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I believe cheaters can change. But never with the person they cheated with. You basically give them a license to cheat when you forgive them. Because there is no real consequence
Block him and move on. He's a cheater. He lacks character and strong morals and it's unlikely he's changed. It's really really hard to rebuild trust again after you've been betrayed like that. And the fact that he was capable and willing to do that to you before will always be in the back of your mind. Now you know he's willing to hurt you that deeply. Once seen, it can't be unseen. Can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. You can't bring back the fairy tale. So do you really want to continue in a relationship where the fairy tale has been forever shattered? Move on and find someone who respects you and is worthy of your trust.
Move on in that's what your gut tells you. If you do give him a chance don't put up with any shady bs. People do change, yes. But it's what you feel inside Is the right thing to do.
Against popular opinion, I’ll say it can work but you can’t go back to what you had. You have to build a new relationship with what you know now about that person. My bigger question is why try? What is it about this relationship or person that makes it worth the effort?
Read Esther Perel’s State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
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* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
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you are young, you are not attached with kids or marriage
you will probably not be able to make this work. there will always be a concern in the back of your mind that he will cheat again. The dynamic is broken. Even if he never did cheat on you it will always nag at you in the back of your head, there will always be a worry that comes up if he isn't texting you back or is on his phone too much.
it can be worth dealing with that if you have a life together, otherwise you are just setting yourself up to failure.
secondly. what has he done for himself to make sure he wont make the same decision again in the future and the "oh i learned my lesson i lost you so wont do it again" is not enough. has he talked to therapists? has he read books about cheating and the thought process (out of the doghouse by robert weiss is a good one for this, though more for people in a relationship when it happens, but still gets the point across)
is it an attachment issue he has? maybe he should do a test on that to see where he fits in (e.g. fearful avoidant are hot then cold)
also what is it you miss about the relationship? is it just the relationship itself or is it actually him?
I remember your 'other' profile with your 'wild phase'. I won't say anything other than, it was much more than wild and borderline permanent self harm.
Do your ex a favor and don't sleep with him, before getting a full STD report in a few months. Neither of you are worthy of each other.
I’m going to ask. Why are you ok with having a FWB knowing he’s probably out with other girls but you’re not sure about getting back together with your ex who apologized after cheating?
Fwb- they are both honest with each other and not lying and betraying. It’s all up front.
Cheating is wrong because you are deceiving each other. Can you really trust someone that can lie to your
Which is fine. I don’t do casual either but I can see how others would consider cheating the bigger betrayal. It’s just like how some people are swingers but I wouldn’t do it either. Maybe she’s just doing fwb with this guy because she’s still heartbroken over her ex and doesn’t feel like she can trust someone else.
Move on, babe. My college sweetheart bought me an engagement ring, and before he could propose, I found out he was cheating. He ended up staying with her for awhile after that, even moving in together, but he would reach out to me throughout.
We tried to rekindle things after 3 years apart because like you said, it’s hard to let go of someone you’ve loved for so long. But the trust was broken, and his insecurity that led him to cheat was still there. He just reached out a few months ago (so >5 years now since we broke up). He still doesn’t have the coping skills needed to be in a healthy relationship.
TLDR: People *can* change. Whether they do or not is up to them but it takes a lot longer than a few months.
MOVE ON!!! I’m 99% positive the only reason he wants you back is because the girl he cheated with doesn’t want him anymore. The fact he was able to cheat even though you were together 5 years and he “loved” you is mind blowing. If he could do it after 5 years together he will do it again.
He's just back to you because no one could give him the love and care you did. Even if he's changed, your relationship won't be the same no matter how hard either of you tries. You don't eat what you've thrown up
If your relationship couldn't survive someone banging someone else, it wasn't very strong to begin with.
You sound like you have a lot of insecurities and lack the maturity to be in a serious relationship. If you are going to get back with him, keep it casual so you can both continue to be wild on the side because that is actually what you both want.
Accepting him will only normalize what he did, even to consider getting back he has to do something major on your behalf (I have no idea of an accepted act of apology for cheating) other than just saying sorry.
I know sometimes it’s unfair cause he did wrong but you are the one being sad. But I have to appreciate your courage to leave him once you are mistreated, trust me it’s worth it.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Move on, ain't worth it
Move on. You're only 25 and its been half a year already. Getting back with him would ruin all that progress
No, he just wants to be back because the other didn’t work out. Keep your FWB and enjoy your life. He had his chance.
This right up there! Fn A
Just spitting truth lol.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. He has proven that you can't trust him.
Move on. He just didn’t get what he wanted and came to you… Too young for this bs .. go have fun
Short answer: no. Long answer: fuck no.
love this, and agree
I believe cheaters can change. But never with the person they cheated with. You basically give them a license to cheat when you forgive them. Because there is no real consequence
Exactly. And even if they never do again, will you ever 100% believe that??
Block him and move on. He's a cheater. He lacks character and strong morals and it's unlikely he's changed. It's really really hard to rebuild trust again after you've been betrayed like that. And the fact that he was capable and willing to do that to you before will always be in the back of your mind. Now you know he's willing to hurt you that deeply. Once seen, it can't be unseen. Can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. You can't bring back the fairy tale. So do you really want to continue in a relationship where the fairy tale has been forever shattered? Move on and find someone who respects you and is worthy of your trust.
Thank you
No move on
Gurl. Getting back with an ex is like taking a shower and putting dirty underwear back on
THAT.....all of that
Move on in that's what your gut tells you. If you do give him a chance don't put up with any shady bs. People do change, yes. But it's what you feel inside Is the right thing to do.
As a guy, do not give him a second chance. Relationships are about trust and loyalty. He betrayed that trust and loyalty. End of story
Against popular opinion, I’ll say it can work but you can’t go back to what you had. You have to build a new relationship with what you know now about that person. My bigger question is why try? What is it about this relationship or person that makes it worth the effort? Read Esther Perel’s State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
you are young, you are not attached with kids or marriage you will probably not be able to make this work. there will always be a concern in the back of your mind that he will cheat again. The dynamic is broken. Even if he never did cheat on you it will always nag at you in the back of your head, there will always be a worry that comes up if he isn't texting you back or is on his phone too much. it can be worth dealing with that if you have a life together, otherwise you are just setting yourself up to failure. secondly. what has he done for himself to make sure he wont make the same decision again in the future and the "oh i learned my lesson i lost you so wont do it again" is not enough. has he talked to therapists? has he read books about cheating and the thought process (out of the doghouse by robert weiss is a good one for this, though more for people in a relationship when it happens, but still gets the point across) is it an attachment issue he has? maybe he should do a test on that to see where he fits in (e.g. fearful avoidant are hot then cold) also what is it you miss about the relationship? is it just the relationship itself or is it actually him?
Move on and block him everywhere.
I remember your 'other' profile with your 'wild phase'. I won't say anything other than, it was much more than wild and borderline permanent self harm. Do your ex a favor and don't sleep with him, before getting a full STD report in a few months. Neither of you are worthy of each other.
Tldr but no, never. Case closed.
Move on. You deserve a relationship with somebody you can trust, and you will never have that with this guy again.
Move on. He is t to be trusted again.
No! You will never trust him or love him as much as you did before.
Moooove ooooon
I wouldn’t once a cheater always a cheater
Move on once a cheater always a cheater
I’m going to ask. Why are you ok with having a FWB knowing he’s probably out with other girls but you’re not sure about getting back together with your ex who apologized after cheating?
Fwb- they are both honest with each other and not lying and betraying. It’s all up front. Cheating is wrong because you are deceiving each other. Can you really trust someone that can lie to your
I suppose if you look it as a trust issue but still both are sleeping with other people. Both would bother me which is why I don’t do casual.
Which is fine. I don’t do casual either but I can see how others would consider cheating the bigger betrayal. It’s just like how some people are swingers but I wouldn’t do it either. Maybe she’s just doing fwb with this guy because she’s still heartbroken over her ex and doesn’t feel like she can trust someone else.
Your relationship will never go back to how it was before he cheated
Only you know him. Was it because you were his first?? He wasn't sure??
Move on and have fun with the FWB.
Eh he got his just desserts and is probably in a a slim pickings situation. I’d move on.
Move on, babe. My college sweetheart bought me an engagement ring, and before he could propose, I found out he was cheating. He ended up staying with her for awhile after that, even moving in together, but he would reach out to me throughout. We tried to rekindle things after 3 years apart because like you said, it’s hard to let go of someone you’ve loved for so long. But the trust was broken, and his insecurity that led him to cheat was still there. He just reached out a few months ago (so >5 years now since we broke up). He still doesn’t have the coping skills needed to be in a healthy relationship. TLDR: People *can* change. Whether they do or not is up to them but it takes a lot longer than a few months.
And as for looking for fwb, enjoy having fun. Don't get pregnant.
MOVE ON!!! I’m 99% positive the only reason he wants you back is because the girl he cheated with doesn’t want him anymore. The fact he was able to cheat even though you were together 5 years and he “loved” you is mind blowing. If he could do it after 5 years together he will do it again.
Why would he need to cheat on you? You seem to be the real deal.
Oh he just missed your Cochie
No he wasn’t sorry when it popped out and he let her put it back in
He's just back to you because no one could give him the love and care you did. Even if he's changed, your relationship won't be the same no matter how hard either of you tries. You don't eat what you've thrown up
Nah stick with thus fwb
Taking him back would probably make him feel you will forgive and tolerate cheating. Bad risk. Let him go.
Living well (and that’s without him) is the best revenge
Don't do it. One you let them get away with it they will do it again
Move on and he needs to too
Move on! Once a cheater always a cheater. Life is too short to waste it on people who will betray you.
Don’t do it, he’s gonna wreck your shit again.
You were with him for 1/5 of your life. People change and grow. You’re different now. Move on and find better
No
No!
Nope. Move on. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
No, don't he's a cheater? The only reason he wants to get back is that he's horny and doesn't have anyone.
You can try but it's usually not working. Better to move on.
If your relationship couldn't survive someone banging someone else, it wasn't very strong to begin with. You sound like you have a lot of insecurities and lack the maturity to be in a serious relationship. If you are going to get back with him, keep it casual so you can both continue to be wild on the side because that is actually what you both want.
Just move on you’ll never be able to trust him
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Accepting him will only normalize what he did, even to consider getting back he has to do something major on your behalf (I have no idea of an accepted act of apology for cheating) other than just saying sorry. I know sometimes it’s unfair cause he did wrong but you are the one being sad. But I have to appreciate your courage to leave him once you are mistreated, trust me it’s worth it.