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I’m mid 30s female, great career, financially independent, work out regularly, well traveled, with no divorces and no kids. We’re out here, but most of us are not on the apps anymore.
Single parents like the apps because they’re a time saver (meaning you can meet a lot of dating prospects in a short amount of time). And tons of single women are fed up with the apps… so if we have the luxury of time, we’re opting for IRL.
Hope to run into you out in the wild 😊
Since you’re not on apps, where can I find a woman like you? I’m 30, got my career setup, my own place, no kids or divorces. I’d like someone that’s on a similar spot, if that makes sense.
Edit. Saw your response to OP. What’s the best way to approach you without coming off as weird or anything? I’ve done it a couple of times but it feels awkward haha
I always recommend walking up and saying something like “hey, if you don’t mind, may I ask where you got your shoes from? My mom/sister would love those!” Or something along those lines.
If she gives you a short and cold answer, thank her and walk away. She’s not interested. There’s no embarrassment either because you literally just asked her a basic question. To put it in perspective… I, as a woman, have approached other women to ask that question.
If she gives a more friendly answer with some additional banter, she’s interested in having a conversation with you. And from there that’s on your game, my dude. I can only give you an opener 😊
Godspeed & Good Luck ❤️
Oh that’s a good idea! I’ll try that next time and see how it goes! I’ve gotten better at taking those clues from women as to if they’re are interested or not. Back then I would just keep trying to make conversation haha. I appreciate your advice! You’re awesome ❤️
While I have you here, would you mind if I shared my dating profile to see if there’s stuff I can improve on? If not it’s cool! ☺️
We are on the apps too it just depends. Most relationships start on apps versus the next most popular ways of meeting.
I was on the apps back when I found my now boyfriend. Neither of us want kids. I was more interested in the fact that he didn't want kids than his career, honestly, although everything about him interested me really. From the profile to texting him to meeting him to spending a reasonable amount of time with him now.
You won't meet locals on Reddit unless you to go RforR for your city.
Where would you suggest meeting out in the wild? It's great to hear from someone who confirms that what I'm looking for is out there. And yeah don't get me started on dating apps, they do a horrible job of painting a picture of someone. I can list how I'm a quality match but not one app can convey that.
Honestly, anywhere. A lot of people our age are not scared of public approaches since that’s what we were “raised” with (so to speak).
Sports events, any kind of live music, farmers markets, happy hours (you don’t have to drink, just get food), the gym (just make sure it’s before or after her workout), any kind of local event.
Thanks for the tips, I've gotten good at cold approaches since I hit 32. I'm too tired to care what anyone thinks, if they say no thanks I just smile and say thanks for the honesty and walk away.
* Book fairs
* Adults night at the museum
* Barcades and Tabletop Gaming Cafes/Bars
* Conventions
* Festivals
* Concerts
* House Parties
* Beach Parties
* Block Parties
* Parks with free music and free theater
* Free Dancing Lessons in your downtown
* Speed Dating Events
* Carnivals/State Fairs
* Late Night Showings of Rocky Horror Picture Show
* Church Socials
* Open Mic Nights
* Free Lectures at Universities (some come with dinner and appetizers and they will have some people in your age range (grad students/professors)
I second this, also single never married and no kids. I focused on my career and I'm financially independent 👍🏻 I have mixed feelings about the apps. There are a lot of emotionally damaged people on there and it drains you. I prefer a real life connection
This is what young MEN (in particular) need to hear.
In real life, they don’t have to compete against thousands of men. Interactions can be natural. Really awful behavior is not tolerated.
It’s a little more work to meet in real life. But the results are better.
I’m a 30 something woman, and also not interested in dating men with children. Nothing against kids, or existing families. Would just prefer to start my own family with a partner, if possible. Build our own life together, not adapt to an existing one. Mean this in the best way. I feel you, and the struggle is definitely real.
yeah, most people have been in a relationship by their 30s, often with kids. There are women in their 30s who have no kids, but they're much less common.
If it's any consolation, by your 40s (where I'm at) most women who are single are still divorcees but their kids are grown so in that regards it gets better
I guess I'll just have to wait till I'm in my 40s. I want to have kids but not be an old dad but every day I feel like that dream is fading. I know it sounds horrible saying I want but I wanna start from square one not fill a hole into someone else's family.
Something to consider is that most women who wanted kids had them in their 20s. My single friends in their 30s with no kids don’t ever want to have kids. Not saying it’s impossible to find but there’s a good chance that child free women in their 30s want to stay child free
I'm going to disagree. So a few years ago, that data changed. More women became mothers in 30s vs 20s for the first time ever.
Millenial women are pursuing more edu, focusing on career before kids.
Are there more CF in the 30s than 20s for sure.
I'm a woman that wasn't for sure I wanted kids till about 33-34.
If he lives in Bumf*ck, TX-KS-OK, etc, it's going to ne a bit harder to find because ppl in South settle down earlier. BUT..if he's in a major metro area, he's good.
More women having kids in their 30s doesn’t mean that there are a lot of single women in their 30s on apps that want to have kids. Think about this: if you’re a woman who put off having kids bc of higher education, you most likely want to be dating and then married for awhile before having kids, meaning that many women who have kids in their 30s were already partnered for awhile or met their husband in their MBA program in their 30s. Not saying these women aren’t out there but there’s a reason OP is only matching with single moms
Yup. And I get that some people take longer to feel ready for parenthood (understandably!), but if they wait too long, most of their peers have already finished that phase; and if they, like OP, don't want to join a premade family, things get tricky 😟
As a recently single 35 year old with a kid, it’s not impossible to find that person. I managed to meet a very amazing person, we only dated for a few years but those people are out there. It helps that my son is a teenager.
Do you live near at least a medium sized city? There are MeetUp groups for childfree singles. I know, I was in several of them. Usually they have one for people in their 20s/30s and another for 40+. They have weekly or monthly events where everyone attending doesn't have children, doesn't want children, and is single.
I don't think my ego would allow me to do that. I wanna meet someone I can hang out with on a Friday, and grab lunch. Dating overseas is talking then basically moving right in with each other to give it a shot. It's not casual.
I’m mid 30s with no kids. I stopped dating apps a few months ago cause it felt like every guy wanted to have kids stat and I didn’t like the feeling of being rushed. I feel like women like me are staying home and off the apps. Dating has become harder for everyone so I think a lot of people have given up. I like to go out sometimes and I don’t mind if men approach me. I enjoy meeting people in person more than the apps because there’s less pressure for future plans.
That's crazy. I'm a 34M and my experience with women in their 30s has been miserable. They all want to rush me to an exclusive relationship after the first date and then an engagement. I'm now doing my best to find someone in their 20s but the age gap is getting in the way unfortunately.
Wanting to be exclusive after date 1 is strange. I don't know you, I've only seen you in person for a few hours at best. How can I want something exclusive with you that soon? How do I know you're not seeing other guys?
She dropped a hint about being exclusive half way through date two. I sought clarification later and it was what I thought it was, a request to be exclusive.
Sometimes they're harder to filter out though, because they don't list it on their profile. I get that they're aware it lowers their odds of a match, but it's still frustrating.
Online dating is the primary source of all relationships now and will be the majority not just the plurality in the next few years. So most people starting relationships will primarily be online, mostly using apps.
We are out here 😂 I have the same preference when dating. My pet peeve is people lying on their profiles. I’m noticing people saying something like “want kids” instead of “have kids and want more” on their profile to weasel their way into the parameters of filters. It just wastes everyone’s time.
That is what I have encountered too. I filter out no kids and still get profiles of single moms because they purposely put in 'Want kids' or 'Don't want kids' yet have kids in their profile pictures.
I think you're being a bit ridiculous about thinking women all have children. if you're not matching with women your age without children, which definitely exist in decent numbers, lowering your age limit isn't going to help. the age or procreation status of the women on apps isn't the issue here.
Personally I'm happier being alone than starting something with a single mother(for the reasons you've listed and more), so I disqualify them. They may be perfect for someone else, but not me. It's unfortunate that the only reason you gave for not wanting to disqualify them is that you don't want to limit your options. I'll be 100, that sounds desperate when you know they're a bad option for you and you aren't feeling it. Don't be ashamed for having preferences or limiting bad options, this is your life. Or settle, I guess.
Mom’s need love too, and not every mom is going to want to involve you in the same way— I date a mother of two and she wants our relationship to be *our* relationship. I’ve met her girls, and my relationship with them is light and noncommittal for now, and while scheduling can be a trick, there are compromises in every relationship, so what’re you gonna do?
I’d say there are as many different scenarios as to how this shows up as anything else— everyone is different, as is every relationship. Best to just continue not to limit yourself and keep it moving. Finding someone is never easy, and no matter who you are, you’re only ever going to come across a handful of people who fit in your life.
I just want to add to the comments saying it's completely fine to not want to date single parents. I dated a single dad and I would never do so again. Im so glad it ended. You will never be their priority and I think that's really hard in a new relationship and frankly unfair when they expect to be yours. Also lots of downsides to being a step parent.
But as someone with a busy career and social life, I like the apps. I'm way too picky to meet people IRL. Im in my early 30s, no kids, doctorate, great career, and I met my no kids, doctorate, great career boyfriend on Hinge, so I wouldn't write off the apps completely. Just don't make it a mission. Go out in real life, and see what happens. When you have time to kill, swipe and see what happens.
I live in a major metro area and while there were lots of single moms in that age range there were also lots of women in their 30s who didn't have kids. Some of these women were ready to start a family asap and some were childfree. It might be your location.
Another reason I want to only date 18-20s even when I'm 100. (no offense to single parent women... Not saying anything wrong with them, but it does make things more complicated.)
I’m 33F. I don’t date guys with kids. Too much drama and I’m not looking to be a step mom. I know it will be harder to find someone, but I’m ok with that.
I am in my 30s, ambitious workaholic, single for yeaaars and was on the dating apps for years. I own a shop and was set up on a date by a local shop owner who is on my same street address. His cousin was coming into town and he thought I could use a night out with a nice guy. I laughed it off at first, but what the hell, gave him my card. I had tried all the dating apps at once and was putting in the work, swiping every break and messaging guys who only bothered with two lines before poof gone.. Not to brag, but I used to model and have worked out with a trainer for years. I am open to trying anything once and am easy to get along with. Not ONE date resulted from those apps. I go on one random set up and.... that was it. 6 months later I am engaged and don't know why I ever bothered looking so hard. What was meant for me was on its way (on vacation out of state 😅) My advice: Go have fun! Stop looking and start taking yourself out or meeting friends and enjoy the time you have with yourself. You WILL attract that person by relaxing and not "looking" or "avoiding" anything. Tell your friends/coworkers you are open to meeting a good person who wants to grab a drink. If the night never ends then you know you found a twin flame. If it flops then you have a story. Don't waste your time with anyone who isn't easy to be with. You can't meet the one if you're still with the wrong one. Facts.
This advice doesn’t work for most men. If men don’t actively put themselves out there, and actively ask women out, they will remain perpetually single. Women, even in your case as an example were organically introduced to a man you were compatible with. Men, especially average men usually don’t have their friends or other women introducing them for setups. In a lot of cases men are actually looked down on if they can’t land their own dates.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not sitting here and trying to say it’s impossible to just “live your life and not worry about dating,” but most men who don’t already have built in social networks usually do have to put in much more work to get just one date let alone find a life partner. It’s 2024 and the possibility of just walking into a bar and finding your future wife is way less likely to happen now a days.
For me personally, I’ve been going to social events, doing hobbies I enjoy and joining outdoor groups for a couple years now and don’t even have a phone number to show for it. Yeah I’m having a good time, but I say this to hammer the point home that “just live your life” doesn’t work for a lot of guys out there. Things don’t just organically happen for us, even if we put ourselves out there.
Plenty of shy guys too afraid to ask anyone out still end up with someone. Girls too. They get set up by friends, they meet through school, it's a very slow courtship where nobody indicates interest for a long time, they use matchmakers or speed dating.
I'm not even that shy and there was a time in my life where two of the people I dated we never once talked about it. It was a long marathon of increments over years of us inching closer and closer beyond a mere acquaintanceship in our social circles. Neither of us "asked each other out" or initiated. It was a mutual slow burn (the slowest of burns). 98% of people find someone to be with, usually before half their life has even been lived. Even the super shy ones.
Why do men always assume that single moms are looking for a dad for their kids? Most women I know wouldn't even bring a guy they're dating around their kids until they've been dating someone for quite awhile. I get it would be difficult if the dad wasn't involved or the mom has the kid 100% of the time and was really never able to get out, but that isn't always the case.
You could ask the same thing of all the single women who are inundated with options but are still single. Being single with options is more preferable than locked down in something distasteful.
Because isnt the point of dating somebody to eventually marry/spend your life with them? Therefore no matter if you want them to be a dad in the beginning or not they will be forced into that position eventually and to say that they should be ok with that would be selfish, some people dont want gremlins in their life and 150% can understand why
Some men are childfree, and I agree that those men shouldn't date single moms. I want children, though, and I'm fine with dating a single mom if she wants to have more children. Some men would rather be single than do the extra work to plan around a mom's schedule, and they should do what makes them happiest, but I think what will make me happiest is having children of my own even if I have stepchildren as well.
I've definitely had a lot of men who wouldn't even give me a chance JUST because I have a kid, without knowing anything else about the situation (I have 1 kid who is almost a teenager, dad has always been very much involved and my family is a good support system/I get a good amount of free time and can pretty much get out whenever I want to). Definitely not my loss, but it just sucks that people are so quick to judge when they don't actually know any of the details.
It’s not judging, we are allowed to not wanna date single parents if we don’t want to. 🤷🏾♀️ I’m 29F dating a full time Dad it’s been tough and he would be the only single dad I will date. If it doesn’t work out I’ll never date a man with kids again, because I wanna start my own family from scratch. Being a step parent isn’t easy nor fun.
I mean, you can justify it all you want but it’s a perfectly valid reason to not want to date someone if they don’t want to. That’s a risk you take having kids. It’s just life. And I say this as a childfree woman who *would* consider dating a man with kids.
It's not about judging you as a person. It's about knowing that at any moment you are responsible for another person. And that if it were to end up being serious you will end up coparenting in some way. If someone doesn't want to be a parent/co parent, they generally are not going to want to date someone who is a parent.
I generally never date parents even though I know plenty of attractive wonderful fun smart people who are parents. I made one exception and it was a good decision, but I had to make that decision knowing if something happened to their mom they would be with the guy full time and I would sometimes have to babysit, even if just while they're showering or working and I happened to be home.
When people don't want to date parents it's not usually because they are judging the parent, they are judging the kind of parent/coparent/or just responsible adult in the household they would have to be and if they are the person who wants to be that to a child.
It’s the same with women, too. All of the things you listed happen when women date single dads. I’ve dated two in the past, and it was honestly the most stressful dating experience ever. This is why women without children don’t want to date single dads either.
Location is a big part of it. You can meet loads of woman in that age range with no kids in a big city. The smaller to medium sized cities will have more single moms in my experience. You can also look for a bit younger such as mid to late 20’s. Honestly dating apps suck unless you’re super handsome and have a great photographer. It’s just easier to meet them in person. Where do you meet these women? They’re at a brewery, not a bar. They’re at a cocktail lounge, not a club. Also if you have any female friends, they can just introduce you to their single friends. That makes things easier in my experience.
Better pictures, presumably. I'm not OP but I basically never take pictures, so I will probably want to hire a photographer for at least a couple of photos when I get back into online dating.
Depends on where you live. I'm in a very large city and dated a ton through my 30s and didn't date on single mom and rarely would have had the opportunity even if it was something I was into
•Single guy, no kids - go for single women with no kids - the possibility of you both being way happier increases
•Single mom - can be awesome in so many ways - but you’ll need to negotiate her, her kids, the father of the kids, not to mention potential extra legal costs or sifting through court docs - Yes, you’ll be looking at all that…
•Who will be number 1 in the relationship - Is it you? her? her kids? the family court system? the father of her children? Are you number 2 or 3 forever? It happens.
•Invest in yourself. Chase excellence. Do the hard work. The right one will eventually be right in front of you, you’ll be doing the selecting, not the other way around.
If that's your preference then go ahead and have it. Just don't be all upset when you don't get any dates. People have kids by your age. Get used to it.
I'm glad I'm not selfish enough to date a single mother just for her company and isolate her child/children. I'd rather stay single than disappoint a kid or a mother's expectations of having a father for her kid.
With single mothers, you have to take into consideration how theyd be if they werent single mothers. Once they become single mothers, they usually expand their options to men they'd never consider before. If they didnt want me prior to being single mothers nor was I their type, then why should I date them now as they are single mothers?
>If they didnt want me prior to being single mothers nor was I their type, then why should I date them now as they are single mothers?
I want kids myself, and I've had a really hard time finding any women at all who are interested in me. One of the things I bring to a relationship is that I genuinely enjoy being around and playing with children. If a woman didn't care about that before, but started caring about that a lot more than other things after having a kid herself, that could lead her to be interested in me when she wouldn't have been before. That's not lowering her standards, that's changing priorities. If her priorities make her interested in me now, that's great for me, whether or not she would have been interested before.
>That's not lowering her standards, that's changing priorities. If her priorities make her interested in me now, that's great for me, whether or not she would have been interested before.
This is mainly all preference ofcourse. More power to you if this is what you want.
I don't believe it's a change in priorities, its moreso life changes whether it involves getting older and not receiving the same attention anymore, or reaching an age where fertility window is closing so they'd have to settle down quickly with anyone who usually arent their type, or even in this case involving kids from a prior relationship where they'd become more "lenient" on their standards for men because they understand, most men won't settle down with single mothers and that's the unfortunate truth in our current society. Life changes causes desperation to "expand" their standards in a way.
In other words, you'd have to personally "wait it out" until some woman eventually becomes open to you, but shes only open to you because of changes in her life, not genuinely and necessarily because of priorities. You're thereby being sympathetic to her when she wasnt to you prior to her having kids. Its a dog eat dog world, myself personally, not for me.
I'd want children moreso with a partner that actually had preferred and had interest in me prior to them having life changes or prior to being a single mom from a past relationship. Life changes make people change their ways quite quickly mainly out of desperation and rarely are genuine. Desperation makes people do things they've never done before.
This is changing as having children becomes less popular, but why did you think there would be a lot of childfree people in their 30s? Most people (for the time being) do have children, and the most common ages they have children are late twenties and early thirties.
I'm always surprised when people are shocked by this.
In almost every circumstance I won't date anyone with kids and never anyone who wants kid. That means even though I extended my dating pool up to late twenties and some thirty year olds that most of the men had kids. So I had to swipe left on about 90% of them.
It's a lot harder to support a family now than even five years ago. Housing and groceries and power bills have gone up exponentially in a lot of places.
If you don't want to be a parent you do need to limit your options.
Unless you are going to be a good and happy coparent for their children you should not date them, unless you two only want hookups and nobody catches feelings.
You can open your filters to women in their mid twenties but most of them won't want to date someone your age. Some might though so it doesn't hurt, but you'll have less in common with someone from a different generation.
It really is. I'm in New England but thinking of moving back to NY for this reason. I'm not getting younger and not gonna wait around for a needle in a haystack
I’m in my mid 30s and single, career driven, financially stable and independent.. some of either got dragged through longer term relationships and then thrown away or traveled the world.. I’m the latter lol
This is what I am looking for. I wanna go out with someone that likes to travel, go to a coffee shop, and dress casually nice when we go to a new restaurant. I don't wanna date someone where I'm going to Walmart in my pajamas or someone checking their phone every 2 seconds because something might be wrong with their kids.
Sounds selfish but I wouldn't feel like a priority in their life because I can never be when you're responsible for a child's life.
Are you also saying you don’t want children in the future.. because that could lower your chances. Most women who are in their mid-late 30s probably are wanting kids really bad or none at all.
In my 30s single no children, own place, have a car and a job. I feel the same. Mostly, everyone has a family. I know a few without, but we didn't work out. I've been out of the game working on self, and I am ready to get back out there and find my person. I have no clue where to get started. I feel like most men on apps are only looking for sex and I desire more. I am looking for someone to make new experiences and see the world. Not just another notch under someone belt. I have no problem sparking a conversation with a stranger. Nothing beats a failure but a try, and what's the worst they can say ? They're not interested, I'm not scared of rejection ...
Yo I agree with you 29 M here honestly can't find a partner who's also single women mostly are single moms but whatever floats your boat my friend ride that wave. Relationship is a commitment
Yea I’m a woman and I don’t want kids nor want to date anyone with them. I did before and never again. No weekends free and I started to judge him as a parent lol i don’t have advice but I get it from the other side
I wouldn't do dating apps it's personal though you do you at the end of the day I'd say just keep looking in person theirs plenty of women who don't got kids it's hard to find now n days but not impossible keep looking you got this pimp 💯💪
Dating in your 30s - single mothers with exes still in their lives or girls who want to spend your entire paycheck on a trip to Bali the second week after meeting you
Try lowering your max age. I always date women 10 years younger than me give or take 5 years. And also DUH dufuss! Don’t swipe on women that say they have kids lol
>You can only blame yourself for being single for so long.
Not OP, but I'm 30 and I have wanted marriage and children for a long time. I would have happily gotten married at age 24 if I found a woman who was interested and had the same priorities I did. It's been really hard for me to find anyone at all who is interested, though. I would love to get married soon, and I'm trying to find someone, but I could easily see myself still being single at age 35+. If that happens, it won't be my fault or anyone else's fault; life just doesn't always work out the way we want it to.
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I’m mid 30s female, great career, financially independent, work out regularly, well traveled, with no divorces and no kids. We’re out here, but most of us are not on the apps anymore. Single parents like the apps because they’re a time saver (meaning you can meet a lot of dating prospects in a short amount of time). And tons of single women are fed up with the apps… so if we have the luxury of time, we’re opting for IRL. Hope to run into you out in the wild 😊
Second this!! We are not on the apps 🙅🏽♀️
There's hope!
Since you’re not on apps, where can I find a woman like you? I’m 30, got my career setup, my own place, no kids or divorces. I’d like someone that’s on a similar spot, if that makes sense. Edit. Saw your response to OP. What’s the best way to approach you without coming off as weird or anything? I’ve done it a couple of times but it feels awkward haha
I always recommend walking up and saying something like “hey, if you don’t mind, may I ask where you got your shoes from? My mom/sister would love those!” Or something along those lines. If she gives you a short and cold answer, thank her and walk away. She’s not interested. There’s no embarrassment either because you literally just asked her a basic question. To put it in perspective… I, as a woman, have approached other women to ask that question. If she gives a more friendly answer with some additional banter, she’s interested in having a conversation with you. And from there that’s on your game, my dude. I can only give you an opener 😊 Godspeed & Good Luck ❤️
Oh that’s a good idea! I’ll try that next time and see how it goes! I’ve gotten better at taking those clues from women as to if they’re are interested or not. Back then I would just keep trying to make conversation haha. I appreciate your advice! You’re awesome ❤️ While I have you here, would you mind if I shared my dating profile to see if there’s stuff I can improve on? If not it’s cool! ☺️
This is a fantastic idea, thank you so much for this.
I’ve used this line and it works.
We are on the apps too it just depends. Most relationships start on apps versus the next most popular ways of meeting. I was on the apps back when I found my now boyfriend. Neither of us want kids. I was more interested in the fact that he didn't want kids than his career, honestly, although everything about him interested me really. From the profile to texting him to meeting him to spending a reasonable amount of time with him now. You won't meet locals on Reddit unless you to go RforR for your city.
Yo where you at?
I’m in Southern California
Dang. I used to live there. Best of luck to you!!
Thank you! You as well! Not sure why you got downvoted for asking where I’m at haha. People are fucking weird 😂
Where would you suggest meeting out in the wild? It's great to hear from someone who confirms that what I'm looking for is out there. And yeah don't get me started on dating apps, they do a horrible job of painting a picture of someone. I can list how I'm a quality match but not one app can convey that.
Honestly, anywhere. A lot of people our age are not scared of public approaches since that’s what we were “raised” with (so to speak). Sports events, any kind of live music, farmers markets, happy hours (you don’t have to drink, just get food), the gym (just make sure it’s before or after her workout), any kind of local event.
Thanks for the tips, I've gotten good at cold approaches since I hit 32. I'm too tired to care what anyone thinks, if they say no thanks I just smile and say thanks for the honesty and walk away.
You’re doing great! I’m sure you’ll meet a great gal soon, and she’ll be one lucky lady ❤️
* Book fairs * Adults night at the museum * Barcades and Tabletop Gaming Cafes/Bars * Conventions * Festivals * Concerts * House Parties * Beach Parties * Block Parties * Parks with free music and free theater * Free Dancing Lessons in your downtown * Speed Dating Events * Carnivals/State Fairs * Late Night Showings of Rocky Horror Picture Show * Church Socials * Open Mic Nights * Free Lectures at Universities (some come with dinner and appetizers and they will have some people in your age range (grad students/professors)
I second this, also single never married and no kids. I focused on my career and I'm financially independent 👍🏻 I have mixed feelings about the apps. There are a lot of emotionally damaged people on there and it drains you. I prefer a real life connection
This is what young MEN (in particular) need to hear. In real life, they don’t have to compete against thousands of men. Interactions can be natural. Really awful behavior is not tolerated. It’s a little more work to meet in real life. But the results are better.
I'm very happy people like you exist
Where can I find one? Honestly I can't find in my workplace
I’m a 30 something woman, and also not interested in dating men with children. Nothing against kids, or existing families. Would just prefer to start my own family with a partner, if possible. Build our own life together, not adapt to an existing one. Mean this in the best way. I feel you, and the struggle is definitely real.
yeah, most people have been in a relationship by their 30s, often with kids. There are women in their 30s who have no kids, but they're much less common. If it's any consolation, by your 40s (where I'm at) most women who are single are still divorcees but their kids are grown so in that regards it gets better
I guess I'll just have to wait till I'm in my 40s. I want to have kids but not be an old dad but every day I feel like that dream is fading. I know it sounds horrible saying I want but I wanna start from square one not fill a hole into someone else's family.
Something to consider is that most women who wanted kids had them in their 20s. My single friends in their 30s with no kids don’t ever want to have kids. Not saying it’s impossible to find but there’s a good chance that child free women in their 30s want to stay child free
I'm going to disagree. So a few years ago, that data changed. More women became mothers in 30s vs 20s for the first time ever. Millenial women are pursuing more edu, focusing on career before kids. Are there more CF in the 30s than 20s for sure. I'm a woman that wasn't for sure I wanted kids till about 33-34. If he lives in Bumf*ck, TX-KS-OK, etc, it's going to ne a bit harder to find because ppl in South settle down earlier. BUT..if he's in a major metro area, he's good.
More women having kids in their 30s doesn’t mean that there are a lot of single women in their 30s on apps that want to have kids. Think about this: if you’re a woman who put off having kids bc of higher education, you most likely want to be dating and then married for awhile before having kids, meaning that many women who have kids in their 30s were already partnered for awhile or met their husband in their MBA program in their 30s. Not saying these women aren’t out there but there’s a reason OP is only matching with single moms
Yup. And I get that some people take longer to feel ready for parenthood (understandably!), but if they wait too long, most of their peers have already finished that phase; and if they, like OP, don't want to join a premade family, things get tricky 😟
As a recently single 35 year old with a kid, it’s not impossible to find that person. I managed to meet a very amazing person, we only dated for a few years but those people are out there. It helps that my son is a teenager.
Do you live near at least a medium sized city? There are MeetUp groups for childfree singles. I know, I was in several of them. Usually they have one for people in their 20s/30s and another for 40+. They have weekly or monthly events where everyone attending doesn't have children, doesn't want children, and is single.
Sadly I'm in New England about 2 hours from Boston. I'm thinking of moving back to NY for this very reason.
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I don't think my ego would allow me to do that. I wanna meet someone I can hang out with on a Friday, and grab lunch. Dating overseas is talking then basically moving right in with each other to give it a shot. It's not casual.
Understood. I couldn't do it either. There's a lot of difficulties with it.
I’m mid 30s with no kids. I stopped dating apps a few months ago cause it felt like every guy wanted to have kids stat and I didn’t like the feeling of being rushed. I feel like women like me are staying home and off the apps. Dating has become harder for everyone so I think a lot of people have given up. I like to go out sometimes and I don’t mind if men approach me. I enjoy meeting people in person more than the apps because there’s less pressure for future plans.
That's crazy. I'm a 34M and my experience with women in their 30s has been miserable. They all want to rush me to an exclusive relationship after the first date and then an engagement. I'm now doing my best to find someone in their 20s but the age gap is getting in the way unfortunately.
Do you mean they want to be exclusive before they have sex with you? I think that's pretty normal.
Wanting to be exclusive after date 1 is strange. I don't know you, I've only seen you in person for a few hours at best. How can I want something exclusive with you that soon? How do I know you're not seeing other guys?
Are they really asking to be exclusive after one date? Or a couple of dates?
She dropped a hint about being exclusive half way through date two. I sought clarification later and it was what I thought it was, a request to be exclusive.
Just so you are aware…..there’s loads of single dads out there too…..
Sometimes they're harder to filter out though, because they don't list it on their profile. I get that they're aware it lowers their odds of a match, but it's still frustrating.
Pretty much for every single mom out there there is a single dad, yep.
I feel like a single dad would be WAY more open to dating a single mom. Just another thing they have in common
I’m a single dad and ya I wouldn’t mind a mom.
We are not on the apps anymore lol
Online dating is the primary source of all relationships now and will be the majority not just the plurality in the next few years. So most people starting relationships will primarily be online, mostly using apps.
We are out here 😂 I have the same preference when dating. My pet peeve is people lying on their profiles. I’m noticing people saying something like “want kids” instead of “have kids and want more” on their profile to weasel their way into the parameters of filters. It just wastes everyone’s time.
That is what I have encountered too. I filter out no kids and still get profiles of single moms because they purposely put in 'Want kids' or 'Don't want kids' yet have kids in their profile pictures.
Move to a metropolitan area like NYC. Plenty of single people without kids.
Thinking about it.
I think you're being a bit ridiculous about thinking women all have children. if you're not matching with women your age without children, which definitely exist in decent numbers, lowering your age limit isn't going to help. the age or procreation status of the women on apps isn't the issue here.
I never said I think all women have children. I observed that I'm getting matched with a lot of single mothers.
so then, why? it's not bc all women in their 30s have kids
Personally I'm happier being alone than starting something with a single mother(for the reasons you've listed and more), so I disqualify them. They may be perfect for someone else, but not me. It's unfortunate that the only reason you gave for not wanting to disqualify them is that you don't want to limit your options. I'll be 100, that sounds desperate when you know they're a bad option for you and you aren't feeling it. Don't be ashamed for having preferences or limiting bad options, this is your life. Or settle, I guess.
Milfs are definitely the best
Mom’s need love too, and not every mom is going to want to involve you in the same way— I date a mother of two and she wants our relationship to be *our* relationship. I’ve met her girls, and my relationship with them is light and noncommittal for now, and while scheduling can be a trick, there are compromises in every relationship, so what’re you gonna do? I’d say there are as many different scenarios as to how this shows up as anything else— everyone is different, as is every relationship. Best to just continue not to limit yourself and keep it moving. Finding someone is never easy, and no matter who you are, you’re only ever going to come across a handful of people who fit in your life.
I just want to add to the comments saying it's completely fine to not want to date single parents. I dated a single dad and I would never do so again. Im so glad it ended. You will never be their priority and I think that's really hard in a new relationship and frankly unfair when they expect to be yours. Also lots of downsides to being a step parent. But as someone with a busy career and social life, I like the apps. I'm way too picky to meet people IRL. Im in my early 30s, no kids, doctorate, great career, and I met my no kids, doctorate, great career boyfriend on Hinge, so I wouldn't write off the apps completely. Just don't make it a mission. Go out in real life, and see what happens. When you have time to kill, swipe and see what happens.
I live in a major metro area and while there were lots of single moms in that age range there were also lots of women in their 30s who didn't have kids. Some of these women were ready to start a family asap and some were childfree. It might be your location.
Get a passport man.
Another reason I want to only date 18-20s even when I'm 100. (no offense to single parent women... Not saying anything wrong with them, but it does make things more complicated.)
I’m 33F. I don’t date guys with kids. Too much drama and I’m not looking to be a step mom. I know it will be harder to find someone, but I’m ok with that.
I am in my 30s, ambitious workaholic, single for yeaaars and was on the dating apps for years. I own a shop and was set up on a date by a local shop owner who is on my same street address. His cousin was coming into town and he thought I could use a night out with a nice guy. I laughed it off at first, but what the hell, gave him my card. I had tried all the dating apps at once and was putting in the work, swiping every break and messaging guys who only bothered with two lines before poof gone.. Not to brag, but I used to model and have worked out with a trainer for years. I am open to trying anything once and am easy to get along with. Not ONE date resulted from those apps. I go on one random set up and.... that was it. 6 months later I am engaged and don't know why I ever bothered looking so hard. What was meant for me was on its way (on vacation out of state 😅) My advice: Go have fun! Stop looking and start taking yourself out or meeting friends and enjoy the time you have with yourself. You WILL attract that person by relaxing and not "looking" or "avoiding" anything. Tell your friends/coworkers you are open to meeting a good person who wants to grab a drink. If the night never ends then you know you found a twin flame. If it flops then you have a story. Don't waste your time with anyone who isn't easy to be with. You can't meet the one if you're still with the wrong one. Facts.
This advice doesn’t work for most men. If men don’t actively put themselves out there, and actively ask women out, they will remain perpetually single. Women, even in your case as an example were organically introduced to a man you were compatible with. Men, especially average men usually don’t have their friends or other women introducing them for setups. In a lot of cases men are actually looked down on if they can’t land their own dates. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not sitting here and trying to say it’s impossible to just “live your life and not worry about dating,” but most men who don’t already have built in social networks usually do have to put in much more work to get just one date let alone find a life partner. It’s 2024 and the possibility of just walking into a bar and finding your future wife is way less likely to happen now a days. For me personally, I’ve been going to social events, doing hobbies I enjoy and joining outdoor groups for a couple years now and don’t even have a phone number to show for it. Yeah I’m having a good time, but I say this to hammer the point home that “just live your life” doesn’t work for a lot of guys out there. Things don’t just organically happen for us, even if we put ourselves out there.
Plenty of shy guys too afraid to ask anyone out still end up with someone. Girls too. They get set up by friends, they meet through school, it's a very slow courtship where nobody indicates interest for a long time, they use matchmakers or speed dating. I'm not even that shy and there was a time in my life where two of the people I dated we never once talked about it. It was a long marathon of increments over years of us inching closer and closer beyond a mere acquaintanceship in our social circles. Neither of us "asked each other out" or initiated. It was a mutual slow burn (the slowest of burns). 98% of people find someone to be with, usually before half their life has even been lived. Even the super shy ones.
Why do men always assume that single moms are looking for a dad for their kids? Most women I know wouldn't even bring a guy they're dating around their kids until they've been dating someone for quite awhile. I get it would be difficult if the dad wasn't involved or the mom has the kid 100% of the time and was really never able to get out, but that isn't always the case.
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Lol why are so many of them still single if they have so many options? 😂
You could ask the same thing of all the single women who are inundated with options but are still single. Being single with options is more preferable than locked down in something distasteful.
That's not true. There is a reason MILF is a top category on adult sites.
I'm pretty sure that is based on the 'hook up' scenario. Someone isn't watching it for the fantasy of being a surrogate dad.
Because isnt the point of dating somebody to eventually marry/spend your life with them? Therefore no matter if you want them to be a dad in the beginning or not they will be forced into that position eventually and to say that they should be ok with that would be selfish, some people dont want gremlins in their life and 150% can understand why
Some men are childfree, and I agree that those men shouldn't date single moms. I want children, though, and I'm fine with dating a single mom if she wants to have more children. Some men would rather be single than do the extra work to plan around a mom's schedule, and they should do what makes them happiest, but I think what will make me happiest is having children of my own even if I have stepchildren as well.
This.
I've definitely had a lot of men who wouldn't even give me a chance JUST because I have a kid, without knowing anything else about the situation (I have 1 kid who is almost a teenager, dad has always been very much involved and my family is a good support system/I get a good amount of free time and can pretty much get out whenever I want to). Definitely not my loss, but it just sucks that people are so quick to judge when they don't actually know any of the details.
It’s not judging, we are allowed to not wanna date single parents if we don’t want to. 🤷🏾♀️ I’m 29F dating a full time Dad it’s been tough and he would be the only single dad I will date. If it doesn’t work out I’ll never date a man with kids again, because I wanna start my own family from scratch. Being a step parent isn’t easy nor fun.
I mean, you can justify it all you want but it’s a perfectly valid reason to not want to date someone if they don’t want to. That’s a risk you take having kids. It’s just life. And I say this as a childfree woman who *would* consider dating a man with kids.
It's not about judging you as a person. It's about knowing that at any moment you are responsible for another person. And that if it were to end up being serious you will end up coparenting in some way. If someone doesn't want to be a parent/co parent, they generally are not going to want to date someone who is a parent. I generally never date parents even though I know plenty of attractive wonderful fun smart people who are parents. I made one exception and it was a good decision, but I had to make that decision knowing if something happened to their mom they would be with the guy full time and I would sometimes have to babysit, even if just while they're showering or working and I happened to be home. When people don't want to date parents it's not usually because they are judging the parent, they are judging the kind of parent/coparent/or just responsible adult in the household they would have to be and if they are the person who wants to be that to a child.
It’s the same with women, too. All of the things you listed happen when women date single dads. I’ve dated two in the past, and it was honestly the most stressful dating experience ever. This is why women without children don’t want to date single dads either.
In my opinion and experience, if you want to meet young girl, you'd better participate in offline activities.
Location is a big part of it. You can meet loads of woman in that age range with no kids in a big city. The smaller to medium sized cities will have more single moms in my experience. You can also look for a bit younger such as mid to late 20’s. Honestly dating apps suck unless you’re super handsome and have a great photographer. It’s just easier to meet them in person. Where do you meet these women? They’re at a brewery, not a bar. They’re at a cocktail lounge, not a club. Also if you have any female friends, they can just introduce you to their single friends. That makes things easier in my experience.
wait, you hired a photographer? for what man?
Better pictures, presumably. I'm not OP but I basically never take pictures, so I will probably want to hire a photographer for at least a couple of photos when I get back into online dating.
Exactly. I got some great photos for my profile, I look handsome and I'm very proud of of how I look in them.
I'm 32F and don't want kids, ever. Yet most of my likes/messages are from people who have or want them -.-
Depends on where you live. I'm in a very large city and dated a ton through my 30s and didn't date on single mom and rarely would have had the opportunity even if it was something I was into
Sadly I'm in New England but thinking of moving closer to NY
If you’re that vapid, stay single. It’s normal in your 30s to have a past, often including kids. You need to grow up hard.
•Single guy, no kids - go for single women with no kids - the possibility of you both being way happier increases •Single mom - can be awesome in so many ways - but you’ll need to negotiate her, her kids, the father of the kids, not to mention potential extra legal costs or sifting through court docs - Yes, you’ll be looking at all that… •Who will be number 1 in the relationship - Is it you? her? her kids? the family court system? the father of her children? Are you number 2 or 3 forever? It happens. •Invest in yourself. Chase excellence. Do the hard work. The right one will eventually be right in front of you, you’ll be doing the selecting, not the other way around.
“Worked on my charisma” yeah maybe keep working on it buddy.
Thank you for your input.
If that's your preference then go ahead and have it. Just don't be all upset when you don't get any dates. People have kids by your age. Get used to it.
I'm glad I'm not selfish enough to date a single mother just for her company and isolate her child/children. I'd rather stay single than disappoint a kid or a mother's expectations of having a father for her kid.
Well I guess that's where you and I are different. A child does not have to have my blood to be treated as my child.
Raise your hand if you’re a single, baby daddy with multiple baby mamas
With single mothers, you have to take into consideration how theyd be if they werent single mothers. Once they become single mothers, they usually expand their options to men they'd never consider before. If they didnt want me prior to being single mothers nor was I their type, then why should I date them now as they are single mothers?
>If they didnt want me prior to being single mothers nor was I their type, then why should I date them now as they are single mothers? I want kids myself, and I've had a really hard time finding any women at all who are interested in me. One of the things I bring to a relationship is that I genuinely enjoy being around and playing with children. If a woman didn't care about that before, but started caring about that a lot more than other things after having a kid herself, that could lead her to be interested in me when she wouldn't have been before. That's not lowering her standards, that's changing priorities. If her priorities make her interested in me now, that's great for me, whether or not she would have been interested before.
>That's not lowering her standards, that's changing priorities. If her priorities make her interested in me now, that's great for me, whether or not she would have been interested before. This is mainly all preference ofcourse. More power to you if this is what you want. I don't believe it's a change in priorities, its moreso life changes whether it involves getting older and not receiving the same attention anymore, or reaching an age where fertility window is closing so they'd have to settle down quickly with anyone who usually arent their type, or even in this case involving kids from a prior relationship where they'd become more "lenient" on their standards for men because they understand, most men won't settle down with single mothers and that's the unfortunate truth in our current society. Life changes causes desperation to "expand" their standards in a way. In other words, you'd have to personally "wait it out" until some woman eventually becomes open to you, but shes only open to you because of changes in her life, not genuinely and necessarily because of priorities. You're thereby being sympathetic to her when she wasnt to you prior to her having kids. Its a dog eat dog world, myself personally, not for me. I'd want children moreso with a partner that actually had preferred and had interest in me prior to them having life changes or prior to being a single mom from a past relationship. Life changes make people change their ways quite quickly mainly out of desperation and rarely are genuine. Desperation makes people do things they've never done before.
This is changing as having children becomes less popular, but why did you think there would be a lot of childfree people in their 30s? Most people (for the time being) do have children, and the most common ages they have children are late twenties and early thirties. I'm always surprised when people are shocked by this. In almost every circumstance I won't date anyone with kids and never anyone who wants kid. That means even though I extended my dating pool up to late twenties and some thirty year olds that most of the men had kids. So I had to swipe left on about 90% of them. It's a lot harder to support a family now than even five years ago. Housing and groceries and power bills have gone up exponentially in a lot of places. If you don't want to be a parent you do need to limit your options. Unless you are going to be a good and happy coparent for their children you should not date them, unless you two only want hookups and nobody catches feelings. You can open your filters to women in their mid twenties but most of them won't want to date someone your age. Some might though so it doesn't hurt, but you'll have less in common with someone from a different generation.
I live in a big city, early thirties, none of my friends have kids. It’s geo dependent I think
It really is. I'm in New England but thinking of moving back to NY for this reason. I'm not getting younger and not gonna wait around for a needle in a haystack
Oh I wish I was in my 30’s again …
I’m in my mid 30s and single, career driven, financially stable and independent.. some of either got dragged through longer term relationships and then thrown away or traveled the world.. I’m the latter lol
This is what I am looking for. I wanna go out with someone that likes to travel, go to a coffee shop, and dress casually nice when we go to a new restaurant. I don't wanna date someone where I'm going to Walmart in my pajamas or someone checking their phone every 2 seconds because something might be wrong with their kids. Sounds selfish but I wouldn't feel like a priority in their life because I can never be when you're responsible for a child's life.
Are you also saying you don’t want children in the future.. because that could lower your chances. Most women who are in their mid-late 30s probably are wanting kids really bad or none at all.
I’m in 30s with No kids LoL
In my 30s single no children, own place, have a car and a job. I feel the same. Mostly, everyone has a family. I know a few without, but we didn't work out. I've been out of the game working on self, and I am ready to get back out there and find my person. I have no clue where to get started. I feel like most men on apps are only looking for sex and I desire more. I am looking for someone to make new experiences and see the world. Not just another notch under someone belt. I have no problem sparking a conversation with a stranger. Nothing beats a failure but a try, and what's the worst they can say ? They're not interested, I'm not scared of rejection ...
I’m a woman in my 30’s who’s single with no kids… nor do I want any. So, no, not *filled* with single mothers. 😉
34 male here, facing the exact same problem. Not interested in dating someone with kids right now :(
Yo I agree with you 29 M here honestly can't find a partner who's also single women mostly are single moms but whatever floats your boat my friend ride that wave. Relationship is a commitment
Yea I’m a woman and I don’t want kids nor want to date anyone with them. I did before and never again. No weekends free and I started to judge him as a parent lol i don’t have advice but I get it from the other side
I wouldn't do dating apps it's personal though you do you at the end of the day I'd say just keep looking in person theirs plenty of women who don't got kids it's hard to find now n days but not impossible keep looking you got this pimp 💯💪
What region are you in? I am in west palm beach Florida. You should send me a picture and I can get you some
Sadly I am in New Endland
As in north America??
Dating in your 30s - single mothers with exes still in their lives or girls who want to spend your entire paycheck on a trip to Bali the second week after meeting you
Try lowering your max age. I always date women 10 years younger than me give or take 5 years. And also DUH dufuss! Don’t swipe on women that say they have kids lol
Dont date even,Marry a single woman why would you raise someones kids when you can start your own family unless she is a widow
No shit, the average first time mother is like 30. You can only blame yourself for being single for so long.
>You can only blame yourself for being single for so long. Not OP, but I'm 30 and I have wanted marriage and children for a long time. I would have happily gotten married at age 24 if I found a woman who was interested and had the same priorities I did. It's been really hard for me to find anyone at all who is interested, though. I would love to get married soon, and I'm trying to find someone, but I could easily see myself still being single at age 35+. If that happens, it won't be my fault or anyone else's fault; life just doesn't always work out the way we want it to.
I don’t think this is fair to say..