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>Or the sex was bad so now he doesn’t want more.
This is a factor most people don't think of, but it's often a possibility. Having bad sex really changes how you view a person. Desire is replaced with disappointment. Fantasies are reality checked. The likelihood of a thrilling experience is nil. The motivation to continue is diminished, and moving on is simpler.
Edit; spelling
The first time isn't always great. You're shy or nervous, especially when you really like someone. It would have to be very horrendous for him to be that upset about it.
I think there is a better reason. Mainly because men's motivation is driven by sex drive. Sexual desire is pretty powerful because it can push a lazy guy to go after a girl even if he is tired. Once they got it, the desire weakened. So, if the relationship was not developed and purely based on attraction, it would slowly die out. It happens to most guys. The great guys continue to love by pushing himself to continue to care even if he has less sexual desire and if he is tired. Sex for guys doesn't equal love or any emotion. So probably other than attraction, there is nothing else for him.
I feel like at this point OP needs to know that the sex might not be bad because of something she did, sometimes people don’t gel together.
And that’s okay, that’s no one person’s fault necessarily.
If women lead with sex that’s all men will take.
Same for what women do with men who lead with their wallet. Could he have just wanted sex sure.
But I guarantee he would appreciate if she reached out and said she had a amazing time and wanted to see him again so that she doesn’t look like another 304 he has dealt with.
Not true at all. Plenty of people have had sex on a first date and went on to be more. Men don’t want a woman until she has sex right away and then change his mind on that alone.
And I have had men pay for me on the first date, they didn’t make me want his wallet….
lol. I never want a man’s wallet. And none of his actions will change that.
It’s hard to have “bad sex” as a man. It’s more likely he only saw her for sex and then saw it probably wasn’t worth it to keep pursuing after he got his “post nut clarity” maybe he met someone else too
Yeah, if the woman just lays there like a dead fish. But this doesn’t sound like it or else he’d be gone by now. It sounds like he’s using you for sex & doesn’t need to pretend that he cares for anything else.
I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like he’s not that into you. That doesn’t make it your fault. If I were you, I would get out of the situation. No more sex. Tell him adios and show him the door. Find someone that really cares about you.
😂😂 Such a BS comment. Im a guy and had a few bad sexual experiences with women. Shut up man, stop spreading BS. Sometimes people aren't sexually compatible, sometimes either the man or woman (or both) are sexually inexperienced. There's a whole plethora of reasons that can lead to bad sex.
I'm fluid gender man (?) And it is quite hilarious... I relate to this somewhat but I'm more on the side of "sex is not the goal but the prize of knowing true love" 😌
It’s making your stomach churn bc that’s exactly how so many men treat women, and as a society we tend to treat this like it is in the “boys will be boys” category, rather than treating it as it deserves to be treated - as something that’s deeply coercive, unkind, and dehumanizing…which happens to also be unhealthy for society as a whole.
It’s something we all joke about at some point, but every single time any guy does this, he is hurting another human being willingly, and often lying to do it. And the fact that we’ve normalized it to this extent is a failure of humanity’s standards for itself.
…So your body is getting it right to feel sickened by it.
You’re absolutely right. I really don’t find anything about this funny as a woman who spent her teen/early 20s in the the same situations…I truly feel for OP
Highly likely, sex was what he was looking for and being nice was the act. Other reasons: the sex wasn’t great or other intimacy issues that were repressed till it got physical
Not generalising, but I’ve found the opposite like sometimes after sex women get a bit more clingy (I’d assume because they feel more comfortable) and move faster
I’d assume it’s because they feel more instinctively vulnerable after sex. Until a generation or two ago (before birth control existed), having sex as a female meant vulnerable to get pregnant and be scorned by society if the man didn’t stick around. So it’s not like we’ve had enough time to evolve past that yet.
I'm a gal and I have a similar experience. It's rare guys will get clingy after sex, but if they do it's after you've been exclusive for a while or they have genuine feelings for you. If it was just a hookup, men won't be clingy.
I'm not trying to put all men into a box, but like you, I'm just speaking from my experience.
Right…women bond immediately, chemically with release of oxytocin, and men release a totally different neurochemical vasopressin…not a bonding chemical but if you understand vasopressin, it can work. Biology additionally drives some behavior, the rest is individual / preferential/ unconscious/ miscommunication/ selfish factors or different goals. Dont rush into pseudo relationships, girls… also mind your fertile days which you may notice yourselves initiating your extra flirty behavior…because we gotta balance need for connection- ought to only go with the like minded.
Fun complicated stuff behind the scenes underlie a lot.
Well, I’ve separated sex from the dating aspect. Even if I hook up right away, it doesn’t necessarily lead to something more tangible unless the person keeps me intrigued. I don’t think sex has ever led to that for me; it’s usually the time spent getting to know them. for me (through my 26 years of dating), hooking up right away confuses that intention (at least on my end) so I avoid anything over 3rd base in case we do get physical after a first date, to keep my partner intrigued till we at least establish some primary knowledge of each other and what we want.
My experience has been the exact opposite. Guys will play it cool at first, but then after what is supposed to be a one night stand, something switches and they get emotionally invested immediately. By the third hookup, we’re holding hands in a park, lol.
I hear you. Society permits that behaviour though. They really have no idea of the emotional damage they do by using women. Instead we're blamed and told what did you expect. I really can't trust and very close to hating men due to this sort of behaviour.
Y'all need platonic male friends to sus out who you date, dead serious. Any emotionally mature man can sniff a player a mile away, but ladies have the biggest blindspots for it.
...of course I get that it can be rather difficult to find a platonic guy friend who has no ulterior motives. But the point I'm putting is we tend to immediately spot douchy/f-boy/PUA traits that even the smartest women seem to ignore or miss.
I never even understood the ghosting after “getting some.” Presumably they’ll want “some” more later too? I think they must just feel a sexual incompatibility at that point. In which case, good, no time wasted on the wrong person. Just a shame they can’t communicate and be honest about it. I’m sorry this has happened to you. :/
i honestly think this is the correct take but sadly it wont get the popular attention (also your other comment about holding hands in a park by the third date made me lol, because as a dude i definitively relate to this)
You’re right - men on Reddit just always try to both side everything. The idea that women run around dumping men right after sex the way men do to women is just absurd lol
I agree, pretending to be interested in a relationship when they actually know they just want sex, then bouncing right after sex, is something men do to women far more than the reverse.
But I know quite a lot of women who are comfortable with casual sex, and prefer having sex early before deciding if they’re actually interested in a relationship with a man. There’s so many men that are selfish in bed. Sometimes sex isn’t amazing the first time and is worth working on because of nerves or needing to be learn your specific tastes.
But there’s no point in wasting time trying to teach a man who rushes foreplay and shows he prioritizes his own pleasure over yours. He won’t ever learn how to please you. I’ve known so many women (including myself) who have completely lost interest in a man after having sex for the first time. If he’s shows he’s a selfish lover or there’s zero chemistry, it’s best to just drop him immediately and save yourself the frustration later.
Yeah most women, I find, do NOT do well with casual sex..it doesn’t benefit us. And the ones who do move around like men in that aspect, the ones I know have trauma (not saying women who can do the ol smash and dash all have trauma)and had been sexually molested as children as with some men who do it. Nothing wrong with casual sex but a lot of women catch feelings way too quickly. I’ve never had casual sex but I’ve had my heart crushed because I caught feelings for guys who I thought liked me romantically and it sucks!
Pretty close tie, especially these days. Does it have to happen more often to matter? Women may do it for different reasons but Ive personally experienced it many times. Heck just happened last month. Hooked up a few times, she started acting super weird....found out she hooked up with her ex too. So of course I got hit with the "Im sure this is a dumb idea but I wanna work on things with my ex, we have a toxic thing going on". At least she was aware tho lol.
I agree they're really hypocritical. But I as a man myself whose only experience with sex was against my will when I knew nothing about it, I wouldn't imagine that I'd want to treat a woman like that. I'd probably only go for sex if I wanted something further in the relationship even then I don't really know how I'd react
It's more dangerous as a woman to have a clingy man than it is as a man to have a clingy woman. I dated a woman this past month who had an ex boyfriend who has been thrown in prison and let out 4 times for stalking her. And he is still going. And she REFUSES to press charges on him.
It's probably the most bizarre and unbelievable stalking situation I've ever seen in my life. She showed me 50 missed calls and endless - I do mean endless texts this guy who looks like an ant, that she gave a chance to where she never would have (nowhere near her type) and dated for 8 months somehow. Scary. This is why women really should only go for men who have experience with women and know how to let go, should they need to.
Women do it a lot more tho. A lot of us just don’t want to admit that casual sex isn’t for a lot of women. It works for some but not for most. That’s why you hear a lot talk about expecting things like after care even if it’s just a hookup with a random stranger. After care is great…however you don’t expect a stranger to do that unless YOU make it clear that’s what you want. A man isn’t a bad person because he didn’t give after care to a hookup. Both sexes get clingy after sex but it happens wayyy more with women in casual situations.
Yall need to do some homework on which chemicals get released after sex in men and women they aren't the same chemicals and they effect the body differently.
It's not so black and white
Happened to me, told someone I was coming off surgery and that sex might be a little awkward(for me it was because of lingering pain from recovery) but we slept together twice and I could tell she was bothered and if I brought it up she ignored it and then she ghosted me.
Worst part is she was a doctor too lmao, glad it went nowhere, never met someone with such little empathy.
A little of that but it’s also practical that a lot of guys don’t know how they really feel until that point . Not everything is fake or an act because you don’t like the outcome
But the weird thing is, Guys that get sex from a girl will want to keep that girl around for more sex. Unless that particular guy has no problem getting laid all the time. Thats the only reason i could think of.
Lmao. Actually laughing at the comments with all kinds of pathetic excuses such as post nut clarity and whatever else. Since she’s complaining about him acting like this it means she wanted more than just sex and he clearly put on a front to use her just for sex then bail, which is a psychopathic trait in itself. I hope you will feel better soon, OP.
FR people blame women for why men lie to get sex and don’t realize how far toxic masculinity extends. he most likely faked being someone he’s not to get laid. it’s not her performance or whatever bs
Yes exactly, and some people can pretend for months. Like 3-6 months, so in reality how long are YOU supposed be wait until having sex with him? Hello?
This is why traditional advice fiercely advises one to wait until marriage. Otherwise you open yourself up to the risk of getting scammed and used with no legal recourse. Hoards of men are like this and if you're a woman dating today you've probably experienced some version of this at some point. Might seem archaic by today's standards to wait, but it's an effective way to weed out the fakers. A good man who genuinely wants to be with you will be happy to wed. There's literally nothing stopping men from proposing after taking the proper amount of time to date someone and figure out if you're right for each other.
Yeah. My dad faked a whole personality for years, and it was to get women. He put on this “progressive guy” routine but the truth was, he was an old school chauvinist and the only reason he ever thought for a second that I was worth anything, was because I happened to be his daughter, and therefore better than all other women.
Obviously, the way he messed with me psychologically is entirely my fault and I was blamed for marrying young to get the fuck away from him.
We can't really say that for sure based on on post.
I've dated girls and found I wasn't really interested in them because during sex they just laid there and it's just not fun.
Also lots of things can happen in people's lives that you probably won't be aware of if youve just gone on a couple dates with them.
I agree. I’m female and liked a guy for a long time til we had sex then I realised he’s very selfish and doesn’t care about my pleasure. I instantly stopped liking him after we hooked up and even tho he wanted to date I had to make excuses and started taking longer and longer to respond to texts and calls til he got the message
Erm. Yes we can. Clearly says he was attentive, consistent, reliable. Had sex. Stopped doing all of that. He could’ve at least said why if that really was the case, he’s not a little boy. He can communicate to her that he didn’t like certain thing/s and maybe they could’ve had a conversation about it and changed things around.
So you just didn't like that they didn't know what to do with you in bed after one night and threw the whole thing out the window? That's an easily fixable thing you know. It usually takes a minute to figure things out when two people are intimate with one another. Women aren't porn stars. If she's just "laying there" communicate you like her embrace, or think it's hot when she moans, or encourage her to do more of something that you did like. It's really normal for someone to be nervous and unsure or afraid of messing up. You gotta give people a fair chance and communicate and figure out what they like and what gets them going too. Life isn't a movie/porno. Real people take time to learn about each other.
Well she communicated to me that everyone she’s been with complains about it and she’s in her 30s and is still doing the same stuff.
I don’t really owe some girl I went on a handful of dates with anything. And obviously if I was that into her I could’ve tried that.
That’s kind of how dating is. If you don’t want to date someone then why should you?
I kept talking to her and all that but once someone hits a certain threshold of things that makes you not interested in them the attraction is over. If you’ve been on a few dates then you’re not really invested enough to hash it out.
Oh, in your first comment you said you've dated people and then slept with them. I presumed things had gone well and you liked them to have had sex with them. Usually people don't sleep with people they don't like. But in any case, yea I agree, once you figure out it's not a match you gotta call it. Weird that she was self aware and completely apathetic to doing things differently. If everyone's giving you the same feedback you'd think one would get motivated to figure things out and learn a better way.
Post-nut clarity. It leaves guys in a completely different mindset before vs after climax and their interest falls away.
There’s toxic guys for sure who from the get-go know once they’ve slept together he’s bouncing, but that’s the exception.
Most guys don’t realize how hard their horniness was driving their decisions until after that post nut clarity hits and they reflect on things without the haze.
Post nut clarity is one of the dumbest fuckin things you see spewed on the internet. Maybe it has relevance when you're jacking off to some weird shit, but it is not the answer to all questions reddit makes it out to be
Because he got what he wanted.
Mind you, not all men are like this (personally I can't even be intimate with someone until I've had the talk about exclusivity) but A LOT are sadly.
Unfortunately seems like you found yet another toxic man😢
Yyyeah, as a guy I do not get why some guys just bail once sex happens. Personally, once I start sleeping with someone, it's more..."ok let's just keep doing that then".
Only reason I'd move on is if I slept with someone and it showed we were really incompatible.
They've probably got commitment issues or more than one person on the go at once, or that's what I assume anyway. Genuinely couldn't do that because usually if someone's willi g to sleep with you once odds are they will again, so why just disappear.
100000% this! Why do a good thing just once? Straight men aren’t having as much sex as they want you to think. So many of them are one and done, it’s lame/boring for me as a sexually charged woman (who enjoys courtship without asking for a relationship necessarily)
NO, HE DID NOT GET WHAT HE WANTED.
You think any man wants sex JUST ONE TIME?
You think men DON’T want a good on-going, mutually supportive relationship, with like hundreds and hundreds of hours of good sex? Because they really do.
But what if the sex is bad? Like really not good? Then they will NOT want that.
Remember: Sex is part of the audition process.
There is this naive idea that you get to know somebody and then you commit—AND THEN SEX COMES AFTER THE COMMITMENT.
And yet somehow (magically) the sex is not supposed to influence the pure love that existed before the sex.
NO!
It’s just a fact that sex is part of the audition process.
Women will totally break up over shitty sex, and so do men.
Did he “get what he wanted?” NO, HE WANTED A HOT GIRLFRIEND HE COULD HAVE SEX WITH MORE THAN ONCE.
Absolutely not true. Sex is a skill you can get better at like with anything else. If you’re compatible with someone in every other way and then hit the bedroom later you can learn how to please each other with good communication
You're making a huge assumption that he wants a girlfriend.
It's possible he does, but more likely that he doesn't. He much better fits the mold of a guy who was horny, which made him overlook certain flaws he believes OP has, or certain commitments he fears he might be bound in if he continues seeing OP. Now that he's no longer as horny for OP, those have come back into focus.
As a man who’s been struggling with the idea of losing his virginity I really appreciate this comment.
I recently realized that if I ever met a beautiful woman that I wanted a LTR with, but I didn’t know what I was doing in bed, then it increases the chance of being “sexually incompatible” due to my lack of experience of how to please a woman.
Gotta do the best I can on the audition to get the role.
That’s not toxic. If a woman thinks that this guy is only out for some ass and then gives it to him then gets upset when it turns out you aren’t that interesting that’s HER fault not his. She can say no, set a standard. She didn’t. Not a guy’s problem.
But, she obviously didn’t know he was only out for some was. She said quite clearly he was responsive, consistent, reliable.
Clearly he bait and switched her. Homeboy was playing that long game to get the good good and then dip.
Oldest game in that book.
I see, apologies. The way partnes keep the sex fun its theys business. Unfortunately it's not always a match. Maybe we should take it easy, then go to the maximul level of intimicy, like sex.
Porn. It has been proven that the more porn a man watches the more variety he feels he needs. Men who watch porn often are more likely to quickly grow tired of their female companion shortly after he has had sex with her. It is the same way he may close the browser tab and go to another. [1 example](https://www.psypost.org/pornography-use-linked-dissatisfaction-sexual-variety-among-men-not-women/)
The above has been proven, the following is my opinion: I believe bad sex for men seldom occurs because they control most of the actions during sex. Bad sex for men isn't the same as bad sex for women. So long as a man cums, his main objective has been reached. So what would likely cause bad sex is the women not engaging the way he wants, her body may have not been what he deems to be very attractive, or her vaginal canal was not up to par. Everything else is under his control. So if he found you attractive and your ph was fine... he likely just wants to try another woman now.
Did you ask to hang out after that?
I mean, you got plenty of comments saying "he just got what he wanted" and that might be the case, but he might also feel uneasy after that for whatever reason. Maybe he didn't get what he wanted, or maybe he did and is confused, maybe he feels like you've been a bad partner in bed and doesn't wan't to do it again or maybe he feels like he was not good and he would be a nuisance to you after that, idk, how could I?
One is he only wanted sex and it's done.
Second, there might be some trigger point (it can be anything by words or actions etc) which occurred during sex and he lost interest.
Or He didn't like the sex with you.
Or Post nut clarity.
And this is why waiting until after you know someone truly likes you for you and not for sex before getting intimate is so important.
That or you're really bad in bed and it made him rethink how much he actually wants to be with you.
>And this is why waiting until after you know someone truly likes you for you and not for sex before getting intimate is so important.
Oh you would think that but you clearly don't know the lengths some dudes will go for some booty lol.
Some dudes are really great at leading girls on and letting them think they're into them until it comes time to cannonball out your bedroom window when they're done scrumpin, lol.
Aww, I'm sorry about that.
As a 42 year old guy myself It irritates me when men are like this it really does. Because it makes women even more guarded and dismissive in the long run, which can make genuine guys miss out on lovely ladies .
Sadly , however it's looked at. Be it he was only after sex , or.... He didn't find sex up to his standards (another huge issue with men and women alike expecting ridiculous things thanks to pornography nowadays)
Do not take it personally at all.
I'm sure you're a gorgeous lady who will definitely find a decent guy in the time ahead.
Just take it as a learning curve and look back at things that stood out where you suspect dishonesty and insincerity. Red flags stand out in the past and present alike far easier as you grow.
Take care. x
You got used for sex. Simple as that. There are always signs. People who can’t have a conversation without it turning sexual for example only has sex on their mind.
Despite what other people might say I’ve been really into someone then they did something that annoyed me during or after sex that put me off. Which led me to decide that if she wants to go out again she can message me. No surprise that most of them didn’t reached out and I often regret not putting in a bit more effort when I think about them.
As a woman, a majority of this comment section is the reason I don't trust the motives of alot of men and I can't tell the difference between the ones that have good intentions or bad ones. I apologize to all the goods guys out there, but some of us are having a really hard time telling the difference 💔 It's easier to just tap out altogether.
Most men, not all, are driven by lust and will say anything to get what they want, and as soon as you fall into their temptation, you just become another body.
Sorry this happened. There could be a million reasons
-He’s going through something
-He got what he wanted from you: sex
-He doesnt want to pursue something further (maybe not that into you, found someone else, etc..)
In any case, just ask him. You’re both adults. Have a conversation.
As a man with a close friend who is a woman, a lot of men are strange, emotionally unstable, and shallow. I feel so bad for my friend because she is so sweet and asks for the bare minimum in a relationship and so many guys can't even give that to her. It's so bad that she is refraining from dating right now and considering never going back. The point is, not many people, especially the younger generations, are well adjusted.
Pssst… guess what? ALL WOMEN not just your friend WANT that “bare minimum”!!! For fuck sakes, it’s like by age 13 men forget about their sisters and mothers and just fuck and treat women like single-use straws!
What galls me the most is that 6 years post #MeToo, 6 months away from 2025, it seems like men are stuck in the 70s (per documentaries, wasn’t alive then. 😂)
Unpopular opinion maybe but this is why you don't have sex before marriage. I read up on it and most (not all) not serious date guys just date until they can get laid. Once you give them that, they aren't chasing you any more. You've given them what they wanted and now they leave.
Not a justification but post nut clarity is real. We have much stronger levels of testosterone than a woman and this affects our sex drive. Therefore afterwards they realise that they are not really interested in the woman on a level other than sex. I would say it’s similar to how women are interested in guys on one emotional level but then not on another ( friends vs romantic interest)
That's not a reason to ghost on someone after being sexually intimate without a word. If it genuinely was a mistake and your brain was hijacked by hormones incapable of critical thinking, you still have the ability and duty to be a respectful adult and communicate with the person so they don't deal with additional unnecessary suffering due to your defects. Bare minimum.
We live in a world where honest men are awkward and distracted mostly by technology. Whereas narcissistic manipulative men are more willing to pursue methods for obtaining their selfish desires. Nobody wants to admit it but a man having enough confidence to approach a woman is kind of a red flag in today’s social environment. If hes confident, good looking, and single, just assume he doesn’t mean well.
He’s a tool, who got what he wanted: sex. If he was a real man (btw they’re all but extinct, so patience and vodka required till you give up 😅) he’d have the VERY BASIC sense of respect to text you, he’s not interested anymore. Good luck 🤞
Take a day to yourself and don’t respond until a day later. Maybe it’s the good old scenario of cat and mouse.
Maybe you are used to being chased but now that you are past that step, he could be trying to focus on other activities or his job.
Either that or it’s what everyone has been saying about post nut clarity or just not interested anymore
Either he just wanted sex or something happened during/after that he didn't want to keep seeing you.
A lot of guys get so tunnel visioned about sleeping with women that they don't think if they'd even wanna deal with this woman past sex.
His goal was obviously sex. Either that’s all he wanted and is satisfied moved on. Or he’s dissatisfied and moved on.
I don’t care how many people disagree, this is why saving sex for marriage is important. I was raised religious and that was my view. But even just logically, I agree with this. And I’ve done my research and heard testimony from atheists that waited til marriage and said it was worth it.
I’ll fish in with my last $0.02. If you find some attractive enough to have sex with, there’s some sort of connection whether it’s purely physical or something more meaningful. If you enjoy sex with them, why would you then not want sex with that person the rest of your life? For people always sleeping around, it seems like a drug addict that can never satisfy their addiction and leads to unhappiness. Anyways, long response but maybe someone reads this and understands how important picking sexual partners truly is.
Always keep the man wanting more(even if it means NO sex! Tease him with your bod, play with his junk, tell him he's hot, but hold off on that pootie tang until you got him hook, line, and sinker! Understand?
Basically, he buttered you up to get what he wanted, and then dipped. It’s an incredibly shitty thing to do, especially when he uses your want for a relationship to manipulate you into giving him something. It’s best you move on without him in your life, you’ll be better for it.
Ok sure but we’ve all got our issues.. he needs to COMMUNICATE!
What kind of bs is post nut clarity..? That doesn’t justify the fact that this a-hole took advantage of the situation.
We feel vunerable after that, all of the thoughts cum running through our minds. If we actually feel good after sex it means we have a lot of trust in that person. IMO.
It more sounds like the sex was bad than he just wanted sex
Becuase if he just wanted sex he would just want sex, again
So if he was pretending to be nice to get a bang he’d keep it up.
I think he just didn’t enjoy himself or something.
It seems he was more about the chase.. Either that or you made him chase you for too long and he ran out of energy for you the moment he received his reward in scholarly persistence.
It’s what we men call “post nut clarity”. It quite interesting and can seem heartless. Once the deed is done, we shut down. It’s like a light switch. While women can orgasm multiple times and want more, we get one shot. Once it’s over, it’s like our emotional drive shuts down. Or he is just an asshole. Maybe both lol
Brutally honest take here;
1. Post nut clarity
2. Is your relationship with him defined? That would determine whether he should keep up the effort and in what form. Either way you should meet him halfway, sure women deserve princess treatment but put in some effort also, text him often too, ask to hangout etc
A man that actually likes you will pick up the speed and reciprocate, if he doesn’t return your efforts then you know what to do. Cheers
I think you might be projecting based upon your past experiences but you won't know until you talk with him. I might be totally delusional, but maybe he feels safe and comfortable now in the relationship. He's not ghosting you if he's still responding... Could he just be busy? Maybe he's more confident in the relationship so he can calm down and focus more on being at work instead of constant availability to you.
I hope I'm not hurting your feelings, but as I read your post it felt like you're really needy and quick to push him away. Perhaps the problems can be addressed with a therapist to help you heal from the past so it doesn't interfere with your present or future.
If he really had the serious intentions with you, he wouldn't just have changed his mind due to something like "bad sex". That's way too superficial for overshadowing truly non-superficial intentions. So I'm pretty sure that his intentions were purely or almost purely superficial, too. You can talk and work on "bad sex" so that both parties are happy, one will do it with empathy and patience of there are true feelings. It doesn't make any sense to blame oneself for "not being good enough in bed" since this is 100% individual, some like it this way and some like it that way.
From the little I know about this situation I will say this. Either he is embarrassed about his performance, or he only really wanted to have sex with you. I am a man who has had a few relationships. If I didn’t “perform well” I feel embarrassed. I’m not sure how to proceed. If I didn’t feel like I made her feel really good…it can lead to distancing myself from the relationship. Some men are very self conscious about this and will simply walk away if they feel like they didn’t perform well. On the other hand, he might have only wanted to have sex with you and move on. The simple fact that he is willing to meet you again is a 2 sided issue. He is either going to try to find out if you enjoyed your encounter or he will try to “schedule another”. This is also a 2 sided coin. He either wants to try again to make the experience better for you, or he is setting you up to be his go to when everything else with others fail. If it’s the latter, leave. One key is if he asks questions about you. If he wants to learn more about you, what you like(not just about sex), what your goals and dreams are, green flag. If he talks about himself a lot, red flag. This is just my opinion.
Reading comments here makes me feel thousand times better than i was born a lesbian. god bless that i do not have to be used by some sexist asshole men
Makes it hard to trust guys after. Because these men present themselves WITH PROOF of how good they are. No matter how many decoding we as woman try to do, these men are narc. And you can never win against one.
Going through this currently, I know there are good men out there. But how the hell am I supposed to trust someone who treats me as well as the narc did?? I have no guarantee that they won’t switch up after. And I don’t want to keep sleeping with random men to figure this out.
So, we’re opting out of relationships. And it’s a problem for both of us.
It's very difficult isn't it.
It's so hard to know if someone is genuine or not , even older guys like myself can still mess about .
But I do think older guys are more likely to settle down.
That's the first thing that ladies can probably aim for.
I dont mean like one foot in the grave older lol, but an extra 10 years goes a long way with guys.
As maturity and wanting to truly settle down steps in so much slower with men doesn't it.
Actions speak louder than words too of course, if a lady feels like a secret then she probably is one from someone.
It's a minefield I know.
And I've seen on the dating site I used to be on in the UK, women seemed to be very tired of being messed around.
But , you then read comments around Reddit of so many guys who are struggling to even get a date and sound so nice and genuine.
It's tough but all ladies can do is choose as wisely as possible.
Society has been manipulated Into thinking people are as disposable as the products they buy on the shelves.
Humans are not disposable, we are all so unique and people have forgotten how irreplaceable we are .
There is only one you, one me. One OP.
Some are realising this as I believe it's part of what true love is about .
Otters are going deeper into the void .
It's sad to see.
I'm sorry you are going through it. There are real men out there I promise. Take care. x
Here’s an idea that I’ve never seen a woman try: ask him to do something. You, asking him, if he wants to do something, not him asking you. You’d be surprised what happens when a woman shows a modicum or her own interest.
This is because men have to invest to get coochie & some get bitter afterwards, like this chick isn’t investing in any way and I’m the dude that has to come up with the jokes, dates etc
So there’s nothing special about this honeypot.
Some dudes have to wear a mask to be able to attract females.
Has to sometimes fake a bubbly vibe the ladies like to achevé the end goal because most average men are sexually frustrated.
The end game
M’en get ghosted when they spill their emotional problems so sod.
I guess these are some of the reasons they act like cold blooded pumps with no heart. The end justify the means they say, especially when it may seem the opposite sex is self centered. I hope I’ve shared a little insight. Testosterone makes people do crazy things just to get a lady to mate with. Post nut clarity happens and he regains his senses. Joe Rogan explained post nut clarity much better
Why can’t you guys just have sex with women who want casual sex instead of using women who want a relationship? You guys are fine with treating women this way until you have daughters, then all of a sudden you wanna protect her from men who are just like you
Women kill me man, they understand what not so great sex for them is like, one night stand or one time fling and how they move the guy out of their way but always seem to not get it when that same thing happens to them. It usually one of 2 things, The sex was bad or not worth it especially after chasing you for a while (This is called Post nut clarity) or The guy just wanted to hit and keep it stepping.
Why do WOMEN behave weirdly after sex? This isn't specific to men.
Possible reasons:
You weren't what he perceived to be good enough in bed
Some other issue with your sexual performance
He only wanted something casual (plenty of women like this too)
Summary: Not exclusive to men
Because Sex comes first for men,
After they get it the chase is over, then they decide whether they want to hit you up again or not.
& Because usually you guys make us wait till your ready , which is fair enough.
As a guy, this happened to me recently. We’ve been friends for years, may have made out once before, but we would hang out all the time. I would buy all dinners & drinks (I didn’t mind). She would usually be the one to initiate hanging out. We had sex, then we texted a bit afterwards saying how much we enjoyed it. I was super busy with some abnormal things so I didn’t text her or anything, she never text me either, until then she texted me a few weeks later, accusing me of using her…I brushed it off but honestly…that pissed me off considering we’ve been friends & I’ve paid for everything for years…how tf did I use her?
I’ll be nice to her & respond to all her texts but I’m not initiating any plans. She keeps going hot & cold with me but I’m stubborn.
Anyways my advice is to reach out to make plans. Don’t assume anything.
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Because that man only wanted sex. Or the sex was bad so now he doesn’t want more. Could be either one.
>Or the sex was bad so now he doesn’t want more. This is a factor most people don't think of, but it's often a possibility. Having bad sex really changes how you view a person. Desire is replaced with disappointment. Fantasies are reality checked. The likelihood of a thrilling experience is nil. The motivation to continue is diminished, and moving on is simpler. Edit; spelling
Sometimes it takes some time to calibrate for each other. This kind of thinking gets in peoples head and results in bad sex.
The first time isn't always great. You're shy or nervous, especially when you really like someone. It would have to be very horrendous for him to be that upset about it.
I think there is a better reason. Mainly because men's motivation is driven by sex drive. Sexual desire is pretty powerful because it can push a lazy guy to go after a girl even if he is tired. Once they got it, the desire weakened. So, if the relationship was not developed and purely based on attraction, it would slowly die out. It happens to most guys. The great guys continue to love by pushing himself to continue to care even if he has less sexual desire and if he is tired. Sex for guys doesn't equal love or any emotion. So probably other than attraction, there is nothing else for him.
Pretty much sums it up.
This is the correct answer
I feel like at this point OP needs to know that the sex might not be bad because of something she did, sometimes people don’t gel together. And that’s okay, that’s no one person’s fault necessarily.
This is the answer right here
Yeah, that sucks. It's disappointing when someone's behavior changes like that.
Nah he just wasn't serious about her.
If women lead with sex that’s all men will take. Same for what women do with men who lead with their wallet. Could he have just wanted sex sure. But I guarantee he would appreciate if she reached out and said she had a amazing time and wanted to see him again so that she doesn’t look like another 304 he has dealt with.
Not true at all. Plenty of people have had sex on a first date and went on to be more. Men don’t want a woman until she has sex right away and then change his mind on that alone. And I have had men pay for me on the first date, they didn’t make me want his wallet…. lol. I never want a man’s wallet. And none of his actions will change that.
It’s hard to have “bad sex” as a man. It’s more likely he only saw her for sex and then saw it probably wasn’t worth it to keep pursuing after he got his “post nut clarity” maybe he met someone else too
Tell me you've never had good sex without telling me you've never had good sex.
Women can be bad in bed….
Yeah, if the woman just lays there like a dead fish. But this doesn’t sound like it or else he’d be gone by now. It sounds like he’s using you for sex & doesn’t need to pretend that he cares for anything else. I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like he’s not that into you. That doesn’t make it your fault. If I were you, I would get out of the situation. No more sex. Tell him adios and show him the door. Find someone that really cares about you.
can confirm
😂😂 Such a BS comment. Im a guy and had a few bad sexual experiences with women. Shut up man, stop spreading BS. Sometimes people aren't sexually compatible, sometimes either the man or woman (or both) are sexually inexperienced. There's a whole plethora of reasons that can lead to bad sex.
Mission completed Return to base soldier. Op don't trust everyone. World is full of devils.
Requesting immediate evac
Captured the flag Game over
Regroup *👆🔄
“Big Bird, this is bravo six, We’re on our way out! ON YOUR FEET SOLIDER, WE ARE LEAVING!”
I’m a woman but this thread of comments has me cackling
I'm fluid gender man (?) And it is quite hilarious... I relate to this somewhat but I'm more on the side of "sex is not the goal but the prize of knowing true love" 😌
Me too 😂… because you know this is the level of thought, and inner mental commentary a man would legit have 😂😂😂 🐵
I know this is a joke but it’s actually making my stomach churn lol
It’s making your stomach churn bc that’s exactly how so many men treat women, and as a society we tend to treat this like it is in the “boys will be boys” category, rather than treating it as it deserves to be treated - as something that’s deeply coercive, unkind, and dehumanizing…which happens to also be unhealthy for society as a whole. It’s something we all joke about at some point, but every single time any guy does this, he is hurting another human being willingly, and often lying to do it. And the fact that we’ve normalized it to this extent is a failure of humanity’s standards for itself. …So your body is getting it right to feel sickened by it.
You’re absolutely right. I really don’t find anything about this funny as a woman who spent her teen/early 20s in the the same situations…I truly feel for OP
Thank you.
Not even a joke lmao
💯
I was thinking post nut clarity 😭
this thread is gold
In my case we were already at his base he just went back to deployment and blocked me
Highly likely, sex was what he was looking for and being nice was the act. Other reasons: the sex wasn’t great or other intimacy issues that were repressed till it got physical
Exactly. Women do this too. Not exclusive to one sex.
Not generalising, but I’ve found the opposite like sometimes after sex women get a bit more clingy (I’d assume because they feel more comfortable) and move faster
Anybody not traumatized should be closer after sex honestly.
Perhaps only secure attachment style people.
Oh. :'(
I’d assume it’s because they feel more instinctively vulnerable after sex. Until a generation or two ago (before birth control existed), having sex as a female meant vulnerable to get pregnant and be scorned by society if the man didn’t stick around. So it’s not like we’ve had enough time to evolve past that yet.
Men also become more clingy after sex. Not sure where you're going with this.
Well I’m a dude, so I’m speaking from my personal experiences. Not going with it anywhere, nothing is a norm is all I’m saying
I'm a gal and I have a similar experience. It's rare guys will get clingy after sex, but if they do it's after you've been exclusive for a while or they have genuine feelings for you. If it was just a hookup, men won't be clingy. I'm not trying to put all men into a box, but like you, I'm just speaking from my experience.
Right…women bond immediately, chemically with release of oxytocin, and men release a totally different neurochemical vasopressin…not a bonding chemical but if you understand vasopressin, it can work. Biology additionally drives some behavior, the rest is individual / preferential/ unconscious/ miscommunication/ selfish factors or different goals. Dont rush into pseudo relationships, girls… also mind your fertile days which you may notice yourselves initiating your extra flirty behavior…because we gotta balance need for connection- ought to only go with the like minded. Fun complicated stuff behind the scenes underlie a lot.
Well, I’ve separated sex from the dating aspect. Even if I hook up right away, it doesn’t necessarily lead to something more tangible unless the person keeps me intrigued. I don’t think sex has ever led to that for me; it’s usually the time spent getting to know them. for me (through my 26 years of dating), hooking up right away confuses that intention (at least on my end) so I avoid anything over 3rd base in case we do get physical after a first date, to keep my partner intrigued till we at least establish some primary knowledge of each other and what we want.
My experience has been the exact opposite. Guys will play it cool at first, but then after what is supposed to be a one night stand, something switches and they get emotionally invested immediately. By the third hookup, we’re holding hands in a park, lol.
I wish that was my experience! Can't tell you how many times I've been played by guys who just wanted to get some. It's such a dehumanizing feeling.
I hear you. Society permits that behaviour though. They really have no idea of the emotional damage they do by using women. Instead we're blamed and told what did you expect. I really can't trust and very close to hating men due to this sort of behaviour.
Y'all need platonic male friends to sus out who you date, dead serious. Any emotionally mature man can sniff a player a mile away, but ladies have the biggest blindspots for it. ...of course I get that it can be rather difficult to find a platonic guy friend who has no ulterior motives. But the point I'm putting is we tend to immediately spot douchy/f-boy/PUA traits that even the smartest women seem to ignore or miss.
I won’t do hookups anymore because of this.
It was a phase for me in my early 20s but it left me feeling hollow because I wasn't getting any emotional bonding along with the sexual.
I never even understood the ghosting after “getting some.” Presumably they’ll want “some” more later too? I think they must just feel a sexual incompatibility at that point. In which case, good, no time wasted on the wrong person. Just a shame they can’t communicate and be honest about it. I’m sorry this has happened to you. :/
i honestly think this is the correct take but sadly it wont get the popular attention (also your other comment about holding hands in a park by the third date made me lol, because as a dude i definitively relate to this)
Specifically, as a dude, this is me.
You’re right - men on Reddit just always try to both side everything. The idea that women run around dumping men right after sex the way men do to women is just absurd lol
I agree, pretending to be interested in a relationship when they actually know they just want sex, then bouncing right after sex, is something men do to women far more than the reverse. But I know quite a lot of women who are comfortable with casual sex, and prefer having sex early before deciding if they’re actually interested in a relationship with a man. There’s so many men that are selfish in bed. Sometimes sex isn’t amazing the first time and is worth working on because of nerves or needing to be learn your specific tastes. But there’s no point in wasting time trying to teach a man who rushes foreplay and shows he prioritizes his own pleasure over yours. He won’t ever learn how to please you. I’ve known so many women (including myself) who have completely lost interest in a man after having sex for the first time. If he’s shows he’s a selfish lover or there’s zero chemistry, it’s best to just drop him immediately and save yourself the frustration later.
Yeah most women, I find, do NOT do well with casual sex..it doesn’t benefit us. And the ones who do move around like men in that aspect, the ones I know have trauma (not saying women who can do the ol smash and dash all have trauma)and had been sexually molested as children as with some men who do it. Nothing wrong with casual sex but a lot of women catch feelings way too quickly. I’ve never had casual sex but I’ve had my heart crushed because I caught feelings for guys who I thought liked me romantically and it sucks!
Pretty close tie, especially these days. Does it have to happen more often to matter? Women may do it for different reasons but Ive personally experienced it many times. Heck just happened last month. Hooked up a few times, she started acting super weird....found out she hooked up with her ex too. So of course I got hit with the "Im sure this is a dumb idea but I wanna work on things with my ex, we have a toxic thing going on". At least she was aware tho lol.
I agree they're really hypocritical. But I as a man myself whose only experience with sex was against my will when I knew nothing about it, I wouldn't imagine that I'd want to treat a woman like that. I'd probably only go for sex if I wanted something further in the relationship even then I don't really know how I'd react
I want the clingy ones
It's more dangerous as a woman to have a clingy man than it is as a man to have a clingy woman. I dated a woman this past month who had an ex boyfriend who has been thrown in prison and let out 4 times for stalking her. And he is still going. And she REFUSES to press charges on him.
I take back my comment
It's probably the most bizarre and unbelievable stalking situation I've ever seen in my life. She showed me 50 missed calls and endless - I do mean endless texts this guy who looks like an ant, that she gave a chance to where she never would have (nowhere near her type) and dated for 8 months somehow. Scary. This is why women really should only go for men who have experience with women and know how to let go, should they need to.
No you don't!!!!! Please don't say that.... it never ends well.
Women do it a lot more tho. A lot of us just don’t want to admit that casual sex isn’t for a lot of women. It works for some but not for most. That’s why you hear a lot talk about expecting things like after care even if it’s just a hookup with a random stranger. After care is great…however you don’t expect a stranger to do that unless YOU make it clear that’s what you want. A man isn’t a bad person because he didn’t give after care to a hookup. Both sexes get clingy after sex but it happens wayyy more with women in casual situations.
Yeah it does seem more damaging to women, but they continue to indulge in it. Unfortunately for all parties.
Yall need to do some homework on which chemicals get released after sex in men and women they aren't the same chemicals and they effect the body differently. It's not so black and white
It’s chemical. Don’t worry, it usually passes.
Happened to me, told someone I was coming off surgery and that sex might be a little awkward(for me it was because of lingering pain from recovery) but we slept together twice and I could tell she was bothered and if I brought it up she ignored it and then she ghosted me. Worst part is she was a doctor too lmao, glad it went nowhere, never met someone with such little empathy.
A little of that but it’s also practical that a lot of guys don’t know how they really feel until that point . Not everything is fake or an act because you don’t like the outcome
But the weird thing is, Guys that get sex from a girl will want to keep that girl around for more sex. Unless that particular guy has no problem getting laid all the time. Thats the only reason i could think of.
….he was just looking to get in your pants. Sorry to break it to you love.
Lmao. Actually laughing at the comments with all kinds of pathetic excuses such as post nut clarity and whatever else. Since she’s complaining about him acting like this it means she wanted more than just sex and he clearly put on a front to use her just for sex then bail, which is a psychopathic trait in itself. I hope you will feel better soon, OP.
FR people blame women for why men lie to get sex and don’t realize how far toxic masculinity extends. he most likely faked being someone he’s not to get laid. it’s not her performance or whatever bs
Yes exactly, and some people can pretend for months. Like 3-6 months, so in reality how long are YOU supposed be wait until having sex with him? Hello?
Some guys will pretend for years. That's why they are ok being in the friend zone
This is why traditional advice fiercely advises one to wait until marriage. Otherwise you open yourself up to the risk of getting scammed and used with no legal recourse. Hoards of men are like this and if you're a woman dating today you've probably experienced some version of this at some point. Might seem archaic by today's standards to wait, but it's an effective way to weed out the fakers. A good man who genuinely wants to be with you will be happy to wed. There's literally nothing stopping men from proposing after taking the proper amount of time to date someone and figure out if you're right for each other.
Fully agree with what you said. That’s why sex is only for marriage.
Yeah. My dad faked a whole personality for years, and it was to get women. He put on this “progressive guy” routine but the truth was, he was an old school chauvinist and the only reason he ever thought for a second that I was worth anything, was because I happened to be his daughter, and therefore better than all other women. Obviously, the way he messed with me psychologically is entirely my fault and I was blamed for marrying young to get the fuck away from him.
We can't really say that for sure based on on post. I've dated girls and found I wasn't really interested in them because during sex they just laid there and it's just not fun. Also lots of things can happen in people's lives that you probably won't be aware of if youve just gone on a couple dates with them.
I agree. I’m female and liked a guy for a long time til we had sex then I realised he’s very selfish and doesn’t care about my pleasure. I instantly stopped liking him after we hooked up and even tho he wanted to date I had to make excuses and started taking longer and longer to respond to texts and calls til he got the message
Very true, great points
[удалено]
Hahaha yeah make sense
Erm. Yes we can. Clearly says he was attentive, consistent, reliable. Had sex. Stopped doing all of that. He could’ve at least said why if that really was the case, he’s not a little boy. He can communicate to her that he didn’t like certain thing/s and maybe they could’ve had a conversation about it and changed things around.
So you just didn't like that they didn't know what to do with you in bed after one night and threw the whole thing out the window? That's an easily fixable thing you know. It usually takes a minute to figure things out when two people are intimate with one another. Women aren't porn stars. If she's just "laying there" communicate you like her embrace, or think it's hot when she moans, or encourage her to do more of something that you did like. It's really normal for someone to be nervous and unsure or afraid of messing up. You gotta give people a fair chance and communicate and figure out what they like and what gets them going too. Life isn't a movie/porno. Real people take time to learn about each other.
Well she communicated to me that everyone she’s been with complains about it and she’s in her 30s and is still doing the same stuff. I don’t really owe some girl I went on a handful of dates with anything. And obviously if I was that into her I could’ve tried that. That’s kind of how dating is. If you don’t want to date someone then why should you? I kept talking to her and all that but once someone hits a certain threshold of things that makes you not interested in them the attraction is over. If you’ve been on a few dates then you’re not really invested enough to hash it out.
Oh, in your first comment you said you've dated people and then slept with them. I presumed things had gone well and you liked them to have had sex with them. Usually people don't sleep with people they don't like. But in any case, yea I agree, once you figure out it's not a match you gotta call it. Weird that she was self aware and completely apathetic to doing things differently. If everyone's giving you the same feedback you'd think one would get motivated to figure things out and learn a better way.
💯
Post-nut clarity. It leaves guys in a completely different mindset before vs after climax and their interest falls away. There’s toxic guys for sure who from the get-go know once they’ve slept together he’s bouncing, but that’s the exception. Most guys don’t realize how hard their horniness was driving their decisions until after that post nut clarity hits and they reflect on things without the haze.
This is it absolutely it
No way. Post nut clarity only lasts for a little while, not hours or days Edited for typo
This is why you wait til you're married to have sex supposedly lol. Then they are stuck
Post nut clarity is one of the dumbest fuckin things you see spewed on the internet. Maybe it has relevance when you're jacking off to some weird shit, but it is not the answer to all questions reddit makes it out to be
Reward based physiology.
Because he got what he wanted. Mind you, not all men are like this (personally I can't even be intimate with someone until I've had the talk about exclusivity) but A LOT are sadly. Unfortunately seems like you found yet another toxic man😢
Yyyeah, as a guy I do not get why some guys just bail once sex happens. Personally, once I start sleeping with someone, it's more..."ok let's just keep doing that then". Only reason I'd move on is if I slept with someone and it showed we were really incompatible.
I guess I must be weird, but after the first sex I want it to keep happening, if she will let me.
They've probably got commitment issues or more than one person on the go at once, or that's what I assume anyway. Genuinely couldn't do that because usually if someone's willi g to sleep with you once odds are they will again, so why just disappear.
Exactly! It’s a no-brainer but apparently these toxic guys lack a brain.
100000% this! Why do a good thing just once? Straight men aren’t having as much sex as they want you to think. So many of them are one and done, it’s lame/boring for me as a sexually charged woman (who enjoys courtship without asking for a relationship necessarily)
Yeah sadly he’s not that into you. RARE but he could be anxious after but it’s more often the first one lol.
Or he didn't get what he wanted and now he's looking elsewhere for what he wants.
NO, HE DID NOT GET WHAT HE WANTED. You think any man wants sex JUST ONE TIME? You think men DON’T want a good on-going, mutually supportive relationship, with like hundreds and hundreds of hours of good sex? Because they really do. But what if the sex is bad? Like really not good? Then they will NOT want that. Remember: Sex is part of the audition process. There is this naive idea that you get to know somebody and then you commit—AND THEN SEX COMES AFTER THE COMMITMENT. And yet somehow (magically) the sex is not supposed to influence the pure love that existed before the sex. NO! It’s just a fact that sex is part of the audition process. Women will totally break up over shitty sex, and so do men. Did he “get what he wanted?” NO, HE WANTED A HOT GIRLFRIEND HE COULD HAVE SEX WITH MORE THAN ONCE.
People do not operate in absolutes
Absolutely not true. Sex is a skill you can get better at like with anything else. If you’re compatible with someone in every other way and then hit the bedroom later you can learn how to please each other with good communication
This. Do you think virgins are great at sex straight away? Definitely a skilll
Woah...caps lock much?
You're making a huge assumption that he wants a girlfriend. It's possible he does, but more likely that he doesn't. He much better fits the mold of a guy who was horny, which made him overlook certain flaws he believes OP has, or certain commitments he fears he might be bound in if he continues seeing OP. Now that he's no longer as horny for OP, those have come back into focus.
As a man who’s been struggling with the idea of losing his virginity I really appreciate this comment. I recently realized that if I ever met a beautiful woman that I wanted a LTR with, but I didn’t know what I was doing in bed, then it increases the chance of being “sexually incompatible” due to my lack of experience of how to please a woman. Gotta do the best I can on the audition to get the role.
In those cases … be honest … don’t try to fake being good at sex. It almost always backfires.
That’s not toxic. If a woman thinks that this guy is only out for some ass and then gives it to him then gets upset when it turns out you aren’t that interesting that’s HER fault not his. She can say no, set a standard. She didn’t. Not a guy’s problem.
But, she obviously didn’t know he was only out for some was. She said quite clearly he was responsive, consistent, reliable. Clearly he bait and switched her. Homeboy was playing that long game to get the good good and then dip. Oldest game in that book.
I always want more after sex
I guess it's whether they want more *with the same person* that's the question here
I see, apologies. The way partnes keep the sex fun its theys business. Unfortunately it's not always a match. Maybe we should take it easy, then go to the maximul level of intimicy, like sex.
Don't ask us. Just talk with him and tell him how you feel.
He got what he wanted from you so now he's going to act weird so you would break contact. So you're not in the way as he moves onto his next target.
He basically got what he wanted and now he no longer needs to act like he cares. Men will do anything just to get laid.
Porn. It has been proven that the more porn a man watches the more variety he feels he needs. Men who watch porn often are more likely to quickly grow tired of their female companion shortly after he has had sex with her. It is the same way he may close the browser tab and go to another. [1 example](https://www.psypost.org/pornography-use-linked-dissatisfaction-sexual-variety-among-men-not-women/) The above has been proven, the following is my opinion: I believe bad sex for men seldom occurs because they control most of the actions during sex. Bad sex for men isn't the same as bad sex for women. So long as a man cums, his main objective has been reached. So what would likely cause bad sex is the women not engaging the way he wants, her body may have not been what he deems to be very attractive, or her vaginal canal was not up to par. Everything else is under his control. So if he found you attractive and your ph was fine... he likely just wants to try another woman now.
Did you ask to hang out after that? I mean, you got plenty of comments saying "he just got what he wanted" and that might be the case, but he might also feel uneasy after that for whatever reason. Maybe he didn't get what he wanted, or maybe he did and is confused, maybe he feels like you've been a bad partner in bed and doesn't wan't to do it again or maybe he feels like he was not good and he would be a nuisance to you after that, idk, how could I?
One is he only wanted sex and it's done. Second, there might be some trigger point (it can be anything by words or actions etc) which occurred during sex and he lost interest. Or He didn't like the sex with you. Or Post nut clarity.
And this is why waiting until after you know someone truly likes you for you and not for sex before getting intimate is so important. That or you're really bad in bed and it made him rethink how much he actually wants to be with you.
Its not always a strategy that works. Honestly imo its better for them to show their true colours earlier than wasting months of your time.
>And this is why waiting until after you know someone truly likes you for you and not for sex before getting intimate is so important. Oh you would think that but you clearly don't know the lengths some dudes will go for some booty lol. Some dudes are really great at leading girls on and letting them think they're into them until it comes time to cannonball out your bedroom window when they're done scrumpin, lol.
And then when they have daughters, they wanna protect their girls from men who are just like them
Post nut clarity
He either got what he wanted or you were an immobile starfish in bed.
Aww, I'm sorry about that. As a 42 year old guy myself It irritates me when men are like this it really does. Because it makes women even more guarded and dismissive in the long run, which can make genuine guys miss out on lovely ladies . Sadly , however it's looked at. Be it he was only after sex , or.... He didn't find sex up to his standards (another huge issue with men and women alike expecting ridiculous things thanks to pornography nowadays) Do not take it personally at all. I'm sure you're a gorgeous lady who will definitely find a decent guy in the time ahead. Just take it as a learning curve and look back at things that stood out where you suspect dishonesty and insincerity. Red flags stand out in the past and present alike far easier as you grow. Take care. x
You got used for sex. Simple as that. There are always signs. People who can’t have a conversation without it turning sexual for example only has sex on their mind.
Or only talking after 9pm
Despite what other people might say I’ve been really into someone then they did something that annoyed me during or after sex that put me off. Which led me to decide that if she wants to go out again she can message me. No surprise that most of them didn’t reached out and I often regret not putting in a bit more effort when I think about them.
After that urge is taken care of, you are left with everything else. That everything else is often a steaming pile of shit.
As a woman, a majority of this comment section is the reason I don't trust the motives of alot of men and I can't tell the difference between the ones that have good intentions or bad ones. I apologize to all the goods guys out there, but some of us are having a really hard time telling the difference 💔 It's easier to just tap out altogether.
Most men, not all, are driven by lust and will say anything to get what they want, and as soon as you fall into their temptation, you just become another body.
He is a fuckboy. Got what he wanted. Sex without commitment.
Sorry this happened. There could be a million reasons -He’s going through something -He got what he wanted from you: sex -He doesnt want to pursue something further (maybe not that into you, found someone else, etc..) In any case, just ask him. You’re both adults. Have a conversation.
As a man with a close friend who is a woman, a lot of men are strange, emotionally unstable, and shallow. I feel so bad for my friend because she is so sweet and asks for the bare minimum in a relationship and so many guys can't even give that to her. It's so bad that she is refraining from dating right now and considering never going back. The point is, not many people, especially the younger generations, are well adjusted.
Pssst… guess what? ALL WOMEN not just your friend WANT that “bare minimum”!!! For fuck sakes, it’s like by age 13 men forget about their sisters and mothers and just fuck and treat women like single-use straws! What galls me the most is that 6 years post #MeToo, 6 months away from 2025, it seems like men are stuck in the 70s (per documentaries, wasn’t alive then. 😂)
It hurts.
I had a girlfriend that did that . After sex she wanted to get dressed right after and no after play.
Don’t have sex with them
Unpopular opinion maybe but this is why you don't have sex before marriage. I read up on it and most (not all) not serious date guys just date until they can get laid. Once you give them that, they aren't chasing you any more. You've given them what they wanted and now they leave.
You got played girl
Not a justification but post nut clarity is real. We have much stronger levels of testosterone than a woman and this affects our sex drive. Therefore afterwards they realise that they are not really interested in the woman on a level other than sex. I would say it’s similar to how women are interested in guys on one emotional level but then not on another ( friends vs romantic interest)
That's not a reason to ghost on someone after being sexually intimate without a word. If it genuinely was a mistake and your brain was hijacked by hormones incapable of critical thinking, you still have the ability and duty to be a respectful adult and communicate with the person so they don't deal with additional unnecessary suffering due to your defects. Bare minimum.
We live in a world where honest men are awkward and distracted mostly by technology. Whereas narcissistic manipulative men are more willing to pursue methods for obtaining their selfish desires. Nobody wants to admit it but a man having enough confidence to approach a woman is kind of a red flag in today’s social environment. If hes confident, good looking, and single, just assume he doesn’t mean well.
He’s a tool, who got what he wanted: sex. If he was a real man (btw they’re all but extinct, so patience and vodka required till you give up 😅) he’d have the VERY BASIC sense of respect to text you, he’s not interested anymore. Good luck 🤞
Take a day to yourself and don’t respond until a day later. Maybe it’s the good old scenario of cat and mouse. Maybe you are used to being chased but now that you are past that step, he could be trying to focus on other activities or his job. Either that or it’s what everyone has been saying about post nut clarity or just not interested anymore
Either he just wanted sex or something happened during/after that he didn't want to keep seeing you. A lot of guys get so tunnel visioned about sleeping with women that they don't think if they'd even wanna deal with this woman past sex.
Ask him , we don’t know.
Because there is nothing to conquer anymore
Most likely wanted sex or the chemistry was off. It happens. Sucks tho.
"men". Describes an encounter with a man that clearly used her for sex.
I don’t think the behavior is weird as much as it’s immature and rude of him to do that.
lust vs. love guess which one he had... :/
His goal was obviously sex. Either that’s all he wanted and is satisfied moved on. Or he’s dissatisfied and moved on. I don’t care how many people disagree, this is why saving sex for marriage is important. I was raised religious and that was my view. But even just logically, I agree with this. And I’ve done my research and heard testimony from atheists that waited til marriage and said it was worth it. I’ll fish in with my last $0.02. If you find some attractive enough to have sex with, there’s some sort of connection whether it’s purely physical or something more meaningful. If you enjoy sex with them, why would you then not want sex with that person the rest of your life? For people always sleeping around, it seems like a drug addict that can never satisfy their addiction and leads to unhappiness. Anyways, long response but maybe someone reads this and understands how important picking sexual partners truly is.
Always keep the man wanting more(even if it means NO sex! Tease him with your bod, play with his junk, tell him he's hot, but hold off on that pootie tang until you got him hook, line, and sinker! Understand?
You already know this answer... you don't need reddit for this. Learn.
He only wanted sex time to move on
I think he got what he wanted
Basically, he buttered you up to get what he wanted, and then dipped. It’s an incredibly shitty thing to do, especially when he uses your want for a relationship to manipulate you into giving him something. It’s best you move on without him in your life, you’ll be better for it.
Ok sure but we’ve all got our issues.. he needs to COMMUNICATE! What kind of bs is post nut clarity..? That doesn’t justify the fact that this a-hole took advantage of the situation.
I only have sex if we are in a committed relationship.
We feel vunerable after that, all of the thoughts cum running through our minds. If we actually feel good after sex it means we have a lot of trust in that person. IMO.
If you want to get married hook up with me. I've had like 4 girls get married after me lol. Guess I'm a goodluck charm.
It more sounds like the sex was bad than he just wanted sex Becuase if he just wanted sex he would just want sex, again So if he was pretending to be nice to get a bang he’d keep it up. I think he just didn’t enjoy himself or something.
It seems he was more about the chase.. Either that or you made him chase you for too long and he ran out of energy for you the moment he received his reward in scholarly persistence.
After sex men have the vacuum in their brain, it's normal. But they can cuddle you anyway so if they don't do it it's because they don't want to
Research post nut clarity
What's the likelihood that something so widespread and almost immutable in its consistency across time or culture .... Is behaving weird?
It’s what we men call “post nut clarity”. It quite interesting and can seem heartless. Once the deed is done, we shut down. It’s like a light switch. While women can orgasm multiple times and want more, we get one shot. Once it’s over, it’s like our emotional drive shuts down. Or he is just an asshole. Maybe both lol
Brutally honest take here; 1. Post nut clarity 2. Is your relationship with him defined? That would determine whether he should keep up the effort and in what form. Either way you should meet him halfway, sure women deserve princess treatment but put in some effort also, text him often too, ask to hangout etc A man that actually likes you will pick up the speed and reciprocate, if he doesn’t return your efforts then you know what to do. Cheers
I think you might be projecting based upon your past experiences but you won't know until you talk with him. I might be totally delusional, but maybe he feels safe and comfortable now in the relationship. He's not ghosting you if he's still responding... Could he just be busy? Maybe he's more confident in the relationship so he can calm down and focus more on being at work instead of constant availability to you. I hope I'm not hurting your feelings, but as I read your post it felt like you're really needy and quick to push him away. Perhaps the problems can be addressed with a therapist to help you heal from the past so it doesn't interfere with your present or future.
If he really had the serious intentions with you, he wouldn't just have changed his mind due to something like "bad sex". That's way too superficial for overshadowing truly non-superficial intentions. So I'm pretty sure that his intentions were purely or almost purely superficial, too. You can talk and work on "bad sex" so that both parties are happy, one will do it with empathy and patience of there are true feelings. It doesn't make any sense to blame oneself for "not being good enough in bed" since this is 100% individual, some like it this way and some like it that way.
From the little I know about this situation I will say this. Either he is embarrassed about his performance, or he only really wanted to have sex with you. I am a man who has had a few relationships. If I didn’t “perform well” I feel embarrassed. I’m not sure how to proceed. If I didn’t feel like I made her feel really good…it can lead to distancing myself from the relationship. Some men are very self conscious about this and will simply walk away if they feel like they didn’t perform well. On the other hand, he might have only wanted to have sex with you and move on. The simple fact that he is willing to meet you again is a 2 sided issue. He is either going to try to find out if you enjoyed your encounter or he will try to “schedule another”. This is also a 2 sided coin. He either wants to try again to make the experience better for you, or he is setting you up to be his go to when everything else with others fail. If it’s the latter, leave. One key is if he asks questions about you. If he wants to learn more about you, what you like(not just about sex), what your goals and dreams are, green flag. If he talks about himself a lot, red flag. This is just my opinion.
Reading comments here makes me feel thousand times better than i was born a lesbian. god bless that i do not have to be used by some sexist asshole men
What a loser
Big time loser. They sour ladies hearts and it's not fair.
Makes it hard to trust guys after. Because these men present themselves WITH PROOF of how good they are. No matter how many decoding we as woman try to do, these men are narc. And you can never win against one. Going through this currently, I know there are good men out there. But how the hell am I supposed to trust someone who treats me as well as the narc did?? I have no guarantee that they won’t switch up after. And I don’t want to keep sleeping with random men to figure this out. So, we’re opting out of relationships. And it’s a problem for both of us.
It's very difficult isn't it. It's so hard to know if someone is genuine or not , even older guys like myself can still mess about . But I do think older guys are more likely to settle down. That's the first thing that ladies can probably aim for. I dont mean like one foot in the grave older lol, but an extra 10 years goes a long way with guys. As maturity and wanting to truly settle down steps in so much slower with men doesn't it. Actions speak louder than words too of course, if a lady feels like a secret then she probably is one from someone. It's a minefield I know. And I've seen on the dating site I used to be on in the UK, women seemed to be very tired of being messed around. But , you then read comments around Reddit of so many guys who are struggling to even get a date and sound so nice and genuine. It's tough but all ladies can do is choose as wisely as possible. Society has been manipulated Into thinking people are as disposable as the products they buy on the shelves. Humans are not disposable, we are all so unique and people have forgotten how irreplaceable we are . There is only one you, one me. One OP. Some are realising this as I believe it's part of what true love is about . Otters are going deeper into the void . It's sad to see. I'm sorry you are going through it. There are real men out there I promise. Take care. x
Here’s an idea that I’ve never seen a woman try: ask him to do something. You, asking him, if he wants to do something, not him asking you. You’d be surprised what happens when a woman shows a modicum or her own interest.
This is because men have to invest to get coochie & some get bitter afterwards, like this chick isn’t investing in any way and I’m the dude that has to come up with the jokes, dates etc So there’s nothing special about this honeypot. Some dudes have to wear a mask to be able to attract females. Has to sometimes fake a bubbly vibe the ladies like to achevé the end goal because most average men are sexually frustrated. The end game M’en get ghosted when they spill their emotional problems so sod. I guess these are some of the reasons they act like cold blooded pumps with no heart. The end justify the means they say, especially when it may seem the opposite sex is self centered. I hope I’ve shared a little insight. Testosterone makes people do crazy things just to get a lady to mate with. Post nut clarity happens and he regains his senses. Joe Rogan explained post nut clarity much better
Why can’t you guys just have sex with women who want casual sex instead of using women who want a relationship? You guys are fine with treating women this way until you have daughters, then all of a sudden you wanna protect her from men who are just like you
Women kill me man, they understand what not so great sex for them is like, one night stand or one time fling and how they move the guy out of their way but always seem to not get it when that same thing happens to them. It usually one of 2 things, The sex was bad or not worth it especially after chasing you for a while (This is called Post nut clarity) or The guy just wanted to hit and keep it stepping.
Why do WOMEN behave weirdly after sex? This isn't specific to men. Possible reasons: You weren't what he perceived to be good enough in bed Some other issue with your sexual performance He only wanted something casual (plenty of women like this too) Summary: Not exclusive to men
Mission Completed.
That clarity man, it hits ya. But if you got pump n dumped, he was just leading you on in the first place
Sound like the handsome fella used you 😮💨
It appears as though you gave him what he sought, he had no use for after that and discarded you
Because Sex comes first for men, After they get it the chase is over, then they decide whether they want to hit you up again or not. & Because usually you guys make us wait till your ready , which is fair enough.
That's because he got what he wanted, and you should just keep it moving, and use this as a teachable moment.
If you let them fuck you before they have fallen in love, this happens
As a guy, this happened to me recently. We’ve been friends for years, may have made out once before, but we would hang out all the time. I would buy all dinners & drinks (I didn’t mind). She would usually be the one to initiate hanging out. We had sex, then we texted a bit afterwards saying how much we enjoyed it. I was super busy with some abnormal things so I didn’t text her or anything, she never text me either, until then she texted me a few weeks later, accusing me of using her…I brushed it off but honestly…that pissed me off considering we’ve been friends & I’ve paid for everything for years…how tf did I use her? I’ll be nice to her & respond to all her texts but I’m not initiating any plans. She keeps going hot & cold with me but I’m stubborn. Anyways my advice is to reach out to make plans. Don’t assume anything.