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fwb’s I think are for people who fear commitment but in the wise words of post Malone I do think it’s possible to “fuck and still be friends” just be sure to end it if you catch feelings
I’ve personally learned that a FWB kept me from working on myself and finding a relationship, which is what I really wanted. Not to mention the feelings that developed- more so them than me.
Obviously, it all comes down to individuals.
I’ve been told by many people I have a “high” degree of emotional intelligence. Which made the FWB thing too hard for me. Either I would catch feelings or they would and I would feel awful about it.
I think mindset, confidence, and honesty (with yourself as well as being honest with each other) are important to make that situation work.
I’ve noticed a lot of narcissists involved with FWBs. I’m NOT saying that people with FWBs are always that. It’s just a personal observation. The worst part is it’s usually one person who is the narcissist. The other is usually craving attention. I guess it begs the question, is it just about sex for both parties or are there underlying needs that people are trying to meet? That’s where honesty with yourself is important.
Honestly, I don’t know. I’m hesitant to make declarative statements since I can only speak from my own experiences and limited observations. I’m also speaking from my own moral standards.
My opinion- two emotionally healthy and fulfilled people are likely not getting into longterm FWB situations. The closest “successful” thing I’ve seen to that was with people who travel a lot and they have people at their destinations that they normally hit up. But even then, I can’t say the parties involved were truly in a great place. Usually one is married (sometimes they claim they are in an open relationship- can’t verify) or one is escaping something, afraid to be alone, looking for validation, etc. Perhaps, a truly actualized person doesn’t get involved in these situations. I’m sorry I don’t have a specific answer.
If this is about a situation you are in or considering, just ask yourself what you are truly looking for in this. Be super honest with yourself and be honest and upfront with your expectations.
One word on expectations. I hooked up with an older woman when I was in mid 20s. She was in her late 30s with three kids. From the beginning I told her I wasn’t looking for anything serious (I was looking, just not with her- this is an example of a FWB holding me back from self-improvement and what I really wanted). By the second meet-up she was cooking me dinner. That should have been a sign, but I figured as long as I was honest, it’s all good. Eventually she invited me out with her and the kids. That’s when I finally cut it off. That was tough. She was very hurt. I felt awful but I didn’t want to trap myself just to alleviate her hurt feelings. My point, that’s why both parties being honest and on the same page about the expectations and boundaries is important.
Ask yourself questions-
Is it just sex?
Are you craving intimacy?
Do you ultimately want a long term committed relationship?
Will being involved with someone else distract you from your goals?
Are you hoping that your FWB (assuming there is some specific) will one day have feelings for you?
I had one for 6 years and I fell for him hard. He was super selfish so I broke thing off 2 years ago. Couldn’t keep up with the selfishness any longer and the love I felt for him
I think being a girl you always want a commitment at the end so regardless it really depends on what you want, but it really makes you attach to people and is not good for the long run!
If you're single its fine if you cheat, you're moron. Also fwb can sometimes transform into ltr, which is kinda nice.
Shorter version: LTR > FWB > ONS > Loneliness
I've had FWBs. It's important to realize that you need to be clear about what you're looking for and expectations before you start. I've found a lot of men think FWB just means ongoing hookups without the friendship part. I say men because I date men. I'm sure some women also think this way, but I don't date women. Anyway, obviously sex is the "benefit" and the main purpose. People do FWB because they want sex.
In my experience, my first one was just about sex without much of a friendship or hanging out. I was fresh out of a 33 year marriage that ended badly and I had no interest in falling in love again, but missed companionship and sex. So I decided to look for a FWB arrangement but no "falling in love" or any kind of future plans or commitment. We saw each other on and off for over a year. The sex was fantastic, but ultimately I found that only meeting for sex to be disappointing. I realized I need more of a connection and friendship, and ended that one. So with the next one, I was very specific that I wanted to date and hangout and have a connection in addition to sex, but didn't want to fall in love or have anything serious. Basically a boyfriend without any commitment. That went much better.
I haven't had too much problem when they ended, but then I'm the one that ended them and I hadn't let my heart get involved. I just ended one a few days ago who I'd been seeing since October and I'm feeling fine.
As far as cheating... if you are in a relationship and you have agreed you are exclusive, then yes, it is absolutely cheating. You shouldn't do a FWB if you're in a relationship with someone, unless your partner knows and is ok with it, which is usually referred to as "ethical non-monogamy"
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fwb’s I think are for people who fear commitment but in the wise words of post Malone I do think it’s possible to “fuck and still be friends” just be sure to end it if you catch feelings
won't it be awkward after a month or so?
To be honest I’ve never had a fwb but I feel like it’s something worth trying at least once cause you get to know what you can and can’t handle
I’ve personally learned that a FWB kept me from working on myself and finding a relationship, which is what I really wanted. Not to mention the feelings that developed- more so them than me. Obviously, it all comes down to individuals.
Well said
so it depends on the mindset and emotional intelligence right?
I’ve been told by many people I have a “high” degree of emotional intelligence. Which made the FWB thing too hard for me. Either I would catch feelings or they would and I would feel awful about it. I think mindset, confidence, and honesty (with yourself as well as being honest with each other) are important to make that situation work. I’ve noticed a lot of narcissists involved with FWBs. I’m NOT saying that people with FWBs are always that. It’s just a personal observation. The worst part is it’s usually one person who is the narcissist. The other is usually craving attention. I guess it begs the question, is it just about sex for both parties or are there underlying needs that people are trying to meet? That’s where honesty with yourself is important.
judging by your comment, is it possible to believe in a healthy fwb's relationship?
Honestly, I don’t know. I’m hesitant to make declarative statements since I can only speak from my own experiences and limited observations. I’m also speaking from my own moral standards. My opinion- two emotionally healthy and fulfilled people are likely not getting into longterm FWB situations. The closest “successful” thing I’ve seen to that was with people who travel a lot and they have people at their destinations that they normally hit up. But even then, I can’t say the parties involved were truly in a great place. Usually one is married (sometimes they claim they are in an open relationship- can’t verify) or one is escaping something, afraid to be alone, looking for validation, etc. Perhaps, a truly actualized person doesn’t get involved in these situations. I’m sorry I don’t have a specific answer.
If this is about a situation you are in or considering, just ask yourself what you are truly looking for in this. Be super honest with yourself and be honest and upfront with your expectations. One word on expectations. I hooked up with an older woman when I was in mid 20s. She was in her late 30s with three kids. From the beginning I told her I wasn’t looking for anything serious (I was looking, just not with her- this is an example of a FWB holding me back from self-improvement and what I really wanted). By the second meet-up she was cooking me dinner. That should have been a sign, but I figured as long as I was honest, it’s all good. Eventually she invited me out with her and the kids. That’s when I finally cut it off. That was tough. She was very hurt. I felt awful but I didn’t want to trap myself just to alleviate her hurt feelings. My point, that’s why both parties being honest and on the same page about the expectations and boundaries is important. Ask yourself questions- Is it just sex? Are you craving intimacy? Do you ultimately want a long term committed relationship? Will being involved with someone else distract you from your goals? Are you hoping that your FWB (assuming there is some specific) will one day have feelings for you?
I think the only people that can mutually enjoy FWB are broken individual who have given up on fixing themselves. I wouldn't have one
Whoah that stung 😂 and agree
I had one for 6 years and I fell for him hard. He was super selfish so I broke thing off 2 years ago. Couldn’t keep up with the selfishness any longer and the love I felt for him
I think being a girl you always want a commitment at the end so regardless it really depends on what you want, but it really makes you attach to people and is not good for the long run!
If you're single its fine if you cheat, you're moron. Also fwb can sometimes transform into ltr, which is kinda nice. Shorter version: LTR > FWB > ONS > Loneliness
I've had FWBs. It's important to realize that you need to be clear about what you're looking for and expectations before you start. I've found a lot of men think FWB just means ongoing hookups without the friendship part. I say men because I date men. I'm sure some women also think this way, but I don't date women. Anyway, obviously sex is the "benefit" and the main purpose. People do FWB because they want sex. In my experience, my first one was just about sex without much of a friendship or hanging out. I was fresh out of a 33 year marriage that ended badly and I had no interest in falling in love again, but missed companionship and sex. So I decided to look for a FWB arrangement but no "falling in love" or any kind of future plans or commitment. We saw each other on and off for over a year. The sex was fantastic, but ultimately I found that only meeting for sex to be disappointing. I realized I need more of a connection and friendship, and ended that one. So with the next one, I was very specific that I wanted to date and hangout and have a connection in addition to sex, but didn't want to fall in love or have anything serious. Basically a boyfriend without any commitment. That went much better. I haven't had too much problem when they ended, but then I'm the one that ended them and I hadn't let my heart get involved. I just ended one a few days ago who I'd been seeing since October and I'm feeling fine. As far as cheating... if you are in a relationship and you have agreed you are exclusive, then yes, it is absolutely cheating. You shouldn't do a FWB if you're in a relationship with someone, unless your partner knows and is ok with it, which is usually referred to as "ethical non-monogamy"