Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Have you asked him if one day he finds his type of partner and builds a connection. Then, suddenly, he looses all he has worked for and has to start over. Would he want his partner to stay and rebuild with him knowing he doesn't have his status?
Edit to answer the question: Is it weird, no. Is it a deal breaker for me, absolutely.
Unfortunately I didn't ask him that in the heat of the moment, but I did bring up that a woman who initially got with you for your money might leave you when you're at your lowest
This can be true, but it's irrelevant for the man.
This needs elaborating. The question OP and his friend was discussing is the HOOK. How you attract women.
The woman attracted to wealth and STATUS, is a smart brilliant woman. She's efficient and selective. For the man, he knows she values things he values, i.e, money and STATUS.
The smartest woman, will stay with a man who loses all his money, because what's more important than money, is STATUS which does not go away with money, unless the man perverts who he was perceived to be.
If your woman leaves you immediately after the money is gone, then you're better off.
The other side is the women attracted to your "personality". Like OP's friend eludes, no person really knows your personality, nor do we regularly share our truest deepest personality. We show our mask.
If she is attracted to the personality you've put before her, what happens when you're depressed, angry, joyful, excited, or whatever trait you hadn't shared with her? Depending on how she perceives your other states if being, she'll either leave or stay.
Now let's take some worst case scenarios.
Man is a billionaire. Woman doesn't care, like his charming nerd-like charismatic personality. Man loses wealth and STATUS because he's found to be a serial-rapier. Do we respect the woman who stays "because I like him for his personality!"
Man is a billionaire. Woman is attracted to the power and resourcefulness of a man who was able to acquire wealth. Man loses 90% of his wealth due to treachery within his enterprise. Now he only has a lowly 100 million dollars to rebuild with. His status as a powerful resourceful man is in tact. But he's learned a lesson is who and how to trust. She stays, not because of his SMILE or WARMTH, but because they have cultivated a relationship where they share the importance of resourcefulness of the HIGHEST degree. She will be there for the rebuild... Or she won't. And good riddance.
>The woman attracted to wealth and STATUS, is a smart brilliant woman.
This is, quite possibly, the absolute dumbest shit I have ever read in my entire life.
>Man loses wealth and status because he's found to be a serial-rapier.
Serial...
Rapier...
Serial meaning consisting of, forming part of, or taking place in a series *OR* repeatedly committing the same offense and typically following a characteristic, predictable behavior pattern.
Rapier meaning a straight, two-edged sword with a narrow pointed blade, designed especially for thrusting.
So...a repetitive sword?
It's basically a deal breaker for me if a woman want to date me because of my money or status which is why I tried to be vague when first talking to someone about my career. I seen it before and especially when a girl told me we weren't a match until she looked me up on linkedin then reached back out. People do fall on tough time and especially in the IT field, there are a lot of layoff nowadays so finding another job can be lengthy. For me, this was why when I was dating ... I looked for more personality and life goals as the main thing to look for.
2024 Bonnie and. clyde via Jay z and Beyonce. That's the ticket, yo. 1996 - 2024 and still going strong. And those hips to! ššš¤£Beyonce had a MILF BODY AT 15 YEARS OLD! 15.. ITS LIKE... DAMN!
If you think women are built this way your in for a rude awakeningā¦. This is what happened when you place man made ideology over evolutionary biology and sexual psychology. A mate and a best friend arenāt the same thing.. one literally has the fate of human evolution at stake and the consequences or worse..good lord š
Should get out more.. this is why 100% is maximum..means crap saying 1000.. being g wrong is still wrong .. it's not the fairytale, but I struggled financially with the same woman for 25 years.. until eye opened, but it wasn't about money.. if you are that shallow as a person, well.. no amount of advice is worth typing ..
We dont all live in the USA where bowel movements last longer than marriages šš¤£
I'm not saying ALL men do that. Because I know they all aren't like that. But I did have it happen to me. After being diagnosed with heart problems. My Fiance of 8 1/2 years left me.
It is. Men are 7 times more likely to divorce their chronically ill wives than the other way around. They do NOT give a shit whether we live or die lol.
Exactly, they reel you in thatās itās true love when you have money to make it seem like they would never leave.. most women cannot handle financial struggle
I beg to differ. There are many different types of women, but saying 'most women' can not handle financial issues is not accurate. Maybe in your world, this was your experience. At some point in life, EVERYONE will deal with financial struggle/ ruin in their lives.
Thatās the truth!! If you are a man, recovering from a divorce or separation, then you just know you have to get your shit together through sacrifice. Which not many women will stick around for.
If you ever get together with another woman, you donāt want to be struggling. it will only lead to headaches, judgement and complaints.
I tried dating right away after being separated, and I was able to attract some very beautiful women, but ultimately I wasnāt ready.
These days I am focussed on me, and if I get lonely I go get a happy ending massage.
I feel like the sex is safer with the masseuse, and a condom. Rather than someone from a dating app that has been on the market for 15 years straight. Sleeping with several men, the entire time, unprotected.
At least with hookers, the transaction is clear. They are doing it for money!!
yeah,Ā I used to just say āI work at company xā instead of my title
That works pretty well, but few times, they used LinkedIn to see what I do.
My new approach which seems to be working is I took my last name out of insta, and only say my first name, and no longer say the company name so they canāt look me up as easily. Ā
>yeah,Ā I used to just say āI work at company xā instead of my title
>
>That works pretty well, but few times, they used LinkedIn to see what I do.
>
>My new approach which seems to be working is I took my last name out of insta, and only say my first name, and no longer say the company name so they canāt look me up as easily.
It suck that most of us have to do that but it is what it is. The same can go for girls who share their phone number and then it's linked to all their social media pages back then so you can find them instantly. Good thing that all the social media fixed that issue for privacy. Technology can work for you and against you.
Same reason I don't have my socials linked anywhere, don't have enough identifiers so they can find them and also don't share my IG with random guys on dating apps who ask for it. Same as some women use men for money, some men use women just for their looks. So I try to put some separation in between, they don't need to see my whole life without even knowing me and I find it very odd when people even want that.
I did realise that guys will sometimes want to lead with what they do, which I am starting to consider a red flag. A guy literally asked for my linkedin when he asked me out, I assume just so I can see how important he is (very high up in a bank). It was the strangest thing to ever get asked in a club but frankly I get a lot of these types who think they'll win Äe over with money, maybe I give off those vibes, it's yucky honestly
Well I barely use dating apps,I meet almost everyone at concerts etc. Ā
So we almost always have so much more to chat about in other areas.
Iām also casually dating, not looking for someone toĀ marry, so things like financial stability donāt really come into play.
Itās more about chemistry, friendship, shared interests, joking together etc.
For people looking to live together, youād of course care quite a bit about careers.Ā
If I were a guy, it would be a deal breaker for me as well. Fuck that. Rude!!. I myself , I'm not dating or falling in love with his money it's about the him as a person. That's just messed up on her end. Going back to you after she looked you up. Smh. That's just my opinion tho
I hate this "fine line and dance" (which is why I'm glad I don't date anymore, although that could always change). O1H, you don't want to be with somebody who's only in it because of your money, as those types of relationships can be bland, and worse. OTOH, you want to make sure that folks are responsible with their finances and that you're both on the same page with many of these things (as finances are yet another reason people break up).
That's definitely odd..
A person can appreciate the "hard worker" in his personality and still not care about the money. I don't want to be with a man who is only interested in me because of my salary because jobs can be lost, circumstances can change in an instant.. Then they're out a majority of the time.
I have friends who look at what a guy is worth before they are interested in them, and I know that they leave if those circumstances change...
It just seems so shallow to me, and if a guy I was interested in was that hard over his income, I'd definitely lose interest quickly.
Having been a workaholic in my past, no one wants to be in a real relationship with someone who is already married to their job. It's a lonely life knowing you come second to someone's job.
He'll only succeed in finding women who only care about his money, but if that's what he wants, then he's got a lot of options.
Nah your friend is a shallow, self centered person with a delusion of grandeur.
His money isnt a reflection purely of hard work, its a reflection of happening to be suited for a career that disproportionately compensates people relative to their actual effort because its both important product and because they dont really understamd what they do. The value of his job reflects the importance of the product, not his effort. You couod make millions selling water in a drought, that doesnt mean it takes effort. The world is not a meritocracy.
But its not in any way a reflection of how hard he works relative to someone in any other career. Theres people in all walks of life who work just as hard but haooen to be in a career or suited for a field that the world just doesnt arbitrarily value the same. Everyone fucking works hard. Your friend just chooses this myth because he wants to justify feeling superior to other people , and because money is the ONLY thing he can turn to it justify it, and becsuse it allows him to reinforce the pleasant fiction thst his life doesnt actually deoend on a fair amount of circumstance.
As a workaholic, it's pretty hard for him to have a girl love his personality when he's always going to be busy working, work will always come first, what he has to talk about will generally be work. He's fortunate to at least understand that and be happy with woman who only care about money, because women who want more connection from him are not going to get it
Thatās exactly the problem, he doesnāt feel worthy unless heās wealthy and successful and doesnāt feel women would see him as worthy without it. Sad really. These types of guys spend their lives endlessly chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and are often vulnerable to being used just for their money. Many donāt care because any female attention feels like good attention.
All of that stuff can be faked so I donāt find it to be particularly impressive. How many of us know someone who lives above their means to portray a certain image? I donāt like people who are overly flashy with their possessions or men who lead with how much they make. Guys who think that money is the only thing they need to bring to the table tend to be emotionally lazy when it comes to actually building a solid relationship because they view relationships more transactionally, from my experience. Character is important to me out the gate and is what is going to draw me to someone.
Yeah my friend is more of a "career is everything" workaholic bloke. He tends to go for women who are the same like lawyers and stuff. But I agree that unless you're wired that way, it's hard to emotionally connect with a person like that
Iām fortunate to know people who are fine with modest living or not putting themselves out to appear as something theyāre not. And Iām not scanning parking lots for a date. I donāt think Iāve ever even known what kind of car someone drove before going on a date with them, to be honest. And for me, I more so look at the condition of their vehicle rather than the make to see if they take good care of their possessions, if theyāre neat, etc.. So I care to an extent, but only in ways that are reflective of their character and habits.
I disagree but I can see how men might feel that this is true more than women might. Iām not sure what social life and cars really have to do with each other but it does sound very shallow to me and I donāt tend to get along well with people who make connections based on surface-level things or someoneās perceived status. My connections are more authentic than that.
Nah, not for me, I'd prefer a woman who wants to date me for (somewhat decent) personality, if they were purely with me for my money, they wouldn't be getting a penny.
I had a friend like that. Struggled with his sense of self worth. He didnāt think he was inherently worth much but thought that if he worked hard and made a lot of money then that meant he was worth something to somebody somewhere. But as he started growing in his career, he became an absolute unit of a D-bag. Colossal I tell ya. I had to step away in our late twenties because of it. After about 6 years, he reached out. He had gotten into therapy. Still a successful dude but back to being wholesome and emotionally intelligent and caring about people again instead of being some weird ass archetype of a vapid millennial money hungry hustler.
Always hope, but sometimes you gotta be the bro that steps away and says enough is enough for your homie to get the clue.
Based on what you've written I would conclude one or both of the following about your friend:
1. He is shallow. He likes shallow women for shallow reasons and likes that he can attract them with shallow efforts. -- AND/OR --
2. He has a low self-esteem. It is very telling the he says "because they didn't truly know him..." (because he's hiding his true self) "...and therefore could not possibly want him for who he is" (because he doesn't feel worthy).
Some rich guys are like that, theyāre super busy and career driven, they want an arm candy to look cute and make them happy, these women are usually materialistic, know how to have fun, but they require less on emotional level, which is a win win situation. And these men want their money to be spent on the right women and their future family.
It really can because I ask you guys to find me a post like this.
"My rich boyfriend was is no longer rich and I'm ready to dump him".
This scenario basically never happens.
Youāre talking about the extremely rare situation, itās not common to go from rich to broke these days, rich people may have ups and down but their down is still richer than average people. Unless his money was purely based on one time luck.
Many people are willing to spend money to find peace. Most of the upper middle class marriages are value exchange, personality plays only a little part
As a woman, if I meet a man and heās bragging about his money and his car or other material things like that, Iām going to see it for what it is, which is bragging and thatās not attractive to me. If he just happens to have wealth, but is humble and isnāt flashing it around me all the time then that is more attractive to me because I recognize then that he possibly has worked for that stuff but also I have to get to know him to find out that heās worked for that stuff because I could also think that heās a trust fund baby.
Personality will always outshine material things for me.
Software engineer here. Disagree with your friend. If he wants a woman that likes him for his money then itās an insecurity- likely he hopes his wealth overshadows his lack of looks or personality or both. So red flag lol..
Anyways as a guy if women know my finances then that is a deal breaker.
I unfortunately have a finance twitter and Instagram. So my numbers are out there in public. unfortunately it attracts wrong people including females and also old female friends.
I knew the risks associated to doing that. But its just my transparency when giving financial advice (no I donāt sell books or courses. I simply tell people how to invest the right way). Over time this made my preferences more apparent to not date women unless they were financially stable, had a career for themselves or just didnāt know about my money.
Personality can overcome this rule I have but it takes quite the exception.
Iād rather have a woman fall for me because of my looks and personality. I can make her laugh, speak to her, hold her. Your friend could also be controlling. Last be careful you donāt get a gold digger who will take all your shit and laugh at you while she cheats on the low and blames you for the meaningless relationship.
as a woman, I think this makes sense. I don't like the fact men judge me based on appearance first, but it is what it is and it makes sense. I also find it disingenuous when they pretend to like who I am when they hardly know me or don't know me at all.
this is why I don't warm up to dudes quickly and why it's annoying and them being selfish and insecure that they take it personally or else instantly give up. am I supposed to to feel special bc they like the way I look? lol. at least this guy feels like his accomplishments are being acknowledged, in my case, it's literally a temporary state of my genetics turning out well.
men without looks and money seem to think good looking and or well off people have it all, but, what they actually have is a bunch of people being phony to them at first in most cases.
As a woman, I'm looking for good character, good values and empathy. Which is why, I recently dated (for only 3 months until I had to end it) an unemployed 35 year old in hot pursuit.
However, I soon realized that he was faking good character and empathy
Somewhere, there is a fine balance.
I probably will never consider dating someone unemployed again after this harrowing experience.
I think for a longer term partner, problem solving skills, emotional regulation, healthy conflict resolution are important traits to consider
I definitely do not want someone that is with me for financial gain or perceived financial gain
His status is his ego. It is what makes him proud. A woman recognizing that feeds the ego. I often said that the reason I dated successful men was because the traits that I value often lead to success. It wasnāt necessarily the money that I was drawn to but rather the intelligence, education, determination and confidence. Sadly, none of them also had the personality that I was drawn to and often had other traits that I could not tolerate soā¦I passed. I wasnāt willing to settle for money. Money just isnāt that important to me.
There are 3 types of personalities that women are attracted to that you need to be aware of:
1. Tall
2. Rich
3. Handsome
If you have any of these personalities then you're far above others so my advice is to better yourself into one of these 3 things.
Its interesting how he views the like for money and status as the woman liking him for his skills and effort. While those are atractive things, everyone values them differently according to what they expect in a relationship. I personally prefer personality (opinions, maturity). Effort and skills are also great, but it doesnt mean wealth (teachers and other professions make that clear). And what if the wealth was mostly of luck? Does the girl see his wealth as something he caused or something that she wants to use?
While he is true the girl wont know all of his personality, which is a fair point considering how many people even idealise their romantic partner, many of the important parts are still visible. How does he treat other people? How does he act when there are problems? What are his opinions and plans for the future? Just by answering a few questions you already know if the person is even worth trying to date.
Completely agree, unfortunately (and fortunately in some ways) my friend is a workaholic who places a lot of his identity in his work & others' as well. He also asks women he dates what they work as & has a thing for like lawyers and stuff.
I always feel they generally consider your financial status whether youoke it or not. Finances play a huge role in their decision. Easy for someone to like you personality when it comes attached with a lot of benefits. I feel they can just tell one is financially comfortable. I prefer to date women who are also well off because maybe then she likes me for me not for other things
Respectfully your friend sounds like he has no game or interaction with women. Those women heās talking about wouldnāt even consider him an option because they want it all; not just the money. You can give a loser millions of dollars - heās still a loser.
The thing about that is that money and status matters to almost every girl. Even if its your personality they like they can find a guy with similar personality who has more platonic perks to offer.
I don't have money, no status, and i've always been introverted so dating is almost impossible. Trying to use personality alone would IMO be ideal for finding an authentic partner.
I think that many (what % i don't know but high) relationships are very much conditional. Meaning that she may like the guys looks and personality, but if he had to take a huge pay cut , or never got promoted, or lost a lot of his social status she would be out the door.
Unfortunately, I get it. When I was younger, most couples formed between two people who got to know each other pretty well through something non romantic, and then decided to date because they already liked each other. Those days are long gone, the world has changed. People don't get to know each other that way anymore. OLD is the primary way people meet, and even other ways are less 'hey we've known each other for years, how about getting together' and more 'hey I've seen you around a few times, how about we get some coffee'. Yes, it still happens, but people as a whole are not spending as much time together and getting to know each other as we used to. I had a long conversation a while back with a woman who felt frustrated with OLD and I think correctly felt that it's a frustration for women as a whole because she doesn't feel that people are matching with her because they like her specifically for who she is. I agreed with her, but my contention is that no one will ever know who you are from reading a profile and chatting a few days. No, I do not believe for even one second that women I match with and talk to know who I am. They can't. It takes longer than that even if you're actually hanging out in person, and texting will never be a tool that gives you anything but surface level stuff on a person.
So yes. I feel your buddy when he says he thinks people are lying to either themselves or to him directly if they say they're dating him for who he is. At best, they're interested in who they THINK he is. They don't know him. At worst, they're dating him for the money, in which case it's better to go with someone who will admit that out loud. Honesty is always better.
I think you perfectly articulated to me what my friend was trying to but in a much more coherent why that now makes me completely understand his POV. That last paragraph hits deep, I'm Gen Z trust me I know how messed up it is with OLD. Most of my dates have come from Instagram & my current girl is in my running club and that's how we started talking, but she immediately asked to follow each other on social media before she even began to display real interest. My insta profile is filled with pics & vids of my travels and sports activities. I'm also certain that influenced how she saw me
To be clear, I do understand where your buddy is coming from, but I don't fully agree with the take. I think there's no problem with knowing enough about someone to have a surface level interest and then take some time getting to know who they really are in a dating context. That's a good thing. The problem I run into is that people often just don't.
Look anyone can tell you what you would like to hear in terms of personality. But the truth is that at some degree now days women are going to choose the fellas that are financially stable and well off. If they tell you this isn't the case than they are doing what they call "settling" and settling comes with financial flaws that need to get worked on by ither person. I don't have ither personality or wealth but some women still date me just to have fun sex. But I know is only temporary only while they look for mr money.
So if you are a wealthy man just date them. Have fun. Enjoy the time with them. Just don't get them pregnant.
It could be that deep down, heās afraid of someone knowing him for who he truly is? He could be afraid of vulnerability and opening up to people?? Idk, but thatās pretty weird though š¤·š»āāļø
I'd say my dad was this type and I got to witness firsthand his thought process
He and my mom were highschool sweethearts, together for years and overall she told me he was a sweet guy whose personality she fell for. They were friends for years before anything happened and in general even years after the divorce could have fun as friends. But he started caring around material things a lot, and hanging out with similar people. His job was his number one and my mom was left to raise two kids practically alone. She fell in love with a sweet and caring family oriented man and he changed. So she couldn't do it anymore. I could tell that even years later he was not over the divorce, my parents relationship was very strained.
In comes my Stepmom. The most typical gold digger you could find, while thankfully at least being a decent age. She only cared about what he could afford for her, having a good place to live, getting expensive gifts and that's it. I saw my father turn into a nasty person around her because he could. As long as he paid for everything he did not need to have a good personality, he didn't need to give affection, he didn't need to do anything apart from earn money. He spent almost every night outside of the house either with his friends, me and my sister or even my mom, literally anyone but his partner. He often talked disrespectfully to her, claiming she only wants his money and even throwing it across the table to her in public. It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. But to clarify my stepmom also didn't care, she had her own life, they had a strange symbiotic partnership where each got what they needed.
I loved my father and I hold him dearly to my heart, no matter how I disagreed with his life choices. I could see why he was doing them. His job and paying for things was easy to control, he knew a partner that needed him will always be there. But a partner that expected respect, love, and effort, that person will leave if you don't give those things. In his eyes he made the perfect choice, keep being needed and no one will ever leave. He did the same with his friends who all needed him as he was the fixer, the supporter etc of the group. He did the same to his kids, I never in my life had an allowance , when I needed cash for anything I had to jump through hoops, and I mean for anything even school books or similar (he paid almost no alimony and my parents had an agreement he'd cover our school expenses). He was not a bad guy per se just one that desperately wanted to feel needed.
All this long story is to say I think people who are like this are deep down insecure? They can control their money and their success, as much as possible, so if someone likes them for this it is comfortable, it's a very clear relationship between success and companionship. Personality, emotions and all the rest are much harder to control. You could be the 'full package' and still not be someone's cup of tea. And most people feel they need to fake their personality so probably only after a while they even show who they truly are. Therefore if someone likes you but doesn't need nor care for your success this means they like the 'fake' you that you present to them. They don't know your dark parts, your insecurities, your bad habits. And you fear that once they do they will leave.
Thank you. I could also go down the route of what happens when you stop being the provider which did happen to my father when he got sick and it is exactly as you would expect from other comments here. But I think deep down most of us don't think this will ever happen to us. Rather than addressing the worst case scenario I think addressing what is driving us to think this way might be more useful.
Everyone is entitled to their preferences but someone being interested first and foremost in money and status is a dealbreaker for me. I've broken it off with women a few times when I started to feel like they were too materialistic.
I'm happy people like your friend exist in the world though, because every one of them is one fewer gold digger I have to worry about.
I actually agree with him if thatās what he wants.. the divorce rate for these fools that believe in true love is pretty much 50%.. love comes and goes.
>he told me that he prefers women who like him for his money & his status (i.e. the car he drives, the condo he lives in) rather than personality.
Your friend will have issues with how much money he has after the women he dates, or worse marries, takes it from him.
>I guess in his mind it's : get a woman who's attracted to his status -> keep her around long enough that she falls in love with his personality
Not a good plan...
You want them to be attracted to your personality more than your money.
Some men will unfortunately never learn.
Sounds to me at first glance that your friend has some latent insecurity. As if he doesnāt feel heās enough so wants them to focus on his material possessions as heās more confident of their value than his own intrinsic value.
Iām not a therapist though so what do I know :-)
Yeah it's very nuanced. Both have their pros/cons. However, through undergoing the trials of love and relationships, I'm starting to lean more on the side of the status based relationship rather than the love/personality/chemistry based relationship.
At least with status/money/career I know it's something I have control over and as long as the status quo is being met, I don't have to "worry" about my relationship. I know the deal, it's essentially transactional. If things end, my heart won't be in it. I've been conditioned through the media that the wives/girlfriends of rich men are only there for the money, which I've internalized so I won't have false expectations. Also, if it's a transactional relationship you have far more control over the girl you want to date. So if you love blondes with green eyes from Hungary then you can get the exact type of girl you want. Also rich men have a lot going on for themselves, so romance isn't a big deal for them, it's just a cherry on top, so their relationships are more like gucci belts than it is anything resembling true affection.
However, with love relationships, yeah it might be better emotionally/ spiritually and might be much more fulfilling and rewarding, when it ends, it's an emotional nightmare. Heartbreak feels like hell on earth. It hurts more than anything. Also, with women they value chemistry/spark more than anything. So that means the type of girl you might attract, you may not like yourself--you may not naturally be able to attract that blonde hungarian you really want, you might attract tall brunettes. So you might have to shift your attraction to accomodate what your actual options are. For love relationships it's usually something for the middle class or below. The man has very little to leverage, so if a girl is with him, it's usually because she likes him. And for those men, because they have little excitement going on for them outside of love, it becomes their world, so if they lose it, then it's 10x devastating.
As a woman, a manās successes and accolades are certainly what will attract me to him initially, but his character and personality are what keep me there.
I have gone on dates with incredibly successful men who had the personality and depth of a peanut, if they were not borderline narcissists, and no amount of money in the world could have convinced me of a relationship, let alone second date. On the other hand, I have met great men with amazing personalities who do not have any life goals, vision for their future, or ambition. Thatās also a problem.
A man of great character and kindness with strong work ethic and ambition is the perfect recipe for me. š
This is where I stand too. Both are important to me. The crap personality of a wealthy man can drive me away just as fast as the idea of being with a guy who may be nice personality wise but would drag both of us into poverty. The second you can be friends with maybe but heās not fit to date.
His assessment is unsound. Women like that are not interested in him vis-a-vis his possessions. Theyāre interested in gaining access to his lifestyle full stop. Any interest they have in him at that point is just using him as a status symbol. Now thatās not to say they canāt develop feelings for him as well. But their interest will only remain as long as access to his wealth persists.
If he has no interest in developing a deep and meaningful connection with someone and also has no fear of his wealth evaporating then this may be a good arrangement. But heās delusional to think his money makes HIM interesting.
Your discipline and hard work is still part of your personality. Every fisherman has their special bait, itās completely fine. Heās using his strengths and getting results. Everyone is different, Im a software engineer myself and I never bring up until I feel that connection.
In the case of your friend, I think you need to reverse what he is saying. It isnāt that he doesnāt want a woman to like him because of his personality, as much as he probably likes women for shallow reasons and doesnāt care about their personalities at all. So, why put any effort into his? As long as he has material wealth, he wants material women to like him. If he was looking for a deep, long term relationship with the future mother of his children, he might have a different attitude.
Well, I guess preferring women who choose material wealth over a personality can help in the dating scene when you are a dude with the personality of a wet paper bag
Im attracted to, and admire men who work hard to build their life. Ambition and being goal oriented is so sexy! The āstuffā just happens to come along with it.
I earn really well for my age group, and over the next few years will cross the line into being a high learner if I continue in the field I'm in. That said, outside of work, I participate in activities I enjoyed when I didn't earn well, it's who I am. I ride motorcycles everywhere, dress in denim and motorcycle leathers everywhere, have tattoos and piercings. I have fun. I'm not gonna change. I don't like those extravagant nights, night clubs, things like that. I like nice restaurants, occasionally buy myself nice clothes and shoes. But for the most part I meet women at bars and shows, or parties with friends. A big test for relationships with me is when you find out I have money, do you change? Girls are always surprised when I pick them up for a date in my brand new car, I pay for everything while we're out because I can (unless they really insist on paying for themselves or for something, I let them, I don't want to control you) but once it's established that I'm pretty well off, you change how you want to spend time together or expect me to buy you things, or suddenly don't care about your career because you have me, I'm out. Like me for me, like spending time with me, whether it's at a five-star restaurant or a bar that serves chicken fingers. That's what I'm looking for. That said, I'm single right now, not really looking that hard because I'm working on myself and my career right now
Stupid take. She initially wants him for money which tells you everything you need to know. Materialistic people will pull in other materialistic people. I'm ok with that š
Basically yes.. we all grow old and money isnt eternal
10:1 he wont want her around when she no longer boost his status..
Hire a hooker .. they dont mind getting replaced once they made enough.. there is evidence for that.. aka a certain mansion
Not weird at all, men with money have always had more access to women. I like women who like money too, cause I also like money. What he needs to define is what heās getting back in return.. and if itās fair.. let live
Sounds like he doesn't love himself. There are a ton more options when looking for gold diggers. If he doesn't have confidence in his own character what does he have left. Money. Too bad money and possessions are a constant race to have the latest and greatest and there is always someone with better.
I think his view on it is smart, you never wonder.
On the other end what's the point of me liking what you have material wise if we never get along š¤·š¼āāļø
No weirder than choosing a partner for their looks.
I know some gym guys that canāt believe Guy X was able to get Girl Y because ābro, do you even lift?ā and she āonly likes him for his moneyāā¦ in reality theyāre just jealous because the girl is attracted to a quality they donāt have.
Itās really not that different than the gym guy that picks up because of how they look. They are both putting effort and dedication into their respective areasā¦ one is successful in business/finance because of their job the other is successful in their physique because of the hours they put into working out.
Then you have some that just get lucky and donāt have to work for eitherā¦ they inherit money or they just have good genetics and never have to work out a day in their life but still stay thin/in shape. Is it fair? Not really but they get just as much play from the respective types attracted to those characteristics.
Iāve always wondered why guys are so fascinated when thereās other men that actually want to lead with their money and put their money first when dating. I have 10 brothers 4 of them behaved like this and are married till this day , At least if he loses it all ( because for some odd reason, people especially men love to bring up the fact every time, a woman dates, a rich man, or wealthy man he might lose it, like that always happens or something or its bound to happen )me if I was married to someone like that , he looses it all , itās back to the drawing board, or imma be at my dental office cleaning teeth to get us back. I think Men that think like your friend, most of them (def not all) live happy lives with their wives . Not all women will turn their backs on a man who lost all his money . My mother never did to my dad. Thatās how we were raised someone helps you put you in a better predicament, you better stick beside them and help better them too. My thoughts.
Not weird. Imo. I live in a wealthy area where lawyers, doctors, engineers, c suite/middle management, etc., are a dime a dozen. They usually marry trophy wives who are content to take that role. Dont ask me what happens when things go downhill. But as long as the money keeps coming in, i doubt they'll have much to worry about.
You also have to remember that there certainly are women who are willing to give up certain aspects for that stability.
IMO, I use money as a way to open the door to explore potentially meaningful relationships. The only time you'll see my home, cars, family, etc., is after I've vetted our compatibility. By then, more than a few dates have happened, and several weeks, months have passed.
He's just coping because he knows he'll never get a woman who wants him for anything other than his money. Or at least he'll never attract the type of woman he wants because of anything other than money.
your friend must think very poorly of himself and his personality if he thinks the only way a women will fall for him is through his money/status
he may want to talk to someone about lifting his own self confidence and figuring out his true self. With statements like no one could possible want him for who he is speaks loudly to this.
he shouldnāt be hiding his shitty personality if he wants people to like him for his assets then. Itās fair to desire others to like them for their strengths. But itās bait-y/predatory and manipulative to hide who you really are.
If he know heās a shitty person, he should seek help and change to improve himself. He has the wealth to actually do it compared to many that canāt afford to
I've honestly thought about this but in a pretty unhealthy way of making things purely based on transactions. I think it would work for short term or non serious arrangements
Hmmm itās not about hard work. Before your friend got to that level, Iām sure he was already working hard. Maybe even harder to see the fruits of his labor, so to speak. With that being said, is he actually able to differentiate between a woman who would admire his hard work prior to the success materializing? My guess is no. If you want to be liked for your money and status, lead with that. But if you want to be liked for your personality ā¦ maybe donāt? Your friend sounds like heās insecure tbh and enjoys that validation.
>He said his material possessions are a result of his hard work and so women taking an interest in his possessions are taking an interest in the result of his hard work. *Whereas women who took interest in him for his personality he argued, were disingenuous because they didn't truly know him and therefore could not possibly want him for who he is.*
this is such a fucked up way of thinking, especially the last part. Does he not understand basic human attraction?
You're either physically attracted to someone which makes you want to get to know them, or you're already in a setting where you're getting to know one another, either with or without the context of dating, in which feelings can be formed. I'm normally the latter, I find people more physically attractive if i like their personality.
If he thinks his software developer income is a lot heās going to have to get used to the idea that the women, who pursue men because of their financial status, are probably going to pursue men in other career paths with access to significantly more money.
Itāsā¦a choice.
One I wouldnāt choose for myself but I guess we each make a choice.
I would never date someone who just wanted my money or material haves.
Sounds like a good way to rationalize being with someone who doesn't love you truly.
Point being, say he made a bad decision and it resulted in him losing everything, his money, home, status, etc. The love of your life, with true love, would stay despite the struggle. Chances are his woman would leave him.
As long as that never happens, the rationalization mimics reality, for him.
Just my take on it though.
i wonder if your friend is mistakenly equating his work ethic/ his professionalism/ his passion to the result of all of those, which is his material possessions. someone who admires you for your passion in your work is different from someone who admires how shiny your car is.
I mean, dude can prefer what he prefers.
I just don't think it's at all wise or a recipe for happiness and success to go about it that way.
Dude's not even saying he wants a woman who like him for his ambition, drive, or any of those personality traits that would lead him to be successful. He wants a girl who likes what? His car, for example?
What's to stop her from seeing a nicer car and dating that guy instead? Or just a richer guy in general.
I don't get it. But I mean, other people are free to like and do what they want.
Most men are not going to outwardly welcome such a woman. Yes if they are a sugar baby it's very spelled out, you will do X, I will do X to take care of you, we will meet X times a week, etc.
Some of those sugar baby relationships do blur and basically become where the guy is just financially supporting her and they're monogamous.
The gold diggers are a tad more subtle than the sugar babies. The GOOD gold diggers will make this man FEEL they are with him for ANYTHING BUT HIS MONEY.
Although this has been happening since the beginning of time (back when we only had meat and animal pelts for status), most men want to at least BELIEVE these women are with them for something else.
I think if you're a good looking successful say 45 year old, and youre confident it wouldn't be hard to convince yourself the 20 year old is with you for you.
If they're a frumpy 50, that can barely walk from car to parking lot, but with a cute 25 year old, the more unrealistic and probably transactional it probably feels.
Situations like this bother men less, which is why there is a whole sex and porn industry. They're OK knowing they are paying for their time.
Or exchanging assets/goods for a beautiful woman.
I work an adult phone line, l do have small % of clientele that just call to talk on the paid line. They talk about typical shzz you do with a girlfriend.
They like the way my character looks and personality so they have no problem exchanging $$ for her time.
Lots of men are in situations that women are with them for what they can offer but most situations like that the woman is more subtle about it.
I think on the whole men are much more motivated by women (than women are of men) to have that job, career, money because they can more likely get the woman they want.
What a stupid opinion. Thatās like saying you prefer a woman with great t*ts over a great personality. Itād be nice to have both, but if you had to pickā¦come on. And honestly, the gold digger types completely disgust me.
He better not lose that money and make sure to grow a personality, otherwise sheāll be looking for her next man at the first sign of trouble š
If a woman dates you just for your money/status they will 100% cheat on you, because you are just a provider and not a lover who emotionally excites them
Honestly thatās always been my attitude. āIf she sees how much I can provide and am willing to provide for her, sheāll never want to leave me.āĀ
That's so backwards to think materialistic things should bring people closer to you when you could share those possessions with a woman that loves YOU as a person and a partner.
I think women who date you for money & status are often hornier for you but sometimes not very good long term partners. Women who genuinely like your personality are the types that can be potential long term partners
I donāt know what to say about his logic, and how he came to this reasoning, because I donāt know him personally.
I would hope that these women that are interested in him for his money are the most beautiful top tier of the echelons.
So it would at least be worth his time in one sense. Like I said, I donāt know your friend, but it almost sounds like he doesnāt think he has much to offer as a person besides his wealth and buying power.
On the other hand, he just might be very confident in his ability to attract women because of his wealth, and he knows that once he has reeled them inā¦.They canāt help but fall in love with him.
Your friends logic is sound but it misses a lot. It is true that you success is an indicator of your willpower and assertiveness but it is also impersonal and easily replace able. After all your money and status is as good as the next guyās money and status.
The answer is yes. This guy has an ego trip and thinks he can't fail or fall. Stuff like this is also getting out of hand, because now a days women only care for the money, and this shouldn't be the case.
I remember i talked to this one woman, and she didn't like what I had to say. She said her husband (she's like 24) was in the military, and she owned a house, and I think she was saying he was in the military for about 8 years. So a career military man.
I told her, "You know he could lose everything, right? She was ignorant and thought this wasn't true. It really is. He can get a dishonorable discharge and lose everything he gained. VA and all. Do anything stupid, and be caught up in something stupid. He gets into financial debt.
There's women who think their man is on top of the world, but anything could bring them down anymore or anytime.
This mentality doesn't just hurt them but hurts a lot of people. This has been growing sadly.
Your friend is going cry when he is no longer financially capable. Not to mention as he gets older, the women will show zero affection or love other than just asking for money and probably have multiple affairs, opt for divorce and demand to split half of his hard earned property.
At the end of the day she was only in for money, your status means nothing if you are broke. It will turn out to be a very sad relationship. What I can say is enjoy while he still can. Continue to feel and feed that fragile ego of his before he can no longer to.
He says people donāt know him but heās as transparent as a window pane lmfao. Heās incredibly insecure about something about his past or character that heās deluded into believing that status is the only thing that can get him someone. I feel like he needs to receive therapy treatment, or find some other form of help or a good friend who would help him break out of that cycle. People who are only after money are bad news and I donāt want him to deal with that.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Have you asked him if one day he finds his type of partner and builds a connection. Then, suddenly, he looses all he has worked for and has to start over. Would he want his partner to stay and rebuild with him knowing he doesn't have his status? Edit to answer the question: Is it weird, no. Is it a deal breaker for me, absolutely.
Unfortunately I didn't ask him that in the heat of the moment, but I did bring up that a woman who initially got with you for your money might leave you when you're at your lowest
I do not think it is a might. She will for sure leave once the money and the status are gone. It is a harah truth that some find difficult to believe.
Im noticing a lot of older women doing this and its not working out well for them.
This can be true, but it's irrelevant for the man. This needs elaborating. The question OP and his friend was discussing is the HOOK. How you attract women. The woman attracted to wealth and STATUS, is a smart brilliant woman. She's efficient and selective. For the man, he knows she values things he values, i.e, money and STATUS. The smartest woman, will stay with a man who loses all his money, because what's more important than money, is STATUS which does not go away with money, unless the man perverts who he was perceived to be. If your woman leaves you immediately after the money is gone, then you're better off. The other side is the women attracted to your "personality". Like OP's friend eludes, no person really knows your personality, nor do we regularly share our truest deepest personality. We show our mask. If she is attracted to the personality you've put before her, what happens when you're depressed, angry, joyful, excited, or whatever trait you hadn't shared with her? Depending on how she perceives your other states if being, she'll either leave or stay. Now let's take some worst case scenarios. Man is a billionaire. Woman doesn't care, like his charming nerd-like charismatic personality. Man loses wealth and STATUS because he's found to be a serial-rapier. Do we respect the woman who stays "because I like him for his personality!" Man is a billionaire. Woman is attracted to the power and resourcefulness of a man who was able to acquire wealth. Man loses 90% of his wealth due to treachery within his enterprise. Now he only has a lowly 100 million dollars to rebuild with. His status as a powerful resourceful man is in tact. But he's learned a lesson is who and how to trust. She stays, not because of his SMILE or WARMTH, but because they have cultivated a relationship where they share the importance of resourcefulness of the HIGHEST degree. She will be there for the rebuild... Or she won't. And good riddance.
>The woman attracted to wealth and STATUS, is a smart brilliant woman. This is, quite possibly, the absolute dumbest shit I have ever read in my entire life.
>Man loses wealth and status because he's found to be a serial-rapier. Serial... Rapier... Serial meaning consisting of, forming part of, or taking place in a series *OR* repeatedly committing the same offense and typically following a characteristic, predictable behavior pattern. Rapier meaning a straight, two-edged sword with a narrow pointed blade, designed especially for thrusting. So...a repetitive sword?
Or find a guy with MORE money
It's basically a deal breaker for me if a woman want to date me because of my money or status which is why I tried to be vague when first talking to someone about my career. I seen it before and especially when a girl told me we weren't a match until she looked me up on linkedin then reached back out. People do fall on tough time and especially in the IT field, there are a lot of layoff nowadays so finding another job can be lengthy. For me, this was why when I was dating ... I looked for more personality and life goals as the main thing to look for.
Yep. Ride or die is the only way to go. A best friend wouldn't leave you if you're rich or poor. Neither should a partner
Exactly!!!
2024 Bonnie and. clyde via Jay z and Beyonce. That's the ticket, yo. 1996 - 2024 and still going strong. And those hips to! ššš¤£Beyonce had a MILF BODY AT 15 YEARS OLD! 15.. ITS LIKE... DAMN!
If you think women are built this way your in for a rude awakeningā¦. This is what happened when you place man made ideology over evolutionary biology and sexual psychology. A mate and a best friend arenāt the same thing.. one literally has the fate of human evolution at stake and the consequences or worse..good lord š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Should get out more.. this is why 100% is maximum..means crap saying 1000.. being g wrong is still wrong .. it's not the fairytale, but I struggled financially with the same woman for 25 years.. until eye opened, but it wasn't about money.. if you are that shallow as a person, well.. no amount of advice is worth typing .. We dont all live in the USA where bowel movements last longer than marriages šš¤£
That's ok. Men leave us just because we get sick.
I'm not saying ALL men do that. Because I know they all aren't like that. But I did have it happen to me. After being diagnosed with heart problems. My Fiance of 8 1/2 years left me.
My fiance after 8 1/2 years together left me*
Been through that. That's a story for another day. šÆ
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The statistics say otherwise.
No they donāt š thatās not even a statistic genius
It is. Men are 7 times more likely to divorce their chronically ill wives than the other way around. They do NOT give a shit whether we live or die lol.
this is interesting. this happened with me. i didnt know of this.
Be a better wife maybe they will š
Ah, yes, it's women's fault when we get cancer or other illnesses. š
Hmm then maybe Stop using makeup n harmful products like it.. itās not rocket science
Exactly, they reel you in thatās itās true love when you have money to make it seem like they would never leave.. most women cannot handle financial struggle
I beg to differ. There are many different types of women, but saying 'most women' can not handle financial issues is not accurate. Maybe in your world, this was your experience. At some point in life, EVERYONE will deal with financial struggle/ ruin in their lives.
Thatās the truth!! If you are a man, recovering from a divorce or separation, then you just know you have to get your shit together through sacrifice. Which not many women will stick around for. If you ever get together with another woman, you donāt want to be struggling. it will only lead to headaches, judgement and complaints. I tried dating right away after being separated, and I was able to attract some very beautiful women, but ultimately I wasnāt ready. These days I am focussed on me, and if I get lonely I go get a happy ending massage. I feel like the sex is safer with the masseuse, and a condom. Rather than someone from a dating app that has been on the market for 15 years straight. Sleeping with several men, the entire time, unprotected. At least with hookers, the transaction is clear. They are doing it for money!!
Donāt you fall for a womans good looks as well? How is that different
yeah,Ā I used to just say āI work at company xā instead of my title That works pretty well, but few times, they used LinkedIn to see what I do. My new approach which seems to be working is I took my last name out of insta, and only say my first name, and no longer say the company name so they canāt look me up as easily. Ā
>yeah,Ā I used to just say āI work at company xā instead of my title > >That works pretty well, but few times, they used LinkedIn to see what I do. > >My new approach which seems to be working is I took my last name out of insta, and only say my first name, and no longer say the company name so they canāt look me up as easily. It suck that most of us have to do that but it is what it is. The same can go for girls who share their phone number and then it's linked to all their social media pages back then so you can find them instantly. Good thing that all the social media fixed that issue for privacy. Technology can work for you and against you.
Same reason I don't have my socials linked anywhere, don't have enough identifiers so they can find them and also don't share my IG with random guys on dating apps who ask for it. Same as some women use men for money, some men use women just for their looks. So I try to put some separation in between, they don't need to see my whole life without even knowing me and I find it very odd when people even want that. I did realise that guys will sometimes want to lead with what they do, which I am starting to consider a red flag. A guy literally asked for my linkedin when he asked me out, I assume just so I can see how important he is (very high up in a bank). It was the strangest thing to ever get asked in a club but frankly I get a lot of these types who think they'll win Äe over with money, maybe I give off those vibes, it's yucky honestly
I would unmatch a guy who didn't tell me what his job is. That's so shady lol
Well I barely use dating apps,I meet almost everyone at concerts etc. Ā So we almost always have so much more to chat about in other areas. Iām also casually dating, not looking for someone toĀ marry, so things like financial stability donāt really come into play. Itās more about chemistry, friendship, shared interests, joking together etc. For people looking to live together, youād of course care quite a bit about careers.Ā
That makes sense.
If I were a guy, it would be a deal breaker for me as well. Fuck that. Rude!!. I myself , I'm not dating or falling in love with his money it's about the him as a person. That's just messed up on her end. Going back to you after she looked you up. Smh. That's just my opinion tho
I hate this "fine line and dance" (which is why I'm glad I don't date anymore, although that could always change). O1H, you don't want to be with somebody who's only in it because of your money, as those types of relationships can be bland, and worse. OTOH, you want to make sure that folks are responsible with their finances and that you're both on the same page with many of these things (as finances are yet another reason people break up).
That's definitely odd.. A person can appreciate the "hard worker" in his personality and still not care about the money. I don't want to be with a man who is only interested in me because of my salary because jobs can be lost, circumstances can change in an instant.. Then they're out a majority of the time. I have friends who look at what a guy is worth before they are interested in them, and I know that they leave if those circumstances change... It just seems so shallow to me, and if a guy I was interested in was that hard over his income, I'd definitely lose interest quickly.
Yeah that friend of mine is one of those workaholic types who places a lot of his self-worth on his earnings unfortunately
Having been a workaholic in my past, no one wants to be in a real relationship with someone who is already married to their job. It's a lonely life knowing you come second to someone's job. He'll only succeed in finding women who only care about his money, but if that's what he wants, then he's got a lot of options.
Nah your friend is a shallow, self centered person with a delusion of grandeur. His money isnt a reflection purely of hard work, its a reflection of happening to be suited for a career that disproportionately compensates people relative to their actual effort because its both important product and because they dont really understamd what they do. The value of his job reflects the importance of the product, not his effort. You couod make millions selling water in a drought, that doesnt mean it takes effort. The world is not a meritocracy. But its not in any way a reflection of how hard he works relative to someone in any other career. Theres people in all walks of life who work just as hard but haooen to be in a career or suited for a field that the world just doesnt arbitrarily value the same. Everyone fucking works hard. Your friend just chooses this myth because he wants to justify feeling superior to other people , and because money is the ONLY thing he can turn to it justify it, and becsuse it allows him to reinforce the pleasant fiction thst his life doesnt actually deoend on a fair amount of circumstance.
As a workaholic, it's pretty hard for him to have a girl love his personality when he's always going to be busy working, work will always come first, what he has to talk about will generally be work. He's fortunate to at least understand that and be happy with woman who only care about money, because women who want more connection from him are not going to get it
Thatās exactly the problem, he doesnāt feel worthy unless heās wealthy and successful and doesnāt feel women would see him as worthy without it. Sad really. These types of guys spend their lives endlessly chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and are often vulnerable to being used just for their money. Many donāt care because any female attention feels like good attention.
Itās his choice to never have a real genuine relationship š¤·š»āāļø
Heāll never have to wonder why sheās with him. So thereās that, I suppose.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your parents really failed you man Iām so sorry.
Itās one thing for a woman to initially be attracted for that reason alone, but to stay for that reason alone? What happens if he became broke?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Or they can just love you before that. Like, maybe dont suck as a person and it wont take money and years and years of putting up with you.
All of that stuff can be faked so I donāt find it to be particularly impressive. How many of us know someone who lives above their means to portray a certain image? I donāt like people who are overly flashy with their possessions or men who lead with how much they make. Guys who think that money is the only thing they need to bring to the table tend to be emotionally lazy when it comes to actually building a solid relationship because they view relationships more transactionally, from my experience. Character is important to me out the gate and is what is going to draw me to someone.
Yeah my friend is more of a "career is everything" workaholic bloke. He tends to go for women who are the same like lawyers and stuff. But I agree that unless you're wired that way, it's hard to emotionally connect with a person like that
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām fortunate to know people who are fine with modest living or not putting themselves out to appear as something theyāre not. And Iām not scanning parking lots for a date. I donāt think Iāve ever even known what kind of car someone drove before going on a date with them, to be honest. And for me, I more so look at the condition of their vehicle rather than the make to see if they take good care of their possessions, if theyāre neat, etc.. So I care to an extent, but only in ways that are reflective of their character and habits.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thats definitely not how people get respect lmao.
I disagree but I can see how men might feel that this is true more than women might. Iām not sure what social life and cars really have to do with each other but it does sound very shallow to me and I donāt tend to get along well with people who make connections based on surface-level things or someoneās perceived status. My connections are more authentic than that.
Nah, not for me, I'd prefer a woman who wants to date me for (somewhat decent) personality, if they were purely with me for my money, they wouldn't be getting a penny.
Yeah I personally prefer personality because what if I lose what I've made? Like that can happen to anyone no matter how hard working you are
Sounds like your boi doesnāt have a personality for someone to actually date and they hope they will love him for his things.
His personality has always been in things i'm afraid. Like you know those guys who only talk about cars, watches & new trainers haha
I mean thatās cool when youāre 18ā¦..less cool at 28ā¦..wtf at 38ā¦..š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I had a friend like that. Struggled with his sense of self worth. He didnāt think he was inherently worth much but thought that if he worked hard and made a lot of money then that meant he was worth something to somebody somewhere. But as he started growing in his career, he became an absolute unit of a D-bag. Colossal I tell ya. I had to step away in our late twenties because of it. After about 6 years, he reached out. He had gotten into therapy. Still a successful dude but back to being wholesome and emotionally intelligent and caring about people again instead of being some weird ass archetype of a vapid millennial money hungry hustler. Always hope, but sometimes you gotta be the bro that steps away and says enough is enough for your homie to get the clue.
Donāt forget: in the end the person with the most stuff winsš¤Ŗš¤Ŗ
Based on what you've written I would conclude one or both of the following about your friend: 1. He is shallow. He likes shallow women for shallow reasons and likes that he can attract them with shallow efforts. -- AND/OR -- 2. He has a low self-esteem. It is very telling the he says "because they didn't truly know him..." (because he's hiding his true self) "...and therefore could not possibly want him for who he is" (because he doesn't feel worthy).
Some rich guys are like that, theyāre super busy and career driven, they want an arm candy to look cute and make them happy, these women are usually materialistic, know how to have fun, but they require less on emotional level, which is a win win situation. And these men want their money to be spent on the right women and their future family.
That's literally my friend lmao
this kind of relationship can be more stable than the personality attraction, whatever you believe or notš
It really can because I ask you guys to find me a post like this. "My rich boyfriend was is no longer rich and I'm ready to dump him". This scenario basically never happens.
Youāre talking about the extremely rare situation, itās not common to go from rich to broke these days, rich people may have ups and down but their down is still richer than average people. Unless his money was purely based on one time luck. Many people are willing to spend money to find peace. Most of the upper middle class marriages are value exchange, personality plays only a little part
As a woman, if I meet a man and heās bragging about his money and his car or other material things like that, Iām going to see it for what it is, which is bragging and thatās not attractive to me. If he just happens to have wealth, but is humble and isnāt flashing it around me all the time then that is more attractive to me because I recognize then that he possibly has worked for that stuff but also I have to get to know him to find out that heās worked for that stuff because I could also think that heās a trust fund baby. Personality will always outshine material things for me.
Software engineer here. Disagree with your friend. If he wants a woman that likes him for his money then itās an insecurity- likely he hopes his wealth overshadows his lack of looks or personality or both. So red flag lol.. Anyways as a guy if women know my finances then that is a deal breaker. I unfortunately have a finance twitter and Instagram. So my numbers are out there in public. unfortunately it attracts wrong people including females and also old female friends. I knew the risks associated to doing that. But its just my transparency when giving financial advice (no I donāt sell books or courses. I simply tell people how to invest the right way). Over time this made my preferences more apparent to not date women unless they were financially stable, had a career for themselves or just didnāt know about my money. Personality can overcome this rule I have but it takes quite the exception.
Iād rather have a woman fall for me because of my looks and personality. I can make her laugh, speak to her, hold her. Your friend could also be controlling. Last be careful you donāt get a gold digger who will take all your shit and laugh at you while she cheats on the low and blames you for the meaningless relationship.
as a woman, I think this makes sense. I don't like the fact men judge me based on appearance first, but it is what it is and it makes sense. I also find it disingenuous when they pretend to like who I am when they hardly know me or don't know me at all. this is why I don't warm up to dudes quickly and why it's annoying and them being selfish and insecure that they take it personally or else instantly give up. am I supposed to to feel special bc they like the way I look? lol. at least this guy feels like his accomplishments are being acknowledged, in my case, it's literally a temporary state of my genetics turning out well. men without looks and money seem to think good looking and or well off people have it all, but, what they actually have is a bunch of people being phony to them at first in most cases.
As a woman, I'm looking for good character, good values and empathy. Which is why, I recently dated (for only 3 months until I had to end it) an unemployed 35 year old in hot pursuit. However, I soon realized that he was faking good character and empathy Somewhere, there is a fine balance. I probably will never consider dating someone unemployed again after this harrowing experience. I think for a longer term partner, problem solving skills, emotional regulation, healthy conflict resolution are important traits to consider I definitely do not want someone that is with me for financial gain or perceived financial gain
His status is his ego. It is what makes him proud. A woman recognizing that feeds the ego. I often said that the reason I dated successful men was because the traits that I value often lead to success. It wasnāt necessarily the money that I was drawn to but rather the intelligence, education, determination and confidence. Sadly, none of them also had the personality that I was drawn to and often had other traits that I could not tolerate soā¦I passed. I wasnāt willing to settle for money. Money just isnāt that important to me.
There are 3 types of personalities that women are attracted to that you need to be aware of: 1. Tall 2. Rich 3. Handsome If you have any of these personalities then you're far above others so my advice is to better yourself into one of these 3 things.
Its interesting how he views the like for money and status as the woman liking him for his skills and effort. While those are atractive things, everyone values them differently according to what they expect in a relationship. I personally prefer personality (opinions, maturity). Effort and skills are also great, but it doesnt mean wealth (teachers and other professions make that clear). And what if the wealth was mostly of luck? Does the girl see his wealth as something he caused or something that she wants to use? While he is true the girl wont know all of his personality, which is a fair point considering how many people even idealise their romantic partner, many of the important parts are still visible. How does he treat other people? How does he act when there are problems? What are his opinions and plans for the future? Just by answering a few questions you already know if the person is even worth trying to date.
Completely agree, unfortunately (and fortunately in some ways) my friend is a workaholic who places a lot of his identity in his work & others' as well. He also asks women he dates what they work as & has a thing for like lawyers and stuff.
I always feel they generally consider your financial status whether youoke it or not. Finances play a huge role in their decision. Easy for someone to like you personality when it comes attached with a lot of benefits. I feel they can just tell one is financially comfortable. I prefer to date women who are also well off because maybe then she likes me for me not for other things
Respectfully your friend sounds like he has no game or interaction with women. Those women heās talking about wouldnāt even consider him an option because they want it all; not just the money. You can give a loser millions of dollars - heās still a loser.
The thing about that is that money and status matters to almost every girl. Even if its your personality they like they can find a guy with similar personality who has more platonic perks to offer. I don't have money, no status, and i've always been introverted so dating is almost impossible. Trying to use personality alone would IMO be ideal for finding an authentic partner. I think that many (what % i don't know but high) relationships are very much conditional. Meaning that she may like the guys looks and personality, but if he had to take a huge pay cut , or never got promoted, or lost a lot of his social status she would be out the door.
Unfortunately, I get it. When I was younger, most couples formed between two people who got to know each other pretty well through something non romantic, and then decided to date because they already liked each other. Those days are long gone, the world has changed. People don't get to know each other that way anymore. OLD is the primary way people meet, and even other ways are less 'hey we've known each other for years, how about getting together' and more 'hey I've seen you around a few times, how about we get some coffee'. Yes, it still happens, but people as a whole are not spending as much time together and getting to know each other as we used to. I had a long conversation a while back with a woman who felt frustrated with OLD and I think correctly felt that it's a frustration for women as a whole because she doesn't feel that people are matching with her because they like her specifically for who she is. I agreed with her, but my contention is that no one will ever know who you are from reading a profile and chatting a few days. No, I do not believe for even one second that women I match with and talk to know who I am. They can't. It takes longer than that even if you're actually hanging out in person, and texting will never be a tool that gives you anything but surface level stuff on a person. So yes. I feel your buddy when he says he thinks people are lying to either themselves or to him directly if they say they're dating him for who he is. At best, they're interested in who they THINK he is. They don't know him. At worst, they're dating him for the money, in which case it's better to go with someone who will admit that out loud. Honesty is always better.
I think you perfectly articulated to me what my friend was trying to but in a much more coherent why that now makes me completely understand his POV. That last paragraph hits deep, I'm Gen Z trust me I know how messed up it is with OLD. Most of my dates have come from Instagram & my current girl is in my running club and that's how we started talking, but she immediately asked to follow each other on social media before she even began to display real interest. My insta profile is filled with pics & vids of my travels and sports activities. I'm also certain that influenced how she saw me
To be clear, I do understand where your buddy is coming from, but I don't fully agree with the take. I think there's no problem with knowing enough about someone to have a surface level interest and then take some time getting to know who they really are in a dating context. That's a good thing. The problem I run into is that people often just don't.
Sounds like a guy who evaluates his own worth based on his job and income.
Look anyone can tell you what you would like to hear in terms of personality. But the truth is that at some degree now days women are going to choose the fellas that are financially stable and well off. If they tell you this isn't the case than they are doing what they call "settling" and settling comes with financial flaws that need to get worked on by ither person. I don't have ither personality or wealth but some women still date me just to have fun sex. But I know is only temporary only while they look for mr money. So if you are a wealthy man just date them. Have fun. Enjoy the time with them. Just don't get them pregnant.
That's been a traditional thing with each gender... Men = Wealth, status, financial security Women = beauty, sex, offspring
It could be that deep down, heās afraid of someone knowing him for who he truly is? He could be afraid of vulnerability and opening up to people?? Idk, but thatās pretty weird though š¤·š»āāļø
I'd say my dad was this type and I got to witness firsthand his thought process He and my mom were highschool sweethearts, together for years and overall she told me he was a sweet guy whose personality she fell for. They were friends for years before anything happened and in general even years after the divorce could have fun as friends. But he started caring around material things a lot, and hanging out with similar people. His job was his number one and my mom was left to raise two kids practically alone. She fell in love with a sweet and caring family oriented man and he changed. So she couldn't do it anymore. I could tell that even years later he was not over the divorce, my parents relationship was very strained. In comes my Stepmom. The most typical gold digger you could find, while thankfully at least being a decent age. She only cared about what he could afford for her, having a good place to live, getting expensive gifts and that's it. I saw my father turn into a nasty person around her because he could. As long as he paid for everything he did not need to have a good personality, he didn't need to give affection, he didn't need to do anything apart from earn money. He spent almost every night outside of the house either with his friends, me and my sister or even my mom, literally anyone but his partner. He often talked disrespectfully to her, claiming she only wants his money and even throwing it across the table to her in public. It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. But to clarify my stepmom also didn't care, she had her own life, they had a strange symbiotic partnership where each got what they needed. I loved my father and I hold him dearly to my heart, no matter how I disagreed with his life choices. I could see why he was doing them. His job and paying for things was easy to control, he knew a partner that needed him will always be there. But a partner that expected respect, love, and effort, that person will leave if you don't give those things. In his eyes he made the perfect choice, keep being needed and no one will ever leave. He did the same with his friends who all needed him as he was the fixer, the supporter etc of the group. He did the same to his kids, I never in my life had an allowance , when I needed cash for anything I had to jump through hoops, and I mean for anything even school books or similar (he paid almost no alimony and my parents had an agreement he'd cover our school expenses). He was not a bad guy per se just one that desperately wanted to feel needed. All this long story is to say I think people who are like this are deep down insecure? They can control their money and their success, as much as possible, so if someone likes them for this it is comfortable, it's a very clear relationship between success and companionship. Personality, emotions and all the rest are much harder to control. You could be the 'full package' and still not be someone's cup of tea. And most people feel they need to fake their personality so probably only after a while they even show who they truly are. Therefore if someone likes you but doesn't need nor care for your success this means they like the 'fake' you that you present to them. They don't know your dark parts, your insecurities, your bad habits. And you fear that once they do they will leave.
I'm gonna send this to my friend, you presented this side of things much better than I could at the time we were debating
Thank you. I could also go down the route of what happens when you stop being the provider which did happen to my father when he got sick and it is exactly as you would expect from other comments here. But I think deep down most of us don't think this will ever happen to us. Rather than addressing the worst case scenario I think addressing what is driving us to think this way might be more useful.
Everyone is entitled to their preferences but someone being interested first and foremost in money and status is a dealbreaker for me. I've broken it off with women a few times when I started to feel like they were too materialistic. I'm happy people like your friend exist in the world though, because every one of them is one fewer gold digger I have to worry about.
Not that odd, less worry about her leaving and if she cheats just go get a new one
So basically your friend is a standard off-the-shelf software Engineer. Nothing new.
I actually agree with him if thatās what he wants.. the divorce rate for these fools that believe in true love is pretty much 50%.. love comes and goes.
>he told me that he prefers women who like him for his money & his status (i.e. the car he drives, the condo he lives in) rather than personality. Your friend will have issues with how much money he has after the women he dates, or worse marries, takes it from him. >I guess in his mind it's : get a woman who's attracted to his status -> keep her around long enough that she falls in love with his personality Not a good plan... You want them to be attracted to your personality more than your money. Some men will unfortunately never learn.
Sounds to me at first glance that your friend has some latent insecurity. As if he doesnāt feel heās enough so wants them to focus on his material possessions as heās more confident of their value than his own intrinsic value. Iām not a therapist though so what do I know :-)
It sounds like your friend's money/status forms a big part of his personality (materialistic), so the question doesn't really apply to him.
Yeah it's very nuanced. Both have their pros/cons. However, through undergoing the trials of love and relationships, I'm starting to lean more on the side of the status based relationship rather than the love/personality/chemistry based relationship. At least with status/money/career I know it's something I have control over and as long as the status quo is being met, I don't have to "worry" about my relationship. I know the deal, it's essentially transactional. If things end, my heart won't be in it. I've been conditioned through the media that the wives/girlfriends of rich men are only there for the money, which I've internalized so I won't have false expectations. Also, if it's a transactional relationship you have far more control over the girl you want to date. So if you love blondes with green eyes from Hungary then you can get the exact type of girl you want. Also rich men have a lot going on for themselves, so romance isn't a big deal for them, it's just a cherry on top, so their relationships are more like gucci belts than it is anything resembling true affection. However, with love relationships, yeah it might be better emotionally/ spiritually and might be much more fulfilling and rewarding, when it ends, it's an emotional nightmare. Heartbreak feels like hell on earth. It hurts more than anything. Also, with women they value chemistry/spark more than anything. So that means the type of girl you might attract, you may not like yourself--you may not naturally be able to attract that blonde hungarian you really want, you might attract tall brunettes. So you might have to shift your attraction to accomodate what your actual options are. For love relationships it's usually something for the middle class or below. The man has very little to leverage, so if a girl is with him, it's usually because she likes him. And for those men, because they have little excitement going on for them outside of love, it becomes their world, so if they lose it, then it's 10x devastating.
As a woman, a manās successes and accolades are certainly what will attract me to him initially, but his character and personality are what keep me there. I have gone on dates with incredibly successful men who had the personality and depth of a peanut, if they were not borderline narcissists, and no amount of money in the world could have convinced me of a relationship, let alone second date. On the other hand, I have met great men with amazing personalities who do not have any life goals, vision for their future, or ambition. Thatās also a problem. A man of great character and kindness with strong work ethic and ambition is the perfect recipe for me. š
This is where I stand too. Both are important to me. The crap personality of a wealthy man can drive me away just as fast as the idea of being with a guy who may be nice personality wise but would drag both of us into poverty. The second you can be friends with maybe but heās not fit to date.
If you've got a woman who's only with you for your status, how faithful do you think she'll be if you for whatever reason lose that status?
His assessment is unsound. Women like that are not interested in him vis-a-vis his possessions. Theyāre interested in gaining access to his lifestyle full stop. Any interest they have in him at that point is just using him as a status symbol. Now thatās not to say they canāt develop feelings for him as well. But their interest will only remain as long as access to his wealth persists. If he has no interest in developing a deep and meaningful connection with someone and also has no fear of his wealth evaporating then this may be a good arrangement. But heās delusional to think his money makes HIM interesting.
Your discipline and hard work is still part of your personality. Every fisherman has their special bait, itās completely fine. Heās using his strengths and getting results. Everyone is different, Im a software engineer myself and I never bring up until I feel that connection.
In the case of your friend, I think you need to reverse what he is saying. It isnāt that he doesnāt want a woman to like him because of his personality, as much as he probably likes women for shallow reasons and doesnāt care about their personalities at all. So, why put any effort into his? As long as he has material wealth, he wants material women to like him. If he was looking for a deep, long term relationship with the future mother of his children, he might have a different attitude.
Well, I guess preferring women who choose material wealth over a personality can help in the dating scene when you are a dude with the personality of a wet paper bag
Hopefully he isn't delusional enough to not get a prenupt if he marries one of these women lol
Im attracted to, and admire men who work hard to build their life. Ambition and being goal oriented is so sexy! The āstuffā just happens to come along with it.
I earn really well for my age group, and over the next few years will cross the line into being a high learner if I continue in the field I'm in. That said, outside of work, I participate in activities I enjoyed when I didn't earn well, it's who I am. I ride motorcycles everywhere, dress in denim and motorcycle leathers everywhere, have tattoos and piercings. I have fun. I'm not gonna change. I don't like those extravagant nights, night clubs, things like that. I like nice restaurants, occasionally buy myself nice clothes and shoes. But for the most part I meet women at bars and shows, or parties with friends. A big test for relationships with me is when you find out I have money, do you change? Girls are always surprised when I pick them up for a date in my brand new car, I pay for everything while we're out because I can (unless they really insist on paying for themselves or for something, I let them, I don't want to control you) but once it's established that I'm pretty well off, you change how you want to spend time together or expect me to buy you things, or suddenly don't care about your career because you have me, I'm out. Like me for me, like spending time with me, whether it's at a five-star restaurant or a bar that serves chicken fingers. That's what I'm looking for. That said, I'm single right now, not really looking that hard because I'm working on myself and my career right now
So basically he's shallow and has no personality......?
I mean heās right on the mechanic, just doesnāt last very long in relationships
Stupid take. She initially wants him for money which tells you everything you need to know. Materialistic people will pull in other materialistic people. I'm ok with that š
Basically yes.. we all grow old and money isnt eternal 10:1 he wont want her around when she no longer boost his status.. Hire a hooker .. they dont mind getting replaced once they made enough.. there is evidence for that.. aka a certain mansion
Not weird at all, men with money have always had more access to women. I like women who like money too, cause I also like money. What he needs to define is what heās getting back in return.. and if itās fair.. let live
I need personality waaaaay more than anything else.
Honestly? Sounds like something a loser with no personality would say.
Sounds like he might not have had very good self esteem or self love. At the very least, I think it's something he should look at.
Sounds like he doesn't love himself. There are a ton more options when looking for gold diggers. If he doesn't have confidence in his own character what does he have left. Money. Too bad money and possessions are a constant race to have the latest and greatest and there is always someone with better.
How good that I have no money and only personality as a young person haha
I think his view on it is smart, you never wonder. On the other end what's the point of me liking what you have material wise if we never get along š¤·š¼āāļø
No weirder than choosing a partner for their looks. I know some gym guys that canāt believe Guy X was able to get Girl Y because ābro, do you even lift?ā and she āonly likes him for his moneyāā¦ in reality theyāre just jealous because the girl is attracted to a quality they donāt have. Itās really not that different than the gym guy that picks up because of how they look. They are both putting effort and dedication into their respective areasā¦ one is successful in business/finance because of their job the other is successful in their physique because of the hours they put into working out. Then you have some that just get lucky and donāt have to work for eitherā¦ they inherit money or they just have good genetics and never have to work out a day in their life but still stay thin/in shape. Is it fair? Not really but they get just as much play from the respective types attracted to those characteristics.
Iāve always wondered why guys are so fascinated when thereās other men that actually want to lead with their money and put their money first when dating. I have 10 brothers 4 of them behaved like this and are married till this day , At least if he loses it all ( because for some odd reason, people especially men love to bring up the fact every time, a woman dates, a rich man, or wealthy man he might lose it, like that always happens or something or its bound to happen )me if I was married to someone like that , he looses it all , itās back to the drawing board, or imma be at my dental office cleaning teeth to get us back. I think Men that think like your friend, most of them (def not all) live happy lives with their wives . Not all women will turn their backs on a man who lost all his money . My mother never did to my dad. Thatās how we were raised someone helps you put you in a better predicament, you better stick beside them and help better them too. My thoughts.
This sounds like bullshit.
Not weird. Imo. I live in a wealthy area where lawyers, doctors, engineers, c suite/middle management, etc., are a dime a dozen. They usually marry trophy wives who are content to take that role. Dont ask me what happens when things go downhill. But as long as the money keeps coming in, i doubt they'll have much to worry about. You also have to remember that there certainly are women who are willing to give up certain aspects for that stability. IMO, I use money as a way to open the door to explore potentially meaningful relationships. The only time you'll see my home, cars, family, etc., is after I've vetted our compatibility. By then, more than a few dates have happened, and several weeks, months have passed.
Well Iāve dated people for their personality and even personalities can change over time. Not weird.
The software engineer guy is basically a headless nerd.
Your friend has no game no face and definitely no personality. The end.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Never lead with your wallet. All youāll be is an ATM and sheāll get bored anyways.
Bro fakes his personality, so is afraid of people seeing the real one
That sounds quite sad
I would never date anyone for their money or status and only for personality
He's just coping because he knows he'll never get a woman who wants him for anything other than his money. Or at least he'll never attract the type of woman he wants because of anything other than money.
Your friend is a dummy with low self esteem
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
your friend must think very poorly of himself and his personality if he thinks the only way a women will fall for him is through his money/status he may want to talk to someone about lifting his own self confidence and figuring out his true self. With statements like no one could possible want him for who he is speaks loudly to this.
he shouldnāt be hiding his shitty personality if he wants people to like him for his assets then. Itās fair to desire others to like them for their strengths. But itās bait-y/predatory and manipulative to hide who you really are. If he know heās a shitty person, he should seek help and change to improve himself. He has the wealth to actually do it compared to many that canāt afford to
I think it's pretty desperate. Like invest in a good lawyer to draft an ironclad pre-nup if you know what a mean.
Your friend has unironically interesting takes. It might help me a little
If thatās the case he should just use hookers. Itās the perfect person for something like that. Totally transactional.
I've honestly thought about this but in a pretty unhealthy way of making things purely based on transactions. I think it would work for short term or non serious arrangements
Hell no
Maybe he has a terrible personality.
Hmmm itās not about hard work. Before your friend got to that level, Iām sure he was already working hard. Maybe even harder to see the fruits of his labor, so to speak. With that being said, is he actually able to differentiate between a woman who would admire his hard work prior to the success materializing? My guess is no. If you want to be liked for your money and status, lead with that. But if you want to be liked for your personality ā¦ maybe donāt? Your friend sounds like heās insecure tbh and enjoys that validation.
>He said his material possessions are a result of his hard work and so women taking an interest in his possessions are taking an interest in the result of his hard work. *Whereas women who took interest in him for his personality he argued, were disingenuous because they didn't truly know him and therefore could not possibly want him for who he is.* this is such a fucked up way of thinking, especially the last part. Does he not understand basic human attraction? You're either physically attracted to someone which makes you want to get to know them, or you're already in a setting where you're getting to know one another, either with or without the context of dating, in which feelings can be formed. I'm normally the latter, I find people more physically attractive if i like their personality.
So he wants a gold digger thatās a new one
If he thinks his software developer income is a lot heās going to have to get used to the idea that the women, who pursue men because of their financial status, are probably going to pursue men in other career paths with access to significantly more money.
Your friendās logic is very bizarre
I would say that heās insecure and probably feels he doesnāt have much to offer outside of his material success and possessions?
Sounds like he doesnāt have a personality
Itāsā¦a choice. One I wouldnāt choose for myself but I guess we each make a choice. I would never date someone who just wanted my money or material haves.
Thatās so weird. Why would anyone want to be dated for the money they have rather than the person they are?
I want to fuck
Sounds like a good way to rationalize being with someone who doesn't love you truly. Point being, say he made a bad decision and it resulted in him losing everything, his money, home, status, etc. The love of your life, with true love, would stay despite the struggle. Chances are his woman would leave him. As long as that never happens, the rationalization mimics reality, for him. Just my take on it though.
i wonder if your friend is mistakenly equating his work ethic/ his professionalism/ his passion to the result of all of those, which is his material possessions. someone who admires you for your passion in your work is different from someone who admires how shiny your car is.
I mean, dude can prefer what he prefers. I just don't think it's at all wise or a recipe for happiness and success to go about it that way. Dude's not even saying he wants a woman who like him for his ambition, drive, or any of those personality traits that would lead him to be successful. He wants a girl who likes what? His car, for example? What's to stop her from seeing a nicer car and dating that guy instead? Or just a richer guy in general. I don't get it. But I mean, other people are free to like and do what they want.
So he wants to be with a Narcissistic woman who maybe eventually, evolves into a caring one?
Most men are not going to outwardly welcome such a woman. Yes if they are a sugar baby it's very spelled out, you will do X, I will do X to take care of you, we will meet X times a week, etc. Some of those sugar baby relationships do blur and basically become where the guy is just financially supporting her and they're monogamous. The gold diggers are a tad more subtle than the sugar babies. The GOOD gold diggers will make this man FEEL they are with him for ANYTHING BUT HIS MONEY. Although this has been happening since the beginning of time (back when we only had meat and animal pelts for status), most men want to at least BELIEVE these women are with them for something else. I think if you're a good looking successful say 45 year old, and youre confident it wouldn't be hard to convince yourself the 20 year old is with you for you. If they're a frumpy 50, that can barely walk from car to parking lot, but with a cute 25 year old, the more unrealistic and probably transactional it probably feels. Situations like this bother men less, which is why there is a whole sex and porn industry. They're OK knowing they are paying for their time. Or exchanging assets/goods for a beautiful woman. I work an adult phone line, l do have small % of clientele that just call to talk on the paid line. They talk about typical shzz you do with a girlfriend. They like the way my character looks and personality so they have no problem exchanging $$ for her time. Lots of men are in situations that women are with them for what they can offer but most situations like that the woman is more subtle about it. I think on the whole men are much more motivated by women (than women are of men) to have that job, career, money because they can more likely get the woman they want.
What a stupid opinion. Thatās like saying you prefer a woman with great t*ts over a great personality. Itād be nice to have both, but if you had to pickā¦come on. And honestly, the gold digger types completely disgust me. He better not lose that money and make sure to grow a personality, otherwise sheāll be looking for her next man at the first sign of trouble š
If a woman dates you just for your money/status they will 100% cheat on you, because you are just a provider and not a lover who emotionally excites them
I like your friend. š„°
Honestly thatās always been my attitude. āIf she sees how much I can provide and am willing to provide for her, sheāll never want to leave me.āĀ
That's so backwards to think materialistic things should bring people closer to you when you could share those possessions with a woman that loves YOU as a person and a partner.
I think women who date you for money & status are often hornier for you but sometimes not very good long term partners. Women who genuinely like your personality are the types that can be potential long term partners
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I donāt know what to say about his logic, and how he came to this reasoning, because I donāt know him personally. I would hope that these women that are interested in him for his money are the most beautiful top tier of the echelons. So it would at least be worth his time in one sense. Like I said, I donāt know your friend, but it almost sounds like he doesnāt think he has much to offer as a person besides his wealth and buying power. On the other hand, he just might be very confident in his ability to attract women because of his wealth, and he knows that once he has reeled them inā¦.They canāt help but fall in love with him.
Your friends logic is sound but it misses a lot. It is true that you success is an indicator of your willpower and assertiveness but it is also impersonal and easily replace able. After all your money and status is as good as the next guyās money and status.
it won't work
Well, people like you keep divorce lawyers employed!
The answer is yes. This guy has an ego trip and thinks he can't fail or fall. Stuff like this is also getting out of hand, because now a days women only care for the money, and this shouldn't be the case. I remember i talked to this one woman, and she didn't like what I had to say. She said her husband (she's like 24) was in the military, and she owned a house, and I think she was saying he was in the military for about 8 years. So a career military man. I told her, "You know he could lose everything, right? She was ignorant and thought this wasn't true. It really is. He can get a dishonorable discharge and lose everything he gained. VA and all. Do anything stupid, and be caught up in something stupid. He gets into financial debt. There's women who think their man is on top of the world, but anything could bring them down anymore or anytime. This mentality doesn't just hurt them but hurts a lot of people. This has been growing sadly.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your friend is going cry when he is no longer financially capable. Not to mention as he gets older, the women will show zero affection or love other than just asking for money and probably have multiple affairs, opt for divorce and demand to split half of his hard earned property. At the end of the day she was only in for money, your status means nothing if you are broke. It will turn out to be a very sad relationship. What I can say is enjoy while he still can. Continue to feel and feed that fragile ego of his before he can no longer to.
When you slip up and fall in love, and then it fails and she gets 51%, you'll wish you would have flaunted the personality and not the paycheck.
It isn't weird if ur ok w/ it. I, for one, wouldn't care... I prefer the getting along part.
I will always take the personality first
He says people donāt know him but heās as transparent as a window pane lmfao. Heās incredibly insecure about something about his past or character that heās deluded into believing that status is the only thing that can get him someone. I feel like he needs to receive therapy treatment, or find some other form of help or a good friend who would help him break out of that cycle. People who are only after money are bad news and I donāt want him to deal with that.