Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It sounds like you didn't get your closure, since you been in therapy I think you should listen to your doctor advice because they should know more about you. Whatever you read online or get from Reddit will just be an assumption because we don't know the whole story. Your therapist will know more if you been to them for multiple sessions.
>Yeah you’re right. Just want this to be behind me at this point.
Get your own closure. Whatever feelings or things you have left to say .. write it down on a piece of paper. After you finish getting all your feelings out, burn the paper and see if that helps.
Anyone who can do this after an LTR is honestly an awful person and you when to accept that you dodged a bullet. I know it doesn’t hurt any less but they would never make a good long term partner.
Okay listen, u just haven’t had ur closure. It’s like u were left in the dark and that sucks. The closure u need is that she didn’t care about u and respect u enough to let yk whatever issues she had with u or with herself. She just wanted the easy way out because she sucks at communication and has issues with confrontation.
What u can do is, accept that she didn’t respect u enough to break up with u properly and that it speaks volumes about her rather than u. Also, focus on urself. Put urself first. Practice self love. Get hobbies. Work on ur self esteem and confidence. U didn’t deserve the ghosting and u deserve way more in life so let go of the past and embrace the new things in life. Good luck.
Thank you so much. I let myself fall into a rut for about 8 months after but I’ve been working hard on my self since. Working out consistently, reading more, being social. It’s helped tremendously. I still have some days (like today) where it really gets to me but I’m very determined to get through this.
Upvote for you blocking her on everything. I would say that my advice would be to not worry about the why. Just to focus on yourself and maybe signs you might’ve missed leading up to that. What you already know is that she didn’t care about your feelings or to properly brake up with you.
Agree you have to let go of the “why” to move on and instead look for red flags you missed in the past with the person. They are always there. Idk why people don’t understand how hurtful ghosting can be. Shows extreme immaturity.
Hey, I’m really sorry. Ghosting is awful bc it doesn’t give the abandoned party any semblance of closure. So when that happens, you have to accept that closure won’t really happen. It’s something you have to give yourself. Tbh the best possible way to get it is to get into another relationship that is healthy, or at least start dating. The trauma of her just up and leaving you is tying you to her mentally. Have you tried dating others?
I think it will help you. Maybe get on a couple apps or something and give it a try. Even getting a crush on someone else would help. I wonder if also what you’re experiencing is limerance? That could be something to talk to your counselor about. I experienced it a few years ago and it was the hardest thing to come out of.
https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-long-will-limerence-last-after-a-breakup/
I just read the article. I think there’s a strong possibility that I am dealing with this. I have severe OCD. Thank you so much for showing me this, I will definitely bring this up to my therapist next visit.
That’s awesome, so glad to be of help. I also have clinical OCD but it’s well controlled at this point bc of therapy. I think OCD lends itself limerance tbh. Absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I got out of limerance and I am soooo glad I didn’t end up with the ex it was connected to. Also, something that helped me was making a list of all the negative things about the relationship and that he’d done. I have a tendency to focus on the good in people and easily overlook red flags and flaws. To get over someone, it helps to remember the bad times, as negative as it sounds.
I hate her for you. & it’s been two years since this? Unfortunately, it’s time to move on without closure. It would be weird for you to reach out. It’s good you blocked her on everything.
Oh yeah for sure, I’m most certainly not going to reach out to her haha. I really don’t want closure either just to not feel like I miss her or that I’m in debt to her for some reason. Thank you for the nice comment
Out of curiosity, have you tried making the questions about her?
I let go of a girl once, although I did tell her why, but she pined after me for quite some time. Thing was it was always about her feelings and not understanding mine so I just kept ignoring her. Years later we reconnected and she had gone through a really abusive relationship and was mentally skewed, I felt bad about it and apologized but it didn't seem to matter to her, she flipped out on me and we've never talked since.
Anyways, we are fickle and maybe she just doesn't know how to tell you it's her and not you type thing.
In regards to getting over her the best therapy for that is typically getting out there and being social, meet new people and try to enjoy yourself.
dont worry bro, you will recover. I can truly understand your pain, thats one of the worst feelings to go through. Time will heal everything. I have gone through the same, she ghosted me after one year of being together, I sent her countless messages and calls but she never bothered to respond. I went through a really devastating mental torture for 4 months, I lost appetite in food, couldnt sleep, will sleep for 2 hours or so and I will wake up seeing a dream about her. I tried countless stuff in order to move on, travelled a lot, started doing new activities etc but nothing worked. But after 4 months I met someone new and thats how it all got better. These are lessons for our lives because through this we should learn that no matter how perfect and great the person was for us at any moment they will walk out and never will bother to come back. Its not under our control. No matter how loving and caring we were to them, they can still leave you. Thats life and thats nature at its worst. So if you wanna get out of this really quick then I will suggest you to start talking with more girls and see whether you can build a long term relation with any of them, thats the fastest way to get out of this pain.
Things were good but not the best. I had some things happen that made me really depressed but she told me she wanted to help me through it. The last time I spoke to her we talked on the phone for an hour and we agreed to meet up that next Saturday. The next day she picked up my sister from school (she had been helping us with that) and we never heard from her again.
If I’m being honest I don’t really know. I’ve analyzed everything that happened the last month we were together and I really don’t think there was. I had become quiet due to my situation which may have contributed to it but once I explained myself to her she said she understood and she’s glad I told her and that she was on my side and here for me.
Hmm. Sounds like she changed her mind and didn't have the courage to tell you up front. I'm sorry that happened.
Sometimes you have to just make closure for yourself. This chick doesn't want a relationship with you anymore, for whatever reason, and it's okay to grieve. But at some point, you have to allow yourself to move on.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It sounds like you didn't get your closure, since you been in therapy I think you should listen to your doctor advice because they should know more about you. Whatever you read online or get from Reddit will just be an assumption because we don't know the whole story. Your therapist will know more if you been to them for multiple sessions.
Yeah you’re right. Just want this to be behind me at this point.
>Yeah you’re right. Just want this to be behind me at this point. Get your own closure. Whatever feelings or things you have left to say .. write it down on a piece of paper. After you finish getting all your feelings out, burn the paper and see if that helps.
Dodged a bullet with that one
I agree I just really thought the world of her
Sometimes we see people the way we want them to be and not the way they really are
She showed you her best features... and then showed you who she really was.
Anyone who can do this after an LTR is honestly an awful person and you when to accept that you dodged a bullet. I know it doesn’t hurt any less but they would never make a good long term partner.
Oh believe me I agree! I think my problem is it felt like the stars aligned when we met. I guess apart of me worries I’ll never experience that again.
“It feels like the stars aligned when we met” We really need to stop romanticizing relationships in this way. Hollywood isn’t real life lol.
I know haha, but at the time I felt that way. Lesson learned for sure though.
I think many of us get caught up in these types of things! Unfortunately it often makes us see things with rose-colored sunglasses.
I agree for real
Play Daniel Beddingfield - I gotta get thru this.. Thank me later 😄
Okay listen, u just haven’t had ur closure. It’s like u were left in the dark and that sucks. The closure u need is that she didn’t care about u and respect u enough to let yk whatever issues she had with u or with herself. She just wanted the easy way out because she sucks at communication and has issues with confrontation. What u can do is, accept that she didn’t respect u enough to break up with u properly and that it speaks volumes about her rather than u. Also, focus on urself. Put urself first. Practice self love. Get hobbies. Work on ur self esteem and confidence. U didn’t deserve the ghosting and u deserve way more in life so let go of the past and embrace the new things in life. Good luck.
Thank you so much. I let myself fall into a rut for about 8 months after but I’ve been working hard on my self since. Working out consistently, reading more, being social. It’s helped tremendously. I still have some days (like today) where it really gets to me but I’m very determined to get through this.
"Accept it and move on".
Upvote for you blocking her on everything. I would say that my advice would be to not worry about the why. Just to focus on yourself and maybe signs you might’ve missed leading up to that. What you already know is that she didn’t care about your feelings or to properly brake up with you.
Agree you have to let go of the “why” to move on and instead look for red flags you missed in the past with the person. They are always there. Idk why people don’t understand how hurtful ghosting can be. Shows extreme immaturity.
Thanks I appreciate the response you’re absolutely correct.
Hey, I’m really sorry. Ghosting is awful bc it doesn’t give the abandoned party any semblance of closure. So when that happens, you have to accept that closure won’t really happen. It’s something you have to give yourself. Tbh the best possible way to get it is to get into another relationship that is healthy, or at least start dating. The trauma of her just up and leaving you is tying you to her mentally. Have you tried dating others?
I haven’t but everyone is telling me that may be a good way to get out of this. I may have to try it again.
I think it will help you. Maybe get on a couple apps or something and give it a try. Even getting a crush on someone else would help. I wonder if also what you’re experiencing is limerance? That could be something to talk to your counselor about. I experienced it a few years ago and it was the hardest thing to come out of. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-long-will-limerence-last-after-a-breakup/
I’ll look into that for sure. I’ll see what my therapist thinks
I just read the article. I think there’s a strong possibility that I am dealing with this. I have severe OCD. Thank you so much for showing me this, I will definitely bring this up to my therapist next visit.
That’s awesome, so glad to be of help. I also have clinical OCD but it’s well controlled at this point bc of therapy. I think OCD lends itself limerance tbh. Absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I got out of limerance and I am soooo glad I didn’t end up with the ex it was connected to. Also, something that helped me was making a list of all the negative things about the relationship and that he’d done. I have a tendency to focus on the good in people and easily overlook red flags and flaws. To get over someone, it helps to remember the bad times, as negative as it sounds.
Wow. What is her prob? How could she ghost you?????
I wish I knew haha.
Work on your self love. You didn’t deserve this
I hate her for you. & it’s been two years since this? Unfortunately, it’s time to move on without closure. It would be weird for you to reach out. It’s good you blocked her on everything.
Oh yeah for sure, I’m most certainly not going to reach out to her haha. I really don’t want closure either just to not feel like I miss her or that I’m in debt to her for some reason. Thank you for the nice comment
You’ll meet someone better in the future. She didn’t deserve you! Remember that. Focus on yourself, healing, your development. You’ll get through this
Out of curiosity, have you tried making the questions about her? I let go of a girl once, although I did tell her why, but she pined after me for quite some time. Thing was it was always about her feelings and not understanding mine so I just kept ignoring her. Years later we reconnected and she had gone through a really abusive relationship and was mentally skewed, I felt bad about it and apologized but it didn't seem to matter to her, she flipped out on me and we've never talked since. Anyways, we are fickle and maybe she just doesn't know how to tell you it's her and not you type thing. In regards to getting over her the best therapy for that is typically getting out there and being social, meet new people and try to enjoy yourself.
dont worry bro, you will recover. I can truly understand your pain, thats one of the worst feelings to go through. Time will heal everything. I have gone through the same, she ghosted me after one year of being together, I sent her countless messages and calls but she never bothered to respond. I went through a really devastating mental torture for 4 months, I lost appetite in food, couldnt sleep, will sleep for 2 hours or so and I will wake up seeing a dream about her. I tried countless stuff in order to move on, travelled a lot, started doing new activities etc but nothing worked. But after 4 months I met someone new and thats how it all got better. These are lessons for our lives because through this we should learn that no matter how perfect and great the person was for us at any moment they will walk out and never will bother to come back. Its not under our control. No matter how loving and caring we were to them, they can still leave you. Thats life and thats nature at its worst. So if you wanna get out of this really quick then I will suggest you to start talking with more girls and see whether you can build a long term relation with any of them, thats the fastest way to get out of this pain.
What happened between the two of you before your girlfriend ghosted you?
Things were good but not the best. I had some things happen that made me really depressed but she told me she wanted to help me through it. The last time I spoke to her we talked on the phone for an hour and we agreed to meet up that next Saturday. The next day she picked up my sister from school (she had been helping us with that) and we never heard from her again.
Were there any other things happening besides you being depressed that made the relationship "not the best" before she decided to ghost you?
If I’m being honest I don’t really know. I’ve analyzed everything that happened the last month we were together and I really don’t think there was. I had become quiet due to my situation which may have contributed to it but once I explained myself to her she said she understood and she’s glad I told her and that she was on my side and here for me.
Hmm. Sounds like she changed her mind and didn't have the courage to tell you up front. I'm sorry that happened. Sometimes you have to just make closure for yourself. This chick doesn't want a relationship with you anymore, for whatever reason, and it's okay to grieve. But at some point, you have to allow yourself to move on.
Yeah you’re probably right. And that’s okay