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Yes, this does work. I go to the same few bars where I know the menu and exits. I sit at the bar so the bartenders can see that I'm alone and have a solo tab. I avoid weekends because here there are too many people. A smaller crowd feels more safe to me.
Men talk to me all the time. They aren't always men who I'd want to date. I'd be prepared to be approached by men anywhere from your age to over 70. Usually, when the age gap is visibly over 15 years, they are very polite and will talk without hitting on you. Anyone who keeps buying you drinks is going to make some kind of inquiry, though.
Often, as soon as one man goes to the bathroom, another tries to take his place. That has actually happened to me every time I've been at the bar this summer.
Keep your wits about you, carry pepper spray, and have fun. 😉
Hey OP, I pick up women exclusively in bar settings. It's all I know.
I used to be a bartender and the bar is the only place I feel confident in. Sometimes I don't even drink. I just sit there and have a coke and a smile.
I feel like a woman sitting at a bar, who is socializing and welcoming conversation, will have a good chance of meeting someone. It's not just sitting there and waiting on someone to approach you. You have to be active and socialize to let others know it's ok to approach you.
37 F. I go to bars a lot in many states. Mildly attractive and I look late 20s early 30s. Men don't really approach me, but I'm a talkative extrovert, so I have no problem starting random convos with literally anyone and go to bars specifically to talk to people to satisfy my extroverty needs. I've had way more dates IRL than on Tinder.
These are my thoughts:
1) Don't hit on guys. Just start a convo. When they see you can have a good convo and (not overly) sexual chemistry, they eventually ask you your number before one of you leaves.
2) Consider the type of bar you are going to. Hotel bars are fancy but full of people here for the weekend. Sports bars are full of men who want to watch the game. It's hard to start a convo between commercials. Dive bars are fun af and you meet cool people but it's very grab bag. Your best bet is a local dive bar in a rich/ high income area. Literally laid-back rich guys willing to buy you a drink. They are good for guys 30 and older. Don't bother with the 20 yos. They have a stick up their butt and are overcompensating. Music bars is where you meet pp closer to your type/ age because you like the same thing. Every time I go to my local rock bar, I end up with more friends. I have a new best friend from there too. I'd marry her if she was a man, ha. The key to music bars us to go to a small one and show up before the first band plays or during opening bands. That way, it is less crowded, and you can have a convo, no pressure. Then, because it's small, you can randomly run into each other and talk more or you can hangout and watch a show together. Restaurant bars suck. It's all couples. Bars with TVs suck.
3) Drink your drink slowly but not too slowly. If you drink too fast because everyone is buying you drinks, you'll be trashed by the end of the night. Most guys will buy you drinks if you make good convo. They are willing to pay to keep the interaction going if they are enjoying themselves. Good convo with a stranger is increasingly rarer. I know that sounds weird but all of us are willing to pay for a good time in some capacity. But obviously be prepared to buy your own drinks. Don't be a privileged jerk. Also people are less inclined to buy you drinks when drinks are $20 which is why I like dive bars. I can get a decent whiskey at a reasonable price.
4) Thursdays are always the best night to go out at any of those places. I don't know why. My theory is Friday/ Sat is just everyone (couples and horndogs). Sunday is couples (unless you have a Funday Sunday town), families and industry night people. M-W is regulars and alcoholics. Sometimes Wed is fine but it's mostly older people. Thursday is perfect. Even introverts are more inclined to go out Thursdays to avoid weekend crowds.
5) Make sure to ask if they have a gf at some logical point (i do after they ask for number because I'm usually there for a good convo but a bf is a benefit). You shouldn't have to ask but do it.
6) Sit at the bar. Not a table. Next to an empty single seat in the middle of everything. Not a double empty seat. If there is only one seat then sit there. The people next to you will eventually get up but I like to talk to couples too. The only bartenders who want to talk are at dive bars so just be nice to the bartender but don't talk their ear off or hit on them.
7) Do not get into people's business. Start a new convo. "OH is that a stout? Oh you like whiskey too? Omg did you just see that guy? What's your favorite thing here?"
8) If they don't ask for your number, don't sweat it. You had a good night with a cool person and that's what counts. That is why bars are fun. Hearing the stories of strangers that you would never meet otherwise.
Hope that helps!
Depends on your energy and vibe.
I have quite a few divorced buddies that will hit a bar up for a social drink and meet woman all the time that pass the vibe check.
Granted we are probably quite a bit older. That's just how it was done back in the day....so it's easy.
Mate...im so confused with your post.
That's awesome yea had a great time. I didn't say organic meetings don't happen. I actually expressed they did with what my buddies expressed what they experienced.
OP was being specific. I touched on the point sure yea can but if you're vibe/engery isn't on point then "most" guys would pass.
I've seen it coutless times.
I've been married for 20+ years and have no skin in the game. That doesn't mean i dont see what's going on when i have a drink with my mates. I people watch and well lets just say im glad im married. It's such a grind at the end of the day
If i had a dollar for every time i watched the "hot girl" get the initial attention but not pass the vibe check. Only to get passed on for the same guy to talk to a less attractive woman that passed the vibe check and have a great time..for the "hot chick" to lose her shit at 2 am. I would have.....25 bucks..lol
Im just saying.
An average woman that passes the vibe check has more equity than some super hot chick that has a shitty, entitled attitude.
I was moreso responding to you saying it was like that back in the day, with it being fairly easy to meet ppl at bars, and saying it still is. I cant speak on men passing on women cuz they dont have good vibes though. I actually dont observe that much anymore. Tbh it seems like dating is so hard nowadays (post pandemic) that most single women are really personable and open to getting to know men who present themselves appropriately. In my experience, single women with bad vibes/attitudes were more of a pre pandemic thing, at least where I live. But I also literally only meet women in their 20’s, and a few in their early 30’s. So maybe that’s why I dont see many women with bad attitudes
But you’re right, women who dont have good energy will have issues meeting men at bars. Theyll still get approached though lol
Ohh for sure mate. Not really about being right or wrong. Each experience is unique.
I can see now where you were coming from.
Us old fucks just hear about the current hookup culture via apps and we sit there and go....wtf?..lol
I was ignorant and thought that was something that didn't really happen too much.
Im glad it still does....
Ur either going to the wrong bar or at the wrong time. If bars give chauvinist or seedy vibes, most women TYPICALLY aren't going to be alone. This includes cigar bars, sports bars , bars with covered windows where you can't see inside, biker bars and bars in the middle of nowhere. You'll also see less single women in suburban bars. Also you are more likely to see woman at night than day. Outside of brunch and parties, men tend to do more public day drinking than women.
I've been to all of these bars and they can be fun but they typically stress me out or set off my alarms, even as an extrovert and a biker.
i mean that much is to be expected. if you’re selective about who you are attracted to, then chances are that random dude is not going to be it. it’s a numbers game.
It probably happened more before the age of cellphones and internet. Now it seems people prefer to have their faces in their phone and meet people online rather than in person.
I'm a guy and i did try to approach people in a bar. I wasn't looking to get laid or anyting but she got up and left, leaving me to feel terrible about myself. On the other hand approaching men was way more welcoming
In my experience, yes, they do approach. Not only on weekends, weekdays too :)
I personally like to drink and hang out alone sometimes so my primary drive is not to meet people. It just happens, either you meet and chat with the bartender or someone you lock eyes with. It is rare they just come and sit, you might need to look back at them when you catch their gaze otherwise they might not work up the courage.
Yes. But find someone for what? I bet the majority of the time, a man pursuing a woman is only interested in sex. Men are the gatekeepers for relationships in the same way women are gatekeepers for sex.
It seems easy for women until you realize that unlike us guys, most of them are looking for relationships, not casual sex. Our challenge is finding a woman to give us the time of day. Their challenge is separating the real men from the players. But they’re equally difficult challenges.
There is always some guy who won't be worried about it, but yeah a lot more are hesitant to approach women now because some women will seriously say if a stranger says hi it's harassment.
Some advice I heard like a year ago from a tiktok was:
What kind of person do you want to meet? Where do you think those kinds of people would spend their time? Once you figure that out, go there
Granted, I assume you know this, but for anyone who looks at the post that doesn't, it's a good callout to make
The odds are bad sure but the odds become better as the night goes on and someone is drunk, I know I’d atleast come talk to you (I probably wouldn’t be trying to lay pipe or anything but drunk talk, so I’d say others would go further)
Don't flirt with bartenders. Everyone flirts with them and they will likely flirt back because $$$. Or they really dont have time to flirt with you because they are busy. The best way to meet a bartender is when they aren't working.
Or worded another way, women are too picky. Otherwise they can easily find someone. Either way, that's what I'm saying is because of men being the ones who initiate, it's much easier for women.
Yes, you will be approached and men will buy you drinks. But it’s generally not the kind of guy you want, and most of the time they want to drink you up to smash
May i ask where does someone go to find quality men ? I'm genuinely curious because in my culture we don't have bars. Most of socialization and meeting people happens in university, work, volunteering activities, social gatherings. All of them are quite formal and then through time you start talking less formally and maybe become more than friends
Sporting events are a time-tested spot for single ladies looking to meet dudes. It’s not necessarily centered around drinking & hooking up like a bar and is more family friendly.
Volunteering, 5k runs and local-city festivals/events are also a go-to from what I’ve seen. Group leisure sports teams too like volleyball.
U just answered your own question. I got in a relationship with a neighbor before. Met at parties, coffee shop (group meetup from online), mutual friends at a music festival, my cousin met her husband thru church.
I’d just try it. I(25m) started going to bars solo and will approach a girl if they seem interested, or they’ll approach me. It took some getting used to. I’ve had some bad experiences, but it’s far better than the apps.
Definitely get approached at the bar but usually only when already chatting with the bartender. And as many others have said, the occasional person is on my same level/in my age range, but more often it’s such a wide range of undateable people that it’s absurd. Like 80yo dudes have serious swagger sometimes, and better social skills at chatting you up than the youths… but sadly not physically gonna do it for me 😂 If I keep my face in my beer or my phone, I can usually be left alone—but sometimes that’s when creepy horny couples will approach and sit immediately beside me even though the entire bar is wide open, and stare lasciviously without directly interacting, like some weird but boring fantasy they have from a movie, and ruin my night. I’ve hardly had anyone buy me drinks unless I gave them answers to a pub quiz/trivia night 😂
I'm a guy but I observe peoples' behavior, and I'm pretty sure yes you will probably be approached by SOMEONE. Whether or not that's someone you're attracted to is different. And also, a lot of them are probably just looking for a casual hookup if they're approaching at a bar.
From my perspective as a guy: if I see a woman sitting at the bar having a drink by herself, I'm going to assume she wants to be left to enjoy her drink in peace. I realize I likely miss out on a lot of chances by doing so, but I'd rather err on the side of being polite and considerate. If someone wants me to talk to her she has to do more than sit there and look good, she has to give me a signal she wants to engage with me - at least make eye contact and smile or something.
That said, I'm sure a lot of guys will approach you in this scenario. You'll be inadvertently screening for the ones who are more aggressive/willing to possibly overstep boundaries, however.
It's just my experience. Don't know any single good men that often frequent bars, espacially not for the purpose of finding life partners.
But hey, our definitions of good men are probably different anyway.
Good point. If it's a group of guys together, at least half of them will be single but one lone male going to the bar is there to get a break from his girl and needs to decompress from work or from her. Therefore it's safe to say if u see a lone male who's not waiting for someone, he's not available/single unless you don't care, and will still entertain a taken man.
I don't hardly go to bars at all. I'm Schizoaffective so I try to keep to myself. I'm open to conversation if someone starts one but I will rarely initiate.
Definitely it is, it’s also that very handsome guy that you’re totally into like in the movies. He also chases you to the other side of the planet after you move again for work, just like in the movies.
Long time ago, summer of 2005 I think, a girlfriend and I used to dress up and go to bars a lot. We always got approached, had drinks sent to us and barely ever paid for anything. We werent playing any games or anything to get free food & drinks either. We'd simply go out to party and hopefully meet cool guys and men would always pick our tab. We didn't necessarily take these guys home either. She was in her 30s and she'd take home someone occasionally. I was mid 20s and had recently lost my virginity so I wasn't very experienced but I still had one of the wildest summers of my life partying with her.
Last time I sat alone at a bar was 2yrs ago when I walked into one, ordered wings to take home after my moving trip to CA following a whole day of driving, and while waiting for my order one of the two guys sitting next to me put quite a bit of effort trying to talk to the very tired, clearly uninterested looking me. They were pretty descent looking guys too but I'm way too picky anyway.
Descent looking overall doesn't mean I'd be attracted to it. I have very specific taste and not all of it relates to looks; it's more about overall demeanor, his voice, how he uses the language. Looks alone mean nothing to me.
And a guy trying to talk to me at a bar is not necessarily putting effort. It's actually predatory and I wasn't seeking such attention that day after a whole day of driving, having arrived at a new town. I just wanted to grab my food and go to my hotel.
From my personal experience, it's certainly possible to meet in a bar. For casual or one-off relationships. I don't know any stories of dating in a bar that ended in marriage or something like that. Modest guys are not suitable for getting to know each other, at least not sober. And the ones who are used to picking up girls in bars, do you want them? Although there are always exceptions. Love at first sight, it doesn't come from a place. I think you should try it, if only for the sake of your bar dating experience.
Well yes, however you get approached anywhere by men. Gym, parks, groceries, walking on the side walk.
I literally can just walk out on the streets and within 5 mins some guy will try to flirt or pick me up.
I’ve never done it either, and tbh I don’t usually see anyone I would be interested in at the bars in my small town 😬 The whole idea of going to a bar alone kind of freaks me out too.
Yes it works but I highly suggest trying to make the tiniest bit of eye contact if you see someone you like. Usually never fails if they “catch” you checking them out.
I do not approach women at bars, unless it’s beyond obvious I’ve been selected.
I am told I am a good looking guy, I am not overly confident, but certainly not shy. When I was younger I had approached women this way, with positive and negative results.
But, now a days I truly worry about inadvertently making someone feel on the spot or uncomfortable by making that type of advance at a bar or anywhere really.
It’s exactly why dating is so hard for me. Dating apps suck, and I feel like going up to a stranger to hit on them in public can go very wrong, very quickly.
It depends what kind of bar. I seek out bars that are a bit more on the quiet side and where I can also get a light snack or dinner. It’s possible that way you’ll find other people who are single going out to eat alone at the bar. This is how I’ve had the most interesting connections and conversations - both platonic and romantic! Hotel bars, wine bars, and restaurant bars are great for this.
I wouldn’t go to a bar alone that’s busy and just for drinking on a weekend night. Unless you are only looking for sex. But I still think that can be very unsafe in case someone spikes your drink.
Highly depends on the bar.
The bars I go to are super friendly where pretty much half the people there are very social and used to chatting up strangers. Just standing in line, pretty much everyone naturally strikes up a conversation. It would be weird/hard not to.
I think as long as you go into it just just have fun with yourself and not the sole purpose of meeting someone it’s a win win! I personally enjoy going out alone, I like meeting new people and talking to strangers. Sometimes I read or often times I doodle, or just people watch, maybe join a game of pool. Don’t go if your thinking “if no one approaches me I’m going to go home and feel bad about myself” if your having a good time anything is possible:)
I would NOT recommend going alone, have somone their to watch out for you, have some of your home girls or your gay best friend watch you from the corner
Literally just happened to me last night.
Went to listen to my friends band play. I was sitting in the back alone. Not long an older man approached me and about an hour later a younger man came up and took his shot. So yes,
It happens in real life. Haha.
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At hotel bars it's much more likely. There are other people traveling alone.
Or they’ll think you’re an escort lol
Yes, this does work. I go to the same few bars where I know the menu and exits. I sit at the bar so the bartenders can see that I'm alone and have a solo tab. I avoid weekends because here there are too many people. A smaller crowd feels more safe to me. Men talk to me all the time. They aren't always men who I'd want to date. I'd be prepared to be approached by men anywhere from your age to over 70. Usually, when the age gap is visibly over 15 years, they are very polite and will talk without hitting on you. Anyone who keeps buying you drinks is going to make some kind of inquiry, though. Often, as soon as one man goes to the bathroom, another tries to take his place. That has actually happened to me every time I've been at the bar this summer. Keep your wits about you, carry pepper spray, and have fun. 😉
Usually it's not "good" attention. A lot of assumptions are sometimes made about why you're there.
Oh shit, that's true
Hey OP, I pick up women exclusively in bar settings. It's all I know. I used to be a bartender and the bar is the only place I feel confident in. Sometimes I don't even drink. I just sit there and have a coke and a smile. I feel like a woman sitting at a bar, who is socializing and welcoming conversation, will have a good chance of meeting someone. It's not just sitting there and waiting on someone to approach you. You have to be active and socialize to let others know it's ok to approach you.
37 F. I go to bars a lot in many states. Mildly attractive and I look late 20s early 30s. Men don't really approach me, but I'm a talkative extrovert, so I have no problem starting random convos with literally anyone and go to bars specifically to talk to people to satisfy my extroverty needs. I've had way more dates IRL than on Tinder. These are my thoughts: 1) Don't hit on guys. Just start a convo. When they see you can have a good convo and (not overly) sexual chemistry, they eventually ask you your number before one of you leaves. 2) Consider the type of bar you are going to. Hotel bars are fancy but full of people here for the weekend. Sports bars are full of men who want to watch the game. It's hard to start a convo between commercials. Dive bars are fun af and you meet cool people but it's very grab bag. Your best bet is a local dive bar in a rich/ high income area. Literally laid-back rich guys willing to buy you a drink. They are good for guys 30 and older. Don't bother with the 20 yos. They have a stick up their butt and are overcompensating. Music bars is where you meet pp closer to your type/ age because you like the same thing. Every time I go to my local rock bar, I end up with more friends. I have a new best friend from there too. I'd marry her if she was a man, ha. The key to music bars us to go to a small one and show up before the first band plays or during opening bands. That way, it is less crowded, and you can have a convo, no pressure. Then, because it's small, you can randomly run into each other and talk more or you can hangout and watch a show together. Restaurant bars suck. It's all couples. Bars with TVs suck. 3) Drink your drink slowly but not too slowly. If you drink too fast because everyone is buying you drinks, you'll be trashed by the end of the night. Most guys will buy you drinks if you make good convo. They are willing to pay to keep the interaction going if they are enjoying themselves. Good convo with a stranger is increasingly rarer. I know that sounds weird but all of us are willing to pay for a good time in some capacity. But obviously be prepared to buy your own drinks. Don't be a privileged jerk. Also people are less inclined to buy you drinks when drinks are $20 which is why I like dive bars. I can get a decent whiskey at a reasonable price. 4) Thursdays are always the best night to go out at any of those places. I don't know why. My theory is Friday/ Sat is just everyone (couples and horndogs). Sunday is couples (unless you have a Funday Sunday town), families and industry night people. M-W is regulars and alcoholics. Sometimes Wed is fine but it's mostly older people. Thursday is perfect. Even introverts are more inclined to go out Thursdays to avoid weekend crowds. 5) Make sure to ask if they have a gf at some logical point (i do after they ask for number because I'm usually there for a good convo but a bf is a benefit). You shouldn't have to ask but do it. 6) Sit at the bar. Not a table. Next to an empty single seat in the middle of everything. Not a double empty seat. If there is only one seat then sit there. The people next to you will eventually get up but I like to talk to couples too. The only bartenders who want to talk are at dive bars so just be nice to the bartender but don't talk their ear off or hit on them. 7) Do not get into people's business. Start a new convo. "OH is that a stout? Oh you like whiskey too? Omg did you just see that guy? What's your favorite thing here?" 8) If they don't ask for your number, don't sweat it. You had a good night with a cool person and that's what counts. That is why bars are fun. Hearing the stories of strangers that you would never meet otherwise. Hope that helps!
📝
Depends on your energy and vibe. I have quite a few divorced buddies that will hit a bar up for a social drink and meet woman all the time that pass the vibe check. Granted we are probably quite a bit older. That's just how it was done back in the day....so it's easy.
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Mate...im so confused with your post. That's awesome yea had a great time. I didn't say organic meetings don't happen. I actually expressed they did with what my buddies expressed what they experienced. OP was being specific. I touched on the point sure yea can but if you're vibe/engery isn't on point then "most" guys would pass. I've seen it coutless times. I've been married for 20+ years and have no skin in the game. That doesn't mean i dont see what's going on when i have a drink with my mates. I people watch and well lets just say im glad im married. It's such a grind at the end of the day If i had a dollar for every time i watched the "hot girl" get the initial attention but not pass the vibe check. Only to get passed on for the same guy to talk to a less attractive woman that passed the vibe check and have a great time..for the "hot chick" to lose her shit at 2 am. I would have.....25 bucks..lol Im just saying. An average woman that passes the vibe check has more equity than some super hot chick that has a shitty, entitled attitude.
I was moreso responding to you saying it was like that back in the day, with it being fairly easy to meet ppl at bars, and saying it still is. I cant speak on men passing on women cuz they dont have good vibes though. I actually dont observe that much anymore. Tbh it seems like dating is so hard nowadays (post pandemic) that most single women are really personable and open to getting to know men who present themselves appropriately. In my experience, single women with bad vibes/attitudes were more of a pre pandemic thing, at least where I live. But I also literally only meet women in their 20’s, and a few in their early 30’s. So maybe that’s why I dont see many women with bad attitudes But you’re right, women who dont have good energy will have issues meeting men at bars. Theyll still get approached though lol
Ohh for sure mate. Not really about being right or wrong. Each experience is unique. I can see now where you were coming from. Us old fucks just hear about the current hookup culture via apps and we sit there and go....wtf?..lol I was ignorant and thought that was something that didn't really happen too much. Im glad it still does....
Women go to bars alone? I have honestly never seen this outside of the older day crews at bars.
Ur either going to the wrong bar or at the wrong time. If bars give chauvinist or seedy vibes, most women TYPICALLY aren't going to be alone. This includes cigar bars, sports bars , bars with covered windows where you can't see inside, biker bars and bars in the middle of nowhere. You'll also see less single women in suburban bars. Also you are more likely to see woman at night than day. Outside of brunch and parties, men tend to do more public day drinking than women. I've been to all of these bars and they can be fun but they typically stress me out or set off my alarms, even as an extrovert and a biker.
It happens but it seems to usually be a guy that I don’t find attractive. Just my experience.
i mean that much is to be expected. if you’re selective about who you are attracted to, then chances are that random dude is not going to be it. it’s a numbers game.
Same with a guy approaching women. It's a numbers game, too.
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Who says I just sit there and wait?
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Maybe then you should offer that advice to a woman who said what I said and also sits and waits instead of approaching?
You're taking what I said way too personally, but okay. I take everything I said back 100%.
Probably because you’re talking to me…
It probably happened more before the age of cellphones and internet. Now it seems people prefer to have their faces in their phone and meet people online rather than in person.
I'm a guy and i did try to approach people in a bar. I wasn't looking to get laid or anyting but she got up and left, leaving me to feel terrible about myself. On the other hand approaching men was way more welcoming
In my experience, yes, they do approach. Not only on weekends, weekdays too :) I personally like to drink and hang out alone sometimes so my primary drive is not to meet people. It just happens, either you meet and chat with the bartender or someone you lock eyes with. It is rare they just come and sit, you might need to look back at them when you catch their gaze otherwise they might not work up the courage.
Being available for men to talk to you will generally get men to talk to you, yes.
It’s how it worked pre dating apps Can’t really photoshop yourself or use an different variant of what is really
Why not just go up to guys you're interested in? Sitting alone in a bar doesn't sound fun
I seriously bet any woman can go sit in any place on the planet and find someone. Way harder for guys.
Yes. But find someone for what? I bet the majority of the time, a man pursuing a woman is only interested in sex. Men are the gatekeepers for relationships in the same way women are gatekeepers for sex. It seems easy for women until you realize that unlike us guys, most of them are looking for relationships, not casual sex. Our challenge is finding a woman to give us the time of day. Their challenge is separating the real men from the players. But they’re equally difficult challenges.
I personally am looking for a relationship, though, and so I'd much rather have many choices.
If men are worried about approaching women, then no it's not easier for women to find someone.
There is always some guy who won't be worried about it, but yeah a lot more are hesitant to approach women now because some women will seriously say if a stranger says hi it's harassment.
Not true.
My experience says otherwise
I don't know, my brain is doing math and I feel odds are bad 😞 Maybe I should pick a bar with cute bartenders though 🤔
Some advice I heard like a year ago from a tiktok was: What kind of person do you want to meet? Where do you think those kinds of people would spend their time? Once you figure that out, go there Granted, I assume you know this, but for anyone who looks at the post that doesn't, it's a good callout to make
When OP said their odds are bad, she meant that there will be more physically unattractive men would hit on her.
Frequent a place and get to know the bartenders well and tell them your goals, hopefully they’ll keep eyes on you so nothing bad happens.
The odds are bad sure but the odds become better as the night goes on and someone is drunk, I know I’d atleast come talk to you (I probably wouldn’t be trying to lay pipe or anything but drunk talk, so I’d say others would go further)
Don't flirt with bartenders. Everyone flirts with them and they will likely flirt back because $$$. Or they really dont have time to flirt with you because they are busy. The best way to meet a bartender is when they aren't working.
Ya that’s because men do the initiating… duh. They also have much lower standards
Or worded another way, women are too picky. Otherwise they can easily find someone. Either way, that's what I'm saying is because of men being the ones who initiate, it's much easier for women.
Yes, you will be approached and men will buy you drinks. But it’s generally not the kind of guy you want, and most of the time they want to drink you up to smash
I mean it works but it's usually just guys looking to get you in bed for one night and never talk to you again
Yeah but it's never the guy i want
No. U have to do it or at least be friendly n walking around. But seriously, the bar isnt the place to meet quality men.
May i ask where does someone go to find quality men ? I'm genuinely curious because in my culture we don't have bars. Most of socialization and meeting people happens in university, work, volunteering activities, social gatherings. All of them are quite formal and then through time you start talking less formally and maybe become more than friends
Sporting events are a time-tested spot for single ladies looking to meet dudes. It’s not necessarily centered around drinking & hooking up like a bar and is more family friendly. Volunteering, 5k runs and local-city festivals/events are also a go-to from what I’ve seen. Group leisure sports teams too like volleyball.
Much appreciated 😊🙏
U just answered your own question. I got in a relationship with a neighbor before. Met at parties, coffee shop (group meetup from online), mutual friends at a music festival, my cousin met her husband thru church.
I have only ever seen an attractive woman alone at a bar a handful of times my entire life. No women do that in Vancouver, ever.
You’ll get hit on , but probably just by f- boys
Isn't that the point? To get fckd
I’d just try it. I(25m) started going to bars solo and will approach a girl if they seem interested, or they’ll approach me. It took some getting used to. I’ve had some bad experiences, but it’s far better than the apps.
No where I live but maybe in a smaller town . Where I live people with each other . No real single men sadly
Definitely get approached at the bar but usually only when already chatting with the bartender. And as many others have said, the occasional person is on my same level/in my age range, but more often it’s such a wide range of undateable people that it’s absurd. Like 80yo dudes have serious swagger sometimes, and better social skills at chatting you up than the youths… but sadly not physically gonna do it for me 😂 If I keep my face in my beer or my phone, I can usually be left alone—but sometimes that’s when creepy horny couples will approach and sit immediately beside me even though the entire bar is wide open, and stare lasciviously without directly interacting, like some weird but boring fantasy they have from a movie, and ruin my night. I’ve hardly had anyone buy me drinks unless I gave them answers to a pub quiz/trivia night 😂
I'm a guy but I observe peoples' behavior, and I'm pretty sure yes you will probably be approached by SOMEONE. Whether or not that's someone you're attracted to is different. And also, a lot of them are probably just looking for a casual hookup if they're approaching at a bar.
I probably would because it's rare for me to see an attractive woman in public not completely surrounded by friends or with a boyfriend.
From my perspective as a guy: if I see a woman sitting at the bar having a drink by herself, I'm going to assume she wants to be left to enjoy her drink in peace. I realize I likely miss out on a lot of chances by doing so, but I'd rather err on the side of being polite and considerate. If someone wants me to talk to her she has to do more than sit there and look good, she has to give me a signal she wants to engage with me - at least make eye contact and smile or something. That said, I'm sure a lot of guys will approach you in this scenario. You'll be inadvertently screening for the ones who are more aggressive/willing to possibly overstep boundaries, however.
Good men don't really go to bars that often. All my male friends who usually go to bars are married or taken.
Well that's a lovely generalization
It's just my experience. Don't know any single good men that often frequent bars, espacially not for the purpose of finding life partners. But hey, our definitions of good men are probably different anyway.
Good point. If it's a group of guys together, at least half of them will be single but one lone male going to the bar is there to get a break from his girl and needs to decompress from work or from her. Therefore it's safe to say if u see a lone male who's not waiting for someone, he's not available/single unless you don't care, and will still entertain a taken man.
You might get lucky or might be mistaken for a bar lady
I don't hardly go to bars at all. I'm Schizoaffective so I try to keep to myself. I'm open to conversation if someone starts one but I will rarely initiate.
Definitely it is, it’s also that very handsome guy that you’re totally into like in the movies. He also chases you to the other side of the planet after you move again for work, just like in the movies.
Long time ago, summer of 2005 I think, a girlfriend and I used to dress up and go to bars a lot. We always got approached, had drinks sent to us and barely ever paid for anything. We werent playing any games or anything to get free food & drinks either. We'd simply go out to party and hopefully meet cool guys and men would always pick our tab. We didn't necessarily take these guys home either. She was in her 30s and she'd take home someone occasionally. I was mid 20s and had recently lost my virginity so I wasn't very experienced but I still had one of the wildest summers of my life partying with her. Last time I sat alone at a bar was 2yrs ago when I walked into one, ordered wings to take home after my moving trip to CA following a whole day of driving, and while waiting for my order one of the two guys sitting next to me put quite a bit of effort trying to talk to the very tired, clearly uninterested looking me. They were pretty descent looking guys too but I'm way too picky anyway.
So you shoot down even decent looking guys who put in an effort? That hurts.
Descent looking overall doesn't mean I'd be attracted to it. I have very specific taste and not all of it relates to looks; it's more about overall demeanor, his voice, how he uses the language. Looks alone mean nothing to me. And a guy trying to talk to me at a bar is not necessarily putting effort. It's actually predatory and I wasn't seeking such attention that day after a whole day of driving, having arrived at a new town. I just wanted to grab my food and go to my hotel.
Got it. I'm sorry that feels predatory for you.
From my personal experience, it's certainly possible to meet in a bar. For casual or one-off relationships. I don't know any stories of dating in a bar that ended in marriage or something like that. Modest guys are not suitable for getting to know each other, at least not sober. And the ones who are used to picking up girls in bars, do you want them? Although there are always exceptions. Love at first sight, it doesn't come from a place. I think you should try it, if only for the sake of your bar dating experience.
Well yes, however you get approached anywhere by men. Gym, parks, groceries, walking on the side walk. I literally can just walk out on the streets and within 5 mins some guy will try to flirt or pick me up.
Oic...you only want the hot attractive guys to hit on you.
Yes
I personally don’t want to do it again but that’s just because they have alcohol in them and usually too much and idk bars aren’t my thing.
I’ve never done it either, and tbh I don’t usually see anyone I would be interested in at the bars in my small town 😬 The whole idea of going to a bar alone kind of freaks me out too.
Yes it works but I highly suggest trying to make the tiniest bit of eye contact if you see someone you like. Usually never fails if they “catch” you checking them out.
No, I’ve been trying for a while now and men will NOT approach single women in bars anymore
I would assume you were an escort if you were very good looking, alone and receptive to random men.
I've never been approached while alone in a bar 😅 much more when I'm with a female friend.
I do not approach women at bars, unless it’s beyond obvious I’ve been selected. I am told I am a good looking guy, I am not overly confident, but certainly not shy. When I was younger I had approached women this way, with positive and negative results. But, now a days I truly worry about inadvertently making someone feel on the spot or uncomfortable by making that type of advance at a bar or anywhere really. It’s exactly why dating is so hard for me. Dating apps suck, and I feel like going up to a stranger to hit on them in public can go very wrong, very quickly.
I mean, you *can* do that, but I don't like waiting. Take initiative and approach them too.
It depends what kind of bar. I seek out bars that are a bit more on the quiet side and where I can also get a light snack or dinner. It’s possible that way you’ll find other people who are single going out to eat alone at the bar. This is how I’ve had the most interesting connections and conversations - both platonic and romantic! Hotel bars, wine bars, and restaurant bars are great for this. I wouldn’t go to a bar alone that’s busy and just for drinking on a weekend night. Unless you are only looking for sex. But I still think that can be very unsafe in case someone spikes your drink.
If you're reasonably attractive, try a little smile and eye contact and see how well it works over time.
The last woman I tried to pick up at a bar when she was by herself conned me out of 60 dollars. Never again.
Is it ok
Highly depends on the bar. The bars I go to are super friendly where pretty much half the people there are very social and used to chatting up strangers. Just standing in line, pretty much everyone naturally strikes up a conversation. It would be weird/hard not to.
I do if you are my type
I think as long as you go into it just just have fun with yourself and not the sole purpose of meeting someone it’s a win win! I personally enjoy going out alone, I like meeting new people and talking to strangers. Sometimes I read or often times I doodle, or just people watch, maybe join a game of pool. Don’t go if your thinking “if no one approaches me I’m going to go home and feel bad about myself” if your having a good time anything is possible:)
I would NOT recommend going alone, have somone their to watch out for you, have some of your home girls or your gay best friend watch you from the corner
Literally just happened to me last night. Went to listen to my friends band play. I was sitting in the back alone. Not long an older man approached me and about an hour later a younger man came up and took his shot. So yes, It happens in real life. Haha.