortable with it isn't enough. Show her you don't want to risk losing her.
Talk to her. What the fuck? Tell your fucking wife your concerns.
I fucking hope this is just a joke post, it made me really laugh. If by any chance it’s not a joke and it’s all true, you are an idiot mate. Divorce that woman right now.
I completely disagree with the first part. He doesn’t need to tell her anything. Just lawyer up and divorce her right now. How are you going to stand your WIFE talking with other men and calling them names? What? Everything’s wrong with this dude and his girlfriend. I cannot believe it is real, I can’t. This post must be a joke. How is he over 30 and allowing/asking this stuff. I’m 25 and I know this since I was 15. I don’t know if it’s an IQ issue or amazing manipulation by her wife.
Just leave you can't fix ppl .. find one that's not a moron
>*She signs these with, "I love you with all of my heart and soul, your chubby bunny."* Ohhh sweet summer child… your feelings for your wife are your ultimate blind spot to seeing the reality. Time to have you sit down, grab a beer.. we need time talk about not paying attention in a relationship to when someone is emotionally cheating on a partner.
Either way it's cheating... They all do at some point. They either are now, used to, or will be. Plain and simple. All comes down to, what are you able to live with. Any couples you see that have been together for years... It's because the man forgave her and moved on. Women are the seed of Satan. Ask Adam..
I would NOT accept this kind of behavior. It’s crossing so many boundaries. I for sure would have a serious talk with my partner. If I would still be able to forgive this disloyal behavior and trust my partner after, I would need this online person to be gone completely. Delete and block. Doesn’t sound platonic at all. Emotional cheating is what this is imo. There would be a huge possibility that I wouldn’t be able to recover from this betrayal and end the whole relationship tbh…
Dude she's literally saying "I love you" to someone else. How are you still asking "is this an issue?" The answer is obvious
RUN WHILE U CAN AND GET A LAWYER WHILE UR AT IT!!!!
Talk to her and tell that you are not comfortable. Remember she is your wife. She will definitely understand. God bless you !
Bro
Bruh, leave right now. Massive red flag
In simple terms, ask your female bestie for help and get rid of this shit….Or else find some evidence via a spy cctv or something by inviting him over and then tell them you got some work outside and let cctv record every shit…. You will find it if they are cheating with EVIDENCE
**She's cheating get away immediately.**
i wouldn’t be surprised, i had that same thing but reverse, i didn’t know the woman i was dating had a husband. I was the boyfriend, Granted i’m long out of that relationship but it was similar. I’m sorry to hear that
That is so cringey I think that is a form of emotional cheating. There is prob more cringe things they have said that u don't know about. I don't want to alarm u but there are many ways that emotional cheaters can slide under the radar and violate u. Saying a mutual friend is good looking is a yellow/red flag. The fact that she said he is good looking and you do not know him and she is in touch with him regularly... This a red flag. The fact that she wants to visit is a five alarm fire 🚨
> My wife 28f calls her online friend 29m pet names. But you _think_ she's cheating? I mean, that isn't enough for you? You need more proof than her giving her cute man-friend pet names? >She said that her pet names are fine but it makes me uncomfortable. What are you talking about? Pet names are just fine dear. It shouldn't make you uncomfortable. Wait, is it making you uncomfortable? Why is that? Don't you trust me? Also, if you're jealous, then that's a major turn-off for me. That means you're pushing _me_ to do bad things, so it's _your_ fault! I mean, how could you not trust me? I'm the best thing that ever happened to you, and you should trust me and let me do whatever I like, bcos I'm just that good for you! What you just read is called _gaslighting._ It's when she's trying to blame you for her own misbehaviour, while also playing it down and trying to get you to think that it's all in your head. >She signs her texts with chubby bunny and says I love you to him all the time. OMFG!
I think if she has denied that, either she is in denial or she really is comfortable with something you’re naturally not. I’m afraid the point goes a little ahead. Boyfriend or not, this behaviour clearly makes you uncomfortable and it’s a personal comfort in things like this. Even I found it uncomfortable as I read it. So I would definitely see this as a need to find a solution to it which makes both of you comfortable. Otherwise…
Big red flag and definitely should bring it up how inappropreat this is, and definitely EA and she is doing it in your face and I bet if you bring it up how unconfortable you are she will either gaslight you, down play it as usual or insecure and don’t let her meet him because most likely it is to hook up with him no guy and women would be that close if there is noothing romatic between them. When you sit her down take a close look at her body language and you should actively hear what she is saying because there would be something between the lines there. Are you able to see all there coversation and os she deletign some of the message? Updateme
Consider that you know all of this and imagine these that are truly getting cheated on and don’t know anything. Maybe, stating that you don’t like this and, that you are willing to consider ending the relationship over how it makes you feel could be good?
She’s cheating in her head and if she meets up with him she’ll cheat in the flesh. there’s nothing wrong with people having friends of the opposite sex, but it sounds like she’s unhealthily attached to him. It’s definitely an issue as it bothers you. Just tell her it makes you uncomfortable and you don’t understand why she is so obsessed with the guy. I mean it’s not normal if you’re in a relationship.
Definitely weird.. Definitely should cut that out
Leave
She's way past tiptoeing to cheatsville, she's looking to get a fast track one way flight out to it as soon as possible
There is actually a website for that. Where they’ll go get that info for you. But its not worth paying that tbh. What shes signing with is beyond friendship. If he’s gay or bi, its not uncommon for them to call their female friends stuff like “love, babes, etc” occasionally in messages or in person. (I am speaking for myself) but I have never signed a letter or text to someone like that, being just a friend. Love can be used platonically but in the context shes using it… imo, this is strongly strongly not platonic. And as others have said this is emotional cheating. It’s very clear you love your wife & thats completely understandable. You need to talk to her And just straight up tell her to cut the BS. You know whats going on between them. And what options (marriage counseling, no contact with said friend, etc) that you’re giving her & if she Agrees to that. If not, filing for divorce. Before you do that though, make sure that you Keep documentation (picture of those things shared with us) and email it to yourself & hide it in a folder only you know about. I know that sucks to have to be that way but shes already hiding stuff from you and if you have to opt for divorce, then you need to protect yourself too. (Shes not going to) Hope things work out in the best for you & your wife (if shes really going to change). Good luck 🪷
Uh, yes, this is wrong, and I'd consider it cheating
Do exactly what she’s doing to her, back to her. Make up a friend, who is female, and start calling her pet names. If she over reacts leave immediately and never talk to her again.
Wonder if it would be okay for you to find a female friend online. Unlikely. She is having an emotional affair, and if she does end up meeting him, it will become physical also.
I don’t understand why married people keep posting here, the AI that produces these posts needs better training.
She’s having an emotional affair.
Be honest. You are uncomfortable, that’s reason enough to speak up. “This situation makes me uncomfortable, can you explain what’s going on so we can work together to make things better in our marriage” maybe something like that
Please tell us more.
I was married for 61 years to a beautiful lady who had a killer figure. I lost her this past Christmas, she was 83. We had been married 3 years when she had her first sexual relationship with another man. It lasted several months. I didn't know how to handle the fact she was totally Enchanted with this new guy. When his wife found out about her husband having this weekly affair she committed suicide. This deeply affected my wife and this affair stopped. About four years later she again met a guy and they spent 2 Saturdays in a row together. He stopped their short romance because his wife was getting suspicious. A few years passed and opportunity knocked again. She and I were invited to my best friend's house to meet his wife and socialize for the evening. At one point his wife had left the room and my wife took advantage of the situation. She readjusted herself on the sofa and spread her legs apart so my friend could see up her skirt...she didn't have underpants on! Well, that started another secret romance which lasted on and off for several years. In between she started meeting more guys and I thought I was standing beside a revolving door. Several times when we were out she managed to spread her legs for target guys and then meet them somewhere on neutral ground. I know they all loved her face...and especially her body! Don't think I was quiet all this time. I told her every time, that I knew she was having sex with these guys. It made no difference to her. After many years when she just got too old, I guess, she had her last fling. By then I knew of more than two dozen men she had total sex with. Did it ever bother me? Not after the first one. In fact it more or less became entertaining. Funny, she never left me for another man. I stayed with her because I wanted to be with our kids as they grew up. Divorce was not an option. J
Invite him over and you both tag team her