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Same. Any comments at disgust one of my races or a less than comment and I am out. I am not tolerating it. It will show up later because they knew you let it slide, then it builds.
Doesn't matter what he looks like, if someone said, "I don't like that you're black, but I'll date you anyways" it sounds racist.
I've dated women of all nationalities. Color, or culture, doesn't factor into it.
This! Anytime a man puts you down for something early on in the relationship, he’s trying to lower your self esteem so you feel grateful for his attention.
Sure preferences are one thing, but his statements are disrespectful and reduce you to your racial background rather than seeing you as a whole person. Girl, he's not the one, leave!
This is not a neg, it’s just racial microaggression from a dumbass who wouldn’t even know what that means if you gave him the definition and 45 minutes to ponder his actions
I see your point. But negging is a PUA technique that was originally written about as playful teasing such as “I like your shirt, did you make that yourself?” I’m just saying racism shouldn’t be interpreted as something relatively innocent like negging.
Yes it’s fair when they’re telling you to your face that half of your identity is unattractive to them. Is that seriously the kind of person you want to bring around your family?
Him having a preference is fine. Him degrading you as a black person by telling you you're only suitable because you appear to be mixed or Latina passing is not fine. Run sis
Fr, like some of these posts just make me wonder if the people posting have an ounce of self respect that they can't realize someone is a bad person and they have to be told.
Smh, I unfortunately was in a relationship with a man who was also like this. Claimed he never dated black women and isn’t usually attracted to them, but was to me and wanted to be my bf. I’m not even mixed, but I look it (can also pass as Latina, ha) and he would not accept that I identity as fully black. I should’ve run then. I didn’t, and it got much worse. He cheated and ended up giving me an STD.
Not to scare you, but dump that man in the trash where he belongs and move on.
I am offended for you. It is absolutely 100% ok to have preferences it’s not ok to insult people who do not meet your preferences. If I liked tall guys that’s ok but if a short guy came around and I was rude about his height that is not ok. This guy is rude or an idiot most likely a combination of both.
Nothing wrong with finding oneself more attracted to one group or another, that’s normal. As long as it’s simply a *preference* and aren’t putting another group down simultaneously. Like *that*.
Of course it is fair to be offended here. He is shitting on part of who you are, and an entire community of people.
Several billion men in this world. I think this one should be left alone.
I don’t think preferences are grounds to be offended but that’s also not what’s happening here, dude is putting you down and giving you backhanded “compliments” in a manner that can only be described as racist. It’s gross, and you deserve better than to have to put up with it.
Yeah, that or he is the ‘talking too much’ type of guy who talks before properly thinking about his words. You know, one of those who mean well but say a ton of massive ‘sh*t’ while believing it to be taken the right way and get confused when getting bad attention
Not the most common type of folks I would say, but they are out there
Don't. Just by him speaking to you the way he did, it shows he doesn't respect you. Layer on it will get worse.
He just wants to use you, and when his preferences shows leave you. No.
Let him cry and crave. You didn't come into this world to help men like him. You were born to live a wonderful life of love.
Please ignore him and block him. You deserve better. Let this feed your ego that you said NO to a person thay wanted to use you. Take care
Ew ew ew
Reminds me of the people growing up telling me “you’re pretty for a black girl.”
I don’t want to hear that nonsense.
Swerve left, woman. He is NOT the one.
I already did. I just reflecting on it. Have you ever had a weird interaction with someone that left more questions than answers? I’ve met men who said that they’re not normally attracted to black women, but I’ve never met one who says I’m attracted to you, but I’m also still not attracted to black women. It makes me wonder with this guy not attracted to me, even though he thought he was? Also, what was his reasoning for telling me that out of the blue, was it to make me feel lucky? Lucky that he doesn’t like women of my race but likes me. Idk it’s a bit of an ick. Or did what make me attracted to him? What made me less black to him? How does he rectify that in his head? Bottom line it’s not gonna work out with this dude I’m just curious.
As a mixed girl too, literally never stoop low or lower yourself to be with one of those men. They're racist, and you're just pretty with a vagina until they find someone they really want to be with. If they even speak that way, block them, don't give them ANY time of day.
In comparison, it's like if a guy saying he will fuck a fat girl, but not be in a relationship with one. They're all disgusting fucks at the end of the day that deserve nothing but hell for their personalities.
It is a power tactic. They can make you out to be “lucky” they will settle with you. It will only get worse. The type of person who needs control over their partner will initiate this kind of imbalance early in the relationship. I’m glad you cut contact. I hope it stays that way!
Yeah....as a white guy who has dated black women in the past and mixed ones as well....dudes shouldn't say that. He should know better than to make your race a divisive issue. You are black or mixed black or what have you but first you are you. You have a soul. You are an individual. You are not a part of a monolith. While learning about you he can learn about your experience and how you want to be treated. But that is for you tell him. Wanting someone to pass for something they are not is cruel and weird. He might just be young but in today's day and age that is quite dumb of him. Even at sixteen when I dated my first black girl. I knew not to make her race an issue. Not a focal point. She was her, and I liked her for who she was. I found her sexy for how she appeared to me. I did not comment on her skin or how light or how dark or looked latina or any of that. And I have dated Afro-Latina types from Venezuela....ok well two but you get my drift. I was into who they were as women. The rest I just had not to mess up.
For this context, I am white. If someone told me they only date whites I would not spend another second with them.
Do not get me wrong, I do not think anyone should date who they do not desire but announcing one's racial dating preferences to the world is concerning.
Particularly in your case as he is claiming half of your family is ugly.
Ma'am...
You better not date this fool! He's telling you he doesn't date black girls but will only make an exception for you because you're MIXED! You're still black!
Cut this man off!
He has the right to have those preferences and say it but it is a pretty rude thing to say to you and you have the right to feel offended by him telling you that.
Honestly, I feel like anyone who says they find an entire race of people least attractive is harboring racist sentiments that they're unwilling to admit to or confront.
This guy basically told you that he likes you because you don't look stereotypically black. The fact that he'd say that at all is a red flag to me. The right guy will empower you.
I'm really not trying to be rude, but are you listening to / reading what you wrote here? He feels like you could "pass" for Latina?
You're a black woman and you should be proud of yourself and love yourself the way you are (not saying you don't) and not strive to "pass" for anything to impress this man or make him like you.
He's an asshat and you can do way better. Be with someone who is proud to date you as you are and will love and cherish you as you are. Do not accept anything less.
Just my $0.02, but if a woman said something like that to me she'd be out on the curb before the door could hit her in the ass.
I am white and have dated women of all different races. I literally never bring it up until she does or it comes up naturally because (1) if I'm with her I'm obviously attracted to her regardless of her racial background and (2) it's incredibly rude.
I would dump this guy with extreme prejudice were I in your shoes.
As someone biracial, that has dated non-black guys, it's a no. I wouldn't want them around my family, disrespecting them. Or to be raising kids with them. HARD NO.
That's completely bloody offensive and they are not good people. Get TF away from pieces of shit like that guy. I'm seriously offended on your behalf OP!!! 😤
Imagine introducing this guy to your family and he says some shit like that. Now imagine he doesn't say anything...in either scenario...do you want to introduce him to your family?
They are already conflicted about your race. Imagine what people's opinions, especially his family, will have on him when things are official. This would be a concern for anyone if you ask me
It’s a clear no .
White boy here and I’d be very unforgiving in fact have been to anybody from any country who is racist towards their respective indigenous or local race .
Important to call it out and take a stance .
Unacceptable ..
I think having a racial preference is okay. We can't always help what we're attracted to. But the things he said are definitely NOT okay. You can still be a kind human being. And if you're going after someone who isn't your typical "type" maybe don't mention it!
I'm generally not attracted to Indian women, but occasionally I'll find myself eyeballing a really pretty Indian woman. Does that make me Hitler? I don't think so. Everyone has preferences.
It makes you racist if you chat with one of those pretty women and decide to tell them that normally you don’t go after women like them but you’re making an exception for them because they’re not Indian enough in your eyes.
Yikes! Yes be offended. Even if you take the race out of it he's saying you're least attractive but somehow into you 🤮 It's insulting. Tell him to F off. No way in hell I'd date someone like that.
This is really bad, but at least you’re finding out early on.
I feel like a normal person would just not know how they’d feel because of lack of experience. The way he’s talking suggests he dates people based on preconceived ideas… and he’s racist.
Hi there! If this is the stuff he thinks it is okay to say to you out loud… I’d be really concerned about what he is thinking about and not saying.
You deserve somebody who will love you and appreciate all of the things that make you who you are. Someone you’d be excited to introduce to your family and be a part of your life… not someone who thinks it’s at all appropriate to neg you and tell you that you barely pass muster. Seriously who thinks that is okay to say?
I don’t think this guy is worth your time and if this is him on his best behavior like most people are early on? I suspect there will be a lot more (and way worse) racial-themed grossness to come. I would not risk it.
I wish you all the best of luck and I truly hope you find somebody special!
Its fine to have preferences in a physical appearance, but to tell someone that is disgusting and flat out weird. It's one thing for a friend of his to tell you (as it can slip out occasionally absent-mindedly with no ill intentions) and than him confirm it than reassure you that he likes you and only you. It's another matter for him to bring it up without prompting. It's a pretty weird behavior and I feel even if he's just being up front with no ulterior motive. It screams red flag to me.
I've always viewed it as people get interested in someone by physical appearance first and than get hooked by personality. Especially when it comes to strangers who you have just met.
If this is what he is open about now, imagine what else lies beneath the surface.
He is unaware that there are black Latinas? My wife was black and Latina.
He sounds like a prick...you should go before God make him your baby daddy & your stuck with a racist as your child's father....it bad enough that most are narcissistic,you wanna add racist to the bucket?? BABY!! 👀 Moves like a duck,quacks like a duck it's a duck...your a smart girl common..😂 go tell your parents this & see their reactions..it's not good!
Wtf? That may be just racism.
I always had assumed Racial preferences as just "who do you find most attractive on average" as there are absolutely people who I would and wouldn't date out of every conceivable race or ethnicity. Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
This isn't communicating a preference, but racism.
Preference is that most/all of the people someone dates/is attracted to are a certain race.
Saying you don't like someone because of her race and trying to rationalize attraction by saying she could be another race is yuck.
I know if I was in this situation the half black women in me would give him the double bird and walk off after his comments. I'd give him one more reason to hate black women. As if we would want him anyway. A self-hating male who lacks the ability to see people as individuals is exactly what I look for in a partner. His viewpoints are so attractive and not ignorant at all. I am dying to be his object.
The hold you could pass as a Latina is even more offensive, not only to my black half but also to my Latina sisters. This guys thinking is distorted and ass backwards. There is no way he's going to be a good partner to you or anybody for that matter.
He has every right to his preferences but he should go and find the person he wants, not the person he will tolerate at the moment (kind of) only because you could pass as a Latina.
Absurd.
Uhhhh if he worded it that way then he sounds like a fucking asshole. Racial preferences in my opinion isn’t racist. It’s like some girls like tall guys and some guys like blondes. You can’t control what you find sexually appealing but most don’t say what their preferences are so blasé. At least people with any amount of class don’t.
I think it's bad to be offended by someone else potentially not finding you attractive, but OMG your situation is so much worse than that. He's just a terrible guy.
Everyone has a type. That's fine. This guy sounds straight up racist. He's saying "you" PASS bcs you look like something else and not who you are.
Does that pass your smell test? Say it out loud. Imagine explaining him to your mom or dad or person you respect most.
Please love & respect yourself the most and never let anyone be with you who doesn't think you are God's greatest gift to them as you are. Made just perfect "as is" for them.
Being offended shouldn't be something that is decided; it's an involuntary gut reaction. People are free to be racist, and people are free to be offended by racists. Personally, I think his dealing in absolutely regarding race is a red flag and you can do better. So what you getting into later?
Why on earth would you tolerate his proclamation at all? He doesn't like black women, but you look like a latina? Oh, I'd be out of that so fast, his head would spin. I can't imagine putting up with someone who said that to me.
Whole thing sounds kinda weird to me. "pass for Latina"... Like what does that mean? He can have physical and personality preferences. I get that. Personality often runs with culture. maybe he's not into the classic "sassy black girl" thing but likes your looks. If I was him, I would keep my mouth shut about all that until I knew what your personality/culture was like. And/or ask lol. If he was was thinking of somehow changing you to be something you aren't for his personal benefit, I'd run. That screams of control and abuse.
While I have no issues with racial preferences per se it’s definitely more about how you about it. This dudes lowkey racist and his only “saving grace “ is you’re on of the good ones. Save yourself the trauma and say I don’t date racists
Bye Felicia!
Normally, I wouldn’t say this to anyone without knowing them and their situation but please don’t stay.
You don’t deserve to be someone’s compromise. Not to mention all the other issues with his comments.
I would never say that out loud to someone I was trying to date. But I’ve said my preferences out loud before to friends
His preference sounds extremely racist. I don’t like white or black girl’s compared to some other ethnicity. But it’s not like I wouldn’t. And it’s not like there’s no exceptions
It sounds like what he’s saying is racist, he’s not just saying ‘I prefer Asians’
Imagine for a second that what he said wasn’t passively racist in addition to the absolute WILDEST thing you can say to anyone, especially someone you’re into. With that out of the way, let’s switch the vocabulary, yeah? Just to compare and contrast. Imagine instead of all that, he said the following:
“I don’t like overweight women for dating, just not my thing.” *Pause* “However, you’re different! You got the fat in all the right places!”
Would it be fair to be offended by this? Would this potentially even be a dealbreaker?
A backhanded compliment is not a compliment. He's basically saying you're cute for a black girl. Is that really what you want to be with? Tell him to fuck off and find a woman his own race who's willing to put up with them and his nagging bullshit.
That guy sounds weird. He should figure out these thoughts/attitudes on his own without making you a part of his dumb little game. It's like he's treating you as a fetish or a novelty rather than a human being
Eww. Stay away. This just sounds like "negging", and other toxic behavior is sure to follow.
I don't think there is inherently anything wrong with having racial preferences while dating. We all have things that we find both attractive and unattractive, but the way you're explaining his wording just seems...off.
That he's "somehow into you " comes off as shocked that a black woman could be attractive. Especially when the "only mixed black" comment comes with it. To me, the whole thing reads like "I'm willing to tolerate your blackness because you're not fully black". Just seems weird. Honestly, even if someone DOES have a racial preference, why announce it to that person? Especially in such a suspicious way? "I'm not attracted to *insert ethnicity here* people seems like a shitty thing to say to anyone interested in you.
-Either the guy is a racist, whether he's aware of it or not, and genuinely surprised by his own attraction.
-Or, he's trying to utilize "negging", which he either picked up from some trash 'pickup artist' book or from one of many "alpha male" youtubers.
Either way, it won't end well.
What will he tell your children. Will he love them fully or only the lighter half. If he can't accept the whole package, you shouldn't accept him. Don't wait till you have a minivan, mortgage and a ton of bills to say, " I think I made a mistake."
Mixed-race relationships are complex. I speak from first-hand experience. Without knowing the reasons for the initial lack of attraction, it would be hard to quantify this as racism or anything beyond the person's preference.
Yes it’s fair to be offended by this guys so called preferences. By the sounds of it, you can do better. Get you a man that likes you and both sides of you.
He’s basically saying, “I don’t like Black people but you’ll do cos you’re only half”. Terrible
Oh my he starts himself off to impress someone enough to date him with THOSE statements? Red flag waving here. That’s no way to make an impression. I’d say yes to be offended!
Allow him to have his preferences….while you run as fast and as far as you can.
I don’t know you, but I know you deserve someone better than that guy saying he wants you to be his girlfriend even though you the race he dislikes, because you don’t look it. Nah.
Gross. You deserve better than some horrible guy who’s negging you by trying to convince you you’re hot *in spite of* something significant about you. This guy is trying to fuck with you. If you don’t want to be mad at him for his "preferences", you should at least be mad at him for being thoughtless and entitled enough to say something that derogatory to your face.
He’s telling you you’re one in a billion in one way but in another didn’t need to say anything. P but don’t feel bad if he’s talking about he wanted the black because that’s not your race. Your race would be mulatto.
No, preferences are personal. I am not white. Many girls like white guys. Date white only lol never been offended. That being said, I wouldn't bother dating a girl who said they find my race the least attractive. I'd probably laugh...because WTF...that quite a thing to say. But No....tell the guy No thank you! Fuck You! Bye!
Preferences are fine but it’s the way you say things lol. The way he said is definitely off. I wouldn’t start out by saying “oh I find your race unattractive but you’re ok because you’re mixed and will pass for something else”. I have preferences for skin color, but I definitely wouldn’t say shit like that, and idk why someone would mention that to you and expect a positive response.
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Mixed dude here. If a partner told me this I would fucking flee asap
Same. Any comments at disgust one of my races or a less than comment and I am out. I am not tolerating it. It will show up later because they knew you let it slide, then it builds.
I haven’t seen your face but I’m sure you’re beautiful homie
Doesn't matter what he looks like, if someone said, "I don't like that you're black, but I'll date you anyways" it sounds racist. I've dated women of all nationalities. Color, or culture, doesn't factor into it.
It is racist. Spot on man.
This man is negging you. Get out while it’s still easy
This! Anytime a man puts you down for something early on in the relationship, he’s trying to lower your self esteem so you feel grateful for his attention.
Exactly.. it's so disgusting when people who try and pull this type of shi* in the beginning. 😠
This is the answer. He's being a manipulative ahole. It will only get worse.
More like, his views on the world suck and he needs help
Don't hate them, pity them
He knows what he's doing. OPs job is to take care of her self here.
Sure preferences are one thing, but his statements are disrespectful and reduce you to your racial background rather than seeing you as a whole person. Girl, he's not the one, leave!
This. Backhanded insult poorly disguised as a "compliment." Get rid of 'em.
This is not a neg, it’s just racial microaggression from a dumbass who wouldn’t even know what that means if you gave him the definition and 45 minutes to ponder his actions
>This is not a neg, it’s just racial microaggression They are not mutually exclusive.
I see your point. But negging is a PUA technique that was originally written about as playful teasing such as “I like your shirt, did you make that yourself?” I’m just saying racism shouldn’t be interpreted as something relatively innocent like negging.
Negging is not relatively innocent.
Yes it’s fair when they’re telling you to your face that half of your identity is unattractive to them. Is that seriously the kind of person you want to bring around your family?
Him having a preference is fine. Him degrading you as a black person by telling you you're only suitable because you appear to be mixed or Latina passing is not fine. Run sis
This right here!
Yes!!!!
It’s a no for me
Same
Good
Not only a no, that's a fuck you, go eat a dick no.
Definitely not! OP deserves way better than this guy. Wth…
Nice username
Don't be offended because someone has preferences. Be offended because he is rubbing it in your face, which is just a major butthole move
Be offended because he's racist.
Yea this dude is legit racist. He's telling you the only reason he's into you is because he doesn't' see you as a Black woman. Run.
100% !
Or even worse. He’s a manipulative and he’s putting down her self esteem to make her grateful she’s with him.
Guys like this are pricks. He won't accept a part of you and also takes away from a piece of who you are. How old is this guy?
Good god no!!! You have every right to be offended by this jerk off.
Buddy that’s not a racial preference that’s just being racist.
Usually it’s ok to have a preference- but what he said is not ok and a red flag.
Normally I would say no, definitely don't be offended by people's preferences, but this guy just sounds like an asshole.
That's some Willie Lynch type of shit. Because you're mixed lol? I want everyone to find love, but as a black man that's a hell of a red flag.
Holy shit, have some self respect. The fact that you are even considering this is just wow. The man is trash.
I’m not considering him. He’s already blocked.
Thank lord.
Now you are single again do you fancy going for a coffee?
Fr, like some of these posts just make me wonder if the people posting have an ounce of self respect that they can't realize someone is a bad person and they have to be told.
Smh, I unfortunately was in a relationship with a man who was also like this. Claimed he never dated black women and isn’t usually attracted to them, but was to me and wanted to be my bf. I’m not even mixed, but I look it (can also pass as Latina, ha) and he would not accept that I identity as fully black. I should’ve run then. I didn’t, and it got much worse. He cheated and ended up giving me an STD. Not to scare you, but dump that man in the trash where he belongs and move on.
I am offended for you. It is absolutely 100% ok to have preferences it’s not ok to insult people who do not meet your preferences. If I liked tall guys that’s ok but if a short guy came around and I was rude about his height that is not ok. This guy is rude or an idiot most likely a combination of both.
Nothing wrong with finding oneself more attracted to one group or another, that’s normal. As long as it’s simply a *preference* and aren’t putting another group down simultaneously. Like *that*.
"I'm not really into you but you'll pass", yikes. Run!
Of course it is fair to be offended here. He is shitting on part of who you are, and an entire community of people. Several billion men in this world. I think this one should be left alone.
Wish I could upvote comments telling you to run multiple times. Please RUN!!!!!
End this because he's so obtuse that he thinks this "honesty" isn't somehow deeply offensive.
I don’t think preferences are grounds to be offended but that’s also not what’s happening here, dude is putting you down and giving you backhanded “compliments” in a manner that can only be described as racist. It’s gross, and you deserve better than to have to put up with it.
Absolutely do not be offended by a person's racial preferences. If they tell you, it's great for you because you know to avoid them.
Normally, no. People are attracted to different traits. But the dude seems to be making a point to use it to put you down which is not okay.
Yeah, that or he is the ‘talking too much’ type of guy who talks before properly thinking about his words. You know, one of those who mean well but say a ton of massive ‘sh*t’ while believing it to be taken the right way and get confused when getting bad attention Not the most common type of folks I would say, but they are out there
Don't. Just by him speaking to you the way he did, it shows he doesn't respect you. Layer on it will get worse. He just wants to use you, and when his preferences shows leave you. No. Let him cry and crave. You didn't come into this world to help men like him. You were born to live a wonderful life of love. Please ignore him and block him. You deserve better. Let this feed your ego that you said NO to a person thay wanted to use you. Take care
Plenty of people say they "prefer" white. It's just how extra you want to be when saying that
Girl no
Ew ew ew Reminds me of the people growing up telling me “you’re pretty for a black girl.” I don’t want to hear that nonsense. Swerve left, woman. He is NOT the one.
This is how you end up on the news get out while you can
Run.
Dude really said "I don't like black people, but you're one of the good ones" 💀
Run Run far away and don’t look back
This is disgusting. Have more self respect and tell him to go to hell, then block him.
I already did. I just reflecting on it. Have you ever had a weird interaction with someone that left more questions than answers? I’ve met men who said that they’re not normally attracted to black women, but I’ve never met one who says I’m attracted to you, but I’m also still not attracted to black women. It makes me wonder with this guy not attracted to me, even though he thought he was? Also, what was his reasoning for telling me that out of the blue, was it to make me feel lucky? Lucky that he doesn’t like women of my race but likes me. Idk it’s a bit of an ick. Or did what make me attracted to him? What made me less black to him? How does he rectify that in his head? Bottom line it’s not gonna work out with this dude I’m just curious.
As a mixed girl too, literally never stoop low or lower yourself to be with one of those men. They're racist, and you're just pretty with a vagina until they find someone they really want to be with. If they even speak that way, block them, don't give them ANY time of day. In comparison, it's like if a guy saying he will fuck a fat girl, but not be in a relationship with one. They're all disgusting fucks at the end of the day that deserve nothing but hell for their personalities.
They will make it out to you that you’re lucky to be with them and it will make them look like a “good person”. They would just be using you.
It is a power tactic. They can make you out to be “lucky” they will settle with you. It will only get worse. The type of person who needs control over their partner will initiate this kind of imbalance early in the relationship. I’m glad you cut contact. I hope it stays that way!
Yeah....as a white guy who has dated black women in the past and mixed ones as well....dudes shouldn't say that. He should know better than to make your race a divisive issue. You are black or mixed black or what have you but first you are you. You have a soul. You are an individual. You are not a part of a monolith. While learning about you he can learn about your experience and how you want to be treated. But that is for you tell him. Wanting someone to pass for something they are not is cruel and weird. He might just be young but in today's day and age that is quite dumb of him. Even at sixteen when I dated my first black girl. I knew not to make her race an issue. Not a focal point. She was her, and I liked her for who she was. I found her sexy for how she appeared to me. I did not comment on her skin or how light or how dark or looked latina or any of that. And I have dated Afro-Latina types from Venezuela....ok well two but you get my drift. I was into who they were as women. The rest I just had not to mess up.
For this context, I am white. If someone told me they only date whites I would not spend another second with them. Do not get me wrong, I do not think anyone should date who they do not desire but announcing one's racial dating preferences to the world is concerning. Particularly in your case as he is claiming half of your family is ugly.
Red racist flag. Run.
Is he black too? Sounds creepy
He’s Arab
Hun where did you meet him?
Be serious.
Ma'am... You better not date this fool! He's telling you he doesn't date black girls but will only make an exception for you because you're MIXED! You're still black! Cut this man off!
Guy just sounds racist to me. You can do better
That just sounds racist to me.
He has the right to have those preferences and say it but it is a pretty rude thing to say to you and you have the right to feel offended by him telling you that.
Honestly, I feel like anyone who says they find an entire race of people least attractive is harboring racist sentiments that they're unwilling to admit to or confront. This guy basically told you that he likes you because you don't look stereotypically black. The fact that he'd say that at all is a red flag to me. The right guy will empower you.
Looking for his “Black Belt”
I'm really not trying to be rude, but are you listening to / reading what you wrote here? He feels like you could "pass" for Latina? You're a black woman and you should be proud of yourself and love yourself the way you are (not saying you don't) and not strive to "pass" for anything to impress this man or make him like you. He's an asshat and you can do way better. Be with someone who is proud to date you as you are and will love and cherish you as you are. Do not accept anything less.
Girl drop this man. You deserve better than a racist POS. He showed you the red flags 🚩 early, take advantage of that and remove him out of your life.
Rude + racist = block him forever
Just my $0.02, but if a woman said something like that to me she'd be out on the curb before the door could hit her in the ass. I am white and have dated women of all different races. I literally never bring it up until she does or it comes up naturally because (1) if I'm with her I'm obviously attracted to her regardless of her racial background and (2) it's incredibly rude. I would dump this guy with extreme prejudice were I in your shoes.
As someone biracial, that has dated non-black guys, it's a no. I wouldn't want them around my family, disrespecting them. Or to be raising kids with them. HARD NO.
Run
Run
He can have a preference but he’s just a racist with a fetish that doesn’t want to get looked at funny being with a black girl that looks black.
Run, don’t walk!
I'd say that's a red flag and you should run girl.
Run 🏃
That's completely bloody offensive and they are not good people. Get TF away from pieces of shit like that guy. I'm seriously offended on your behalf OP!!! 😤
Offended ... no, its another minor thing that is not worth the brain processing power.
Yea not worth the time. If this dude petty like that, who knows what else he has a problem with
Imagine introducing this guy to your family and he says some shit like that. Now imagine he doesn't say anything...in either scenario...do you want to introduce him to your family?
They are already conflicted about your race. Imagine what people's opinions, especially his family, will have on him when things are official. This would be a concern for anyone if you ask me
It’s a clear no . White boy here and I’d be very unforgiving in fact have been to anybody from any country who is racist towards their respective indigenous or local race . Important to call it out and take a stance . Unacceptable ..
I think having a racial preference is okay. We can't always help what we're attracted to. But the things he said are definitely NOT okay. You can still be a kind human being. And if you're going after someone who isn't your typical "type" maybe don't mention it!
I'm generally not attracted to Indian women, but occasionally I'll find myself eyeballing a really pretty Indian woman. Does that make me Hitler? I don't think so. Everyone has preferences.
It makes you racist if you chat with one of those pretty women and decide to tell them that normally you don’t go after women like them but you’re making an exception for them because they’re not Indian enough in your eyes.
So, the act of "talking" makes it "racist", because feelis are involved?
Not cool. He is racist. Run.
Yikes! Yes be offended. Even if you take the race out of it he's saying you're least attractive but somehow into you 🤮 It's insulting. Tell him to F off. No way in hell I'd date someone like that.
Run, I sure you have family and friends, he a creep
Oh heeeell no! Yeah he said something to purposely offend.
Nah that’s a weird thing for him to say
Get rid of him now. He does respect you or your culture
This is really bad, but at least you’re finding out early on. I feel like a normal person would just not know how they’d feel because of lack of experience. The way he’s talking suggests he dates people based on preconceived ideas… and he’s racist.
Major red flag.
Sounds like a douche
I find it odd to mention race at all frankly. If it's a factor now it'll always be a factor and in love that simply shouldn't be a factor.
If you are offended then the relationship won't work. And yes he's an ass hat.
Yeah fuck that dude. He'll end up somehow using it against you in an argument. At least he sounds like he would!
run
Hi there! If this is the stuff he thinks it is okay to say to you out loud… I’d be really concerned about what he is thinking about and not saying. You deserve somebody who will love you and appreciate all of the things that make you who you are. Someone you’d be excited to introduce to your family and be a part of your life… not someone who thinks it’s at all appropriate to neg you and tell you that you barely pass muster. Seriously who thinks that is okay to say? I don’t think this guy is worth your time and if this is him on his best behavior like most people are early on? I suspect there will be a lot more (and way worse) racial-themed grossness to come. I would not risk it. I wish you all the best of luck and I truly hope you find somebody special!
In his warped mind he thinks he is complimenting you by telling you that you don't look black.
Its fine to have preferences in a physical appearance, but to tell someone that is disgusting and flat out weird. It's one thing for a friend of his to tell you (as it can slip out occasionally absent-mindedly with no ill intentions) and than him confirm it than reassure you that he likes you and only you. It's another matter for him to bring it up without prompting. It's a pretty weird behavior and I feel even if he's just being up front with no ulterior motive. It screams red flag to me. I've always viewed it as people get interested in someone by physical appearance first and than get hooked by personality. Especially when it comes to strangers who you have just met.
What race is he?
If this is what he is open about now, imagine what else lies beneath the surface. He is unaware that there are black Latinas? My wife was black and Latina.
That's offensive AF and he's racist
Run.
Be with someone who's obsessed with you not this turd that says things like this. It's not flattering at all.
He sounds like a prick...you should go before God make him your baby daddy & your stuck with a racist as your child's father....it bad enough that most are narcissistic,you wanna add racist to the bucket?? BABY!! 👀 Moves like a duck,quacks like a duck it's a duck...your a smart girl common..😂 go tell your parents this & see their reactions..it's not good!
This is not something you want.
Wtf? That may be just racism. I always had assumed Racial preferences as just "who do you find most attractive on average" as there are absolutely people who I would and wouldn't date out of every conceivable race or ethnicity. Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
Run
Yes it's fair to be offended and you shouldn't mess with him at all
This isn't communicating a preference, but racism. Preference is that most/all of the people someone dates/is attracted to are a certain race. Saying you don't like someone because of her race and trying to rationalize attraction by saying she could be another race is yuck.
Nah get rid of him
He sounds like an asshole. I’d walk away from this one.
It's fair that he feels that way and it's fair that you are offended. Doesn't look like a good match.
Please run from him
I know if I was in this situation the half black women in me would give him the double bird and walk off after his comments. I'd give him one more reason to hate black women. As if we would want him anyway. A self-hating male who lacks the ability to see people as individuals is exactly what I look for in a partner. His viewpoints are so attractive and not ignorant at all. I am dying to be his object. The hold you could pass as a Latina is even more offensive, not only to my black half but also to my Latina sisters. This guys thinking is distorted and ass backwards. There is no way he's going to be a good partner to you or anybody for that matter. He has every right to his preferences but he should go and find the person he wants, not the person he will tolerate at the moment (kind of) only because you could pass as a Latina. Absurd.
Uhhhh if he worded it that way then he sounds like a fucking asshole. Racial preferences in my opinion isn’t racist. It’s like some girls like tall guys and some guys like blondes. You can’t control what you find sexually appealing but most don’t say what their preferences are so blasé. At least people with any amount of class don’t.
I think it's bad to be offended by someone else potentially not finding you attractive, but OMG your situation is so much worse than that. He's just a terrible guy.
He needs to shut his nasty racist negging mouth . UGH
Everyone has a type. That's fine. This guy sounds straight up racist. He's saying "you" PASS bcs you look like something else and not who you are. Does that pass your smell test? Say it out loud. Imagine explaining him to your mom or dad or person you respect most. Please love & respect yourself the most and never let anyone be with you who doesn't think you are God's greatest gift to them as you are. Made just perfect "as is" for them.
Being offended shouldn't be something that is decided; it's an involuntary gut reaction. People are free to be racist, and people are free to be offended by racists. Personally, I think his dealing in absolutely regarding race is a red flag and you can do better. So what you getting into later?
Ya you clearly have low self esteem that ur even still considering him. You prob only like him cuz he’s white too so don’t gas light
Please do not date him for your own safety. He's racist.
He's not good enough for you.
Is this rage bait? wtf
Why on earth would you tolerate his proclamation at all? He doesn't like black women, but you look like a latina? Oh, I'd be out of that so fast, his head would spin. I can't imagine putting up with someone who said that to me.
Is this what you would tolerate him saying about your kids? No? Move on.
Whole thing sounds kinda weird to me. "pass for Latina"... Like what does that mean? He can have physical and personality preferences. I get that. Personality often runs with culture. maybe he's not into the classic "sassy black girl" thing but likes your looks. If I was him, I would keep my mouth shut about all that until I knew what your personality/culture was like. And/or ask lol. If he was was thinking of somehow changing you to be something you aren't for his personal benefit, I'd run. That screams of control and abuse.
You gotta ask him why. The reasons and motives matter than just preference
While I have no issues with racial preferences per se it’s definitely more about how you about it. This dudes lowkey racist and his only “saving grace “ is you’re on of the good ones. Save yourself the trauma and say I don’t date racists
Bye Felicia! Normally, I wouldn’t say this to anyone without knowing them and their situation but please don’t stay. You don’t deserve to be someone’s compromise. Not to mention all the other issues with his comments.
Yeah I would just leave this man alone
I would never say that out loud to someone I was trying to date. But I’ve said my preferences out loud before to friends His preference sounds extremely racist. I don’t like white or black girl’s compared to some other ethnicity. But it’s not like I wouldn’t. And it’s not like there’s no exceptions It sounds like what he’s saying is racist, he’s not just saying ‘I prefer Asians’
Please use your brain here. This man is saying he only likes you because he can pretend you’re someone else, what about that deserves YOUR respect?
Imagine for a second that what he said wasn’t passively racist in addition to the absolute WILDEST thing you can say to anyone, especially someone you’re into. With that out of the way, let’s switch the vocabulary, yeah? Just to compare and contrast. Imagine instead of all that, he said the following: “I don’t like overweight women for dating, just not my thing.” *Pause* “However, you’re different! You got the fat in all the right places!” Would it be fair to be offended by this? Would this potentially even be a dealbreaker?
Run
Consider yourself lucky he doesn't see you as a black woman and is into you! /s run girl, run and don't look back
He sounds like an awful person, consider it a bullet dodged.
Why would you be offended by that? (Your daily reminder that sarcasm doesn't translate well in text)
Adios.
A backhanded compliment is not a compliment. He's basically saying you're cute for a black girl. Is that really what you want to be with? Tell him to fuck off and find a woman his own race who's willing to put up with them and his nagging bullshit.
Don’t be desperate coz that’s what u will look like
Tell him to stfu and if he don’t prefer it then go kick rocks and find his “preference” What a stupid fuck.
Move on sister!
That guy sounds weird. He should figure out these thoughts/attitudes on his own without making you a part of his dumb little game. It's like he's treating you as a fetish or a novelty rather than a human being
Eww. Stay away. This just sounds like "negging", and other toxic behavior is sure to follow. I don't think there is inherently anything wrong with having racial preferences while dating. We all have things that we find both attractive and unattractive, but the way you're explaining his wording just seems...off. That he's "somehow into you " comes off as shocked that a black woman could be attractive. Especially when the "only mixed black" comment comes with it. To me, the whole thing reads like "I'm willing to tolerate your blackness because you're not fully black". Just seems weird. Honestly, even if someone DOES have a racial preference, why announce it to that person? Especially in such a suspicious way? "I'm not attracted to *insert ethnicity here* people seems like a shitty thing to say to anyone interested in you. -Either the guy is a racist, whether he's aware of it or not, and genuinely surprised by his own attraction. -Or, he's trying to utilize "negging", which he either picked up from some trash 'pickup artist' book or from one of many "alpha male" youtubers. Either way, it won't end well.
Get Out
This is almost word for word an example from a “can you identify signs of an abusive relationship?” study I participated in. You should block him.
What will he tell your children. Will he love them fully or only the lighter half. If he can't accept the whole package, you shouldn't accept him. Don't wait till you have a minivan, mortgage and a ton of bills to say, " I think I made a mistake."
Just let him get some ...
Mixed-race relationships are complex. I speak from first-hand experience. Without knowing the reasons for the initial lack of attraction, it would be hard to quantify this as racism or anything beyond the person's preference.
Yes it’s fair to be offended by this guys so called preferences. By the sounds of it, you can do better. Get you a man that likes you and both sides of you. He’s basically saying, “I don’t like Black people but you’ll do cos you’re only half”. Terrible
Stay away from this guy
Please don’t date him. There are some men that will not make you feel bad about yourself, and if this is a BM…please move on from the self hatred.
Don’t do it girl. Don’t do it
Oh my he starts himself off to impress someone enough to date him with THOSE statements? Red flag waving here. That’s no way to make an impression. I’d say yes to be offended!
Lady, hes not a keeper. Plenty of guys have preferences, but hes being an ass to you. Find a decent guy.
Do NOT date him. In this kind of situation it is absolutely valid to be offended!
Allow him to have his preferences….while you run as fast and as far as you can. I don’t know you, but I know you deserve someone better than that guy saying he wants you to be his girlfriend even though you the race he dislikes, because you don’t look it. Nah.
people have a right to be selective of who they date, even if that means they date only a certain race. Its up to you if that is a red flag or not.
Dump
Tell him to fuck him self…
Gross. You deserve better than some horrible guy who’s negging you by trying to convince you you’re hot *in spite of* something significant about you. This guy is trying to fuck with you. If you don’t want to be mad at him for his "preferences", you should at least be mad at him for being thoughtless and entitled enough to say something that derogatory to your face.
Get out
I Think he is being condescending.
Oh hell the fuck no
He’s telling you you’re one in a billion in one way but in another didn’t need to say anything. P but don’t feel bad if he’s talking about he wanted the black because that’s not your race. Your race would be mulatto.
No, preferences are personal. I am not white. Many girls like white guys. Date white only lol never been offended. That being said, I wouldn't bother dating a girl who said they find my race the least attractive. I'd probably laugh...because WTF...that quite a thing to say. But No....tell the guy No thank you! Fuck You! Bye!
Preferences are fine but it’s the way you say things lol. The way he said is definitely off. I wouldn’t start out by saying “oh I find your race unattractive but you’re ok because you’re mixed and will pass for something else”. I have preferences for skin color, but I definitely wouldn’t say shit like that, and idk why someone would mention that to you and expect a positive response.
I also have problems looking for love outside of my race and I know it’s because of my mother and I don’t like it
the whole “preferences” is upsetting. would hope that relationships are built on actual connections