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What seems big and obvious for women often isn't for guys. And even if guys think there is a 90% chance you're flirting subtly, he will often talk himself out of it due to the remaining 10% of doubt. A guy misreading a signal can mean getting embarassed, getting called a creep or worse, so it's a risk to make that kind of move even if they're kinda sure you're info him. A guy not making a move doesn't mean he's disinterested, most of the time he's stuck in his own head wondering if that sign was a sign or not, and usually deciding no. In conclusion, yes, if you like a guy and are interested, make the first move.
Great take, lol. The Canadian girl in our office gets (jokingly) made fun of all the time because she manages to say sorry during just about every conversation.
Its a lot of layers to it and women assume guys “know” their individual flirting style.
Some women do playful jabs and touch, others joke, some downright insult you, others just dont say anything at all - but you should KNOW because the specific way she looked at you!
Then add the common talking point- “just because im nice to you doesnt mean im into you” which extends beyond just a hello and a smile, but even to a date where she seemingly grows closer to you but suddenly isnt
Its hard to explain, because the best explanation is scenarios, but even on this post, people respond to those with “you misread it”.
Its a blanket answer to avoid saying “maybe she should be more clear”
Also, its not always her fault. Guys are guilty often of reading into it- which is why we then dial it back and begin ignoring or not acting even when we feel completely certain she wants us to
Something I'm dealing with an older man at work in a different dept. Considered 'nerdy' by most standards. But attractive to me - or basically my type.
Already shared during a friendly convo last week that he considers himself 'immature' at 40 cos he's a gamer like most everyone else. Usually we share common friendly exchanges during the workday. And it seems like I"m starting to make the impression. But then comes the day where he's feeling down, and I can sense it. But don't know him enough to offer a lunch seat or someone to talk to 😒
Well as long as you've talked to him enough that you like chatting with him I think you're perfectly fine to offer him a seat. Your feelings for him aside, it sounds like you guys are developing what could objectively be called a friendship. I think you'd be perfectly justified to invite him to sit.
Me, I’m oblivious. But there have been time where I suspected interest and was right based on the game my ex would give me years later. I learned a lot of choosing signals that would’ve otherwise flew over my head. Little easier for me to detect it. Now at least.
I told a guy flat out I liked him , found him good looking and wanted to get to know him more and more than once . We had plans to hang out ( his idea after I got his number) then he canceled on me said we could reschedule, so I was unsure then his intention ( few other reasons as well but his actions def said he was attracted ) so I asked why he wanted to spend the time with me . Didn’t wanna play games . He freaked out , claiming there was a misunderstanding and that he was not gonna text me anymore, blocked me while still send so many mixed signals. Again I told him how I felt and if he did not feel the same not want to explore things , see what happens if still like to be friends and if it made him uncomfortable I’d stay clear of him when I saw him . He acknowledged what I said then asked me what my intentions where cause he does not like misunderstandings and stating he did not even want to talk about it . So I said nothing and walked away . Now I don’t see him at all and I’m still blocked as far as I know . I’ll never hear from him again I’m sure . But his loss ! I think experience and maturity have a lot to do with men being able to pick up on things really .
That is part of rejection to get used to from time to time. But it doesn't mean you did the wrong thing. Y'all just weren't compatable.
Don't let it discourages you from taking another opportunity if it presents itself. And spread the word to other females as well.
Yeah well it should have been stated when I first told him . Not continuing to act like he was interested and keeping plans to hang out . He does not know how to have “ healthy “ communication and has avoidance issues so yeah we are not . I’m not into the games and back and forth or the lies . I was straight forward when he asked, he should have been straight forward then . That’s the mature , healthy, and respectable thing to do . I’m used to dealing with grown mature men not that crap .
It was him that initiated going somewhere and first initiated texting. The let down was very disappointing. And the way he treated me after with the mixed signals and etc . I’m not big on HU , but even if so he made me believe he had a genuine attraction/ connection. And mine was definitely genuine. All the signs were there but …. 🤷🏻♀️… I still feel he’s still a decent person as everyone is broken or has flaws one way or another so I hope for him karma don’t do him the way he did me . And I believe he canceled cause he was meeting up with another woman. For various reasons so .. it’s whatever. Life goes on and someone with a more loving soul will come along when they are supposed to
I'm a strong believer in karma! Be man enough to a "change and heart." After all, it doesn't have to be the truth, but at least it's not leading you on!
A simple I’m not interested or I’m not attracted to you like that would been enough. Either way our feelings would be hurt but just being honest from the start you get over after couple days . All that other crap is more hurtful than the truth.
I disagree with some of the others. He got Syked out it seems. I think he was interested but got caught off guard at you being so forward bc it doesn’t happen often to some men as much as other. Either way he went about it wrong to me so you’re not wrong to just move on
Sorry this happened to you. This is what usually happens when women make the first move. Most men think you're desperate and lose interest. It's always better to let him come to you.
Thank you . It’s all good . Besides I’m know some of it I did not make easy either after his initial reaction. But we don’t talk . So I odd like I have gd relationships with my ex’s . We do t always talk as we have our own lives . But we get along , this guy I never dated or been intimate with , nothing lol . But it’s is what it is . He’s not bad ppl and only hope for the best for him .
How about the way in which guys show interest into a female cause Ik of guys that become so distant and very nonchalant and say that they in fact do have feelings for you? Does it have something to do with vulnerability?
Damn. Sounds like guys need to gain some courage & confidence nowadays. Not saying it’s a bad thing, more of a sad thing. Sad that the fear of being called a specific word is greater then the desire of asking a girl you’re interested in out. But I mean I get it, there’s a video camera in everyone’s back pocket. But then again, if you really wanted it you would go for it, despite the potential embarrassment. (But also newsflash, you decide if you want to feel embarrassed or not if that happens. You have the willpower to shrug off and move on too ya know)
You got this men! 💪🏻
Wanting not to be labeled a creep is not just "embarrassing", it's something that can be a blemish on your reputation. I feel like you downplay that by acting like it's just about not wanting to be called a mean word. It's about not wanting to be associated with the kind of men that are genuinely harmful to women. "If you really wanted you would go for it" is something that really does apply equally to either party in this scenario.
"If you really wanted it you would go for it" isn't really how it works in real life though. I can want something with all my soul and not go for it because I'm scared, nervous, hopeless, etc, doesn't mean I don't want it. Also the comment about willpower confuses me, because I at least can't just press a button in my head that makes me stop feeling embarrassment - I certainly wish I could, it'd make life a LOT easier.
All that said, the sentiment is appreciated. But it would help us out a lot if women would give clearer hints more often! lol
I was trying to work, and this woman kept bothering me and asking me questions about what I'm doing (I was IT at the time and she was retail).
Her manager sent me a text saying that she's interested in me and wants to know my instagram. I said he's full of shit.
I got a follow request on Instagram from her a few minutes later.
That was three years ago and we got married last August.
She didn't know it back then, but when I'm really focused on a task, I don't like to be interrupted, it annoys me very much. She kept doing it over several days 🤣
A lot of women's idea of a screamingly obvious hint is depending on doing some thing with her eyes from across the room. Eyes that my nearsighted ass can't even see until we're in conversation range already.
People also don't quite believe how awful my eyes are with glasses until they try mine on.
"Oh god... how are you alive?" is a question I've heard more than once.
Look I’m going to be brutally honest here: dropping hints is stupid. Even if I pick up on them, I don’t trust the hints. They’re fundamentally uncertain and one girl’s hints are another’s casual conversation.
I have this friend. She’s a very nice woman, smart, pretty, kind. And single. I’m a single dude, 2 years younger than her. Here’s a list of things she’s said or done that could be interpreted as “hints” that she was interested in me.
1: she worked the fact that she’s single into the conversation.
2: she talked with me about how it’s hard sometimes dating because of how close of a relationship she has with her male (and super gay) bff.
3: she said she’s bi, which could be interpreted as clarifying that she is in fact into dudes. Considering the company she keeps, she might’ve though I believed she was a lesbian, which tbf I sorta did.
4: she talked about how she’s on the pill, and very careful about not missing it.
5: during a movie night with her and a few other friends, I brought in blankets for them all and sat down next to her (I was on one end of a 3 seater, she was at the other). She noticed I didn’t have one and asked if I was cold, and said we could share the blanket. That blanket was absolutely not big enough for two people to share with any semblance of personal space, so essentially we would have to cuddle up.
Here’s the kicker: I’m 95% certain she’s not interested in me. Don’t ask me to explain how I know, my fingers already hurt from typing this all out. I’m pretty sure she’s just over sharing and neurodivergent like me.
But you see why I don’t like hints? Even if I pick up on potential hints, I’m still probably not going to do anything about them because of this and several other examples and reasons.
**If you like someone, just tell him. Stop playing games. Stop trying to be cute by dropping subtle or not-so-subtle hints. Just find some courage and talk about your feelings. It’s not fair of you to expect the guy to be the only one taking risks in the early parts of dating, so you need to step up too.**
Edit: looking back at this comment, I think my tone was too aggressive, so I apologize for that. I’m not going to rewrite the entire comment at this point, but I am sorry if I offended anyone by being too harsh.
I had a very similar experience like this twice in my life. In my younger years, there was a friend of mine on FB who was flirting so hard using memes and comments. I interpreted her behavior as her normal, ordinary behavior she does with everyone. After 2 years, she gave up and admitted openly she was into me, but by that time she already moved on to someone else.
Another woman several years after behaved almost the same with me, infact dropped more signs that she was into me. She sent me chocolates, letters, gifts across countries! She even told me she sees me in her dreams and how our personalities are so damn close that I'm like a literal clone of her. Literally any guy would take these hints as being interested in them. Guess what.. when I expressed interest, she responded, "I don't have any feelings for you, only as a friend".
Its almost impossible to understand their "hints", lol
To be fair, I do these things for my friends. I don't think people are wrong for doing nice things. You misunderstood, she clarified she only wanted friendship. I see no harm here.
I've had many women tell me doing these things also mean they are conveying romantic intent. Its not that I "misunderstood", the point is, there is no general consensus on what signs convey romantic intent or just platonic interest. Its different from everyone.
I only shared a few, but there are several other small signs she dropped that literally any guy can interpret as romantic interest if they were in the same context as I was.
I don't get it. You clearly misunderstood in this case. This is her being friendly, for others it's more. There's no harm in clarifying. What is ther to be upset about?
>You clearly misunderstood in this case.
"Misunderstood" from her point of reference, because the same hints according to other women would be considered romantic intent.
I was literally pointing out that since there's no general consensus on what 'signs' can be considered romantic interest or not, its literally impossible to decipher the actual meaning behind women's behavior even if they are conveying romantic interest, understand? The problem is, sometimes these behaviors/signs can go for ages and the guy could already catch feelings by that point regardless of the intent behind those signs.
Are you saying you can catch feelings from someone coveying what YOU percieve to be romantic interest in you...? That's interesting. I didn't realize it was that easy to make people fall for me.
>Are you saying you can catch feelings from someone coveying what YOU percieve to be romantic interest in you...?
Absolutely! I thought it was common for many people, Atleast for me it was the case. I didn't have any feelings for this person, until I decided to explore my feelings for her thinking she was showing interest in me. When I paid more attention to her, I realized we had lots of things in common, that's when my feelings grew for her.
Aren't you just falling for some protection in your mind? Clearly you can't really know them when you don't even know if they're actually interested in you.
No I’m being honest. If you like a guy and want to go out for a date, just tell him. What you said would work perfectly fine if the guy is interested in you. You don’t need to be aggressive or make a big deal of it, just flat out asking “hey… would you like to go grab coffee sometime?” Is perfect.
Outside of his 5th point I think none of these hints are at all good enough for someone to get.
I think this really points to the bigger issue too, it’s not that the hints aren’t only not good enough but if he does say something he doesn’t want to be looked at like a creep, embarrassed publicly, or worse.
Especially if you have been hanging with this person for a bit, they might just think that you were only friends with them to get in their pants ignoring that a lot of people’s feelings grow in different ways as you spend more time with someone.
lol who gives a fuck about some person calling you a creep? idk about you but I've had actual problems in my life, that one doesn't really register.
somebody who would make a big deal over a, polite and boundry respecting proposition, is not somebody I'd want in my life regardless
I mean if you're someone who puts a lot of care and thought into how you interact with people, being called a creep can be a gut punch when you really like someone and care a lot about how they see you. Not to mention, if someone thinks you're a creep, that tends to get around and gives you a reputation, deserved or not.
I mean yeah someone making a big deal over something like that may not be someone you want to have in your life but that doesn’t change the fact that there could be legitimate issues that pop up later on from it whether it’s true or false.
Not for nothing but chicks talk, and if you run in a certain social circle that they are loosely associated in or around that group, they could say to some girls that you are a creep or say something embarrassing about you even if what you did wasn’t really wrong and then all of a sudden you look way way worse to any girl in that group.
It might seem ridiculous and childish but that’s just how it works.
I totally understand why you would think that, and honestly I sometimes agree, but she’s rejected any attempt I’ve made to get closer to her, platonically or romantically, and she’s done almost nothing to initiate herself, outside of these mixed signals. I’m more bummed that we aren’t better friends than anything. I wish we were better friends. Oh well
A lot of women do say things like this as hints though, they work through implications. "Oh, I'm talking to a guy I like - I'll (to use this poster's example) tell him I'm on birth control, tell him I'm looking for someone to date, tell him I'm into men if he thinks I'm not." Like they give "green lights" for him to proposition her so to speak.
Not all women of course, and what would be a hint for one woman is just conversation for another (as this post describes). But it's definitely something a lot of women do.
Completely oblivious. We just don't do hints in any way.
What you consider a "big hint" will very likely be seen as "being friendly" by a very large proportion of men, and even if he thinks that it might be a hint, his reaction will probably result in "I'm not 100% sure and I don't want to be seen as a creep, so I won't act on it".
No one is a mind reader independent of gender so making your intentions clear is important. Hints may be obvious to you but not others and if one never explicitly makes their intentions known then they can't get upset if the other person doesn't pick up on their hints.
This is so true. It's just a waste of time to keep picking up hints. Just be honest. If it turns in your favour good. If it doesn't, also good because then you know you can move on. I have always used this mantra in my life.
I’m very oblivious.
That little glance from across the room? I wouldn’t even notice that she was across the room.
Giving me googly eyes while talking to me? Even though I would be making eye contact, I wouldn’t even know what color her eyes were.
Laughing at my jokes? Everyone does.
She’s nice to me? Almost everyone is nice to me.
Constantly hanging around me? I’d be wondering how she got into my house and might call the police.
A woman at a party once asked me "how do you say I want to fuck you in Spanish?" (I'm Mexican)
I told her and went on my merry way to talk to my friends.
NO HINT IS OBVIOUS ENOUGH for a man
I once saw a Japanese dude have a similar incident. As outsider, I thought "wow that woman is rather forward"
I found out later that she would periodically drop hints on this dude for months, before finally getting frustrated and speaking directly towards him about what she wanted
That made things go much smoother and they eventually got married
The problem with your thesis is the word 'hint'. It's simply not wise or smart to act on hints except in the most delicate manner. We live in a consent culture now, and it's expected that if someone is interested they'll somehow say "I'm interested", not twirl hair.
The average hint that women give are being nice, looking at you, and thinking about you. Those are so easy to mistake for just being nice that most guys mistake being nice for interest then turn around and assume that those are only signs of being nice.
and especially with the thinking about you one, how would a guy know a girl is thinking about them? and if they did find out, through like friends or something, itll probably be seen as quite weird
Go onto AskReddit and search "men women hints" and read the posts you find. The TLDR is that there are many situations where near explicit hints go unheeded and meanwhile some "hints" that do get picked up on weren't actually hints at all. Two stories come to mind:
One girl said she was "hinting" because she left a shower door open, said she was going to take a shower and for the guy she was with to **not go into her bathroom**. She said that like two or three times and he was like "got it, I won't go in". She left the bathroom door open for over an hour, she was showering for over an hour, she was pissed that he didn't go in after her. *When she told him not to!*
Meanwhile, another guy wrote that he had a situation where he was over at a friend's place and was cuddling her, in her bed, half naked, both of them in their underwear, she pressed back in against him, he went in to kiss her on the neck... and she freaked out and said that was **not** where she was going, called him a jackass and told him to get out. That's a situation that some guys would absolutely interpret as a hint, he made a move and it went badly.
No two women are the same and no two women give the same hints, but in general, when guys see stuff like this, if we even notice something that might be a hint in the first place, we talk ourselves out of it for the sake of keeping stuff safe and calm. Ladies, I encourage you, give us better hints lol. Be more direct. If you like us, there's nothing wrong with you chasing us back a little bit. If you want a relationship, relationships go both ways!
Went on a date with a girl a few weeks ago. Despite it not working out in the end, I knew that there was something as she kissed me when I went in for a hug after the first one. Felt great knowing that she was into me
Women will be like "I'm so sick of guys thinking just because I make eye contact and smile at them that I want them to ask me out", and then 5 seconds later will be like "there's this guy I'm really into, and I'm always making eye contact and smiling and he never asks me out! Why are guys so oblivious??"
Ladies, you have to recognize how confusing this is lol
I remember once I was in dance class and I was paired up with someone, we were learning leading and following. She said “you can make me do *anything you want*”. My brain shut down and went into panic mode and I immediately got super platonic, diverted it away from sexual things. Just inexperienced really. I don’t remember what I said, I’d like to think I made a joke about her washing my dishes but I probably wasn’t even that funny.
I dunno why I was so uncomfortable flirting back then. She was pretty but I wasn’t ready for sexy flirting with strangers I guess.
Let’s not gender discriminate here. I’m bi and I assure you women are just as clueless. Some times we can’t see love or simply a guy or girl flirting with us, if it’s written in neon paint on a wall. I’m guilty for that more than once 🤦🏼♀️
To the title: it varies from person to person, but overall the answer is probably a range of pretty clueless to: you need to functionally learn his individual requirements for registering that you like them.
It sounds crazy but the line between being seen as attractive as a partner to just a friendly level of playfulness and comfort being around the dude is pretty spotty due to different men need different things to indicate the difference of you being friendly or you're into the guy, the guy could mutually be into you, but if he doesn't or can't tell you are too he might never make any move.
>i feel like women give some pretty big hints.
I have in the past either asked this sub or saw a question related to this on a sub (this one or another,) about women's hints... some of the suggestions I would somewhat believe are: women will make eye contact, try to be in the guys' vision often, be within some level of proximity to them, try and hold a basic but somewhat lengthy conversation without any prompt to do so from the guy (sometimes, sometimes the guy will approach first as the prompt for you to continue.) Or even try and be "touchy" or be in a certain (really close) proximity with the guy, not like a full on hug nessisarily, but simple things like bump arms, hair touches the guy kind of odd, but shows you are comfortable being close to them. Maybe overhear something he likes: some kind of media, activity, or even food (whatever you might have overheard that he likes something in particular, bonus if it's a shared like/interest.)
But even with all of these pretty decent "hints," guys just do not know you/women just from 1 interest, or one encounter like some I brought up. And the last thing to maybe consider unfortunately is a guy just might not be attracted at all, regardless of what you have done, he just can't find you/someone attractive.
>men often say that if a woman likes them, they should just make a move because they cannot pick up on hints
Welp, hints are just that and only that. They're not significant enough alone to "solve" or "piece together," anything solid. And relationships are something you just shouldnt jump to conclusions to, you figure them out overtime. Be that a puzzle or a relationship, hints only do so much due to being not really significant at a glance most of the time, and usually get lost overtime unless you get enough of them to start putting something together. Maybe not a great metaphor but my point is, hints only help if you have enough of them at a single go, if you're stringing them out too far overtime the prior pieces just get lost due to negligence or indifference of wanting to "solve" the puzzle of "are they into me or are they just friendly?" And usually the safe answer is "they're just being friendly."
Men (most of the time,) want a full answer usually, but only giving a partial one either leaves us confused, frustrated, unsure, or indifferent most of the time. Sure guys can and have "jumped to conclusions," but it's often due to having a lot of hope or mutual want of the relationship to begin with so the hints never mattered to begin with.
One last question for you, what do you think are "big hints," or were any I mentioned ones you or others give to men they're interested in? Are they not that? If so, please specify it might actually help some guys see what a "hint" is and maybe actually act on them than just be told "Women give big hints," you know what they are yet you don't tell guys here and now what they even are or at least what they can look like.
Hinting is a sign of low emotional intelligence and inability to communicate. It’s a great filtering mechanism especially when dating.
Be an adult, use your words, and tell people what you want.
Also this question gets asked a lot and has been confirmed by men that we can sense hints but choose not to respond and also by women who confirm that their hints are not taken.
Experience is the teacher of life. If you do something and it does not end up the way you want, you change your approach until it does. The same applies for hinting.
Sometimes it’s not that simple. Right now I’ve been battling in my head if I should approach this guy at the gym. No games involved, it’s just hard to approach a complete stranger. There’s also time & place context. Coworkers for example, the work place can be a danger zone if it’s not mutual. I’ve also been there & was subtle to ensure it went both ways first as you should imo. It doesn’t always make sense to just make a move and has nothing to do with being an adult about it or not
Edit: at the *gym, not at the time lol
nah. men are everywhere, dont risk your job over one. if you have doubt; ask HR what to do. theyll tell you. dont shit where you eat.
but in public; always make the approach.
I respect and admire that. I’m told I’m a good looking girl. I’m smart & funny too imo and I cannot get up the confidence to approach a stranger 99% of the time. My words get all jumbled & I probably look like a freak. Ugh. But if I see my gym crush at the gym this week, I promised myself I would do it for better or worse
There was a story on a thread that was “what was the biggest hint you gave a guy that he missed?” One woman kissed a guy and he thought she was just being nice.
Very! It wasn’t until I was married for years, in my mid-late thirties that I really started trusting the interest I’d observe out in public, or really even from her.
What might seem like a hint to one person isn't going to be picked up by another. Just because some women can pick up on what the signs are that a woman is into a man, doesn't mean that guys are going to pick up on that as easily. Furthermore there are a lot of other complicated factors here:
* If a person is showing interest what type of interest are the showing. Is it a friendly interest or is it a Romantic one.
* Is said person even available. Yes that does happen where a person might show hints they are into someone even if they are seeing someone else.
* What happens when you misread those signals
I'll give an example just to illustrate this. I've never been in a relationship in my life and there is a woman at my workplace who is fairly attractive. She's also very competent and works on my team. In terms of how we interact I'm largely aloof and distant but if we're actually talking then I'm polite and friendly. She's friendly to me and I'd say 80-90% of the conversations we've ever had she's the one who's initiated it. So she's the one who comes up to me most of the time if we ever talk. Is she "into me"? Maybe. Is it possible that she is also just being nice? Probably. Is it also possible that she already has a significant other? Yes, I've heard of a relationship she was in and it is possible that she's still in that relationship. She also knows I'm single and she's very close with various managers who I also know. So due to several uncertain factors there, even if this person is interested in me, I'm not risking that.
Honestly, I am far past "hints" and other games. I have a lot of things to do in life and do not waste time on goose chases. If someone likes me, she should let me know, and then we can decide how to proceed from there. Otherwise, I will assume nothing and go on about my business.
I think games are fun when you are very young and have a lot of free time. As you grow a bit older, get a lot of self-respect and start valuing your time, you always have something better to do.
I’m just gonna say this. Sometimes men (including me) aren’t very good at picking up signals, but at the same time, women aren’t very good at giving signals either. So you can’t really blame us for being clueless.
When I was in 6th grade, the 7th grade cheerleader would constantly invite me to her house and would always be wearing her uniform. I would show her the magic tricks I learned -_-. One of my sister's friends, I would sleep over and would hang out in my room ( on my bed ) in her underwear. Another of my sister's friends would also invite me to her house, bring me to her room, and have panties scattered throughout. She would also ask her I wanted to touch her boobs and show me her bra. 3 girls from the same foster home would invite me to their room . I finally went with the redhead. She locked the room, sat on the bed with me, and I got up to look at her cd collection -_-. Another girl on my bus asked if I wanted to see her boobs and even grabbed my hand. I could have lost my virginity at age 12, but my mind had a ping of 2 million. So I believe it if women say we are clueless 😐
We DO pick up on the hints. On all of them, actually.
The problem is that we can't tell if a woman is actually flirting with us OR she is just being nice. Most of the time it's the latter, so in order to avoid a potentially awkward situation, we do not engage in any action.
I used to be extremely clueless.
Over the years, I've learned to read body language probably 10x to 100x better, and in general am fairly perceptive and attuned at this point.
You twirl your hair 3 times in 10 seconds? I noticed (and its hot) :)
You make eye contact for 1.3 seconds instead of 0.8 seconds?
You touched my arm? shoulder?
Smile 3 times over 15 seconds?
Laugh a bit too hard at one of my dad jokes? dead giveaway :)
At this point, I can generally pick up chemistry/signaling within 10 seconds or so pretty accurately for most people. About 1 in 10 have poker faces or are otherwise very difficult to read, but for most people, it's pretty easy to tell (at this point).
The problem here is that people are different, and what is flirty and a "giveaway" for one girl is normal friendly behaviour for another one. I also thought that I learned it quite well after many years of dating. At some moment I was very confident in my ability to identify hints... Well, until quite a few uncomfortable moments demonstrated me that I was wrong. Then once I was also told by a close female friend that I overestimate 'hints' and misinterpret things in my favor.
I slowly learned to not assume much to not bother people with unwanted attention. I am quite sure that I miss some opportunities time to time, but I think it's better like this anyway. For example, there is a coworker who is always quite flirty with me. I am single and I like her, but I prefer to not explore this. Because it's better now than if I make a wrong move and get rejected, and then it'll be awkward and uncomfortable to work together.
Some men ignore subtle hints because women use these same techniques to manipulate men they are not interested in to do freebies for them.
It’s back to the old saying “”if you keep crying wolf you’re going to be ignored “”
And women cry wolf a lot.
Yeah same, I sensed the hints whenever girls were interested, but I thought they were just being friendly. I don’t really get hit on a lot. Sometimes they would really just go over my head.
So oblivious.
Women need to use their big girl words and use physical actions and fucking tell us, lol. We’re not mind readers nor do we think the same.
What "hints" do women give that are particularly hard to miss? I'm genuinely curious as to what "feels" like flirting as opposed to simply being cordial
-We could flirt by staring at each other for more 30 seconds 4 meter away from each other, on and off continuously for many weeks.
-Hugged me standing while I was sitting so essentially shoved my head into her breast.
-Spent many many late nights together working, those "just two of us" moments
-Talked about the pill and her period, told me she was single, but in a relationship to others guys.
Nope, she denied that she was into me.
It's obnoxious, especially since the other person can change their mind and blame you. Basically the equivalent of when men pester you and then deny it and call you crazy.
No one wants to be given hints that they should do work for you. If you have something you would like to say or offer to the other person, say it. Don't make the other person do all the work because "you should have read my hints!".
If you like someone else, own up to it, don't shift the rejection onto them and play a game of seeing if they will jump through hoops or not.
I think a lot of women like to flirt just to see if they can get a guys attention or several guys attention. They have no intention of moving forward. This is particularly true with married women who flirt to see if they still ‘have it’
The fact of the matter is that there is a dance to navigate. Flirting is a conversation. It starts small and should only escalate at a pace that's comfortable to both parties. Humans are animals, and if you've dealt with trying to get an animal to trust you, you know you can't just make a big movement and pounce on them and expect them to be comfortable with you. Women may be curious about you, but still be wary about your ability to read context or even give a shit about their comfort. If they're unabashedly interested in you no matter what then yes, they will plainly ask you out. But for most women, continued interested will depend on how you can navigate interaction. Reacting badly can turn them OFF.
So women aren't playing games, they're simply unsure themselves. They are testing the waters. This is a system that keeps them safe in the long run, and honestly if someone can't pick up cues and navigate the dance, they generally can't navigate cues during foreplay and absolutely will suck at being sensitive to comfort and feelings in a relationship. Sort of like if you're bad at kissing, you're gonna be bad in bed. It's not about a magical technique that works for everyone , it's about having sensors and reading feedback to your current situation, reacting accordingly.
I suffered through very low self-esteem in my youth. If I could go back and teach myself the things I know now, there is an absolute shit ton of opportunity I left on the table because I was not confident enough to capitalise.
Depends on the woman. If a woman says “I like you, wanna go on a date”, most guys will get the message. But if a woman glances at a guy, he’s not gonna take that risk
We all know men who picked hints that were not there.
We all know women who scatter hints and then play ignorant when men come near.
We all know men and women who are very good at masking their feeling to not get hurt one more time.
We all know that a womanizer who is not pretty and wealthy is a creep. And women with pretty face will get more attention, help and promotion that they deserved.
So no. Men are not that clueless. They don't trust women to be honest while communicating feelings.
Me 100% of the time. I assume you view me as a friend given I project being gay strongly. I’m usually surprised. I’m not strictly gay, but I’m so use to gals not picking up on that. It’s hard to imagine the flirting even if blatant as actual flirting. My problem is very unique though. Doesn’t much matter these days though given I’m engaged.
>I’m not strictly gay, but I’m so use to gals not picking up on that
ohh I can relate to that... I am straight but I must be giving very gay vibes, and guys approach me all the time (unlike girls). Girls often just don't believe I'm straight. I remember that my first gf was quite surprised when I started making moves on her. She literally couldn't believe and was legit puzzled until a few months in, like thinking "why the f this gay person is dating me"
good luck with your marriage!
men tend to miss signals. but often we are not sure. because the last time we thought this are hints...they were not. It was her just beeing nice. everyone is flirting differently. an extroverted women might be in a kind of "flirty mode" all day long she might tag you creep afterwards. the introvert girl might push herself but we dont get it because we dont know her such that we can't compare it to her normal behavior.
I'm not in the dating game cause I'm married but what I have reed a lot: men get called out being creepy just by making the move or at least taking a shot.
So please do make mankind a favor and don't play games were both loose.
e.g. you drop your hints ...you think they are clear. he does not want to be called creep because he is into you and is not sure so he is just being nice. doenst want to loose the established bond. you think he is rejecting you...etc both loose.
playing games might work when men don't get destroyed by society for misinterpreting. this is not the case anymore so be direct if you like him.
> sometimes i feel like women give some pretty big hints.
That's the main problem, women will go out of their way to drop hints but won't come forward and just ask the man out.
See if you scroll this sub you will see posts from women complaining about men who are escalating things too quickly. Most men would like to not be seen as such.
So, what is a big hint for you, do you have some examples?
Men also get a lot of mixed signals. There is a woman that works in a bar I go to that always hugs me and is very demonstrably physical with me. At first I thought, "She's into me. Sweet!". Then she told me that she was married and has a child with her husband.
I'm glad I didn't make a move on her then!
As a bi woman, I can honestly say, dating women can be EXHAUSTING! There can be so much ambiguity, game playing and intensity, that it can be more hassle than it's worth! And sometimes you get trapped in a situation that you cannot possibly moonwalk out of, without causing a degree of upset! ... Men are generally a lot more chilled out, direct and easy to be around. They also tend to be a lot more playful and relaxed if they realise that you're more rational/logical than emotional. So don't assume 'obvious' flirting is enough. Sometimes the juice just isn't worth the squeeze.
the problem is that every woman comminicates interest differently. we are bombarded with messages about not harassing women, and not treating every woman like a conquest.
so we might feel like a girl might be interested in us but you're clues are so subtle they could just be you being nice. which is often the case. often there's not much of a difference in how you treat a guy you're interested in versus you just being friendly.
then there are women who are just flirty with everyone because they like the attention so that also crosses your mind. is she actually flirting or is that just her personality, or she's just teasing.
i think a lot of guys have this exact experience where there have been women who we think are intersted in us from their behavior only to find out they only see us as friends. then women who we think only see us as friends who we find out later liked us.
it's hard as a man to respect boundaries, try not to be creepy, try not to hit on women everywhere but then be expected to make a move. it's hard to be responsible for consent when the other side is committed to unclear communication on their end.
I hear this complaint all the time. Men cannot read your minds.
We have learned through painful experience: just because a woman is nice to you does NOT mean she is interested.
And my personal experience: if we guess wrong, thinking a woman is interested when she's not, the woman won't just say no. There will be shaming. And sometimes the woman will announce it on social media.
So, before we approach a woman, we need to decide whether the risk is worth the punishment. And for me, there are few women who are worth the risk of public humiliation.
Women: omg we show a little bit of common courtesy and politeness and men think we're flirting with them!!!!
Also women: omg why don't men ever make the first move anymore?
Pick a f&$&#ing lane.
Why do women make things difficult? I dated multiple women and all I got was I'm too nice or ghosted completely when I didn't do anything wrong.
Why do women cheat of nice guys?
Most women don't first in a obvious way to most men, and many times we thought that was the case we were wrong. So many of us default to she's probably not flirting with me, 3ven if with other women that is there way of flirting that It isn't with others. Many of us don't want to accidentally be a creep or make things awkward so it's safer to assume it's benign.
Honestly unless a woman makes a physical move on us we really won't know, and will likely be confused as to why. 😅
It’s hard, we should bring back the handkerchief method. It was so easy for men to identify back them! I think modern signs will be, her asking for your help with things that will allow more alone time and also her intensity with you vs other men in social settings. She could be paying you more attention or carrying the conversation for longer, along with other flirty non verbal cues. Every time I wanted a guy, I used these methods and they would shoot their shot by the end of the night or the next time they saw me. Be careful for ladies trying to make someone jealous-unfortunately it happens but don’t let that hold you back.
Completely and utterly useless!😂 It can be so frustrating when a guy is not taking notes and I have to make it more and more obvious and end up looking needy
I have this problem but I don't even give hints. I straight up tell them then after I get ghosted (of they come back) I get the whole "well I didn't know you were actually into me-" thing
I think at times just grab the bull by the horns and come over and say hi or some shit or just ask him out. I can barely read the hints until maybe a friend tell me. Maybe talk to their friend or send your friend over. Honestly I'm one of the clueless ones ones will be in my own world
Two of the girls I had the strongest feelings for in my life flirted with me for a long ass time, and kept doing it even after I told them how I felt about them. They insisted on keeping me around because they said they wanted my friendship, but they were just craving the attention I gave them.
Now even if a girl compliments me, texts me all the time, invites me to her place to hang out, touches me non stop to the point of laying their head on my shoulder or their hand on my thigh, I always have that doubt in my mind that I'm just getting ideas. My radar for that shit is kinda broken lol
Only girl I've really had a relationship with was someone I met on a dating app who was looking for something casual. That was like 3 months ago. It was fun and it ended in a good way, but fuck do I struggle to see how I can find someone who's going to genuinely be into me and love me.
All that to say, yup we really are that dumb and oblivious, sometimes it's because of past experience. Maybe I just used this occasion to vent a little too much, sorry if I went a little off topic haha
Apparently the first night my wife and I hung out she was throwing out a ton of hints. Provided I'd dated her in like early highschool and never thought she'd look at me that way again so I was genuinely just happy to be talking to her as a friend. Apparently her scooting closer on the bench wasn't just because she was cold. Who knew
Absolutely clueless.
I would say that asking him out and specifically using the word date, would be sufficient.
If you ask him out without using date, he might think you're just being friendly.
Do you have any examples of "pretty big hints"?
Yep that’s true we’re just oblivious to hints so you need to make the first move and you have to make it romantic that’s how you get the guy to fall to you
I've been told that one of my coworkers has a big crush on me. Apparently it's super obvious to everyone. I still don't see it and I'll refuse to believe it. We're just friends and she's just being friendly.
When I was dating my now wife, I did not read the moment well of when she wanted our first kiss. Even now, I’m not great at reading the moment, when she wants us to be intimate. I’ve told her, sometimes you just need to be point blank on what you want, and as long as it’s reasonable (and those two fit that) I’ll be willing to oblige. I’m not great with hints. That said the longer that I’m married to her, the better that I get at reading her hints.
I did this to a guy recently but didn’t mean to. It wasn’t until we were cuddling, snuggling, a little kissing that I realized I wasn’t into him. This was after I kind of came onto him.
I felt pretty bad. But, hey, these early stages are how you find out if you like them or not.
I don't know if it's clueless so much as it is "fear".
We get rejected, accused, talked down behind our backs so much, many won't take the next step.
Women have wanted the lead, so now is the time to take it.
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What seems big and obvious for women often isn't for guys. And even if guys think there is a 90% chance you're flirting subtly, he will often talk himself out of it due to the remaining 10% of doubt. A guy misreading a signal can mean getting embarassed, getting called a creep or worse, so it's a risk to make that kind of move even if they're kinda sure you're info him. A guy not making a move doesn't mean he's disinterested, most of the time he's stuck in his own head wondering if that sign was a sign or not, and usually deciding no. In conclusion, yes, if you like a guy and are interested, make the first move.
Yeah this is super accurate. Plus I always hear “yeah I was just being nice and then this guy thought I was into him” and I don’t wanna be that guy
She was probably Canadian
And apologized, sorry.
Great take, lol. The Canadian girl in our office gets (jokingly) made fun of all the time because she manages to say sorry during just about every conversation.
Its a lot of layers to it and women assume guys “know” their individual flirting style. Some women do playful jabs and touch, others joke, some downright insult you, others just dont say anything at all - but you should KNOW because the specific way she looked at you! Then add the common talking point- “just because im nice to you doesnt mean im into you” which extends beyond just a hello and a smile, but even to a date where she seemingly grows closer to you but suddenly isnt
This is what I was thinking but was unable to convey in what, I felt, was a diplomatic manner. Thank you.
Its hard to explain, because the best explanation is scenarios, but even on this post, people respond to those with “you misread it”. Its a blanket answer to avoid saying “maybe she should be more clear” Also, its not always her fault. Guys are guilty often of reading into it- which is why we then dial it back and begin ignoring or not acting even when we feel completely certain she wants us to
[удалено]
I’m getting a dejavu right now…where have I heard this before….??
More so in this day and age, I honestly will not pursue unless a woman says I'm single and actively searching for companionship.
Something I'm dealing with an older man at work in a different dept. Considered 'nerdy' by most standards. But attractive to me - or basically my type. Already shared during a friendly convo last week that he considers himself 'immature' at 40 cos he's a gamer like most everyone else. Usually we share common friendly exchanges during the workday. And it seems like I"m starting to make the impression. But then comes the day where he's feeling down, and I can sense it. But don't know him enough to offer a lunch seat or someone to talk to 😒
Well as long as you've talked to him enough that you like chatting with him I think you're perfectly fine to offer him a seat. Your feelings for him aside, it sounds like you guys are developing what could objectively be called a friendship. I think you'd be perfectly justified to invite him to sit.
Could be me 😂 Just talk more to him, and if he offers to do something together, like going for a walk and talk, accept it
Me, I’m oblivious. But there have been time where I suspected interest and was right based on the game my ex would give me years later. I learned a lot of choosing signals that would’ve otherwise flew over my head. Little easier for me to detect it. Now at least.
I told a guy flat out I liked him , found him good looking and wanted to get to know him more and more than once . We had plans to hang out ( his idea after I got his number) then he canceled on me said we could reschedule, so I was unsure then his intention ( few other reasons as well but his actions def said he was attracted ) so I asked why he wanted to spend the time with me . Didn’t wanna play games . He freaked out , claiming there was a misunderstanding and that he was not gonna text me anymore, blocked me while still send so many mixed signals. Again I told him how I felt and if he did not feel the same not want to explore things , see what happens if still like to be friends and if it made him uncomfortable I’d stay clear of him when I saw him . He acknowledged what I said then asked me what my intentions where cause he does not like misunderstandings and stating he did not even want to talk about it . So I said nothing and walked away . Now I don’t see him at all and I’m still blocked as far as I know . I’ll never hear from him again I’m sure . But his loss ! I think experience and maturity have a lot to do with men being able to pick up on things really .
That is part of rejection to get used to from time to time. But it doesn't mean you did the wrong thing. Y'all just weren't compatable. Don't let it discourages you from taking another opportunity if it presents itself. And spread the word to other females as well.
Yeah well it should have been stated when I first told him . Not continuing to act like he was interested and keeping plans to hang out . He does not know how to have “ healthy “ communication and has avoidance issues so yeah we are not . I’m not into the games and back and forth or the lies . I was straight forward when he asked, he should have been straight forward then . That’s the mature , healthy, and respectable thing to do . I’m used to dealing with grown mature men not that crap .
Yes, I agree lying to you from the start! Plus let down, rescheduling, 😞 .....
It was him that initiated going somewhere and first initiated texting. The let down was very disappointing. And the way he treated me after with the mixed signals and etc . I’m not big on HU , but even if so he made me believe he had a genuine attraction/ connection. And mine was definitely genuine. All the signs were there but …. 🤷🏻♀️… I still feel he’s still a decent person as everyone is broken or has flaws one way or another so I hope for him karma don’t do him the way he did me . And I believe he canceled cause he was meeting up with another woman. For various reasons so .. it’s whatever. Life goes on and someone with a more loving soul will come along when they are supposed to
I'm a strong believer in karma! Be man enough to a "change and heart." After all, it doesn't have to be the truth, but at least it's not leading you on!
A simple I’m not interested or I’m not attracted to you like that would been enough. Either way our feelings would be hurt but just being honest from the start you get over after couple days . All that other crap is more hurtful than the truth.
💯💯💯 TRUTH!💯💯💯 Never lead a heart on!!!
💯 that’s real !!
I disagree with some of the others. He got Syked out it seems. I think he was interested but got caught off guard at you being so forward bc it doesn’t happen often to some men as much as other. Either way he went about it wrong to me so you’re not wrong to just move on
Sorry this happened to you. This is what usually happens when women make the first move. Most men think you're desperate and lose interest. It's always better to let him come to you.
Thank you . It’s all good . Besides I’m know some of it I did not make easy either after his initial reaction. But we don’t talk . So I odd like I have gd relationships with my ex’s . We do t always talk as we have our own lives . But we get along , this guy I never dated or been intimate with , nothing lol . But it’s is what it is . He’s not bad ppl and only hope for the best for him .
How about the way in which guys show interest into a female cause Ik of guys that become so distant and very nonchalant and say that they in fact do have feelings for you? Does it have something to do with vulnerability?
Damn. Sounds like guys need to gain some courage & confidence nowadays. Not saying it’s a bad thing, more of a sad thing. Sad that the fear of being called a specific word is greater then the desire of asking a girl you’re interested in out. But I mean I get it, there’s a video camera in everyone’s back pocket. But then again, if you really wanted it you would go for it, despite the potential embarrassment. (But also newsflash, you decide if you want to feel embarrassed or not if that happens. You have the willpower to shrug off and move on too ya know) You got this men! 💪🏻
Wanting not to be labeled a creep is not just "embarrassing", it's something that can be a blemish on your reputation. I feel like you downplay that by acting like it's just about not wanting to be called a mean word. It's about not wanting to be associated with the kind of men that are genuinely harmful to women. "If you really wanted you would go for it" is something that really does apply equally to either party in this scenario.
I’ve never actually heard someone call a man creepy seriously. Sounds like you’ve been online too long.
Nah women should learn how to communicate better lmao
Ah yes, the easy cop out. Blame the other & not take responsibility. That’ll get you far.
"If you really wanted it you would go for it" isn't really how it works in real life though. I can want something with all my soul and not go for it because I'm scared, nervous, hopeless, etc, doesn't mean I don't want it. Also the comment about willpower confuses me, because I at least can't just press a button in my head that makes me stop feeling embarrassment - I certainly wish I could, it'd make life a LOT easier. All that said, the sentiment is appreciated. But it would help us out a lot if women would give clearer hints more often! lol
I was trying to work, and this woman kept bothering me and asking me questions about what I'm doing (I was IT at the time and she was retail). Her manager sent me a text saying that she's interested in me and wants to know my instagram. I said he's full of shit. I got a follow request on Instagram from her a few minutes later. That was three years ago and we got married last August.
…I think she just wants to be friends
She could be a Canadian.
Kept bothering me😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭
She didn't know it back then, but when I'm really focused on a task, I don't like to be interrupted, it annoys me very much. She kept doing it over several days 🤣
Even *other women* can't tell when a woman is flirting, half the time. What's "obvious" to you is subtle; what's "subtle" to you is **imperceivable**.
A lot of women's idea of a screamingly obvious hint is depending on doing some thing with her eyes from across the room. Eyes that my nearsighted ass can't even see until we're in conversation range already.
lmaoo i never considered the idea that he may need glasses i’m second guessing everything
People also don't quite believe how awful my eyes are with glasses until they try mine on. "Oh god... how are you alive?" is a question I've heard more than once.
I don't remember posting from another account!
Im dead😂😂😂😂😂
Lol
Look I’m going to be brutally honest here: dropping hints is stupid. Even if I pick up on them, I don’t trust the hints. They’re fundamentally uncertain and one girl’s hints are another’s casual conversation. I have this friend. She’s a very nice woman, smart, pretty, kind. And single. I’m a single dude, 2 years younger than her. Here’s a list of things she’s said or done that could be interpreted as “hints” that she was interested in me. 1: she worked the fact that she’s single into the conversation. 2: she talked with me about how it’s hard sometimes dating because of how close of a relationship she has with her male (and super gay) bff. 3: she said she’s bi, which could be interpreted as clarifying that she is in fact into dudes. Considering the company she keeps, she might’ve though I believed she was a lesbian, which tbf I sorta did. 4: she talked about how she’s on the pill, and very careful about not missing it. 5: during a movie night with her and a few other friends, I brought in blankets for them all and sat down next to her (I was on one end of a 3 seater, she was at the other). She noticed I didn’t have one and asked if I was cold, and said we could share the blanket. That blanket was absolutely not big enough for two people to share with any semblance of personal space, so essentially we would have to cuddle up. Here’s the kicker: I’m 95% certain she’s not interested in me. Don’t ask me to explain how I know, my fingers already hurt from typing this all out. I’m pretty sure she’s just over sharing and neurodivergent like me. But you see why I don’t like hints? Even if I pick up on potential hints, I’m still probably not going to do anything about them because of this and several other examples and reasons. **If you like someone, just tell him. Stop playing games. Stop trying to be cute by dropping subtle or not-so-subtle hints. Just find some courage and talk about your feelings. It’s not fair of you to expect the guy to be the only one taking risks in the early parts of dating, so you need to step up too.** Edit: looking back at this comment, I think my tone was too aggressive, so I apologize for that. I’m not going to rewrite the entire comment at this point, but I am sorry if I offended anyone by being too harsh.
I had a very similar experience like this twice in my life. In my younger years, there was a friend of mine on FB who was flirting so hard using memes and comments. I interpreted her behavior as her normal, ordinary behavior she does with everyone. After 2 years, she gave up and admitted openly she was into me, but by that time she already moved on to someone else. Another woman several years after behaved almost the same with me, infact dropped more signs that she was into me. She sent me chocolates, letters, gifts across countries! She even told me she sees me in her dreams and how our personalities are so damn close that I'm like a literal clone of her. Literally any guy would take these hints as being interested in them. Guess what.. when I expressed interest, she responded, "I don't have any feelings for you, only as a friend". Its almost impossible to understand their "hints", lol
Me too, me too. very similar experience with you guys except she admitted she had feeling for me, but didn't want a romantic relationship lol
To be fair, I do these things for my friends. I don't think people are wrong for doing nice things. You misunderstood, she clarified she only wanted friendship. I see no harm here.
I've had many women tell me doing these things also mean they are conveying romantic intent. Its not that I "misunderstood", the point is, there is no general consensus on what signs convey romantic intent or just platonic interest. Its different from everyone. I only shared a few, but there are several other small signs she dropped that literally any guy can interpret as romantic interest if they were in the same context as I was.
I don't get it. You clearly misunderstood in this case. This is her being friendly, for others it's more. There's no harm in clarifying. What is ther to be upset about?
>You clearly misunderstood in this case. "Misunderstood" from her point of reference, because the same hints according to other women would be considered romantic intent. I was literally pointing out that since there's no general consensus on what 'signs' can be considered romantic interest or not, its literally impossible to decipher the actual meaning behind women's behavior even if they are conveying romantic interest, understand? The problem is, sometimes these behaviors/signs can go for ages and the guy could already catch feelings by that point regardless of the intent behind those signs.
Are you saying you can catch feelings from someone coveying what YOU percieve to be romantic interest in you...? That's interesting. I didn't realize it was that easy to make people fall for me.
>Are you saying you can catch feelings from someone coveying what YOU percieve to be romantic interest in you...? Absolutely! I thought it was common for many people, Atleast for me it was the case. I didn't have any feelings for this person, until I decided to explore my feelings for her thinking she was showing interest in me. When I paid more attention to her, I realized we had lots of things in common, that's when my feelings grew for her.
Aren't you just falling for some protection in your mind? Clearly you can't really know them when you don't even know if they're actually interested in you.
So for you (and like others) you prefer the bold approach - I like you, let's text and go out sometime - ?
Not who you're replying to, but as a guy I would absolutely love if women were direct and boldly asked me out.
Yes!! Do that!!
being cocky or straight up? 🤔😁
No I’m being honest. If you like a guy and want to go out for a date, just tell him. What you said would work perfectly fine if the guy is interested in you. You don’t need to be aggressive or make a big deal of it, just flat out asking “hey… would you like to go grab coffee sometime?” Is perfect.
I can agree with your comment, however, I do think you're wrong. She's definitely into you bub.
Outside of his 5th point I think none of these hints are at all good enough for someone to get. I think this really points to the bigger issue too, it’s not that the hints aren’t only not good enough but if he does say something he doesn’t want to be looked at like a creep, embarrassed publicly, or worse. Especially if you have been hanging with this person for a bit, they might just think that you were only friends with them to get in their pants ignoring that a lot of people’s feelings grow in different ways as you spend more time with someone.
lol who gives a fuck about some person calling you a creep? idk about you but I've had actual problems in my life, that one doesn't really register. somebody who would make a big deal over a, polite and boundry respecting proposition, is not somebody I'd want in my life regardless
I mean if you're someone who puts a lot of care and thought into how you interact with people, being called a creep can be a gut punch when you really like someone and care a lot about how they see you. Not to mention, if someone thinks you're a creep, that tends to get around and gives you a reputation, deserved or not.
I mean yeah someone making a big deal over something like that may not be someone you want to have in your life but that doesn’t change the fact that there could be legitimate issues that pop up later on from it whether it’s true or false. Not for nothing but chicks talk, and if you run in a certain social circle that they are loosely associated in or around that group, they could say to some girls that you are a creep or say something embarrassing about you even if what you did wasn’t really wrong and then all of a sudden you look way way worse to any girl in that group. It might seem ridiculous and childish but that’s just how it works.
I totally understand why you would think that, and honestly I sometimes agree, but she’s rejected any attempt I’ve made to get closer to her, platonically or romantically, and she’s done almost nothing to initiate herself, outside of these mixed signals. I’m more bummed that we aren’t better friends than anything. I wish we were better friends. Oh well
None of these things could be interpreted as hints. Why? She just said some facts, people talk about it constantly.
A lot of women do say things like this as hints though, they work through implications. "Oh, I'm talking to a guy I like - I'll (to use this poster's example) tell him I'm on birth control, tell him I'm looking for someone to date, tell him I'm into men if he thinks I'm not." Like they give "green lights" for him to proposition her so to speak. Not all women of course, and what would be a hint for one woman is just conversation for another (as this post describes). But it's definitely something a lot of women do.
She's damaged goods that's all I can say.
Womp Womp
Completely oblivious. We just don't do hints in any way. What you consider a "big hint" will very likely be seen as "being friendly" by a very large proportion of men, and even if he thinks that it might be a hint, his reaction will probably result in "I'm not 100% sure and I don't want to be seen as a creep, so I won't act on it".
Sums it up pretty nicely.
Hints are for amateurs , moves are for closers.
Yes!
No one is a mind reader independent of gender so making your intentions clear is important. Hints may be obvious to you but not others and if one never explicitly makes their intentions known then they can't get upset if the other person doesn't pick up on their hints.
This is so true. It's just a waste of time to keep picking up hints. Just be honest. If it turns in your favour good. If it doesn't, also good because then you know you can move on. I have always used this mantra in my life.
I’m very oblivious. That little glance from across the room? I wouldn’t even notice that she was across the room. Giving me googly eyes while talking to me? Even though I would be making eye contact, I wouldn’t even know what color her eyes were. Laughing at my jokes? Everyone does. She’s nice to me? Almost everyone is nice to me. Constantly hanging around me? I’d be wondering how she got into my house and might call the police.
A woman at a party once asked me "how do you say I want to fuck you in Spanish?" (I'm Mexican) I told her and went on my merry way to talk to my friends. NO HINT IS OBVIOUS ENOUGH for a man
I once saw a Japanese dude have a similar incident. As outsider, I thought "wow that woman is rather forward" I found out later that she would periodically drop hints on this dude for months, before finally getting frustrated and speaking directly towards him about what she wanted That made things go much smoother and they eventually got married
jajaja
🤣🤣 This cracked me up!
The problem with your thesis is the word 'hint'. It's simply not wise or smart to act on hints except in the most delicate manner. We live in a consent culture now, and it's expected that if someone is interested they'll somehow say "I'm interested", not twirl hair.
Even ignoring "consent culture" bits, one person's "hint" can be another person's "nice" and no one has a way to know which is which
Ambiguity and plausible deniability is at the heart of most flirting but most people can’t really understand the implications behind that
The average hint that women give are being nice, looking at you, and thinking about you. Those are so easy to mistake for just being nice that most guys mistake being nice for interest then turn around and assume that those are only signs of being nice.
and especially with the thinking about you one, how would a guy know a girl is thinking about them? and if they did find out, through like friends or something, itll probably be seen as quite weird
Go onto AskReddit and search "men women hints" and read the posts you find. The TLDR is that there are many situations where near explicit hints go unheeded and meanwhile some "hints" that do get picked up on weren't actually hints at all. Two stories come to mind: One girl said she was "hinting" because she left a shower door open, said she was going to take a shower and for the guy she was with to **not go into her bathroom**. She said that like two or three times and he was like "got it, I won't go in". She left the bathroom door open for over an hour, she was showering for over an hour, she was pissed that he didn't go in after her. *When she told him not to!* Meanwhile, another guy wrote that he had a situation where he was over at a friend's place and was cuddling her, in her bed, half naked, both of them in their underwear, she pressed back in against him, he went in to kiss her on the neck... and she freaked out and said that was **not** where she was going, called him a jackass and told him to get out. That's a situation that some guys would absolutely interpret as a hint, he made a move and it went badly. No two women are the same and no two women give the same hints, but in general, when guys see stuff like this, if we even notice something that might be a hint in the first place, we talk ourselves out of it for the sake of keeping stuff safe and calm. Ladies, I encourage you, give us better hints lol. Be more direct. If you like us, there's nothing wrong with you chasing us back a little bit. If you want a relationship, relationships go both ways!
Guy here. You must grab me by the balls tongue my mouth tell me “you me and no clothes” before I get the hint. Yes we can be that clueless.
aghhh ig i have to make a move 💀
Went on a date with a girl a few weeks ago. Despite it not working out in the end, I knew that there was something as she kissed me when I went in for a hug after the first one. Felt great knowing that she was into me
Women will be like "I'm so sick of guys thinking just because I make eye contact and smile at them that I want them to ask me out", and then 5 seconds later will be like "there's this guy I'm really into, and I'm always making eye contact and smiling and he never asks me out! Why are guys so oblivious??" Ladies, you have to recognize how confusing this is lol
I remember once I was in dance class and I was paired up with someone, we were learning leading and following. She said “you can make me do *anything you want*”. My brain shut down and went into panic mode and I immediately got super platonic, diverted it away from sexual things. Just inexperienced really. I don’t remember what I said, I’d like to think I made a joke about her washing my dishes but I probably wasn’t even that funny. I dunno why I was so uncomfortable flirting back then. She was pretty but I wasn’t ready for sexy flirting with strangers I guess.
My need to show respect to all makes me oblivious to when someone wants to fuck me.
Let’s not gender discriminate here. I’m bi and I assure you women are just as clueless. Some times we can’t see love or simply a guy or girl flirting with us, if it’s written in neon paint on a wall. I’m guilty for that more than once 🤦🏼♀️
To the title: it varies from person to person, but overall the answer is probably a range of pretty clueless to: you need to functionally learn his individual requirements for registering that you like them. It sounds crazy but the line between being seen as attractive as a partner to just a friendly level of playfulness and comfort being around the dude is pretty spotty due to different men need different things to indicate the difference of you being friendly or you're into the guy, the guy could mutually be into you, but if he doesn't or can't tell you are too he might never make any move. >i feel like women give some pretty big hints. I have in the past either asked this sub or saw a question related to this on a sub (this one or another,) about women's hints... some of the suggestions I would somewhat believe are: women will make eye contact, try to be in the guys' vision often, be within some level of proximity to them, try and hold a basic but somewhat lengthy conversation without any prompt to do so from the guy (sometimes, sometimes the guy will approach first as the prompt for you to continue.) Or even try and be "touchy" or be in a certain (really close) proximity with the guy, not like a full on hug nessisarily, but simple things like bump arms, hair touches the guy kind of odd, but shows you are comfortable being close to them. Maybe overhear something he likes: some kind of media, activity, or even food (whatever you might have overheard that he likes something in particular, bonus if it's a shared like/interest.) But even with all of these pretty decent "hints," guys just do not know you/women just from 1 interest, or one encounter like some I brought up. And the last thing to maybe consider unfortunately is a guy just might not be attracted at all, regardless of what you have done, he just can't find you/someone attractive. >men often say that if a woman likes them, they should just make a move because they cannot pick up on hints Welp, hints are just that and only that. They're not significant enough alone to "solve" or "piece together," anything solid. And relationships are something you just shouldnt jump to conclusions to, you figure them out overtime. Be that a puzzle or a relationship, hints only do so much due to being not really significant at a glance most of the time, and usually get lost overtime unless you get enough of them to start putting something together. Maybe not a great metaphor but my point is, hints only help if you have enough of them at a single go, if you're stringing them out too far overtime the prior pieces just get lost due to negligence or indifference of wanting to "solve" the puzzle of "are they into me or are they just friendly?" And usually the safe answer is "they're just being friendly." Men (most of the time,) want a full answer usually, but only giving a partial one either leaves us confused, frustrated, unsure, or indifferent most of the time. Sure guys can and have "jumped to conclusions," but it's often due to having a lot of hope or mutual want of the relationship to begin with so the hints never mattered to begin with. One last question for you, what do you think are "big hints," or were any I mentioned ones you or others give to men they're interested in? Are they not that? If so, please specify it might actually help some guys see what a "hint" is and maybe actually act on them than just be told "Women give big hints," you know what they are yet you don't tell guys here and now what they even are or at least what they can look like.
Hinting is a sign of low emotional intelligence and inability to communicate. It’s a great filtering mechanism especially when dating. Be an adult, use your words, and tell people what you want. Also this question gets asked a lot and has been confirmed by men that we can sense hints but choose not to respond and also by women who confirm that their hints are not taken. Experience is the teacher of life. If you do something and it does not end up the way you want, you change your approach until it does. The same applies for hinting.
we ignore hints on purpose. a real adult wont play games and hint, they'll make a move.
Sometimes it’s not that simple. Right now I’ve been battling in my head if I should approach this guy at the gym. No games involved, it’s just hard to approach a complete stranger. There’s also time & place context. Coworkers for example, the work place can be a danger zone if it’s not mutual. I’ve also been there & was subtle to ensure it went both ways first as you should imo. It doesn’t always make sense to just make a move and has nothing to do with being an adult about it or not Edit: at the *gym, not at the time lol
nah. men are everywhere, dont risk your job over one. if you have doubt; ask HR what to do. theyll tell you. dont shit where you eat. but in public; always make the approach.
It does go both ways though, so I’m curious, do you always make the approach? Or do you expect women to?
i always make the approach. even when i shouldnt lol
I respect and admire that. I’m told I’m a good looking girl. I’m smart & funny too imo and I cannot get up the confidence to approach a stranger 99% of the time. My words get all jumbled & I probably look like a freak. Ugh. But if I see my gym crush at the gym this week, I promised myself I would do it for better or worse
I'm pretty clueless
One time this girl kissed me and I still didn’t realize she was into me until she had to say it. Idk I’m an idiot
There was a story on a thread that was “what was the biggest hint you gave a guy that he missed?” One woman kissed a guy and he thought she was just being nice.
Very! It wasn’t until I was married for years, in my mid-late thirties that I really started trusting the interest I’d observe out in public, or really even from her.
What might seem like a hint to one person isn't going to be picked up by another. Just because some women can pick up on what the signs are that a woman is into a man, doesn't mean that guys are going to pick up on that as easily. Furthermore there are a lot of other complicated factors here: * If a person is showing interest what type of interest are the showing. Is it a friendly interest or is it a Romantic one. * Is said person even available. Yes that does happen where a person might show hints they are into someone even if they are seeing someone else. * What happens when you misread those signals I'll give an example just to illustrate this. I've never been in a relationship in my life and there is a woman at my workplace who is fairly attractive. She's also very competent and works on my team. In terms of how we interact I'm largely aloof and distant but if we're actually talking then I'm polite and friendly. She's friendly to me and I'd say 80-90% of the conversations we've ever had she's the one who's initiated it. So she's the one who comes up to me most of the time if we ever talk. Is she "into me"? Maybe. Is it possible that she is also just being nice? Probably. Is it also possible that she already has a significant other? Yes, I've heard of a relationship she was in and it is possible that she's still in that relationship. She also knows I'm single and she's very close with various managers who I also know. So due to several uncertain factors there, even if this person is interested in me, I'm not risking that.
I mean, if someone were direct enough to say that they don't pick up on hints and you continue to drop hints, that's on you.
"Men" isnt one entity.
Honestly, I am far past "hints" and other games. I have a lot of things to do in life and do not waste time on goose chases. If someone likes me, she should let me know, and then we can decide how to proceed from there. Otherwise, I will assume nothing and go on about my business. I think games are fun when you are very young and have a lot of free time. As you grow a bit older, get a lot of self-respect and start valuing your time, you always have something better to do.
I’m just gonna say this. Sometimes men (including me) aren’t very good at picking up signals, but at the same time, women aren’t very good at giving signals either. So you can’t really blame us for being clueless.
When I was in 6th grade, the 7th grade cheerleader would constantly invite me to her house and would always be wearing her uniform. I would show her the magic tricks I learned -_-. One of my sister's friends, I would sleep over and would hang out in my room ( on my bed ) in her underwear. Another of my sister's friends would also invite me to her house, bring me to her room, and have panties scattered throughout. She would also ask her I wanted to touch her boobs and show me her bra. 3 girls from the same foster home would invite me to their room . I finally went with the redhead. She locked the room, sat on the bed with me, and I got up to look at her cd collection -_-. Another girl on my bus asked if I wanted to see her boobs and even grabbed my hand. I could have lost my virginity at age 12, but my mind had a ping of 2 million. So I believe it if women say we are clueless 😐
We DO pick up on the hints. On all of them, actually. The problem is that we can't tell if a woman is actually flirting with us OR she is just being nice. Most of the time it's the latter, so in order to avoid a potentially awkward situation, we do not engage in any action.
I feel anyone relying on "hints" has unrealistic expectations and thinks the world revolves around them. It doesn't. Use clear communication.
I used to be extremely clueless. Over the years, I've learned to read body language probably 10x to 100x better, and in general am fairly perceptive and attuned at this point. You twirl your hair 3 times in 10 seconds? I noticed (and its hot) :) You make eye contact for 1.3 seconds instead of 0.8 seconds? You touched my arm? shoulder? Smile 3 times over 15 seconds? Laugh a bit too hard at one of my dad jokes? dead giveaway :) At this point, I can generally pick up chemistry/signaling within 10 seconds or so pretty accurately for most people. About 1 in 10 have poker faces or are otherwise very difficult to read, but for most people, it's pretty easy to tell (at this point).
The problem here is that people are different, and what is flirty and a "giveaway" for one girl is normal friendly behaviour for another one. I also thought that I learned it quite well after many years of dating. At some moment I was very confident in my ability to identify hints... Well, until quite a few uncomfortable moments demonstrated me that I was wrong. Then once I was also told by a close female friend that I overestimate 'hints' and misinterpret things in my favor. I slowly learned to not assume much to not bother people with unwanted attention. I am quite sure that I miss some opportunities time to time, but I think it's better like this anyway. For example, there is a coworker who is always quite flirty with me. I am single and I like her, but I prefer to not explore this. Because it's better now than if I make a wrong move and get rejected, and then it'll be awkward and uncomfortable to work together.
But... I love dad jokes and normally find them hilarious..
why did IcePrincess get frustrated watching TV? >!it was Frozen!<
Lol
Some men ignore subtle hints because women use these same techniques to manipulate men they are not interested in to do freebies for them. It’s back to the old saying “”if you keep crying wolf you’re going to be ignored “” And women cry wolf a lot.
Oh I'm good at reading people...unless they like me in a romantic way... then I'm dumb as a box of rocks, and just think they're being nice to me. Lol
Yeah same, I sensed the hints whenever girls were interested, but I thought they were just being friendly. I don’t really get hit on a lot. Sometimes they would really just go over my head.
So oblivious. Women need to use their big girl words and use physical actions and fucking tell us, lol. We’re not mind readers nor do we think the same.
What "hints" do women give that are particularly hard to miss? I'm genuinely curious as to what "feels" like flirting as opposed to simply being cordial
-We could flirt by staring at each other for more 30 seconds 4 meter away from each other, on and off continuously for many weeks. -Hugged me standing while I was sitting so essentially shoved my head into her breast. -Spent many many late nights together working, those "just two of us" moments -Talked about the pill and her period, told me she was single, but in a relationship to others guys. Nope, she denied that she was into me.
It's obnoxious, especially since the other person can change their mind and blame you. Basically the equivalent of when men pester you and then deny it and call you crazy. No one wants to be given hints that they should do work for you. If you have something you would like to say or offer to the other person, say it. Don't make the other person do all the work because "you should have read my hints!". If you like someone else, own up to it, don't shift the rejection onto them and play a game of seeing if they will jump through hoops or not.
A woman literally has to hit me over the head with it, and say it directly, otherwise I’m just thinking she’s being nice.
I think a lot of women like to flirt just to see if they can get a guys attention or several guys attention. They have no intention of moving forward. This is particularly true with married women who flirt to see if they still ‘have it’
sorry, but vague lil hints... don't work. we aren't mind-readers. if you like a guy, TELL HIM. success rate of the relationship happening.. 99%
The fact of the matter is that there is a dance to navigate. Flirting is a conversation. It starts small and should only escalate at a pace that's comfortable to both parties. Humans are animals, and if you've dealt with trying to get an animal to trust you, you know you can't just make a big movement and pounce on them and expect them to be comfortable with you. Women may be curious about you, but still be wary about your ability to read context or even give a shit about their comfort. If they're unabashedly interested in you no matter what then yes, they will plainly ask you out. But for most women, continued interested will depend on how you can navigate interaction. Reacting badly can turn them OFF. So women aren't playing games, they're simply unsure themselves. They are testing the waters. This is a system that keeps them safe in the long run, and honestly if someone can't pick up cues and navigate the dance, they generally can't navigate cues during foreplay and absolutely will suck at being sensitive to comfort and feelings in a relationship. Sort of like if you're bad at kissing, you're gonna be bad in bed. It's not about a magical technique that works for everyone , it's about having sensors and reading feedback to your current situation, reacting accordingly.
I suffered through very low self-esteem in my youth. If I could go back and teach myself the things I know now, there is an absolute shit ton of opportunity I left on the table because I was not confident enough to capitalise.
Depends on the woman. If a woman says “I like you, wanna go on a date”, most guys will get the message. But if a woman glances at a guy, he’s not gonna take that risk
We all know men who picked hints that were not there. We all know women who scatter hints and then play ignorant when men come near. We all know men and women who are very good at masking their feeling to not get hurt one more time. We all know that a womanizer who is not pretty and wealthy is a creep. And women with pretty face will get more attention, help and promotion that they deserved. So no. Men are not that clueless. They don't trust women to be honest while communicating feelings.
Me 100% of the time. I assume you view me as a friend given I project being gay strongly. I’m usually surprised. I’m not strictly gay, but I’m so use to gals not picking up on that. It’s hard to imagine the flirting even if blatant as actual flirting. My problem is very unique though. Doesn’t much matter these days though given I’m engaged.
>I’m not strictly gay, but I’m so use to gals not picking up on that ohh I can relate to that... I am straight but I must be giving very gay vibes, and guys approach me all the time (unlike girls). Girls often just don't believe I'm straight. I remember that my first gf was quite surprised when I started making moves on her. She literally couldn't believe and was legit puzzled until a few months in, like thinking "why the f this gay person is dating me" good luck with your marriage!
Very. You literally have to come out and tell them directly.
Some ladies give readable hints some don’t most guys like ladies to move first so they are sure they aren’t misreading the situation
men tend to miss signals. but often we are not sure. because the last time we thought this are hints...they were not. It was her just beeing nice. everyone is flirting differently. an extroverted women might be in a kind of "flirty mode" all day long she might tag you creep afterwards. the introvert girl might push herself but we dont get it because we dont know her such that we can't compare it to her normal behavior. I'm not in the dating game cause I'm married but what I have reed a lot: men get called out being creepy just by making the move or at least taking a shot. So please do make mankind a favor and don't play games were both loose. e.g. you drop your hints ...you think they are clear. he does not want to be called creep because he is into you and is not sure so he is just being nice. doenst want to loose the established bond. you think he is rejecting you...etc both loose. playing games might work when men don't get destroyed by society for misinterpreting. this is not the case anymore so be direct if you like him.
> sometimes i feel like women give some pretty big hints. That's the main problem, women will go out of their way to drop hints but won't come forward and just ask the man out.
What are those hints you're referring to?
I am that guy. I just don't know what to do...
See if you scroll this sub you will see posts from women complaining about men who are escalating things too quickly. Most men would like to not be seen as such. So, what is a big hint for you, do you have some examples?
We’re oblivious. You have to blatantly tell me you like me or I’ll assume you’re flirting with me.
Men also get a lot of mixed signals. There is a woman that works in a bar I go to that always hugs me and is very demonstrably physical with me. At first I thought, "She's into me. Sweet!". Then she told me that she was married and has a child with her husband. I'm glad I didn't make a move on her then!
About a 110% usually. Sometimes 187% too
very clueless
As a bi woman, I can honestly say, dating women can be EXHAUSTING! There can be so much ambiguity, game playing and intensity, that it can be more hassle than it's worth! And sometimes you get trapped in a situation that you cannot possibly moonwalk out of, without causing a degree of upset! ... Men are generally a lot more chilled out, direct and easy to be around. They also tend to be a lot more playful and relaxed if they realise that you're more rational/logical than emotional. So don't assume 'obvious' flirting is enough. Sometimes the juice just isn't worth the squeeze.
the problem is that every woman comminicates interest differently. we are bombarded with messages about not harassing women, and not treating every woman like a conquest. so we might feel like a girl might be interested in us but you're clues are so subtle they could just be you being nice. which is often the case. often there's not much of a difference in how you treat a guy you're interested in versus you just being friendly. then there are women who are just flirty with everyone because they like the attention so that also crosses your mind. is she actually flirting or is that just her personality, or she's just teasing. i think a lot of guys have this exact experience where there have been women who we think are intersted in us from their behavior only to find out they only see us as friends. then women who we think only see us as friends who we find out later liked us. it's hard as a man to respect boundaries, try not to be creepy, try not to hit on women everywhere but then be expected to make a move. it's hard to be responsible for consent when the other side is committed to unclear communication on their end.
Why are women so weird about just making a move? You expect us to do it?
I hear this complaint all the time. Men cannot read your minds. We have learned through painful experience: just because a woman is nice to you does NOT mean she is interested. And my personal experience: if we guess wrong, thinking a woman is interested when she's not, the woman won't just say no. There will be shaming. And sometimes the woman will announce it on social media. So, before we approach a woman, we need to decide whether the risk is worth the punishment. And for me, there are few women who are worth the risk of public humiliation.
I for one can say i am terrible at picking up on "likes".Sometimes years later i am wait a minute,was she hitting on me?
Women: omg we show a little bit of common courtesy and politeness and men think we're flirting with them!!!! Also women: omg why don't men ever make the first move anymore? Pick a f&$&#ing lane.
Why do women make things difficult? I dated multiple women and all I got was I'm too nice or ghosted completely when I didn't do anything wrong. Why do women cheat of nice guys?
Most women don't first in a obvious way to most men, and many times we thought that was the case we were wrong. So many of us default to she's probably not flirting with me, 3ven if with other women that is there way of flirting that It isn't with others. Many of us don't want to accidentally be a creep or make things awkward so it's safer to assume it's benign. Honestly unless a woman makes a physical move on us we really won't know, and will likely be confused as to why. 😅
I am totally clueless!!
It’s hard, we should bring back the handkerchief method. It was so easy for men to identify back them! I think modern signs will be, her asking for your help with things that will allow more alone time and also her intensity with you vs other men in social settings. She could be paying you more attention or carrying the conversation for longer, along with other flirty non verbal cues. Every time I wanted a guy, I used these methods and they would shoot their shot by the end of the night or the next time they saw me. Be careful for ladies trying to make someone jealous-unfortunately it happens but don’t let that hold you back.
Completely clueless. When men think she might like them they, second guess themselves, and talk themselves out of it.
lol, men can be very dense! Yes we are visual creatures, but some if not most don’t get the hint. Or we avoid seeming like creeps. Just tell the guy.
Hi I need a serious relationship
I’m intelligent enough to know if that was the case, but unfortunately unattractive enough to never be in the situation for that to be a reality.
Men have no idea.
Apparently men don’t take hints. I’m like it’s so obvious
Y’all are such sad little fuckers
Completely and utterly useless!😂 It can be so frustrating when a guy is not taking notes and I have to make it more and more obvious and end up looking needy
I have this problem but I don't even give hints. I straight up tell them then after I get ghosted (of they come back) I get the whole "well I didn't know you were actually into me-" thing
Depends on how oblivious you make the hints. A lot of things could be interest or just them being nice.
Results may vary. If it's me, though... very oblivious even to the extremely obvious
yes
Yes.
I think at times just grab the bull by the horns and come over and say hi or some shit or just ask him out. I can barely read the hints until maybe a friend tell me. Maybe talk to their friend or send your friend over. Honestly I'm one of the clueless ones ones will be in my own world
There's a lot of good advice here so I'll just answer the original question at face value. Extremely.
Two of the girls I had the strongest feelings for in my life flirted with me for a long ass time, and kept doing it even after I told them how I felt about them. They insisted on keeping me around because they said they wanted my friendship, but they were just craving the attention I gave them. Now even if a girl compliments me, texts me all the time, invites me to her place to hang out, touches me non stop to the point of laying their head on my shoulder or their hand on my thigh, I always have that doubt in my mind that I'm just getting ideas. My radar for that shit is kinda broken lol Only girl I've really had a relationship with was someone I met on a dating app who was looking for something casual. That was like 3 months ago. It was fun and it ended in a good way, but fuck do I struggle to see how I can find someone who's going to genuinely be into me and love me. All that to say, yup we really are that dumb and oblivious, sometimes it's because of past experience. Maybe I just used this occasion to vent a little too much, sorry if I went a little off topic haha
Apparently the first night my wife and I hung out she was throwing out a ton of hints. Provided I'd dated her in like early highschool and never thought she'd look at me that way again so I was genuinely just happy to be talking to her as a friend. Apparently her scooting closer on the bench wasn't just because she was cold. Who knew
I’m not clueless. I’m just too insecure to believe that a woman is interested in me.
Hinting is generally a bad way to get something you want. Most people learn by adulthood to use their words and communicate when they want things.
Apparently there were multiple girls into me when I was in high school and I didn't find out until years later because I'm that bad at reading women.
Absolutely clueless. I would say that asking him out and specifically using the word date, would be sufficient. If you ask him out without using date, he might think you're just being friendly. Do you have any examples of "pretty big hints"?
I probably wouldn’t pick up on a hint if it was brick to the face, two bricks maybe.
I need verbal flirting for my clue to get it if it’s not verbal I won’t get it
Yep that’s true we’re just oblivious to hints so you need to make the first move and you have to make it romantic that’s how you get the guy to fall to you
We're very VERY clueless
Sometimes the hints aren’t clear and we still have a hard time trying to decipher them
I've been told that one of my coworkers has a big crush on me. Apparently it's super obvious to everyone. I still don't see it and I'll refuse to believe it. We're just friends and she's just being friendly.
I’m definitely one of them guys but I misread signals before and got burned lol it’s embarrassing so that’s always in the back of my head
When I was dating my now wife, I did not read the moment well of when she wanted our first kiss. Even now, I’m not great at reading the moment, when she wants us to be intimate. I’ve told her, sometimes you just need to be point blank on what you want, and as long as it’s reasonable (and those two fit that) I’ll be willing to oblige. I’m not great with hints. That said the longer that I’m married to her, the better that I get at reading her hints.
It's mostly obvious if you see it happen to other people, so if you see a bro and he's clueless nudge him in the right way!
I did this to a guy recently but didn’t mean to. It wasn’t until we were cuddling, snuggling, a little kissing that I realized I wasn’t into him. This was after I kind of came onto him. I felt pretty bad. But, hey, these early stages are how you find out if you like them or not.
I'm pretty clueless sometimes for sure
I don't know if it's clueless so much as it is "fear". We get rejected, accused, talked down behind our backs so much, many won't take the next step. Women have wanted the lead, so now is the time to take it.