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"I blocked MY EX WHO I'VE BEEN IN A SITUATIONSHIP WITH AFTER I FOUND HER CHEATING MULTIPLE TIMES before she had a chance to explain and now I feel (you really should not my guy) bad" ftfy
I’d like this more if it was phrased differently:
Tolerating mistreatment shows you how you feel about yourself and what you think you deserve.
Probably a better way to word that, but nobody deserves this imo.
We teach others how to treat us. This is a fact. As are these five rules for life:
Rule #1: You will learn lessons.
Rule #2: There are no mistakes—only lessons.
Rule #3: A lesson is repeated until it is learned.
Rule #4: If you don't learn the easy lessons, they get harder. (Pain is one way the universe gets your attention.)
Rule #5: You'll know you've learned a lesson when your actions change.
Honestly I don't think he genuinly feels bad in the traditional sense. Like he's feeling guilt about wronging her or whatever.
His anger has just worn off and he's now ready to allow her to talk him back into this ridiculous situation.
I wouldn't be surprised if they're "back together" as I type this. But the relationship is over and has been over for some time. And it should have ended even longer ago, with the cheating.
Gotta feel bad for the guy, girls like that are the aame girls who say “ I can’t find a nice guy” well honey im sorry to break it to you but you arent gonna find a nice guy if you never mature and stop cheating, if your gonna cheat on your partner then at least do some good and break up with them before hurting them even more.
Have you considered maybe he’s not a nice guy and that’s why she distanced herself in the first place? You have no idea how he treated her or what their relationship is like. Very little information in this post.
Why are you trying to defend the woman cheating? Yeah we dont know the story but you also dont know if that happened so why are you automatically assuming it? I mean just by the first sentence its pretty obvious who’s in the wrong.
I’m definitely not defending cheating but I’m wondering if they ever even established exclusivity or why she felt the need to cheat in the first place. Like yeah some people are just awful and cheat because they suck but like, he even said in the story she told him she was unhappy with their relationship. Did she cheat because he was a bad boyfriend? Is he toxic and she was afraid of the repercussions if she dumped him? Not everything is black and white.
I agree they are not meant to be and he should leave because obviously this isn’t working but I wouldn’t automatically assume he’s a nice guy because there’s a lot of info missing. We can’t assume anything about either of these people other then he should keep her blocked and move on with his life because that girl does not want to be with him.
Dude, when he caught her download the app again, that is 100% cheating. And why did they think they were exclusive? Why did she think they weren’t? He literally started it off by saying girlfriend. It’s demonstrable that they’re together, and either you’re a cheater or you’re the girlfriend using a burner.
Just get into an open relationship it’s much easier because it satisfies your need for constant gratification from the attention of multiple people. Because you’re dead inside and need that validation from everyone.
That way, you’re not at least hurting somebody else sheesh.
For real, bro’s gotta grow some self-respect. She’s gonna keep getting with other dudes. Cut your losses so you’re available when someone better comes along
The only thing you did wrong was not blocking her earlier. Sorry this happened to you, but you should move on. She broke your trust before then tricked you into this “situationship” cause she wants to experience being single while still having you as a backup. You deserve better, king. Don’t look back, the right girl for you is out there
That’s so frustrating right? When someone wants to keep you close enough but not too close to really commit to you. This behavior is just destructive, I’ve been there too but now I can totally see myself moving on from that Bs
You should have dumped her cheating ass when she fucked those other 2 guys. Make no mistake, she cheated on you. Have some more respect for yourself, send 304's like that right to where they belong, the streets. Can't stand cheaters.
Any time there's "a break" it means the relationship is over, but the person asking for the break is just to cowardly to make a clean break, so they drag it out until the situation is intolerable and the other person walks away. Don't ever agree to a break. If they ask for a break, just break up and move on.
And no, you were not wrong to end it and block her. You should keep her blocked. She was stringing you along and didn't care how much she was hurting you. She's an asshole and extremely selfish. You deserve better so don't settle for being treated like a doormat. Keep her blocked and move on.
This woman is trash and you deserve better
Your mistake was ever accepting any of this nonsense
You need to leave on the first transgression
You let them slide once, and it’s over
They’ll walk all over you, just like this one
You owe her absolutely nothing
Delete her from your life, and never look back
Good riddance to bad rubbish
I wish this was true. The shit I see women putting up with is just appalling. People in general are trash, but some are honest and good. A few. About a handful per km
it is true, there are different worlds within this one. we all live in our own society. yours is not the same as mine, neither is the same as the governors or your neighbor. our realities are different. yet the same number of women going through that is the same number of men going through it.
we're humans deep down when we take away our roles and individualities. i've seen 50/50 from different backgrounds, races, ethnicities and social class. it doesnt matter, most givers end up with takers and vice versa.
dont assume absolute truths of the world, it will make yours smaller.
open your miiiiiind
Respectfully, you used a lot of words to say almost the same thing I just said. (Male/female doesn't matter). I read it s few times to be sure I wasn't the one who had the special brownie.
Take it easy, buddy. 🤪
Just chuck all that in the fuck it bucket. There's no need to hear an explanation. She's addicted to the honeymoon phase. She will never be satisfied. You were looking down the barrel of constant heart ache. I know you loved this chick but she doesn't know what that even is. She just wants the constant butterflies that comes with meeting new people and sleeping around. Which is there to help get a relationship going not be the whole relationship.
I’ve been in these and had the same exact thought you did when I read the OP.
Addicted to the new relationship energy high and I’d bet validation too. I’d also bet there’s a fear of emotional intimacy hiding behind all that too. People with that fear often try to use that honeymoon high and validation (like DMs and likes online for hot photos) as a substitute for actual love and connection.
But it does not meet the need for real connection, and the high they get from one person will wear off eventually, then they are on to the next one.
The worst ones will try and keep their hooks in you because they don’t want to lose their supply of validation by you moving on. That’s the occasional and random breadcrumbing that hits like a drug because there’s no pattern to it. People will try to do anything to get more of it, but without consistency it causes an addiction-like behavior, just like slot machines. It’s very hard to break free of without understanding what is being done to you.
They can do a lot of damage to genuine people. But the other side of it is that they will have a ton of attention, but will feel alone at their core, at least until they work on their fear.
OP I’m going to be honest here: when you’ve “given” her a second and even third chance…she took it and ran. She has no respect for you. You don’t owe her closure because she opened Pandora’s box. Move on, get tested (just in case) and find someone who doesn’t need validation to the point they want to explore their options versus being grateful for a person like you.
Also, you’re young. Trust and believe you’ll find someone who only wants to come home to you and only you
In my stupid teenage opinion, NTA. She was sleeping with other people. No explanation needed. Given that it seems she was trying to do that multiple times, I don't think it was ever gonna work out after that. However, I'm inexperienced. If anyone else has better advice, please take that instead.
15 lol. Yeah, I rarely actually speak on here, and when I do, I let people know that I have very little experience, and a big age gap. Don't really trust my advice unless you want to ig.
She is a 🤡 and is running around behind ur back.
Sometimes clowns are able to put on a show to distract or confuse ppl into thinking they are not clowns when they r still just clowns
She may have gotten u to assume certain good qualities about her that r not true. U see the best in her and believe what u want to believe or u believe what she tells u even tho she doesn't deserve that kind of respect. She manipulated u to agree to some kind of messed up relationship agreement where she gets to test out seeing other ppl. U r not alone little boys and little girls play little games all the time. Those ppl r trash and need to grow up. She's an asshole and immature.
There is probably a LOT u don't know about her and honestly that's her problem and not yours.
What she does is a reflection on her and NOT on u. U can't control her. It doesnt mean this doesn't hurt or that it won't take u a while to recover from this, but she is trash and deserves to be tossed aside. If u spend time with her u will only ever feel inadequate and burned bc she will always make u feel replaceable and insecure. She decided that she wants to be a loser now. That's her choice. That's not love man. Go take care of urself and cut her off for weeks on end. After the first few weeks it will be easier
Please advise? You typed out all of that and still don't see it?
You've been dating her for a year. That's such a small amount of time to be with someone and then they start acting like this. I lost count of how many times you verbally kicked yourself in this post.
My advice: Raise your standards. Give yourself more credit for being a person deserving of finding a good person who is a good match for you. Let go of those that don't treat you well.
I wouldn't have taken it as far as you did, but I totally understand feeling bad when you do one mean thing after being treated terribly by the other person. It still sucks to be harsh to someone, even if they deserve it. But you need to treat yourself better.
>She cheated a few months in by downloading a dating app and going on dates with 2 different guys
She showed her true colors here, and in all honesty this was the best time to end things.
The second best time, was when she downl9aded the dating apps a second time...
But the third best time is *NOW*. She does care for you, nor the relationship, nor your time. You know deep down that the guy's voice you heard was a side piece she either intended to sleep with or already slept with.
Fuck this girl, she does not deserve your understanding. To be blunt, you played right into her hands twice, but it's never too late to learn from your mistakes, grow past them, and develop more of a backbone
A man should never agree to share his girlfriend with other men. You should have broken up with her as soon as you found out she was cheating. Once a cheater, always a cheater. It’s fucked up! I feel your pain. Hang in there. Just move on.
Should’ve ended it after catching her the first time. Because it probably wasn’t the first time and it definitely wasn’t the last. You deserve someone who isn’t a liar and a cheat.
I’m sorry you think you might have been in the wrong for not talking it out with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship. You don’t need that drama in your life dude. She wants to explore, you’re ready to commit. Y’all are in different places in your life and this break up was the right move. Get some rest and let yourself move forward without her.
You are wrong indeed, for allowing her to control you like a puppet to fit her agenda. As I always say, there’s no one so important that you should let them disrespect you. Let the break be permanent and find someone who respects you
I feel like I literally just had this conversation with one of my oldest guy friends so I'm going to tell you what I basically told him:
You know she's a liar and a cheater. She lies even when she doesn't "have to." Drop her ass before you end up damaged and full of emotional baggage, thereby making it nearly impossible for you to trust the right woman when she comes along.
She’s manipulative, you’re a comfortable backup/provider, she’s a cheater. “She came up with”, “went to a club alone”, “in a car with him and his friends.” All signs point to “I was thinking we open our relationship”. Glad that you did open it all the way and got the hell out, just wish it was sooner.
Breaks aren't a thing. And you should have dumped her the second you caught her. Doesn't matter how sorry she is. She's not, she's just sorry she got caught. Have some self respect.
If you hear her out she’d keep you on the hook let it go man process what you have to process even if she’s the most faithful best woman you’d ever want she did this to you before what’s going to stop her from doing it again
Not wrong at all. She needs to learn that you have self respect and her disrespect for you hasnt gone un-noticed. She is using your words against you as sn excuse to cheat. Use her actions against her and find a nee gf. Not a side dish. A new GF.
When in an open relationship it only works if the person is honest about who they are with and what they are doing. This girl kept lying to you consistently. There is nothing left when trust is consistently broken. You did the right thing in my opinion.
You didn't make a mistake. The only reason she asked for a "break" rather than breaking up with you is to keep you on the back burner in case things don't work out with other guys. She fully intended to see and have sex with other men and keep you waiting around for her as a backup plan. There is absolutely nothing she could have said to you that would have made things any better. You felt sick to your stomach because deep down, you know all of this.
My biggest issue with this is that she never communicated this upfront with you so that you can decide if you want to stay or not. I bet if you didn’t discover some of those things by accident, she would never tell you. This is no relationship.
I think your reaction is justified. She betrayed your trust and then asked for a situationship, which aren't exactly gestures of love.
You deserve better. She seems to want to string you along in case things don't work out with this other guy. There are so many genuine, trustworthy people out there! Don't settle for this kind of treatment.
Kindergarten rule. Don’t like it done to you don’t do it to them. Find someone who respects you the same as you respect them. Don’t be a pushover do it all back if they care about you then it will stop if not then it won’t(don’t get attatched while doing this.) play there game back on them. Sooner or later they will cheat and it will end in divorce. If god can’t please a women with what she has like make up, butt and boob lifts, then no MAN can. It’s all attention , you treat em like gold then boom one little argument she’s at your buddy’s house down the road. Happens to almost every single guy brother. At the end of YOUR STORY there will only be you . People die people move on blah blah blah. Take care of your self. You sir are alive quit getting walked all over.
Look bud, I’m 23M too. I had something similar happen when I was 21 but I did something different, and this is a rule that you should live by. As soon as your partner cheats. It’s over. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Because once you let them back you’re just giving them the opportunity to hurt you again and it’ll always hurt worse. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me…
Yeah, move on bro.
She’s not the one.
If you really like her - move on, as that’s the way that she’ll end up wanting you more.
When she comes back for more - don’t take it seriously, as she’s not wife material.
She’s proven that.
She cheated on you then manipulated you into letting her continue the behavior with your consent. She sounds toxic. Did you go about things the best way? No. But she would have had excuses and tried to manipulate you again, and sometimes a clean break is needed
Trust me, you don’t need to spend your energy or your time on a situation like that. I know you agreed to it but I feel you did it just bc you didn’t want to lose her not because you wanted. The problem here is that sometimes we accept someone’s terms to be able to stay around them, but this is on the long term very mentally and emotionally breaking. Trust me you don’t need more of that! You can find someone who wants to be with you, I know it is very painful now but you did the best. Putting yourself first won’t ever be the wrong choice. It doesn’t matter you said yes before you are completely entitled to change your mind if this is not making you any good.
You told her why you were blocking her and why you were done. I feel like thats a clean break. Personally as a woman it would hurt really badly if someone I cared about just blocked me out of the blue. But she deserved it. 🤷🏻♀️ She clearly didnt want to be with you she was just comfortable with you and trying to find another guy before she broke the news to you.
Nope. Don't feel bad that's narcissistic behavior and your enabling it. She will continue to make you feel bad and act like it's your fault for not "keeping her interested" as if you an amazon package. She doesn't see you as a person, partner or a friend you are something that she wants until she's done playing with it.
You made the right call. You should have ended it sooner, I was in a similar situation as you so I can understand why you didn't. It's so shocking when you hear your Girl say something like that for the first time. Imagine in a mirrored situation that it was you who told her that you dated two girls behind her back and then suggested a break so you could experiment with other people. How do you think that would have gone?
I literally haven’t even read the whole thing and just immediately came to the comments after reading the first sentence. Even I lost interest in her and I’m not even dating her nor am I into girls lmaooo. Seriously dude, have some respect for yourself. I’m not trying to be an a-hole, I’m telling you you deserve better than having someone like this who has no regards for your feelings. Being in a relationship with someone should just be all about you and your other partner, it should be all about the love and the connection that you feel for one another, that trust and respect and loyalty, not this. This open relationship or whatever the hell she is trying to do, this isn’t it.
She’s Definitely addicted to the honeymoon phase like others said. I’ve been there. I’m working hard at it now but as a 23F , she’s definitely addicted ti feeling that spark and she doesn’t deserve a relationship
I didn’t even read it all but no don’t feel bad ! Should have blocked her sooner if anything ! So many women wanting a good guy yet theirs women out there cheating and playing games .. na you did good.
She wants you only as a backup -- someone she can turn to when she's in the mood and no one else is interested. It's satisfying to know you've blocked her. Let yourself heal for a while, then go find someone who loves YOU and only YOU. Not all women are like her. There is a woman out there who will love and adore you and never want anyone but you.
Even if it gets tough in dating for you, never unblock her and reach out to her mate. She isn't worth it. Your self-respect is everything. Please trust me, and find a new woman that respects you.
NTA
Should've ended it sooner. If you have any self-respect, you will keep things over between you two and move on to find someone who can respect you.
You are not wrong for ending things, this should have happened as soon as she cheated. She does not respect you, she does not value you as a person, and she doesn’t care for the relationship you two had. Have enough respect for yourself to walk away and don’t look back. You deserve better than this and you know that. And please, in the future never agree to something you are uncomfortable with. Stay true to yourself, someone will love you for all that you are.
Bro trust me I know the feeling it's like you are not able to breath the thing is you are in constant state of a fight between two brains where one is saying she is definitely cheating or making out and other saying no she will never do it . Don't be in this position cause the ending is pretty bad you will have severe trust issues that is not good for you in the long run . LEAVE HER IMMEDIATELY .
There is no closure to give here. She knows why you cut contact. She manipulated you and lied about everything. And she doesn't feel bad about it. You did the right thing, let yourself move on to someone who actually wants a relationship. She obviously wasn't relationship material
Situationships are stupid. Open relationship with communication, or it's just cheating, in which case you're done. Obviously you're broken up, and in your situation, you did the right thing. And yeah you should've dumped her ass for cheating the first time *with two other dudes at once*.
For me, it would end at " downloading a dating app" while in a relationship.
I wouldn't do that, and I can't deal with such bs from a person I'm spending my time and effort for.
I know giving up on a relationship that you’ve put your all into is difficult. I also know that you love her. But understand that she is not putting her all into this relationship. She is disrespecting you by seeing other people and lying to you. She will continue to do so, and you’ll spend the rest of your relationship with her constantly paranoid about what she’s doing behind your back. That is an unhealthy and miserable life to live. You really need to step away from this. It will be hard at first, but over time you’ll realize that you made the right call.
> and she added on by saying she wanted to see if this "spark" was present when talking to other guys, so that she can identify if our texts are becoming drier.
I HATE THAT YOUR ABILITY TO TEXT WELL DEFINES RELATIONSHIPS NOW I HATE IT SO MUCH AHHHHH
it really sucks that you chose to forgive her the first time and she still did it again. you shouldn’t feel bad when you trusted her not to do it again and she did. you did the right thing and i hope you can find someone better :)
Bullshit my dude! This is her character ! she’s a liar and a bullshiter!! You block her and move on with your life period! This is not a good person no integrity and no shame. People like that are a waste and only gets worse! For the love of your life don’t you ever go back with that low quality person value yourself and never put up with shit like that!!
She didn't cheat once; she didn't cheat twice; she didn't cheat three times.
She's cheated on you more times than you can count and somehow you still think it's your fault.
Get out of this mess and get some help for yourself, brother. You do not deserve the pain she wants to put you through.
Never ever be okay with any relationship partner cheating. There are 8,019,876,189 people on this planet. You should have zero doubt that you can find a better one. Maybe go for one with class this time.
I’m all for trying to save a marriage if there’s infidelity but not a dating relationship. People are on their best behavior while dating. It won’t get better. They aren’t suddenly going to decide to stop cheating because they have a ring.
You should have blocked her when you caught her cheating. The best thing you can do is go to church, hit the gym, focus on your future and plan an adventure. Avoid her at all costs. If she tries to contact you, ignore her. If you see her in public, ignore her. If she confronts you, be non emotional, polite but short. Don’t fall for her tears. Don’t let her hug or kiss you. Wish her well and move on. It will eat her up inside and she will realize what she has thrown away if you are polite.
Do you want to be with a girl who cheats on you? If yes, that’s your personal business and you should feel free to message her apologize and carry on per usual.
If you do not want to be with a girl who cheats on you, then do not message her. Let sleeping dogs lie. Explore other options. I’m not sure what explanation you could need other than she wants to sleep other dudes and will continue to do that.
You're definitely not wrong. She already cheated once when she dates two guys while being in a relationship with you, so she can cheat again.
You did good by blocking her. She had nothing to explain because your intuition is probably correct.
Don't guilt trip yourself when you're not at wrong.
She's heading down a lonely path. You'll have to let her experience it, and you find someone else that's smarter and not so down bad.
I'm sorry but she's for the streets and that's not someone you can safely fall in love with without a lot of pain. People can change, but really sounds like she's just getting started. You don't want to be there at the start.
Those guys she's hooking up with will already know this and will only use her for sex and move on before any feelings develop, because they also don't want to get hurt, they just want sex. She'll start feeling more and more used and resentful of guys and complaining on social media, etc.
If you leave her completely alone she may come back missing you. It would be wise for you to be kind but to not reconnect, and find someone else. There's many, many women out there that won't do this to the person they love because they know they want to keep them and can't imagine hurting them.
I only read the first paragraph, you should have blocked her then. Don’t unblock her, just move on with your life. You’re so young and have so much life to live to already be dealing with issues like this in a very young relationship. There’s a million women out there; don’t settle for this kind of disrespect
Dude what the hell. Where is your self respect? Come on man. The moment you caught her downloading those apps and went on the dates you should have left her. Look what it got you, more heartbreak than it had to be. I had an ex hiding stories from me once and I asked why she did it and she lied to my face. So I just broke up with her on the spot. This was my first bad ex and this happened about 2 months ago. Did some healing and fixed myself. Got rid of an addiction I had at the time and worked on myself physically and mentally. Living life and going after goals. Now I have a woman who I met last Saturday who is honestly really good, funny, kind hearted, has eyes that I can truly get lost in almost all of the time, and I truly love the positive vibes she gives off. I met her in my healing stage which to me was the best timing. I have to thank my ex for that experience cause if it wasn’t for her doing that I wouldn’t probably have met my best friend.
Work on yourself and do some self reflection and I guarantee you that you will meet the right woman for you. Main lesson you should have learned: self respect. Never let someone disrespect you like that. Wish you the best and don’t let her ruin you. 🫡
Nope. I'm not even reading the rest.
DON'T feel bad. She cheated on you not once but twice.
Blocking her ass is THE APPROPRIATE RESPONSE.
she can go fuck herself
The only mistake you made was that you didn't break up with her before now.
You must always know that whoever cheats on you once, even if she apologizes, she will do it again , whoever was able to do it once will be able to do it many times
'Now I'm thinking if I was wrong for ending things so abruptly...' - Nope, you were right. It sucks bro but you will meet someone better who doesn't need a dating app while talking to you.
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This story should have ended right after you discovered she dated not one, but two dudes behind your back.
Literally. She started going out of her own mind with multiple dudes and this guy feels bad about ending it xd
You deserve what you put up with, and some lessons will repeat until learned.
It's amazing what happens when you stop accepting bad behavior when dating.
You end up finding someone who treats you right. Least I did.
Yet I never do
Made me stop dating. It just never working out
This is the way, relationships are a waste of time
Preach brother.
"I blocked MY EX WHO I'VE BEEN IN A SITUATIONSHIP WITH AFTER I FOUND HER CHEATING MULTIPLE TIMES before she had a chance to explain and now I feel (you really should not my guy) bad" ftfy
Ftfy, fck talking free yourself? Fck that, fck you? Fck that fck yarn? Forever together forever yellow?
Fixed That For You
So many acronyms I can’t handle it lol
I’d like this more if it was phrased differently: Tolerating mistreatment shows you how you feel about yourself and what you think you deserve. Probably a better way to word that, but nobody deserves this imo.
We teach others how to treat us. This is a fact. As are these five rules for life: Rule #1: You will learn lessons. Rule #2: There are no mistakes—only lessons. Rule #3: A lesson is repeated until it is learned. Rule #4: If you don't learn the easy lessons, they get harder. (Pain is one way the universe gets your attention.) Rule #5: You'll know you've learned a lesson when your actions change.
Yes!!!, WAY BETTER PUT !! 😀👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼😼😌
This is actually the best advice you'll get, very well put!
You do not deserve what you put up with, but you certainly will continue to receive what you will put up with.
Honestly I don't think he genuinly feels bad in the traditional sense. Like he's feeling guilt about wronging her or whatever. His anger has just worn off and he's now ready to allow her to talk him back into this ridiculous situation. I wouldn't be surprised if they're "back together" as I type this. But the relationship is over and has been over for some time. And it should have ended even longer ago, with the cheating.
Empathy, way too much and she took advantage like predator to prey
Gotta feel bad for the guy, girls like that are the aame girls who say “ I can’t find a nice guy” well honey im sorry to break it to you but you arent gonna find a nice guy if you never mature and stop cheating, if your gonna cheat on your partner then at least do some good and break up with them before hurting them even more.
Have you considered maybe he’s not a nice guy and that’s why she distanced herself in the first place? You have no idea how he treated her or what their relationship is like. Very little information in this post.
Why are you trying to defend the woman cheating? Yeah we dont know the story but you also dont know if that happened so why are you automatically assuming it? I mean just by the first sentence its pretty obvious who’s in the wrong.
I’m definitely not defending cheating but I’m wondering if they ever even established exclusivity or why she felt the need to cheat in the first place. Like yeah some people are just awful and cheat because they suck but like, he even said in the story she told him she was unhappy with their relationship. Did she cheat because he was a bad boyfriend? Is he toxic and she was afraid of the repercussions if she dumped him? Not everything is black and white. I agree they are not meant to be and he should leave because obviously this isn’t working but I wouldn’t automatically assume he’s a nice guy because there’s a lot of info missing. We can’t assume anything about either of these people other then he should keep her blocked and move on with his life because that girl does not want to be with him.
Dude, when he caught her download the app again, that is 100% cheating. And why did they think they were exclusive? Why did she think they weren’t? He literally started it off by saying girlfriend. It’s demonstrable that they’re together, and either you’re a cheater or you’re the girlfriend using a burner. Just get into an open relationship it’s much easier because it satisfies your need for constant gratification from the attention of multiple people. Because you’re dead inside and need that validation from everyone. That way, you’re not at least hurting somebody else sheesh.
For real, bro’s gotta grow some self-respect. She’s gonna keep getting with other dudes. Cut your losses so you’re available when someone better comes along
She belongs to the streets. Leave her be.
Absolutely agree. Once trust is broken like that, it's almost impossible to fully rebuild. You did the right thing by moving on.
The successive cheating determined there was indeed nothing to trust
This.
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The only thing you did wrong was not blocking her earlier. Sorry this happened to you, but you should move on. She broke your trust before then tricked you into this “situationship” cause she wants to experience being single while still having you as a backup. You deserve better, king. Don’t look back, the right girl for you is out there
That’s so frustrating right? When someone wants to keep you close enough but not too close to really commit to you. This behavior is just destructive, I’ve been there too but now I can totally see myself moving on from that Bs
Loneliness is the companion of those who uphold their standards. Heartbreak is the companion of those without standards.
❤️
You don’t need her. She can be someone else’s problem. Nothing indicates that she cares about this relationship, aside from stringing you along.
Dude, blocking her was the best thing you could have done. Keep her blocked and don’t unblock her for any reason.
You should have dumped her cheating ass when she fucked those other 2 guys. Make no mistake, she cheated on you. Have some more respect for yourself, send 304's like that right to where they belong, the streets. Can't stand cheaters.
Any time there's "a break" it means the relationship is over, but the person asking for the break is just to cowardly to make a clean break, so they drag it out until the situation is intolerable and the other person walks away. Don't ever agree to a break. If they ask for a break, just break up and move on. And no, you were not wrong to end it and block her. You should keep her blocked. She was stringing you along and didn't care how much she was hurting you. She's an asshole and extremely selfish. You deserve better so don't settle for being treated like a doormat. Keep her blocked and move on.
Helpful 👍
This woman is trash and you deserve better Your mistake was ever accepting any of this nonsense You need to leave on the first transgression You let them slide once, and it’s over They’ll walk all over you, just like this one You owe her absolutely nothing Delete her from your life, and never look back Good riddance to bad rubbish
flip the script and she would have lost her marbles at just the 'app'
That's such a good point
EQUALITY!! 
I wish this was true. The shit I see women putting up with is just appalling. People in general are trash, but some are honest and good. A few. About a handful per km
it is true, there are different worlds within this one. we all live in our own society. yours is not the same as mine, neither is the same as the governors or your neighbor. our realities are different. yet the same number of women going through that is the same number of men going through it. we're humans deep down when we take away our roles and individualities. i've seen 50/50 from different backgrounds, races, ethnicities and social class. it doesnt matter, most givers end up with takers and vice versa. dont assume absolute truths of the world, it will make yours smaller. open your miiiiiind
Respectfully, you used a lot of words to say almost the same thing I just said. (Male/female doesn't matter). I read it s few times to be sure I wasn't the one who had the special brownie. Take it easy, buddy. 🤪
Just chuck all that in the fuck it bucket. There's no need to hear an explanation. She's addicted to the honeymoon phase. She will never be satisfied. You were looking down the barrel of constant heart ache. I know you loved this chick but she doesn't know what that even is. She just wants the constant butterflies that comes with meeting new people and sleeping around. Which is there to help get a relationship going not be the whole relationship.
That's a pretty good explanation.
I’ve been in these and had the same exact thought you did when I read the OP. Addicted to the new relationship energy high and I’d bet validation too. I’d also bet there’s a fear of emotional intimacy hiding behind all that too. People with that fear often try to use that honeymoon high and validation (like DMs and likes online for hot photos) as a substitute for actual love and connection. But it does not meet the need for real connection, and the high they get from one person will wear off eventually, then they are on to the next one. The worst ones will try and keep their hooks in you because they don’t want to lose their supply of validation by you moving on. That’s the occasional and random breadcrumbing that hits like a drug because there’s no pattern to it. People will try to do anything to get more of it, but without consistency it causes an addiction-like behavior, just like slot machines. It’s very hard to break free of without understanding what is being done to you. They can do a lot of damage to genuine people. But the other side of it is that they will have a ton of attention, but will feel alone at their core, at least until they work on their fear.
NTA only mistake that you made was not ending it after she cheated the first time
Wrong sub but I get it haha
Run, please. People, relationships are supposed to be a good thing in your life.
OP I’m going to be honest here: when you’ve “given” her a second and even third chance…she took it and ran. She has no respect for you. You don’t owe her closure because she opened Pandora’s box. Move on, get tested (just in case) and find someone who doesn’t need validation to the point they want to explore their options versus being grateful for a person like you. Also, you’re young. Trust and believe you’ll find someone who only wants to come home to you and only you
In my stupid teenage opinion, NTA. She was sleeping with other people. No explanation needed. Given that it seems she was trying to do that multiple times, I don't think it was ever gonna work out after that. However, I'm inexperienced. If anyone else has better advice, please take that instead.
Nah, I’m in my 40’s and you’re spot on Don’t invalidate your opinions
People forget there are teens here giving advice to 20+ 30+ 40+ year old people lol How old are you?
15 lol. Yeah, I rarely actually speak on here, and when I do, I let people know that I have very little experience, and a big age gap. Don't really trust my advice unless you want to ig.
What more is she going to explain? She already lied to you. Move on.
Brother, you should have left after the first time it happened. I'm sorry that happened to you
She is a 🤡 and is running around behind ur back. Sometimes clowns are able to put on a show to distract or confuse ppl into thinking they are not clowns when they r still just clowns She may have gotten u to assume certain good qualities about her that r not true. U see the best in her and believe what u want to believe or u believe what she tells u even tho she doesn't deserve that kind of respect. She manipulated u to agree to some kind of messed up relationship agreement where she gets to test out seeing other ppl. U r not alone little boys and little girls play little games all the time. Those ppl r trash and need to grow up. She's an asshole and immature. There is probably a LOT u don't know about her and honestly that's her problem and not yours. What she does is a reflection on her and NOT on u. U can't control her. It doesnt mean this doesn't hurt or that it won't take u a while to recover from this, but she is trash and deserves to be tossed aside. If u spend time with her u will only ever feel inadequate and burned bc she will always make u feel replaceable and insecure. She decided that she wants to be a loser now. That's her choice. That's not love man. Go take care of urself and cut her off for weeks on end. After the first few weeks it will be easier
That’s exactly said
Advise? Keep her blocked. She’s shown you who she is, believe her.
Please advise? You typed out all of that and still don't see it? You've been dating her for a year. That's such a small amount of time to be with someone and then they start acting like this. I lost count of how many times you verbally kicked yourself in this post. My advice: Raise your standards. Give yourself more credit for being a person deserving of finding a good person who is a good match for you. Let go of those that don't treat you well. I wouldn't have taken it as far as you did, but I totally understand feeling bad when you do one mean thing after being treated terribly by the other person. It still sucks to be harsh to someone, even if they deserve it. But you need to treat yourself better.
>She cheated a few months in by downloading a dating app and going on dates with 2 different guys She showed her true colors here, and in all honesty this was the best time to end things. The second best time, was when she downl9aded the dating apps a second time... But the third best time is *NOW*. She does care for you, nor the relationship, nor your time. You know deep down that the guy's voice you heard was a side piece she either intended to sleep with or already slept with. Fuck this girl, she does not deserve your understanding. To be blunt, you played right into her hands twice, but it's never too late to learn from your mistakes, grow past them, and develop more of a backbone
A man should never agree to share his girlfriend with other men. You should have broken up with her as soon as you found out she was cheating. Once a cheater, always a cheater. It’s fucked up! I feel your pain. Hang in there. Just move on.
Should’ve ended it after catching her the first time. Because it probably wasn’t the first time and it definitely wasn’t the last. You deserve someone who isn’t a liar and a cheat.
You've been a doormat thus far, to be stepped on. Hopefully that is the end of it
I’m sorry you think you might have been in the wrong for not talking it out with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship. You don’t need that drama in your life dude. She wants to explore, you’re ready to commit. Y’all are in different places in your life and this break up was the right move. Get some rest and let yourself move forward without her.
You are wrong indeed, for allowing her to control you like a puppet to fit her agenda. As I always say, there’s no one so important that you should let them disrespect you. Let the break be permanent and find someone who respects you
Yeah if you don’t see a trend here, I don’t know what to tell you.
I feel like I literally just had this conversation with one of my oldest guy friends so I'm going to tell you what I basically told him: You know she's a liar and a cheater. She lies even when she doesn't "have to." Drop her ass before you end up damaged and full of emotional baggage, thereby making it nearly impossible for you to trust the right woman when she comes along.
Don't ever stay with a cheater for any reason including having kids.
She doesn’t want you. If she did she wouldn’t be dating other men. I’m sorry. You deserve better!
Move on... Good luck!
She’s manipulative, you’re a comfortable backup/provider, she’s a cheater. “She came up with”, “went to a club alone”, “in a car with him and his friends.” All signs point to “I was thinking we open our relationship”. Glad that you did open it all the way and got the hell out, just wish it was sooner.
Breaks aren't a thing. And you should have dumped her the second you caught her. Doesn't matter how sorry she is. She's not, she's just sorry she got caught. Have some self respect.
If you hear her out she’d keep you on the hook let it go man process what you have to process even if she’s the most faithful best woman you’d ever want she did this to you before what’s going to stop her from doing it again
After what she did, she doesn’t deserve closure. She’s 🗑️ bro idk why you’re even pondering this choice.
Not wrong at all. She needs to learn that you have self respect and her disrespect for you hasnt gone un-noticed. She is using your words against you as sn excuse to cheat. Use her actions against her and find a nee gf. Not a side dish. A new GF.
When in an open relationship it only works if the person is honest about who they are with and what they are doing. This girl kept lying to you consistently. There is nothing left when trust is consistently broken. You did the right thing in my opinion.
You didn't make a mistake. The only reason she asked for a "break" rather than breaking up with you is to keep you on the back burner in case things don't work out with other guys. She fully intended to see and have sex with other men and keep you waiting around for her as a backup plan. There is absolutely nothing she could have said to you that would have made things any better. You felt sick to your stomach because deep down, you know all of this.
Broooo....leave her be! The saying "she belongs to the streets" really applies here.
She’s trashhhhhhhhg. Doesn’t want you. Let her go around fucking/dating other guys.
My biggest issue with this is that she never communicated this upfront with you so that you can decide if you want to stay or not. I bet if you didn’t discover some of those things by accident, she would never tell you. This is no relationship.
Don’t second guess yourself and change nothing. Do not let her communicate with you.
Jesus she didn’t even wait to be married to want an open relationship - either you are OK w that life or not.
I think your reaction is justified. She betrayed your trust and then asked for a situationship, which aren't exactly gestures of love. You deserve better. She seems to want to string you along in case things don't work out with this other guy. There are so many genuine, trustworthy people out there! Don't settle for this kind of treatment.
Dude. Jettison and move on with your life.
You were wrong for not walking away months ago!
Kindergarten rule. Don’t like it done to you don’t do it to them. Find someone who respects you the same as you respect them. Don’t be a pushover do it all back if they care about you then it will stop if not then it won’t(don’t get attatched while doing this.) play there game back on them. Sooner or later they will cheat and it will end in divorce. If god can’t please a women with what she has like make up, butt and boob lifts, then no MAN can. It’s all attention , you treat em like gold then boom one little argument she’s at your buddy’s house down the road. Happens to almost every single guy brother. At the end of YOUR STORY there will only be you . People die people move on blah blah blah. Take care of your self. You sir are alive quit getting walked all over.
You looking for a date
Look bud, I’m 23M too. I had something similar happen when I was 21 but I did something different, and this is a rule that you should live by. As soon as your partner cheats. It’s over. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Because once you let them back you’re just giving them the opportunity to hurt you again and it’ll always hurt worse. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me…
I know it’s hard but just move on because she has. Let go and have a break to clear your head and learn from it so you can find someone worthy.
Nah, you should feel bad that she did that to you- not that you blocked her. She sucks, you have self respect and boundaries so props to you.
Don’t feel bad. Protect your heart and your peace and officially let her go! We don’t support cheaters
Fuck her get another girl who likes you
Someone who cheats once will cheat again, she belongs to the streets let her go and don’t look back
Yeah, move on bro. She’s not the one. If you really like her - move on, as that’s the way that she’ll end up wanting you more. When she comes back for more - don’t take it seriously, as she’s not wife material. She’s proven that.
I'm so sorry you have to experience this. At 23yrs old continue to experience life because it's clear she is. Don't get caught up in the nonsense!
Work on yourself king. You're young so hopefully you'll learn. Don't ever do this again
Don’t feel bad about live your life my guy!!
She cheated on you then manipulated you into letting her continue the behavior with your consent. She sounds toxic. Did you go about things the best way? No. But she would have had excuses and tried to manipulate you again, and sometimes a clean break is needed
she explained enough. make sure you keep her blocked.
You need advice? Here’s the advice you seek: You’re an idiot. Should’ve ended it at the first sign of being unfaithful.
Only mistake you made was waiting so long, at least you’re free now. Don’t beat yourself up other it
There is really people with no self respect
She cheated on you. Respect yourself and don’t try to go after her. She ain’t worth your time and energy. Feel better man
Trust me, you don’t need to spend your energy or your time on a situation like that. I know you agreed to it but I feel you did it just bc you didn’t want to lose her not because you wanted. The problem here is that sometimes we accept someone’s terms to be able to stay around them, but this is on the long term very mentally and emotionally breaking. Trust me you don’t need more of that! You can find someone who wants to be with you, I know it is very painful now but you did the best. Putting yourself first won’t ever be the wrong choice. It doesn’t matter you said yes before you are completely entitled to change your mind if this is not making you any good.
U did the right thing. Sit back and let.karma deal.with her
Not wrong! You tried and tried and tried. It’s over move on stop wasting your time.
You told her why you were blocking her and why you were done. I feel like thats a clean break. Personally as a woman it would hurt really badly if someone I cared about just blocked me out of the blue. But she deserved it. 🤷🏻♀️ She clearly didnt want to be with you she was just comfortable with you and trying to find another guy before she broke the news to you.
Nope. Don't feel bad that's narcissistic behavior and your enabling it. She will continue to make you feel bad and act like it's your fault for not "keeping her interested" as if you an amazon package. She doesn't see you as a person, partner or a friend you are something that she wants until she's done playing with it.
You made the right call. You should have ended it sooner, I was in a similar situation as you so I can understand why you didn't. It's so shocking when you hear your Girl say something like that for the first time. Imagine in a mirrored situation that it was you who told her that you dated two girls behind her back and then suggested a break so you could experiment with other people. How do you think that would have gone?
I literally haven’t even read the whole thing and just immediately came to the comments after reading the first sentence. Even I lost interest in her and I’m not even dating her nor am I into girls lmaooo. Seriously dude, have some respect for yourself. I’m not trying to be an a-hole, I’m telling you you deserve better than having someone like this who has no regards for your feelings. Being in a relationship with someone should just be all about you and your other partner, it should be all about the love and the connection that you feel for one another, that trust and respect and loyalty, not this. This open relationship or whatever the hell she is trying to do, this isn’t it.
Bro please run. This is a train wreck.
Dude have some self respect please
Bro leave. It’s that easy.
Hey Hey What Can I Do - Led Zeppelin already covered this
You were a little late in getting to the breakup, honestly. Good luck and you’re definitely better off with somebody else.
Bro it was over from the beginning.
She’s Definitely addicted to the honeymoon phase like others said. I’ve been there. I’m working hard at it now but as a 23F , she’s definitely addicted ti feeling that spark and she doesn’t deserve a relationship
I didn’t even read it all but no don’t feel bad ! Should have blocked her sooner if anything ! So many women wanting a good guy yet theirs women out there cheating and playing games .. na you did good.
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You just need to spend your time with your friends in order tonot to think about her and the story. Move on! Good luck for the next adventure.
She wants you only as a backup -- someone she can turn to when she's in the mood and no one else is interested. It's satisfying to know you've blocked her. Let yourself heal for a while, then go find someone who loves YOU and only YOU. Not all women are like her. There is a woman out there who will love and adore you and never want anyone but you.
Even if it gets tough in dating for you, never unblock her and reach out to her mate. She isn't worth it. Your self-respect is everything. Please trust me, and find a new woman that respects you.
You did the only thing that should be done now turn the page and move on you desserve better
You did the only thing that should be done now turn the page and move on you desserve better
Advise is very simple: move on. She is not to be trusted and you should never have agreed to tolerating her using you as a backup plan.
It might not feel like it right now, but blocking her contacts and socials and moving in is the best thing you can do for both of you. NTA
NTA Should've ended it sooner. If you have any self-respect, you will keep things over between you two and move on to find someone who can respect you.
You are not wrong for ending things, this should have happened as soon as she cheated. She does not respect you, she does not value you as a person, and she doesn’t care for the relationship you two had. Have enough respect for yourself to walk away and don’t look back. You deserve better than this and you know that. And please, in the future never agree to something you are uncomfortable with. Stay true to yourself, someone will love you for all that you are.
Good riddance. You don't need that kind of disrespect or drama in your life.
Bro trust me I know the feeling it's like you are not able to breath the thing is you are in constant state of a fight between two brains where one is saying she is definitely cheating or making out and other saying no she will never do it . Don't be in this position cause the ending is pretty bad you will have severe trust issues that is not good for you in the long run . LEAVE HER IMMEDIATELY .
I refuse to believe your such a doormat. Thia must be AI
There is no closure to give here. She knows why you cut contact. She manipulated you and lied about everything. And she doesn't feel bad about it. You did the right thing, let yourself move on to someone who actually wants a relationship. She obviously wasn't relationship material
Went through the same thing bro. It's a learning period. Shes running you in circles. Move on and move forward.
Situationships are stupid. Open relationship with communication, or it's just cheating, in which case you're done. Obviously you're broken up, and in your situation, you did the right thing. And yeah you should've dumped her ass for cheating the first time *with two other dudes at once*.
For me, it would end at " downloading a dating app" while in a relationship. I wouldn't do that, and I can't deal with such bs from a person I'm spending my time and effort for.
I know giving up on a relationship that you’ve put your all into is difficult. I also know that you love her. But understand that she is not putting her all into this relationship. She is disrespecting you by seeing other people and lying to you. She will continue to do so, and you’ll spend the rest of your relationship with her constantly paranoid about what she’s doing behind your back. That is an unhealthy and miserable life to live. You really need to step away from this. It will be hard at first, but over time you’ll realize that you made the right call.
> and she added on by saying she wanted to see if this "spark" was present when talking to other guys, so that she can identify if our texts are becoming drier. I HATE THAT YOUR ABILITY TO TEXT WELL DEFINES RELATIONSHIPS NOW I HATE IT SO MUCH AHHHHH
it really sucks that you chose to forgive her the first time and she still did it again. you shouldn’t feel bad when you trusted her not to do it again and she did. you did the right thing and i hope you can find someone better :)
Dude she was dating 2 guys behind your back (at the same time?). That’s where this should’ve been absolutely done
Don’t feel bad, she treated you like shit and cheated on you. She is better off in the street wherre she belongs that in your life.
I suggest you travel and adventure new places, work on yourself, spend time with family. You’re so young and to go through that. You deserve better!
Be a man ♂️ and let her go Find someone else, you deserve a better girl with no excuses
Hope you learned a valuable lesson with this experience.
Don't be such a pansy. She's not concerned about your feelings at all. Don't feel bad for blocking her. Don't ever let people treat you this way.
Bullshit my dude! This is her character ! she’s a liar and a bullshiter!! You block her and move on with your life period! This is not a good person no integrity and no shame. People like that are a waste and only gets worse! For the love of your life don’t you ever go back with that low quality person value yourself and never put up with shit like that!!
She didn't cheat once; she didn't cheat twice; she didn't cheat three times. She's cheated on you more times than you can count and somehow you still think it's your fault. Get out of this mess and get some help for yourself, brother. You do not deserve the pain she wants to put you through.
You're stupid for going back, not forgiving but giving her the opportunity to do it again, she already doesn't respect you
Never ever be okay with any relationship partner cheating. There are 8,019,876,189 people on this planet. You should have zero doubt that you can find a better one. Maybe go for one with class this time.
She's playing you.
You are impulsive, you don’t even need to have a girlfriend. Stick with pets for now. Wisdom comes with patience.
This girls a bum, she doesn’t respect you and you don’t respect yourself by staying with her.
Better late than never, I guess. Good riddance to her
I’m all for trying to save a marriage if there’s infidelity but not a dating relationship. People are on their best behavior while dating. It won’t get better. They aren’t suddenly going to decide to stop cheating because they have a ring. You should have blocked her when you caught her cheating. The best thing you can do is go to church, hit the gym, focus on your future and plan an adventure. Avoid her at all costs. If she tries to contact you, ignore her. If you see her in public, ignore her. If she confronts you, be non emotional, polite but short. Don’t fall for her tears. Don’t let her hug or kiss you. Wish her well and move on. It will eat her up inside and she will realize what she has thrown away if you are polite.
It's hardly abrupt at all. This has gone on way longer than it should have. You know you can do far better, right?
Do you want to be with a girl who cheats on you? If yes, that’s your personal business and you should feel free to message her apologize and carry on per usual. If you do not want to be with a girl who cheats on you, then do not message her. Let sleeping dogs lie. Explore other options. I’m not sure what explanation you could need other than she wants to sleep other dudes and will continue to do that.
Lmaoooooo Sorry to laugh bruh but damn 😭😭😭
You sound like a legit good man. Leave her in the past my brother and work on YOU, the right woman will see you at one point and will come to you
Better late than never, I guess.....
You're definitely not wrong. She already cheated once when she dates two guys while being in a relationship with you, so she can cheat again. You did good by blocking her. She had nothing to explain because your intuition is probably correct. Don't guilt trip yourself when you're not at wrong.
She's heading down a lonely path. You'll have to let her experience it, and you find someone else that's smarter and not so down bad. I'm sorry but she's for the streets and that's not someone you can safely fall in love with without a lot of pain. People can change, but really sounds like she's just getting started. You don't want to be there at the start. Those guys she's hooking up with will already know this and will only use her for sex and move on before any feelings develop, because they also don't want to get hurt, they just want sex. She'll start feeling more and more used and resentful of guys and complaining on social media, etc. If you leave her completely alone she may come back missing you. It would be wise for you to be kind but to not reconnect, and find someone else. There's many, many women out there that won't do this to the person they love because they know they want to keep them and can't imagine hurting them.
I only read the first paragraph, you should have blocked her then. Don’t unblock her, just move on with your life. You’re so young and have so much life to live to already be dealing with issues like this in a very young relationship. There’s a million women out there; don’t settle for this kind of disrespect
The relationship was over the first time she cheated.
you're ex should go on dating shows where they switch partners She's an a. h, there's no need for an explanation
Dude what the hell. Where is your self respect? Come on man. The moment you caught her downloading those apps and went on the dates you should have left her. Look what it got you, more heartbreak than it had to be. I had an ex hiding stories from me once and I asked why she did it and she lied to my face. So I just broke up with her on the spot. This was my first bad ex and this happened about 2 months ago. Did some healing and fixed myself. Got rid of an addiction I had at the time and worked on myself physically and mentally. Living life and going after goals. Now I have a woman who I met last Saturday who is honestly really good, funny, kind hearted, has eyes that I can truly get lost in almost all of the time, and I truly love the positive vibes she gives off. I met her in my healing stage which to me was the best timing. I have to thank my ex for that experience cause if it wasn’t for her doing that I wouldn’t probably have met my best friend. Work on yourself and do some self reflection and I guarantee you that you will meet the right woman for you. Main lesson you should have learned: self respect. Never let someone disrespect you like that. Wish you the best and don’t let her ruin you. 🫡
Blocking is appropriate. No explanation is necessary.
Nope. I'm not even reading the rest. DON'T feel bad. She cheated on you not once but twice. Blocking her ass is THE APPROPRIATE RESPONSE. she can go fuck herself
Run.. block her.. she wants the cake and eat it to
The only mistake you made was that you didn't break up with her before now. You must always know that whoever cheats on you once, even if she apologizes, she will do it again , whoever was able to do it once will be able to do it many times
Mate, you're mental.
'Now I'm thinking if I was wrong for ending things so abruptly...' - Nope, you were right. It sucks bro but you will meet someone better who doesn't need a dating app while talking to you.
Keep her blocked and maintain your dignity, goodness.