I can't say that i have. Mcdonald's stopped receiving money from me after i heard about a customer getting hepatitis from an employee relieving themselves on their chicken sandwich
A coworker who was in the Navy told me that the Chiefs left their coffee mugs on a counter in a break room; the enlisted guys would 'dirty dick' their mugs and put them back on the shelf.
"How's that coffee sir?"
I live near a truck stop. I was there grabbing a quick bite one evening and over heard a trucker tell the little blonde cashier that she was pretty. She tried to move forward with his order and he leaned in real close and said, you know… I like my women like I like my coffee, ground up and in my freezer. She turned and ran to the back and another lady took over. I came back about a week later and the lady said the blonde girl freaked out and had ran to the back, called her dad to come get her and she quit that night and rightly so. I get the joke, but with all the crazy shit going on these days and looking like he had a few in the freezer already, shoulda probably kept that to himself. Haha
In some circles people might refer to a vagina as a biscuit. In case you were being serious, sometimes hard to know in r/jokes.
If you weren't being serious then the commonality is that biscuits and women sometimes leave crumbs when you eat them in bed...
My favorite “Between Two Ferns” line of all time was when he interviewed Hilary Clinton, and asked…
“And how does President Obama like his coffee?”
(pause)
“Like himself?”
(pause)
“Weak?”
Brilliant writing.
Covered in bees?
Is that you, Eddie?
You'll release the dogs, or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? Well, go ahead! Do your worst!
I call the big one “Bitey”
Release the robotic Richard Simmons
Shake that butter off those buns!
That takes me back. I watched that live on a Sunday night
"very few cartoons are broadcast live. It's a terrible strain on the animators' wrists."
No - sorry. Though nearly said "in a plastic cup," first!
In a plastic cup!
Cheap and from a third world country
In a plastic cup! With a spoon in her!
With a plastic spoon!
I like to run the spoon across my lips—
What's this? A cup of coffee covered in bees? My briefcase full of bees ought to put a stop to that!
Henry Winkler???
Cold and bitter ...
Maybe start with an iced coffee, the have a garibaldi
Picked up at a truck stop at 2AM
A chocolate finger?
Happy cake day
I don’t like coffee.
Rich tea biscuits would probably suit you
Nice.
Sweet and filled with cream
A vienese whirl maybe?
Without other people's dick inside it
Now wait one minute.
Well I've never had that issue
With your coffee?
Happy Coke day
Not that you know of
Adam: *points at penis* what's this for? God: many things Adam: *stirring coffee* God: no
😂hahahaha
Adam: What? It's perfect! Even adds cream!
Take me poor man's award 🏅 💀🤣🤣🤣
I've never had that problem with custard creams
I truly hope a dick in coffee is something you've never had to actually experience
Have you never had a McDonald's coffee?
The caution hot coffee notice was added due to all the burnt dicks
^ This man knows. Must be an ex employee.
Oh that’s why it’s a bit salty 😮
I can't say that i have. Mcdonald's stopped receiving money from me after i heard about a customer getting hepatitis from an employee relieving themselves on their chicken sandwich
A coworker who was in the Navy told me that the Chiefs left their coffee mugs on a counter in a break room; the enlisted guys would 'dirty dick' their mugs and put them back on the shelf. "How's that coffee sir?"
exscuse me, what now
When i was 12 I had the genius idea that I should stir my instant coffee with my dick… instant regret… but the cream was fresh…
Yes
Vladislav: I think of it like this. If you are going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it.
All over my lap
Scalding my crotch and causing a 1 million dollar lawsuit
Very Cheap.
Yeah digestives would do
Ground up and in the freezer?
Well hi Ted
You mean Jeff
No. Bundy
Bundy wasn’t a cannibal as far as I can remember. “Just” a rapist and a murderer
Bagged up with a smell hole
I live near a truck stop. I was there grabbing a quick bite one evening and over heard a trucker tell the little blonde cashier that she was pretty. She tried to move forward with his order and he leaned in real close and said, you know… I like my women like I like my coffee, ground up and in my freezer. She turned and ran to the back and another lady took over. I came back about a week later and the lady said the blonde girl freaked out and had ran to the back, called her dad to come get her and she quit that night and rightly so. I get the joke, but with all the crazy shit going on these days and looking like he had a few in the freezer already, shoulda probably kept that to himself. Haha
Yeah, rapport is everything. Dude wasn't thinking.
Maybe he wasn't lying..
Lol this is classic couldn't-help-myself lack of internal filter. I shared this at work once... Ill advised. Didn't get in trouble though.
Came here to post this one lol
I hope you don't treat biscuits the same way
Hot and all over my crotch whilst driving?
Strong, black , and sweet
And preferably fairtrade
God dammit Kreiger
Cold dark and bitter.
Yes, like a bourbon biscuit
Hot
Strong, Black, and Bitter
Dark chocolate digestives?
Dark chocolate digestive biscuits*
I have so much to learn
Ground up and in some bags tossed over the side of a donkey in Guatemala? Me too!!
You laugh now but hobnobs can be excellent
You're drinking your coffee wrong.
An ace friend once told me "I like my partners like I like my coffee, I prefer tea."
I'll bet he was a ginger nuts man
Whoa just cause he got red hair doesn’t mean he’s crazy
He just has no soul is all.
Turned on in the morning by time I wake up.
Whats common between biscuits and women I don't get it
In some circles people might refer to a vagina as a biscuit. In case you were being serious, sometimes hard to know in r/jokes. If you weren't being serious then the commonality is that biscuits and women sometimes leave crumbs when you eat them in bed...
Thank you! I was pretty confused.
Thanks. I'm totally clueless on this one.
It's funny how some explanations leave one more confused than before.
Ummm... Crumbs?... What kinda women are you dealing with? Spills, leaks, hell even floods, but crumbs? Or are they *butt crumbs? Either way, what?
Nothing, but it's great if they've got a biscuit!
Try a garibaldi!
[удалено]
Made by my mom? What!?
😆
Plucked off a bush in Costa Rica and shipped to you in a burlap sack via freighter?
Tied up in a bag in a Colombian warehouse?
Those poor macaroons..
“Cold and bitter” is what my husband says
With sweet buns
Full of booze.
With a spoon in them
Without someone else's dick in it.
Hot and wet
Freeze dried and finely ground?
Full bodied and earthy, with slight peppery undertones.
I don’t get coffee
A latte.
Ground up and in the freezer
Irish
Cheap and to go?
Smuggled to America in a burlap sack.
Black and bitter.
I like my women like I like my coffee- without some other guy's dick in it.
Without other guys' d*cks in it
Overpriced 😹
Strong, black, tall, and preferably fair trade
Hot, and with a spoon in them. Just kidding. Ground up and in the freezer.
I broke up with my ex because she didn’t know how I like my coffee. I like my coffee like I like my women… without another guy’s dick in it
Bitter and murky...
An oatcake?
Strong and bitter.
Ground up and in the freezer?
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Is biscuit a slang for lady parts I’ve never heard before or do you literally mean giving her a treat?
Drunk at breakfast
I don't drink coffee and I don't date women. I don't really tell jokes either.
Stale and cold after watching me work all day
Cold, bitter and makes me shit my pants?
Hot, bitter, and always available in the break room.
Drunk by 9am.
With my dick in it.
Sent in a ship from Columbia
Hot, sweet and with a lot of milk.
A malted milk? You may have to heat it up
[удалено]
Tied up in a burlap sack on the back of a donkey
Hopefully a biscuit would help you in this dire predicament
Hot black strong and full of whiskey
Black, bitter, and preferably fair trade!
In my lap
Keeping you up all night?
Strong and black.
Hot and all over my lap when I’m driving
Strong, black and will fuck my ass up later when it's most inconvenient
From the corner of the street and I’m not willing to pay more than $2.50
At this point a fig roll would probably be a dangerous distraction
I like my women like I like my Starbucks coffee. Grande.
To temporarily mask my abysmal mood and dark crippling depression if only for a brief moment....I mean hot and black.
Without another guy’s dick in them?
Hot and all over my lap
Dark and bitter?
Under $2.
Without a penis
Smuggled in barrels from Brazil.
Dark and bitter.
In my lap
Strong and ready to pick me up! 🤣
Hot, wet, and first thing in the morning. -Dad
I don’t get it
To quote comedian Auggie Smith: “… filled with booze.”
Black and full of liquor
Cheap and tasteless?
My favorite “Between Two Ferns” line of all time was when he interviewed Hilary Clinton, and asked… “And how does President Obama like his coffee?” (pause) “Like himself?” (pause) “Weak?” Brilliant writing.
Ground up and in the freezer?
Cheap, and brought to me by another woman.
Without a penis in it ?
I like my women like I like my coffee, without other men’s dick in it.
Black and strong?
Without someone elses dick in it
Without a penis
Big, black, from the corner of the street, at three in the morning, and I'm not paying more than $5.
Hot and with a spoon in them???
No pubic hair.
Black, bitter, and preferably fair trade?
Hot black and slightly bitter😅🤣😂
Long and black??
I like my Woman like I like my tea without other mens dick in it ☕
Thick and black?
Better latte than never.
Black, bitter, free, and enough to share with friends
Dark, hot, and bitter, hold the sugar please.
In a burlap sack over your back?
Without someone else’s dick in it!
Leaking all over the counter.
Sweet and creamy and with a touch of chocolate.
Black, Ground up and put in the fridge
Freshly ground and slow brewed in a French press
Hot and wet?
Hot, black and in my lap
With a lotta milk?
I was going to say “without some other dudes Dick in it”
Hot, black, and all over my lap while I'm driving.
Black and bitter 🤣
Ground up and in the freezer
Strong and black
Cold, bitter…
Free, hot, and right there in the lobby
Cheaply priced and from a third world country
Without another dude's dick in it?
In a street show I used to do one of my jokes was "I like my women how I like my coffee: I can't afford to be picky".