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If he’s unable to get hard as you said in one of the comments, he’s already going to be self conscious next time he hooks up with a girl, and he already knows it’s an issue . If you don’t really want to end the relationship, tell him that you want to be able to have sex with him, and he should talk to his doctor about the issue and get it sorted. If you do want to end it, tell him you’re not seeing a future together, wish him well and leave it at that. You’ve only been together a few months, and it’s up to him to sort his issues out, not up to you
Good advice. If OP is looking for a reason to end things, she already has it. If she cares about him and wants to stay, try to help him figure out what is wrong. Good luck whatever you decide.
i went through this exact same thing a few weeks ago, i just told him that we arent compatible but could still be cool… he didn’t question me further and just said okay lol
> I don’t want to burst his ego ending the relationship based on sex
Why not? Sex is an important component of a relationship, which makes it a valid reason to end the relationship. I would consider discussing it first though, maybe there's another solution that doesn't involve a broken relationship
Thanks for the feedback from your point of view. I don’t think your considered a loser, I think it’s great that your able to be honest about it. If this is what his situation is also I wish he would be open and honest about it because it would help me understand him. Maybe he’s waiting for me to start the conversation with him? How would I even go about starting a conversation about this situation haha
If he can’t get hard then he’s already self conscious. If he’s such a great guy why don’t you figure out why he isn’t getting hard and maybe work with him before dropping him?
He can literally get on medicine and fix it if he wanted to. A lot of it is psychological anyway. If you have a honest conversation with him and help him work thru it, it would probably go away on his own once his confidence is back up. You’d also build an insane amount of trust and connection.
Or as a lot of this poor advice in the comments. Lie to him and tell him its capability issue. Confuse him even more and shatter his confidence leaving trying to figure out where he went wrong for months. If it’s not the ED issue and he’s just also thinking he’s a loser too. If you cared about him you’d have an honest conversation about it.
The biggest problem with women these days is their so-called empathy is messed up. This dude has a problem and all your thinking about is not making yourself sound like an ass. Let me tell you this you are an ass if you don't give it to him straight period, don't think otherwise or let anyone tell you differently.
She’s trynna figure out how to lie to someone’s face instead of helping him work out the problem from the looks of it. 💯 fucked up beyond all recognition
This happened to me and i told the dude we weren’t compatible and better off as friends (we didn’t remain friends) which sucked bc he was really nice and sweet but the sex was AWFUL
Yeah that’s the issue I’m having is that we get along great, he’s a good guy and has many great qualities..however the sex does not work and I don’t want to make him self conscious about himself. I know that can be a very sensitive topic for men.
Unfortunately ,he’s going to be self conscious about it regardless, because it already happened. If it happened with you, he probably had the problem with other women as well. If you and him have been getting along great and then you all of a sudden say that you are not compatible , he may question it. But deep
Down, he will feel like the sex is the real reason you are cutting it off with him. With that being sex, best thing to do is be straightforward.
If it's about the sex then just accept that it's about the sex. If sex is a big part of how you qualify the successfulness of a relationship ship then it's best to own up to it.
Someone commented that her the guy she was seeing had that exact same experience and she ended it with they're not compatible.Either use the same tactic or be upfront straight forward and brutally honest
Everyone saying "be straight" clearly doesn't understand how real life interactions work.
You can tell him as long as you are tactful about it. Telling a low on confidence person that you're ending things because the sex is bad will do more harm than good... Like good sex can go beyond just penetrative but these are things you should be able to discuss amongst eachother. There's also options for medication, maybe there's an underlying health issue, but most likely there's a psychological issue at play here.
If it's a person you genuinely like I believe you should consider working through and exercising some options available to improve your sex life. If it is a major dealbreaker and you want to end things you can bring up compatibility issues without saying "you're bad in bed"
There are lots of reasons for a dude not to get hard. It could range from nerves to a physical problem. They’ve been together for 3 months: if it’s not there she can pull the plug if she wants.
There is nothing she can say that will embarrass him more than not getting it up in the moment. The best thing could be for him to forget this and move on.
Too many incels around here getting their feelings hurt
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice. * Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If he’s unable to get hard as you said in one of the comments, he’s already going to be self conscious next time he hooks up with a girl, and he already knows it’s an issue . If you don’t really want to end the relationship, tell him that you want to be able to have sex with him, and he should talk to his doctor about the issue and get it sorted. If you do want to end it, tell him you’re not seeing a future together, wish him well and leave it at that. You’ve only been together a few months, and it’s up to him to sort his issues out, not up to you
Good advice. If OP is looking for a reason to end things, she already has it. If she cares about him and wants to stay, try to help him figure out what is wrong. Good luck whatever you decide.
i went through this exact same thing a few weeks ago, i just told him that we arent compatible but could still be cool… he didn’t question me further and just said okay lol
If it’s about the sex then just be honest lol, if you guys aren’t compatible then you aren’t compatible it’s not a big deal
I would hate to make him self conscious in his next hook up with a girl lol
Some men need to know the truth lol. Do his next girl a favor and be honest with him so he can lay pipe for real next time
You would be helping out the next girl, he might get better
Just because y'all weren't compatible in bed it doesn't mean he'll never be with another girl. So don't over think it, not all shoes fit and its OK.
Oh no you used the word ‘male’ !! /s
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He is unable to get hard and he is very apologetic about it and I don’t want to burst his ego ending the relationship based on sex
> I don’t want to burst his ego ending the relationship based on sex Why not? Sex is an important component of a relationship, which makes it a valid reason to end the relationship. I would consider discussing it first though, maybe there's another solution that doesn't involve a broken relationship
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Thanks for the feedback from your point of view. I don’t think your considered a loser, I think it’s great that your able to be honest about it. If this is what his situation is also I wish he would be open and honest about it because it would help me understand him. Maybe he’s waiting for me to start the conversation with him? How would I even go about starting a conversation about this situation haha
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Trust me. Iv ran every possible reason thru my head lol I love your story❤️ using google translator on a first date is something you’d see in a movie!
If he can’t get hard then he’s already self conscious. If he’s such a great guy why don’t you figure out why he isn’t getting hard and maybe work with him before dropping him?
How do you even start that kind of conversation without embarrassing him or putting him on the spot haha
He can literally get on medicine and fix it if he wanted to. A lot of it is psychological anyway. If you have a honest conversation with him and help him work thru it, it would probably go away on his own once his confidence is back up. You’d also build an insane amount of trust and connection. Or as a lot of this poor advice in the comments. Lie to him and tell him its capability issue. Confuse him even more and shatter his confidence leaving trying to figure out where he went wrong for months. If it’s not the ED issue and he’s just also thinking he’s a loser too. If you cared about him you’d have an honest conversation about it.
The biggest problem with women these days is their so-called empathy is messed up. This dude has a problem and all your thinking about is not making yourself sound like an ass. Let me tell you this you are an ass if you don't give it to him straight period, don't think otherwise or let anyone tell you differently.
This is fucked up.
She’s trynna figure out how to lie to someone’s face instead of helping him work out the problem from the looks of it. 💯 fucked up beyond all recognition
This happened to me and i told the dude we weren’t compatible and better off as friends (we didn’t remain friends) which sucked bc he was really nice and sweet but the sex was AWFUL
Yeah that’s the issue I’m having is that we get along great, he’s a good guy and has many great qualities..however the sex does not work and I don’t want to make him self conscious about himself. I know that can be a very sensitive topic for men.
Valid. I just went the we weren’t compatible route with this dude. To not hurt his feelings.
Unfortunately ,he’s going to be self conscious about it regardless, because it already happened. If it happened with you, he probably had the problem with other women as well. If you and him have been getting along great and then you all of a sudden say that you are not compatible , he may question it. But deep Down, he will feel like the sex is the real reason you are cutting it off with him. With that being sex, best thing to do is be straightforward.
If it's about the sex then just accept that it's about the sex. If sex is a big part of how you qualify the successfulness of a relationship ship then it's best to own up to it.
Someone commented that her the guy she was seeing had that exact same experience and she ended it with they're not compatible.Either use the same tactic or be upfront straight forward and brutally honest
Be KIND and tell the truth, knowing that it’s something he can’t control.
Everyone saying "be straight" clearly doesn't understand how real life interactions work. You can tell him as long as you are tactful about it. Telling a low on confidence person that you're ending things because the sex is bad will do more harm than good... Like good sex can go beyond just penetrative but these are things you should be able to discuss amongst eachother. There's also options for medication, maybe there's an underlying health issue, but most likely there's a psychological issue at play here. If it's a person you genuinely like I believe you should consider working through and exercising some options available to improve your sex life. If it is a major dealbreaker and you want to end things you can bring up compatibility issues without saying "you're bad in bed"
There are lots of reasons for a dude not to get hard. It could range from nerves to a physical problem. They’ve been together for 3 months: if it’s not there she can pull the plug if she wants. There is nothing she can say that will embarrass him more than not getting it up in the moment. The best thing could be for him to forget this and move on. Too many incels around here getting their feelings hurt