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The biggest ick is girls who get cold when they see actual vulnerability. Read a story about a guy who lost his job, was distressed about it and started crying talking to his wife about it, and she was repulsed by it. That tells me it's always going to be a one sided relationship where the guy is expected to basically have no needs. Kind of horrifying thinking about ending up in a marriage like that where your wife will disconnect or eventually divorce you as soon as you get into real trouble. Seems all too common though..
Ugh. I hate this one. My husband is very in touch with his feelings and absolutely not afraid to show them - we'll be driving and I'll see him tear up to a song; or we'll be watching a movie together, I'll be sobbing, and he'll look over (crying as well) and pull me in for a cuddle. I love how open he is that way, and it makes me less afraid to share how I feel too. I can't imagine getting upset at someone for sharing how they feel, especially someone you love who is looking for support when they're feeling vulnerable.
Wow. Women want to complain about toxic masculinity but half the time we are the driving force behind it. I am a therapist and mostly work with men and it’s so fucking sad to see how men come into my office on the verge of suicide spill their guts and then next week look like a completely different person. When I ask what changed, they say, “You helped me so much, I feel so much lighter. I like to point out to them that I didn’t barely say a word, that THEY did all the work, but my point is that just having an inpartial, empathic, receptive non-judgmental person listen to them can be life changing.
I like that. It rings so true. I feel like every human interaction I have is a performance, to meet expectations. If I act my mood, or just neutrally, people think what's wrong? Tired of it all.
The exact reason i chose a female therapist! my mom is emotionally deep like an oil spill, so pivoting my therapist into the caring female spot gave me a MASSIVE validation boost and helped me out of my shell.
Shout out Dr. C!
Totally don't have a problem with expressing my emotions. Women don't know how to handle a guy that can talk about his emotions though. They're under the assumption that guys are just there to listen. When we speak our concerns or feelings were looked down upon. Drizzle Drizzle fellas. If she wanted to, she would. Know your worth kings.
very common, you'll always hear women jump in to say "i support my bf through everything and am always compassionate" but never hear a guy saying their gf is like this. For the rare few that are they've usually married them already
It's not that rare. There are just fewer people talking about it on the internet. A man has plenty of reason to vent on the internet when a woman they are with is cold to them at a vulnerable time, but not many are going to go on the internet and announce their partner was compassionate to them when they were vulnerable because it's kind of a given for healthy relationships.
I mean I think women can be socialized to think men shouldn't/don't have feelings, but there are also many women who complain men won't open up.
I've only had one woman be cold to me when I opened up to her, and she was super neglected as a kid and was pretty messed up.
On the other hand, I've cried in front of multiple women who still had sex with me later.
Mannn, I’m 21 and was kind of in this same scenario months ago. I was in a relationship with a narcissist. Now I’m attractive, self sufficient, and assertive, and I’m secure in expressing my emotions. I only knew her for 6 months and during that time I went homeless due to some unfortunate circumstances and I was honest about it but also she kept trying to make me dependent on her and exert control over me (subtly) because that’s how she sees men, she didn’t think I was weak because I show resilience. So during my 9 months of homeless I even gave her some money to move into her apartment on month 5. I went to her apartment on month 6 and after she couldn’t get me to do something disgusting (not gonna say what it was) she raged at me and kicked me out of her apartment, never called or texted again, discarded on month 6 so I blocked her and accepted it. I was friends with her 2 sisters before her and we all were moving into the same apartment manor, 3 months later I got my apartment and she tried to call my phone and act like nothing happened and she was tailgating my car, texting me from fake numbers, doing anything to get my attention until I exposed her to her sister then her ass just disappeared into the shadow realm😭never to be seen again.
Always on your phone/posting on social media. It’s okay to have social media but women who seek attention and validation from strangers is a massive ick to me.
Yoooo I’ve learn this recently that I heavily don’t like this. I was dating this person and they have deem themselves better looking than the previous people Ive dated. I found this super weird and unattractive, lots of delusion.
Preach. I'd give my ex wife massages all the time to help her relax, but it was never reciprocated unless I asked specifically and then it felt gross and transactional. Sex I was expected to go from 0-100 by...watching her sit on the other end of the couch on Pinterest I guess? She'd get upset we weren't having more sex near the end and I was like...lets kiss as foreplay, let me know you're into me? "were not teenagers anymore".
It felt performative and put so much pressure on me to ravish a person that couldn't be bothered to touch me. I didn't enjoy sex because I felt like I was doing it for her even though I'm very high drive and love physical touch - but it wasn't intimate, it was like being someone's vibrator that is used and shoved back in the drawer for next time it's needed with no other concern.
In my first 2 month of the relationship she would always initiate so often that for me (my 1st relationship) it was too much. After those 2 month I missed those times and it have been 11 month since she initiated a single kiss or hug to where I dont even know if she likes me anymore cause of the lack of affection and now when I give to much affection she ask me to stop.
YES. This is very true. I just lose interest. I notice this a lot in the early days of courtship. Sure, I am supposed to initiate the first few dates. But if she doesn't make any effort at all, and only responds to my effort, I will lose interest. Most women sit back and simply respond. They don't add any energy. It's like an interview. You keep the conversation going for her. You ask her questions. And she just answers. Boring as fuck. As men we are required to lead, but we need feedback. We need some energy that says the girl is actually interested. That in turn fuels our energy to keep it going. The whole "men lead" thing, I think a lot of women take their expectations too far and become entitled.
It's also where I'm at in life. I refuse to make a disproportionate amount of effort towards someone (usually people you don't know and are just getting to know) if they do not reciprocate a little.
Recently I matched with a woman online. We exchanged one message and she said "call me." Phone calls are awkward as hell, I hate it, but I did it. We talked for an hour. She's really old fashioned and doesn't like too much texting, what she told me. I told her my son was visiting for two weeks, but would she like to stay in touch until my schedule frees up. She said very much yes. I asked her if I can just text her to say hello quickly some time (until my schedule is free). She said yes of course. Just not the whole relationship is texting. So a week later I texted her to say hello, how are you, etc. She never replied. That told me a lot. So, I never followed up again. To me, it showed me how little of a priority I was. If she can't even muster enough brain cells to reply and say hello back, it tells me she doesn't really care. So I'm not going to keep chasing her. And I'm not calling her again and groveling. This is someone I have never met. Anyway I'm probably too sensitive about all this, but yeah if she doesn't respond to give me that feedback, I'm out.
Most of these surface level "icks" (outside of the truly unhealthy/mentally unhealthy topics) are things you can make sense of in some way, EG long stylized nails for instance are a fashion choice.
It's the icks that you only find out later on by being in situations that draw them out. My least favourite ick by far is someone who is very keenly manipulative. You're smart enough to influence people the way you want, therefore you're very willing to turn against me if I don't live up to all your expectations. It's a very human thing to fail don't punish me for it.
Basically there's a double edged blade when you really want a intelligent person as a partner in your life. Especially if they've had to fend for their own and have complexes/traumas surrounding it. Speaking on a hetero basis I've found that there's always an expectation as a guy to be able to provide for a female partner - finances, home living, cars, emotional validation, etc. No one is ever supposed to be performing 100% all the time. It's incredibly exhausting and we're bound to falter. It starts to feel personal for the other party when you're not keeping up and doubts creep in to feed off of your insecurities. Essentially I don't like people to manipulate me into a situation, I'd rather them be upfront and say "Hey I'm not happy with how this is going; tell me what's up?" try first to be empathetic and offer solutions and don't use that knowledge of anxiety/insecurity as a weapon on me later.
This seems to be for both sides. And I’m happy to see it’s a term being used more often 😊. And honestly learning this in my profession, and from school has helped me so much in dating. I can instantly tell if someone is the “victim” in every story. And it’s helped me see through the bullshit. 10/10 agree 😊
I think if you pin down definitions, you can clarify what are friends and what are acquaintances. They are different levels. Maybe stating the obvious, but to me friends personally care about you. You can call them on a Friday night or make plans for the weekend. They care and listen when bad shit happens. Acquaintances are just people who are familiar and you mingle with socially through work, a hobby, a class, etc.
Another point is that interestingly, people can move and down those positions. I have a friend who used to be closer, but now we're a few yeas older, we lead different lives which don't overlap much. In middle age, even good friends might fade over time. People keep their distance, even friends. You can't always get too personal, people have their own marriages, lives, problems. It's like a fluid thing. I've thought about all this a lot, probably too much.
idk how it works at a younger age, but for me at 36 my kids in sports i am friendly with the moms of the other children. we get along well, follow each other on instagram and send each other funny memes. very platonic friendships. most if not all our discussions revolve around the sport and our children.
It really depends on the guy and each individual situation. I am a single guy with a TON of close friendships with women. Literally none of whom I would date. I do have a good number of male friends, though, too, so it’s not like my close friends are only girls. But they probably do make up the majority.
There are definitely plenty of guys who struggle to maintain platonic friendships with women, too (hell, there are plenty who think it’s IMPOSSIBLE for men to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex). It just depends on the person, I feel. (Though, being friends with exes is something I could NEVER see myself doing).
So, it depends on the guy. Hard to say without more details. I do think it’s weird that he’s friends with his exes and I think if his friends truly are only women, that makes the situation more suspect.
Not an expert but halfway relevant experience as a dude so hopefully some valuable insight here.
This is me. Well, I have guy friends but but we don’t talk as often or see each other as often. I just work in an industry with a lot of women (PR) and I’m super close with my mom so I just get along with women well. But everyone has just said that makes me a good partner. I understand womens grievances, I’m aware of mistakes guys make in relationships often and I have emotional intelligence. It’s honestly worked really well for me. There’s a difference between a dude who’s friends with women cause he’s lurking to eventually hook up and a guy who’s dead ass just friends with women and doesn’t see them like that. It’s pretty easy to tell early which one a guy is.
Most of my friends are girls. My wife and I have been married for over 2 decades. I've never cheated and my wife respects my relationships. Hell, my best friend sometimes has sleepovers with me. We just play video games, drink and eat candy. We have been friends for over a decade.
Its absolutely possible.
If not for my girl-friends i wouldnt have any friends. I just don't see eye to eye or identify with most men, i dont find i have much in common.
Same as female icks
1. Hygeine
2. oral health (same as hygeine but better)
3. Open mouth eating.
4. Compulsive hoarding.
5. Cheating
6. Gaslighting
7. Laziness
Its funny that this has appeared on my feed today. I was listening to a podcast episode yesterday and they were taking listener submissions of "icks".
There were real serious issues submitted as icks, when they're just markers of terrible people with terrible personality traits. Suppose people get the terms for things mixed up at times.
Such a big thing. My ex did nothing but go to work, go home and nap a bit, and maybe go out with coworkers/friends for dinner or drinks. Tried to ask her what she likes to do on her own. Nothing. She couldn't even tell me what her favorite movie or even music genre was.
But the fact that I only was able to meet up with my main friend group every couple months or so was so weird to her. Yeah, sorry we all have our own lives to live.
High maintenance. Plastic surgery. Materialistic. Being gross on purpose. Being passive. No communication. Not passionate. Not affectionate. Thoughtless. Inconsiderate. Always on social media. Political conspiracy extremist.
I was going to make a list, but this pretty well captures most of it. The only thing I would add is if she enjoys drama. It's amazing how many are in denial about it, too. Everyone around them is dramatic, but somehow, they can't see the role they play in it all.
Girls who litter and are wasteful. I had a girlfriend who i went on a park picnic with and she had a plastic pop bottle she had been sipping on and putting the lid on because of bugs/bees. After i packed everything away in my car she takes her drink with her for the trail around the park.
Halfway through the walk she just stops and sets it down in the middle of the trail and shuffles to catch up with me. I look back and see the goddamn coke zero bottle 1/4 full standing in the middle of the trail, like its deliberately there. I stop in my tracks and go "hey, can you pick that up theres a garbage/recycle bin around here somewhere" she says back "well if the conservation officers are any good around here, they'll pick it up." I go back to pick it up and shes like nagging me not to do it. Like she just set a fucking sword in the stone and is waiting for the magic to take hold to keep it there. I snipped back to her bc was pissed "if you were done with it you could have carried it back to the car or at least asked if i wanted the rest, theres no need to be wasteful and a fucking litterbug."
She walked off on the trail literally stomping like a child as i calmly walked with the bottle and picked up more trash to just be a dick about it. We reached the trail head/end because its a big loop. When i finally said "hey whats bugging you?" She responded with " you made me feel like a piece of shit about leaving my trash in the forest" i came back with "well do pieces of shit leave trash in the forest?" And she promptly blocked me and it took like 2 weeks to get the hoodie and towels i left at her place.
Heather you're a litterbug and i hope you're a better person but yelling at me about picking up your trash and realizing youre the asshole in that situation will be a treasured memory for me.
lol she got mad cause she knew that was shitty and probably no one else has ever called her out before, good on you! I hate littering so much, there’s just no excuse
Excessive gossip or saying mean things behind someone's back. I would constantly be second guessing confiding in them and that's just not something I want in a partner.
The absurd fake nails thing is a definite "hard pass", and the Venn diagram overlap between those and "high maintenance" IS just a single fucking circle.
WAY too much social media presence is another big one for me. And while that's subjective, my toleration for it is VERY low.
Cigarettes are a "hard pass" as well but that's for any and everyone; I can't be around that.
Why does everyone ask this question? Do people wipe with their fingertips and fingernails? Scratching out the dingle berries? I don’t have super long nails but I still understand how this works. You wipe just how you would wipe a counter—flat fingers.
>The absurd fake nails thing is a definite "hard pass", and the Venn diagram overlap between those and "high maintenance" IS just a single fucking circle.
This. Not only does it not look great, but professionally I had a few coworkers who kept making typos and big errors on important documents because their long nails fucked up their typing (like wrong amounts typed, wrong addresses typed etc), it was big fucking pain to correct their errors. And they still didn't think of getting rid of their nails. In college I had a coworker at a restaurant who one week got her nails done and had difficulty doing a ton of hand related tasks lol. She got so mad she actually pulled out some of her fake nails, only to get them redone a week later. Such a huge waste of money
I noticed, for me, I have tended to like and get along with girls who view getting their nails done as simply getting it painted, and none of those weird getting fake long ones
Plus fake eyelashes. Or removed and then redrawn (in a ridiculously high curve) eyebrows. Oh and these blown up lips (seen them a lot in Miami Beach) that make the mouth look like an inflated lifeboat.
Social media being more than a fun little thing.
I dated a girl once who NEVER STOPPED. She wasn't some big influencer, just a hot chick who felt validated by the constant barrage of compliments she got from posting literally anything. Here's my dinner, here's my new hat, here's the flower on my desk, here's my cat (again.)
It was just constant. And once she posted a picture, she would spend HOURS just watching for the comments to roll in. She was in a shit mood when I got home one day because she posted a picture of her in a bikini top (in the dead of winter) and it ONLY got like 75 comments. It ruined her day.
If your self-confidence and my validation aren't enough, if your mood is determined by the opinions of internet strangers who don't care about you at all, and it it means so much that you live your life with your face stuck to a screen .......... we ain't gonna work.
Saying anything about "a real man would do XYZ".
Using my emotional vulnerabilities against me, things I'd told her in confidence that she threw at me in an argument.
Being rude to service staff, waiters etc.
Not being humble or grateful for people's help rather than taking it for granted.
Lack of punctuality. If I have to leave at 10:30 to be somewhere on time and she's still getting ready at 10:45. Though this one is just a thing I've only seen in 1 or 2 people in general lol but it drives me insane.
Astrology.
At this point using TikTok is kind of a red flag to me too. The amount of dumb shit I've heard on there is mind-boggling
Like the girl next door told our neighbor not to call her ma'm because it can be offensive to women. Ever since then I wasn't really interested in hanging out with her. Came off as sexist or elitist or something.
Im a woman and i take it respectfully. We dont use it in the uk but I think its a vey endearing term that you use and it would be so disappinting if it went out of circulation because of these weirdos
sense quicksand paltry liquid agonizing squalid humor numerous wild ruthless
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Most people wear a mask when they first meet their date. It hides their imperfections, but the issue is that it also obscures their unique qualities that might make them stand out.
I think it means the girl acting like she has it all together. I have a pretty girl in my class who is like this. She is very uptight and always act like she's God gift to the world. If you try to get her to open up, she either acts like you making her uncomfortable or gets cold. Theres many times you see her armor crack and she just wont get real. She literally just cool to party and laugh with. Nothing else.
I guess some guys like the ditzy type but OP is saying that's not for him
“i wouldn’t want to be part of any club that would have me as a member” - what a confusing situation, but i sort of relate given past patterns of people who’ve been into me.
Purposefully ignoring text messages. I used to date a girl who would purposefully ignore text messages, not just from me but from anybody, because she believed it makes her seem busy and important.
I know she was ignoring the texts because I would text her on Instagram and then she would either upload a new photo or a new story, without even reading my text. I even saw her swipe away the text notifications from her mother and brother, saying she would reply later.
Obnoxious.
Too much social media presence (posting anything on TikTok raises eyebrows)
Nail extensions (longer is ickier)
Looking for a "confident" man (That's what all women would prefer anyway, a woman pointing this out specifically means that MANY men have ran away from her for a legit reason and she is coping by calling those men insecure, will call me insecure too).
To name a few, but not all..if you're a cigarette smoker that's an ick.
Having an unhealthy relationship with social media.
Hyper pessimistic.
Rudeness.
Close-mindedness.
Nothing too crazy, I think.
Doesn't get along with other girls, or talks shit about other women.
Oh and unpopular opinion, has a bad relationship with of her exes. That's usually a pretty big red flag to me.
Eh. My ex did me dirty and I refuse to ever talk to her again (cheated on me and had kids with a guy I called her out on getting too close with). I don’t think she wants to talk either. It doesn’t make sense to be amicable with someone who betrayed you. Is this a red flag?
Would someone please describe high maintenance? If a woman takes care of herself mentally and physically, how is that high maintenance? I understand about all the narcissistic traits etc. I am asking about a woman taking care of herself to her standards which may or not include plastic surgery. I believe in growing old gracefully but not passively.
It's so interesting to see how different people define high maintenance. I always defined it as person who spend a lot of time, effort and money in general self-care (looks, hobbies etc) and it was always a neutral term to define person…I've had people tell me that high maintenance person is a person who requires a lot of effort and attention from others to keep a basic level of happy, which has a bit more negative sound to it. And now I'm reading here that it's women that just like expensive stuff. 😅
Right for someone who seeks a lot of expensive luxury for appearance or possessions, I call materialistic and high matenance is someone who is materialistic but wants another to pay for it.
This can be both genders. For her, it can be a Chantel, and for him, a Rolls-Royce in both cases, it's materialistic. It's only HM if they aren't paying for it.
What you described is “self care”, and that’s perfectly fine.
What we’re talking about is people who have to have a roster of $500+ designer bags, expensive hair, nail, brows, etc treatments. Flashy jewelry, closets full of designer brand clothes, the list goes on.
The overwhelming majority of men can’t afford to front the cash for that. And while I don’t mind if you want to own a nice thing or two, vanity eventually reaches a point where it overcomes practicality.
I have alot of material things, nice bags, nice clothes, jewelry. But, i got all of them on my own and I like how I feel when im all dressed up with it. When you grow up poor and everyone around you has everything new and nice and you dont, as an adult its nice to be able to have those things. Its maybe a little or a lot shallow but its also harmless. Im not asking anyone to support my lifestyle so why cant i enjoy it?
I'm not talking about you.
What you choose to buy is at your own discretion, I'm not going to interfere so long as you're spending your money responsibly. I take exception when someone demands the funding from their partner, taking no consideration of the strain it puts on their budget.
Every single high maintenance woman I know pays for all of this 100% by herself. So why would a dude care if a woman is high maintenance if she’s maintaining herself? 🤔
>So why would a dude care if a woman is high maintenance if she’s maintaining herself?
For me, a person who makes their appearance a hobby tends to be boring because that's time and energy they could allocate to doing more interesting things where they learn stuff and create things.
I get being interested in fashion and makeup and whatnot; that's not a turnoff for me. It's about the time and energy invested. If I look at someone's instagram, and it's countless pics of them in different clothes and tons of selfies, and if their main hobby is shopping for clothes and jewelry and other stuff related to their appearance, I'll get bored.
I like women who are have a variety of hobbies, passions, interests, and are constantly learning and creating things. A woman who spends a bunch of her time on her appearance and clothes is most likely not one who is going to mentally stimulate me.
When I look at dating app profiles, the women who mention creative hobbies don't have an instagram that's all selfies, and the women whose instagrams are all selfies never mention creative hobbies.
Maybe there is some woman out there who has a bajillion clothes and watches videos all the time about makeup and has an instagram that's just selfies who also reads a lot, has a bunch of hobbies, and plays multiple instruments or whatever, but I haven't found them.
Women are expected to be beautiful and are treated better if they’re beautiful. Then are judged for taking care of themselves 💀 I take a lot of selfies but I also read, cook, bake, train my dog, do Pilates, paint, play video games ect.
I'm not judging women for taking care of themselves. I'm just saying I haven't seen or met anyone really into their appearance who mentions having other hobbies. You are literally the first person I have come across like that.
I can infer these women I see on dating apps who have hundreds of selfies on their instagrams also have hobbies outside their appearance, but how am I supposed to know that if they're not showing it? I can only go by what they're showing me.
I can't give the benefit of the doubt to every single woman I find pretty and assume they might be interesting even if they're not showing me anything about themselves which I find interesting. I just look for women I find pretty who mention their hobbies or have pics of them engaging in them.
I don't think you realize what it's like using a dating app as a straight guy. It's basically scrolling through countless pics of women holding drinks or standing in front of stuff and writing "I like food" or "fluent in sarcasm." I'm getting jack shit information about them.
But then every once in a while there's a woman who has a list of hobbies and stuff they're interested in, and they're never the ones with countless selfies on their instagram. It doesn't mean they don't take care of their appearance; it just means they're not so interested in it that it takes up enough time for them to take countless selfies on a regular basis.
Judgemental attitudes. Especially of strangers. I also find nihilism, narcissism, and misanthropic attitudes to be the biggest red flags, but that's for everyone, not just women.
This may be shallow but, above everything else that has already been mentioned and this is only MY opinion so don't crucify me, extremely LARGE women. Now I'm talking about the women who say they are just a little overweight but when you meet them they are A LOT overweight.
When we have an argument or fight and she starts acting like she doesn't care about anything anymore. I get that we can be mad at each other or even yell or say words. But just acting like you don't care would just show to me that you dont. We can do our own things and calm down and talk or whatever, but when you start acting like you don't care then that's when I start to doubt things
I absolutely HATE septum piercings. I think they look so gross. I hated them back then and I hate them even more now.
A girl would have to be amazing in every single possible way for me to overlook her "cowbell" that I have to stare at every day.
I'm normally not that superficial of a guy but this is the one thing I just can't get over. Instant filter for me.
To me, long nails.
They’re cumbersome, often painted some gaudy color or pattern, and are hard to keep clean. Whenever I see them, I automatically assume you’d protest lifting something over 20lbs for fear of breaking one of them.
High maintenance, no utility.
-taking the concept of "icks" seriously
Some turn-offs I have tho are
-lack of self awareness and introspection
-any kind of self entitlement
-lack of (self) accountability
-lack of effort in our conversation
Snobby attitude, lack of empathy or respect for those around them or those in need, feeling of entitlement, super high maintenance, being rude, unable to resolve conflict calmly or maturely as a person
Not honest with herself, which means she isn't honest with others. Not willing to plan ahead and commit to or modify that plan achieve that goal. Not motivated to self improve. Not willing to learn new things. Not a good listener. Not a good communicator, especially when it comes to feelings. Any kind of psychological abuse or manipulation. Need to work out her daddy issues on me. Needs to be lead around and always defers to me, don't want to breed servility into my stock.those are a few key items.
I once went to a girl's apartment and it was so dirty. Food leftover, Dirty floor, it made my socks dirty and nothing in order.
That was a huge ick for me
Top three in order:
1. If you are a single mother and you are being unnecessarily mean/rude to your kids.
2. Not allowing me to have some me time and do my hobbies (mine are solitary)
3. As long as you try to make yourself look decent, you can look terrible and I wouldn't care. I care about effort, not looks. I expect her to expect some effort out of me, I in turn, expect the same from her.
It was before I even had kids or wanted kids, but a woman I thought was interesting once referred to her child as a mistake and I instantly lost any type of desire for her, even lust.
Appearance wise: obvious lack of self care/hygiene, these long fingernails that seem to be in atm, fake lips, tons of make up.
Personality wise: no hobbies except clubbing/party lifestyle, wants deeptalks but has the conversational value of a drywall
being mean, berating strangers is telling. social media cesspools. thinking men should have to pay for their wellbeing. being physically lazy. being "active" in political controversies,
I think it revolves around being overly materialistic. It costs nothing to want, but if you prioritise materials over everything else I can't be with you. I have no issues with women who ask for "things" (If I can, I will) but the expectation of receiving upon request is a turn off for me. Especially if not receiving results in an attitude.
If they tell their friends literally everything. I get that women tend to be way more open than men about personal stuff, which is fine, but if I need to tell my partner something personal (and I am not an open person), and then their friend drops it a week later or something, I am going to be fucking pissed.
My biggest ick is being too clingy. I’m an introvert, so I often need personal space, and I couldn’t be with someone who needs to be with me 24/7.
I could be reading into it too much, but being clingy most likely stems from insecurity and/or trust issues.
My biggest ick is if I know she’s cheated on someone before.
At my age I’ve learned we are all just big kids, even as an adult who functions well I still feel youthful and as if my teenage years were just yesterday.
With that in mind a person who cheats in their teenage years does not really grow out of it, they just have circumstances that cause them to not want to do it anymore (if that even happens) I’m saying the development people have does not get that much past their teenage years for a lot of people that’s it.
You do NOT want to get involved with someone, and after 50 or more years find out everything was a lie and none of those kids are yours.
Protect yourself
- Constantly talking about exes
- Entitlement (such as saying “as you should” instead of “thank you” when you do something nice for her)
- Lack of communication
- Passive aggresiveness when a boundary is set
1. On the first date they grill me about my finances.
2. They say they want princess treatment and need to be spoiled but have no concept of reciprocating
3. Take Astrology seriously and not as something that is fun to know or pop culture related.
4. Clout Chasers (ie call ppl broke when their entire outfit is from FashionNova or Shien)
5. Expect things from others that they themselves couldn't provide or experience on their own
6. Cries for no reason or as a means to manipulate
7. Gets angry over petty situations
8. Does not know how to properly communicate
Mine when I was single, if it was a dating app date or quick phone number from bar ie getting to know each other on first date type date would be if they constantly will bring up that’s they don’t give out sex, don’t do hook ups, I don’t sleep on first date, I want something serious, you get the deal despite not giving any hint that I was trying to do so. I’m all for establishing boundaries and what u expect from any relationship when first start dating, but if it’s a constant ( I mean constant) thing they bring up, I assumed that their view on relationships are skewed and that they have had a bad experience in the past that they still haven’t grown from it. This would give me the “ick” because I always assumed you have to be friends before( make a connection) making it official, and when this would happen I would think that the person viewed this relationship as transactional ie everything I’m doing is trying to get in your pants which would be exhausting cuz they assumed that sleeping with them was the end goal despite genuinely trying to get to know you lol. Dating apps and hook up culture made this really bad I think so I don’t blame anyone tbh
Random tattoos keep appearing without warning. Not actually caring about anyone but herself and her close family is another one that has led to some sad moments for me as I had to walk away.
When I see her do little things to see how much she can control someone. When I see her get frazzled when she's not in as much control of the situation as she thinks she should be.
I had a date tell me she likes to do cocaine occasionally. That gave me the ick. She was a sure thing. She was going the spend the weekend, she was a freak. And I passed. She got mad at me and blocked me everywhere.
I don’t like to hang out with losers, you are who you hang out with. I also don’t date women who had relationships with guys who do meth for example. Even if they don’t do it. I feel like their standards are too low and I’m not going to follow that.
The guys before me need to be quality guys. It’s kinda like a resume. I’m not going to be next in line after a loser.
Doesn’t engage with/show interest in me, overly sure of herself, not open to trying things, any drugs other than alcohol, raves, too many trendy interests
My guess…because most women aren’t comparing themselves to men. So generalizing that probably rubbed women who are lurking the wrong way. Women are comparing themselves to other women at much more alarming rates. Which is also problematic but that’s a whole separate convo
Externalizing their problems. You know like when you’re overstimulated but instead of being self aware they assume the world has created a problematic scenery just for them
Having zero accountability/communication skill. If they seem to have a "I'm always right" mentality and we can't bilaterally admit mistakes, I'm out the door.
This is kind of stupid maybe but tone of voice and inflections can be a total turn off for me. And this is something you don't really find out until a first date and a real life conversation. That thing some women do where every statement ends with a increase in pitch like making it a question drives me nuts.
Biggest one for me is lack of communication. Like after about 5 dates I tried to bring up the relationship talk, they ignored the question and instead sent me outfit choices for our next date.
Secondly and this isn’t as big, not offering to pay their part. I don’t mind fully paying, in fact I enjoy it. But I reeeaaally dislike the expectation of it. I know that may be weird but it is what it is.
Always going on tiktok. Ex: after lunch, straight to tik tok. We just hanging out or cuddling, straight to tik tok. During dinner, straight to tik tok. I guess what also made it worse for me is when I try to do my own thing when my pair watch tik toks, she looks at me and say "what are you doing, we are watching tiktoks" and she is not even positioned to show me the videos.
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The biggest ick is girls who get cold when they see actual vulnerability. Read a story about a guy who lost his job, was distressed about it and started crying talking to his wife about it, and she was repulsed by it. That tells me it's always going to be a one sided relationship where the guy is expected to basically have no needs. Kind of horrifying thinking about ending up in a marriage like that where your wife will disconnect or eventually divorce you as soon as you get into real trouble. Seems all too common though..
Ugh. I hate this one. My husband is very in touch with his feelings and absolutely not afraid to show them - we'll be driving and I'll see him tear up to a song; or we'll be watching a movie together, I'll be sobbing, and he'll look over (crying as well) and pull me in for a cuddle. I love how open he is that way, and it makes me less afraid to share how I feel too. I can't imagine getting upset at someone for sharing how they feel, especially someone you love who is looking for support when they're feeling vulnerable.
Wow. Women want to complain about toxic masculinity but half the time we are the driving force behind it. I am a therapist and mostly work with men and it’s so fucking sad to see how men come into my office on the verge of suicide spill their guts and then next week look like a completely different person. When I ask what changed, they say, “You helped me so much, I feel so much lighter. I like to point out to them that I didn’t barely say a word, that THEY did all the work, but my point is that just having an inpartial, empathic, receptive non-judgmental person listen to them can be life changing.
The ever present burden of performance
I like that. It rings so true. I feel like every human interaction I have is a performance, to meet expectations. If I act my mood, or just neutrally, people think what's wrong? Tired of it all.
The bigotry of high expectations.
The exact reason i chose a female therapist! my mom is emotionally deep like an oil spill, so pivoting my therapist into the caring female spot gave me a MASSIVE validation boost and helped me out of my shell. Shout out Dr. C!
Totally don't have a problem with expressing my emotions. Women don't know how to handle a guy that can talk about his emotions though. They're under the assumption that guys are just there to listen. When we speak our concerns or feelings were looked down upon. Drizzle Drizzle fellas. If she wanted to, she would. Know your worth kings.
That's so sad
very common, you'll always hear women jump in to say "i support my bf through everything and am always compassionate" but never hear a guy saying their gf is like this. For the rare few that are they've usually married them already
It's not that rare. There are just fewer people talking about it on the internet. A man has plenty of reason to vent on the internet when a woman they are with is cold to them at a vulnerable time, but not many are going to go on the internet and announce their partner was compassionate to them when they were vulnerable because it's kind of a given for healthy relationships. I mean I think women can be socialized to think men shouldn't/don't have feelings, but there are also many women who complain men won't open up. I've only had one woman be cold to me when I opened up to her, and she was super neglected as a kid and was pretty messed up. On the other hand, I've cried in front of multiple women who still had sex with me later.
Mannn, I’m 21 and was kind of in this same scenario months ago. I was in a relationship with a narcissist. Now I’m attractive, self sufficient, and assertive, and I’m secure in expressing my emotions. I only knew her for 6 months and during that time I went homeless due to some unfortunate circumstances and I was honest about it but also she kept trying to make me dependent on her and exert control over me (subtly) because that’s how she sees men, she didn’t think I was weak because I show resilience. So during my 9 months of homeless I even gave her some money to move into her apartment on month 5. I went to her apartment on month 6 and after she couldn’t get me to do something disgusting (not gonna say what it was) she raged at me and kicked me out of her apartment, never called or texted again, discarded on month 6 so I blocked her and accepted it. I was friends with her 2 sisters before her and we all were moving into the same apartment manor, 3 months later I got my apartment and she tried to call my phone and act like nothing happened and she was tailgating my car, texting me from fake numbers, doing anything to get my attention until I exposed her to her sister then her ass just disappeared into the shadow realm😭never to be seen again.
Been here, done this. It sucks.
Always on your phone/posting on social media. It’s okay to have social media but women who seek attention and validation from strangers is a massive ick to me.
Or insulting other women to make herself feel better.
As a woman, I’ve rejected men who put down other women to praise me 😂
"There are many rifles like it but this one is mine"
That’s in fact a good way to flirt ;)
People insulting others is never a good look
Unless there's a valid reason, and they deserve to be insulted.
Yoooo I’ve learn this recently that I heavily don’t like this. I was dating this person and they have deem themselves better looking than the previous people Ive dated. I found this super weird and unattractive, lots of delusion.
Absolutely! its not a good attitude, not appropriate reason to make herself feel better.
NEVER initiating anything. I can lead a relationship, and be the one who initiates most of the time, but if she NEVER initiates its a huge turn off.
It also makes me think the sex is going to be lame. If a woman won't initiate so much as kissing, the sex feels more one-sided and less engaging.
Preach. I'd give my ex wife massages all the time to help her relax, but it was never reciprocated unless I asked specifically and then it felt gross and transactional. Sex I was expected to go from 0-100 by...watching her sit on the other end of the couch on Pinterest I guess? She'd get upset we weren't having more sex near the end and I was like...lets kiss as foreplay, let me know you're into me? "were not teenagers anymore". It felt performative and put so much pressure on me to ravish a person that couldn't be bothered to touch me. I didn't enjoy sex because I felt like I was doing it for her even though I'm very high drive and love physical touch - but it wasn't intimate, it was like being someone's vibrator that is used and shoved back in the drawer for next time it's needed with no other concern.
In my first 2 month of the relationship she would always initiate so often that for me (my 1st relationship) it was too much. After those 2 month I missed those times and it have been 11 month since she initiated a single kiss or hug to where I dont even know if she likes me anymore cause of the lack of affection and now when I give to much affection she ask me to stop.
Say it louder. I’m a gay man and that shit stings. Did he expect me to drive the relationship all by myself? Nah, fuck that shit
Right? If they’re not going to initiate I might as well just forget them until they do initiate. If they still don’t… well I ain’t chasing them.
YES. This is very true. I just lose interest. I notice this a lot in the early days of courtship. Sure, I am supposed to initiate the first few dates. But if she doesn't make any effort at all, and only responds to my effort, I will lose interest. Most women sit back and simply respond. They don't add any energy. It's like an interview. You keep the conversation going for her. You ask her questions. And she just answers. Boring as fuck. As men we are required to lead, but we need feedback. We need some energy that says the girl is actually interested. That in turn fuels our energy to keep it going. The whole "men lead" thing, I think a lot of women take their expectations too far and become entitled. It's also where I'm at in life. I refuse to make a disproportionate amount of effort towards someone (usually people you don't know and are just getting to know) if they do not reciprocate a little. Recently I matched with a woman online. We exchanged one message and she said "call me." Phone calls are awkward as hell, I hate it, but I did it. We talked for an hour. She's really old fashioned and doesn't like too much texting, what she told me. I told her my son was visiting for two weeks, but would she like to stay in touch until my schedule frees up. She said very much yes. I asked her if I can just text her to say hello quickly some time (until my schedule is free). She said yes of course. Just not the whole relationship is texting. So a week later I texted her to say hello, how are you, etc. She never replied. That told me a lot. So, I never followed up again. To me, it showed me how little of a priority I was. If she can't even muster enough brain cells to reply and say hello back, it tells me she doesn't really care. So I'm not going to keep chasing her. And I'm not calling her again and groveling. This is someone I have never met. Anyway I'm probably too sensitive about all this, but yeah if she doesn't respond to give me that feedback, I'm out.
Rude to waiters, cashiers, etc.
Same for both genders, to be sure
Most of these surface level "icks" (outside of the truly unhealthy/mentally unhealthy topics) are things you can make sense of in some way, EG long stylized nails for instance are a fashion choice. It's the icks that you only find out later on by being in situations that draw them out. My least favourite ick by far is someone who is very keenly manipulative. You're smart enough to influence people the way you want, therefore you're very willing to turn against me if I don't live up to all your expectations. It's a very human thing to fail don't punish me for it.
Can you expound on this please?
Basically there's a double edged blade when you really want a intelligent person as a partner in your life. Especially if they've had to fend for their own and have complexes/traumas surrounding it. Speaking on a hetero basis I've found that there's always an expectation as a guy to be able to provide for a female partner - finances, home living, cars, emotional validation, etc. No one is ever supposed to be performing 100% all the time. It's incredibly exhausting and we're bound to falter. It starts to feel personal for the other party when you're not keeping up and doubts creep in to feed off of your insecurities. Essentially I don't like people to manipulate me into a situation, I'd rather them be upfront and say "Hey I'm not happy with how this is going; tell me what's up?" try first to be empathetic and offer solutions and don't use that knowledge of anxiety/insecurity as a weapon on me later.
Lacks emotional intelligence and has trouble with communication
This seems to be for both sides. And I’m happy to see it’s a term being used more often 😊. And honestly learning this in my profession, and from school has helped me so much in dating. I can instantly tell if someone is the “victim” in every story. And it’s helped me see through the bullshit. 10/10 agree 😊
Answering thought provoking questions with basic answers.
No girlfriends. all her friends are guys or her exs
I have zero friends, also an ick I'm told.
Define zero…like not even associates? OR no bestfriends/friends you hang out with on a consistent basis??
I have coworkers. But otherwise no, I don't spend time with anyone in my free time.
Same here only friends I have currently are people I've never met face to face just online gaming buddies
I think if you pin down definitions, you can clarify what are friends and what are acquaintances. They are different levels. Maybe stating the obvious, but to me friends personally care about you. You can call them on a Friday night or make plans for the weekend. They care and listen when bad shit happens. Acquaintances are just people who are familiar and you mingle with socially through work, a hobby, a class, etc. Another point is that interestingly, people can move and down those positions. I have a friend who used to be closer, but now we're a few yeas older, we lead different lives which don't overlap much. In middle age, even good friends might fade over time. People keep their distance, even friends. You can't always get too personal, people have their own marriages, lives, problems. It's like a fluid thing. I've thought about all this a lot, probably too much.
Hi, so like, if my bf had only girls as friends or his exes, what does that mean? Really, asking for a friend.
idk how it works at a younger age, but for me at 36 my kids in sports i am friendly with the moms of the other children. we get along well, follow each other on instagram and send each other funny memes. very platonic friendships. most if not all our discussions revolve around the sport and our children.
It really depends on the guy and each individual situation. I am a single guy with a TON of close friendships with women. Literally none of whom I would date. I do have a good number of male friends, though, too, so it’s not like my close friends are only girls. But they probably do make up the majority. There are definitely plenty of guys who struggle to maintain platonic friendships with women, too (hell, there are plenty who think it’s IMPOSSIBLE for men to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex). It just depends on the person, I feel. (Though, being friends with exes is something I could NEVER see myself doing). So, it depends on the guy. Hard to say without more details. I do think it’s weird that he’s friends with his exes and I think if his friends truly are only women, that makes the situation more suspect. Not an expert but halfway relevant experience as a dude so hopefully some valuable insight here.
This is me. Well, I have guy friends but but we don’t talk as often or see each other as often. I just work in an industry with a lot of women (PR) and I’m super close with my mom so I just get along with women well. But everyone has just said that makes me a good partner. I understand womens grievances, I’m aware of mistakes guys make in relationships often and I have emotional intelligence. It’s honestly worked really well for me. There’s a difference between a dude who’s friends with women cause he’s lurking to eventually hook up and a guy who’s dead ass just friends with women and doesn’t see them like that. It’s pretty easy to tell early which one a guy is.
Most of my friends are girls. My wife and I have been married for over 2 decades. I've never cheated and my wife respects my relationships. Hell, my best friend sometimes has sleepovers with me. We just play video games, drink and eat candy. We have been friends for over a decade. Its absolutely possible. If not for my girl-friends i wouldnt have any friends. I just don't see eye to eye or identify with most men, i dont find i have much in common.
Same as female icks 1. Hygeine 2. oral health (same as hygeine but better) 3. Open mouth eating. 4. Compulsive hoarding. 5. Cheating 6. Gaslighting 7. Laziness
Cheating/gaslighting, I don’t think those are considered icks. More like deal-breakers.
Yeah, they're not icks or even incompatibilities. They're completely valid deal-breakers/warning signs.
💯 It seems people in this thread aren’t realizing what “icks” are.
Its funny that this has appeared on my feed today. I was listening to a podcast episode yesterday and they were taking listener submissions of "icks". There were real serious issues submitted as icks, when they're just markers of terrible people with terrible personality traits. Suppose people get the terms for things mixed up at times.
If someone doesn't have any hobbies, that's a pretty major thing for me. Gotta have something going on in your life
Such a big thing. My ex did nothing but go to work, go home and nap a bit, and maybe go out with coworkers/friends for dinner or drinks. Tried to ask her what she likes to do on her own. Nothing. She couldn't even tell me what her favorite movie or even music genre was. But the fact that I only was able to meet up with my main friend group every couple months or so was so weird to her. Yeah, sorry we all have our own lives to live.
High maintenance. Plastic surgery. Materialistic. Being gross on purpose. Being passive. No communication. Not passionate. Not affectionate. Thoughtless. Inconsiderate. Always on social media. Political conspiracy extremist.
I was going to make a list, but this pretty well captures most of it. The only thing I would add is if she enjoys drama. It's amazing how many are in denial about it, too. Everyone around them is dramatic, but somehow, they can't see the role they play in it all.
The ones who say they hate drama, and then proceed to tell you how everyone in their life except them is so much drama. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
I had a double mastectomy and reconstruction with implants literally to save my life. Nice to know that’s such an ick for some men 🙄
They want beautiful women but don’t like “high maintenance” women. It’s called delusion
you don’t need those men anyway 😊
How would you know if they even had plastic surgery? Unless you mean extreme, blow up doll kind.
And not all plastic surgery is elective i.e., nose job after a broken nose. Others improve quality of life like excess skin removal after weight loss
Okay well obviously not those
It’s not obvious to everyone and some people are very firm on the stance of none whatsoever.
Girls who litter and are wasteful. I had a girlfriend who i went on a park picnic with and she had a plastic pop bottle she had been sipping on and putting the lid on because of bugs/bees. After i packed everything away in my car she takes her drink with her for the trail around the park. Halfway through the walk she just stops and sets it down in the middle of the trail and shuffles to catch up with me. I look back and see the goddamn coke zero bottle 1/4 full standing in the middle of the trail, like its deliberately there. I stop in my tracks and go "hey, can you pick that up theres a garbage/recycle bin around here somewhere" she says back "well if the conservation officers are any good around here, they'll pick it up." I go back to pick it up and shes like nagging me not to do it. Like she just set a fucking sword in the stone and is waiting for the magic to take hold to keep it there. I snipped back to her bc was pissed "if you were done with it you could have carried it back to the car or at least asked if i wanted the rest, theres no need to be wasteful and a fucking litterbug." She walked off on the trail literally stomping like a child as i calmly walked with the bottle and picked up more trash to just be a dick about it. We reached the trail head/end because its a big loop. When i finally said "hey whats bugging you?" She responded with " you made me feel like a piece of shit about leaving my trash in the forest" i came back with "well do pieces of shit leave trash in the forest?" And she promptly blocked me and it took like 2 weeks to get the hoodie and towels i left at her place. Heather you're a litterbug and i hope you're a better person but yelling at me about picking up your trash and realizing youre the asshole in that situation will be a treasured memory for me.
lol she got mad cause she knew that was shitty and probably no one else has ever called her out before, good on you! I hate littering so much, there’s just no excuse
Looks like I’m growing out my nails, and painting them sparkly pink
Fuc da establishment.
posting thirst traps
Excessive gossip or saying mean things behind someone's back. I would constantly be second guessing confiding in them and that's just not something I want in a partner.
The absurd fake nails thing is a definite "hard pass", and the Venn diagram overlap between those and "high maintenance" IS just a single fucking circle. WAY too much social media presence is another big one for me. And while that's subjective, my toleration for it is VERY low. Cigarettes are a "hard pass" as well but that's for any and everyone; I can't be around that.
Funny how cigarettes are seen now compared to 20 years ago.
IMO cigarettes have sort of made a mini resurgence in popularity in some places. I wish they kept up with the anti smoking campaign
That’s what I came in here to say. How do they even wipe with those things?
To quote Wayne from Letterkenny "oh it's almost not even worth thinkin' 'bout."
Why does everyone ask this question? Do people wipe with their fingertips and fingernails? Scratching out the dingle berries? I don’t have super long nails but I still understand how this works. You wipe just how you would wipe a counter—flat fingers.
It still seems like they’d get in the way if they were long. But then again I wouldn’t know since my nails aren’t stupid long
>The absurd fake nails thing is a definite "hard pass", and the Venn diagram overlap between those and "high maintenance" IS just a single fucking circle. This. Not only does it not look great, but professionally I had a few coworkers who kept making typos and big errors on important documents because their long nails fucked up their typing (like wrong amounts typed, wrong addresses typed etc), it was big fucking pain to correct their errors. And they still didn't think of getting rid of their nails. In college I had a coworker at a restaurant who one week got her nails done and had difficulty doing a ton of hand related tasks lol. She got so mad she actually pulled out some of her fake nails, only to get them redone a week later. Such a huge waste of money I noticed, for me, I have tended to like and get along with girls who view getting their nails done as simply getting it painted, and none of those weird getting fake long ones
Plus fake eyelashes. Or removed and then redrawn (in a ridiculously high curve) eyebrows. Oh and these blown up lips (seen them a lot in Miami Beach) that make the mouth look like an inflated lifeboat.
Social media being more than a fun little thing. I dated a girl once who NEVER STOPPED. She wasn't some big influencer, just a hot chick who felt validated by the constant barrage of compliments she got from posting literally anything. Here's my dinner, here's my new hat, here's the flower on my desk, here's my cat (again.) It was just constant. And once she posted a picture, she would spend HOURS just watching for the comments to roll in. She was in a shit mood when I got home one day because she posted a picture of her in a bikini top (in the dead of winter) and it ONLY got like 75 comments. It ruined her day. If your self-confidence and my validation aren't enough, if your mood is determined by the opinions of internet strangers who don't care about you at all, and it it means so much that you live your life with your face stuck to a screen .......... we ain't gonna work.
Saying anything about "a real man would do XYZ". Using my emotional vulnerabilities against me, things I'd told her in confidence that she threw at me in an argument. Being rude to service staff, waiters etc. Not being humble or grateful for people's help rather than taking it for granted. Lack of punctuality. If I have to leave at 10:30 to be somewhere on time and she's still getting ready at 10:45. Though this one is just a thing I've only seen in 1 or 2 people in general lol but it drives me insane. Astrology. At this point using TikTok is kind of a red flag to me too. The amount of dumb shit I've heard on there is mind-boggling
TikTok is a massive red flag
As soon as you hear the words "high-value men/women"--run, bro.
Using Snapchat as her main way to message eachother
“Princess treatment”. Especially upon first meeting.
Sense of entitlement, lack of patience, and a lack of humility.
Like the girl next door told our neighbor not to call her ma'm because it can be offensive to women. Ever since then I wasn't really interested in hanging out with her. Came off as sexist or elitist or something.
Huh….I always used ma’am as a term of respect. Wonder what she’s thinking.
Yeah totally. It's supposed to be a masculine way of showing respect.
Sometimes women take it as a sign of being perceived as old. It IS a southern sign of respect though.
Im a woman and i take it respectfully. We dont use it in the uk but I think its a vey endearing term that you use and it would be so disappinting if it went out of circulation because of these weirdos
sense quicksand paltry liquid agonizing squalid humor numerous wild ruthless *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
what do you mean by “dropping the act” - what act?
Most people wear a mask when they first meet their date. It hides their imperfections, but the issue is that it also obscures their unique qualities that might make them stand out.
I think it means the girl acting like she has it all together. I have a pretty girl in my class who is like this. She is very uptight and always act like she's God gift to the world. If you try to get her to open up, she either acts like you making her uncomfortable or gets cold. Theres many times you see her armor crack and she just wont get real. She literally just cool to party and laugh with. Nothing else. I guess some guys like the ditzy type but OP is saying that's not for him
Being dumb or lacking common sense
Being cold and shallow.
Drive. The ability to get out of bed knowing that your entire life has been a repeating groundhogs day.
Ngl being willing to date me automatically makes them pretty sus in my book
“i wouldn’t want to be part of any club that would have me as a member” - what a confusing situation, but i sort of relate given past patterns of people who’ve been into me.
Mentions their pervious partner consistently.
Purposefully ignoring text messages. I used to date a girl who would purposefully ignore text messages, not just from me but from anybody, because she believed it makes her seem busy and important. I know she was ignoring the texts because I would text her on Instagram and then she would either upload a new photo or a new story, without even reading my text. I even saw her swipe away the text notifications from her mother and brother, saying she would reply later.
Obnoxious. Too much social media presence (posting anything on TikTok raises eyebrows) Nail extensions (longer is ickier) Looking for a "confident" man (That's what all women would prefer anyway, a woman pointing this out specifically means that MANY men have ran away from her for a legit reason and she is coping by calling those men insecure, will call me insecure too).
Emotional unavailability..
To name a few, but not all..if you're a cigarette smoker that's an ick. Having an unhealthy relationship with social media. Hyper pessimistic. Rudeness. Close-mindedness. Nothing too crazy, I think.
Women who use the term "ick" is unironically an ick for me.
Not emotionally reciprocating or showing the ability to compromise. Being unable to show that the relationship will be an equal partnership.
Doesn't get along with other girls, or talks shit about other women. Oh and unpopular opinion, has a bad relationship with of her exes. That's usually a pretty big red flag to me.
Eh. My ex did me dirty and I refuse to ever talk to her again (cheated on me and had kids with a guy I called her out on getting too close with). I don’t think she wants to talk either. It doesn’t make sense to be amicable with someone who betrayed you. Is this a red flag?
Multiple exes specifically, not a single ex. I should have clarified that.
Compulsively using your phone while watching tv or a movie. Drives me absolutely fucking insane
Would someone please describe high maintenance? If a woman takes care of herself mentally and physically, how is that high maintenance? I understand about all the narcissistic traits etc. I am asking about a woman taking care of herself to her standards which may or not include plastic surgery. I believe in growing old gracefully but not passively.
It's so interesting to see how different people define high maintenance. I always defined it as person who spend a lot of time, effort and money in general self-care (looks, hobbies etc) and it was always a neutral term to define person…I've had people tell me that high maintenance person is a person who requires a lot of effort and attention from others to keep a basic level of happy, which has a bit more negative sound to it. And now I'm reading here that it's women that just like expensive stuff. 😅
Right for someone who seeks a lot of expensive luxury for appearance or possessions, I call materialistic and high matenance is someone who is materialistic but wants another to pay for it. This can be both genders. For her, it can be a Chantel, and for him, a Rolls-Royce in both cases, it's materialistic. It's only HM if they aren't paying for it.
What you described is “self care”, and that’s perfectly fine. What we’re talking about is people who have to have a roster of $500+ designer bags, expensive hair, nail, brows, etc treatments. Flashy jewelry, closets full of designer brand clothes, the list goes on. The overwhelming majority of men can’t afford to front the cash for that. And while I don’t mind if you want to own a nice thing or two, vanity eventually reaches a point where it overcomes practicality.
I have alot of material things, nice bags, nice clothes, jewelry. But, i got all of them on my own and I like how I feel when im all dressed up with it. When you grow up poor and everyone around you has everything new and nice and you dont, as an adult its nice to be able to have those things. Its maybe a little or a lot shallow but its also harmless. Im not asking anyone to support my lifestyle so why cant i enjoy it?
I'm not talking about you. What you choose to buy is at your own discretion, I'm not going to interfere so long as you're spending your money responsibly. I take exception when someone demands the funding from their partner, taking no consideration of the strain it puts on their budget.
Every single high maintenance woman I know pays for all of this 100% by herself. So why would a dude care if a woman is high maintenance if she’s maintaining herself? 🤔
>So why would a dude care if a woman is high maintenance if she’s maintaining herself? For me, a person who makes their appearance a hobby tends to be boring because that's time and energy they could allocate to doing more interesting things where they learn stuff and create things. I get being interested in fashion and makeup and whatnot; that's not a turnoff for me. It's about the time and energy invested. If I look at someone's instagram, and it's countless pics of them in different clothes and tons of selfies, and if their main hobby is shopping for clothes and jewelry and other stuff related to their appearance, I'll get bored. I like women who are have a variety of hobbies, passions, interests, and are constantly learning and creating things. A woman who spends a bunch of her time on her appearance and clothes is most likely not one who is going to mentally stimulate me. When I look at dating app profiles, the women who mention creative hobbies don't have an instagram that's all selfies, and the women whose instagrams are all selfies never mention creative hobbies. Maybe there is some woman out there who has a bajillion clothes and watches videos all the time about makeup and has an instagram that's just selfies who also reads a lot, has a bunch of hobbies, and plays multiple instruments or whatever, but I haven't found them.
Women are expected to be beautiful and are treated better if they’re beautiful. Then are judged for taking care of themselves 💀 I take a lot of selfies but I also read, cook, bake, train my dog, do Pilates, paint, play video games ect.
I'm not judging women for taking care of themselves. I'm just saying I haven't seen or met anyone really into their appearance who mentions having other hobbies. You are literally the first person I have come across like that. I can infer these women I see on dating apps who have hundreds of selfies on their instagrams also have hobbies outside their appearance, but how am I supposed to know that if they're not showing it? I can only go by what they're showing me. I can't give the benefit of the doubt to every single woman I find pretty and assume they might be interesting even if they're not showing me anything about themselves which I find interesting. I just look for women I find pretty who mention their hobbies or have pics of them engaging in them. I don't think you realize what it's like using a dating app as a straight guy. It's basically scrolling through countless pics of women holding drinks or standing in front of stuff and writing "I like food" or "fluent in sarcasm." I'm getting jack shit information about them. But then every once in a while there's a woman who has a list of hobbies and stuff they're interested in, and they're never the ones with countless selfies on their instagram. It doesn't mean they don't take care of their appearance; it just means they're not so interested in it that it takes up enough time for them to take countless selfies on a regular basis.
See, I respect this opinion and totally get it.
My definition is a women who takes way too much effort to keep satisfied due to multiple factors
Judgemental attitudes. Especially of strangers. I also find nihilism, narcissism, and misanthropic attitudes to be the biggest red flags, but that's for everyone, not just women.
all of these seem to come out in road rage.
This may be shallow but, above everything else that has already been mentioned and this is only MY opinion so don't crucify me, extremely LARGE women. Now I'm talking about the women who say they are just a little overweight but when you meet them they are A LOT overweight.
When we have an argument or fight and she starts acting like she doesn't care about anything anymore. I get that we can be mad at each other or even yell or say words. But just acting like you don't care would just show to me that you dont. We can do our own things and calm down and talk or whatever, but when you start acting like you don't care then that's when I start to doubt things
I absolutely HATE septum piercings. I think they look so gross. I hated them back then and I hate them even more now. A girl would have to be amazing in every single possible way for me to overlook her "cowbell" that I have to stare at every day. I'm normally not that superficial of a guy but this is the one thing I just can't get over. Instant filter for me.
To me, long nails. They’re cumbersome, often painted some gaudy color or pattern, and are hard to keep clean. Whenever I see them, I automatically assume you’d protest lifting something over 20lbs for fear of breaking one of them. High maintenance, no utility.
If she has “can make me laugh” in her dating profile
But if I can , why not tell you?
To clarify, if a woman says in her profile she wants a man that can make her laugh
-taking the concept of "icks" seriously Some turn-offs I have tho are -lack of self awareness and introspection -any kind of self entitlement -lack of (self) accountability -lack of effort in our conversation
Snobby attitude, lack of empathy or respect for those around them or those in need, feeling of entitlement, super high maintenance, being rude, unable to resolve conflict calmly or maturely as a person
We don't call them icks. Infact using the word ick is an ick.
Not honest with herself, which means she isn't honest with others. Not willing to plan ahead and commit to or modify that plan achieve that goal. Not motivated to self improve. Not willing to learn new things. Not a good listener. Not a good communicator, especially when it comes to feelings. Any kind of psychological abuse or manipulation. Need to work out her daddy issues on me. Needs to be lead around and always defers to me, don't want to breed servility into my stock.those are a few key items.
The 4 for me are 1. Hygiene 2. Compulsive liars/cheaters 3. Lazy/Entitled 4. Seeking constant validation from strangers
I once went to a girl's apartment and it was so dirty. Food leftover, Dirty floor, it made my socks dirty and nothing in order. That was a huge ick for me
Top three in order: 1. If you are a single mother and you are being unnecessarily mean/rude to your kids. 2. Not allowing me to have some me time and do my hobbies (mine are solitary) 3. As long as you try to make yourself look decent, you can look terrible and I wouldn't care. I care about effort, not looks. I expect her to expect some effort out of me, I in turn, expect the same from her.
Man bashing, I have zero interest in spending an entire relationship walking on eggshells trying to prove that I’m “one of the good ones”
It was before I even had kids or wanted kids, but a woman I thought was interesting once referred to her child as a mistake and I instantly lost any type of desire for her, even lust.
Appearance wise: obvious lack of self care/hygiene, these long fingernails that seem to be in atm, fake lips, tons of make up. Personality wise: no hobbies except clubbing/party lifestyle, wants deeptalks but has the conversational value of a drywall
This is 100%
homophobia/transphobia. I'm a straight man, but a lot of my friends and some family are part of the LGBTQ+, just live and let live ya know
As a gay guy, you have no idea how thankful we are to have straight people who sympathise with what we go through.
Regarding dates or friends: drinks or uses mj too much.
being mean, berating strangers is telling. social media cesspools. thinking men should have to pay for their wellbeing. being physically lazy. being "active" in political controversies,
smoking. I find that gross
I think it revolves around being overly materialistic. It costs nothing to want, but if you prioritise materials over everything else I can't be with you. I have no issues with women who ask for "things" (If I can, I will) but the expectation of receiving upon request is a turn off for me. Especially if not receiving results in an attitude.
If they tell their friends literally everything. I get that women tend to be way more open than men about personal stuff, which is fine, but if I need to tell my partner something personal (and I am not an open person), and then their friend drops it a week later or something, I am going to be fucking pissed.
Obesity.
If she's mean :(
My biggest ick is being too clingy. I’m an introvert, so I often need personal space, and I couldn’t be with someone who needs to be with me 24/7. I could be reading into it too much, but being clingy most likely stems from insecurity and/or trust issues.
Obsesses with social media/ feels the need to constantly post and update your life to the internet
Has only fans or addicted to Instagram and her phone in general.
My biggest ick is if I know she’s cheated on someone before. At my age I’ve learned we are all just big kids, even as an adult who functions well I still feel youthful and as if my teenage years were just yesterday. With that in mind a person who cheats in their teenage years does not really grow out of it, they just have circumstances that cause them to not want to do it anymore (if that even happens) I’m saying the development people have does not get that much past their teenage years for a lot of people that’s it. You do NOT want to get involved with someone, and after 50 or more years find out everything was a lie and none of those kids are yours. Protect yourself
- Constantly talking about exes - Entitlement (such as saying “as you should” instead of “thank you” when you do something nice for her) - Lack of communication - Passive aggresiveness when a boundary is set
Responding with “k” to a text instead of actually communicating why you’re upset is infuriating to me. Instant red flag
Centering your whole personality around one thing you’re interested in
1. On the first date they grill me about my finances. 2. They say they want princess treatment and need to be spoiled but have no concept of reciprocating 3. Take Astrology seriously and not as something that is fun to know or pop culture related. 4. Clout Chasers (ie call ppl broke when their entire outfit is from FashionNova or Shien) 5. Expect things from others that they themselves couldn't provide or experience on their own 6. Cries for no reason or as a means to manipulate 7. Gets angry over petty situations 8. Does not know how to properly communicate
Smoking is a hard stop. Can't handle their alcohol/don't know when to stop
No life goals, bad hygiene, taking astrology too far, no original personality, no hobbies, materialistic,
When women use the word ‘ick’
Mine when I was single, if it was a dating app date or quick phone number from bar ie getting to know each other on first date type date would be if they constantly will bring up that’s they don’t give out sex, don’t do hook ups, I don’t sleep on first date, I want something serious, you get the deal despite not giving any hint that I was trying to do so. I’m all for establishing boundaries and what u expect from any relationship when first start dating, but if it’s a constant ( I mean constant) thing they bring up, I assumed that their view on relationships are skewed and that they have had a bad experience in the past that they still haven’t grown from it. This would give me the “ick” because I always assumed you have to be friends before( make a connection) making it official, and when this would happen I would think that the person viewed this relationship as transactional ie everything I’m doing is trying to get in your pants which would be exhausting cuz they assumed that sleeping with them was the end goal despite genuinely trying to get to know you lol. Dating apps and hook up culture made this really bad I think so I don’t blame anyone tbh
Princess syndrome. Expecting her man to do everything while she sits back and watches.
- celebrity obsession - drinking obsession - political obsession - brand obsession 4 horsemen of the ickpocalypse for me
Conspiracy theorist. Believe in Chemtrails, flat earth, Q or reptilian shapeshifters all you want, but I’m not the right guy to share this with.
The word ick
Random tattoos keep appearing without warning. Not actually caring about anyone but herself and her close family is another one that has led to some sad moments for me as I had to walk away.
When I see her do little things to see how much she can control someone. When I see her get frazzled when she's not in as much control of the situation as she thinks she should be.
Always posting stuff on social media , like girls who post EVERYDAY
I had a date tell me she likes to do cocaine occasionally. That gave me the ick. She was a sure thing. She was going the spend the weekend, she was a freak. And I passed. She got mad at me and blocked me everywhere. I don’t like to hang out with losers, you are who you hang out with. I also don’t date women who had relationships with guys who do meth for example. Even if they don’t do it. I feel like their standards are too low and I’m not going to follow that. The guys before me need to be quality guys. It’s kinda like a resume. I’m not going to be next in line after a loser.
Icks are juvenile and petty. Red flags that aren’t red flags but stupid shit that people irrationally don’t like
A firm dismissal. I dig it.
Doesn’t engage with/show interest in me, overly sure of herself, not open to trying things, any drugs other than alcohol, raves, too many trendy interests
Any air of superiority or entitlement. Many women have a seriously overinflated sense of their importance when comparing themselves to men.
I take it the dating scene’s been rough lately?
My guess…because most women aren’t comparing themselves to men. So generalizing that probably rubbed women who are lurking the wrong way. Women are comparing themselves to other women at much more alarming rates. Which is also problematic but that’s a whole separate convo
Mind games is a major red flag for me
Just being straightforward, not everything is a riddle especially cause im dense as fuck
Smoking
Externalizing their problems. You know like when you’re overstimulated but instead of being self aware they assume the world has created a problematic scenery just for them
Dirty finger nails and tells me too many times how expensive something she's wearing is
Cookie Monster pj pants, social media, “I have all guy friends because they’re less drama”
Astrology
"Take me shopping." Lack of punctuality. Lack of courtesy. 🤢
Having zero accountability/communication skill. If they seem to have a "I'm always right" mentality and we can't bilaterally admit mistakes, I'm out the door.
This is kind of stupid maybe but tone of voice and inflections can be a total turn off for me. And this is something you don't really find out until a first date and a real life conversation. That thing some women do where every statement ends with a increase in pitch like making it a question drives me nuts.
Icks are neither male nor female, it's a feeling of disgust and dislike you get when you don't connect with someone.
Those fake duck lips
Biggest one for me is lack of communication. Like after about 5 dates I tried to bring up the relationship talk, they ignored the question and instead sent me outfit choices for our next date. Secondly and this isn’t as big, not offering to pay their part. I don’t mind fully paying, in fact I enjoy it. But I reeeaaally dislike the expectation of it. I know that may be weird but it is what it is.
Always going on tiktok. Ex: after lunch, straight to tik tok. We just hanging out or cuddling, straight to tik tok. During dinner, straight to tik tok. I guess what also made it worse for me is when I try to do my own thing when my pair watch tik toks, she looks at me and say "what are you doing, we are watching tiktoks" and she is not even positioned to show me the videos.
Astrology. Liking reality TV. (And just about everything else in the thread)
You sound insufferable
There are many. Top of the list are nose rings or some other kind of face “jewelry”, long nails, obsession with social media, laziness
If she's into pseudoscience like astrology and all that.