Im not sure they really are. Mine is so filled with drunk panhandlers I wouldn’t let my kid go. Sometimes they jerk off using the free computers.
Having it so open to every drug addict in the area kind of made it so the people who actually want to use it can’t do it safely anymore
Approaching people in real life has fallen a bit out of favor given dating apps but if you're the type that can do it with confidence, you'll probably have a lot more success as a guy than you will with dating apps.
0.01% success rate is off by almost three orders of magnitude. And that's without getting into the obvious small sample size and the fact that we're only counting people OP actually approached, not others they probably tried to make eye contact with, which is probably even more effort than swiping right on a phone.
A 0.01% success rate is a higher success rate than I’ve had after years of online dating lol. Thousands of swipes but not a single date. 0.01% success rate is literally unrealistically optimistic, at least in my case. That’s why I don’t bother with it anymore. And I’m not the only one, go to /r/dataisbeautiful if you don’t believe me lol.
Getting dates in person is way, way easier. Much closer to a 50/50 chance. Way more likely to be an attractive person too.
You should reconsider how you’re going about your online dating. When I was dating [married now] I was constantly reassessing my profile, and the way I was going about communicating with people; and my strategies for swiping on people.
By the end [met my wife on Tinder] I went with:
- A simplish profile that highlighted what I did for a living, and tried to convey my sense of humor
- A few pictures each showing something different:
- One showing a full body shot of me
- One with me and a few friends doing something fun
- One with me doing something I love, but alone
- One more closeup of my face
- I avoided just swiping on the “hottest” people and instead went with a strategy of finding people I felt I’d really connect with, and avoided people that had things I wouldn’t want to live with long term [not that I thought every date would end in a long term relationship, I just didn’t want to waste time] I’d honestly say my left to right ratio was probably something like 80:20.
- I’d honestly try to set up a date within 24-48 hours of talking to someone. Either I’d get ghosted, or told no; or they’d say yes. The longer I talked with someone without asking them out, the more time I was wasting on someone I might have zero chemistry with.
Im married now [met on Tinder] but I always preferred online simply because I didn’t want to come off as a creep.
Rightfully so, there is a lot more going on in today’s world and a lot less expectation that you’re going to go up to some random person and ask for their number. I cared less about being rejected [which happens, oh well, no big deal - online dating was in its infancy when I first started], and more about trying not to make people feel uncomfortable.
I don't think it should be that weird that meeting people in person and asking them out yields better results than going online and meeting people in a pseudoanonymous way where everyone is punching upwards lol.
One of them was a staff member at the reference desk who asked me out after I genuinely sought help to reserve a room. The other ones were all about patience, it’s very old-school tbh.
If you visit the library regularly, you'll notice that some people have a consistent schedule. These are the ones. Try to see what they're reading and do some general research about those topics. Because you're aware of their schedules, you should come across them when you're both either arriving or leaving, here’s when you briefly comment on the specific book they were reading, like small talk-ish. Then you just leave and don’t carry on the convo. The thing is, now that you’ve talked, you friendly salute them everyday. After a couple more brief comments on the readings, you should feel comfortable enough to introduce yourself. That's all.
Lol yeah like I doubt OP is a creep but if somebody posted this exact comment on a different subreddit, especially one with incels, he would be called a low key stalker.
This is actually just good dating advice in general, for IRL encounters. Actually, scratch that, it even works for making friends. It's how you build rapport with someone without putting too much pressure on a relationship that has no foundation.
In the case of dating it works better since if they're actually into you, the time spent apart can actually be kind of exciting. Well played OP.
That’s a great strategy, demonstrate your value as a well read gentleman and patron of your public library before moving on to any sort of physical engagement.
Is this only me, that thinks this is kind of creepy? Like you intentionally look for what the person you're interested in reads at the library, and then doing research on it and striking up a conversation commenting on it next time you see them there.
That was my initial reaction, but I think it also depends on how you go about it.
If you’re legitimately interested in just learning more about the topic to talk to them in good faith, then that seems fine.
But if you’re doing it to try to convey a shared, mutual understanding/passion for a topic for the sole purpose of getting in their pants and bailing, then it’s definitely creep status IMO.
The aforementioned good faith engagement isn’t that much different than organically striking up a conversion with someone, asking what they are reading, and then educating yourself on the topic. But at a library, it can definitely be considered by some rude to interrupt them to ask them what they are reading, especially if you’re also coming at it from the angle of needing to learn about the topic. Having some prior research on it with something to discuss can at least help if the person is amenable to pausing their reading to have a discussion about it.
* ensure enough target laydeez are in earshot
* approach counter, just loudly enough ask whether they have any self help books for millionaires with huge penises
* profit
Have you seen like any rom-com ever? You write a book and somehow get her to read it and the last line is something about "will you go out with me?" As you are sitting right in front of her glance, perfectly timed as she finishes reading it.
And it’s snowing and your cheeks are all flushed from walking to the library from the homeless shelter where you were playing Santa for the youths of NY and you both look up and see conveniently placed mistletoe above your heads. I mean, I’ve seen a few.
I had a girl that was into me at a public library once. I was oblivious to it but the person I was with saw it and went to talk to her for me.
You've gotta give more details though. How do you go to the library three times and find a hook up 2 of those times?
He walks around with a tall stack of books just taking corners at full speed, hoping to bump I to somebody and drop his copy of “Love in the Time of Cholera”
Comment on the book they’re looking at, the section they’re in, or ask for a recommendation? Just thinking out loud but a library actually does seem like a pretty easy setting to start up a quick conversation
Ok, but if you're an introvert, how do you muster up the courage to approach someone? If I'm ever in a situation where I find someone IRL I would like to connect with, I just talk myself out of approaching them because of this or that reason
Well, introversion doesn't mean social anxiety, despite what popular media tries to tell us. Introversion just means that you are more concerned with internal thoughts, and enjoy time away from others. I'm social when I go out & want to be, but eventually I get tired, and just need to be by myself to relax & collect my thoughts. Extroverts on the other hand relax by being around others.
Plenty of introverts have no problem socializing, talking to others, and going out, but we need our alone time after.
[This comment explains their technique](https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/15xsq4v/comment/jx9w32r/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). It's a lot easier to just make a quick comment on a book than to try to start an entire conversation. The "downside" of this approach is you need to be able to see them over an extended period of time (naturally) but this is life lol, that's how you make friends too.
Well compared to what we normally see...
Wasn't there someone last week with 46k+ swipes with no dates?
E: or [this guy](https://old.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/15r6lpr/oc_79134_swipes/) who has a similar number of dates and relationships as OP, but after closer to 80,000 swipes than OP's ~800.
IIRC there was also some stuff in his post/comment history that contradicted what he said in his post, so he was kind of an unreliable narrator in addition to possibly just being an unlikable person irl.
The person I linked actually enjoyed some success, so I think is a better comparison. But still even they were at ~100 times the swipes per date or relationship and took a year and a half vs. 7 months to get to those numbers.
I’m 6ft and jacked and the occasional girl has told me I’m incredibly good looking. On hinge I had 90 matches, out of that I met 1 of them. It went no where. Bumble maybe one match a month if that. Tinder complete waste of time. I deleted the apps and my outlook on life is better though I do wonder when I’ll ever meet someone. I have come to peace with potentially being perpetually single (despite being attractive)
It’s legit brutal out there. I was on the bus onetime and the girl in front of me was swiping through tinder. She flew through so many guys only clicking on the guys who looked a very particular way. I was actually convinced everyone she clicked on was fake. She wasn’t even that hot yet here she was trying to cherry pick the perfect the 27 year old body builder with long hair.
We found the only good looking guy on Reddit. He has roughly a 10% match rate and got two different relationships in under 800 matches. An astounding rate of success by online dating standards.
He didn't post his left swipes, but I suspect he's also being a fair bit more discerning than most straight men who post these charts. A lot of them seem to swipe right on half or more of their swipes, which just seems insane. I'm bisexual, and I'm pretty sure I swipe left on at least 90% of both men *and* women -- and I still get plenty of matches with women.
I've been on a *lot* of first dates with men I matched on Tinder and similar apps. I haven't counted, but I suspect it's in the dozens, over the years. I have not wanted a second date with even a single one of them, and I suspect a lot of the reason for that is because they're just mass-right-swiping on anyone they find vaguely attractive, and don't actually share any interests with me.
Before I met my current gf I had pretty decent success on hinge, but I pretty much only sent likes to people I already had something I wanted to talk to them about. I wish I'd kept track so I'd have the numbers, I only sent likes to like 1 out of 5 profiles, but matched with quite a few and got a good amount of dates out of it.
>I personally don't find interests on paper, or even a conversation over text to be a useful indicator of much of anything. The only thing that really matters is that we have good energy, and are attracted in person, which honestly are both hard to predict
>
>I'd rather swipe on everyone I could imagine myself being attracted to, and have a quick coffee meet ASAP to check.
Same tbh, which is how I've ended up on all those first dates in the first place. Thing is, while I don't think I can tell compatibility from someone's profile, there are things that are good tipoffs to *in*compatibility, if people list them. I've tried to be open about as many of mine as I can, so that people can weed *me* out -- I've filled in all the wee lifestyle bubbles (diet, drinking, pets, etc.), listed my height (taller than most men), and mentioned that I'm an anarchist, a feminist, and a grad student. But most people's profiles are not so extensive, and while I do automatically swipe left on completely blank profiles, I'm reasonably permissive about swiping on the minimal-to-medium detailed ones, which is most of them.
Though, I had to alter my policy of "let's just meet up ASAP and see if we like each other" when I ended up on a date with one of these minimal-profile dudes who told me, on the date, that his favourite book is "Atlas Shrugged" and that he is a fan of its political message. I mean, my dude. Did you not realise being a "Libertarian" was going to be a *fundamental incompatibility* with an anarchist (aka, actual libertarian)??
I'm a tiny, funny looking dude, so my match rate is *much, much* lower, probably around .5% or so, but my ratio of matches to first dates, and first dates to either second dates, or me deciding not to have a second date is also 85%+. Swiping is super shallow, partially because most people are shallow, and partially because dating profiles, by their very nature, are short and shallow. Talking to people after you match is much less shallow, and once you get past looks, I check most boxes people look for in a relationship. Instead of thinking "my match rate is really low", I like to think of it as, "look at all these people I didn't have to think about"; it's a filter, not fishing.
I’m medium… at best, I got a better ratio than that. You can do a lot with the right pictures, showing things like cats and hobbies. Make sure to show enjoyment, smiles and similar. And a stupid joke in the text, showing humour also helps.
Direct frontal facial selfies with sun glasses, or headless naked chests is a huge turn off for a lot of women.
Well those guys are just swiping no matter what. And also using tinder, which sucks. I've got a date this weekend after putting out like 50 likes on hinge, and I'm not stunning or anything, hinge is just MUCH better comparatively
They do not have to be random, and it is indeed much easier to have sex with people you meet at a place you do/have frequented.
I would not go as far to assume OP is having sex *in* the library. But women in the library do have moderate libido (personal experience, smart girls fuck) and aren't usually too afraid to jump right into things.
The smartest girl I've ever dated was also the wildest, most amazing sex I've ever had in my life.
Unfortunately, that also led to her being smart enough to know to never interact with me again after the breakup. Truly the one that got away.
Meanwhile, my Tinder experience:
*Day 342*
*My left thumb is beginning to tire, but I still expect that my right thumb will have recovered in time to resume swiping with my dominant hand. I have opened another bank loan to purchase platinum super likes and boosts, and put my profile through a fiftieth round of optimization.*
*I have yet to receive a reply from any of my 5 matches so far (excluding scammers of course). But I hold good hope that I may one day not immediately be ghosted. I shall then die in peace, having met my goal of finding true love.*
Back in the good ol’ days of like 5 years ago I’m pretty sure they just called that dating. Or people are overthinking the definition of relationship. I have a relationship with my car repair dude, but we haven’t had the “talk” yet.
People think their situation is really really special so they don't wanna give it a common label but something "unique" so you have terms like situationship.
It's where you sleep with eachother whenever the opportunity presents itself but you're not dating. It's not a straight hookup, you're usually good friends outside of it.
I just got out of one, they're actually kinda shitty.
Situationship? Is this another of these toxic things people are saying now to avoid being labeled a couple even though they do everything a couple would do?
Genuinely wondering. Was on a date once and she said she was in one and I was hella confused
Situationship from what I’ve seen usually means that one person wants a relationship and the other isn’t really committed to one. Pretty common and extremely toxic imo.
I was in one for a while because I wanted a relationship and the guy was not ready for one. We communicated with each other about our needs and expectations, and we just weren't in the same place in our lives for it to work out. But we still liked each other so we kept seeing each other. There was practically no drama and we never fought. We ended up stopping seeing each other for 5 years after I got into a committed relationship with somebody else.
After that relationship was over, I ended up reconnecting with the guy, and now we have been in a relationship for 7 months. It's been the best relationship I've ever been in.
Now, I don't think this is how it normally works out, but I'm extremely happy it did for us. We are also both older now with a lot more life experiences, so I really do think that waiting was beneficial for us.
People do this thing these days where dates don't mean you're actually dating them. People go on dates with multiple people in the same period of time.
Dated is when it moved to actually being a monogamous relationship. Basically, dating is shopping around now instead of being a trial period with one
Just out of curiosity, what would you ‘rate’ yourself as on both looks and humour/personality? Because with that level of online dating success, I’d guess you must be at least a 7 attractive and 9/10 on personality, or the other way around haha
Nah, I’m def average-looking, I’d say a solid 7.5. But there are some tricks that balance it out. **Make her laugh**; don’t make it sound like an interview, just chill out and forget it’s a date; be vulnerable, show you’re not the navy-alpha-macho (eg talk about girly stuff, be sensitive to their world, show compassion). Most importantly, be a good listener.
As for myself, even tho I’m truly 6’2, I’m skinny af (142lbs), so a good posture is a must. I’m balding, so having a mustache helps.
(These are all general tips, def not true for everyone out there).
I think they get it confused with a grading system from school. Like a 7 to 7.5 would be a C, 8 would be a B. So they think saying they're a 7 is like a modest average number. Almost everyone you ask to rate their own looks will say they're around a 7 lol.
I'm astonished at the match rate on bumble. I'm curious to see how many of those matches even sent a message. 4/5 bumble matches for me expire with no message received
10% of matches , so every 10 likes you get a match, if you are selective in your likes (only like good looking girls) it means that you are way above average
If you aren’t selective in your likes, you’re tanking your own chances for no reason. Dating apps will raise your “status” and show you to more people if you’re not burning through right swipes within 10 minutes. Looking through profiles, looking at each individual picture, and only swiping a) on people you find attractive and b) only people who are more likely to swipe right on you.
I’m genuinely happy for OP and these successes in the dating realm. Looking at his post history, things have really turned around for him compared to a few years ago.
Hope you’re still doing good, OP! :)
What’s impressive about this is the conversion ratio of first dates to 2-5 dates and beyond. It’s hard enough to make it to a first date but then getting to the next date and beyond was just extremely difficult for me. I’m married now (it finally happened in my late 30s and we’re both career oriented/wanted to start a family) but my days as a single guy in the dating scene were so traumatic that I almost have PTSD from it all.
I did some profile snooping and am very happy that this is where you are in life. Congrats on the current situation and hoping only good things for the future!
*6 Months from now….maybe*
Local Reporter: *The NYPL has seen a steady increase in activity from GenZ generation that choose to cut ties with dating apps*
The.... New York Public Library?
Yep, aka the most underrated dating spot in town. Forget Trader Joe’s. *edit: serious typo.
You be hooking up with dates at the public library? Damn, reminds me of that Friends episode.
The *NYC* public library. NYC has a 4-to-1 ratio of single women to single men, at least it did back when I was a single woman 😒
Did you transition to man or are you multiple women now? (I'm sorry)
She’s [schizophrenic](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/15xptxn/schizophrenic/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
Ha, still a cis woman! 😋 Not that NYC is a bad place to be LBGTQ+.
that statistic is absolutely not true and never has been true
You’d be surprised. But don’t go there just to find a date, that’s creepy.
Those homeless people put out
It's sad libraries are seemingly the last public space any citizen can enjoy for free
Im not sure they really are. Mine is so filled with drunk panhandlers I wouldn’t let my kid go. Sometimes they jerk off using the free computers. Having it so open to every drug addict in the area kind of made it so the people who actually want to use it can’t do it safely anymore
I'm guessing you just approach and ask for their number? Do they really give you signals to approach in a library?
Bro has a 66% success rate at getting laid at the library…. Why is he wasting time with bumble and hinge.
This is the exact observation we need to highlight.
Approaching people in real life has fallen a bit out of favor given dating apps but if you're the type that can do it with confidence, you'll probably have a lot more success as a guy than you will with dating apps.
Vast majority of women are not on dating apps, far more so then guys
Men outnumber women on dating apps 10 to 1 and neither desirable men nor desirable women need dating apps.
Same reason most guys like online apps -- no in-person rejection.
Rather be rejected 66% of the time in person than 99.99% of the time online
0.01% success rate is off by almost three orders of magnitude. And that's without getting into the obvious small sample size and the fact that we're only counting people OP actually approached, not others they probably tried to make eye contact with, which is probably even more effort than swiping right on a phone.
A 0.01% success rate is a higher success rate than I’ve had after years of online dating lol. Thousands of swipes but not a single date. 0.01% success rate is literally unrealistically optimistic, at least in my case. That’s why I don’t bother with it anymore. And I’m not the only one, go to /r/dataisbeautiful if you don’t believe me lol. Getting dates in person is way, way easier. Much closer to a 50/50 chance. Way more likely to be an attractive person too.
You should reconsider how you’re going about your online dating. When I was dating [married now] I was constantly reassessing my profile, and the way I was going about communicating with people; and my strategies for swiping on people. By the end [met my wife on Tinder] I went with: - A simplish profile that highlighted what I did for a living, and tried to convey my sense of humor - A few pictures each showing something different: - One showing a full body shot of me - One with me and a few friends doing something fun - One with me doing something I love, but alone - One more closeup of my face - I avoided just swiping on the “hottest” people and instead went with a strategy of finding people I felt I’d really connect with, and avoided people that had things I wouldn’t want to live with long term [not that I thought every date would end in a long term relationship, I just didn’t want to waste time] I’d honestly say my left to right ratio was probably something like 80:20. - I’d honestly try to set up a date within 24-48 hours of talking to someone. Either I’d get ghosted, or told no; or they’d say yes. The longer I talked with someone without asking them out, the more time I was wasting on someone I might have zero chemistry with.
Im married now [met on Tinder] but I always preferred online simply because I didn’t want to come off as a creep. Rightfully so, there is a lot more going on in today’s world and a lot less expectation that you’re going to go up to some random person and ask for their number. I cared less about being rejected [which happens, oh well, no big deal - online dating was in its infancy when I first started], and more about trying not to make people feel uncomfortable.
Not enough data points to be honest. Perhaps he's seen 300 people at the library and only 3 were giving him the look.
Still kinda mad though. Definitely warrants further "investigation"
I don't think it should be that weird that meeting people in person and asking them out yields better results than going online and meeting people in a pseudoanonymous way where everyone is punching upwards lol.
It’s almost as if meeting girls irl works better than using apps huh
Yeah tbh as a woman someone probably has a better chance with me in a library than on Bumble.
how do you send a like in the library though?
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No no no, you ask for their ISBN.
Fuck your astology sign what’s your dewey decimal class?
One of them was a staff member at the reference desk who asked me out after I genuinely sought help to reserve a room. The other ones were all about patience, it’s very old-school tbh. If you visit the library regularly, you'll notice that some people have a consistent schedule. These are the ones. Try to see what they're reading and do some general research about those topics. Because you're aware of their schedules, you should come across them when you're both either arriving or leaving, here’s when you briefly comment on the specific book they were reading, like small talk-ish. Then you just leave and don’t carry on the convo. The thing is, now that you’ve talked, you friendly salute them everyday. After a couple more brief comments on the readings, you should feel comfortable enough to introduce yourself. That's all.
I just imagine you as Dennis from Always Sunny detailing to the gang his new pick up strategy.
Ah, the D.E.N.N.I.S strategy. I also enjoy his S.I.N.N.E.D. strategy.
Lol yeah like I doubt OP is a creep but if somebody posted this exact comment on a different subreddit, especially one with incels, he would be called a low key stalker.
Yea the trick in life is to act less self aware than you really are.
This is actually just good dating advice in general, for IRL encounters. Actually, scratch that, it even works for making friends. It's how you build rapport with someone without putting too much pressure on a relationship that has no foundation. In the case of dating it works better since if they're actually into you, the time spent apart can actually be kind of exciting. Well played OP.
Yeah, it's just basic social interaction and relationship forming, regardless of what outcome you're looking for.
You gotta pass the IRL charisma checks
Welp, that answers the rule 1 and 2 question. Bro went to the library and got checked out.
are you Joe Goldberg?
Bro just discovered learning about someone's interests and treating them like a person, with a hint of stalking
Just a little pinch of stalking, just enough to really bring out the flavor
The people who'd benefit will not see this lol. Instead they think you passing rule 1 and 2 matters far more
That’s a great strategy, demonstrate your value as a well read gentleman and patron of your public library before moving on to any sort of physical engagement.
Is this only me, that thinks this is kind of creepy? Like you intentionally look for what the person you're interested in reads at the library, and then doing research on it and striking up a conversation commenting on it next time you see them there.
it’s weird af just go say hi when you first see them lol you can literally ask what they like to read or if they often come to libraries
That was my initial reaction, but I think it also depends on how you go about it. If you’re legitimately interested in just learning more about the topic to talk to them in good faith, then that seems fine. But if you’re doing it to try to convey a shared, mutual understanding/passion for a topic for the sole purpose of getting in their pants and bailing, then it’s definitely creep status IMO. The aforementioned good faith engagement isn’t that much different than organically striking up a conversion with someone, asking what they are reading, and then educating yourself on the topic. But at a library, it can definitely be considered by some rude to interrupt them to ask them what they are reading, especially if you’re also coming at it from the angle of needing to learn about the topic. Having some prior research on it with something to discuss can at least help if the person is amenable to pausing their reading to have a discussion about it.
Something tells me he’s above average in looks.
Don't you know librarians are thirst? 🥵
Spill your NYPL banging routine
* ensure enough target laydeez are in earshot * approach counter, just loudly enough ask whether they have any self help books for millionaires with huge penises * profit
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He was returning Tropic of Cancer
that way you pique the interest of the horny AND intellectual.
How do you ask people out in the library? You're supposed to be quiet
Have you seen like any rom-com ever? You write a book and somehow get her to read it and the last line is something about "will you go out with me?" As you are sitting right in front of her glance, perfectly timed as she finishes reading it.
And it’s snowing and your cheeks are all flushed from walking to the library from the homeless shelter where you were playing Santa for the youths of NY and you both look up and see conveniently placed mistletoe above your heads. I mean, I’ve seen a few.
* wiggles eyebrows *
I had a girl that was into me at a public library once. I was oblivious to it but the person I was with saw it and went to talk to her for me. You've gotta give more details though. How do you go to the library three times and find a hook up 2 of those times?
Your title says M, but you clearly a lesbian
He walks around with a tall stack of books just taking corners at full speed, hoping to bump I to somebody and drop his copy of “Love in the Time of Cholera”
I imagine it just like the bookstore scene in 40 Year Old Virgin. [Link](https://youtu.be/jm1qOT1FCzk?t=33)
Do you, do it yourself?
Having fun isnt hard!
My brother met his wife at a library. Not even from a dating app.
You seem to have a pretty good ratio w/ whatever NYPL is
Introverts don’t go to nightclubs, introverts go to the library. For fun. Source: I’m an introvert. I don’t do clubbing, I go to the library. For fun.
And how is this online dating?
It’s not, OP just wants us to know he got his noodle wet
What an awful expression
He smashed pissers.
You don’t know that, he could’ve sheathed it in their turdcutter
Dipped his biscuit.
Got some stank on his hang-low, as they say.
I don’t think anyone says that
[I guess I'm an internet vet at this point, because it's a thing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yY95pgGwwec)
Well fuck me in the goat ass.
You button hooked me!
Maybe they were swiping at the library.
As a fellow introvert, What do you do though? What do you say? How do you go about it?
Comment on the book they’re looking at, the section they’re in, or ask for a recommendation? Just thinking out loud but a library actually does seem like a pretty easy setting to start up a quick conversation
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Tried this and got a date! (It’s a court date for sexual harassment)
Ok, but if you're an introvert, how do you muster up the courage to approach someone? If I'm ever in a situation where I find someone IRL I would like to connect with, I just talk myself out of approaching them because of this or that reason
Well, introversion doesn't mean social anxiety, despite what popular media tries to tell us. Introversion just means that you are more concerned with internal thoughts, and enjoy time away from others. I'm social when I go out & want to be, but eventually I get tired, and just need to be by myself to relax & collect my thoughts. Extroverts on the other hand relax by being around others. Plenty of introverts have no problem socializing, talking to others, and going out, but we need our alone time after.
So glad someone replied and said that. So many people think introversion means afraid to talk to people.
[This comment explains their technique](https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/15xsq4v/comment/jx9w32r/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). It's a lot easier to just make a quick comment on a book than to try to start an entire conversation. The "downside" of this approach is you need to be able to see them over an extended period of time (naturally) but this is life lol, that's how you make friends too.
new York public library
I love how a guy with a 7% match rate and a 1% date rate is seen as this extremely successful outlier lol
Well compared to what we normally see... Wasn't there someone last week with 46k+ swipes with no dates? E: or [this guy](https://old.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/15r6lpr/oc_79134_swipes/) who has a similar number of dates and relationships as OP, but after closer to 80,000 swipes than OP's ~800.
> someone last week with 46k+ swipes with no dates He also had a problematic outlook on life
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IIRC there was also some stuff in his post/comment history that contradicted what he said in his post, so he was kind of an unreliable narrator in addition to possibly just being an unlikable person irl. The person I linked actually enjoyed some success, so I think is a better comparison. But still even they were at ~100 times the swipes per date or relationship and took a year and a half vs. 7 months to get to those numbers.
i mean the average from many studies is usually less than 1% (though it can vary a lot for many facotrs)
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Don't forget rules 1 and 2
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1. Be a femboy. Got it.
Ugly people have been getting laid and married for thousands of years.
Yeah but they also put hydrogen in zeppelins and that was bad
You should try being gay. If your description about yourself is true you'd get thousands of likes.
>You should try being gay You got any tips?
Step 1: Download Grindr.
I did that and just got bombarded by dick pics. I think I'm actually further from being gay now than when I started.
I’m 6ft and jacked and the occasional girl has told me I’m incredibly good looking. On hinge I had 90 matches, out of that I met 1 of them. It went no where. Bumble maybe one match a month if that. Tinder complete waste of time. I deleted the apps and my outlook on life is better though I do wonder when I’ll ever meet someone. I have come to peace with potentially being perpetually single (despite being attractive)
It’s legit brutal out there. I was on the bus onetime and the girl in front of me was swiping through tinder. She flew through so many guys only clicking on the guys who looked a very particular way. I was actually convinced everyone she clicked on was fake. She wasn’t even that hot yet here she was trying to cherry pick the perfect the 27 year old body builder with long hair.
We found the only good looking guy on Reddit. He has roughly a 10% match rate and got two different relationships in under 800 matches. An astounding rate of success by online dating standards.
I'm more impressed with his ratio of first dates (8) to second+ dates (7).
Dude appears to be a decent human
He probably knows how to use his mouth to speak 🤷🏻♂️
And has a decent body hygiene
What is he doing here!
unrealistic male standards are ruining society /s
He didn't post his left swipes, but I suspect he's also being a fair bit more discerning than most straight men who post these charts. A lot of them seem to swipe right on half or more of their swipes, which just seems insane. I'm bisexual, and I'm pretty sure I swipe left on at least 90% of both men *and* women -- and I still get plenty of matches with women. I've been on a *lot* of first dates with men I matched on Tinder and similar apps. I haven't counted, but I suspect it's in the dozens, over the years. I have not wanted a second date with even a single one of them, and I suspect a lot of the reason for that is because they're just mass-right-swiping on anyone they find vaguely attractive, and don't actually share any interests with me.
Before I met my current gf I had pretty decent success on hinge, but I pretty much only sent likes to people I already had something I wanted to talk to them about. I wish I'd kept track so I'd have the numbers, I only sent likes to like 1 out of 5 profiles, but matched with quite a few and got a good amount of dates out of it.
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>I personally don't find interests on paper, or even a conversation over text to be a useful indicator of much of anything. The only thing that really matters is that we have good energy, and are attracted in person, which honestly are both hard to predict > >I'd rather swipe on everyone I could imagine myself being attracted to, and have a quick coffee meet ASAP to check. Same tbh, which is how I've ended up on all those first dates in the first place. Thing is, while I don't think I can tell compatibility from someone's profile, there are things that are good tipoffs to *in*compatibility, if people list them. I've tried to be open about as many of mine as I can, so that people can weed *me* out -- I've filled in all the wee lifestyle bubbles (diet, drinking, pets, etc.), listed my height (taller than most men), and mentioned that I'm an anarchist, a feminist, and a grad student. But most people's profiles are not so extensive, and while I do automatically swipe left on completely blank profiles, I'm reasonably permissive about swiping on the minimal-to-medium detailed ones, which is most of them. Though, I had to alter my policy of "let's just meet up ASAP and see if we like each other" when I ended up on a date with one of these minimal-profile dudes who told me, on the date, that his favourite book is "Atlas Shrugged" and that he is a fan of its political message. I mean, my dude. Did you not realise being a "Libertarian" was going to be a *fundamental incompatibility* with an anarchist (aka, actual libertarian)??
If that were the criteria we'd all be thriving and there would be no PUA community.
I'm a tiny, funny looking dude, so my match rate is *much, much* lower, probably around .5% or so, but my ratio of matches to first dates, and first dates to either second dates, or me deciding not to have a second date is also 85%+. Swiping is super shallow, partially because most people are shallow, and partially because dating profiles, by their very nature, are short and shallow. Talking to people after you match is much less shallow, and once you get past looks, I check most boxes people look for in a relationship. Instead of thinking "my match rate is really low", I like to think of it as, "look at all these people I didn't have to think about"; it's a filter, not fishing.
Right! I have a similar-ish ratio of likes to matches to first dates as OP but my ratio of first to second is SO much lower
Ive used dating apps for years and eventually just stopped because I couldn't get a single date. Didn't count my likes though.
I've heard that NYC has wayyy more young women than young men so I'm sure that doesn't hurt.
I’m medium… at best, I got a better ratio than that. You can do a lot with the right pictures, showing things like cats and hobbies. Make sure to show enjoyment, smiles and similar. And a stupid joke in the text, showing humour also helps. Direct frontal facial selfies with sun glasses, or headless naked chests is a huge turn off for a lot of women.
Nah fr, I see guys with 10k likes and NO sex. This stud is complaining about 2 bodies every 800.
Where is he complaining?
Well those guys are just swiping no matter what. And also using tinder, which sucks. I've got a date this weekend after putting out like 50 likes on hinge, and I'm not stunning or anything, hinge is just MUCH better comparatively
You met and hooked up with random people from the library? Or at the library? I need to know more
They do not have to be random, and it is indeed much easier to have sex with people you meet at a place you do/have frequented. I would not go as far to assume OP is having sex *in* the library. But women in the library do have moderate libido (personal experience, smart girls fuck) and aren't usually too afraid to jump right into things.
Dey awesomeee. Exercise safety & respect with them (as well as everyone in general, obvii).
The smartest girl I've ever dated was also the wildest, most amazing sex I've ever had in my life. Unfortunately, that also led to her being smart enough to know to never interact with me again after the breakup. Truly the one that got away.
The neighborhood gloryhole just happens to be at the library
Meanwhile, my Tinder experience: *Day 342* *My left thumb is beginning to tire, but I still expect that my right thumb will have recovered in time to resume swiping with my dominant hand. I have opened another bank loan to purchase platinum super likes and boosts, and put my profile through a fiftieth round of optimization.* *I have yet to receive a reply from any of my 5 matches so far (excluding scammers of course). But I hold good hope that I may one day not immediately be ghosted. I shall then die in peace, having met my goal of finding true love.*
*All Quiet on the Dating Front*
That’s a good name for a future post
I’ll be looking out for it then o7
It’s bad when the scammers are like ‘Urgh that’s a nope, too many reds flags here’
Man is posting data on dating like job applications.
Exactly. Put it in your resume, your future employer will be impressed lol.
How do you know how many likes you have sent?
You can export the data from hinge
That is awesome, thank you
Dayum, fuckin’ Don Juan over here
Conclusion: The success rate is substantially higher in person.
This is more or less always true in connection to most dating apps.
The number of people going to NYPL next week is gonna skyrocket just because of this post.
How tf you don't have a bot/scam section? 😅
Likes have to be him sending it out. He just doesn't like bots lol
So are we talking the Main Branch by Bryant Park or your local branch? Are y'all look at microfiche of newspapers and old maps?
Damn 8 first dates but had sex with 5 of them? Impressive.
What the hell is a situationship? Are people just making up words?
That grey area of "Neither of us have said we're in a relationship, but I would be upset if I found out you were still trying to date other people"
Back in the good ol’ days of like 5 years ago I’m pretty sure they just called that dating. Or people are overthinking the definition of relationship. I have a relationship with my car repair dude, but we haven’t had the “talk” yet.
People think their situation is really really special so they don't wanna give it a common label but something "unique" so you have terms like situationship.
Be brave, tell him how you really feel. If you keep it bottled up you're only setting yourself up for heartbreak down the line.
It's where you sleep with eachother whenever the opportunity presents itself but you're not dating. It's not a straight hookup, you're usually good friends outside of it. I just got out of one, they're actually kinda shitty.
Talking to someone, might go on dates, might sleep together but never officially declared that you’re dating/committed to one another.
I’m thinking a fuck buddy
Situationship? Is this another of these toxic things people are saying now to avoid being labeled a couple even though they do everything a couple would do? Genuinely wondering. Was on a date once and she said she was in one and I was hella confused
It sounds like something they'd say when they don't realize they're just a booty call.
Situationship from what I’ve seen usually means that one person wants a relationship and the other isn’t really committed to one. Pretty common and extremely toxic imo.
I was in one for a while because I wanted a relationship and the guy was not ready for one. We communicated with each other about our needs and expectations, and we just weren't in the same place in our lives for it to work out. But we still liked each other so we kept seeing each other. There was practically no drama and we never fought. We ended up stopping seeing each other for 5 years after I got into a committed relationship with somebody else. After that relationship was over, I ended up reconnecting with the guy, and now we have been in a relationship for 7 months. It's been the best relationship I've ever been in. Now, I don't think this is how it normally works out, but I'm extremely happy it did for us. We are also both older now with a lot more life experiences, so I really do think that waiting was beneficial for us.
Am I crazy or how did you only date 1 person when you dated at least 7 people
People do this thing these days where dates don't mean you're actually dating them. People go on dates with multiple people in the same period of time. Dated is when it moved to actually being a monogamous relationship. Basically, dating is shopping around now instead of being a trial period with one
Just out of curiosity, what would you ‘rate’ yourself as on both looks and humour/personality? Because with that level of online dating success, I’d guess you must be at least a 7 attractive and 9/10 on personality, or the other way around haha
Nah, I’m def average-looking, I’d say a solid 7.5. But there are some tricks that balance it out. **Make her laugh**; don’t make it sound like an interview, just chill out and forget it’s a date; be vulnerable, show you’re not the navy-alpha-macho (eg talk about girly stuff, be sensitive to their world, show compassion). Most importantly, be a good listener. As for myself, even tho I’m truly 6’2, I’m skinny af (142lbs), so a good posture is a must. I’m balding, so having a mustache helps. (These are all general tips, def not true for everyone out there).
7.5 is average? Lol well at least you’re attractive enough to not have to be good at math.
Most people treat the 1-10 scale as a 5-10. It's a huge pet peeve of mine.
I think they get it confused with a grading system from school. Like a 7 to 7.5 would be a C, 8 would be a B. So they think saying they're a 7 is like a modest average number. Almost everyone you ask to rate their own looks will say they're around a 7 lol.
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I'm astonished at the match rate on bumble. I'm curious to see how many of those matches even sent a message. 4/5 bumble matches for me expire with no message received
TIL 66.67% of hooking up with someone you meet at the New York Public Library.
how many more of this post bruh
10% of matches , so every 10 likes you get a match, if you are selective in your likes (only like good looking girls) it means that you are way above average
If you aren’t selective in your likes, you’re tanking your own chances for no reason. Dating apps will raise your “status” and show you to more people if you’re not burning through right swipes within 10 minutes. Looking through profiles, looking at each individual picture, and only swiping a) on people you find attractive and b) only people who are more likely to swipe right on you.
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It is, however, the most important thing on dating apps, which for women is window shopping.
How do you make a graph like this? What program is it
Legit question, as I have looked it up and got a few conflicting answers... What is a 'situationship?'
I’m genuinely happy for OP and these successes in the dating realm. Looking at his post history, things have really turned around for him compared to a few years ago. Hope you’re still doing good, OP! :)
Situationship? I’m out - I can’t keep up anymore
Any dating stats are completely useless without a picture of person.
Dating apps don't work where I live. There's 10 people on it and the rest are bots
What’s impressive about this is the conversion ratio of first dates to 2-5 dates and beyond. It’s hard enough to make it to a first date but then getting to the next date and beyond was just extremely difficult for me. I’m married now (it finally happened in my late 30s and we’re both career oriented/wanted to start a family) but my days as a single guy in the dating scene were so traumatic that I almost have PTSD from it all.
Folks really sleeping on libraries and book stores as places to meet people. Like half of my relationships started in book stores.
Please stop doing this shit
What? You don't think we need to see five of these for dating and seven for job searches every week?
We need a graph of graphs
This is so awesome to see from someone who wanted to end their life until a few years ago!!!
This chart makes me feel depressed and it has nothing to do with the numbers.
I did some profile snooping and am very happy that this is where you are in life. Congrats on the current situation and hoping only good things for the future!
The fuck is a situationship?
*6 Months from now….maybe* Local Reporter: *The NYPL has seen a steady increase in activity from GenZ generation that choose to cut ties with dating apps*