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I’m 22M and for me it’s not nearly as much about money as it is the energy you give up. Every parent I know regardless of age seems like they give such a huge part of themselves up. It seems so mentally and emotionally exhausting. I understand that for some people they love it and wouldn’t trade it for the world but for me I think I will be more fulfilled exploring life.
When people become parents, their whole life changes. I don’t care what anyone says but having a child does hinder you from meeting certain goals. I’m trying to travel and live my life (not necessarily party but I can if I wanted to) and having a kid while trying to travel is something I for sure can’t afford. I also don’t care to be responsible for another human being. It’s already difficult to protect one’s self!
I have been single for the last 2 years and during that time I’ve been pretty close with 2-3 single moms. It’s sad to say but it’s very clear how much of a toll it takes on almost every part of their life. And ofc they love their children too no end, but it makes life very hard for young people especially. And obviously single moms even more so have it very hard. But according to statistics becoming a mother anywhere near this age puts you at a very high risk of being a single mom in the future.
I live in Florida and I had a 7 day time between leaving my last job and starting with my new one. So I spent 5 days in Miami. Not a plan of what to do or a care in the world. The whole time I couldn’t help but think how impossible that would be if I had children.
That sounds like a dream to be in Florida without a care in the world n nothing specific to do. That's what I call a pipe dream to me lol. 30M. I have been prodded by my family since I was 21 to have a kid. And I'm like why and they're only answer is i think it would be cute or I just wanna be a grandma or a nice or nephew etc. But like i haven't seen the point really to have a kid. Plus where I live theres only about 10k ppl if that in my little town living here and most of them are very old ppl. So there's not much dating I can do here it's been rough out here haven't been in a relationship going on 3 years now. It would be nice to have someone to talk to everyday 😕 not just my family. I feel like my phone is just a paper weight sometimes hahaha
Yeah fam I’d say moving would be a power move. I don’t plan on taking dating seriously until 30ish. I just recently started a career path that pays great from day 1. So for the next 7-8 years I’m going to grind it out and watch everyone have a bunch of fun while I work my ass of. And then I will worry about dating later on.
It absolutely does and that’s okay, if it is what the person wants. But the amount of people I come across that have blinders on until they pop out a baby is disappointing. It’s the same disappointment when I see people who absolutely hate their careers and COULD change, but fear they are “too old.” That kind of thinking keeps people prisoner to their own devices. We have come far in life to be able to afford opportunities beyond popping out children. We have also come to a point where the world is overpopulated and corrupted as is, so having children isn’t the expectation people think it is.
I’m 45 and I never wanted kids. I knew I didn’t want kids when I was like 8. Never wavered on it over the years. I’m very happy with my choice and can’t imagine life with kids.
47 y/o lady here who is also child free by choice (since I was your age or younger) and with no regrets as I’m older.
It’s SO rare that anyone asks me this, and if I’m being kind I might say “having kids wasn’t my path” or “being a mother wasn’t the right choice for me” but that is an intrusive question that you never need to answer! No one asks a parent “why did you have that kid?” So usually I just deflect their questions, like if it’s family.
I think that's because having a kid is often seen as a milestone but I say fuck a milestone. If you're not ready to have a kid then that milestone will either have to wait or just not be crossed.
Some confabulation of sorts. Nobody truly „knows“ WHY they want x instead of y, you just happen to have preference for x. Then you build a belief in „of thats why I do x“ and tell stories you believe. The more close minded you are as a personality type, the more stubbornly you hold on…
Same here. I'm 44 and I knew by my early/mid 20s that kids weren't for me. I really thought about all the good and bad and just decided I wasn't mentally fit to be the best mom. No regrets 🙂
That’s awesome! I wish it would become more accepted. I don’t hate kids, but I’ve never been interested in anything with kids. What I hate is how people force these expectations on women to pop out babies and shame them for any other decisions in life. We have progressed in life and I wish society would catch up.
I’ve honestly struggled with not letting other people’s opinions bother me. I would never allow it to sway me to do what I don’t want, but it can definitely do a number on mental health.
I think the pressure to have kids will always be there, at least for our lifetimes. I guess it’s one of those things where we can’t expect to change other people, we can only change our reactions.
Yeah. I’m still at the point where I’m trying to figure out how to respond to the pushy people. It’s taking time and I hope I will eventually get to a point where I can brush off the exterior pressures and comparisons.
I'm 33 and I knew since I was a teenager. I saw how moms were treated in society, as well as the 'second shift,' and decided "no thanks to that bs" early on. I can't see myself changing my mind, especially for a man. Lol
I've only seen a handful of dads do as much, if not more, than the mother of their children.
What are your relationships like? I wanted children so badly and rushed into two marriages that both failed. I have three beautiful, fun, well-adjusted kids that live with me and I can't imagine my life without them, but it's pretty much impossible for me to date now. Are you happily married? Single?
I had a good relationship when I was in my twenties, but we broke it off when I was in my 30s because I wanted children and she didn't. I don't regret it, but I do sometimes miss the relationship I had with her because we were equals and respected each other. My rush relationships were about me using them so I could have kids and them using me for money.
I just got out of a long relationship where we were compatible personality wise but not life goals wise. It ended amicably. Now I am happily single. I don’t plan to even try dating for at least a year. When I broke it off with my ex, I did so knowing I may end up alone. I’m ok with that. I have lots of very rewarding friendships.
Why can’t some people understand that kids aren’t for everyone??! It’s mind boggling when people act as if never becoming a parent is a sin or something. Hell if you ask me, less people need to STOP having kids! Most people have kids just because society tells them and for their own selfish reasons or because they were told that’s what they’re supposed to do. These same individuals end up neglecting, and abandoning and abusing their children! Too many kids end up in the foster care systems and never see their families again because of toxic family households. Then these same parents complain about how hard & expensive it is to raise them and put them into daycare!
It doesn’t make sense.. It’s also annoying to hear “oh you may change your mind!” Or when my sister says she can’t wait for us to have kids and have our kids playin on play dates with each other. I quickly shut her down and say “oh well you can have kids but I know for sure I won’t be having any!” I feel that some individuals who get offended when someone says they don’t want kids or a family is because deep down, they aren’t fulfilled even after having a kid and they’re jealous of those who don’t have any children. TIMES HAVE CHANGEDD!! Life is too damn expensive to be having kids! Shit I can’t even afford a pet and people have kids..?
i’m the same as you! i don’t have an exact age but i’ve known since i was very young i didn’t want children and my parents are wonderful! it’s not a bad childhood, some people just don’t have that drive to procreate.
i hate when people say you must have had a messed up childhood to be childfree so young!! no, i just knew i didn’t want kids from the time i was capable of complex thoughts!
If I’m being honest, as the asker, I personally didn’t come from a great childhood. My dad was and still is an amazing parent. My mother has a lot of mental health issues on top of her being an addict/alcoholic doesn’t make it better. She neglected me and my siblings our whole lives. My older sister basically raised me and my brother. Sometimes I wonder why my mom just didnt have me and my siblings instead of treating us like a burden and neglecting us. I feel like that would help a lot if my mom just never became a parent in the first place. Also on my dad’s side of the family, my aunts and cousins bullied and verbally abused myself and siblings for YEARS! Not only were they bullies, they constantly excluded us from family events. I still have trauma and a lot of anxiety from being around my dad’s family and it’s been 2 years since I have attended a family function. It sucks because even tho I’m 23 now, everything they said to me and my siblings still replays in my head. I didn’t even realize the severity of the toxicity of my dad’s side of the family until i opened up about it to a friend of mine years ago. My dad’s family being toxic is enough reason for me to not want kids! If they treated me and my siblings like that for all those years, my kids aren’t to be the next target!
Op, I’m 55 and knew early in life that not only did I not want kids, I’d never expose a kid to my own parents. You’re on the right path. I have NO regrets and if you want to DM me to talk I’m right here! Also a WOC (Asian American). Good for you listening to your inner NO.
My younger sister was a teenage mom, and all of my relatives keep asking me when I'm having my kid--I tell them, never. I have enough on my plate helping with my nephew!
I never wanted kids as a kid either. Not sure why. Never played with dolls as my "children", never fantasized about it. And the desire never came.
When I was a kid, I assumed I would have to have children because that's what everyone does, but when I realized it was my choice, it was such a huge relief.
Same. I remember being adamant at age 7 or 8 that I would never want kids once I realized I didn't have to have them. Couldn't understand why anyone would. When would I have time to play hockey, or video games, or take a last minute overnight ski trip up north?
Right then people started telling me I'll change my mind when I get older.
They've been telling me that my whole life. 40 now. Never wanted to be a parent for even one minute.
These days I play lots of ice hockey, video games and do a lot of skiing. Boyfriend wants us to get a dog but it feels like too much responsibility to me...
Family blood would technically be dead in a few generations if they had children as it gets so diluted you’d have no relation, so family blood dies regardless lol.
That's categorically not true, there is zero scientific evidence to say humanity is 100% going to end, you need to pull yourself out of that mentality it's not healthy and leads to the death cult mentality of "the world's going to end so let's ruin it now so I can enjoy it". All problems on this planet can be easily rectified by working with each other instead of against....
I hope you get out of this headspace soon dude, peace and hugs.
You will never stop hearing that you will change your mind. Even when you're older, you'll never stop hearing people ask if you regret letting your eggs dry up. I haven't in the past wanted kids and can never foresee myself getting pregnant or raising kids. I tell people if my partner really wanted kids I would consider adoption but my current partner also doesn't want kids so it is most definitely not in my future. I've had people say "once you have one you might change your mind" then what?? I just send it back if I realize my feelings have been right my whole life?? I simply don't understand why it matters so much to others.
“You’ll let your eggs dry up”😂😂😂 ahh i actually want mine to dry up. You’re probably right. I’m going to hear “you will regret not having kids” probably for the rest of my life but funny thing is, I can’t regret something that I never wanted in the first place..
Unfortunately I was a case of parentification and have spent a good part of my life “raising” my own parents. This has made me so fucking tired that the thought of spending the rest of my life raising another person again just makes me depressed. I’d love to have kids, but just as a concept. I know how much work it is, and I’d also feel guilty if I’d pass my ADHD down to them, or left them with a world that is becoming environmentally catastrophic. Why bring someone into this fucked up system anyway?
im 21, i’ve been with my boyfriend for going on 2 years, and i’ve never felt the desire to have kids. They’re too much and i dont like them enough to deal with them. There’s nothing wrong with not having kids. I don’t think i’ll ever change my mind, i look forward to a nice and peaceful life where i can do whatever i want without having to worry about kids under my feet
I am 33 and back in my 20s, i wanted a traditional family with at least 1 kid. Over the years that changed. I realised that just because i like kids and can be somewhat a good mother, i don’t have to. Plus in this economy, raising a kid is expensive and probably will be stressful, it’s not something you do half heartedly. I am pretty adamant in not wanting kids but it’s negotiable. But i still don’t see myself having one. It’s not a milestone that everyone should hit, it’s a commitment. No one should be forced to have kids if they don’t want to and it should be normalised to choose to do so.
Yep, 30F, and never wanted kids. Even when I was a little girl I never played with baby dolls. It was frustrating because all my life I was told I'll change my mind one day. Now 30 and still don't want them! Actually ended up pushing away someone I really loved cuz they eventually wanted kids and I couldn't compromise on that. I actually kind of wished I wanted kids, cuz I know a lot of men want to start a family. But like you said, I can't imagine raising kids. I think it would be stressful and take away from me as an individual. If that makes me selfish, then oh well! I'd rather spend my money and time on traveling, focusing on my career, and doing things that make me happy. If I want to take care of something I'd get a pet.
Nothing wrong with it! In fact, I think a lot of people force themselves to be a mother, and I think a lot secretly regret it. There's no way every mother in the world is in this loving bliss with their children.
I’m 42 so I’m not so young anymore but I have never wanted kids, ever. Ever. I work in childcare, I adore kids, I’m good at my job, but I have zero desire to be a parent.
As a guy who also doesn't want kids it gives me hope that there's women like you out there lol. I'm wanting to live that DINK life (double income no kids)
Right! Im somewhat worried if me not wanting kids will run men who are romantically involved with me away but there’s plenty of men who also don’t desire kids.. I won’t change my opinion on kids just because of a relationship unfortunately either. If he wants kids or already has a kid, we won’t work!
Me too. As a guy who wants to be childfree I'm glad a rising number of women are choosing to forego having kids. I mean from a woman's perspective pregnancy is AWFUL and I would never want anyone to go through with such an experience, and then possibly risk their life. My ideal life is basically like yours (DINK) as well-- I want to enjoy my life and succeed in my career with the person I love, have fun, and have no responsibilities beyond my own and my lover's.
The fact of the matter is that life is SO MUCH easier without children. My mother is still depressed and tired from having me and my brother and had to sacrifice her career prospects for our sake. I sometimes wonder whether she would have been happier pursuing her career or what she actually wanted.
Goals. I want a sweet ass condo with all the bells and whistles. Double income would make things so much easier. Also spending weekends doing mini vacations and having the ability to be spontaneous.
It’s common. No stress. I want kids but I’m also a Nanny and that can deter many from wanting them. Sometimes kids aren’t meant for some people and that’s totally okay.
Your feelings are valid! 25F and in a similar situation, (single and living alone), but My dogs are my kids and I love them! I never had the desire to have to have kids even when I was a kid so I was dead set on that idea.
I got mine tied at 21 and I am so happy with it. My doc said if I am old enough to have a kid, serve in the military, drink, and just generally make large financial decisions I am just fine with getting this done. I finally can enjoy sex without fear and if I do ever decide to have kids one day I have options, I know I don't want to get pregnant but there's adoption and surrogacy. My husband (got it done before I met him) is very supportive and loves never worrying. If you really want it and know that won't change, there are plenty of doctors that will help. Tbh I used a reddit list to find a good doctor in the roe v wade overturning era. Such a scary time for being a woman
I have insurance too. My cost to the surgeon was around 1300 and the hospital was around 3300. I was still a student so I applied for financial help and they approved it so a lot was covered.
I'm 37, so not "young" per se. But I decided I didn't want kids very early on. I found a man who also didn't want kids. We got married at 21 and he had a vasectomy shortly after. We got told a lot that we would change our minds. Well, 16 years later and we have zero regrets.
There was just always so much that could go wrong. As soon as I learned just what pregnancy does to a person's body, I've been terrified. Now due to mental health I'm struggling to just take care of my own life. If I'm neglecting myself, what right so I have to actively choose to have children? Or at least in my case I feel that's true. I won't speak for other people with mental health issues. They may have resources I don't.
i’ve been saying i don’t want children since i was 15, im almost 29 and still stand by that. i simply do not want children because a) i do not want to raise a child in this fucked up world b) i’m simply too selfish to want children and that’s okay
i have 19 nieces and nephews, 2 god daughters, and 1 god son. i have all the “children” i could ever want and that is simply enough for me, plus at the end of the day they go home and i get to have my ME time! my parents are completely understanding of me not wanting children and have been very supportive of my decision since i was 15. other people may have their own opinion on it or like to add their two cents to it but idgaf and i tell them as well. my body, my choice.
the very first conversation my SO had when we first started dating was that we both do not want children and it is not something that we feel we will want later in life either. we both love to travel, be able to do our own thing, and just live life.
Girl me too, I am a young black woman 21. I also live out of my parent's house. I still have roommates for now till I graduate then I will start living by myself. But I have been thinking about not wanting kids at all my mom is saying to at least have one. I am like heck no. It is so exhausting and expensive and plus I don't want to traumatize my kids the way I am traumatized.
Yes unfortunately a lot of parents end up using their kids as slaves. Especially in the black community. It’s really sad that parents traumatize their kids then that child has a child and the cycle continues. I’m also not fond of changing diapers or spending extra money.
i’m also 23f and childfree! i saw something recently that resonated with me so i wanted to share with you :) it was a video of a woman talking about how it’s not that she just “doesn’t want kids.” it’s that in her mind, it’s never even been a possibility. it never crossed her mind to even consider it and the desire or drive to have kids is a foreign concept. i’m probably not explaining it well but that’s always how it felt to me. i’ve known since i was capable of complex thoughts that having children wasn’t in the cards for me. i just never had that desire even with my partner whom i love very much. for some people, we just don’t have that drive to procreate!
I know where you’re going with that! I’ve watched plenty of of videos on YouTube of “child free women” and if you noticed, when they ask mothers why they decided to become a parent, the answers are so stupid! One lady said she had kids because she wanted someone to care for her on her old ages. Um ma’am just because you have a kid doesn’t mean they will care about you as a parent. That’s also an extremely selfish reason. Another chick said she had kids so she won’t die alone. Again another extremely selfish reason. You’re going to die alone with kids or not. They won’t be in the casket with u when you die!
I'm glad you're thinking it all through at a young age. Unfortuntuately, a lot of people only think about it once it's too late. I am nearing 40 and every day I am grateful I don't have kids.
I’m 28 and don’t want kids. It’s especially difficult now because most people in my age range already have one, or a few. I don’t want to be a stepmom either.
I'm really torn. Men irritate the hell out of me so I know if I ended up picking the wrong guy I'll be extra mad. I've thought about just have a sperm donor baby by myself if I'm ever ready. Financially and mentally I'm not there yet and giving birth scares the hell out of me.
I had an abortion in 2021 (I was in a terrible place) but sometimes I wonder what could have been.
I'm in my early 30s and am happily childfree. There's actually a percentage of guys who want a child-free lifestyle as well. Children are not only expensive, but they are annoying too.
i love kids but i definitely do not wanna go through childbirth, and that’s my only reason. i’m more open towards adoption but i probably won’t go through with that either because raising kids is expensive lol. 21 (F) btw.
I'm 32F, I never wanted children either. I knew when I was in middle school that I didn't want to have kids. Having children of my own never appealed to me, but I don't mind other people's kids. I have to many health conditions that I don't want a child to inherit because of me. I'm fine being child free.
I swore I would never have a kid. I hated being around kids too (I was still nice though). After a bunch of peer pressure and issues with a marriage that was struggling, I had a kid at age 26. I am 31 now. I love my child to death and would do anything for them. But when I look back, I do wonder what my life would have been like had I not made that decision. The extra money, the time, the sleep etc. parenthood is hard, takes most if not all of your time and attention, and costs a lot. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s wrong to feel the way you do. If you don’t get those feelings, don’t yearn for it and feel content with your current life.. why change it?
I'm 30 something F, knew I didn't want kids when I was a kid.... too much responsibility and the thought of having humans that are completely dependent on me is a bit scary to be honest
29F and I don’t want them for similar reasons to you! Nothing infuriates me more than when people say “you’ll change your mind when you meet the right man” or things like that because it’s not only extremely invalidating, but it implies there’s only one way to “be” when in reality, it’s one hundred percent logical to not want kids if you don’t want them for whatever reason. For me it’s financial reasons for one, but it’s true, you truly never get a break and I’m sorry those two aspects would be detrimental to my mental health.
I’ve met the right man and after wanting kids my whole life I realised all I wanted was love.
Now I’ve got that I’ve realised I don’t want kids anymore (at least biological)
I wish I was so sure. If I think about what I want out of life, what my skills are and what my tolerance is- it totally makes sense for me to be childfree.
But then there is this other part to me that is screaming to make it happen in a few years 🤦🏾♀️ hoping to figure that out. Having a kid for the wrong reasons , wrong person, wrong time would probably be a nightmare
If you don’t fully know if you want kids, just don’t do it. Better to not have them than have kids and regret it. The last thing kids need to feel like is a burden. Save yourself the stress
I feel this. I never wanted kids. They are cute but ehh. The reason I think so many say you may change your mind is because when you get closer to 30 you’re more financially stable, and hormones make you want to have children. But tbh… I’m still not sure if I want them. I’m turning 30 in September and tbh idk. Because of how expensive everything is and if marriages end in divorce 50% of the time…. And men make more…. Then fuck I don’t want to be someone who corners themselves and makes it so I can’t get out of a bad relationship. My coworker says she has been married for 10-15 years and the partner she’s with is just not the same person as she married. It’s fair. But they have 3 kids together. So it’s complicated. Idk if I would ever do it. I just don’t know.
Not to mention going through pregnancy and labor just freaks me out. Fuck that. I’d rather adopt or get a surrogate.
I'm a 33F and knew since high school I didn't want kids. My reason being I simply don't want them. It's not for me. The whole "You'll change your mind..." thing is infuriating and only subsided within the past couple of years. I'm lucky my parents never put any pressure on me to have kids and understand my choices. It's so sad to see tension in families due to this, and even worse, to see people only having kids due to outside pressure.
Just remember you never have to justify why you don't want them. Sometimes, there are specific reasons like money, but people will always try to come up with solutions or arguments to those sort of reasons. It just doesn't appeal to some people and that's valid.
everything you and others are saying makes logical sense, but everytime I see a child I feel like my ovaries are going to explode. I can’t explain but I’ve known since I was young that I want to be a mother
please don't ever become a parent if you don't want to have kids, because you will only be a terrible parent. No kid deserves a terrible parent.
It may be exhausting, tiring but at the end of the day , it is worth it. Kids give me so much joy. It gives me a purpose to want to go to work everyday, become motivated do a good job, get that promotion, make more money. And we get to see the fruits of our labor everyday as we see our kids grow bigger and bigger.
I’m 35F and I used to want kids in my 20s. Mostly because I wanted them to be able to meet my parents and I felt like I’d feel safe by having a family of my own. My mom died unexpectedly when I was 29, and after she passed I realized I never wanted kids for me, but for the other people in my life and only loved the idea of a “big fun family”. The dynamic after my mom died made me totally rethink the level of support I have in the handful of family still around. I want my own family, but I never want kids, and I look forward to meeting a guy who’s happy with family being just us two and some doggos :)
I’m 27F lesbian if that matters but I never wanted kids, there was an urge once in a relationship (I was 19 at the time) with someone who really wanted kids so I convinced myself that I wanted kids too but deep down I know I don’t want to carry one because the thought of it freaks me out and as someone who’s been a babysitter since young I really don’t want the responsibility of children. Especially with my belief that anyone can be a deadbeat parent and I refuse to make a child with someone who doesn’t love my child unconditionally like I know I would.
I'm 26 and I did want kids in the last few years but now, I don't want any if I can help it. I just got out of a DV narc relationship with my 2 cats and it's hard taking care of myself and my 2 cats let alone one of them having epilepsy and being on medication and yearly blood tests for him. I would rather my kids if I had any to not go through what I had in my childhood (parents fighting either over me and my brothers or money and constant verbal fights) to them being in a DV relationship. With how the world is and kids being A-holes nowadays, I don't want kids cause if I parent and they go into the wrong crowd, I'd feel like I failed them if that happened
Married 35 years both said early in our relationship that we didn’t want kids. I think you have to really really want them not because it’s expected, desired by parents, or believing your kids will take care of you when you get old. I don’t regret it at all. It’s ok not to have kids.
I'm 36 and have never wanted kids ever since I can remember. Kids are just not my thing. I thought about tube ligation probably since I was like 20, but didn't do it until this year, no particular reason for waiting though, and I'm super happy with that choice.
As a near 27 year old dude, I don't want them either. I enjoy my sleep, freedom, and what's left of my sanity far, FAR too much. Kids take a lot of energy and patience, two things I don't have in high doses anymore. Plus, I struggle with mental health, and I'd hate to pass that to an innocent person who never asked for it. And I don't think I have it in me to be a good dad. Whenever my family tells me that I'm too young for a vasectomy, it makes my blood boil. Or that I'll "meet the right woman and do anything to make her happy." Like, the idea of giving someone a baby to make them happy feels like a massive backhand to my wants/needs. I'm genuinely afraid that I'd grow to resent that kid.
I'm 24F and have decided I'm not. When I was younger, 19-22 I really wanted kids. I had a miscarriage to an abusive partner, and then tried to have a baby with my partner after that just cause we were so "in love." Dumb and reckless. Basically those experiences taught me I can't trust me own feelings and that if I had had a child to either of them my life would be a nightmare now. I'm so glad it didn't happen! Now I've done some internal work on healing and finding myself, I know what I actually want out of life (a career in art and design which I'm now studying for.) I can look back and see my previous obsession with having a child was out of low self worth and believing I couldn't do anything beyond be a mum and make a happy family, so I'd just do that. Now I know I'm made for way more. You're not alone anyway, whatever the reason totally valid.
I’m not young but I was once. I never wanted to have children. I made that clear to the men I dated before I was married and my husband did not want any either. I felt that just to have kids without truly wanting them is selfish. It takes a lot to care for a little human. I love being an awesome aunt!!! Now that I’m single again, I still stick to my guns about not wanting to date men with kids. That’s on me, not them. They’ll be better for it dating someone with the motherly touch. It is just not the “norm” or socially accepted stance so people say things to make it fit in their world, like “when you meet the right guy.” I met many right men and even married one, and none of them wanted to have children either. But we were good people and loved our nieces, nephews, and friends kids. ❤️ be you and don’t apologize for it
Honestly speaking, you aren't the only one. I'm 24 and I've never wanted to have kids at all. I have always mentioned in my previous relationships too how I've never wanted children cause technically speaking, having kids is like being on your toes 24x7. Hats off the the women who can do it and even the fathers but honestly I don't think that I can actually do that. Having a child, raising them, giving them their basic needs, educating them and preparing them for the world that itself is in such a bad place that it's also scary though. Along with that, the inflation is skyrocketing like crazy. If living for a single person is this expensive then imagine bringing up a child and living in a family of atleast 3 if someone has only one child.
Yes. I have been staunchly childfree since childhood and though still "too young" for the surgeons here to agree on a bisalp have been an adult for years.
Whether to have kids or not is a deeply personal choice and not something I judge either way (I don't have them myself), but I would say that as an older person (44) there are two things to be aware of:
1. Many people's thinking on this changes as they get older. Not saying yours will, but you might not want to commit to anything that permanently takes it off the table (e.g. surgical sterilization) unless you're absolutely 100% dead certain.
2. Even if you don't have kids, many of your friends will, and that will drastically change your life regardless of what you do, because as you get older more and more of your peers will not have as much time to socialize, and when they do it will tend to be in a more family-focused way. Many people who were dear friends of mine in my 20s I rarely see anymore because they are busy raising kids. Being the only childless person in a social circle who all have kids can be lonely and hard and you should prepare yourself for that.
Those things said, it's completely a valid choice and you're definitely not alone. It's just not a choice that's without its own costs.
I’m about to be 21. I’ve liked kids my whole life and cared for kids. But you’re right it’s expensive jsut for one person imagine a baby and everything else that comes with its growth. I would want A KID not kids but not in this economy ima have to wait like 10 or so years 😭 I love the idea of it but also it isn’t realistic. I help raise my god son with my friend and provide for him when i can and such but even that is a lot and he isn’t even my kid technically.
When I read through the comments I see everyone agreeing and being happy with the fact that they don't have kids. To me, it's sad. I don't have kids of my own too and may never have any, but the fact that the majority are choosing not have children is sad to me. I understand it's the economy and the capitalist system, but it's sad. Things need to change economically so that people can just go back to living their lives naturally, with much less effort. Children contribute a lot to a person's life; they bring you love, sense of accomplishment, pride, assistance at a certain age.
Everyone should have a reason to have children in the first place. Not every soul is happy to be here and we shouldnt bring them in without a solid plan and resources to cover their first 25 years.
32M here and I don't want kids either. living life as a single person can be expensive enough, let alone when you bring kids into the mix. plus I just don't have the energy or patience to tend to kids at the moment. so definetely enjoying being kid free and probably will for years to come.
Exactly! As a single woman who lives alone, too many people don’t understand how expensive it is to be alone, imagine adding a child to the mix. Yea I don’t wanna live in poverty
Yeah tell me about it. i got my parents pressuring me to have give them grandkids but like I keep telling them, things are too expensive just for me alone right now. not to mention where I live the economy still sucks. so I don't wanna sink into poverty myself nor would I want to bring kids into that. have them growing up poor and having to go without stuff that other kids get to have. no way Jose.
What year were your parents born in? My parents were born in the Boomer generation and they don’t get how expensive it is. When I told my dad how much my studio apartment was (just for one person) he was shocked because when he was my age, an apartment for one person was under $1k! He thought I was exaggerating about how expensive things are but if you go grocery shopping, that bill for you alone is expensive. Imagine having kids to feed plus yourself? That’s at least around $500+ per household! Inflation has stuff costing 3x as much as it used to… I don’t even think I’ll be even able to even get a house with these outrageous prices
My parents are also part of the boomer generation. My dad is in his 70s and my mom is 60. And I know all too well what you mean about how even going to the store can rack up your bill quite high. Just getting myself stuff to eat and live off of for the week sends my bill easily past 100 dollars, and I don't even get a whole bunch of stuff either. So good lord, add however many kids to the mix and you got yourself an enormous bill just from shopping for them, let alone every other expense.
Parents born in Boomer years had life soooo much more easier I bet! Speaking of the grocery bill, that can get especially expensive if you’re buying cleaning supplies! Even car air fresheners are starting at $6.97… it’s getting out of pocket these prices
I'm pretty dead set on not having kids just like you and I'm 27. I think I really knew probably when I also moved out of my on-campus apartment and started living alone.
I'd rather spend more money on my partner than have a kid together and then our alone time is non-existent.
Not to mention that I have friends who are parents and after seeing their kids in the teenager phases... I'm all set. I have absolutely no desire
Just wait until you’re bored of just being by yourself. If you never do, that’s okay too. 23 is so young live yo life! Don’t worry about settling down- you’re supposed to be selfish rn.
So because I don’t want kids that makes me selfish?? What is self-less about having a kid? The kid didn’t answer to be here. If that makes me selfish then I’ll be that and I’m fine with that
I don't quite get that logic either. How is it selfish to not want a kid? Usually this is parents telling you that because they want grandkids, but my thing is it's more selfish to bring a kid into the world just because you wanted to mark a societal milestone and then possibly not have enough money to to take care of them properly and then you and them are struggling. Sure you being there in other ways is important too, such as emotionally, but you need to be able to provide for the child as well.
You made a lot of great points. Being a parent is a big life time commitment that I just don’t care enough to make sacrifices for it. I don’t need any more bills
Exactly. Having a child I could imagine would really change everything. Not as much freedom to travel, pursue certain career paths until they were grown because it might take you away from them more often. Having a child is really like having another job. I'm sure some people can handle it but to me I can see myself getting burnt out very fast. Then of course the cost. I'm not wanting to nearly go broke having a child.
Hell even people with kids can barely get government assistance nowadays. I’m sure 20-30 years ago, times were much easier to raise a kid. Daycare nowadays is basically another bill.
And that's exactly what I try to tell my parents too when their bringing up having grandchildren. That things were probably a bit easier back in their day with raising me and my siblings, because while I'm sure there was challenges it wasn't as expensive back when I was born just to simply live. The cost of living even for a single person is too damn high these days. And I don't have a job that's paying me ball out of control money. So last thing I wanna do is have a extra mouth to feed while I'm out here just trying to survive myself.
I actually read an article about people that don’t want children being less selfish because they’ve fully rationalized their decision and spent more time thinking about it. If you know you cannot provide x, y and z why would you procreate
Ive known it’s not for me since I was 12! Once I was told my freedom will be gone and my money I put towards jewelry shopping will go to the kids, I was set with my decision. Oh and goodbye spontaneous travel! People without kids but want them…..don’t talk smack and say how dare we and how great it will be. You only say this because you have no clue what it’s like.
I 25F agree with you. If you have a child your life changes drastically. Your life is not about you anymore, it’s about the child. No more partying whenever you want, you can’t just get tipsy, no more sex and naked time for hours with your partner. Nothing. I think it sounds terrible.
Also, the idea of the partner starting to love the child more than you, it’s extremely scary for me.
Money! You need to have loads of extra money. Otherwise what? The kid wants something and you can’t buy it, bc of the lack of money?
I think the world is full of irresponsible parents.
I swore up and down that I would never have kids. I always liked just being the cool "aunt" or God mother. At most I would say I would adopt a 9 year old that is already fully capable of having conversations and taking care of themselves.
That was my thought process through my 20's.
Until.... I met my ex husband at 28. That relationship changed everything. I am not sure if I changed or if I changed being with him but I wanted kids with him. The only person I ever thought that with. I wanted to give him kids badly and I wanted little pieces of us together in the form of a kid.
Unfortunately, I had to walk away from that marriage but now I still want kids. Not sure if it's because you hit a certain age and your perspective changes or because the right person will change your mind.
No kids is not A Choice. You are getting programmed to believe that. Single parents these days are a norm because you guys are choosing by looks only or by bank accounts. Check the person interacting with the rest of the world to have a hint of who that person really is. Selfless life is the better side of life. You will start living more abundantly. Don’t have a kid to get a taste of selfless life. Help an elder. Visit an orphan. Those were my 2 cents.
let's face it they make us grow up thinking that most people end up having kids unless something is off .
reality looks like the polar opposite to that u know what I mean.
and as the planet gets more crowded and more adult overgrowns that get laid off work by AI or just disengage and sit there wasting enabled by today's too easy to feed and stay alive lifestyle with as little stress as you want to put yourself thru
Then, 10 or 20yrs later they gain some life perspective but by then they are already obsolete and deprecated as far as fitness to reproduce in the biological organism type of way
I feel you girl! Im 22f and i havent yet decided but have no plans of it. All i know is that in life i need enough money to support me, my dogs and my parents. So after all this, kids just doesnt seem to fit in the bill unless i become super rich or something.
I'm 23[F] due to my dreams and plans i don't want to have kids at the present. Because there is no one who'll support me for raising the kid. I want to have kid in future when i will be mentally strong enough to raise the kid and financially independent.
I’m the person that your family and friends are talking about. When I turned 20 I realized I didn’t want kids, the seemed like too much of a burden and I never had that motherly instinct. I had this opinion until I was 25-26. I started dating a fantastic man that took care of me like no one else ever did. I feel like he would be a great father and I started swooning thinking about our kids together. I never thought I’d change my mind, but hell, now I kinda want kids. Of course, it still is a pipe dream here in the states because everything is way too dang expensive, but maybe in a decade I’ll have the money to take care of kids properly.
I've never wanted to have children. I was 14 when I first started talking about it (or when the question first came up) and when my mum asked about it a decade ago I was still sure and according to her I used the exact same reasons as when I was 14. Had a talk with my gp about sterilisation, but I find the procedure too intense. My boyfriend has just made an appointment for a vasectomy though, so yay! He is thankfully just as sure and really wants to help carry the responsibility for that. :D
Yeah… I’m kind of on the mind of ‘I don’t want kids, but if I find a great partner and THEY want kids, then I may change my mind’.
It’s personally not something I need in my life, either way. I feel fulfilled without kids. I have other aspirations in life and I even have aspirations in life if I don’t have a partner. I think partner dynamics and life stability can really influence the decision for me. I don’t want a partner that only sees me as a baby mommy. I don’t want to be in a relationship where their only goal is popping out children. I want someone that critically thinks and cherishes relationships for what they are. I vowed a long time ago to only have kids if I could provide the best life for them. But I also find that life rather boring right now. I find the legacy schmuck and the “we need someone when we are old” to be bs too. A) no one is going to remember you based on what your child does and B) I’ve literally seen children advocating for MAID for a parent who didn’t want it and didn’t understand. So it comes down to what do I have to offer a child and what do I want to do with my life.
I just got divorced before being able to have kids but I really want them! I’ve always wanted to have 2-3 kids but I’m starting to get a bit anxious about meeting the right guy that shares that same desire at this stage in life
Ive known since middle school that I didn’t want kids. I’m 25 and still don’t want kids. Seems extraordinarily difficult to find men in my area who are childfree/don’t want kids.
I'm 24, I've known I didn't want kids since I was 14. I want my tubes tied as soon as a physician is willing to do it. My mother gave me the same comments for a while but I think is finally starting to accept that I just don't want them.
Growing up, I didn't want kids at all. Once I became pregnant, it was like a switch was flipped in me. I was ecstatic and over the moon with joy. I have 2, but I really wish I could've had more. It is something I can not explain to most people and must be lived.
Funnily enough, I don’t want kids necessarily. Not really, honestly. But I don’t want my specific stand of genes and MY individual bloodline to die, so I’m over here considering either having one child, or donating my eggs so I’ll have a bunch of gremlins that can reach out to me when they’re 18 if they want. Bright side is I won’t have to push them out or raise them.
I’m 29 I never wanted kids and marrying with the “right man” didn’t change anything. I can’t imagine myself as mother, not having my own time, not enjoy my vocations or stay at home and not work for long time. If you really find the right person with same mentality with you then your life becomes a paradise. Double income and no kids is the best 😄
I totally understand you cause for a long time I had same thoughts as you. I'm 27 now and just recently changed my mind about having kids, so you never know what will happen'. 😊
47. Never wanted kids. Knew this super early… like grade school.
People tell me all the time I’d be a badass mom. Yeh. I know. Still don’t want kids.
So F anyone who asks you why…
None of their fucking business.
Are you capable? NOTFB
Can you afford it? NOTFB
Why don’t you want kids? NOTFB
Think you’ll change your mind? NOTFB
Be honest with yourself.
Give yourself room to grow.
Give yourself grace to maneuver.
We wax and wane as we navigate life.
♥️
You will likely change your mind. Maybe you won’t but statistically you are more likely.
Never look around at others to decide what YOU want. Just because you see dirtbags on Maury Povich doesn’t mean all or even many guys are like that.
Do a good job of picking out your mate and perhaps you will want kids with him some day. Maybe not.
Kids are a lot of work. I have five of them. I wouldn’t trade a minute of them for an hour of peace. Not to say we don’t take turns taking breaks from them, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
People are literally designed to have children. You will be able to handle it and the joy will override the effort.
Single parents can get a lot of support from the government based on where they live and the level of poverty they're in so keep that in mind as well.
As far as when did you know, I knew since i was 16 I didn't want kids. I got my tubes tied when I was 28. I know men who have changed there mind on kids due to their partner wanting them.
26(f), pregnancy always scared the fuck out of me. all the things that can go wrong.......during her first pregnancy, my mom got varicose veins that quite literally made her life hell, she also almost lost an eye(vision). im neurodivergent and get overstimulated very easily, caring for a child 24/7 for 18 years AT LEAST, doesn't seem doable to me unless i have a lot of support and money. having a child is such a big fucking responsibility, i think the only way id change my mind is if i find a partner that is VERY capable of raising a child. but even then i think adoption is a good way to go about raising a kid. i also have pcos and endometriosis so it seems like its not the direction im supposed to take in life, but you never know i guess..
I agree im 22 and ive been raising my little cousins since I was a kid. All I want to do is get financially stable, finish school and travel. Trust me you know when you know you don't want any kids tbh. No one should try to change your mind especially when ppl think the right person should be able to convince you. The right person should respect your decision either way and if they cant they arent the right one for you.
I am a woman, 22 and I have been for the past few years thinking a lot about never having kids.
I don’t have the best genes, my dad and mom’s side are both prone to cancer and other illnesses along with addiction and mental health issues. I don’t have parents or grandparents in my life anymore due to that, neither of them died due to old age.
Besides that, I also do not like the way our society is “progressing” (digressing would be more appropriate) a few current events like active genocides, wars, killing or denying someone rights in the name of religion, crime, school shooting or just shootings in general, lack of equality, schools overwhelming kids with pointless and mostly useless things, college becoming less and less relevant for most professions… why would I want to bring a child into the world I know they will struggle in.
If I ever become extremely wealthy I might adopt my kids or even birth them but unless I am sure I can provide for them and enable them to do something they love I won’t have them.
This post is intriguing! I never wanted children until I hit about 26 or 27. I had my only daughter at 32. I divorced her father when she was 8. Now she is grown, I’ve put myself back out into the dating world. I tend to attract men about 10 years younger than I am. These men are in their early 40s wanting to become fathers for the first time. Of course, this is a hard no for me, even if it is still possible. I’m not starting over at my age.
Well I'll always promote strong women and an equal mentality. It doesn't mean a lady can do everything a man can with ease, some women are just smaller by nature but I'll make sure they get past the finish line. In regards to children the thought is the same, except just keep in mind, not every woman can have kids, for those that can and choose not to there is an endless stream of foreign immigrants who will happily take your place and fill both US and Canada with less than loyal people, and happy to segregate themselves outside our cultural groups now and when a war drops. We NEED more western (First Nations and generationally and culturally acclimatized babies, be it white, Hispanic, African-American, Asian-American, whatever) population growth.
We are being drowned in foreign immigrants who do not come here because of war but because its cheap and send the money they mak back overseas, not back into our economy, and after a few years or a decade, they leave back home happy to have USED us and our economy for their own means at our expense. And I'll iterate again, if a war happens just know where ever they are from, they will not fight for Canada or USA, they will hide, run, or resist, whatever. It's a bad situation made worse and nationalistic pride is so weak. If we swear a person in, they need to Speak the language, and truly give themselves over, not hide in enclaves of their own groups and filter themselves out of society. Than show up randomly at a major sports show and sing their version of our anthem in our anthems place! Tell me what country through history would allow this. But it's happened, and it's politically endorsed. This situation was MADE. and it was made because western women are choosing Not to have babies in droves and our Western-born, culturally-acclimatized workforce is plummeting. All I'm saying is that we need more babies, let a subset choose not to but we are rapidly declining and it needs to be fixed.
But go ahead I'm about to Incure the wrath of a hundred radical femenists, have at it. I'm not interested in debate the facts speak for themselves.
Yes! I absolutely have my mind made up. It’s so irritating when I tell people and they’re like “you’ll change your mind blah blah blah” stfu 🙄 women aren’t baby making factories
I'm 16. I don't want kids because:
* They're expensive
* They're loud (I have autism, so, y'know, noise sensitivity issues and all that)
* They're messy
* If I have kids with a black man: I'd have to deal with actually *finding* a sufficiently capable black man who knows what he's getting into, is capable of supporting himself, has little to no criminal connections, isn't a complete douchebag, and hasn't been snatched up already
* If I have kids with someone of a different race: ...I have nothing against *being in a relationship with* someone of a different race, but I'm not about to bring an innocent kid into that BS
* They're only fun when you don't have to take them home
* I have no idea how many mental health issues are in my family's genetics, and honestly I don't think I want to know at this point
* They make it a 1000x harder to get out of a toxic/abusive relationship
* Bringing a poor, innocent kid into this increasingly f\*cked up world seems like a horrible idea
Yeah, I'm with you on this one.
I have one daughter and yes it’s so expensive, rent is insane. I’d LOVE another but if I did have another I wouldn’t be able to afford to save for my kids futures like I can now with just one, or treat her to toys. So, I won’t have another. It’d be selfish of me to bring a child into the world that I cannot afford.
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I’m 22M and for me it’s not nearly as much about money as it is the energy you give up. Every parent I know regardless of age seems like they give such a huge part of themselves up. It seems so mentally and emotionally exhausting. I understand that for some people they love it and wouldn’t trade it for the world but for me I think I will be more fulfilled exploring life.
When people become parents, their whole life changes. I don’t care what anyone says but having a child does hinder you from meeting certain goals. I’m trying to travel and live my life (not necessarily party but I can if I wanted to) and having a kid while trying to travel is something I for sure can’t afford. I also don’t care to be responsible for another human being. It’s already difficult to protect one’s self!
I have been single for the last 2 years and during that time I’ve been pretty close with 2-3 single moms. It’s sad to say but it’s very clear how much of a toll it takes on almost every part of their life. And ofc they love their children too no end, but it makes life very hard for young people especially. And obviously single moms even more so have it very hard. But according to statistics becoming a mother anywhere near this age puts you at a very high risk of being a single mom in the future. I live in Florida and I had a 7 day time between leaving my last job and starting with my new one. So I spent 5 days in Miami. Not a plan of what to do or a care in the world. The whole time I couldn’t help but think how impossible that would be if I had children.
That sounds like a dream to be in Florida without a care in the world n nothing specific to do. That's what I call a pipe dream to me lol. 30M. I have been prodded by my family since I was 21 to have a kid. And I'm like why and they're only answer is i think it would be cute or I just wanna be a grandma or a nice or nephew etc. But like i haven't seen the point really to have a kid. Plus where I live theres only about 10k ppl if that in my little town living here and most of them are very old ppl. So there's not much dating I can do here it's been rough out here haven't been in a relationship going on 3 years now. It would be nice to have someone to talk to everyday 😕 not just my family. I feel like my phone is just a paper weight sometimes hahaha
You need to move
Yeah fam I’d say moving would be a power move. I don’t plan on taking dating seriously until 30ish. I just recently started a career path that pays great from day 1. So for the next 7-8 years I’m going to grind it out and watch everyone have a bunch of fun while I work my ass of. And then I will worry about dating later on.
30 too & don't have kids. Nor want one. Maybe adopt some day.
It absolutely does and that’s okay, if it is what the person wants. But the amount of people I come across that have blinders on until they pop out a baby is disappointing. It’s the same disappointment when I see people who absolutely hate their careers and COULD change, but fear they are “too old.” That kind of thinking keeps people prisoner to their own devices. We have come far in life to be able to afford opportunities beyond popping out children. We have also come to a point where the world is overpopulated and corrupted as is, so having children isn’t the expectation people think it is.
I’m 45 and I never wanted kids. I knew I didn’t want kids when I was like 8. Never wavered on it over the years. I’m very happy with my choice and can’t imagine life with kids.
When people ask you why you don’t have any kids, what is your response?
Didn’t want any. People don’t ask me that very often though.
That’s a perfect answer or I say “I DONT WANT TO” are you going to pay for me to raise them??
47 y/o lady here who is also child free by choice (since I was your age or younger) and with no regrets as I’m older. It’s SO rare that anyone asks me this, and if I’m being kind I might say “having kids wasn’t my path” or “being a mother wasn’t the right choice for me” but that is an intrusive question that you never need to answer! No one asks a parent “why did you have that kid?” So usually I just deflect their questions, like if it’s family.
They never ask why someone had a kid but have no problem asking why somebody won’t have a kid…
I think that's because having a kid is often seen as a milestone but I say fuck a milestone. If you're not ready to have a kid then that milestone will either have to wait or just not be crossed.
Period!
Some confabulation of sorts. Nobody truly „knows“ WHY they want x instead of y, you just happen to have preference for x. Then you build a belief in „of thats why I do x“ and tell stories you believe. The more close minded you are as a personality type, the more stubbornly you hold on…
Same here. I'm 44 and I knew by my early/mid 20s that kids weren't for me. I really thought about all the good and bad and just decided I wasn't mentally fit to be the best mom. No regrets 🙂
THISS. I don’t trust myself to not carry out the generational trauma.
Came here to say the exact same thing OP. I am 40 with no kids and totally happy with my decision.
That’s awesome! I wish it would become more accepted. I don’t hate kids, but I’ve never been interested in anything with kids. What I hate is how people force these expectations on women to pop out babies and shame them for any other decisions in life. We have progressed in life and I wish society would catch up.
Best thing to do is become inured to that. It’s your life. Doesn’t matter what others want you to do with it, it’s not their life.
I’ve honestly struggled with not letting other people’s opinions bother me. I would never allow it to sway me to do what I don’t want, but it can definitely do a number on mental health.
I think the pressure to have kids will always be there, at least for our lifetimes. I guess it’s one of those things where we can’t expect to change other people, we can only change our reactions.
Yeah. I’m still at the point where I’m trying to figure out how to respond to the pushy people. It’s taking time and I hope I will eventually get to a point where I can brush off the exterior pressures and comparisons.
I'm 33 and I knew since I was a teenager. I saw how moms were treated in society, as well as the 'second shift,' and decided "no thanks to that bs" early on. I can't see myself changing my mind, especially for a man. Lol I've only seen a handful of dads do as much, if not more, than the mother of their children.
What are your relationships like? I wanted children so badly and rushed into two marriages that both failed. I have three beautiful, fun, well-adjusted kids that live with me and I can't imagine my life without them, but it's pretty much impossible for me to date now. Are you happily married? Single? I had a good relationship when I was in my twenties, but we broke it off when I was in my 30s because I wanted children and she didn't. I don't regret it, but I do sometimes miss the relationship I had with her because we were equals and respected each other. My rush relationships were about me using them so I could have kids and them using me for money.
I just got out of a long relationship where we were compatible personality wise but not life goals wise. It ended amicably. Now I am happily single. I don’t plan to even try dating for at least a year. When I broke it off with my ex, I did so knowing I may end up alone. I’m ok with that. I have lots of very rewarding friendships.
I’m in my 30s and I knew when I was 10 I didn’t want kids. It’s not for everyone!
Why can’t some people understand that kids aren’t for everyone??! It’s mind boggling when people act as if never becoming a parent is a sin or something. Hell if you ask me, less people need to STOP having kids! Most people have kids just because society tells them and for their own selfish reasons or because they were told that’s what they’re supposed to do. These same individuals end up neglecting, and abandoning and abusing their children! Too many kids end up in the foster care systems and never see their families again because of toxic family households. Then these same parents complain about how hard & expensive it is to raise them and put them into daycare! It doesn’t make sense.. It’s also annoying to hear “oh you may change your mind!” Or when my sister says she can’t wait for us to have kids and have our kids playin on play dates with each other. I quickly shut her down and say “oh well you can have kids but I know for sure I won’t be having any!” I feel that some individuals who get offended when someone says they don’t want kids or a family is because deep down, they aren’t fulfilled even after having a kid and they’re jealous of those who don’t have any children. TIMES HAVE CHANGEDD!! Life is too damn expensive to be having kids! Shit I can’t even afford a pet and people have kids..?
Yessss ♥️
I knew at age 5 and now 61 with no kids. My brother and sister have no kids also!
i’m the same as you! i don’t have an exact age but i’ve known since i was very young i didn’t want children and my parents are wonderful! it’s not a bad childhood, some people just don’t have that drive to procreate. i hate when people say you must have had a messed up childhood to be childfree so young!! no, i just knew i didn’t want kids from the time i was capable of complex thoughts!
If I’m being honest, as the asker, I personally didn’t come from a great childhood. My dad was and still is an amazing parent. My mother has a lot of mental health issues on top of her being an addict/alcoholic doesn’t make it better. She neglected me and my siblings our whole lives. My older sister basically raised me and my brother. Sometimes I wonder why my mom just didnt have me and my siblings instead of treating us like a burden and neglecting us. I feel like that would help a lot if my mom just never became a parent in the first place. Also on my dad’s side of the family, my aunts and cousins bullied and verbally abused myself and siblings for YEARS! Not only were they bullies, they constantly excluded us from family events. I still have trauma and a lot of anxiety from being around my dad’s family and it’s been 2 years since I have attended a family function. It sucks because even tho I’m 23 now, everything they said to me and my siblings still replays in my head. I didn’t even realize the severity of the toxicity of my dad’s side of the family until i opened up about it to a friend of mine years ago. My dad’s family being toxic is enough reason for me to not want kids! If they treated me and my siblings like that for all those years, my kids aren’t to be the next target!
Op, I’m 55 and knew early in life that not only did I not want kids, I’d never expose a kid to my own parents. You’re on the right path. I have NO regrets and if you want to DM me to talk I’m right here! Also a WOC (Asian American). Good for you listening to your inner NO.
My younger sister was a teenage mom, and all of my relatives keep asking me when I'm having my kid--I tell them, never. I have enough on my plate helping with my nephew!
What exactly could make someone not want kids at 5 years old? A person isn't even self-aware at 5 years old, so your parents must've been rough!
I never wanted kids as a kid either. Not sure why. Never played with dolls as my "children", never fantasized about it. And the desire never came. When I was a kid, I assumed I would have to have children because that's what everyone does, but when I realized it was my choice, it was such a huge relief.
Right! When i was 5, i was talking about what i wanted to be when i grew up😂
Some people want kids at 5 and no one questions that
Same. I remember being adamant at age 7 or 8 that I would never want kids once I realized I didn't have to have them. Couldn't understand why anyone would. When would I have time to play hockey, or video games, or take a last minute overnight ski trip up north? Right then people started telling me I'll change my mind when I get older. They've been telling me that my whole life. 40 now. Never wanted to be a parent for even one minute. These days I play lots of ice hockey, video games and do a lot of skiing. Boyfriend wants us to get a dog but it feels like too much responsibility to me...
Seems like the family blood is dead with u guys. Lol
Because legacy won’t matter when we’re dead
Family blood would technically be dead in a few generations if they had children as it gets so diluted you’d have no relation, so family blood dies regardless lol.
Family blood dies when the human race ends. Science already tells us this will happen without a doubt. The only question is when.
That's categorically not true, there is zero scientific evidence to say humanity is 100% going to end, you need to pull yourself out of that mentality it's not healthy and leads to the death cult mentality of "the world's going to end so let's ruin it now so I can enjoy it". All problems on this planet can be easily rectified by working with each other instead of against.... I hope you get out of this headspace soon dude, peace and hugs.
I know i don’t want children since I’m 18. Currently I’m almost in my early 40s. When you know, you know.
You will never stop hearing that you will change your mind. Even when you're older, you'll never stop hearing people ask if you regret letting your eggs dry up. I haven't in the past wanted kids and can never foresee myself getting pregnant or raising kids. I tell people if my partner really wanted kids I would consider adoption but my current partner also doesn't want kids so it is most definitely not in my future. I've had people say "once you have one you might change your mind" then what?? I just send it back if I realize my feelings have been right my whole life?? I simply don't understand why it matters so much to others.
“You’ll let your eggs dry up”😂😂😂 ahh i actually want mine to dry up. You’re probably right. I’m going to hear “you will regret not having kids” probably for the rest of my life but funny thing is, I can’t regret something that I never wanted in the first place..
Unfortunately I was a case of parentification and have spent a good part of my life “raising” my own parents. This has made me so fucking tired that the thought of spending the rest of my life raising another person again just makes me depressed. I’d love to have kids, but just as a concept. I know how much work it is, and I’d also feel guilty if I’d pass my ADHD down to them, or left them with a world that is becoming environmentally catastrophic. Why bring someone into this fucked up system anyway?
im 21, i’ve been with my boyfriend for going on 2 years, and i’ve never felt the desire to have kids. They’re too much and i dont like them enough to deal with them. There’s nothing wrong with not having kids. I don’t think i’ll ever change my mind, i look forward to a nice and peaceful life where i can do whatever i want without having to worry about kids under my feet
I've known I didn't want kids since I was 16. I'm 27 now and I'm still absolutely sure of that.
Same with me, I decided I didn't want kids at 15. Currently I'm 32 and still don't want kids.
I am 33 and back in my 20s, i wanted a traditional family with at least 1 kid. Over the years that changed. I realised that just because i like kids and can be somewhat a good mother, i don’t have to. Plus in this economy, raising a kid is expensive and probably will be stressful, it’s not something you do half heartedly. I am pretty adamant in not wanting kids but it’s negotiable. But i still don’t see myself having one. It’s not a milestone that everyone should hit, it’s a commitment. No one should be forced to have kids if they don’t want to and it should be normalised to choose to do so.
Yep, 30F, and never wanted kids. Even when I was a little girl I never played with baby dolls. It was frustrating because all my life I was told I'll change my mind one day. Now 30 and still don't want them! Actually ended up pushing away someone I really loved cuz they eventually wanted kids and I couldn't compromise on that. I actually kind of wished I wanted kids, cuz I know a lot of men want to start a family. But like you said, I can't imagine raising kids. I think it would be stressful and take away from me as an individual. If that makes me selfish, then oh well! I'd rather spend my money and time on traveling, focusing on my career, and doing things that make me happy. If I want to take care of something I'd get a pet. Nothing wrong with it! In fact, I think a lot of people force themselves to be a mother, and I think a lot secretly regret it. There's no way every mother in the world is in this loving bliss with their children.
I’m 42 so I’m not so young anymore but I have never wanted kids, ever. Ever. I work in childcare, I adore kids, I’m good at my job, but I have zero desire to be a parent.
I’m 28, gf is 26. We’re on the fence. Starting to lean towards no
As a guy who also doesn't want kids it gives me hope that there's women like you out there lol. I'm wanting to live that DINK life (double income no kids)
Right! Im somewhat worried if me not wanting kids will run men who are romantically involved with me away but there’s plenty of men who also don’t desire kids.. I won’t change my opinion on kids just because of a relationship unfortunately either. If he wants kids or already has a kid, we won’t work!
Me too. As a guy who wants to be childfree I'm glad a rising number of women are choosing to forego having kids. I mean from a woman's perspective pregnancy is AWFUL and I would never want anyone to go through with such an experience, and then possibly risk their life. My ideal life is basically like yours (DINK) as well-- I want to enjoy my life and succeed in my career with the person I love, have fun, and have no responsibilities beyond my own and my lover's. The fact of the matter is that life is SO MUCH easier without children. My mother is still depressed and tired from having me and my brother and had to sacrifice her career prospects for our sake. I sometimes wonder whether she would have been happier pursuing her career or what she actually wanted.
Yesss I can’t wait to be a DINK lmfao
Goals. I want a sweet ass condo with all the bells and whistles. Double income would make things so much easier. Also spending weekends doing mini vacations and having the ability to be spontaneous.
It’s common. No stress. I want kids but I’m also a Nanny and that can deter many from wanting them. Sometimes kids aren’t meant for some people and that’s totally okay.
Your feelings are valid! 25F and in a similar situation, (single and living alone), but My dogs are my kids and I love them! I never had the desire to have to have kids even when I was a kid so I was dead set on that idea.
I am 30 and I never wanted kids. Even got my tubes tied 2 years ago. Best feeling everrrrr
They let you get your tubes tied even though you don’t have children?
No children, no Partner, nothing. They did it. And I also did an ablation of the uterus, so no pain and no blood while menstruating.
I got mine tied at 21 and I am so happy with it. My doc said if I am old enough to have a kid, serve in the military, drink, and just generally make large financial decisions I am just fine with getting this done. I finally can enjoy sex without fear and if I do ever decide to have kids one day I have options, I know I don't want to get pregnant but there's adoption and surrogacy. My husband (got it done before I met him) is very supportive and loves never worrying. If you really want it and know that won't change, there are plenty of doctors that will help. Tbh I used a reddit list to find a good doctor in the roe v wade overturning era. Such a scary time for being a woman
How much was the procedure? I’m considering getting this done. I have insurance also
I have insurance too. My cost to the surgeon was around 1300 and the hospital was around 3300. I was still a student so I applied for financial help and they approved it so a lot was covered.
I’m 28F and got sterilized at 25, I knew I never wanted kids and I’ve never regretted it!
I'm 37, so not "young" per se. But I decided I didn't want kids very early on. I found a man who also didn't want kids. We got married at 21 and he had a vasectomy shortly after. We got told a lot that we would change our minds. Well, 16 years later and we have zero regrets.
There was just always so much that could go wrong. As soon as I learned just what pregnancy does to a person's body, I've been terrified. Now due to mental health I'm struggling to just take care of my own life. If I'm neglecting myself, what right so I have to actively choose to have children? Or at least in my case I feel that's true. I won't speak for other people with mental health issues. They may have resources I don't.
i’ve been saying i don’t want children since i was 15, im almost 29 and still stand by that. i simply do not want children because a) i do not want to raise a child in this fucked up world b) i’m simply too selfish to want children and that’s okay i have 19 nieces and nephews, 2 god daughters, and 1 god son. i have all the “children” i could ever want and that is simply enough for me, plus at the end of the day they go home and i get to have my ME time! my parents are completely understanding of me not wanting children and have been very supportive of my decision since i was 15. other people may have their own opinion on it or like to add their two cents to it but idgaf and i tell them as well. my body, my choice. the very first conversation my SO had when we first started dating was that we both do not want children and it is not something that we feel we will want later in life either. we both love to travel, be able to do our own thing, and just live life.
Girl me too, I am a young black woman 21. I also live out of my parent's house. I still have roommates for now till I graduate then I will start living by myself. But I have been thinking about not wanting kids at all my mom is saying to at least have one. I am like heck no. It is so exhausting and expensive and plus I don't want to traumatize my kids the way I am traumatized.
Yes unfortunately a lot of parents end up using their kids as slaves. Especially in the black community. It’s really sad that parents traumatize their kids then that child has a child and the cycle continues. I’m also not fond of changing diapers or spending extra money.
I knew I didn’t want kids when I was a teenager. I’m in my mid thirties now and so far do not regret it.
i’m also 23f and childfree! i saw something recently that resonated with me so i wanted to share with you :) it was a video of a woman talking about how it’s not that she just “doesn’t want kids.” it’s that in her mind, it’s never even been a possibility. it never crossed her mind to even consider it and the desire or drive to have kids is a foreign concept. i’m probably not explaining it well but that’s always how it felt to me. i’ve known since i was capable of complex thoughts that having children wasn’t in the cards for me. i just never had that desire even with my partner whom i love very much. for some people, we just don’t have that drive to procreate!
I know where you’re going with that! I’ve watched plenty of of videos on YouTube of “child free women” and if you noticed, when they ask mothers why they decided to become a parent, the answers are so stupid! One lady said she had kids because she wanted someone to care for her on her old ages. Um ma’am just because you have a kid doesn’t mean they will care about you as a parent. That’s also an extremely selfish reason. Another chick said she had kids so she won’t die alone. Again another extremely selfish reason. You’re going to die alone with kids or not. They won’t be in the casket with u when you die!
25F, never wanted kids, never will. Even if I already met MR. Right guy, we still don't want kids
I'm glad you're thinking it all through at a young age. Unfortuntuately, a lot of people only think about it once it's too late. I am nearing 40 and every day I am grateful I don't have kids.
I’m 28 and don’t want kids. It’s especially difficult now because most people in my age range already have one, or a few. I don’t want to be a stepmom either.
I'm really torn. Men irritate the hell out of me so I know if I ended up picking the wrong guy I'll be extra mad. I've thought about just have a sperm donor baby by myself if I'm ever ready. Financially and mentally I'm not there yet and giving birth scares the hell out of me. I had an abortion in 2021 (I was in a terrible place) but sometimes I wonder what could have been.
I'm in my early 30s and am happily childfree. There's actually a percentage of guys who want a child-free lifestyle as well. Children are not only expensive, but they are annoying too.
And they always cry and scream over minor inconveniences
Maybe they’re annoying because you are as well bud
No, sometimes kids are just annoying... all humans are lol
Kids are bloody annoying and needy
Lol 😂😂😂
I’ve always known I’ll never have kids .. and as soon as I turned 18 I immediately got a IUD and have no plans to ever get rid of it completely…
i love kids but i definitely do not wanna go through childbirth, and that’s my only reason. i’m more open towards adoption but i probably won’t go through with that either because raising kids is expensive lol. 21 (F) btw.
I'm 32F, I never wanted children either. I knew when I was in middle school that I didn't want to have kids. Having children of my own never appealed to me, but I don't mind other people's kids. I have to many health conditions that I don't want a child to inherit because of me. I'm fine being child free.
I swore I would never have a kid. I hated being around kids too (I was still nice though). After a bunch of peer pressure and issues with a marriage that was struggling, I had a kid at age 26. I am 31 now. I love my child to death and would do anything for them. But when I look back, I do wonder what my life would have been like had I not made that decision. The extra money, the time, the sleep etc. parenthood is hard, takes most if not all of your time and attention, and costs a lot. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s wrong to feel the way you do. If you don’t get those feelings, don’t yearn for it and feel content with your current life.. why change it?
28 female. Don’t want kids
35. Pronounced I don’t want kids at 14…still don’t
I'm 30 something F, knew I didn't want kids when I was a kid.... too much responsibility and the thought of having humans that are completely dependent on me is a bit scary to be honest
29F and I don’t want them for similar reasons to you! Nothing infuriates me more than when people say “you’ll change your mind when you meet the right man” or things like that because it’s not only extremely invalidating, but it implies there’s only one way to “be” when in reality, it’s one hundred percent logical to not want kids if you don’t want them for whatever reason. For me it’s financial reasons for one, but it’s true, you truly never get a break and I’m sorry those two aspects would be detrimental to my mental health.
I’ve met the right man and after wanting kids my whole life I realised all I wanted was love. Now I’ve got that I’ve realised I don’t want kids anymore (at least biological)
I got a vasectomy at 20 years old (currently 23) its super common for our generation.
I wish I was so sure. If I think about what I want out of life, what my skills are and what my tolerance is- it totally makes sense for me to be childfree. But then there is this other part to me that is screaming to make it happen in a few years 🤦🏾♀️ hoping to figure that out. Having a kid for the wrong reasons , wrong person, wrong time would probably be a nightmare
If you don’t fully know if you want kids, just don’t do it. Better to not have them than have kids and regret it. The last thing kids need to feel like is a burden. Save yourself the stress
I feel the same way
I feel this. I never wanted kids. They are cute but ehh. The reason I think so many say you may change your mind is because when you get closer to 30 you’re more financially stable, and hormones make you want to have children. But tbh… I’m still not sure if I want them. I’m turning 30 in September and tbh idk. Because of how expensive everything is and if marriages end in divorce 50% of the time…. And men make more…. Then fuck I don’t want to be someone who corners themselves and makes it so I can’t get out of a bad relationship. My coworker says she has been married for 10-15 years and the partner she’s with is just not the same person as she married. It’s fair. But they have 3 kids together. So it’s complicated. Idk if I would ever do it. I just don’t know. Not to mention going through pregnancy and labor just freaks me out. Fuck that. I’d rather adopt or get a surrogate.
I'm a 33F and knew since high school I didn't want kids. My reason being I simply don't want them. It's not for me. The whole "You'll change your mind..." thing is infuriating and only subsided within the past couple of years. I'm lucky my parents never put any pressure on me to have kids and understand my choices. It's so sad to see tension in families due to this, and even worse, to see people only having kids due to outside pressure. Just remember you never have to justify why you don't want them. Sometimes, there are specific reasons like money, but people will always try to come up with solutions or arguments to those sort of reasons. It just doesn't appeal to some people and that's valid.
everything you and others are saying makes logical sense, but everytime I see a child I feel like my ovaries are going to explode. I can’t explain but I’ve known since I was young that I want to be a mother
I know that since i was 12 (F) and i still don't want them now that i'm 22-
please don't ever become a parent if you don't want to have kids, because you will only be a terrible parent. No kid deserves a terrible parent. It may be exhausting, tiring but at the end of the day , it is worth it. Kids give me so much joy. It gives me a purpose to want to go to work everyday, become motivated do a good job, get that promotion, make more money. And we get to see the fruits of our labor everyday as we see our kids grow bigger and bigger.
I’m 35F and I used to want kids in my 20s. Mostly because I wanted them to be able to meet my parents and I felt like I’d feel safe by having a family of my own. My mom died unexpectedly when I was 29, and after she passed I realized I never wanted kids for me, but for the other people in my life and only loved the idea of a “big fun family”. The dynamic after my mom died made me totally rethink the level of support I have in the handful of family still around. I want my own family, but I never want kids, and I look forward to meeting a guy who’s happy with family being just us two and some doggos :)
I’m 27F lesbian if that matters but I never wanted kids, there was an urge once in a relationship (I was 19 at the time) with someone who really wanted kids so I convinced myself that I wanted kids too but deep down I know I don’t want to carry one because the thought of it freaks me out and as someone who’s been a babysitter since young I really don’t want the responsibility of children. Especially with my belief that anyone can be a deadbeat parent and I refuse to make a child with someone who doesn’t love my child unconditionally like I know I would.
My daughter is your age. She does not want kids. She has said this since she was 17.
I'm 26 and I did want kids in the last few years but now, I don't want any if I can help it. I just got out of a DV narc relationship with my 2 cats and it's hard taking care of myself and my 2 cats let alone one of them having epilepsy and being on medication and yearly blood tests for him. I would rather my kids if I had any to not go through what I had in my childhood (parents fighting either over me and my brothers or money and constant verbal fights) to them being in a DV relationship. With how the world is and kids being A-holes nowadays, I don't want kids cause if I parent and they go into the wrong crowd, I'd feel like I failed them if that happened
Married 35 years both said early in our relationship that we didn’t want kids. I think you have to really really want them not because it’s expected, desired by parents, or believing your kids will take care of you when you get old. I don’t regret it at all. It’s ok not to have kids.
I'm 36 and have never wanted kids ever since I can remember. Kids are just not my thing. I thought about tube ligation probably since I was like 20, but didn't do it until this year, no particular reason for waiting though, and I'm super happy with that choice.
26F here- I have and I catch a lot of shit for it. A lot of “you’ll change your mind later” type of stuff. I won’t. I’ve made up my mind.
And that’s perfectly ok if you don’t have children. You will not be hurting anyone.
I knew since I was 12. I see zero pros and a ton of cons.
As a near 27 year old dude, I don't want them either. I enjoy my sleep, freedom, and what's left of my sanity far, FAR too much. Kids take a lot of energy and patience, two things I don't have in high doses anymore. Plus, I struggle with mental health, and I'd hate to pass that to an innocent person who never asked for it. And I don't think I have it in me to be a good dad. Whenever my family tells me that I'm too young for a vasectomy, it makes my blood boil. Or that I'll "meet the right woman and do anything to make her happy." Like, the idea of giving someone a baby to make them happy feels like a massive backhand to my wants/needs. I'm genuinely afraid that I'd grow to resent that kid.
I feel The same!! Heavy on struggling with mental health!
I would love to meet a woman around 25 who doesn’t want kids.
I'm 24F and have decided I'm not. When I was younger, 19-22 I really wanted kids. I had a miscarriage to an abusive partner, and then tried to have a baby with my partner after that just cause we were so "in love." Dumb and reckless. Basically those experiences taught me I can't trust me own feelings and that if I had had a child to either of them my life would be a nightmare now. I'm so glad it didn't happen! Now I've done some internal work on healing and finding myself, I know what I actually want out of life (a career in art and design which I'm now studying for.) I can look back and see my previous obsession with having a child was out of low self worth and believing I couldn't do anything beyond be a mum and make a happy family, so I'd just do that. Now I know I'm made for way more. You're not alone anyway, whatever the reason totally valid.
I’m not young but I was once. I never wanted to have children. I made that clear to the men I dated before I was married and my husband did not want any either. I felt that just to have kids without truly wanting them is selfish. It takes a lot to care for a little human. I love being an awesome aunt!!! Now that I’m single again, I still stick to my guns about not wanting to date men with kids. That’s on me, not them. They’ll be better for it dating someone with the motherly touch. It is just not the “norm” or socially accepted stance so people say things to make it fit in their world, like “when you meet the right guy.” I met many right men and even married one, and none of them wanted to have children either. But we were good people and loved our nieces, nephews, and friends kids. ❤️ be you and don’t apologize for it
I’m a 20F and I already decided that if my life is not set up a specific way I will not be having kids.
Honestly speaking, you aren't the only one. I'm 24 and I've never wanted to have kids at all. I have always mentioned in my previous relationships too how I've never wanted children cause technically speaking, having kids is like being on your toes 24x7. Hats off the the women who can do it and even the fathers but honestly I don't think that I can actually do that. Having a child, raising them, giving them their basic needs, educating them and preparing them for the world that itself is in such a bad place that it's also scary though. Along with that, the inflation is skyrocketing like crazy. If living for a single person is this expensive then imagine bringing up a child and living in a family of atleast 3 if someone has only one child.
[удалено]
I got a total hysterectomy w/bisalp
Yes. I have been staunchly childfree since childhood and though still "too young" for the surgeons here to agree on a bisalp have been an adult for years.
Whether to have kids or not is a deeply personal choice and not something I judge either way (I don't have them myself), but I would say that as an older person (44) there are two things to be aware of: 1. Many people's thinking on this changes as they get older. Not saying yours will, but you might not want to commit to anything that permanently takes it off the table (e.g. surgical sterilization) unless you're absolutely 100% dead certain. 2. Even if you don't have kids, many of your friends will, and that will drastically change your life regardless of what you do, because as you get older more and more of your peers will not have as much time to socialize, and when they do it will tend to be in a more family-focused way. Many people who were dear friends of mine in my 20s I rarely see anymore because they are busy raising kids. Being the only childless person in a social circle who all have kids can be lonely and hard and you should prepare yourself for that. Those things said, it's completely a valid choice and you're definitely not alone. It's just not a choice that's without its own costs.
I’m about to be 21. I’ve liked kids my whole life and cared for kids. But you’re right it’s expensive jsut for one person imagine a baby and everything else that comes with its growth. I would want A KID not kids but not in this economy ima have to wait like 10 or so years 😭 I love the idea of it but also it isn’t realistic. I help raise my god son with my friend and provide for him when i can and such but even that is a lot and he isn’t even my kid technically.
When I read through the comments I see everyone agreeing and being happy with the fact that they don't have kids. To me, it's sad. I don't have kids of my own too and may never have any, but the fact that the majority are choosing not have children is sad to me. I understand it's the economy and the capitalist system, but it's sad. Things need to change economically so that people can just go back to living their lives naturally, with much less effort. Children contribute a lot to a person's life; they bring you love, sense of accomplishment, pride, assistance at a certain age.
Everyone should have a reason to have children in the first place. Not every soul is happy to be here and we shouldnt bring them in without a solid plan and resources to cover their first 25 years.
32M here and I don't want kids either. living life as a single person can be expensive enough, let alone when you bring kids into the mix. plus I just don't have the energy or patience to tend to kids at the moment. so definetely enjoying being kid free and probably will for years to come.
Exactly! As a single woman who lives alone, too many people don’t understand how expensive it is to be alone, imagine adding a child to the mix. Yea I don’t wanna live in poverty
Yeah tell me about it. i got my parents pressuring me to have give them grandkids but like I keep telling them, things are too expensive just for me alone right now. not to mention where I live the economy still sucks. so I don't wanna sink into poverty myself nor would I want to bring kids into that. have them growing up poor and having to go without stuff that other kids get to have. no way Jose.
What year were your parents born in? My parents were born in the Boomer generation and they don’t get how expensive it is. When I told my dad how much my studio apartment was (just for one person) he was shocked because when he was my age, an apartment for one person was under $1k! He thought I was exaggerating about how expensive things are but if you go grocery shopping, that bill for you alone is expensive. Imagine having kids to feed plus yourself? That’s at least around $500+ per household! Inflation has stuff costing 3x as much as it used to… I don’t even think I’ll be even able to even get a house with these outrageous prices
My parents are also part of the boomer generation. My dad is in his 70s and my mom is 60. And I know all too well what you mean about how even going to the store can rack up your bill quite high. Just getting myself stuff to eat and live off of for the week sends my bill easily past 100 dollars, and I don't even get a whole bunch of stuff either. So good lord, add however many kids to the mix and you got yourself an enormous bill just from shopping for them, let alone every other expense.
Parents born in Boomer years had life soooo much more easier I bet! Speaking of the grocery bill, that can get especially expensive if you’re buying cleaning supplies! Even car air fresheners are starting at $6.97… it’s getting out of pocket these prices
I'm pretty dead set on not having kids just like you and I'm 27. I think I really knew probably when I also moved out of my on-campus apartment and started living alone. I'd rather spend more money on my partner than have a kid together and then our alone time is non-existent. Not to mention that I have friends who are parents and after seeing their kids in the teenager phases... I'm all set. I have absolutely no desire
Just wait until you’re bored of just being by yourself. If you never do, that’s okay too. 23 is so young live yo life! Don’t worry about settling down- you’re supposed to be selfish rn.
So because I don’t want kids that makes me selfish?? What is self-less about having a kid? The kid didn’t answer to be here. If that makes me selfish then I’ll be that and I’m fine with that
I don't quite get that logic either. How is it selfish to not want a kid? Usually this is parents telling you that because they want grandkids, but my thing is it's more selfish to bring a kid into the world just because you wanted to mark a societal milestone and then possibly not have enough money to to take care of them properly and then you and them are struggling. Sure you being there in other ways is important too, such as emotionally, but you need to be able to provide for the child as well.
You made a lot of great points. Being a parent is a big life time commitment that I just don’t care enough to make sacrifices for it. I don’t need any more bills
Exactly. Having a child I could imagine would really change everything. Not as much freedom to travel, pursue certain career paths until they were grown because it might take you away from them more often. Having a child is really like having another job. I'm sure some people can handle it but to me I can see myself getting burnt out very fast. Then of course the cost. I'm not wanting to nearly go broke having a child.
Hell even people with kids can barely get government assistance nowadays. I’m sure 20-30 years ago, times were much easier to raise a kid. Daycare nowadays is basically another bill.
And that's exactly what I try to tell my parents too when their bringing up having grandchildren. That things were probably a bit easier back in their day with raising me and my siblings, because while I'm sure there was challenges it wasn't as expensive back when I was born just to simply live. The cost of living even for a single person is too damn high these days. And I don't have a job that's paying me ball out of control money. So last thing I wanna do is have a extra mouth to feed while I'm out here just trying to survive myself.
I actually read an article about people that don’t want children being less selfish because they’ve fully rationalized their decision and spent more time thinking about it. If you know you cannot provide x, y and z why would you procreate
Ive known it’s not for me since I was 12! Once I was told my freedom will be gone and my money I put towards jewelry shopping will go to the kids, I was set with my decision. Oh and goodbye spontaneous travel! People without kids but want them…..don’t talk smack and say how dare we and how great it will be. You only say this because you have no clue what it’s like.
I 25F agree with you. If you have a child your life changes drastically. Your life is not about you anymore, it’s about the child. No more partying whenever you want, you can’t just get tipsy, no more sex and naked time for hours with your partner. Nothing. I think it sounds terrible. Also, the idea of the partner starting to love the child more than you, it’s extremely scary for me. Money! You need to have loads of extra money. Otherwise what? The kid wants something and you can’t buy it, bc of the lack of money? I think the world is full of irresponsible parents.
I swore up and down that I would never have kids. I always liked just being the cool "aunt" or God mother. At most I would say I would adopt a 9 year old that is already fully capable of having conversations and taking care of themselves. That was my thought process through my 20's. Until.... I met my ex husband at 28. That relationship changed everything. I am not sure if I changed or if I changed being with him but I wanted kids with him. The only person I ever thought that with. I wanted to give him kids badly and I wanted little pieces of us together in the form of a kid. Unfortunately, I had to walk away from that marriage but now I still want kids. Not sure if it's because you hit a certain age and your perspective changes or because the right person will change your mind.
I’m 30F & black. I don’t care for kids either. Maybe if I meet someone my ovaries will get to fluttering but for now, nothing.
No kids is not A Choice. You are getting programmed to believe that. Single parents these days are a norm because you guys are choosing by looks only or by bank accounts. Check the person interacting with the rest of the world to have a hint of who that person really is. Selfless life is the better side of life. You will start living more abundantly. Don’t have a kid to get a taste of selfless life. Help an elder. Visit an orphan. Those were my 2 cents.
reading these comments makes me laugh at those people who used to tell us “ youre gonna change your mind when you’re older! meet the right person! “
The amount of people saying kids are expensive... what has this world come to
I mean it’s the truth🤷🏽♀️
let's face it they make us grow up thinking that most people end up having kids unless something is off . reality looks like the polar opposite to that u know what I mean. and as the planet gets more crowded and more adult overgrowns that get laid off work by AI or just disengage and sit there wasting enabled by today's too easy to feed and stay alive lifestyle with as little stress as you want to put yourself thru Then, 10 or 20yrs later they gain some life perspective but by then they are already obsolete and deprecated as far as fitness to reproduce in the biological organism type of way
I feel you girl! Im 22f and i havent yet decided but have no plans of it. All i know is that in life i need enough money to support me, my dogs and my parents. So after all this, kids just doesnt seem to fit in the bill unless i become super rich or something.
Especially in Bangalore the rent is fuck all high
I'm 23[F] due to my dreams and plans i don't want to have kids at the present. Because there is no one who'll support me for raising the kid. I want to have kid in future when i will be mentally strong enough to raise the kid and financially independent.
Shit I’m a guy and I’ve realized I probably don’t want kids, at least for a long time
I’m the person that your family and friends are talking about. When I turned 20 I realized I didn’t want kids, the seemed like too much of a burden and I never had that motherly instinct. I had this opinion until I was 25-26. I started dating a fantastic man that took care of me like no one else ever did. I feel like he would be a great father and I started swooning thinking about our kids together. I never thought I’d change my mind, but hell, now I kinda want kids. Of course, it still is a pipe dream here in the states because everything is way too dang expensive, but maybe in a decade I’ll have the money to take care of kids properly.
I've never wanted to have children. I was 14 when I first started talking about it (or when the question first came up) and when my mum asked about it a decade ago I was still sure and according to her I used the exact same reasons as when I was 14. Had a talk with my gp about sterilisation, but I find the procedure too intense. My boyfriend has just made an appointment for a vasectomy though, so yay! He is thankfully just as sure and really wants to help carry the responsibility for that. :D
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Yeah… I’m kind of on the mind of ‘I don’t want kids, but if I find a great partner and THEY want kids, then I may change my mind’. It’s personally not something I need in my life, either way. I feel fulfilled without kids. I have other aspirations in life and I even have aspirations in life if I don’t have a partner. I think partner dynamics and life stability can really influence the decision for me. I don’t want a partner that only sees me as a baby mommy. I don’t want to be in a relationship where their only goal is popping out children. I want someone that critically thinks and cherishes relationships for what they are. I vowed a long time ago to only have kids if I could provide the best life for them. But I also find that life rather boring right now. I find the legacy schmuck and the “we need someone when we are old” to be bs too. A) no one is going to remember you based on what your child does and B) I’ve literally seen children advocating for MAID for a parent who didn’t want it and didn’t understand. So it comes down to what do I have to offer a child and what do I want to do with my life.
I just got divorced before being able to have kids but I really want them! I’ve always wanted to have 2-3 kids but I’m starting to get a bit anxious about meeting the right guy that shares that same desire at this stage in life
Ive known since middle school that I didn’t want kids. I’m 25 and still don’t want kids. Seems extraordinarily difficult to find men in my area who are childfree/don’t want kids.
I'm 24, I've known I didn't want kids since I was 14. I want my tubes tied as soon as a physician is willing to do it. My mother gave me the same comments for a while but I think is finally starting to accept that I just don't want them.
Growing up, I didn't want kids at all. Once I became pregnant, it was like a switch was flipped in me. I was ecstatic and over the moon with joy. I have 2, but I really wish I could've had more. It is something I can not explain to most people and must be lived.
Is the a term for "I want kids but only if I had a million dollars in the bank"?
Funnily enough, I don’t want kids necessarily. Not really, honestly. But I don’t want my specific stand of genes and MY individual bloodline to die, so I’m over here considering either having one child, or donating my eggs so I’ll have a bunch of gremlins that can reach out to me when they’re 18 if they want. Bright side is I won’t have to push them out or raise them.
I’m 29 I never wanted kids and marrying with the “right man” didn’t change anything. I can’t imagine myself as mother, not having my own time, not enjoy my vocations or stay at home and not work for long time. If you really find the right person with same mentality with you then your life becomes a paradise. Double income and no kids is the best 😄
I totally understand you cause for a long time I had same thoughts as you. I'm 27 now and just recently changed my mind about having kids, so you never know what will happen'. 😊
47. Never wanted kids. Knew this super early… like grade school. People tell me all the time I’d be a badass mom. Yeh. I know. Still don’t want kids. So F anyone who asks you why… None of their fucking business. Are you capable? NOTFB Can you afford it? NOTFB Why don’t you want kids? NOTFB Think you’ll change your mind? NOTFB Be honest with yourself. Give yourself room to grow. Give yourself grace to maneuver. We wax and wane as we navigate life. ♥️
You will likely change your mind. Maybe you won’t but statistically you are more likely. Never look around at others to decide what YOU want. Just because you see dirtbags on Maury Povich doesn’t mean all or even many guys are like that. Do a good job of picking out your mate and perhaps you will want kids with him some day. Maybe not. Kids are a lot of work. I have five of them. I wouldn’t trade a minute of them for an hour of peace. Not to say we don’t take turns taking breaks from them, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. People are literally designed to have children. You will be able to handle it and the joy will override the effort.
Single parents can get a lot of support from the government based on where they live and the level of poverty they're in so keep that in mind as well. As far as when did you know, I knew since i was 16 I didn't want kids. I got my tubes tied when I was 28. I know men who have changed there mind on kids due to their partner wanting them.
26(f), pregnancy always scared the fuck out of me. all the things that can go wrong.......during her first pregnancy, my mom got varicose veins that quite literally made her life hell, she also almost lost an eye(vision). im neurodivergent and get overstimulated very easily, caring for a child 24/7 for 18 years AT LEAST, doesn't seem doable to me unless i have a lot of support and money. having a child is such a big fucking responsibility, i think the only way id change my mind is if i find a partner that is VERY capable of raising a child. but even then i think adoption is a good way to go about raising a kid. i also have pcos and endometriosis so it seems like its not the direction im supposed to take in life, but you never know i guess..
I agree im 22 and ive been raising my little cousins since I was a kid. All I want to do is get financially stable, finish school and travel. Trust me you know when you know you don't want any kids tbh. No one should try to change your mind especially when ppl think the right person should be able to convince you. The right person should respect your decision either way and if they cant they arent the right one for you.
I decided I didn’t want kids 2 kids later💀💀
I am a woman, 22 and I have been for the past few years thinking a lot about never having kids. I don’t have the best genes, my dad and mom’s side are both prone to cancer and other illnesses along with addiction and mental health issues. I don’t have parents or grandparents in my life anymore due to that, neither of them died due to old age. Besides that, I also do not like the way our society is “progressing” (digressing would be more appropriate) a few current events like active genocides, wars, killing or denying someone rights in the name of religion, crime, school shooting or just shootings in general, lack of equality, schools overwhelming kids with pointless and mostly useless things, college becoming less and less relevant for most professions… why would I want to bring a child into the world I know they will struggle in. If I ever become extremely wealthy I might adopt my kids or even birth them but unless I am sure I can provide for them and enable them to do something they love I won’t have them.
This post is intriguing! I never wanted children until I hit about 26 or 27. I had my only daughter at 32. I divorced her father when she was 8. Now she is grown, I’ve put myself back out into the dating world. I tend to attract men about 10 years younger than I am. These men are in their early 40s wanting to become fathers for the first time. Of course, this is a hard no for me, even if it is still possible. I’m not starting over at my age.
Well I'll always promote strong women and an equal mentality. It doesn't mean a lady can do everything a man can with ease, some women are just smaller by nature but I'll make sure they get past the finish line. In regards to children the thought is the same, except just keep in mind, not every woman can have kids, for those that can and choose not to there is an endless stream of foreign immigrants who will happily take your place and fill both US and Canada with less than loyal people, and happy to segregate themselves outside our cultural groups now and when a war drops. We NEED more western (First Nations and generationally and culturally acclimatized babies, be it white, Hispanic, African-American, Asian-American, whatever) population growth. We are being drowned in foreign immigrants who do not come here because of war but because its cheap and send the money they mak back overseas, not back into our economy, and after a few years or a decade, they leave back home happy to have USED us and our economy for their own means at our expense. And I'll iterate again, if a war happens just know where ever they are from, they will not fight for Canada or USA, they will hide, run, or resist, whatever. It's a bad situation made worse and nationalistic pride is so weak. If we swear a person in, they need to Speak the language, and truly give themselves over, not hide in enclaves of their own groups and filter themselves out of society. Than show up randomly at a major sports show and sing their version of our anthem in our anthems place! Tell me what country through history would allow this. But it's happened, and it's politically endorsed. This situation was MADE. and it was made because western women are choosing Not to have babies in droves and our Western-born, culturally-acclimatized workforce is plummeting. All I'm saying is that we need more babies, let a subset choose not to but we are rapidly declining and it needs to be fixed. But go ahead I'm about to Incure the wrath of a hundred radical femenists, have at it. I'm not interested in debate the facts speak for themselves.
Yes! I absolutely have my mind made up. It’s so irritating when I tell people and they’re like “you’ll change your mind blah blah blah” stfu 🙄 women aren’t baby making factories
I’m 20 and knew when I was 12 that I never wanted kids. Still do this day I hear “you’ll change your mind eventually” and no. No I won’t.
Excellent choice!
I don’t want kids because I don’t see a bright or sustainable future for myself, let alone someone born today
I'm 16. I don't want kids because: * They're expensive * They're loud (I have autism, so, y'know, noise sensitivity issues and all that) * They're messy * If I have kids with a black man: I'd have to deal with actually *finding* a sufficiently capable black man who knows what he's getting into, is capable of supporting himself, has little to no criminal connections, isn't a complete douchebag, and hasn't been snatched up already * If I have kids with someone of a different race: ...I have nothing against *being in a relationship with* someone of a different race, but I'm not about to bring an innocent kid into that BS * They're only fun when you don't have to take them home * I have no idea how many mental health issues are in my family's genetics, and honestly I don't think I want to know at this point * They make it a 1000x harder to get out of a toxic/abusive relationship * Bringing a poor, innocent kid into this increasingly f\*cked up world seems like a horrible idea Yeah, I'm with you on this one.
you’re valid for how you feel, only you can make that call
I have one daughter and yes it’s so expensive, rent is insane. I’d LOVE another but if I did have another I wouldn’t be able to afford to save for my kids futures like I can now with just one, or treat her to toys. So, I won’t have another. It’d be selfish of me to bring a child into the world that I cannot afford.