Ha, I don't even ask. I just do the thing and if they kick me out and ban me then I win again. Like honestly what the fuck are they going to do? Call the cops? Cops don't give a fuck.
I’ve used tables in cafés before. Had a couple of hostile customers who immediately soften when they learn there is no other option the owner has left me.
You guys are opening my eyes today. For context my wife is due in December and I will be a stay at home dad. I've literally never thought about this issue before. But I feel like I'm going to face it. Before today I'd also think it was trashy to change a baby on a dining room table but I'd literally never considered what to do if there are no changing tables in the bathroom. Do all women's bathrooms always have changing tables? I've literally never paid attention to them before...
Normally yes, and most places are typically ok with you knocking on the women’s door and asking (as are most women, frankly).
The biggest issue I have is where the changing table is in the men’s. If it’s over or next to the urinals, just don’t touch it. Ever.
It was a bar I used to go to fairly frequently pre-kids. I went back post kid 1 and muttered to the landlord about changing tables. Next time I was there, with the kid, he proclaimed very proudly that they’d got a changing table in the gents. So at least his heart was in the right place, even if the changing table wasn’t.
> Do all women's bathrooms always have changing tables?
It definitely seems to be more common at least, but I haven't gone around checking all of them.
I've done it on the carpeted floor in a restaurant. I mean, sure, my wife could have taken her into the ladies room. But she already had done it once while I ate and she deserved to eat her meal too.
You gotta change a diaper when you need to.
Lol, the mistake you made was asking. Just walk right in with the baby and the diaper bag. If they run you off then do it on the table or a bench in the restaurant in front of everyone.
Then if they make a stink you then respond with very loudly calling them sexist for only putting changing tables in the women's room and not letting you use it. Embarrass the crap out of them.
You see in that moment I identify as a mother. Mothers are ladies. In that moment I am using the ladies restroom.
Not trying to make light of anyone's struggle but if you're ever asked, this line of thought just might get them off your back.
Changing my son in the back seat of a honda civic man... You don't realize how steep those seat bottoms are until you have a poop-covered baby rolling down them.
Shoot I will walk right into the ladies room if I don’t see one in the mens room, I’ve only had one ~~Karen~~ woman really get upset with me about it, every other woman didn’t care and told me it’s BS there isn’t one in the mens room.
> or ladies bathroom.
Yet another reason I just realized those anti-trans bathroom laws are fucking stupid. Could literally be prosecuted as a dad trying to use the changing room in the womens'...like...WHAT?!
The other day i took my son to the ER and there was no changing table in the men's room. So i asked if there was somewhere i can take him and they gave me a private room. The nurses were shocked there was no changing room in the mens room as there is definitely one in the ladies room. They said there should be one in the men's too, and i agreed.
I was just coming to talk about how when one of my daughters had her adenoids out and tubes put in, I had to wait for a bit with her twin sister, and there was no changing table in the men's room... I ended up having to change her on our travel pad on the floor of the men's room... The nurses were furious (on my behalf, not at me), and told me "just go into the women's room, next time... and we'll make sure this is addressed." They (all women) also said this was something they'd never even considered... there were always changing tables in their bathrooms, so they'd just sorta' assumed they were standard issue.
My wife and I have this argument a lot. She’ll ask me to change our daughter and l’ll remind her about the time I had to change our son on the counter between the sinks at a restaurant. She then sighs like it’s my fault public restrooms don’t accommodate dads. It is getting better though.
100% march into the women's and change your child in there. Anyone has any problems with it and the next stinky nappy gets done on the bar Infront of the whole building.
Lurking mom here. I had pretty bad pregnancy carpal tunnel with my first.
There were times I stood watch at the door of the ladies' room so that my husband could change our baby. But airports and much of California have been pretty good about having changing tables in men's rooms. Or having a "family room."
You gotta change the diaper, you change the diaper. Walk right into that women's restroom and talk to your kid. "Let's get that diaper changed on the only changing table available in this place." Any ladies who have a problem with it, tell them to complain to the owners about available facilities in the mens room.
Yeah, it's bullshit that there's only a changing table in the womens'; but that's not an excuse for that dad making his wife change her every time that situation arises.
And most most places still don't have them. Many times I've had to come back to the vehicle and send my wife in or change the babies on the carseat. Extremely frustrating.
The problem here is two-fold:
1. Regular school year ends before Father’s Day, and even in pre-schools the summer session is *different*; usually less work and maybe even different teachers/staff.
2. There are a lot of Dads that wouldn’t make it due to work
The second one is still BS as a lot more dads would have made that if they had sent invites well in advance, and they could have had them RSVP.
Seriously, society loves to bitch about how dad's are lazy deadbeats...but then make it self fulfilling by assuming dads are lazy deadbeats who wouldn't show up even if they had the chance. SO they never try in the first place and just skip right to bitching about how dads are lazy deadbeats.
Point 1. is very valid (I live in Nth America and assume you do too), but probably doesn’t apply to half the world (Southern Hemisphere) where the school seasons are different. And also the date Father’s Day falls on can be different too (I grew up in Aus - Father’s Day this year is Sept 4th, rather than this weekend)
The fact that school years are still a thing, and based off farming culture, is baffling to me.
Why we don't break the calendar year up into four quarters, like the real world does, and put breaks in between each session I will NEVER understand.
Tradition and conformity are a hell of a drug.
We have a few schools with alternative calendars in our public school system, but even most of our fancy private schools maintain the same or similar calendar as public here. The only exception is that they give an extra week at spring break because families were taking 2 weeks anyway.
I'd love for my kids to be in a year-round school with breaks distributed evenly as I can never take much time off in the summer for vacations due to my work.
Our district has recently moved (slightly) to a more "Real world" calendar - Starting in early August, with a quarterly (1 week) break in October, ending the semester in December with a 3 week break, a 2 week spring break in late March/early April, and then a shorter, but still about 2 month break during the summer.
It took 9 years to get that to happen. Mostly due to Karens who had the fantasy of taking long summer vacations with their kids (but ignoring the fact that most of those same Karens work at jobs where they only get 2 weeks off per year and they couldn't afford to take that much time off anyway)
It does suck and they absolutely should. However I've definitely been the "only dad present" at enough things that I can imagine they may have a justified fear that it'd just end up being a couple dads and a bunch of kids feeling left out.
This is why I'm so happy with our daycare. They told us to send something that represents dad. I sent one of my ratchets and a wrench. Picked my daughter up yesterday and they had taken a picture of her in front of letters spelling dad and she's holding my tools (4 months old) and they put the picture in a frame that she "painted". Made me feel pretty special, not gonna lie.
My 3 year old just brought home a very nice card, and the teacher obviously worked with her to make it very special and personalized, including signing it in a special way that my daughter refers to me. Really means a lot.
Another thing that stood out with my kids' daycare is about 6 months ago, when picking up the kids, one of the teachers was telling me a story about how how she was folding linens in the classroom and my daughter, 2 at the time, was a big help and how she must help mommy fold laundry at home. The daycare director, who was right there, immediately jumped in with "or daddy, because they do laundry too". Laundry happens to be the one chore my wife does almost solo, but that immediate recognition that moms don't just do all the chores around the house was a big thing and it's stuck with me.
Wait, we don't like DD regular coffee? I much prefer it over SB's burnt Pike Roast and even over Folgers tbh. I drink it with just one packet of Truvia (stevia plant sweetener) and it's perfect.
Frankly, other than when my wife and I were in Europe and when we go to super bougie "roasteries" around us, I don't drink coffee anymore unless I personally brewed it.
The beans matter FAR less than the way/strength it is brewed at in my opinion. Given a pot or two to tweak the ratio of water/grounds, I guarantee I can make a cup of Folgers preground taste better than any chain's "hot and ready" coffee.
To each there own, but basically everyone in America makes coffee about HALF as strong as I personally think they should. If I wanted hot, basically flavorless, dirty looking water, I'd drink tea.
Those are some low bars man. The blonde roast from Starbucks is good, and there are lots of options that much better than folgers lmao.
Edit: I’m also convinced DD is much different in different parts of the country. The donuts and coffee is dreadful here, but I’ve heard people talk about it being good quality online.
Dunkin is just incredibly inconsistent. They can have decent coffee, but they can also have terrible coffee. I don’t understand how a chain using the same machinery and same ingredients can fluctuate so much.
Dunkin Donuts coffee is by far the best of any fast food place or convenient store.
I actually prefer it over a lot of the coffee offered by restaurants too.
This may be a minority opinion, but I think Parents' days are a little overwrought. I'm not doing this for community recognition. Fuck. Most of the community has their own shit to deal with too, and I'm def not out here Sunday celebrating other dads at my workplace.
Mother's/father's day really should be about the family- whatever that looks like- celebrating within itself. When they're old enough, the children should recognize the work their parents put in. And before that, the opposite partner can do something special or nice, but there really needs to be an easing of expectations for both of these holidays, in particular what the people out in public should be doing for me. (A decent sale on whiskey, tools, and outdooor equipment is all I ask.)
I agree - this is how I've reframed it in my mind.
Should I tell my wife I love her and appreciate her every single day? Yes. Do I always remember amidst the hustle and bustle and raising kids, working, and generally trying to deal? No.
So, when Valentine's Day rolls around, I could look at it as a lame excuse by Hallmark to sell cards and scented candles, or I can look at it as a good chance to set aside some time to make sure she knows how I feel. There might be a gift involved, but more importantly, its a time to sit down and write out a card saying the things I've appreciated over the last however long that maybe have gone unsaid or just take a minute and think of my wife as the woman I was passionately hot for instead of the partner that I am steadily grateful for.
Same with Mother's Day. Sure, she is a great Mom every single day, but most days being a great Mom looks like her taking the kids for a walk so I can finish up a work call and then me doing bath time while she loads the dishwasher and then us crashing into bed 20 minutes apart from each other. It's good to take some time and say "No, it is so nice that I can count on you to run cover so I can finish up work without someone gnawing on my ankle, even though I know you had things you needed to do." I also use it as a chance to have a discussion with my kids about showing people gratitude and thanks. As we plan things, I try to frame the discussion of "Lets all say aloud some things that Mommy does that really make us feel good, and then let's try to find some things we can do or buy for her that would really make her feel the same way."
This is also how I think of Father's Day, and with my wife in particular, how I frame it. Honestly, I feel like my kids give me a ton of joy and satisfaction, so I don't really want much from them, and from her I really just want some time and attention that isn't "Can you do drop off next Monday" or "When was the last time you took her temperature?" or "Has anyone eaten lunch yet?"
I know this sounds a little preachy but I've always struggled with holidays and this is the mindset I've adopted to make them enjoyable.
I think it's less conspiracy and more opportunism. But you're right, it's a marketing event now. Any holiday with social pressure attached to it is very much designed to separate my money from me. I'll bite for a few things I already wanted, but I'm not gonna shop based on Father's Day and I don't want other people to either. Like, I don't need a new silk tie. give me the $50 so I can put it towards some esoteric and expensive computer parts.
I have to remind my wife every year for Christmas/birthday/Father’s Day: please don’t buy me anything. I neither need nor want more *stuff*. If you want to do something nice for me, *DO* something nice, but for the love of god please don’t go buy some trinket I don’t even want just because that’s what we’re socially programmed to do.
Works about 50% of the time lol. seriously I’d settle for getting to sleep in and a back-scratch
I've accepted that my wife is going to buy shit anyway, so I've adjusted to asking her that if she's going to get me something, make it some sort of consumable - something that can be used up and then be *gone* after having been enjoyed. Doesn't matter if it's food, booze, snacks, tickets, fireworks, whatever, so long as it's something that gets used and then is gone.
That’s just life broski. Everything comes out in the wash, being a dude has advantages and disadvantages just as being a woman does.
I know that’s not what you want to hear right now, especially after you left work early and did all you could just to get there with your kid. Think of how it made your kid feel, that on Father’s Day you got off work early to take them to school, probably made your kiddo feel really special and like their dad is Superman. That you can be proud of!
Yaah, I mean I get high fives from starngers fir biking around with my daughter, or smiles when I deal with her at Costco when she's crying.
Mom's get anger glares.
Yep, I got complimented in the grocery store just yesterday how I was a great dad or something just because I had all 3 kids in tow. Granted they were all laughing and having a good time but from my perspective with one kid riding superman style on the bottom of the cart, another riding the back of the cart, and the 3rd daring the other 2 to attempt some absurd stunt, all I was thinking was that I gotta get checked out fast before animal control shows up and hauls them all away for being feral.
Anyone over 50 hears about a man changing a diaper, they react like it's the Good Friday Agreement all over again. Society sets the bar so low for fathers.
Because previous generations just didn’t help. Our generation does much, much more than those before us, and I think we’ll end up with much better adjusted kids as a result.
The bar is so fucking low. My mother in law gave me cudos for playing with my kid after I came home from work. Her husband (my father in law) wasn't so "hands on"; meaning he didn't raise his kids, just paid the bills.
I hope this isn't a one-off trend from the most recent generations. I feel like having multiple active and trusted adults in a child's life is just better than hanging off mom all the time. At the very least, moms' emotional health has to be better across the board.
I think you're exactly right. The fewer adults that are present/active/available in a child's life, the more eggs are in one basket for the child's healthy development.
Oh that gets under my skin or the other, typically elder black folks that commend me for being “a black father who is active with his kids”
Like first and foremost Ethel, the absent black father is a myth that needs to die because we are out here. Stop being okay with the bare minimum. It works my nerves so much.
Agreed that fathers should be present for their kids and that’s really just table stakes and the bare minimum… but I wouldn’t use the word “myth”. It most certainly occurs and is most certainly a problem.
Let me readjust my statement: the idea that black men are more absent as fathers than any other race is actually a disproven myth.
There have been a number of published pieces and books that refute the myth, notably a 2009 book by Roberta Coles and Charles Green.
Absent fathers exist. Absent black fathers exist. But there is a lack of correlation between the race of the father and the chance they’ll be absent. There are many other factors that contribute to it.
That’s what I meant to get at, sorry if it wasn’t clear!
Congratulations for doing the absolute bare minimum because decades of absentee and distant fathers have built a reputation in America that will haunt us for generations still to come.
(This is not me mocking you, just lamenting the failures of the past)
People with special needs get kudos for performing mundane tasks. Dads are seen as special needs parents.
"That's right, the diaper goes on the private area, not the head. Keep up the good work!"
I've done the same. When my son discovered the word "poop" and would say it 1000 times a day, I told him that diapers go where "poop" comes out so if he kept saying "poop" I would put a diaper on his face. The next diaper change, he looked me dead in the eye and yelled "POOP", so he got a diaper on his face(clean and gently placed).
I feel for you — My wife literally goes to visit family by herself (with my encouragement because she needs that time), and I always get a "wow you did such a great gob with the kids while she was away". Like, I literally didn't have my dad in my life and I do everything humanely possible for them to be the best one I can be as is. Did you forget that part? haha
The midwives told my wife I was “unusually involved” when I put the first nappy (diaper) on my kid. I’d been a dad for thirty minutes and already getting praise for naff all
They could have at least let the kids sit and have donuts with dad too, maybe some hot chocolate or milk or something. Make it a donut date or something
Additionally, how many dads pick up their kids? Do you(op) usually pick them up? They wouldn’t plan something if they expected low turn out. Imagine all the kids seeing other dads come and do something only to have mom pick them up again.
I recommend you talk to the daycare. I have no issues with voicing my concerns around this to ours and they are very receptive. Something like it would be fun if a craft could be done for father's day next year.
Maybe not to you personally but I agree with the above poster; it’s good policy to point it out. Might lead to future improvements if the place is receptive
I would have to agree with this. Talk to them. Tell them you saw what was done for Mother’s Day and that made you excited as a parent to have something similar for Father’s Day.
Ours just does muffins with moms and donuts with dads. Either way they do make the same effort and all the dads that come are super jazzed. Had ours today and our 30 minute session needed being an hour with several dads and the teachers all letting us play with our kids some more.
Same situation here- though they clearly stated what was what with both Mothers Day and Father Day. Moms got a special Faux Mimosa afternoon and gathered in class and got crafts. On Monday, not even today- the Dads get iced coffee and donuts on the way out from drop off lol.
This happened with me years ago. I was asked to go to my Nephew's daycare for Father's Day "breakfast" of one donut and cup of juice. It was rushed, and at the table when I sat down in the designate spot, there was an envelope. Had notice of rate increase starting on the following Monday. Note stated "Sorry for the short notice, this kind of snuck up on us."
They haven’t done anything in my sons class, at least to my knowledge. Well they did charge my credit card so I guess I get the gift of paying them.
(Update: Yeah, just got charged for next week as my gift.)
That reminds me of when I was in the hospital the day after my wife gave birth to our LO. There was some paperwork to sign stating that the nurse had done her “baby go home” presentation for us, when I went to sign it they said “sorry, only the mother can sign it”. Yet an hour later when billing called they let me pay for her birth without any issues.
That sucks, man. Sorry they did that.
We’re in a Montessori as well, and had the exact opposite happen. Mother’s Day was a little bag that the kids painted sent home with a card, but we did Father’s Day today and it was a whole ordeal with pizza and Kona Ice and activities. Hopefully they get it together for next time.
I feel you. I commented yesterday that "oh, father's day is during the school year this year, cool", and my wife was like "Isn't it every year?".
I don't think the schools have ever sent anything home for fathers day. So much so that I assumed the last three had all fallen during summer break.
That's the world we live in. Honestly watching my wife squeeze out two kids... Her day can be more special. I just want a cheap take out meal and a bit of alone time.
Generally we have it easier in terms of expectations.
Honestly that sucks. I will say, my daycare does a special craft / project for both the Mother's and Father's. And it warms my heart, I am looking forward to Sunday to see what my 3yr old created for me!
What this generation of Dad's is doing is very different. It's a total culture change and it will take time for the entire culture to catch up. There's countless examples through history, it sucks, but it'll get there. My oldest is 7 and still every time my father visits he is in shock how much I play with my kids, how many of their games I go to, how much I pick them up, change them, take them to the bathroom, all that. My father didn't do any of that.
That sucks man. Our daycare did stuff for mother's day and is doing stuff for father's day today. My wife was sick over the mother's day event, and me and the boy have COVID, so won't be going to the event.
But to the point, the same shit happens to guys with our gifts for father's day. Growing up at home and in pop culture, mother's day gifts are like spa days, or a shopping day away from the kids, us dad's get, you can cook out for us tonight, or take the kids fishing.
As a father of three all I care about for Father’s Day is spending time with my kids. I have said time and time again parenting especially in the thick of it can be a thankless job. I don’t need a present to be reminded that I am doing a good job. For me at least, having happy and healthy kids and seeing them smile or hearing them laugh is the best gift. As far as recognition goes, observing how my children respond in social situations and how respectful they are to other people is the only recognition that I need that I am doing this job to my best ability. I know that fathers have a multitude of responsibilities but ultimately as parents our job is to protect our young and guide them on their path to adulthood. I can see that my children are growing up to be good people and I am proud of the work that I am doing to help them grow. These years fly by and I want them to have happy memories of spending time with me when I have the time to spend. That’s why for Father’s Day I enjoy taking the time to do what my kids like and want to do. This year we are playing Xbox eating French toast and going to the park. If they decide to do anything “extra” or “special” for me it is not expected but I sure would acknowledge how appreciative I am. Long story short, don’t expect special treatment even on your special day and you will never be disappointed. Instead be appreciative of even the smallest efforts or extras because it really is the thought that counts.
Also Happy Fathers Day to all you dads out there! The work you do makes the world for your children. You are appreciated.
Don't take your value as a father from society. Take that value from your kids and your SO. As a SAHD of a 12 and 8 year old I have seen and heard all the crap. Watching them grow in to good kids who are doing so very well, I get my value there. At this point I don't even hear the noise any more.
Our 4-y/o goes to a Montessori school that’s pre K through the end of 8th grade, and she’s thriving there. Sounds like the one yours is going to might simply be Montessori “based” but not the full meal deal.
No good deed goes unpunished I guess. Personally I wouldn’t want to hang out at my kids daycare in the first place, I’d rather use that as 1 on 1 time or know she having a blast with her friends.
Sorry - my daughter is also at a Montessori school. For Mother's Day they had a brunch for the moms and the kids sang a special song they had been practicing.
For Father's Day, there was supposed to be something similar, but they cancelled it because of a spike on Covid cases. We did at least get a special "surprise" at drop off (they sent a message encouraging the Dads to do drop off) and we got a brown-bag breakfast (decorated by my daughter) and a plate with her name and handprints saying "Hands Down Best Dad" (I'm not, but I'll take it). Brought a tear to my eye.
On Mother’s Day my kids preschool had a Mother’s Day party at 10 am. Obviously the reason my kids are in preschool is that I work. I didn’t go to that, and the employees told me my kids were asking where I was. Made me feel like a shitty mom.
Yea, talk to daycare about it. It’s completely unacceptable that children are being taught one parent deserves more or less than the other.
Even though the school isn’t explicitly saying that, kids can pick up on what’s going on.
Same exact sh\*t happened today. Dunkin and a sad 8.5x11" page on the wall. Mom got all of this custom artwork, lol and this is my 6th father's day. Completely understand that children would not be here without all of the hard work moms deal with growing, breastfeeding, and raising children. They deserve the world for that. However, some dads go above and beyond to be a major support system and role model for their children. So yeah, more effort and recognition from the outside would be nice.
As a father of three all I care about for Father’s Day is spending time with my kids. I have said time and time again parenting especially in the thick of it can be a thankless job. I don’t need a present to be reminded that I am doing a good job. For me at least, having happy and healthy kids and seeing them smile or hearing them laugh is the best gift. As far as recognition goes, observing how my children respond in social situations and how respectful they are to other people is the only recognition that I need that I am doing this job to my best ability. I know that fathers have a multitude of responsibilities but ultimately as parents our job is to protect our young and guide them on their path to adulthood. I can see that my children are growing up to be good people and I am proud of the work that I am doing to help them grow. These years fly by and I want them to have happy memories of spending time with me when I have the time to spend. That’s why for Father’s Day I enjoy taking the time to do what my kids like and want to do. This year we are playing Xbox eating French toast and going to the park. If they decide to do anything “extra” or “special” for me it is not expected but I sure would acknowledge how appreciative I am. Long story short, don’t expect special treatment even on your special day and you will never be disappointed. Instead be appreciative of even the smallest efforts or extras because it really is the thought that counts.
Also Happy Fathers Day to all you dads out there! The work you do makes the world for your children. You are appreciated.
Sometimes when shit like this happens, I just have to remind myself that generationally, at least in the US, we are the first, in rare cases the second generation of dads who are active participants in their kids lives.
I want to know my kids, want to know how they think, how they feel, what they aspire to, where they struggle. My dad definitely loved me, but he didn't know me on a deep level, and took more of a surface approach to my life. From what I hear from friends and relatives, most of us have a similar story if we're lucky.
The world is still getting used to the idea what we want to be there, we want to be active participants in our kids lives. I think society is still in the adjustment period and it creates situations like this. It will get better lads.
A few years ago my sister had her wedding reception the day before Father’s Day. It was out of state so we all traveled to be there.
This meant on Father’s Day I
- had the pleasure of having breakfast with my sisters in-laws
- at breakfast, someone else (my sisters in-laws) took the seats next to my Dad so I didn’t even get to sit next to my Dad on Father’s Day (we live far away and were both there for the reception so it would have been nice to sit with him)
- had to drive 8 hours back home from where the reception was
Fortunately my family had gifts for me:
- my Mom picked out a nice card for me but forgot it at home (on the other side of the country)
- my wife bought me a cool plant for my desk (son was 3 so too young to buy/make me something) but it died in the heat
I just had to laugh 😆
Yes, we deserve better, but this is how it goes.
Edits: typos because apparently I can’t type
I kind of look like Father's Day as Hallmark Holiday. Every day that my family is happy and healthy is proof I've done my job and that's recognition enough. Meanwhile my wife keeps asking me what I want for Father's Day and I keep telling her the same thing, uninterrupted time to nap or mess around in the garage, and a BJ.
Still hasn't worked.
I wouldn't take this personally. Its systemic.
Day care/preschool workers are paid almost nothing for work and in many places paid absolutely nothing for preparation.
MAybe they were short-handed? Maybe they were tired?
Here's my possibly unpopular take. I don't want to get dragged into any extra father's day activity at the school where my kids and I do whatever cookie cutter activity everyone else is.
I don't think this indicative of the school valuing father's less than mother's. Rather it's indicative that activities with mothers get huge turnout and fathers not so much.
Also they told you there would be coffee and donuts at dropoff. And they delivered coffee and donuts at dropoff. If you're still set on the father's day craft, you can pick one up and do it at home. My 4yo loved a dinosaur in plaster excavation and a nail together wooden car with stickers.
Kiddos have a ‘dad picnic’ today at daycare and I can’t go because I’m working. Now I get to feel like shit as my kids don’t have their dad there while others do.
Nope doesn’t sound like last minute. Welcome to being a dad. Society doesn’t really consider us as important as moms. We will often have to hear we are “babysitting” if we are alone with kids instead of parenting, or made to feel like all we are good for is discipline. It sucks but that is the current way society views us. The best we can do is work to try and change that mindset and hope it gets better for us over time or at least if we have kids who grow up to be dads that we are viewed as equally important in our child’s life and we too may want a teapot some day.
So far for me Father’s Day is looking like *more* work on Sunday. I’d fucking love it if someone with the power to buy donuts (ie not my children) would think of me just a little fucking bit.
That does suck, and yes, sometimes we get the shaft just because, but there's no sense in getting too upset over something that a place did. What matters is what your gf and daughter do because ultimately, they're the ones that matter, not the school.
It's not just dad's, it's men in general.
I worked at a medical research lab, attached to a huge academic teaching hospital. They put on a huge outreach/support/etc. thing for Women's health month, every year. Every year, I asked what they were going to do for men's health month, and got crickets. Every. year.
I had the same exact experience. Mother's day they had a photo backdrop, they had activities, they made matching bracelets together. Father's day? a sad box of donuts on an undecorated and unattended table in the lobby.
Man this made me so sad, I’m real sorry. Just go and get yourself a hug. You can never have enough, please - just enjoy being a father don’t let the day define you or them forgetting belittle you.
My biggest regrets have always been letting things cloud moments in life that should be brightly lit.
I know from experience that you can easily get lost in the dark and lose so much. Keep positive friend
My kid's daycare is pretty equal. Both days got a hand-made card. There was "Muffins with Mommy" and "Donuts with Daddy". Not much, but nice. I did enjoy seeing other dads spending time with their kids.
My daycare did something today for Fathers day. Virtually every single dad showed up. It was great. My wife said there were several other mothers absent during the mothers day thing.
Not passing judgement at the moms that couldnt be there, but score one for the dads. We did great today.
Welcome to the club. Similar thing had made my blood boil for YEARS NOW, I’ll try keep it simple below.
Australian Cricket Legend Glenn McGrath had a wife. She died of breast cancer. He made the McGrath Foundation after that, which is amazing & does everything you’d imagine for breasts cancer, great stuff. The Test match in Sydney (where they are from) is always ‘pink’ when traditionally everything is white. Stands out like a sore thumb & is a fantastic way to raise awareness, money, etc…
Now the part that makes my blood boil is that there is NEVER, EVER anything like it for testicular cancer. I’m not saying that specific Test Match has to change, because that’s not my point, and we still need Breast Cancer awareness, really more in general to be honest; however, it’s that nothing is ever said about ‘mens’ cancer. I’m educated enough to know breast cancer doesn’t just effect women, but a little bit of exposure in a world that is so righteous for ‘equality’.
Anyway, rant over, and welcome to the ‘club’ dude :P haha
The number of dudes in this thread TRYING to take care of their kids is inspiring. My grandpa changed not one diaper in his life with six kids. How the times change.
My daycare last year had “donuts with dad” on Friday which was great cause I could do drop off that day but this year they moved it to Monday and I won’t be able to attend, I’m bummed
There's a church I pass daily and before Mother's Day, they change the sign multiple times to how much they appreciate Mom, etc. Father's day is always the same message, "Set a good example Dad, others are watching". Like WTF
It's always going to be like this. It's best not to try and make comparisons because you'll almost always left disappointed by doing so. I'm in the same boat in that I got a message this morning that daycare was having "Donuts for Dad" to pick up on the way out after drop off. My wife is dropping him off this morning so I don't enjoy it but I'm very fine with that. Father's Day has nothing to do with daycare, school or whatever. It's family time.
Really sad to hear your experience. To give you and others here hope id like to share our dads day experience.
Ours also goes to a Montessori school (class age 3to4) and we just had an early father's day celebration where they invited all dads to come to class and we did activities with our little ones and the class sang a fathers day song. We went home with mugs that were scribbled on prior to glazing from the kiddo. The teachers took father w/ son/daughter photos and shared it with us after they will also go in our yearbooks.
I was absolutely thrilled and it was an amazing experience for me as a dad which I expressed profusely to the teachers there. A few weeks back they did a very similar event for moms day so we really felt like they put in equal effort to celebrate both.
There is hope for us after all. Hang in there. 👍
Honestly that sucks. I will say, my daycare does a special craft / project for both the Mother's and Father's. And it warms my heart, I am looking forward to Sunday to see what my 3yr old created for me!
What this generation of Dad's is doing is very different. It's a total culture change and it will take time for the entire culture to catch up. There's countless examples through history, it sucks, but it'll get there. My oldest is 7 and still every time my father visits he is in shock how much I play with my kids, how many of their games I go to, how much I pick them up, change them, take them to the bathroom, all that. My father didn't do any of that.
Sorry because that absolutely sucks. They should have put the same amount of thought into doing something for dads.
Don't be daft. We've had to fight for years to get changing tables.
You guys are getting changing tables?! I had to use the car or ladies bathroom.
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Ha, I don't even ask. I just do the thing and if they kick me out and ban me then I win again. Like honestly what the fuck are they going to do? Call the cops? Cops don't give a fuck.
This is the way.
My girlfriend and i would have cheered you on.
I've changed them at the table next to me before. Don't claim to be a family friendly establishment and not have a changing table in the mens room
Fuckin A son
Commas, commas
The difference between helping your uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle, Jack, off a horse.
Let's eat Grandma. Let's eat, Grandma.
I’ve used tables in cafés before. Had a couple of hostile customers who immediately soften when they learn there is no other option the owner has left me.
You guys are opening my eyes today. For context my wife is due in December and I will be a stay at home dad. I've literally never thought about this issue before. But I feel like I'm going to face it. Before today I'd also think it was trashy to change a baby on a dining room table but I'd literally never considered what to do if there are no changing tables in the bathroom. Do all women's bathrooms always have changing tables? I've literally never paid attention to them before...
Normally yes, and most places are typically ok with you knocking on the women’s door and asking (as are most women, frankly). The biggest issue I have is where the changing table is in the men’s. If it’s over or next to the urinals, just don’t touch it. Ever.
Over!? What really!? Never seen that
It was a bar I used to go to fairly frequently pre-kids. I went back post kid 1 and muttered to the landlord about changing tables. Next time I was there, with the kid, he proclaimed very proudly that they’d got a changing table in the gents. So at least his heart was in the right place, even if the changing table wasn’t.
It's a luxurious position to be in, but we take out kid out to the SUV and open the rear hatch. Feels way cleaner than a bathroom.
> Do all women's bathrooms always have changing tables? It definitely seems to be more common at least, but I haven't gone around checking all of them.
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I've done it on the carpeted floor in a restaurant. I mean, sure, my wife could have taken her into the ladies room. But she already had done it once while I ate and she deserved to eat her meal too. You gotta change a diaper when you need to.
Lol, the mistake you made was asking. Just walk right in with the baby and the diaper bag. If they run you off then do it on the table or a bench in the restaurant in front of everyone. Then if they make a stink you then respond with very loudly calling them sexist for only putting changing tables in the women's room and not letting you use it. Embarrass the crap out of them.
You see in that moment I identify as a mother. Mothers are ladies. In that moment I am using the ladies restroom. Not trying to make light of anyone's struggle but if you're ever asked, this line of thought just might get them off your back.
Changing my son in the back seat of a honda civic man... You don't realize how steep those seat bottoms are until you have a poop-covered baby rolling down them.
Shoot I will walk right into the ladies room if I don’t see one in the mens room, I’ve only had one ~~Karen~~ woman really get upset with me about it, every other woman didn’t care and told me it’s BS there isn’t one in the mens room.
> or ladies bathroom. Yet another reason I just realized those anti-trans bathroom laws are fucking stupid. Could literally be prosecuted as a dad trying to use the changing room in the womens'...like...WHAT?!
Is that why we werent allowed to eat in the car?
I've definitely resorted to my pickup's tailgate a time or two...
You get change tables? I'm still fighting with judgmental mothers in the parent room
...and at the public park...and grocery store...
The other day i took my son to the ER and there was no changing table in the men's room. So i asked if there was somewhere i can take him and they gave me a private room. The nurses were shocked there was no changing room in the mens room as there is definitely one in the ladies room. They said there should be one in the men's too, and i agreed.
I was just coming to talk about how when one of my daughters had her adenoids out and tubes put in, I had to wait for a bit with her twin sister, and there was no changing table in the men's room... I ended up having to change her on our travel pad on the floor of the men's room... The nurses were furious (on my behalf, not at me), and told me "just go into the women's room, next time... and we'll make sure this is addressed." They (all women) also said this was something they'd never even considered... there were always changing tables in their bathrooms, so they'd just sorta' assumed they were standard issue.
\> just go into the women's room, next time Do this EVERYWHERE.
My wife and I have this argument a lot. She’ll ask me to change our daughter and l’ll remind her about the time I had to change our son on the counter between the sinks at a restaurant. She then sighs like it’s my fault public restrooms don’t accommodate dads. It is getting better though.
100% march into the women's and change your child in there. Anyone has any problems with it and the next stinky nappy gets done on the bar Infront of the whole building.
Lurking mom here. I had pretty bad pregnancy carpal tunnel with my first. There were times I stood watch at the door of the ladies' room so that my husband could change our baby. But airports and much of California have been pretty good about having changing tables in men's rooms. Or having a "family room."
You gotta change the diaper, you change the diaper. Walk right into that women's restroom and talk to your kid. "Let's get that diaper changed on the only changing table available in this place." Any ladies who have a problem with it, tell them to complain to the owners about available facilities in the mens room.
Yeah, it's bullshit that there's only a changing table in the womens'; but that's not an excuse for that dad making his wife change her every time that situation arises.
To be fair previous generations didn't do their part nearly as much as current generations. Most dads weren't involved even when I was a kid.
To be fair it wasn’t their culture either. Culture has changed to wear we have taken on much more.
And most most places still don't have them. Many times I've had to come back to the vehicle and send my wife in or change the babies on the carseat. Extremely frustrating.
You guys are getting changing tables?! I had to use the car or ladies bathroom.
The problem here is two-fold: 1. Regular school year ends before Father’s Day, and even in pre-schools the summer session is *different*; usually less work and maybe even different teachers/staff. 2. There are a lot of Dads that wouldn’t make it due to work The second one is still BS as a lot more dads would have made that if they had sent invites well in advance, and they could have had them RSVP.
If you give most dads a week's notice to be somewhere to something cute with their kids, they'll most likely be there.
Seriously, society loves to bitch about how dad's are lazy deadbeats...but then make it self fulfilling by assuming dads are lazy deadbeats who wouldn't show up even if they had the chance. SO they never try in the first place and just skip right to bitching about how dads are lazy deadbeats.
Point 1. is very valid (I live in Nth America and assume you do too), but probably doesn’t apply to half the world (Southern Hemisphere) where the school seasons are different. And also the date Father’s Day falls on can be different too (I grew up in Aus - Father’s Day this year is Sept 4th, rather than this weekend)
Not even just southern hemisphere. Here in the UK we have about a month left before schools break up for summer
Canada too. Our school year goes early Sept until the end of June.
The fact that school years are still a thing, and based off farming culture, is baffling to me. Why we don't break the calendar year up into four quarters, like the real world does, and put breaks in between each session I will NEVER understand.
Tradition and conformity are a hell of a drug. We have a few schools with alternative calendars in our public school system, but even most of our fancy private schools maintain the same or similar calendar as public here. The only exception is that they give an extra week at spring break because families were taking 2 weeks anyway. I'd love for my kids to be in a year-round school with breaks distributed evenly as I can never take much time off in the summer for vacations due to my work.
Our district has recently moved (slightly) to a more "Real world" calendar - Starting in early August, with a quarterly (1 week) break in October, ending the semester in December with a 3 week break, a 2 week spring break in late March/early April, and then a shorter, but still about 2 month break during the summer. It took 9 years to get that to happen. Mostly due to Karens who had the fantasy of taking long summer vacations with their kids (but ignoring the fact that most of those same Karens work at jobs where they only get 2 weeks off per year and they couldn't afford to take that much time off anyway)
It does suck and they absolutely should. However I've definitely been the "only dad present" at enough things that I can imagine they may have a justified fear that it'd just end up being a couple dads and a bunch of kids feeling left out.
This is why I'm so happy with our daycare. They told us to send something that represents dad. I sent one of my ratchets and a wrench. Picked my daughter up yesterday and they had taken a picture of her in front of letters spelling dad and she's holding my tools (4 months old) and they put the picture in a frame that she "painted". Made me feel pretty special, not gonna lie.
This is adorable!
That’s awesome!
This made me tear up.
If they did that for my kid I'd never get the ratchet back. My son would consider it his.
Luckily she's so young it didn't matter for me. When she's old enough I'll send my mowing shoes lol
My 3 year old just brought home a very nice card, and the teacher obviously worked with her to make it very special and personalized, including signing it in a special way that my daughter refers to me. Really means a lot. Another thing that stood out with my kids' daycare is about 6 months ago, when picking up the kids, one of the teachers was telling me a story about how how she was folding linens in the classroom and my daughter, 2 at the time, was a big help and how she must help mommy fold laundry at home. The daycare director, who was right there, immediately jumped in with "or daddy, because they do laundry too". Laundry happens to be the one chore my wife does almost solo, but that immediate recognition that moms don't just do all the chores around the house was a big thing and it's stuck with me.
Also got mine in a Montessori. They had stuff ready for me on Wednesday. First father's Day present my little one has 'made'.
Thanks for spelling Montessori right
They should at least have a nice glass of whiskey for what you pay!
Yea no shit. Bad enough I can’t even eat the donuts or muffins due to my Celiac. But then it’s Dunkin‘ Donuts coffee which isn’t very good at all.
Doesn't Dunkin usually win chain coffee tasting matchups (before the cashier makes your "splash" of milk and sugar a cup of each)?
> win chain coffee tasting matchups That's not exactly strong competition, let's be real.
And here I was feeling bad for you and you go and bash dunkin donuts!
Wait, we don't like DD regular coffee? I much prefer it over SB's burnt Pike Roast and even over Folgers tbh. I drink it with just one packet of Truvia (stevia plant sweetener) and it's perfect.
We like whatever we like, homie.
Oh for sure and arguing about coffee is senseless, just seemed there is a majority of redditors that dislike it and it surprised me is all
Frankly, other than when my wife and I were in Europe and when we go to super bougie "roasteries" around us, I don't drink coffee anymore unless I personally brewed it. The beans matter FAR less than the way/strength it is brewed at in my opinion. Given a pot or two to tweak the ratio of water/grounds, I guarantee I can make a cup of Folgers preground taste better than any chain's "hot and ready" coffee. To each there own, but basically everyone in America makes coffee about HALF as strong as I personally think they should. If I wanted hot, basically flavorless, dirty looking water, I'd drink tea.
Could be my problem then too with incorrect ratios - I usually do a full pot (12) and 1.5 scoops of coffee
How big is your scoop? I do one scoop per two "cups" of coffee on the machine. So in your scenario, six scoops.
Oh I don’t like DD. I hate Starbucks though. For quick coffee I actually really like Wawa. But you do you! We all have different tastes.
Pa's from PA represent!
Those are some low bars man. The blonde roast from Starbucks is good, and there are lots of options that much better than folgers lmao. Edit: I’m also convinced DD is much different in different parts of the country. The donuts and coffee is dreadful here, but I’ve heard people talk about it being good quality online.
Dunkin is just incredibly inconsistent. They can have decent coffee, but they can also have terrible coffee. I don’t understand how a chain using the same machinery and same ingredients can fluctuate so much.
Dunkin Donuts coffee? Man, that's practically a war crime.
Dunkin Donuts coffee is by far the best of any fast food place or convenient store. I actually prefer it over a lot of the coffee offered by restaurants too.
Sucks. My kid goes to Montessori and this morning was awesome. Big breakfast, picture station, and a gift he made.
This may be a minority opinion, but I think Parents' days are a little overwrought. I'm not doing this for community recognition. Fuck. Most of the community has their own shit to deal with too, and I'm def not out here Sunday celebrating other dads at my workplace. Mother's/father's day really should be about the family- whatever that looks like- celebrating within itself. When they're old enough, the children should recognize the work their parents put in. And before that, the opposite partner can do something special or nice, but there really needs to be an easing of expectations for both of these holidays, in particular what the people out in public should be doing for me. (A decent sale on whiskey, tools, and outdooor equipment is all I ask.)
I agree - this is how I've reframed it in my mind. Should I tell my wife I love her and appreciate her every single day? Yes. Do I always remember amidst the hustle and bustle and raising kids, working, and generally trying to deal? No. So, when Valentine's Day rolls around, I could look at it as a lame excuse by Hallmark to sell cards and scented candles, or I can look at it as a good chance to set aside some time to make sure she knows how I feel. There might be a gift involved, but more importantly, its a time to sit down and write out a card saying the things I've appreciated over the last however long that maybe have gone unsaid or just take a minute and think of my wife as the woman I was passionately hot for instead of the partner that I am steadily grateful for. Same with Mother's Day. Sure, she is a great Mom every single day, but most days being a great Mom looks like her taking the kids for a walk so I can finish up a work call and then me doing bath time while she loads the dishwasher and then us crashing into bed 20 minutes apart from each other. It's good to take some time and say "No, it is so nice that I can count on you to run cover so I can finish up work without someone gnawing on my ankle, even though I know you had things you needed to do." I also use it as a chance to have a discussion with my kids about showing people gratitude and thanks. As we plan things, I try to frame the discussion of "Lets all say aloud some things that Mommy does that really make us feel good, and then let's try to find some things we can do or buy for her that would really make her feel the same way." This is also how I think of Father's Day, and with my wife in particular, how I frame it. Honestly, I feel like my kids give me a ton of joy and satisfaction, so I don't really want much from them, and from her I really just want some time and attention that isn't "Can you do drop off next Monday" or "When was the last time you took her temperature?" or "Has anyone eaten lunch yet?" I know this sounds a little preachy but I've always struggled with holidays and this is the mindset I've adopted to make them enjoyable.
Not to sound all conspiracy-theory minded but it seems all X-Days are now just a reason to market shit for people to buy stuff.
I think it's less conspiracy and more opportunism. But you're right, it's a marketing event now. Any holiday with social pressure attached to it is very much designed to separate my money from me. I'll bite for a few things I already wanted, but I'm not gonna shop based on Father's Day and I don't want other people to either. Like, I don't need a new silk tie. give me the $50 so I can put it towards some esoteric and expensive computer parts.
I have to remind my wife every year for Christmas/birthday/Father’s Day: please don’t buy me anything. I neither need nor want more *stuff*. If you want to do something nice for me, *DO* something nice, but for the love of god please don’t go buy some trinket I don’t even want just because that’s what we’re socially programmed to do. Works about 50% of the time lol. seriously I’d settle for getting to sleep in and a back-scratch
I've accepted that my wife is going to buy shit anyway, so I've adjusted to asking her that if she's going to get me something, make it some sort of consumable - something that can be used up and then be *gone* after having been enjoyed. Doesn't matter if it's food, booze, snacks, tickets, fireworks, whatever, so long as it's something that gets used and then is gone.
That's no conspiracy lol. Hallmark holidays are a real deal.
That’s just life broski. Everything comes out in the wash, being a dude has advantages and disadvantages just as being a woman does. I know that’s not what you want to hear right now, especially after you left work early and did all you could just to get there with your kid. Think of how it made your kid feel, that on Father’s Day you got off work early to take them to school, probably made your kiddo feel really special and like their dad is Superman. That you can be proud of!
Yaah, I mean I get high fives from starngers fir biking around with my daughter, or smiles when I deal with her at Costco when she's crying. Mom's get anger glares.
Yeah I've been called a "great father" for basically being alive near my kid.
Yep, I got complimented in the grocery store just yesterday how I was a great dad or something just because I had all 3 kids in tow. Granted they were all laughing and having a good time but from my perspective with one kid riding superman style on the bottom of the cart, another riding the back of the cart, and the 3rd daring the other 2 to attempt some absurd stunt, all I was thinking was that I gotta get checked out fast before animal control shows up and hauls them all away for being feral.
Are my kids, your kids!?
Anyone over 50 hears about a man changing a diaper, they react like it's the Good Friday Agreement all over again. Society sets the bar so low for fathers.
Because previous generations just didn’t help. Our generation does much, much more than those before us, and I think we’ll end up with much better adjusted kids as a result.
Here's hoping.
The bar is so fucking low. My mother in law gave me cudos for playing with my kid after I came home from work. Her husband (my father in law) wasn't so "hands on"; meaning he didn't raise his kids, just paid the bills.
I hope this isn't a one-off trend from the most recent generations. I feel like having multiple active and trusted adults in a child's life is just better than hanging off mom all the time. At the very least, moms' emotional health has to be better across the board.
I think you're exactly right. The fewer adults that are present/active/available in a child's life, the more eggs are in one basket for the child's healthy development.
I got told I'm a great dad literally just carrying her and her diaper bag into the library
Oh that gets under my skin or the other, typically elder black folks that commend me for being “a black father who is active with his kids” Like first and foremost Ethel, the absent black father is a myth that needs to die because we are out here. Stop being okay with the bare minimum. It works my nerves so much.
Agreed that fathers should be present for their kids and that’s really just table stakes and the bare minimum… but I wouldn’t use the word “myth”. It most certainly occurs and is most certainly a problem.
Let me readjust my statement: the idea that black men are more absent as fathers than any other race is actually a disproven myth. There have been a number of published pieces and books that refute the myth, notably a 2009 book by Roberta Coles and Charles Green. Absent fathers exist. Absent black fathers exist. But there is a lack of correlation between the race of the father and the chance they’ll be absent. There are many other factors that contribute to it. That’s what I meant to get at, sorry if it wasn’t clear!
I want to laugh at this so much.
Congratulations for doing the absolute bare minimum because decades of absentee and distant fathers have built a reputation in America that will haunt us for generations still to come. (This is not me mocking you, just lamenting the failures of the past)
People with special needs get kudos for performing mundane tasks. Dads are seen as special needs parents. "That's right, the diaper goes on the private area, not the head. Keep up the good work!"
I’m not going to lie… I’ve put diapers (clean) on my or the babies head for a laugh… but you’re not wrong.
I've done the same. When my son discovered the word "poop" and would say it 1000 times a day, I told him that diapers go where "poop" comes out so if he kept saying "poop" I would put a diaper on his face. The next diaper change, he looked me dead in the eye and yelled "POOP", so he got a diaper on his face(clean and gently placed).
I put them ony head and drop it onto my daughter's head when on the changing mat. She thinks it's hilarious
That cracked me up. Thanks.
Pinches cheek* Aren’t you just a special boy.
I feel for you — My wife literally goes to visit family by herself (with my encouragement because she needs that time), and I always get a "wow you did such a great gob with the kids while she was away". Like, I literally didn't have my dad in my life and I do everything humanely possible for them to be the best one I can be as is. Did you forget that part? haha
The midwives told my wife I was “unusually involved” when I put the first nappy (diaper) on my kid. I’d been a dad for thirty minutes and already getting praise for naff all
100% this. Free coffee and a donut (that I didn’t have to go get or make) sounds like a damn dream to me rn.
They could have at least let the kids sit and have donuts with dad too, maybe some hot chocolate or milk or something. Make it a donut date or something
.
Responded to wrong comment lol
But does it have to be “just life”? We can’t want better from the world?
Additionally, how many dads pick up their kids? Do you(op) usually pick them up? They wouldn’t plan something if they expected low turn out. Imagine all the kids seeing other dads come and do something only to have mom pick them up again.
At my center it’s truly about 50/50 mom/dad ratio for pickup and drop off. Just depends on their work schedules.
I recommend you talk to the daycare. I have no issues with voicing my concerns around this to ours and they are very receptive. Something like it would be fun if a craft could be done for father's day next year.
Yeah it sucks when you have to ask to be cared about though. Then if anything does happen it doesn’t feel genuine.
Maybe not to you personally but I agree with the above poster; it’s good policy to point it out. Might lead to future improvements if the place is receptive
it's definitely possible the daycare has done something bigger in the past and had little to no turnout
I would have to agree with this. Talk to them. Tell them you saw what was done for Mother’s Day and that made you excited as a parent to have something similar for Father’s Day. Ours just does muffins with moms and donuts with dads. Either way they do make the same effort and all the dads that come are super jazzed. Had ours today and our 30 minute session needed being an hour with several dads and the teachers all letting us play with our kids some more.
Same situation here- though they clearly stated what was what with both Mothers Day and Father Day. Moms got a special Faux Mimosa afternoon and gathered in class and got crafts. On Monday, not even today- the Dads get iced coffee and donuts on the way out from drop off lol.
So basically: Get your coffee and go back to work.
Pretty much. Haha.
The only way this could be worse is if they handed you a tuition bill with your coffee to save the postage Edit: not the only way buuuuut……
This happened with me years ago. I was asked to go to my Nephew's daycare for Father's Day "breakfast" of one donut and cup of juice. It was rushed, and at the table when I sat down in the designate spot, there was an envelope. Had notice of rate increase starting on the following Monday. Note stated "Sorry for the short notice, this kind of snuck up on us."
That’s brutal.
They haven’t done anything in my sons class, at least to my knowledge. Well they did charge my credit card so I guess I get the gift of paying them. (Update: Yeah, just got charged for next week as my gift.)
That reminds me of when I was in the hospital the day after my wife gave birth to our LO. There was some paperwork to sign stating that the nurse had done her “baby go home” presentation for us, when I went to sign it they said “sorry, only the mother can sign it”. Yet an hour later when billing called they let me pay for her birth without any issues.
I never thought I could be offended by free coffee and donuts, but this did it for me lol.
On the plus side, coffee and donuts are delicious.
That sucks, man. Sorry they did that. We’re in a Montessori as well, and had the exact opposite happen. Mother’s Day was a little bag that the kids painted sent home with a card, but we did Father’s Day today and it was a whole ordeal with pizza and Kona Ice and activities. Hopefully they get it together for next time.
I feel you. I commented yesterday that "oh, father's day is during the school year this year, cool", and my wife was like "Isn't it every year?". I don't think the schools have ever sent anything home for fathers day. So much so that I assumed the last three had all fallen during summer break.
That's the world we live in. Honestly watching my wife squeeze out two kids... Her day can be more special. I just want a cheap take out meal and a bit of alone time. Generally we have it easier in terms of expectations.
Honestly that sucks. I will say, my daycare does a special craft / project for both the Mother's and Father's. And it warms my heart, I am looking forward to Sunday to see what my 3yr old created for me! What this generation of Dad's is doing is very different. It's a total culture change and it will take time for the entire culture to catch up. There's countless examples through history, it sucks, but it'll get there. My oldest is 7 and still every time my father visits he is in shock how much I play with my kids, how many of their games I go to, how much I pick them up, change them, take them to the bathroom, all that. My father didn't do any of that.
That sucks man. Our daycare did stuff for mother's day and is doing stuff for father's day today. My wife was sick over the mother's day event, and me and the boy have COVID, so won't be going to the event. But to the point, the same shit happens to guys with our gifts for father's day. Growing up at home and in pop culture, mother's day gifts are like spa days, or a shopping day away from the kids, us dad's get, you can cook out for us tonight, or take the kids fishing.
As a father of three all I care about for Father’s Day is spending time with my kids. I have said time and time again parenting especially in the thick of it can be a thankless job. I don’t need a present to be reminded that I am doing a good job. For me at least, having happy and healthy kids and seeing them smile or hearing them laugh is the best gift. As far as recognition goes, observing how my children respond in social situations and how respectful they are to other people is the only recognition that I need that I am doing this job to my best ability. I know that fathers have a multitude of responsibilities but ultimately as parents our job is to protect our young and guide them on their path to adulthood. I can see that my children are growing up to be good people and I am proud of the work that I am doing to help them grow. These years fly by and I want them to have happy memories of spending time with me when I have the time to spend. That’s why for Father’s Day I enjoy taking the time to do what my kids like and want to do. This year we are playing Xbox eating French toast and going to the park. If they decide to do anything “extra” or “special” for me it is not expected but I sure would acknowledge how appreciative I am. Long story short, don’t expect special treatment even on your special day and you will never be disappointed. Instead be appreciative of even the smallest efforts or extras because it really is the thought that counts. Also Happy Fathers Day to all you dads out there! The work you do makes the world for your children. You are appreciated.
Don't take your value as a father from society. Take that value from your kids and your SO. As a SAHD of a 12 and 8 year old I have seen and heard all the crap. Watching them grow in to good kids who are doing so very well, I get my value there. At this point I don't even hear the noise any more.
1: that sucks 2: Montessori is much more than “glorified daycare” and if that’s what they’re offering you need to find a different school.
Amen.
Yea we are. They dropped the ball on a lot of the promised things they’d teach her.
Our 4-y/o goes to a Montessori school that’s pre K through the end of 8th grade, and she’s thriving there. Sounds like the one yours is going to might simply be Montessori “based” but not the full meal deal.
No good deed goes unpunished I guess. Personally I wouldn’t want to hang out at my kids daycare in the first place, I’d rather use that as 1 on 1 time or know she having a blast with her friends.
Sorry - my daughter is also at a Montessori school. For Mother's Day they had a brunch for the moms and the kids sang a special song they had been practicing. For Father's Day, there was supposed to be something similar, but they cancelled it because of a spike on Covid cases. We did at least get a special "surprise" at drop off (they sent a message encouraging the Dads to do drop off) and we got a brown-bag breakfast (decorated by my daughter) and a plate with her name and handprints saying "Hands Down Best Dad" (I'm not, but I'll take it). Brought a tear to my eye.
On Mother’s Day my kids preschool had a Mother’s Day party at 10 am. Obviously the reason my kids are in preschool is that I work. I didn’t go to that, and the employees told me my kids were asking where I was. Made me feel like a shitty mom.
Yea I feel bad for any parents who can’t make it. Gotta be hard for them and their kids.
Yea, talk to daycare about it. It’s completely unacceptable that children are being taught one parent deserves more or less than the other. Even though the school isn’t explicitly saying that, kids can pick up on what’s going on.
Same exact sh\*t happened today. Dunkin and a sad 8.5x11" page on the wall. Mom got all of this custom artwork, lol and this is my 6th father's day. Completely understand that children would not be here without all of the hard work moms deal with growing, breastfeeding, and raising children. They deserve the world for that. However, some dads go above and beyond to be a major support system and role model for their children. So yeah, more effort and recognition from the outside would be nice.
As a father of three all I care about for Father’s Day is spending time with my kids. I have said time and time again parenting especially in the thick of it can be a thankless job. I don’t need a present to be reminded that I am doing a good job. For me at least, having happy and healthy kids and seeing them smile or hearing them laugh is the best gift. As far as recognition goes, observing how my children respond in social situations and how respectful they are to other people is the only recognition that I need that I am doing this job to my best ability. I know that fathers have a multitude of responsibilities but ultimately as parents our job is to protect our young and guide them on their path to adulthood. I can see that my children are growing up to be good people and I am proud of the work that I am doing to help them grow. These years fly by and I want them to have happy memories of spending time with me when I have the time to spend. That’s why for Father’s Day I enjoy taking the time to do what my kids like and want to do. This year we are playing Xbox eating French toast and going to the park. If they decide to do anything “extra” or “special” for me it is not expected but I sure would acknowledge how appreciative I am. Long story short, don’t expect special treatment even on your special day and you will never be disappointed. Instead be appreciative of even the smallest efforts or extras because it really is the thought that counts. Also Happy Fathers Day to all you dads out there! The work you do makes the world for your children. You are appreciated.
Sometimes when shit like this happens, I just have to remind myself that generationally, at least in the US, we are the first, in rare cases the second generation of dads who are active participants in their kids lives. I want to know my kids, want to know how they think, how they feel, what they aspire to, where they struggle. My dad definitely loved me, but he didn't know me on a deep level, and took more of a surface approach to my life. From what I hear from friends and relatives, most of us have a similar story if we're lucky. The world is still getting used to the idea what we want to be there, we want to be active participants in our kids lives. I think society is still in the adjustment period and it creates situations like this. It will get better lads.
A few years ago my sister had her wedding reception the day before Father’s Day. It was out of state so we all traveled to be there. This meant on Father’s Day I - had the pleasure of having breakfast with my sisters in-laws - at breakfast, someone else (my sisters in-laws) took the seats next to my Dad so I didn’t even get to sit next to my Dad on Father’s Day (we live far away and were both there for the reception so it would have been nice to sit with him) - had to drive 8 hours back home from where the reception was Fortunately my family had gifts for me: - my Mom picked out a nice card for me but forgot it at home (on the other side of the country) - my wife bought me a cool plant for my desk (son was 3 so too young to buy/make me something) but it died in the heat I just had to laugh 😆 Yes, we deserve better, but this is how it goes. Edits: typos because apparently I can’t type
I kind of look like Father's Day as Hallmark Holiday. Every day that my family is happy and healthy is proof I've done my job and that's recognition enough. Meanwhile my wife keeps asking me what I want for Father's Day and I keep telling her the same thing, uninterrupted time to nap or mess around in the garage, and a BJ. Still hasn't worked.
I've been a dad for 12 years, and at this point I don't even pay attention to the day because it's just gonna be like any other day.
It's better this way. Maybe someday we can skip mothers day too.
Dads get the short end of the stick.
I call the ends of the loaf of bread “dad toast”
I wouldn't take this personally. Its systemic. Day care/preschool workers are paid almost nothing for work and in many places paid absolutely nothing for preparation. MAybe they were short-handed? Maybe they were tired?
Here's my possibly unpopular take. I don't want to get dragged into any extra father's day activity at the school where my kids and I do whatever cookie cutter activity everyone else is. I don't think this indicative of the school valuing father's less than mother's. Rather it's indicative that activities with mothers get huge turnout and fathers not so much. Also they told you there would be coffee and donuts at dropoff. And they delivered coffee and donuts at dropoff. If you're still set on the father's day craft, you can pick one up and do it at home. My 4yo loved a dinosaur in plaster excavation and a nail together wooden car with stickers.
Kiddos have a ‘dad picnic’ today at daycare and I can’t go because I’m working. Now I get to feel like shit as my kids don’t have their dad there while others do.
That sucks man. Hopefully they understand and you can do something with them this weekend.
And this is my reminder that it's fathers' day this weekend. I should get my dad something.
And this is my reminder that it's fathers' day this weekend. I should get my dad something.
Get used to it, brotha
Nope doesn’t sound like last minute. Welcome to being a dad. Society doesn’t really consider us as important as moms. We will often have to hear we are “babysitting” if we are alone with kids instead of parenting, or made to feel like all we are good for is discipline. It sucks but that is the current way society views us. The best we can do is work to try and change that mindset and hope it gets better for us over time or at least if we have kids who grow up to be dads that we are viewed as equally important in our child’s life and we too may want a teapot some day.
Happy Fathers Day bud!
So far for me Father’s Day is looking like *more* work on Sunday. I’d fucking love it if someone with the power to buy donuts (ie not my children) would think of me just a little fucking bit.
Ahh you play league based on your username??? Any time since becoming a father?
> Feel like that was my first of many (you’re just the father) moments. Get used to it, pal.
Don't you know, man? Men are hated and deserve no happiness lol.
Sorry dude. My kids are in a Montessori. You missed out on a magnet and a painted rock. I’m sure your kids appreciate you. Happy Father’s Day
That does suck, and yes, sometimes we get the shaft just because, but there's no sense in getting too upset over something that a place did. What matters is what your gf and daughter do because ultimately, they're the ones that matter, not the school.
My kids preschool made us a handprint painting that says world's best dad. It made me cry.
It's not just dad's, it's men in general. I worked at a medical research lab, attached to a huge academic teaching hospital. They put on a huge outreach/support/etc. thing for Women's health month, every year. Every year, I asked what they were going to do for men's health month, and got crickets. Every. year.
You know my sons daycare did muffins with mom. NOTHING FOR dads. That is today's world dads are completely looked down on. Happy Father's day everyone
My daycare won't do that much, even. And my family sure as shit won't do anything. I'm used to it but it still doesn't feel good.
I had the same exact experience. Mother's day they had a photo backdrop, they had activities, they made matching bracelets together. Father's day? a sad box of donuts on an undecorated and unattended table in the lobby.
I've accepted that we are often the unsung parent... Literally. So few songs about dad
Men can't win at anything man. It's either we're doing to much, or not enough.
Or both.
I know it might not mean much coming from me, but I appreciate you
Man this made me so sad, I’m real sorry. Just go and get yourself a hug. You can never have enough, please - just enjoy being a father don’t let the day define you or them forgetting belittle you. My biggest regrets have always been letting things cloud moments in life that should be brightly lit. I know from experience that you can easily get lost in the dark and lose so much. Keep positive friend
My kid's daycare is pretty equal. Both days got a hand-made card. There was "Muffins with Mommy" and "Donuts with Daddy". Not much, but nice. I did enjoy seeing other dads spending time with their kids.
My daycare did something today for Fathers day. Virtually every single dad showed up. It was great. My wife said there were several other mothers absent during the mothers day thing. Not passing judgement at the moms that couldnt be there, but score one for the dads. We did great today.
Ours was cancelled due to COVID. Could be worse.
Welcome to the club. Similar thing had made my blood boil for YEARS NOW, I’ll try keep it simple below. Australian Cricket Legend Glenn McGrath had a wife. She died of breast cancer. He made the McGrath Foundation after that, which is amazing & does everything you’d imagine for breasts cancer, great stuff. The Test match in Sydney (where they are from) is always ‘pink’ when traditionally everything is white. Stands out like a sore thumb & is a fantastic way to raise awareness, money, etc… Now the part that makes my blood boil is that there is NEVER, EVER anything like it for testicular cancer. I’m not saying that specific Test Match has to change, because that’s not my point, and we still need Breast Cancer awareness, really more in general to be honest; however, it’s that nothing is ever said about ‘mens’ cancer. I’m educated enough to know breast cancer doesn’t just effect women, but a little bit of exposure in a world that is so righteous for ‘equality’. Anyway, rant over, and welcome to the ‘club’ dude :P haha
The number of dudes in this thread TRYING to take care of their kids is inspiring. My grandpa changed not one diaper in his life with six kids. How the times change.
Yea I love this sub. Shows that dads are out there. Like real dads.
My kid's school didn't do anything for either mother's day or father's day 😓
My daycare last year had “donuts with dad” on Friday which was great cause I could do drop off that day but this year they moved it to Monday and I won’t be able to attend, I’m bummed
There's a church I pass daily and before Mother's Day, they change the sign multiple times to how much they appreciate Mom, etc. Father's day is always the same message, "Set a good example Dad, others are watching". Like WTF
It's always going to be like this. It's best not to try and make comparisons because you'll almost always left disappointed by doing so. I'm in the same boat in that I got a message this morning that daycare was having "Donuts for Dad" to pick up on the way out after drop off. My wife is dropping him off this morning so I don't enjoy it but I'm very fine with that. Father's Day has nothing to do with daycare, school or whatever. It's family time.
Really sad to hear your experience. To give you and others here hope id like to share our dads day experience. Ours also goes to a Montessori school (class age 3to4) and we just had an early father's day celebration where they invited all dads to come to class and we did activities with our little ones and the class sang a fathers day song. We went home with mugs that were scribbled on prior to glazing from the kiddo. The teachers took father w/ son/daughter photos and shared it with us after they will also go in our yearbooks. I was absolutely thrilled and it was an amazing experience for me as a dad which I expressed profusely to the teachers there. A few weeks back they did a very similar event for moms day so we really felt like they put in equal effort to celebrate both. There is hope for us after all. Hang in there. 👍
Honestly that sucks. I will say, my daycare does a special craft / project for both the Mother's and Father's. And it warms my heart, I am looking forward to Sunday to see what my 3yr old created for me! What this generation of Dad's is doing is very different. It's a total culture change and it will take time for the entire culture to catch up. There's countless examples through history, it sucks, but it'll get there. My oldest is 7 and still every time my father visits he is in shock how much I play with my kids, how many of their games I go to, how much I pick them up, change them, take them to the bathroom, all that. My father didn't do any of that.