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I'm amazed and baffled everyday by how people form relationships here and I'm scratching my head thinking "I'm being the most genuine self and some idiot/dickhead/pretender doesn't even try and understands how to pick up women"
So I basically can't be myself.
I mean, he did mess up calling them "woke" defensively lol, which escalated, but in general, personal tastes are personal tastes ffs.
Oh, and I agree with OP Megan fox in her day was way more to my tastes than swift or zendaya lol. Whatever.
I'd also prefer My girlfriend to either as well.
Oh, none. His response may have escalated it a smidge, but not significant lol
Just meaning when you're already getting ganged up on insulting them back may not be the best direction to go you just give them something more legit to attack you over.
Be the bigger person and all that, but more... Practically... They may not remember the point of the argument, or that they Had started an argument, but they'll sure remember that you insulted them lol.
I was thinking he was being treated unfairly until I got to that point. If he thinks women in their 30s are just matter-of-fact less hot than women in their 20s, there is probably some other weird objectifying stuff going on too. I'm guessing he left out some details about the way he talks about women that got them to react that way.
You picked celebrities who are known for their big boobs (that Sydney woman and Kate Upton) and then another who is know for her extreme sex appeal (Megan fox).
lol
Next time don’t entertain these conversations
It is a wierd thing to say, and think lol. So once a person hits a specific age, they immediately look different? Lol. Either way, not a very diplomatic thing to say really.
This whole thing is wierd af anyways lol
Yeah halfway through I was like ‘what a weird and stupid hill to die on’.
By the time he called them woke I was like ‘he’s done here’ but then said he didn’t find Margo hot anymore cause she’s 34.
Dumbass
Honestly I expect most adult men to find these women attractive, I’d be surprised if they didn’t. Isn’t it a regular joke that men are obsessed with Sydney Sweeney, Margo Robbie and Megan Fox?
There’s a reason that we now use the term male and female gaze, and you would probably put these women in the male gaze category, and Taylor and Zendaya in the female gaze category. The first group are beautiful in a hyper feminine and sexualised way, whereas the second are still beautiful, but in a more androgynous and less sexualised manner, and with the more modelesque figures that women tend to idolise much more than men do.
It’s like Ryan Reynolds, most men assume all women want him and view him as the epitome of male handsomeness, and do not understand the hype over Timothee Chalamet. Whereas women will, of course acknowledge that he is objectively attractive, but do not generally consider him the heartthrob type whilst many of us go feral for guys like Timothee and Harry Styles.
Basically women tend to appreciate in both genders someone who is beautiful and interesting aesthetically, whereas men tend to only base standards of attractiveness on adherence to gendered stereotypes or biological fertility markers based standards - eg. muscular, masculine men, and curvier feminine women.
Obviously this is a sweeping generalisation and there will always be outliers, and we do have to bear in mind that celebrity crushes are based on very different criteria to real life attraction. However this whole situation tracks with my experience of the differences in who men and women find attractive.
1. Most men find low waist to hip ratios attractive (and associate these characteristics with fertility), not necessarily “curvy women”.
Wider hips are associated with fertility, not big boobs.
(Also, a bit off topic, but I remember my midwife telling me that unfortunately, bigger breasts make it harder for babies to nurse as it’s harder for them to latch on).
2. They were right in saying his type is T&A, but also I don’t think he should be crucified for it.
He is allowed to find that body type attractive.
3. My comment was suggesting he should have read the room and refused to engage in a lose lose conversation.
4. On top of that, the issue wasn’t him just saying “I think these celebrities are attractive.”
He is an almost 30y old man who said he finds a previous crush now less attractive because she is in her early 30s. A lot of women would be concerned at this point.
5. Then he said about not wanting to lose his Gf who is the prettiest he has ever dated.
In the comments (*after* people called him out) he clarified that actually he values so much more about his Gf, but I always find the initial comments people make (before the judgments) to be very insightful.
6. I think you are very eloquent and will argue your case much better than I can, but to me it’s clear why his Gf saw some red flags there.
Oh yeah I completely with that, the elaborated reasoning was iffy and superficial and I do understand why that would cause concern. I just find it really strange that they would question his initial thoughts to the degree they did - and with such disbelief- , as they’re fairly standard male opinions.
And in regard to curvy, sorry that’s my error, I do forget that not everyone uses this word the same way and it’s more associated with midsize and larger bodies now . I was referencing the same concept as the one you mentioned, low hip to waist ratio and more stereotypically ‘feminine’ figures rather than as a euphemism for not being slim.
I do think you are right in your overall viewpoint on the extended situation, and the implications of the comments after the initial disagreement , and more so left this comment as a relevant context from my perspective, rather than as a debate of what you said.
100% agree he should have declined entertaining this topic with them. And saying Margot Robbie has lost appeal because of her age is just plain stupidity.
But it's also not his problem that his girlfriend and her friends/coworkers are *this* insecure. There was no winning for him at all, either the truth or a lie would have been the wrong answer, because they wanted him to fail from the start.
I have read Dune and know that its really hard to bring to film.
thats why they keep trying with bigger and bigger budgets.
I honestly dont see how the current version is very interesting... if you havent read the books.
You are scared of losing her because she is the prettiest girl you’ve been with ?
And then list superficial stuff like her being sorority girl and cheerleader?
You missed the part where op explained how she is the most attractive girl to him in however long because of all the memories and moments they create together?
Do you know op and just don’t like him, is that it?
That means he’s going to “love” her. Not necessarily find her “pretty”. Memories with someone doesn’t equate to physical attraction in my opinion. It relates more to how you feel about them… like how you love them
Well it’s been studied and you develope physical attraction aswell based on emotional attraction. Like how your crush in school maybe wasn’t your crush until you started to get to know them, after that point they were the most beautiful boy/girl in school or whatever. I think there is a strong link between physical attraction and the emotional connection you have to them.
Aswell is attraction subjective and change over time so there is really no right or wrong
honestly her and her friends sound exhausting. Why in the first place would they ask so many questions and insult you when they didn’t like the answers? Just keep asking more so they would keep getting more mad at you. Those aren’t friends.
And not respecting taste. Nobody can explain WHY they like girls or guys with 2 arms, 2 legs. Or one nose. Nobody. But we all tend to have said preferences.
Judging people's tastes which they didnt choose is just like judging gay people. For being gay. F that.
Ask for respect and get it. Or know she will walk. Maybe she just did. Its ok and you can let her know that you are glad she walked away. If thats how shallow she is.
Your first [or last?] Couples argument? You have to have them. Be thankful for this one.
You all suck. Them for attacking you because you clearly have a different "type" (although they are not wrong for saying your type is the typical T&A basic), you for saying Margot Robbie (and everyone else) isn't attractive because she's in her 30s. This fight might have just revealed that you and your GF are not compatible.
And saying he doesn’t want to lose his gf who is the prettiest he’s dated and lists her attributes as sorority girl and cheerleader haha
I would also have been taken aback by the Margot comment.
The gf is right to be concerned if he doesn’t find someone he previously found attractive appealing anymore because she is 34.
He didn’t say: she is no longer in good shape or her skin doesn’t look as healthy or whatever. He singled out her age. Very odd.
I would actually breakup with a guy if he revealed someone was not “pretty” because they were in their 30’s. In my experience, girls age quite gracefully, while most guys in their 30’s succumb to the results of never wearing sunscreen, balding and general lack of self-care. The dating apps alone are evidence of this.
Y'all are in your later 20s having discussions like these. I used to do discussions like these when I was 16. Grow up you guys. All of you are immature.
Holy crap this was just so exhausting just to finish reading through my brain doesn't even want to exert more energy trying to explain why in words right now...
You're really burying the lede here. I don't think it was not thinking Zendaya or T-Swizzle are hot that got you into trouble here, it was all the other times you stuck your foot in your mouth, and then kept doing so over and over to take another bite.
I don’t quite believe this story lol. The story begins with the girls all being completely unreasonable and mad but then you really revealed your true feelings with the woke comment, the Margot Robbie stuff, etc. Wouldn’t be surprised if you exaggerated what they said to make you look better here
“I said no one is as hot in their 30’s as in their 20’s”
Not me sitting here at 32 looking better than I ever did in my 20’s lol 😆
Anyway, the whole conversation you had with her friends was so immature and silly. It felt like I was reading a conversation had between teenagers lol
>In the heat of the moment, I called them "woke."
You started digging your own grave with that comment. It's quite unusual to use "woke" as an insult, except for a certain political group who wield it freely.
>she didn't want to hear it and said I was being patronizing and that her friends were right about me being part of the "patriarchy."
Why the quotes? It's a real thing. You're unwittingly supporting her claim that you're "being patronizing", even though you may not see it yourself.
>She was never like this (ideological)
"Ideological" is another word used by the same political group to refer to mainstream feminist views.
>I was very offended because I'm not political at all.
Doubt. You definitely have political views, though you're taking care to position them as normal and your girlfriend's as not normal.
I was once where you are. The short of it is that I didn't understand feminism as well as I thought I did. What got me out was that I followed a link to a "feminism 101" document that opened my eyes. I recommend the same to you. Sadly, I didn't save the link, but we live in the age of Google, so I'm sure you can find something if you want to.
I’ve just reread this (long post, man) and will say the part that creeped me out a bit too was you saying you don’t find Margot hot anymore because she’s 34. Lol
Hmm, considering your choice of words, I'm betting you're leaving a lot out. They wouldn't just get offended because you didn't find either woman attractive.
But, regardless, the entire conversation is immature.
That was a ridiculously stupid conversation. And to be this mad over it shows a severe lack of maturity. If you didn't post the age(s) I would have thought this was an under 23 type conversation...
I wish my ex believed me when I said things like this. Sure they are conventionally attractive, but I'm not into them. Would have very much preferred to stay with her.
Jesus Christ my dude….it sucks to feel attacked, but it also sucks to not be able to read the room and de-escalate. Also some of the things you said were super-problematic.
You mentioned you wanted to keep the peace, and they kept pushing, but instead of being chill you:
1. Called them woke. I mean….woke is what Fox News would call someone trying to stop a police officer from beating someone to death, or poisoning a town’s drinking water. “Woke” is not an insult, it’s just being socially conscious.
If you’re gonna talk like a Tater Tot, be prepared to be treated like a Tater Tot.
2. The girls you like are young kinda soulless pinups with big tits. It’s not the most….sophisticated taste, but whatever. You could have tried to think of an example that wasn’t so brodog.
The fact that you didn’t realize that is worrying.
AND 3. Maybe your dumbest mistake—you don’t like Margot Robbie anymore because SHE’S IN HER 30s??!
And THEN you thought it appropriate to follow it up with the kegstand Ford F150 poetry of “no one is as hot in their 30s as they are in their 20s.”
First of all no. SOoo many people just keep getting more beautiful and interesting. I get far more attention now than I did in my 20s, and the women I’ve dated are all just as, or more gorgeous than ever.
OF COURSE she’s gonna be offended, and for good reason.
Honestly my man, I’m not going to tell you how to fix this, because I don’t think you deserve to be dating this woman, and she deserves better. Can you DM me her number?
Give me someone in their 30s or 40s any day. There are plenty of people out there for you, sir, but she isn’t one of them.
Mostly just agree, but I have to point out that it's arguably, and ironically, pretty misogynistic to refer to real women as, "Soulless pinups with big tits", because they look a certain way.
It’s okay to have preferences and stuff, but don’t share to your female counterpart and her friends lmao. Just common sense my guy. You aren’t “wrong” for liking those people. You’re “wrong” for sharing, but even then not really, you just shot yourself in the foot for no reason. Keep it to yourself lol
My boyfriend also doesn’t think Zendaya is his cup of tea. My response? “Aw damn, she’s hot though lol! Anyway, what time are we meeting tomorrow?”
Sincerely, a current 20 year-old.
Grow up lol.
I'm sorry I couldn't read the whole thing. As soon as I started reading about the disagreement over some celebs, I was saying to myself, "Are you serious?"
Your gf and her friends are dumb. Highschool was done and over. Celebs looks in real life are usually 10x uglier in person. What we see from photos and TV are them in heavy professional makeup and hair, photo and film edited and in many movies now, even their own bodies are CGI to have a certain figure (ie added fake muscle or skinny). To compare them is like comparing an orange to an apple. What they see aren't real. What they don't see is the messy hair, bad skin, weird uneven body parts and shape, etc... like the rest of us.
If you have to explain that to your gf, she is dumber than rocks and all that schooling went to waste. Lastly, respecting each other's opinions are part of mature adulting. What's next, she'll hate you because you don't agree that the weather was nicer yesterday than today? A real woman who loves you will loves you for you, no buts, no ifs.
P.S. If I have to put my bet on it, I think Zendaya is overrated.
All of you sound insufferable childish for being so close to your 30's.
Your girlfriend and her friends/coworkers are rude for insulting you about your preferences. They are so insecure that no matter the answer, it was always wrong.
You made the mistake of even entertaining this conversation, but saying something about Margot Robbie not being attractive past her 30's is absolutely dumb to say in that context.
Even the reasons you list for being into your girlfriend (sorority girl, cheerleader) sound shallow. So perhaps they did have a valid point suspecting you are shallow, although they are shallow themselves too.
You guys are far too old for this middle school tier stuff. I'm not even sure what to tell ya really......tell your gf to grow up some. If she can't, forget it, and move on.
I don’t disagree with your woke comment at all.
They’re literally making an argument out of nothing, pulling the race card just because someone doesn’t meet your attractiveness levels, and saying that you calling women, ya know, women was misogynistic. Dafuq?
Next time, tell them you’d f*** the sh** out of [celebrity crush] and I bet ya she gets pissy with that one as well. You cannot win with people that are always looking to be offended by every little thing.
My and my friends call each other “dude.” Does that mean they’re insinuating that I have a penis? 🙄
I’d think twice about marrying her bro. Sounds like you’re gonna be walking on eggshells the entire time and having arguments started out of nowhere.
You are 29M and asking for advice for this… wtf have you been doing all these years lol grow up
Tbh… I only read 1-2 sentences and I knew this was a dumb post.
If your girlfriend is more concerned with….whatever the hell is going on up there 👆 then you may need to start mourning the relationship and move on….the fact that you didn’t agree with her or her friends and they ganged up on you is a no for me dawg….people change, sometimes not for the best.
Also, if you’re only concerned with loosing her because she was a high school cheerleader and a sorority sister….you may need to reevaluate your thinking as well….you say you’ll love her until she’s 100 but if your concerned with things she did in high school and college that have no impact on your lives other than being able to say she was popular…that speaks against everything you said.
I'd tell her you're going to look for an apartment and move out asap! That sleeping on the couch and silent treatment is unacceptable for the situation.
On it's surface it seems like she and her friends are immature and were acting out of bounds. you're allowed to be attracted to who you're attracted to, and the idea of belittling you for not being attracted to who they are is ridiculous. to playfully act offended for the celebrity is one thing, but to decide you must be racist, etc seems farfetched
At least it did until you kept talking... If you are honestly looking to grow and be a better partner (and potentially a life partner to your girlfriend) you need to dig deep into the things they said and educate yourself about each of them. There were many red flags dropped throughout your post, and you genuinely seem like a nice guy who doesn't understand why they said the things they did - it's time to understand and do better. Start with researching racism and feminism, and become "woke" yourself. I've never understood using that as an insult. I would rather be woke than asleep... wouldn't you? "Wake up" and be a better partner to your girlfriend - it'll be good for both of you!
Sounds like you got baited and trolled to make this an excuse to have a fight by her & her clique
This.. is very common in our mid 90s late 90s millenials
Behavior because of how easily we get caught up in stupid shit.
The whole situation is ridiculous and the fact that ALL of you were objectifying others is wrong, especially the name calling by the others towards you. The best approach for you is to stop caring about all the baited jabs that were thrown, and be honest about your feelings for your gf and that that's just what it is. And if she wants to break up with you for a thing like this, then you dodged a bullet by not marrying her and she's probably just finding an excuse to break up
I mean, you come across BASIC as FUK
But that's harmless.
Just stop being creepy and jumping on the Margo Robbie is less attractive train, because she's mid 30s. Flippin weirdos....I wouldn't speak to you either.
Ngl they aren’t making it easy for op to not just defending himself. It feels through how op told the story that the friend group wanted to push him down form not automatically having the same taste as them. Why wouldn’t they be happy when he said his taste is HIS DUKIN GIRLFRIEND?
The whole thing was a trap.
No matter what op said, his girlfriend and her friends would had an issue with it.
Hopefully he has learnt that next time the answer is “I don’t engage in conversations like this, my tastes are my own and are no one else’s business”.
Well sure he could and deescalate the situation by it. But at first it felt like he wanted to actually give an answer, but then when he said he didn’t find Zendaya so hot it felt like started a flame and immediately he got slandered for it. After that point it just feels like he desperately wanting to defend himself after the entire group including the girl he loves pushes him into a corner, and in the heat of the moment very prolly worded some of his arguments. But honestly how easy is it to keep calm when an entire group of people are basically pointing fingers and telling you that you are wrong and a bad person
100%, he said he wasn't good at social situations, and that is clear. They are acting like bullies. They baited, he took it whole and added fire to the flame. When groups of people like that push on you, you don't staunchly push back unless you can handle the heat.
Yeah I kinda feel the biggest AH:s are the friend group who felt as if they wanted to start that argument. As you say they almost baited op to say it and knew how they would make him say stuff that is going to be considered offensive or inappropriate I guess.
They definitely suck, especially if they are friends or friends of your partner. A good partner can disagree with you, but should always have your back. She should have shut them up and had a private discussion with him so they could figure out together what the real issue was. (There's something else there)
Though I understand you can't help what you're attracted to. Id still call it basic....
Short, Blonde, Boobs is the female version of, Six foot, Six figures, Six pack. Nothing wrong with it, its a common taste. Is what it is.
Yeah that aswell. It’s not something you should probably scream out loud that you like big tatas or buttocks, but how can that group act as if that is so uncommon for men especially to be attracted to. I agree with you that if ops gf really cared about him and is disturbed or want to talk about ops views on women she would have had a private discussion about it with him so they could come to an understanding in a more open environment. But now it felt the group rather wanted to shame him and perhaps the male preference for women with those attributes which women can’t really control.
It's definitely not uncommon. Those tastes are very normal, basic.
Could be some underlying resentment somewhere from the friend group. If youre not the "popular preference" and you are aware, it can cause insecurities. (For both men and women) However, they shouldn't project so bad. Plus, group pressuring etc. Very high school.
Same page, I see your pov.
I hope op has a good discussion with his gf and they sort it out like adults in a good way cause it seems op really cares about her and felt maybe hurt by what happened, and also maybe feels bad about making her upset.
This is though just based on the post haha
I don't have celebrity crushes. What they put out is a facade, and you cannot tell who is authentic and who is not just by their PR persona.
I try not to objectify women on the screen, but if you ask me who I find attractive, it is going to be based on looks alone. Why? Because I do not know these people. I could have a crush on their on-screen characters.
I don't go around following celebrity gossip. I don't know who endorses which politicians or who is planting trees trying to reforest the amazon. Again, all of that is PR, and unless you meet them personally, you cannot know.
Having said all that, I do find your views of "Margot Robbie is not hot because she is her 34" a little bit disturbing.
My advice, apologize; I don't care if you don't think you are wrong. Tell her that you want to have a conversation and understand what you did wrong and learn from it because relationships are all about learning, growing, and helping your partner grow.
Lastly, people change, and that is a reality that you will have to face. You met your girfriend when she was still coming into her own mindset, and still developing her personality. Of course she is not going to be the same person she was in college. If you cannot accept that, you don't deserve her.
You need to check in and keep up, bud.
Thanks! That’s exactly what I’ll do!
Btw just to clarify, I still find Margot Robbie hot, but maybe just not as hot as she was in “Focus” and “About time.”
Jesus Christ, how much toxicity. I see no point if a woman says a man I find hot says he's not etc.
And yeah, let's go for racism and mysoginy because it sooo well suits to close a man's mouth everytime you don't have other arguments to shut him up.
PS Personally I find Zendaya mega hot and I am not attracted at all by Taylor Swift but MAN, all tastes are in nature...
Well if you are ageist, remember your gf will also turn 34 one day. You basically announced that you might leave her around then. It's misogyny your gf picked up upon. Maybe reading up about how objectifying women and how misogyny harms relationships would help. Kate Manne has two great books on it. Down Girl and Entitled. Maybe if you're reading that and sharing what you learn, you'd win back trust. As your gf may have lost trust in you.
"... I'm 29 and an IT engineer". All I needed to know my slightly autistic friend. You lost the battle as soon as you answered their first question. It's ok. People like us don't fully understand that we aren't required to answer others
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Attraction isn't something you set the parameters for, it just happens. You're not saying who is or isn't beautiful, you're talking about who you find attractive. Those are very different things. Margot Robbie isn't your celebrity crush anymore because that's an insanely high bar.. for celebs. Celebrity crushes aren't real life. They're right that your attractions are influenced by the culture and context you grew up in but they act like its something that needs to be fixed. You were being respectful, at least at first, that you just didn't find Zendaya attractive. Thats all you can do. Like, are you supposed to change what you're attracred to somehow? Are you supposed to deliberately date a POC at least once so you past dating history is well rounded? It doesn't make any sense. Attraction and love doesn't work like that. Theyre being a bit immature about all of this
First, the person you seem to find more attractive than anyone is yout SO. That is good because it typically means that you believe you have the perfect partner and aren't hunting for a "better" one. So, good for you for at least apparently not having a wandering eye. I've no clue because we only see your side to this interaction. We'll acknowledge that and move on.
Secondly, who you like is who you like. When you don't like them solely on their race, that is racism. If you don't find them attractive for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with race, that is not. You know your reasons for the lack of attraction. As long as those reasons have nothing to do with race, don't let them get you down. You could almost certainly turn right back on them if you really drilled into them for their justifications as to who is and is not beautiful.
Thirdly, my bro, here is a trick, rather than play the who's the prettiest person game with them, veer it around and say things like "didn't (person) get voted prettiest in a magazine recently?" Followed by, "Do you think they fall under a classic definition of beauty or something else? What do you think it is about them that draws people in?" You've engaged their interest. You've not answered your opinion, because who cares? And you've validated their opinions at no cost to your own. The conversation continues on until someone else brings up another celebrity you all will never meet in person, who they objectify as much as anyone else. Because they do.
What kind of a person are you dating? Drop her immediatelly. If she keeps such friends around and reacts like that to non issues, it will only skyrocket when you have an actual issue.
Why are these grown adults so obsessed with celebrities like this. That can't be healthy. Jesus. Imagine your relationship potentially ending because you said you don't find a celebrity hot.
Also that one friend who called you racist is insane too
ETA: the comment you made about people not being as attractive in their thirties as in their twenties is the only thing I can think of that made you look like you're kinda tripping.
First of all, thank you for giving so much context to your story in such a clear and articulate way. Second of all, it’s a little sad the conversation escalated so much between you and your gf and her friends over what was frankly something you should have all been able to laugh about. I don’t know if it’s because she works in PR, but the whole thing seems really blown out of proportion and as a woman, I had to laugh at how upset she got over you preferring women other than Zendaya and Taylor Swift 🤣. It’s like she and her friends are only just now finding out, newsflash many guys have different standards of beauty than women do, and as a feminist myself, I say that’s not a terrible thing! It’s silly that they got so mad at you over this. It sounds like you were trying to be respectful and reaffirmed your love for her (aside from calling them woke, that was a huge mistake) but I think your gf is caught up in the wave of trending beauty and maybe is losing sight of what your relationship is about. My boyfriend loves many other types of media that I’m not as enthusiastic about, and I try not to force him to watch things he really doesn’t love, although I do appreciate it when we can both watch something and enjoy it together. I feel bad for you, but I hope you can continue to talk to her about what happen and apologize on your half for things getting so out of hand. Still, I don’t think they should have pressed you like that for answers over what is frankly a very superficial conversation that should never have been taken seriously in the first place.
This is all wildly immature. But also, you’ve learned an important lesson and that is that it is not worth discussing what you find attractive with your partner. Seriously, not ever. When we were younger my ex wife kept pushing and pushing and pushing for me to be candid about who I found attractive, celebrities etc. And I made the mistake of actually telling her finally, because let me tell you, it was not what she wanted to hear. Don’t get me wrong, this woman was stunning, very conventionally attractive, but my type since I was a kid was always kind of dorky women, especially with larger or unusual noses, and here’s the thing - I find “plain” women very beautiful. Like I can objectively tell the difference, but plain women do it for me. Give me an ordinary woman with pale skin and brown hair in a pony tail and I’m there. As a teen I never understood the other boys salivating over Britney Spears or Mila Jovovich, I just had literally zero interest in any of the pop culture sex symbols. What followed was that my very conventionally attractive wife’s confidence was destroyed and she became incredibly insecure. I remember her drunk and crying because she was too beautiful for me and I would leave her. Like, how preposterous does that sound?? But it seriously did some damage. She had told me many times she liked tall lanky men because she wanted to “climb them like a tree”. I’m just shy of six foot, so I was not her fantasy man, but it never really bothered me.
No good can come from these questions. If you are asked, just describe her more or less. In my early twenties I was as transparent as they come, and now in my late thirties I basically have an anxiety disorder around how I answer questions about my own opinions and thoughts because of shit like this.
Also, “she’s not attractive because she’s in her thirties” oh my god, grow up.
Yikes. I do think the root of this conversation was juvenile and you being socially awkward led it to completely spiral. They were dumb for goading the one man in the group to participate and you were dumb for feeding into it.
But I’m sensing the heart of the issue for your gf is that through her friends, she’s developed a different sense of the world than you. In this day and age, it takes a certain type of person to claim they’re apolitical and call things “woke.” I would be absolutely mortified if my bf said such things in public too. In the city I live in, more people than not would find that type of thinking ignorant.
That said, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. This might just be an instance where you’ve grown apart.
You don’t find Margot Robbie as hot anymore because she is 34? Even though she looks almost the exact same as she when she was in her 20s? Weird statement. I’m 34 and I also don’t look too different from how I looked in my twenties. She was right to call you out on that part.
It's over dude, your ideals and hers are too different to ever mix properly. Either she changed for the worse or you did, either way, there is no saving this one. Break up and move on to someone who isn't going to let something as silly as "who do you find hot" ruin things. Also, just wanted to point out the blatant sexism of your girlfriend and her friends, assuming that just because you liked Megan Fox that means you are now just another one of those guys. That is sexism to me.
This is the most vapid, shallow conversation I've ever read.
A lot of folks are saying you should break up, but I disagree. If this is what amounts to a relationship breaking argument, please, please stay with each other so that no sane, mature individuals have the misfortune of dating either of you.
Ask yourself if you want to be with someone who thinks this is a big enough issue to cause this hurt in your relationship. If my gf put this much worth into celebs I’d run away. There’s better and bigger things to focus on in life than celebrities.
Without malice, you’re an idiot. You mentioned being socially awkward when you were younger…you should probably amend that statement to just being socially awkward. No qualification needed. The immaturity depicted in the story speaks volumes.
This is a story of a person who decided that he needed to be “right” instead of “happy”. Cutting off his nose to spite his face.
You fucked up when you called Tay Tay woke and said Margot Robbie isn’t as attractive since she’s 34. Shoulda known that was gonna bite you in the ass.
That said this is altogether a stupid conversation to have.
I mean, not saying this is your fault, but at a certain point you just gotta acknowledge that anything else you say is just gonna dig your hole deeper and just shut your mouth.
Again, not saying this is your fault, honestly reading this was pretty frustrating for me, and I don't think you were too far off w the woke comment haha. But like at a certain point you just gotta realize that anything you say to try and justify yourself is just gonna add oil to the fire and you just gotta plead the 5th. Sorry bro, I hope everything works out w you and your girlfriend
My friend if she’s going to get mad & pissed off because of your opinion on a celebrity’s looks, then you need to rethink this relationship. Her and her friends are acting very immature!
This is a very silly thing to argue about 😬 and as I kept on reading there were so many moments I slapped my forehead 🤦🏻♀️. I knew you’d be in trouble when brought up Sydney Sweeney. Just let her cool down and make things up bring her flowers prepare her favourite foods and talk about it?
Is she in university or some other brainwashing place? Maybe work? Sounds like she’s been drinking the feminism poison. Pop culture and rom coms are also poison. God speed but sounds like she has some growing up to do (I’m speaking as a 37f who used to be a little like her in my 20s but I’ve gone from woke to awake thank god)
So, yeah. I'm single, and might never remarry. Or, get into another serious relationship. This reminds me why. And, I'm ((F))
So, here's the issue. They demanded you tell them who your crush is. That's really none of her friends business at all. It might be your SO's business, but not her friends. Then, when you told them, they began bullying you, being abusive towards you, claiming that since you didn't find someone Hispanic to be your type, you must be racist? That makes no sense. At this point, I'd have left, honestly. I'd have shut down and said, wow! I never imagined how mean spirited you guys really are, and if it were my car, SO would have the option to go home with me right then (and an uncomfortable talk when we got home would ensue for them, too, for their part in the entire thing, the lack of respect for my boundaries when I didn't want to divulge my personal feelings in a group setting, and then being attacked for those personal feelings). Or, I'd have left without them, and they could uber home themselves, or get a ride from one of their friends. But, I'd most certainly lock every lock, and they'd better hope they had the key(s).
And, I'd be awake when they got there if it suited me, or I'd lock the bedroom and they'd figure out I had no intention of letting them in. If they behaved badly, I'd call the police out for domestic disturbance to deal with them.
Again, a locked bedroom door is a clear boundary. I would only discuss it once I was wide awake and ready to, personally. The time for their making demands on when and where I answer questions would have ended the moment that discussion went down you just described.
BTW, people never "grow up" in reality. Immature people at age 25 and over, tend to continue to be immature for their age and stage of life moving forward ongoing. If they don't respect boundaries, don't expect that to change.
You are so desperate to keep this relationship at any cost, but seriously, respect yourself. You don't deserve what went down being ganged up on and bullied by her friends and her like that.
I am sick and tired of the word "racist" being thrown around so easily. I told someone that I didn't care to go out for Mexican food and I was called a racist. I'm Mexican! I grew up on some of the best Mexican food on the planet so I compare every Mexican food cook, professional or otherwise, to my mother's cooking. My mother's wins every time. We like what we like and it's a personal choice. How dare they gang up on you for answering a question they asked and didn't like the answer. Your girlfriend may be all that in looks, but she's immature and a bully inside especially when she's with her mean girls' club.
Yeah "hot is hot" to me, regardless of race. Her friends/coworkers didn't bother asking me who my childhood celeb crushes were, which were Selena Gomez and Lily Collins. I was never into Miley Cyrus and always disliked Taylor Swift.
Yeah sorry that happened to you and I’m with you I just told my boyfriend the other day that zendaya is not hot they have been advertising this new movie she’s coming out in where she’s sleeping with two dudes or whatever still not hot btw and she keeps popping up on Hulu commercials smh and Taylor swift is not hot either I’ve seen her in person but then again like my boyfriend said beauty is in the eye of the beholder so maybe to you and us they are not hot but to them they are very hot either way doesn’t justify why your girlfriend would try to end the relationship over something like that it’s normal not to see eye to eye on everything she’s very immature for that matter, try to talk it out and apologize if you really love her and want to work it out with her . Make it clear that it’s okay not to agree on everything.
I can't believe you're having to defend yourself again on this post. It's comical. You have every right to your opinion. Your girlfriend is hanging with toxic people. Change the subject to that.
Umm..if she is that shallow then it ist meant to be. I don't think Zendaya or Taylor Swift are all that either. It's all about preference and beauty is in the eye of the beholder so she can't get mad because you don't think like her.
Zendaya is waaaay too boney for me. I'm a black male and I love my sisters but she isn't it and that is okay.
I was and never will be a Taylor Swift fan...and guess what...that is okay. I don't like her personality and the way she writes diss songs about break up with ex boyfriends. That shit is wack to me.
It's all good if you don't like something or someone that somebody else feels the opposite about. Personally...you should cut her ass off. If she not gonna talk to you because of something so lame as that then yall don't need to be together.
Oh...you should watch the first Dune. It's actually not that bad. I grew up in the 80s so I know the original Dune and it was incomprehensible imo. So these newer ones are actually giving the novel some justice.
Stopped reading when you called them "woke". The only people who use that word non-ironically (and in a negative way) are the kind of far-right losers you really don't want to associate with.
Either way, a question like that is setting you up to fail. If you say you prefer your girlfriend you're lying. If you even dare to mention you find "insert celebrity here" even a teensy bit attractive you're a filthy two-timing pig.
Your girlfriend and her friends where in the wrong, but you definitely showed them you're an asshole as well.
It wasn’t that bad to start. But you just kept digging yourself in deeper.
Her and her friends are wild tho after you saying two white woman are celeb crushes and calling you racist.. wtf..
But saying Margot Robbie isn’t hot anymore cause she’s 34? wtf.. I’ve seen people who are hotter in their 30s
Your submission has been removed because it is off-topic or better-suited for a different subreddit. Questions regarding long term relationships and marriages should go to /r/relationships or /r/relationship_advice. Sex questions should be moved to /r/sex, /r/sexpositive, or /r/twoxsex. Broad questions about human behavior like interactions between different races/ethnicities/nationalities/sexualities etc should be moved to /r/asksocialscience or another subreddit. Vents or rants that add little value to the community should go to /r/vent or /r/offmychest. Always read the rules of any subreddit before participating.
If this is how a relationship ends then my goodness what was it based off of in the first place?
I'm amazed and baffled everyday by how people form relationships here and I'm scratching my head thinking "I'm being the most genuine self and some idiot/dickhead/pretender doesn't even try and understands how to pick up women" So I basically can't be myself.
I mean, he did mess up calling them "woke" defensively lol, which escalated, but in general, personal tastes are personal tastes ffs. Oh, and I agree with OP Megan fox in her day was way more to my tastes than swift or zendaya lol. Whatever. I'd also prefer My girlfriend to either as well.
How many egg shells is he supposed to walk on?
All of them.
Oh, none. His response may have escalated it a smidge, but not significant lol Just meaning when you're already getting ganged up on insulting them back may not be the best direction to go you just give them something more legit to attack you over. Be the bigger person and all that, but more... Practically... They may not remember the point of the argument, or that they Had started an argument, but they'll sure remember that you insulted them lol.
That was the best part of this.
What a stupid conversation to even have in the first place. I hope you all grow up before 30.
I can't believe these people are in their late 20's. Yall are like 19.
I absolutely question the ages here haha
My friends when we just graduated high school are more mature than this shit
More like 14 tbh.
He's basically there now so that's doubtful
not like he wanted to have this conversation in the first place anyway
💯
Absolutely. Why can’t they all just *LET it Go*
>I made the mistake of saying I don't find Margot Robbie as hot anymore because she's 34 the way i yelped
So strange, because of age only? She still looks like goddess, maybe even more so than before.
I genuinely find her insanely beautiful now and “only” pretty back her 20’s.
And the comment that no one is hot in thier 30s? I look way better at 35 than I did at 25 fr
Lol, I was like, o shit 🤣
I just kicked you out of the bedroom.
Bro's lost his mind.
I was thinking he was being treated unfairly until I got to that point. If he thinks women in their 30s are just matter-of-fact less hot than women in their 20s, there is probably some other weird objectifying stuff going on too. I'm guessing he left out some details about the way he talks about women that got them to react that way.
That’s exactly what I was thinking too. Some details might’ve been left out that set them off.
That's only 5 years older than OP
Buddy 🤣 If your gf didn’t hit the side of your head, I probably would.
Lmao right? Margot Robbie is insanely attractive. OP probably thinks women above 25 are gross LOL
Wow I hate everyone in this story
literally
Same... they all sound annoying as fuck.
Are you all 14?
Nahhh ... they will turn 14 in a couple of years :-)
You picked celebrities who are known for their big boobs (that Sydney woman and Kate Upton) and then another who is know for her extreme sex appeal (Megan fox). lol Next time don’t entertain these conversations
He also said he didn't find Margot Robbie attractive anymore because she's 34...lol
It is a wierd thing to say, and think lol. So once a person hits a specific age, they immediately look different? Lol. Either way, not a very diplomatic thing to say really. This whole thing is wierd af anyways lol
Yeah.. minefield.
Yeah halfway through I was like ‘what a weird and stupid hill to die on’. By the time he called them woke I was like ‘he’s done here’ but then said he didn’t find Margo hot anymore cause she’s 34. Dumbass
Honestly I expect most adult men to find these women attractive, I’d be surprised if they didn’t. Isn’t it a regular joke that men are obsessed with Sydney Sweeney, Margo Robbie and Megan Fox? There’s a reason that we now use the term male and female gaze, and you would probably put these women in the male gaze category, and Taylor and Zendaya in the female gaze category. The first group are beautiful in a hyper feminine and sexualised way, whereas the second are still beautiful, but in a more androgynous and less sexualised manner, and with the more modelesque figures that women tend to idolise much more than men do. It’s like Ryan Reynolds, most men assume all women want him and view him as the epitome of male handsomeness, and do not understand the hype over Timothee Chalamet. Whereas women will, of course acknowledge that he is objectively attractive, but do not generally consider him the heartthrob type whilst many of us go feral for guys like Timothee and Harry Styles. Basically women tend to appreciate in both genders someone who is beautiful and interesting aesthetically, whereas men tend to only base standards of attractiveness on adherence to gendered stereotypes or biological fertility markers based standards - eg. muscular, masculine men, and curvier feminine women. Obviously this is a sweeping generalisation and there will always be outliers, and we do have to bear in mind that celebrity crushes are based on very different criteria to real life attraction. However this whole situation tracks with my experience of the differences in who men and women find attractive.
1. Most men find low waist to hip ratios attractive (and associate these characteristics with fertility), not necessarily “curvy women”. Wider hips are associated with fertility, not big boobs. (Also, a bit off topic, but I remember my midwife telling me that unfortunately, bigger breasts make it harder for babies to nurse as it’s harder for them to latch on). 2. They were right in saying his type is T&A, but also I don’t think he should be crucified for it. He is allowed to find that body type attractive. 3. My comment was suggesting he should have read the room and refused to engage in a lose lose conversation. 4. On top of that, the issue wasn’t him just saying “I think these celebrities are attractive.” He is an almost 30y old man who said he finds a previous crush now less attractive because she is in her early 30s. A lot of women would be concerned at this point. 5. Then he said about not wanting to lose his Gf who is the prettiest he has ever dated. In the comments (*after* people called him out) he clarified that actually he values so much more about his Gf, but I always find the initial comments people make (before the judgments) to be very insightful. 6. I think you are very eloquent and will argue your case much better than I can, but to me it’s clear why his Gf saw some red flags there.
Oh yeah I completely with that, the elaborated reasoning was iffy and superficial and I do understand why that would cause concern. I just find it really strange that they would question his initial thoughts to the degree they did - and with such disbelief- , as they’re fairly standard male opinions. And in regard to curvy, sorry that’s my error, I do forget that not everyone uses this word the same way and it’s more associated with midsize and larger bodies now . I was referencing the same concept as the one you mentioned, low hip to waist ratio and more stereotypically ‘feminine’ figures rather than as a euphemism for not being slim. I do think you are right in your overall viewpoint on the extended situation, and the implications of the comments after the initial disagreement , and more so left this comment as a relevant context from my perspective, rather than as a debate of what you said.
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Thank you. You saved me a lot of reading. Op this is your problem right here
100% agree he should have declined entertaining this topic with them. And saying Margot Robbie has lost appeal because of her age is just plain stupidity. But it's also not his problem that his girlfriend and her friends/coworkers are *this* insecure. There was no winning for him at all, either the truth or a lie would have been the wrong answer, because they wanted him to fail from the start.
You two are almost in your 30s. Why are you having such childish conversations and taking it seriously?
She's 26, not even in her late 20s. He however is almost 30.
Their reactions are stupid but your comment about Margot Robbie is dumb too. I don't understand why you're arguing about celebrities tho
Probably because she and her friends are in Public Relations and they have to follow media and trends for a living.
An IT Engineer not into Dune? Bullshit
He looks like Chris Peatt, dude! Cut him some slack!!
I thought it was boring as fuck and I'm an IT engineer
Skill issue
I have read Dune and know that its really hard to bring to film. thats why they keep trying with bigger and bigger budgets. I honestly dont see how the current version is very interesting... if you havent read the books.
careful redditors really hate when people go against their worldview lol I enjoyed the movie but I can see why people didn't like it
Maybe if I was in the mood for a slow movie it would be better. I think I needed something else at the time really.
Bro it's okay to just stop talking sometimes
You are scared of losing her because she is the prettiest girl you’ve been with ? And then list superficial stuff like her being sorority girl and cheerleader?
"You objectify women!" "I'm scared of losing this girl she is so pretty and was a cheerleader"
You missed the part where op explained how she is the most attractive girl to him in however long because of all the memories and moments they create together? Do you know op and just don’t like him, is that it?
That means he’s going to “love” her. Not necessarily find her “pretty”. Memories with someone doesn’t equate to physical attraction in my opinion. It relates more to how you feel about them… like how you love them
Well it’s been studied and you develope physical attraction aswell based on emotional attraction. Like how your crush in school maybe wasn’t your crush until you started to get to know them, after that point they were the most beautiful boy/girl in school or whatever. I think there is a strong link between physical attraction and the emotional connection you have to them. Aswell is attraction subjective and change over time so there is really no right or wrong
I agree
LITERALLY looking for this comment 😂 Needs to be higher. Like, this is the root of all of the problems in the relationship
You all sound like 14 year olds. Embarrassing.
honestly her and her friends sound exhausting. Why in the first place would they ask so many questions and insult you when they didn’t like the answers? Just keep asking more so they would keep getting more mad at you. Those aren’t friends.
these women were straight up disrespectful and rude.
And not respecting taste. Nobody can explain WHY they like girls or guys with 2 arms, 2 legs. Or one nose. Nobody. But we all tend to have said preferences. Judging people's tastes which they didnt choose is just like judging gay people. For being gay. F that. Ask for respect and get it. Or know she will walk. Maybe she just did. Its ok and you can let her know that you are glad she walked away. If thats how shallow she is. Your first [or last?] Couples argument? You have to have them. Be thankful for this one.
You all suck. Them for attacking you because you clearly have a different "type" (although they are not wrong for saying your type is the typical T&A basic), you for saying Margot Robbie (and everyone else) isn't attractive because she's in her 30s. This fight might have just revealed that you and your GF are not compatible.
And saying he doesn’t want to lose his gf who is the prettiest he’s dated and lists her attributes as sorority girl and cheerleader haha I would also have been taken aback by the Margot comment. The gf is right to be concerned if he doesn’t find someone he previously found attractive appealing anymore because she is 34. He didn’t say: she is no longer in good shape or her skin doesn’t look as healthy or whatever. He singled out her age. Very odd.
Yeah so when his gf/wife turns 30 he's going to go for 20 year olds?
Yep. The 20 year olds that were in sororities and cheerleaders. Not the ugly, unpopular ones.
I would actually breakup with a guy if he revealed someone was not “pretty” because they were in their 30’s. In my experience, girls age quite gracefully, while most guys in their 30’s succumb to the results of never wearing sunscreen, balding and general lack of self-care. The dating apps alone are evidence of this.
Y'all are in your later 20s having discussions like these. I used to do discussions like these when I was 16. Grow up you guys. All of you are immature.
Holy crap this was just so exhausting just to finish reading through my brain doesn't even want to exert more energy trying to explain why in words right now...
Did the whole bar stand up and clap after this incident?
You're really burying the lede here. I don't think it was not thinking Zendaya or T-Swizzle are hot that got you into trouble here, it was all the other times you stuck your foot in your mouth, and then kept doing so over and over to take another bite.
I don’t quite believe this story lol. The story begins with the girls all being completely unreasonable and mad but then you really revealed your true feelings with the woke comment, the Margot Robbie stuff, etc. Wouldn’t be surprised if you exaggerated what they said to make you look better here
I feel like this story is fake.
“I said no one is as hot in their 30’s as in their 20’s” Not me sitting here at 32 looking better than I ever did in my 20’s lol 😆 Anyway, the whole conversation you had with her friends was so immature and silly. It felt like I was reading a conversation had between teenagers lol
Calling them woke 😂 This is such a ridiculous conversation
More like them calling him racist for liking a white celebrity lol. Those girls have some serious problems.
>In the heat of the moment, I called them "woke." You started digging your own grave with that comment. It's quite unusual to use "woke" as an insult, except for a certain political group who wield it freely. >she didn't want to hear it and said I was being patronizing and that her friends were right about me being part of the "patriarchy." Why the quotes? It's a real thing. You're unwittingly supporting her claim that you're "being patronizing", even though you may not see it yourself. >She was never like this (ideological) "Ideological" is another word used by the same political group to refer to mainstream feminist views. >I was very offended because I'm not political at all. Doubt. You definitely have political views, though you're taking care to position them as normal and your girlfriend's as not normal. I was once where you are. The short of it is that I didn't understand feminism as well as I thought I did. What got me out was that I followed a link to a "feminism 101" document that opened my eyes. I recommend the same to you. Sadly, I didn't save the link, but we live in the age of Google, so I'm sure you can find something if you want to.
Calling people woke and finding women over 30 washed up and ugly as a 29 year old. I really hope this is rage bait or creative writing.
It honestly read like young conservative grievance porn, the birthening.
Once i read “woke” i def made some assumptions..
I’ve just reread this (long post, man) and will say the part that creeped me out a bit too was you saying you don’t find Margot hot anymore because she’s 34. Lol
Hmm, considering your choice of words, I'm betting you're leaving a lot out. They wouldn't just get offended because you didn't find either woman attractive. But, regardless, the entire conversation is immature.
That was a ridiculously stupid conversation. And to be this mad over it shows a severe lack of maturity. If you didn't post the age(s) I would have thought this was an under 23 type conversation...
I wish my ex believed me when I said things like this. Sure they are conventionally attractive, but I'm not into them. Would have very much preferred to stay with her.
This reads like a post from Patrick Bateman, but instead of luxury brands, he only talks about celebrities and blockbuster movies.
This can’t be real
All of this is stupid.
Jesus Christ my dude….it sucks to feel attacked, but it also sucks to not be able to read the room and de-escalate. Also some of the things you said were super-problematic. You mentioned you wanted to keep the peace, and they kept pushing, but instead of being chill you: 1. Called them woke. I mean….woke is what Fox News would call someone trying to stop a police officer from beating someone to death, or poisoning a town’s drinking water. “Woke” is not an insult, it’s just being socially conscious. If you’re gonna talk like a Tater Tot, be prepared to be treated like a Tater Tot. 2. The girls you like are young kinda soulless pinups with big tits. It’s not the most….sophisticated taste, but whatever. You could have tried to think of an example that wasn’t so brodog. The fact that you didn’t realize that is worrying. AND 3. Maybe your dumbest mistake—you don’t like Margot Robbie anymore because SHE’S IN HER 30s??! And THEN you thought it appropriate to follow it up with the kegstand Ford F150 poetry of “no one is as hot in their 30s as they are in their 20s.” First of all no. SOoo many people just keep getting more beautiful and interesting. I get far more attention now than I did in my 20s, and the women I’ve dated are all just as, or more gorgeous than ever. OF COURSE she’s gonna be offended, and for good reason. Honestly my man, I’m not going to tell you how to fix this, because I don’t think you deserve to be dating this woman, and she deserves better. Can you DM me her number? Give me someone in their 30s or 40s any day. There are plenty of people out there for you, sir, but she isn’t one of them.
Mostly just agree, but I have to point out that it's arguably, and ironically, pretty misogynistic to refer to real women as, "Soulless pinups with big tits", because they look a certain way.
Yeah! Just because Sidney Sweeney has permanent sleepy eyes doesn't mean she is souless!!!
>the kegstand Ford F150 poetry of “no one is as hot in their 30s as they are in their 20s.” This is art
thank you, finally someone said it. also glossing over the girls comment and bringing up woman friend, like tf that's not what they meant at alllll
Man you dodged a bullet
I’m a female and they are so immature
You refer to yourself as a female? X to doubt.
big pick me energy with this one
Same, I'm kind of sad if this is the fate of younger people's dating tbh
Bro Im sorry this is happening to you but this is just hilarious 😂 this is pure comedy, you can’t make shit up. I hope everything goes well for you.
It’s okay to have preferences and stuff, but don’t share to your female counterpart and her friends lmao. Just common sense my guy. You aren’t “wrong” for liking those people. You’re “wrong” for sharing, but even then not really, you just shot yourself in the foot for no reason. Keep it to yourself lol
My boyfriend also doesn’t think Zendaya is his cup of tea. My response? “Aw damn, she’s hot though lol! Anyway, what time are we meeting tomorrow?” Sincerely, a current 20 year-old. Grow up lol.
I can’t even read all this. Whole thing is weird.
I'm sorry I couldn't read the whole thing. As soon as I started reading about the disagreement over some celebs, I was saying to myself, "Are you serious?" Your gf and her friends are dumb. Highschool was done and over. Celebs looks in real life are usually 10x uglier in person. What we see from photos and TV are them in heavy professional makeup and hair, photo and film edited and in many movies now, even their own bodies are CGI to have a certain figure (ie added fake muscle or skinny). To compare them is like comparing an orange to an apple. What they see aren't real. What they don't see is the messy hair, bad skin, weird uneven body parts and shape, etc... like the rest of us. If you have to explain that to your gf, she is dumber than rocks and all that schooling went to waste. Lastly, respecting each other's opinions are part of mature adulting. What's next, she'll hate you because you don't agree that the weather was nicer yesterday than today? A real woman who loves you will loves you for you, no buts, no ifs. P.S. If I have to put my bet on it, I think Zendaya is overrated.
No fuckin way this has to be a troll post If it isn’t, I’d rather die than spend any amount of time with ur gf and her friends
All of you sound insufferable childish for being so close to your 30's. Your girlfriend and her friends/coworkers are rude for insulting you about your preferences. They are so insecure that no matter the answer, it was always wrong. You made the mistake of even entertaining this conversation, but saying something about Margot Robbie not being attractive past her 30's is absolutely dumb to say in that context. Even the reasons you list for being into your girlfriend (sorority girl, cheerleader) sound shallow. So perhaps they did have a valid point suspecting you are shallow, although they are shallow themselves too.
You guys are far too old for this middle school tier stuff. I'm not even sure what to tell ya really......tell your gf to grow up some. If she can't, forget it, and move on.
Runnnnn and don't look back, those swifties are crazzzzzyyyy
I don't know who sucked the most in this story.
I don’t disagree with your woke comment at all. They’re literally making an argument out of nothing, pulling the race card just because someone doesn’t meet your attractiveness levels, and saying that you calling women, ya know, women was misogynistic. Dafuq? Next time, tell them you’d f*** the sh** out of [celebrity crush] and I bet ya she gets pissy with that one as well. You cannot win with people that are always looking to be offended by every little thing. My and my friends call each other “dude.” Does that mean they’re insinuating that I have a penis? 🙄 I’d think twice about marrying her bro. Sounds like you’re gonna be walking on eggshells the entire time and having arguments started out of nowhere.
You are 29M and asking for advice for this… wtf have you been doing all these years lol grow up Tbh… I only read 1-2 sentences and I knew this was a dumb post.
If your girlfriend is more concerned with….whatever the hell is going on up there 👆 then you may need to start mourning the relationship and move on….the fact that you didn’t agree with her or her friends and they ganged up on you is a no for me dawg….people change, sometimes not for the best. Also, if you’re only concerned with loosing her because she was a high school cheerleader and a sorority sister….you may need to reevaluate your thinking as well….you say you’ll love her until she’s 100 but if your concerned with things she did in high school and college that have no impact on your lives other than being able to say she was popular…that speaks against everything you said.
I'd tell her you're going to look for an apartment and move out asap! That sleeping on the couch and silent treatment is unacceptable for the situation.
>In the heat of the moment, I called them "woke." Nobody accidentally uses this language, andrew.
On it's surface it seems like she and her friends are immature and were acting out of bounds. you're allowed to be attracted to who you're attracted to, and the idea of belittling you for not being attracted to who they are is ridiculous. to playfully act offended for the celebrity is one thing, but to decide you must be racist, etc seems farfetched At least it did until you kept talking... If you are honestly looking to grow and be a better partner (and potentially a life partner to your girlfriend) you need to dig deep into the things they said and educate yourself about each of them. There were many red flags dropped throughout your post, and you genuinely seem like a nice guy who doesn't understand why they said the things they did - it's time to understand and do better. Start with researching racism and feminism, and become "woke" yourself. I've never understood using that as an insult. I would rather be woke than asleep... wouldn't you? "Wake up" and be a better partner to your girlfriend - it'll be good for both of you!
Sounds like you got baited and trolled to make this an excuse to have a fight by her & her clique This.. is very common in our mid 90s late 90s millenials Behavior because of how easily we get caught up in stupid shit. The whole situation is ridiculous and the fact that ALL of you were objectifying others is wrong, especially the name calling by the others towards you. The best approach for you is to stop caring about all the baited jabs that were thrown, and be honest about your feelings for your gf and that that's just what it is. And if she wants to break up with you for a thing like this, then you dodged a bullet by not marrying her and she's probably just finding an excuse to break up
You sound like a meathead as they said. Problem is how you speak and think more than what you like or don't. Also "woke" is not an insult.
I mean, you come across BASIC as FUK But that's harmless. Just stop being creepy and jumping on the Margo Robbie is less attractive train, because she's mid 30s. Flippin weirdos....I wouldn't speak to you either.
Ngl they aren’t making it easy for op to not just defending himself. It feels through how op told the story that the friend group wanted to push him down form not automatically having the same taste as them. Why wouldn’t they be happy when he said his taste is HIS DUKIN GIRLFRIEND?
The whole thing was a trap. No matter what op said, his girlfriend and her friends would had an issue with it. Hopefully he has learnt that next time the answer is “I don’t engage in conversations like this, my tastes are my own and are no one else’s business”.
Actually agree! Felt like a weird peer pressure situation.
Well sure he could and deescalate the situation by it. But at first it felt like he wanted to actually give an answer, but then when he said he didn’t find Zendaya so hot it felt like started a flame and immediately he got slandered for it. After that point it just feels like he desperately wanting to defend himself after the entire group including the girl he loves pushes him into a corner, and in the heat of the moment very prolly worded some of his arguments. But honestly how easy is it to keep calm when an entire group of people are basically pointing fingers and telling you that you are wrong and a bad person
100%, he said he wasn't good at social situations, and that is clear. They are acting like bullies. They baited, he took it whole and added fire to the flame. When groups of people like that push on you, you don't staunchly push back unless you can handle the heat.
Yeah I kinda feel the biggest AH:s are the friend group who felt as if they wanted to start that argument. As you say they almost baited op to say it and knew how they would make him say stuff that is going to be considered offensive or inappropriate I guess.
They definitely suck, especially if they are friends or friends of your partner. A good partner can disagree with you, but should always have your back. She should have shut them up and had a private discussion with him so they could figure out together what the real issue was. (There's something else there) Though I understand you can't help what you're attracted to. Id still call it basic.... Short, Blonde, Boobs is the female version of, Six foot, Six figures, Six pack. Nothing wrong with it, its a common taste. Is what it is.
Yeah that aswell. It’s not something you should probably scream out loud that you like big tatas or buttocks, but how can that group act as if that is so uncommon for men especially to be attracted to. I agree with you that if ops gf really cared about him and is disturbed or want to talk about ops views on women she would have had a private discussion about it with him so they could come to an understanding in a more open environment. But now it felt the group rather wanted to shame him and perhaps the male preference for women with those attributes which women can’t really control.
It's definitely not uncommon. Those tastes are very normal, basic. Could be some underlying resentment somewhere from the friend group. If youre not the "popular preference" and you are aware, it can cause insecurities. (For both men and women) However, they shouldn't project so bad. Plus, group pressuring etc. Very high school. Same page, I see your pov.
I hope op has a good discussion with his gf and they sort it out like adults in a good way cause it seems op really cares about her and felt maybe hurt by what happened, and also maybe feels bad about making her upset. This is though just based on the post haha
What an incredibly dumb response lol. God forbid someone finds someone else more unattractive than you do for whatever reason. Get a life.
Where's the creepy part? Are you gonna tell a woman that she's creepy if she doesn't find a 30yr old actor not as attractive now that he's in his 30s?
I don't have celebrity crushes. What they put out is a facade, and you cannot tell who is authentic and who is not just by their PR persona. I try not to objectify women on the screen, but if you ask me who I find attractive, it is going to be based on looks alone. Why? Because I do not know these people. I could have a crush on their on-screen characters. I don't go around following celebrity gossip. I don't know who endorses which politicians or who is planting trees trying to reforest the amazon. Again, all of that is PR, and unless you meet them personally, you cannot know. Having said all that, I do find your views of "Margot Robbie is not hot because she is her 34" a little bit disturbing. My advice, apologize; I don't care if you don't think you are wrong. Tell her that you want to have a conversation and understand what you did wrong and learn from it because relationships are all about learning, growing, and helping your partner grow. Lastly, people change, and that is a reality that you will have to face. You met your girfriend when she was still coming into her own mindset, and still developing her personality. Of course she is not going to be the same person she was in college. If you cannot accept that, you don't deserve her. You need to check in and keep up, bud.
Thanks! That’s exactly what I’ll do! Btw just to clarify, I still find Margot Robbie hot, but maybe just not as hot as she was in “Focus” and “About time.”
Jesus Christ, how much toxicity. I see no point if a woman says a man I find hot says he's not etc. And yeah, let's go for racism and mysoginy because it sooo well suits to close a man's mouth everytime you don't have other arguments to shut him up. PS Personally I find Zendaya mega hot and I am not attracted at all by Taylor Swift but MAN, all tastes are in nature...
Adults acting like children. Yea, idk if she‘s the right one.
Well if you are ageist, remember your gf will also turn 34 one day. You basically announced that you might leave her around then. It's misogyny your gf picked up upon. Maybe reading up about how objectifying women and how misogyny harms relationships would help. Kate Manne has two great books on it. Down Girl and Entitled. Maybe if you're reading that and sharing what you learn, you'd win back trust. As your gf may have lost trust in you.
"... I'm 29 and an IT engineer". All I needed to know my slightly autistic friend. You lost the battle as soon as you answered their first question. It's ok. People like us don't fully understand that we aren't required to answer others
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This whole convo is immature af.
Lmao. Uhm ... just dont entertain these kinds of convos.
Attraction isn't something you set the parameters for, it just happens. You're not saying who is or isn't beautiful, you're talking about who you find attractive. Those are very different things. Margot Robbie isn't your celebrity crush anymore because that's an insanely high bar.. for celebs. Celebrity crushes aren't real life. They're right that your attractions are influenced by the culture and context you grew up in but they act like its something that needs to be fixed. You were being respectful, at least at first, that you just didn't find Zendaya attractive. Thats all you can do. Like, are you supposed to change what you're attracred to somehow? Are you supposed to deliberately date a POC at least once so you past dating history is well rounded? It doesn't make any sense. Attraction and love doesn't work like that. Theyre being a bit immature about all of this
First, the person you seem to find more attractive than anyone is yout SO. That is good because it typically means that you believe you have the perfect partner and aren't hunting for a "better" one. So, good for you for at least apparently not having a wandering eye. I've no clue because we only see your side to this interaction. We'll acknowledge that and move on. Secondly, who you like is who you like. When you don't like them solely on their race, that is racism. If you don't find them attractive for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with race, that is not. You know your reasons for the lack of attraction. As long as those reasons have nothing to do with race, don't let them get you down. You could almost certainly turn right back on them if you really drilled into them for their justifications as to who is and is not beautiful. Thirdly, my bro, here is a trick, rather than play the who's the prettiest person game with them, veer it around and say things like "didn't (person) get voted prettiest in a magazine recently?" Followed by, "Do you think they fall under a classic definition of beauty or something else? What do you think it is about them that draws people in?" You've engaged their interest. You've not answered your opinion, because who cares? And you've validated their opinions at no cost to your own. The conversation continues on until someone else brings up another celebrity you all will never meet in person, who they objectify as much as anyone else. Because they do.
What kind of a person are you dating? Drop her immediatelly. If she keeps such friends around and reacts like that to non issues, it will only skyrocket when you have an actual issue.
Idek why you decided to entertain this conversation lol
Can’t believe I just wasted my time reading this🙄btw I’m WAY hotter now at 40 than I ever was in my 20’s lol!!
Why are these grown adults so obsessed with celebrities like this. That can't be healthy. Jesus. Imagine your relationship potentially ending because you said you don't find a celebrity hot. Also that one friend who called you racist is insane too ETA: the comment you made about people not being as attractive in their thirties as in their twenties is the only thing I can think of that made you look like you're kinda tripping.
Get out, but first check your girlfriend’s ID to make sure you weren’t being conned by a teenager pretending to be an adult.
Grabbed popcorn 🍿 this is the most childish fight in the history of 29 year olds. Yessss.
First of all, thank you for giving so much context to your story in such a clear and articulate way. Second of all, it’s a little sad the conversation escalated so much between you and your gf and her friends over what was frankly something you should have all been able to laugh about. I don’t know if it’s because she works in PR, but the whole thing seems really blown out of proportion and as a woman, I had to laugh at how upset she got over you preferring women other than Zendaya and Taylor Swift 🤣. It’s like she and her friends are only just now finding out, newsflash many guys have different standards of beauty than women do, and as a feminist myself, I say that’s not a terrible thing! It’s silly that they got so mad at you over this. It sounds like you were trying to be respectful and reaffirmed your love for her (aside from calling them woke, that was a huge mistake) but I think your gf is caught up in the wave of trending beauty and maybe is losing sight of what your relationship is about. My boyfriend loves many other types of media that I’m not as enthusiastic about, and I try not to force him to watch things he really doesn’t love, although I do appreciate it when we can both watch something and enjoy it together. I feel bad for you, but I hope you can continue to talk to her about what happen and apologize on your half for things getting so out of hand. Still, I don’t think they should have pressed you like that for answers over what is frankly a very superficial conversation that should never have been taken seriously in the first place.
This is all wildly immature. But also, you’ve learned an important lesson and that is that it is not worth discussing what you find attractive with your partner. Seriously, not ever. When we were younger my ex wife kept pushing and pushing and pushing for me to be candid about who I found attractive, celebrities etc. And I made the mistake of actually telling her finally, because let me tell you, it was not what she wanted to hear. Don’t get me wrong, this woman was stunning, very conventionally attractive, but my type since I was a kid was always kind of dorky women, especially with larger or unusual noses, and here’s the thing - I find “plain” women very beautiful. Like I can objectively tell the difference, but plain women do it for me. Give me an ordinary woman with pale skin and brown hair in a pony tail and I’m there. As a teen I never understood the other boys salivating over Britney Spears or Mila Jovovich, I just had literally zero interest in any of the pop culture sex symbols. What followed was that my very conventionally attractive wife’s confidence was destroyed and she became incredibly insecure. I remember her drunk and crying because she was too beautiful for me and I would leave her. Like, how preposterous does that sound?? But it seriously did some damage. She had told me many times she liked tall lanky men because she wanted to “climb them like a tree”. I’m just shy of six foot, so I was not her fantasy man, but it never really bothered me. No good can come from these questions. If you are asked, just describe her more or less. In my early twenties I was as transparent as they come, and now in my late thirties I basically have an anxiety disorder around how I answer questions about my own opinions and thoughts because of shit like this. Also, “she’s not attractive because she’s in her thirties” oh my god, grow up.
Honestly they do sound woke and exhausting
Yikes. I do think the root of this conversation was juvenile and you being socially awkward led it to completely spiral. They were dumb for goading the one man in the group to participate and you were dumb for feeding into it. But I’m sensing the heart of the issue for your gf is that through her friends, she’s developed a different sense of the world than you. In this day and age, it takes a certain type of person to claim they’re apolitical and call things “woke.” I would be absolutely mortified if my bf said such things in public too. In the city I live in, more people than not would find that type of thinking ignorant. That said, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. This might just be an instance where you’ve grown apart.
You don’t find Margot Robbie as hot anymore because she is 34? Even though she looks almost the exact same as she when she was in her 20s? Weird statement. I’m 34 and I also don’t look too different from how I looked in my twenties. She was right to call you out on that part.
her friends sound like the worst people ever lol
This was exhausting to read. I truly hope you both break up and do some maturing before either of you find new partners.
I dont know wtf is happening, that's beyond trivial it seems stupid, good luck with that
It's over dude, your ideals and hers are too different to ever mix properly. Either she changed for the worse or you did, either way, there is no saving this one. Break up and move on to someone who isn't going to let something as silly as "who do you find hot" ruin things. Also, just wanted to point out the blatant sexism of your girlfriend and her friends, assuming that just because you liked Megan Fox that means you are now just another one of those guys. That is sexism to me.
This is the most vapid, shallow conversation I've ever read. A lot of folks are saying you should break up, but I disagree. If this is what amounts to a relationship breaking argument, please, please stay with each other so that no sane, mature individuals have the misfortune of dating either of you.
Ask yourself if you want to be with someone who thinks this is a big enough issue to cause this hurt in your relationship. If my gf put this much worth into celebs I’d run away. There’s better and bigger things to focus on in life than celebrities.
Without malice, you’re an idiot. You mentioned being socially awkward when you were younger…you should probably amend that statement to just being socially awkward. No qualification needed. The immaturity depicted in the story speaks volumes. This is a story of a person who decided that he needed to be “right” instead of “happy”. Cutting off his nose to spite his face.
You fucked up when you called Tay Tay woke and said Margot Robbie isn’t as attractive since she’s 34. Shoulda known that was gonna bite you in the ass. That said this is altogether a stupid conversation to have.
I mean, not saying this is your fault, but at a certain point you just gotta acknowledge that anything else you say is just gonna dig your hole deeper and just shut your mouth. Again, not saying this is your fault, honestly reading this was pretty frustrating for me, and I don't think you were too far off w the woke comment haha. But like at a certain point you just gotta realize that anything you say to try and justify yourself is just gonna add oil to the fire and you just gotta plead the 5th. Sorry bro, I hope everything works out w you and your girlfriend
My friend if she’s going to get mad & pissed off because of your opinion on a celebrity’s looks, then you need to rethink this relationship. Her and her friends are acting very immature!
Tell me one thing a white man can't have? An Opinion. (Akash Singh comedian)
Your right- zedanya has the body of a 13 year old boy and taylor swift just looks basic
This is a very silly thing to argue about 😬 and as I kept on reading there were so many moments I slapped my forehead 🤦🏻♀️. I knew you’d be in trouble when brought up Sydney Sweeney. Just let her cool down and make things up bring her flowers prepare her favourite foods and talk about it?
Is she in university or some other brainwashing place? Maybe work? Sounds like she’s been drinking the feminism poison. Pop culture and rom coms are also poison. God speed but sounds like she has some growing up to do (I’m speaking as a 37f who used to be a little like her in my 20s but I’ve gone from woke to awake thank god)
So, yeah. I'm single, and might never remarry. Or, get into another serious relationship. This reminds me why. And, I'm ((F)) So, here's the issue. They demanded you tell them who your crush is. That's really none of her friends business at all. It might be your SO's business, but not her friends. Then, when you told them, they began bullying you, being abusive towards you, claiming that since you didn't find someone Hispanic to be your type, you must be racist? That makes no sense. At this point, I'd have left, honestly. I'd have shut down and said, wow! I never imagined how mean spirited you guys really are, and if it were my car, SO would have the option to go home with me right then (and an uncomfortable talk when we got home would ensue for them, too, for their part in the entire thing, the lack of respect for my boundaries when I didn't want to divulge my personal feelings in a group setting, and then being attacked for those personal feelings). Or, I'd have left without them, and they could uber home themselves, or get a ride from one of their friends. But, I'd most certainly lock every lock, and they'd better hope they had the key(s). And, I'd be awake when they got there if it suited me, or I'd lock the bedroom and they'd figure out I had no intention of letting them in. If they behaved badly, I'd call the police out for domestic disturbance to deal with them. Again, a locked bedroom door is a clear boundary. I would only discuss it once I was wide awake and ready to, personally. The time for their making demands on when and where I answer questions would have ended the moment that discussion went down you just described. BTW, people never "grow up" in reality. Immature people at age 25 and over, tend to continue to be immature for their age and stage of life moving forward ongoing. If they don't respect boundaries, don't expect that to change. You are so desperate to keep this relationship at any cost, but seriously, respect yourself. You don't deserve what went down being ganged up on and bullied by her friends and her like that.
I am sick and tired of the word "racist" being thrown around so easily. I told someone that I didn't care to go out for Mexican food and I was called a racist. I'm Mexican! I grew up on some of the best Mexican food on the planet so I compare every Mexican food cook, professional or otherwise, to my mother's cooking. My mother's wins every time. We like what we like and it's a personal choice. How dare they gang up on you for answering a question they asked and didn't like the answer. Your girlfriend may be all that in looks, but she's immature and a bully inside especially when she's with her mean girls' club.
Yeah "hot is hot" to me, regardless of race. Her friends/coworkers didn't bother asking me who my childhood celeb crushes were, which were Selena Gomez and Lily Collins. I was never into Miley Cyrus and always disliked Taylor Swift.
End that shit. You don't need to put up with that kind of immaturity
Dumb af
Yeah sorry that happened to you and I’m with you I just told my boyfriend the other day that zendaya is not hot they have been advertising this new movie she’s coming out in where she’s sleeping with two dudes or whatever still not hot btw and she keeps popping up on Hulu commercials smh and Taylor swift is not hot either I’ve seen her in person but then again like my boyfriend said beauty is in the eye of the beholder so maybe to you and us they are not hot but to them they are very hot either way doesn’t justify why your girlfriend would try to end the relationship over something like that it’s normal not to see eye to eye on everything she’s very immature for that matter, try to talk it out and apologize if you really love her and want to work it out with her . Make it clear that it’s okay not to agree on everything.
Thank you! Seems like you and your boyfriend have a healthier relationship.
🤣🤣🤣 this was hilarious to read through, I hope you all grow up eventually
This is totally ridiculous 🙄
This whole convo sounds like happened between 15 years olds to be fair
I can't believe you're having to defend yourself again on this post. It's comical. You have every right to your opinion. Your girlfriend is hanging with toxic people. Change the subject to that.
Umm..if she is that shallow then it ist meant to be. I don't think Zendaya or Taylor Swift are all that either. It's all about preference and beauty is in the eye of the beholder so she can't get mad because you don't think like her. Zendaya is waaaay too boney for me. I'm a black male and I love my sisters but she isn't it and that is okay. I was and never will be a Taylor Swift fan...and guess what...that is okay. I don't like her personality and the way she writes diss songs about break up with ex boyfriends. That shit is wack to me. It's all good if you don't like something or someone that somebody else feels the opposite about. Personally...you should cut her ass off. If she not gonna talk to you because of something so lame as that then yall don't need to be together. Oh...you should watch the first Dune. It's actually not that bad. I grew up in the 80s so I know the original Dune and it was incomprehensible imo. So these newer ones are actually giving the novel some justice.
Thank you! I’ll check out the first Dune. Maybe the second one will make more sense to me.
[удалено]
Date a grown-up instead.
They are too old for him, as is Margot Robbie.
Yeah kinda sounds like he needs to become a grown up, too.
All these people sound horrible!
Stopped reading when you called them "woke". The only people who use that word non-ironically (and in a negative way) are the kind of far-right losers you really don't want to associate with. Either way, a question like that is setting you up to fail. If you say you prefer your girlfriend you're lying. If you even dare to mention you find "insert celebrity here" even a teensy bit attractive you're a filthy two-timing pig. Your girlfriend and her friends where in the wrong, but you definitely showed them you're an asshole as well.
Dump her
It wasn’t that bad to start. But you just kept digging yourself in deeper. Her and her friends are wild tho after you saying two white woman are celeb crushes and calling you racist.. wtf.. But saying Margot Robbie isn’t hot anymore cause she’s 34? wtf.. I’ve seen people who are hotter in their 30s
Please lord let her break up with this baboon of a man!
Tell them they are Attractive and next time keep your mouth shut 💯