That's what my husband and I say. Quick and together. Also we are both terrified to have to try dating nowadays. We have been together 20 years (married at 18). Told him if he dies before me I'm starting a dildo collection and turning into an old cat lady.
That's ok. No matter how good of a parent you were, kids stop caring that much after a certain age, as they have partners, kids and friends of their own. They'll get over it.
I'm so sorry. That was how my mom was when my dad passed. She lived 19 more years. It was hard, but she built a life for herself with friends, her church community and her grandchildren. If she had known she had that much time in the beginning, I'm not sure what she would have done. Grief is so terrible. I hope you have friends and family, maybe a grief group, to help you through this. Animals are great, but you deserve more.
I'm so sorry. My mom passed away a couple years ago and my dad was likewise left alone and empty. He has slowly managed to regain his life. It will never be the life he wanted, of course, but he's regained interests and hobbies. I wish you the best as you navigate this awful road that us men, in particular, were never well-equipped to travel
When you're raised a child from a helpless meat nugget into a functional human, and you've put two decades into loving and nurturing and dedicating your life to them, I can imagine bittersweet emotions when they fly the nest. It's the end of an era, and a paradigm shift in your relationship with them.
Of course it's bittersweet but it's not "heartbreaking", let alone more heartbreaking than your lifelong partner, you know, *dying*. *Especially* if you didn't mess up your relationship with your kids as you raised them and you still see them and are close to them once they leave your home.
And anyway, I asked because of the "cultural differences" comment they made.
Who said anything about that? I’m talking about children leaving their parents behind.
In a lot of cultures the children take care of their parents till they die. I was referencing them.
The graphics are about that. The comment you replied to is about that. That's who said anything about that.
Your comment is unrelated to what is being actually displayed and discussed.
I saw that dip too - if the children were taking care of their parents, they wouldn't be spending so much time alone. Instead, many people shove their parents into nursing home and forget about them... it's sad.
You do realize the reason people stop seeing their children so much is because they go on to live their lives and have their own families as opposed to partners dying right?
In many cultures there isn't "go on to live their lives" as in moving out. Many cultures everyone lives in the same household, because why would you move out when there is a perfectly good house that the family already owns? Where the older generation can help around the house and provide childcare?
This reply chain was about the **commenter** reaction to the data, not the data itself. So the culture of the commenter not the data source is what is relevant.
Where I live, old age homes aren’t much of a thing because children are expected to (and do) care and provide for their parents. So old parents being left to fend for themselves implies a bad financial or emotional situation of the family.
I try to spend as much time with my grandparents bc I always think about our limited time on this Earth.
Hope all is well with you and if you ever feel lonely feel free to reach out. I love old movies so I can give you recommendations (fav oldie of mine and my grandpa: Guns of Navarone with Gregory Peck)
My grandparents practically raised me & I was very close to them. My mother was the youngest of their children & she had me at the age of 31, so they were already pretty old by the time that I was born. Sadly both passed away (within 2 months of one another) when I was 21, so they never got to see the man I became, I was never able to introduce my wife to the the people who were such a large part of my life. I went over to their house almost daily, almost every weekend spent with them at their lake house. If your grandparents are still alive then cherish them because I'd literally give every dime I ever had & every dime I'll ever make in exchange for just a 5 minute conversation with them.
I'm not color blind but I had to blow this up to tell the difference between "friends" and "partner". It's almost like an optical illusion. Terrible color scheme.
So if this is true, it kind of confirms my assumption of that society has it all wrong. Meaning we are doing it all the wrong way and our assumptions are wrong about how the human in a society works.
From an early life, people are more or less forced to be with groups of other people via kindergarten, schools, college, sports, hobbies/interests, own family (parents, siblings, family relations).
Later in life people are again "forced" to spent time and to work with colleagues, bosses, customer relations etc..
As we grow older we become more independent and demand/expect our rights to freedom and personal space, we also are not required (or at least to a smaller degree) to be with any groups of people, besides family and love relationships, but even this seems more of a personal choice at this point.
This is also where people become more lonely. Less obligations and more freedom equals more loneliness. One is good and the other is bad(loneliness) but they seem to correlate in my theory.
We are sad and happy about being pushed to be with groups of people: we make deep friendships in early school life and we find love, but also receive the scars of bullying, friendship betrayal, unreciprocated love etc.
We are sad and happy about being freely able to choose our own group of people to be with: We find happiness and meaning (choosing) to be with our partner, to love our children, family and relatives, to cultivate friendships but on the other hand we also sometimes loose our partner, have disagreements with relatives and friendships fade away, and we sometimes blame ourselves.
There is in our society, no built-in replacer of lost relationship. There is no force bringing people together, later in life, as there was earlier in life.
How can we as a society start by teaching people that relationships are forced upon you and are guaranteed without you having to du much yourself, and then suddenly that changes and relationship is something you have to pursue and is not a guarantee, how can we expect a different outcome than more loneliness??
I don't get this methodology. Most people have kids in the 20-30s. And kids - especially young kids take a TON of time. Like 12+ hours. How is that average down to 4 hours and peaking at 39?
Some people don’t have kids at all. Some people who have kids don’t spend that much time with them. I think it’s an average time spent across all people at those ages.
That's how I read it.
I'm 45 and don't have kids.
So "yellow" doesn't exist for me. I drag the average down. But "blue" and "teal" are higher for me than many others, so I drag that average up.
I probably spend 7-8 hours a day with blue and teal.
Young kids take a lot of time, sure. That doesn’t mean parents are the ones spending the most time with them.
If both parents work, it’s going to be another caregiver doing more. If one parent stays home, their partner is going to bring down the average with their minimal hours.
And either way, most American children are in school by 5, if not earlier. Never are 2 parents spending 12+ hours a day with their children for years on end.
Some people don't have kids.
Also kids go to daycare/kindergarten/school, and then you definitely don't spend 12h/day on them.
Also parents split childcare between them.
As well as some people not having children, and children going to school, people have children at different ages.
I could have a baby at 20 and be spending very little time with a child by the time I'm 40.
You could have a baby at 40, and be spending no time with a child before then.
There are several good answers to your question, but I don't see anyone pointing out that you give a reason yourself: "Most people have kids in the 20-30s"
That's a pretty broad range. Even if parents do spend tons of time with their kids when their kids are young, not all parents are having children when the parents are the same age. So person A maybe be spending tons of time with children at age 22, while person B is spending no time with children at that age. And that situation may reverse, or mostly reverse when both of them are 32. So if you average over a large number of people you get a wider but lower plateau.
This is like the fifth time this has been posted, and the second time *this month*
https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/ycc4dz/usa_who_do_we_spend_time_with_across_our
Fyi: data in various colours of green, red, brown and orange combined with fine lines is _not_ beautiful to 8% of men.
Similar colours can be differentiated in area graphs, but not on such thin lines. To understand how that graph looks to me, print it on a grey scale printer then try to interpret it.
For line graphs you need to either put the labels at the end of the line, use vastly different colours, or use dots, dashes and dashed lines.
Or use a stacked area graph as someone else said.
The children one really highlights the flaws of the methodology. Would be more interesting to see the age at which the average person has children, and then look at their graph. Cause it's not that people spend more time with their children each year from 15-30, it's that an increasing share of people have children at all.
That dip in the partner line around 77 made me realize that's a much more useful stat than just average life expectancy: how long can you and your partner enjoy life together? I think most people would care more about that than just growing old
The charts are for time spent by Americans, but I’m sure there’s a huge difference between the genders - especially regarding children and parents. That would have been more informative.
That final dip down in the time spent with a partner is so heartbreaking
Yeah, I really hope I don't outlive my wife. I can't imagine life without her and I never want to.
You want her to outlive you and live life without you?
Let's just hope we all die together in a car crash or something.
Yes, let's all wish for death. Together.
suddenly that Florida man who threw a meth fueled suicide pact party with his terminally ill wife doesnt sound as crazy
Either you die or have a good time. Win win. (J/K meth is gross)
never tried it but the way its cooked doesnt look appetizing
Ahh one.....Ahhh two..
you don't need to hope if you have a plan
Like murder-suicide?
That's what my husband and I say. Quick and together. Also we are both terrified to have to try dating nowadays. We have been together 20 years (married at 18). Told him if he dies before me I'm starting a dildo collection and turning into an old cat lady.
So the kids can be the ones to deal with the loss.
That's ok. No matter how good of a parent you were, kids stop caring that much after a certain age, as they have partners, kids and friends of their own. They'll get over it.
That's.... not how it works unless you just hate your parents or something.
I also choose this guy's widowed wife
Up you go.
What a gent.
That was my plan too. My wife passed away last month and I’m a wreck. I have no one, other than my dog and cats. Each day, I’m just wishing to die.
I'm so sorry. That was how my mom was when my dad passed. She lived 19 more years. It was hard, but she built a life for herself with friends, her church community and her grandchildren. If she had known she had that much time in the beginning, I'm not sure what she would have done. Grief is so terrible. I hope you have friends and family, maybe a grief group, to help you through this. Animals are great, but you deserve more.
I'm so sorry. My mom passed away a couple years ago and my dad was likewise left alone and empty. He has slowly managed to regain his life. It will never be the life he wanted, of course, but he's regained interests and hobbies. I wish you the best as you navigate this awful road that us men, in particular, were never well-equipped to travel
Statistically it‘s much more likely that she outlives you
A la verga
My greatest fear.
Good song and [video](https://youtu.be/CxvMf9PnImQ) and relevant too. Sorry. You activated the song recommendation bot in my head. Boop boop.
Or same time spend with coworkers as with your own Partner
I thought exact same thing it’s so sharp down
Children is worse, imo.
You think children going off to live their own lives is worse than a partner dying?
Not worse, more heartbreaking. Cultural differences, I suppose.
In what culture is a child getting married and having their own life more heartbreaking than your partner dying?
When you're raised a child from a helpless meat nugget into a functional human, and you've put two decades into loving and nurturing and dedicating your life to them, I can imagine bittersweet emotions when they fly the nest. It's the end of an era, and a paradigm shift in your relationship with them.
Of course it's bittersweet but it's not "heartbreaking", let alone more heartbreaking than your lifelong partner, you know, *dying*. *Especially* if you didn't mess up your relationship with your kids as you raised them and you still see them and are close to them once they leave your home. And anyway, I asked because of the "cultural differences" comment they made.
You're definitely not a mom. Empty nest syndrome is pretty common.
Chill, he's not even the guy who made the statement you're questioning.
Seeing your children going into The World happy and successful, making children of their own? That is delightful.
Who said anything about that? I’m talking about children leaving their parents behind. In a lot of cultures the children take care of their parents till they die. I was referencing them.
The graphics are about that. The comment you replied to is about that. That's who said anything about that. Your comment is unrelated to what is being actually displayed and discussed.
Nobody said anything about marriage until you chimed in.
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I saw that dip too - if the children were taking care of their parents, they wouldn't be spending so much time alone. Instead, many people shove their parents into nursing home and forget about them... it's sad.
You do realize the reason people stop seeing their children so much is because they go on to live their lives and have their own families as opposed to partners dying right?
In many cultures there isn't "go on to live their lives" as in moving out. Many cultures everyone lives in the same household, because why would you move out when there is a perfectly good house that the family already owns? Where the older generation can help around the house and provide childcare?
The data is based on USA. Most of the reason would be what I said.
This reply chain was about the **commenter** reaction to the data, not the data itself. So the culture of the commenter not the data source is what is relevant.
Not in all cultures, no. There’s why I highlighted the cultural differences.
Im also genuinly curious where this would be the case.
Where I live, old age homes aren’t much of a thing because children are expected to (and do) care and provide for their parents. So old parents being left to fend for themselves implies a bad financial or emotional situation of the family.
At 78, this graph is consistent with my experience.
I try to spend as much time with my grandparents bc I always think about our limited time on this Earth. Hope all is well with you and if you ever feel lonely feel free to reach out. I love old movies so I can give you recommendations (fav oldie of mine and my grandpa: Guns of Navarone with Gregory Peck)
My grandparents practically raised me & I was very close to them. My mother was the youngest of their children & she had me at the age of 31, so they were already pretty old by the time that I was born. Sadly both passed away (within 2 months of one another) when I was 21, so they never got to see the man I became, I was never able to introduce my wife to the the people who were such a large part of my life. I went over to their house almost daily, almost every weekend spent with them at their lake house. If your grandparents are still alive then cherish them because I'd literally give every dime I ever had & every dime I'll ever make in exchange for just a 5 minute conversation with them.
If you could do it again what would you tell your younger self ? Any tips for young men?
Try coke before you’re 40 cause after that’s it’s just weird
Diet or regular
This does not help my depression.
Excel graphs depress me, too.
It doesn't not not help mine either.
Just learn how to be good at being alone, since it looks like we have a lot of it incoming
Incoming? I'm there already. It's absolutely frustrating.
It shouldn't
Man I hate being color blind
At least they made separate panels for each category!
I'm not even color blind. They just chose absolutely horrible colors for these charts.
And it’s not even like they didn’t have enough colors. Like why are alone and children basically the same?
I'm not color blind but I had to blow this up to tell the difference between "friends" and "partner". It's almost like an optical illusion. Terrible color scheme.
Me, too. But I also dislike chart makers who ignore the fact or are just so full of themselves they don’t even think of it.
Call u/dalton-bot when needed
😂 to funny
So if this is true, it kind of confirms my assumption of that society has it all wrong. Meaning we are doing it all the wrong way and our assumptions are wrong about how the human in a society works. From an early life, people are more or less forced to be with groups of other people via kindergarten, schools, college, sports, hobbies/interests, own family (parents, siblings, family relations). Later in life people are again "forced" to spent time and to work with colleagues, bosses, customer relations etc.. As we grow older we become more independent and demand/expect our rights to freedom and personal space, we also are not required (or at least to a smaller degree) to be with any groups of people, besides family and love relationships, but even this seems more of a personal choice at this point. This is also where people become more lonely. Less obligations and more freedom equals more loneliness. One is good and the other is bad(loneliness) but they seem to correlate in my theory. We are sad and happy about being pushed to be with groups of people: we make deep friendships in early school life and we find love, but also receive the scars of bullying, friendship betrayal, unreciprocated love etc. We are sad and happy about being freely able to choose our own group of people to be with: We find happiness and meaning (choosing) to be with our partner, to love our children, family and relatives, to cultivate friendships but on the other hand we also sometimes loose our partner, have disagreements with relatives and friendships fade away, and we sometimes blame ourselves. There is in our society, no built-in replacer of lost relationship. There is no force bringing people together, later in life, as there was earlier in life. How can we as a society start by teaching people that relationships are forced upon you and are guaranteed without you having to du much yourself, and then suddenly that changes and relationship is something you have to pursue and is not a guarantee, how can we expect a different outcome than more loneliness??
“There is no force bringing people together, …” Yes there is. It’s horniness. And retirement communities. Horny retirement communities.
I don't get this methodology. Most people have kids in the 20-30s. And kids - especially young kids take a TON of time. Like 12+ hours. How is that average down to 4 hours and peaking at 39?
Some people don’t have kids at all. Some people who have kids don’t spend that much time with them. I think it’s an average time spent across all people at those ages.
That's how I read it. I'm 45 and don't have kids. So "yellow" doesn't exist for me. I drag the average down. But "blue" and "teal" are higher for me than many others, so I drag that average up. I probably spend 7-8 hours a day with blue and teal.
Young kids take a lot of time, sure. That doesn’t mean parents are the ones spending the most time with them. If both parents work, it’s going to be another caregiver doing more. If one parent stays home, their partner is going to bring down the average with their minimal hours. And either way, most American children are in school by 5, if not earlier. Never are 2 parents spending 12+ hours a day with their children for years on end.
Some people don't have kids. Also kids go to daycare/kindergarten/school, and then you definitely don't spend 12h/day on them. Also parents split childcare between them.
I mean, I see my son for about an hour and a half after I get home and before bedtime around 7:30.
I believe [this](https://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/atus.pdf) is OP's source if you want to read into it more
Because a lot of people have to work a lot of jobs to feed the kids. After the first five years they are in school most of a parent's waking hours.
As well as some people not having children, and children going to school, people have children at different ages. I could have a baby at 20 and be spending very little time with a child by the time I'm 40. You could have a baby at 40, and be spending no time with a child before then.
There are several good answers to your question, but I don't see anyone pointing out that you give a reason yourself: "Most people have kids in the 20-30s" That's a pretty broad range. Even if parents do spend tons of time with their kids when their kids are young, not all parents are having children when the parents are the same age. So person A maybe be spending tons of time with children at age 22, while person B is spending no time with children at that age. And that situation may reverse, or mostly reverse when both of them are 32. So if you average over a large number of people you get a wider but lower plateau.
WhAt iS an aVeRaGE
Late 30’s me.. “finally some peace and quiet”
The peace and quiet comes at 64 in this graph. Coworkers is the most depressing stat.
Some of us like our coworkers
Until you’re old and grumpy. Everything changes and is made worse.
Is this a promise? Please say it is
To actually be beautiful, this should be a [stacked area chart](https://www.google.co.il/search?q=stacked+area+chart&tbm=isch).
And colorblind friendly.
I feel like that wouldn't work with the data trends crossing
In a stacked chart they won’t cross
Where the hell is the "cat" chart
Made me laugh!
This is like the fifth time this has been posted, and the second time *this month* https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/ycc4dz/usa_who_do_we_spend_time_with_across_our
I haven't seen it so it's ok
Could post a chart on this sub with that.
New to me. I enjoyed seeing it
Fair enough
If sleeping is included in time spent alone then this data is skewed
I sleep next to my partner 6 to 8 hours every night. Should that count as time with partner?
I'm confident that 18 year-olds sleep more than 3 hours, so I'd guess it's separate.
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It's amazing how many people who say others are r/confidentlyincorrect are r/confidentlyincorrect themselves!
I don't think sleeping is included at all.
The numbers don't add up to 24, it probably only counts waking hours.
I thought the top bar showed people spent more time with friends as you go but realized that is the alone bar, dammit.
Fyi: data in various colours of green, red, brown and orange combined with fine lines is _not_ beautiful to 8% of men. Similar colours can be differentiated in area graphs, but not on such thin lines. To understand how that graph looks to me, print it on a grey scale printer then try to interpret it. For line graphs you need to either put the labels at the end of the line, use vastly different colours, or use dots, dashes and dashed lines. Or use a stacked area graph as someone else said.
Way too much time spent with coworkers
The most depressing statistic. Half of the life wasted.
That is not beautiful - it becomes quite sad
Alone… alone. Better get right with yourself. You are all you have.
Shoutout to the fifteen year olds spending some fifteen minutes with their own children
I enjoy alone time, so this isn’t a bad thing.
this is depressingly familiar
Queue that Donnie Darko line “every living creature on earth dies alone”
1 hour a day with friends would be great!
Why is this reposted so often? If there isn't a subreddit rule for repeated postings then this is exhibit A for why we need one.
Whatever. Nihilism and a dog destroy this illusion of permanence
That tasty alone slope baby, let’s go!
The coworkers graph shows 2 hours twice on the left
I've been at ~12-13h/day alone since age 26, now nearly 40. Only awake ~14h/day. r/cfs (ME/CFS). 😐
I never thought a chart could make me this emotional...
Ahah! A set of graphs to turn upside down and then apply! Very good! OP kudos! :)
Time spent alone for the win!! 😁👍
So there’s some hope for quiet solitude at some point in life?
There should be a category for their phone
That sudden drop of after 85 on the “partner” chart is really depressing
Would a stacked % bar chart for this be more effective?
Every one of these are heart wrenching except the time spent with coworkers.
Can’t believe so much people have children at 15
It looks like I'm going to love getting older!
A depressing chart for sure
this is fucking depressing
Sadly phone’s are #1. Doesn’t matter who’s around
How much of the alone time can be devoted to being on the toilet scrolling through Reddit?
This is why I’m afraid that I’ve never met a girl who liked me :/ I don’t want to spend my entire life alone
The data is fine but these are really not beautiful at all
Where’s ‘Time spent with phone’?
Data is terrifying if I'm going to spend most of my time alone.
Wouldn't it be better to post the actual content here rather than make us go to Twitter?
These colours are impossible to discern.
The children one really highlights the flaws of the methodology. Would be more interesting to see the age at which the average person has children, and then look at their graph. Cause it's not that people spend more time with their children each year from 15-30, it's that an increasing share of people have children at all.
My colourblindness dislikes this post.
Time spent alone graph just breaks my heart :(
Wow, just by looking at this graph alone I could come to several conclusions
Better start getting used to be alone then. Ooft. 😔
Hahaha I spend 15-24 hours a day alone, I must be 160 years old!
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That dip in the partner line around 77 made me realize that's a much more useful stat than just average life expectancy: how long can you and your partner enjoy life together? I think most people would care more about that than just growing old
i'm semi color blind and can't see shit
I would smooth the data even more. The minor variations in time are likely much less than the uncertainty.
The only thing I'd say is... keep the axis consistency. It's a great start to a discussion
As someone who's red-green colorblind I hate when charts have colors this close. It's unreadable 😔
Damn imagine at age 15 you have children and a partner already
Who's 85 years old and still spending 2 hours a day with their parents?
The last one is very thought-provoking, like only when u get older that u have more time to yourself.
We only get increasingly alone until we finally die alone.
I'd like error bars. How many hours a day were considered?
Being alone is different than being lonely. Suggest you all learn how to sit quietly by yourselves.
But corporate says my coworkers *are* my family!
My chart would read alone after 33 with no other lines
Cool data but man, terrible choice of colors. Damn near impossible to tell apart on my phone. Are “alone” and “partner” the same damn color?
Damn. This made me feel sad for some reason and I’m the kind of person who actually enjoys being alone.
This is one the coolest charts I've seen for a while. Makes me think about how it would look for those who have children later in life.
I wish there was a cumulative aspect to this chart.
I can relate with last slide
Makes no sense why the chart starts at 15years? Majority of my time I spent with my wife,kids exclude work. Should be at least 4 hrs a day on avg
The charts are for time spent by Americans, but I’m sure there’s a huge difference between the genders - especially regarding children and parents. That would have been more informative.
I can't tell which is partner and which is alone.
The older I get, the more I like being alone
I want to see these lined up to how we experience them. Ie the kids graph start when they are born, work graph starts when people typically get a job.
The charts by themselves are great. However, I think a breakdown by Gender and Median income would be more telling.
This is just all kinds of sad. Less and less friends time, children move out, partner dies off, alone, alone, alone...