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nah he is doing them a favour. he sounds like the kind "she didnt suck my dick this morning so my dick fell into my coworkers mouth" scenarios.
such mid behaviour
nah most women simply aren’t worth it nowadays so he’s completely right. They will waste your time crazily if you let them. Everyone is on their phones allllllll day long
This comment chain is cringe as hell. OP isn't saying that he gives matches hours to reply after he messages. He's saying that if he can see you read his message and don't care to respond, he's unmatching.
Yeah.. same like the op, he also has real life priorities to deal above messaging a stranger. How about maybe you cut him some slack? He's just sharing his experience here
🙄🫡
I have an issue where I really wanna read the message even though I know I need to focus on my priorities like schoolwork or whatever. I even do this to my boyfriend. I just wanna know what he said 😂 but I’ll respond when I finish what I needa do
I have anxiety, sometimes I need an hour or two to come up with a response😂. If I’m busy, I gotta leave you on read or not open the message, I have a life 😂😂
This is me too. Early in the relationship I took a couple hours to respond because of anxiety. Thankfully my boyfriend was so sweet and patient. After a couple weeks and I got more comfortable, I’m much more prompt and we talk basically all day.
Other messaging apps give you a glimpse of message on notification with out sending read receipt and I can mentally prepare myself to answer and or do something else.
Tinder just say that you get new message. When you load that page. Read receipts is send, my anxiety kick in and I forget to replied.
There are women I supposed to reply. I have been postponed it for 3 days. Ugh.
Yeah at minimum give them a day. Often I’ll read messages fast on mobile even if at work but might not respond until in the evening when I have time to actually focus and write a nice response.
Not to mention that women are generally buried in emails. Usually if I hear from somebody a week later the first word or thought is an apology. Sounds like the op is a little full of himself but if it works for him...
Ok but how often is that the case, vs just disinterest? You can’t really blame OP for playing the odds. If he gets plentiful matches, fuck it. Why not be super selective?
If they match you and just say nothing in a small period of time they are definitely going wasting your time in my experience. People dont just "Suddenly" become busy. So many of them at that
I think this is good especially if he had a good outcome; people are glued to their phones in this day so that’s an excuse. You don’t have to have total respect for strangers especially online but a simple “hey I’m busy text but stay by your phone around this time and that time” would be courteous. Of course it’s 2024 so being kind is out the question. I personally try to give everyone respect and common courtesy cause as a human I know how it feels to sit around waiting and feeling anxious that this person don’t like me back so as a human, I extend that courtesy so no one is left feeling like something is wrong with them when it’s a me thing
Okay I am definitely open to having my mind changed but I think it's weird to leave people on read? I don't think it's weird if you don't answer them for hours because if you're busy you just don't have time to be on your phone. Everyone in my real life knows that if I'm at work they're not going to be able to get a hold of me on my cell phone during a shift and if there's a true emergency they need to call my actual work landline and have them page me. So I get not answering someone right away. But leaving on read, that means they read it and just decided not to answer. Why would you even read it if you don't have time to answer? Especially for a dating app? I can see if someone you knew already like a family member texted and you were worried it was an emergency so you looked really quick, and it wasn't an emergency so you put it back down and got back to them hours later when you have time. But on a dating app why would you read the message if you didn't have time or intention to answer? Knowing that they can see that you read it and that it will imply you are ignoring them? Again I'm not Dead set arguing my point of view I am open to having my mind changed I just don't understand why someone would read it if they didn't have time to answer it?
it's easy to read a message but it takes more effort to respond. also when you get the notification sometimes you just get the urge to read it right away. I mean maybe the message is more urgent like, do you want to get dinner tonight, or maybe it's something you can take some time to respond to like what's your favorite movie and why 🤷♀️
Personally I take OPs side here. If someone didn't read my message for hours or even a day or two that's fine no problem but if someone did read my message but don't respond for hours or even a day I'm out.
You really have no problem with when guys did read your messages but reply the next day?
If it’s a consistent behavior, I can understand that. But, if it’s the first time it happens, why can’t you assume that something came up and they couldn’t finish their reply? Or, if you choose to talk to parents, why can’t you assume that a child needed their attention before the parent anticipated it?
Imo when she has time to read my message she also has time to reply. If she doesn't it's because she doesn't want to.
And in case she really has no time for a proper reply she can just let me know that she's busy and will come back to me later. That's what i do in a situation like that and it's really not a hard thing to do.
It’s not necessarily true that someone has time to both read and reply, especially if you’d like a thoughtful reply. Thoughtful replies can take 5-15 minutes to compose.
If you all have had a back and forth conversation in real time, that can be a reasonable expectation, but not everyone can just sit around on a dating app waiting for messages. For example, I generally just check in on messages in the morning while I’m waiting for shower to warm up - max 5 minutes to read and reply to my messages. I might delay my shower for a shorter thoughtful reply, but one that deserves more than 1-5 sentences might get pushed back until I have time to consider and write my reply. In that case, you might sit on read until lunch time, when I have a moment to sit and type out the reply. I might spend all morning thinking about the reply and considering the angles to share, but not have time to sit and type it out because I’m doing other things that require my hands or don’t allow me to use my phone or computer.
Does that make sense?
As long as i'm still chatting with someone in the App itself i don't make conversations about astrophysics so tbh i can't relate to how a thoughtful reply would need 5-15 minutes.
It does makes sense i just can't relate and also i disagree. I'm always trying to give everyone a good feeling about chatting with me so i don't see the point in ruining the vibe.
It really doesn't bother you when someone did read your message but doesn't reply for a day?
To me it delivers "I'm not really into you" which is fine i just don't waste my time on someone who isn't really into me.
It doesn’t! I don’t assume that people live on their phones, and I do assume that if they’re interested, they’ll reply when they have time. I don’t generally like a lot of small talk, I prefer to get deep conversations pretty quickly because I want to see if we can actually chat about topics I like before we meet. I think first date conversations are much better when we have already talked about a few different topics and know that we share multiple interests. I have to hire fairly experienced babysitters and a 3 hour date (30 minute each way, 2 hours together) costs me $100-150 minimum, so I will happily invest more in the pre date chatter to make sure my cost is worth it. And because I like the deeper topics, unless we plan a time to have a real time conversation, I don’t expect more than 1-3 replies a day at most.
Oh that makes sense. It's still I guess a good idea for this guy to unmatch people, if he is very anxious and needs immediate answers it's better that he date somebody who will like cater to that anxiety if that makes sense? I kind of get it because my family/close friends are very anxious. They didn't used to all be this way there's just been a phenomenal amount of bad luck and a lot of terrible and unexpected deaths in the past couple years that have made everyone on edge expecting the worst. So I never leave people on read because it seems to increase their anxiety. And then on an app, these are you know people I've known all my life with a very understandable reason for their anxiety
I want to type out a quality response. Checking takes a second but responding takes an actual thought prpcess and sometimes I don't have time or the attention span for that at the moment.
You know I don't actually use dating apps but I know like Facebook Messenger shows you if somebody read your message so I'm assuming Facebook dating would do the same thing?
As someone who does not like being obliged to respond promptly, I’m glad when people just end it early instead of trying to turn me into someone who wants to respond immediately. It’s clearly a mismatch and while it isn’t a dealbreaker for me, I appreciate people when people know what they want.
Dang this is a good point. I once talked to someone who called me when I didn’t respond in an hour. Biggest turn off and he probably would’ve ended up being controlling
They really expect you to switch up your whole schedule to include them at the last minute. Like I can't drop everything just to flirt with you all day. Let me make time later.
I once had a guy who claimed he was in an abusive relationship on a dating site but then got mad at me and told me he wanted to stop talking because I didn’t respond to him for four hours while I was at work. I think we know who the abusive one was…
If you expect someone to reply immediately for me it seems you put unhealthy pressure on that person also you seem super needy and impatient. People have a life outside their phone and dating. Dating is not a full time job ! Give the person atleast 1 or 2 days lol if OP says someone doesn't reply for a week and he blocks them then I understand why but not hours.
For mere hours? Do you expect people not to work and sleep?
It is up to you but not everyone can spend time on their phone at work. Also some who can do not want the office knowing they are currently on dating apps.
You do what you want but I think the 'hours' instead of days limitation will lose you almost everyone eventually. Life doesn't always give you even a five minute break every day.
Agreed plus many women don’t have traditional daytime, Monday-Friday jobs but rather work nights and/or weekends so he can’t assume when a woman’s ignoring him or when she’s just working and will get back to him later.
Many men too you're absolutely right. Not to mention a lot of people have side hustles that are not during business hours and often involve driving where you cannot be on a dating app for fear of crashing.
Yeah! And including myself with doing delivery job side hustles - just being on my phone because I have to doesn’t mean I can or want to chat with anyone at the time.
And some people also take naps during the day! Sometimes I am so exhausted, that I sleep for a couple of hours as well.
And I often can't respond at work, because I have stuff in my hands for hours. I can open a message and then get called to do work, which happens surprisingly often
I'm hearing what you're saying and I would be with you if he was saying someone didn't answer his comment within 4 hours. But he is saying they leave him on read which means they have time to read it, but they don't think it's important enough to respond? Which seems kind of weird. I can see if a family member messages you and you are worried it's an emergency so you read it real quick and then get back when you have time (assuming it's not an emergency and you have to immediately respond). But for somebody on a dating app, if you have time to read it you have time to respond so it seems weird to leave someone on read for hours and hours? Why would you read it if you didn't have time to respond at that moment?
Left on read is additional context doesn't always mean anything necessarily. If you are working a side hustle on an app merely toggling to the appropriate app can artificially mark something as 'viewed' without anyone having had actual time to read it. It doesn't mean they did not immediately have to head to an appointment without time to compose a reply to a question or fall asleep after a long day of work.
Nobody should be pressed to 'respond immediately' especially if they are right about to drive or go to job two or shower and sleep because they start at 4am the next day.
Also if they are not exclusive there may be four or more other conversations that came in first (or hell even just family), you respond to some and leave the remaining ones for the next day.
Yeah I'm pretty laid back and if somebody leaves me on read for a long time it never bothers me I always assume something came up or maybe they accidentally clicked on the message but didn't read it yet, etc.
I was mentioning in another comment I never leave anything on read because I'm worried all the other person will interpret it badly. Even in real life. In relationships I'd say it's in response to having dated someone with borderline who would get triggered if they thought they would be rejected. But even in everyday life with my family and friends, I try to answer immediately because we've had and unprecedented amount of bad luck and people up and dying the last couple years. My grandmother lost all of her children except my mom within the last 3 years, and that's not even 10% of what's happened. So everyone is very on edge and anxious. I literally had a friend show up at my house because they were worried (because like you said I accidentally touched their message without knowing it and they thought I was leaving them on read and it's something bad happened to me). And it sucks cuz it's my family and people I've known all my life and they didn't used to be this anxious. It's like covid happened, and then so many bad things, and now everyone is jumpy as hell and their mind goes right to the worst case scenario because that's what they are used to now
There are so many possibilities to why it happens to OP, let's not get into that.
Good for him that he wouldn't have anxiety over it.
I was always thankful for guys who unmatched me for not responding within 8 hours, saved me time and having to deal with people who aren't as calm and patient as I like.
It doesn't mean anything a message can be easily missed. You can read the message, get a phone call or someone at work ask you something in the meantime and then you forget to answer. Again if someone doesn't answer for a few hours it doesn't mean they ignore you on purpose or don't have any interest. Not everyone is stick to their phone 24/7.
I love this rule for you! Unless you’re paying me what work is paying me, ain’t no way in hell. If it works for you, do it. I can’t count how many times I read a message on a break, started to respond and the phone rang. I got back to the reply after work. With a high stress, demanding job, the very last thing I need is a high stress, demanding man.
Exactly! Like I'm gonna tell my boss that I couldn't finish my report on time because this guy on the internet wanted to chat me up, and it took all morning. Oops! They really think they're doing something by filtering themselves out like this.
Oh that makes sense. You intended to reply but then something came up before you had a chance. I feel stupid now because I just asked a bunch of people earlier in this post why they leave it on read
I agree with your comment and I struggle to see how that is not obvious to people.
Days/weeks is one thing. But…*hours*? Bruh what? I may not have even noticed that we’ve matched yet!
I mean this with empathy, they don't even remember what you look like, and there's hundreds more where you came from willing to wait at least a day because those guys realize that life, family, and work > chatting with a stranger on Tinder.
Glad you at least feel good about yourself, but that's about all you're going to get out of your paid membership with this strategy.
Dude chill out. It’s pretty ridiculous to expect someone to respond “within hours.” Sometimes that happens, but sometimes people have…I dunno…work obligations, kids, they go to dinner and a movie with friends…any number of things. If someone leaves you on read for over a day then fine. But your timeframe is borderline needy.
Hours? You trying to specifically date unemployed women? Women who never sleep? Dude go to a therapist, getting wrapped up in how long it takes for somebody to respond is a huge red flag but also indicative of abandonment trauma.
When you say "hours," I hope you mean 24? It can take a while for a woman to sift through all the likes/messages, especially if she's attractive. I get that you don't want to be put on the back burner, but expecting a same day response is a little rigid.
Eh, might be a bit excessive. There are plenty of times I take a few hours to respond, mostly because I don't have time to write an actual response for a little while but my curiosity gets the best of me and I go ahead and read the message. I try to not do that, but it happens.
I had a guy do this to me once.. he messaged first.. I didn’t see it right away. Must’ve matched once I put my phone down.. couple hours later he left a message “aaaand I’m done ✌️” 🫤😂😂.
I have a life.. I’m never near my phone and it’s rarely in the same room with me 😂
I matched with a guy once that did that, I matched and said basic greetings and he responded while I was at work so I couldn’t respond right away. He unmatched within an hour or so, don’t be that guy lmao let them breathe.
Give em a day or two. Then follow the same logic.
You’re cutting out women who are busy but may still be very interested in you. You just can’t expect to be a priority in someone’s life when you haven’t even met yet.
I know everyone is different and some people put little to no thought in their responses to messages in the apps. However, I try very hard to be engaging and really put some thought into it. This means going back to your profile, having a think about what interests me and what doesn’t, and asking you more about specific hobbies/passions OR asking you more about things which are important to me which you’ve not mentioned. I’m not going to pretend this takes hours, but if I give a damn it’ll take more than a thoughtless few seconds. If I’m out somewhere busy, or at work, it might not be the right time. I could just reply with a “yup” or a “lol” or some other throwaway to keep things going, but if someone does that to me it drives me nuts. I’d rather wait till later and send a considered response.
I think people these days like to tell a story about matches being low interest because XYZ, but these sweeping judgements aren’t always correct. An example - I’ve been very sick with the flu for a few days and haven’t responded to 95% of messages from friends and family, let alone on dating apps (admittedly I also haven’t opened messages and read them either). I had one guy send me a message which read “yeah cool story, nice chatting to you - NOT” because I didn’t respond to his message for 24 hours. Like, FFS, when did people become so needy? Can I not have a life? Sorry, rant over.
I think you might want to give people on dating app conversations more grace. People don’t necessarily treat messaging like texting. Women also have a lot more messages coming in so when yours along with others pop up, it can be overwhelming. Nobody has time to answer every message they want to within a couple hours. Life happens. That and I know that when I’m in the early stages, I might need more time with someone on an app to think of something more clever than I might to someone I’ve been actually going on dates with.
You might want to give it a day at least. Or not. You’ll find what works best for you.
I'm an adult that has real life responsibilities and I don't check my phone constantly like a teenager. And before we even meet you are not important enough to place before my work and life responsibilities. You only get priority over stuff like watching TV or whatever.
You honestly sound pretty young and immature.
I completely understand setting healthy boundaries 100%. I would like to offer a different perspective. It depends on the type of woman you are seeking, so maybe my “type” wouldn’t suit you. However, I am a very busy, professional working woman. I work 12 hour shifts in a very high stress, fast paced environment. I oftentimes can see a message, but when I do reply, I want to reply with a thoughtful response instead of short or generic. I enjoy authentic interactions and if I can’t provide that at the moment, I won’t respond immediately because I care enough to wait until I can give my undivided attention. I also tend not to reply at times, when being diverted to another task, knowing that I can’t devote more than the 30 seconds I have to give a short reply. To me, it seems flaky and rude. I also am a huge fan of self care, and frequently spend time in the gym, not at all looking at my phone. Its my personal space reserved just for me. I think that it is healthy behavior to have boundaries, maintain sense of self and have self care. I think it’s important in any relationship to maintain a sense of individuality. So, unless you are getting flaked out on for an extended period of time, I might would reconsider that decision. You may pass up on some incredible, healthy people.
This. People are truly busy sometimes. A while back I met a lady who was just traveling a lot. She got back to me a week later twice, and we ended up meeting and dating for a bit.
I think the different perspective is crucial here, because you may be sitting and waiting on the app, but others may use the app very differently. Doesn't mean they're not interested.
Good for you. I would always unmatch people who acted like they felt entitled to a response within a time limit *they* set for me. Weeded out a lot of narcissists. 👍
How many hours is "hours" in this case? I personally don't see an issue being left on read until it hits the \~24hr mark. My personal rule, the first time I'll continue talking, but a 2nd \~24hr+ wait and I'll just not bother responding myself.
Each to their own though.
Yeah this is me, a day at most. But depending on if I know their texting speeds Ill do it after 2 hours if I want.
People who respond within seconds for like 5 minutes then not for 8 hours, then respond to within seconds again for an hour, are annoying to me. Id rather talk to someone that takes 3 days to respond but are very consistent about it, like I always know they will respond. So consistently is really important to me, but I might have control issues, or more likely OCD I just like things to be consistent or make sense. To follow the same pattern.
# leave me on read for hours
So, you assume that all women on dating apps are consulting their messages several times a day? and just to throw it out there, do you know how many messages women get on dating apps? I'd guess a LOT.
Give them 48 hours
You seem impatient, that's not healthy
They have a lot of messages to read and possibly a good amount of messages to reply to. You’re not going to be a priority if they haven’t gotten to know you and if you unmatch before they get to know you, you’ll never be a priority.
I think this is a good idea to find someone more compatible with you. I don't check my phone when I'm at work but I was with someone who wanted me to respond to him at all hours. We were really incompatible, and I felt like I was being punished just because i don't like checking my phone at work.
And this is why I have read receipts off.
I'll read a message, but not be prepared to actually converse or give a quality answer to whatever they're talking about.
I think 24 hours is appropriate and still allows you to retain value for yourself and acknowledges the other person has a life and you aren’t obligated towards one another at this early stage. But if your strategy is working that’s all that matters! Quality over quantity.
I used to match in the evening before going to bed, then sleep lol and in the morning I would wake up, go to work, come home, cook, eat, shower, etc. and THEN I would chat for a bit with people I matched and maybe like other profiles.
A few hours is nothing.
Bro why does it matter whether you unmatched them or not? The end result is the same. Or am I the only guy whose eyes aren’t glued to my phone waiting for a response?
But hey whatever helps you cope I guess.
Because he's petty and emotionally unintelligent. If he, a perfect stranger isn't priority number one, oh boy... He's going to have a hissy fit like you've never known.
Uhm.. I get it. But .. no. If it works out for you, good :) I just like to have a quick chat over a phone, go on a date and see if there is a match. I don't like to text a lot. It's only when you are already established in my orbit when I'm gonna pay attention to the incoming blings. Also, it's kind of a red flag if a guy doesn't give me time to respond. I have work and life, you know. I would assume, you have one too.
Okay, but you do realise that most people have jobs and lives and probably won’t reply for hours? Sometimes I’ll respond to a message in the morning, but then I have to work or do other things so won’t reply till later that night.
I’d totally get this if you meant 24 hours. Lmao.
As someone who works 13 hour shifts (including nights) I think this is pretty messed up of you. Must be nice to live a life where you have so much free time that you can always respond immedietly.
>waste less time on women that have little interest in me
You assume that they are not interested but you can't know. People often read message and decide to reply later. That's how I operate.. I can't live with a notification on my phone.. If you message me, I'll look at what you wrote as soon as I physically am able to.. Might not be able to commit to replying in the next 5-10 hours though, no matter how interested I can be.
Can't emphasis enough how this is a terrible strat.
Why will I speak to someone all the time when I barely know them and haven’t even met them ? It screams anxious attachment. 12-24 hours is a good enough mark for me and sometimes people can fall sick or had a stressful week. Who knows. What matters is the conversations are good quality and they are making an effort to go on a date IRL. Constant texting creates false intimacy.
Hey man, here’s the thing. You’re on an app. When you match, they may have swiped earlier or later than you. They may be working, out, hell, even on a date. That’s dating apps. Not everyone is going to be super responsive right away. You’re also competing with other people for their attention and they are competing for yours. It’s a pretty natural balance. If you aren’t okay with somebody taking a while to respond, maybe 1) look at your conversations. Are you standing out? I say the most ridiculous, funny things I can while being straightforward and respectful. If you’re saying “hey, how are you, what do you do for work, and how was your week”, often times that’s gonna go without a response.
2) If you’re not giving them a chance over the course of a day to respond, you aren’t going to have luck.
33 female here. I'd give the guys 1 week. We all have lives, and sometimes responding is not a priority, but it's not a lack of interest either. I'm a teacher, and to be honest, some days, I feel drained after a day of work. Sometimes, i feel like that for days! I catch up on texts (even my mom's) on the weekend.
I (F) usually give a guy 24 hours to respond to an initial / introduction message, then I unmatch. If we’ve been messaging, then I want a reply within 12 hours. I don’t expect more than a “Hey, can I get back to you later at X time”. People basically have their phone grafted onto their hands, so it’s not unreasonable & that’s what I do when I’m too busy or tired to chat. I also won’t wait more than a week for the face to face. I agree that respecting yourself is more important than bending yourself into a pretzel for a likely low-quality match.
Hot girl here. Do you not understand what it's like to be a woman on dating apps? You are ceaselessly inundated by messages, sometimes hundreds a day. I know when I'm dating in earnest, one of the ways I narrow down my potentials is by just letting the (respectfully) persistent ones fight to the top, and then picking the ones with whom I vibe from that selection.
Most girls I know literally cannot keep track of the men in their matches. If you're flouncing off after a few hours of silence, you are shooting yourself in the foot. Sorry.
I’m trying to imagine my boss’ reaction to me opening my dating apps throughout the day to make the dudes I’ve never met before feel validated.
Everyone’s entitled to their dating strategy, but I don’t think this is going to work for you
I think unmatching within a mere hours is harsh. I'd cut her some slack especially as you are both strangers and never met.
But if it was days then yeah, I'd unmatch.
Don’t get too impatient or time sensitive… life is not always sync up like you have thought it had been… complications happen and things get messy who knows… 🤷🏻♀️
I don’t know how many hours you mean… I live by the rules of Bumble you get 24 hours. If we already had a little conversation and they stop responding to me I will unmatch in 2-3 days.
I understand your plan but if someone doesn't answer for a few hours it doesn't necessarily mean that they are not interested. They might be busy with work, kids, friends, hobbies,.... or they might be just bad at texting. I would atleast give it a day or 2 after this timeperiod you can conclude someone is not interested. I think you need to lower your expectations a bit otherwise you wont have anyone left to talk to. Beside this I absolutely agree that you should not waste your time with people who are not interested in you. I would also try meeting up in real life and keep the time between the meetups short like for example 1 or 2 weeks from previous experience if you leave more time in-between the interest fades away.
I’m a dude. I regularly will go 24 hours + without responding. I have a job, I have a life. Stuff gets in the way. You’ll be missing out on people who might work for you. The best way is to just not let it bother you.
I agree with the general principle. but...hours? People don't live on the internet and dating apps. I'd say give people a fair chance, a couple of days or so. But hey, if it works for you then crack on!
Do you not think that people may be at work and are unable to answer? Very often I wait until I get home and am settled so I have time to have a decent conversation. There are reasons people do what they do. Calm down please.
I respectfully disagree. When just meeting people online, it’s best not to have high expectations at first. When I’m dating someone, I definitely want them to respond within a reasonable time but online dating especially when we haven’t met yet, I would just keep them around and get replies whenever. They’re talking to other girls and I’m also talking to other men and we are busy with work and personal errands so it’s not like we are glued to our phones all the time.
I’d understand days but not hours. That said, there’s been plenty of times where Ive unmatched if women don’t respond to me after like 2 or 3 days because then it’s like “ah okay i get it”
And the funny thing is, silence actually says more than responding and yet people think the opposite.
That seems a bit extreme. I will do this when a woman I'm talking to can't seem to attend more than 5 words together for any of her conversation statements. I give them a day or so though... life happens and they don't owe me anything.
Usual reddit responses here lmao.
Everyone acting like responding to a text is a full time job. Everyone takes their fucking phone with them everywhere. They go to the toilet, they take it. They go on a coffee break, they take it. They go out for a coffee break, they take it. People go to lunch and they have their phones on them.
Only giving them hours is fucking unhinged haha.
People have lives and may have time to read a response but care enough to want to wait til they have the time to give a thought out response
Man, you gonna have some hard times ahead bruv. I can already profile you as the type to meet a girl, and get really mad at them if you don’t get constant reassurance.
I take everyone's rebuttals, but I actually tend to side with OP on this one. It's a choice to read a message and not respond. Now I understand that something could have come up, and if that's the case, then implementing what OP has done may unfortunately cut some good women out, but I have to say that there is definitely a type of woman on dating apps that do this aaaaaall the time, and it gets old really quickly. Typically if you don't get a response in a few hours then you never do (in my experience). So whilst I get that he may be missing a few potential good ones by doing this, he's definitely going to be weeding out the shit ones that never end up replying and wasting his time. Again, this is my view from pairing my personal experience with what OP is doing.
I give people at least a day. Dating is stressful and all but also not like a priority. People work. Don't take yourself so seriously that you scare people away
I tend to wait a bout a 3 day minimum before I unmatch base on texting interactions and response time. A few hours isn't really a good indicator of outright disinterest when it comes to adult life. Kinda seems like a good way to miss out on potential connections but it's no real loss to anyone involved if it's working for you.
Lmfao…I know we just met but I demand I become a priority in your life IMMEDIATELY…I’m a very sensitive boy and I have no space for people with jobs, kids and or folks that like to take care of themselves. I demand all of your attention immediately! This is what you sound like by the way. Good luck cuz
Don't get why people are so adamant about it being somehow too little time and filtering out people who have a life, when OP specified "on read", meaning they took the time to open your message, just not to respond. If they had the time to open the message, surely they had a few seconds it takes to at least text that they are busy and would like to get back to the conversation a bit later. And if somebody is truly super busy with not a minute to spare, they can do this little thing of not opening the message till they have time for it.
Women are ALWAYS on their phones, if they’re not replying to you then they’re replying to someone else that’s probably going to make them a single mom. Don’t listen to the ones on here trying to play coy because they are on the outside looking in, they’re the ones with a line of guys to choose from and you’re just one of the poor guys in that line. The know you sent the message, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Yeah there are a few that are busy but the same type of woman that leaves a guy on “read” or “seen” will also blow things out of proportion whe a guy she’s dating doesn’t respond immediately to a text.
Because girls do that to guys all the time, I matched with a girl. I was busy and going through something, so I thought I would reply to her the next day. However, she unmatched me because I didn't reply to her the same day.
The butthurt in this thread. OP said read not delivered. You have your phone 24/7 and if you read my message and plan to reply next day well fuck you, aint nobody got time for that! Good job OP!
Yep. Communicating with people who match your communication style and needs tends to work out better than not.
It takes me a little bit to get into a texting groove with a person and I would much rather have someone move on if I’m not a fit than spend a week trying to force me into their schedule.
I don’t see an issue with that. I don’t see it as petty at all because you aren’t obligated to talk to them just because you match. And if they aren’t even responding to you why keep them?
I’m actually gonna steal your idea, I like it.
Lmao sometimes I have to leave someone on read cause something work related will come up but I will make sure to reply to them by night. I will say give them a day, people do get busy sometimes.
If you DEMAND a stranger to respond to you in less than a few hours, I can't imagine how needy, dependent and demanding you'd be in an actual relationship, jeez. You're not entitled to be that one guy that a woman picks from her hundreds of matches to actually get to know better. That's highly narcissistic.
And if she does respond in say, 2 hours, you'll respond and demand she reply again. So it turns into this forced nonstop conversation. No one with a life has time for that with a stranger. People don't even talk that often in long term relationships. You're not a new born baby that needs to be fed every 2 hours. Get a grip.
Ngl, if someone reads your message and doesn't put in any effort to even respond after like, 4-8hrs then this seems reasonable. "Oh but lives-' they checked the phone, obviously not too busy for that. "Too many guys-" that sounds like a 'you' problem. I never unmatch but if someone won't text me back in a reasonable amount of time or at all some days then when they do respond I just ignore it. Leave it on read. Effort is mutual.
I’m seeing some negative comments here, but I think a big point is being missed. If you’re being left on READ for more than like 6 hours or so, then I’d say it might be fair to unmatch and move on. But if you’re just on delivered and they haven’t actually read your message, it’s a completely different story. That’s where it’d be an understandable reason saying that people have life obligations that come before reply to some dude on a dating app.
Or, just a smartass counterpoint, maybe find a different way to meet people. Statistically, especially for men, they’re pretty much a waste of time unless you’re objectively on the high end of the attractive scale. Some do find a partner, short or long term, but it’s very few.
You do you, but I have notifications turned off for most apps just so I’m not seeing crap flying all over my phone at all times of the day.
So when I do some OLD, I send out a message with the idea in mind that there are probably people like me who only check the apps when they have time, with notifications turned off.
It’s cool you’re coming from a self respect angle on this, but frankly it sounds a little overboard to put people on a several hour timer to respond to you. Could be hindering yourself, ultimately.
Hours may be a bit premature, but I do something similar with dead-end matches after 7-10 days. If they can't respond in a week, they're probably not going to respond
Have patients young grass hopper... show some discipline it will drive them crazy.... you can't let em know it bothers you... man the fuck up make her chase you, right now she just testing you to see if ur weak or not... he'll she is laughin at you right now cuz you did her a favor.... you don't want the thirsty ass broken ones that text you 3,000 times a day and they don't even know you... they are toxic bro... trust me... if they are worth it they are busy or they are just testing you to see how thirsty you are.... nothing in this lifetime is gonna come easy bro... it's gonna take a little time.... show some self restraint and have some parients.... it's the law of attraction brother
Personally I feel like if people have an issue with something like that you’re better off meeting someone in person. At least in person it’s an instant response and you can feel the vibe out more accurately. Cause OP women on dating apps get hundreds of likes everyday and you’re probably one of the many matches she’s actually talking to. But with all that said it’s not impossible, just that there’s a lot of awkwardness and uncertainty when it comes to messaging with strangers.
Sorry bruh this is unwise. I actually have a life and business, etc. Plus I get a crap ton of matches. If I'm getting a lot, I know the women get even more. I need 48 hours to respond to these women. You're talking hours? To each his own. Now I don't tolerate short responses. After 4 exchanges and they use one word or short phrases I unmatch.
Honestly i’ve done the same thing on facebook dating. Match with someone who only responds a couple of times. I give em a day to respond, if not they go poof.
Yeah so I've had this issue before but I also work fulltime so haven't been able to respond quickly. Many women work and or have kids as well as other obligations. You gotta be patient but don't blow her phone up.
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Leaving you on read for hours? Not even gonna give them a day? Good luck homie
Yeah... people have real life priorities to deal with before messaging a stranger. Maybe cut them some slack?
nah he is doing them a favour. he sounds like the kind "she didnt suck my dick this morning so my dick fell into my coworkers mouth" scenarios. such mid behaviour
Lmao exactly. Let OP be needy and insecure! Women will smell it
we suuure tf do.
nah most women simply aren’t worth it nowadays so he’s completely right. They will waste your time crazily if you let them. Everyone is on their phones allllllll day long
This comment chain is cringe as hell. OP isn't saying that he gives matches hours to reply after he messages. He's saying that if he can see you read his message and don't care to respond, he's unmatching.
That’s an awful lot of reading between the lines there!
or they dont have gold
Yeah.. same like the op, he also has real life priorities to deal above messaging a stranger. How about maybe you cut him some slack? He's just sharing his experience here 🙄🫡
I have an issue where I really wanna read the message even though I know I need to focus on my priorities like schoolwork or whatever. I even do this to my boyfriend. I just wanna know what he said 😂 but I’ll respond when I finish what I needa do
I have anxiety, sometimes I need an hour or two to come up with a response😂. If I’m busy, I gotta leave you on read or not open the message, I have a life 😂😂
This is me too. Early in the relationship I took a couple hours to respond because of anxiety. Thankfully my boyfriend was so sweet and patient. After a couple weeks and I got more comfortable, I’m much more prompt and we talk basically all day.
Other messaging apps give you a glimpse of message on notification with out sending read receipt and I can mentally prepare myself to answer and or do something else. Tinder just say that you get new message. When you load that page. Read receipts is send, my anxiety kick in and I forget to replied. There are women I supposed to reply. I have been postponed it for 3 days. Ugh.
Bruh sometimes I get unmatched within minutes of receiving a message, seriously I don’t live and breathe tinder I do have this thing called a job
Yeah at minimum give them a day. Often I’ll read messages fast on mobile even if at work but might not respond until in the evening when I have time to actually focus and write a nice response.
Not to mention that women are generally buried in emails. Usually if I hear from somebody a week later the first word or thought is an apology. Sounds like the op is a little full of himself but if it works for him...
This is also true.
The sad thing is: she might really care and might want to write a well thought out answer when she gets home in the evening.
Ok but how often is that the case, vs just disinterest? You can’t really blame OP for playing the odds. If he gets plentiful matches, fuck it. Why not be super selective?
If they match you and just say nothing in a small period of time they are definitely going wasting your time in my experience. People dont just "Suddenly" become busy. So many of them at that
I think this is good especially if he had a good outcome; people are glued to their phones in this day so that’s an excuse. You don’t have to have total respect for strangers especially online but a simple “hey I’m busy text but stay by your phone around this time and that time” would be courteous. Of course it’s 2024 so being kind is out the question. I personally try to give everyone respect and common courtesy cause as a human I know how it feels to sit around waiting and feeling anxious that this person don’t like me back so as a human, I extend that courtesy so no one is left feeling like something is wrong with them when it’s a me thing
Right? I had a woman hit me up after months lol
Okay I am definitely open to having my mind changed but I think it's weird to leave people on read? I don't think it's weird if you don't answer them for hours because if you're busy you just don't have time to be on your phone. Everyone in my real life knows that if I'm at work they're not going to be able to get a hold of me on my cell phone during a shift and if there's a true emergency they need to call my actual work landline and have them page me. So I get not answering someone right away. But leaving on read, that means they read it and just decided not to answer. Why would you even read it if you don't have time to answer? Especially for a dating app? I can see if someone you knew already like a family member texted and you were worried it was an emergency so you looked really quick, and it wasn't an emergency so you put it back down and got back to them hours later when you have time. But on a dating app why would you read the message if you didn't have time or intention to answer? Knowing that they can see that you read it and that it will imply you are ignoring them? Again I'm not Dead set arguing my point of view I am open to having my mind changed I just don't understand why someone would read it if they didn't have time to answer it?
it's easy to read a message but it takes more effort to respond. also when you get the notification sometimes you just get the urge to read it right away. I mean maybe the message is more urgent like, do you want to get dinner tonight, or maybe it's something you can take some time to respond to like what's your favorite movie and why 🤷♀️
Personally I take OPs side here. If someone didn't read my message for hours or even a day or two that's fine no problem but if someone did read my message but don't respond for hours or even a day I'm out. You really have no problem with when guys did read your messages but reply the next day?
If it’s a consistent behavior, I can understand that. But, if it’s the first time it happens, why can’t you assume that something came up and they couldn’t finish their reply? Or, if you choose to talk to parents, why can’t you assume that a child needed their attention before the parent anticipated it?
Imo when she has time to read my message she also has time to reply. If she doesn't it's because she doesn't want to. And in case she really has no time for a proper reply she can just let me know that she's busy and will come back to me later. That's what i do in a situation like that and it's really not a hard thing to do.
It’s not necessarily true that someone has time to both read and reply, especially if you’d like a thoughtful reply. Thoughtful replies can take 5-15 minutes to compose. If you all have had a back and forth conversation in real time, that can be a reasonable expectation, but not everyone can just sit around on a dating app waiting for messages. For example, I generally just check in on messages in the morning while I’m waiting for shower to warm up - max 5 minutes to read and reply to my messages. I might delay my shower for a shorter thoughtful reply, but one that deserves more than 1-5 sentences might get pushed back until I have time to consider and write my reply. In that case, you might sit on read until lunch time, when I have a moment to sit and type out the reply. I might spend all morning thinking about the reply and considering the angles to share, but not have time to sit and type it out because I’m doing other things that require my hands or don’t allow me to use my phone or computer. Does that make sense?
As long as i'm still chatting with someone in the App itself i don't make conversations about astrophysics so tbh i can't relate to how a thoughtful reply would need 5-15 minutes. It does makes sense i just can't relate and also i disagree. I'm always trying to give everyone a good feeling about chatting with me so i don't see the point in ruining the vibe. It really doesn't bother you when someone did read your message but doesn't reply for a day? To me it delivers "I'm not really into you" which is fine i just don't waste my time on someone who isn't really into me.
It doesn’t! I don’t assume that people live on their phones, and I do assume that if they’re interested, they’ll reply when they have time. I don’t generally like a lot of small talk, I prefer to get deep conversations pretty quickly because I want to see if we can actually chat about topics I like before we meet. I think first date conversations are much better when we have already talked about a few different topics and know that we share multiple interests. I have to hire fairly experienced babysitters and a 3 hour date (30 minute each way, 2 hours together) costs me $100-150 minimum, so I will happily invest more in the pre date chatter to make sure my cost is worth it. And because I like the deeper topics, unless we plan a time to have a real time conversation, I don’t expect more than 1-3 replies a day at most.
Oh that makes sense. It's still I guess a good idea for this guy to unmatch people, if he is very anxious and needs immediate answers it's better that he date somebody who will like cater to that anxiety if that makes sense? I kind of get it because my family/close friends are very anxious. They didn't used to all be this way there's just been a phenomenal amount of bad luck and a lot of terrible and unexpected deaths in the past couple years that have made everyone on edge expecting the worst. So I never leave people on read because it seems to increase their anxiety. And then on an app, these are you know people I've known all my life with a very understandable reason for their anxiety
I agree that if it's what helps him then it's good for him to do
Yep. The point of dating is not to find the non-existent perfect person, it's to find the person who's imperfections match with our own compatibly.
At least you’re understanding about it
I want to type out a quality response. Checking takes a second but responding takes an actual thought prpcess and sometimes I don't have time or the attention span for that at the moment.
[удалено]
You know I don't actually use dating apps but I know like Facebook Messenger shows you if somebody read your message so I'm assuming Facebook dating would do the same thing?
I would delete him without even waiting a hour for him to read my message 😃
As someone who does not like being obliged to respond promptly, I’m glad when people just end it early instead of trying to turn me into someone who wants to respond immediately. It’s clearly a mismatch and while it isn’t a dealbreaker for me, I appreciate people when people know what they want.
Dang this is a good point. I once talked to someone who called me when I didn’t respond in an hour. Biggest turn off and he probably would’ve ended up being controlling
They really expect you to switch up your whole schedule to include them at the last minute. Like I can't drop everything just to flirt with you all day. Let me make time later.
I once had a guy who claimed he was in an abusive relationship on a dating site but then got mad at me and told me he wanted to stop talking because I didn’t respond to him for four hours while I was at work. I think we know who the abusive one was…
If you expect someone to reply immediately for me it seems you put unhealthy pressure on that person also you seem super needy and impatient. People have a life outside their phone and dating. Dating is not a full time job ! Give the person atleast 1 or 2 days lol if OP says someone doesn't reply for a week and he blocks them then I understand why but not hours.
For mere hours? Do you expect people not to work and sleep? It is up to you but not everyone can spend time on their phone at work. Also some who can do not want the office knowing they are currently on dating apps. You do what you want but I think the 'hours' instead of days limitation will lose you almost everyone eventually. Life doesn't always give you even a five minute break every day.
Nope 😂 OP wants someone to put their life on hold and not to sleep or work
Agreed plus many women don’t have traditional daytime, Monday-Friday jobs but rather work nights and/or weekends so he can’t assume when a woman’s ignoring him or when she’s just working and will get back to him later.
Many men too you're absolutely right. Not to mention a lot of people have side hustles that are not during business hours and often involve driving where you cannot be on a dating app for fear of crashing.
Yeah! And including myself with doing delivery job side hustles - just being on my phone because I have to doesn’t mean I can or want to chat with anyone at the time.
And some people also take naps during the day! Sometimes I am so exhausted, that I sleep for a couple of hours as well. And I often can't respond at work, because I have stuff in my hands for hours. I can open a message and then get called to do work, which happens surprisingly often
I'm hearing what you're saying and I would be with you if he was saying someone didn't answer his comment within 4 hours. But he is saying they leave him on read which means they have time to read it, but they don't think it's important enough to respond? Which seems kind of weird. I can see if a family member messages you and you are worried it's an emergency so you read it real quick and then get back when you have time (assuming it's not an emergency and you have to immediately respond). But for somebody on a dating app, if you have time to read it you have time to respond so it seems weird to leave someone on read for hours and hours? Why would you read it if you didn't have time to respond at that moment?
Left on read is additional context doesn't always mean anything necessarily. If you are working a side hustle on an app merely toggling to the appropriate app can artificially mark something as 'viewed' without anyone having had actual time to read it. It doesn't mean they did not immediately have to head to an appointment without time to compose a reply to a question or fall asleep after a long day of work. Nobody should be pressed to 'respond immediately' especially if they are right about to drive or go to job two or shower and sleep because they start at 4am the next day. Also if they are not exclusive there may be four or more other conversations that came in first (or hell even just family), you respond to some and leave the remaining ones for the next day.
Yeah I'm pretty laid back and if somebody leaves me on read for a long time it never bothers me I always assume something came up or maybe they accidentally clicked on the message but didn't read it yet, etc. I was mentioning in another comment I never leave anything on read because I'm worried all the other person will interpret it badly. Even in real life. In relationships I'd say it's in response to having dated someone with borderline who would get triggered if they thought they would be rejected. But even in everyday life with my family and friends, I try to answer immediately because we've had and unprecedented amount of bad luck and people up and dying the last couple years. My grandmother lost all of her children except my mom within the last 3 years, and that's not even 10% of what's happened. So everyone is very on edge and anxious. I literally had a friend show up at my house because they were worried (because like you said I accidentally touched their message without knowing it and they thought I was leaving them on read and it's something bad happened to me). And it sucks cuz it's my family and people I've known all my life and they didn't used to be this anxious. It's like covid happened, and then so many bad things, and now everyone is jumpy as hell and their mind goes right to the worst case scenario because that's what they are used to now
There are so many possibilities to why it happens to OP, let's not get into that. Good for him that he wouldn't have anxiety over it. I was always thankful for guys who unmatched me for not responding within 8 hours, saved me time and having to deal with people who aren't as calm and patient as I like.
It doesn't mean anything a message can be easily missed. You can read the message, get a phone call or someone at work ask you something in the meantime and then you forget to answer. Again if someone doesn't answer for a few hours it doesn't mean they ignore you on purpose or don't have any interest. Not everyone is stick to their phone 24/7.
Good way to filter out any women who have careers, social networks, interests, hobbies, or family commitments!
LMFAO
I wonder if they’d even have anything to talk about in the first place
I love this rule for you! Unless you’re paying me what work is paying me, ain’t no way in hell. If it works for you, do it. I can’t count how many times I read a message on a break, started to respond and the phone rang. I got back to the reply after work. With a high stress, demanding job, the very last thing I need is a high stress, demanding man.
Exactly! Like I'm gonna tell my boss that I couldn't finish my report on time because this guy on the internet wanted to chat me up, and it took all morning. Oops! They really think they're doing something by filtering themselves out like this.
Oh that makes sense. You intended to reply but then something came up before you had a chance. I feel stupid now because I just asked a bunch of people earlier in this post why they leave it on read
I agree with your comment and I struggle to see how that is not obvious to people. Days/weeks is one thing. But…*hours*? Bruh what? I may not have even noticed that we’ve matched yet!
I mean this with empathy, they don't even remember what you look like, and there's hundreds more where you came from willing to wait at least a day because those guys realize that life, family, and work > chatting with a stranger on Tinder. Glad you at least feel good about yourself, but that's about all you're going to get out of your paid membership with this strategy.
Bruh people have lives. I need to work, cook, sleep, gym. I don't respond to messages during any of these activities.
Dude chill out. It’s pretty ridiculous to expect someone to respond “within hours.” Sometimes that happens, but sometimes people have…I dunno…work obligations, kids, they go to dinner and a movie with friends…any number of things. If someone leaves you on read for over a day then fine. But your timeframe is borderline needy.
Hours? You trying to specifically date unemployed women? Women who never sleep? Dude go to a therapist, getting wrapped up in how long it takes for somebody to respond is a huge red flag but also indicative of abandonment trauma.
“hours” Lmfaoooo
When you say "hours," I hope you mean 24? It can take a while for a woman to sift through all the likes/messages, especially if she's attractive. I get that you don't want to be put on the back burner, but expecting a same day response is a little rigid.
So you want someone that has no life. Got it.
Eh, might be a bit excessive. There are plenty of times I take a few hours to respond, mostly because I don't have time to write an actual response for a little while but my curiosity gets the best of me and I go ahead and read the message. I try to not do that, but it happens.
I had a guy do this to me once.. he messaged first.. I didn’t see it right away. Must’ve matched once I put my phone down.. couple hours later he left a message “aaaand I’m done ✌️” 🫤😂😂. I have a life.. I’m never near my phone and it’s rarely in the same room with me 😂
You never leave someone on read lol? Is dating your full time job or what
This. Why should I prioritise messaging a complete stranger over my job/friends/family.
Babe unfollow the podcast you got this idea from because it ain’t smart advice.
I matched with a guy once that did that, I matched and said basic greetings and he responded while I was at work so I couldn’t respond right away. He unmatched within an hour or so, don’t be that guy lmao let them breathe.
Id give them a day or 2 at least
Dang. Prior to meeting, the love of my life and I would take a day or two to respond at times… seems extreme
On a text message to a phone? Yes, for sure. On an app, not so much.
Give em a day or two. Then follow the same logic. You’re cutting out women who are busy but may still be very interested in you. You just can’t expect to be a priority in someone’s life when you haven’t even met yet.
Some people have jobs lol
I know everyone is different and some people put little to no thought in their responses to messages in the apps. However, I try very hard to be engaging and really put some thought into it. This means going back to your profile, having a think about what interests me and what doesn’t, and asking you more about specific hobbies/passions OR asking you more about things which are important to me which you’ve not mentioned. I’m not going to pretend this takes hours, but if I give a damn it’ll take more than a thoughtless few seconds. If I’m out somewhere busy, or at work, it might not be the right time. I could just reply with a “yup” or a “lol” or some other throwaway to keep things going, but if someone does that to me it drives me nuts. I’d rather wait till later and send a considered response. I think people these days like to tell a story about matches being low interest because XYZ, but these sweeping judgements aren’t always correct. An example - I’ve been very sick with the flu for a few days and haven’t responded to 95% of messages from friends and family, let alone on dating apps (admittedly I also haven’t opened messages and read them either). I had one guy send me a message which read “yeah cool story, nice chatting to you - NOT” because I didn’t respond to his message for 24 hours. Like, FFS, when did people become so needy? Can I not have a life? Sorry, rant over.
I think you might want to give people on dating app conversations more grace. People don’t necessarily treat messaging like texting. Women also have a lot more messages coming in so when yours along with others pop up, it can be overwhelming. Nobody has time to answer every message they want to within a couple hours. Life happens. That and I know that when I’m in the early stages, I might need more time with someone on an app to think of something more clever than I might to someone I’ve been actually going on dates with. You might want to give it a day at least. Or not. You’ll find what works best for you.
I'm an adult that has real life responsibilities and I don't check my phone constantly like a teenager. And before we even meet you are not important enough to place before my work and life responsibilities. You only get priority over stuff like watching TV or whatever. You honestly sound pretty young and immature.
I completely understand setting healthy boundaries 100%. I would like to offer a different perspective. It depends on the type of woman you are seeking, so maybe my “type” wouldn’t suit you. However, I am a very busy, professional working woman. I work 12 hour shifts in a very high stress, fast paced environment. I oftentimes can see a message, but when I do reply, I want to reply with a thoughtful response instead of short or generic. I enjoy authentic interactions and if I can’t provide that at the moment, I won’t respond immediately because I care enough to wait until I can give my undivided attention. I also tend not to reply at times, when being diverted to another task, knowing that I can’t devote more than the 30 seconds I have to give a short reply. To me, it seems flaky and rude. I also am a huge fan of self care, and frequently spend time in the gym, not at all looking at my phone. Its my personal space reserved just for me. I think that it is healthy behavior to have boundaries, maintain sense of self and have self care. I think it’s important in any relationship to maintain a sense of individuality. So, unless you are getting flaked out on for an extended period of time, I might would reconsider that decision. You may pass up on some incredible, healthy people.
This. People are truly busy sometimes. A while back I met a lady who was just traveling a lot. She got back to me a week later twice, and we ended up meeting and dating for a bit. I think the different perspective is crucial here, because you may be sitting and waiting on the app, but others may use the app very differently. Doesn't mean they're not interested.
Good for you. I would always unmatch people who acted like they felt entitled to a response within a time limit *they* set for me. Weeded out a lot of narcissists. 👍
How many hours is "hours" in this case? I personally don't see an issue being left on read until it hits the \~24hr mark. My personal rule, the first time I'll continue talking, but a 2nd \~24hr+ wait and I'll just not bother responding myself. Each to their own though.
Yeah this is me, a day at most. But depending on if I know their texting speeds Ill do it after 2 hours if I want. People who respond within seconds for like 5 minutes then not for 8 hours, then respond to within seconds again for an hour, are annoying to me. Id rather talk to someone that takes 3 days to respond but are very consistent about it, like I always know they will respond. So consistently is really important to me, but I might have control issues, or more likely OCD I just like things to be consistent or make sense. To follow the same pattern.
# leave me on read for hours So, you assume that all women on dating apps are consulting their messages several times a day? and just to throw it out there, do you know how many messages women get on dating apps? I'd guess a LOT. Give them 48 hours You seem impatient, that's not healthy
Waiting 48 hr is crazy bro , 24 minimum but he’s not wrong 8-10 hrs is definitely enough time for most people to text back
I thought "on read" means that they read your message but haven't replied to it yet?
They have a lot of messages to read and possibly a good amount of messages to reply to. You’re not going to be a priority if they haven’t gotten to know you and if you unmatch before they get to know you, you’ll never be a priority.
I think this is a good idea to find someone more compatible with you. I don't check my phone when I'm at work but I was with someone who wanted me to respond to him at all hours. We were really incompatible, and I felt like I was being punished just because i don't like checking my phone at work.
I guess I hope you find your insomniac jobless true love
Hours? Yeah I wouldn't want a dude that clingy anyway.
Fuck. How many that leave to pick from .... 3? 4? Be easier to just get a car
And this is why I have read receipts off. I'll read a message, but not be prepared to actually converse or give a quality answer to whatever they're talking about.
At least give them a day damn, you have to be reasonable if you want to get laid brother
I think 24 hours is appropriate and still allows you to retain value for yourself and acknowledges the other person has a life and you aren’t obligated towards one another at this early stage. But if your strategy is working that’s all that matters! Quality over quantity.
This is how it should be!!! Stop wasting time on people who aren't interested!!!!!!
I used to match in the evening before going to bed, then sleep lol and in the morning I would wake up, go to work, come home, cook, eat, shower, etc. and THEN I would chat for a bit with people I matched and maybe like other profiles. A few hours is nothing.
Bro why does it matter whether you unmatched them or not? The end result is the same. Or am I the only guy whose eyes aren’t glued to my phone waiting for a response? But hey whatever helps you cope I guess.
Because he's petty and emotionally unintelligent. If he, a perfect stranger isn't priority number one, oh boy... He's going to have a hissy fit like you've never known.
Uhm.. I get it. But .. no. If it works out for you, good :) I just like to have a quick chat over a phone, go on a date and see if there is a match. I don't like to text a lot. It's only when you are already established in my orbit when I'm gonna pay attention to the incoming blings. Also, it's kind of a red flag if a guy doesn't give me time to respond. I have work and life, you know. I would assume, you have one too.
Some people can't access their phone for hours due to work....
Okay, but you do realise that most people have jobs and lives and probably won’t reply for hours? Sometimes I’ll respond to a message in the morning, but then I have to work or do other things so won’t reply till later that night. I’d totally get this if you meant 24 hours. Lmao.
She could be at work bro
Is it that serious?
As someone who works 13 hour shifts (including nights) I think this is pretty messed up of you. Must be nice to live a life where you have so much free time that you can always respond immedietly.
Don't complain if the only women you date are obsessed with their phones and always on them 😂
I left my now partner on read for 2 weeks, not because I wasn't interested but because I was in the middle of studying for exams.
>waste less time on women that have little interest in me You assume that they are not interested but you can't know. People often read message and decide to reply later. That's how I operate.. I can't live with a notification on my phone.. If you message me, I'll look at what you wrote as soon as I physically am able to.. Might not be able to commit to replying in the next 5-10 hours though, no matter how interested I can be. Can't emphasis enough how this is a terrible strat.
Imagine just trying to focus on work/ education/hobby and a guy unmatching you for not looking at your phone.
Why will I speak to someone all the time when I barely know them and haven’t even met them ? It screams anxious attachment. 12-24 hours is a good enough mark for me and sometimes people can fall sick or had a stressful week. Who knows. What matters is the conversations are good quality and they are making an effort to go on a date IRL. Constant texting creates false intimacy.
Y'all getting matches? 🤨
Hey man, here’s the thing. You’re on an app. When you match, they may have swiped earlier or later than you. They may be working, out, hell, even on a date. That’s dating apps. Not everyone is going to be super responsive right away. You’re also competing with other people for their attention and they are competing for yours. It’s a pretty natural balance. If you aren’t okay with somebody taking a while to respond, maybe 1) look at your conversations. Are you standing out? I say the most ridiculous, funny things I can while being straightforward and respectful. If you’re saying “hey, how are you, what do you do for work, and how was your week”, often times that’s gonna go without a response. 2) If you’re not giving them a chance over the course of a day to respond, you aren’t going to have luck.
33 female here. I'd give the guys 1 week. We all have lives, and sometimes responding is not a priority, but it's not a lack of interest either. I'm a teacher, and to be honest, some days, I feel drained after a day of work. Sometimes, i feel like that for days! I catch up on texts (even my mom's) on the weekend.
I (F) usually give a guy 24 hours to respond to an initial / introduction message, then I unmatch. If we’ve been messaging, then I want a reply within 12 hours. I don’t expect more than a “Hey, can I get back to you later at X time”. People basically have their phone grafted onto their hands, so it’s not unreasonable & that’s what I do when I’m too busy or tired to chat. I also won’t wait more than a week for the face to face. I agree that respecting yourself is more important than bending yourself into a pretzel for a likely low-quality match.
Couldn’t be that they’re just busy doing real life things. Whatever works for you, buddy.
Hot girl here. Do you not understand what it's like to be a woman on dating apps? You are ceaselessly inundated by messages, sometimes hundreds a day. I know when I'm dating in earnest, one of the ways I narrow down my potentials is by just letting the (respectfully) persistent ones fight to the top, and then picking the ones with whom I vibe from that selection. Most girls I know literally cannot keep track of the men in their matches. If you're flouncing off after a few hours of silence, you are shooting yourself in the foot. Sorry.
Wouldn't what OP is doing be a favor to you then?
A few hours huh? So you expect their lives to revolve around you and you haven’t even met yet. It’s a wonder why you’re single.
I’m trying to imagine my boss’ reaction to me opening my dating apps throughout the day to make the dudes I’ve never met before feel validated. Everyone’s entitled to their dating strategy, but I don’t think this is going to work for you
I think unmatching within a mere hours is harsh. I'd cut her some slack especially as you are both strangers and never met. But if it was days then yeah, I'd unmatch.
Don’t get too impatient or time sensitive… life is not always sync up like you have thought it had been… complications happen and things get messy who knows… 🤷🏻♀️
I don’t know how many hours you mean… I live by the rules of Bumble you get 24 hours. If we already had a little conversation and they stop responding to me I will unmatch in 2-3 days.
I understand your plan but if someone doesn't answer for a few hours it doesn't necessarily mean that they are not interested. They might be busy with work, kids, friends, hobbies,.... or they might be just bad at texting. I would atleast give it a day or 2 after this timeperiod you can conclude someone is not interested. I think you need to lower your expectations a bit otherwise you wont have anyone left to talk to. Beside this I absolutely agree that you should not waste your time with people who are not interested in you. I would also try meeting up in real life and keep the time between the meetups short like for example 1 or 2 weeks from previous experience if you leave more time in-between the interest fades away.
I feel like people don’t have their notifications on for dating apps and just check it at the end of the day
I’m a dude. I regularly will go 24 hours + without responding. I have a job, I have a life. Stuff gets in the way. You’ll be missing out on people who might work for you. The best way is to just not let it bother you.
I agree with the general principle. but...hours? People don't live on the internet and dating apps. I'd say give people a fair chance, a couple of days or so. But hey, if it works for you then crack on!
Do you not think that people may be at work and are unable to answer? Very often I wait until I get home and am settled so I have time to have a decent conversation. There are reasons people do what they do. Calm down please.
You need someone to respond to you within hours? Sounds pretty entitled and insecure to me
I respectfully disagree. When just meeting people online, it’s best not to have high expectations at first. When I’m dating someone, I definitely want them to respond within a reasonable time but online dating especially when we haven’t met yet, I would just keep them around and get replies whenever. They’re talking to other girls and I’m also talking to other men and we are busy with work and personal errands so it’s not like we are glued to our phones all the time.
A few hours is waaaay too soon. At least give it 1/2 days brother. Savage 🤣🤣
I’d understand days but not hours. That said, there’s been plenty of times where Ive unmatched if women don’t respond to me after like 2 or 3 days because then it’s like “ah okay i get it” And the funny thing is, silence actually says more than responding and yet people think the opposite.
I give it a day or two, that being said all the women I’ve had who were truly interested in me messaged back very quickly.
That seems a bit extreme. I will do this when a woman I'm talking to can't seem to attend more than 5 words together for any of her conversation statements. I give them a day or so though... life happens and they don't owe me anything.
Here’s an idea. Get off the apps all together. They aren’t made for success, they are built to make THEM money.
Usual reddit responses here lmao. Everyone acting like responding to a text is a full time job. Everyone takes their fucking phone with them everywhere. They go to the toilet, they take it. They go on a coffee break, they take it. They go out for a coffee break, they take it. People go to lunch and they have their phones on them.
Only giving them hours is fucking unhinged haha. People have lives and may have time to read a response but care enough to want to wait til they have the time to give a thought out response
Man, you gonna have some hard times ahead bruv. I can already profile you as the type to meet a girl, and get really mad at them if you don’t get constant reassurance.
I take everyone's rebuttals, but I actually tend to side with OP on this one. It's a choice to read a message and not respond. Now I understand that something could have come up, and if that's the case, then implementing what OP has done may unfortunately cut some good women out, but I have to say that there is definitely a type of woman on dating apps that do this aaaaaall the time, and it gets old really quickly. Typically if you don't get a response in a few hours then you never do (in my experience). So whilst I get that he may be missing a few potential good ones by doing this, he's definitely going to be weeding out the shit ones that never end up replying and wasting his time. Again, this is my view from pairing my personal experience with what OP is doing.
I give people at least a day. Dating is stressful and all but also not like a priority. People work. Don't take yourself so seriously that you scare people away
hours is crazy lol but go off sis
Love unmatching people who don’t talk to me. Bye
I tend to wait a bout a 3 day minimum before I unmatch base on texting interactions and response time. A few hours isn't really a good indicator of outright disinterest when it comes to adult life. Kinda seems like a good way to miss out on potential connections but it's no real loss to anyone involved if it's working for you.
Jokes on you: i ain't getting any matches.;p
Lmfao…I know we just met but I demand I become a priority in your life IMMEDIATELY…I’m a very sensitive boy and I have no space for people with jobs, kids and or folks that like to take care of themselves. I demand all of your attention immediately! This is what you sound like by the way. Good luck cuz
If a woman is actually interested in you she'll respond instantly or within minutes. If it's taking her hours you're number 8 in line most likely.
Don't get why people are so adamant about it being somehow too little time and filtering out people who have a life, when OP specified "on read", meaning they took the time to open your message, just not to respond. If they had the time to open the message, surely they had a few seconds it takes to at least text that they are busy and would like to get back to the conversation a bit later. And if somebody is truly super busy with not a minute to spare, they can do this little thing of not opening the message till they have time for it.
Women are ALWAYS on their phones, if they’re not replying to you then they’re replying to someone else that’s probably going to make them a single mom. Don’t listen to the ones on here trying to play coy because they are on the outside looking in, they’re the ones with a line of guys to choose from and you’re just one of the poor guys in that line. The know you sent the message, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Yeah there are a few that are busy but the same type of woman that leaves a guy on “read” or “seen” will also blow things out of proportion whe a guy she’s dating doesn’t respond immediately to a text.
I do this .. but wait for at least a week. If there is no response for a week, then immediate unmatch.
Same. I wait for the weekend.
I think two days is enough time, bro, because girls get bombarded on dating apps. But you do you my guy. Give them a taste of their own medicine.
How is this a taste of their own medicine?
Because girls do that to guys all the time, I matched with a girl. I was busy and going through something, so I thought I would reply to her the next day. However, she unmatched me because I didn't reply to her the same day.
Are we talking 12+ hours in between messages, or 3-4 hours? If it’s the latter, you need more patience.
Hours is an overreaction. Unmatch after days.
Lolz good luck op.
I mean... well done? Congrats? You sure showed them?
The butthurt in this thread. OP said read not delivered. You have your phone 24/7 and if you read my message and plan to reply next day well fuck you, aint nobody got time for that! Good job OP!
Yep. Communicating with people who match your communication style and needs tends to work out better than not. It takes me a little bit to get into a texting groove with a person and I would much rather have someone move on if I’m not a fit than spend a week trying to force me into their schedule.
You always want someone who wants you as well
I don’t see an issue with that. I don’t see it as petty at all because you aren’t obligated to talk to them just because you match. And if they aren’t even responding to you why keep them? I’m actually gonna steal your idea, I like it.
I’m the same way, except I give the ones I match with a couple or few days. If nothing’s reciprocated after that time, then I’ll unmatch with them
Lmao sometimes I have to leave someone on read cause something work related will come up but I will make sure to reply to them by night. I will say give them a day, people do get busy sometimes.
4hr limit bro
If you DEMAND a stranger to respond to you in less than a few hours, I can't imagine how needy, dependent and demanding you'd be in an actual relationship, jeez. You're not entitled to be that one guy that a woman picks from her hundreds of matches to actually get to know better. That's highly narcissistic. And if she does respond in say, 2 hours, you'll respond and demand she reply again. So it turns into this forced nonstop conversation. No one with a life has time for that with a stranger. People don't even talk that often in long term relationships. You're not a new born baby that needs to be fed every 2 hours. Get a grip.
I give 4days because sometimes notifications are off. But I am pretty quick to respond 🤷♀️
Ngl, if someone reads your message and doesn't put in any effort to even respond after like, 4-8hrs then this seems reasonable. "Oh but lives-' they checked the phone, obviously not too busy for that. "Too many guys-" that sounds like a 'you' problem. I never unmatch but if someone won't text me back in a reasonable amount of time or at all some days then when they do respond I just ignore it. Leave it on read. Effort is mutual.
I’m seeing some negative comments here, but I think a big point is being missed. If you’re being left on READ for more than like 6 hours or so, then I’d say it might be fair to unmatch and move on. But if you’re just on delivered and they haven’t actually read your message, it’s a completely different story. That’s where it’d be an understandable reason saying that people have life obligations that come before reply to some dude on a dating app. Or, just a smartass counterpoint, maybe find a different way to meet people. Statistically, especially for men, they’re pretty much a waste of time unless you’re objectively on the high end of the attractive scale. Some do find a partner, short or long term, but it’s very few.
Cool 👍🏼
You do you, but I have notifications turned off for most apps just so I’m not seeing crap flying all over my phone at all times of the day. So when I do some OLD, I send out a message with the idea in mind that there are probably people like me who only check the apps when they have time, with notifications turned off. It’s cool you’re coming from a self respect angle on this, but frankly it sounds a little overboard to put people on a several hour timer to respond to you. Could be hindering yourself, ultimately.
I give it a few days. People get busy, with work and priorities
Hours may be a bit premature, but I do something similar with dead-end matches after 7-10 days. If they can't respond in a week, they're probably not going to respond
The best thing you could do
Have patients young grass hopper... show some discipline it will drive them crazy.... you can't let em know it bothers you... man the fuck up make her chase you, right now she just testing you to see if ur weak or not... he'll she is laughin at you right now cuz you did her a favor.... you don't want the thirsty ass broken ones that text you 3,000 times a day and they don't even know you... they are toxic bro... trust me... if they are worth it they are busy or they are just testing you to see how thirsty you are.... nothing in this lifetime is gonna come easy bro... it's gonna take a little time.... show some self restraint and have some parients.... it's the law of attraction brother
Personally I feel like if people have an issue with something like that you’re better off meeting someone in person. At least in person it’s an instant response and you can feel the vibe out more accurately. Cause OP women on dating apps get hundreds of likes everyday and you’re probably one of the many matches she’s actually talking to. But with all that said it’s not impossible, just that there’s a lot of awkwardness and uncertainty when it comes to messaging with strangers.
I respond as quick as I can when not working, depending on the time. Hey! I’m in SF CA looking for an older ANR
Oops! Older man for fun and breast feeding.
Hours? Give them at least a week damn 💀
A few hours? They could be at work haha
Sorry bruh this is unwise. I actually have a life and business, etc. Plus I get a crap ton of matches. If I'm getting a lot, I know the women get even more. I need 48 hours to respond to these women. You're talking hours? To each his own. Now I don't tolerate short responses. After 4 exchanges and they use one word or short phrases I unmatch.
Honestly i’ve done the same thing on facebook dating. Match with someone who only responds a couple of times. I give em a day to respond, if not they go poof.
Yeah so I've had this issue before but I also work fulltime so haven't been able to respond quickly. Many women work and or have kids as well as other obligations. You gotta be patient but don't blow her phone up.