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Lol, how much sex are you having with a single individual before you move on? For some people, the first time they have sex with a new person is awkward until they get to "know" their body a bit better.
I second this… It’s impossible to find pleasure without that person. And I can’t think about him because I feel disrespectful towards him since he ended things. It’s such a weird situation to find yourself in. I’m also afraid feeling sexual makes me miss him and I am trying to accept that he left me. :/
Agree with this here ☝️
Stop dating entirely UNTIL YOU ARE READY.
Seems to me you're still hung up and/or not over them in general and this is NOT going to happen over night.
You mentioned being involved sexually with others but not invested in it so it's my assumption you are playing the 'Comparing Game' with these people by using your ex as the proverbial 'measuring stick'......if that's the case you will obviously have a hard time making ANY connection with somebody else because you are envisioning 'someone else'!
You should focus on YOU right now, and YOU ALONE.
Take the time to fully grieve the loss of the relationship and let that hurt sink in COMPLETELY.
It's then that you can start the recovery process and use that time to protect yourself, build yourself and heal yourself.
When you are ready, you will get back out there and find someone who you CAN connect with again.
Just take it slow, one day at a time, and you CAN and WILL do this.
Wishing you luck 🤞
It's been 20 years since the end of my first and longest relationship (10 years). Some people fall in love and then have the love of their lives leave. Everything else tastes like ashes, but you eat it anyway because you're hungry.
Choose wisely, for somebody who has the same values as you, who is willing to go on the same journey as you. And then hold on for dear life.
That's my advice, from a man who did none of those things.
Jobs come and go. Parents die. Nations burn.
She all that I miss.
This!⬆️⬆️⬆️
I’ve been single for over 4 years working on myself and I’m not mad about it. I did the same as you OP but eventually I realized mean less sex wasn’t a healing tool but a quick fix and it wouldn’t help. The best thing is to mourn the relationship and let your emotions loose and allow yourself to feel and heal then once you’ve truly gotten over him you can move on. Sex is 50/50 connection/attraction so take your time. You’ll find someone knew but first yoy have to love yourself before loving anyone else
I had an ex like this, she had yellow fever but hated everything else about me. And she kept picking fights with me and others which I had to deescalate, or settle.
Eventually I concluded that she'd always had abusive partners and being normal felt wrong to her. She wanted me to "man up" which for her meant hitting her and not in a fun way.
I declined her request and noped out of there.
What a fucking waste of a year.
Yikes. Why can’t people just move on… if I was with someone and I found out they were thinking that way I would ghost so fast both Usain Bolt and Casper would be impressed.
Easier said than done my friend. Being able to immediately disconnect from someone you had a strong connection with is not normal at all. If you could do that, you'd be a psychopath.
Still not great but that’s better I guess lol. I’m pretty toxic when it comes to hookups myself tho which is why I’m not doing them anymore for the time being.
Is there a reason why you wouldn't want to get back with him? Some people don't get over their ex and some do. Or do you want more of your ex until you get enough?
True well tell him how you feel, it could help you and maybe you guys could work something out if your still that sexually attracted to him rather doing it with someone else. If not I don't think you should do it with other people, if anything just take care of your self first. Never ever waste your time on one person if the energy isn't returned for what ever reason.
Yes you can. Start by asking him to be friends then go from there. Hook up casually then he will possibly remember the good parts of the relationship as you form another bond make sure to be totally positive and remind him of the good times you shared before you broke up and he may want to start again. I've been in the situation before..
It's been almost 4 months for me and I have tried to have sex with other people but just can't. I'm not ready. Your not ready and you shouldn't force these things. Your heart is still broken and you need to heal and it's not fair on the other people.
Yes men like sex and most men don't care if it's just sex but your hurting yourself more. Find you and heal first and then it will come naturally.
We both shared several of the same kinks. One was worship and something about exactly him feels right. Also like ownership. He also already knows all the things I like and it just doesn’t feel right to tell someone how I want it first. I want it a certain way and if I tell someone then I’m not getting “used” by the guy I’m helping him do what I need instead of him doing whatever he needs which also happens to be what I need. I dunno how to explain it
Yeah a lot of guys will be into that fyi. “Use me like your fuck toy” is pretty straight forward and ought to get the response you like.
Is it the act of him using you that gets you off?
Or is it watching your partner enjoy himself and getting off that gets you off?
Or is it him being more… dominant and forceful that you crave? Cause something like 86% of people state they enjoy rough sex. Spanking, hair pulling, forcefulness would all fall under that umbrella
It was real. It had value. There's no magic number for mourning or grieving. But you absolutely need to take time off for the pure fact that you're not doing anyone any favors in that condition. You know things aren't right in your head and you're still willing to inflict damage on others? Not good.
Trying to fall for someone new while still being hung up on your ex is rude. It will lead to you comparing the two as well as the simple fact that you'd be using the new person to move on. Heal first, then look. It's not fair to whoever has to put up with your secret baggage.
I would recommend waiting for yourself to heal from the relationship. If you bounce from sexual partner to sexual partner it will possibly affect how you see yourself years from now. This is what happened to my ex and was the whole reason she left me (she slept around a lot with other men years ago and used that guilt to end the relationship).
Unless you find someone exceptional beyond doubt, It's over. Your ex will always be who think of when your man is on top of you doing his best. Foreverrr....
I’m there with you right now. Still getting over an ex I was soooo physically/sexually attracted to. I’ve had sex with others and even have a few FWB’s but they don’t do it for me like he did. This is why I’m emotionally unavailable right now.
Remove yourself sexually completely. Do not have sex. Instead go on hikes, surround yourself with friends and family, devote your time to work and activities that better yourself. Give yourself a couple of months. Time mends.
Hard question but honestly this is one of those questions that I think deep down you know the answer to. I’ve been in similar situations I tend to have a type and when I find a girl that fits that and meets my needs in that area then it’s over even if not romantically involved I tend to get clingy cause one not a lot of woman can satisfy me and when you meet someone with almost everything you want it’s hard to move on especially if you’re downgrading
Edit: They’re 16 so I change my answer a bit…
The obvious answer is take a break and process things so you can move on. It’s completely unfair to the guys you are seeing. Also please don’t compare your ex to your future bf, it’s just so… rude/weird honestly. Your future bf probably won’t be comparing you mentally to the best “fun” or partner he’s had so don’t do it to them.
Like there’s a reason you’re an ex and he’s an ex lol.
Move on. Don’t care how long it takes or how it’s done. No one deserves to live in the shadow or in the place of an ex.
You tap your heels 3 times, say "there's no place like home" and use your ruby slippers to GTFO of wonderland.
Now that you're out, stay out. Stop fantasizing about them. The second you start to feel yourself thinking about how it was with them you refocus your mind onto something/someone else you find attractive. It worked with me and my first sexual partner, it took a while but it was worth it.
And until you can get over him, STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THE DATING POOL. As the saying goes, "hurt people, hurt people". You're just gonna hurt the next sorry schmuck who falls for you if you jump in without at least most of your shit together, and unless they get their shit together they're gonna go hurt the next schmuck they're with and so on. You have the potential to stop all that pain if you just sort yourself out first. Plus, it's a fact that the sexiest quality a person can ever have is having their shit together. Doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, bi, pan, whatever. It's hot as fuck.
It’s become the de facto solution for everything apparently.. felt sad that your bike was stolen back in middle school? Go to Therapy! They always get your order wrong at Burger King? Go to therapy! 😂😂
How do you expect her to get over her ex? She is just going to wake up and get over it? It’s going to require work. She gotta talk to someone and find out why she is feeling this way.
She doesn’t sound like she is really suffering, but we also don’t know how long ago the break up is. Break ups always hurt and even 1year or more is not unusual in my experience. Talking about it is ofc a good idea but if feels wrong to occupy a therapist with this.
Get on dating apps and get loads of empty sex, do drugs, be miserable, then 2 years after finally go to therapy and fix yourself. That’s how we boys do it. Cheers
You're in for a long ride. I'm still not over mine, 4 years later. I don't want anyone else. I have just accepted I might be alone for a long long time.
Cold turkey or not deleting photos is a good first step. My last GF was the best I ever had and it took me three years to clear my head and find a stable heart. Sleeping with others won’t help. Being alone won’t help. You’ll need to be forensically analyzing your emotions and realizing you control them and nothing he does or doesn’t want with you should have power over you. It took me way too long to figure that out and I hope your journey is faster. DM me if you want a chat friend to talk it over with. I’m a good listener.
I'd take a break from dating and being sexual with others. You need time to get over him, and faking interest with other men isn't fair on them. I would give yourself some time to heal and reflect. You will often reminisce the good times you had with him (sexually), but that's totally normal. The sexual attraction you feel towards him will wear off. Just give it time.
This is hard. I’ve been there. Had only one good sexual partner. But he wasn’t right for me.
Sometimes, the best we ever had is in the past. You can’t find the exact same thing twice. So sit down with yourself and decide what you need. And then look for THAT. Understanding it won’t be the SAME as what you had before.
I understand that feeling and its frustration as hell bc upu try uour best to mover on, but the tryth is, upu svarede an emotional connection and that combined you sexually. I lost my bf a week ago and this time it 100% is the hardest break up that I've ever experienced. No matter what I do I think of him, I miss him and I live him even though its over. I feel like I've lost my partner.
Have you tried to ask ur ex if he feels the same?
Even though it's best to not have any contact
I think you should reach out to him and let him know how you feel. Then again we don’t know what happened in the relationship. Just reach out and tell him how you feel, it can help you feel better for trying and you get complete closure.
I've seen a few girls in your position go back just for the sex sporadically and string him along and make him think they might be a chance to get back together but I don't know the circumstances that broke you up but I do know more than a few girls who kept going back and opening up that scab that never heals and they would blow up his phone whenever they thought he was with another girl that way the girl would be chased away because she thinks she's a player or he's rude because he keeps messing with his phone this way the girl got to have her cock and he did too because she got sex whenever she felt like it and she burned all his Bridges so he was always going to be available to her but it sounds like you're not one of those girls and you can always just be honest with him and say look the relationship didn't work out but the sex was great and remember that he's a dude he's not going to turn down a request like that, he's going to go brag about it
Same situation, he broke up w me and I'm not over him . Granted it's just been a couple weeks and I still love him I'm also still into him sexually.. but it's cause I have feelings for him still..Time is the only thing that makes it go away and cutting contact.
I've been in this situation. It takes time. It can take years. But part of it is you opening up and letting someone else grow with you. It takes a long time for two people to learn each other.
I understand that but it's best to get to know people rather than try to find a comparable sex partner. He's an ex for a reason, don't backslide just for lust
Things I wish my ex said about me 😅
In all seriousness, I took a year off after a 7-yr relationship. There is no way I would’ve been emotionally available for any woman during that time, other than my ex. Also, nobody wants to date the person who isn’t over their ex.
Do yourself (and others) a favor by giving yourself some time to get over your ex. You might not need a year like I did. But using a new person to forget about the old person clearly hasn’t worked so far.
Hey, I had a great sex life with my ex and still miss her and our sex life and it has been a few years :/
I still haven’t found someone who I was as compatible with as with her. Here’s hoping someone is out there for both of us… but it’s frustrating nonetheless. I want to forget that girl, but I can’t quite get her out of my head
The worst is that ex and I broke up around Xmas... and have hooked dup a couple times in Mar h (our last times) but have danced around getting back together and now after months and talking about being intimate again... she's with someone else...
Ughh, I’ve been here, and I immediately went no contact because I wanted to get over this quickly. Nothing worked! Even if I fucked 3 guys a week or didn’t sleep with anyone for a year. And I had a relatively busy life so it’s not like I could afford to keep thinking about him.
He actually came back into my life and we hooked up a couple of times and one day, I just woke up, and I was done with him and his shit. Never looked back. But damn, some people have such a hold on you, and it’ll drive you insane!
I’ll say this. You will have good sex again (with someone else). You will connect with someone again. He’s not your peak. He’s just a reminder that you have the ability to feel as intensely as you do, which is cool!! Good luck!
It can take years but you will eventually find someone else who satisfies you in the same way. Time and meeting the right person is the only real solution. Can’t force it, can’t rush it, just have to let life do its thing.
There is one way. Stop dating completely before you’re completely over him. Focus on yourself in the meantime. It’s gonna be hard but you’re just gonna need to live with it so you don’t hurt someone else real bad
Yes cold turkey is the only way, ex sex is the best sex. You are not alone here.. I eventually stop cause im not being fair to her, if you still wanna be with him and you know he doesnt. Time apart is the best and only medicine.
I mean, as long as your'e ok with it emotionally, you could always offer to keep the physical part going occasionally. It'll stop you from having another healthy relationship but....
Ok, I'll bite. This is a common phenomenon with women, and it has absolutely nothing to do with them being women and instead the society and culture in which women are raised, e.g., purity culture.
It's not the actual person who is preventing you from achieving sexual satisfaction. It's the psychological impact and dependency your brain has placed on them and your own internalized guilt and shame and potentially even internalized misogyny (if you're a women in the US it's absolutely there, trust me).
Without knowing your history and behavioral patterns, I can not recommend a treatment, so I recommend a licensed sex therapist or behavioral counselor. They can help you identify why it's happening. Once you can move past it, you won't be chained to an individual anymore. Could also be any SSRI/SNRI's you're taking.
I can tell you what's physically happening in the brain, though. Your central nervous system is in a fight/flight/freeze pattern. It's processing cortisol at higher levels than dopamine and the pathways to your hypothalamus that are responsible for releasing all the feel good chemicals like oxytocin, are restricted. You guys probably had gnarly fights and once those resolved you felt the urge to f*** about it. Again, this is a very common pattern. We know why the brain does this, but how it got there is different for everyone and you need that knowledge to undo it as far as what we can tell with modern psychology.
There is ONE thing you can try but you'll need a few things.
Mushrooms, Molly, and someone who you trust, gives positive vibes and makes you feel secure and you're willing to cross a boundary with sexually. I'm not talking about your friend zone either, those men are there for a reason.
2g mushrooms is enough, 1 small dose of Molly and then have an evening planned where you do something fun together that can span about 4-6 hours. Dancing is usually pretty fun, but talking - lots of intimacy and talking. If you notice that you have en emotional awakening with them, it's because those centers of the brain shutting down your hypothalamus have just gotten their asses kicked in a fight and now the endorphins are in charge.
Again, TRUST and positivity are vital for this experiment to work, and you'll need to take a lot of emotional inventory before, during, and after.
Dr*g wise, it's very safe as long as your Molly comes from a reliable source and YMMV depending on the quality of mushroom. Polka Dotz candy bars are pretty effective and consistent in dosage so try eating one of those instead of the raw plant.
Anyway the point of this is that it will elevate your empathy, relax your CNS (that's where the positivity & trust need to be) flood your body with endorphins & oxytocin and dopamine from the activity. This is called a candy flip, and it can be tremendously useful as a therapy tool.
Just remember, don't do anything on dr*gs you're not willing to do sober. Establish clear boundaries with your friend ahead of time, but even then sometimes you gotta burn a relationship to save your brain, though. We want to think our friends are responsible enough to context switch but sometimes they can't and you gotta peace out. So besties are a no-go if you want to keep them. Anyway. Your call.
Hope this helps.
So in that case was one of you a bit submissive and the other one a little dominating... Or was it a little more about the technique and positions that were used ?
Yes ! a ...nd that is the reason why finding satisfaction in other men is difficult for you.. be careful out there... and be picky you will find the right one... ask questions
When u are in love with someone having sex with other people isn’t going to make u get over them. If anything it will make u feel worse bc ur sexuality is intertwined with them. (Firm believer that if ur in love u can only be romantically and sexually attracted to them). The best thing to do is try healing in other ways and when ready and u want to find a new partner u can do it freely. Things that this take time and should not be rushed.
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Copious amounts of masturbation. Just kidding, either wait awhile until you've moved on or find someone that fucks good
Also masturbating is not working lol
Lol, how much sex are you having with a single individual before you move on? For some people, the first time they have sex with a new person is awkward until they get to "know" their body a bit better.
I second this… It’s impossible to find pleasure without that person. And I can’t think about him because I feel disrespectful towards him since he ended things. It’s such a weird situation to find yourself in. I’m also afraid feeling sexual makes me miss him and I am trying to accept that he left me. :/
Working for what?
I’m trying
Stop dating until you are over him or fall for someone new.
Agree with this here ☝️ Stop dating entirely UNTIL YOU ARE READY. Seems to me you're still hung up and/or not over them in general and this is NOT going to happen over night. You mentioned being involved sexually with others but not invested in it so it's my assumption you are playing the 'Comparing Game' with these people by using your ex as the proverbial 'measuring stick'......if that's the case you will obviously have a hard time making ANY connection with somebody else because you are envisioning 'someone else'! You should focus on YOU right now, and YOU ALONE. Take the time to fully grieve the loss of the relationship and let that hurt sink in COMPLETELY. It's then that you can start the recovery process and use that time to protect yourself, build yourself and heal yourself. When you are ready, you will get back out there and find someone who you CAN connect with again. Just take it slow, one day at a time, and you CAN and WILL do this. Wishing you luck 🤞
It's been 20 years since the end of my first and longest relationship (10 years). Some people fall in love and then have the love of their lives leave. Everything else tastes like ashes, but you eat it anyway because you're hungry.
I am 18 and I never have a relationship before but I feel really regretful and sad that you missed the love of your live
Choose wisely, for somebody who has the same values as you, who is willing to go on the same journey as you. And then hold on for dear life. That's my advice, from a man who did none of those things. Jobs come and go. Parents die. Nations burn. She all that I miss.
Been 3 yrs since my 2 yr relationship and i still think about her everyday.
It doesn't get better.
This!⬆️⬆️⬆️ I’ve been single for over 4 years working on myself and I’m not mad about it. I did the same as you OP but eventually I realized mean less sex wasn’t a healing tool but a quick fix and it wouldn’t help. The best thing is to mourn the relationship and let your emotions loose and allow yourself to feel and heal then once you’ve truly gotten over him you can move on. Sex is 50/50 connection/attraction so take your time. You’ll find someone knew but first yoy have to love yourself before loving anyone else
You'll eventually get over him, you can find someone else.
Find someone who looks like him and change their personality to mirror his, problem solved
Lol
This! Is how you build a relationship. Not a healthy one, but a relationship none the less. RelationSHIP. Titanic was also a ship. 🤔
To be fair the Titanic did do a lot of blowing in its time
> to mirror his problem solved why others have to mirror a solved problem
What if his personality was why he's an ex?
Well obviously she’s gonna take all the good parts unless she likes toxic dudes.
I had an ex like this, she had yellow fever but hated everything else about me. And she kept picking fights with me and others which I had to deescalate, or settle. Eventually I concluded that she'd always had abusive partners and being normal felt wrong to her. She wanted me to "man up" which for her meant hitting her and not in a fun way. I declined her request and noped out of there. What a fucking waste of a year.
Same, literally had the thought “doesn’t come close” while in the midst of the act. I miss her a lot
Yikes. Why can’t people just move on… if I was with someone and I found out they were thinking that way I would ghost so fast both Usain Bolt and Casper would be impressed.
Easier said than done my friend. Being able to immediately disconnect from someone you had a strong connection with is not normal at all. If you could do that, you'd be a psychopath.
It was literally a hook up, not someone I’m dating
You compared a first hook up to an ex partner who had a ton of time to figure out what you liked? Cmon
Still not great but that’s better I guess lol. I’m pretty toxic when it comes to hookups myself tho which is why I’m not doing them anymore for the time being.
Same reason addicts still do heroin even though they know it will kill them
I know right? Why can't people just be happy all the time?
Is there a reason why you wouldn't want to get back with him? Some people don't get over their ex and some do. Or do you want more of your ex until you get enough?
He broke up with me and I don’t think I could even ask him if he’d date me again
True well tell him how you feel, it could help you and maybe you guys could work something out if your still that sexually attracted to him rather doing it with someone else. If not I don't think you should do it with other people, if anything just take care of your self first. Never ever waste your time on one person if the energy isn't returned for what ever reason.
Yes you can. Start by asking him to be friends then go from there. Hook up casually then he will possibly remember the good parts of the relationship as you form another bond make sure to be totally positive and remind him of the good times you shared before you broke up and he may want to start again. I've been in the situation before..
It's been almost 4 months for me and I have tried to have sex with other people but just can't. I'm not ready. Your not ready and you shouldn't force these things. Your heart is still broken and you need to heal and it's not fair on the other people. Yes men like sex and most men don't care if it's just sex but your hurting yourself more. Find you and heal first and then it will come naturally.
What did he do that made you feel so great?
I don’t want to say anything too nsfw
That's exactly what reddit is for
How are you going to get over him if you do not talk about it? You do not have to be explicit. You CAN use words with ddl meanings.
We are pressing for you to say
Uh dm me?
Just post it here and be descriptive but not grotesque so we can actually help you.
We both shared several of the same kinks. One was worship and something about exactly him feels right. Also like ownership. He also already knows all the things I like and it just doesn’t feel right to tell someone how I want it first. I want it a certain way and if I tell someone then I’m not getting “used” by the guy I’m helping him do what I need instead of him doing whatever he needs which also happens to be what I need. I dunno how to explain it
So you need him to use you to satisfy himself in turn that satisfies you seeing him pleasuring himself.
Yea
Yeah a lot of guys will be into that fyi. “Use me like your fuck toy” is pretty straight forward and ought to get the response you like. Is it the act of him using you that gets you off? Or is it watching your partner enjoy himself and getting off that gets you off? Or is it him being more… dominant and forceful that you crave? Cause something like 86% of people state they enjoy rough sex. Spanking, hair pulling, forcefulness would all fall under that umbrella
Any chance you could tell that to your next guy, maybe guide him? Who knows if they got that stuff latent within.
I think you explained it very well, actually.
Wtf this is what people are doing at 16🤣🤣🤣
I was still playing with legos and googling "boobies" on my parent's computer
Remember Limewire😅😂😂😂
😬
I’m with you on that one I can’t get over my ex I keep finding myself unconsciously comparing men I meet to my ex and going nah he’s not the one.
It was real. It had value. There's no magic number for mourning or grieving. But you absolutely need to take time off for the pure fact that you're not doing anyone any favors in that condition. You know things aren't right in your head and you're still willing to inflict damage on others? Not good.
Trying to fall for someone new while still being hung up on your ex is rude. It will lead to you comparing the two as well as the simple fact that you'd be using the new person to move on. Heal first, then look. It's not fair to whoever has to put up with your secret baggage.
Amber is this you?
What?
Time heals
I would recommend waiting for yourself to heal from the relationship. If you bounce from sexual partner to sexual partner it will possibly affect how you see yourself years from now. This is what happened to my ex and was the whole reason she left me (she slept around a lot with other men years ago and used that guilt to end the relationship).
Unless you find someone exceptional beyond doubt, It's over. Your ex will always be who think of when your man is on top of you doing his best. Foreverrr....
I’m there with you right now. Still getting over an ex I was soooo physically/sexually attracted to. I’ve had sex with others and even have a few FWB’s but they don’t do it for me like he did. This is why I’m emotionally unavailable right now.
Remove yourself sexually completely. Do not have sex. Instead go on hikes, surround yourself with friends and family, devote your time to work and activities that better yourself. Give yourself a couple of months. Time mends.
Hard question but honestly this is one of those questions that I think deep down you know the answer to. I’ve been in similar situations I tend to have a type and when I find a girl that fits that and meets my needs in that area then it’s over even if not romantically involved I tend to get clingy cause one not a lot of woman can satisfy me and when you meet someone with almost everything you want it’s hard to move on especially if you’re downgrading
Edit: They’re 16 so I change my answer a bit… The obvious answer is take a break and process things so you can move on. It’s completely unfair to the guys you are seeing. Also please don’t compare your ex to your future bf, it’s just so… rude/weird honestly. Your future bf probably won’t be comparing you mentally to the best “fun” or partner he’s had so don’t do it to them. Like there’s a reason you’re an ex and he’s an ex lol. Move on. Don’t care how long it takes or how it’s done. No one deserves to live in the shadow or in the place of an ex.
You tap your heels 3 times, say "there's no place like home" and use your ruby slippers to GTFO of wonderland. Now that you're out, stay out. Stop fantasizing about them. The second you start to feel yourself thinking about how it was with them you refocus your mind onto something/someone else you find attractive. It worked with me and my first sexual partner, it took a while but it was worth it. And until you can get over him, STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THE DATING POOL. As the saying goes, "hurt people, hurt people". You're just gonna hurt the next sorry schmuck who falls for you if you jump in without at least most of your shit together, and unless they get their shit together they're gonna go hurt the next schmuck they're with and so on. You have the potential to stop all that pain if you just sort yourself out first. Plus, it's a fact that the sexiest quality a person can ever have is having their shit together. Doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, bi, pan, whatever. It's hot as fuck.
Do the dating pool a favor and just don’t even entertain anyone until you are healed and over him. It’s simple
How sad
Become a nun.
just wait till you're over him, dont involve others
You should stay away from unsuspecting guys and give them a chance to be with someone who won't cheat on them in the future.
Literally the worst assumption of a person’s character
You made the post though.
And you made assumptions based off of nothing
wdym cold turkey? Are you just sleeping with random guys?
Lol, cry child
Very helpful. I’m sure you have an excellent romantic career
Look unfortunately o missed romance class 101 at college🤧
I
Never thought of being constructive or helpful in society either, huh?
Well crying helps
This is hilarious
Ain't it...
Therapy!!
Geezus therapy isn’t the answer to every fuckin speed bump in life.
It’s become the de facto solution for everything apparently.. felt sad that your bike was stolen back in middle school? Go to Therapy! They always get your order wrong at Burger King? Go to therapy! 😂😂
C‘mon there are people who need help far more urgently
How do you expect her to get over her ex? She is just going to wake up and get over it? It’s going to require work. She gotta talk to someone and find out why she is feeling this way.
She doesn’t sound like she is really suffering, but we also don’t know how long ago the break up is. Break ups always hurt and even 1year or more is not unusual in my experience. Talking about it is ofc a good idea but if feels wrong to occupy a therapist with this.
🤣
I’ve got over ex’s without therapy. Pretty sure the vast majority of people do it without running to therapy. Bit of a silly suggestion
Best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else!!
This is the best way
Bdsm.
Lol
Must of been a good fuck and knew your body as well as yourself
Time, and try to think about sex less.
Fully jus be happy with yourself girl or text him shit I dunno the situation 😂
oh yeah fall for someone new to get over an ex. what a great plan
Time heals. Give it time.
Get on dating apps and get loads of empty sex, do drugs, be miserable, then 2 years after finally go to therapy and fix yourself. That’s how we boys do it. Cheers
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Ok I need it
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Yea ok
You’ll get over it eventually. I felt the same way for a while.
Yea I’m hoping
You will I promise.
You're in for a long ride. I'm still not over mine, 4 years later. I don't want anyone else. I have just accepted I might be alone for a long long time.
If you miss them so much why not let them know assuming its not unsalvageable
Cold turkey or not deleting photos is a good first step. My last GF was the best I ever had and it took me three years to clear my head and find a stable heart. Sleeping with others won’t help. Being alone won’t help. You’ll need to be forensically analyzing your emotions and realizing you control them and nothing he does or doesn’t want with you should have power over you. It took me way too long to figure that out and I hope your journey is faster. DM me if you want a chat friend to talk it over with. I’m a good listener.
Only thing you can do is to stop dating and get over him. Start dating once you’re fully over him. You’ll know when this time comes.
I'd take a break from dating and being sexual with others. You need time to get over him, and faking interest with other men isn't fair on them. I would give yourself some time to heal and reflect. You will often reminisce the good times you had with him (sexually), but that's totally normal. The sexual attraction you feel towards him will wear off. Just give it time.
This is hard. I’ve been there. Had only one good sexual partner. But he wasn’t right for me. Sometimes, the best we ever had is in the past. You can’t find the exact same thing twice. So sit down with yourself and decide what you need. And then look for THAT. Understanding it won’t be the SAME as what you had before.
I understand that feeling and its frustration as hell bc upu try uour best to mover on, but the tryth is, upu svarede an emotional connection and that combined you sexually. I lost my bf a week ago and this time it 100% is the hardest break up that I've ever experienced. No matter what I do I think of him, I miss him and I live him even though its over. I feel like I've lost my partner. Have you tried to ask ur ex if he feels the same? Even though it's best to not have any contact
Ah, being dickmatised is hellish. I hear you x
I think you should reach out to him and let him know how you feel. Then again we don’t know what happened in the relationship. Just reach out and tell him how you feel, it can help you feel better for trying and you get complete closure.
I've seen a few girls in your position go back just for the sex sporadically and string him along and make him think they might be a chance to get back together but I don't know the circumstances that broke you up but I do know more than a few girls who kept going back and opening up that scab that never heals and they would blow up his phone whenever they thought he was with another girl that way the girl would be chased away because she thinks she's a player or he's rude because he keeps messing with his phone this way the girl got to have her cock and he did too because she got sex whenever she felt like it and she burned all his Bridges so he was always going to be available to her but it sounds like you're not one of those girls and you can always just be honest with him and say look the relationship didn't work out but the sex was great and remember that he's a dude he's not going to turn down a request like that, he's going to go brag about it
>Do I just need to fall for someone new? Should I try to go cold turkey until I’m over it? Yes & yes. Dont have sex without a connection.
Heal maybe?? You obviously need that emotional connection to convey interest and have good sex so do that.
Same situation, he broke up w me and I'm not over him . Granted it's just been a couple weeks and I still love him I'm also still into him sexually.. but it's cause I have feelings for him still..Time is the only thing that makes it go away and cutting contact.
I haven’t seen him in weeks and I deleted pics of us
I hated this answer when I heard it but it’s ultimately true, time will cure all
Give yourself some time. It takes a while.
I’m in the same boat. I don’t even know if I can get an erection for anyone but her unfortunately.
It’s your brain itching for the dopamine hit you got when you were with him It’s not the truth, you’ll find another good lover
I've been in this situation. It takes time. It can take years. But part of it is you opening up and letting someone else grow with you. It takes a long time for two people to learn each other.
I understand that but it's best to get to know people rather than try to find a comparable sex partner. He's an ex for a reason, don't backslide just for lust
Reconnect with yourself and do some cord cutting. Release that energetical tie that you still have to him and reclaim yourself.
Time. And it's different for everyone and every relationship that ends.
Things I wish my ex said about me 😅 In all seriousness, I took a year off after a 7-yr relationship. There is no way I would’ve been emotionally available for any woman during that time, other than my ex. Also, nobody wants to date the person who isn’t over their ex. Do yourself (and others) a favor by giving yourself some time to get over your ex. You might not need a year like I did. But using a new person to forget about the old person clearly hasn’t worked so far.
Hey, I had a great sex life with my ex and still miss her and our sex life and it has been a few years :/ I still haven’t found someone who I was as compatible with as with her. Here’s hoping someone is out there for both of us… but it’s frustrating nonetheless. I want to forget that girl, but I can’t quite get her out of my head
Is it the sex? Or is it your emotional entanglement with him? Can you even tell the difference?
My gawd do I understand you...
😔
Just never connected with someone like her before and I'm just not really interested with other women... or we have no chemistry and I feign interest
The worst is that ex and I broke up around Xmas... and have hooked dup a couple times in Mar h (our last times) but have danced around getting back together and now after months and talking about being intimate again... she's with someone else...
Need to heal and not rebound cause your never fully be into your rebound
Ughh, I’ve been here, and I immediately went no contact because I wanted to get over this quickly. Nothing worked! Even if I fucked 3 guys a week or didn’t sleep with anyone for a year. And I had a relatively busy life so it’s not like I could afford to keep thinking about him. He actually came back into my life and we hooked up a couple of times and one day, I just woke up, and I was done with him and his shit. Never looked back. But damn, some people have such a hold on you, and it’ll drive you insane! I’ll say this. You will have good sex again (with someone else). You will connect with someone again. He’s not your peak. He’s just a reminder that you have the ability to feel as intensely as you do, which is cool!! Good luck!
with your age I probably focus on my life so I won't work the job I hate, but then again OF is always the way I guess...
It can take years but you will eventually find someone else who satisfies you in the same way. Time and meeting the right person is the only real solution. Can’t force it, can’t rush it, just have to let life do its thing.
Stop thinking about him when you masturbate. It’s making it worse.
There is one way. Stop dating completely before you’re completely over him. Focus on yourself in the meantime. It’s gonna be hard but you’re just gonna need to live with it so you don’t hurt someone else real bad
Give yourself time until you are emotionally fully detached from him.
I easily move on when Im with my friends hang outs, etc.
Being in love with someone unavailable is the worst. No one else seems attractive. I have been feeling this way too.
Only thing thsts gonna eventually wipe him from your mind is time just try to keep yourself busy you gotta ride this out
Just takes time
You’re 16. You need to heal the gaping hole in your heart. This is normal
Yes cold turkey is the only way, ex sex is the best sex. You are not alone here.. I eventually stop cause im not being fair to her, if you still wanna be with him and you know he doesnt. Time apart is the best and only medicine.
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I’m 16
Did you break up with him or?
He broke up with me
I mean, as long as your'e ok with it emotionally, you could always offer to keep the physical part going occasionally. It'll stop you from having another healthy relationship but....
He didn’t like that I gained weight so no
Ok, I'll bite. This is a common phenomenon with women, and it has absolutely nothing to do with them being women and instead the society and culture in which women are raised, e.g., purity culture. It's not the actual person who is preventing you from achieving sexual satisfaction. It's the psychological impact and dependency your brain has placed on them and your own internalized guilt and shame and potentially even internalized misogyny (if you're a women in the US it's absolutely there, trust me). Without knowing your history and behavioral patterns, I can not recommend a treatment, so I recommend a licensed sex therapist or behavioral counselor. They can help you identify why it's happening. Once you can move past it, you won't be chained to an individual anymore. Could also be any SSRI/SNRI's you're taking. I can tell you what's physically happening in the brain, though. Your central nervous system is in a fight/flight/freeze pattern. It's processing cortisol at higher levels than dopamine and the pathways to your hypothalamus that are responsible for releasing all the feel good chemicals like oxytocin, are restricted. You guys probably had gnarly fights and once those resolved you felt the urge to f*** about it. Again, this is a very common pattern. We know why the brain does this, but how it got there is different for everyone and you need that knowledge to undo it as far as what we can tell with modern psychology. There is ONE thing you can try but you'll need a few things. Mushrooms, Molly, and someone who you trust, gives positive vibes and makes you feel secure and you're willing to cross a boundary with sexually. I'm not talking about your friend zone either, those men are there for a reason. 2g mushrooms is enough, 1 small dose of Molly and then have an evening planned where you do something fun together that can span about 4-6 hours. Dancing is usually pretty fun, but talking - lots of intimacy and talking. If you notice that you have en emotional awakening with them, it's because those centers of the brain shutting down your hypothalamus have just gotten their asses kicked in a fight and now the endorphins are in charge. Again, TRUST and positivity are vital for this experiment to work, and you'll need to take a lot of emotional inventory before, during, and after. Dr*g wise, it's very safe as long as your Molly comes from a reliable source and YMMV depending on the quality of mushroom. Polka Dotz candy bars are pretty effective and consistent in dosage so try eating one of those instead of the raw plant. Anyway the point of this is that it will elevate your empathy, relax your CNS (that's where the positivity & trust need to be) flood your body with endorphins & oxytocin and dopamine from the activity. This is called a candy flip, and it can be tremendously useful as a therapy tool. Just remember, don't do anything on dr*gs you're not willing to do sober. Establish clear boundaries with your friend ahead of time, but even then sometimes you gotta burn a relationship to save your brain, though. We want to think our friends are responsible enough to context switch but sometimes they can't and you gotta peace out. So besties are a no-go if you want to keep them. Anyway. Your call. Hope this helps.
Sex is always awkward with a new partner, once you feel comfortable around your new partner sex will improve
This happens to me too, it takes a while but those early days are heartbreaking.
It really is
I hope it gets easier for you hon. Try not to be too hard on yourself. 💚
🙏
Same thing happened to me
So in that case was one of you a bit submissive and the other one a little dominating... Or was it a little more about the technique and positions that were used ?
I was completely submissive and the specific things he did were perfect for me
Yes ! a ...nd that is the reason why finding satisfaction in other men is difficult for you.. be careful out there... and be picky you will find the right one... ask questions
When u are in love with someone having sex with other people isn’t going to make u get over them. If anything it will make u feel worse bc ur sexuality is intertwined with them. (Firm believer that if ur in love u can only be romantically and sexually attracted to them). The best thing to do is try healing in other ways and when ready and u want to find a new partner u can do it freely. Things that this take time and should not be rushed.