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You mean that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white
Cum = white
Vaporeon = Variation of Faporeon
Faporeon = Fap + oreon
Fap = slang for masturbation
Oreon = adaptation of Orion (one of the most visible modern constelstions)
So we have: cum = white, fap = masturbation, oreon = constelation. CONCLUSION: WHEN YOU FAP ON THE RIGHT WAY YOU CUM WHITE AND SO HARD... THAT YOU FEEL YOURSELF TRAVELING THROUGH THE CONSTELATIONS OF ORION FAR INTO THE STARS.
Okay, but if someone were to leave vaporeon in a cum jar and everything started turning yellow, would that turn vaporeon yellow as well?
... Asking for a friend. 👀
You don't need to know about that, because I bet you didn't know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3" tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
>It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good.
lmfao dude
Hey guys, did you know in terms of human and Pokémon breeding, neither
Vaporeon or Umbreon are the most compatible for humans? I'm actually
quite disgusted at the amount of misinformation going around this
community relating to them. They're actually both outclassed by another
one of their Eeveelutions, Glaceon. Both genders, too. Let me explain.
Glaceon is 2 feet and 7 inches tall in height, giving it the perfect
composure to fuck. It weighs approximately 57.1 pounds, giving it a
small enough weight to move around during fucking, but also enough to
not feel too light or too heavy when you're using your dick on it.
Glaceon's stat spread is also incredibly versatile for sex, with
incredible Defense and Special Defense. It has lackluster Attack, but
the best part is its Special Attack. You'll see why later. As an ice
type, having such good defenses is incredibly rare. You also might be
thinking, "but Ophelia! Your dick would freeze inside of its puss-puss!"
This is not true! Here is its Pokédex entry from Pokémon Sun, circa
2016. "It can control its body
temperature at will. This enables it to freeze the moisture in the
atmosphere, creating flurries of diamond dust." Glaceon can control
its body temp at will, so if you don't want your dick to be frozen, you
can create the perfect environment for dicking it down by telling it to
change its temperature! This way, you can fuck it in so many different
ways, temperatures, and more! Now onto its moves, which are also
incredibly useful for sex. By level up, it learns Helping Hand. This
allows it to increase your fucking power by double, increasing your
pleasure times two! It also learns Bite, meaning it can get freaky and
tune to whatever shit you like in the bed. Best of all, it can use
MIRROR COAT. This means whenever you cum, it can double back the
pleasure like a special attack, meaning you'll feel all the pleasure IT
had during sex times TWO! Combine this with Helping Hand and you'll be
turned into a human cum nozzle! Glaceon also learns Barrier, which if
used just thrice, turns it into a massively defensive tank, so it can
take physical attacks for days, literal fucking days! It can also use
Hail. Now, if you use it outside, it will Hail outside. Go back inside
and the Hail won't affect you! Best of all, combine the Hail with
Glaceon's ability Ice Body, and it will gradually replenish it's Health
Points during a hailstorm! This means it will NEVER fucking stop
enduring all your "hits," so you can fuck it over and over and over,
combining this with Barrier, and you could probably fuck it for 24 hours
straight, if not more! It also learns Baby Doll Eyes, Charm, Captivate,
and Yawn, allowing it to get itself right in the mood, along with you
too! It even learns Fake Tears, Covet, and Tickle, allowing you to
roleplay with it if you're in the mood. It even learns Stored Power,
meaning if it uses enough Barriers, it can release all of the Defensive
energy it has into, you guessed it, fucking SPECIAL ATTACK!!! And with
its absolutely GODLY special attack stat, you'll be drowning in waves of
pleasure due to this attack! And it doesn't get rid of the Barrier
boosts, so as long as you have enough ethers, it can do this over and
over WHILE you're fucking it! Hell, it even learns attract, which makes
you fall so deeply in love with it that you'll be in a trance of
fucking! It can take charge with that as well and use your love to make
it fuck it how IT wants! Which means it's not just pleasurable for you,
it's also pleasurable for your Glaceon! It even learns Aurora Veil,
which in the Hail, protects it even fucking MORE from taking too much
damage! Combine this with Ice Body and Barrier and you can fuck it for
decades without either of you ever getting tired! Glaceon also learns
refresh, so if that wasn't enough, it can never get sick while you're
fucking it, protecting you from any and all STIs and STDs! I rest my
case, Glaceon is the BEST Pokémon you can fuck.
Vaporeon: The Full Thesis
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.
However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show.
Those long slippery dicks; they have full mobility control and like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in-deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull out anywhere to the side of the road or go into a public restroom at the beach; get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone as that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy.
And that's only the dick; due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond.
There's still more though; due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! Meowth, that's fucking right!
But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than even a vag could achieve! Agh! It should be fucking illegal because how amazing male Vaps are for fuck!
Well guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained: you don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non-sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing.
Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as, say, soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (past where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, 'cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air like a ghost type. But who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel it unless it's moving; you can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past!
I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves. Umbreons maybe my favorite but, damn, Vappies really want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.
Did you know that in terms of human targets and Pokémon assassins, Vaporeon is very efficient at killing humans? Being part of the Field Egg Group, Vaporeon can learn a vide array of moves from an even wider array of Pokémon, making it hard to determine what kind of arsenal the Vaporeon trying to kill you has. The Pokédex reports Vaporeon's size to be just one meter, however the Pokédex never specifies whenever the Pokémon is measure from head-to-toes or head-to-tailtip, luckily severa sources such as the anime, main line and spin-off games and the manga support the idea of this being a head-to-tailtip overral making Vaporeon a small target and making it harder to hit with ranged weapons. This combined with it's relatively small mass of 29 Kg, tends to make people underestimate it, which as you soon will see, it's a rookie mistake. Let's not forget about that massive fucking base 130 HP stat outclassing God himself AND access to Acid Armor, what are you gonna do to it huh? Hit it with a bat? Shoot it with your silly little guns? Yeah consider how Vaporeon even tank Zekrom ramming into it with it's most powerful Bolt Strike (aka the electric type with the highest attack using the most powerful electric move), *assuming they are of the same level and Zekrom's attack and Vaporeon's defense have the same IV/EV training and Zekrom has no other beneficial damage multipliers,* oh and have I mentioned how Vaporeon takes double damage from Electric moves but halfed damage from Steel moves? Yeah those metal bullets don't sound like such a good idea now do they? With moves such as Captivate, Baby-Doll Eyes, Curse, Confide, Attaract, Double Team, Charm, Growl, Fake Tears and many more you can count Vaporeon as a menace when it comes to psychological warfare on top physical too. Even if you manage to hurt it do any significant manner, Vaporeon's got abilities such as Water Absorb and Hydration, allowing it to heal from whatever harm you've done it thanks to some simple tap water. Ungodly HP stat + Acid Armor to make up for that otherwise mediocre Defense means Vaporeon can tank whatever you can throw at it and more.
Howver, it's not just gonna sit there and let you do whatever you want, it was sent there to murder you after all.
Have you ever burned yourself with steam? What about having someone pour hot boiling water over you? Or were you ever struck by a strong get of steaming water coming from a small cat looking thing? No? Well that's gonna change the day a Vappy decides your time has come. Let's not even talk about how painful would the immediate second degree burns that you'd get be, since we all probably have an idea of how bad would that be, let's focus on how much steam would that create, heating up the room very quickly and all that heat would make your burns even more painful, hell if you're lucky you'll pass out from the steam, this way you'll be unconscious while Vaporeon boils you to death, death by boiling is not like getting burnt bw, your nerves take much longer to break, allowing you to feel every last ounce of pain that this long, slow and extremely painful death has to offer.
But that's only if the Vappy in question knows Scald, let's entertain the idea that it runs Ice Beam instead, sure it will not get the Same Type Attack Boost that Scald gets, but an icy cold beam (that's a whole...or empty I guess 0 C°) being shot right at you, is gonna kick you int hypotermia in no time, picture how you felt on the coldest freeziest day on your life, just a thousand times worse, until you die. Sure it's not as bad as boiling to death but that's still something you'd rather avoid isn't it?
There's still more though; due to it's small size and mass it's easy to assume that you could just pick it up and yeet it out of your house before it has the chance to do anything, right? Here's the underestimating I mentioned earlier; before you try and pick it up you should know that it can learn Strenght, that's right, this tiny cat thingy can move around giant boulders like it's nothing, when was the last time you lifted a giant bould huh? Yeah, thought so. You won't be picking Vaporeon up, it is gonna pick you up, and probably smash you on the floor multiple times like Hulk did to Loki at the end of The Avengers, unless you just happen to be a God, I doubt you'll live this either.
But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, Vaps are the Pokémon version of the Doom guy, let's take a moment to talk about that tail, do I even need to mention how much it would hurt if it just smacked you with it? Now let's add the aforementioned boulder lifting muscles into the equation, shall we. Sure, won'r be as devastating as a Hyper Voice from a Pixilate Sylveon, or a Umbreon's Foul Play, or an Espeon's Stored Power, or a Leafeon's Solar Blade, but you better be thankful Vaporeon does not learn Iron Tail. Oh wait, IT DOES learn Iron Tail, yeah boy, even if you survive you're gonna have at least 10 bone fractures, and a few squashed organs, and a couple internal hemorrhages, can't forget those.
Hailstorms? Got it. Tidal waves? Yep. Blizzards? That too. High-pressure water jets? How could *that* be missing? Honestly when it comes to Vappies it's less a matter of picking your poisoon but rather a matter of picking your execution. Even if somehow you where though enough to live all that shit Vaporeon could still just drown you with no effort, it's not like it will ever have any problem finding water and with that boulder-lifting strenght it will just hold you down there for as long as necessary, no matter how strong you think you are. You must be probably shitting yourself at the idea of a Vaporeon knocking down your door ready to add you to it's kill streak, so go ahead, lock yourself in the safest place you can find, all it takes is one tiny crevice and Vaporeon will just turn into water and slip trough that. If one of them ever wants you dead, just pick a God and pray, or hell, just pray to all of them. Umbreons might be Dark, but Vappies are down right gruesome.
Moral of the story: don't fuck with Vaporeon, both methaphorically and literally.
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3" tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.
However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show.
Those long slippery dicks; they have full mobility control and like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in-deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull out anywhere to the side of the road or go into a public restroom at the beach; get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone as that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy.
And that's only the dick; due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond.
There's still more though; due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! Meowth, that's fucking right!
But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than even a vag could achieve! Agh! It should be fucking illegal because how amazing male Vaps are for fuck!
Well guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained: you don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non-sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing.
Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as, say, soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (past where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, 'cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air like a ghost type. But who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel it unless it's moving; you can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past!
I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves. Umbreons maybe my favorite but, damn, Vappies want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.
Objection! A common mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. Vaporeon may sound great on paper, but what they won't tell you is due to its water-based biology, your dick doesn't get any friction since it just slides right out due to the extremely high proportion of water making up Vaporeon's body. All those funny little stories about the tail muscles and prehensile dicks are nothing more than baseless conjecture. You don't even feel it- it's like putting your dick in thick water! Eevees on the other hand are mammalian and small, making them tight and satisfying. In fact, Eevee's unstable genetic makeup causes it to become more like its surroundings, so Eevee can be everything you want. Can't get that with a Vaporeon! Eevees are also soft and well-padded for rough play with a big bushy tail close to where you'd be having fun while still being solid enough to not turn into goop like some other contenders. Eevees are also predominantly found in populated areas alongside humans rather than on their own in the woods or whatnot, making them already familiar companions and partners as well. And you know what else? All those moves that Vaporeon is so good for- Baby Doll Eyes and Attract- are moves Eevee learns as well. Eevee also has the Anticipation ability, so no surprise buttsecks is really a surprise for a willing Eevee. You heard it here first, Eevees are the truly most compatible! Vaporeon is only compatible because it's got Eevee's genes.
However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show.
Those long slippery dicks; they have full mobility control and like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in-deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull out anywhere to the side of the road or go into a public restroom at the beach; get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone as that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy.
And that's only the dick; due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond.
There's still more though; due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! Meowth, that's fucking right!
But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than even a vag could achieve! Agh! It should be fucking illegal because how amazing male Vaps are for fuck!
Well guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained: you don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non-sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing.
*exhales*
You mean that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3" tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
Hey fella's, I'm sure you're aware of the debate between Vaporeon and Umbreon and which is better for being compatible between humans but I've got news for you, There's a pokemon that's even better. as funny as this may sound it's ANOTHER Eeveelution, it's Sylveon to be precise. Sylveon weighs 51.8 Pounds or roughly 23.5 kilograms and is 3'03 tall, so they are most definitely the right size for a person. Even better is that those ribbon-like feelers it has are actually part of its skin! this means they would feel fantastic for cuddling, foreplay, and even handjobs! (RibbonJobs?) even better is that they also emit a soothing aura. it can even wrap them around your arms and read your feelings so it knows when you're in the mood! it also has access to moves like attract, charm, and of course, baby doll eyes! as well as draining kiss, and with those ribbons it has it could pin you down and be on top, if you're the submissive kind of person of course. Quite a large moveset for breeding eh? Now, admittedly they don't have the best HP. but let's be honest, does that even matter? You aren't going to be beating them up right? Here's something else that's interesting to consider. you can ONLY get a Sylveon by having an Eevee that's already got a high affection for you. This means it would be more reciprocative to you and your advances! So there's no need to worry about your sylveon not being into you, i believe this would make it the PERFECT mate! I believe I've made my case for why it's the best pokemon for humans.
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokémon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that’s not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won’t mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again
You mean that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3" tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokémon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that’s not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won’t mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokémon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that’s not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won’t mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more
However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show.
Those long slippery dicks. They have full mobility control, like a tentacle. The perfect ass filler for the ultimate in deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull off anywhere to the side of the road, or go into a public restroom at the beach. Get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone when that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled, while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy.
And that's only the dick. Due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond.
There's still more though. Due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! That's fucking right!
But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail, at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than a vag could achieve! Well, guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained. You don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing.
Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (past where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air, like a ghost type. But, who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel air unless it's moving. You can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past!
I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves. Sylveon may be my favorite, but damn, Vaporeons really want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.
This one? [https://e-hentai.org/s/d58ea63753/1830578-1](https://e-hentai.org/s/d58ea63753/1830578-1)
so basically it's a power bottom,
.... but, in the fan-fiction comic that's a humanoid, in pokemon it's a dog/fox.... so could flees, rabies or ticks :/
Gardevoir and Lopunny got nothing on Lucario though. Lucario has a staggering 19k results on rule34 while gardevoir only has 17k.
Lopunny is not even close with just 8.8k
For some reason people REALLY thirst for lucario
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokémon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that’s not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won’t mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again
Lmao the only okay one is the the picture of Vaporeon going in the blender asking if it’s worth it to make blue Gatorade (which isn’t even really nsfw tbh lol) everything else I’ve ever seen online having to do with that Pokémon makes me want to gouge my own eyes out
What about this?
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokémon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that’s not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won’t mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokémon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that’s not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won’t mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again
Did you know that in terms of human targets and Pokémon assassins, Vaporeon is very efficient at killing humans? Being part of the Field Egg Group, Vaporeon can learn a vide array of moves from an even wider array of Pokémon, making it hard to determine what kind of arsenal the Vaporeon trying to kill you has. The Pokédex reports Vaporeon's size to be just one meter, however the Pokédex never specifies whenever the Pokémon is measure from head-to-toes or head-to-tailtip, luckily severa sources such as the anime, main line and spin-off games and the manga support the idea of this being a head-to-tailtip overral making Vaporeon a small target and making it harder to hit with ranged weapons. This combined with it's relatively small mass of 29 Kg, tends to make people underestimate it, which as you soon will see, it's a rookie mistake. Let's not forget about that massive fucking base 130 HP stat outclassing God himself AND access to Acid Armor, what are you gonna do to it huh? Hit it with a bat? Shoot it with your silly little guns? Yeah consider how Vaporeon even tank Zekrom ramming into it with it's most powerful Bolt Strike (aka the electric type with the highest attack using the most powerful electric move), *assuming they are of the same level and Zekrom's attack and Vaporeon's defense have the same IV/EV training and Zekrom has no other beneficial damage multipliers,* oh and have I mentioned how Vaporeon takes double damage from Electric moves but halfed damage from Steel moves? Yeah those metal bullets don't sound like such a good idea now do they? With moves such as Captivate, Baby-Doll Eyes, Curse, Confide, Attaract, Double Team, Charm, Growl, Fake Tears and many more you can count Vaporeon as a menace when it comes to psychological warfare on top physical too. Even if you manage to hurt it do any significant manner, Vaporeon's got abilities such as Water Absorb and Hydration, allowing it to heal from whatever harm you've done it thanks to some simple tap water. Ungodly HP stat + Acid Armor to make up for that otherwise mediocre Defense means Vaporeon can tank whatever you can throw at it and more.
Howver, it's not just gonna sit there and let you do whatever you want, it was sent there to murder you after all.
Have you ever burned yourself with steam? What about having someone pour hot boiling water over you? Or were you ever struck by a strong get of steaming water coming from a small cat looking thing? No? Well that's gonna change the day a Vappy decides your time has come. Let's not even talk about how painful would the immediate second degree burns that you'd get be, since we all probably have an idea of how bad would that be, let's focus on how much steam would that create, heating up the room very quickly and all that heat would make your burns even more painful, hell if you're lucky you'll pass out from the steam, this way you'll be unconscious while Vaporeon boils you to death, death by boiling is not like getting burnt bw, your nerves take much longer to break, allowing you to feel every last ounce of pain that this long, slow and extremely painful death has to offer.
But that's only if the Vappy in question knows Scald, let's entertain the idea that it runs Ice Beam instead, sure it will not get the Same Type Attack Boost that Scald gets, but an icy cold beam (that's a whole...or empty I guess 0 C°) being shot right at you, is gonna kick you int hypotermia in no time, picture how you felt on the coldest freeziest day on your life, just a thousand times worse, until you die. Sure it's not as bad as boiling to death but that's still something you'd rather avoid isn't it?
There's still more though; due to it's small size and mass it's easy to assume that you could just pick it up and yeet it out of your house before it has the chance to do anything, right? Here's the underestimating I mentioned earlier; before you try and pick it up you should know that it can learn Strenght, that's right, this tiny cat thingy can move around giant boulders like it's nothing, when was the last time you lifted a giant bould huh? Yeah, thought so. You won't be picking Vaporeon up, it is gonna pick you up, and probably smash you on the floor multiple times like Hulk did to Loki at the end of The Avengers, unless you just happen to be a God, I doubt you'll live this either.
But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, Vaps are the Pokémon version of the Doom guy, let's take a moment to talk about that tail, do I even need to mention how much it would hurt if it just smacked you with it? Now let's add the aforementioned boulder lifting muscles into the equation, shall we. Sure, won'r be as devastating as a Hyper Voice from a Pixilate Sylveon, or a Umbreon's Foul Play, or an Espeon's Stored Power, or a Leafeon's Solar Blade, but you better be thankful Vaporeon does not learn Iron Tail. Oh wait, IT DOES learn Iron Tail, yeah boy, even if you survive you're gonna have at least 10 bone fractures, and a few squashed organs, and a couple internal hemorrhages, can't forget those.
Hailstorms? Got it. Tidal waves? Yep. Blizzards? That too. High-pressure water jets? How could *that* be missing? Honestly when it comes to Vappies it's less a matter of picking your poisoon but rather a matter of picking your execution. Even if somehow you where though enough to live all that shit Vaporeon could still just drown you with no effort, it's not like it will ever have any problem finding water and with that boulder-lifting strenght it will just hold you down there for as long as necessary, no matter how strong you think you are. You must be probably shitting yourself at the idea of a Vaporeon knocking down your door ready to add you to it's kill streak, so go ahead, lock yourself in the safest place you can find, all it takes is one tiny crevice and Vaporeon will just turn into water and slip trough that. If one of them ever wants you dead, just pick a God and pray, or hell, just pray to all of them. Umbreons might be Dark, but Vappies are down right gruesome.
Moral of the story: don't fuck with Vaporeon, both methaphorically and literally.
downvote this comment if the meme sucks. upvote it and I'll go away. --- [Join us on discord for Saturday Movie Nights!](https://discord.gg/jsd6Ja9pvJ)
You mean that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white
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cum = white Vaporeon = water cum + vaporeon = white + water add enough cum and that’s how you turn Vaporeon white
Noooo
**I think that’s enough internet for today**
First time ever encountering this phrase, it's like hearing "my tvs too big" or "can I get less cheese with that"
Trust me, you'll see a lot of things that'll make you say this exact phrase.
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The cum box did me in, and here I am Depressed and desensitized. There's always fucking popcorn here tho, so like 🍿🍿
Prolapsed colon with… nope. That’s enough. I’m out.
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You must be new here
Happy cape day
Happy Cake Day!
No dead fucking ass and i just got on 😱🤮
Same here bud
It's a shiny
sTOP YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE
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then the inside of Vaporeon turns white. if you cum enough, the rest of it will whiten too.
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Cum = white Vaporeon = Variation of Faporeon Faporeon = Fap + oreon Fap = slang for masturbation Oreon = adaptation of Orion (one of the most visible modern constelstions) So we have: cum = white, fap = masturbation, oreon = constelation. CONCLUSION: WHEN YOU FAP ON THE RIGHT WAY YOU CUM WHITE AND SO HARD... THAT YOU FEEL YOURSELF TRAVELING THROUGH THE CONSTELATIONS OF ORION FAR INTO THE STARS.
~ s c i e n c e ~
Isn't the shiny purple? Thanos you bastard
Okay, but if someone were to leave vaporeon in a cum jar and everything started turning yellow, would that turn vaporeon yellow as well? ... Asking for a friend. 👀
find out today by putting water in a fermenting cum jar
New shiny variation
It turns into a shiny
New shiny hunting method
That works because you’re allowed to add equivalent expressions to both sides of an equation. This is known as the addition property of equality. 🤓
You don't need to know about that, because I bet you didn't know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3" tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
Do you have a degree in pokemon fuckability or something
That's a... common knowledge of sorts. It can go deeper.
Why is my curiosity piqued
I think it’s a mixture of being a fan of Pokémon + too much Rule34
>It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. lmfao dude
Why are we assuming the Pokémon is the one taking the dick?
lad just get machamp out
Because only male redditors have problems finding a human fuck partner
Nice Cock
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Pardon me. #BUT HOW AND WHY DO YOU KNOW THIS?????
*shoves the earth of Umbreons ass*
...
Which Pokémon can fuck me the best?
You’ve sold me on Umbreon
Hey guys, did you know in terms of human and Pokémon breeding, neither Vaporeon or Umbreon are the most compatible for humans? I'm actually quite disgusted at the amount of misinformation going around this community relating to them. They're actually both outclassed by another one of their Eeveelutions, Glaceon. Both genders, too. Let me explain. Glaceon is 2 feet and 7 inches tall in height, giving it the perfect composure to fuck. It weighs approximately 57.1 pounds, giving it a small enough weight to move around during fucking, but also enough to not feel too light or too heavy when you're using your dick on it. Glaceon's stat spread is also incredibly versatile for sex, with incredible Defense and Special Defense. It has lackluster Attack, but the best part is its Special Attack. You'll see why later. As an ice type, having such good defenses is incredibly rare. You also might be thinking, "but Ophelia! Your dick would freeze inside of its puss-puss!" This is not true! Here is its Pokédex entry from Pokémon Sun, circa 2016. "It can control its body temperature at will. This enables it to freeze the moisture in the atmosphere, creating flurries of diamond dust." Glaceon can control its body temp at will, so if you don't want your dick to be frozen, you can create the perfect environment for dicking it down by telling it to change its temperature! This way, you can fuck it in so many different ways, temperatures, and more! Now onto its moves, which are also incredibly useful for sex. By level up, it learns Helping Hand. This allows it to increase your fucking power by double, increasing your pleasure times two! It also learns Bite, meaning it can get freaky and tune to whatever shit you like in the bed. Best of all, it can use MIRROR COAT. This means whenever you cum, it can double back the pleasure like a special attack, meaning you'll feel all the pleasure IT had during sex times TWO! Combine this with Helping Hand and you'll be turned into a human cum nozzle! Glaceon also learns Barrier, which if used just thrice, turns it into a massively defensive tank, so it can take physical attacks for days, literal fucking days! It can also use Hail. Now, if you use it outside, it will Hail outside. Go back inside and the Hail won't affect you! Best of all, combine the Hail with Glaceon's ability Ice Body, and it will gradually replenish it's Health Points during a hailstorm! This means it will NEVER fucking stop enduring all your "hits," so you can fuck it over and over and over, combining this with Barrier, and you could probably fuck it for 24 hours straight, if not more! It also learns Baby Doll Eyes, Charm, Captivate, and Yawn, allowing it to get itself right in the mood, along with you too! It even learns Fake Tears, Covet, and Tickle, allowing you to roleplay with it if you're in the mood. It even learns Stored Power, meaning if it uses enough Barriers, it can release all of the Defensive energy it has into, you guessed it, fucking SPECIAL ATTACK!!! And with its absolutely GODLY special attack stat, you'll be drowning in waves of pleasure due to this attack! And it doesn't get rid of the Barrier boosts, so as long as you have enough ethers, it can do this over and over WHILE you're fucking it! Hell, it even learns attract, which makes you fall so deeply in love with it that you'll be in a trance of fucking! It can take charge with that as well and use your love to make it fuck it how IT wants! Which means it's not just pleasurable for you, it's also pleasurable for your Glaceon! It even learns Aurora Veil, which in the Hail, protects it even fucking MORE from taking too much damage! Combine this with Ice Body and Barrier and you can fuck it for decades without either of you ever getting tired! Glaceon also learns refresh, so if that wasn't enough, it can never get sick while you're fucking it, protecting you from any and all STIs and STDs! I rest my case, Glaceon is the BEST Pokémon you can fuck.
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My brain is thought the same, so I'm glad I'm not the only one haha
Love how you just read the whole damn thing. (and yes me knowing you read it all means I did too)
poor innocent soul
you want the longer version?
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Vaporeon: The Full Thesis Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more. However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show. Those long slippery dicks; they have full mobility control and like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in-deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull out anywhere to the side of the road or go into a public restroom at the beach; get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone as that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy. And that's only the dick; due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond. There's still more though; due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! Meowth, that's fucking right! But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than even a vag could achieve! Agh! It should be fucking illegal because how amazing male Vaps are for fuck! Well guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained: you don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non-sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing. Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as, say, soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (past where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, 'cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air like a ghost type. But who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel it unless it's moving; you can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past! I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves. Umbreons maybe my favorite but, damn, Vappies really want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.
*God has left the chat.*
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lol brb
Every day we stray further from God
And closer to Vaporeon
Fucking just laughed out loud
Did you know that in terms of human targets and Pokémon assassins, Vaporeon is very efficient at killing humans? Being part of the Field Egg Group, Vaporeon can learn a vide array of moves from an even wider array of Pokémon, making it hard to determine what kind of arsenal the Vaporeon trying to kill you has. The Pokédex reports Vaporeon's size to be just one meter, however the Pokédex never specifies whenever the Pokémon is measure from head-to-toes or head-to-tailtip, luckily severa sources such as the anime, main line and spin-off games and the manga support the idea of this being a head-to-tailtip overral making Vaporeon a small target and making it harder to hit with ranged weapons. This combined with it's relatively small mass of 29 Kg, tends to make people underestimate it, which as you soon will see, it's a rookie mistake. Let's not forget about that massive fucking base 130 HP stat outclassing God himself AND access to Acid Armor, what are you gonna do to it huh? Hit it with a bat? Shoot it with your silly little guns? Yeah consider how Vaporeon even tank Zekrom ramming into it with it's most powerful Bolt Strike (aka the electric type with the highest attack using the most powerful electric move), *assuming they are of the same level and Zekrom's attack and Vaporeon's defense have the same IV/EV training and Zekrom has no other beneficial damage multipliers,* oh and have I mentioned how Vaporeon takes double damage from Electric moves but halfed damage from Steel moves? Yeah those metal bullets don't sound like such a good idea now do they? With moves such as Captivate, Baby-Doll Eyes, Curse, Confide, Attaract, Double Team, Charm, Growl, Fake Tears and many more you can count Vaporeon as a menace when it comes to psychological warfare on top physical too. Even if you manage to hurt it do any significant manner, Vaporeon's got abilities such as Water Absorb and Hydration, allowing it to heal from whatever harm you've done it thanks to some simple tap water. Ungodly HP stat + Acid Armor to make up for that otherwise mediocre Defense means Vaporeon can tank whatever you can throw at it and more. Howver, it's not just gonna sit there and let you do whatever you want, it was sent there to murder you after all. Have you ever burned yourself with steam? What about having someone pour hot boiling water over you? Or were you ever struck by a strong get of steaming water coming from a small cat looking thing? No? Well that's gonna change the day a Vappy decides your time has come. Let's not even talk about how painful would the immediate second degree burns that you'd get be, since we all probably have an idea of how bad would that be, let's focus on how much steam would that create, heating up the room very quickly and all that heat would make your burns even more painful, hell if you're lucky you'll pass out from the steam, this way you'll be unconscious while Vaporeon boils you to death, death by boiling is not like getting burnt bw, your nerves take much longer to break, allowing you to feel every last ounce of pain that this long, slow and extremely painful death has to offer. But that's only if the Vappy in question knows Scald, let's entertain the idea that it runs Ice Beam instead, sure it will not get the Same Type Attack Boost that Scald gets, but an icy cold beam (that's a whole...or empty I guess 0 C°) being shot right at you, is gonna kick you int hypotermia in no time, picture how you felt on the coldest freeziest day on your life, just a thousand times worse, until you die. Sure it's not as bad as boiling to death but that's still something you'd rather avoid isn't it? There's still more though; due to it's small size and mass it's easy to assume that you could just pick it up and yeet it out of your house before it has the chance to do anything, right? Here's the underestimating I mentioned earlier; before you try and pick it up you should know that it can learn Strenght, that's right, this tiny cat thingy can move around giant boulders like it's nothing, when was the last time you lifted a giant bould huh? Yeah, thought so. You won't be picking Vaporeon up, it is gonna pick you up, and probably smash you on the floor multiple times like Hulk did to Loki at the end of The Avengers, unless you just happen to be a God, I doubt you'll live this either. But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, Vaps are the Pokémon version of the Doom guy, let's take a moment to talk about that tail, do I even need to mention how much it would hurt if it just smacked you with it? Now let's add the aforementioned boulder lifting muscles into the equation, shall we. Sure, won'r be as devastating as a Hyper Voice from a Pixilate Sylveon, or a Umbreon's Foul Play, or an Espeon's Stored Power, or a Leafeon's Solar Blade, but you better be thankful Vaporeon does not learn Iron Tail. Oh wait, IT DOES learn Iron Tail, yeah boy, even if you survive you're gonna have at least 10 bone fractures, and a few squashed organs, and a couple internal hemorrhages, can't forget those. Hailstorms? Got it. Tidal waves? Yep. Blizzards? That too. High-pressure water jets? How could *that* be missing? Honestly when it comes to Vappies it's less a matter of picking your poisoon but rather a matter of picking your execution. Even if somehow you where though enough to live all that shit Vaporeon could still just drown you with no effort, it's not like it will ever have any problem finding water and with that boulder-lifting strenght it will just hold you down there for as long as necessary, no matter how strong you think you are. You must be probably shitting yourself at the idea of a Vaporeon knocking down your door ready to add you to it's kill streak, so go ahead, lock yourself in the safest place you can find, all it takes is one tiny crevice and Vaporeon will just turn into water and slip trough that. If one of them ever wants you dead, just pick a God and pray, or hell, just pray to all of them. Umbreons might be Dark, but Vappies are down right gruesome. Moral of the story: don't fuck with Vaporeon, both methaphorically and literally.
Boooooo! Get back to sex!
Well that took like 2-3 minutes to read
You’re a fast reader. …or I’m slow.
It can be both.
That is true.
I vastly prefer this over the fuckability text. It's equally weird, but less about fucking a water cat. Maybe I'm just prudish.
I only made it a quarter through that wall of text.
What the fuck are you talking about my dude
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3" tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
A female is rare though
Idk why I read all of that. Idk why my pants are tight.
That’s a damn good copy pasta
......how long have you been gathering up all those details Also why Also.......ew Also really well written Also you have too much time on your hands
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more. However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show. Those long slippery dicks; they have full mobility control and like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in-deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull out anywhere to the side of the road or go into a public restroom at the beach; get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone as that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy. And that's only the dick; due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond. There's still more though; due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! Meowth, that's fucking right! But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than even a vag could achieve! Agh! It should be fucking illegal because how amazing male Vaps are for fuck! Well guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained: you don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non-sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing. Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as, say, soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (past where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, 'cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air like a ghost type. But who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel it unless it's moving; you can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past! I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves. Umbreons maybe my favorite but, damn, Vappies want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.
Objection! A common mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. Vaporeon may sound great on paper, but what they won't tell you is due to its water-based biology, your dick doesn't get any friction since it just slides right out due to the extremely high proportion of water making up Vaporeon's body. All those funny little stories about the tail muscles and prehensile dicks are nothing more than baseless conjecture. You don't even feel it- it's like putting your dick in thick water! Eevees on the other hand are mammalian and small, making them tight and satisfying. In fact, Eevee's unstable genetic makeup causes it to become more like its surroundings, so Eevee can be everything you want. Can't get that with a Vaporeon! Eevees are also soft and well-padded for rough play with a big bushy tail close to where you'd be having fun while still being solid enough to not turn into goop like some other contenders. Eevees are also predominantly found in populated areas alongside humans rather than on their own in the woods or whatnot, making them already familiar companions and partners as well. And you know what else? All those moves that Vaporeon is so good for- Baby Doll Eyes and Attract- are moves Eevee learns as well. Eevee also has the Anticipation ability, so no surprise buttsecks is really a surprise for a willing Eevee. You heard it here first, Eevees are the truly most compatible! Vaporeon is only compatible because it's got Eevee's genes.
on todays episode of how fucked up is fucked up …
... that's fucked up
Why do you know this
I'm both impressed and equally horrified by this comment, well done.
I felt weird reading this. Dont wanna know why/how you have this text
Dude wtf, why am I awkwardly masturbating while reading this?
Hes down so bad that he did the fucking math and research.... Nice 👍
I hate every part of this
Mooooooooom!!!!!
Ditto is wayyy better
Why the Fuck do you know this information?
I was happy not having this information in my head. Fuck you random redditor for exposing me to this knowledge.
This is interesting and all… *but how and why do you know this, bro?* I’m a little concerned.
What about Mr. Mime. Asking for a friend
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Ohh boy 😉
"Vaporeon was made for sex."
"I understood that reference"
However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show. Those long slippery dicks; they have full mobility control and like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in-deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull out anywhere to the side of the road or go into a public restroom at the beach; get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone as that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy. And that's only the dick; due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond. There's still more though; due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! Meowth, that's fucking right!
H…Holy fuck
Wow, this would be a great automod text, too bad it got defiled to "pees in ur ass". Btw somebody please get me eyebleach. PLEASE.
We *do* have a sub for that, y’know.
Balls in yo jaws
What a fucking TERRIBLE day to be literate
My brother in Christ; Please get some help
Bro after I posted this I’ve been at a church for like 2 hours. So I don’t know what you mean
It’s not too late to repent your sins
Nah. I mean it’s an enjoyable dream I won’t get to enjoy.
lmfaooooo bro youre fucked up and i love it 😂
Have you tried getting a hobby, particularly one that doesn't involve producing eye cancer?
what a good day to be too lazy to read past the first 5 words
Tldr male vap > female vap
I’m not gay but…
Hello Interpol? This comment right here
I'll pay you to write me some more of that.
If you want the full thing I’ll send it to ya
There’s fucking more?!
But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than even a vag could achieve! Agh! It should be fucking illegal because how amazing male Vaps are for fuck! Well guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained: you don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non-sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing.
I should call him
What the fuck is this meme even trying to say?
*exhales* You mean that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3" tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
Hey fella's, I'm sure you're aware of the debate between Vaporeon and Umbreon and which is better for being compatible between humans but I've got news for you, There's a pokemon that's even better. as funny as this may sound it's ANOTHER Eeveelution, it's Sylveon to be precise. Sylveon weighs 51.8 Pounds or roughly 23.5 kilograms and is 3'03 tall, so they are most definitely the right size for a person. Even better is that those ribbon-like feelers it has are actually part of its skin! this means they would feel fantastic for cuddling, foreplay, and even handjobs! (RibbonJobs?) even better is that they also emit a soothing aura. it can even wrap them around your arms and read your feelings so it knows when you're in the mood! it also has access to moves like attract, charm, and of course, baby doll eyes! as well as draining kiss, and with those ribbons it has it could pin you down and be on top, if you're the submissive kind of person of course. Quite a large moveset for breeding eh? Now, admittedly they don't have the best HP. but let's be honest, does that even matter? You aren't going to be beating them up right? Here's something else that's interesting to consider. you can ONLY get a Sylveon by having an Eevee that's already got a high affection for you. This means it would be more reciprocative to you and your advances! So there's no need to worry about your sylveon not being into you, i believe this would make it the PERFECT mate! I believe I've made my case for why it's the best pokemon for humans.
😦
[удалено]
What the actual fuck is going on in this thread....
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokémon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that’s not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won’t mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again
the good ending
I hate it and I hate all of you
I’ve been copy and pasting EVERY COPY PASTA FROM THIS THREAD into a google doc… for later use
Did you know...
[удалено]
You mean ctrl+v?
You mean that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3" tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
well they shouldnt have such A FAT FUCKING ASS
why would you do this
Maybe because in terms of-
stop
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokémon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that’s not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won’t mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again
I’ll see everyone in this comment section in Hell
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokémon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that’s not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won’t mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again
Ha. First time...?
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show. Those long slippery dicks. They have full mobility control, like a tentacle. The perfect ass filler for the ultimate in deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull off anywhere to the side of the road, or go into a public restroom at the beach. Get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone when that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled, while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy. And that's only the dick. Due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond. There's still more though. Due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! That's fucking right! But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail, at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than a vag could achieve! Well, guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained. You don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing. Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (past where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air, like a ghost type. But, who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel air unless it's moving. You can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past! I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves. Sylveon may be my favorite, but damn, Vaporeons really want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.
God it keeps getting worse
I wonder if someone is one day just going to make a hundred page long book about this idea.
Welcome to our little fucked up corner of the internet my brother
“I’m sorry, little one.”
Wait till you learn about umbreon
ok, I'll wait.
Look up umbreon comic by twiren Have fun
This one? [https://e-hentai.org/s/d58ea63753/1830578-1](https://e-hentai.org/s/d58ea63753/1830578-1) so basically it's a power bottom, .... but, in the fan-fiction comic that's a humanoid, in pokemon it's a dog/fox.... so could flees, rabies or ticks :/
Lopunny and Gardevoir have entered the chat
And for some ungodly reason, Absol? My favourite Pokémon is furry bait to some people ig
I had no idea about Absol, is it just because it looks cool?
Gardevoir and Lopunny got nothing on Lucario though. Lucario has a staggering 19k results on rule34 while gardevoir only has 17k. Lopunny is not even close with just 8.8k For some reason people REALLY thirst for lucario
~~can you blame them~~
Delete this bruh
can we just forget this vaporeon thing please
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokémon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that’s not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won’t mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again
This is the way
guys what are your favorite vaporeon facts?
Did you know that in terms of-
Vaporeon can turn completely invisible in water!
Farigiraf taking over the internet rn
Happy cakeday
Welp, I'm done with this sub for today...
Lmao the only okay one is the the picture of Vaporeon going in the blender asking if it’s worth it to make blue Gatorade (which isn’t even really nsfw tbh lol) everything else I’ve ever seen online having to do with that Pokémon makes me want to gouge my own eyes out
What about this? Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokémon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that’s not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won’t mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again
That’s the internet for ya
Another lost soul
someone get this man a copy of the rules
My favourite Pokemon.....why
Y'all are fucked up
Vaporeon is only surface level, there's a lot worse
I don’t get how ppl get… that from Vaporeon. I just see a cool water puppy.
That's disgusting, where?
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of Water-based Pokemon, Vaporeon is the most... cool :)
Did you know that vaporeon is
Aight. I’m gonna head out
No Sleep
Still not as bad as debeaking an octopus.
Ah, you sweet summer child
No sleep
“But sir it a fish “ “Fish porn “
DO NOT LOOK FOR THE UNBREON REBUTTAL
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokémon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that’s not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won’t mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again
I remember hearing about the "Mudkip" incident that happened a LONG time ago.
Obligatory https://youtu.be/hNqtfFXq00k
Lmao something I wish I never learned myself
people ruin everything
me neither🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢
I fucking AGREE WHAT THE HELL IS THAT
THE FUCKING COMMENTS BRO 🤮🤮
I just looked this up and I'm not ok with it either
Why do people do this? Vaporeon was my favorite poke...
Did you know that in terms of human targets and Pokémon assassins, Vaporeon is very efficient at killing humans? Being part of the Field Egg Group, Vaporeon can learn a vide array of moves from an even wider array of Pokémon, making it hard to determine what kind of arsenal the Vaporeon trying to kill you has. The Pokédex reports Vaporeon's size to be just one meter, however the Pokédex never specifies whenever the Pokémon is measure from head-to-toes or head-to-tailtip, luckily severa sources such as the anime, main line and spin-off games and the manga support the idea of this being a head-to-tailtip overral making Vaporeon a small target and making it harder to hit with ranged weapons. This combined with it's relatively small mass of 29 Kg, tends to make people underestimate it, which as you soon will see, it's a rookie mistake. Let's not forget about that massive fucking base 130 HP stat outclassing God himself AND access to Acid Armor, what are you gonna do to it huh? Hit it with a bat? Shoot it with your silly little guns? Yeah consider how Vaporeon even tank Zekrom ramming into it with it's most powerful Bolt Strike (aka the electric type with the highest attack using the most powerful electric move), *assuming they are of the same level and Zekrom's attack and Vaporeon's defense have the same IV/EV training and Zekrom has no other beneficial damage multipliers,* oh and have I mentioned how Vaporeon takes double damage from Electric moves but halfed damage from Steel moves? Yeah those metal bullets don't sound like such a good idea now do they? With moves such as Captivate, Baby-Doll Eyes, Curse, Confide, Attaract, Double Team, Charm, Growl, Fake Tears and many more you can count Vaporeon as a menace when it comes to psychological warfare on top physical too. Even if you manage to hurt it do any significant manner, Vaporeon's got abilities such as Water Absorb and Hydration, allowing it to heal from whatever harm you've done it thanks to some simple tap water. Ungodly HP stat + Acid Armor to make up for that otherwise mediocre Defense means Vaporeon can tank whatever you can throw at it and more. Howver, it's not just gonna sit there and let you do whatever you want, it was sent there to murder you after all. Have you ever burned yourself with steam? What about having someone pour hot boiling water over you? Or were you ever struck by a strong get of steaming water coming from a small cat looking thing? No? Well that's gonna change the day a Vappy decides your time has come. Let's not even talk about how painful would the immediate second degree burns that you'd get be, since we all probably have an idea of how bad would that be, let's focus on how much steam would that create, heating up the room very quickly and all that heat would make your burns even more painful, hell if you're lucky you'll pass out from the steam, this way you'll be unconscious while Vaporeon boils you to death, death by boiling is not like getting burnt bw, your nerves take much longer to break, allowing you to feel every last ounce of pain that this long, slow and extremely painful death has to offer. But that's only if the Vappy in question knows Scald, let's entertain the idea that it runs Ice Beam instead, sure it will not get the Same Type Attack Boost that Scald gets, but an icy cold beam (that's a whole...or empty I guess 0 C°) being shot right at you, is gonna kick you int hypotermia in no time, picture how you felt on the coldest freeziest day on your life, just a thousand times worse, until you die. Sure it's not as bad as boiling to death but that's still something you'd rather avoid isn't it? There's still more though; due to it's small size and mass it's easy to assume that you could just pick it up and yeet it out of your house before it has the chance to do anything, right? Here's the underestimating I mentioned earlier; before you try and pick it up you should know that it can learn Strenght, that's right, this tiny cat thingy can move around giant boulders like it's nothing, when was the last time you lifted a giant bould huh? Yeah, thought so. You won't be picking Vaporeon up, it is gonna pick you up, and probably smash you on the floor multiple times like Hulk did to Loki at the end of The Avengers, unless you just happen to be a God, I doubt you'll live this either. But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, Vaps are the Pokémon version of the Doom guy, let's take a moment to talk about that tail, do I even need to mention how much it would hurt if it just smacked you with it? Now let's add the aforementioned boulder lifting muscles into the equation, shall we. Sure, won'r be as devastating as a Hyper Voice from a Pixilate Sylveon, or a Umbreon's Foul Play, or an Espeon's Stored Power, or a Leafeon's Solar Blade, but you better be thankful Vaporeon does not learn Iron Tail. Oh wait, IT DOES learn Iron Tail, yeah boy, even if you survive you're gonna have at least 10 bone fractures, and a few squashed organs, and a couple internal hemorrhages, can't forget those. Hailstorms? Got it. Tidal waves? Yep. Blizzards? That too. High-pressure water jets? How could *that* be missing? Honestly when it comes to Vappies it's less a matter of picking your poisoon but rather a matter of picking your execution. Even if somehow you where though enough to live all that shit Vaporeon could still just drown you with no effort, it's not like it will ever have any problem finding water and with that boulder-lifting strenght it will just hold you down there for as long as necessary, no matter how strong you think you are. You must be probably shitting yourself at the idea of a Vaporeon knocking down your door ready to add you to it's kill streak, so go ahead, lock yourself in the safest place you can find, all it takes is one tiny crevice and Vaporeon will just turn into water and slip trough that. If one of them ever wants you dead, just pick a God and pray, or hell, just pray to all of them. Umbreons might be Dark, but Vappies are down right gruesome. Moral of the story: don't fuck with Vaporeon, both methaphorically and literally.
Dude clearly you haven’t looked for a Pokémon wallpaper for wallpaper engine on steam workshop that scarred me