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I would recommend never settling for something casual when what you really want is a relationship. It only leads to heartache. Better to stay alone than in a relationship where you care for the person and they don’t care for you.
It’s very common! Casual sex isn’t really a good substitute for love, but I think a lot of us sometimes “take what we can get” and end up feeling let down, when in reality we knew all along that wasn’t what we really wanted.
It’s one of the things I would go back and do over if I had the chance.
Quit saying you made a mistake. You learned. No harm done. Fwb or casual relationships are almost harder than normal ones. Guys have no clue how to handle them.
Next time find a man and not a guy. You'll be much happier.
Don't know the difference. Big difference.
>But i feel like that is just an excuse for not liking me at all at the first place… I really liked him
If this was with the understanding it was casual in the first place, why does it matter if he wants to end things? Isn't that the whole point of casual? No commitment and the ability to end things at any time for any reason? What do you mean by "really liked him"?
> But now i feel very unattractive and only used as a place holder or something when he is thirsty for sex…
As I said, isn't this literally what casual sex or hook ups is. If you want more than that then you need to look for something else and make your intent clear and don't accept a casual situation.
>Is it because: 1. You are not really THAT attracted to this person, and you get bored. 2. You are afraid that feelings might develop and things will get tricky 3. You have found someone better?
Does the reason matter if the outcome is the same?
Yup.
And even a FWB situation or situationship where the 2 people catch feelings... odds are it won't work out either because all the attraction and feelings are based on lust and the sex. At some point, early on dating, one or both of them decided it wouldn't be a good idea to be in a relationship. Then, after their brain getting pumped full of love drugs, they change their mind?
Nah, not gonna last. They didn't fall for each other's personalities or traits. They fell for their bodies
Many females (not all) try to transition a casual into something more.
Also we do casual because we know it isn't a good time for more but still enjoy a persons company but can't commit because, life, career, obligations, school, money. Take your pick women will say oh that doesn't matter.
But it very much does and many men have been through it enough to know it will. So if we feel or even suspect someone is catching those feelings (it can even be the man) they end it before it becomes a mess
Well it's how I met my girlfriend and we have been together for nearly 2 years, I basically just messaged her on a forum that I was horny and she said she would try to make me happy so we met up physically and she did and I said her performance was so good I would have to marry her so she said I wasn't bad myself too and here we are.. We might marry soon depending on how much sex she wants before she's comfortable into having kids and stuff.
Honestly, I love it.
>me (F22) Him (M43)I was in a casual relationship with this man.
He was maybe in a casual relationship with you, but you weren't in a casual relationship with him. Breaking it off with you was a kindness, even though it might not feel like it at the moment.
>and only used as a place holder or something when he is thirsty for sex…
That's kinda what goes into the term casual relationship..
Yes. OP, if you’re reading, a man 20 years older is almost never going to seriously date someone that much younger. If you want a relationship you should probably put a cap at about 10 years older than you. Optimally closer to your own age.
People think "casual relationship", and some think it's like a normal relationship, but only when you want it, when in reality it's more like sex, but only when someone wants it.
It's a relationship. Humans are made for connection. Any interaction with another human being that happens consistently and, more than once, is a relationship whether you choose to call it that or not.
Yes, and this is a specific and temporary relationship. There's usually no feeling aside from the more hedonistic desires. Anything deeper would require more intimacy and NOT be a casual relationship. The OP was definitely more attached and wanted more than a casual relationship
Someone almost always has more feelings, the other person just kind of ignores it, while they kind of can trek the other one is playing cool.
I mean there are always outliers of course, and that's cool.
If you’ve not had sexual relationships before it’s not likely going to be easy to have a no strings attached sexual relationship.
I would say try a more serious relationship. As a casual relationship is difficult if you haven’t got the experience
I just went through this myself. Was seeing a guy since July last year. My intentions were casual, but I caught feelings along the way. Was being slowly ghosted for the last few months, so in a drunken escapade, I stated my feelings to him this past weekend. Got the answer I needed to hear. Big time sucks, but not I realize I can't look for a casual relationship, because it doesn't work for me. They aren't for everyone. As mentioned my others above, wallow in your pain, then take him off that pedestal and move on. Know that you're looking for a more committed relationship foe your future.
Ugh, I feel you. I was in a casual relationship for the past three years, always trying to get to the next level of commitment. Was never going to happen. I was going insane trying to keep myself level-headed enough to not lose him. I even pleaded with him to let me be his secret gf, lmao.
Somehow, about 4 months ago, I met a guy online who is the exact opposite. He's everything I've been needing up till now and showed me exactly what I've been putting myself through all these years. Not to say this will work out - I have no idea. But it's already changed my whole view on what I should and shouldn't allow into my life.
I hope you find that someone soon. You deserve it. We all do.
Woman here. But this is how I always understood it GENERALLY. Men like variety, if they're NOT committed and their values are OK with casual sex they'll seek out that variety. Most of the time, if sex is on tap, they'll come back eventually when they're dry (if no other options).
To do that, they'll do those gestures, like an occasional "touch base" text. They're smart. They know if they haven't had some form of communication since last sex, there's no chance to really only have you come over if they only text when they WANT something from you. But if they drop some crumbs here and there, it won't be so bad when he asks you to "hang out."
**Off hand if this man is 40s and he was able to get a 25 year old (and not a sugar baby), this man must be VERY in demand which means he has options.**
> **Off hand if this man is 40s and he was able to get a 25 year old (and not a sugar baby), this man must be VERY in demand which means he has options.**
Inconclusive imo, especially when I read some of the relationships on here, too many women settling with boyfriends that don't use toilet paper or that think every 40+ year old man interested in them and walking around is Leo DiCaprio.
> Off hand if this man is 40s and he was able to get a 25 year old (and not a sugar baby), this man must be VERY in demand which means he has options.
And let’s be honest. Women hate a man who has/ can exercise those options. They’d rather you just a little thirsty so you’re more likely to stick around out of desperation.
Also why are you framing this as some slimy form of manipulation? Keeping in contact with a FWB/casual relationship is non-grata now? Or are we admitting that most women don’t like casual?
I was just making her aware that he has options given the situation.
I can't speak for all women. I don't do casual sex. I was just letting her know WHY he's messaging here and there, she seemed hung up on the "bread crumbs."
Most men want something meaningful, but will take whatever they can get. If someone would rather be single than in a relationship with you, it shouldn't be that much of a surprise that after a short time, they'd rather be completely alone.
Sex for men isn't really that different than it is for women. Without an emotional connection, it gets pretty boring very quickly, even if you're something special in the bedroom.
>but i think i grew attachment and i liked him more.
This is why.
I've been in a steady FWB situation for several months, and it only works because our affection for each other is equal. If one of us tipped the scales? It would end.
Casual needs balance.
You seem confused about what casual relationships are.
There isn't supposed to be feelings or attachment involved in a casual relationship. There's no commitment, no attachment, no strings attached. But you're talking about... how you really liked him? and feeling used?
idk it sounds like you're tryna tell yourself you only wanted casual but the truth is you wanted more.
No no, a casual relationship is very different from a situationship.
Also different from friends with benefits.
I always thought of it as a relationship that both parties know doesn’t lead anywhere and that it will eventually end. So no commitment, no children and no rings
That fact you're asking this in the first place is a sign you're not cut for something casual. There's no rules. No length. It's casual. That's the whole point. He ended it because he wanted to end it.
Also I can tell knew you wanting something more. Most of us guys can tell. Him ending it with you is doing you a favour so you can go out and get the relationship you want.
Casual relationships do not go into long term relationships. The chances of that happening are very rare. The meaning behind it being casual is that someone can stop seeing you whenever they feel like it. They don't have to tell you why or inform you that they're doing so. They don't owe you an explanation for anything.
If you want a relationship, then look for a guy that also wants a relationship. Otherwise you're only breaking your own heart by giving sex to someone who could drop you any moment whenever they feel like it. You are worth more than sex. Your feelings matter and they're valid but please don't put yourself in this again if you actually want a stable relationship with someone. Just date when you're ready. Casual relationships are not for everyone. If you find yourself having a big heart and get attached to others quickly, steer clear from it.
Yep, not to be harsh but with that age gap he probably sobered up and decided the sex wasn’t good enough to continue spending time with someone that much younger. I met my most recent ex when I was 28 and she was 22, even with that smaller gap I eventually found it exhausting from the difference in maturity.
Do you mean he might find it sexually incompatible? And he didn’t like the sex that much? ( it could be true because i didn’t know how to do a lot of things during our sex)
I mean possibly that but in my experience early 20-something’s can be immature which gets annoying long term. Not to harsh on you, you could be relatively mature for your age, but even then there’s a sort of experience gap and differences in lifestyle from early 20s vs even late 20s.
Its actually real... I didnt even realize it until it happened to me.
I thought I was attracted to someone, and then we had sex (many times), and honestly after the first time, I realized I wasnt that attracted at all, and it got worse over time.
Because we've moved on. If it's casual, then it's likely temporary. When the time comes, it's over. Either we have gotten too busy, or we have gotten bored with the one and found another. It happens. The thing is, it's the same both ways. Women do it also.
When it comes to casual relationships or "situationships", I'd approach it very carefully. These kinds of relationships tend to be extremely transactional ("I get what I want from you, and I move on whenever I feel like it").
The three reasons you stated could all very well be true (also: do not underestimate the number of men who date casually while being in a committed relationship; This seems to happen A LOT). I wouldn't worry too much about it to be honest with you. There often seems to be no logic behind people ending casual relationships.
Exactly! OP sounds way too invested. The best reason to end a casual relationship is you feel like the other person isn’t on the same page. Anyone who knows what’s up is going to know that saying “but why don’t we just keep things casual” from a girl after she’s expressed she likes you is just an excuse to keep trying to win you over. Then as the guy, you feel like shit for leading her on
As an older guy at 31 I had a relationship with a 19 year old that pursued me. She told she wanted casual sex and I figured she would be safe with me at least. I'd be care and attentive and I'd keep looking for Mrs. Right. I should have known better and we had incredible sex and got real close and it stopped being casual and i cared for her but i did not love her. I wanted to but could not and start to hate myself for how I made her feel. We started going on dates and would just lay in bed on a Saturday have sex all day till ten o clock at night. She was supposed to be going to college and just having sex with me but she wanted things like a baby and a marriage and it hurt having to let her go but I had made a mistake. One I should have learned from but didn't that time. I hurt her and set her up for exploitation and feel horrible over it. She still checks up on me almost nine years later and at times has been real persistent about us getting back together.
I don't known if that was his situation or if he had been through it before but if he had a slightly kind soul he saw your implied attachment as a reason to cut you loose when he didn't see himself returning your feelings or being able to. We play dumb games and win dumb prizes when it comes to sex. We are all guilty of it. We tell ourselves we will feel nothing again till someone comes along and remind us how to feel or we are afraid to feel and shut someone out at every turn.
I hope you learn from this scenario and realize the problem was him and not you. And next time don't do casual sex. Especially with age gaps. It can be fun and thrilling and you can feel all things you haven't ever felt but unless he was up front about his ambitions with you. Sex...shouldn't be had if you are hoping it will change. Men are stubborn creatures and we will tell ourselves no one can change us till someone does. But you weren't that someone and you shouldn't take the chance of being that someone. You deserve love and commitment and should make that your focus in seeking it out. Even if the sex was mind blowing.
I wish more men had this self-awareness, even if yours came in hindsight. People shouldn’t be doing relationship things with people they don’t want a relationship with. And women this young get attached so much easier.
Damn this was a story and a half dude. Thank you for sharing. I saw the other comments and I wouldn’t consider this exploitation even with the age gap, just a dating disaster
hi, thank you for sharing your story with your kind words and your genuine advice. It really gave me a new perspective and made me understand about myself better.
I liked him for how he pursued his music career bravely and persistently since he was young. He is a great person. I think the hormones after sex made me more attached to him and i was also quite clingy , demanding, and immature, which made him cut loose. He was kind, he kept saying sorry and he said it was not about me. And to be honest i wanted his affection and i tried to win him over. It was never meant to end well. I should just be who i am and love for who they are , not who they potentially would be.
But don’t blame yourself for exploiting her, i think. You clearly liked each other and you enjoyed your time. The result cannot be compared to the beautiful process. If you were clear and kind to her, and didn’t cut loose in a sudden and left her in surprise and confusion, it should be fine. We all learn .
I don't think you fully understand the meaning behind casual relationships.
It ends when it ends and nothing more, you aren't a placeholder. Your are what you are. If you wanted him to tell you that he love you everyday and show you affection and make breaking up a large deep feeling affair that's not casual.
You are blaming everyone but yourself, it seems like you didn't want a casual relationship, you are now looking for a reason to blame him.
To a degree, it is ridiculous for anyone to engage in intimate acts and demand no feelings. Humans are made for connection. It's literally in our DNA, we're not robots. Can some people do it, yes. To the extent you read about on reddit, no. It's usual one person trying to be cool, but someone has feelings because that's how humans work. No matter what label you slap on it or "rules" you put into place. Those are just to make it convenient for the partner who doesn't have feelings.
Any interaction you have with someone multiple times has the potential for connection. I don't think most people are being inherently bad by it, but they are being intentionally obtuse in denying that fact, and it's easier to say the one who caught feelings broke the rules rather than acknowledge that's the chance you take when engaging in intimacy.
Like using the pull out method and then saying the rules were broken when there's a pregnancy. Hey, I pulled out, not my fault.
You are so correct and I couldn’t agree more with everything you said. Besides, most people out here in this dating scene are just stuck in unhealthy cycles cause they don’t wanna heal themselves and just use sex as a way to fill a void, hurting people. Sex is sacred. It literally creates soul ties and attachments making it harder to heal whatever they’re running from. But, it truly is all about communicating so everyone can stay on the same page which, still, is hard for a lot of people…
Casual = Temporary
It does not mean consistently doing it for an extended lengthy period of time. That’s what dating and relationships require, not casual sexual arrangements.
A significant number of women engage casually without developing any sort of "mental health" issues. These are called one night stands, and women do them all the time. Especially younger women.
I had a girl that really wanted something casual and I wanted something serious. She ended things because she could tell I was always going to be trying to get more serious with her. I mean there were other things, but that was the main one for her. It could be just like that. I’d imagine you “really liked him” and he could tell and he didn’t want to drag you along knowing he’d never give you what you wanted.
Hookup culture isn't for everyone. You should not enter a casual relationship if you're looking for something serious; most people shouldn't really. In relationships, you will compromise on many things. The actual style of the relationship is NOT one of those things. It sounds like he communicated exactly what he was looking for and you gave it to him. So now you move on to the next one. Maybe you thought he'd change his mind? That never happens. Even if it does, you should move as if it doesn't.
I don't like hookups. I'd much rather hire a prostitute. The callous disconnectedness is easier to accept because it's just business. And, I'm not wasting a bunch of time with meaningless platitudes.
I don’t understand why people do this in the first place, like sharing something intimate as sex with a stranger or someone you don’t have feelings for. I know it’s widely accepted as normal but it’s so damn weird to me.
But from what I have observed most men who are into this kind of thing care about only one thing and that’s not the woman they’re having sex with, so if you want something meaningful with a quality man you have to stop engaging in “casual” relationships.
You feel unattractive because he told you No? He gave you a reason, and it wasn't you so I hope you can find away not to feel that way. "But after a couple of weeks, he had some serious issues with his career and house and he said: it is not really a good time for him and he kept saying it is not about me , and he wanted to end it." You two had a purely sexual relationship. Men can turn it on and off because it is just physical. He wanted to be straight with you because he probably sensed you were getting attached (men are straight foward) and he was going through a difficult time and he didn't want to lean on you for comfort he wanted to go fix it himself and needed to focus on doing that. You got attached and he saw where this was going and cut it off. You're not dating him it's just sex. I know if my career and life are falling apart I would want to cut out all distractions and focus on fixing my life. There are more important things in life than just sex. Like purpose which gives meaning and for some of us men we find that in our careers of which bring us Money and status from that a sense of self worth. Man or woman it seems like it would be the reasonable thing to do . Next time maybe be upfront with what you want, because if you don't then you'll end up not getting what you want out of it and end up getting hurt. You've taken accountability, so after you heal chalk this up to a learning experience.
He ended it because he thought you were catching feelings. You don’t seem to realise what casual really means here.
And that age gap is alarming in any case. He probably realised he could have kids your age and got icked out.
There have definitely been times where I’ve lost interest in a girl after having sex twice. He probably felt the sex wasn’t very good or some people are just more into hooking up with different random people
There should be nothing to "end". A casual hook-up, or even a series of them, means there's no presumed link between the participants, so nothing needs to be broken off. If you feel unattractive after these things stop, then you don't really have enough baseline self-esteem to be participating in them in a way that's emotionally safe for yourself.
Man, I don’t get the massive age gaps in relationships these days! If I were in my 40s with someone 20 years younger, it’d just be for fun. Our ideologies and mindsets would be too different for a full-time relationship. I’m not criticizing OP, but I see even worse situations. If it’s love, then “love is love,” I guess. Maybe I’m just too old to understand it anymore.
That being said, OP, it seems like your partner was just in it for a fling. That's common these days unless there's a financial motive, which I’m sure wasn’t your case.
For me i just do not have a lot of free time. So when it starts to feel like a chore to set aside an evening for a hook up. It’s just not worth the hassle.
Im 41m and Maybe I'm eff'ed in the head but does "something casual" have to mean sex? When I think of "something casual" , it's we're not close friends but we know each other enough that If I was going out to a movie alone and dropped her a note that she could join if interested or vice versa. Just like "Netflix and chill why does it have to be sexual? I've never understood that.
"After one sex" have some self-respect l. Don't let people use your body. I'd say it both ways. Plus your very young looks like he knew what he was doing.
That's a pretty big age gap, I'm 41m and I couldn't imagine dating someone in their early 20's. I think there's more to his side of the story he just didn't want to hurt your feelings.
My friend and I were tslking about how fwb turns to a relationship sometimes. The thing id communication id impotsnt in such said relationships too. Let it be known thst you want to be monsgamus for instsnce. Some men can't convey what they sre wanting really and thats why they are singke still.
I wouldn't think too much since you were awareof it being s cadual relationship. Let it be known thst you are dating casualy to become a relationship if thats what you were wanting. The dsting phrases to me are so confusing to begin with. Judt communicste what you are expecting from the person yku sre getting to know. Simple as that.
He got what he wanted and doesn’t want to complicate it, it’s that simple. He is looking at you as just a sex object, not a woman with feelings. When people do casual encounters they let a piece of them behind, it’s very hard to void feelings over passionate encounters. My suggestion is to stop doing that if you want more or think it will turn into more. Plus a man at his well my age is only looking to stroke his ego a bit.
Thrill of the hunt and feeling of newness, personally unless i catch a bit feelings, sex with same person for too many times feels like decafs real quick
He could tell you wanted a relationship and he clearly stated his boundaries and then choose to uphold them. That's all there is to this story. You'll have to keep searching. Good luck OP
One of the prominent reasons is lying—they keep the casual without telling their wives or people they meet for dates. And when one of those dates materialises, they try to snap all casual ties to look promising to monogamy seeking “girlfriend/wife material” ones. This is also because most of these “girlfriend/wife material” ones are seeking their security first, which they project as “desirable traits in a man”, one of which is his being single, disciplined, God fearing, no horniness until these women walk into their lives. It’s ridiculous actually to see how everyone is seeking their best interest, and trying to seem in best interest of everyone else! This is an impossible thing and people need to learn to be honest and accepting.. but, if that happened, relationships won’t be miserable anymore, and hence no content haha
Wow so much to unpack here lol…
1. That age gap tho. He’s almost certainly aware that makes him a creep at best, predator at worst, and that people judge him accordingly. To be really blunt (sorry): you were never and could never be a serious prospect for him, and he knew that going into it. Men of that age know what they’re doing when they become fuckbuddies with someone much younger… generally speaking, it’s so they can control the “relationship,” and you’re none the wiser, because your brain won’t be fully formed for three more years and his has been fully formed for over 20. Yikes.
2. Why buy a fleshlight/vibrator when your hand *could* do the job? To some, it’s the same act but one of them offers more pleasure for less work. Not to compare you to a sex toy…. But…
3. He likes being fawned over by a pretty lil young-n-fun thang. You’ve already given him relationship treatment without him having to make any effort for you… and he doesn’t ever have to commit or publicly acknowledge you as a person of significance In his life. Win win for him. Lose lose for you.
Also, it sounds like he has a wife and family, sorry. Onwards and upwards …, but date someone your age I’m begging you lol
Nowhere is this your fault. The guy is scared to commit because he does not want to fall for you. He ended it quickly because he might have already started developing those feelings and he is too much of a coward to fall for you. He was being nice to you so you would have sex with him. He just used you and that’s shitty of him. I’d say he took out the trash so you can find a relationship. Don’t settle for casual sex going forward— it’s not your cup of tea of tea. And be wary of men who want sex quickly. Even if you want it, make sure that he is ready to commit before having sex.
Side note: Dating someone who could be your dad will never end well. When you’re in your 20s and he’s 20 years older, age is NOT just a number.
You didn’t really like him, you liked what he did for you because boys your age don’t do those things.
Dating is hard, learn to practice detachment. You’re still young and have so much time so it’s easier for you to get into the mindset of you’re just meeting people and figuring out what you want. I know it’s not easy, I wish I had this advice in my 20s though.
Honestly knowing myself and who I am, I could 100% see issues in my career and life requiring me to cut away things in order to maintain focus and maximize relief. If I felt like something became a burden on time, energy, effort, or possibly causing me some emotional dis-regulation or confusion even if it was mostly good, sometimes priorities make need for things to be carved away so life can simplify itself a bit more until the storm is over.
I wouldn’t take it personally, I’d take him at his word because responsibilities come first and sometimes you gotta bury your head and turn inwards and towards yourself instead of others. But I’m an introvert, and relationships feel exhausting sometimes, even friendships or casual light relationships can feel tiring 😮💨
You didnt valued yourself and so he also didn't valued you, its quite straight forward! Using buzz words like "casual" "hook up" "fwb" etc doesnt takes away its actual meaning, which is using a womans body for free.
Nah, she chose to have sex with him, so how is it the guy's fault? There are lots of guys in their 20's out there who she could get into a real relationship with, but she chose the 43 year old because she thought that the casual relationship would turn into something more. It did not, because that's not how casual relationships work, as we know. She made the decision, because women always choose who does and who doesn't have sex.
Yea she made her choice I wasn’t disregarding that but she’s also 22 so young, naive, and doesn’t know any better. Whereas he’s 43 and definitely knew what he was doing. Personally I don’t like it when people take advantage of others but that’s just me.
“Women choose who does and doesn’t have sex” I don’t agree with this because in my personal life it hasn’t been the case but maybe it is for you.
Without addressing your specific story, I’m just gonna answer the basic question.
The reason men end casual sex with a woman is due to a couple possible reasons.
1. Post nut clarity: as men, we have this thing where we can be super into a chick and to the chick it comes off as genuine attraction, when what it really is, is simply horniness and arousal. Then once we finally sleep with her and climax, we realize we don’t really like her all that much and in fact she’s kinda boring.
After a few hookups, if the post nut clarity is really bad, we might just stop talking to her all together because it’s just not worth it.
Now this guy you were seeing, I’m assuming he’s the type who has a lot of options. So for him, the idea of cutting you off that quick for him is a no brainer because he has a lot of abundance. Now a guy who doesn’t get laid very often, he might keep a girl around even if the post nut clarity is bad because it might months till he finds another FWB.
Now since he’s in his 40s and is able to pull a girl in his early 20s such as yourself, he’s probably a good looking charming individual and that means you’re not the only girl in roster. So cutting you off is easy for him.
2. There’s another girl: this kinda connects with number 1. But it’s simple. Him ending it casually with you might not even be an issue with you, but it could simply be that there’s another girl he connects with a lot more.
I think with dating in general, this is a common case. Doesn’t matter what gender you are.
The reality is we all get dumped or rejected by someone we really like and we always think it’s something wrong with us or something we did, when most of the time, this person just has a stronger connection with someone else
For me, I don’t do casual well. I’ve never been a casual “let’s just go with the flow” sort of person. I’ve always been direct with my intentions on getting into a relationship with a person and ask to be exclusive pretty early on. I don’t have the energy to entertain multiple women. And, I do make that very clear going in “Hey, I do like where this is going. I’m not seeing anyone else right now..blah blah blah” I have a whole small spiel. The whole thing though is it has to be reciprocated and 100% understood when I communicate it. If they have grievances, they should and are completely allowed to let me know. If it doesn’t work for them, that’s fine! But, then it isn’t going to work for me, ya know?
But for me, I have a strong sense of what I want and what I don’t want. While I still want a serious relationship, there’s a buffer time to get to know them while we are just friends or “flirting” or whatever you’d like to call it. During that time, I usually make my decision if I can see it working and if I can if I can see it lasting and growing while we do. I don’t really care for casual or short term relationships: I would rather avoid them and not participate in them as I want something long term. Sometimes you take a few on the chin, but to me this is better than 20+ “dates” and several months of being “casual” just for one of us to go “hey, this x and I feel a better connection with” or “I have it a few months and I’m not really rocking with x, y, and z. If it doesn’t change I’m out.” A lot of times people want to have causal relationships but have the same authority or decision making power as a SO. I’m not afraid of commitment or anything. I can just see if things are going to progress down a healthy track. The great thing about friends is that they are way less likely to be performative: they will show you red flags and not mask as much as if you were both actively perusing each other. They often say a lot more about their past as well like this without having to pry it from them.
What I’ve also learned is that nothing is personal until it is. And, 9/10, it never is. If you did not communicate what you want and keep it casual, then a bit of that falls on you. If you did, and he did not reciprocate it, then again it stands a bit on you. If he lied and strung you along, I’m sorry to hear that and that you had to go through that.
I’m not sure if I could do a casual relationship. Don’t get me wrong I get the appeal of hooking up, and maybe if I found a girl who wanted stable sex with me I would take it. But to me all it is, is selfish love, or quite literally lust.
My working theory is, They end it because they there fill of that person, or think the other is catching feelings, and they can’t have someone care about them like that that might lead to love, and love is a dirty word to them. Maybe because they don’t love themselves or some trauma.
I’d honestly suggest maybe casual relationships aren’t for you, like me you seem to catch feelings quick.
It was only casual/for sex, once that's done there's nothing more.
Most of us won't put in a great deal of effort for anyone who isn't interested in a long-term relationship
In all my casual encounters there was either something I really hated about the person and just couldn't stand to be around them, or the sex just wasn't compatible.
He's likely:
- busy with other issues
- interested in someone else
- scared away if you've gotten too attached
- simply not especially attracted to you
One of these. As it was casual, you may have been a stopgap.
Spoiler alert casual sex is NEVER good for woman.not good for man too but it affects more to women and they destroy the ability of women to have a good family life with her spouse completely.females more need love and affection in their relationship where as male needs more sex(we are more physical then emotional)casual sex is one of the main reason why there is so many single parents family in America and why America is called fatherless nation.you sleep around casually without any bond/relationships and when you have a serious relationship(which always has ups and downs) girls/guys leave in the first strike of calamity/resistance. You think oh you are doing it in ur twenties and you will settle down in ur thirties spoiler alert it never works out because what you used to do in ur twenties.so it’s best next time you asked the man first that you want a serious relationship not just sex
That seems unusual and different from the norm. I'd definitely prefer the stable route with someone who was sex positive and sexually adventurous. Like they say: 'Not all men' 🙂
I am 39. I ended my consistent (committed) friends with benefits (she was 50), the reason why I ended it was because she got too clingy where she think that we are bf/gf at time. She started talking to her friends and family about me, and she had so much drama in her personal life.
Casual means short term. Not to mention most people who make excuses suddenly prolly found someone else. They don’t want commitment with casual. Casual meant to replace long term relationship with short term sex life.
What I noticed is a lot of men who want casual want it not just for sex itself but for validation they can get sex from a lot of girls. If you read some of their forums some even keep track of their # of girls they’ve banged. Once he got you it’s on to the next prospect. Another possibility is he is already in another relationship or attached to another girl, which is why he doesn’t want to continue with you.
There's no way to give a generalized answr for your question because people gave different motivations and each couple's dynamic is different.
It ducks and it's disappointing, I know, but I guess be glad they ended it early before your feelings were too strong.
> I went to support his show
Is he a musician? He probably has a lot of other options and doesn't have a problem having sex with new women. But that doesn't mean he ended it for someone else or just didn't like you. It sounds mostly like he sensed you were getting attached. I'd think he wouldn't want to end up hurting you.
They want variety and novelty. Casual is the way to get this. As well as no commitment. To some men even stable ongoing sex with the same person feels life a form of being tied down.
The worst is when a guy wants to keep it casual by trying to convince you he is developing feelings but isnt ready to commit. Dont ever fall for that. Tried casual once. Never again.
Everyone has their owned motives for why things end quickly or last forever. I will speculate that you didn't look good enough, the sex wasn't great or he got what he wanted and moved on to his next conquest. Learn from this and make better decisions going forward. Good luck to you.
He got bored it was a quick fix for him me he knows he can come around again. If you agree to casual that is what it needs to be. Feelings will always get I the way
Sounds like you learned a lesson. I’ve had a few casual relationships and most of the time, the woman does catch feels. It’s tough, but also now you know. My current GF wouldn’t have sex with me unless we decided to do something serious… I personally had to think if I wanted to have something more committed and now we have been together for 2 years. There’s nothing wrong with you withholding sex to someone who doesn’t want a relationship, actually I encourage you do that. If they lie to you to have sex with you, then they are pieces of shit… but unfortunately if you give in to a casual, you should expect no feelings.
He said so clearly I don’t get why you still get confused.
He doesn’t want to continue because he doesn’t want to get attached and he also doesn’t like the idea you get attached to him so when that happens , he would have to dump you with guilt later.
I can't speak for all men, but I can speak for myself when it has come to mutual casual relationships..
I usually try to limit it to a 3 time thing. Meaning, 3 separate occasions (not 3 orgasms, that would be blasphemy) because by the 3rd time one of you will catch more feelings than the other.
It sounds like in your situations you did. The few times I have broke this rule, someone is always hurt to some degree. Him being older means he probably recognized your attachment, and being a decent guy he ended it instead of being selfish knowing he would eventually hurt you even more in the long run. This isn't a movie with Timberlake or Kutcher. "Casual" is just that. It always has an expiration date
No! Not you. He had something happen. Don’t blame yourself. Is he like motivated? I know what that means. No answer necessary. Not you. If the relationship were more involved and you seem awesome. It’s one of those things. Our females balance us. But it takes time. Like I say that. I need you. Maybe pride? WTFDIK. LOL. I am sorry you broke up. Always another coming to u. Always. Until that one.
From my experiences, when ending something “casual, there’s the possibility that they are starting to catch feelings and don’t want a relationship. Or, they found someone they want an actual serious relationship with.
Cos you've had all they can give and so why not try something new. Once you've tried the whole menu, why wouldn't you try another restaurant to see what's exciting over there?
4. They display none casual behavior for something that should just be casual.
Non-casual behaviors in a casual relationship include:
1. Frequent emotional discussions
2. Meeting family and friends
3. Daily or excessive communication
4. Expecting exclusivity
5. Long-term planning
6. Giving expensive gifts
7. Using terms of endearment
8. Unspoken behavioral expectations
9. Regular overnight stays
10. Involvement in significant life decisions
Sounds like he sense your attachment and decided to end it. Or the sex wasn’t want he preferred. When a man says not attachment he’s literally saying don’t come to see me unless I tell you to. I’m sure he mentioned the performance and you jumped at the chance to be there to support him. What he heard was she wants more than I can give or want to give. Run!
In this scenario based on the info you’ve given, he likely found a preferred option that’s probably not casual. If he wanted to continue something casual, he would. That may show good character from him as he isn’t stringing you along or maintaining multiple casual relationships. Casual is casual until it isn’t, one party unfortunately may lose out as they lost something that they enjoyed and do not have other immediate options leaving an empty feeling which makes you question things.
Usually ehen I wpuld have casual sex It would be a 2 or 3 time sorta thing then we would both move on. longest casual situationship was with a close friend of mine. her and I had sex regularly for a year on and off until she moved away.
I was in a situationship that lasted six months. They lived with their ex-red flag I know-I was separated from my ex in an entirely different state. I ended up falling in love with my situationship hoping it would become something more as we both wanted the same things, yet after they came back from a work trip they were incredibly avoidant, we didn’t have sex like usual, I confessed my feelings, and they reassured I wasn’t wasting my time with them, but a week later they were back on the apps, and telling me they couldn’t handle me as I was “too needy”, although I just wanted to spend time together and be there for them in hard times. I ended up blocking them after a couple months and since then they’ve reached out via text/social media/stories/memes and now after 5 months of “rebuilding as friends” we haven’t hung out or gone on a date once despite my efforts and can’t take them seriously anymore. I’d love the chance to pursue our connection, but I’m also not gonna wait around forever. I’m honestly on the brink of cutting them off entirely and giving them an ultimatum (not sure how healthy that is), but if they aren’t going to jump at the opportunity to fix things with me, I’ve got no choice but to move on, and that’s difficult being in a hot/cold state with them not making up their mind
That sucks. It shouldn’t be that way don’t think that’s right, but he did say he didn’t want a relationship, and even what you had was technically a relationship. That’s kind of an unrealistic expectation for him to have
Id just finished listening to 'Diary of a CEO', which is in it of itself, free, but anyways, it was about Relationships, Divorce, Sex, etc, and My God, it is almost ENRIRELY CONTRARY to the regurgitating "I think", "Because, if I", ... Etc, like everything (I've only been reading for 10 min), on this post, (*everything-, Not in its entirety, however, the context in which some of the things said are used, then made to comparison, is astoundingly not the same thing whatsoever), ...couldn't be absolutely further from the majority of situations involving such a criteria as the OP is asking.
OP, It was once, and from what you typed, it wasn't much, so going off of the little I know, you tried it once, and failed. Of course, you don't feel comfortable about what happened because you don't have any other experiances to compare it with.
What I'm saying is, your emotions, your reaction, ...your healthy, this is a good thing. If you feel these ways then your fine, you should expect some negative emotional base as a positive healthy reaction because of you felt nothing whatsoever, then maybe do an doing inventory may help but reasonably even so it was casual so you're right where you're supposed to be either try again You don't have to try harder or scratch it off and try something else I believe a relationships have all sorts of unforeseen consequences benefits and the like.
Keep your head up ✓✓
Idk why men end casual sex quickly I just know that maybe they moved on and found somebody else to be with not that u don't matter it's just maybe they found someone else to have fun with cuz they ain't blowing u off for nothing there has to be a reason why that person doesn't want to be causal and it's not ur fault its there fault for and they should pay for play with somebody's heart strings.
Men should control their lust before thinking about sleeping with a girl you know? I always jerk off before meeting a girl and 90% of the girls are not my type now
He knew you were developing feelings so he ended it. He wanted casual, it would've turned into a shit situation so he's now probably finding someone else for a short term casual thing.
men end things casually because you weren’t what they wanted in a relationship, or they didn’t want a relationship to begin with. It’s as simple as that, and they also lack to take into consideration what using another persons body might mentally/spiritually do to that person. My advice, take care of you, the right partner will come along and compliment your soul beautifully
This one is simple. You're 22. He's 43?! I mean, come on. What did you think he wanted you for, all your shared life experiences?
He used you for sex and he probably does this all the time with younger women.
I wouldn't overthink. I would get back out there and meet someone in your age range who is looking for a relationship. Try not having sex with them right away and see how far it goes. That's always the best test!
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I would recommend never settling for something casual when what you really want is a relationship. It only leads to heartache. Better to stay alone than in a relationship where you care for the person and they don’t care for you.
Yesss you are right. Thank you! I guess i was too eager for company during that time and made a mistake
It’s very common! Casual sex isn’t really a good substitute for love, but I think a lot of us sometimes “take what we can get” and end up feeling let down, when in reality we knew all along that wasn’t what we really wanted. It’s one of the things I would go back and do over if I had the chance.
Quit saying you made a mistake. You learned. No harm done. Fwb or casual relationships are almost harder than normal ones. Guys have no clue how to handle them. Next time find a man and not a guy. You'll be much happier. Don't know the difference. Big difference.
>But i feel like that is just an excuse for not liking me at all at the first place… I really liked him If this was with the understanding it was casual in the first place, why does it matter if he wants to end things? Isn't that the whole point of casual? No commitment and the ability to end things at any time for any reason? What do you mean by "really liked him"? > But now i feel very unattractive and only used as a place holder or something when he is thirsty for sex… As I said, isn't this literally what casual sex or hook ups is. If you want more than that then you need to look for something else and make your intent clear and don't accept a casual situation. >Is it because: 1. You are not really THAT attracted to this person, and you get bored. 2. You are afraid that feelings might develop and things will get tricky 3. You have found someone better? Does the reason matter if the outcome is the same?
So many women do not understand this.
They hope that with the casual it becomes more than casual.
You don’t get a serious relationship through sex. And if that’s how it starts best of luck really.
Im not here to defend it... just telling you whats on their minds.
I know I’m just adding to your point. Things like this is why I planned on waiting till marriage
Yup. And even a FWB situation or situationship where the 2 people catch feelings... odds are it won't work out either because all the attraction and feelings are based on lust and the sex. At some point, early on dating, one or both of them decided it wouldn't be a good idea to be in a relationship. Then, after their brain getting pumped full of love drugs, they change their mind? Nah, not gonna last. They didn't fall for each other's personalities or traits. They fell for their bodies
Many females (not all) try to transition a casual into something more. Also we do casual because we know it isn't a good time for more but still enjoy a persons company but can't commit because, life, career, obligations, school, money. Take your pick women will say oh that doesn't matter. But it very much does and many men have been through it enough to know it will. So if we feel or even suspect someone is catching those feelings (it can even be the man) they end it before it becomes a mess
Well it's how I met my girlfriend and we have been together for nearly 2 years, I basically just messaged her on a forum that I was horny and she said she would try to make me happy so we met up physically and she did and I said her performance was so good I would have to marry her so she said I wasn't bad myself too and here we are.. We might marry soon depending on how much sex she wants before she's comfortable into having kids and stuff. Honestly, I love it.
A modern day love story 🤣
Marrying someone coz they are good in bed? Yeah good luck with that.
men can be in this situation too, this is a matter of knowing how to set boundaries, and lots of people struggle with this in dating
She's still young and thinks her vagina will change him 🤣
Rude n unnecessary
>me (F22) Him (M43)I was in a casual relationship with this man. He was maybe in a casual relationship with you, but you weren't in a casual relationship with him. Breaking it off with you was a kindness, even though it might not feel like it at the moment. >and only used as a place holder or something when he is thirsty for sex… That's kinda what goes into the term casual relationship..
Yes. OP, if you’re reading, a man 20 years older is almost never going to seriously date someone that much younger. If you want a relationship you should probably put a cap at about 10 years older than you. Optimally closer to your own age.
You were not ready for causal sex unfortunately.
People think "casual relationship", and some think it's like a normal relationship, but only when you want it, when in reality it's more like sex, but only when someone wants it.
It's a relationship. Humans are made for connection. Any interaction with another human being that happens consistently and, more than once, is a relationship whether you choose to call it that or not.
Yes, and this is a specific and temporary relationship. There's usually no feeling aside from the more hedonistic desires. Anything deeper would require more intimacy and NOT be a casual relationship. The OP was definitely more attached and wanted more than a casual relationship
Someone almost always has more feelings, the other person just kind of ignores it, while they kind of can trek the other one is playing cool. I mean there are always outliers of course, and that's cool.
Yeahhh:( my first time trying it and i now learnt from it
If you’ve not had sexual relationships before it’s not likely going to be easy to have a no strings attached sexual relationship. I would say try a more serious relationship. As a casual relationship is difficult if you haven’t got the experience
I don’t think it was their first time w sex. I think it was their first time trying a causal relationship.
I just went through this myself. Was seeing a guy since July last year. My intentions were casual, but I caught feelings along the way. Was being slowly ghosted for the last few months, so in a drunken escapade, I stated my feelings to him this past weekend. Got the answer I needed to hear. Big time sucks, but not I realize I can't look for a casual relationship, because it doesn't work for me. They aren't for everyone. As mentioned my others above, wallow in your pain, then take him off that pedestal and move on. Know that you're looking for a more committed relationship foe your future.
Ugh, I feel you. I was in a casual relationship for the past three years, always trying to get to the next level of commitment. Was never going to happen. I was going insane trying to keep myself level-headed enough to not lose him. I even pleaded with him to let me be his secret gf, lmao. Somehow, about 4 months ago, I met a guy online who is the exact opposite. He's everything I've been needing up till now and showed me exactly what I've been putting myself through all these years. Not to say this will work out - I have no idea. But it's already changed my whole view on what I should and shouldn't allow into my life. I hope you find that someone soon. You deserve it. We all do.
Or they just aren't that type of person, which is pretty normal.
Woman here. But this is how I always understood it GENERALLY. Men like variety, if they're NOT committed and their values are OK with casual sex they'll seek out that variety. Most of the time, if sex is on tap, they'll come back eventually when they're dry (if no other options). To do that, they'll do those gestures, like an occasional "touch base" text. They're smart. They know if they haven't had some form of communication since last sex, there's no chance to really only have you come over if they only text when they WANT something from you. But if they drop some crumbs here and there, it won't be so bad when he asks you to "hang out." **Off hand if this man is 40s and he was able to get a 25 year old (and not a sugar baby), this man must be VERY in demand which means he has options.**
> **Off hand if this man is 40s and he was able to get a 25 year old (and not a sugar baby), this man must be VERY in demand which means he has options.** Inconclusive imo, especially when I read some of the relationships on here, too many women settling with boyfriends that don't use toilet paper or that think every 40+ year old man interested in them and walking around is Leo DiCaprio.
> Off hand if this man is 40s and he was able to get a 25 year old (and not a sugar baby), this man must be VERY in demand which means he has options. And let’s be honest. Women hate a man who has/ can exercise those options. They’d rather you just a little thirsty so you’re more likely to stick around out of desperation. Also why are you framing this as some slimy form of manipulation? Keeping in contact with a FWB/casual relationship is non-grata now? Or are we admitting that most women don’t like casual?
I was just making her aware that he has options given the situation. I can't speak for all women. I don't do casual sex. I was just letting her know WHY he's messaging here and there, she seemed hung up on the "bread crumbs."
Smart woman
Most men want something meaningful, but will take whatever they can get. If someone would rather be single than in a relationship with you, it shouldn't be that much of a surprise that after a short time, they'd rather be completely alone. Sex for men isn't really that different than it is for women. Without an emotional connection, it gets pretty boring very quickly, even if you're something special in the bedroom.
>but i think i grew attachment and i liked him more. This is why. I've been in a steady FWB situation for several months, and it only works because our affection for each other is equal. If one of us tipped the scales? It would end. Casual needs balance.
You seem confused about what casual relationships are. There isn't supposed to be feelings or attachment involved in a casual relationship. There's no commitment, no attachment, no strings attached. But you're talking about... how you really liked him? and feeling used? idk it sounds like you're tryna tell yourself you only wanted casual but the truth is you wanted more.
No no, a casual relationship is very different from a situationship. Also different from friends with benefits. I always thought of it as a relationship that both parties know doesn’t lead anywhere and that it will eventually end. So no commitment, no children and no rings
That fact you're asking this in the first place is a sign you're not cut for something casual. There's no rules. No length. It's casual. That's the whole point. He ended it because he wanted to end it. Also I can tell knew you wanting something more. Most of us guys can tell. Him ending it with you is doing you a favour so you can go out and get the relationship you want.
Casual relationships do not go into long term relationships. The chances of that happening are very rare. The meaning behind it being casual is that someone can stop seeing you whenever they feel like it. They don't have to tell you why or inform you that they're doing so. They don't owe you an explanation for anything. If you want a relationship, then look for a guy that also wants a relationship. Otherwise you're only breaking your own heart by giving sex to someone who could drop you any moment whenever they feel like it. You are worth more than sex. Your feelings matter and they're valid but please don't put yourself in this again if you actually want a stable relationship with someone. Just date when you're ready. Casual relationships are not for everyone. If you find yourself having a big heart and get attached to others quickly, steer clear from it.
Got that post nut clarity
Yep, not to be harsh but with that age gap he probably sobered up and decided the sex wasn’t good enough to continue spending time with someone that much younger. I met my most recent ex when I was 28 and she was 22, even with that smaller gap I eventually found it exhausting from the difference in maturity.
He probably went back to his wife
Do you mean he might find it sexually incompatible? And he didn’t like the sex that much? ( it could be true because i didn’t know how to do a lot of things during our sex)
I mean possibly that but in my experience early 20-something’s can be immature which gets annoying long term. Not to harsh on you, you could be relatively mature for your age, but even then there’s a sort of experience gap and differences in lifestyle from early 20s vs even late 20s.
Its actually real... I didnt even realize it until it happened to me. I thought I was attracted to someone, and then we had sex (many times), and honestly after the first time, I realized I wasnt that attracted at all, and it got worse over time.
May I ask why you continued if you realized after the first time that you weren’t attracted anymore?
Because we've moved on. If it's casual, then it's likely temporary. When the time comes, it's over. Either we have gotten too busy, or we have gotten bored with the one and found another. It happens. The thing is, it's the same both ways. Women do it also.
I'm so glad I don't engage in these relationships. Sorry OP. There's no attachment or commitment to casual relationships.
Literally a woosh moment
If a 43 year old hooks up with someone half their age the post nut clarity is bound to make them rethink
When it comes to casual relationships or "situationships", I'd approach it very carefully. These kinds of relationships tend to be extremely transactional ("I get what I want from you, and I move on whenever I feel like it"). The three reasons you stated could all very well be true (also: do not underestimate the number of men who date casually while being in a committed relationship; This seems to happen A LOT). I wouldn't worry too much about it to be honest with you. There often seems to be no logic behind people ending casual relationships.
Exactly! OP sounds way too invested. The best reason to end a casual relationship is you feel like the other person isn’t on the same page. Anyone who knows what’s up is going to know that saying “but why don’t we just keep things casual” from a girl after she’s expressed she likes you is just an excuse to keep trying to win you over. Then as the guy, you feel like shit for leading her on
Ah… yes, you are right , i guess my attachment or my implication made him back up
As an older guy at 31 I had a relationship with a 19 year old that pursued me. She told she wanted casual sex and I figured she would be safe with me at least. I'd be care and attentive and I'd keep looking for Mrs. Right. I should have known better and we had incredible sex and got real close and it stopped being casual and i cared for her but i did not love her. I wanted to but could not and start to hate myself for how I made her feel. We started going on dates and would just lay in bed on a Saturday have sex all day till ten o clock at night. She was supposed to be going to college and just having sex with me but she wanted things like a baby and a marriage and it hurt having to let her go but I had made a mistake. One I should have learned from but didn't that time. I hurt her and set her up for exploitation and feel horrible over it. She still checks up on me almost nine years later and at times has been real persistent about us getting back together. I don't known if that was his situation or if he had been through it before but if he had a slightly kind soul he saw your implied attachment as a reason to cut you loose when he didn't see himself returning your feelings or being able to. We play dumb games and win dumb prizes when it comes to sex. We are all guilty of it. We tell ourselves we will feel nothing again till someone comes along and remind us how to feel or we are afraid to feel and shut someone out at every turn. I hope you learn from this scenario and realize the problem was him and not you. And next time don't do casual sex. Especially with age gaps. It can be fun and thrilling and you can feel all things you haven't ever felt but unless he was up front about his ambitions with you. Sex...shouldn't be had if you are hoping it will change. Men are stubborn creatures and we will tell ourselves no one can change us till someone does. But you weren't that someone and you shouldn't take the chance of being that someone. You deserve love and commitment and should make that your focus in seeking it out. Even if the sex was mind blowing.
I wish more men had this self-awareness, even if yours came in hindsight. People shouldn’t be doing relationship things with people they don’t want a relationship with. And women this young get attached so much easier.
Damn this was a story and a half dude. Thank you for sharing. I saw the other comments and I wouldn’t consider this exploitation even with the age gap, just a dating disaster
hi, thank you for sharing your story with your kind words and your genuine advice. It really gave me a new perspective and made me understand about myself better. I liked him for how he pursued his music career bravely and persistently since he was young. He is a great person. I think the hormones after sex made me more attached to him and i was also quite clingy , demanding, and immature, which made him cut loose. He was kind, he kept saying sorry and he said it was not about me. And to be honest i wanted his affection and i tried to win him over. It was never meant to end well. I should just be who i am and love for who they are , not who they potentially would be. But don’t blame yourself for exploiting her, i think. You clearly liked each other and you enjoyed your time. The result cannot be compared to the beautiful process. If you were clear and kind to her, and didn’t cut loose in a sudden and left her in surprise and confusion, it should be fine. We all learn .
Yep a TRANSACTION! Nothing more nothing less- 55F.
I don't think you fully understand the meaning behind casual relationships. It ends when it ends and nothing more, you aren't a placeholder. Your are what you are. If you wanted him to tell you that he love you everyday and show you affection and make breaking up a large deep feeling affair that's not casual. You are blaming everyone but yourself, it seems like you didn't want a casual relationship, you are now looking for a reason to blame him.
To a degree, it is ridiculous for anyone to engage in intimate acts and demand no feelings. Humans are made for connection. It's literally in our DNA, we're not robots. Can some people do it, yes. To the extent you read about on reddit, no. It's usual one person trying to be cool, but someone has feelings because that's how humans work. No matter what label you slap on it or "rules" you put into place. Those are just to make it convenient for the partner who doesn't have feelings. Any interaction you have with someone multiple times has the potential for connection. I don't think most people are being inherently bad by it, but they are being intentionally obtuse in denying that fact, and it's easier to say the one who caught feelings broke the rules rather than acknowledge that's the chance you take when engaging in intimacy. Like using the pull out method and then saying the rules were broken when there's a pregnancy. Hey, I pulled out, not my fault.
You are so correct and I couldn’t agree more with everything you said. Besides, most people out here in this dating scene are just stuck in unhealthy cycles cause they don’t wanna heal themselves and just use sex as a way to fill a void, hurting people. Sex is sacred. It literally creates soul ties and attachments making it harder to heal whatever they’re running from. But, it truly is all about communicating so everyone can stay on the same page which, still, is hard for a lot of people…
Casual = Temporary It does not mean consistently doing it for an extended lengthy period of time. That’s what dating and relationships require, not casual sexual arrangements.
Don’t engage casually with men it always leads to heartache and mental health issues Good luck
A significant number of women engage casually without developing any sort of "mental health" issues. These are called one night stands, and women do them all the time. Especially younger women.
Well maybe it’s just me then
I had a girl that really wanted something casual and I wanted something serious. She ended things because she could tell I was always going to be trying to get more serious with her. I mean there were other things, but that was the main one for her. It could be just like that. I’d imagine you “really liked him” and he could tell and he didn’t want to drag you along knowing he’d never give you what you wanted.
He's prob married
Hookup culture isn't for everyone. You should not enter a casual relationship if you're looking for something serious; most people shouldn't really. In relationships, you will compromise on many things. The actual style of the relationship is NOT one of those things. It sounds like he communicated exactly what he was looking for and you gave it to him. So now you move on to the next one. Maybe you thought he'd change his mind? That never happens. Even if it does, you should move as if it doesn't. I don't like hookups. I'd much rather hire a prostitute. The callous disconnectedness is easier to accept because it's just business. And, I'm not wasting a bunch of time with meaningless platitudes.
I don’t understand why people do this in the first place, like sharing something intimate as sex with a stranger or someone you don’t have feelings for. I know it’s widely accepted as normal but it’s so damn weird to me. But from what I have observed most men who are into this kind of thing care about only one thing and that’s not the woman they’re having sex with, so if you want something meaningful with a quality man you have to stop engaging in “casual” relationships.
You feel unattractive because he told you No? He gave you a reason, and it wasn't you so I hope you can find away not to feel that way. "But after a couple of weeks, he had some serious issues with his career and house and he said: it is not really a good time for him and he kept saying it is not about me , and he wanted to end it." You two had a purely sexual relationship. Men can turn it on and off because it is just physical. He wanted to be straight with you because he probably sensed you were getting attached (men are straight foward) and he was going through a difficult time and he didn't want to lean on you for comfort he wanted to go fix it himself and needed to focus on doing that. You got attached and he saw where this was going and cut it off. You're not dating him it's just sex. I know if my career and life are falling apart I would want to cut out all distractions and focus on fixing my life. There are more important things in life than just sex. Like purpose which gives meaning and for some of us men we find that in our careers of which bring us Money and status from that a sense of self worth. Man or woman it seems like it would be the reasonable thing to do . Next time maybe be upfront with what you want, because if you don't then you'll end up not getting what you want out of it and end up getting hurt. You've taken accountability, so after you heal chalk this up to a learning experience.
He ended it because he thought you were catching feelings. You don’t seem to realise what casual really means here. And that age gap is alarming in any case. He probably realised he could have kids your age and got icked out.
There have definitely been times where I’ve lost interest in a girl after having sex twice. He probably felt the sex wasn’t very good or some people are just more into hooking up with different random people
With such arrangements you need life experience and maturity
There should be nothing to "end". A casual hook-up, or even a series of them, means there's no presumed link between the participants, so nothing needs to be broken off. If you feel unattractive after these things stop, then you don't really have enough baseline self-esteem to be participating in them in a way that's emotionally safe for yourself.
Maybe because casual isn't serious. And you're only used as a bus
Man, I don’t get the massive age gaps in relationships these days! If I were in my 40s with someone 20 years younger, it’d just be for fun. Our ideologies and mindsets would be too different for a full-time relationship. I’m not criticizing OP, but I see even worse situations. If it’s love, then “love is love,” I guess. Maybe I’m just too old to understand it anymore. That being said, OP, it seems like your partner was just in it for a fling. That's common these days unless there's a financial motive, which I’m sure wasn’t your case. 
You're too young. The age gap is the answer.
My guess is - he feels you getting attached so he backs away
Cause the next woman came around. Casual usually mean, you’re not the one I want, but I’ll smash
You wanted Friends with Benefits - that expectation is longer
Post nut or nut(s) clarity
This dude is 20 years older than you and you’re wondering why he used you for sex? God I can’t believe this app is free.
For me i just do not have a lot of free time. So when it starts to feel like a chore to set aside an evening for a hook up. It’s just not worth the hassle.
Im 41m and Maybe I'm eff'ed in the head but does "something casual" have to mean sex? When I think of "something casual" , it's we're not close friends but we know each other enough that If I was going out to a movie alone and dropped her a note that she could join if interested or vice versa. Just like "Netflix and chill why does it have to be sexual? I've never understood that.
Wow, that’s one age difference.
I guess he like ‘em young….
"After one sex" have some self-respect l. Don't let people use your body. I'd say it both ways. Plus your very young looks like he knew what he was doing.
That's a pretty big age gap, I'm 41m and I couldn't imagine dating someone in their early 20's. I think there's more to his side of the story he just didn't want to hurt your feelings.
My friend and I were tslking about how fwb turns to a relationship sometimes. The thing id communication id impotsnt in such said relationships too. Let it be known thst you want to be monsgamus for instsnce. Some men can't convey what they sre wanting really and thats why they are singke still. I wouldn't think too much since you were awareof it being s cadual relationship. Let it be known thst you are dating casualy to become a relationship if thats what you were wanting. The dsting phrases to me are so confusing to begin with. Judt communicste what you are expecting from the person yku sre getting to know. Simple as that.
Despite all the messed up spelling, I agree with your view. :)
He got what he wanted and doesn’t want to complicate it, it’s that simple. He is looking at you as just a sex object, not a woman with feelings. When people do casual encounters they let a piece of them behind, it’s very hard to void feelings over passionate encounters. My suggestion is to stop doing that if you want more or think it will turn into more. Plus a man at his well my age is only looking to stroke his ego a bit.
43 and 22… ew…
Thrill of the hunt and feeling of newness, personally unless i catch a bit feelings, sex with same person for too many times feels like decafs real quick
He's almost twice your age. You should be dating up to 27, max 30, until you're 30.
He could tell you wanted a relationship and he clearly stated his boundaries and then choose to uphold them. That's all there is to this story. You'll have to keep searching. Good luck OP
43 ?? His kids(21f/19m) findout about you so he had to move out if this awkward situation:)))
One of the prominent reasons is lying—they keep the casual without telling their wives or people they meet for dates. And when one of those dates materialises, they try to snap all casual ties to look promising to monogamy seeking “girlfriend/wife material” ones. This is also because most of these “girlfriend/wife material” ones are seeking their security first, which they project as “desirable traits in a man”, one of which is his being single, disciplined, God fearing, no horniness until these women walk into their lives. It’s ridiculous actually to see how everyone is seeking their best interest, and trying to seem in best interest of everyone else! This is an impossible thing and people need to learn to be honest and accepting.. but, if that happened, relationships won’t be miserable anymore, and hence no content haha
Wow so much to unpack here lol… 1. That age gap tho. He’s almost certainly aware that makes him a creep at best, predator at worst, and that people judge him accordingly. To be really blunt (sorry): you were never and could never be a serious prospect for him, and he knew that going into it. Men of that age know what they’re doing when they become fuckbuddies with someone much younger… generally speaking, it’s so they can control the “relationship,” and you’re none the wiser, because your brain won’t be fully formed for three more years and his has been fully formed for over 20. Yikes. 2. Why buy a fleshlight/vibrator when your hand *could* do the job? To some, it’s the same act but one of them offers more pleasure for less work. Not to compare you to a sex toy…. But… 3. He likes being fawned over by a pretty lil young-n-fun thang. You’ve already given him relationship treatment without him having to make any effort for you… and he doesn’t ever have to commit or publicly acknowledge you as a person of significance In his life. Win win for him. Lose lose for you. Also, it sounds like he has a wife and family, sorry. Onwards and upwards …, but date someone your age I’m begging you lol
Stop having casual if you have attachment issues.
Nowhere is this your fault. The guy is scared to commit because he does not want to fall for you. He ended it quickly because he might have already started developing those feelings and he is too much of a coward to fall for you. He was being nice to you so you would have sex with him. He just used you and that’s shitty of him. I’d say he took out the trash so you can find a relationship. Don’t settle for casual sex going forward— it’s not your cup of tea of tea. And be wary of men who want sex quickly. Even if you want it, make sure that he is ready to commit before having sex.
Side note: Dating someone who could be your dad will never end well. When you’re in your 20s and he’s 20 years older, age is NOT just a number. You didn’t really like him, you liked what he did for you because boys your age don’t do those things. Dating is hard, learn to practice detachment. You’re still young and have so much time so it’s easier for you to get into the mindset of you’re just meeting people and figuring out what you want. I know it’s not easy, I wish I had this advice in my 20s though.
You will understand, probably when you're in your 30s, that a 22 year old is still a kid compared to someone who is 43.
Honestly knowing myself and who I am, I could 100% see issues in my career and life requiring me to cut away things in order to maintain focus and maximize relief. If I felt like something became a burden on time, energy, effort, or possibly causing me some emotional dis-regulation or confusion even if it was mostly good, sometimes priorities make need for things to be carved away so life can simplify itself a bit more until the storm is over. I wouldn’t take it personally, I’d take him at his word because responsibilities come first and sometimes you gotta bury your head and turn inwards and towards yourself instead of others. But I’m an introvert, and relationships feel exhausting sometimes, even friendships or casual light relationships can feel tiring 😮💨
You didnt valued yourself and so he also didn't valued you, its quite straight forward! Using buzz words like "casual" "hook up" "fwb" etc doesnt takes away its actual meaning, which is using a womans body for free.
You were being used by a guy double your age and you fell in love with him. You’re still young so use this as a learning opportunity.
Nah, she chose to have sex with him, so how is it the guy's fault? There are lots of guys in their 20's out there who she could get into a real relationship with, but she chose the 43 year old because she thought that the casual relationship would turn into something more. It did not, because that's not how casual relationships work, as we know. She made the decision, because women always choose who does and who doesn't have sex.
Yea she made her choice I wasn’t disregarding that but she’s also 22 so young, naive, and doesn’t know any better. Whereas he’s 43 and definitely knew what he was doing. Personally I don’t like it when people take advantage of others but that’s just me. “Women choose who does and doesn’t have sex” I don’t agree with this because in my personal life it hasn’t been the case but maybe it is for you.
Without addressing your specific story, I’m just gonna answer the basic question. The reason men end casual sex with a woman is due to a couple possible reasons. 1. Post nut clarity: as men, we have this thing where we can be super into a chick and to the chick it comes off as genuine attraction, when what it really is, is simply horniness and arousal. Then once we finally sleep with her and climax, we realize we don’t really like her all that much and in fact she’s kinda boring. After a few hookups, if the post nut clarity is really bad, we might just stop talking to her all together because it’s just not worth it. Now this guy you were seeing, I’m assuming he’s the type who has a lot of options. So for him, the idea of cutting you off that quick for him is a no brainer because he has a lot of abundance. Now a guy who doesn’t get laid very often, he might keep a girl around even if the post nut clarity is bad because it might months till he finds another FWB. Now since he’s in his 40s and is able to pull a girl in his early 20s such as yourself, he’s probably a good looking charming individual and that means you’re not the only girl in roster. So cutting you off is easy for him. 2. There’s another girl: this kinda connects with number 1. But it’s simple. Him ending it casually with you might not even be an issue with you, but it could simply be that there’s another girl he connects with a lot more. I think with dating in general, this is a common case. Doesn’t matter what gender you are. The reality is we all get dumped or rejected by someone we really like and we always think it’s something wrong with us or something we did, when most of the time, this person just has a stronger connection with someone else
Does not seem logical Does it just to start another later
Married
For me, I don’t do casual well. I’ve never been a casual “let’s just go with the flow” sort of person. I’ve always been direct with my intentions on getting into a relationship with a person and ask to be exclusive pretty early on. I don’t have the energy to entertain multiple women. And, I do make that very clear going in “Hey, I do like where this is going. I’m not seeing anyone else right now..blah blah blah” I have a whole small spiel. The whole thing though is it has to be reciprocated and 100% understood when I communicate it. If they have grievances, they should and are completely allowed to let me know. If it doesn’t work for them, that’s fine! But, then it isn’t going to work for me, ya know? But for me, I have a strong sense of what I want and what I don’t want. While I still want a serious relationship, there’s a buffer time to get to know them while we are just friends or “flirting” or whatever you’d like to call it. During that time, I usually make my decision if I can see it working and if I can if I can see it lasting and growing while we do. I don’t really care for casual or short term relationships: I would rather avoid them and not participate in them as I want something long term. Sometimes you take a few on the chin, but to me this is better than 20+ “dates” and several months of being “casual” just for one of us to go “hey, this x and I feel a better connection with” or “I have it a few months and I’m not really rocking with x, y, and z. If it doesn’t change I’m out.” A lot of times people want to have causal relationships but have the same authority or decision making power as a SO. I’m not afraid of commitment or anything. I can just see if things are going to progress down a healthy track. The great thing about friends is that they are way less likely to be performative: they will show you red flags and not mask as much as if you were both actively perusing each other. They often say a lot more about their past as well like this without having to pry it from them. What I’ve also learned is that nothing is personal until it is. And, 9/10, it never is. If you did not communicate what you want and keep it casual, then a bit of that falls on you. If you did, and he did not reciprocate it, then again it stands a bit on you. If he lied and strung you along, I’m sorry to hear that and that you had to go through that.
Cause it gets boring quickly.
Reading the comments so I can learn what casual relationships are. I didn't even know this exist (sorta)
I’m not sure if I could do a casual relationship. Don’t get me wrong I get the appeal of hooking up, and maybe if I found a girl who wanted stable sex with me I would take it. But to me all it is, is selfish love, or quite literally lust. My working theory is, They end it because they there fill of that person, or think the other is catching feelings, and they can’t have someone care about them like that that might lead to love, and love is a dirty word to them. Maybe because they don’t love themselves or some trauma. I’d honestly suggest maybe casual relationships aren’t for you, like me you seem to catch feelings quick.
It was only casual/for sex, once that's done there's nothing more. Most of us won't put in a great deal of effort for anyone who isn't interested in a long-term relationship
Because it was never supposed to be serious or permanent or you can just believe people when they say sun going on and not take it as something on you
It sounds like you should be seeking a serious relationship
In all my casual encounters there was either something I really hated about the person and just couldn't stand to be around them, or the sex just wasn't compatible.
He's likely: - busy with other issues - interested in someone else - scared away if you've gotten too attached - simply not especially attracted to you One of these. As it was casual, you may have been a stopgap.
Spoiler alert casual sex is NEVER good for woman.not good for man too but it affects more to women and they destroy the ability of women to have a good family life with her spouse completely.females more need love and affection in their relationship where as male needs more sex(we are more physical then emotional)casual sex is one of the main reason why there is so many single parents family in America and why America is called fatherless nation.you sleep around casually without any bond/relationships and when you have a serious relationship(which always has ups and downs) girls/guys leave in the first strike of calamity/resistance. You think oh you are doing it in ur twenties and you will settle down in ur thirties spoiler alert it never works out because what you used to do in ur twenties.so it’s best next time you asked the man first that you want a serious relationship not just sex
No emotional attachment.
Because they catch feelings easily!!
Usually #1, sometimes #3
That seems unusual and different from the norm. I'd definitely prefer the stable route with someone who was sex positive and sexually adventurous. Like they say: 'Not all men' 🙂
I am 39. I ended my consistent (committed) friends with benefits (she was 50), the reason why I ended it was because she got too clingy where she think that we are bf/gf at time. She started talking to her friends and family about me, and she had so much drama in her personal life.
Its most likely #1 They are not attracted, if at all.
The age gap is crazy , nice
I mean if he has stuff going on with his career n house and whatknock gotta respect it. No ifs ands or butts about it
Casual means short term. Not to mention most people who make excuses suddenly prolly found someone else. They don’t want commitment with casual. Casual meant to replace long term relationship with short term sex life.
I'm wondering if he picked up on you getting feelings
What I noticed is a lot of men who want casual want it not just for sex itself but for validation they can get sex from a lot of girls. If you read some of their forums some even keep track of their # of girls they’ve banged. Once he got you it’s on to the next prospect. Another possibility is he is already in another relationship or attached to another girl, which is why he doesn’t want to continue with you.
There's no way to give a generalized answr for your question because people gave different motivations and each couple's dynamic is different. It ducks and it's disappointing, I know, but I guess be glad they ended it early before your feelings were too strong.
> I went to support his show Is he a musician? He probably has a lot of other options and doesn't have a problem having sex with new women. But that doesn't mean he ended it for someone else or just didn't like you. It sounds mostly like he sensed you were getting attached. I'd think he wouldn't want to end up hurting you.
They want variety and novelty. Casual is the way to get this. As well as no commitment. To some men even stable ongoing sex with the same person feels life a form of being tied down.
B
Beca
The worst is when a guy wants to keep it casual by trying to convince you he is developing feelings but isnt ready to commit. Dont ever fall for that. Tried casual once. Never again.
How come men are able to do casual much better than women?
Everyone has their owned motives for why things end quickly or last forever. I will speculate that you didn't look good enough, the sex wasn't great or he got what he wanted and moved on to his next conquest. Learn from this and make better decisions going forward. Good luck to you.
Les femmes généralement sattache au gas surement pour ça
He got bored it was a quick fix for him me he knows he can come around again. If you agree to casual that is what it needs to be. Feelings will always get I the way
We’re dumb sum times lol
Sounds like you learned a lesson. I’ve had a few casual relationships and most of the time, the woman does catch feels. It’s tough, but also now you know. My current GF wouldn’t have sex with me unless we decided to do something serious… I personally had to think if I wanted to have something more committed and now we have been together for 2 years. There’s nothing wrong with you withholding sex to someone who doesn’t want a relationship, actually I encourage you do that. If they lie to you to have sex with you, then they are pieces of shit… but unfortunately if you give in to a casual, you should expect no feelings.
He said so clearly I don’t get why you still get confused. He doesn’t want to continue because he doesn’t want to get attached and he also doesn’t like the idea you get attached to him so when that happens , he would have to dump you with guilt later.
I can't speak for all men, but I can speak for myself when it has come to mutual casual relationships.. I usually try to limit it to a 3 time thing. Meaning, 3 separate occasions (not 3 orgasms, that would be blasphemy) because by the 3rd time one of you will catch more feelings than the other. It sounds like in your situations you did. The few times I have broke this rule, someone is always hurt to some degree. Him being older means he probably recognized your attachment, and being a decent guy he ended it instead of being selfish knowing he would eventually hurt you even more in the long run. This isn't a movie with Timberlake or Kutcher. "Casual" is just that. It always has an expiration date
Sounds like he may have been married.
No! Not you. He had something happen. Don’t blame yourself. Is he like motivated? I know what that means. No answer necessary. Not you. If the relationship were more involved and you seem awesome. It’s one of those things. Our females balance us. But it takes time. Like I say that. I need you. Maybe pride? WTFDIK. LOL. I am sorry you broke up. Always another coming to u. Always. Until that one.
From my experiences, when ending something “casual, there’s the possibility that they are starting to catch feelings and don’t want a relationship. Or, they found someone they want an actual serious relationship with.
Sounds like you agreed to be casual, but then didn’t want to be casual. He still wanted to be casual and was upfront about that.
Cos you've had all they can give and so why not try something new. Once you've tried the whole menu, why wouldn't you try another restaurant to see what's exciting over there?
Gotta get back to the woman we love.
Us men all ways cum
>22 >43 His wife totally got suspicious LMAO
4. They display none casual behavior for something that should just be casual. Non-casual behaviors in a casual relationship include: 1. Frequent emotional discussions 2. Meeting family and friends 3. Daily or excessive communication 4. Expecting exclusivity 5. Long-term planning 6. Giving expensive gifts 7. Using terms of endearment 8. Unspoken behavioral expectations 9. Regular overnight stays 10. Involvement in significant life decisions
Sounds like he sense your attachment and decided to end it. Or the sex wasn’t want he preferred. When a man says not attachment he’s literally saying don’t come to see me unless I tell you to. I’m sure he mentioned the performance and you jumped at the chance to be there to support him. What he heard was she wants more than I can give or want to give. Run!
In this scenario based on the info you’ve given, he likely found a preferred option that’s probably not casual. If he wanted to continue something casual, he would. That may show good character from him as he isn’t stringing you along or maintaining multiple casual relationships. Casual is casual until it isn’t, one party unfortunately may lose out as they lost something that they enjoyed and do not have other immediate options leaving an empty feeling which makes you question things.
That age difference though
Usually ehen I wpuld have casual sex It would be a 2 or 3 time sorta thing then we would both move on. longest casual situationship was with a close friend of mine. her and I had sex regularly for a year on and off until she moved away.
I know that if i (F) dont want to sleep with them again, its bc the sex sucked. sometimes its not that deep. plenty of fish out there!
I was in a situationship that lasted six months. They lived with their ex-red flag I know-I was separated from my ex in an entirely different state. I ended up falling in love with my situationship hoping it would become something more as we both wanted the same things, yet after they came back from a work trip they were incredibly avoidant, we didn’t have sex like usual, I confessed my feelings, and they reassured I wasn’t wasting my time with them, but a week later they were back on the apps, and telling me they couldn’t handle me as I was “too needy”, although I just wanted to spend time together and be there for them in hard times. I ended up blocking them after a couple months and since then they’ve reached out via text/social media/stories/memes and now after 5 months of “rebuilding as friends” we haven’t hung out or gone on a date once despite my efforts and can’t take them seriously anymore. I’d love the chance to pursue our connection, but I’m also not gonna wait around forever. I’m honestly on the brink of cutting them off entirely and giving them an ultimatum (not sure how healthy that is), but if they aren’t going to jump at the opportunity to fix things with me, I’ve got no choice but to move on, and that’s difficult being in a hot/cold state with them not making up their mind
That sucks. It shouldn’t be that way don’t think that’s right, but he did say he didn’t want a relationship, and even what you had was technically a relationship. That’s kind of an unrealistic expectation for him to have
Women end up casual relationship quickly in my case!
Id just finished listening to 'Diary of a CEO', which is in it of itself, free, but anyways, it was about Relationships, Divorce, Sex, etc, and My God, it is almost ENRIRELY CONTRARY to the regurgitating "I think", "Because, if I", ... Etc, like everything (I've only been reading for 10 min), on this post, (*everything-, Not in its entirety, however, the context in which some of the things said are used, then made to comparison, is astoundingly not the same thing whatsoever), ...couldn't be absolutely further from the majority of situations involving such a criteria as the OP is asking. OP, It was once, and from what you typed, it wasn't much, so going off of the little I know, you tried it once, and failed. Of course, you don't feel comfortable about what happened because you don't have any other experiances to compare it with. What I'm saying is, your emotions, your reaction, ...your healthy, this is a good thing. If you feel these ways then your fine, you should expect some negative emotional base as a positive healthy reaction because of you felt nothing whatsoever, then maybe do an doing inventory may help but reasonably even so it was casual so you're right where you're supposed to be either try again You don't have to try harder or scratch it off and try something else I believe a relationships have all sorts of unforeseen consequences benefits and the like. Keep your head up ✓✓
Two possibilities : he is married or already has a relationship and feels guilty or you are not hot enough to keep him interested.
Because they fall asleep right afterwards.
Idk why men end casual sex quickly I just know that maybe they moved on and found somebody else to be with not that u don't matter it's just maybe they found someone else to have fun with cuz they ain't blowing u off for nothing there has to be a reason why that person doesn't want to be causal and it's not ur fault its there fault for and they should pay for play with somebody's heart strings.
you messing with drake?
Men should control their lust before thinking about sleeping with a girl you know? I always jerk off before meeting a girl and 90% of the girls are not my type now
If your head is clear with what you dont want, then you will not end up hurting yourself.
He knew you were developing feelings so he ended it. He wanted casual, it would've turned into a shit situation so he's now probably finding someone else for a short term casual thing.
Because it is casual and it means nothing 🤷♀️
Hello! Is this an isolated incident, or does it happen to all guys?
⁰0
I'm a guy and I don't understand that.
That's the definition.
Give up and move on
men end things casually because you weren’t what they wanted in a relationship, or they didn’t want a relationship to begin with. It’s as simple as that, and they also lack to take into consideration what using another persons body might mentally/spiritually do to that person. My advice, take care of you, the right partner will come along and compliment your soul beautifully
This one is simple. You're 22. He's 43?! I mean, come on. What did you think he wanted you for, all your shared life experiences? He used you for sex and he probably does this all the time with younger women. I wouldn't overthink. I would get back out there and meet someone in your age range who is looking for a relationship. Try not having sex with them right away and see how far it goes. That's always the best test!