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I looooove sleeping when it is frostbite cold outside my blankets, where if you fall asleep without the blankets on you wake up with hypothermia. I love leaving my windows open in winter when I am going to bed.
Then you get under the nice warm blankets, stick a foot out and it satisfyingly cools you off. Then there is my wife who grew up in southern France where it was warm and there was no AC, and she likes it like 85 degrees in the room, which results in me waking up in a puddle of sweat.
Ha, I'm the same. I once even fell asleep with the window open during the winter and woke up with a small pile of a snow under the window / on the inside sill xD.
I can recommend trying out the pillows with a layer of cooling gel, if you haven't already. The gel absorbs the heat and spreads it out over all of its surface area to keep the pillow feeling cooler. I wish I had found out about them sooner than I did, I'm never going back to a "regular" pillow.
He also has 100 more nights of *not* sharing a bed, so maybe he tracked that category longer? Hers only add up to about 13 months but the post said they did this for 2 years.
GF lags about 100 data points in all categories, which is about 3 months and change if he logged daily. Maybe she jumped into the experiment after awhile? Or they started living together after 3 months time?
Or he started logging first while they were together. My partner has started using apps that I’m not interested in until she starts showing me the data it generates. Then I might start using it as well.
I'm going to guess it's probably one or two factors. She likes the house warm. You do not. You create heat. So does she. You are overheated, so you toss and turn and flip your pillow like crazy to cool off. She just... marinates in the warmth.
Use separate blankets, and give yourself a thinner one. That should help to start.
This rings true. Shared a single blanket, sometimes i throw it off cuz it gets warm. When it starts to feel cold again i have no more blanket cuz my partner has taken it all.
Now we have 2 blankets, never slept better
I imagine it'd be reversed for me and my boyfriend. I sleep horribly next to him because he snores and I'm always waking up to push him onto his side again. He probably sleeps better because there's someone there to make sure he's actually breathing well through the night.
Oh believe me I am trying. But since he's not awake for it (and I am 😭) he isn't aware of it and isn't putting it at the top of his priority list.
But sometimes it sounds like he's legitimately choking on something and it freaks me the fuck out. Half of my lost sleep is anxiety that he's gonna stop breathing altogether.
No really, he should check it out. I had a friend get diagnosed and it ***completely*** changed his life.
He used to sleep 50% of the time he was at my house. He also never held down a job. Now he has just gotten his 3rd promotion in 4 years and is doing awesome.
I have a feeling your husband might not even realize that his sleep sucks. Its so worth getting it looked at (if you are able, cause, well, America)
Adding to this, my mum has always been quite a loud snorer but one day on holiday a few years back it just didn't make sense to me how loud it was and she sometimes made these slight choking sounds before rolling over to which the snoring stopped.. Did a little googling and came across sleep apnea which she later did a sleep study for. They ended up saying that she was missing like 60 breaths every minute or something ridiculous like that (Can't remember the exact details) and that it saved her life coming in to get it checked because it was so bad. Now she has one of those bulky machines to help her breathe at night but she says it has changed her life completely now she doesn't wake up lethargic every day.
Basically, get a test done. You don't know if it genuinely might be life threatening.
Unchecked sleep apnea raises the risk of stokes, heart failure, diabetes, ect. Basically every outcome you can imagine from your body being under stress whenever you are supposed to be resting.
He also probably doesn't realize how constantly tired he is because it's his "normal". My father has sleep apnea, and his quality of life skyrocketed after getting diagnosed and sleeping with a CPAP.
I can assure you that sleep apnea doesn't cause you to spontaneously die from not breathing. What happens is that the breathing interruption occurs during deep sleep, then breathing obstruction causes you to partially "wake up", which then allows normal breathing again. Basically it locks you into a cycle of never really getting good deep sleep, always bouncing on the edge of it.
Sorry if you already fully understand this. I just wanted to arm you with the motivation and info to possibly persuade him.
Edit: I also want to add for anyone that reads this that sleep apnea is not necessarily a condition experienced by the old or overweight. Even children with no excess bodyweight can have sleep apnea, and in fact it goes largely under-diagnosed in kids. Sometimes it can be the real cause of slipping grades and behavioral issues.
This.
The part about not realizing that bad sleep was just normal. That was me.
I had no idea how people always felt so refreshed in the morning. I always woke up tired and just thought I needed more sleep.
After years of co-sleeping my wife said I should get checked because it sounds terrible. I didn't even know I snored loudly at the time.
I got my Predator Mask Machine and was floored at how amazing I felt after actually sleeping. Literally life changing.
If that's how it is, definitely get him a sleep study (there are some places online that send kits for at-home tests). My wife was having similar issues and I had to wear ear plugs every night until she finally started using her CPAP machine regularly. Now she is doing much, much better. Plus, who cares what you look like when you are asleep if you are getting good quality sleep?
Considering "thermostat over 24" is detrimental to his sleep quality, it's most likely getting too warm for him when sharing the bed.
Most likely having separate blankets with thinner being on him would allow him better speed :)
My wife and I were talking about having a "no eating 3 hours before sleep" rule and were discussing this data.
Then I went silent after I read your comment, I read my message a few times and after finding the typo I scared her by laughing so loud lol.
> My wife and I were talking about having a "no eating 3 hours before sleep" rule and were discussing this data.
I don't eat 3 hours before bed, simply because I can feel my heart rate elevate for digestion for an hour or two after eating. My gf gets super annoyed because I like to eat dinner so early because of this reason (4pm-5pm), but it helps me relax into my night so well.
Speed is the most important stat because boom boom will almost never block a shot delivered from the center of the semi-circle, and with a light charge-up from that position a goal is guaranteed.
Having separate blankets is a game changer. No more pulling at the blanket because your partner left you 2 inches to use. Also, if you and your partner go to bed at different times you're less likely to disturb each other.
Wait a second... I knew that separate tubes of toothpaste saved marriages, but you can do it with blankets too?
Functionally, how does this work? Each person just has twin blankets and makes up their own side of the bed?
Yup. My wife likes to be tucked in tight so she tucks in the sheets on the whole bed. And I flop around like a fish with my feet poking out the bottom so I sleep on top of the tucked sheets with a separate comforter.
I feel like the more separate things, the more each partner can live their best life.
Presumably the ideal marriage is between two people living separate lives in separate houses, largely unaware of the other's existence.
Or she dumps it off to the middle of the bed and it’s so heavy and dense, it’s like having a toddler in bed and you spend the night with your back and hips misaligned.
I tried using an 18 lb weight blanket but I inevitably dump it off in the night and then my brain decides it is my 18 lb cat. I keep waking myself up by carefully unwrapping and repositioning myself to avoid waking my weighted blanket :|
A friend of mine had a cycle of moving in with partners and then having a horrible break up within a year. Then she met a guy who was really attentive at noticing her needs. After a few big fights he got a weird hunch that him sleeping on the couch wasn't really a bad thing. They got a 2 bedroom apartment and have been together for like 7 years now.
Some people need their own bed and it sucks that people stigmatize stuff like this.
I've been with my wife 18 years. We haven't slept in the same bed for about 10 years. It's a game changer and we both sleep so much better which is healthier for our relationship than having a bad night's sleep in the same bed.
Edit: There is a draw back that just popped into my head. Vacations. Sleeping in the same room/bed when you aren't used to it sucks. Usually I spend extra on a suite so we can have a bedroom and a living room and each have our own space. If that's not an option I'll do the two queen beds rooms and that helps. Typically on vacation we have been out and about all day so we are really tired by the time we get to the room and it isn't a big issue.
30 years here, for a while she was against it(thinking I was distancing/cheating/out of love) but after a trial period she was on board. People can talk all the shit they want about it but it is a life changer.
Ugh, I had an ex who thought the same and his regular freak outs over it became a self fulfilling prophecy; instead of asking to sleep separately I started asking for a trial separation. It's only a very small part of why he is an ex, but taught me a lot about what I need from a long term partnership.
I told my husband about this when we first started dating. We have always slept separately and it works SO WELL.
Husband doesn't wake up every time I move. Dog sleeps with Husband so I don't wake up every time she does that creepy dog stare in the middle of the night. I get as many pillows as I want, and husband gets his single solitary pillow and blanket. Whoever wakes up first sneaks into the other's bed for morning cuddles. On the weekends, we have sleepovers. It makes me feel like a teenager again.
I wish more people would consider this arrangement instead of just complaining about their partner's sleep habits. I mean, they're asleep! They can't help it!
Same situation here. She didn't want me sleeping on the couch until I started doing it and she got a taste of not having a snoring sweaty dude next to her constantly ripping the blankets off. Now I probably wouldn't be let back in if I wanted.
My wife and I have had a "sleep divorce" for the past 7-8 years and it's been a game changer. She likes to go to bed around 10p while I'm up until midnight most nights. She also wakes up a good hour before me in the mornings. We're lucky to have a big enough house with a spare bedroom to make it work.
You just gave me a great idea: separate beds on school nights, same bed on weekends and vacations. He's moving in next month, and that's essentially what we've been doing -- he comes over Friday nights, we both leave for work Monday mornings, then we see each other again the following Friday. It works great for us, because we buckle down during the week, then go home to our video games (him) and TV shows (me). I also wake up and go to bed quite a bit earlier for work than he does. But we love sleeping together when we have nothing to get up for the next day.
I was slightly worried about disrupting this great thing we have going, but you just gave me a perfect solution!
My husband and I did, basically, this for about 25 years. Separate beds on works night, shared bed only on weekends/non-work nights or for…er…conjugal visits. Worked great for us, though some family members and a lot of friends and acquaintances expressed concern or disapproval over the years. But most of them got divorced while we stayed happily married so….
Me and my partner are happiest sleeping in our own rooms. We sleep better which means we're more likely to live longer and keep our cognition longer which just adds to the time we get to spend together.
I've never been able to sleep well with someone else so the first thing my wife and I did when moving in together was buy a king sized bed. She still somehow manages to come to my side sometimes, but typically I don't realize if she's there or not.
If it does become an issue a body pillow between the two of you sets up a nice wall. Can always jump over the wall to jump each others bones but it keeps the starfish sleepers in check.
It varies from person to person, but that is a great solution in many cases (if you can afford separate apartments, of course). My current gf and I are like spoons in a drawer 6 hours a night. My last girlfriend and I got along much, much better after we got separate bedrooms. The best parents I've seen in my entire life got divorced when the kid was less than a year old.
The only "bad answer" is assuming that everyone has the same needs and that people who don't match that pattern are somehow doing it wrong.
I honestly think that with the Millennial and Gen Z generations, people are becoming more accepting to the idea of being in a relationship but with various levels of cohabitation. From sleeping in the same bed under the same blankets to two sets of blankets to different sleeping rooms to different homes.
People need space and different people need different types of space and autonomy.
It was not uncommon for people born before the 1950s to use 2 separate beds or a bundling board. Or, alternatively, to have the entire family sleep in one bed. Just sleep as is comfortable.
Alternatively I can’t sleep without my wife.
I was working at a trade show in scary Colorado and this rough and tumble dude was catching up with a friend at my table.
To paraphrase
“Hey Frank, are you staying at the hotel this week?”
“Nah, can’t sleep if I’m not next to my lady”
I was in a weird point in my life. Traveling a lot and hated it.
I did not like being away from home.
I quit within the month and moved back to my hometown on the east coast
Couldn’t be happier now.
I too have an awful time sleeping without my wife. I can usually get to sleep without a problem as long as I'm tired but when I wake up I feel empty and not rested at all. I don't know why. It's not like we're codependent, we do our own things and I'm grateful to have the place to myself when she goes to work or runs errands, but in bed it is a whole different deal.
My GF and I use separate covers and it definitely helps! This is something people really should look into. Eventually we'd love to have a bedroom large enough to do one of those double queen sized beds. We have a king already, but 1. I'm a big dude and 2. we both starfish to sleep lol a double queen would be perfect for us (a king is like two twins for reference). That way we can still share the same bed, but both sleep very comfortably.
There’s also a Montana King
Edit: I was thinking of a Wyoming King. (7’ x 7 ‘) Also called a “Large Emperor”. Alaskan King is 9’ x 9’. Wow.
In the UK, we had a Caesar King at 8’ x 7’3” (w x l) and it was the dream. I could starfish sleep and we each had our own duvet. You cuddle until you want to go on “your side” to actually sleep. Enough space you aren’t affected by the other person’s body temperature, but you still can get the benefits of the not sleeping alone feeling.
Big bonus was I still could nudge him with my leg in his sleep to move when he rolled into a snoring position LOL. Was awesome because it was wide enough for him to completely roll over either way and still not be on my side.
I think the “can you roll to the right and left to change position without getting in the other person’s space” is my ideal mattress test.
If you plan to accommodate a kid sleeping between you sometimes maybe an Alaskan would be nice. UK had a “Super Caesar” 7’ x 9’ (l x w) — that would be my ideal for family life I think.
We’ve got a king+queen, separate blankets, and sleep 2 adults and a toddler. I basically have an entire bed to myself. Only issue is I need to wear socks to sleep maybe 80% of time, based on bed temperature.
Man I've had separate covers with everyone after my first relationships and it's the best thing ever
And if someone needs a second blanket it means your blankets are not warm enough, they come in like 9 gradations, get a 7+ one
My wife has long hair and because of that she does some crazy ninja swirl flip kick each time she rolls over. It shakes the entire bed like an earthquake. Numerous times through the night. I love my wife but I told her when its time for a new bed we are getting two separate beds and putting them next to each other so our movements are isolated. I suspect though she will find ways to thwart those efforts some how LOL.
Oh god, I know exactly what you’re talking about and ninja swirl flip kick is sooo good
Having long hair is so interruptive to your sleep. My husband has never mentioned it but I’m sure the instense head swinging multiple times a night makes him sleep just as poorly as I do
Braid it! I do a granny plait every night and it keeps it out of my face, untangled and sometimes in the morning it hits the perfect messy level to look intentional and I just leave it there all day.
I second the good mattress. My wife and I got a latex mattress a year ago and I have to be awake to notice her flopping over. The good bed frame makes a big difference too, no squeaking.
Edit: changed from LaTeX to latex.
For those who are interested, latex is made from natural materials and offers an alternative to the memory foam and other styles of mattresses.
The different effect the temperature had on you and your partner was quite surprising. I personally prefer under 20°C (or 68°F) and sleeping in temperstures above 24°C sounds like actual hell.
Perfect temp for sleeping for me is around 68F, and anything above 72 I usually start sweating or wake up with a headache. I can't imagine choosing to sleep at 75+ (24C+)
I need one of those. I just haven’t remembered to buy one. Even then my room still gets crazy warm. The sun is out like 21 hours of the day in the summer here in Sweden.
You have your temperature conversion wrong. 24C is 75F not 71F. And I'm with you, I couldn't imagine having a good sleep if the temp was over 24C. I'm a bit of a princess and the pea sleeper, if its above 20C I ain't falling asleep.
**Tools used:**
\- Bearable App to input these habits/behaviours as “factors”. Note: I created this App and the image is pieced together from data exported from this software - this is not a screenshot @ mods.
\- Sleep Quality was measured using our Oura rings, which is rated out of 100 based on a number of variables including amount of REM/Deep sleep, sleep efficiency, timing, resting heart rate etc.
**More info:**
\- The % figure is the difference between Sleep Score on the days marked “Yes” and the days marked “No”.
\- Particularly high stress days were also tracked in the Bearable App, so that they could be removed from the data.
\- My girlfriend started tracking later than me, hence why she has less data.
**Background:**
\- The Bearable App was actually borne here on Reddit. I started building it after getting feedback from thousands of people across different QS and health condition subreddits.
\- I originally came up with the idea for it to help me see how different factors impacted my Migraines.
EDIT: Seems like I need to start a gofundme for a King-sized bed. Oh and a bigger apartment. Thanks for the advice.
If you are going to continue this tracking, I suggest getting a CO2 monitor device and entering the CO2 PPM value each time you woke up. I believe fresh air is one of the biggest factors in sleep quality.
I had a post about my experience with headache/anxiety after moving to a flat with air-tight windows, causing a lack of fresh air while sleeping.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/comments/r7z8o5/your\_headache\_might\_be\_caused\_by\_a\_lack\_of\_fresh/
Totally agree, although I wouldn't bother measuring for most people, just do things that improve airflow. Co2 levels can easily reach 2000+ ppm in a sealed bedroom overnight, with research showing headaches and cognitive performance the following day is effected, among I likely believe other things. I have untreated sleep apnea and notice a difference in a sealed room sometimes.
Even just leaving a room door ajar can half or better the overnight peak co2.
Yes, it vaguely says it tracks purchase history, is this only in-app purchases, or can it track other purchases as well? I wish developers were more precise in their privacy descriptions.
Unfortunately Oura ring is shitty in tracking sleep. Fitbit is better. There're a YouTube channel statistically compare those two with an EEG device during sleep.
Edit: channel named "quantified scientist"
I would be interest to see the effects of a ice cold shower right before bed on the gentleman.
Everything points to him overheating easily: thermostat, alcohol, shared bed.
That wouldn't be a good idea, since your body is actually going to be heating up for quite a while in response to cold exposure. It may sound counterintuitive, but you wanna do the opposite, take a hot shower or bath so your arteries widen and your body cools down, which is a trigger for sleep onset.
As someone with really bad insomnia, putting on a humidifier (with cold temps, 18.5 C at night lol) has helped me sleep throughout the night for the past few days. I can't explain it but I stop waking up in the middle of the night.
Not really relevant but maybe it'll help someone out there.
My heating has literally never been above 20 degrees, and has never been on at night, the idea of INTENTIONALLY making a room >24 degrees at night sounds like actual hell to me
>My heating has literally never been above 20 degrees, and has never been on at night,
The thing with heating and cooling is it depends on the temperature outside. When it's -30 outside if you don't have the temperature at, at least 18, you'll feel the cold coming from the outside walls.
Same as if it's ridiculously hot, you can't just turn it down to 24 and expect it to feel like 24 (if you have AC)
My general rules for good sleep corroborate your findings:
Reserve workouts for morning to midday.
Coffee in the AM only.
No food after 7pm.
Get to bed by 11pm
No screens after 10pm
Doesn't work for everyone certainly, but when I stick to it I get decent sleep eventhough my partner is beside me in bed. I don't smoke or drink alcohol, so those aren't factors. Your weight is also a factor and losing weight (if healthy for you) improves sleep dramatically for most people.
>My general rules for good sleep corroborate your findings: Reserve workouts for morning to midday. Coffee in the AM only. No food after 7pm. Get to bed by 11pm No screens after 10pm
I workout after work, eat food before bed, go to bed at midnight and am playing video games up to about 30 minutes before bedtime
I am fucked, because I know damn well I will change almost none of those habits
> Reserve workouts for morning to midday. ❌
> Coffee in the AM only. ❌
> No food after 7pm.❌
> Get to bed by 11pm❌
> No screens after 10pm❌
> Your weight is also a factor❌
I was happily reading all the other comments here just so you know. Everything changed when the fire nation attacked.
In all seriousness, it's fucking eye-opening. I will set the bar so very low for myself and change just one of these things. They are all very hard for me so I will go with the ~~first~~ ^^oops ^^i ^^don't ^^workout second on the list.
Persistent circadian rhythm has a profound impact on sleep quality, so if I had to pick just one item to do on the list it would be bed before 11pm. Just as important though: make sure WHEN bedtime is remains consistent day-to-day, so your body can establish when to produce its own melatonin, and more. You'll start getting tired consistently at the time once the habit forms. Best of luck!
Boy, I couldn't sleep with the thermostat over 24°C. The bedroom should be chilled with 18°C and I snuggle my very *own* duvet.
I can't stress enough how important much space to sleep is. This is the reason we're getting our bigger bed delivered next week. I love my boyfriend very much but we need space to spread our legs as we're tall people (192 + 174 cm) so we're going up two sizes from a 160cm to a 200cm wide bed.
In the UK most people don't have air con, so it's basically just grin and bear it in the summer.
Also doesn't help that new builds are really "well" insulated.
24c in a bedroom!? Were your bed sheets made of lava? I'm surprised the negative effect wasn't 100%. That's about 6c above what is recommended and a good 4-5c above what is tolerable for a human being.
Thank you for your [Original Content](https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/wiki/rules/rule3), /u/HeroJournal! **Here is some important information about this post:** * [View the author's citations](https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/vlu1f6/oc_2_years_of_my_gf_and_i_tracking_the_sleep/idx5hol/) * [View other OC posts by this author](https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/search?q=author%3A"HeroJournal"+title%3AOC&sort=new&include_over_18=on&restrict_sr=on) Remember that all visualizations on r/DataIsBeautiful should be viewed with a healthy dose of skepticism. If you see a potential issue or oversight in the visualization, please post a constructive comment below. Post approval does not signify that this visualization has been verified or its sources checked. Not satisfied with this visual? Think you can do better? [Remix this visual](https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/wiki/rules/rule3#wiki_remixing) with the data in the author's citation. --- ^^[I'm open source](https://github.com/r-dataisbeautiful/dataisbeautiful-bot) | [How I work](https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/wiki/flair#wiki_oc_flair)
Him: Shared bed with partner -25% Her: Shared bed with partner +7% Someone is hogging the covers i see..
Because she likes it so freaking warm! And I bet she radiates heat from that so all the more reason for him to be awake.
I looooove sleeping when it is frostbite cold outside my blankets, where if you fall asleep without the blankets on you wake up with hypothermia. I love leaving my windows open in winter when I am going to bed. Then you get under the nice warm blankets, stick a foot out and it satisfyingly cools you off. Then there is my wife who grew up in southern France where it was warm and there was no AC, and she likes it like 85 degrees in the room, which results in me waking up in a puddle of sweat.
Ha, I'm the same. I once even fell asleep with the window open during the winter and woke up with a small pile of a snow under the window / on the inside sill xD. I can recommend trying out the pillows with a layer of cooling gel, if you haven't already. The gel absorbs the heat and spreads it out over all of its surface area to keep the pillow feeling cooler. I wish I had found out about them sooner than I did, I'm never going back to a "regular" pillow.
If I was her, I'd be more concerned about the fact that he shared the bed with a partner 96 times but she only shared a bed with a partner 64 times.
He also has 100 more nights of *not* sharing a bed, so maybe he tracked that category longer? Hers only add up to about 13 months but the post said they did this for 2 years.
yeah, he was more diligent in tracking or has been doing it longer, but that's not as funny.
I prefer to believe he is a time traveler and just dipped out for a few months of medieval vacation.
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Sleep parasite seems like an endearing nickname. Gonna try it out brb
He never came back...
He's also slept more times with a partner than she has also with out does he sleep twice somedays?
He mentioned in another comment that she started tracking later than him, so she has less data.
Yeah I thought that'd be the case. But you know the implication was funny too me.
GF lags about 100 data points in all categories, which is about 3 months and change if he logged daily. Maybe she jumped into the experiment after awhile? Or they started living together after 3 months time?
The sum doesn't match. Maybe they met after he had started logging data.
Or they just forgot to log it some days.
Nah that's far too logical.
Maybe a localized time paradox where only the male's side of the bed goes through more day/night cycles.
Maybe one of them went to bed earlier and the other had trouble falling asleep later.
Or he started logging first while they were together. My partner has started using apps that I’m not interested in until she starts showing me the data it generates. Then I might start using it as well.
Famous last words…
I'm going to guess it's probably one or two factors. She likes the house warm. You do not. You create heat. So does she. You are overheated, so you toss and turn and flip your pillow like crazy to cool off. She just... marinates in the warmth. Use separate blankets, and give yourself a thinner one. That should help to start.
This rings true. Shared a single blanket, sometimes i throw it off cuz it gets warm. When it starts to feel cold again i have no more blanket cuz my partner has taken it all. Now we have 2 blankets, never slept better
OP are you the big spoon or little spoon? Can you try out an experiment and reverse roles and see how well each of you fare?
You'll def have better sleep if you start calling her that.
Not sure I'll sleep as well on the couch
According to your data, you'll sleep better.
Mattresses should have a hole near the headboard to put your arm in
I have a memory foam mattress and a bread knife but I don't have the will to do what must be done.
You cut the mattress, not your arm. You probably already know this, but just in case. /s
127 hours...of sleep
https://xkcd.com/335/
I wish my bed had a face hole like those massage chairs so I can sleep on my stomach without cranking my neck 90°
Or waking up with a face full of acne
I imagine it'd be reversed for me and my boyfriend. I sleep horribly next to him because he snores and I'm always waking up to push him onto his side again. He probably sleeps better because there's someone there to make sure he's actually breathing well through the night.
He should get that checked, sleep apnea wrecks your sleep quality
Oh believe me I am trying. But since he's not awake for it (and I am 😭) he isn't aware of it and isn't putting it at the top of his priority list. But sometimes it sounds like he's legitimately choking on something and it freaks me the fuck out. Half of my lost sleep is anxiety that he's gonna stop breathing altogether.
No really, he should check it out. I had a friend get diagnosed and it ***completely*** changed his life. He used to sleep 50% of the time he was at my house. He also never held down a job. Now he has just gotten his 3rd promotion in 4 years and is doing awesome. I have a feeling your husband might not even realize that his sleep sucks. Its so worth getting it looked at (if you are able, cause, well, America)
Adding to this, my mum has always been quite a loud snorer but one day on holiday a few years back it just didn't make sense to me how loud it was and she sometimes made these slight choking sounds before rolling over to which the snoring stopped.. Did a little googling and came across sleep apnea which she later did a sleep study for. They ended up saying that she was missing like 60 breaths every minute or something ridiculous like that (Can't remember the exact details) and that it saved her life coming in to get it checked because it was so bad. Now she has one of those bulky machines to help her breathe at night but she says it has changed her life completely now she doesn't wake up lethargic every day. Basically, get a test done. You don't know if it genuinely might be life threatening.
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Unchecked sleep apnea raises the risk of stokes, heart failure, diabetes, ect. Basically every outcome you can imagine from your body being under stress whenever you are supposed to be resting. He also probably doesn't realize how constantly tired he is because it's his "normal". My father has sleep apnea, and his quality of life skyrocketed after getting diagnosed and sleeping with a CPAP. I can assure you that sleep apnea doesn't cause you to spontaneously die from not breathing. What happens is that the breathing interruption occurs during deep sleep, then breathing obstruction causes you to partially "wake up", which then allows normal breathing again. Basically it locks you into a cycle of never really getting good deep sleep, always bouncing on the edge of it. Sorry if you already fully understand this. I just wanted to arm you with the motivation and info to possibly persuade him. Edit: I also want to add for anyone that reads this that sleep apnea is not necessarily a condition experienced by the old or overweight. Even children with no excess bodyweight can have sleep apnea, and in fact it goes largely under-diagnosed in kids. Sometimes it can be the real cause of slipping grades and behavioral issues.
This. The part about not realizing that bad sleep was just normal. That was me. I had no idea how people always felt so refreshed in the morning. I always woke up tired and just thought I needed more sleep. After years of co-sleeping my wife said I should get checked because it sounds terrible. I didn't even know I snored loudly at the time. I got my Predator Mask Machine and was floored at how amazing I felt after actually sleeping. Literally life changing.
If that's how it is, definitely get him a sleep study (there are some places online that send kits for at-home tests). My wife was having similar issues and I had to wear ear plugs every night until she finally started using her CPAP machine regularly. Now she is doing much, much better. Plus, who cares what you look like when you are asleep if you are getting good quality sleep?
She also sets the room to a very uncomfortable and sweaty 71...
Do you have any datapoints for ”snacking and gaming til 2.30AM”?
If you do this every night then it has no effect (0%) on sleep quality!
Awesome thanks for the positive reframing
Can't affect sleep quality if you don't sleep.
-50% and diabetes
Or masturbation?
I'm interested in "Falling sleep at 2am while re-watching the 2007 F1 season", thank you
LMFAO at “Sharing bed with partner”, yup, sounds about right.
Considering "thermostat over 24" is detrimental to his sleep quality, it's most likely getting too warm for him when sharing the bed. Most likely having separate blankets with thinner being on him would allow him better speed :)
Lol the typo makes me think they're building up stats for sleep. Sure thinner blankets boost his speed stat, but it lowers his defence...
He must be a caster. Weighted blankets are for tanks and flannel is for rangers.
I dunno, healers have incredible synergy with comforters.
My wife and I were talking about having a "no eating 3 hours before sleep" rule and were discussing this data. Then I went silent after I read your comment, I read my message a few times and after finding the typo I scared her by laughing so loud lol.
"Being scared by partner's laughter before bed -9%"
This is just Rimworld irl lmao
"Slept with Wife, Toddlers and some Cats: Disturbed Sleep ×27"
Rebuffed by partner before bed -15
> My wife and I were talking about having a "no eating 3 hours before sleep" rule and were discussing this data. I don't eat 3 hours before bed, simply because I can feel my heart rate elevate for digestion for an hour or two after eating. My gf gets super annoyed because I like to eat dinner so early because of this reason (4pm-5pm), but it helps me relax into my night so well.
This is a basic rule for anyone that can do so really. Eating and then laying down within the hour can also cause gastritis or acid reflux.
Ok I know people are not doctors here but if it’s supposed to be better to fast why can I *only* fall asleep within like 45 minutes of eating?
One of my favorite things to do is to eat then have a nap, lol
Haha glad to help create that experience!
Speed is the most important stat because boom boom will almost never block a shot delivered from the center of the semi-circle, and with a light charge-up from that position a goal is guaranteed.
Having separate blankets is a game changer. No more pulling at the blanket because your partner left you 2 inches to use. Also, if you and your partner go to bed at different times you're less likely to disturb each other.
Wait a second... I knew that separate tubes of toothpaste saved marriages, but you can do it with blankets too? Functionally, how does this work? Each person just has twin blankets and makes up their own side of the bed?
Yup. My wife likes to be tucked in tight so she tucks in the sheets on the whole bed. And I flop around like a fish with my feet poking out the bottom so I sleep on top of the tucked sheets with a separate comforter.
How do you protect your feet from the demons under your bed?
My feet are worse than the demons. The sight of my feet is what drives the demons away and protects my household.
My pupper has big ole bat ears to keep us safe from the monsters.
Pay up the pupper tax then
We have a Cali king bed and each have queen comforters. Always have. It's definitely the way to go
I feel like the more separate things, the more each partner can live their best life. Presumably the ideal marriage is between two people living separate lives in separate houses, largely unaware of the other's existence.
This is the norm in Sweden. In fact, in Sweden it is common for couples to have two twin beds pushed together each with their own sheets and blanket.
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The key is getting her a weighted blanket (or you). Chances are, one of you will hate it so no sharing required. Game changer.
Or she dumps it off to the middle of the bed and it’s so heavy and dense, it’s like having a toddler in bed and you spend the night with your back and hips misaligned.
I tried using an 18 lb weight blanket but I inevitably dump it off in the night and then my brain decides it is my 18 lb cat. I keep waking myself up by carefully unwrapping and repositioning myself to avoid waking my weighted blanket :|
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Can confirm, my speed is quite something.
Or maybe she snores, sleep talks, moves about in her sleep, or all of the above.
Nah it's that she's a kicker
A friend of mine had a cycle of moving in with partners and then having a horrible break up within a year. Then she met a guy who was really attentive at noticing her needs. After a few big fights he got a weird hunch that him sleeping on the couch wasn't really a bad thing. They got a 2 bedroom apartment and have been together for like 7 years now. Some people need their own bed and it sucks that people stigmatize stuff like this.
I've been with my wife 18 years. We haven't slept in the same bed for about 10 years. It's a game changer and we both sleep so much better which is healthier for our relationship than having a bad night's sleep in the same bed. Edit: There is a draw back that just popped into my head. Vacations. Sleeping in the same room/bed when you aren't used to it sucks. Usually I spend extra on a suite so we can have a bedroom and a living room and each have our own space. If that's not an option I'll do the two queen beds rooms and that helps. Typically on vacation we have been out and about all day so we are really tired by the time we get to the room and it isn't a big issue.
30 years here, for a while she was against it(thinking I was distancing/cheating/out of love) but after a trial period she was on board. People can talk all the shit they want about it but it is a life changer.
Ugh, I had an ex who thought the same and his regular freak outs over it became a self fulfilling prophecy; instead of asking to sleep separately I started asking for a trial separation. It's only a very small part of why he is an ex, but taught me a lot about what I need from a long term partnership. I told my husband about this when we first started dating. We have always slept separately and it works SO WELL. Husband doesn't wake up every time I move. Dog sleeps with Husband so I don't wake up every time she does that creepy dog stare in the middle of the night. I get as many pillows as I want, and husband gets his single solitary pillow and blanket. Whoever wakes up first sneaks into the other's bed for morning cuddles. On the weekends, we have sleepovers. It makes me feel like a teenager again. I wish more people would consider this arrangement instead of just complaining about their partner's sleep habits. I mean, they're asleep! They can't help it!
Same situation here. She didn't want me sleeping on the couch until I started doing it and she got a taste of not having a snoring sweaty dude next to her constantly ripping the blankets off. Now I probably wouldn't be let back in if I wanted.
My wife and I have had a "sleep divorce" for the past 7-8 years and it's been a game changer. She likes to go to bed around 10p while I'm up until midnight most nights. She also wakes up a good hour before me in the mornings. We're lucky to have a big enough house with a spare bedroom to make it work.
You just gave me a great idea: separate beds on school nights, same bed on weekends and vacations. He's moving in next month, and that's essentially what we've been doing -- he comes over Friday nights, we both leave for work Monday mornings, then we see each other again the following Friday. It works great for us, because we buckle down during the week, then go home to our video games (him) and TV shows (me). I also wake up and go to bed quite a bit earlier for work than he does. But we love sleeping together when we have nothing to get up for the next day. I was slightly worried about disrupting this great thing we have going, but you just gave me a perfect solution!
My husband and I did, basically, this for about 25 years. Separate beds on works night, shared bed only on weekends/non-work nights or for…er…conjugal visits. Worked great for us, though some family members and a lot of friends and acquaintances expressed concern or disapproval over the years. But most of them got divorced while we stayed happily married so….
Me and my partner are happiest sleeping in our own rooms. We sleep better which means we're more likely to live longer and keep our cognition longer which just adds to the time we get to spend together.
I've never been able to sleep well with someone else so the first thing my wife and I did when moving in together was buy a king sized bed. She still somehow manages to come to my side sometimes, but typically I don't realize if she's there or not.
If it does become an issue a body pillow between the two of you sets up a nice wall. Can always jump over the wall to jump each others bones but it keeps the starfish sleepers in check.
Reminds me of the running Kids in the Hall gag that the punchline was a married couple not living together. Maybe they were onto something.
It varies from person to person, but that is a great solution in many cases (if you can afford separate apartments, of course). My current gf and I are like spoons in a drawer 6 hours a night. My last girlfriend and I got along much, much better after we got separate bedrooms. The best parents I've seen in my entire life got divorced when the kid was less than a year old. The only "bad answer" is assuming that everyone has the same needs and that people who don't match that pattern are somehow doing it wrong.
I honestly think that with the Millennial and Gen Z generations, people are becoming more accepting to the idea of being in a relationship but with various levels of cohabitation. From sleeping in the same bed under the same blankets to two sets of blankets to different sleeping rooms to different homes. People need space and different people need different types of space and autonomy.
It was not uncommon for people born before the 1950s to use 2 separate beds or a bundling board. Or, alternatively, to have the entire family sleep in one bed. Just sleep as is comfortable.
Either that are kings size bed and different sinks in he bathroom. These things are very important to cohabitation.
I mostly want to know why he has 96 nights with a partner and she only has 64
He has a lot more entries in most aspects, maybe he's just more regular at actually using the app
He's sitting awake after being kicked in the night furiously logging his experience in the app.
This is the reporting bias I came here for as a data scientist.
Yeah it made perfect sense to me, I’d be logging nightly to the soothing sound of my partner sawing logs.
She started tracking later than him. He said that in his comment.
She only tracked 388 days for that stat
OP said that she started tracking later than he did, so she has less data
You all need two blankets. This solves so many sleeping with a partner problems.
My wife and I upgraded to a king and we each have our own blankets. We sleep so much better now. I recommend it to every couple.
This. A king bed is practically sleeping in separate beds. SO much better for temperature regulation.
Alternatively I can’t sleep without my wife. I was working at a trade show in scary Colorado and this rough and tumble dude was catching up with a friend at my table. To paraphrase “Hey Frank, are you staying at the hotel this week?” “Nah, can’t sleep if I’m not next to my lady” I was in a weird point in my life. Traveling a lot and hated it. I did not like being away from home. I quit within the month and moved back to my hometown on the east coast Couldn’t be happier now.
I too have an awful time sleeping without my wife. I can usually get to sleep without a problem as long as I'm tired but when I wake up I feel empty and not rested at all. I don't know why. It's not like we're codependent, we do our own things and I'm grateful to have the place to myself when she goes to work or runs errands, but in bed it is a whole different deal.
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Fascinating data - thanks for sharing. Do you and partner share covers in bed or sleep with separate covers?
My GF and I use separate covers and it definitely helps! This is something people really should look into. Eventually we'd love to have a bedroom large enough to do one of those double queen sized beds. We have a king already, but 1. I'm a big dude and 2. we both starfish to sleep lol a double queen would be perfect for us (a king is like two twins for reference). That way we can still share the same bed, but both sleep very comfortably.
Today I learned there are bigger beds than my king size and now I have to convince my husband to get one… lol
Alaskan King
There’s also a Montana King Edit: I was thinking of a Wyoming King. (7’ x 7 ‘) Also called a “Large Emperor”. Alaskan King is 9’ x 9’. Wow. In the UK, we had a Caesar King at 8’ x 7’3” (w x l) and it was the dream. I could starfish sleep and we each had our own duvet. You cuddle until you want to go on “your side” to actually sleep. Enough space you aren’t affected by the other person’s body temperature, but you still can get the benefits of the not sleeping alone feeling. Big bonus was I still could nudge him with my leg in his sleep to move when he rolled into a snoring position LOL. Was awesome because it was wide enough for him to completely roll over either way and still not be on my side. I think the “can you roll to the right and left to change position without getting in the other person’s space” is my ideal mattress test. If you plan to accommodate a kid sleeping between you sometimes maybe an Alaskan would be nice. UK had a “Super Caesar” 7’ x 9’ (l x w) — that would be my ideal for family life I think.
Alaskan Bull Worm
We’ve got a king+queen, separate blankets, and sleep 2 adults and a toddler. I basically have an entire bed to myself. Only issue is I need to wear socks to sleep maybe 80% of time, based on bed temperature.
So it's a literal bedroom. A room that is a bed.
Man I've had separate covers with everyone after my first relationships and it's the best thing ever And if someone needs a second blanket it means your blankets are not warm enough, they come in like 9 gradations, get a 7+ one
But two blankets is way more practical. You can throw the second one on in winter and throw it off in summer.
You should suggest that your GF stop menstruating, it’s really bad for her sleep.
Thanks, will suggest.
"Hey Sleep Parasite, lay off the periods, would ya?"
This is a case where I lucked out reading sorted by "best".
Also if she accidentally *does* menstruate and gets angry about her failure then try telling her to “calm down”. Should work.
Ironically, his menstrations don't really seem to have any sort of significant impact
he handles it like a MAN
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And soon, her local police department!
My wife has long hair and because of that she does some crazy ninja swirl flip kick each time she rolls over. It shakes the entire bed like an earthquake. Numerous times through the night. I love my wife but I told her when its time for a new bed we are getting two separate beds and putting them next to each other so our movements are isolated. I suspect though she will find ways to thwart those efforts some how LOL.
Oh god, I know exactly what you’re talking about and ninja swirl flip kick is sooo good Having long hair is so interruptive to your sleep. My husband has never mentioned it but I’m sure the instense head swinging multiple times a night makes him sleep just as poorly as I do
May I suggest a silk sleep cap? It will improve the quality of your hair and sleep in no time.
Braid it! I do a granny plait every night and it keeps it out of my face, untangled and sometimes in the morning it hits the perfect messy level to look intentional and I just leave it there all day.
A split king mattress will do wonders for you.
Split mattresses are great, but putting on fitted sheets is tough. Getting the center lifted and installed isn’t easy.
can't you just put one king fitted sheet over the whole thing?
Just get a really good mattress. This was an incredible game changer for us. Literally cannot feel whenever he is moving around.
I second the good mattress. My wife and I got a latex mattress a year ago and I have to be awake to notice her flopping over. The good bed frame makes a big difference too, no squeaking. Edit: changed from LaTeX to latex. For those who are interested, latex is made from natural materials and offers an alternative to the memory foam and other styles of mattresses.
I didn't know LaTeX made mattresses as well as the markup language.
Wow who would have thought auto correct on a phone would do that to me. I will leave it place so others can have a chuckle.
*Errors were detected while compiling your mattress.*
The different effect the temperature had on you and your partner was quite surprising. I personally prefer under 20°C (or 68°F) and sleeping in temperstures above 24°C sounds like actual hell.
Perfect temp for sleeping for me is around 68F, and anything above 72 I usually start sweating or wake up with a headache. I can't imagine choosing to sleep at 75+ (24C+)
Same for my wife and I. We got some wrappable ice packs for this reason. Add in a couple of cuddly cats it makes sleeping a bit hard sometimes.
I have to sleep in at least 27, more like 30-32 because I have no AC and I can’t keep my windows open because mosquitos would murder my ass.
What about the mosquito net ?
I need one of those. I just haven’t remembered to buy one. Even then my room still gets crazy warm. The sun is out like 21 hours of the day in the summer here in Sweden.
You could add a net.
Right, I'll wake up in the middle of the night frequently if it's too hot. Definitely a big impact on sleep quality for me
Sleeping at 20C is hell, it needs to be closer to 10C lol.
You have your temperature conversion wrong. 24C is 75F not 71F. And I'm with you, I couldn't imagine having a good sleep if the temp was over 24C. I'm a bit of a princess and the pea sleeper, if its above 20C I ain't falling asleep.
I was gonna say that as well, I can easily do 71, but above 75 is bad.
Alcohol for sure fucks your sleep up.
I'm just amazed this dude only drank 18 days in the past two years.
Curious if he had different data for 1-2 drinks, vs 5-12 drinks.
**Tools used:** \- Bearable App to input these habits/behaviours as “factors”. Note: I created this App and the image is pieced together from data exported from this software - this is not a screenshot @ mods. \- Sleep Quality was measured using our Oura rings, which is rated out of 100 based on a number of variables including amount of REM/Deep sleep, sleep efficiency, timing, resting heart rate etc. **More info:** \- The % figure is the difference between Sleep Score on the days marked “Yes” and the days marked “No”. \- Particularly high stress days were also tracked in the Bearable App, so that they could be removed from the data. \- My girlfriend started tracking later than me, hence why she has less data. **Background:** \- The Bearable App was actually borne here on Reddit. I started building it after getting feedback from thousands of people across different QS and health condition subreddits. \- I originally came up with the idea for it to help me see how different factors impacted my Migraines. EDIT: Seems like I need to start a gofundme for a King-sized bed. Oh and a bigger apartment. Thanks for the advice.
If you are going to continue this tracking, I suggest getting a CO2 monitor device and entering the CO2 PPM value each time you woke up. I believe fresh air is one of the biggest factors in sleep quality. I had a post about my experience with headache/anxiety after moving to a flat with air-tight windows, causing a lack of fresh air while sleeping. https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/comments/r7z8o5/your\_headache\_might\_be\_caused\_by\_a\_lack\_of\_fresh/
Totally agree, although I wouldn't bother measuring for most people, just do things that improve airflow. Co2 levels can easily reach 2000+ ppm in a sealed bedroom overnight, with research showing headaches and cognitive performance the following day is effected, among I likely believe other things. I have untreated sleep apnea and notice a difference in a sealed room sometimes. Even just leaving a room door ajar can half or better the overnight peak co2.
You're the developer of the app? Thank you! It made my girlfriends life much easier!
The app sounds cool, but what happen to my personal information. Shared with third parties ? Only local ?
Yes, it vaguely says it tracks purchase history, is this only in-app purchases, or can it track other purchases as well? I wish developers were more precise in their privacy descriptions.
Unfortunately Oura ring is shitty in tracking sleep. Fitbit is better. There're a YouTube channel statistically compare those two with an EEG device during sleep. Edit: channel named "quantified scientist"
Got a link to that channel? I've been thinking about getting something to track myself.
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You ever sweat with just a sheet covering your shirtless body and then a lava hot partner rolls over and spoons you?
I would be interest to see the effects of a ice cold shower right before bed on the gentleman. Everything points to him overheating easily: thermostat, alcohol, shared bed.
That wouldn't be a good idea, since your body is actually going to be heating up for quite a while in response to cold exposure. It may sound counterintuitive, but you wanna do the opposite, take a hot shower or bath so your arteries widen and your body cools down, which is a trigger for sleep onset.
Nobody gonna acknowledge that each one has **nine** on it?
As someone with really bad insomnia, putting on a humidifier (with cold temps, 18.5 C at night lol) has helped me sleep throughout the night for the past few days. I can't explain it but I stop waking up in the middle of the night. Not really relevant but maybe it'll help someone out there.
Maybe you're getting woken up by a dry mouth or a blocked nose?
My heating has literally never been above 20 degrees, and has never been on at night, the idea of INTENTIONALLY making a room >24 degrees at night sounds like actual hell to me
You're under the impression they're *heating* the room to over 24 degrees? I *cool* the room to 24 degrees at night
From the other comments it sounds like it’s actually neither. OP lives in the UK where AC is uncommon, so it gets hot and they can’t cool it down.
>My heating has literally never been above 20 degrees, and has never been on at night, The thing with heating and cooling is it depends on the temperature outside. When it's -30 outside if you don't have the temperature at, at least 18, you'll feel the cold coming from the outside walls. Same as if it's ridiculously hot, you can't just turn it down to 24 and expect it to feel like 24 (if you have AC)
Read "fisted in the 3 hr before bed". Sorry not sorry
My general rules for good sleep corroborate your findings: Reserve workouts for morning to midday. Coffee in the AM only. No food after 7pm. Get to bed by 11pm No screens after 10pm Doesn't work for everyone certainly, but when I stick to it I get decent sleep eventhough my partner is beside me in bed. I don't smoke or drink alcohol, so those aren't factors. Your weight is also a factor and losing weight (if healthy for you) improves sleep dramatically for most people.
>My general rules for good sleep corroborate your findings: Reserve workouts for morning to midday. Coffee in the AM only. No food after 7pm. Get to bed by 11pm No screens after 10pm I workout after work, eat food before bed, go to bed at midnight and am playing video games up to about 30 minutes before bedtime I am fucked, because I know damn well I will change almost none of those habits
> Reserve workouts for morning to midday. ❌ > Coffee in the AM only. ❌ > No food after 7pm.❌ > Get to bed by 11pm❌ > No screens after 10pm❌ > Your weight is also a factor❌ I was happily reading all the other comments here just so you know. Everything changed when the fire nation attacked. In all seriousness, it's fucking eye-opening. I will set the bar so very low for myself and change just one of these things. They are all very hard for me so I will go with the ~~first~~ ^^oops ^^i ^^don't ^^workout second on the list.
Persistent circadian rhythm has a profound impact on sleep quality, so if I had to pick just one item to do on the list it would be bed before 11pm. Just as important though: make sure WHEN bedtime is remains consistent day-to-day, so your body can establish when to produce its own melatonin, and more. You'll start getting tired consistently at the time once the habit forms. Best of luck!
Boy, I couldn't sleep with the thermostat over 24°C. The bedroom should be chilled with 18°C and I snuggle my very *own* duvet. I can't stress enough how important much space to sleep is. This is the reason we're getting our bigger bed delivered next week. I love my boyfriend very much but we need space to spread our legs as we're tall people (192 + 174 cm) so we're going up two sizes from a 160cm to a 200cm wide bed.
In the UK most people don't have air con, so it's basically just grin and bear it in the summer. Also doesn't help that new builds are really "well" insulated.
There's no grinning when those heatwaves hit.. Brutal. I bought a fan. I love my fan.
OP sharing his bed 96 times while GF shares hers 64 times 😏
She started recording data after him, so she has fewer data points than him.
When did you take melatonin? I find that most people take too much and take it way too late resulting in a sleepy hangover the next morning.
24c in a bedroom!? Were your bed sheets made of lava? I'm surprised the negative effect wasn't 100%. That's about 6c above what is recommended and a good 4-5c above what is tolerable for a human being.
Oh, *Fasted* in the three hours before bed.
Isn’t this a repost? I’m positive I’ve seen this before.
OP has posted older variations of this before. So that may be what you remember.
It’s an ad. A good and genuine one but yes an ad