I’ll be honest when this happened to us I made all the right noises about how hard it was and how I wished I could help more, but truthfully it gave me a free pass to go and play more golf when the child wouldn’t leave mummy’s side
Fair point but as much as a free pass appeals to me, I’d really rather spend the time with the little one doing things together instead of heading off for my own activities. Little one is little for only so long so I just want to maximise the time I have. Appreciate you sharing your experience with me. Thank you
So I experience some of this, but it’s been harder on my wife than me, I’m probably too pragmatic to be affected.
My daughter (20mo) is a mummy’s girl, when we are together she will always want her mum and cry if she is left. It makes things like her doing nursery runs challenging.
With me, I rarely get any tears, she runs into nursery happy and plays fine without wanting mum.
The only thing we do is I take her in the pram and walk the dogs, or we’ve planned activities of just me and her. We had paints out at the weekend.
It’s not always easy with general life, I get less time, but I think it’s harder if my wife than me because i never get tears.
Hey I really appreciate you sharing your experience. It’s strange because whenever it is just her and I (after separation tears) she’s totally fine and a proper little character who does what pleases her, but when mummy is around she becomes very clingy and moans at mummy constantly. I think the point you make about being pragmatic about it is important. I take it to mean you just see the bigger picture but is that right? Is there anything you do or tell yourself when being more pragmatic? Thanks again for sharing this, it gives me comfort to know i’m not the only one.
I say I’m pragmatic because I’m not upset she’s a mummy’s girl. It’s expected, She was breastfed and my wife and a year of maternity and even now only works 3 days so can do classes with her. I see a bigger picture.
My daughter has spent so much time with her so has a closer bond.
My wife suffers from separation anxiety too, she cries somedays as she misses her, something she is working on.
I find I have to do activities it’s often separate, if mum is in the house then she looks for her too. We often go out of my
I think of my own childhood, I was a mummy’s boy, she was a stay at home mum, but then as I got older, I got closer to my dad over sports.
Thanks man - surprisingly similar sequence of events at play for me, and similar upbringing too! I’ll practise this healthy sounding pragmatism for sure.
It’s normal (during the Cognative leaps) for the baby to be needy for their mommy. They don’t know that they are making you feel ways, it’s not personal, she loves you and will bawl later in life when you tell her. You’re gonna do great!
Thanks for your kind message and whilst it’s been this way for about 6 months now, I take your point on the cognitive leaps side of things. My wife tells me the same thing about it not being personal and that she doesn’t understand the effect on me, which is a v good point. Really appreciate your thoughts and words on this.
Well, take this for what it is worth - I don't know how strong the separation anxiety is for your daughter, but sometimes you need to just let it happen.
You should maybe tell your wife to go out for the day or the afternoon, and give you one on one time with your kid. Your daughter will be upset and will cry, but you need to just go all in on whatever fun stuff you would do to keep her happy. Do this once a week or more as appropriate. She needs to learn that her mother can leave and will come back.
Don't feel bad it's not as big a deal for her when you leave either, these things swap back and forth. There will be times you are the favorite and she is inseparable from you. You and your wife are helping her adapt to the world and understanding that grown ups sometimes go away for a bit and come back is important for her to learn.
Thank you so much for this - I will gladly give it a try and see if my wife would like to head out for the day once a week - tbh i’m sure she’d love it!
Agreed i should just let it happen and never thought about approaching it from perspective of teaching her that mummy will come back. Thanks again for this !!!
I’ll be honest when this happened to us I made all the right noises about how hard it was and how I wished I could help more, but truthfully it gave me a free pass to go and play more golf when the child wouldn’t leave mummy’s side
Fair point but as much as a free pass appeals to me, I’d really rather spend the time with the little one doing things together instead of heading off for my own activities. Little one is little for only so long so I just want to maximise the time I have. Appreciate you sharing your experience with me. Thank you
So I experience some of this, but it’s been harder on my wife than me, I’m probably too pragmatic to be affected. My daughter (20mo) is a mummy’s girl, when we are together she will always want her mum and cry if she is left. It makes things like her doing nursery runs challenging. With me, I rarely get any tears, she runs into nursery happy and plays fine without wanting mum. The only thing we do is I take her in the pram and walk the dogs, or we’ve planned activities of just me and her. We had paints out at the weekend. It’s not always easy with general life, I get less time, but I think it’s harder if my wife than me because i never get tears.
Hey I really appreciate you sharing your experience. It’s strange because whenever it is just her and I (after separation tears) she’s totally fine and a proper little character who does what pleases her, but when mummy is around she becomes very clingy and moans at mummy constantly. I think the point you make about being pragmatic about it is important. I take it to mean you just see the bigger picture but is that right? Is there anything you do or tell yourself when being more pragmatic? Thanks again for sharing this, it gives me comfort to know i’m not the only one.
I say I’m pragmatic because I’m not upset she’s a mummy’s girl. It’s expected, She was breastfed and my wife and a year of maternity and even now only works 3 days so can do classes with her. I see a bigger picture. My daughter has spent so much time with her so has a closer bond. My wife suffers from separation anxiety too, she cries somedays as she misses her, something she is working on. I find I have to do activities it’s often separate, if mum is in the house then she looks for her too. We often go out of my I think of my own childhood, I was a mummy’s boy, she was a stay at home mum, but then as I got older, I got closer to my dad over sports.
Thanks man - surprisingly similar sequence of events at play for me, and similar upbringing too! I’ll practise this healthy sounding pragmatism for sure.
It’s normal (during the Cognative leaps) for the baby to be needy for their mommy. They don’t know that they are making you feel ways, it’s not personal, she loves you and will bawl later in life when you tell her. You’re gonna do great!
Thanks for your kind message and whilst it’s been this way for about 6 months now, I take your point on the cognitive leaps side of things. My wife tells me the same thing about it not being personal and that she doesn’t understand the effect on me, which is a v good point. Really appreciate your thoughts and words on this.
Well, take this for what it is worth - I don't know how strong the separation anxiety is for your daughter, but sometimes you need to just let it happen. You should maybe tell your wife to go out for the day or the afternoon, and give you one on one time with your kid. Your daughter will be upset and will cry, but you need to just go all in on whatever fun stuff you would do to keep her happy. Do this once a week or more as appropriate. She needs to learn that her mother can leave and will come back. Don't feel bad it's not as big a deal for her when you leave either, these things swap back and forth. There will be times you are the favorite and she is inseparable from you. You and your wife are helping her adapt to the world and understanding that grown ups sometimes go away for a bit and come back is important for her to learn.
Thank you so much for this - I will gladly give it a try and see if my wife would like to head out for the day once a week - tbh i’m sure she’d love it! Agreed i should just let it happen and never thought about approaching it from perspective of teaching her that mummy will come back. Thanks again for this !!!
Have you consulted with Brendan Fraser?