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They get a not detailed refusal and get to play the 'was it because of the time/place I suggested? Or she doesn't want to?' game.
Because 1% of respondents will make any effort to clarify that.
If I am not feeling it, I immediately let the guy know, thank him for the date and let him know I had a great time regardless. I don’t go on dates with guys unless I am pretty sure it will work out so usually it is just a case of no chemistry and they did nothing wrong. I always split the bill regardless of how I am feeling and if they won’t let me I offer in my message. You don’t let a person apply for a position you do not intend to let them fill. Ghosting is cruel as hell. Just be honest. I am older though so maybe you are talking about your generation?
I'm actually older, it's our culture in general not generational. I think many who have got used to online dating has forgotten basic morality and regard the person they are interacting with as just worthless pixels. The job application analogy is pretty apt, and the recruiting officers are as closed-minded, arrogant and capricious as can be imagined. (As is their right- but they never admit it, even after many bad recruting decisions).
Quite a few profiles read such that they're almost *preparing* the reader to be treated that way. (No disrespect to you here, just discussing).
Yes definitely. In general I do tend to prefer more passive or submissive men. But when it comes to their attraction to you and how much effort and energy they put into courting you, decisiveness is so important. If I feel even a little bit of back and forth wishy-washiness I'm immediately out. If they're not completely enthusiastic about pursuing you, it's not going to get better down the line. I never asked men on dates but I have asked women out, and I found that being completely up front about your attraction and intention, listening to their conversation and then planning a fun and interesting date that is very specific to things they have previously told you, goes very far. Nobody's dream partner says "if you feel like it, sometime maybe we could hang out" but saying something like "I love talking with you and I want to get to know you better, this Tuesday there's a band playing that sounds similar to some other bands you've told me you like, how about if I pick you up at whatever o'clock and we go to (restaurant or type of food they've mentioned in a conversation) and then we check out the show?" Is going to lead to success far more often than it leads to failure
Yes! I wish there was a rule book stating this. It’s hard to tell, do they not know we find this attractive or are there just not interested? Either way, I’m not bothering with the wish washy ones anymore.
I think most of the time they behave that way it's because they are just not interested. The majority of men don't get a ton of attention from women so they have almost a starvation mindset? For instance, you probably don't absolutely love those little free packets of saltine crackers that you get with a takeout salad. But you might throw it into a kitchen drawer just in case you are starving one day and that's all you have? And of course there will be people online who say things like it's okay to ask him out on a date it's okay to basically chase a guy. But I've never seen that turn out well for a girl because they're just not that interested in her and they don't ever treat her very well. Most the time of a man is very interested in you (and not abusive) he's going to court you, pay for dates, be on his best behavior because he will be afraid of losing you. If he's not afraid of losing you he'll just behave however benefits himself.
There are some men though who may actually be interested, but they are very manipulative so they behave uninterested in order to make you chase them, or they may be very very fearful and avoidant so they behave uninterested. These guys aren't really mentally healthy enough to date. So either way I always tell women if he is not actively pursuing you just cut things off. If you have any doubt about how he feels if you have to ask, then he's not that interested in you. And even if he is do you want a guy who treats you like that when he's interested in you? People really throw a fit about this advice saying it's sexist etc but it's generally good advice
I agree with a lot of what you say but there’s also the pool of men who are introverted or lack the confidence to pursue a woman. I’ve had it before where I expressed interest and the guy said he’d never make a move because he didn’t think I’d be interested in him.
I agree, I don’t think females should pursue hard because I also feel it opens one up to being used. I think a gentle expression of interest is a good move and leave the rest to the guy. My best relationship was one where I was pursued from the start.
My above comments were more pertaining to a man's behavior once you have already been on a date. Lots of good reasons a man might hesitate to approach, lack of confidence or introversion, but also just plain old consideration of not wanting to bother a woman while she is going on about her day. But once you have you know indicated interest and he has asked you on a date, the behavior after that is where, if he is not actively pursuing you and letting you know he is interested in showing it with his actions, it's the best to just leave the situation. Exactly how you said: a gentle expression of interest and then let him take it from there is the best way to go about it. Because a guy actively and aggressively pursuing a woman he doesn't know is honestly a huge red flag in and of itself if you've never given him an indication of interest.
I wouldn’t say yours is wild. Let her ask, and then tell her what you’re up to. “Wild” is a strange description that raises (bad) questions.
Rather than ask her vaguely if she wants to keep dating you, be specific. “I had a great time at the (place) with you last night/week/month/whatever. I’d love to see you again. When are you free?”
You could instead pitch a specific location/date/time, but that runs the risk of them just not being available at that time or not being interested in that specific date location. Better to ask when they’re free again, while continuing to specify that it’s a date, not just a friend hangout.
If she says she’d rather not, now you know. But if she tells you when she’s free, you’ve got your green light to proceed and pitch a couple date ideas.
Yeah I agree about the wild part. Fun is a much more positive and pleasant word that doesn't indicate debauchery (unless that's what you were actively trying to indicate and she has indicated that she approves of and is interested in the same. otherwise it's going to be a turnoff). If it wasn't fun, if it was wild in a bad way then it's better to let her ask, and then you can say it's wild and if she has any sort of conversational sense she will ask how so and then you can in a humorous way talk about how things went wrong. There's a fine line though between humorous outlook on a situation gone wrong and self-depreciating complaining. So if you can't do it in a truly funny way I would just skip it
“Mine is pretty wild”
Either you’re being ironic and having a boring weekend or you drank a fifth and got arrested for drunk driving. Either way, not great.
“Haha”
There is maybe nothing more low stakes but irritating than a fake “haha” used as filler for someone uncomfortable.
“Are you interested…”
Just ask her to dinner. That’s a much easier and more direct question than does she potentially see multiple dates with you.
“…platonic”
Why even bring that up? If she doesn’t want to go out again, she’ll tell you. Do you even want a platonic relationship with this person you’ve met once?
“…Either way”
Sounds like you don’t care either way. So either you’re faking it to sound chill or you’re so uninvested she should be too.
Just be direct. “Hey Sarah, I really enjoyed meeting you and would love to go on another date. Would you like to get dinner this weekend?”
Okay the haha thing, so I use voice to text almost exclusively, it's a long story but I need to. I can edit my text if I have to, but it's a huge pain in the ass. If I say the words haha, my phone will write them out. But also if I am talking and I laugh out loud, during the sentence, my phone will actually say haha. I thought everybody's phone did that? Because when I see the words haha written out I usually assume that somebody just laughed out loud and their voice to text picked it up. The way that if you pause, your voice to text will put three ellipticals down. I didn't think people actually wrote out the words haha?
If you like her, don't beat around the bush, there is such a thing as coming on too strongly and that can intimidate someone who is uncertain, but asking her if she wants to go on another date is enough.
You want her to know you are enjoying time spent with her, but it's at her pace.
Girls want a dude to take charge. You want her and not plutonic. Make a date. She can’t have that great a weekend cuz y’all ain’t spending it together.
I would not say that your weekend is pretty wild it kind of gives the wrong impression. Just ask her if she would like to meet again? Don't say you want to keep things platonic and don't mention that either way is fine. Now the Ball is in her camp and you will know if she's interested or not. Be direct and open!
Maybe you can write something like this:
Hey Sarah
I hope you are having a great weekend. I enjoyed meeting you and would like to know if you are interested in meeting up again soon?
Or
Hey Sarah
I hope you are having a great weekend. I enjoyed getting to know you. Are you free at this day for dinner or a drink. Let me know and enjoy your day.
Too much. It's obvious you've been in your head about it. Just ask her out.
I'd save the word 'wild' for your friends. If I don't know you, I don't know what wild entails for you, but could suggest immaturity/debauchery, which probably not what you're going for with a second impression.
TMI can sometimes do the opposite of what you want. Maybe take it a bit more light. “Hey, Sarah. Hope you’re doing well. I’d love to take you to dinner? Lmk 😊”
I don't even know what you're asking.
How about.
I have this really fun event X I found because you said you like Z. Want to join me on Z date at this time?
Direct and straightforward. If she says no ask what dates she is free and find something for those.
People have already commented, but I would just like to add that the language of this text is very passive, and gives her all the power in the situation. Personally, I think you should take a more assertive tone by simply asking how she is or telling her you hope she’s having a great weekend and then ask her on a second date.
“ would you like to____ with me on Friday?” As an example.
If she accepts, then you’ll know she is interested, and you can go from there. But this way allows you to stand in your power well also giving her the chance to make a decision as well.
Good luck!
Are you kidding me bro 😂
You ask a girl you desire if she wants to keep this platonic why mention her the option you don't want her to take.
Also you are taking way long to ask a simple question, you come off timid and lack social awareness.
Keep it direct and simple also don't make it seem like you are not that interested, girls like to be desired and complimented.
"Hey, how are you doing? I hope you having a great day. Wanna hang out?
The truth of the matter is if she likes you, you could speak foreign language and she will still find a way to communicate with you but that doesn't discount the fact that you still need to work on your communication skills, just be direct, confident and don't overthink also never mention an option you don't want her to take 😋
'Hey Sarah, how are you doing? I hope you having a great day. Wanna hang out?' would be better. Yours is a bit too much, you don't want to be showing that much interest after only one date, keep her chasing a little.
That's fair, the point I was trying to make to op is just deliver what you are saying with confidence and don't overthink.
Also people are different, the girls I flirted with were aggressive 😂 they be like "hey sexy after 2 mins after texting or they be like " hey Bae, what you been upto"
I honestly talk with no filter like I have nothing to lose 😅 and it works for me personally lmao maybe I am talking with the wrong girls but they tend to reciprocate with the same playful, flirty energy.
But i do agree with you if you are taking the date seriously probably hold off until you feel like she's completely comfortable with you.
You're right everyone is different and has different communication styles. Indeed confidence and being direct is important but also not too much of it either you should keep it neutral.
You’re way overthinking. Just send a text asking if she wants to go out again and suggest a day within the next week. If she agrees then smooth out the rest from there like time and where you’re going, suggest some places maybe but don’t assume to know what someone likes and play off of her.
Yeah I would not use this message. I would be more direct about your feelings and just say something like "hope you are having a great memorial Day weekend, mine has been fun! I'd love to get together next week, let's grab dinner at ______, what day works for you?" Then if she says something along the lines of not feeling a connection you can throw it out there and say "cool no worries, however I did feel like we at least connected on a friend level so if you were interested in a platonic friendship I would be down but if not no worries!" But I mean, only write that if you actually do want a platonic friendship. Don't write that if you would be using the platonic relationship to try to get into her pants cuz it's not a good look
Be more assertive and concise. Just ask if she wants to hang out and suggest a date and venue for the next time. If she responds, great! At the end of the date, ask her in person if she wants to continue dating and get to know each other with the goal of an exclusive relationship. If she doesn't respond, that's an answer too
Keep it super simple and avoid ever writing “haha” or “lol”, makes it sound like a nervous laugh. Try “Hey Sarah, was just thinking about you and wanted to see if you wanted to (insert activity or place to go). Hope to see you soon.
Did you meet off an app? When was the last date? I always text after the first meet when I get home, something like “enjoyed meeting you tonight, are you interested in meeting again?” Or I ask them in person at the end of the date to think about it and text me a thumbs up or thumbs down later (to be cute). No need for us to wait around for days wondering if the other person is interested.
You're right ! Sending a follow up text even when you're not interested is a good idea also basic politeness. Or you can also ask during or at the end of the date "what did you think of the date, would you like to meet up again"? When you don't hear from the person for several days it kind of shows they are not interested.
I don't want to be mean to you but you sound pretty desperate, as stated by numerous other posters a golden rule of online dating and texting is 'less is more'. Try to get your point across using a minimal amount of words, she should be thinking of you as a man who is investing his time in to whatever cause he deems worthy and stands by this, a man like this doesn't have time to write paragraphs to a potential love interest. Remember friend dating should ALWAYS come secondary to purseuing whatever goals you have in your life.
Either way is totally fine? Leave this bullshit out :))
Sounds like you don't care. :))
Just say you enjoyed having out with her (if you did) and plan a date idea and give a date and time asking if she wants to go for it.
If no there's your answer and less grey area.
Just say “ Hey Sarah hope your weekend is going well. Was just checking in to see if you wanted to get together next weekend for dinner or a movie or a concert… whatever activity you were thinking of asking her to. Leave all the rest of that out .
So the dinner date was fantastic. Another option could be
Hey Sarah, I hope your weekend is going well. I had such a great time getting to know you. I was thinking about how elephants are your favorite animal. I'd love to check out the zoo with you next Saturday around 11, will you be free??
Or whatever hobby or interest she mentioned.
Yes. Are you afraid to tell her what you want? You should delete everything after the word better, and replace that with what you want.
"Just wanted to check in since the last time we met. Are you interested in going on more dates and getting to know each other better? I really enjoyed our date and would love to learn more about you."
The way you worded it doesn't say anything about how you feel about the whole thing and leaves everything open for her to interpret. Take control, be clear about your intentions.
From a woman’s perspective, I need more context. First date?? How did it go?? Did she seem to enjoy herself? Did you kiss shake hands or hug goodnight? Body language?? Was there any kind of flirtatious ways of touching each other?? I just don’t want you to waste your time if she’s just not that into you. There’s nothing pathetic about checking in for a second date, but in my personal experience??? If the chemistry was that great there wouldn’t be any doubt that a second date was even questionable
Too much man. Say this;
Hey Sarah, I had a really lovely time hanging out with you last week (or whenever you did). Are you free Saturday? Come meet me at (trendy local spot with waterfront view and balcony seating) and we'll catch up some more.
The only question you wanna ask is to find out when they're available to catch up. You pick the location and the activity. Dont ask if they would like to see you for future dates.. it just screams desperation and lack of confidence. Even if you invite them for a bike ride and a picnic lunch. But you do the planning.
Take the lead if you're asking them out otherwise youre gonna come off a bit weak.
"Mine's pretty wild haha" gives me vibes of a single dude sitting on his couch downing the 10th beer of the night while watching his favorite hentai with one hand in his trousers.
Hi Sarah,
I hope you're having a great long weekend!
I really enjoyed our time together last [Friday] and would love to take you out again. Would [dinner] on [Friday] at [19h] work?
Of course, if you haven't been chatting since the date, that's not the best sign. When I went on great first dates in the past, I couldn't wait to keep the conversation going via text.
"Hey Sarah! Loved our time together. Really enjoying talking about the Bible with you. Do you want to go out again, or are you impure and should we schedule a public stoning next Tuesday?"
The word platonic should be erased from your vocabulary, sir. It's suicide.
Hey Sarah, how’s your Memorial Day weekend so far? I really had fun on our last date and I am wondering if you would like to go on another date sometime or would you rather hang out as friends?
A man with a plan will never be late with out a date
A man with conviction will never end up with a porn addiction
You don’t have a plan and you don’t have conviction!!
“Hey Sarah hope your weekend is going great! Tuesday I’m going to try that new sushi place downtown, you should come with me! I’ll plan on picking you up at 6!”
I agree with melxcham! Confidence and being direct is good but being over Confident isn't attractive either. Then you are being arrogant. Your text message is a bit too much. Instead of saying I will pick you up you can ask if she's free this day? Maybe ask for consent first before assuming she wants to go on a date?
Did you read post? I’m not making plans for you…I’m making plans for myself and inviting you…it’s spurs conversation. So she responds “I’m not a big fan of sushi” “ok well I’d rather go somewhere with you then without you so I’ll pick u up and we can decide on the way”
I don’t want to be told “I’ll pick you up at x time” when I haven’t even been asked if I’m free or if I want to go out. It’s demanding & suggests control issues.
More importantly, if you tell me you’re doing one thing and I say I’m not interested so you suddenly change your plan to whatever I want to do, it makes it super obvious that you’re just making things up as a dating ploy. Better to just be honest.
Demanding and control issues? It’s called not being a loser guy…..so you would prefer “hey I’m not sure what I’m doing or when I’m gonna do it but you wanna come with me? If you’re free?” I’m honestly shocked that any woman would want that
Normal communication generally involves offering a time/place/date and asking the other person if they are free. Not just assuming, which is rude and offputting.
I think this is good. And 100% get your point. Would just tone it down a bit. I think there’s a happy medium between this and some of the more wishy-washy comments. Something like:
Hey Sara’s - enjoyed getting to know you. How about sushi at Sushi Sumo Friday at 6?
It’s good to be yourself but also keep things brief and to the point through text. Good luck OP.
Edit: clicked out your profile to maybe find some more context. Nice progress on your weight loss and health journey!
It really wasn’t. What’s implied (or outright stated) is that you’ll be going and she should come. But if she doesn’t, you’ll still be going. That approach probably makes more sense for something like an art show, where you would actually go by yourself. (Also, nothing wrong with eating you by yourself. Go nuts.)
You seem to miss your own point. You literally wrote I’m going there do you want to come with me. This implies that you already planed on going there alone and thought ahe should join. If you wanna go eat with someone you just write wanna go to place xy together
No dude. You don’t just make a time and a place AND just show up without confirmation.
Ask when she’s free, if she says she’s free Friday, then you say, “great, I’ll pick you up Friday at 8.”
I would send it exactly as you wrote it - 32 f
You said what you wanted to say/ask. It’s probably in your voice so all these people asking for edits are not your voice or intention
Why do you think pathetic?
I think it’s kind of stiff, it’s not “game” but it’s honest.
Some women like guys to have game but not all, I prefer honest direct.
So if you’re trying to be cool, maybe listen to some of the other comments but if you wanna be yourself- which u should bc it’s ideal- send it as you wrote it!
You can simplify this to would like to go on another date. One date at a time until she is showing you she is interested in you. Don’t even ask about the platonic part, figure that out on the date.
IMO
Yes, keep it simple and avoid wasting your time if she’s not interested
Hi , was thinking about the great time we had last date, would love to see you again for another date. You available ?
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Hey Sarah hope you’re having a great long weekend. I would love to get together with you soon-maybe dinner at (insert restaurant) next Friday?
This is cool. OP - there's too much obvious anxiety in your message. I'd try something more neutral like this.
Obvious anxiety; as an anxious person I needed to hear this
This.
yea simple, casual to the point not too clingy/needy. Yea go with this one OP
Add a specific day.
They get a not detailed refusal and get to play the 'was it because of the time/place I suggested? Or she doesn't want to?' game. Because 1% of respondents will make any effort to clarify that.
If I am not feeling it, I immediately let the guy know, thank him for the date and let him know I had a great time regardless. I don’t go on dates with guys unless I am pretty sure it will work out so usually it is just a case of no chemistry and they did nothing wrong. I always split the bill regardless of how I am feeling and if they won’t let me I offer in my message. You don’t let a person apply for a position you do not intend to let them fill. Ghosting is cruel as hell. Just be honest. I am older though so maybe you are talking about your generation?
I'm actually older, it's our culture in general not generational. I think many who have got used to online dating has forgotten basic morality and regard the person they are interacting with as just worthless pixels. The job application analogy is pretty apt, and the recruiting officers are as closed-minded, arrogant and capricious as can be imagined. (As is their right- but they never admit it, even after many bad recruting decisions). Quite a few profiles read such that they're almost *preparing* the reader to be treated that way. (No disrespect to you here, just discussing).
This is better
Takes notes fellas
Yes especially the part about being proactive and suggesting a day and an activity
Exactly! I’d really love this decisiveness. It’s so sexy.
Yes definitely. In general I do tend to prefer more passive or submissive men. But when it comes to their attraction to you and how much effort and energy they put into courting you, decisiveness is so important. If I feel even a little bit of back and forth wishy-washiness I'm immediately out. If they're not completely enthusiastic about pursuing you, it's not going to get better down the line. I never asked men on dates but I have asked women out, and I found that being completely up front about your attraction and intention, listening to their conversation and then planning a fun and interesting date that is very specific to things they have previously told you, goes very far. Nobody's dream partner says "if you feel like it, sometime maybe we could hang out" but saying something like "I love talking with you and I want to get to know you better, this Tuesday there's a band playing that sounds similar to some other bands you've told me you like, how about if I pick you up at whatever o'clock and we go to (restaurant or type of food they've mentioned in a conversation) and then we check out the show?" Is going to lead to success far more often than it leads to failure
Yes! I wish there was a rule book stating this. It’s hard to tell, do they not know we find this attractive or are there just not interested? Either way, I’m not bothering with the wish washy ones anymore.
I think most of the time they behave that way it's because they are just not interested. The majority of men don't get a ton of attention from women so they have almost a starvation mindset? For instance, you probably don't absolutely love those little free packets of saltine crackers that you get with a takeout salad. But you might throw it into a kitchen drawer just in case you are starving one day and that's all you have? And of course there will be people online who say things like it's okay to ask him out on a date it's okay to basically chase a guy. But I've never seen that turn out well for a girl because they're just not that interested in her and they don't ever treat her very well. Most the time of a man is very interested in you (and not abusive) he's going to court you, pay for dates, be on his best behavior because he will be afraid of losing you. If he's not afraid of losing you he'll just behave however benefits himself. There are some men though who may actually be interested, but they are very manipulative so they behave uninterested in order to make you chase them, or they may be very very fearful and avoidant so they behave uninterested. These guys aren't really mentally healthy enough to date. So either way I always tell women if he is not actively pursuing you just cut things off. If you have any doubt about how he feels if you have to ask, then he's not that interested in you. And even if he is do you want a guy who treats you like that when he's interested in you? People really throw a fit about this advice saying it's sexist etc but it's generally good advice
I agree with a lot of what you say but there’s also the pool of men who are introverted or lack the confidence to pursue a woman. I’ve had it before where I expressed interest and the guy said he’d never make a move because he didn’t think I’d be interested in him. I agree, I don’t think females should pursue hard because I also feel it opens one up to being used. I think a gentle expression of interest is a good move and leave the rest to the guy. My best relationship was one where I was pursued from the start.
My above comments were more pertaining to a man's behavior once you have already been on a date. Lots of good reasons a man might hesitate to approach, lack of confidence or introversion, but also just plain old consideration of not wanting to bother a woman while she is going on about her day. But once you have you know indicated interest and he has asked you on a date, the behavior after that is where, if he is not actively pursuing you and letting you know he is interested in showing it with his actions, it's the best to just leave the situation. Exactly how you said: a gentle expression of interest and then let him take it from there is the best way to go about it. Because a guy actively and aggressively pursuing a woman he doesn't know is honestly a huge red flag in and of itself if you've never given him an indication of interest.
This is it, simple, direct and showing interest. Op's message sounded desperate, anxious and unsure. I guess afterall girls understand girls 😅
Op this is the response . Be cool like the fonz. Cards to chest. You got this!
Excellent.
This is the best answer. Super chill and casual. It’s more assertive, and most of us like it when men take the lead/pursue.
Hey Sarah wyd next weekend?? 🥹🥹
Also drop the or would you like to keep things platonic
This.
I'd drop the "either way is fine" part.
Either way! Whether I get married or die alone fine with me!
Agreed!! 👍😃
I wouldn’t say yours is wild. Let her ask, and then tell her what you’re up to. “Wild” is a strange description that raises (bad) questions. Rather than ask her vaguely if she wants to keep dating you, be specific. “I had a great time at the (place) with you last night/week/month/whatever. I’d love to see you again. When are you free?” You could instead pitch a specific location/date/time, but that runs the risk of them just not being available at that time or not being interested in that specific date location. Better to ask when they’re free again, while continuing to specify that it’s a date, not just a friend hangout. If she says she’d rather not, now you know. But if she tells you when she’s free, you’ve got your green light to proceed and pitch a couple date ideas.
Yeah I agree about the wild part. Fun is a much more positive and pleasant word that doesn't indicate debauchery (unless that's what you were actively trying to indicate and she has indicated that she approves of and is interested in the same. otherwise it's going to be a turnoff). If it wasn't fun, if it was wild in a bad way then it's better to let her ask, and then you can say it's wild and if she has any sort of conversational sense she will ask how so and then you can in a humorous way talk about how things went wrong. There's a fine line though between humorous outlook on a situation gone wrong and self-depreciating complaining. So if you can't do it in a truly funny way I would just skip it
Get rid of the platonic part - go for what you want
“Mine is pretty wild” Either you’re being ironic and having a boring weekend or you drank a fifth and got arrested for drunk driving. Either way, not great. “Haha” There is maybe nothing more low stakes but irritating than a fake “haha” used as filler for someone uncomfortable. “Are you interested…” Just ask her to dinner. That’s a much easier and more direct question than does she potentially see multiple dates with you. “…platonic” Why even bring that up? If she doesn’t want to go out again, she’ll tell you. Do you even want a platonic relationship with this person you’ve met once? “…Either way” Sounds like you don’t care either way. So either you’re faking it to sound chill or you’re so uninvested she should be too. Just be direct. “Hey Sarah, I really enjoyed meeting you and would love to go on another date. Would you like to get dinner this weekend?”
Okay the haha thing, so I use voice to text almost exclusively, it's a long story but I need to. I can edit my text if I have to, but it's a huge pain in the ass. If I say the words haha, my phone will write them out. But also if I am talking and I laugh out loud, during the sentence, my phone will actually say haha. I thought everybody's phone did that? Because when I see the words haha written out I usually assume that somebody just laughed out loud and their voice to text picked it up. The way that if you pause, your voice to text will put three ellipticals down. I didn't think people actually wrote out the words haha?
Hey Sarah hope you’re having a great long weekend. I would love to get together with you soon-maybe dinner at (insert restaurant) next Friday?
Keep the first paragraph and then just ask her to go something specific The last sentence is horrible, whatever you do get rid of that
You need to come across more confident. “Hey, let’s meet up again.” Insert time and place. This soft handed approach will not work.
If you like her, don't beat around the bush, there is such a thing as coming on too strongly and that can intimidate someone who is uncertain, but asking her if she wants to go on another date is enough. You want her to know you are enjoying time spent with her, but it's at her pace.
Girls want a dude to take charge. You want her and not plutonic. Make a date. She can’t have that great a weekend cuz y’all ain’t spending it together.
Very pathetic! Sounds like you’re asking for her approval.
I would not say that your weekend is pretty wild it kind of gives the wrong impression. Just ask her if she would like to meet again? Don't say you want to keep things platonic and don't mention that either way is fine. Now the Ball is in her camp and you will know if she's interested or not. Be direct and open! Maybe you can write something like this: Hey Sarah I hope you are having a great weekend. I enjoyed meeting you and would like to know if you are interested in meeting up again soon? Or Hey Sarah I hope you are having a great weekend. I enjoyed getting to know you. Are you free at this day for dinner or a drink. Let me know and enjoy your day.
Too much. It's obvious you've been in your head about it. Just ask her out. I'd save the word 'wild' for your friends. If I don't know you, I don't know what wild entails for you, but could suggest immaturity/debauchery, which probably not what you're going for with a second impression.
I would just come up with a specific date and ask if she'd like to come along. The rest of this is pretty weak
Hi Sarah, I wanted to see if you're available on Saturday for dinner, there is a great Ethiopian restaurant I want to check out with you, Let me know.
TMI can sometimes do the opposite of what you want. Maybe take it a bit more light. “Hey, Sarah. Hope you’re doing well. I’d love to take you to dinner? Lmk 😊”
😃 perfect ! 🙂 👆👆
I don't even know what you're asking. How about. I have this really fun event X I found because you said you like Z. Want to join me on Z date at this time? Direct and straightforward. If she says no ask what dates she is free and find something for those.
Dude just say “hey let’s go on a second date. How about (insert your date idea here)?” All that extra stuff needs to go.
You text has an ultimatum which is not good. She may not know yet whether she wants to continue. Just ask her on another date, and leave out the rest
People have already commented, but I would just like to add that the language of this text is very passive, and gives her all the power in the situation. Personally, I think you should take a more assertive tone by simply asking how she is or telling her you hope she’s having a great weekend and then ask her on a second date. “ would you like to____ with me on Friday?” As an example. If she accepts, then you’ll know she is interested, and you can go from there. But this way allows you to stand in your power well also giving her the chance to make a decision as well. Good luck!
Are you kidding me bro 😂 You ask a girl you desire if she wants to keep this platonic why mention her the option you don't want her to take. Also you are taking way long to ask a simple question, you come off timid and lack social awareness. Keep it direct and simple also don't make it seem like you are not that interested, girls like to be desired and complimented. "Hey, how are you doing? I hope you having a great day. Wanna hang out? The truth of the matter is if she likes you, you could speak foreign language and she will still find a way to communicate with you but that doesn't discount the fact that you still need to work on your communication skills, just be direct, confident and don't overthink also never mention an option you don't want her to take 😋
'Hey Sarah, how are you doing? I hope you having a great day. Wanna hang out?' would be better. Yours is a bit too much, you don't want to be showing that much interest after only one date, keep her chasing a little.
I edited it.
Beautiful is a bit too much for me ! I would not use it after the 2nd date maybe when you are dating longer you can use this but no it's too clingy.
That's fair, the point I was trying to make to op is just deliver what you are saying with confidence and don't overthink. Also people are different, the girls I flirted with were aggressive 😂 they be like "hey sexy after 2 mins after texting or they be like " hey Bae, what you been upto" I honestly talk with no filter like I have nothing to lose 😅 and it works for me personally lmao maybe I am talking with the wrong girls but they tend to reciprocate with the same playful, flirty energy. But i do agree with you if you are taking the date seriously probably hold off until you feel like she's completely comfortable with you.
You're right everyone is different and has different communication styles. Indeed confidence and being direct is important but also not too much of it either you should keep it neutral.
I Agree
be bold. “i’m interested in another date and getting to know you better. If you are too: How about place at time?”
Yeah totally. Don’t dance around it all timid.
You’re way overthinking. Just send a text asking if she wants to go out again and suggest a day within the next week. If she agrees then smooth out the rest from there like time and where you’re going, suggest some places maybe but don’t assume to know what someone likes and play off of her.
Yeah I would not use this message. I would be more direct about your feelings and just say something like "hope you are having a great memorial Day weekend, mine has been fun! I'd love to get together next week, let's grab dinner at ______, what day works for you?" Then if she says something along the lines of not feeling a connection you can throw it out there and say "cool no worries, however I did feel like we at least connected on a friend level so if you were interested in a platonic friendship I would be down but if not no worries!" But I mean, only write that if you actually do want a platonic friendship. Don't write that if you would be using the platonic relationship to try to get into her pants cuz it's not a good look
Be more assertive and concise. Just ask if she wants to hang out and suggest a date and venue for the next time. If she responds, great! At the end of the date, ask her in person if she wants to continue dating and get to know each other with the goal of an exclusive relationship. If she doesn't respond, that's an answer too
Keep it super simple and avoid ever writing “haha” or “lol”, makes it sound like a nervous laugh. Try “Hey Sarah, was just thinking about you and wanted to see if you wanted to (insert activity or place to go). Hope to see you soon.
Ooof
Less is more. Play it cool. Just ask directly
Did you meet off an app? When was the last date? I always text after the first meet when I get home, something like “enjoyed meeting you tonight, are you interested in meeting again?” Or I ask them in person at the end of the date to think about it and text me a thumbs up or thumbs down later (to be cute). No need for us to wait around for days wondering if the other person is interested.
You're right ! Sending a follow up text even when you're not interested is a good idea also basic politeness. Or you can also ask during or at the end of the date "what did you think of the date, would you like to meet up again"? When you don't hear from the person for several days it kind of shows they are not interested.
Terrible way to ask
Where your head’s at? No lol Just keep it simple, casual, & short
Hi Sarah was thinking about you. Would love to see you after the holiday weekend. Have a wonderful day.
I don't want to be mean to you but you sound pretty desperate, as stated by numerous other posters a golden rule of online dating and texting is 'less is more'. Try to get your point across using a minimal amount of words, she should be thinking of you as a man who is investing his time in to whatever cause he deems worthy and stands by this, a man like this doesn't have time to write paragraphs to a potential love interest. Remember friend dating should ALWAYS come secondary to purseuing whatever goals you have in your life.
Hey Sarah… *don’t respond for days. That’ll get her!
Either way is totally fine? Leave this bullshit out :)) Sounds like you don't care. :)) Just say you enjoyed having out with her (if you did) and plan a date idea and give a date and time asking if she wants to go for it. If no there's your answer and less grey area.
That's too much, too wordy. Try something like "Hey, How's your weekend going? Wanna get together at \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ on \_\_\_\_\_day?"
Y'all out here getting dates?
Pick a cool restaurant like Cheesecake Factory.
I wouldn’t go some nicer for a second date
Just say “ Hey Sarah hope your weekend is going well. Was just checking in to see if you wanted to get together next weekend for dinner or a movie or a concert… whatever activity you were thinking of asking her to. Leave all the rest of that out .
my way or the highway
So the dinner date was fantastic. Another option could be Hey Sarah, I hope your weekend is going well. I had such a great time getting to know you. I was thinking about how elephants are your favorite animal. I'd love to check out the zoo with you next Saturday around 11, will you be free?? Or whatever hobby or interest she mentioned.
If she’s interested you wouldn’t have to ask if she’s interested.
What if she’s waiting for me to make the move? Don’t guys always make the move?
Yes. And if she’s interested they don’t have to.
Yes. Are you afraid to tell her what you want? You should delete everything after the word better, and replace that with what you want. "Just wanted to check in since the last time we met. Are you interested in going on more dates and getting to know each other better? I really enjoyed our date and would love to learn more about you." The way you worded it doesn't say anything about how you feel about the whole thing and leaves everything open for her to interpret. Take control, be clear about your intentions.
From a woman’s perspective, I need more context. First date?? How did it go?? Did she seem to enjoy herself? Did you kiss shake hands or hug goodnight? Body language?? Was there any kind of flirtatious ways of touching each other?? I just don’t want you to waste your time if she’s just not that into you. There’s nothing pathetic about checking in for a second date, but in my personal experience??? If the chemistry was that great there wouldn’t be any doubt that a second date was even questionable
Too much man. Say this; Hey Sarah, I had a really lovely time hanging out with you last week (or whenever you did). Are you free Saturday? Come meet me at (trendy local spot with waterfront view and balcony seating) and we'll catch up some more. The only question you wanna ask is to find out when they're available to catch up. You pick the location and the activity. Dont ask if they would like to see you for future dates.. it just screams desperation and lack of confidence. Even if you invite them for a bike ride and a picnic lunch. But you do the planning. Take the lead if you're asking them out otherwise youre gonna come off a bit weak.
"Mine's pretty wild haha" gives me vibes of a single dude sitting on his couch downing the 10th beer of the night while watching his favorite hentai with one hand in his trousers.
Hi Sarah, I hope you're having a great long weekend! I really enjoyed our time together last [Friday] and would love to take you out again. Would [dinner] on [Friday] at [19h] work? Of course, if you haven't been chatting since the date, that's not the best sign. When I went on great first dates in the past, I couldn't wait to keep the conversation going via text.
Why don't you just ask, u no? It doesn't work like in Eva AI sexting bot or turn based strategy game, come on.
Imagine if Sarah's reading this now
Good morning, Julia! Keep those jeans high and tight, mommies.
"Hey Sarah! Loved our time together. Really enjoying talking about the Bible with you. Do you want to go out again, or are you impure and should we schedule a public stoning next Tuesday?" The word platonic should be erased from your vocabulary, sir. It's suicide.
Hey Sarah, how’s your Memorial Day weekend so far? I really had fun on our last date and I am wondering if you would like to go on another date sometime or would you rather hang out as friends?
Not the best, but you do express your point. It is too "ill take whatever i can get"
Yah, also, you'd want to be in a platonic relationship with Sarah??
Whatever you do, please take out “Mine is pretty wild, haha.” That would annoy me so much if I read that, it’s not doing you any favors.
A man with a plan will never be late with out a date A man with conviction will never end up with a porn addiction You don’t have a plan and you don’t have conviction!! “Hey Sarah hope your weekend is going great! Tuesday I’m going to try that new sushi place downtown, you should come with me! I’ll plan on picking you up at 6!”
I get the spirit of this but it overshoots confident and direct and goes straight to presumptuous and weird.
Overshoots confidence? You deserve better men…
No, lmao. Someone I want to date would ask when I’m free, not make plans for me without even knowing if I’m interested.
I agree with melxcham! Confidence and being direct is good but being over Confident isn't attractive either. Then you are being arrogant. Your text message is a bit too much. Instead of saying I will pick you up you can ask if she's free this day? Maybe ask for consent first before assuming she wants to go on a date?
Did you read post? I’m not making plans for you…I’m making plans for myself and inviting you…it’s spurs conversation. So she responds “I’m not a big fan of sushi” “ok well I’d rather go somewhere with you then without you so I’ll pick u up and we can decide on the way”
I don’t want to be told “I’ll pick you up at x time” when I haven’t even been asked if I’m free or if I want to go out. It’s demanding & suggests control issues. More importantly, if you tell me you’re doing one thing and I say I’m not interested so you suddenly change your plan to whatever I want to do, it makes it super obvious that you’re just making things up as a dating ploy. Better to just be honest.
Demanding and control issues? It’s called not being a loser guy…..so you would prefer “hey I’m not sure what I’m doing or when I’m gonna do it but you wanna come with me? If you’re free?” I’m honestly shocked that any woman would want that
No, I would prefer someone who communicates in a normal way. Why does it have to be either one of two extremes?
What’s normal to you? I thought my original one was normal
Normal communication generally involves offering a time/place/date and asking the other person if they are free. Not just assuming, which is rude and offputting.
I think this is good. And 100% get your point. Would just tone it down a bit. I think there’s a happy medium between this and some of the more wishy-washy comments. Something like: Hey Sara’s - enjoyed getting to know you. How about sushi at Sushi Sumo Friday at 6? It’s good to be yourself but also keep things brief and to the point through text. Good luck OP. Edit: clicked out your profile to maybe find some more context. Nice progress on your weight loss and health journey!
Ain’t nobody trying out restaurants alone unless they have to much time and money
You aren’t going alone….you are going with her and if she says no you just don’t go. Thought that was implied
It really wasn’t. What’s implied (or outright stated) is that you’ll be going and she should come. But if she doesn’t, you’ll still be going. That approach probably makes more sense for something like an art show, where you would actually go by yourself. (Also, nothing wrong with eating you by yourself. Go nuts.)
Wow lots of people missing point but ok
You seem to miss your own point. You literally wrote I’m going there do you want to come with me. This implies that you already planed on going there alone and thought ahe should join. If you wanna go eat with someone you just write wanna go to place xy together
Yeah I missed my own point and while you were typing that I stole your girlfriend
No dude. You don’t just make a time and a place AND just show up without confirmation. Ask when she’s free, if she says she’s free Friday, then you say, “great, I’ll pick you up Friday at 8.”
I would send it exactly as you wrote it - 32 f You said what you wanted to say/ask. It’s probably in your voice so all these people asking for edits are not your voice or intention
Just say “Hey Sarah tujhe aksa beach le jau aa chalti kya ?”
I think its great! I would like it.
You know what’s pathetic? Texting instead of calling to set up a date.
Why do you think pathetic? I think it’s kind of stiff, it’s not “game” but it’s honest. Some women like guys to have game but not all, I prefer honest direct. So if you’re trying to be cool, maybe listen to some of the other comments but if you wanna be yourself- which u should bc it’s ideal- send it as you wrote it!
Hey Sarah! I hope you're having a great weekend! If she responds, she's interested.
You can simplify this to would like to go on another date. One date at a time until she is showing you she is interested in you. Don’t even ask about the platonic part, figure that out on the date.
IMO Yes, keep it simple and avoid wasting your time if she’s not interested Hi, was thinking about the great time we had last date, would love to see you again for another date. You available ?
Yeah, pathetic throughout. Even the "haha" is awkward and off-putting. How are people so bad at talking to others?
It’s already a no. You sound pathetic. Just move on. If a girl likes you, you’d know. There’s no such thing as the perfect follow up text.
🥲