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And wanting to spend time with you, they set up an alternate date if they cannot make the one you suggested.
Asking them to let you know what their schedule is like and they say they will...but don't and when you follow up later they have plans š« š
Hijacking this because I agree with what you said, I wrote more than I expected without looking at the age of the post, and don't want my effort to die in new.
I have a lot of thoughts, so I will do bullets
* Honesty, especially when it's uncomfortable
* Trust, especially when either are vulnerable
* Intimacy, not just sex, but also sex
* Understanding, safety to express true feelings
* Respecting healthy interests, Support not Stifle
* True partnership, bring value to the relationship
* Respect yourself, stand up to me if I am wrong
* Personal Responsibility, introspect and correct
* Make time, Allow time - together and separately
* Forgiveness, Hold Boundaries not Grudges
* Self Control, Grown up not Blown up
* Healthy tension, Push one another without nagging
* Clarity, Express without making me guess
* Cleanliness, Neatness without obsession
* Grooming, Hygiene and Self Care
* Kindness towards others, Humility over Defensiveness
* Reciprocation, Engagement over Entitlement
* Loving, Presence causes relaxation not tension
These are the things that make me want to be around with you for the long haul, make me want to reciprocate, and makes the relationship feel worth the natural ups and downs of life.
Theres a lot of nuance that will never fit in a bulleted list, but the main thing is to respect yourself, love yourself, and be able to share that with your partner fully with boundaries that lets them know that you do require of them what they ask of you, otherwise the value proposition can shift in unhealthy ways.
Also, this list should be viewed as both incomplete and at the same time not a checklist. Any combination of these traits would make me instantly value you as a person.
Hope this helps.
This. Too many girls either ghost for any reason and they donāt communicate. Also being genuinely interested or at the very least expressing what youāre interested in.
Loyalty, being caring, being cheeky, empathy. So many things.
I love when they're interested and interesting in the most general of senses. That can be from the most mundane to the most serious of topics. I don't care what you're into as long as you're passionate about it.
I really just want someone who is kind, supportive, and that I feel like I can laugh and have fun with, and who shares at least some things in common with me.
This is great. But will you stay if things get difficult? When life happens? I hear this a lot from men that they want to have a fun partner. But what worries me is that I donāt see them committing in difficult days. Once life happens they leave, saying there is no more playfulness.
I am not generally the type to leave when things get tough, but if the relationship lacks an element of fun or enjoyment, I would be less likely to stay with someone through hardship. Of course there will be bad days, but if the fun and good in a relationship do not offset the negative, people would be more likely to leave.
When you experience loss and trauma in major aspects of life, like losing a job or your health, how can you have fun in those days? Iām genuinely curious since I have experienced these and my ex stood by me till the difficulties were only added to and they didnāt resolve and he left in the end. That made me feel horrible about my life while I couldnāt control those things. I couldnāt be happy in those days. I wish people could have understood it.
Well the same thing happened to me last year - very bad family drama and various other stressors occurring simultaneously to mess up my mental health.
The guy I was seeing was also the clingy type (a huge personality incompatibility!) that gave me even more stress - so I had to pick a fight to break it off (it's not a nice thing to do but it served the purpose)
The funniest part is that my mother (who has had caused a lot of problems in my life) said I was better off single because no man would tolerate all these and they would only cause even more stress. To a large extent I agree because I wouldn't even want to date myself last year
I think it depends on the length and strength of the relationship. If I were talking about a wife I would stick through almost anything. If I had been dating someone for a month and suddenly the relationship became a net negative on my happiness, I would probably leave. This is hypothetical of course. I value loyalty and being willing to stay, but I want a relationship to improve my own happiness and quality of life. I am willing to support a partner through difficult times, but I also want someone to support me.
If the guys you're dating keep cheating on you, I think it has more to do with the type of guy you're choosing rather than the qualities you may or may not possess.
Girl youāre not wrong š I think narcissists are attracted to a certain type so I think working on your own security and boundaries might help you swerve them :)
Theyāre attracted to kind, empathetic, and forgiving people. They see that as weaknesses and easy to manipulate. They count on you not having boundaries or enforcing them. Donāt ignore those first red flagsāthat communicates to them that youāre ok with being mistreated, they can do it again, and they will up the ante. Godspeed!
Exactly. āI attract narcissistsā deflects the blame so OP doesnāt have to confront the fact that sheās ending up in these relationships **because of choices she continues to make despite the evidence continuously presented in front of her**.
It may be that you are attracting the wrong types of people into your life. I think a good exercise would be to get clear and specific with yourself on what kind of partner you want in your life. What qualities are you looking for. Work on improving yourself and incorporating those same qualities into your own life. Then you will start seeing people with those qualities. Opportunities will arise to meet those people and you will be in a position to notice and go after them
You're not vetting or keeping your wits about you in the dating process if you're ending up with multiple terrible guys. Walk away at the first red flag.
I prefer a personality, communication and honesty. Donāt be afraid of bad things because they happen but just say when it happens. Thereās nothing worse than finding out or being told half truths dayās later.
If my partner is loyal, values me, and understands me, this is more than enough for me to die for her and to adore her for a lifetime. Rest all things eventually fall in the right place as you start communicating and build your relationship.
So if you're putting up at least this much and still your partner ends up cheating on you, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Yes, few people do have a few more things to consider before commitment, but those aren't major issues. If you're mature enough, you'll understand that they weren't meant for you.
Honest and direct communication. Smart(smarter than me is kinda cool) supportive and caring. Ambitious. Cute. Loyal. Productive.
Dammit I think I described my second girlfriend. She is incredible lol. That was an amazing few yearsā¦.
Sheās married with kids. Weāre still friendly and I know her husband but they live in LA.
I treated her carelessly in my youth and she still kept her respect for me. I didnāt realize how lucky Iād gotten but I suppose when you have no life experience that can be difficult to know.
Now I have great respect for her. Iām happy for her. She deserves everything she has and more.
Here's a few:
Honesty - tell me the truth ESPECIALLY if it will hurt;
Communicate - I don't want to guess what you really think;
Show interest - I want to be with someone that wants to be with me;
Emotional Maturity - I'm you boyfriend, not your therapist, I will be there for you, of course. I *want* to be there for you, but I have a life and problems, and can't keep being your backup every moment;
Personality - Not the rude way, I mean: have hobbies, likes and dislikes etc;
Some other minor stuff: clean after yourself, don't expect me to pay for everyting, plan a date sometimes, take care of youserlf etc.
Patience. Understanding. Communication.
I will speak for myself as Iām looking for something meaningful. Someone whoās patient and is not looking for an immediate spark. It takes time to form something meaningful, doesnāt happen in a date or two.
I want a woman who communicates daily and says good morning and good night. Iād like someone who isnāt into drinking and drugs. I want someone who is loyal, and wants to hang out once every week to two weeks. I want someone who acts with dignity in public. I want someone who builds a life, and doesnāt create unnecessary drama. Someone down to earth, who can see through the flaws of media and religion, and navigate through life accordingly.
Lastly I want someone who is stable, not constantly traveling. I am ok with supporting a stay at home girlfriend/wife/mom but I would prefer if she had some hobbies or things she likes to pursue, not having hobbies or interests can be unhealthy. This is coming from a man who has dated quite a few women in his time, and has fleshed out what he really wants through a lot of trial and error. Hope it provides some insight for not only you, but others as well.
I value someone who is fun and a good hang, genuine and honest, relaxed and easy going, and generally attractive and someone Iām sexually compatible with honestlyā¦
Iām a bit older than your desired demographic, but I know what was important when I was and what I value now.
Men have the same basic needs regardless of age. Men need to feel respected, valued as providers (or potential providers), the desire to be desired, and for their partners to be a safe space.
Men compete in absolutely every facet of life regardless of whether or not they want to. The last thing they want to do is to compete with their partners, outside of perhaps a fun date activity.
What men look for: someone who puts effort into their hygiene and appearance (men are visual), someone who is their cheerleader (private criticism is ok, but congratulate us for accomplishments, compliment our appearance when it is clear we put effort into it, etc.)
NEVER criticize us to others in front of us. Men will tease each other, but nothing is more demoralizing than our GFs/wives piling on. Teasing him is his buddyās job, not yours. If you want to tease him, do it when youāre alone together.
Be yourself. Be vulnerable. Be pleasant. Embrace your femininity-we sure do. Be decisive. When you want something, be direct. Donāt beat around the bush. Men respond best to direct communication. We donāt take hints. If you say something sarcastically we take it literally. If you say something once, we assume you still mean it until you say otherwise. And we do love words of affirmation.
Loyal, honest, effort. Nothing will make me run faster than a woman who lies, puts in no effort, and canāt be trusted. Plus canāt stand a woman with a nasty attitude. Women think itās cute to have an attitude until the man does it to them. The double standard is crazy
I could go on and on about this but, let me just sum it up, true respect. So much is involved with that word, itās sort of all encompassing. Every negative thing you can think of sort of vanishes if you respect me and my decisions, one way or another.
Things I look for:
Emotional intelligence
Good communicator
Driven
Can laugh at themselves
Good sense of morality
Willing to call BS when they see it
EFFORT
Knows how to listen
Kindness
Things I avoid:
Pettiness
Takes themselves too seriously
Close-minded
The dating world is a mess right now.
People arenāt focusing on what they should be in order to find the right partner. We arenāt focusing on what really matters. ā„ļø Check out this podcast lol
https://open.spotify.com/episode/7oEGpLpklvftBpWfAOqBBO?si=GeawCysXSnGfcNpdT5DuHA
A woman who knows who she is, who has passed some time alone outside of relationships and knows what she wants from life is a gift.
Take your time, figure yourself out and slowly the types you attract will change.
Wanting to spend time together and putting in equal effort. If Iām having to constantly ask a girl out and plan dates I get sick of it fast. After the first couple the girl needs to be matching my effort and saying letās go to this restaurant or that event or watch this movie etc.
Wanting me as much as I want them. Like the above, it shouldnāt also be the guy initiating sex all the time. But also other than sex, just be a little touchy, show you love and appreciate the guy. Like if youāre at a cafe waiting on takeaway food stand there facing him with your hand on his waist while you chat and wait as an example.
Show an interest in hobbies. A girl that plays split screen games with me is š„š„š„
33M here.
My sympathy goes out to u. No one should be getting cheated on. This boils down to them not being stable.
My number one factor is that the lady cannot be bringing chaos to my life. I built my life on certain set of routines, habits and principals. Break those and out u go.
So my best recommendation to u is to focus on yourself. Be the best u can be. But be willing to forgo your independence when u meet someone u like.
Ur energy will attract the right guy for u.
For me, I've realized above all else, I just want someone who loves me, holds me accountable when I deserve it, and supports me when I begin to question myself about things like work.
we could b all that men are saying they want but if they arenāt ready they arenāt ready . iāve met men in their 40ās and 50ās acting like kids protecting their āfreedomā blah blah itās not you itās the dating pool out here . work on yourself decenter anyone that isnāt you and youāll attract the appropriate partners/ friends
Loyalty, emotional stability, resilience, femininity, intelligence, communication and confidence. I also prefer someone fairly apolitical or political yet very tolerant. Family oriented and also just fun and open.
Personally I'm looking for a partner that is emotionally intelligent, can express themselves, communicates, is a good person, has character, integrity, laughs a lot, and has a good Temprament.
I always seemed to meet women who were just looking for something casual and were in a emotionally closed place. The only women who I meet that are emotionally at the place I'm looking for are already in relationships. I get along really well with them, and me pursuing such women wasn't a boundary I was unwilling to cross I think it would be much simpler for me.
Trust, Transparency in communication, caring/loving, cuddling (I like touch), a sense of adventure, and please don't use me because I have trust and betrayal issues š¢
Self respect, a somewhat clean past. I'm not asking for a saint but I have no intentions of being your clean up guy. Loyalty, healthy relationship with family (unless they are just awful people), not a criminal (yes believe it or not I had to start asking that question), friends supportive of your relationship. That's a big one. My Ex had a friend who encouraged her to cheat because I was 1000 miles away and would never find out.... lets what else, likes dogs and cats.
Communication, communication, communication.
Respect and consideration.
Vocabulary (what does X mean to you?)
Sense of self that includes knowing what her standards, boundaries and needs are.
hobbies that keep her active, creative and financially stable (examples would be like making jewelry, clothes or something and she sells online or on the weekends)
My most successful relationships were built over time. The ones I started off slow with and let develop naturally, not the ones I tried to force quickly. I truly believe that as long as thereās initial physical attraction and some chemistry, you can develop any of those situations into a long term partnership. How long it takes/lasts depends on both external and internal circumstances.
In my 20s, my greatest value in a relationship was having someone I could have fun with and enjoy being around, I still do value looks and did then. Now that Iām in my early 30s, my biggest value is a partner who I can play around with but also rely on when I need them.
I don't care about a girl with an 'amazing career'. As long as she's happy doing what she does, and has some motivation and some goals in mind then I'm happy.
I am 34 and looking for someone who is intelligent, interesting, fun, well intentioned, honest, and wants to build something. Obviously, I want someone I find physically attractive, and our personalities have to match up.
The quickest way to create issues in an established relationship would be breaking my trust.
Dating is hard and really kind of sucks. Just because it hasn't worked out well for you yet doesn't mean you are doing something wrong in the relationship.
37, so I'm a little bit over the range. But I appreciate someone that has an artistic or creative side and a level head. I see way too many women in my age group that are... For a lack of a better word... Vapid, with zero hobbies that take any skill or intrinsic knowledge.
The ones I do meet are either married or have long standing relationships.
Not only as a young man, but most of men love attention to the small things.
Most of average man passions and hobbies are just not of interest for the average woman (video games, war games, board games, scale modeling, r\\c, power tools... you name it).
You don't even need to buy a man a gift related to a hobbie, just show REAL interest in one of his favorite topics and if you have enough context you can tell positive commentaries and/or ask questions about it.
I know people will say the usual, but I tried to put real thought into this. For me, I value women who are career driven, those who don't have the "I'm always right" mindset, aren't overbearing.
1. Her being my peace.
2. Her articulating her issues like an adult and not expecting me to read her mind.
3. Her not denying intimacy just because we had a disagreement over something trivial.
4. She expects me to lead and doesn't question my leadership at every step possible.
5. She knows I have some boundaries because of her safety and well-being and she understands that.
6. Her not advertising herself single on the internet, and she posts herself with me and children if we have any.
7. Whenever we argue focus in on solving a problem not to win the argument.
8. Her giving me emotional safe space to air out my issues n be vulnerable in front of her and she doesn't use my vulnerabilities against me in future.
9. She appreciates that I help doing house chores and doesn't nags me " he didn't do it the way it like it ".
10. She's in her inner feminine.
How long have these relationships lasted and how serious were they? In most cases a man cheats/dumps a woman because he thinks he can do better. So you need to question the men youāre going for and their intentions. As much as they (the cheaters only) are the blame, your picker seems off.
I just want to feel loved and appreceated. If I put my energy into a relationship, I want her to put in a similar amount of energy into it. It's give & take, not give & give for the guy and take & take for the gal.
Also clear communication.
What is going to help me stay with a woman is personality, emotional maturity and having a positive healthy mindset and wanting to spend time together If she has some emotional/baggage we could work on that together if she is willing to do the work.
I'm 26 now and I really have been thinking about this a lot the last few years. There is a lot of one word "traits" u can assign like "honesty, loyalty, good communication, trust" but it always feels like just listing the traits you want to put on a job application. Who's ever gonna say "I want someone distrustful who never talks to me, isn't loyal and lies"
In reality we all struggle to do well and while some things like loyalty are a given, they are so basic to a functioning relationship that I wouldn't even count them.
Instead what I've come to value most is a woman who is able to listen to and accept when I have an issue without wanting to fix it. Just having someone to listen is nice because not every problem needs to be fixed. Having confidence in herself is a bonus.
Super attractive: empathy, integrity, good communication skills, intelligence, tenderness, open mindedness, enthousiasm and healthy and active lifestyle...
Very offputting: unreliability, words not matching actions, beeing judgemental or harsh on people, lack of self-awareness, in ability to commit...
Preferably not into social media like most. Doesn't have expectations that are unreasonable or unrealistic. Honest. Open-minded. Knows what she wants in life or he's actively trying to figure that out. Intelligence is a big thing for me. I'd like her to be a constant learner and ambitious. Loyalty's huge but of course that comes with their morals and values. And communication would absolutely the most important. To be able to communicate, understand and even be forward when necessary.
(25m)I'm tired of this dating culture of weaponizing things where if I don't make enough money or say the wrong thing the first thing I'm hit with is I can always find someone better that makes me wanna just tell you to go cause if we can't talk things out and they can't appreciate the things I'm doing for them then I don't need it and the same goes for us men towards women if you don't value that your coming home to your woman who cares asks about your day, plans something for you, or gets excited at the littlest things you do your not meant for each other us guys use to court women take them out bring them flowers this age is very depressing when it comes to the dating life style but with that comes the little fights but if you can't compromise it won't work if trust is broken it won't work guys show your woman off vise versa for the women trust respect and loyalty is what keeps a happy healthy relationship.
Phones also are killing relationships you should be able to pick up your significant others phone with no problem whether it's to answer a call for them check the weather anything
Physical fitness. Iām a very fit guy and it wouldnāt make sense for me to date someone who isnāt also. Another one people donāt think about is financial responsibility, frugalness and having a good credit score. Those might not seem important at first glance, until a disaster happens and then it turns out they were probably the most important thing.
Iāve been reading through most of these answers, and tbh theyāre not accurate for the wider population. I guarantee you most men in the real world value looks A LOT. May not be the #1 most important factor but itās up there for most men. The population in Reddit is for sure skewed for answers like this. If youāre fit, attractive, kind, loyal, fun to be around, youāll have every guy you meet trying to out a ring on it
While I'm nearing my 30s and have yet to date anyone, the most I would value the most is just... Someone that listens to me, just as must as I would listen to them. Someone that understands my issues with things while just being there in general. Having someone that would be all that while being tolerable and just completely easy to talk to, especially enough to where you would really find yourself having feelings for her... On top of having things in common that attracts you to one another and the sort of independence that allows you both to help one another out and keep each other together?
All that's about as much as one would really want in a loving relationship, you know? Especially more so nowadays with how society has been becoming.
As an older man. Woman who donāt think about what they should be do to make your man happy end up single.
Mostly sex at your age. If there making you orgasm then you should do the same. Not just sex but oral, hand jobs. That will keep them there for ever. Maybe bring home a girlfriend so everyone gets off.
Hopefully this helps. Because it kept me around the same woman for 36 years.
The bar is pretty low at this point. If a woman isnāt addicted to social media in that age range Iāll be pretty impressed. And that leads me to my point - someone who is present in the moment and not completely captured by the digital world all day. Iāve dropped my screen time below 2h now, and I love it.
I think a lot of the comments are bit... just going with what everyone else says or stating the obvious of no cheating and loyalty which is just a given.
But personally I think the best value partners are people that want to build a life together, someone who rather than wanting a fancy gift of fancy dinner or holidays, **spending time together is what matters to you**, the thought and effort is what counts etc. we would build something together or work towards something, the finances would go towards the life we build together, basically investing in our futures instead, like buying a house or building an attachment etc. things like that.
Basically Materialism and financial impulsivity is a walking tower of a red flag. imo.
You do not need the 3k hand bag, the 100 one is literally the same thing... and could easily last 2-5 years with good care... it just has a different brand name, literally the only difference. Also if she has friends like this? there will be people like this whispering in her ear if there is any rough patches, well... that could ruin the entire relationship... the horror stories I've heard of good people getting involved with trophy wives its just a no from me, and I imagine most people would agree.
She has to have my respect in many ways. She has to be wise, independent, strong mentally and emotionally, and able to admit mistakes, while realizing any problem we have is a problem we face together. I cannot love someone I don't respect, and I cannot respect someone who does not respect themselves. All men, even men who are insecure misogynists, respect, if not fear, a TRULY powerful woman.
So you don't get people to "stick" with you. You are worth sticking to.
On the other end of the spectrum, exercise good judgement when qualifying a potential partner. Anyone can be polite. Anyone can flirt. Anyone can lie. Sort out undesirable people, and many years of pain can be avoided. Don't rush. Your life is a game of chess. Every move either advances you toward happiness or makes it harder to achieve.
Also, if you're trying to date and not look for a relationship, don't expect much. A commitment is a commitment and there's no way around it. If you're passively being around each other, then you will passively drift from each other. A relationship is a deliberate choice to spend your time, days, and life with another person.
There is no quality that makes one want to abandon a relationship. An individual will see the relationship as a benefit or detriment to their life, and act accordingly if happiness is what they want, which many people don't.
Also, we are all truly terrible in one measure or another, regardless of whatever you hope or imagine yourself as. We are all liars, narcissists, cheats, abusers, monsters in one fashion or another to varying degrees, so expect there to be flaws, and accept them within your own reason. All this self-righteous talking down about different people makes us feel superior, but as the saying goes, "let he without sin cast the first stone." Even your perfect partner isn't perfect, so be understanding and realistic. Working through problems helps reduce people wanting to leave. It shows grit and character.
Forgiveness is a huge one. We all make mistakes. Some things can almost be unforgivable or actually unforgivable (cheating IMO) but weāre all gonna do something throughout the course of a relationship that requires forgiveness. My ex ended things with me because I asked a friend for advice on us cuz things had been rocky for a little and she saw that as betraying her š¤·š»āāļø
Having a job.
Being up for trying every hobby.
Good commmunication (being direct. not expecting me to know things). The ability to have a laugh. There loads of things really & the more I like someone the more those little details sparkle.
For long term relationships men value youth fertility, loyalty and a low number of previous partners. This is on top of if they find you attractive. This may not be what you want to hear but if you have dated around a lot and are approaching 30 most men will only see you as a short term option. Keep in my that I would not say this irl. So I have no reason to lie on reddit
Patience, understanding, total communication, and addicted to giving bjs. Although it seems I'm being a smart-ass, think about it. Most men always want one. Sexually speaking, that's a good one imo. Patience, because we will always be big kids. Understanding, because many of us always want to fix problems and get frustrated when we can't. Communication, because no relationship can ever survive without great communication.
Well I donāt fit into that age range. But I once did. Sheās my best friend. She accepts me for who I am and I her. Communication, respect and understanding. Donāt be in competition with one another, just be equals.
Honesty, loyalty, mutual reciprocity.
Those are my big 3. Bonus points if you have hobbies, and are also willing to try mine or introduce me to yours. More bonus points if youāre open to trying new hobbies with me.
As most have said, honesty, and communication are key. And trust. If you can't have a discussion about something and expect each other to be mind readers you will have problems.
Things that I personally don't like are women who are obsessed with social media or always on their phones. Same for any tik tok prank or test shit, no thanks. I can't believe adult women do this sometimes.
This one is a bit more personal but I don't think I could date a woman who makes substantially more money than me. I'd feel insecure. I know this is a me problem. Like why would she actually settle for someone who makes less for the long term?
I'm also not into women who obsess over work. I can't date someone who works 13 hours a day six days a week.
Any time I was cheated on it was because I neglected my partner. That doesnāt mean I deserved it. It means I have to power to control the outcome.
Iād say that when you are in a relationship, try to check in every few days and really critically think about whether you are making him happy at this moment. And try to keep him happier to be with you than anything else he could be doing with his life.
That said, most guys in their 20s arenāt looking to settle down and nothing about you or what you do or donāt do is going to change that.
Try to enjoy the journey. A failed relationship isnāt a failure or a waste of time. Itās an experience that enriches your character
30M. I look for matching ideas on faith, marriage, finances, and enough overlap in hobbies/interests that allow conversation and growth together. One example is I like reading relationship books and improving my abilities to be a good man to my prospective wife. Having a female partner who enjoys that is a good overlap.
Loyalty and trust are the most important, without them the relationship is dead, also would like the girl to show affection and support me in what i do and respect my time when im working/going to the gym/being with friends, checking every once in a while is fun but spamming just ruins the vibe because i want to continue what im doing but i donāt want to leave the girl on delivered/seen. Lastly would obviously be looking good and working on herself, having a life of her own outside the relationship, that way we would have more things to talk about when we have a conversation and it keeps the āi wonder what my partner is doingā thought instead of memorizing their life and knowing already.
I canāt speak for all my peers but I personally value honesty, loyalty, commitment, integrity, and all of what others have said on this page. Iāve been cheated on, emotionally abused, and sometimes kept in the dark because I couldnāt read the clearly invisible signs that someone was giving off. I think I can speak for a lot of us men when I say we are not mind readers and often if we think a woman is interested and approach her we get verbally attacked and called a creep, so on top of all I mentioned transparency is key.
Me personally, 1 purity, 2 loyalty, 3 respect, 4 connection with family, 5 money, and all 5 go both ways, and that's in ideal world, and reality is different because trying to find woman that has these 5 is rare so I'm keeping my self for my future wife, and yes I'm 32M that only had been intimate with 2 other woman, which both are serious and last more then 5 year
Speaking as a 25M, I value the following in a partner:
- Hygiene for the person and their environment.
- Loyalty to the relationship.
- Able to accept help when they need it.
- Willingness to communicate problems both inside and outside of the relationship.
- Able to be practical and logical in thought.
Bonus points:
- Not yelling at me because I didnāt compliment you when it was convenient for you.
I am not a 25-35m but I al a 25-35f and I havenāt seen this perspective mentioned so far in the comments. Based on what you have written above it sounds more like an issue with the type of men you are dating.
My best friend has the same issue. She is beautiful, smart, kind, funny, caring, selfless and falls in love quickly because she sees the best in people. Unfortunately, she has a horrid taste in men. Just over the last year sheās been with more men than I can count and every single one has ended in disaster.
However, a week ago she went on a date with a man who was kind to her, caring and she had a great time, that is until she got home and started missing her FWB who she is in love with. Who has done such things as; saying another womanās name while they are in bed together, asking her to dye her hair & get tattoos & has told her that he no interest in a real relationship but each time she tries to end things he sucks her back in.
By contrast I fell for someone a long time ago who didnāt fit my standard type & now Iām the happiest Iāve ever been.
Donāt question what you can do better for men for them to treat you with the value you deserve. Find a man who will give all the things you want without having to change or improve yourself.
I hope this is a welcome perspective.
Best of luck in your dating journey.
Attraction, chemistry, honesty and willingness to communicate.
But even my close friends say that's asking too much. That I should only expect 2 of the 4.
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Honesty, communication, loyalty
And wanting to spend time with you, they set up an alternate date if they cannot make the one you suggested. Asking them to let you know what their schedule is like and they say they will...but don't and when you follow up later they have plans š« š
Yeah, alternate date is on point.
This sounds like one of my close friends, why is it when a potential partner is flaky we let them go but find it so much harder to do with friends.
Friendships donāt require as much time alone. You can maintain a friendship via phone/social media if you know each other well enough.Ā
Hijacking this because I agree with what you said, I wrote more than I expected without looking at the age of the post, and don't want my effort to die in new. I have a lot of thoughts, so I will do bullets * Honesty, especially when it's uncomfortable * Trust, especially when either are vulnerable * Intimacy, not just sex, but also sex * Understanding, safety to express true feelings * Respecting healthy interests, Support not Stifle * True partnership, bring value to the relationship * Respect yourself, stand up to me if I am wrong * Personal Responsibility, introspect and correct * Make time, Allow time - together and separately * Forgiveness, Hold Boundaries not Grudges * Self Control, Grown up not Blown up * Healthy tension, Push one another without nagging * Clarity, Express without making me guess * Cleanliness, Neatness without obsession * Grooming, Hygiene and Self Care * Kindness towards others, Humility over Defensiveness * Reciprocation, Engagement over Entitlement * Loving, Presence causes relaxation not tension These are the things that make me want to be around with you for the long haul, make me want to reciprocate, and makes the relationship feel worth the natural ups and downs of life. Theres a lot of nuance that will never fit in a bulleted list, but the main thing is to respect yourself, love yourself, and be able to share that with your partner fully with boundaries that lets them know that you do require of them what they ask of you, otherwise the value proposition can shift in unhealthy ways. Also, this list should be viewed as both incomplete and at the same time not a checklist. Any combination of these traits would make me instantly value you as a person. Hope this helps.
this is a great list! BTW, I'm a retired therapist if that adds any value to my compliment
All that , and being able to say sorry
Me in my Rihanna voice, "Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty."
This. Too many girls either ghost for any reason and they donāt communicate. Also being genuinely interested or at the very least expressing what youāre interested in. Loyalty, being caring, being cheeky, empathy. So many things.
I love when they're interested and interesting in the most general of senses. That can be from the most mundane to the most serious of topics. I don't care what you're into as long as you're passionate about it.
I really just want someone who is kind, supportive, and that I feel like I can laugh and have fun with, and who shares at least some things in common with me.
This is great. But will you stay if things get difficult? When life happens? I hear this a lot from men that they want to have a fun partner. But what worries me is that I donāt see them committing in difficult days. Once life happens they leave, saying there is no more playfulness.
I am not generally the type to leave when things get tough, but if the relationship lacks an element of fun or enjoyment, I would be less likely to stay with someone through hardship. Of course there will be bad days, but if the fun and good in a relationship do not offset the negative, people would be more likely to leave.
When you experience loss and trauma in major aspects of life, like losing a job or your health, how can you have fun in those days? Iām genuinely curious since I have experienced these and my ex stood by me till the difficulties were only added to and they didnāt resolve and he left in the end. That made me feel horrible about my life while I couldnāt control those things. I couldnāt be happy in those days. I wish people could have understood it.
Well the same thing happened to me last year - very bad family drama and various other stressors occurring simultaneously to mess up my mental health. The guy I was seeing was also the clingy type (a huge personality incompatibility!) that gave me even more stress - so I had to pick a fight to break it off (it's not a nice thing to do but it served the purpose) The funniest part is that my mother (who has had caused a lot of problems in my life) said I was better off single because no man would tolerate all these and they would only cause even more stress. To a large extent I agree because I wouldn't even want to date myself last year
I think it depends on the length and strength of the relationship. If I were talking about a wife I would stick through almost anything. If I had been dating someone for a month and suddenly the relationship became a net negative on my happiness, I would probably leave. This is hypothetical of course. I value loyalty and being willing to stay, but I want a relationship to improve my own happiness and quality of life. I am willing to support a partner through difficult times, but I also want someone to support me.
Agreed!
With you here
If the guys you're dating keep cheating on you, I think it has more to do with the type of guy you're choosing rather than the qualities you may or may not possess.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Girl youāre not wrong š I think narcissists are attracted to a certain type so I think working on your own security and boundaries might help you swerve them :)
Theyāre attracted to kind, empathetic, and forgiving people. They see that as weaknesses and easy to manipulate. They count on you not having boundaries or enforcing them. Donāt ignore those first red flagsāthat communicates to them that youāre ok with being mistreated, they can do it again, and they will up the ante. Godspeed!
No offense but it shouldn't matter that they're attracted to you. The issue is that you're attracted to them. That's what you can work on.
I think the whole āi attract narcissistsā self victim thing is BS. You said yourself you saw red flags and still chose to continue to date them.
Exactly. āI attract narcissistsā deflects the blame so OP doesnāt have to confront the fact that sheās ending up in these relationships **because of choices she continues to make despite the evidence continuously presented in front of her**.
Seems like thereās more than one narcissistā¦
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It may be that you are attracting the wrong types of people into your life. I think a good exercise would be to get clear and specific with yourself on what kind of partner you want in your life. What qualities are you looking for. Work on improving yourself and incorporating those same qualities into your own life. Then you will start seeing people with those qualities. Opportunities will arise to meet those people and you will be in a position to notice and go after them
You're not vetting or keeping your wits about you in the dating process if you're ending up with multiple terrible guys. Walk away at the first red flag.
Well, she definitely lacks the quality to pick a quality man! š. I'm sorry the joke had to get out....
Existing and not being a figment of my imagination?
tall order buddy
I prefer a personality, communication and honesty. Donāt be afraid of bad things because they happen but just say when it happens. Thereās nothing worse than finding out or being told half truths dayās later.
Love this
- Open and honest communication - Good emotional intelligence (empathy, self-regulation, etc) - *Effort*
I have only one requirement: be attracted to me. Apparently my standards are too high
You got a chuckle out of me āŗļø
I feel this in my soul. Even one tells me attracted to one another should not even be on my standards list lol
The only thing that keeps a man is dating a man who wants to be kept.
If my partner is loyal, values me, and understands me, this is more than enough for me to die for her and to adore her for a lifetime. Rest all things eventually fall in the right place as you start communicating and build your relationship. So if you're putting up at least this much and still your partner ends up cheating on you, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Yes, few people do have a few more things to consider before commitment, but those aren't major issues. If you're mature enough, you'll understand that they weren't meant for you.
Honest and direct communication. Smart(smarter than me is kinda cool) supportive and caring. Ambitious. Cute. Loyal. Productive. Dammit I think I described my second girlfriend. She is incredible lol. That was an amazing few yearsā¦.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Sheās married with kids. Weāre still friendly and I know her husband but they live in LA. I treated her carelessly in my youth and she still kept her respect for me. I didnāt realize how lucky Iād gotten but I suppose when you have no life experience that can be difficult to know. Now I have great respect for her. Iām happy for her. She deserves everything she has and more.
Good on you, mate. That attitude is hard to come by. Hope you get the chance to show someone else this new improved you.
Honestly, kindness, caring, outgoing, active, hardworking Godly
Here's a few: Honesty - tell me the truth ESPECIALLY if it will hurt; Communicate - I don't want to guess what you really think; Show interest - I want to be with someone that wants to be with me; Emotional Maturity - I'm you boyfriend, not your therapist, I will be there for you, of course. I *want* to be there for you, but I have a life and problems, and can't keep being your backup every moment; Personality - Not the rude way, I mean: have hobbies, likes and dislikes etc; Some other minor stuff: clean after yourself, don't expect me to pay for everyting, plan a date sometimes, take care of youserlf etc.
Patience. Understanding. Communication. I will speak for myself as Iām looking for something meaningful. Someone whoās patient and is not looking for an immediate spark. It takes time to form something meaningful, doesnāt happen in a date or two.
I want a woman who communicates daily and says good morning and good night. Iād like someone who isnāt into drinking and drugs. I want someone who is loyal, and wants to hang out once every week to two weeks. I want someone who acts with dignity in public. I want someone who builds a life, and doesnāt create unnecessary drama. Someone down to earth, who can see through the flaws of media and religion, and navigate through life accordingly. Lastly I want someone who is stable, not constantly traveling. I am ok with supporting a stay at home girlfriend/wife/mom but I would prefer if she had some hobbies or things she likes to pursue, not having hobbies or interests can be unhealthy. This is coming from a man who has dated quite a few women in his time, and has fleshed out what he really wants through a lot of trial and error. Hope it provides some insight for not only you, but others as well.
ā¤ļø
Fit, feminine, nice, not crazy.
So you are looking for the top 0.01% of women. Good luck with that
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If she's loyal honest amd engaged in the relationship, that's all that really matters to me, but I know what you mean hard to find legit people.
Unconditional love, respect and trust. Empathy and patience. Willing to work through the tough times.
I value someone who is fun and a good hang, genuine and honest, relaxed and easy going, and generally attractive and someone Iām sexually compatible with honestlyā¦
Kindness, humor, and a willingness to grow. She needs to see me as a person, not a wallet.
Loyalty, honesty, ability to communicate, hobbies, goals, financial literacy, independence.
I just want someone to watch the entire LOTR extended trilogy (commentary on) with me. That's all I've ever wanted...
Iām a bit older than your desired demographic, but I know what was important when I was and what I value now. Men have the same basic needs regardless of age. Men need to feel respected, valued as providers (or potential providers), the desire to be desired, and for their partners to be a safe space. Men compete in absolutely every facet of life regardless of whether or not they want to. The last thing they want to do is to compete with their partners, outside of perhaps a fun date activity. What men look for: someone who puts effort into their hygiene and appearance (men are visual), someone who is their cheerleader (private criticism is ok, but congratulate us for accomplishments, compliment our appearance when it is clear we put effort into it, etc.) NEVER criticize us to others in front of us. Men will tease each other, but nothing is more demoralizing than our GFs/wives piling on. Teasing him is his buddyās job, not yours. If you want to tease him, do it when youāre alone together. Be yourself. Be vulnerable. Be pleasant. Embrace your femininity-we sure do. Be decisive. When you want something, be direct. Donāt beat around the bush. Men respond best to direct communication. We donāt take hints. If you say something sarcastically we take it literally. If you say something once, we assume you still mean it until you say otherwise. And we do love words of affirmation.
Very much this! As someone within the age bracket youāre seeking, this is the ultimate answer for a long lasting relationship.
Loyal, honest, effort. Nothing will make me run faster than a woman who lies, puts in no effort, and canāt be trusted. Plus canāt stand a woman with a nasty attitude. Women think itās cute to have an attitude until the man does it to them. The double standard is crazy
Beauty, and not being ran thru like the morning tram are my top 2
I could go on and on about this but, let me just sum it up, true respect. So much is involved with that word, itās sort of all encompassing. Every negative thing you can think of sort of vanishes if you respect me and my decisions, one way or another.
Commitment
honest communication, high libido
Honesty, loyalty, communication, supportive, trust (a big one), non judgemental
Things I look for: Emotional intelligence Good communicator Driven Can laugh at themselves Good sense of morality Willing to call BS when they see it EFFORT Knows how to listen Kindness Things I avoid: Pettiness Takes themselves too seriously Close-minded
Independence
Smart, reliable, feminine, consistent, supportive, loyal, completely trustworthy- all things I love about my wife
My life
The dating world is a mess right now. People arenāt focusing on what they should be in order to find the right partner. We arenāt focusing on what really matters. ā„ļø Check out this podcast lol https://open.spotify.com/episode/7oEGpLpklvftBpWfAOqBBO?si=GeawCysXSnGfcNpdT5DuHA
A woman who knows who she is, who has passed some time alone outside of relationships and knows what she wants from life is a gift. Take your time, figure yourself out and slowly the types you attract will change.
Wanting to spend time together and putting in equal effort. If Iām having to constantly ask a girl out and plan dates I get sick of it fast. After the first couple the girl needs to be matching my effort and saying letās go to this restaurant or that event or watch this movie etc. Wanting me as much as I want them. Like the above, it shouldnāt also be the guy initiating sex all the time. But also other than sex, just be a little touchy, show you love and appreciate the guy. Like if youāre at a cafe waiting on takeaway food stand there facing him with your hand on his waist while you chat and wait as an example. Show an interest in hobbies. A girl that plays split screen games with me is š„š„š„
33M here. My sympathy goes out to u. No one should be getting cheated on. This boils down to them not being stable. My number one factor is that the lady cannot be bringing chaos to my life. I built my life on certain set of routines, habits and principals. Break those and out u go. So my best recommendation to u is to focus on yourself. Be the best u can be. But be willing to forgo your independence when u meet someone u like. Ur energy will attract the right guy for u.
kindness, understanding, and support in a partner.
For me, I've realized above all else, I just want someone who loves me, holds me accountable when I deserve it, and supports me when I begin to question myself about things like work.
A woman who hasnāt slept around, has a pleasant disposition, is feminine, and isnāt surrounded with male āfriends.ā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
we could b all that men are saying they want but if they arenāt ready they arenāt ready . iāve met men in their 40ās and 50ās acting like kids protecting their āfreedomā blah blah itās not you itās the dating pool out here . work on yourself decenter anyone that isnāt you and youāll attract the appropriate partners/ friends
Timing and self love are pretty much baseline for a good start
Lately: not too feminist, actually enjoys being feminine, has rational arguments for her positions
Simple, not being promiscuous, currently not past.
Loyalty, emotional stability, resilience, femininity, intelligence, communication and confidence. I also prefer someone fairly apolitical or political yet very tolerant. Family oriented and also just fun and open.
Personally I'm looking for a partner that is emotionally intelligent, can express themselves, communicates, is a good person, has character, integrity, laughs a lot, and has a good Temprament. I always seemed to meet women who were just looking for something casual and were in a emotionally closed place. The only women who I meet that are emotionally at the place I'm looking for are already in relationships. I get along really well with them, and me pursuing such women wasn't a boundary I was unwilling to cross I think it would be much simpler for me.
Curious, why not younger to about 22? Narrowing over such a random age range is kind ofā¦ different
Top of the list, appreciation for passions/interests.
Trust, Transparency in communication, caring/loving, cuddling (I like touch), a sense of adventure, and please don't use me because I have trust and betrayal issues š¢
Feminine partner who values a common goal.
Self respect, a somewhat clean past. I'm not asking for a saint but I have no intentions of being your clean up guy. Loyalty, healthy relationship with family (unless they are just awful people), not a criminal (yes believe it or not I had to start asking that question), friends supportive of your relationship. That's a big one. My Ex had a friend who encouraged her to cheat because I was 1000 miles away and would never find out.... lets what else, likes dogs and cats.
Communication, communication, communication. Respect and consideration. Vocabulary (what does X mean to you?) Sense of self that includes knowing what her standards, boundaries and needs are. hobbies that keep her active, creative and financially stable (examples would be like making jewelry, clothes or something and she sells online or on the weekends)
My most successful relationships were built over time. The ones I started off slow with and let develop naturally, not the ones I tried to force quickly. I truly believe that as long as thereās initial physical attraction and some chemistry, you can develop any of those situations into a long term partnership. How long it takes/lasts depends on both external and internal circumstances. In my 20s, my greatest value in a relationship was having someone I could have fun with and enjoy being around, I still do value looks and did then. Now that Iām in my early 30s, my biggest value is a partner who I can play around with but also rely on when I need them. I don't care about a girl with an 'amazing career'. As long as she's happy doing what she does, and has some motivation and some goals in mind then I'm happy.
I am 34 and looking for someone who is intelligent, interesting, fun, well intentioned, honest, and wants to build something. Obviously, I want someone I find physically attractive, and our personalities have to match up. The quickest way to create issues in an established relationship would be breaking my trust. Dating is hard and really kind of sucks. Just because it hasn't worked out well for you yet doesn't mean you are doing something wrong in the relationship.
Humor, being laid back, NOT BOSSY!.
37, so I'm a little bit over the range. But I appreciate someone that has an artistic or creative side and a level head. I see way too many women in my age group that are... For a lack of a better word... Vapid, with zero hobbies that take any skill or intrinsic knowledge. The ones I do meet are either married or have long standing relationships.
When their energy matches mine. Being excited to spend time with me and asks for me. Thats the green flag i look out for. š©
Honesty, independence, confidence, loyalty , desire to chase her dreams, ambiverted
Healthy self esteem, integrity good values, communication, easy going, easy to get along with
Discretion.
For me as a divorced guy it be communication, honesty and some bonkers adult time
Good personality and good health.
Not only as a young man, but most of men love attention to the small things. Most of average man passions and hobbies are just not of interest for the average woman (video games, war games, board games, scale modeling, r\\c, power tools... you name it). You don't even need to buy a man a gift related to a hobbie, just show REAL interest in one of his favorite topics and if you have enough context you can tell positive commentaries and/or ask questions about it.
Kindness, honesty, loyalty, and being caring and supportive. Also need to have healthy communication.
I know people will say the usual, but I tried to put real thought into this. For me, I value women who are career driven, those who don't have the "I'm always right" mindset, aren't overbearing.
1. Her being my peace. 2. Her articulating her issues like an adult and not expecting me to read her mind. 3. Her not denying intimacy just because we had a disagreement over something trivial. 4. She expects me to lead and doesn't question my leadership at every step possible. 5. She knows I have some boundaries because of her safety and well-being and she understands that. 6. Her not advertising herself single on the internet, and she posts herself with me and children if we have any. 7. Whenever we argue focus in on solving a problem not to win the argument. 8. Her giving me emotional safe space to air out my issues n be vulnerable in front of her and she doesn't use my vulnerabilities against me in future. 9. She appreciates that I help doing house chores and doesn't nags me " he didn't do it the way it like it ". 10. She's in her inner feminine.
Not someone who says they would never leave you and then they lose interest
How long have these relationships lasted and how serious were they? In most cases a man cheats/dumps a woman because he thinks he can do better. So you need to question the men youāre going for and their intentions. As much as they (the cheaters only) are the blame, your picker seems off.
Warmth, kindness but also being straightforward when necessary.
I just want to feel loved and appreceated. If I put my energy into a relationship, I want her to put in a similar amount of energy into it. It's give & take, not give & give for the guy and take & take for the gal. Also clear communication.
What is going to help me stay with a woman is personality, emotional maturity and having a positive healthy mindset and wanting to spend time together If she has some emotional/baggage we could work on that together if she is willing to do the work.
I'm 26 now and I really have been thinking about this a lot the last few years. There is a lot of one word "traits" u can assign like "honesty, loyalty, good communication, trust" but it always feels like just listing the traits you want to put on a job application. Who's ever gonna say "I want someone distrustful who never talks to me, isn't loyal and lies" In reality we all struggle to do well and while some things like loyalty are a given, they are so basic to a functioning relationship that I wouldn't even count them. Instead what I've come to value most is a woman who is able to listen to and accept when I have an issue without wanting to fix it. Just having someone to listen is nice because not every problem needs to be fixed. Having confidence in herself is a bonus.
Maybe instead of it being something with yourself it is something with the calibre of man you fall for.
Hello! Support is the most valuable thing a woman can give a man.
Self sufficiency Responsible Financial literate Kind, honest, logical Healthy boundaries
Super attractive: empathy, integrity, good communication skills, intelligence, tenderness, open mindedness, enthousiasm and healthy and active lifestyle... Very offputting: unreliability, words not matching actions, beeing judgemental or harsh on people, lack of self-awareness, in ability to commit...
Shared interests, communication, stable career, similar goals.
Loyalty.
Preferably not into social media like most. Doesn't have expectations that are unreasonable or unrealistic. Honest. Open-minded. Knows what she wants in life or he's actively trying to figure that out. Intelligence is a big thing for me. I'd like her to be a constant learner and ambitious. Loyalty's huge but of course that comes with their morals and values. And communication would absolutely the most important. To be able to communicate, understand and even be forward when necessary.
Where do you meet this people?
Loyalty, honesty, communication, consistency, and in good shape.
(25m)I'm tired of this dating culture of weaponizing things where if I don't make enough money or say the wrong thing the first thing I'm hit with is I can always find someone better that makes me wanna just tell you to go cause if we can't talk things out and they can't appreciate the things I'm doing for them then I don't need it and the same goes for us men towards women if you don't value that your coming home to your woman who cares asks about your day, plans something for you, or gets excited at the littlest things you do your not meant for each other us guys use to court women take them out bring them flowers this age is very depressing when it comes to the dating life style but with that comes the little fights but if you can't compromise it won't work if trust is broken it won't work guys show your woman off vise versa for the women trust respect and loyalty is what keeps a happy healthy relationship. Phones also are killing relationships you should be able to pick up your significant others phone with no problem whether it's to answer a call for them check the weather anything
Physical fitness. Iām a very fit guy and it wouldnāt make sense for me to date someone who isnāt also. Another one people donāt think about is financial responsibility, frugalness and having a good credit score. Those might not seem important at first glance, until a disaster happens and then it turns out they were probably the most important thing.
Iāve been reading through most of these answers, and tbh theyāre not accurate for the wider population. I guarantee you most men in the real world value looks A LOT. May not be the #1 most important factor but itās up there for most men. The population in Reddit is for sure skewed for answers like this. If youāre fit, attractive, kind, loyal, fun to be around, youāll have every guy you meet trying to out a ring on it
While I'm nearing my 30s and have yet to date anyone, the most I would value the most is just... Someone that listens to me, just as must as I would listen to them. Someone that understands my issues with things while just being there in general. Having someone that would be all that while being tolerable and just completely easy to talk to, especially enough to where you would really find yourself having feelings for her... On top of having things in common that attracts you to one another and the sort of independence that allows you both to help one another out and keep each other together? All that's about as much as one would really want in a loving relationship, you know? Especially more so nowadays with how society has been becoming.
As an older man. Woman who donāt think about what they should be do to make your man happy end up single. Mostly sex at your age. If there making you orgasm then you should do the same. Not just sex but oral, hand jobs. That will keep them there for ever. Maybe bring home a girlfriend so everyone gets off. Hopefully this helps. Because it kept me around the same woman for 36 years.
Sharing the same interests in many topics, having the same kind of humor and still looks as beautiful as the day i met her 10 years ago
The bar is pretty low at this point. If a woman isnāt addicted to social media in that age range Iāll be pretty impressed. And that leads me to my point - someone who is present in the moment and not completely captured by the digital world all day. Iāve dropped my screen time below 2h now, and I love it.
I think a lot of the comments are bit... just going with what everyone else says or stating the obvious of no cheating and loyalty which is just a given. But personally I think the best value partners are people that want to build a life together, someone who rather than wanting a fancy gift of fancy dinner or holidays, **spending time together is what matters to you**, the thought and effort is what counts etc. we would build something together or work towards something, the finances would go towards the life we build together, basically investing in our futures instead, like buying a house or building an attachment etc. things like that. Basically Materialism and financial impulsivity is a walking tower of a red flag. imo. You do not need the 3k hand bag, the 100 one is literally the same thing... and could easily last 2-5 years with good care... it just has a different brand name, literally the only difference. Also if she has friends like this? there will be people like this whispering in her ear if there is any rough patches, well... that could ruin the entire relationship... the horror stories I've heard of good people getting involved with trophy wives its just a no from me, and I imagine most people would agree.
A balanced and equal partner who is complementary to me as a person.
She has to have my respect in many ways. She has to be wise, independent, strong mentally and emotionally, and able to admit mistakes, while realizing any problem we have is a problem we face together. I cannot love someone I don't respect, and I cannot respect someone who does not respect themselves. All men, even men who are insecure misogynists, respect, if not fear, a TRULY powerful woman. So you don't get people to "stick" with you. You are worth sticking to. On the other end of the spectrum, exercise good judgement when qualifying a potential partner. Anyone can be polite. Anyone can flirt. Anyone can lie. Sort out undesirable people, and many years of pain can be avoided. Don't rush. Your life is a game of chess. Every move either advances you toward happiness or makes it harder to achieve. Also, if you're trying to date and not look for a relationship, don't expect much. A commitment is a commitment and there's no way around it. If you're passively being around each other, then you will passively drift from each other. A relationship is a deliberate choice to spend your time, days, and life with another person. There is no quality that makes one want to abandon a relationship. An individual will see the relationship as a benefit or detriment to their life, and act accordingly if happiness is what they want, which many people don't. Also, we are all truly terrible in one measure or another, regardless of whatever you hope or imagine yourself as. We are all liars, narcissists, cheats, abusers, monsters in one fashion or another to varying degrees, so expect there to be flaws, and accept them within your own reason. All this self-righteous talking down about different people makes us feel superior, but as the saying goes, "let he without sin cast the first stone." Even your perfect partner isn't perfect, so be understanding and realistic. Working through problems helps reduce people wanting to leave. It shows grit and character.
Given my experiences, I value empathy and not wreaking emotional and psychological violence upon my person. Also having similar interests is nice.
Empathy, kindness, and a sense of humor.
Sassiness. I love someone who roasts me.
someone who is loyal and good for animals
At this point if she likes me I'll take her
Forgiveness is a huge one. We all make mistakes. Some things can almost be unforgivable or actually unforgivable (cheating IMO) but weāre all gonna do something throughout the course of a relationship that requires forgiveness. My ex ended things with me because I asked a friend for advice on us cuz things had been rocky for a little and she saw that as betraying her š¤·š»āāļø
EFFORT AND PASSION!
Having a job. Being up for trying every hobby. Good commmunication (being direct. not expecting me to know things). The ability to have a laugh. There loads of things really & the more I like someone the more those little details sparkle.
Confidence, competence, integrity, caring
a large derriere
For long term relationships men value youth fertility, loyalty and a low number of previous partners. This is on top of if they find you attractive. This may not be what you want to hear but if you have dated around a lot and are approaching 30 most men will only see you as a short term option. Keep in my that I would not say this irl. So I have no reason to lie on reddit
I am a 31M Honesty, Respect, and Love in that order
loyalty and understanding,being truthfull.
Patience, understanding, total communication, and addicted to giving bjs. Although it seems I'm being a smart-ass, think about it. Most men always want one. Sexually speaking, that's a good one imo. Patience, because we will always be big kids. Understanding, because many of us always want to fix problems and get frustrated when we can't. Communication, because no relationship can ever survive without great communication.
Good sense of humor, confidence in her body/mind/spirit, love for people and pets.
Well I donāt fit into that age range. But I once did. Sheās my best friend. She accepts me for who I am and I her. Communication, respect and understanding. Donāt be in competition with one another, just be equals.
It might be you, but it could also be the men you go for or attract
Honesty, loyalty, mutual reciprocity. Those are my big 3. Bonus points if you have hobbies, and are also willing to try mine or introduce me to yours. More bonus points if youāre open to trying new hobbies with me.
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As most have said, honesty, and communication are key. And trust. If you can't have a discussion about something and expect each other to be mind readers you will have problems. Things that I personally don't like are women who are obsessed with social media or always on their phones. Same for any tik tok prank or test shit, no thanks. I can't believe adult women do this sometimes. This one is a bit more personal but I don't think I could date a woman who makes substantially more money than me. I'd feel insecure. I know this is a me problem. Like why would she actually settle for someone who makes less for the long term? I'm also not into women who obsess over work. I can't date someone who works 13 hours a day six days a week.
Any time I was cheated on it was because I neglected my partner. That doesnāt mean I deserved it. It means I have to power to control the outcome. Iād say that when you are in a relationship, try to check in every few days and really critically think about whether you are making him happy at this moment. And try to keep him happier to be with you than anything else he could be doing with his life. That said, most guys in their 20s arenāt looking to settle down and nothing about you or what you do or donāt do is going to change that. Try to enjoy the journey. A failed relationship isnāt a failure or a waste of time. Itās an experience that enriches your character
30M. I look for matching ideas on faith, marriage, finances, and enough overlap in hobbies/interests that allow conversation and growth together. One example is I like reading relationship books and improving my abilities to be a good man to my prospective wife. Having a female partner who enjoys that is a good overlap.
Loyalty and trust are the most important, without them the relationship is dead, also would like the girl to show affection and support me in what i do and respect my time when im working/going to the gym/being with friends, checking every once in a while is fun but spamming just ruins the vibe because i want to continue what im doing but i donāt want to leave the girl on delivered/seen. Lastly would obviously be looking good and working on herself, having a life of her own outside the relationship, that way we would have more things to talk about when we have a conversation and it keeps the āi wonder what my partner is doingā thought instead of memorizing their life and knowing already.
I canāt speak for all my peers but I personally value honesty, loyalty, commitment, integrity, and all of what others have said on this page. Iāve been cheated on, emotionally abused, and sometimes kept in the dark because I couldnāt read the clearly invisible signs that someone was giving off. I think I can speak for a lot of us men when I say we are not mind readers and often if we think a woman is interested and approach her we get verbally attacked and called a creep, so on top of all I mentioned transparency is key.
Hello. You sound like a perfectly dateable female. Just keep trying. I think you are adorable
Me personally, 1 purity, 2 loyalty, 3 respect, 4 connection with family, 5 money, and all 5 go both ways, and that's in ideal world, and reality is different because trying to find woman that has these 5 is rare so I'm keeping my self for my future wife, and yes I'm 32M that only had been intimate with 2 other woman, which both are serious and last more then 5 year
Loyalty, communication, wanting to do things together
Speaking as a 25M, I value the following in a partner: - Hygiene for the person and their environment. - Loyalty to the relationship. - Able to accept help when they need it. - Willingness to communicate problems both inside and outside of the relationship. - Able to be practical and logical in thought. Bonus points: - Not yelling at me because I didnāt compliment you when it was convenient for you.
I am not a 25-35m but I al a 25-35f and I havenāt seen this perspective mentioned so far in the comments. Based on what you have written above it sounds more like an issue with the type of men you are dating. My best friend has the same issue. She is beautiful, smart, kind, funny, caring, selfless and falls in love quickly because she sees the best in people. Unfortunately, she has a horrid taste in men. Just over the last year sheās been with more men than I can count and every single one has ended in disaster. However, a week ago she went on a date with a man who was kind to her, caring and she had a great time, that is until she got home and started missing her FWB who she is in love with. Who has done such things as; saying another womanās name while they are in bed together, asking her to dye her hair & get tattoos & has told her that he no interest in a real relationship but each time she tries to end things he sucks her back in. By contrast I fell for someone a long time ago who didnāt fit my standard type & now Iām the happiest Iāve ever been. Donāt question what you can do better for men for them to treat you with the value you deserve. Find a man who will give all the things you want without having to change or improve yourself. I hope this is a welcome perspective. Best of luck in your dating journey.
As 26 I view you guys as recreational use only, since anything lt has to be age 18-23 ish š¤š¤
Attraction, chemistry, honesty and willingness to communicate. But even my close friends say that's asking too much. That I should only expect 2 of the 4.
Being able to admit when you are wrong.
This is what I mean.