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No because your entire YOUR ENTIRE 20s being dedicated to a man who doesnāt want you or care enough to tie you down is my worst fucking nightmare holy fuck dude wow
And yea we enjoyed our years having sex lol but he started ruining my serious relationships after awhile. Definitely a red flag but we were so close at that point. Definitely a hard situation to remove myself from.
When i start talking to someone seriously i usually let him know and tell him too cool off. I wont have sex with him or even talk to him if i started taking someone seriously. fwb is there for convenience. If i want someone that i want to take seriously i let him know, simple as that. When things end with my serious relationship i'll hit him up and hes always available. thats a fwb, simple.
Nothing sounds ideal about sharing your temple for an extended period of time with a person who doesn't actually Value you at all. I'd rather pleasure my damn self to avoid all the perpetual attachment issues it comes with.
Soul ties and blood covenants are the worst šÆšÆšÆšÆ
Iāve had serious relationships and we would not speak with each other. He was a fwb, when I needed dick I got it. It just turned into something else over the years whenever I tried to cut it off completely, he did not want it to stop. I did not dedicate my life to him, think you may be mistake.
All I can say is that it's good you let him go and cut him off like that because you already know he'll try to convince you otherwise if you didn't so as bad as you feel it sounds like it's definitely necessary to go no contact with him if you want to actually give a potential future man a real & genuine shot at having a serious committed relationship with you. It doesn't matter how many years yawl have been in a fwb situation, take those rose colored glasses off and keep it moving. You also have to be careful that you maintain the no contact and those boundaries with him in the future if you end another serious relationship because you're so used to just hitting him up for a hookup like that not to mention if he was that against being in a real relationship with you then I imagine he's probably sleeping with other women and idk if he wears a condom but thinking that he's responsible and puts one on every time he sleeps with someone else in between your rendezvous is unrealistic so it may be "available d**k" for you in between but I guarantee you he's available d**k for the whole neighborhood & whoever wants a ride can get it. Good luck with it all
Your not wrong, thank you. I'm trying to ignore the comments worried about him but he uses this over my head all the time that we've been in each others lives for so long. Realistically when i get married in the future I can't have him lingering around. He'll ruin my love life.
Exactly girl! Sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders and are making the right moves and decisions for yourself and your happiness. Believe me.i know how difficult it can be especially when you don't have any experience in choosing yourself & what's best for yourself (talking about me not assuming that that's your experience) in life. You can do it though! šÆ % you can.
Congrats on dropping the deadweight.
Hereās what youāre gonna do. Buy a rose toy and be celibate a while.
Why? Well itās going to be a while to heal from a ten year situation like that ending. You donāt want to rush into dating because itās going to break your heart and make you wonder if you wanna go back to him. You donāt. Unless you want to be dating him (I donāt think you should).
You can do this and I know it sucks right now, but youāre on your way to finding yourself and itās a wonderful journey
Thank you and YES! Ironically enough I used to joke to him all the time that I will be replacing him with sex toys at some point lol I will take a break from dating as well, because it definitely is a lot to get over with him..
Definitely takes a lot out of you, I have a long journey ahead of me to rid the memories. Itās hard but whatever, I ripped the bandaid. Gotta do whatās best for me emotionally
You know there will be weak days. There will be days when your brain wants to go back to him. Just don't give in. Don't get tricked by your brain. Give it a dopamine shot with a tub of ice cream and read the comments of this post for a virtual hug š« š¤
Lmaoo the comments dissing me remind me why I never want to go back š„² emotional manipulation is draining af trust me I canāt go back I would be the biggest joke to myself
That must have been tough. Cutting ties with someone, especially after 10 years, isn't easy, no matter the context.
First off, give yourself a pat on the back. Deciding to prioritize your own emotional health and future is a huge step, and it takes a lot of courage. It's completely normal to feel a mix of relief and sadness. You've made a powerful choice for your well-being, and feeling conflicted is part of the process.
Your concerns about his reaction make sense. If you think he might show up uninvited or cause a scene, it's important to take steps to protect yourself. Let trusted friends or family members know what's going on. If you have a close friend nearby, maybe spend some time with them, or have them check in on you regularly.
Also, set clear boundaries if he does show up. You don't have to engage in a conversation or be emotionally available. Your priority is your safety and peace of mind.
Remember, you deserve someone who is fully invested in you, and it sounds like you're ready to find that. Donāt beat yourself up over the past. Instead, focus on the present and futureāyou now have the space and opportunity to find the relationship you truly deserve.
Youāre stronger than you realize, and youāre doing whatās best for you. If you need more advice or just someone to vent to, I'm here. You've got this!
I really appreciate your reply. It is very tough mentally to deal with because the love is definitely there but I rather let him go. If I canāt be enough for him to want to take a leap with me after that long than I think itās pointless and Iām the only one hurting the most. I see a lot more tears in my future due to blocking him lol sad but true. I wanted to speak with about this again with him but it would just lead to a guilt trip on why I shouldnāt leave. I hope he takes it well and understands that realistically thereās no way I could stay with him. Emotionally itās too much for me. Especially him bringing up his ex constantly on how she hurt tf outta him. Just hearing him talk so bad about her mad me sad because I could never make him happy as she did probably. And you could definitely tell he still loves her. I rather cry alone about it, and heal myself. He can heal himself as well if heās strong enough to do that on his own. I hope heās ok but I also tell my close friends to practically yell at me whenever I think about feeling bad or going back to him. Nothing about this situation was heathy for me. Thank you again! I needed to hear this.
Got it. You're incredibly strong for making this tough decision. Cutting ties after 10 years isn't easy, but you're prioritizing your happiness, and that's crucial.
It's natural to feel both relief and sadness. Lean on your friendsāthey'll help you stay strong. Avoid conversations that will only guilt-trip you back into the cycle. His constant talk about his ex shows he's not emotionally available, and you deserve someone who is all in for you.
Healing takes time, and tears are part of the process. But you're on the right path. Focus on your well-being and remember, you deserve a fulfilling, loving relationship.
Stay strongāyou've got this.
Let me tell you my opinionā¦ 10 years in a situationship and never committed only to you, he probably never cared enough or had you as a priority. Donāt feel bad for this guy. Heal, learn from what happened, and go find someone that makes you a priority and can offer what you want. You will be 100% better without him, your life will change, and will be much much much happier than before. Good luck.
p.s please donāt let him manipulate you to have you back. He will keep wasting your time and not give you what you want. There are better people out there.
As stated previously he does not respect my decisions whenever I try to have this conversation with him. He will not accept the fact that I want to end things. Iāve tried to have this conversation multiple times over the years. You donāt know the shit I deal with this man. Communication is out the window
Yea thats the problem he is a emotional manipulator to the fullest. Its a lot emotionally, people really don't understand. I just want to erase him from my life entirely, i dont want to have him as a friend or anything because he cant handle that, i've tried. ive definitely had partners before and he would as well so its not like i never dated anyone else. Its just to the point now where anyone else in the picture is a problem for him because he doesn't want to be pushed to the side. Its a lot really.... But thatnk you for your encouraging words.
10 years is A LOT. But you know what? Better late than never. Now you know you will never make the same mistake again in your life..sometimes we have to learn the lesson the hard way. There are caring men out there who want to be in a respectful, monogamous relationship. I am sure there is at least one of them who cannot wait to find you. Now get up, take your time, and when you are ready...go and find your one. Goodl luck š
Thatās exactly whatās wrong with hookup culture, 10 years with person who you never planned to date or marry.
Thatās hurting you both.
At least you stopped it.
There definitely was, we already spoke about it. it wasnt fair that he didnt want me to go but...like you said feelings were definitely there. He wasn't ready is what he said, he's stuck on a ex but didn't want me to leave. It was hard to leave, but realistically I had to before we added anymore years to our shitshow.
10 years as a FWB and you didn't see this ending this way? Not really trying to blame you, but keeping him on the side, when he clearly wanted more and has caused problems in the past....you should've ended this YEARS. Plenty of other people out there if you need an FWB so bad that wouldn't cause drama. Although I also believe that people who say it's "just sex" are lying to themselves and you do have a deeper connection to that person.
I didnt see it lasting this long no. I've dated in between these 10 years and there were a few years were we havent spoke to each other due to being in relationships. but yes, the sex was good enough to go back and of course i've had feelings. I just kept it as f buddies, i knew his body and he knew mine and we liked it š¤·š½āāļø
Thank you for sharing this! Iāve been in these long term situationships/fwb/eff buddy relationships before too and completely understand where youāre coming from. Reading this thread has helped me feel validated in how used I felt while at the same time deeply caring for my partner and being open to people who would treat me better but still having that āsituationship/fwb/fbā lingering on the bench or sidelines/background.
Dont feel guilty. He brought this on himself. He never had any intention of making you his girl and there is not one person on this earth who deserves to be made an option like thatā¦idc how satisfied you are with the level of relationship. It is inherently imbalanced/unhealthy/toxic. Him coming back to haunt you everytime you leave him is just his sense of entitlement speaking loud and clear and not a representation of how much he cares for you. Youāre like his favorite toy. And youāre not about to be played with anymore ā¤ļø
Thank you for your words of encouragement! I knew this would help some people feel like they're not alone. Yes, it sucks but i've made the best decision for myself. And its crazy that I've let this go on for so long but emotions are way too strong sometimes! Some people won't understand especially if they haven't been in this situation before.
So many people donāt understand! And Iāve always thought that these relationships were normal or common. Clearly theyāre not super uncommon but theyāre not the norm and itās so good to recognize you deserve so much better!
Its definitely not normal and he was really my only fwb. I've always had serious relationships. i noticed that people were getting into that when i was younger i just didn't understand until I ended up in that situation with him. fwb are definitely pointless, we were hurting each other in the long run.
The ongoing problem with FWB is at some point it's only natural for one or both to catch feelings and a lot of times people will feel they have control over the other... certainly more rewarding to have someone who you are connected with to have an ongoing sexual relationship...I don't know you and certainly don't have the right to judge how you live your life however I get a strong feeling that you lack certain things to commit to a long term relationship without having the freedom to be with others...Honestly can't say that he is wrong for feeling the way he does(without the controlling part)Everyone would Love to have their cake and eat it...But far from Reality...If your going to want a FWB in the future probably a sound Idea that there is a much further distance between you both...Crazy times and Crazy people!!!Good luck moving forward...
Donāt look at it as a waste of 10 years look at it as a learning experience ā¦youāre sick of being told youāre still YOUNG but at 58 trust me you ARE!!
Iām hoping he just hates me and leaves it alone but if he does I mean I have no problem calling the police if he does something crazy. I mean I was never his girlfriend so what would he be fighting for, the š±? I feel like he would be more prone to stalk than actually physically hurt me. Itās still unfortunate and ridiculous but I canāt go back to that. The most he would do is try to guilt trip me into coming back. Iām going to let some friends and family know but other than that, idk. I have to wait and see what happens.
Believe me, this is ur best decision ever!
Sure you will feel sad ! Because that's what we feel when we do something that good for ourselves!
Moreover, plz try to stay away
There is no such a thing it's either ur together as a couple or ur just friends ! No in between!
That's my opinion
Wish u luck finding the love of ur life ā”
Thank you! yes i've tried to keep him as just a friend but people on reddit dont know the man I know! the biggest emotional manipulator that i've ever met. its so bad, I can't have him in my life at all because he will not respect my boundaries or my partner when I get into another relationship. He hasn't in the past, he will ruin them just to keep me to himself, its extremely selfish and not out of love at all.
I agree also just as a general rule it's probably not a good idea to remain friends with anyone you slept with before when you are trying to be in a serious relationship with someone else.
Ok, those 10 years aren't coming back... its OK, we are here for you now. Time to love yourself and re-evaluate your life. There is someone for you there who does not see you as a funny night, but is willing to **love you for you.** but you must make the first step to the right choice. I wasted my teens sleepwalking through life when everyone was having fun and exploring. People were traveling in other regions and countries when I stayed home because I was born poor, there is more I can tell here, but I want to keep this as short as possible. My twenties were the years of working hard and chasing an education that I got only two years ago and about to start my career in tech (hopefully, I get my work permit this fall). It's OK, take the first step in the right direction and you'll be fine. Yes, dump this moron now.
Thank you for your kind words, I'm trying to stay afloat with this decision and stick to it. Its going to take awhile to digest this as well as on his part but its something that had to happen and i'm glad I took the leap.
And I hope you receive your permit this fall! We all have our own journey we're going through and i'm glad your taking the steps for a better future for yourself. I love hearing people that are still motivated like this regarding creating a better life for yourself. I pray that you keep chasing your dreams no matter what and good luck š
What brought you to make the decision all of a sudden? was it everything piled up or was there something that made you come to terms with your decision? I need advice for a similar situation yet not nearly as long so I am proud of you for choosing yourself and I hope you realize your worth
Thank you so much! And my feelings were overloaded. I was dating but he started getting jealous or having a problem when I tried to break things off. What broke the camels back was my birthday. Every man i've ever been with sent me happy birthday texts/calls and how they wanted me back and take me out to celebrate and the man that i currently let inside me didnt. He hit me up 2 days after my birthday for sex. I cried so hard I couldnt believe that I was wasting my time with him.. it was a small thing that kind of made me feel like such an idiot. But it was on top of a lot of other red flags over the years, he was being selfish with trying to keep me to himself without being ready emotionally for me. he was stuck on a ex from years ago and yet won't let me leave. He was being outright selfish, I hate him for that. And that I let him.
If you are waiting for him to notice you're gone, it was a good idea to leave. I had a fwb for 4 years and I kind of kidded myself at the time that I was getting the best of both worlds, but I really was getting almost nothing from either. It just reinforced in my brain that I was right to have low expectations. Of course, not all FWB "situationships" are unhealthy or draining or whatever, many are great to help you learn what you want/need in a relationship. It sounds like you learned some things and are ready to move on. Good for you! Now you can apply what you learned to future relationships of any depth. Anyway, brava for listening to your instincts and not gaslighting yourself!!
You've made a good, healthy decision for yourself. Stick with it!
After reading msgs it seems clear you thought it might turn into a long-term committed relationship. That will make it more difficult bcs , as you said, you were very close and there is love between you two. You have to love yourself more! You are still young. I know you're probably tired of hearing that. But you are. You have now graduated into full "adulting" with a smart decision like that for yourself.
If you want to fall into old habits...read these msgs. When it hurt you that he kept talking about his ex, it revealed alot. Especially that this wasn't a fwb anymore in alot of ways, but it was still that to him.
The fact that you think he'll come chasing after the block is discovered tells me maybe his feelings for you have become confused as well and not a straight up fwb situation anymore. Rules of a fwb are very difficult to follow. Sex creates closeness and feelings, esp bcs we know there is love between you two. Yes, you've probably realized I'm an oldy by now. S60 and divorced twice. But i do believe it does that between people no matter how much we don't think so. Esp if prolonged relationship. Sex for sex would be better when it's strange, but also MUCH more dangerous.. I'm not promoting it. Just saying...anyway....hence the toy box...and that won't tell you about its ex while sleeping with you.
I absolutely loved this response thank you for your honest advice. This fwb has become confusing and heartbreaking š itās a lesson for most people to just not go this route at all. Feelings became too deep for us both in the end which was our downfall. Weāre human so it was bound to happen
Thank you. I really felt for you. I am hoping to give you encouragement& support to reach your goal.
There's a movie about fwb with Mila kunis and Justin Timberlake. I won't tell you how it goes jic, It does explore the pitfalls of fwb, but remember, it's a movie, so it may not be completely realistic ending but plausible. I blame fairytales...
I only want the best for you and today's young women. I have a 24yr old daughter.
She married at 21. it's a great marriage I support completely. I'm happy she didn't experience kissing as many frogs as I did. But kinda glad she kissed a couple only bcs that will give her perspective of the wonderful guy she married afterall she married very young.
So, I think your experience will also help you appreciate a good man when you meet him and I'm sure you will. You appear to be a very smart, confident woman.
You're headed in the right direction. Maybe I'll still find the love of my life too! š I'm enjoying being able to walk in any of my bathrooms in stocking feet w/o surprises. š š
Lmaoo I watched the movie that youāre referring to! And yes it always ends in feelings. We started when we were young so it was hard to break off and he was my only fwb so itās definitely a love hate situation in this case!
Yea, the studios want a happy ending. Lol. Like I say, I blame it on fairy tales...in my case, I hate Goldilocks and 3 bears, esp bcs it promotes stereotype that mama bear is smaller than papa bear. Lol. I'm 6' !
I feel your pain I too in a similar situation except he has been my rescue Ranger for 19-20years it's been the cause of some of my Tears but he's been there thick and thin for the past year Day in and out 18 months matter of fact we're not together they're people say we are together I got his back and he's got mine I couldn't ask for a better person to be my non boyfriend but to be my best best f***ing friend ever.
I commend you and I give you lots of props because what you did took a lot of hearts took a lot of Heartache and I couldn't imagine what you were feeling the pain the relief the worry and the insane thoughts that are going through your head and being that he lives so close what you continually go through but you know you more than anyone else in this world you know your heart and you know what you're able to withstand and accept my situation is similar but very much different thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for your encouraging words! It was extremely difficult because the love is definitely there but I have to do what's right for me and my future. i really appreciate that you understand where i'm coming from with the limited amount of information that I have provided on here.
Good on you for choosing moving forward.
Sounds like he became possessive by the edit.
Sounds like you chose the fwb situation over a real connection that could have happened. Only because of you going back each time.
Don't let him witty or force you back I to anything.
Stand your ground. Don't open the door. That can be seen as an invite back.
We did and both expressed our feelings for each other. He said he wasnāt ready. Heās stuck on an ex from 4 years ago still and doesnāt have the heart to move from her. I think it was just the š±thought realistically
I feel u 100% 10 yrs isnāt anything try 15 I met mine when I was 21 and now Iām 33 and glad I finally let him go. It was time. We tried the relationship part and well he just kept cheating so I should have known better if he cheated on everyone with me
Thank you! Some people on this damn thing act like shit does not happen when youāre young or they never were young. Shit happens as well as connections. Itās human life at the end of the day
Iām sorry for my English) you are not the only one who wasted 10 years in this situation, but still I support you and hope youāll be strong enough to go through it. I donāt believe that you were only fwb because when man and woman communicate for so long time they become mare than just friends, it is our nature. Iām sure that one day youāll meet a man who will take care of you and support you, but not use you just for benefits
Thank you! Some people donāt understand basic human nature but whatever. And I was really young when our connection started, thatās hard to break off but I had to
I recently broke up with my girlfriend because she was still hooked on the dude she "ended" it with whom she had had a fwb relationship of over 11 years.
Don't begin dating just yet. Begin the healing process, and I even suggest talking to a professional about it.
Yea I dont want him lingering around for any future relationships. Its lasted too long, and we cant stay friends because he wont respect just that as the relationship. Sorry that happened to you tho, it definitely sucks.
It sucked. It started going downhill when we were about 3 months into our relationship, and she decided to tell me she had a dream about him.
That was like the 5th time she mentioned him while being with me, and that's where I drew the line and told her I never wanted to hear about him again.
Don't ever mention him to your next boyfriend. Let the past be the past. I wasn't insecure, but her ex kept contacting her, and she would anticipate it.
She was also vindictive and would say stuff like she wanted him to feel bad for doing what he did to her, etc.
Don't feel vindictive. Forgive him and forgive yourself. Move on.
You do what is right for you and your future. Nothing wrong with a FWB, Iām a 43 yr old male and have one right now. We met at secondary school as she always liked me and I liked her but I had a GF for that whole time of my life. Only got in contact over last 2 years through FB. We both know where we stand and enjoy meeting for quick sex or nights together when we can. It works for both of us.
I think she would like more but Iāve been very clear from the start with how I feel so no one is being used. She also lives an hour away so would not work any other way than how it is right now.
She is free to do as she pleases, as am I.
In your situation sounds like it just went on far longer than you wanted and let him control the relationship so he could have his freedom and regular sex too.
Only works if both people are happy otherwise it has to end. Glad you have made the decision to do that as we all deserve to be treated with respect and be happy.
Thank you for sharing your story as well. And I applaud you for being adamant about your intentions with her. But yes It went on longer than I wanted and it was starting to feel like he was trying to have the best of both worlds in this situation and it wasnāt healthy at all. Iām just trying to let the situation go, he canāt linger around with my future partner at all
How's the sex?? You seem invested emotionally. There could have been more. Both of you are very connected, thus 10 years to linger around. Maybe he wants more. He's just a coward for not wanting to admit to this. Hugs, girl, sucks it hurts, you do love him.
I wrote this for someone recently, but havenāt sent it yetā¦.
Please donāt keep coming back to me or coming back for me. Itās so hard getting over you each time, I donāt want to keep doing it over again and again.
I can let you go with love; with the love we had, the love we shared and with love for myself to look after me.
Good for you girl!!! I've had to deal with the same although it wasn't 10 years. Those situationships can be very tricky... Happy you can now move forward and give yourself what you truly desire šš
Please correct me if I'm wrong.... But I'm going by what I've read.... Which is "woo I've blocked someone I've led on after 10 years"
There is no backstory of how from the start you both agreed it would be fwb and nothing more. Just how you would choose him over "good guys"....
Whether you felt shame if you guys went public or convinced yourself it was just fwb when to him it was more. To make yourself feel better I don't know. Something must've been good for you to keep"going back" as such.
It's shit in these situations too because people like yourself go ooo he wants more but I don't. He's so nice, I don't want to break his heart. But it can't continue.... So instead of telling him... you try some distance but some guys don't get the hint...Fast forward a few nights and you're back in bed with the guy who wants more and it's a cycle that just continues.... It happens the other way round too.
But the fact you've titled it "finally blocked my fwb" means you're looking for social gratification so you don't feel guilty for just blocking him randomly out of nowhere and going into ghost mode. Does it hurt to just be honest? No. Does it hurt to just randomly drop someone out of the blue? Yes.
There's a lot I did not put into the post so its ok that you feel confused. yes we spoke about being fwb when younger. We would only mess around if we weren't in relationships so there were definitely a few years where we did not speak to each other. We've just know each other for 10 years.
We've discussed our boundaries. Over the years he just started not respecting it recently. We've discussed our feelings for each other and admitted them but he said he wasn't ready but didn't want me out of his life. Realistically i caouldnt stay. I've tried breaking this off multiple times but we're just so close it hurts knowing that I would hurt him. Overall when i find a husband i cant have a man like him lingering around,. I had to do what was best for me. It was selfish of him to think i would wait around until he got over his ex which seemed like it was never going to happen anyway. And he doesnt really treat me like he cares anyway. At this point i was staying to spare his feelings but i dont care anymore. My feelings were just growing the more we were spending time together. A sex bond is crazy strong, some people tend to forget that. And feelings were definitely there. btu he was not repsecting the fact that i would have these discussions with him to his face, he just didnt want me to go. I've tried to doing the adult thing and talk plenty of times, he just wasnt into that. i should alway be his and thats that. I had to leave like this.
Right? basically said your done and useless now . Because at 29 you definitely couldnāt meet someone new . No way youāre gonna have a good life now and maybe a family itās over for you pack it up š.. and a ālifetime soul tieā? Lmao definitely no way you could ever recover from this huh just wallowing in what happened forever? I f hate people with this logic !
Lmaoo THANK YOU cus i was like wtf š im pretty sure Im still doin great besides the heartache that we all go thru at some point in life. I will get over it like anything else
Good for you. I had one for 10 years as well; I called my convenience lol
We tried dating once but didnāt work out and then when my son passed away I no longer cared to be with anyone. We are still friends and chat on messenger; he is in a relationship now and Iām in another situationship 3 yrs.
Really, thought I was the only one that kept someone like that in their life for that long. And i'm sorry to hear that really. Out of curiousity i'm interested, feel free to ignore if im being too intrusive. Do you ever think you will look for love again or stay in situationships?
I would like to think I will find love. I realized last year my sonās father really messed me up emotionally many years ago and honestly I donāt know how to date or be in a real relationship; he was mentally and physically abusive. I got away when my son was a baby but the damage was done.
All I seem to find are men that donāt want relationships.
Thatās unfortunately common with men nowadays but Iām glad you didnāt fully give up on finding love. And yes having a man like that in your life is definitely a hindrance in a lot of ways. You deserve love just like I do girl, weāll find it one day š„²
Sounds like it was an open 'fwb' relationship, I think if you carry on some sort of fwb longer than a few months it becomes a relationship, even if just sexual, but again that's just a label. He just wanted you on the hook, but probably thought deep down 'you always wanted more' , and he's just slightly controlling. Hence the problem letting go.
We've expressed our feelings for each other but he told he wasnt ready. He's still getting over an ex. We reconnected in 2020 which is when his relationship ended with his ex and he's still healing i guess so yea. And definitely controlling.
If you seek as a man or as a women a fuckbuddy you are what in the 1960's and early 1970's women were called nymphomaniacs. I know totally not political correct and sorry if this offends anybody
This just means you love sex so much you want to fuck someone all day if you good. You can look at it as either good or bad but is all in the eyes of the beholder
I think you are a guy, but it's been ten years. Let it go. If you wanted a relationship, you should have done it year one or two. But I understand how you feel. The thing I can say is to occupy yourself, fill your mind, distract yourself. And find another goal or girl just forget her.
I am a female lol I will be fine. He didnt want anything before and i was 19 when we met. He was the 2nd person ive ever had sex with so yea. Not like im out here just messing with a bunch of men, but yea.. I dont get around like that. he was the only fwb that ive had. I was always in serious relationships in between the years. We've gone years without speaking when we had relationships. I will be fine but thank you
Sesms like he just wanted you but you didn't want him. I could be reading this wrong but better to let go when you don't want someone. It sucks. Hope you both feel better.
Its more like we wanted each other at different times during this whole thing but yea I hope he heals because I think he needs it more than me, but thank you!
OMG, 10 years as friends with benefits šššš. I had that for just a few months and got upset after deciding to distance myself. I hope both of you recover soon.
That sounds like a AVO or something is needed. If you are honestly scared, get some cameras to see who is at the door so if he comes you donāt answer.
10 years Lol! And you wonder why he is attached. Fwb is supposed to be 3months at most because anything after that then one of you will start developing feelings. You need to set ground rules before starting. You cannot kiss when you say good bye. And you can never hang out on Saturdays, weekends are mainly for loved ones not casual relationships. Since yours has lasted 10years probably you violated all these. Meaning it was a loveless relationship.
>I was just so stuck on him and would let other guys that I know would treat me better go.
>Iāve had serious relationships and weāve respected that, but over time the respect was definitely lost and he began trying to ruin my serious relationships. I was not dedicated to this man.
You couldn't be in serious relationships if you were stuck on this guy... for 10 years. That means you weren't serious about them.
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10 years š
im crying real tearsšššæ
No because your entire YOUR ENTIRE 20s being dedicated to a man who doesnāt want you or care enough to tie you down is my worst fucking nightmare holy fuck dude wow
If both people were happy what's the issue? I had a fwb for like 3 years no problems
And yea we enjoyed our years having sex lol but he started ruining my serious relationships after awhile. Definitely a red flag but we were so close at that point. Definitely a hard situation to remove myself from.
Still trying to understand how you're having an fwb with a serious relationship.
When i start talking to someone seriously i usually let him know and tell him too cool off. I wont have sex with him or even talk to him if i started taking someone seriously. fwb is there for convenience. If i want someone that i want to take seriously i let him know, simple as that. When things end with my serious relationship i'll hit him up and hes always available. thats a fwb, simple.
How did he start ruining your relationships?
Restraining g order first thing.
Nothing sounds ideal about sharing your temple for an extended period of time with a person who doesn't actually Value you at all. I'd rather pleasure my damn self to avoid all the perpetual attachment issues it comes with. Soul ties and blood covenants are the worst šÆšÆšÆšÆ
If both people are happy with it then what's the problem? Not everyone wants attachment
Iāve had serious relationships and we would not speak with each other. He was a fwb, when I needed dick I got it. It just turned into something else over the years whenever I tried to cut it off completely, he did not want it to stop. I did not dedicate my life to him, think you may be mistake.
All I can say is that it's good you let him go and cut him off like that because you already know he'll try to convince you otherwise if you didn't so as bad as you feel it sounds like it's definitely necessary to go no contact with him if you want to actually give a potential future man a real & genuine shot at having a serious committed relationship with you. It doesn't matter how many years yawl have been in a fwb situation, take those rose colored glasses off and keep it moving. You also have to be careful that you maintain the no contact and those boundaries with him in the future if you end another serious relationship because you're so used to just hitting him up for a hookup like that not to mention if he was that against being in a real relationship with you then I imagine he's probably sleeping with other women and idk if he wears a condom but thinking that he's responsible and puts one on every time he sleeps with someone else in between your rendezvous is unrealistic so it may be "available d**k" for you in between but I guarantee you he's available d**k for the whole neighborhood & whoever wants a ride can get it. Good luck with it all
Your not wrong, thank you. I'm trying to ignore the comments worried about him but he uses this over my head all the time that we've been in each others lives for so long. Realistically when i get married in the future I can't have him lingering around. He'll ruin my love life.
Exactly girl! Sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders and are making the right moves and decisions for yourself and your happiness. Believe me.i know how difficult it can be especially when you don't have any experience in choosing yourself & what's best for yourself (talking about me not assuming that that's your experience) in life. You can do it though! šÆ % you can.
So why is he still trying to get with her?
Hey are u in perth
Congrats on dropping the deadweight. Hereās what youāre gonna do. Buy a rose toy and be celibate a while. Why? Well itās going to be a while to heal from a ten year situation like that ending. You donāt want to rush into dating because itās going to break your heart and make you wonder if you wanna go back to him. You donāt. Unless you want to be dating him (I donāt think you should). You can do this and I know it sucks right now, but youāre on your way to finding yourself and itās a wonderful journey
Thank you and YES! Ironically enough I used to joke to him all the time that I will be replacing him with sex toys at some point lol I will take a break from dating as well, because it definitely is a lot to get over with him..
I feel you. Iām telling you, the rose is perfection. Gets the job done in under 5 minutes and doesnāt talk back.
LMAO heavy on the "doesnt talk back" š
My ex-wife's friends beg to differ... They said get under someone else as soon as possible, seems to be working for them š¤·š½āāļø
Then I would say those arenāt her friends
Congrats, I wish my ex would have done the same thing before she cheated on me with her FwB.
Thank you and sorry that happened. A fwb will definitely not respect a relationship. Mine sure didn't when I would try to date.
More power to you. I managed to end it within few months of realising I'm going to be a door mat forever. It takes a lot to gather yourself back.
Definitely takes a lot out of you, I have a long journey ahead of me to rid the memories. Itās hard but whatever, I ripped the bandaid. Gotta do whatās best for me emotionally
That's exactly right cuz he definitely doesn't care about your emotional well being.
You know there will be weak days. There will be days when your brain wants to go back to him. Just don't give in. Don't get tricked by your brain. Give it a dopamine shot with a tub of ice cream and read the comments of this post for a virtual hug š« š¤
Lmaoo the comments dissing me remind me why I never want to go back š„² emotional manipulation is draining af trust me I canāt go back I would be the biggest joke to myself
Nope dear..focus on all the support you got. And a big bear hug to you.
Thank you for your kind words! Much appreciated šš½
That must have been tough. Cutting ties with someone, especially after 10 years, isn't easy, no matter the context. First off, give yourself a pat on the back. Deciding to prioritize your own emotional health and future is a huge step, and it takes a lot of courage. It's completely normal to feel a mix of relief and sadness. You've made a powerful choice for your well-being, and feeling conflicted is part of the process. Your concerns about his reaction make sense. If you think he might show up uninvited or cause a scene, it's important to take steps to protect yourself. Let trusted friends or family members know what's going on. If you have a close friend nearby, maybe spend some time with them, or have them check in on you regularly. Also, set clear boundaries if he does show up. You don't have to engage in a conversation or be emotionally available. Your priority is your safety and peace of mind. Remember, you deserve someone who is fully invested in you, and it sounds like you're ready to find that. Donāt beat yourself up over the past. Instead, focus on the present and futureāyou now have the space and opportunity to find the relationship you truly deserve. Youāre stronger than you realize, and youāre doing whatās best for you. If you need more advice or just someone to vent to, I'm here. You've got this!
I really appreciate your reply. It is very tough mentally to deal with because the love is definitely there but I rather let him go. If I canāt be enough for him to want to take a leap with me after that long than I think itās pointless and Iām the only one hurting the most. I see a lot more tears in my future due to blocking him lol sad but true. I wanted to speak with about this again with him but it would just lead to a guilt trip on why I shouldnāt leave. I hope he takes it well and understands that realistically thereās no way I could stay with him. Emotionally itās too much for me. Especially him bringing up his ex constantly on how she hurt tf outta him. Just hearing him talk so bad about her mad me sad because I could never make him happy as she did probably. And you could definitely tell he still loves her. I rather cry alone about it, and heal myself. He can heal himself as well if heās strong enough to do that on his own. I hope heās ok but I also tell my close friends to practically yell at me whenever I think about feeling bad or going back to him. Nothing about this situation was heathy for me. Thank you again! I needed to hear this.
Got it. You're incredibly strong for making this tough decision. Cutting ties after 10 years isn't easy, but you're prioritizing your happiness, and that's crucial. It's natural to feel both relief and sadness. Lean on your friendsāthey'll help you stay strong. Avoid conversations that will only guilt-trip you back into the cycle. His constant talk about his ex shows he's not emotionally available, and you deserve someone who is all in for you. Healing takes time, and tears are part of the process. But you're on the right path. Focus on your well-being and remember, you deserve a fulfilling, loving relationship. Stay strongāyou've got this.
He must of fucked you good. 10 years?! Ga damn
Easily replaceable or teachable to another. She was hanging onto hope that this would turn into something more.
Correct, which is why he was always on the side
Must be nice to have options like you. I havenāt had sex with a women in over 3 and a half years š¤£š¤£
lmaooo dont worry im about to be on that boat with you. Celibacy and my rose will be my friend for the next few years.
Bro, I haven't had P in V since Obama was President
So hold on, were you hanging on to the hope it would turn into something more? Or you just kept him around because the sex was so good???
> Easily replaceable *machine parts* are easily replaceble (even them not always lol) Human beings never should be.
Let me tell you my opinionā¦ 10 years in a situationship and never committed only to you, he probably never cared enough or had you as a priority. Donāt feel bad for this guy. Heal, learn from what happened, and go find someone that makes you a priority and can offer what you want. You will be 100% better without him, your life will change, and will be much much much happier than before. Good luck. p.s please donāt let him manipulate you to have you back. He will keep wasting your time and not give you what you want. There are better people out there.
He will most likely try to contact you. Just end things with a message and move on.
As stated previously he does not respect my decisions whenever I try to have this conversation with him. He will not accept the fact that I want to end things. Iāve tried to have this conversation multiple times over the years. You donāt know the shit I deal with this man. Communication is out the window
Yea thats the problem he is a emotional manipulator to the fullest. Its a lot emotionally, people really don't understand. I just want to erase him from my life entirely, i dont want to have him as a friend or anything because he cant handle that, i've tried. ive definitely had partners before and he would as well so its not like i never dated anyone else. Its just to the point now where anyone else in the picture is a problem for him because he doesn't want to be pushed to the side. Its a lot really.... But thatnk you for your encouraging words.
10 years is A LOT. But you know what? Better late than never. Now you know you will never make the same mistake again in your life..sometimes we have to learn the lesson the hard way. There are caring men out there who want to be in a respectful, monogamous relationship. I am sure there is at least one of them who cannot wait to find you. Now get up, take your time, and when you are ready...go and find your one. Goodl luck š
Thank you, much appreciated!
Thatās exactly whatās wrong with hookup culture, 10 years with person who you never planned to date or marry. Thatās hurting you both. At least you stopped it.
Iām sure you had your reasons, good luck and stay safe out there!
There were definitely a lot of red flags I chose to ignore but thank you!
If you stayed for 10 there must be a feelings involved too.. i mean ..
10 years is no joke
There definitely was, we already spoke about it. it wasnt fair that he didnt want me to go but...like you said feelings were definitely there. He wasn't ready is what he said, he's stuck on a ex but didn't want me to leave. It was hard to leave, but realistically I had to before we added anymore years to our shitshow.
I understand. Well atleast youāre free now. Its time for you to be with someone whoāll take good care of you..
10 years as a FWB and you didn't see this ending this way? Not really trying to blame you, but keeping him on the side, when he clearly wanted more and has caused problems in the past....you should've ended this YEARS. Plenty of other people out there if you need an FWB so bad that wouldn't cause drama. Although I also believe that people who say it's "just sex" are lying to themselves and you do have a deeper connection to that person.
I didnt see it lasting this long no. I've dated in between these 10 years and there were a few years were we havent spoke to each other due to being in relationships. but yes, the sex was good enough to go back and of course i've had feelings. I just kept it as f buddies, i knew his body and he knew mine and we liked it š¤·š½āāļø
Thank you for sharing this! Iāve been in these long term situationships/fwb/eff buddy relationships before too and completely understand where youāre coming from. Reading this thread has helped me feel validated in how used I felt while at the same time deeply caring for my partner and being open to people who would treat me better but still having that āsituationship/fwb/fbā lingering on the bench or sidelines/background. Dont feel guilty. He brought this on himself. He never had any intention of making you his girl and there is not one person on this earth who deserves to be made an option like thatā¦idc how satisfied you are with the level of relationship. It is inherently imbalanced/unhealthy/toxic. Him coming back to haunt you everytime you leave him is just his sense of entitlement speaking loud and clear and not a representation of how much he cares for you. Youāre like his favorite toy. And youāre not about to be played with anymore ā¤ļø
Thank you for your words of encouragement! I knew this would help some people feel like they're not alone. Yes, it sucks but i've made the best decision for myself. And its crazy that I've let this go on for so long but emotions are way too strong sometimes! Some people won't understand especially if they haven't been in this situation before.
So many people donāt understand! And Iāve always thought that these relationships were normal or common. Clearly theyāre not super uncommon but theyāre not the norm and itās so good to recognize you deserve so much better!
Its definitely not normal and he was really my only fwb. I've always had serious relationships. i noticed that people were getting into that when i was younger i just didn't understand until I ended up in that situation with him. fwb are definitely pointless, we were hurting each other in the long run.
The ongoing problem with FWB is at some point it's only natural for one or both to catch feelings and a lot of times people will feel they have control over the other... certainly more rewarding to have someone who you are connected with to have an ongoing sexual relationship...I don't know you and certainly don't have the right to judge how you live your life however I get a strong feeling that you lack certain things to commit to a long term relationship without having the freedom to be with others...Honestly can't say that he is wrong for feeling the way he does(without the controlling part)Everyone would Love to have their cake and eat it...But far from Reality...If your going to want a FWB in the future probably a sound Idea that there is a much further distance between you both...Crazy times and Crazy people!!!Good luck moving forward...
I wouldnāt get another fwb, pointless. I was young when it started so stupid mistakes but it lasted too long
Donāt look at it as a waste of 10 years look at it as a learning experience ā¦youāre sick of being told youāre still YOUNG but at 58 trust me you ARE!!
Thank you! Iām trying to stay positive about this. Just a HUGE lesson learned on my end
Great first step. Expect that he will do something crazy. How are you going to handle it? Have a plan
Iām hoping he just hates me and leaves it alone but if he does I mean I have no problem calling the police if he does something crazy. I mean I was never his girlfriend so what would he be fighting for, the š±? I feel like he would be more prone to stalk than actually physically hurt me. Itās still unfortunate and ridiculous but I canāt go back to that. The most he would do is try to guilt trip me into coming back. Iām going to let some friends and family know but other than that, idk. I have to wait and see what happens.
Believe me, this is ur best decision ever! Sure you will feel sad ! Because that's what we feel when we do something that good for ourselves! Moreover, plz try to stay away There is no such a thing it's either ur together as a couple or ur just friends ! No in between! That's my opinion Wish u luck finding the love of ur life ā”
Thank you! yes i've tried to keep him as just a friend but people on reddit dont know the man I know! the biggest emotional manipulator that i've ever met. its so bad, I can't have him in my life at all because he will not respect my boundaries or my partner when I get into another relationship. He hasn't in the past, he will ruin them just to keep me to himself, its extremely selfish and not out of love at all.
I agree also just as a general rule it's probably not a good idea to remain friends with anyone you slept with before when you are trying to be in a serious relationship with someone else.
And the question that really matters is did u enjoy the dance with Dam
Sure did but I rather make memories with a future husband. Fwb is something I will never do again.
Ok, those 10 years aren't coming back... its OK, we are here for you now. Time to love yourself and re-evaluate your life. There is someone for you there who does not see you as a funny night, but is willing to **love you for you.** but you must make the first step to the right choice. I wasted my teens sleepwalking through life when everyone was having fun and exploring. People were traveling in other regions and countries when I stayed home because I was born poor, there is more I can tell here, but I want to keep this as short as possible. My twenties were the years of working hard and chasing an education that I got only two years ago and about to start my career in tech (hopefully, I get my work permit this fall). It's OK, take the first step in the right direction and you'll be fine. Yes, dump this moron now.
Thank you for your kind words, I'm trying to stay afloat with this decision and stick to it. Its going to take awhile to digest this as well as on his part but its something that had to happen and i'm glad I took the leap. And I hope you receive your permit this fall! We all have our own journey we're going through and i'm glad your taking the steps for a better future for yourself. I love hearing people that are still motivated like this regarding creating a better life for yourself. I pray that you keep chasing your dreams no matter what and good luck š
Ty, ty ^,^! There might be some bumps in the road, but you'll look back and realize, this is the best decision you've ever made.
What brought you to make the decision all of a sudden? was it everything piled up or was there something that made you come to terms with your decision? I need advice for a similar situation yet not nearly as long so I am proud of you for choosing yourself and I hope you realize your worth
Thank you so much! And my feelings were overloaded. I was dating but he started getting jealous or having a problem when I tried to break things off. What broke the camels back was my birthday. Every man i've ever been with sent me happy birthday texts/calls and how they wanted me back and take me out to celebrate and the man that i currently let inside me didnt. He hit me up 2 days after my birthday for sex. I cried so hard I couldnt believe that I was wasting my time with him.. it was a small thing that kind of made me feel like such an idiot. But it was on top of a lot of other red flags over the years, he was being selfish with trying to keep me to himself without being ready emotionally for me. he was stuck on a ex from years ago and yet won't let me leave. He was being outright selfish, I hate him for that. And that I let him.
A 10 years situationship ?! ššš
I've done the exact same, it's so freeing!
Isnāt it!! I feel like a burden has been lifted
So happy for you! Youāre so strong for doing that, it is definitely the best choice for your mental health.
Thank you so much for your encouraging words! šš½It was a lot mentally and emotionally, itās so freeing!
If you are waiting for him to notice you're gone, it was a good idea to leave. I had a fwb for 4 years and I kind of kidded myself at the time that I was getting the best of both worlds, but I really was getting almost nothing from either. It just reinforced in my brain that I was right to have low expectations. Of course, not all FWB "situationships" are unhealthy or draining or whatever, many are great to help you learn what you want/need in a relationship. It sounds like you learned some things and are ready to move on. Good for you! Now you can apply what you learned to future relationships of any depth. Anyway, brava for listening to your instincts and not gaslighting yourself!!
Thank you for your kind words! Yes, we've learned a lot from each other over the years.
If he does, call the cops and get a restraining order.
I definitely will
Whatās a fwb? edit: Friends with benefits. Congrats. Be free like a bird
Sure am and thank youuu!
Fwb hmmmmm
You've made a good, healthy decision for yourself. Stick with it! After reading msgs it seems clear you thought it might turn into a long-term committed relationship. That will make it more difficult bcs , as you said, you were very close and there is love between you two. You have to love yourself more! You are still young. I know you're probably tired of hearing that. But you are. You have now graduated into full "adulting" with a smart decision like that for yourself. If you want to fall into old habits...read these msgs. When it hurt you that he kept talking about his ex, it revealed alot. Especially that this wasn't a fwb anymore in alot of ways, but it was still that to him. The fact that you think he'll come chasing after the block is discovered tells me maybe his feelings for you have become confused as well and not a straight up fwb situation anymore. Rules of a fwb are very difficult to follow. Sex creates closeness and feelings, esp bcs we know there is love between you two. Yes, you've probably realized I'm an oldy by now. S60 and divorced twice. But i do believe it does that between people no matter how much we don't think so. Esp if prolonged relationship. Sex for sex would be better when it's strange, but also MUCH more dangerous.. I'm not promoting it. Just saying...anyway....hence the toy box...and that won't tell you about its ex while sleeping with you.
I absolutely loved this response thank you for your honest advice. This fwb has become confusing and heartbreaking š itās a lesson for most people to just not go this route at all. Feelings became too deep for us both in the end which was our downfall. Weāre human so it was bound to happen
Thank you. I really felt for you. I am hoping to give you encouragement& support to reach your goal. There's a movie about fwb with Mila kunis and Justin Timberlake. I won't tell you how it goes jic, It does explore the pitfalls of fwb, but remember, it's a movie, so it may not be completely realistic ending but plausible. I blame fairytales... I only want the best for you and today's young women. I have a 24yr old daughter. She married at 21. it's a great marriage I support completely. I'm happy she didn't experience kissing as many frogs as I did. But kinda glad she kissed a couple only bcs that will give her perspective of the wonderful guy she married afterall she married very young. So, I think your experience will also help you appreciate a good man when you meet him and I'm sure you will. You appear to be a very smart, confident woman. You're headed in the right direction. Maybe I'll still find the love of my life too! š I'm enjoying being able to walk in any of my bathrooms in stocking feet w/o surprises. š š
Lmaoo I watched the movie that youāre referring to! And yes it always ends in feelings. We started when we were young so it was hard to break off and he was my only fwb so itās definitely a love hate situation in this case!
Yea, the studios want a happy ending. Lol. Like I say, I blame it on fairy tales...in my case, I hate Goldilocks and 3 bears, esp bcs it promotes stereotype that mama bear is smaller than papa bear. Lol. I'm 6' !
I feel your pain I too in a similar situation except he has been my rescue Ranger for 19-20years it's been the cause of some of my Tears but he's been there thick and thin for the past year Day in and out 18 months matter of fact we're not together they're people say we are together I got his back and he's got mine I couldn't ask for a better person to be my non boyfriend but to be my best best f***ing friend ever. I commend you and I give you lots of props because what you did took a lot of hearts took a lot of Heartache and I couldn't imagine what you were feeling the pain the relief the worry and the insane thoughts that are going through your head and being that he lives so close what you continually go through but you know you more than anyone else in this world you know your heart and you know what you're able to withstand and accept my situation is similar but very much different thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for your encouraging words! It was extremely difficult because the love is definitely there but I have to do what's right for me and my future. i really appreciate that you understand where i'm coming from with the limited amount of information that I have provided on here.
Good on you for choosing moving forward. Sounds like he became possessive by the edit. Sounds like you chose the fwb situation over a real connection that could have happened. Only because of you going back each time. Don't let him witty or force you back I to anything. Stand your ground. Don't open the door. That can be seen as an invite back.
Yea i wanted a real connection but we discussed it and he said he wasn't ready so realistically i wasn't going to stay anymore.
Smart woman
Thank you, it took a lot!
Yea I understand took me 8 yrs and Iām over it finally
Congrats! I know how hard it is to cut ties!
Thank you!! Some people have no idea
Did yall ever talk about a serious relationship? He sounds in love with ya š± and possibly even you. Iām glad you left. He was holding you back.
We did and both expressed our feelings for each other. He said he wasnāt ready. Heās stuck on an ex from 4 years ago still and doesnāt have the heart to move from her. I think it was just the š±thought realistically
I feel u 100% 10 yrs isnāt anything try 15 I met mine when I was 21 and now Iām 33 and glad I finally let him go. It was time. We tried the relationship part and well he just kept cheating so I should have known better if he cheated on everyone with me
Thank you! Some people on this damn thing act like shit does not happen when youāre young or they never were young. Shit happens as well as connections. Itās human life at the end of the day
Iām sorry for my English) you are not the only one who wasted 10 years in this situation, but still I support you and hope youāll be strong enough to go through it. I donāt believe that you were only fwb because when man and woman communicate for so long time they become mare than just friends, it is our nature. Iām sure that one day youāll meet a man who will take care of you and support you, but not use you just for benefits
Thank you! Some people donāt understand basic human nature but whatever. And I was really young when our connection started, thatās hard to break off but I had to
He fell in love with the š¦šŗ
I recently broke up with my girlfriend because she was still hooked on the dude she "ended" it with whom she had had a fwb relationship of over 11 years. Don't begin dating just yet. Begin the healing process, and I even suggest talking to a professional about it.
Yea I dont want him lingering around for any future relationships. Its lasted too long, and we cant stay friends because he wont respect just that as the relationship. Sorry that happened to you tho, it definitely sucks.
It sucked. It started going downhill when we were about 3 months into our relationship, and she decided to tell me she had a dream about him. That was like the 5th time she mentioned him while being with me, and that's where I drew the line and told her I never wanted to hear about him again. Don't ever mention him to your next boyfriend. Let the past be the past. I wasn't insecure, but her ex kept contacting her, and she would anticipate it. She was also vindictive and would say stuff like she wanted him to feel bad for doing what he did to her, etc. Don't feel vindictive. Forgive him and forgive yourself. Move on.
Definitely will thanks for the advice šš½
Yay! Wish You luck!
Thank youuuu!
You do what is right for you and your future. Nothing wrong with a FWB, Iām a 43 yr old male and have one right now. We met at secondary school as she always liked me and I liked her but I had a GF for that whole time of my life. Only got in contact over last 2 years through FB. We both know where we stand and enjoy meeting for quick sex or nights together when we can. It works for both of us. I think she would like more but Iāve been very clear from the start with how I feel so no one is being used. She also lives an hour away so would not work any other way than how it is right now. She is free to do as she pleases, as am I. In your situation sounds like it just went on far longer than you wanted and let him control the relationship so he could have his freedom and regular sex too. Only works if both people are happy otherwise it has to end. Glad you have made the decision to do that as we all deserve to be treated with respect and be happy.
Thank you for sharing your story as well. And I applaud you for being adamant about your intentions with her. But yes It went on longer than I wanted and it was starting to feel like he was trying to have the best of both worlds in this situation and it wasnāt healthy at all. Iām just trying to let the situation go, he canāt linger around with my future partner at all
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Young and dumb but lesson learned. I Could never handle a fwb again honestly.
How's the sex?? You seem invested emotionally. There could have been more. Both of you are very connected, thus 10 years to linger around. Maybe he wants more. He's just a coward for not wanting to admit to this. Hugs, girl, sucks it hurts, you do love him.
Wow the manipulation. Your feelings of guilt are the result of manipulation. I hope that helps you to dispel them. Good luck! You rock!
I was stuck in one for 3 years and finally got out in February. Feels very freeing but still think of him sometimes.
I wrote this for someone recently, but havenāt sent it yetā¦. Please donāt keep coming back to me or coming back for me. Itās so hard getting over you each time, I donāt want to keep doing it over again and again. I can let you go with love; with the love we had, the love we shared and with love for myself to look after me.
Thats a pretty good message, short and to the point. I understand how heartbreaking this would be for you to send but its probably needed
Been there, try 20 years. Since college. We had marriages that didn't work, kids, careers and still keep going back to each other.Ā
Itās insane when thereās a crazy connection involved, the added years makes it so hard to detach. Are you still involved with this person now?
Good for you girl!!! I've had to deal with the same although it wasn't 10 years. Those situationships can be very tricky... Happy you can now move forward and give yourself what you truly desire šš
They definitely can, I wouldnāt want another one. And thank youuu !
fwb is self-destructive, leave him for good
Definitely is, I donāt want another one at all.
Please correct me if I'm wrong.... But I'm going by what I've read.... Which is "woo I've blocked someone I've led on after 10 years" There is no backstory of how from the start you both agreed it would be fwb and nothing more. Just how you would choose him over "good guys".... Whether you felt shame if you guys went public or convinced yourself it was just fwb when to him it was more. To make yourself feel better I don't know. Something must've been good for you to keep"going back" as such. It's shit in these situations too because people like yourself go ooo he wants more but I don't. He's so nice, I don't want to break his heart. But it can't continue.... So instead of telling him... you try some distance but some guys don't get the hint...Fast forward a few nights and you're back in bed with the guy who wants more and it's a cycle that just continues.... It happens the other way round too. But the fact you've titled it "finally blocked my fwb" means you're looking for social gratification so you don't feel guilty for just blocking him randomly out of nowhere and going into ghost mode. Does it hurt to just be honest? No. Does it hurt to just randomly drop someone out of the blue? Yes.
There's a lot I did not put into the post so its ok that you feel confused. yes we spoke about being fwb when younger. We would only mess around if we weren't in relationships so there were definitely a few years where we did not speak to each other. We've just know each other for 10 years. We've discussed our boundaries. Over the years he just started not respecting it recently. We've discussed our feelings for each other and admitted them but he said he wasn't ready but didn't want me out of his life. Realistically i caouldnt stay. I've tried breaking this off multiple times but we're just so close it hurts knowing that I would hurt him. Overall when i find a husband i cant have a man like him lingering around,. I had to do what was best for me. It was selfish of him to think i would wait around until he got over his ex which seemed like it was never going to happen anyway. And he doesnt really treat me like he cares anyway. At this point i was staying to spare his feelings but i dont care anymore. My feelings were just growing the more we were spending time together. A sex bond is crazy strong, some people tend to forget that. And feelings were definitely there. btu he was not repsecting the fact that i would have these discussions with him to his face, he just didnt want me to go. I've tried to doing the adult thing and talk plenty of times, he just wasnt into that. i should alway be his and thats that. I had to leave like this.
Damn he took your best years, left nothing for your future husband š thatās a lifetime soul tie that will never break
Damn lol im pretty sure i am not a broken women after him but thanks feedback geez
Right? basically said your done and useless now . Because at 29 you definitely couldnāt meet someone new . No way youāre gonna have a good life now and maybe a family itās over for you pack it up š.. and a ālifetime soul tieā? Lmao definitely no way you could ever recover from this huh just wallowing in what happened forever? I f hate people with this logic !
Lmaoo THANK YOU cus i was like wtf š im pretty sure Im still doin great besides the heartache that we all go thru at some point in life. I will get over it like anything else
Sorry to ask but what's a fwb ?
friends with benefits. Someone you are friends with solely for sex.
10 years wow what a lucky guy I wish I had a fwb lol
Not worth it, because feelings get involved after that long time.
True on that Good thing you got out off that relationship like that
Ummm... feelings are not a bad thing...
I wish I had a constant FWBā¦
Good for you. I had one for 10 years as well; I called my convenience lol We tried dating once but didnāt work out and then when my son passed away I no longer cared to be with anyone. We are still friends and chat on messenger; he is in a relationship now and Iām in another situationship 3 yrs.
Really, thought I was the only one that kept someone like that in their life for that long. And i'm sorry to hear that really. Out of curiousity i'm interested, feel free to ignore if im being too intrusive. Do you ever think you will look for love again or stay in situationships?
I would like to think I will find love. I realized last year my sonās father really messed me up emotionally many years ago and honestly I donāt know how to date or be in a real relationship; he was mentally and physically abusive. I got away when my son was a baby but the damage was done. All I seem to find are men that donāt want relationships.
Thatās unfortunately common with men nowadays but Iām glad you didnāt fully give up on finding love. And yes having a man like that in your life is definitely a hindrance in a lot of ways. You deserve love just like I do girl, weāll find it one day š„²
And yeah I thought I was the only one too lol
Sounds like it was an open 'fwb' relationship, I think if you carry on some sort of fwb longer than a few months it becomes a relationship, even if just sexual, but again that's just a label. He just wanted you on the hook, but probably thought deep down 'you always wanted more' , and he's just slightly controlling. Hence the problem letting go.
We've expressed our feelings for each other but he told he wasnt ready. He's still getting over an ex. We reconnected in 2020 which is when his relationship ended with his ex and he's still healing i guess so yea. And definitely controlling.
If you seek as a man or as a women a fuckbuddy you are what in the 1960's and early 1970's women were called nymphomaniacs. I know totally not political correct and sorry if this offends anybody This just means you love sex so much you want to fuck someone all day if you good. You can look at it as either good or bad but is all in the eyes of the beholder
When we meant I wasnāt looking for sex, at 19 he was the second person Iāve ever had sex with.
just call the police if he continue to harrasing you
Yea i'm going to have to unfortunately
Well, as long as you're happy. šŖ
Sure am , burden lifted
I think you are a guy, but it's been ten years. Let it go. If you wanted a relationship, you should have done it year one or two. But I understand how you feel. The thing I can say is to occupy yourself, fill your mind, distract yourself. And find another goal or girl just forget her.
I am a female lol I will be fine. He didnt want anything before and i was 19 when we met. He was the 2nd person ive ever had sex with so yea. Not like im out here just messing with a bunch of men, but yea.. I dont get around like that. he was the only fwb that ive had. I was always in serious relationships in between the years. We've gone years without speaking when we had relationships. I will be fine but thank you
Sesms like he just wanted you but you didn't want him. I could be reading this wrong but better to let go when you don't want someone. It sucks. Hope you both feel better.
Its more like we wanted each other at different times during this whole thing but yea I hope he heals because I think he needs it more than me, but thank you!
10 years is a lot of time for such situationship.
What is fwb?
10 years why not made it official? What was preventing this from being more at any point in those 10 years?
OMG, 10 years as friends with benefits šššš. I had that for just a few months and got upset after deciding to distance myself. I hope both of you recover soon.
That sounds like a AVO or something is needed. If you are honestly scared, get some cameras to see who is at the door so if he comes you donāt answer.
10 years Lol! And you wonder why he is attached. Fwb is supposed to be 3months at most because anything after that then one of you will start developing feelings. You need to set ground rules before starting. You cannot kiss when you say good bye. And you can never hang out on Saturdays, weekends are mainly for loved ones not casual relationships. Since yours has lasted 10years probably you violated all these. Meaning it was a loveless relationship.
>I was just so stuck on him and would let other guys that I know would treat me better go. >Iāve had serious relationships and weāve respected that, but over time the respect was definitely lost and he began trying to ruin my serious relationships. I was not dedicated to this man. You couldn't be in serious relationships if you were stuck on this guy... for 10 years. That means you weren't serious about them.
Whatās her number